His Addiction... Her Infidelity... And How They Made It to the Other Side
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Today Samuel interviews Ryan and Jessica who both were unfaithful in their own ways and share how they were able to forgive and heal.
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- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
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This is our story our tragedy almost exactly the same. I am the betrayed (pornography addiction) and I'm the unfaithful (physical and emotional affairs), many people don't talk about us! The ones on both sides, the one hurt, and the one doing the hurting. I became everything I promised myself as a young girl I would not become. My self hatred has been overwhelming, my spouses pain is devistating him. We are lost, we are trying to help one another but we are lost. I'm overwhelmed with unresolved pain and childhood trauma. My husband is overwhelmed and drowning in his own mind and his unresolved pain. This video has given me some light into our situation and a bit more understanding. I want with all my heart and soul to fix my marriage, but I myself came into this marriage broken and never fixed me. Thank you for sharing your story. I don't feel alone in my shame
A physical affair is worse than a porn addiction. I think it’s a little offensive to put it on equal footing with people who’ve been betrayed by a spouses physical affair, especially over weeks, months, years. Because the escape and mental affair is there in both but actually being with someone else is a whole different enchilada and a worse one. Not to say dealing with a neglectful spouse with a porn addiction isn’t traumatically painful. Just my two cents. Thanks again, all three of you, for this vid.
You can't speak for other's pain and say what's "worse" or not. The point of the video is not to compare who did what and how worse it is. Its two people who hurt each other, hurt from one another and caused hurt too, and how they got through it. You may think pornography addiction is "less than" compared to physical cheating, and that's fine for your own opinion. In this case, you can't speak for these two on "what's worse." Pain is pain and everyone experiences it differently.
I understand pain is relative. I didn’t say they weren’t betrayed or in a lot of pain/trauma.
Our experience at Affair Recovery has shown that the definition we use for infidelity - "the keeping of secrets" - holds true. For the betrayed partner, it's as bad as it gets. Anywhere from betrayal by pornography or decades of using prostitutes or children born through infidelity. The betrayed partners all have very similar responses and trauma and must heal from that betrayal. Betrayed partners in a small group together with all these different experiences follow the same process to heal.
@@caseyisdaydreaming Also the effects of porn addiction in many case leads to permanent sexual dysfunction which doesnt make it right to stray but certainly makes the relationship more vulnerable especially when it is perceived as the spouse choosing a screen and not even able to perform with them. The problem can be much more than simply viewing porn when it disrupts a persons ability to be intimate
True. Years of pornography has caused my husband to have erectile distinction. Now neither of us are having sex.
My husband has a porn addiction and I never knew. For over 20 years. He started on line sexting 20 years ago when we first got the internet. I never know. 2 years ago, after trying to meet women through Ashley Madison, he engaged in an affair. A friends with benefits relationship with someone who I thought was my friend. She fell in love with him very quickly and he kept going until she tried to control his life. It lasted about 1 year before he broke it off. I found out by accident a week after he broke it off. It’s been almost 18 months since d day. He has drip fed me for over a year. Finally I think the whole truth is out. I am struggling so much though in silence. I just can’t believe he did this. We always talked about infidelity because there is so much in his family. I can’t get this other woman out of my head. It’s so painful for me. Been to counseling and no help. Ugh
i would consider this course my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope also, here are a few more articles for you on reminders and triggers: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-protocol-for-reminders www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/reminders you don't have to struggle in silence, you can get help in a safe environment and not feel so alone. you can do t his.
I appreciate their bravery in their willingness to share their story. I’m so happy that they’ve worked through this together. I’m not sure why this video is getting thumbs down? Maybe the controversy of whether or not pornography is infidelity, but I think you acknowledged and addressed adequately. Thank you.
thumbs down don't matter my friend. matters how many people we help and encourage. appreciate you watching and commenting. thank you.
Men need to hear this and receive the support!!! Excellent Samuel! This Brave couple shared so willingly and with great transparency! Glory to God!
@@georgehenry8152 thank you for the great feedback
This story hits hard. I don't have a porn addiction but I do have other addictions that I have actively been in recovery for, for years. Porn never really did much for me... I watched it casually as a teen, then used it with my partner during my first marriage as a way to please her. That experience kind of soured me on it. I do know that my addiction struggles and all of the nuances around that have caused problems for my partner and I can't take that back. Great video to give couples struggling with issues like this someone to see going through the same
Wow this is almost our story!! Amazing message and I wish my wife and I outcome could of been the same! :(
It is ours as well. I’ve stayed for 21 year’s so far. I knew about his addiction from the start, though he denied it was an addiction and I didn’t know the extent of it at all. Five years in I had an affair. Mostly just to feel desirable or wanted but it was also an immature attempt at revenge. We still have young children as well as three teens now so breaking up the family isn’t something either of us wants to do. However this latest discovery has me asking myself why. This just isn’t the story I want my life to have anymore.
