Amigos/as! Here's the NVC message in completion: When (observation), I feel (emotion) because I need (need). Would you be willing to (request)? Here's a PDF to improve your emotional vocabulary: tomdrummond.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Emotion-Feelings.pdf Here's a PDF to improve your needs vocabulary: joyninja.com/downloads/needs.pdf Timestamps: 0:00 Tears, anger, confusion & lack of connection... 0:24 Overview of NVC 2:36 The 3 horsemen of the bad communication apocalypse 4:49 (1) Observe without evaluating 11:29 Exercise 1: observation or evaluation? 15:00 The pipe analogy 15:59 (2) Identify & express feelings 20:04 Exercise 2: feeling or not? 23:10 How to express your feelings better 25:51 (3) Taking responsibility in your speech 27:07 How you become a people pleaser 29:30 The 3 stages of relationships 31:23 Exercise 3: responsibility taken or not? 34:23 The easiest way to adopt responsibility for your emotions 35:20 How to never take anything personally again 38:10 How to deal with negative messages 38:34 (4) Anger is a way of tricking yourself 41:22 (5) The 5 steps of solving conflict 44:05 (6) Connect feelings to needs 47:54 (7) Make specific requests 54:19 Exercise 4: specific & positive request or not? 57:33 (8) How to receive others empathically 01:07:32 (9) NVC with yourself 01:09:37 Outro rizz Thank you for your time & attention. Lew
Estás cogiendo muy buen acento hermano, sigue así! Gracias por tus vídeos, me hacen sentir vitalizado por que necesito herramientas para mejorar mis conexiones sociales y tus videos me dan esas herramientas.
Hi Lewis, I just wanted to let you know that you really helped me with your videos, I'm 28 years old and it's the first time in my life that I'm feeling like I have my shit together. Thank you so much :)
I'm only 6 minutes in, but I've had to pause twice to try put my exploded brain pieces back together. I seriously appreciate the time and effort you put into making these videos because they're helping me understand myself and others in a way I never thought I would. Thank you Lewis.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I'll finish the video before sending you the bill, I anticipate more brain explosions lol. The one that got me was the first horseman - moralistic judgements. Only today in work, someone didn't know they had an assignment with me, so they never turned up. It wasn't a big deal; it was only a small thing and someone else covered, but I was getting so wound up. I didn't know why it was bothering me so much, but now I know I was (internally) calling him "unreliable", "flaky", etc. because my values weren't being met. If I could do my time over again, I would try to observe without evaluating: -Frank is unreliable.- This morning, Frank didn't arrive to help with our assignment. I hope I did that right lol. Thanks again!
I’ve been learning non-violent communication within in my field of work and it’s a game changer, it helps within interpersonal relationships as well as strangers. It has helped me immensely understanding conflict resolution.
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Depression since I was 14. Marshall Rosenberg had a tremendous impact to my interactions when I discovered him when I was 19. The subtle shift from the norm of feelings, needs, obligation/responsibility, and ovservation/evaluation. The look on people's faces when I help them realize they're obligating rather than requesting. I also still love using "When?" when my mom asks me to "Can you fetch me x?" Imagine my surprise when you posted this. I've decided to stick with you and Stephanie Harrisson. I'm now 27, still being hard on myself for being stuck in a rut/riot cycle. But you've helped tremendously, specially the hour-long depression talk. I feel connected with my brain more than ever. There's lesser gaps between my cycles and there's more balance and upward spirals. In time I'll also watch this video in full. But for now, I can't express my happiness enough. I extend my regards to you. Thank you for what you do. - Nick, Love from the 🇵🇭
I don't like some of your videos because I was perfectly content with the communication style I had... until watching this. Now I want to better myself in my interactions with others. Thank you Lewis for the discomfort because without it I'd remain aloof and "violent" in my communication.
