Many who are suffering can find release through wisdom about the dharma. You provide that without requiring anything in return. Chances are with 4.2k subscribers, you're making a difference in people's lives (you have for me anyways). That being said, thank you for your compassion! 😊🙏
Your description of how empathy rather than compassion leads to hard heartedness is revelatory - very useful in understanding how compassion can lead to more skillful actions
Wonderful! Thank you for linking it, I'll watch now. I'm finding your videos very accessible to a complete novice looking to refocus and improve my role in the world and how I view myself. I really appreciate you taking the time to note in your meditation videos that many people experiencing mental distress find it very hard to be sympathetic, compassionate, or kind to themselves.
I may be unusual, but I personally find it easier to feel compassion for those who are doing wrong deeds than for the average person. Having spent enough time at the receiving end of unjust aggression it has become very obvious to me that such acts come from pain and confusion. And I can see how given their delusions about reality what they are doing seems reasonable to them. I personally find it painful to watch people create the conditions for their own suffering because they are ignorant about the counterintuitive laws of cause and effect and are convinced what they are doing is good for them.
That's a very wise attitude Rufus. I wish I could say I found it easy to feel compassion towards those who cause harm to others, but all too often my anger gets in the way. It is something I work on. 🙏
@@DougsDharma it took me years to develop that attitude. I should also point out that anger is still often my default emotional response to unskilled behavior - I have simply become skilled at letting go of anger when it arises and then feeling compassionate after taking a few moments to think things through rationally. If you practice skillfully you should be able to do that as well. The main 2 practices I used was 1: to watch for symptoms of psychological tension in others. In particular, looking for it in their body language, tone of voice, behavior, and overall demeanor. In people who act particularly unskillfully I can usually find restlessness, insecurity, and/or a sense of emptiness that they are trying to cover up. If nothing else, they are failing to lead as good a life as they could have from having a sense of purpose larger than themselves and from training their mind. The second practice was to try to find similarities between myself and the other person and to especially take note of similarities between their pain and the pain I have experienced in the past. The people that were aggressive towards me were either experiencing a good deal of anger or the kind of restless intoxicated state that feels like happiness but is more like the pleasure that comes from scratching an itch. Remembering my own experiences, I know full well how painful it is to lose control to anger and feel that the anger is coming from outside of us. Once we are in that state it feels rational to be aggressive towards the perceived source of our own emotions. Tortured by part of our own mind, we behave in a deluded fashion. Alternatively, with the intoxicated pseudo-happiness we are deluded into believing that what we are doing is making us happy but we are increasing the amount of stimulus/power we need to be happy and creating future experiences of boredom, restless agitation, and emptiness. Having had a videogame addiction when younger, I know full well how confusing that state of mind can be and how easy it is to falsely believe it is good for us. I also know just how much pain it causes us to experience as its effects on our mind degrades the value of our daily lives. I hope this was useful, Rufus
Hi Doug, I have just found you on youtube and have been binjing on your talks I wanted to say thank you very much,. I have found them excellent and very helpful to me. Cheers
Sometimes...the hurt someone has directed towards you...is so profound...so enormous...it seems almost inconceivable for one to over come. Sadly...the energy you expend towards them...over time...can deplete your own Energy. It would seem transformationing the use of that negative Energy towards a more positive use is Crucial. Easy to say...hard to do. But...overall...that's what needs to happen. Having a basic understanding of Karma can somewhat ease the mental strain. Not for RETRIBUTION...but to understand...actions have CONSEQUENCES. Using your Life force for revenge not only harms the Universe...but you too. Not an easy task...but you have to start someplace. And...like with many things...the more your practice something...over time...it usually develops into being a success practice. But...it does take time...effort...patience.
Thanks for the video. I think this is something I need to engage with more to really understand because at the moment I'm struggling to understand where the distinctions are between metta and compassion. A lot of what you've described here is stuff that I do in metta practice, it may be either that I'm missing something or just that when I think I'm doing metta I'm also doing a bit of compassion meditation.
I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case Jamie, some metta practice I've heard does indeed tend to blend lovingkindness with compassion. I don't think it's a big deal to do so, they are both beneficial practices that are very closely related.
