+Juliana S. C. de Jesus I agree, except karma's a bitch. If he cheats on her most likely he'll cheat on you. So unless you think he's your soulmate I'd pass.
I wouldn't necessarily say in life you should go for heart, that's pretty egocentric. 'Head' should take everything into account if done properly so it's more dependable.
even if she built feelings for him overtime & he did tell his gf and they did break up, who the hell would want to be with someone who is CLEARLY a cheater!?
I have collected the most progressive, open-minded, non-judgmental people on RUclips I swear. These comments are incredible and I am so so proud of the conversation we are having. You guys are teaching ME so much, I know we are helping others too. Thank you
you give so many good perspectives and it makes people think more to give an open minded discussion because it's not just one way. I think that's why you have the audience you do . btw I support you and these videos , you are on point most of the time and respect an open-minded person.
+Shan BOODY 1st can I say u are awesome! :-) now Head and Heart gave great points to think about but I must go withe the Head! discipline empathy integrity should always be at the for front with not just relationships but with everything!..what woman really wants to be a happy meal?!
I think if you know he is in a relationship, happy or not, that is your cue to leave. I always put myself in the girls situation.. Would you like it if you found out that your boyfriend has a side chick or two? What if his girlfriend is being loyal? Is that fair? Home wreckers aren't cool, for one. And two, even if he does end up with you, who's to say he won't do the same to you? After all, you lose 'em how got 'em. Leave girl.. There are better people out there for you.
My grandfather was engaged with a girl he got pregnant, he then met my grandmother, my grandmother said he had a choice and it was either only herself or his fiancé and baby. Obviously he chose my grandmother. This story is seen as romantic in my family and I even thought so too as a kid but as I got older I wonder what happened to that woman and baby.
I'm speaking from experience go with the head! I get the heart you got attached before you knew there was a girl but that also makes him a liar. Read flag you met him on Tinder and as a FWB situation...nothing good is gonna come with that. Why do girls wanna try to flip the script when in the beginning it was something else. Don't try to be "that girl" who is competing you don't have to be his dirty secret. Yeah you are his convenient option when he can't get to be with his girl. He is dirty regardless. Tell her he loves hers probably when he visit her and them telling you he is miserable. Drop homeboy trust me...you will be one less broken hearted side chick. Let's let these men know they can't keep using females emotionally for their own sexual or even emotional satisfaction. You can't fix him...he is a liar. This foundation was shaky as soon as it started...start backing away and go cold turkey. Trust me girl been there and be strong. It gets better with time. Your standards are higher than his weak excuses.
OOH YASSSS HUNTY, COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF. ALSO AGE OLD TRUTH, IF THEY DO IT WITH YOU, THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU. SHE IS JUST SEEING HERSELF UP FOR REPEATED HISTORY
Head for sure. This is about her and her principles. Compromising your principles has a way of wearing away at you. Plus, He's not going to leave her, you deserve someone who chooses you. Let go
This is so relatable. What I've learned is that you can only listen to your head once your heart is ready. As much as you get advice from other people and know it's wrong, your heart needs time.
I love that you mentioned this! I once decided to dump someone who was cheating on me because I felt they would run back and drop all their hoes once I walked-- instead they actually fucked off leaving me shocked and vulnerable, I ended up calling them up and trying to meet and really just running back- even tho I was only in my teens then, same human nature principle applies. So always prepare yourself but distancing slowly and doing you little by little- weening yourself off before making it official that you’re leaving so that when you leave you know it’s done for sure and that you won’t be running back to them ever again.
Normally I would go with heart but HEAD definitely made it more clear. I'd rather be alone than be #2 or #6 or whatever. Always make sure you're a priority!
I'm definitely 'head' in this situation. I honestly can't stand women who are okay with being side chicks and boast about it. There's nothing to be proud of, and even if they break up there's a huge chance he'll have a side chick while he's with you. My mom always said 'how you get them, is how you lose them ' and it's SUCH a true quote. My mom was married to a man for 12 years, he started to treat her like shit and sneak off with his side chick. He even left her for two weeks to go on a vacation with the side chick. She was one of those women who thought she was better because she stole him. Eventually my mom and him divorced, and he married the other woman and needless to say, they divorced because he was constantly cheating on her with another side chick. The same way she got him is the same way she lost him. But all in all, I'm tired of this generation normalizing side chicks/dudes. If you're into poly relationships that's cool, but don't put on a front that you're monogamous if you're gonna stray elsewhere because you're 'not happy'
Thanks for taking up for this point of view. I found out about his side piece and that he had a baby with her, and was with her 4 years and hid her and the baby very well. He says I shouldn’t blame her but she knew about me and our children the whole time so she is to blame too.
I also want to add, I love the video concept!! I like how you're like arguing with yourself. Because you know that's how all of us feel when we're dealing with things like this 😊
It makes you an accomplice to the crime. Do you owe the girlfriend anything? Not really. You didn't promise anything to her but my problem with sides in general is the belief that you are "special" and "better". You are a woman like me or anyone else. If you want to remove yourself from the community of women and go rouge then go ahead, but you aren't allowed to be upset when someone does it to you. Also while feelings were initially said to be removed from this it doesn't really sound like it. Maybe that's the storytelling. I think him having you as a side removes your power as a sexual subject and makes you an object. You deserve better. All relationships should be based with honesty. You deserve an honest sexual partner not someone who doesn't respect his relationship. Find an honest fwb that doesn't want you to be a side piece.
I believe that your power comes from inside you, not from him. I’m not a sexual subject to begin with I am a person with feelings he might be attracted to your body. I am very confident with myself flaws and all. I am feeling myself, but I am the prize not him. So I control my own power. They only have the power when you give it away.
Why do we always assume the "side chick" even cares about being #2? More times than not, he isn't the only biscuit in the bucket either. The only one who has the power to wreck a "home" are the people in it. Outside people owe nobody in that relationship anything. If the people in the relationship are seeking others outside of it, that's an inside problem that either needs to be worked out or broken off.
Thank you. I've been reading many of these comments and i can't relate. Too many people are speaking of wanting the man and etc. I don't want him, it's just sex and a different perspective, plus I'm in a relationship (open) so i'm not looking for a partner at all.
Could you do one on low self-esteem? Like, a guy wants you for your body, and you're head tells you know, but your heart just wants someone to pay attention?
Omg I agree I love when someone makes me feel pretty and being attracted to me is a big part of that! But I feel bad when I'm friend w benefits zone and they tell me they like my personality and how cool I am ,yet am I not good enough to date?
Brutal honest; I love it..! FYI, ladies, the friend w/benefits zone happens because you're getting what you're looking for; SWEET TALK, instead of COMPLIMENTS. Attention is something that is noticed, not assumed. If all we see is your body, and all we hear, is what you like and want, yet, all you offer is Sweet Talk, Flirting, Your Body, and things that the two of you are mutually interested in (instead of what the two of you value), Smashing is your zone. The good news is, you can change that, without having to shut down the pum-pum. I love the honesty though.
@@XclusiveChiq I am not trying to be judgemental I'm just being honest thought you could use some Good advice!! Clearly you are being played he doesn't want to date you but thinks you cool band pretty.This friends with benefits is a way people USE people They Don't wanna Date you? Clearly a man that Truly thought you were cool and pretty would have already asked you out! ! Don't settle for being friends with benefits Plus you meet a decent guy and he hears about this friends with benefits I can gurantee it's going to be a Deal breaker
It's so hard to choose thinking back on my own experiences cause I've been the gf and I've also been the side chick. It felt so wrong being with him knowing he was in a relationship but the moments we shared felt so right when we did them. I didn't think about her feelings when I was with him, my heart told me to keep going cause it was fun but then suddenly being the gf and realizing that I had been cheated on was terrible and I got a taste of what his ex felt (this all happened with the same guy) I got what I deserved with that situation honestly. My opinion would be to go with your "mind". Yeah it's fun as hell and by no means do you need to worry about the girlfriends feelings but it is nice to put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine what it'd feel like if it was you. Do to others how you'd like to be treated.
I've been the side piece, the other guy, whatever you want to call it. I was into a girl. She acted like she was into me. We talked about many deeply personal things, and had sex. It started as a hookup, but I saw it becoming something more. I didn't know she was in a relationship with another guy. I had no idea that he asked her to marry him. The only reason I found out about it was because she confessed it to me after she tried to drive me away from her, and I tried to come back. Later on her and the guy broke up, and I imagine he doesn't like me much even though we never met. I have had an off again, on again relationship with this woman numerous times before, during, and after her relationship with this guy, so she and I have history. Even when I got over the fact that she cheated cuz I figured out I still loved her anyways, I constantly had to deal with her lack of commitment. In a sense I never broke out of that "side piece" role. If he wanted you to be his main girl he would break up with this woman and show you some love, but it sounds like he isn't wanting to make that commitment. It is sad but true, "Cheaters cannot trust or be trusted." What do I mean? Let's say it does work out. Her commits himself to you. I have known friends, female and male who have dealt with cheaters. I myself dated one as I've previously said. Cheaters are constantly worried that you will cheat, and will purposely, or accidentally sabotage their relationships because of that. They won't invest fully, they may distance themselves from you emotionally, or they may constantly get mad if you even look at a member of the opposite gender in a way they don't approve of. Are you willing to deal with this drama? If not count yourself lucky that you can break up with him now and you dodged a bullet.
Head for sure. You can't give your heart to some that has given their heart to someone else. Also it's not right to yourself. if you are going to fall for someone fall for someone that can be with you wholeheartedly. Just because someone's relationship has some cracks in it doesn't mean you can come and help it fall apart. If this was your relationship you would he pissed. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Their relationship isn't perfect but respect that it is one and walk away.