Lewis, this is a bold endeavor to go a full hour onscreen. I am sure it was nearly twice, three times, or nth number of time to edit. Thank you for your dedication to sharing valuable information like this. It has given me a mission this week. I have to have a difficult conversation with a co-worker and you have unearth a fantastic framework for a targeted better outcome. Keep dropping these stones and watch the ripple of positivity spread. 🧠👂🔱
Congrats on so many positive comments. The delivery of subject matter using relatable “everyday” narratives is extraordinary, leaving your channel a true standout from rest. Thank you for your efforts!😊
Amazing content. What I like about you is that you make it explicit that you're not only a teacher but are also a student as well, and that really helps makes this kind of content digestible for me! ❤
i feel happy and grateful to be able to see and watch videos like this and have my whole perspective on certain topics change to the better, and i feel sad for those who haven't came across this knowledge.
Before I even finish the video i had to get this out of me so i can watch your video in peace youre; you're one of the only genuinly legit educational channels that I know of on this website that actually provide some legit information and I find it crazy that this is actually for free, so thank you
I love your videos so much! Can you possibly make a video on overcoming the fear of disagreeing with someone and being comfortable with getting mad at someone? I really struggle to stay mad atpeople and ifnd myself constantly making excuses for them, and disagreeing makes me anxious because of my history. Thank you so much again I really adore your videos.
your videos are changing my life. I’ve come across these topics in books and online articles during Covid, but your videos help me feel hopeful now that I’m the most “in the real world” (and depressed/confused/anxious) that I have been in my life at 25. These videos are a great reminder to keep putting effort towards connecting with other people. I am not perfect at connecting with other people. My biggest issue is feeling alone/resentful because I don’t feel heard by others. But wow people seem to act way more warm to me if I’m practicing empathy and active listening. I listen to these videos before bed and practice concepts with acquaintances in the next day. Seeing these concepts brighten others’ lives in my day to day makes me believe truly listening to others is what changes the world.
🧠👂🔥 Thank you so much brother. Im gonna start applying this tomorrow by apologizing to my friend tomorrow. Something about a conversation we had didnt sit right with me and i didnt realize until now that it was because i was expressing my feelings as fact, when they were in fact just feelings.
Thank you for providing those lists in the description! I downloaded an emotional wheel app a year ago, it's pretty straightfoward, you choose an emotion, write a couple of thoughts down, and you can access these notes in the calendar later. No fluff. My only problem was the range of emotions. The wheel consists of mostly strong/ medium intensity emotions, and generally not enough variations. Can't wait to sit down and look through them! The video is pretty awesome too! Made me pause and think of certain thoughts about myself and others I could rephrase. It's really challenging to find the "inner conflict", but it was also much fun! I felt so exited during watching the video! Thank you for doing all this research and the presenting these ideas in this richly informative way!
🧠👂🤙🏼 Aloha from Hawaii! Great video with lots of wonderful applicable strategies for most anyone wanting to increase their fluency in NVC and empathy. A pleasure to watch!
After watching the video, 🤯 I probably have made many mistakes in my past communication. Keeping in mind this factors “emotions “, “observation “, “needs “ and “request “; as you explain, for me it would make me be more careful about what I say to others. Thank you Lewis!! 🧠🍃🌺 Gracias gracias gracias 🙏
You made it the whole way 🥲 thank you as always Gavivi (if that’s your name ahaha) we should be on a first name basis by now, you’re a familiar face! 🫡🫶🏻
@ it’s a honor profesor!!😌 I learned and enjoy watching your videos and I’m also practicing a phrase that says “finish what you start “. Which I have to admit that it is not simple for me yet; still in process 😌 In other hands, (Gavivi=Gabby) lol. Gracias de nuevo profesor! Sending you good vibes 😎🫶🏼
Great video, but I have two issues with NVC: 1) It's largely just making sure we have clarity of communication. Language is messy. English triply so and several of the "wrong" words are synonyms for the "right" words. So it's more than what the words alone convey. It's connotation. It's the surrounding tone. I understand why you would leave this out as it was already a long video, but I think any discussion of human communication, especially from such a strong advocate of face to face interaction, should include discussion of non-verbal cues. Because it's entirely possible for non-NVC words to be taken with the positive intent behind them, just as easily as it is possible for completely accurate NVC to fail because of body language and tone. This also affects the ability to feel or receive empathy. I'd argue NVC is absolutely needed when there has been a communications breakdown, or with strangers. But with your familiars, there's more flexibility and wider communication other than words at play, and that some of those "wrong" examples are perfectly fine in workaday relationship context. 2) While I find NVC useful with people able to competently express their needs, there are a lot of people who CAN'T do so. All they know is they are sad or angry, often giving obviously superficial reasons for why. It's also entirely possible you're in a poisoned well, or a "look at that bitch eating crackers like she owns the place" scenario. I'm reasonably self-aware, and can apply NVC to my self talk, and yet even after literal decades of work I can't fully define much less articulate the needs behind some of my emotions. How the heck am I supposed to tell someone else my needs if I don't understand them myself? From the other side I've got an ex-wife who is an absolute vault when it comes to expressing her needs or emotions. For one it takes her a while to even acknowledge she's feeling them. By the time she indicates anything is serious enough that it needs to be addressed it is too late. She's already alienated, and the first serious discussion of a problem comes too late to do anthing about it. Even when she has a tool to address something that bothers her she won't use it.
