28:32 Whether you choose to report or not report, it’s not about anyone else but YOU. It’s about YOU reclaiming ALL your territory. You can’t know if there are any other victims out there or not. If you inadvertently help someone else come forward, then that’s great, but don’t do so for that reason. Just reclaim your life in the way that’s right for YOU.
Amen! Hey i saw your other comment about stopping when the girl said no right before so that she didn’t seem too easy but she got mad at you… i have heard this before a few times from guy friends! I am still so so so so proud of alllllll of you that choose to honor that no because if a girl changes her mind after the fact (due to guilt for example but i could be for any reason really) then you’ve covered your butt! You could get dragged thru the mud and your life ruined too. It’s not worth it, you know? You have to protect you too - so I personally think it’s wonderful that you stop unless you have sure consent. It’s almost like we have gotten to a point in society when we need a signed release form lol - not really - but society is so litigious you never know. Have you seen the video on consent with the coffee metaphor? Your story reminded me of that video. Anyway, keep up the great work using your good judgement - any girl who gets mad at you for respecting her is probably not worth wasting your time :)
Hello! Your video has helped me gain closure on the emotional wounds I suffered for so long. For a long time I was so confused because it felt more than getting molested, but less than r@pe. But now I understand what happened to me. I watched your video a few months back, and have found peace with my past. Thank you so much for being here to enlighten, and encourage all of us. May God bless you richly; I'm forever indebted to you
People have strat speaking up for there self some people put there self in own situations what they been new not be in sometimes it be there fault but it’s easy to go tell on them why to be scared it’s not embarrassing it’s self respect for ur self
God is always good he watch all of us and try to save us but some of us don’t listen go follow there own way people need start following god he got our back he just wants our heart and true love of being honest
I was sexually abused by my partner at 15/16. Watching this brought clarity that I was actually raped. I spent the last 10 years suppressing it, and I've in turn created an entirely different personality. I have very little recollection of who I was before it happened. Don't be scared or embarrassed to report it. I was the child of a teen mom, and didn't want the sigma of me possibly being seen as fast to be held over me, along with other notions. I don't know where to go. How to heal. I feel numb and spaced out most of the time. I have no sense of self. Please reach out. I wish I would have.
Thank you for sharing all of that! That took a lot of courage - and I’m really sorry for what happened to you! If there’s anything i can do for you I’m here to listen or you can join our facebook group. You don’t have to go thru this alone! You can heal that numbness and find happiness friend / i have learned so much since i made this video a year ago & i would love to share with you sometime how i overcame being so numb. I pray you will find peace again. Please reach out if you would like to chat, I’m here for you ❤️
I would add that something about peer to peer sexual abuse - that occurs a lot. These can be children abusing children, often very young and within a family.
that's a good idea! thank you for the comment - I should definitely do a video on this... it's a really sensitive subject... I have met many people with this sort of abuse history... on both sides of the scenario. We should definitely address it. thank you for the suggestion!
I love you too. Thank you . I’ve been in counseling for years.. it wasn’t until I was in domestic abuse counseling that I got the support I needed . Just recently my daughter came forward.. she was on the other side of the sheet rock. She was 13 at the time..
Oh that’s so hard! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for both of you - if there’s anything i can do for either of you please let me know :) i can offer you both a free personalized healing journey planning session if either of you need it. Just let me know & I’ll give you the link ❤️❤️❤️
If ever you feel like you are being violated more than likely you are. Follow the truth and you will be free. Rape occurs more often by someone known to the victim. Violent rape occurs more by strangers. Sexual abuse often times occurs as a result of close family connection or community connection. These are the main reasons someone being victimized will not understand how to report. Abusers are aware of the chaos they place on their victims making it extremely difficult to report or repeat the incident.
It can take a bit to move through the legal process so hang in there! sorry i didn't see your comment until now. how are you? how are you coping? i'm so sorry you had to go through something like that :( it's truly awful! i pray that you are finding the support you need to heal and get past this!!!! if there's anything i can do to help please let me know - God bless!
@arturoenriquez7556 thank you for sharing such a personal story. how do you feel about what happened? I pray that they're both finding healing... that your brother has had a change of heart and has repented for his crimes and I pray that the victim has been able to heal that trauma... I also pray that you and others effected by this experience will also find healing and God's grace and love. It can be really REALLY REALLY hard to forgive something like this and to move on... especially if he isn't remorseful... but forgiveness doesn't make the situation ok, it doesn't justify the act or release them of guilt - it's for us. it releases us of carrying the burden around for years. It allows us to move on and feel light. Forgiveness is different than reconciliation i have another video on this - it's an interview with an incredible life coach that teaches us the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Here is the link if you feel you need to watch it. ruclips.net/video/WxRtORrqRTI/видео.htmlsi=SJlqtOxoLGKEaPnm thanks again for your comment - I truly hope you're ok :)
Hello, I was in a situation recently that felt kinda rapey but I'm not really sure if it's rape or not. Basically what happened was a guy I was hanging out with asked me if I could go to a hotel with him, and I said I didn't want to multiple times knowing he wanted to have sex. He kept asking and eventually I went with him hoping that it wouldn't happen even though deep down I knew it would. Sure enough he kept asking me to have sex and I told him again several times that I didn't want to but he kept insisting. Eventually I told him I'd do it with him if he used a condom, but I still was very uncomfortable and didn't actually want to do it. I just went along with it to get it over with, and also it was the consequence of my own actions anyway since I knowingly put myself in that situation. The thing that confuses me the most is that I even if I was uncomfortable the whole time, I tried to enjoy it (physically I think I did? I'm not too sure). But I couldn't stop thinking about how I didn't want to be having sex at all. Since I was in that situation anyway and he wouldnt stop bothering me about it, I felt like letting him do it was the best option and I might as well just make the best out of an uncomfortable situation. Was I coerced into having sex? And was it therefore rape or not, since I did eventually allow him to do it and tried to enjoy it? Sorry for the long post, it's just been bothering me not knowing if it was rape or not and if it's still valid for me to feel somewhat violated given that I played a part in the whole thing.
