The last serious relationship I was in, we had three current accounts between us: a joint account that we each paid our salaries into, to cover bills, rent, food etc that are shared, we both had access and we both saw exactly what was being spent. We then also each had a separate account that the other person couldn't access. This had a certain amount paid into it, the same for each person and it was for anything that we wanted to spend on. We didn't have the same income, and we each contributed different amounts to the joint account, but because we both got the same amount to squander as we wished, there wasn't any resentment. The relationship didn't work, but it wasn't because of money.
My husband and I do something similar and it's really helped us to not stress over what the other is spending. We have a set "mad money" amount (essentially an allowance but that word seems icky) for each of us each month. It's an equal amount and we can spend it on whatever we want without feeling like the other is judging us!
These are such great points. I sometimes struggle with how to know if my partner and I have a healthy money relationship together. I grew up with extremely financially abusive parents where money was used to assert power, control, and manipulation, and it totally messed me up when it came to functioning with money as an adult. So I try to be vigilant and not let any of those things creep into my relationship. Reminders like this are such a great thing 👍🏼
When you have watched so many TFD videos that Chelsea says "hey guys!" and your husband, from across the house says, "It's Chelsea, from the Financial Diet!" L O L
My bf moved in 9 months ago and before he even arrived we had a joint bank account and a budget set up. I maintain the budget and once a month we discuss the past month and divide the leftover money between savings and 'pocket money'. I transfer the pocket money into our individual accounts and that's it: I don't have any more say over what happens with it in his account, and he doesn't have a say over mine. It works wonderfully so far. Day-to-day our most intense money discussions are 'the grocery budget is over again' and 'can I buy this €40 thing for the house from our joint money', which isn't very intense at all.
i like dave ramsey's view on the subject. You need to be on the same page, you can't be shaming the other of their habits/low income, but you need to have the same mindset of what your goals for the future are
Thank you for making the title of this video "things you should never say..." instead of "[x number of] things you should never say". It makes if feel like a video on a topic instead of just a list.
Fantastic video. I've never had a live in type of relationship, but this was super helpful. I had a positive healthy relationship at one point that didn't work out romantically, but that was still great while it lasted. And I think one of the healthiest things was that money was one of those things we just talked about. Not as a joint goal thing but more like a venting about roommates who pay rent or talking about how our parents helped us emotionally and financially. Like it was any other subjects friends might talk about.
This is a great video. I have to admit that because I make more than my partner, I have said some things that may have been hurtful to him. I never want to be the abuser and I want him to know that he has contributed a lot to the relationship despite not making as much money as I do. Thank you for this and other videos you have made about money and relationships. It is really helping us out!
I pay most of the bills in my relationship- electric, internet, home supplies, food- but we split rent. I try to use a cash based "allowance" system for fun spending and encourage my bf to do the same. He doesn't. He has 5k in credit card debt and can't afford to pay more for our home expenses. I pay so much in student loans that I am really stretching to cover these expenses myself. I get so resentful when he then spends his money on toys or whatever rather than pay down his debt. Any suggestions to deal with this productively? I sometimes feel foolish for stretching my budgets to the max while he treats himself.
Allison C. have you talked about it with him? maybe he doesn't realize it's taking a toll on you. both of you have debt so I think it won't come out as preachy if you tell him it kinda bothers you.
Allison C. Financial compatibility is real. Sit down with him and review the expenses and ask him to help you come up with a solution. He's no longer a child and you are not his parent paying his way. If he cant see he needs to be responsible for his part, find another boyfriend.
Allison C. Talk to him, have a long good chat. If he's not listening or taking the whole situation seriously, break up. It may sound horrible, but he's just another leach in your life you don't need
You should really talk about how it s better to have your money when you are in a relationship: having all your money combined? Separately all the way? Or something in between? Great great topic!
Personally, I prefer our system, where we have shared account for expenses where we both contribute a set amount for the month, and separate checking and savings accounts.
Wow! This is such a touchy topic when I looked for advice on this NO ONE HAD AN ANSWER. Thank you so much, you made me realize a lot about myself and how I speak to my significant other. Me and my boyfriend have been financially together since we were 16yo and now going on 21yo. We were never working as a team money wise and this video has guided us a lot on communication towards each other instead of ending in an argument. Thank you again and love your content!