Great comment, I enjoyed reading this. 100% agree you don't need to use NVC all the time with your familiars (I certainly don't) but I aim for more often than not. And that was a an entertaining point about needs. I also agree it's tricky to identify what your needs are, I tried to point out in the video "ask what need the emotion is highlighting to you" but more introspection work might be needed for some people. I guess it all takes practice. In fact, an alternative title for the video was "NVC: the social skill that enriches life (advanced difficulty)" 🤣
It reminds me a lot if what the Gottman Institute has said after their decades of research with romantic partners. I like that this is repackaging the research in different words and examples, and explaining it in all forms of relationships, not just romantic, allowing for this channel to connect and teach people who may not have been engaged with how the Gottman Institute spreads their message. Keep up the good work, I enjoy your presentation style.
I can't express how grateful I am for your content. thank you. a lot of my struggles that come wih being on the spectrum are super challenging but your videos have signifigantly guided me in the right direction for a miriad of reasons
🧠(ear)😩 Thanks so much for putting into words what I’ve been trying to figure out for years! I appreciate all of your videos long and short. Cheers from the USA❤️
🧠👂💖 Thank you so much for putting together these videos. I found your channel recently and it's been exactly what I was searching for to help me improve and understanding communicating with others. Very excited to read NVC once it arrives so I can really focus on soaking in the information you shared in this video!
Dear Lewis, when your videos are so densely packed with thought provoking insight I feel frustrated because I want to roll them over in my mind,😊 however the volume and density of these golden treasures is beyond my rate of mental absorption and I become muddled, unable to make effective use of their full value.❤😅😂😢😮
🧠👂 😼 My head hurts but I made it to the end! I always considered myself to be empathic... I never thought sympathizing through sentences like ¨that must've been difficult...¨ or asking questions to better understand the other person could have the opposite outcome.
Wow. I've known about this for a long time, but I just didn't know how to apply it. I have difficulty with articulating what I want to say, which can make me feel frustrated and panicked, I really need to feel like I know exactly what things mean and the clear differences between them. As you can see I just tried nvc here! Thank you so much for this amazing life skill, and all the time you've put into planning and explaining this!
Lewis, why are you apologizing for the length of the video? I'm going to replay the entire thing right now. This is really great stuff and you present it so well. Thank you!
I feel like this video, nonviolent speech, is the antithesis of therapy speak. Therapy speak genuinely feels violent to me. "I'm doing a lot of emotional labor right now! I need to set a boundary I can't be with you when you're sad!" Like as someone with mental illness who gets A Little Sad sometimes and I need to talk to a friend, therapy speak is so isolating and just cuts communication instead of fostering it. You can set a boundary don't get me wrong, just don't be mean. Saying something like "Hey I love you and I care about you as my friend, I want to be there for you but this is something I'm not good with, but I'll try my best to help you in any way I can"
I love many of the ideas here, but the fact is psychologists estimate 1 in 6 people bear significant dark-tetrad traits. 1 in 6! That should be incredibly sobering. It is really important to be able to identify those people early on in relationships - i.e. judge them. Yes, judge them fast and judge them accurately - it's nothing to do with "unmet needs or values", it's to do with having basic wisdom, a realistic outlook on life, and a decent smattering of self-preservation. Yes absolutely apply the advice in the video to the 5 out of 6 individuals you meet who actually experience a world where positive-sum interactions and genuine friendship is possible, but the worst thing you can do with the 1 bad apple out of the 6 is let them into your soul - do not let your guard down, do not be emotionally generous with them. Realise that machiavellians, narcissists, psychopaths and sadists are not intrinsically on your side ever. Your best option is to create as much distance as possible from these people. Where it's impossible for you to cut them out entirely, you consciously and carefully manage them - do not under any circumstances let them close. Anyway, thought this was an important caveat to add to this otherwise great video! All best.