Hi friend - first i just want to say I’m so so sorry for what happened! That sounds terrible and very confusing… i have been thinking all day about how to respond. I even asked a few colleagues because i wanted to make sure i responded in the most appropriate way possible::. So hopefully you will be able to see my heart and know that i see you and hear you and feel for you. I also want you to know your feelings are 100% valid! Have an orgasm or whatever during sex even rape is so natural that it’s confusing when it’s rape! Your head is like “i hate this” and your body’s like “shut up we like it” it’s super weird and can feel like your body is betraying you - not everyone feels that way and you might not feel like that i don’t want to put words in your mouth but a lot of people do feel that way. So first i really just want you know you’re entitled to feel your Emotions without guilt! You’re allowed to have a mix of emotions and it’s normal to have a range of emotions - it’s going to be like this for a while as you process what happened . I really hope that you’re seeing a therapist or someone about what happened so that you can explain your whole story and give them context and get better advice than what i can give right now. Here’s my opinion - you need to figure out why you’re feeling these emotions - labeling it as rape or not might or might not be helpful - which do you want it to be? If it’s not what does that mean for you? If it is what does that mean? can you release it and let it go and heal from it either way? Which one makes you feel empowered and able to move on? What would it take for you to feel you have a voice again? Feel like you can state your boundaries and then hold them and not give in as you say? He pressured you and wore you down - several colleagues called that rape - i had one say it wasn’t. I personally don’t think labeling is the real issue - it seems as if you’re holding guilt for what happened and that is what concerns me. guilt is a normal emotional after rape - victims often blame themselves- and the truth is yes there are things we probably could have done differently and maybe prevented the rape from happening but we don’t have crystal ball and can’t know that for sure… who’s to say he wouldn’t have raped you anyway? And you giving in was the safe course of action? the other thing is he still had HIS choice too! He could have stopped pressing you and respected your no. You do not need to hold on to his accountability- you are not responsible for his decisions. you can however forgive yourself and see the truth of the situation. THIS is hard to do and it takes time! This is not something that we arrive to right away - there is a whole range of other emotions we have to go thru first a grief, guilt, anger, denial, etc so please please please be kind and patient with yourself as you work through the pain and grief and trauma - this was probably traumatic and so i highly recommend meeting with a therapist or counselor or someone who can help you work through all of it. I am happy to meet with you and talk with you about possibilities so you can decide what your next step should be. Everyone’s healing journey looks totally different and you will know what is right for you and i pray that you are led to the right support. You are also more than welcome to join our free support group and trauma recovery class. If you want details let me know. I hope this was helpful and if there’s anything i can do for you please let me know. I am so proud of you that you were brave enough to ask the question and i feel honored and grateful that you felt safe enough to ask. Thank you for reaching out. Take care friend! May you find peace and healing ❤️
Hello, thank you so much for your response. Yes, I'd like the details for the recovery class and support group. Actually, I do have a therapist that I want to tell but I'm afraid she will judge me, even if she told me she'll be non-judgmental. And more than anything, the reason why I asked if it was rape or not is because even if in my head I know my feelings are valid, for some reason I feel like I don't really deserve to feel the way I do about the situation. I'd like to resolve that with my therapist but first I want to gain the courage to tell her.
@@ketrariego1401 I’m so glad you’re working with a therapist! You are definitely worth happiness and you deserve to feel every emotion - we can’t help it, emotions are natural! We can learn to turn them around when they don’t serve us or they deplete us, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t experience them… oh my friend i wish i knew what to say to help give you confidence and courage and help you start to see your infinite worth. I have lots of videos on self worth because I’m soooo passionate about it but really if i could talk to you in person then you would be able to see my sincere love and support. If you ever want to talk face to face i would be more than happy to. We can even do a heart meditation together where i can help facilitate you receiving some answers about what you personally can do to further your healing journey. This is where you ask your heart and you receive powerful answers because your heart already knows what you need to move forward. Every time i do these with people I’m blown away by the healing power of the heart. Just let me know if you’re interested and I’ll send you the link to schedule a free session. i know i can’t run a business forever by keep giving away sessions lol but i just feel like you could use a big hug and this is my way of doing that for you. It’s all going to be ok honey - you will find peace again. ❤️❤️
I was abused when I was 15 by adult boyfriend it lasted long time vary confusing but do you have a video on grooming I believe that might have happened to me and I’m vary interested in support group
I think it’s really tricky when you’re abused by someone with who you are in romantic relationship :/ You might be raped or coerced to have sex but you’re still thinking „but that’s my boyfriend, right?”. Happened to me when I was also 15. 20yo „boyfriend” coerced me to have sex by openly threating he would leave me and send my naked pictures to my friends from school etc. It took me more than 10 years to admit I was raped by him but it’s still hard to think or talk about it
@@bpl916 it’s terrible the 1st time he forced his self I tried to stop him then after he told me he loved me that he was hurt because I told him I loved him yet tried to stop him till I ended up apologizing to him then he used that situation to force me to agree but I almost always said I really don’t want to can we wait I’m uncomfortable with this I wouldn’t flat out say no because he would have gotten angry then he made me marry him when I turned 18 I thought all relationships was like this I thought no women really liked sex but there boyfriend/husband did so they done it for them I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be intimate again
@@mary77719I think it’s crucial to talk about it, to find a good counselor or a friend in the beginning (though for me a friend doesnt work, I’m too triggered by trauma when I try to talk about it). I have been struggling not only with the shame of what happened but also with the shame of „acting like a victim” when there are thousands of „real” vinctims, women raped by a stranger, terribly beaten up etc. who „deserve” to be listened to, while l’m here, just overreacting. So yeah, I think the first thing is to find help and talk talk talk talk
I am so sorry i am just seeing your comment i dont know how i missed it! I will make one for you on grooming and I’ll invite an expert on sexual assault so that we get all of the facts straight… I’m in a class right now for it specifically so i have a good idea hood what we should cover. Also, If you have more questions let me know so i can be sure to address all of your concerns. I am so sorry this happened to you - no one should ever have to endure abuse! how are you holding up now? Here is the link to our facebook group so you can join us if you want- we would love to have you. We also have a support group meeting November 30th at 630 pm through a private zoom link - join the facebook group for the info i can’t send it through RUclips because it won’t be secure. Or you could email me… again I’m so sorry and i pray you’re on the path of healing ❤ m.facebook.com/groups/817834172106176/?ref=share&mibextid=S66gvF