Thank you for a video with both spouses who have been unfaithful/addiction is involved.
And yes his betrayal with porn started all of it. PORN IS BETRAY!
Wow, best video I have seen here. Thank you both for sharing.
Great video. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of our D-day. I can honestly say that it was the worst day of my life. We do have a relationship with God and I'm really trying to move through the pain but I haven't figured out how to do that completely. It's better but as D-day has been approaching I have found myself crying uncontrollably and unexpectedly at times. I'm crying now. I just don't know how to make the hurt go away. My husband is a sex addict and had an affair for about 6 weeks before he came clean and told me about everything that has happened during our almost 30 yr marriage. He is working through the SAA 12-step program and doing well. I'm really proud of how he has been doing with his program. We can't afford to go to a therapist and I'm not sure how to work through this. We have been through EMS and are part of MIL now. I'm just lost and don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
Selena
Look up energy healing. Rapid eye therapy, emotion code, simplyhealed
Church and god.read the bible and pray also most churches the pastor would be willing to counsel you or both of you.
Thank you. I too share this story. Thank you. We too are trying but it’s hard to see light with all the hurt. This helps some thank you
This nearly my exact story, sadly my wife decided to be with her lover.
I’m struggling with something. I committed infidelity with the love of my life. At first, right afterwards I was disgusted with myself. I immediately regretted what I had done. I know I love her but somethings keeps telling me I don’t because I always believed you can’t do that to someone you love. Now I can’t shake it and if I had that belief within me, if I didn’t have this block, I can make this last until death. Please help me
You’ll need to get some help hun, therapy… then you need to own up to what you did and tell the truth.
Great Testimony! Thank you for sharing. Would love to hear more stories of BS, becoming WS
This is great for porn and affairs type of situations but what we need is a video that specifically shows how a couple gets through an Aw partner cheating once or multiple times and the betrayed eventually has an affair because of the of feeling of not being good enough,wanted or loved. Rather then revenge and how the couple handled it and treated each other through it! I think it would be interesting to see the emotions and how they made it through it. I think this is big topic for couples and some advices on how to handle those feeling..
brenda your comment seems to really disregard what this couple just did so bravely, so compassionately and so humbly. i really think the verbiage you've used seems to disrespect their efforts here as though i've provided something that wasn't needed. there are thousands of people in this very situation that are desperate for help and insight. maybe you don't mean it that way, but it was a very poor choice of words and i don't want their bravery to go unnoticed or unappreciated when they've decided to put their story out in the public eye for anyone and everyone to see and hear and witness.
This video is quite literally exactly what you described… infidelity is infidelity, the response or result is the same regardless of “how” one was unfaithful. From what I grasped here that is what happened in their marriage. He was unfaithful repeatedly and she was eventually unfaithful in response to his betrayal. Not out of revenge but to feel loved or desired.
This is BRAVE!!!
By far the best you guys have done. I agree that you need talk to more men!
Wow. Helpful stuff.
That is nearly our story. Only that my wife is staying on her infidelity and is really not sure that she wants our marriage to move on and maybe have plans to take the children with the affair partner. :( What can I do?
How do you transform them?
I haven't finished the video as I'm at work, but would like to know more on porn and it's damage to marriages. I think I heard correctly as it was referenced as infidelity. Is that true? I have felt it is on the lines of infidelity but my husband doesn't see it as such. I just wasn't to understand better. Is porn, especially porn addiction infidelity???
hi ashley, it's an old debate, but the fact is, we describe infidelity as the keeping of secrets from our spouse so we consider pornography to be infidelity. many spouses who are involved in pornography will deny that it is, yet they are secretly involved or addicted to it. many would say it's not as bad as being involved in an affair with an actual person...and while i get that line of reasoning, the fact is, pornography is a supplement and many betrayed spouses feel as though they have been betrayed when their spouse has been actively involved in it. he doesn't get to decide whether or not you've been betrayed or not my friend. he doesn't get to decide, or shouldn't be able to decide what's infidelity or what's making you feel horrible or not. you have meaning and value my friend.
Yes it is. as Samuel said, it was done as a secret, was never consulted to you, the person is watching someone else nudity. Nudity is something very intimate that should be reserved to the partner not to anybody else. Not everything that is legal, is moral. When you promise to love and cherish a person but then you do things that you know that will going to hurt that person, that is infidelity because you’re breaking the vow of loving and protecting your partner.