Do you have videos talking about your journey learning this stuff? So much of it I feel I learned through trial and error by working a retail job for almost a decade, but you've got a more developed understanding of these topics and I'm curious what brought you to do so much work in this area.
the health being related to eating one is demonstrably true though, this is a limit of non violent communication. Facts do not need non violent communication. Whilst NVC is great for humans and communications between us, it isn't necessary when talking in absolutes.
To add to my comment a bit ago, I’ve found that pre-conceived opinions/thoughts of one or both parties can influence the course of a conversation before it’s even started. I would love your insight on how to identify pre-conceived thoughts/opinions and mitigate any negative impact to the communication as a result.
Nah, let us continue to learn the first president, of the nation one happens to be born in, before we learn how to human. It is stupid how much better we could function, so much suffering could be avoided.
Amigos/as! Here's the NVC message in completion: When (observation), I feel (emotion) because I need (need). Would you be willing to (request)?
Here's a PDF to improve your emotional vocabulary:
tomdrummond.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Emotion-Feelings.pdf
Here's a PDF to improve your needs vocabulary:
joyninja.com/downloads/needs.pdf
Timestamps:
0:00 Tears, anger, confusion & lack of connection...
0:24 Overview of NVC
2:36 The 3 horsemen of the bad communication apocalypse
4:49 (1) Observe without evaluating
11:29 Exercise 1: observation or evaluation?
15:00 The pipe analogy
15:59 (2) Identify & express feelings
20:04 Exercise 2: feeling or not?
23:10 How to express your feelings better
25:51 (3) Taking responsibility in your speech
27:07 How you become a people pleaser
29:30 The 3 stages of relationships
31:23 Exercise 3: responsibility taken or not?
34:23 The easiest way to adopt responsibility for your emotions
35:20 How to never take anything personally again
38:10 How to deal with negative messages
38:34 (4) Anger is a way of tricking yourself
41:22 (5) The 5 steps of solving conflict
44:05 (6) Connect feelings to needs
47:54 (7) Make specific requests
54:19 Exercise 4: specific & positive request or not?
57:33 (8) How to receive others empathically
01:07:32 (9) NVC with yourself
01:09:37 Outro rizz
Thank you for your time & attention.
Lew
Thanks for sharing this and giving us tools to be more positive and good human beings.🙏🙏🙏
Estás cogiendo muy buen acento hermano, sigue así! Gracias por tus vídeos, me hacen sentir vitalizado por que necesito herramientas para mejorar mis conexiones sociales y tus videos me dan esas herramientas.
@@VictorAlbaa Muchas gracias victor :) es un placer 🫶
This is the only channel you need to follow
I’d appreciate it if you’d stop violently communicating your enjoyment of this channel.
@@internetexplorer1593😂
I think this is the only channel we need to follow
@@internetexplorer1593well I would say that seems like an evaluation !
This has been one of the best channels ive come across this year!
Noooo THE BEST!!
The best one, for me. And I only discovered it a couple months ago.
Hi Lewis, I just wanted to let you know that you really helped me with your videos, I'm 28 years old and it's the first time in my life that I'm feeling like I have my shit together. Thank you so much :)
Hi :) that's great to hear. I'm glad you find value in the content and that you feel at peace within yourself. It's a pleasure to have you here.
I'm only 6 minutes in, but I've had to pause twice to try put my exploded brain pieces back together. I seriously appreciate the time and effort you put into making these videos because they're helping me understand myself and others in a way I never thought I would. Thank you Lewis.