@@bpl916absolutely!!! It is really hard to accept - i felt the same way with my date rape - it took me a long time to accept that it really was rape … i hope you’re doing better now and if you ever need to chat im here for you - you can contact me through email or facebook messenger or join our facebook group ❤
@@donnaviggiano5498 thats understandable! have you been doing any therapy to help release the trauma? i have been learning how to let go of the burdens and rewrite the neural pathways so that the anchor can be fully snipped & let go of, so to speak - it's been soooo incredible watching other people learn how to do it too! these tools are so powerful - i didn't think i would ever be from the effects of trauma (I was having daily panic attacks, on depression meds, overweight etc), but I am free now! and now that i can teach other people how to do it, it's given all this pain purpose... making this whole journey worth it if you know what I mean. SO, if you ever want me to show you these tools I would love to see if they will help you too :) healing is possible, it's just about finding the right tools that work for you 🙂
@@donnaviggiano5498 that’s understandable. I’m glad they’re locked up though! Have you gone to therapy or done anything to help lessen the traumatization? What effects are you experiencing? A lot of people experience anxiety, unexplained panic attacks, nightmares, migraines, low self esteem, weight gain, anger, easily frustrated, escapism, unhealthy coping mechanisms, reality distortions leading to mistrust, have a hard time building strong relationship and lots of other adverse reactions. I was definitely in this boat! The last few years have been soooo healing as i found new therapy methods that have been far more powerful. In fact im starting a free support group/class for victims to help them learn about the effects of this sort of trauma and to teach them how to help themselves recover with lots of tools and resources. If you want to join the class when we start let me know and I’ll send you the link to sign up. It’s totally free we will meet once a week for 12-16 weeks but you can miss classes if you need to. I’m about done with the curriculum- it’s based on a few different programs I’ve been trained in. Im super excited to do this - we need a community where we can band together and help each other heal. I’d love to have you in our first group if you’re interested
Hello um so I was in a relationship with a girl im a girl as well and Im still trying to figure out what type of assault this is So um I made it clear that if we were to do anything we needed to hear a clear yes from each other and I wanted to make sure we had those roles because she was a victim of assault so we were making out then she went in my pants and went in my whole body froze I couldn't make a noise even though she said I was I can hear what she was saying and fell what she was doing but I couldn't stop her I told someone I trusted about it and they told her what I said then they told the whole group chat about it and said I was lying I felt so alone and scared I couldn't regulate my feelings and I was so anxious and I felt numb at the same time im better now im but still having nightmares
Oh friend I’m so sorry! In my unofficial opinion, it is assault - it’s a form of date rape regardless of gender and sexual orientation or age it’s still rape when someone penetrates another persons orephus with any object. Now your country or state might have a different definition and therefore different legal statutes and laws surrounding rape… so if you wanted to report it or something you will need to talk to the authorities… you could also not report or press charges being it will be really hard to prove :( i am so sorry your other friend betrayed your trust by talking about it and therefore creating the drama within your friend group! Ouch!!! The nightmares are a common response to trauma - same with emotional outbursts and other ptsd responses. I should do another video just sharing what all of those are. I have a 12 week sexual trauma class that we just finished and are planning on doing another one because it was sooo beneficial to the participants. If you would like to attend via online video (zoom) let me know and send me your email by emailing me comeoffconqueror@gmail.com otherwise i highly recommend meeting with a therapist or me - they can help you process all of the feelings and thoughts bubbling inside of you so that the nightmares can subside and anxiety etc can ease - you can heal from this terrible experience ❤️ check out some of my other videos for tips on how - i pray they help you and seriously if you think i can help you I’d be honored to try ❤️ thank you for being brave and speaking up and leaving this comment. I want you to know how much you’re loved and cherished - and that healing will come ❤️
@@comeoffconqueror thank you so much I just came home yesterday after my mom was in the hospital and I had a whole mental break down when I got home Because I didn't want to be there.My room just reminded me of all the pain I repeatedly cried about this whole year and I was starting to doubt myself on everything so hear I am trying to be validated again I guess this really helped because now I know what to call it I still can't believe what she did to me I mean this isn't the only thing she's done to me without permission either I'm too scared it will get reported because I know it won't be taken seriously and I'm too scared and tired to tell my parents I'm not allowed to be gay in there household and from what they said when I told them about liking girls I think they would be happy to hear this Maybe I could talk to you though I really don't want it reported though I can't take anymore stuff
@@comeoffconqueror what makes me even more mad is that she was a survivor of rape and so was the people I trusted even the adult that knew about it didn't help no adult helped in the situation but they all looked at me like I was crazy when I know I'm not Honestly everything they all said to me still haunts my soul till this day
@@itsaestheticpink8803 hi honey sorry about the late reply! I don’t know how i missed this - so sorry! I would be more than willing to speak with you but you need to know I’m a mandatory reporter - i legally have to report sexual assault of minors. BUT i can do this with you and we can make a plan of how to do it so it helps you. We can first resolve your fears with your parents and figure out how to do this so it doesn’t hurt you further. Im willing to give you a free first coaching session just to figure out if I’m a good fit to help you. Email me comeoffconqueror@gmail.com and I’ll send you my phone number and we can schedule a time to talk. I won’t report until you’re ready. Since it’s not still happening i believe the law says i can wait a little bit. I will find out more before we meet. I just want to be honest with you about my role as a life coach and what legally I’m bound to do. You shouldn’t go thru this alone - i know how terrible this feels and if i could I’d give you a giant hug and just let you cry on my shoulder. It’s going to be ok sweetheart- millions of us have healed from abuse and betrayal - you can too. I will show you how ❤️❤️
@@comeoffconqueror how long could you wait to report it ? I'm really not ready to yet I mean they'll be a whole investigation and I'll have to talk to other people about it possibly with her in the room with me and I'm not ready to shut down a whole program even though they do deserve it because this should have been reported as soon as they heard about it I just don't know when I'll be ready to I do want to speak with you but I need to know what will happen if it is and if it will go to court or not or will it just be reported?