Needing more videos like this!! We have shared finances and don't really have any of these problems. But my husband is very financially irresponsible, i do all the handling of finances. And i dont know how to teach him without, him feeling belittled or like he is behind the curve. Please more videos on combined finances
My and my partner's rent is 500 and we pay 66 for internet/cable. We agreed that I would pay 250 up front while he paid 180 and then he would pay 66 for two weeks later when the internet was due, this would put him just under half the rent. However, when it came time for him to pay 180, he said he didn't have the funds, I was understanding and just paid 400 in rent and he only paid 100. This almost totally broke me after paying for this and my other bills and also for groceries for us. The next day he sent me flowers at work. I was pretty excited until I found out the were $60. I haven't said anything but...I would rather have had him pay all his half of the rent and he get me $5 flowers. I feel kind of embarrassed over this story for some reason
Don't worry, that should make you uncomfortable (but don't feel embarrassed! Life is all about growing). It was a nice gesture, but don't let the fear of feeling impolite by questioning it keep you from being financially safe. I had to learn that with my partner, although I was your boyfriend in the scenario and he was the one feeling frustrated and embarrassed. I'm a gift-giver, so I loved to bring him candy and things like that and I never understood why he got so upset, until I finally caught on that my spending that money on him, even just a few dollars here and there, was hurting our financial goal of getting a place together (because I was one broke mofo, I just didn't see it at the time; the gifts were counterproductive). Once I got on the same page and started saving that money, our relationship got stronger, and now we are securely settled in a place that's cute but within our budget. Dating is definitely not about cutesy gifts like I thought, it's about having mutual financial goals and sticking to them. It is far easier to love a person who wants to see you fed and clothed than it is someone who showers you with pretty gifts. I mean, flowers can't keep you from being homeless.
this first one.instead of me telling my husband he does not make enough in a rude way, I say that I know his heart is in the right place.however right now we need to focus on paying off our debt and pay the bills.focus on the four walls. it hurts more if you rely on social security for steady income.they don't pay much.
Can you please do a video on when you should treat yourself, I always feel guilty spending money on things like clothes and makeup when I know I'm trying to save money and that could go in my savings! How can I stop feeling guilty? Thanks
The best thing to do is have a budget, and budget in clothes and food and fun, and recognize it is something you should budget for, so you don't feel bad. Stick to the budget, and you can feel okay! Also, saving up for better things, helps you buy longer lasting, cooler things! Having a budget and knowing where you are actually takes a load off.
Well how much money are you saving? And how often are you treating yourself? If you're saving & investing 50-75% of your take-home income, and after everything else there's money left over to spend on clothes and make-up.. there you go. And as Mary Jo G says... saving up makes things all worth it. Pay yourself first, save up, and THEN treat yourself last. How much is your freedom worth? :)
Thanks for this video. One of my parents keeps trying to talk me out of being open about my finances with my partner, and you made me feel so much more secure in my choices.
your parent might be right if your partner ends up abusing that trust and taking advantage. however, if you and your partner are on the same page, being open and honest is the best policy.
I totally agree that in a good relationship you should first focus on your common finacial goals. When those are met you can split the money leftover as 'personal money'. When incomes aren't equal, this split doesn't have to be equal. I think you shouldn't be spending more than you would have done if you were single. Don't get used to a budget you won't have access to in case the relationship ends.
Well the point about women not being so smart about financial stuff might be true but in my relationship my girlfriend is like 100 times smarter than me :D :D :D So everytime I need to make some financial decisions, she's the first & only person I talk to :) P.S. BRILLIANT VIDEO!
Women are a lot smarter about finances that they generally get credit for. It's how they know when to take advantage of one of those no fault divorces to force their ex to pay their way into the future without any benefit for him coming of it. Which is also why men have to be so careful about the women they date as there is no piece of paper you can sign that can't be overruled in family court by a judge that probably doesn't care about the well being of the soon to be ex husband when confronted by an enraged woman demanding that she be allowed to continue her current standard of living even without cause for divorce.
Yeah that line kinda had me confused. Ive never seen it like that. I have always been pretty smart with my finances. My bf not so much. He's a hard worker and I appreciate him but he's even admitted that he's not great with money. So he makes the money and I spend it.(Aka pay the bills) It works for our relationship because we're both putting our best skills to use.
In my opinion if you are working towards a jointly owned financial goal you need a joint account. It isnt that hard to set one up and it means that so long as the expenses/agreed on saving are in that account you can do what you want with the rest of your money. My husband and I have never once fought about money or been particularly concerned about not being able to pay bills while working minimum wage jobs.
yowza im confused where your assesment of my husband and relationship comes from. We are both equally leaders but that is irrelivant to my point as we each equally put into a household money pot. Because we are both earning around the same amount and so long as our equal contribution has gone into that pot we are both assured basic needs so we each can spend what ever we want of the rest of our income. As a side note im not a feminism. We are both believe in egalitarianism. But again thats irrelevant.
I am not married and the total of my combined money has to do the my boyfriend and I living together we find it easy to simply spilt the bills and when we go food shopping to spilt it in half on each account, simple easy and that way my money stays mine and his stay his I have no problem how he spends money unless he wasn't able to pay his half but then was buying fun things
Awww you make me blush and feel loved I had that concern I have or there's many factors financially that affect my finances and I feel so insecure about dating idk how to manage and if the person would be mature enough to sit down and talk not to fix me but to brainstorm..thanks girl
I follow your channel religiously n I can't believe there are so many things me and my husband were doing wrong.. As usual great video n I hope me and my husband are able to communicate in a better way financially from now.. :)
Wish my parents could have seen this video 15 years ago. Arguments about money is what ended their marriage despite them being solidly upper middle class.
Can you talk more about Christmas gifts, my girl friend makes quadruple what I make and I only make 25k a year but she spends thousands on Christmas stuff for her family but when we are married I don't think that's a good idea, but she is set on it.