Hahaha! Send the medical bill. What did you find most insightful? Would love to know what blew your brain pieces away.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I'll finish the video before sending you the bill, I anticipate more brain explosions lol. The one that got me was the first horseman - moralistic judgements. Only today in work, someone didn't know they had an assignment with me, so they never turned up. It wasn't a big deal; it was only a small thing and someone else covered, but I was getting so wound up. I didn't know why it was bothering me so much, but now I know I was (internally) calling him "unreliable", "flaky", etc. because my values weren't being met. If I could do my time over again, I would try to observe without evaluating: -Frank is unreliable.- This morning, Frank didn't arrive to help with our assignment. I hope I did that right lol. Thanks again!
Bro stop glazing
@@yungmentalproblemsand what might that mean?
I appreciate so much that these videos aren't stuffed to the gills with ads like most other self improvement channels
Im autistic and these videos give me some clarity for the first time in my life, thank you.
I’ve been learning non-violent communication within in my field of work and it’s a game changer, it helps within interpersonal relationships as well as strangers. It has helped me immensely understanding conflict resolution.
posted 1 min ago, i changed my life and escalated quickly through the ladders of power
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Depression since I was 14.
Marshall Rosenberg had a tremendous impact to my interactions when I discovered him when I was 19. The subtle shift from the norm of feelings, needs, obligation/responsibility, and ovservation/evaluation.
The look on people's faces when I help them realize they're obligating rather than requesting.
I also still love using "When?" when my mom asks me to "Can you fetch me x?"
Imagine my surprise when you posted this. I've decided to stick with you and Stephanie Harrisson.
I'm now 27, still being hard on myself for being stuck in a rut/riot cycle. But you've helped tremendously, specially the hour-long depression talk. I feel connected with my brain more than ever. There's lesser gaps between my cycles and there's more balance and upward spirals.
In time I'll also watch this video in full.
But for now, I can't express my happiness enough. I extend my regards to you. Thank you for what you do.
- Nick, Love from the 🇵🇭
@@nick554 it sounds like you’ve been making a lot of progress. It’s great to hear. Thank you for sharing :)
I feel happy because my need of knowledgeable videos is getting fulfilled.
posted 23 seconds ago, this video is meant to me
I don't like some of your videos because I was perfectly content with the communication style I had... until watching this. Now I want to better myself in my interactions with others. Thank you Lewis for the discomfort because without it I'd remain aloof and "violent" in my communication.
Thank you for being open minded. I appreciate your comment :)
Lewis, this is a bold endeavor to go a full hour onscreen. I am sure it was nearly twice, three times, or nth number of time to edit. Thank you for your dedication to sharing valuable information like this. It has given me a mission this week. I have to have a difficult conversation with a co-worker and you have unearth a fantastic framework for a targeted better outcome. Keep dropping these stones and watch the ripple of positivity spread. 🧠👂🔱
Thanks Joe :) it's always great to see your comments. All the best with the conversation.
Amazing! I have subscribed to you from my other account also. You are the true definition of a "TEACHER ".Stay blessed and healthy!
Good video. I have an anger problem and have legal issues. I learned a lot watching this video.
Congrats on so many positive comments. The delivery of subject matter using relatable “everyday” narratives is extraordinary, leaving your channel a true standout from rest. Thank you for your efforts!😊
Thank you :)
This channel is filled with gems, thank you for putting so much effort into making digestible, immediately useful content!! 🙏
This is serious life changing stuff. You're just out here changing the world one video at a time and I'm here for it.
Amazing content. What I like about you is that you make it explicit that you're not only a teacher but are also a student as well, and that really helps makes this kind of content digestible for me! ❤
We are so grateful to have this muchacha constantly bringing the absolute essential content at the most clutch moment
i feel happy and grateful to be able to see and watch videos like this and have my whole perspective on certain topics change to the better, and i feel sad for those who haven't came across this knowledge.
Before I even finish the video i had to get this out of me so i can watch your video in peace youre; you're one of the only genuinly legit educational channels that I know of on this website that actually provide some legit information and I find it crazy that this is actually for free, so thank you
🫡🫠🫶🏻
You have an excellent mind. Thank you for putting this together for us.
I feel energized from watching this lesson. I need to watch this again to make sure I understand it all and know how to apply it in my life.