I was sexually abused by my younger brother as a child. I thought as I was older no one would believe me. Years later I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told my mum, she believed me saying she would catch him at a young age wanking and she knew he was sex mad etc. she said I went to an all girls school and wasn’t thinking about boys etc, she said I was immature when it came to boys and was still more interested in horse riding and the activities I enjoyed. it’s affected my whole life, I became an addict to cope and ended up in a treatment rehab. I’m 12 years clean now but it still affects me. I didn’t ever imagine this could be made worse as an adult. I’m 41 years old now, and spoke to my brother about it for the first time in November 23. He said that my school friend kissed him, I straight away said I didn’t believe him after what he did to me which lead to us talking about it. He basically said he is still in love with me, that when he has been drunk around me he has had thoughts about coming onto me, that who ever he sleeps with, he thinks of me when he cums, that he justifies it’s ok as we were both adopted and not blood related, that he really enjoyed it. He laughed at me when I said I hated everything he did to me, saying sorry I didn’t make you enjoy it. He blames me, yet I used to freeze and do nothing. He says I’m responsible as I’m older, saying he has not told anyone apart from mum when he is drunk as I will get into trouble and loose my job. I guess that’s him threatening me to keep quiet? He said it hurts mum doesn’t believe him. I’m disgusted with our conversation about it all these years on. I’ve not spoken to him or opened my door since. I can’t keep that up as his 10 year old son (my nephew) lives with me and has done since he was a baby. I’m lost, feeling so many awful emotions and am shocked with everything he has recently said to me. How do I move on, usually I comfort eat but for the first time ever, due to think I’ve lost a lot of weight as he has made me feel constantly sick. I just don’t know what to do. Have you got any suggestions please? I’m not sure I want to talk to a professional about it. I’ve spoken to my mum and told my best friend.
oh my dear friend!! my heart shatters for you! this is just so terrible - no one should ever have to endure this kind of sexual abuse and all of the emotional abuse to boot! i'm so sorry! i can feel the hurt you're experiencing through your words :( Here are a few suggestions - definitely stay clean! I'm leading a free 12 week trauma class & support group right now and the first lesson we teach everyone is safety first - and staying clean is apart of that. Safety also includes other safe & healthy coping strategies and skills such as healthy eating, sleep, exercise, self-care (including going to the dr & therapy if you're ready), etc We need to learn these skills BEFORE we can dive into healing the trauma and address the trauma. because when we are triggered like what happened to you - our bodies go into fight or flight mode & our ability to process emotions, thoughts & events are severely hindered because our "animal" brains are on overdrive just trying to keep us alive (this is a good thing, it's our body protecting us & helping us survive.) Once you are safe THEN you can begin the healing process. If you would like to join our free class its online through zoom & we just had our first meeting Tuesday. It was just the introduction to the class & what is abuse and consent vs. coercision. you didn't miss much so you could still totally join us & we have room for 1 more participant, so that's lucky! Here is the sign up link for more details about when we meet, the topics, how it's ran etc. forms.gle/VQHDRpqqfBWsq38h8 I would also recommend reading some books on trauma recovery & self- love. If you're Christian the book "You are already amazing" by Holley Gerth is a great place to start. If not, The Work by Byron Katie is fabulous. She had a substance abuse problem and discovered this healing modality in rehab - it's a fabulous read. I would also be willing to meet with you one on one, free of charge, just to chat and get one another and I can reccommend more ideas, like meditation might be a great way to calm down the triggers, and vegus nerve stimulation (I have a great video on that). ruclips.net/video/EML47JxvLvc/видео.html I work with a lot of individuals who have been where you are and it can be so hard doing this alone. So, you can also join our free facebook group community and receive daily inspiration and help with your healing journey. facebook.com/groups/817834172106176 The main thing I want you to know how loved you are! you are seen. you are heard! and i care about you - and so does God... I know it doesn't always seem that way because why would he allow these awful things to happen to us?! But the truth is because he loves us, he doesn't take away our agency - our ability to choose - instead he helps us get through the bad things and he turns ashes into pheonix - beauty rising! You are a pheonix! you have been through something terrible = but it hasn't won! you are still fighting and i am willing to bet yo are doing better than you think you are :) from the bottom of my heart - I love you friend, Bonnie
I was abused by my classmate when im 21 yrs old 😌 during june in 2023 , he asked me to come to his house, he gave me drinks 😢 and im unconcious he try to have sex with me he grab me , he kept begging begging to have sex with me. If u don't have sex we me u don't love me he say But i say no i can't do it coz it is a sin. I will be ashamed and i don't want to become pregnant. Instead if u love me ask to my dad to marry me. He don't love me insted he used love to get wht he want.I say u don't love me, u will leve after u have sex with me.As im unconcious someone i can't fight back and he have sex with me. I don't know what is this is this rape or not 😢. Im confusing, he start manipulating me, he sexually groom me, he always touch me without my concent and im afraid 😢. After he have sex with me , he dumb me.... I don't know what is happening to me 😢 im very confusing 😕
Oh my sweetheart my heart aches for you! Yes what happened to you is rape - i am sooooooo sorry!!!! If you want to talk about it i am more than willing to help you process what happened and help you find resources to heal. I am actually starting a free class & support group for sexual assault victims- we are hoping to start it in a few weeks. Until then you can join our Facebook group too. Please email me at comeoffconqueror@gmail.com and let’s schedule a time to talk. You do not have to go through this alone. If our group isn’t a right fit for you i will give you some suggestions of other places you can go for help. I’m truly soooooo sorry this happened to you. I just want to give you a giant hug right now. You’re going to be ok and i can help you heal from the effects of this traumatic experience. I truly care about you and want to see you happy.
28:32 Whether you choose to report or not report, it’s not about anyone else but YOU. It’s about YOU reclaiming ALL your territory. You can’t know if there are any other victims out there or not. If you inadvertently help someone else come forward, then that’s great, but don’t do so for that reason. Just reclaim your life in the way that’s right for YOU.
Amen!