I have been grappling with the 1st 4 minutes of this video for awhile. The Buddha's path was for his own enlightenment. Compassion and Loving Kindness or Loving Friendlieness seemed to come after his awakening. I have been focusing on Compassion and Loving Friendliness and perhaps avoiding simply sittling with the breath and with what arises and falls . This may be a fork in the road to be revisited if, indeed, my aim in meditation is awakening.
Thanks Judy. There are many routes towards wisdom and awakening, so I certainly don’t think there is anything wrong with focusing on lovingkindness and compassion as a regular practice. However there is more to the path than the Brahmavihāras, so insofar as you want to get closer to awakening you should probably also consider other wisdom based practices such as mindfulness and insight. 🙂
@@DougsDharma Actually this pondering has brought me back to considering if awakening is really my purpose in practice. So many bruises in psyche over the years of meditation have arisen it has seemed a wiser and gentler path to address and examine with kindnes each bruise. This has led me to Loving Kindness meditations. This has led to considering the Buddha's path. Which is why I so appreciated the beginning of the video on compassion.
I’m very glad to hear Judy. I think awakening is a very far goal for most of us householder practitioners. Lovingkindness and compassion are closer to home and fit very well into our lives. 🙏
1. As I understand Brahma Viharas are considered very important for awakening. At the same time it turns out that Buddha became awakened without much help from compassion practice. So why is it then so emphasized now? Especially in Mahayana Buddhism. And what purpose does it seve in context of achieving awakening? 2. What does compassion feel like? And how do you induce it? When I try to feel empathy I usually try to guess what the other person is feeling and what is her need. I learned it from the Nonviolent communication. But sometimes it's hard to guess when you can't ask the person. Especially for the person who is doing evil things or who's hostile to you. It's hard to imagine what they're feeling under the surface. Maybe they're scared or hurt. I also noticed that there's one part of me that thinks that suffering is the result if karma, so I'm not supposed to feel compassion towards such person. And how do we avoid feeling pity? It's hard sometimes not to slip into pity. 3. Also I noticed that most of the guided metta meditations also have compassion part in them.
@@DougsDharma hello! I wonder what made you think that there's no need to answer these questions? And why do you think I'm asking them? I really enjoyed your videos, because they brought clarity to me on the issues that I thought I understood already. So it contributed to my right view and resolved some inner conflicts. Regarding some of the questions here, like the question about what purpose do brahma viharas play in context of awakening. I think if I understand this clearly, then I think it will motivate and strengthen my practice. I've been practicing meditation daily for about 6 years. But for a long time I mostly focused on meditation and virtue, without giving much attention to the heart practices like metta or compassion. Only recently I started practicing them. And if I know what benefits they have, I will probably be even more motivated to continue practicing them. Right now, I'm a little bit confused, because I heard you saying that compassion didn't play a very big role in Buddha's awakening. So one part of me is asking, what's the point then? Maybe I should just focus on Shamatha and Vipassana. That's why I was asking you since I saw that your knowledge on the subject is deeper than mine. Your answer left me perplexed to be honest.
Hello, when you will talk about altruistic joy, the third immeasurable can you please elaborate how to imput wisdom with that practice. What is a puzzling to me is should I be happy for a person if I knew he made his fortune and happiness over the other beings suffering. Thank you
I'm sure Doug will do a good job in his next video, but in the meantime, recall that the Buddha did not teach that you should be happy "for" a person. It is a virtue to wish all beings happiness, but sometimes their best course is to let them learn a lesson, even if it's a hard one. Wishing others to be happy in a Buddhist context means that they will behave according to the Dharma and not abuse others for you cannot be happy if you violate the Dharma. Don't cling to the wish for others to be happy. Somewhere in the Pali Canon is the story of Devadatta. He attempted to kill Buddha. Buddha did not attempt to rescue Devadatta from his fate in hell. Would Devadatta be happy in hell? Buddha foresaw that Devadatta would be purified by that experience and ultimately would be happy. Recall that Buddha did not even want to teach the path to happiness and freedom because people would resist his dharma. In Christian terms, you would wish for all beings to have their revelation like Paul on the Road to Damascus. For Buddhists, the equivalent is to find the Dharma and act accordingly. If someone chooses otherwise, then that is their choice and your wishes will not rescue them. You must let them go.