I don't think you can make someone not overspend if that is the way they are, unless they want to resolve it. Any relationship I have had that involved financial betrayal has ended.
Thank you very much for this valuable topic .. I will share it with my husband unfortunately we used all these terms towards each other. Again thank you.
One big rule FHubs and I had when we moved in was that any purchase over $500 had to be agreed upon and discussed. I'm the more fiscally irresponsible of the two of us but he has never shamed me for it.
Lending money to a boyfriend who never pays you back - take them to court if it’s substantial rather than marry them like me ; I later found out 10 years later ( he was qualified accountant ) he was a massive gambler ; it’s taken me years to recover .
I am feeling extremely used. My gf and I have one child together. She has two from a previous marriage. Is it fair that I pay for all the bills including 100% of the mortgage, even though she has a full time job, and receives child support for the kids housing.
This is all very interesting, my main request is a link to your boyfriend's twitch stream PS: totally honest, I love your videos and this topic is close to my heart (pun intended) and helped me see where I and my partner are doing things right and where we are not so much on the same page, thankfully the biggest category is the first one.
Wonderful helpful video. I wish I had known much of wall you teach on tfd whenever I was younger! Keep up the good work! I do have one request, and this is just my opinion, could you please refrain from the "GD" phrase as it's offensive to me. I want to continue watching your videos, for myself and I'd love to send this to a few newly married couples I know. However, I can't send it because of that phrase being used, they would shut it off then. And as I said folks, this is just my opinion, please no hate responses. I'm addressing this as politley as I can 🤔
Really informative video and sometimes is good to see it from a woman perspective since usually man we tend to be really defensive when it comes down to meney. I truly appreciate this RUclips channel
I feel so bad because I made my loved one feel "not enough" and I'm mortified. It's just that I had to cover for both for more than 4 months and I ended up struggling a lot... while now he pays his part and sometimes mine too, he still has the feeling it's never enough for me, which totally is but I must give the wrong vibe, I'm not sure and the last thing I want to do is to hurt his feelings or persona. I hope with dedication and conversation this will go away and we can start fresh! Thank you for your video :)
Also check your credit file in case a partner has fraudulently taken out credit in your name for mobile phones / joint credit cards you haven’t agreed to that he’s signed online
I need help. I am in a LTR 7 yrs. My partner is now my boss, he makes triple what I do. We have no meshing whatsoever. I ask $200 in rent. He is generous and pays when eating out, or gassing the cars. I also gas the cars. Both cars he bought. The older car is our winter car we bought from an older lady she can't drive anymore and wept a good deal. He just dropped $50,000.00 on a 2018 Volkswagen Golf R.. (which is fun and extremely fast but such a waste of money in my opinion) and both are in his name. I pay rent, internet cable and land-line,and electric. It's hilarious how you say Mark spends his money on games, because our bedroom looks like. A 12 year olds dream game room. Every game console you can buy a 75" TV...it's a bit much. But anyway I seeking some advice on how to approach the topic of being more integrated and what goals would be good goals to set. I am feeling alone financially and have nothing to show for anything other than my rented apt that's quite comfortable. My Mark is very generous, and even lends me money if I need when something's in need of being paid, however,.. I pay him when I say I will. Anyway a helpful link or a comment to help me would be amazing...thanks guys.
May I ask why you stated that women especially do not usually have good financial education at 5:35? I'm not trying to start a sexism debate, but I'm curious to know the basis of that statement.
You said you're not trying to start a sexism debate, but I think that cause of women knowing less about financial terms and having less education about finances is because of sexism and the societal norm of men being the bread winners in families (and therefore, usually the ones who make financial decisions). Obviously these standards are changing now, but change comes in waves. Closing the wage gap isn't enough. Making sure that women are just as educated as men about finances is also an important goal that we should have for our county. My mother is a CPA, and I still didn't know jack shit about finances until I took an Intro to Finances class in college, as an elective. Finances shouldn't be an elective class. It should be mandatory, in my opinion, and they should be teaching it in middle school and high schools, not just in college.
Boys are often taught math, budgeting, and are encouraged to get degrees in accounting and business management. Whereas most girls are raised to be caretakers, teachers, nurses, etc. There is a huge gap in how we socialize our genders and what we learned because of that gap (most women not learning about money,) is a problem.
I highly suggest taking a women and genders study class to dig deep into all to the ways we teach and treat children differently depending on their gender, and how that impacts their lives and skills as adults. Its fascinating stuff.
my wife is hiding money from me and spent it secretly, it's always too late for me to know what she puchased, and when i found out she always gets mad at me. please tell me what should i do coz it's been a struggle for me coz I'm our main source of income
One to sleep on One for the legs One to help while getting an ana- One as a spare to sleep on One for the dog that loves to hump pillo-I mean as a toy for the dog Did I mention that they need some as spares?
I liked everything about this video except for the part that "most women don't have a great financial education". I feel like I'm great with money. I set up a budget and I stick to it and if I know I have something coming up I take out cash ahead of time while I have it.
soccerchick9841 Its not about how women are with money, its about what they are taught growing up. While its great you have an understanding of budgeting, a lot of girls are never taught basic skills of budgeting and accounting.
soccerchick9841 you can still be smart without an education. But making sure more women are taught about money, will make more women smart with their money.