Hey i saw your other comment about stopping when the girl said no right before so that she didn’t seem too easy but she got mad at you… i have heard this before a few times from guy friends! I am still so so so so proud of alllllll of you that choose to honor that no because if a girl changes her mind after the fact (due to guilt for example but i could be for any reason really) then you’ve covered your butt! You could get dragged thru the mud and your life ruined too. It’s not worth it, you know? You have to protect you too - so I personally think it’s wonderful that you stop unless you have sure consent. It’s almost like we have gotten to a point in society when we need a signed release form lol - not really - but society is so litigious you never know.
Have you seen the video on consent with the coffee metaphor? Your story reminded me of that video.
Anyway, keep up the great work using your good judgement - any girl who gets mad at you for respecting her is probably not worth wasting your time :)
Hello! Your video has helped me gain closure on the emotional wounds I suffered for so long. For a long time I was so confused because it felt more than getting molested, but less than r@pe. But now I understand what happened to me.
I watched your video a few months back, and have found peace with my past. Thank you so much for being here to enlighten, and encourage all of us. May God bless you richly; I'm forever indebted to you
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so sorry for what happened to you but i am grateful that I could help some ❤️
People have strat speaking up for there self some people put there self in own situations what they been new not be in sometimes it be there fault but it’s easy to go tell on them why to be scared it’s not embarrassing it’s self respect for ur self
God is always good he watch all of us and try to save us but some of us don’t listen go follow there own way people need start following god he got our back he just wants our heart and true love of being honest
I was sexually abused by my partner at 15/16. Watching this brought clarity that I was actually raped. I spent the last 10 years suppressing it, and I've in turn created an entirely different personality. I have very little recollection of who I was before it happened.
Don't be scared or embarrassed to report it. I was the child of a teen mom, and didn't want the sigma of me possibly being seen as fast to be held over me, along with other notions.
I don't know where to go. How to heal. I feel numb and spaced out most of the time. I have no sense of self.
Please reach out. I wish I would have.
Thank you for sharing all of that! That took a lot of courage - and I’m really sorry for what happened to you! If there’s anything i can do for you I’m here to listen or you can join our facebook group. You don’t have to go thru this alone! You can heal that numbness and find happiness friend / i have learned so much since i made this video a year ago & i would love to share with you sometime how i overcame being so numb. I pray you will find peace again. Please reach out if you would like to chat, I’m here for you ❤️
I would add that something about peer to peer sexual abuse - that occurs a lot. These can be children abusing children, often very young and within a family.
that's a good idea! thank you for the comment - I should definitely do a video on this... it's a really sensitive subject... I have met many people with this sort of abuse history... on both sides of the scenario. We should definitely address it. thank you for the suggestion!
I love you too. Thank you . I’ve been in counseling for years.. it wasn’t until I was in domestic abuse counseling that I got the support I needed .
Just recently my daughter came forward.. she was on the other side of the sheet rock. She was 13 at the time..
Oh that’s so hard! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for both of you - if there’s anything i can do for either of you please let me know :) i can offer you both a free personalized healing journey planning session if either of you need it. Just let me know & I’ll give you the link ❤️❤️❤️
If ever you feel like you are being violated more than likely you are. Follow the truth and you will be free. Rape occurs more often by someone known to the victim. Violent rape occurs more by strangers. Sexual abuse often times occurs as a result of close family connection or community connection. These are the main reasons someone being victimized will not understand how to report. Abusers are aware of the chaos they place on their victims making it extremely difficult to report or repeat the incident.
Thank you. I report a month ago still waiting for everything.
It can take a bit to move through the legal process so hang in there! sorry i didn't see your comment until now. how are you? how are you coping? i'm so sorry you had to go through something like that :( it's truly awful! i pray that you are finding the support you need to heal and get past this!!!! if there's anything i can do to help please let me know - God bless!
Me too. Against my female doctor. 🥼👩🏼⚕️🩺
@arturoenriquez7556 thank you for sharing such a personal story. how do you feel about what happened?
I pray that they're both finding healing... that your brother has had a change of heart and has repented for his crimes and I pray that the victim has been able to heal that trauma...
I also pray that you and others effected by this experience will also find healing and God's grace and love. It can be really REALLY REALLY hard to forgive something like this and to move on... especially if he isn't remorseful... but forgiveness doesn't make the situation ok, it doesn't justify the act or release them of guilt - it's for us.
it releases us of carrying the burden around for years. It allows us to move on and feel light. Forgiveness is different than reconciliation
i have another video on this - it's an interview with an incredible life coach that teaches us the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
Here is the link if you feel you need to watch it.
ruclips.net/video/WxRtORrqRTI/видео.htmlsi=SJlqtOxoLGKEaPnm
thanks again for your comment - I truly hope you're ok :)
Hello, I was in a situation recently that felt kinda rapey but I'm not really sure if it's rape or not. Basically what happened was a guy I was hanging out with asked me if I could go to a hotel with him, and I said I didn't want to multiple times knowing he wanted to have sex. He kept asking and eventually I went with him hoping that it wouldn't happen even though deep down I knew it would. Sure enough he kept asking me to have sex and I told him again several times that I didn't want to but he kept insisting. Eventually I told him I'd do it with him if he used a condom, but I still was very uncomfortable and didn't actually want to do it. I just went along with it to get it over with, and also it was the consequence of my own actions anyway since I knowingly put myself in that situation. The thing that confuses me the most is that I even if I was uncomfortable the whole time, I tried to enjoy it (physically I think I did? I'm not too sure). But I couldn't stop thinking about how I didn't want to be having sex at all. Since I was in that situation anyway and he wouldnt stop bothering me about it, I felt like letting him do it was the best option and I might as well just make the best out of an uncomfortable situation. Was I coerced into having sex? And was it therefore rape or not, since I did eventually allow him to do it and tried to enjoy it? Sorry for the long post, it's just been bothering me not knowing if it was rape or not and if it's still valid for me to feel somewhat violated given that I played a part in the whole thing.