@@SBCBears yes, still they say that the best way for practice the third one is to look for people who found happiness in their lives and what Buddha used for Devadatta was the equanimity the last immeasurable, we are all made and led by out own Karma so we all will eventually learn one way or the another
Mentioning the 3 ways of love on Greek Philosophy Do you have a video on Eros? Loving Kindness should be extended for partners too right? What is a Buddhist perspective for a lay practitioner who has a partner?
Lovingkindness is for everyone, though traditionally it does not involve eros; it's much more akin to agape if we are talking ancient Greek ideas of love.
i have been struggling with compassion/empathy/hardheartedness. i actually wrote an essay on my experience with the 2004 south east asian tsunami a month ago. it's here if you are interested: garydean.id/works/where-is-my-compassion
That's a very insightful essay Gary, thanks for the link. Yes, I think empathy can become exhausted all too easily, which is one reason why in the early texts, compassion was actually quite a different practice than empathy. For more on this see: ruclips.net/video/FVpdon6YErY/видео.html
Many who are suffering can find release through wisdom about the dharma. You provide that without requiring anything in return. Chances are with 4.2k subscribers, you're making a difference in people's lives (you have for me anyways). That being said, thank you for your compassion! 😊🙏
You’re very welcome Shannan! I’m glad you’re finding the videos useful. 🙏
Your description of how empathy rather than compassion leads to hard heartedness is revelatory - very useful in understanding how compassion can lead to more skillful actions
Yes I have a separate video on that point based on scholarship by Bhikkhu Anālayo here: ruclips.net/video/FVpdon6YErY/видео.html
Wonderful! Thank you for linking it, I'll watch now. I'm finding your videos very accessible to a complete novice looking to refocus and improve my role in the world and how I view myself. I really appreciate you taking the time to note in your meditation videos that many people experiencing mental distress find it very hard to be sympathetic, compassionate, or kind to themselves.
I may be unusual, but I personally find it easier to feel compassion for those who are doing wrong deeds than for the average person. Having spent enough time at the receiving end of unjust aggression it has become very obvious to me that such acts come from pain and confusion. And I can see how given their delusions about reality what they are doing seems reasonable to them. I personally find it painful to watch people create the conditions for their own suffering because they are ignorant about the counterintuitive laws of cause and effect and are convinced what they are doing is good for them.
That's a very wise attitude Rufus. I wish I could say I found it easy to feel compassion towards those who cause harm to others, but all too often my anger gets in the way. It is something I work on. 🙏
@@DougsDharma it took me years to develop that attitude. I should also point out that anger is still often my default emotional response to unskilled behavior - I have simply become skilled at letting go of anger when it arises and then feeling compassionate after taking a few moments to think things through rationally. If you practice skillfully you should be able to do that as well.
The main 2 practices I used was 1: to watch for symptoms of psychological tension in others. In particular, looking for it in their body language, tone of voice, behavior, and overall demeanor. In people who act particularly unskillfully I can usually find restlessness, insecurity, and/or a sense of emptiness that they are trying to cover up. If nothing else, they are failing to lead as good a life as they could have from having a sense of purpose larger than themselves and from training their mind.
The second practice was to try to find similarities between myself and the other person and to especially take note of similarities between their pain and the pain I have experienced in the past. The people that were aggressive towards me were either experiencing a good deal of anger or the kind of restless intoxicated state that feels like happiness but is more like the pleasure that comes from scratching an itch. Remembering my own experiences, I know full well how painful it is to lose control to anger and feel that the anger is coming from outside of us. Once we are in that state it feels rational to be aggressive towards the perceived source of our own emotions. Tortured by part of our own mind, we behave in a deluded fashion. Alternatively, with the intoxicated pseudo-happiness we are deluded into believing that what we are doing is making us happy but we are increasing the amount of stimulus/power we need to be happy and creating future experiences of boredom, restless agitation, and emptiness. Having had a videogame addiction when younger, I know full well how confusing that state of mind can be and how easy it is to falsely believe it is good for us. I also know just how much pain it causes us to experience as its effects on our mind degrades the value of our daily lives.