HEAD!! If he wanted a relationship with you be would have stated that instead if a FWB ordeal. Of cooooooourse he us gonna say he isn't happy with his relationship with her...so he can keep you around. If he was so unhappy he would not be wasting his time nor spending money to go see her. He didn't tell you the truth about her and would have never told you if you didn't fund out. Run!! Before it's too late. And it's not a real excuse to say you didn't know about the gf until your heart was in it, remember God will never send you someone in a relationship. AKA that aunt nothing but the devil.
One of the reasons why people cheat is their personality trait of being selfish. Whether it'd be the cheater in the relationship or the side piece that wants what they want and doesn't care who is in the way, it's selfishness. Everyone for themselves.
Both! It is always beautiful to begin a relationship with someone, but it is important for us to ask ourselves in situations like these what do we want from our loving relationships? To me, it seems that you had a legitimate concern with the other relationship that he is in and you are concerned with how it will effect your relationship. Bottom line is, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with someone else? Whether he says it is a happy one or not, are YOU content with the possibility that he may not be able to fully commit himself to you in a monogamous relationship? Really get in touch with your heart and ask yourself were you initially disappointed with the fact that he was romantically linked with someone else? Or were you genuinely okay with it? It seems that you weren't because you waited for his response to rationalize his behavior and your choice to move forward. Last question, what if he isn't "happy" in his relationship now and things change, and they begin to reconcile and become happy again? Would you be content with being his second happy relationship? I think you should be honest with your head and heart and truly open yourself up to all of the possibilities of this relationship and determine if you are okay with of these outcomes. I personally believe that since he has only gone to see her couple of times she isn't that real to you. But what if she were real? And began to effect your relationship with him like she is effecting yours? The gage I used for whether I should move forward with someone was the feelings I felt in my gut. The butterflies vs. gut punches. They always give you butterflies when you are together, but when the time comes that you separate and go to your respective homes, when there is silence and you are alone with you does he still give you butterflies? Does the silence make you wonder what he is doing when he isnt with you? Allow yourself the luxury of silence away from his reasons and your thoughts and listen to your gut. And if this relationship is truly fulfilling to you explore all of it with your head and heart. I wish you luck!!!!!
I was in that same position before. Now I wish I would have acted with my head and not my heart. Karma sucks. I've never cheated but I've been cheated on and it's not a good feeling and I was married. So I'm all for women's solidarity
Head all the way! I have thought with my heart once in that type of situation. The guy was separated living his own life. He had his own crib and everything but was still giving his wife hope. I got up caught up in his web of lies and indecisiveness. The lady contacted me directly because they still shared a phone plan. I was sick! Simply because the year before my live in boyfriend had done the exact same thing to me. I'm all for following your heart but those situations are typically unhealthy.
HEAD. I have been through it countless times and once you have gone trough this type of mess once, it is easier to make the smarter decision if it arises again. I feel like woman should know their worth.
I get where the heart is coming from. If you have developed these strong feelings for someone it feels like you can't turn them off and it is easy to just let them run their course. However, I have a few questions: 1. I thought this was supposed to be "no strings attached" "friends with benefits" type of thing. I feel like the nature of the relationship changed on her part, but not really his. If there are really no strings (feelings and emotions other than friendship are strings) did she really communicate that with old dude? It sounds like he is happy with the way things are right now, you know, long distance girlfriend and a girl in town he can kick it with sometimes and have that physical intimacy he doesn't get from the girlfriend because of the distance. I feel like she knew and agreed to what was up at the beginning but deep down in her heart she is not happy with this arrangement anymore because she found out he was a cool dude and she changed the nature of their relationship. 2. How does being the side chick make her feel? There is a lot of talk about him, but what about her? What is it doing to her in the long run? Does it mess with her self-esteem? Does she keep stressing over why he chooses his girlfriend over her? She is putting all of this time and energy into this man who is not even her boyfriend and why??? I know she has developed these feelings for him but this one time I think it is alright to choose self preservation. She can love him but choose to love herself more. I know that this post will probably go in one ear and out of the other. We like to learn things the hard way, but in the long run I would choose HEAD. I would just suck it up, cry him out my system and move on. There are plenty of people on Tinder. Should she feel guilty about her feelings? What's the point? Whether we feel they are right or wrong they are there. Should she continue to act on them? I wouldn't. That's a messy situation. Do like Frozen and let it go.
First thing first: "HEARTS" OUTFIT IS GIVING ME LIFE. In my opinion, she became "guilty" the moment she decided that she didn't deserve to be someone's number one. She also lost a lot of credit when she overstepped the boundaries of a FWB relationship and caught feelings/got attached. I also know from my past experiences that it's hard to walk away from people aka men, especially when you see potential for a relationship with them. DO NOT BE FOOLED. The drama, worry and complexity of this relationship isn't good for anyone. Do yourself, him and his main girl a favor and pick up the pieces of your heart and run.
The truth is that both sides have elements of rightness. BUT at the end of the day, you HAVE to protect yourself and YOUR feelings before that can authentically be extended to anyone else. So, it IS ok for her to have her feelings for him. It's IS unfair that he had an actual relationship that he was trying to escape from. It is NOT her responsibility to fix HIS relationship. It IS her choice to stay in the situation she's in. And, it is understandable that he was looking for an escape because it can be hard to be strong enough to walk away from things that don't make us completely happy because of not only physiology, but comfort and security in what is familiar regardless of it's actual benefit to us, AND feeling obligated to stay with a person because of feeling you USED have and believing in them. It is hard for us to separate the reality of having a connection with someone and having an actual commitment to them. She has a CONNECTION to him. He has a COMMITMENT to another woman. In order to truthfully honor and value her feelings towards him, she must demand that he does the same for his feelings for her. And she can do this within the realms of compassion and understanding by telling him "I care about you, but I can not continue to DO what we are doing until you have cut off all ties with your girl and are in a position to have a COMMITMENT to me." Another thing to think about is the fact that as long as they continue without any room in between his supposed breakup and a moral relationship, he will always view her with gems in his eyes, romanticisng her as this person who "saved" him and provided him with a perfect situation. Never actually seeing her organically, since she was not introduced into his life that way. It's just the way the brain works. She also has to be brutally honest with herself about why she was looking for a fwb situation in the first place. It could have been purely seeking fun, knowing that she is not ready for full time at this point in her life. OR she could have been selling short her own desire for something real because she was scared or insecure or just horny lol. Whatever the case, if she was in denial about her intentions, then the situation she is in is a direct reflection of that. She didn't want to give fully, so she didn't get fully. She wasn't fully honest with herself, she attracted someone who wasn't fully honest with himself, and therefore, could not be fully honest with her. It's not that is her "fault". It's just the way the Universe works. It has a way of giving you right back what you put out, when you don't know it, especially. All of our relationships and interactions are a result of how we feel about ourselves and what we think we deserve in the deepest parts of our psyche.
Just because she does not know the other girl personally does not mean anything. The thought that that's not my responsibility is wrong. Were all human beings who need to be there for one another. Would you let people starve because that's not your responsibility?
I've been in that situation before and it's extremely exhausting and mentally draining... My suggestion is to get the heck away from those type of 'leading-double-lives' men at all costs no matter how great the connection is coz it will always end badly..
I think sides shouldn't feel guilty at all, they are not in a relationship and don't owe anyone anything. But they need to realise that all of this intimacy is purely based on attraction. The guy in this situation is not a Prince Charming and will never be, at least with both of the women. He is not a keeper. So if the side chick leaves their relationship business with them and doesn't get involved and knows everything is purely physical. Everything is fine. If the side chick ain't you, it woulda been someone else. In this scenario, the it's all on the guy. (Of course vice versa gender swapped)
schroppieee the side chick owes it to herself ‼️as well as that woman! It's called respect! Respect for yourself and others. Have some morals, values! Shit, have some dignity!! Show some empathy in this situation. I think this generation has it all messed up. Not you personally so please don't take offense to my comment just my opinion 😊
London Taylor I totally get what you mean, I wouldn't do it either! I don't want to get in trouble haha! But in case this situation happened the side chick is not to blame. If it wasn't her it woulda been someone else, you know what I mean? I think the root of the problem is the cheater...
schroppieee FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT THE SIDECHICK IS TO BLAME AS WELL AS THE MAN IS CALLED HAVING FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PARTY INVOLVED
Head. If you know your worth you will not be comfortable being a plaything. Call it what you want but you are there for fun, entertainment and to boost homeboys self esteem.
I believe in karma, if you are the side chick for someone else it will probably happen to you at some point. I wouldn't want that on my conscience. Oh and I'd want to know if I were the girl. We all deserve better.
Head for sure. How can you see the same person the same way again after he deliberately lied like that? What if you found out the girl wasn't long distance? It makes no difference: he is cheating on her and using you. This isn't some shrug of the shoulders, 'oh my what a pickle we're in' type deals. It's not something that just /happened/. He knew full well what he was disclosing from the beginning and yes, what he CHOSE not to bring up. Respect yourself, protect your mental health, and recognise that you are worthy of being intimate with much better people.
This is the first time I've heard about "chemically addicted" to a person and I feel exactly that way about a person that I'm seeing. And it's devastating when you grow feelings with someone who is in a position that can't give you what you need. When I don't see this person, I go with my head, but when I spend time with him, I follow my heart. And my guy, and I want to be with this person. It's such a difficult thing to be in.
Laura Couture Yes those that really know love know that it begins with self-love. Still those that don't possess it will be the ones that enter into situations like this, hopefully learning from the mistake.
Very true, not saying that there may never come a time when you happen to be irresistibly drawn to someone that has someone already. It could very well happen to anyone. Still you'd make sure that the prior relationship comes to an end, before you allow anything else to begin. Setting yourself up to play the role of the side piece is something that only those that have yet to attain love for themselves could do.