This is generally good advice, but, I don't think it should automatically be a 50/50 sharing of things, especially if the guy is making more and we're talking about a married couple. Men are going to need that extra money in case the woman gets bored and demands a divorce. In which case, he'll likely lost everything, not just the things she contributed, but probably the assets he brought into the marriage as well. It's hard enough to justify taking on the risk knowing that if you screwed up the screening process that no pre-nup will protect you against family court judges renegotiating after the fact or outright disregarding it. And part of that is standard of living.
Sorry but any man watching this please don’t take this video serious. I am seriously worried a male viewer will try this in real life and it blows back. I earn 6 figures and most girls work minimum wage jobs living off their sexual market place value or ..parents money. Girls are not into me because they want to live in my lifestyle. don’t go spending your money please invest and save and minimize your spending habits. A girl a liability unless it’s your wife. No point in playing house,if you have to share your money with your girl she obviously is out of your league to begin with, your the last person to find out
I like to watch your videos but... specially most women do not have a great financial education ?????? that is so wrong!!!!! Are you not discriminating your own gender by saying that? Just as many men are completely messy financially .
When it comes to our current generation and the generations to come you are probably right, but if you look to the past, women couldn't have their own credit cards until the 70's. They had to be married and use their husbands own accounts. In nuclear families with stay at home moms who don't contribute an income, I would imagine they would have less knowledge about stocks, bonds, and retirement savings plans, or social security. But like I said, our societal norms are changing, so for those of us who are millennials and generation z-ers, we may not see this inequality as clearly.
Abril y Soren she didn't say women are stupid about this information and we can't learn it. Just that we often come from backgrounds where that kind of knowledge isn't stressed. There are fewer woman financial planners for example. And some people's dad's (because they were the only bread winner) didn't bother teaching them because they thought why would a woman need to know that? She didn't say woman are worse at learning just that they often start at a lower place due to historical factors.
I would say that the majority of men are in better financial shape & more financially educated than women are. There are plenty of women that I've come across who say, "I don't know anything about money. I don't want to save and invest or become financially educated". The ones who do ARE a rarity. And there are a lot more women who go into debt than men. www.creditinfocenter.com/debt/women-have-more-debt.shtml
Chelsea, I love you, but it hurt me so bad to hear you using God's name in vain at 5:03! I understand that not everyone acknowledges God, but some people do find it offensive and/or hurtful to hear his name used as a profanity. Just something to remember for future videos! Much love.
In this 3-Minute Guide Erin shares how to handle money in different kinds of relationships: ruclips.net/video/HNJkemiis9I/видео.html.
The last serious relationship I was in, we had three current accounts between us: a joint account that we each paid our salaries into, to cover bills, rent, food etc that are shared, we both had access and we both saw exactly what was being spent. We then also each had a separate account that the other person couldn't access. This had a certain amount paid into it, the same for each person and it was for anything that we wanted to spend on.
We didn't have the same income, and we each contributed different amounts to the joint account, but because we both got the same amount to squander as we wished, there wasn't any resentment.
The relationship didn't work, but it wasn't because of money.
My husband and I do something similar and it's really helped us to not stress over what the other is spending. We have a set "mad money" amount (essentially an allowance but that word seems icky) for each of us each month. It's an equal amount and we can spend it on whatever we want without feeling like the other is judging us!
thanks lot for sharing this with us Kat :)
I do the opposite. We pay in the same thing. I have a very expensive hobby, and we agree that I am responsible for funding it.
These are such great points. I sometimes struggle with how to know if my partner and I have a healthy money relationship together. I grew up with extremely financially abusive parents where money was used to assert power, control, and manipulation, and it totally messed me up when it came to functioning with money as an adult. So I try to be vigilant and not let any of those things creep into my relationship. Reminders like this are such a great thing 👍🏼
When you have watched so many TFD videos that Chelsea says "hey guys!" and your husband, from across the house says, "It's Chelsea, from the Financial Diet!" L O L
11 months later, but I was on the phone to my bf and I said "So you know Chelsea", his response "yes, from the financial diet", you remember ^_^
😂
My bf moved in 9 months ago and before he even arrived we had a joint bank account and a budget set up. I maintain the budget and once a month we discuss the past month and divide the leftover money between savings and 'pocket money'. I transfer the pocket money into our individual accounts and that's it: I don't have any more say over what happens with it in his account, and he doesn't have a say over mine. It works wonderfully so far. Day-to-day our most intense money discussions are 'the grocery budget is over again' and 'can I buy this €40 thing for the house from our joint money', which isn't very intense at all.
i like dave ramsey's view on the subject. You need to be on the same page, you can't be shaming the other of their habits/low income, but you need to have the same mindset of what your goals for the future are
Farquharson ya. Having the same values will equate to this
Thank you for making the title of this video "things you should never say..." instead of "[x number of] things you should never say". It makes if feel like a video on a topic instead of just a list.