Hi friend - first i just want to say I’m so so sorry for what happened! That sounds terrible and very confusing… i have been thinking all day about how to respond. I even asked a few colleagues because i wanted to make sure i responded in the most appropriate way possible::. So hopefully you will be able to see my heart and know that i see you and hear you and feel for you. I also want you to know your feelings are 100% valid! Have an orgasm or whatever during sex even rape is so natural that it’s confusing when it’s rape! Your head is like “i hate this” and your body’s like “shut up we like it” it’s super weird and can feel like your body is betraying you - not everyone feels that way and you might not feel like that i don’t want to put words in your mouth but a lot of people do feel that way. So first i really just want you know you’re entitled to feel your Emotions without guilt! You’re allowed to have a mix of emotions and it’s normal to have a range of emotions - it’s going to be like this for a while as you process what happened . I really hope that you’re seeing a therapist or someone about what happened so that you can explain your whole story and give them context and get better advice than what i can give right now. Here’s my opinion - you need to figure out why you’re feeling these emotions - labeling it as rape or not might or might not be helpful - which do you want it to be? If it’s not what does that mean for you? If it is what does that mean? can you release it and let it go and heal from it either way? Which one makes you feel empowered and able to move on? What would it take for you to feel you have a voice again? Feel like you can state your boundaries and then hold them and not give in as you say? He pressured you and wore you down - several colleagues called that rape - i had one say it wasn’t. I personally don’t think labeling is the real issue - it seems as if you’re holding guilt for what happened and that is what concerns me. guilt is a normal emotional after rape - victims often blame themselves- and the truth is yes there are things we probably could have done differently and maybe prevented the rape from happening but we don’t have crystal ball and can’t know that for sure… who’s to say he wouldn’t have raped you anyway? And you giving in was the safe course of action? the other thing is he still had HIS choice too! He could have stopped pressing you and respected your no. You do not need to hold on to his accountability- you are not responsible for his decisions. you can however forgive yourself and see the truth of the situation. THIS is hard to do and it takes time! This is not something that we arrive to right away - there is a whole range of other emotions we have to go thru first a grief, guilt, anger, denial, etc so please please please be kind and patient with yourself as you work through the pain and grief and trauma - this was probably traumatic and so i highly recommend meeting with a therapist or counselor or someone who can help you work through all of it. I am happy to meet with you and talk with you about possibilities so you can decide what your next step should be. Everyone’s healing journey looks totally different and you will know what is right for you and i pray that you are led to the right support. You are also more than welcome to join our free support group and trauma recovery class. If you want details let me know. I hope this was helpful and if there’s anything i can do for you please let me know. I am so proud of you that you were brave enough to ask the question and i feel honored and grateful that you felt safe enough to ask. Thank you for reaching out. Take care friend! May you find peace and healing ❤️
@ketrariego1401 can you see my response below? I’m having a hard time tagging you
Hello, thank you so much for your response. Yes, I'd like the details for the recovery class and support group. Actually, I do have a therapist that I want to tell but I'm afraid she will judge me, even if she told me she'll be non-judgmental. And more than anything, the reason why I asked if it was rape or not is because even if in my head I know my feelings are valid, for some reason I feel like I don't really deserve to feel the way I do about the situation. I'd like to resolve that with my therapist but first I want to gain the courage to tell her.
@@ketrariego1401 I’m so glad you’re working with a therapist! You are definitely worth happiness and you deserve to feel every emotion - we can’t help it, emotions are natural! We can learn to turn them around when they don’t serve us or they deplete us, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t experience them… oh my friend i wish i knew what to say to help give you confidence and courage and help you start to see your infinite worth. I have lots of videos on self worth because I’m soooo passionate about it but really if i could talk to you in person then you would be able to see my sincere love and support. If you ever want to talk face to face i would be more than happy to. We can even do a heart meditation together where i can help facilitate you receiving some answers about what you personally can do to further your healing journey. This is where you ask your heart and you receive powerful answers because your heart already knows what you need to move forward. Every time i do these with people I’m blown away by the healing power of the heart. Just let me know if you’re interested and I’ll send you the link to schedule a free session. i know i can’t run a business forever by keep giving away sessions lol but i just feel like you could use a big hug and this is my way of doing that for you. It’s all going to be ok honey - you will find peace again. ❤️❤️
I had almost the same experience. Can I hear your opinion?
I was abused when I was 15 by adult boyfriend it lasted long time vary confusing but do you have a video on grooming I believe that might have happened to me and I’m vary interested in support group
I think it’s really tricky when you’re abused by someone with who you are in romantic relationship :/ You might be raped or coerced to have sex but you’re still thinking „but that’s my boyfriend, right?”. Happened to me when I was also 15. 20yo „boyfriend” coerced me to have sex by openly threating he would leave me and send my naked pictures to my friends from school etc. It took me more than 10 years to admit I was raped by him but it’s still hard to think or talk about it
@@bpl916 it’s terrible the 1st time he forced his self I tried to stop him then after he told me he loved me that he was hurt because I told him I loved him yet tried to stop him till I ended up apologizing to him then he used that situation to force me to agree but I almost always said I really don’t want to can we wait I’m uncomfortable with this I wouldn’t flat out say no because he would have gotten angry then he made me marry him when I turned 18 I thought all relationships was like this I thought no women really liked sex but there boyfriend/husband did so they done it for them I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be intimate again
@@mary77719I think it’s crucial to talk about it, to find a good counselor or a friend in the beginning (though for me a friend doesnt work, I’m too triggered by trauma when I try to talk about it). I have been struggling not only with the shame of what happened but also with the shame of „acting like a victim” when there are thousands of „real” vinctims, women raped by a stranger, terribly beaten up etc. who „deserve” to be listened to, while l’m here, just overreacting. So yeah, I think the first thing is to find help and talk talk talk talk
I am so sorry i am just seeing your comment i dont know how i missed it! I will make one for you on grooming and I’ll invite an expert on sexual assault so that we get all of the facts straight… I’m in a class right now for it specifically so i have a good idea hood what we should cover. Also, If you have more questions let me know so i can be sure to address all of your concerns. I am so sorry this happened to you - no one should ever have to endure abuse! how are you holding up now? Here is the link to our facebook group so you can join us if you want- we would love to have you. We also have a support group meeting November 30th at 630 pm through a private zoom link - join the facebook group for the info i can’t send it through RUclips because it won’t be secure. Or you could email me… again I’m so sorry and i pray you’re on the path of healing ❤ m.facebook.com/groups/817834172106176/?ref=share&mibextid=S66gvF
@@bpl916absolutely!!! It is really hard to accept - i felt the same way with my date rape - it took me a long time to accept that it really was rape … i hope you’re doing better now and if you ever need to chat im here for you - you can contact me through email or facebook messenger or join our facebook group ❤
I filed a report right away after I was raped and my mom took me to the hospital to have me checked out
Oh Donna I'm so sorry you experienced this trauma! how are you doing now? is there anything i can do to support you further?