I hope this was useful,
Rufus
Yes these are excellent practices Rufus. Thanks for the suggestions!
Thank you, Doug. I learned a lot from distinguishing compassion and empathy.
Yes, it's a big difference!
Hi Doug, I have just found you on youtube and have been binjing on your talks I wanted to say thank you very much,. I have found them excellent and very helpful to me. Cheers
You’re very welcome Noel, glad they are of help to you!
Hi Doug.. I listen to you regularly.. it’s indeed a privilege... thank you for making these videos... May you be happy 🙏🏽
You’re very welcome Desi Cows! Thanks for the comment. 🙏🙂
Wonderful video. As always.
May you, everybody, be well and free from suffering! 😺🙏🏻
Thanks and you as well xiao mao, as well as all beings. 🙏
Sometimes...the hurt someone has directed towards you...is so profound...so enormous...it seems almost inconceivable for one to over come. Sadly...the energy you expend towards them...over time...can deplete your own Energy. It would seem transformationing the use of that negative Energy towards a more positive use is Crucial. Easy to say...hard to do. But...overall...that's what needs to happen. Having a basic understanding of Karma can somewhat ease the mental strain. Not for RETRIBUTION...but to understand...actions have CONSEQUENCES. Using your Life force for revenge not only harms the Universe...but you too. Not an easy task...but you have to start someplace. And...like with many things...the more your practice something...over time...it usually develops into being a success practice. But...it does take time...effort...patience.
Yes exactly, it's not easy.
Thanks for the video. I think this is something I need to engage with more to really understand because at the moment I'm struggling to understand where the distinctions are between metta and compassion. A lot of what you've described here is stuff that I do in metta practice, it may be either that I'm missing something or just that when I think I'm doing metta I'm also doing a bit of compassion meditation.
I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case Jamie, some metta practice I've heard does indeed tend to blend lovingkindness with compassion. I don't think it's a big deal to do so, they are both beneficial practices that are very closely related.
I have been grappling with the 1st 4 minutes of this video for awhile. The Buddha's path was for his own enlightenment. Compassion and Loving Kindness or Loving Friendlieness seemed to come after his awakening. I have been focusing on Compassion and Loving Friendliness and perhaps avoiding simply sittling with the breath and with what arises and falls . This may be a fork in the road to be revisited if, indeed, my aim in meditation is awakening.
Thanks Judy. There are many routes towards wisdom and awakening, so I certainly don’t think there is anything wrong with focusing on lovingkindness and compassion as a regular practice. However there is more to the path than the Brahmavihāras, so insofar as you want to get closer to awakening you should probably also consider other wisdom based practices such as mindfulness and insight. 🙂
@@DougsDharma
Actually this pondering has brought me back to considering if awakening is really my purpose in practice. So many bruises in psyche over the years of meditation have arisen it has seemed a wiser and gentler path to address and examine with kindnes each bruise. This has led me to Loving Kindness meditations. This has led to considering the Buddha's path. Which is why I so appreciated the beginning of the video on compassion.
I’m very glad to hear Judy. I think awakening is a very far goal for most of us householder practitioners. Lovingkindness and compassion are closer to home and fit very well into our lives. 🙏
Thank you brother 🙏
My pleasure Kevin! 🙏
Make no mistake doug and ajon sona are teachers of the gods ❤
😄😄 Very kind of you, but I'll leave that for the Ajahns, I'm just a beginner. 🙏
@@DougsDharma ❤
@@DougsDharma I'd accept you as my teacher anytime
Karuna (compassion) was in Siddharth Gautam in his childhood when he saved injured bird by arrow.
Where is this story? So far as I know it doesn't appear in the early suttas.
@@DougsDharma I believe it is one of the Jataka tales. I've read it in a few different places.
1. As I understand Brahma Viharas are considered very important for awakening. At the same time it turns out that Buddha became awakened without much help from compassion practice. So why is it then so emphasized now? Especially in Mahayana Buddhism. And what purpose does it seve in context of achieving awakening?