+
I agree that we shouldn't shame, but it's important to keep on budget. Overspending definitely needs to be addressed in a gentle and loving way.
I'd love to see a video about moving in with a partner and financial responsibility
YES PLEASE
Fantastic video. I've never had a live in type of relationship, but this was super helpful. I had a positive healthy relationship at one point that didn't work out romantically, but that was still great while it lasted. And I think one of the healthiest things was that money was one of those things we just talked about. Not as a joint goal thing but more like a venting about roommates who pay rent or talking about how our parents helped us emotionally and financially. Like it was any other subjects friends might talk about.
This is a great video. I have to admit that because I make more than my partner, I have said some things that may have been hurtful to him. I never want to be the abuser and I want him to know that he has contributed a lot to the relationship despite not making as much money as I do. Thank you for this and other videos you have made about money and relationships. It is really helping us out!
I pay most of the bills in my relationship- electric, internet, home supplies, food- but we split rent. I try to use a cash based "allowance" system for fun spending and encourage my bf to do the same. He doesn't. He has 5k in credit card debt and can't afford to pay more for our home expenses. I pay so much in student loans that I am really stretching to cover these expenses myself. I get so resentful when he then spends his money on toys or whatever rather than pay down his debt. Any suggestions to deal with this productively? I sometimes feel foolish for stretching my budgets to the max while he treats himself.
Allison C. have you talked about it with him? maybe he doesn't realize it's taking a toll on you. both of you have debt so I think it won't come out as preachy if you tell him it kinda bothers you.
Allison C. Oh boy. This is not going to end well!! You are being used
Allison C. Financial compatibility is real. Sit down with him and review the expenses and ask him to help you come up with a solution. He's no longer a child and you are not his parent paying his way. If he cant see he needs to be responsible for his part, find another boyfriend.
Get out of the relationship while you still have a chance
Allison C. Talk to him, have a long good chat. If he's not listening or taking the whole situation seriously, break up. It may sound horrible, but he's just another leach in your life you don't need
You should really talk about how it s better to have your money when you are in a relationship: having all your money combined? Separately all the way? Or something in between?
Great great topic!
Personally, I prefer our system, where we have shared account for expenses where we both contribute a set amount for the month, and separate checking and savings accounts.
@@SamarkandChan And how do you determine that set amount???
Wow! This is such a touchy topic when I looked for advice on this NO ONE HAD AN ANSWER. Thank you so much, you made me realize a lot about myself and how I speak to my significant other. Me and my boyfriend have been financially together since we were 16yo and now going on 21yo. We were never working as a team money wise and this video has guided us a lot on communication towards each other instead of ending in an argument. Thank you again and love your content!
Needing more videos like this!! We have shared finances and don't really have any of these problems. But my husband is very financially irresponsible, i do all the handling of finances. And i dont know how to teach him without, him feeling belittled or like he is behind the curve. Please more videos on combined finances
You've made me understand a problem that my parents had before their divorce and how it affected me, and I could not even notice. Thank you :D
Thanks for putting this on the table. Conversations about money are important, but it has to be as a team.
My and my partner's rent is 500 and we pay 66 for internet/cable. We agreed that I would pay 250 up front while he paid 180 and then he would pay 66 for two weeks later when the internet was due, this would put him just under half the rent. However, when it came time for him to pay 180, he said he didn't have the funds, I was understanding and just paid 400 in rent and he only paid 100. This almost totally broke me after paying for this and my other bills and also for groceries for us. The next day he sent me flowers at work. I was pretty excited until I found out the were $60. I haven't said anything but...I would rather have had him pay all his half of the rent and he get me $5 flowers. I feel kind of embarrassed over this story for some reason
the 5$ flowers would not be as impressive as the 60$ flowers.
Don't worry, that should make you uncomfortable (but don't feel embarrassed! Life is all about growing). It was a nice gesture, but don't let the fear of feeling impolite by questioning it keep you from being financially safe. I had to learn that with my partner, although I was your boyfriend in the scenario and he was the one feeling frustrated and embarrassed. I'm a gift-giver, so I loved to bring him candy and things like that and I never understood why he got so upset, until I finally caught on that my spending that money on him, even just a few dollars here and there, was hurting our financial goal of getting a place together (because I was one broke mofo, I just didn't see it at the time; the gifts were counterproductive). Once I got on the same page and started saving that money, our relationship got stronger, and now we are securely settled in a place that's cute but within our budget. Dating is definitely not about cutesy gifts like I thought, it's about having mutual financial goals and sticking to them. It is far easier to love a person who wants to see you fed and clothed than it is someone who showers you with pretty gifts. I mean, flowers can't keep you from being homeless.
Different money spending always kills it for me. Specially if the man decides he doesn't want to make the effort of putting his side of the bargain.
this first one.instead of me telling my husband he does not make enough in a rude way, I say that I know his heart is in the right place.however right now we need to focus on paying off our debt and pay the bills.focus on the four walls. it hurts more if you rely on social security for steady income.they don't pay much.
I think her point was that the same thing can be phrased in many different ways and that some are more productive than others.