@@comeoffconqueror I’m ok, but still traumatized by it. The guys got locked up.
@@donnaviggiano5498 thats understandable! have you been doing any therapy to help release the trauma? i have been learning how to let go of the burdens and rewrite the neural pathways so that the anchor can be fully snipped & let go of, so to speak - it's been soooo incredible watching other people learn how to do it too! these tools are so powerful - i didn't think i would ever be from the effects of trauma (I was having daily panic attacks, on depression meds, overweight etc), but I am free now! and now that i can teach other people how to do it, it's given all this pain purpose... making this whole journey worth it if you know what I mean. SO, if you ever want me to show you these tools I would love to see if they will help you too :) healing is possible, it's just about finding the right tools that work for you 🙂
@@donnaviggiano5498 that’s understandable. I’m glad they’re locked up though! Have you gone to therapy or done anything to help lessen the traumatization? What effects are you experiencing? A lot of people experience anxiety, unexplained panic attacks, nightmares, migraines, low self esteem, weight gain, anger, easily frustrated, escapism, unhealthy coping mechanisms, reality distortions leading to mistrust, have a hard time building strong relationship and lots of other adverse reactions. I was definitely in this boat! The last few years have been soooo healing as i found new therapy methods that have been far more powerful. In fact im starting a free support group/class for victims to help them learn about the effects of this sort of trauma and to teach them how to help themselves recover with lots of tools and resources. If you want to join the class when we start let me know and I’ll send you the link to sign up. It’s totally free we will meet once a week for 12-16 weeks but you can miss classes if you need to. I’m about done with the curriculum- it’s based on a few different programs I’ve been trained in. Im super excited to do this - we need a community where we can band together and help each other heal. I’d love to have you in our first group if you’re interested
Hello um so I was in a relationship with a girl im a girl as well and Im still trying to figure out what type of assault this is So um I made it clear that if we were to do anything we needed to hear a clear yes from each other and I wanted to make sure we had those roles because she was a victim of assault so we were making out then she went in my pants and went in my whole body froze I couldn't make a noise even though she said I was I can hear what she was saying and fell what she was doing but I couldn't stop her I told someone I trusted about it and they told her what I said then they told the whole group chat about it and said I was lying I felt so alone and scared I couldn't regulate my feelings and I was so anxious and I felt numb at the same time im better now im but still having nightmares
Oh friend I’m so sorry! In my unofficial opinion, it is assault - it’s a form of date rape regardless of gender and sexual orientation or age it’s still rape when someone penetrates another persons orephus with any object. Now your country or state might have a different definition and therefore different legal statutes and laws surrounding rape… so if you wanted to report it or something you will need to talk to the authorities… you could also not report or press charges being it will be really hard to prove :( i am so sorry your other friend betrayed your trust by talking about it and therefore creating the drama within your friend group! Ouch!!! The nightmares are a common response to trauma - same with emotional outbursts and other ptsd responses. I should do another video just sharing what all of those are. I have a 12 week sexual trauma class that we just finished and are planning on doing another one because it was sooo beneficial to the participants. If you would like to attend via online video (zoom) let me know and send me your email by emailing me comeoffconqueror@gmail.com otherwise i highly recommend meeting with a therapist or me - they can help you process all of the feelings and thoughts bubbling inside of you so that the nightmares can subside and anxiety etc can ease - you can heal from this terrible experience ❤️ check out some of my other videos for tips on how - i pray they help you and seriously if you think i can help you I’d be honored to try ❤️ thank you for being brave and speaking up and leaving this comment. I want you to know how much you’re loved and cherished - and that healing will come ❤️
@@comeoffconqueror thank you so much I just came home yesterday after my mom was in the hospital and I had a whole mental break down when I got home Because I didn't want to be there.My room just reminded me of all the pain I repeatedly cried about this whole year and I was starting to doubt myself on everything so hear I am trying to be validated again I guess this really helped because now I know what to call it I still can't believe what she did to me I mean this isn't the only thing she's done to me without permission either I'm too scared it will get reported because I know it won't be taken seriously and I'm too scared and tired to tell my parents I'm not allowed to be gay in there household and from what they said when I told them about liking girls I think they would be happy to hear this Maybe I could talk to you though I really don't want it reported though I can't take anymore stuff
@@comeoffconqueror what makes me even more mad is that she was a survivor of rape and so was the people I trusted even the adult that knew about it didn't help no adult helped in the situation but they all looked at me like I was crazy when I know I'm not Honestly everything they all said to me still haunts my soul till this day
@@itsaestheticpink8803 hi honey sorry about the late reply! I don’t know how i missed this - so sorry! I would be more than willing to speak with you but you need to know I’m a mandatory reporter - i legally have to report sexual assault of minors. BUT i can do this with you and we can make a plan of how to do it so it helps you. We can first resolve your fears with your parents and figure out how to do this so it doesn’t hurt you further. Im willing to give you a free first coaching session just to figure out if I’m a good fit to help you. Email me comeoffconqueror@gmail.com and I’ll send you my phone number and we can schedule a time to talk. I won’t report until you’re ready. Since it’s not still happening i believe the law says i can wait a little bit. I will find out more before we meet. I just want to be honest with you about my role as a life coach and what legally I’m bound to do. You shouldn’t go thru this alone - i know how terrible this feels and if i could I’d give you a giant hug and just let you cry on my shoulder. It’s going to be ok sweetheart- millions of us have healed from abuse and betrayal - you can too. I will show you how ❤️❤️
@@comeoffconqueror how long could you wait to report it ? I'm really not ready to yet I mean they'll be a whole investigation and I'll have to talk to other people about it possibly with her in the room with me and I'm not ready to shut down a whole program even though they do deserve it because this should have been reported as soon as they heard about it I just don't know when I'll be ready to I do want to speak with you but I need to know what will happen if it is and if it will go to court or not or will it just be reported?
I warned the woman my ex dove in with .. I knew she wouldn’t believe me but I needed a clean conscience .