Absolutely love what you have going on here! Encouraging open mindness! Sparking conversation! Helping people with their problems and seeing how they can tackle them in different ways from different perspectives! Absolutely BRILLIANT
I'll have to go with "head" just like they were open and honest about wanting no strings attached. They meaning him... should have been open about being in a long term/distance relationship. I think for her situation no ones wants to be in the middle of a sticky drama filled mess, especially when you were going for a no strings attached relationship. RUN! when he clears up his situation maybe you guys can reconnect. But remember that was not what you signed up for!
For me this is a bit complicated because she didn't know about the girl at first and you can't just turn feelings off. To me if she had known about the girl beforehand it'd be very wrong to do that. But she was under false pretenses about him being single so really the guy should feel bad, but remember if he can cheat with you he'll cheat on you so are you absolutely positive he's the man you want? I'd suggest not going with it any longer because that just doesn't seem mentally healthy for you if something goes wrong and comes back on you as the other woman (which I feel like it would come back on you). So I guess I'm gonna have to go with head. Even though I fully understand both sides I think it'd be better to not be "that girl."
This is not a heart type of situation. If your heart is not involved, and there are no types of attached feelings its purely just "friends with benefits" you shouldn't even be considering what your "heart" tells you. Be a good person and stay out of other peoples business. Use your head - always. The only time you shouldn't use your head/logic is if you love someone, love is stronger than anything
Head 100%. Don't get me wrong, I think the cheater is the bastard at the end of the day. Especially if he lied to the sidechick too and made her think he was single and available, even if it was no strings attached. I think it's ridiculous when people blame the sidechick and NOT the cheater, that completely blows my mind. But that being said, once you know this man is cheating on someone else, lying, having fun with you and then going home and pretending nothing ever happened, looking another woman in he eye and lying saying he loves her, at that point to not run for the hills is mindblowing to me too. And if you ''don't care'', I think you need to really set your priorities in life straight. When you ''don't care'', you basically say that situation is ok. IT's somehow normal and acceptable. And it simply isn't. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, they should either fix or end the relationship, not lie and cheat. Ant nobody got time for crap like that.
"Heart" is right about one thing. Its not her responsibility to regard the girlfriend's feelings. She is not wrong because she didnt have all the information when she made her initial choice. If the boyfriend made the agreement that he would monogamous ultimately that is his cross to bear. But she might want to consider that good old fashioned idea of karma. I believe that we are responsible many times for the energy we draw into our lives. The idea of moving on without consequence seems almost unrealistic. Will she have a direct payback for helping him be deceitful? Probably not. Will it bite her in the ass some other way. Pretty likely. Its possible to get what you want without being caught in the middle of someone's drama. "Head" brought up the concept of solidarity as well. You know "Do unto others" and all that good stuff. It might be worth moving on so you can have your fun guilt-free. Sidenote: is it bad that my inner 12 year old laughed heartily when asked to choose between Head and Heart?
The same happened with me my senior year of high school. I felt like crap once I found out the guy that was pursuing me was already in a relationship. I was completely ignoring my head and following my heart 100% and I regret it. I felt guilty and I deserved to feel guilty. I felt like the lowest human being on the planet and fell into a depression for the rest of my senior year. Even though I knew he would go off and cheat with someone else if I turned him down anyway, I agree with head on this one. It's not my responsibility to tell his girlfriend anything, but I don't want to be a part of their messed up relationship.
Its the worst feeling to be somebody else’s second choice or cheat day. I learned the hard way to just walk away. Its been shown time and time again that men will not walk away from their current partner as long as you’re available to them. As long as you keep giving them attention, they won’t reach that decision. Walk away. And give yourself a chance with somebody else who will look at you as a full course meal. Not an appetizer or the side salad.
I told myself not to watch this because I didn't want to hear the truth.. I'm so glad I watched it. While I may have shed some tears, I know now what is best for me. Thank you for this. Heart was everything i told myself while dealing with this man and head was everything that ran through my conscious after every encounter with him. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are truly special.
The HEAD 100% Bc you're actions end up affecting another person indirectly and it's not fair. You should be considerate of other people's situations and respect his current relationship.
I was in this exact situation and am still in the process of removing myself from it. I met this guy, there was connection and we were talking for about 10months. I discovered on his birthday that he already had a girlfriend of 3 years. I opted out for the following reasons. 1) A guy who could lie about being in a relationship (I asked him severally) and for that long isn't to be trusted. He's definitely lying about so much more. 2) His current girlfriend got him by snatching him from someone he was already dating and Karma was about to use me to deal the same cards to her. If I snatched him, karma would come for my ass too ...besides a guy who could easily be snatched by anyone is not boyfriend/husband material. 3) Staying away is hurtful in the short term but is better for my peace of mind in the long term. 4) He isn't the prize (not with his zero standards, he ain't!), I am the PRIZE ...so why stay and keep dragging for him with some other girl?
Head has it perfect. Heart's stance is the reason why side chicks feel empowered and step out of bounds these days. He's still visiting his ex and I'm sure hasn't debuted this girl to the world. Next time she needs to avoid friends with benefits relationships because she apparently forgot the rules to the game. He has a choice either way,she needs to stop feeling emotions for a man who isn't hers and leave other people's problems. Btw your videos are the shit ; always thought provoking.
In the beginning of the video it was explained that the woman was looking for a "friends with benefits" type of situation. The woman is the one that messed up here. She was not specific in what she wanted when she placed the ad on Tinder. Once she discovered the guy had someone else, she should have ended it. You have to be in a certain mindset when going this route. The reason she feels guilty is because she is not a "friends with benefits" type of person.
Head. If more women made the decision to not be side chicks it would make it harder for men to expect it from us. It is every woman's responsibility to find out as much as they can about a person they are having sex with. Him not telling her about not having a girlfriend tells me he is deceitful, dishonest and someone not to be trusted, and it tells me she has very low self-esteem. She needs to go get tested for std's as who knows how many women are being used by him? My advice to her...RUN! There is a man out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Ain't nobody got time for some cheating ass fuckery!!
Head! I'd have to think that if their relationship wasn't long distance, would he even bother with a side chick? Plus he wasn't even honest up front. Red flags. And even if the side chick became the main chick, who's to say he wouldn't find another side piece when times get a little tough. I don't think its worth it. If your intention was to be fwb's in the first place, then why would you expect a real, mature relationship from a guy like this? Those situations are always tricky. If you're looking for a relationship, go and find one with someone who can make you their all, not just an option.
This was BRILLIANT! What this demonstrates is that there is no rift or wrong answer. It really is a personal decision that requires a person's self analysis and understanding.
I definitely agree with head. I would like to think that if I was in this girls situation and found out he had a girlfriend, I would never see or speak to him again. I would empathize with the girl being cheated on and would not want to be involved in his lies. What goes around comes around. I would forget my feelings for him and remember what is correct and how would I feel if it was me. *Great series by the way*
2 months ago this was me I was using the relationship to end my long term one I was in one and he was married he came to me I was shocked bc I never would have done that but I was low and frustrated so.many messed up feelings and karma from the current relationship I was in at the time and didn't have the courage to leave He was in one that was hanging issues and wasn't healthy according to him We had a straight thing going for a while until he started to want my number and befriend me on social media that should have been the cut off Instead we developed feelings and he confessed them to me as I did I knew absolutely how this would turn out so one day I purposefully askef him a question to see where he was on leaving her I know he wasn't but something inside was convinced he did have feelings I mean we are humans and beings so I mean it was some connection Well i got tired of the side I never played that role so I was going to tell him I'm done if he wants a real relationship maybe one day but he needs to either work on his relationship or leave it It turned out worse than that unfortunately...bottom line I told her everything almost everything even the fact he blurted out to me one day if it wasn't for the kids he would have already left I was like damn that's deep he's not the type of person to talk about his business so any info i got from him was rare I took it seriously bc he was so secretive he really only started to open up to me toward the end of it Anyways it became the end of us I wanted it even though it hurt but that's when my spiritual awakening happened crazy I had to learn an importsnt lesson from that about SELF LOVE AND how I entered relationships so did he about being independent and truth So it had a happy ending for me I discovered so many things I needed to know about myself BUT what I hate about society is blaming the other person like 4real ppl the ppl you pick to be in a relationship with is messed up DEAL with them period I mean the other person was never the problem the relationship is bc I don't agree with that passing the blame shit you won't get any where that person only becomes what you make them to your relationship just an ILLUSION society plays everyone into believeing point the blame End of the day accept what you want and if that's the role then ok if not get far away from it love yourself that matters most! Peace love n light
If you fully realize you're a side, i think it depends on the side to feel guilty. I dont think thats the most important part. The most important part is that the side should REESPECT HERSELF, and realize that she is worth a main chick, and nothing less. She should have nothing to do with him or his main.
Actually there is something else that may be important to note which is that at the moment he has two people fulfilling whatever emotional needs he has. What happens with a lot of relationships that stem from cheating is that the person who was cheating didn't realize that they had two people contributing to their situation, so after they side with one they may notice things about the person "on the side" that they don't like, or they may have expectations of them that are related to what their first partner used to do. Of course it's possible to be happy, but as far as I know more likely than not a relationship that is created through two-timing doesn't work out so well, because the person who already had a relationship may see the person they were cheating with's faults even more, because they may be lacking some things the cheater had in their first relationship. Oh dear...this sounds a bit complicated :D
Both head and heart make some amazing points on this one. This is great dialogue by both, something women (and men) who find themselves in this position should consider. But, head broke some sh*t down in this one. Loved it. These are great! So innovative and a much more entertaining take on "I'm going to turn on my camera and just talk at people into it." New subscriber!