Can you please do a video on when you should treat yourself, I always feel guilty spending money on things like clothes and makeup when I know I'm trying to save money and that could go in my savings! How can I stop feeling guilty?
Thanks
The best thing to do is have a budget, and budget in clothes and food and fun, and recognize it is something you should budget for, so you don't feel bad. Stick to the budget, and you can feel okay! Also, saving up for better things, helps you buy longer lasting, cooler things! Having a budget and knowing where you are actually takes a load off.
Well how much money are you saving? And how often are you treating yourself? If you're saving & investing 50-75% of your take-home income, and after everything else there's money left over to spend on clothes and make-up.. there you go. And as Mary Jo G says... saving up makes things all worth it. Pay yourself first, save up, and THEN treat yourself last.
How much is your freedom worth? :)
One alternative is when a goal of saving is reached, you treat yourself before starting another goal.
Thanks for this video. One of my parents keeps trying to talk me out of being open about my finances with my partner, and you made me feel so much more secure in my choices.
your parent might be right if your partner ends up abusing that trust and taking advantage.
however, if you and your partner are on the same page, being open and honest is the best policy.
Excellent topic, haven't heard many discussions about this
I totally agree that in a good relationship you should first focus on your common finacial goals. When those are met you can split the money leftover as 'personal money'. When incomes aren't equal, this split doesn't have to be equal. I think you shouldn't be spending more than you would have done if you were single. Don't get used to a budget you won't have access to in case the relationship ends.
Well the point about women not being so smart about financial stuff might be true but in my relationship my girlfriend is like 100 times smarter than me :D :D :D So everytime I need to make some financial decisions, she's the first & only person I talk to :)
P.S. BRILLIANT VIDEO!
Women are a lot smarter about finances that they generally get credit for. It's how they know when to take advantage of one of those no fault divorces to force their ex to pay their way into the future without any benefit for him coming of it.
Which is also why men have to be so careful about the women they date as there is no piece of paper you can sign that can't be overruled in family court by a judge that probably doesn't care about the well being of the soon to be ex husband when confronted by an enraged woman demanding that she be allowed to continue her current standard of living even without cause for divorce.
Yeah that line kinda had me confused. Ive never seen it like that. I have always been pretty smart with my finances. My bf not so much. He's a hard worker and I appreciate him but he's even admitted that he's not great with money. So he makes the money and I spend it.(Aka pay the bills) It works for our relationship because we're both putting our best skills to use.
Realy i am the rich one and she os not like me but i love her is beauty
In my opinion if you are working towards a jointly owned financial goal you need a joint account. It isnt that hard to set one up and it means that so long as the expenses/agreed on saving are in that account you can do what you want with the rest of your money. My husband and I have never once fought about money or been particularly concerned about not being able to pay bills while working minimum wage jobs.
yowza im confused where your assesment of my husband and relationship comes from. We are both equally leaders but that is irrelivant to my point as we each equally put into a household money pot. Because we are both earning around the same amount and so long as our equal contribution has gone into that pot we are both assured basic needs so we each can spend what ever we want of the rest of our income. As a side note im not a feminism. We are both believe in egalitarianism. But again thats irrelevant.
I am not married and the total of my combined money has to do the my boyfriend and I living together we find it easy to simply spilt the bills and when we go food shopping to spilt it in half on each account, simple easy and that way my money stays mine and his stay his I have no problem how he spends money unless he wasn't able to pay his half but then was buying fun things
Awww you make me blush and feel loved I had that concern I have or there's many factors financially that affect my finances and I feel so insecure about dating idk how to manage and if the person would be mature enough to sit down and talk not to fix me but to brainstorm..thanks girl
I follow your channel religiously n I can't believe there are so many things me and my husband were doing wrong.. As usual great video n I hope me and my husband are able to communicate in a better way financially from now.. :)
This was such an interesting video, thank you Chelsea for covering this topic. Not many people are able to talk about this.
Hey guys , have you talked about credit cards ? How to properly use them ... And the pros and cons ?
Could you address the issue of lending your partner money and trying to get that back?
lending your partner money is like lending yourself money.
“Hi folks”, “hi you all”, etc.... it’s so easy.
Thanks! Never too late to work on making a relationship healthy!
I am so embarrassed to admit, I am guilty in every point
Greetings from Port Elizabeth, South Africa
Wish my parents could have seen this video 15 years ago. Arguments about money is what ended their marriage despite them being solidly upper middle class.
Can you please touch on pooling your incomes and keeping them separate as a couple?
Can you talk more about Christmas gifts, my girl friend makes quadruple what I make and I only make 25k a year but she spends thousands on Christmas stuff for her family but when we are married I don't think that's a good idea, but she is set on it.
Adam Mace I had a boyfriend like that it was nice he'd save all year but I would talk to her about getting personalized or combined gifts
It's so nice to hear your perspective. Thank you for making this video!
Love these videos! Thanks for helping me get my my financial life in check :D
I don't think you can make someone not overspend if that is the way they are, unless they want to resolve it. Any relationship I have had that involved financial betrayal has ended.