I’ve been struggling a lot with personal and relationship stuff and this is the exact video I needed to see it change my perspective🧠👂
👍🏻 glad to hear it :)
I love your videos so much! Can you possibly make a video on overcoming the fear of disagreeing with someone and being comfortable with getting mad at someone? I really struggle to stay mad atpeople and ifnd myself constantly making excuses for them, and disagreeing makes me anxious because of my history. Thank you so much again I really adore your videos.
your videos are changing my life. I’ve come across these topics in books and online articles during Covid, but your videos help me feel hopeful now that I’m the most “in the real world” (and depressed/confused/anxious) that I have been in my life at 25.
These videos are a great reminder to keep putting effort towards connecting with other people. I am not perfect at connecting with other people. My biggest issue is feeling alone/resentful because I don’t feel heard by others. But wow people seem to act way more warm to me if I’m practicing empathy and active listening.
I listen to these videos before bed and practice concepts with acquaintances in the next day.
Seeing these concepts brighten others’ lives in my day to day makes me believe truly listening to others is what changes the world.
Thank you Sam :)
🧠👂🔥 Thank you so much brother. Im gonna start applying this tomorrow by apologizing to my friend tomorrow. Something about a conversation we had didnt sit right with me and i didnt realize until now that it was because i was expressing my feelings as fact, when they were in fact just feelings.
Thank you for providing those lists in the description! I downloaded an emotional wheel app a year ago, it's pretty straightfoward, you choose an emotion, write a couple of thoughts down, and you can access these notes in the calendar later. No fluff. My only problem was the range of emotions. The wheel consists of mostly strong/ medium intensity emotions, and generally not enough variations. Can't wait to sit down and look through them!
The video is pretty awesome too! Made me pause and think of certain thoughts about myself and others I could rephrase. It's really challenging to find the "inner conflict", but it was also much fun! I felt so exited during watching the video! Thank you for doing all this research and the presenting these ideas in this richly informative way!
Your unscripted videos are the best by far!
I love these videos. Thank you for what you do. I'm going to go finish this video with a nice cup of coffee.
39:26 anger is just and alarm clock for your needs. Right on.
🧠👂🤙🏼 Aloha from Hawaii! Great video with lots of wonderful applicable strategies for most anyone wanting to increase their fluency in NVC and empathy. A pleasure to watch!
I read a lot of books and this is one of the best I’ve ever read. Such an important life skill.
we love you, sharing this with whole family
After watching the video, 🤯 I probably have made many mistakes in my past communication. Keeping in mind this factors “emotions “, “observation “, “needs “ and “request “; as you explain, for me it would make me be more careful about what I say to others.
Thank you Lewis!!
🧠🍃🌺
Gracias gracias gracias 🙏
You made it the whole way 🥲 thank you as always Gavivi (if that’s your name ahaha) we should be on a first name basis by now, you’re a familiar face! 🫡🫶🏻
@ it’s a honor profesor!!😌
I learned and enjoy watching your videos and I’m also practicing a phrase that says “finish what you start “. Which I have to admit that it is not simple for me yet; still in process 😌
In other hands, (Gavivi=Gabby) lol.
Gracias de nuevo profesor!
Sending you good vibes 😎🫶🏼
@@gavivimarte1860 🫶 el placer es mio Gabby. :)
Great video, but I have two issues with NVC:
1) It's largely just making sure we have clarity of communication. Language is messy. English triply so and several of the "wrong" words are synonyms for the "right" words. So it's more than what the words alone convey. It's connotation. It's the surrounding tone. I understand why you would leave this out as it was already a long video, but I think any discussion of human communication, especially from such a strong advocate of face to face interaction, should include discussion of non-verbal cues. Because it's entirely possible for non-NVC words to be taken with the positive intent behind them, just as easily as it is possible for completely accurate NVC to fail because of body language and tone. This also affects the ability to feel or receive empathy.
I'd argue NVC is absolutely needed when there has been a communications breakdown, or with strangers. But with your familiars, there's more flexibility and wider communication other than words at play, and that some of those "wrong" examples are perfectly fine in workaday relationship context.
2) While I find NVC useful with people able to competently express their needs, there are a lot of people who CAN'T do so. All they know is they are sad or angry, often giving obviously superficial reasons for why.
It's also entirely possible you're in a poisoned well, or a "look at that bitch eating crackers like she owns the place" scenario.