It will hurt her because she has feelings for him but how would she feel if her BF was cheating on her? He may say he also has feelings for her but the fact that he hasn't broken up with his actual girlfriend, shows that he is not willing to let her go, so how special can you be to him? He is a liar and a cheater, it hurts but be grateful you found out this early and not after giving this person years of your life plus some kids or something! Remember he didn't even TELL her about his girlfriend! She had to find out through instagram so if it weren't for that, how long would this have gone on for? What happens when his real girl comes back?
this comment section tho... sounds like the issue isn't feeling guilty, sounds like the issue is feeling like #2 seems like if the sex game was good and the girl felt like she COULD be the #1 all would still be good. Women are a competitive lot, aren't you
This is my actual inner dialogue lately 😓 this is my exact situation. I had no clue this guy had a girlfriend til MONTHS later thru someone else mentioning it to me. But I already liked him by that point. I know I shouldn’t do it but I see him everyday at work and it’s hard to turn off man
Heart. She wasn't looking for a relationship; so him using her as other than such shouldn't be bad. If she's happy and he's happy then I don't see a problem
Depends what your status is. If you're seeing a married man you should definitely feel guilty, especially if he has kids. But if the guy is in a relationship (doesn't have to be a long one) and the relationship the 2 of you have is only sexual there's nothing to feel bad about. She will never find out, he will never leave her for you.
IM SINGLE SO NO SIDECHICKS NEEDED CASE CLOSED!;PLUS IF I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IM NOT FEELING;I JUST WOULD BREAK IT OFF;I DONT WANT TO LEAD ANY WOMAN ON OR PLAY GAMES WITH HER EMOTIONS;I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT AND EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT
It’s easier said thank done, for months I had been what u would call a ‘side chick’, feelings got mixed up in there, I have tried going with head sooo many times, it would work for a while, then I would fall back in, it’s hard but head is right, but right and reality don’t always mix well. But all in all, the person that is meant for you would never make you an option but always a priority...much love...and I hope I get out of this dilemma 🤗😘...oh and happy new year!!!!
The side chick should not feel guilty. It’s the duty of the girl to hold her man and if the relationship it’s not working than dump that mf before he cheates on you. I’ve been in the same position and let me tell you smth the other woman isn’t the enemy here so put the guilt all in that mf she calls a man and both of you dump him. He isn’t worthy of love and if you as a side chick can get smth from the situation you get it and leave.
head is always good to start off with. the heart will leave u feeling lonely when u really need that person. if someone isn't available let them be . so u can get what u really need and deserve. one door closed is another open .
In any relationship there needs to be both trust and communication. He wasn't honest with his girlfriend about his needs conflicting with being long distance, which is desire for physical touch and sexual intimacy is more important than fidelity to him. Of course he also lied to her about his availability emotionally. Now that he has been honest with you the greatest question is if she can truly trust him now. If they do decide to have a relationship going forward there has to be faith on her part that he won't lie again.
I’m head all the way on this one. Also, in the same breath, I do totally get where heart is coming from. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is the cure to a lot of relational issues.
I agree with "Head" in this situation. If she has feelings for this guy and want to be more than just friends with benefits then she can't just sit in the shadows and wait for everything to play out, hoping everything will turn out alright. If he does start a relationship with her, what's going to stop him from cheating with someone else. If he didn't think what he is doing is wrong then he would have told her from the beginning he was in a relationship, she found oit herself. I know his relationship isn't her concern but whether she wants to believe it or not, she is contributing to it by being involved with him. If she doesn't feel guilty that's fine, but she needs to figure out if this is what she really wants.
This is a great way to look at a question like that! I swear every girl have battled theses thoughts within themselves when they have realized the situation they are in!
I am going with the head on this one. How you start a relationship is how you will continue it. It is dangerous for a side chick to develop feelings for a man who has someone else. If he is using lies, deceit and betrayal on his girl what makes her think it won't happen to her? In addition, a side chick is only an instrument the guy uses when he is not getting his needs met elsewhere.
Omg, this was great!! Every Bit of iiit. Im dealing w inner Shit like this w "friends"....this totally fit this situation also. Im totally the "side friend" and im completely cool being alone....the chemical, and it being like cigarettes! Maaan! The heart & head. Real! Love that i stumbled on this by accident.
I think it really depends on how she feels in this particular case. She can just feel in the pit of her stomach that no matter how much she liked "being" with him, its wrong, or she can even after all the rationalizing feel that beyond all those reasons, it feels right. It also really depends on whether or not she wants/and expectations of it becoming something more eventually. I think thats more the base point here, because if she has no strings attached, he´s just fun, then she would feel okay with the situation. Now.. knowing that he wants o stay and has no intentions of leaving his gf and she is "the fun", while she hoped they were slowly getting somewhere has the months passed.. that might cause that "wrongful" feeling and she should probably leave. Im not saying that its a rule, but when speaking of colorful friends, one should not stay with them for THAT long.. Its different to go on and off occasionally about the "colors" while still friends, but if you spend so much time intimate with someone, usually people get attached emotionally and it's not so 100% just colorful.
I have to agree with head here. She's obviously not comfortable with him sharing his time, hence the irritation when he goes to see his girl. Not to mention the fact that she had to find out about his relationship on social media instead of upfront from him. Strike 1! Getting emotionally entangled with her when he isn't truly available. Strike 2! Strike 3 belongs to her because ppl treat you the way you allow them to and to even play at this being something more is emotionally irresponsible on her part.
Head, I say this because it do.nt matter if she barely found out and it wasn't her fault she still is going to feel guilty if her morals are right. She should get out the picture but if they really have strong feelings about each other and his other relationship is crap they should talk and try to be together. In all honesty I rather have the man I'm with tell me he's not happy and break up with me then cheat on me.
I think that if you develop feelings your heart will always win because you'll go with them. But still be weary it might not work out in your favour or it may just gotta take a chance or walk away as with anything in life.
Head, you may have feelings for this person but if they can cheat on their current partner for you what is stopping them from making the same mistake with another women if you two were to get together?
It's hard to go with your heart on this one at least for me. I've been driven by my heart for years. Most of those years it got me hurt. Was it mentioned about how the other woman. Would feel? This is a heavy subject. It looks like the woman who had the first question went with her heart and is leaving her relationship the way it is. Wow this guy is having his cake and eating it too. I feel for the woman in the question but I also feel for the woman getting cheated on. I have been there and even if you don't know about the cheating, you have some intuition that your man is cheating. And I'm sure he is playing it off as if she is crazy for thinking so. I'd like to know now if she is still with this guy? I am commenting on over a year later. :-0 You are awesome Shannon
What about telling his gf? ive been dealing with pretty much the same story. I dumped his ass two months ago, but i still think about him and the fun we had etc. We never slept together in the 3 months we 'dated', we were friends for a year before that. But he told me he has a gf and has been cheating their whole relationship (4 years). I saw his gf while shopping, and i felt sick and panicked. She looked so nice, i am so disgusted of what he did. Should she know? because hes been doing it for so long, she might never find out or she knows but doesnt want to lose him. But also i dont want to tell on him... idk
Is there a right way? How close are you to her? Do you have mutual friends that are closer to her? Find her number and text it to her? facebook message? It's not going to be easy. I ALMOST became a side chick. Sadly the wife is fully aware that he is like that. It's sickening. I didn't tell her because nothing happened. Best of luck
reading down the comments and noticed this one, did you end up telling her? In certain situations I believe women have strong gut feelings that let them know. Most likely after 4 years of him cheating, she probably knows and just goes with it and turns a blind eye. I've had situations where I told someone about their other half and they still stayed together and i ended up being the bad guy. I just mind my business.
Yo Shan! How in the world were you able to create a video like this? Obviously you recorded both at different times but the lighting is exactly the same on both sides. I would imagine there had to be a time lapse right? And how are you commenting with yourself, so you already knew what you wanted to say, right? This was so good. I'm inspired and would love to create similar content.
Please do the Heart & Head series more. I LOVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this video.. I stay in my head and not always follow my heart. Well depends who it is.
I just don't know. It's easy to say "Head" while in life you would go for Heart.
Juliana S. C. de Jesus so true
+Juliana S. C. de Jesus I agree, except karma's a bitch. If he cheats on her most likely he'll cheat on you. So unless you think he's your soulmate I'd pass.
+Maya not even if you think he's your soulmate.
I wouldn't necessarily say in life you should go for heart, that's pretty egocentric. 'Head' should take everything into account if done properly so it's more dependable.
We have one honest human being here
even if she built feelings for him overtime & he did tell his gf and they did break up, who the hell would want to be with someone who is CLEARLY a cheater!?
Exactly. Like at that point, hopefully discovering what kind of person he is would change your feelings for him
I have collected the most progressive, open-minded, non-judgmental people on RUclips I swear. These comments are incredible and I am so so proud of the conversation we are having. You guys are teaching ME so much, I know we are helping others too. Thank you
+Boody omg you is incredible gorgeous.. one of the most prettiest women I have ever saw in my life
you give so many good perspectives and it makes people think more to give an open minded discussion because it's not just one way. I think that's why you have the audience you do . btw I support you and these videos , you are on point most of the time and respect an open-minded person.
+Mason Napalm Wade aw. How sweet. Keep being you!
+Shan BOODY 1st can I say u are awesome! :-) now Head and Heart gave great points to think about but I must go withe the Head! discipline empathy integrity should always be at the for front with not just relationships but with everything!..what woman really wants to be a happy meal?!
do you think people are meant for one person?
I think if you know he is in a relationship, happy or not, that is your cue to leave. I always put myself in the girls situation.. Would you like it if you found out that your boyfriend has a side chick or two? What if his girlfriend is being loyal? Is that fair? Home wreckers aren't cool, for one. And two, even if he does end up with you, who's to say he won't do the same to you? After all, you lose 'em how got 'em.
Leave girl.. There are better people out there for you.
say tht
All fairs in love and war . If people leave they do if they stay they do if they cheat they do I think point is what’s meant to be will be
Kat Hernandez Very well said !! So True about they will lose em the same way !!!