These are all great. If couples would just make a written budget together and stick to it, it would clear up all of these.
Thank you. I said everything except for the first one and the last one. 😭
Thank you very much for this valuable topic .. I will share it with my husband unfortunately we used all these terms towards each other. Again thank you.
One big rule FHubs and I had when we moved in was that any purchase over $500 had to be agreed upon and discussed. I'm the more fiscally irresponsible of the two of us but he has never shamed me for it.
I've seen a lot of power issues and secret spending in marriages and never new how to let them know why this was wrong.
I learnt the value of money when i went into debt.
The background reminds me of the apartment in How I Met Your Mother with the stairs leading to the roof
Lending money to a boyfriend who never pays you back - take them to court if it’s substantial rather than marry them like me ; I later found out 10 years later ( he was qualified accountant ) he was a massive gambler ; it’s taken me years to recover .
I am feeling extremely used. My gf and I have one child together. She has two from a previous marriage. Is it fair that I pay for all the bills including 100% of the mortgage, even though she has a full time job, and receives child support for the kids housing.
Hey Chelsea!
Glad i came across this chanel though abit late .
Excellent video! I wish this was created a year ago and I can share it with my ex.
Looking for this for long time ago .
This is all very interesting, my main request is a link to your boyfriend's twitch stream
PS: totally honest, I love your videos and this topic is close to my heart (pun intended) and helped me see where I and my partner are doing things right and where we are not so much on the same page, thankfully the biggest category is the first one.
Any recommendations on how to bring up such things?
This is super good advice. Thank you so much!!
Wonderful helpful video. I wish I had known much of wall you teach on tfd whenever I was younger! Keep up the good work!
I do have one request, and this is just my opinion, could you please refrain from the "GD" phrase as it's offensive to me. I want to continue watching your videos, for myself and I'd love to send this to a few newly married couples I know. However, I can't send it because of that phrase being used, they would shut it off then. And as I said folks, this is just my opinion, please no hate responses. I'm addressing this as politley as I can 🤔
Sorry, what's the "GD" you think would be offensive to newly wed couples? I'm afraid I don't understand your point.
Great relationship advice
Really informative video and sometimes is good to see it from a woman perspective since usually man we tend to be really defensive when it comes down to meney. I truly appreciate this RUclips channel
completely agree with everything you said.
Dear TFD team..what do you think about luxury handbags? Could you please make a video about it? Is it an investment or a big no? Thank you
you are so intelligent and mature .
Shaming is not even allow in a good relationship ,team spirit
This is a great video. Thanks! :)
I feel so bad because I made my loved one feel "not enough" and I'm mortified. It's just that I had to cover for both for more than 4 months and I ended up struggling a lot... while now he pays his part and sometimes mine too, he still has the feeling it's never enough for me, which totally is but I must give the wrong vibe, I'm not sure and the last thing I want to do is to hurt his feelings or persona. I hope with dedication and conversation this will go away and we can start fresh! Thank you for your video :)
Also check your credit file in case a partner has fraudulently taken out credit in your name for mobile phones / joint credit cards you haven’t agreed to that he’s signed online
Thank you
wow! you`ve got an amazing voice
Thank you i like it!
How about “its none of your business to know how much money i earn”.... i have a family member who was told that (in a financially abusive marriage)
I need help. I am in a LTR 7 yrs. My partner is now my boss, he makes triple what I do. We have no meshing whatsoever. I ask $200 in rent. He is generous and pays when eating out, or gassing the cars. I also gas the cars. Both cars he bought. The older car is our winter car we bought from an older lady she can't drive anymore and wept a good deal. He just dropped $50,000.00 on a 2018 Volkswagen Golf R.. (which is fun and extremely fast but such a waste of money in my opinion) and both are in his name. I pay rent, internet cable and land-line,and electric. It's hilarious how you say Mark spends his money on games, because our bedroom looks like. A 12 year olds dream game room. Every game console you can buy a 75" TV...it's a bit much. But anyway I seeking some advice on how to approach the topic of being more integrated and what goals would be good goals to set. I am feeling alone financially and have nothing to show for anything other than my rented apt that's quite comfortable. My Mark is very generous, and even lends me money if I need when something's in need of being paid, however,.. I pay him when I say I will. Anyway a helpful link or a comment to help me would be amazing...thanks guys.
May I ask why you stated that women especially do not usually have good financial education at 5:35? I'm not trying to start a sexism debate, but I'm curious to know the basis of that statement.
You said you're not trying to start a sexism debate, but I think that cause of women knowing less about financial terms and having less education about finances is because of sexism and the societal norm of men being the bread winners in families (and therefore, usually the ones who make financial decisions). Obviously these standards are changing now, but change comes in waves. Closing the wage gap isn't enough. Making sure that women are just as educated as men about finances is also an important goal that we should have for our county. My mother is a CPA, and I still didn't know jack shit about finances until I took an Intro to Finances class in college, as an elective. Finances shouldn't be an elective class. It should be mandatory, in my opinion, and they should be teaching it in middle school and high schools, not just in college.