I'm reasonably self-aware, and can apply NVC to my self talk, and yet even after literal decades of work I can't fully define much less articulate the needs behind some of my emotions. How the heck am I supposed to tell someone else my needs if I don't understand them myself?
From the other side I've got an ex-wife who is an absolute vault when it comes to expressing her needs or emotions. For one it takes her a while to even acknowledge she's feeling them. By the time she indicates anything is serious enough that it needs to be addressed it is too late. She's already alienated, and the first serious discussion of a problem comes too late to do anthing about it. Even when she has a tool to address something that bothers her she won't use it.
Great comment, I enjoyed reading this. 100% agree you don't need to use NVC all the time with your familiars (I certainly don't) but I aim for more often than not.
And that was a an entertaining point about needs. I also agree it's tricky to identify what your needs are, I tried to point out in the video "ask what need the emotion is highlighting to you" but more introspection work might be needed for some people. I guess it all takes practice.
In fact, an alternative title for the video was "NVC: the social skill that enriches life (advanced difficulty)" 🤣
ooo this is a big one, thank you for putting so much effort in these
It reminds me a lot if what the Gottman Institute has said after their decades of research with romantic partners.
I like that this is repackaging the research in different words and examples, and explaining it in all forms of relationships, not just romantic, allowing for this channel to connect and teach people who may not have been engaged with how the Gottman Institute spreads their message.
Keep up the good work, I enjoy your presentation style.
This video made me realise I lack the vocabulary to recognise what emotions I'm feeling, something to work on. 🧠👂👽
The video was very long. I will go back to it and take notes. Its pure gold for inter personal relationships🧠
This is a real treasure, thanks!
I can't express how grateful I am for your content. thank you. a lot of my struggles that come wih being on the spectrum are super challenging but your videos have signifigantly guided me in the right direction for a miriad of reasons
Great channel, great video! One of my most valuable subscriptions!
Brain, ear, loved this, thankyou!
That's genuinely educational content 😮
Thank you for the work you are doing.
You are an excellent teacher!
This is basically the basis of NLP training.
Hit me with the reverse psychology 🤣 had to hit like 👍🏼
🧠 👂🏿 🎉
I feel relief when I watch your videos
I feel glad to have this video because it helps me align with my virtues
🧠 👂🫡
I feel like youre talking like a robot
This is wonderful, enlightening and profound
🧠(ear)😩
Thanks so much for putting into words what I’ve been trying to figure out for years! I appreciate all of your videos long and short.
Cheers from the USA❤️
🧠👂💖 Thank you so much for putting together these videos. I found your channel recently and it's been exactly what I was searching for to help me improve and understanding communicating with others. Very excited to read NVC once it arrives so I can really focus on soaking in the information you shared in this video!
Best videos on youtube to improve yourself without anoying info just to sell you something. This video is literally a course.
Oh my god I just love your videos. Very helpful knowledge.
1hr of meaningful yapping… count me in.
Love ur content🙏🏻
I read NVC by Marshall b. Rosenberg a year ago and I’m constantly trying to put people onto it!! It’s a language to learn!
I really appreciate your videos!! I'm half way through it and already learned so much, you are a great teacher :)
Thank you Mia :)
I thought I was good at communicating emotions, turns out I haven't got a clue. Thank you❣
awesome, I like being a regular person when i have normal conversations with other people
🧠👂🌻 this is great information, so well presented and so appreciated, thanks
babe wake up new Newel of Knowledge video dropped!!!
just finished the video, amazing
bro gamed the system
Dear Lewis, when your videos are so densely packed with thought provoking insight I feel frustrated because I want to roll them over in my mind,😊 however the volume and density of these golden treasures is beyond my rate of mental absorption and I become muddled, unable to make effective use of their full value.❤😅😂😢😮
You are good at this.
Thank you so much 🧠👂🔥
🧠👂 😼 My head hurts but I made it to the end!
I always considered myself to be empathic... I never thought sympathizing through sentences like ¨that must've been difficult...¨ or asking questions to better understand the other person could have the opposite outcome.
Iv done this the judging reading also a teacher caught it. Paying attention is something else ✌️
It was a big deal to me.
Your teaching is great! ✌️✌️
This is awesome!
Let's gooo!! Shout out from NZ !