Why should I feel guilty when other woman never felt guilty for me sorry I never feel guilty for no woman not anymore
My grandfather was engaged with a girl he got pregnant, he then met my grandmother, my grandmother said he had a choice and it was either only
herself or his fiancé and baby. Obviously he chose my grandmother. This story is seen as romantic in my family and I even thought so too as a kid but as I got older I wonder what happened to that woman and baby.
I'm speaking from experience go with the head! I get the heart you got attached before you knew there was a girl but that also makes him a liar. Read flag you met him on Tinder and as a FWB situation...nothing good is gonna come with that. Why do girls wanna try to flip the script when in the beginning it was something else. Don't try to be "that girl" who is competing you don't have to be his dirty secret. Yeah you are his convenient option when he can't get to be with his girl.
He is dirty regardless. Tell her he loves hers probably when he visit her and them telling you he is miserable. Drop homeboy trust me...you will be one less broken hearted side chick. Let's let these men know they can't keep using females emotionally for their own sexual or even emotional satisfaction. You can't fix him...he is a liar. This foundation was shaky as soon as it started...start backing away and go cold turkey. Trust me girl been there and be strong. It gets better with time. Your standards are higher than his weak excuses.
OOH YASSSS HUNTY, COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF. ALSO AGE OLD TRUTH, IF THEY DO IT WITH YOU, THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU. SHE IS JUST SEEING HERSELF UP FOR REPEATED HISTORY
+Kiwi The Beauty Well said, You are a wise a strong women, and I can see that you have high standards set for yourself, God bless !!
PREACH!!!!!
Kiwi The Beauty best comment ever!
Head for sure. This is about her and her principles. Compromising your principles has a way of wearing away at you. Plus, He's not going to leave her, you deserve someone who chooses you. Let go
Thank you
Feeling this right now, going against my self is wearing me down I pray for strength to let go and move forward
Vishai Clarke How are you now?
This is so relatable. What I've learned is that you can only listen to your head once your heart is ready. As much as you get advice from other people and know it's wrong, your heart needs time.
I love that you mentioned this!
I once decided to dump someone who was cheating on me because I felt they would run back and drop all their hoes once I walked-- instead they actually fucked off leaving me shocked and vulnerable, I ended up calling them up and trying to meet and really just running back- even tho I was only in my teens then, same human nature principle applies. So always prepare yourself but distancing slowly and doing you little by little- weening yourself off before making it official that you’re leaving so that when you leave you know it’s done for sure and that you won’t be running back to them ever again.
Normally I would go with heart but HEAD definitely made it more clear. I'd rather be alone than be #2 or #6 or whatever. Always make sure you're a priority!
I was in a situation like this I chose head. There are BILLIONS of people on earth and there will always be another.
Thank you I needed to hear this specifically. Even tho I HATE that I have to choose, there are currently 9 billion people in this earth lol
"You're basically someone's cheat meal" oh girl yes. HEAD!
I'm definitely 'head' in this situation. I honestly can't stand women who are okay with being side chicks and boast about it. There's nothing to be proud of, and even if they break up there's a huge chance he'll have a side chick while he's with you. My mom always said 'how you get them, is how you lose them ' and it's SUCH a true quote. My mom was married to a man for 12 years, he started to treat her like shit and sneak off with his side chick. He even left her for two weeks to go on a vacation with the side chick. She was one of those women who thought she was better because she stole him. Eventually my mom and him divorced, and he married the other woman and needless to say, they divorced because he was constantly cheating on her with another side chick. The same way she got him is the same way she lost him. But all in all, I'm tired of this generation normalizing side chicks/dudes. If you're into poly relationships that's cool, but don't put on a front that you're monogamous if you're gonna stray elsewhere because you're 'not happy'
I don't think the woman here wants to be with the guy. It's just friends with benefits.
Thanks for taking up for this point of view. I found out about his side piece and that he had a baby with her, and was with her 4 years and hid her and the baby very well. He says I shouldn’t blame her but she knew about me and our children the whole time so she is to blame too.
I also want to add, I love the video concept!! I like how you're like arguing with yourself. Because you know that's how all of us feel when we're dealing with things like this 😊
It makes you an accomplice to the crime.
Do you owe the girlfriend anything? Not really. You didn't promise anything to her but my problem with sides in general is the belief that you are "special" and "better". You are a woman like me or anyone else. If you want to remove yourself from the community of women and go rouge then go ahead, but you aren't allowed to be upset when someone does it to you.
Also while feelings were initially said to be removed from this it doesn't really sound like it. Maybe that's the storytelling. I think him having you as a side removes your power as a sexual subject and makes you an object. You deserve better.
All relationships should be based with honesty. You deserve an honest sexual partner not someone who doesn't respect his relationship. Find an honest fwb that doesn't want you to be a side piece.
rissa206 wow this is very RAW and insightful
I believe that your power comes from inside you, not from him. I’m not a sexual subject to begin with I am a person with feelings he might be attracted to your body. I am very confident with myself flaws and all. I am feeling myself, but I am the prize not him. So I control my own power. They only have the power when you give it away.
Why do we always assume the "side chick" even cares about being #2? More times than not, he isn't the only biscuit in the bucket either. The only one who has the power to wreck a "home" are the people in it. Outside people owe nobody in that relationship anything. If the people in the relationship are seeking others outside of it, that's an inside problem that either needs to be worked out or broken off.
Thank you. I've been reading many of these comments and i can't relate. Too many people are speaking of wanting the man and etc. I don't want him, it's just sex and a different perspective, plus I'm in a relationship (open) so i'm not looking for a partner at all.
@@AyanaSioux but he isn't in an open one.
Could you do one on low self-esteem? Like, a guy wants you for your body, and you're head tells you know, but your heart just wants someone to pay attention?
Omg I agree I love when someone makes me feel pretty and being attracted to me is a big part of that! But I feel bad when I'm friend w benefits zone and they tell me they like my personality and how cool I am ,yet am I not good enough to date?
+XclusiveChiq yes, thank you for admitting this out loud.
Brutal honest; I love it..!
FYI, ladies, the friend w/benefits zone happens because you're getting what you're looking for; SWEET TALK, instead of COMPLIMENTS. Attention is something that is noticed, not assumed. If all we see is your body, and all we hear, is what you like and want, yet, all you offer is Sweet Talk, Flirting, Your Body, and things that the two of you are mutually interested in (instead of what the two of you value), Smashing is your zone. The good news is, you can change that, without having to shut down the pum-pum. I love the honesty though.
@@XclusiveChiq I am not trying to be judgemental I'm just being honest thought you could use some Good advice!! Clearly you are being played he doesn't want to date you but thinks you cool band pretty.This friends with benefits is a way people USE people They Don't wanna Date you? Clearly a man that Truly thought you were cool and pretty would have already asked you out! ! Don't settle for being friends with benefits Plus you meet a decent guy and he hears about this friends with benefits I can gurantee it's going to be a Deal breaker
Turn to Jesus.
It's so hard to choose thinking back on my own experiences cause I've been the gf and I've also been the side chick. It felt so wrong being with him knowing he was in a relationship but the moments we shared felt so right when we did them. I didn't think about her feelings when I was with him, my heart told me to keep going cause it was fun but then suddenly being the gf and realizing that I had been cheated on was terrible and I got a taste of what his ex felt (this all happened with the same guy) I got what I deserved with that situation honestly. My opinion would be to go with your "mind". Yeah it's fun as hell and by no means do you need to worry about the girlfriends feelings but it is nice to put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine what it'd feel like if it was you. Do to others how you'd like to be treated.
Daisy Ledesma you got well deserved karma
You are in for Karma !!!! ☺️
Karma LOL
I've been the side piece, the other guy, whatever you want to call it. I was into a girl. She acted like she was into me. We talked about many deeply personal things, and had sex. It started as a hookup, but I saw it becoming something more. I didn't know she was in a relationship with another guy. I had no idea that he asked her to marry him. The only reason I found out about it was because she confessed it to me after she tried to drive me away from her, and I tried to come back. Later on her and the guy broke up, and I imagine he doesn't like me much even though we never met.
I have had an off again, on again relationship with this woman numerous times before, during, and after her relationship with this guy, so she and I have history. Even when I got over the fact that she cheated cuz I figured out I still loved her anyways, I constantly had to deal with her lack of commitment. In a sense I never broke out of that "side piece" role. If he wanted you to be his main girl he would break up with this woman and show you some love, but it sounds like he isn't wanting to make that commitment. It is sad but true, "Cheaters cannot trust or be trusted."
What do I mean? Let's say it does work out. Her commits himself to you. I have known friends, female and male who have dealt with cheaters. I myself dated one as I've previously said. Cheaters are constantly worried that you will cheat, and will purposely, or accidentally sabotage their relationships because of that. They won't invest fully, they may distance themselves from you emotionally, or they may constantly get mad if you even look at a member of the opposite gender in a way they don't approve of. Are you willing to deal with this drama? If not count yourself lucky that you can break up with him now and you dodged a bullet.
Head for sure. You can't give your heart to some that has given their heart to someone else. Also it's not right to yourself. if you are going to fall for someone fall for someone that can be with you wholeheartedly. Just because someone's relationship has some cracks in it doesn't mean you can come and help it fall apart. If this was your relationship you would he pissed. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Their relationship isn't perfect but respect that it is one and walk away.
Couldn't have said it any better preach!!!!
HeyYoDanDan yes!!