There is no wage gap. This has been proven many times over.
Boys are often taught math, budgeting, and are encouraged to get degrees in accounting and business management. Whereas most girls are raised to be caretakers, teachers, nurses, etc. There is a huge gap in how we socialize our genders and what we learned because of that gap (most women not learning about money,) is a problem.
I highly suggest taking a women and genders study class to dig deep into all to the ways we teach and treat children differently depending on their gender, and how that impacts their lives and skills as adults. Its fascinating stuff.
Wtf are you talking about? Girls go to school also where we have to take math.
Love your videos!
Video ends at 7:30
Great advice
my wife is hiding money from me and spent it secretly,
it's always too late for me to know what she puchased, and when i found out she always gets mad at me.
please tell me what should i do coz it's been a struggle for me coz I'm our main source of income
Something called Twitch stream. Lol I've said that before regarding my bf. Hahaha
pillows !
... Why DO you have so many pillows though? I had an ex who stocked up on those as well.
One to sleep on
One for the legs
One to help while getting an ana-
One as a spare to sleep on
One for the dog that loves to hump pillo-I mean as a toy for the dog
Did I mention that they need some as spares?
There is too many pillows on that couch.
I disagree. I love the pillows
Or a video about financial parasites - love bombing due to your assets , they see a prosperous future rather than romantic love .
Heart eyes and rainbow emojis
Wait are they a couple?🌈😍
Lol! I was scrolling though another clueless human in the comments who was as surprised as I am!
1:02
Great video, I have just done a video about female in finance, I hope that you enjoy it too.
Zillions of pillows 😅
I liked everything about this video except for the part that "most women don't have a great financial education". I feel like I'm great with money. I set up a budget and I stick to it and if I know I have something coming up I take out cash ahead of time while I have it.
soccerchick9841 Its not about how women are with money, its about what they are taught growing up. While its great you have an understanding of budgeting, a lot of girls are never taught basic skills of budgeting and accounting.
soccerchick9841 you can still be smart without an education. But making sure more women are taught about money, will make more women smart with their money.
This is generally good advice, but, I don't think it should automatically be a 50/50 sharing of things, especially if the guy is making more and we're talking about a married couple.
Men are going to need that extra money in case the woman gets bored and demands a divorce. In which case, he'll likely lost everything, not just the things she contributed, but probably the assets he brought into the marriage as well.
It's hard enough to justify taking on the risk knowing that if you screwed up the screening process that no pre-nup will protect you against family court judges renegotiating after the fact or outright disregarding it. And part of that is standard of living.
Lol bye.
Ooh... I love your videos... and I'm not a fan of the *GD* use... hopefully it's not a common thing!
Excuse me but who in their right mind say these kind of things? Like a low life low IQ human ?
Sorry but any man watching this please don’t take this video serious. I am seriously worried a male viewer will try this in real life and it blows back. I earn 6 figures and most girls work minimum wage jobs living off their sexual market place value or ..parents money. Girls are not into me because they want to live in my lifestyle. don’t go spending your money please invest and save and minimize your spending habits. A girl a liability unless it’s your wife. No point in playing house,if you have to share your money with your girl she obviously is out of your league to begin with, your the last person to find out
I like to watch your videos but... specially most women do not have a great financial education ?????? that is so wrong!!!!! Are you not discriminating your own gender by saying that? Just as many men are completely messy financially .
ABRIL LG I would assume that's what she found through her experience. It's not the same for everybody.
When it comes to our current generation and the generations to come you are probably right, but if you look to the past, women couldn't have their own credit cards until the 70's. They had to be married and use their husbands own accounts. In nuclear families with stay at home moms who don't contribute an income, I would imagine they would have less knowledge about stocks, bonds, and retirement savings plans, or social security. But like I said, our societal norms are changing, so for those of us who are millennials and generation z-ers, we may not see this inequality as clearly.
Abril y Soren she didn't say women are stupid about this information and we can't learn it. Just that we often come from backgrounds where that kind of knowledge isn't stressed. There are fewer woman financial planners for example. And some people's dad's (because they were the only bread winner) didn't bother teaching them because they thought why would a woman need to know that? She didn't say woman are worse at learning just that they often start at a lower place due to historical factors.
I would say that the majority of men are in better financial shape & more financially educated than women are. There are plenty of women that I've come across who say, "I don't know anything about money. I don't want to save and invest or become financially educated". The ones who do ARE a rarity.
And there are a lot more women who go into debt than men.
www.creditinfocenter.com/debt/women-have-more-debt.shtml
She clearly said: when growing up.
She didn't mean as women. And what she said is almost always true.
Did she spread butter or lard all over her face? My ex and I argued about money all the time! And we had plenty of it.
such a 21st century problem lol
We really have become cynical creatures havent we?
Isn't it fitting that we are discussing 21st century problems... in the 21st century?
Wait. She's gay? :D
Chelsea, I love you, but it hurt me so bad to hear you using God's name in vain at 5:03! I understand that not everyone acknowledges God, but some people do find it offensive and/or hurtful to hear his name used as a profanity. Just something to remember for future videos! Much love.