I was sexually abused by my younger brother as a child. I thought as I was older no one would believe me. Years later I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told my mum, she believed me saying she would catch him at a young age wanking and she knew he was sex mad etc. she said I went to an all girls school and wasn’t thinking about boys etc, she said I was immature when it came to boys and was still more interested in horse riding and the activities I enjoyed. it’s affected my whole life, I became an addict to cope and ended up in a treatment rehab. I’m 12 years clean now but it still affects me.
I didn’t ever imagine this could be made worse as an adult. I’m 41 years old now, and spoke to my brother about it for the first time in November 23. He said that my school friend kissed him, I straight away said I didn’t believe him after what he did to me which lead to us talking about it.
He basically said he is still in love with me, that when he has been drunk around me he has had thoughts about coming onto me, that who ever he sleeps with, he thinks of me when he cums, that he justifies it’s ok as we were both adopted and not blood related, that he really enjoyed it. He laughed at me when I said I hated everything he did to me, saying sorry I didn’t make you enjoy it. He blames me, yet I used to freeze and do nothing. He says I’m responsible as I’m older, saying he has not told anyone apart from mum when he is drunk as I will get into trouble and loose my job. I guess that’s him threatening me to keep quiet? He said it hurts mum doesn’t believe him.
I’m disgusted with our conversation about it all these years on. I’ve not spoken to him or opened my door since. I can’t keep that up as his 10 year old son (my nephew) lives with me and has done since he was a baby. I’m lost, feeling so many awful emotions and am shocked with everything he has recently said to me. How do I move on, usually I comfort eat but for the first time ever, due to think I’ve lost a lot of weight as he has made me feel constantly sick. I just don’t know what to do. Have you got any suggestions please? I’m not sure I want to talk to a professional about it. I’ve spoken to my mum and told my best friend.
oh my dear friend!! my heart shatters for you! this is just so terrible - no one should ever have to endure this kind of sexual abuse and all of the emotional abuse to boot! i'm so sorry! i can feel the hurt you're experiencing through your words :(
Here are a few suggestions - definitely stay clean! I'm leading a free 12 week trauma class & support group right now and the first lesson we teach everyone is safety first - and staying clean is apart of that. Safety also includes other safe & healthy coping strategies and skills such as healthy eating, sleep, exercise, self-care (including going to the dr & therapy if you're ready), etc
We need to learn these skills BEFORE we can dive into healing the trauma and address the trauma. because when we are triggered like what happened to you - our bodies go into fight or flight mode & our ability to process emotions, thoughts & events are severely hindered because our "animal" brains are on overdrive just trying to keep us alive (this is a good thing, it's our body protecting us & helping us survive.)
Once you are safe THEN you can begin the healing process.
If you would like to join our free class its online through zoom & we just had our first meeting Tuesday. It was just the introduction to the class & what is abuse and consent vs. coercision. you didn't miss much so you could still totally join us & we have room for 1 more participant, so that's lucky!
Here is the sign up link for more details about when we meet, the topics, how it's ran etc.
forms.gle/VQHDRpqqfBWsq38h8
I would also recommend reading some books on trauma recovery & self- love. If you're Christian the book "You are already amazing" by Holley Gerth is a great place to start. If not, The Work by Byron Katie is fabulous. She had a substance abuse problem and discovered this healing modality in rehab - it's a fabulous read.
I would also be willing to meet with you one on one, free of charge, just to chat and get one another and I can reccommend more ideas, like meditation might be a great way to calm down the triggers, and vegus nerve stimulation (I have a great video on that).
ruclips.net/video/EML47JxvLvc/видео.html
I work with a lot of individuals who have been where you are and it can be so hard doing this alone. So, you can also join our free facebook group community and receive daily inspiration and help with your healing journey.
facebook.com/groups/817834172106176
The main thing I want you to know how loved you are! you are seen. you are heard! and i care about you - and so does God...
I know it doesn't always seem that way because why would he allow these awful things to happen to us?! But the truth is because he loves us, he doesn't take away our agency - our ability to choose - instead he helps us get through the bad things and he turns ashes into pheonix - beauty rising! You are a pheonix!
you have been through something terrible = but it hasn't won! you are still fighting and i am willing to bet yo are doing better than you think you are :)
from the bottom of my heart - I love you friend,
Bonnie
I was abused by my classmate when im 21 yrs old 😌 during june in 2023 , he asked me to come to his house, he gave me drinks 😢 and im unconcious he try to have sex with me he grab me , he kept begging begging to have sex with me. If u don't have sex we me u don't love me he say But i say no i can't do it coz it is a sin. I will be ashamed and i don't want to become pregnant. Instead if u love me ask to my dad to marry me. He don't love me insted he used love to get wht he want.I say u don't love me, u will leve after u have sex with me.As im unconcious someone i can't fight back and he have sex with me. I don't know what is this is this rape or not 😢. Im confusing, he start manipulating me, he sexually groom me, he always touch me without my concent and im afraid 😢. After he have sex with me , he dumb me.... I don't know what is happening to me 😢 im very confusing 😕
Oh my sweetheart my heart aches for you! Yes what happened to you is rape - i am sooooooo sorry!!!! If you want to talk about it i am more than willing to help you process what happened and help you find resources to heal. I am actually starting a free class & support group for sexual assault victims- we are hoping to start it in a few weeks. Until then you can join our Facebook group too. Please email me at comeoffconqueror@gmail.com and let’s schedule a time to talk. You do not have to go through this alone. If our group isn’t a right fit for you i will give you some suggestions of other places you can go for help. I’m truly soooooo sorry this happened to you. I just want to give you a giant hug right now. You’re going to be ok and i can help you heal from the effects of this traumatic experience. I truly care about you and want to see you happy.
Thank u mem for ur love ❤ and compassion towards me 🥰
@@jenifernemhoithiem2787 of course! i do care for you - i hope you got my email back to you
Instead can I give my number Or whatapp number, I'm not familiar with email... I can't touch
Ég elska þig vina mín .
thank you :) i love you too!
if the god you worship were a good god he wouldn’t have let that happen to you
So well done, incredibly informative and such a safe space 🤍
Thanks so much! 😊