2. What does compassion feel like? And how do you induce it? When I try to feel empathy I usually try to guess what the other person is feeling and what is her need. I learned it from the Nonviolent communication. But sometimes it's hard to guess when you can't ask the person. Especially for the person who is doing evil things or who's hostile to you. It's hard to imagine what they're feeling under the surface. Maybe they're scared or hurt. I also noticed that there's one part of me that thinks that suffering is the result if karma, so I'm not supposed to feel compassion towards such person. And how do we avoid feeling pity? It's hard sometimes not to slip into pity.
3. Also I noticed that most of the guided metta meditations also have compassion part in them.
Just be aware of these questions as they arise. There is no need to answer them, but sit with them and see what happens.
@@DougsDharma hello! I wonder what made you think that there's no need to answer these questions? And why do you think I'm asking them? I really enjoyed your videos, because they brought clarity to me on the issues that I thought I understood already. So it contributed to my right view and resolved some inner conflicts. Regarding some of the questions here, like the question about what purpose do brahma viharas play in context of awakening. I think if I understand this clearly, then I think it will motivate and strengthen my practice. I've been practicing meditation daily for about 6 years. But for a long time I mostly focused on meditation and virtue, without giving much attention to the heart practices like metta or compassion. Only recently I started practicing them. And if I know what benefits they have, I will probably be even more motivated to continue practicing them. Right now, I'm a little bit confused, because I heard you saying that compassion didn't play a very big role in Buddha's awakening. So one part of me is asking, what's the point then? Maybe I should just focus on Shamatha and Vipassana. That's why I was asking you since I saw that your knowledge on the subject is deeper than mine. Your answer left me perplexed to be honest.
😔🙏❤
🙏😊
Hello, when you will talk about altruistic joy, the third immeasurable can you please elaborate how to imput wisdom with that practice. What is a puzzling to me is should I be happy for a person if I knew he made his fortune and happiness over the other beings suffering. Thank you
Hello Marko, yes I will talk a bit about that in my next video. 🙂
I'm sure Doug will do a good job in his next video, but in the meantime, recall that the Buddha did not teach that you should be happy "for" a person. It is a virtue to wish all beings happiness, but sometimes their best course is to let them learn a lesson, even if it's a hard one. Wishing others to be happy in a Buddhist context means that they will behave according to the Dharma and not abuse others for you cannot be happy if you violate the Dharma.
Don't cling to the wish for others to be happy. Somewhere in the Pali Canon is the story of Devadatta. He attempted to kill Buddha. Buddha did not attempt to rescue Devadatta from his fate in hell. Would Devadatta be happy in hell? Buddha foresaw that Devadatta would be purified by that experience and ultimately would be happy.
Recall that Buddha did not even want to teach the path to happiness and freedom because people would resist his dharma.
In Christian terms, you would wish for all beings to have their revelation like Paul on the Road to Damascus. For Buddhists, the equivalent is to find the Dharma and act accordingly. If someone chooses otherwise, then that is their choice and your wishes will not rescue them. You must let them go.
Thanks Crow! Great points all.
@@SBCBears yes, still they say that the best way for practice the third one is to look for people who found happiness in their lives and what Buddha used for Devadatta was the equanimity the last immeasurable, we are all made and led by out own Karma so we all will eventually learn one way or the another
Mentioning the 3 ways of love on Greek Philosophy Do you have a video on Eros? Loving Kindness should be extended for partners too right? What is a Buddhist perspective for a lay practitioner who has a partner?
Lovingkindness is for everyone, though traditionally it does not involve eros; it's much more akin to agape if we are talking ancient Greek ideas of love.
i have been struggling with compassion/empathy/hardheartedness. i actually wrote an essay on my experience with the 2004 south east asian tsunami a month ago. it's here if you are interested:
garydean.id/works/where-is-my-compassion
That's a very insightful essay Gary, thanks for the link. Yes, I think empathy can become exhausted all too easily, which is one reason why in the early texts, compassion was actually quite a different practice than empathy. For more on this see: ruclips.net/video/FVpdon6YErY/видео.html