I'm already subscribed, but I gave it a like cause that was neat, well played!
🧠👂🏽🙉
This is one of my fav channels. Keep at it, you should write a book. I would buy the kindle version. More eco-friendly.
Wow. I've known about this for a long time, but I just didn't know how to apply it. I have difficulty with articulating what I want to say, which can make me feel frustrated and panicked, I really need to feel like I know exactly what things mean and the clear differences between them. As you can see I just tried nvc here! Thank you so much for this amazing life skill, and all the time you've put into planning and explaining this!
Lewis, why are you apologizing for the length of the video? I'm going to replay the entire thing right now. This is really great stuff and you present it so well. Thank you!
🥲🫶 thank you :)
RUclips: Here is a video about a social skill that 99% of people don't have
Me: a dude that doesn't have 99% of social skills most people have 😂
Best channel ever im nor even joking
What I learn, Non-violence communication=Romanticized Communication.
I like these hour long videos 👍
🧠👂👀
thanks for the video
Very, very helpful
I feel like this video, nonviolent speech, is the antithesis of therapy speak. Therapy speak genuinely feels violent to me. "I'm doing a lot of emotional labor right now! I need to set a boundary I can't be with you when you're sad!" Like as someone with mental illness who gets A Little Sad sometimes and I need to talk to a friend, therapy speak is so isolating and just cuts communication instead of fostering it. You can set a boundary don't get me wrong, just don't be mean. Saying something like "Hey I love you and I care about you as my friend, I want to be there for you but this is something I'm not good with, but I'll try my best to help you in any way I can"
I love krishnamurti!!!
the exercises really distinguish this video from other channels presenting similar content
I love many of the ideas here, but the fact is psychologists estimate 1 in 6 people bear significant dark-tetrad traits. 1 in 6! That should be incredibly sobering. It is really important to be able to identify those people early on in relationships - i.e. judge them. Yes, judge them fast and judge them accurately - it's nothing to do with "unmet needs or values", it's to do with having basic wisdom, a realistic outlook on life, and a decent smattering of self-preservation. Yes absolutely apply the advice in the video to the 5 out of 6 individuals you meet who actually experience a world where positive-sum interactions and genuine friendship is possible, but the worst thing you can do with the 1 bad apple out of the 6 is let them into your soul - do not let your guard down, do not be emotionally generous with them. Realise that machiavellians, narcissists, psychopaths and sadists are not intrinsically on your side ever. Your best option is to create as much distance as possible from these people. Where it's impossible for you to cut them out entirely, you consciously and carefully manage them - do not under any circumstances let them close. Anyway, thought this was an important caveat to add to this otherwise great video! All best.
Agreed.
Do you have videos talking about your journey learning this stuff? So much of it I feel I learned through trial and error by working a retail job for almost a decade, but you've got a more developed understanding of these topics and I'm curious what brought you to do so much work in this area.
the health being related to eating one is demonstrably true though, this is a limit of non violent communication. Facts do not need non violent communication. Whilst NVC is great for humans and communications between us, it isn't necessary when talking in absolutes.
Yeah this was my bad because watching it back I should've changed it to something like "not eating meat with impair your health" or something similar
I saw J. Krishnamurti speak as a little girl. As I recall we were sitting in the front row. I’ll have to ask my mom about that.
no way! where? that's such a flex to have 🤣
To add to my comment a bit ago, I’ve found that pre-conceived opinions/thoughts of one or both parties can influence the course of a conversation before it’s even started. I would love your insight on how to identify pre-conceived thoughts/opinions and mitigate any negative impact to the communication as a result.
Watched the full marshall rosenberg guide , ready for the reinterpretatikn
let me know if I missed anything!
Omg this is Amazing
I don't understand how I'm responsible for my emotions if I don't have control over what I'm feeling. It seems counterintuitive.
I do not for one single solitary second believe that Liam Gallagher was level-headed and impartial about something.
i love you rhys strongfork
🧠👂🫡ur amazing mate
Nah, let us continue to learn the first president, of the nation one happens to be born in, before we learn how to human.
It is stupid how much better we could function, so much suffering could be avoided.
"subscribe and like the video"- I immediately did bc I'm a soldier's granddaughter💀