HEAD!! If he wanted a relationship with you be would have stated that instead if a FWB ordeal. Of cooooooourse he us gonna say he isn't happy with his relationship with her...so he can keep you around. If he was so unhappy he would not be wasting his time nor spending money to go see her. He didn't tell you the truth about her and would have never told you if you didn't fund out. Run!! Before it's too late. And it's not a real excuse to say you didn't know about the gf until your heart was in it, remember God will never send you someone in a relationship. AKA that aunt nothing but the devil.
teneseb18 damn those are some great points
One of the reasons why people cheat is their personality trait of being selfish. Whether it'd be the cheater in the relationship or the side piece that wants what they want and doesn't care who is in the way, it's selfishness. Everyone for themselves.
Both! It is always beautiful to begin a relationship with someone, but it is important for us to ask ourselves in situations like these what do we want from our loving relationships? To me, it seems that you had a legitimate concern with the other relationship that he is in and you are concerned with how it will effect your relationship. Bottom line is, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with someone else? Whether he says it is a happy one or not, are YOU content with the possibility that he may not be able to fully commit himself to you in a monogamous relationship? Really get in touch with your heart and ask yourself were you initially disappointed with the fact that he was romantically linked with someone else? Or were you genuinely okay with it? It seems that you weren't because you waited for his response to rationalize his behavior and your choice to move forward. Last question, what if he isn't "happy" in his relationship now and things change, and they begin to reconcile and become happy again? Would you be content with being his second happy relationship?
I think you should be honest with your head and heart and truly open yourself up to all of the possibilities of this relationship and determine if you are okay with of these outcomes. I personally believe that since he has only gone to see her couple of times she isn't that real to you. But what if she were real? And began to effect your relationship with him like she is effecting yours? The gage I used for whether I should move forward with someone was the feelings I felt in my gut. The butterflies vs. gut punches. They always give you butterflies when you are together, but when the time comes that you separate and go to your respective homes, when there is silence and you are alone with you does he still give you butterflies? Does the silence make you wonder what he is doing when he isnt with you? Allow yourself the luxury of silence away from his reasons and your thoughts and listen to your gut. And if this relationship is truly fulfilling to you explore all of it with your head and heart. I wish you luck!!!!!
Best comment i've seen so far!
I was in that same position before. Now I wish I would have acted with my head and not my heart. Karma sucks. I've never cheated but I've been cheated on and it's not a good feeling and I was married. So I'm all for women's solidarity
Head all the way! I have thought with my heart once in that type of situation. The guy was separated living his own life. He had his own crib and everything but was still giving his wife hope. I got up caught up in his web of lies and indecisiveness. The lady contacted me directly because they still shared a phone plan. I was sick! Simply because the year before my live in boyfriend had done the exact same thing to me. I'm all for following your heart but those situations are typically unhealthy.
HEAD. I have been through it countless times and once you have gone trough this type of mess once, it is easier to make the smarter decision if it arises again. I feel like woman should know their worth.
I get where the heart is coming from. If you have developed these strong feelings for someone it feels like you can't turn them off and it is easy to just let them run their course. However, I have a few questions:
1. I thought this was supposed to be "no strings attached" "friends with benefits" type of thing. I feel like the nature of the relationship changed on her part, but not really his. If there are really no strings (feelings and emotions other than friendship are strings) did she really communicate that with old dude? It sounds like he is happy with the way things are right now, you know, long distance girlfriend and a girl in town he can kick it with sometimes and have that physical intimacy he doesn't get from the girlfriend because of the distance. I feel like she knew and agreed to what was up at the beginning but deep down in her heart she is not happy with this arrangement anymore because she found out he was a cool dude and she changed the nature of their relationship.
2. How does being the side chick make her feel? There is a lot of talk about him, but what about her? What is it doing to her in the long run? Does it mess with her self-esteem? Does she keep stressing over why he chooses his girlfriend over her? She is putting all of this time and energy into this man who is not even her boyfriend and why??? I know she has developed these feelings for him but this one time I think it is alright to choose self preservation. She can love him but choose to love herself more.
I know that this post will probably go in one ear and out of the other. We like to learn things the hard way, but in the long run I would choose HEAD. I would just suck it up, cry him out my system and move on. There are plenty of people on Tinder. Should she feel guilty about her feelings? What's the point? Whether we feel they are right or wrong they are there. Should she continue to act on them? I wouldn't. That's a messy situation. Do like Frozen and let it go.
Jacqueline Hunter wow so great
This is the best answer. I am in the same situation with this guy i used to date.
Ok
it’s so hard when you really like them and you know they have a girlfriend
yes
First thing first: "HEARTS" OUTFIT IS GIVING ME LIFE.
In my opinion, she became "guilty" the moment she decided that she didn't deserve to be someone's number one. She also lost a lot of credit when she overstepped the boundaries of a FWB relationship and caught feelings/got attached. I also know from my past experiences that it's hard to walk away from people aka men, especially when you see potential for a relationship with them. DO NOT BE FOOLED. The drama, worry and complexity of this relationship isn't good for anyone. Do yourself, him and his main girl a favor and pick up the pieces of your heart and run.
The truth is that both sides have elements of rightness. BUT at the end of the day, you HAVE to protect yourself and YOUR feelings before that can authentically be extended to anyone else. So, it IS ok for her to have her feelings for him. It's IS unfair that he had an actual relationship that he was trying to escape from. It is NOT her responsibility to fix HIS relationship. It IS her choice to stay in the situation she's in. And, it is understandable that he was looking for an escape because it can be hard to be strong enough to walk away from things that don't make us completely happy because of not only physiology, but comfort and security in what is familiar regardless of it's actual benefit to us, AND feeling obligated to stay with a person because of feeling you USED have and believing in them. It is hard for us to separate the reality of having a connection with someone and having an actual commitment to them. She has a CONNECTION to him. He has a COMMITMENT to another woman. In order to truthfully honor and value her feelings towards him, she must demand that he does the same for his feelings for her. And she can do this within the realms of compassion and understanding by telling him "I care about you, but I can not continue to DO what we are doing until you have cut off all ties with your girl and are in a position to have a COMMITMENT to me." Another thing to think about is the fact that as long as they continue without any room in between his supposed breakup and a moral relationship, he will always view her with gems in his eyes, romanticisng her as this person who "saved" him and provided him with a perfect situation. Never actually seeing her organically, since she was not introduced into his life that way. It's just the way the brain works. She also has to be brutally honest with herself about why she was looking for a fwb situation in the first place. It could have been purely seeking fun, knowing that she is not ready for full time at this point in her life. OR she could have been selling short her own desire for something real because she was scared or insecure or just horny lol. Whatever the case, if she was in denial about her intentions, then the situation she is in is a direct reflection of that. She didn't want to give fully, so she didn't get fully. She wasn't fully honest with herself, she attracted someone who wasn't fully honest with himself, and therefore, could not be fully honest with her. It's not that is her "fault". It's just the way the Universe works. It has a way of giving you right back what you put out, when you don't know it, especially. All of our relationships and interactions are a result of how we feel about ourselves and what we think we deserve in the deepest parts of our psyche.
Just because she does not know the other girl personally does not mean anything. The thought that that's not my responsibility is wrong. Were all human beings who need to be there for one another. Would you let people starve because that's not your responsibility?
Head both girls deserve more than some liar who isn't willing to give his all in a relationship
I've been in that situation before and it's extremely exhausting and mentally draining... My suggestion is to get the heck away from those type of 'leading-double-lives' men at all costs no matter how great the connection is coz it will always end badly..
I think sides shouldn't feel guilty at all, they are not in a relationship and don't owe anyone anything. But they need to realise that all of this intimacy is purely based on attraction. The guy in this situation is not a Prince Charming and will never be, at least with both of the women. He is not a keeper. So if the side chick leaves their relationship business with them and doesn't get involved and knows everything is purely physical. Everything is fine. If the side chick ain't you, it woulda been someone else. In this scenario, the it's all on the guy. (Of course vice versa gender swapped)
schroppieee the side chick owes it to herself ‼️as well as that woman! It's called respect! Respect for yourself and others. Have some morals, values! Shit, have some dignity!! Show some empathy in this situation. I think this generation has it all messed up. Not you personally so please don't take offense to my comment just my opinion 😊
London Taylor I totally get what you mean, I wouldn't do it either! I don't want to get in trouble haha! But in case this situation happened the side chick is not to blame. If it wasn't her it woulda been someone else, you know what I mean? I think the root of the problem is the cheater...
schroppieee def, yes I totally agree with you!
schroppieee FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT THE SIDECHICK IS TO BLAME AS WELL AS THE MAN IS CALLED HAVING FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PARTY INVOLVED
If she didn't know then yes she not guilty but if she did know and was still fucking the guy she guilty
If the side chick were really the right girl for this guy then he would choose her. If he's not with you 100% then move on!
Head. If you know your worth you will not be comfortable being a plaything. Call it what you want but you are there for fun, entertainment and to boost homeboys self esteem.
I'm so glad to see most of the comments went with 'the head'.
I believe in karma, if you are the side chick for someone else it will probably happen to you at some point. I wouldn't want that on my conscience. Oh and I'd want to know if I were the girl. We all deserve better.
Head for sure. How can you see the same person the same way again after he deliberately lied like that? What if you found out the girl wasn't long distance? It makes no difference: he is cheating on her and using you. This isn't some shrug of the shoulders, 'oh my what a pickle we're in' type deals. It's not something that just /happened/. He knew full well what he was disclosing from the beginning and yes, what he CHOSE not to bring up.
Respect yourself, protect your mental health, and recognise that you are worthy of being intimate with much better people.
Bring back head vs. heart ❤️
This is the first time I've heard about "chemically addicted" to a person and I feel exactly that way about a person that I'm seeing. And it's devastating when you grow feelings with someone who is in a position that can't give you what you need. When I don't see this person, I go with my head, but when I spend time with him, I follow my heart. And my guy, and I want to be with this person. It's such a difficult thing to be in.
This was an awesome video, nobody that possess self love and respect will chose to play second best so head has this one
Amen
Laura Couture Yes those that really know love know that it begins with self-love. Still those that don't possess it will be the ones that enter into situations like this, hopefully learning from the mistake.
Wow I love this comment so much! Very true! "Nobody that possess self love & respect will chose to play second best" ❤️ Well said!
Very true, not saying that there may never come a time when you happen to be irresistibly drawn to someone that has someone already. It could very well happen to anyone. Still you'd make sure that the prior relationship comes to an end, before you allow anything else to begin. Setting yourself up to play the role of the side piece is something that only those that have yet to attain love for themselves could do.
Absolutely love what you have going on here! Encouraging open mindness! Sparking conversation! Helping people with their problems and seeing how they can tackle them in different ways from different perspectives! Absolutely BRILLIANT
I'll have to go with "head" just like they were open and honest about wanting no strings attached. They meaning him... should have been open about being in a long term/distance relationship. I think for her situation no ones wants to be in the middle of a sticky drama filled mess, especially when you were going for a no strings attached relationship. RUN! when he clears up his situation maybe you guys can reconnect. But remember that was not what you signed up for!
For me this is a bit complicated because she didn't know about the girl at first and you can't just turn feelings off. To me if she had known about the girl beforehand it'd be very wrong to do that. But she was under false pretenses about him being single so really the guy should feel bad, but remember if he can cheat with you he'll cheat on you so are you absolutely positive he's the man you want? I'd suggest not going with it any longer because that just doesn't seem mentally healthy for you if something goes wrong and comes back on you as the other woman (which I feel like it would come back on you). So I guess I'm gonna have to go with head. Even though I fully understand both sides I think it'd be better to not be "that girl."
This is not a heart type of situation. If your heart is not involved, and there are no types of attached feelings its purely just "friends with benefits" you shouldn't even be considering what your "heart" tells you. Be a good person and stay out of other peoples business. Use your head - always. The only time you shouldn't use your head/logic is if you love someone, love is stronger than anything
Head 100%. Don't get me wrong, I think the cheater is the bastard at the end of the day. Especially if he lied to the sidechick too and made her think he was single and available, even if it was no strings attached. I think it's ridiculous when people blame the sidechick and NOT the cheater, that completely blows my mind. But that being said, once you know this man is cheating on someone else, lying, having fun with you and then going home and pretending nothing ever happened, looking another woman in he eye and lying saying he loves her, at that point to not run for the hills is mindblowing to me too. And if you ''don't care'', I think you need to really set your priorities in life straight. When you ''don't care'', you basically say that situation is ok. IT's somehow normal and acceptable. And it simply isn't. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, they should either fix or end the relationship, not lie and cheat. Ant nobody got time for crap like that.
Girl you know better. don't be messy. you know he's with someone else.
I’m currently in this situation and it’s sucks. It’s so easy to said “head” when you’re not in it.
"Heart" is right about one thing. Its not her responsibility to regard the girlfriend's feelings. She is not wrong because she didnt have all the information when she made her initial choice. If the boyfriend made the agreement that he would monogamous ultimately that is his cross to bear. But she might want to consider that good old fashioned idea of karma. I believe that we are responsible many times for the energy we draw into our lives. The idea of moving on without consequence seems almost unrealistic. Will she have a direct payback for helping him be deceitful? Probably not. Will it bite her in the ass some other way. Pretty likely. Its possible to get what you want without being caught in the middle of someone's drama. "Head" brought up the concept of solidarity as well. You know "Do unto others" and all that good stuff. It might be worth moving on so you can have your fun guilt-free.
Sidenote: is it bad that my inner 12 year old laughed heartily when asked to choose between Head and Heart?
I love the theme of having both perspectives
The same happened with me my senior year of high school. I felt like crap once I found out the guy that was pursuing me was already in a relationship. I was completely ignoring my head and following my heart 100% and I regret it. I felt guilty and I deserved to feel guilty. I felt like the lowest human being on the planet and fell into a depression for the rest of my senior year. Even though I knew he would go off and cheat with someone else if I turned him down anyway, I agree with head on this one. It's not my responsibility to tell his girlfriend anything, but I don't want to be a part of their messed up relationship.
I luv this!! Sooo on point!!
Its the worst feeling to be somebody else’s second choice or cheat day. I learned the hard way to just walk away. Its been shown time and time again that men will not walk away from their current partner as long as you’re available to them. As long as you keep giving them attention, they won’t reach that decision. Walk away. And give yourself a chance with somebody else who will look at you as a full course meal. Not an appetizer or the side salad.
For me, this is about self-worth. Do you want part of a man or all of a man? I choose head.
I told myself not to watch this because I didn't want to hear the truth.. I'm so glad I watched it. While I may have shed some tears, I know now what is best for me. Thank you for this. Heart was everything i told myself while dealing with this man and head was everything that ran through my conscious after every encounter with him. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are truly special.
The HEAD 100%
Bc you're actions end up affecting another person indirectly and it's not fair. You should be considerate of other people's situations and respect his current relationship.
I was in this exact situation and am still in the process of removing myself from it. I met this guy, there was connection and we were talking for about 10months. I discovered on his birthday that he already had a girlfriend of 3 years. I opted out for the following reasons.
1) A guy who could lie about being in a relationship (I asked him severally) and for that long isn't to be trusted. He's definitely lying about so much more.
2) His current girlfriend got him by snatching him from someone he was already dating and Karma was about to use me to deal the same cards to her. If I snatched him, karma would come for my ass too ...besides a guy who could easily be snatched by anyone is not boyfriend/husband material.
3) Staying away is hurtful in the short term but is better for my peace of mind in the long term.
4) He isn't the prize (not with his zero standards, he ain't!), I am the PRIZE ...so why stay and keep dragging for him with some other girl?
Head has it perfect. Heart's stance is the reason why side chicks feel empowered and step out of bounds these days. He's still visiting his ex and I'm sure hasn't debuted this girl to the world. Next time she needs to avoid friends with benefits relationships because she apparently forgot the rules to the game. He has a choice either way,she needs to stop feeling emotions for a man who isn't hers and leave other people's problems. Btw your videos are the shit ; always thought provoking.
LOL this was too funny and brought up a lot of valid points from both sides!
In the beginning of the video it was explained that the woman was looking for a "friends with benefits" type of situation. The woman is the one that messed up here. She was not specific in what she wanted when she placed the ad on Tinder. Once she discovered the guy had someone else, she should have ended it. You have to be in a certain mindset when going this route. The reason she feels guilty is because she is not a "friends with benefits" type of person.
Head.
If more women made the decision to not be side chicks it would make it harder for men to expect it from us.
It is every woman's responsibility to find out as much as they can about a person they are having sex with. Him not telling her about not having a girlfriend tells me he is deceitful, dishonest and someone not to be trusted, and it tells me she has very low self-esteem. She needs to go get tested for std's as who knows how many women are being used by him?
My advice to her...RUN! There is a man out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Ain't nobody got time for some cheating ass fuckery!!
Head! I'd have to think that if their relationship wasn't long distance, would he even bother with a side chick? Plus he wasn't even honest up front. Red flags. And even if the side chick became the main chick, who's to say he wouldn't find another side piece when times get a little tough. I don't think its worth it. If your intention was to be fwb's in the first place, then why would you expect a real, mature relationship from a guy like this? Those situations are always tricky. If you're looking for a relationship, go and find one with someone who can make you their all, not just an option.
Head. it's a tough situation but I personally can't share a man and I would be feeling terrible for the other girl.
This was BRILLIANT! What this demonstrates is that there is no rift or wrong answer. It really is a personal decision that requires a person's self analysis and understanding.
It's incredible how well-spoken she is :)
I definitely agree with head. I would like to think that if I was in this girls situation and found out he had a girlfriend, I would never see or speak to him again. I would empathize with the girl being cheated on and would not want to be involved in his lies. What goes around comes around. I would forget my feelings for him and remember what is correct and how would I feel if it was me. *Great series by the way*
2 months ago this was me I was using the relationship to end my long term one I was in one and he was married he came to me I was shocked bc I never would have done that but I was low and frustrated so.many messed up feelings and karma from the current relationship I was in at the time and didn't have the courage to leave
He was in one that was hanging issues and wasn't healthy according to him
We had a straight thing going for a while until he started to want my number and befriend me on social media that should have been the cut off
Instead we developed feelings and he confessed them to me as I did I knew absolutely how this would turn out so one day I purposefully askef him a question to see where he was on leaving her I know he wasn't but something inside was convinced he did have feelings I mean we are humans and beings so I mean it was some connection
Well i got tired of the side I never played that role so I was going to tell him I'm done if he wants a real relationship maybe one day but he needs to either work on his relationship or leave it
It turned out worse than that unfortunately...bottom line I told her everything almost everything even the fact he blurted out to me one day if it wasn't for the kids he would have already left I was like damn that's deep he's not the type of person to talk about his business so any info i got from him was rare I took it seriously bc he was so secretive he really only started to open up to me toward the end of it
Anyways it became the end of us I wanted it even though it hurt but that's when my spiritual awakening happened crazy I had to learn an importsnt lesson from that about SELF LOVE AND how I entered relationships so did he about being independent and truth
So it had a happy ending for me I discovered so many things I needed to know about myself
BUT what I hate about society is blaming the other person like 4real ppl the ppl you pick to be in a relationship with is messed up DEAL with them period I mean the other person was never the problem the relationship is bc I don't agree with that passing the blame shit you won't get any where that person only becomes what you make them to your relationship just an ILLUSION society plays everyone into believeing point the blame
End of the day accept what you want and if that's the role then ok if not get far away from it love yourself that matters most!
Peace love n light
If you fully realize you're a side, i think it depends on the side to feel guilty. I dont think thats the most important part. The most important part is that the side should REESPECT HERSELF, and realize that she is worth a main chick, and nothing less. She should have nothing to do with him or his main.
Actually there is something else that may be important to note which is that at the moment he has two people fulfilling whatever emotional needs he has. What happens with a lot of relationships that stem from cheating is that the person who was cheating didn't realize that they had two people contributing to their situation, so after they side with one they may notice things about the person "on the side" that they don't like, or they may have expectations of them that are related to what their first partner used to do.
Of course it's possible to be happy, but as far as I know more likely than not a relationship that is created through two-timing doesn't work out so well, because the person who already had a relationship may see the person they were cheating with's faults even more, because they may be lacking some things the cheater had in their first relationship. Oh dear...this sounds a bit complicated :D
Head. expecially nowadays. Heart can make you come up missing.
thatgirlli lmao!
but if you dont take a chance on love you can miss the boat
D37 Gld Messing around with a dude that has a girlfriend isn’t love
Both head and heart make some amazing points on this one. This is great dialogue by both, something women (and men) who find themselves in this position should consider. But, head broke some sh*t down in this one. Loved it. These are great! So innovative and a much more entertaining take on "I'm going to turn on my camera and just talk at people into it." New subscriber!
It will hurt her because she has feelings for him but how would she feel if her BF was cheating on her? He may say he also has feelings for her but the fact that he hasn't broken up with his actual girlfriend, shows that he is not willing to let her go, so how special can you be to him? He is a liar and a cheater, it hurts but be grateful you found out this early and not after giving this person years of your life plus some kids or something! Remember he didn't even TELL her about his girlfriend! She had to find out through instagram so if it weren't for that, how long would this have gone on for? What happens when his real girl comes back?
this comment section tho... sounds like the issue isn't feeling guilty, sounds like the issue is feeling like #2
seems like if the sex game was good and the girl felt like she COULD be the #1 all would still be good.
Women are a competitive lot, aren't you
This is my actual inner dialogue lately 😓 this is my exact situation. I had no clue this guy had a girlfriend til MONTHS later thru someone else mentioning it to me. But I already liked him by that point. I know I shouldn’t do it but I see him everyday at work and it’s hard to turn off man
I'm in the exact same situation... what did u do about it
Heart. You know it's wrong so if you keep doing it you've gotta be mindful of karma too
Heart. She wasn't looking for a relationship; so him using her as other than such shouldn't be bad. If she's happy and he's happy then I don't see a problem
Depends what your status is. If you're seeing a married man you should definitely feel guilty, especially if he has kids. But if the guy is in a relationship (doesn't have to be a long one) and the relationship the 2 of you have is only sexual there's nothing to feel bad about. She will never find out, he will never leave her for you.
@Call me Eszter you aren't the asshole as long as you're not the one initiating that.
IM SINGLE SO NO SIDECHICKS NEEDED CASE CLOSED!;PLUS IF I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IM NOT FEELING;I JUST WOULD BREAK IT OFF;I DONT WANT TO LEAD ANY WOMAN ON OR PLAY GAMES WITH HER EMOTIONS;I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT AND EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT
It’s easier said thank done, for months I had been what u would call a ‘side chick’, feelings got mixed up in there, I have tried going with head sooo many times, it would work for a while, then I would fall back in, it’s hard but head is right, but right and reality don’t always mix well.
But all in all, the person that is meant for you would never make you an option but always a priority...much love...and I hope I get out of this dilemma 🤗😘...oh and happy new year!!!!
The side chick should not feel guilty. It’s the duty of the girl to hold her man and if the relationship it’s not working than dump that mf before he cheates on you. I’ve been in the same position and let me tell you smth the other woman isn’t the enemy here so put the guilt all in that mf she calls a man and both of you dump him. He isn’t worthy of love and if you as a side chick can get smth from the situation you get it and leave.
Elcentry Benjamin Jona.ona9😊
head is always good to start off with. the heart will leave u feeling lonely when u really need that person. if someone isn't available let them be . so u can get what u really need and deserve. one door closed is another open .
In any relationship there needs to be both trust and communication. He wasn't honest with his girlfriend about his needs conflicting with being long distance, which is desire for physical touch and sexual intimacy is more important than fidelity to him. Of course he also lied to her about his availability emotionally. Now that he has been honest with you the greatest question is if she can truly trust him now. If they do decide to have a relationship going forward there has to be faith on her part that he won't lie again.
Tough choice... Maybe take a break, find a new friends with benefits arrangement?.. Sometimes time and perspective give clarity. Peace :)
I’m head all the way on this one. Also, in the same breath, I do totally get where heart is coming from. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is the cure to a lot of relational issues.
i say head.. cause how would u feel if the roles were reversed ?? 😓
I agree with "Head" in this situation. If she has feelings for this guy and want to be more than just friends with benefits then she can't just sit in the shadows and wait for everything to play out, hoping everything will turn out alright. If he does start a relationship with her, what's going to stop him from cheating with someone else. If he didn't think what he is doing is wrong then he would have told her from the beginning he was in a relationship, she found oit herself. I know his relationship isn't her concern but whether she wants to believe it or not, she is contributing to it by being involved with him. If she doesn't feel guilty that's fine, but she needs to figure out if this is what she really wants.
I literally just clicked because this woman is actually beautiful.
This is a great way to look at a question like that! I swear every girl have battled theses thoughts within themselves when they have realized the situation they are in!
I am going with the head on this one. How you start a relationship is how you will continue it. It is dangerous for a side chick to develop feelings for a man who has someone else. If he is using lies, deceit and betrayal on his girl what makes her think it won't happen to her? In addition, a side chick is only an instrument the guy uses when he is not getting his needs met elsewhere.
Omg, this was great!! Every Bit of iiit.
Im dealing w inner Shit like this w "friends"....this totally fit this situation also. Im totally the "side friend" and im completely cool being alone....the chemical, and it being like cigarettes! Maaan! The heart & head. Real!
Love that i stumbled on this by accident.
I think it really depends on how she feels in this particular case. She can just feel in the pit of her stomach that no matter how much she liked "being" with him, its wrong, or she can even after all the rationalizing feel that beyond all those reasons, it feels right. It also really depends on whether or not she wants/and expectations of it becoming something more eventually. I think thats more the base point here, because if she has no strings attached, he´s just fun, then she would feel okay with the situation. Now.. knowing that he wants o stay and has no intentions of leaving his gf and she is "the fun", while she hoped they were slowly getting somewhere has the months passed.. that might cause that "wrongful" feeling and she should probably leave. Im not saying that its a rule, but when speaking of colorful friends, one should not stay with them for THAT long.. Its different to go on and off occasionally about the "colors" while still friends, but if you spend so much time intimate with someone, usually people get attached emotionally and it's not so 100% just colorful.
I have to agree with head here. She's obviously not comfortable with him sharing his time, hence the irritation when he goes to see his girl. Not to mention the fact that she had to find out about his relationship on social media instead of upfront from him. Strike 1! Getting emotionally entangled with her when he isn't truly available. Strike 2! Strike 3 belongs to her because ppl treat you the way you allow them to and to even play at this being something more is emotionally irresponsible on her part.
Met a guy on tinder...nuff said.
Head, I say this because it do.nt matter if she barely found out and it wasn't her fault she still is going to feel guilty if her morals are right. She should get out the picture but if they really have strong feelings about each other and his other relationship is crap they should talk and try to be together. In all honesty I rather have the man I'm with tell me he's not happy and break up with me then cheat on me.
If you know that he has a girlfriend I would say break this up until we continue with our situation.
I think that if you develop feelings your heart will always win because you'll go with them. But still be weary it might not work out in your favour or it may just gotta take a chance or walk away as with anything in life.
Head, you may have feelings for this person but if they can cheat on their current partner for you what is stopping them from making the same mistake with another women if you two were to get together?
It's hard to go with your heart on this one at least for me. I've been driven by my heart for years. Most of those years it got me hurt. Was it mentioned about how the other woman. Would feel? This is a heavy subject. It looks like the woman who had the first question went with her heart and is leaving her relationship the way it is. Wow this guy is having his cake and eating it too. I feel for the woman in the question but I also feel for the woman getting cheated on. I have been there and even if you don't know about the cheating, you have some intuition that your man is cheating. And I'm sure he is playing it off as if she is crazy for thinking so. I'd like to know now if she is still with this guy? I am commenting on over a year later. :-0 You are awesome Shannon
What about telling his gf? ive been dealing with pretty much the same story. I dumped his ass two months ago, but i still think about him and the fun we had etc. We never slept together in the 3 months we 'dated', we were friends for a year before that. But he told me he has a gf and has been cheating their whole relationship (4 years). I saw his gf while shopping, and i felt sick and panicked. She looked so nice, i am so disgusted of what he did. Should she know? because hes been doing it for so long, she might never find out or she knows but doesnt want to lose him. But also i dont want to tell on him... idk
+Mila Rose I think tell. The truth should prevail
+Shan BOODY Thanks for your reply! But how can I do this the right way?
Is there a right way? How close are you to her? Do you have mutual friends that are closer to her? Find her number and text it to her? facebook message? It's not going to be easy. I ALMOST became a side chick. Sadly the wife is fully aware that he is like that. It's sickening. I didn't tell her because nothing happened. Best of luck
reading down the comments and noticed this one, did you end up telling her? In certain situations I believe women have strong gut feelings that let them know. Most likely after 4 years of him cheating, she probably knows and just goes with it and turns a blind eye. I've had situations where I told someone about their other half and they still stayed together and i ended up being the bad guy. I just mind my business.
Yo Shan! How in the world were you able to create a video like this? Obviously you recorded both at different times but the lighting is exactly the same on both sides. I would imagine there had to be a time lapse right? And how are you commenting with yourself, so you already knew what you wanted to say, right? This was so good. I'm inspired and would love to create similar content.
Please do the Heart & Head series more. I LOVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this video.. I stay in my head and not always follow my heart. Well depends who it is.