I didn’t date at all in high school or college because I was told to “focus on school” for years. None of the black men looked at me and it made my self esteem drop. As soon as I got out I had no idea what to do when it came to men meanwhile my white and Asian girlfriends were on their second engagement 😂 I’m finally seriously dating at 26, y’all wish me luck.
Don’t settle! Please don’t let BM be your only option, because it could cost your life! I know it could happen with any man, but the odds are higher when you date the Brothas! Not my opinion, but it’s the facts and hoping for your safety!
26 is very young, please live your life first. I can't tell you how many married people I encounter who regret getting married and having children too young.
@@mjohnson1741 I got married young (21)...we've been married 10 years and have no children. You don't have to start having children right away when you get married. Family planning is still a thing.
Unsolicitated advice: 1) Look extra feminine :hair, makeup, nails, clean & nicely decorated home 2) Date outside the community You will be fine. Good luck lady!
Great convo, as usual. If I may, I'd like to put on the table the black women who have to balance their studies and a parttime job. During my college days, I didn't have time for clubs, sororities, and campus activities because when I wasn't in class and completing assignments, I was working. I couldn't afford not to work. During my last semester of college, I did course overload plus worked 2 jobs and an internship. I wonder how many other black women had this experience and the extent to which this impacted our pairing and marriage rates?!
@@Bb-jm6wx Most couples in College don't stay together after they graduate. I also knew people who married in College but were divorced before they graduated from college. I dated in College but school was a priority for me because I understood the value of my college degree. I did not come from a wealthy family and I had no other choice but to make it and I dated after I got my degree. I joined the military and that gave me the opportunity to travel abroad and dated and eventually married interracially. BW must expand their options in order to find a quality mate.
I think it happens a lot but one workaround is the study buddy group. Where you meet the guy in class and study together. I see this with the students who are taking a full load + extra, and the campus library at my alma matter would see the guys and girls studying together.
Exactly. Another reason being THAG Black parents NEVER set their college kids up for success by actually helping them to pay for college. MOST Black Women HAVE TO have a job or two while in college while MOST white women DONT have to work.
As a middle-aged black woman, I highly recommend young black women to look for a husband while in college. When I was in college, I had non-black men who were interested in me but I had no time to date. I was a single mom of a toddler when I decided to go back to school to earn my B.S. degree. Even when the non-black men found out I was a single mom, they still showed interest. They were impressed that I was getting my college degree. Fast forward to today, I am still single because I have been waiting on that "good" black man. Young black women, don't ignore the non-black men who are interested in you. Give them a chance, you may find what you are looking for in a mate. Last year I started opening up my options, and dated a white southern Republican. It was a good experience. I wish I would have done it earlier in life. Side note: there are non-black men who are open to dating and marrying black women. We as black women need to give them the green light to approach us.
@@Bb-jm6wx There's a lot of good black men in college. The young black women we were interested in would bring their hood pookie boyfriends up instead and they would cause trouble. Keep blaming black men are all your self induced troubles and see how far that get you.
My friends were waiting too, but they passed away. But at least they weren’t murdered. They both had been married to BM, but got a divorce after being cheated on and abused. When they dated other BM after the divorce, they got used and hearts were repeatedly broken EVERY TIME!!
Ok on paper the advice sounds good, I too am in the not 35 group, but don’t get married because you think there are few choices. Find yourself. Take your time. I did get married a d it was miserable. I wanted a mate, a partner. He wanted a maid, a cook, a sex doll who didn’t say anything. He made awful decisions that made family life hell cause he was the head of the house. Being married or having a man isn’t the end all be all. Don’t focus on race. Focus on compatibility. Something as little as a vacation. How does someone vacation? That was a contention point 😂😂😂😂. Take care of you. Put yourself first. Trust me if you die or get sick, he will move on. Know you are the prize. Don’t get caught up in Demonic BS. Do not let anyone take you out of your Godliness.
I think it’s also important to note that women who marry after 26 statistically have more longevity in their marriage. Hopefully these 22 year olds getting engaged by graduation are waiting a few years before actually getting married. I was engaged my sophomore year of college and dodged a huge bullet by not marrying that man lol. But I of course still agree that bw should be dating quality men in college outside our group ❤
Yes, 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce. Those who wait to marry until they are over 25 years old are 24 percent less likely to get divorced. For myself, I was so emotionally underdeveloped and naive, THANK GOD, I didn't marry right after college.
I was yelling at the screen about this. As a person who is close to this age group, many of these college brides are divorced and onto a second marriage… with kids. Not ideal
@Sunny 🌻 Hey, Sunny! It is incredibly common for Gen Z not to date much in high school or even in college. Many people are on different timelines than they were in early 2000's and before. As long as your current friendships are healthy and you know how to set and maintain your boundaries, then there's no reason why you wouldn't have the tools to be successful in dating. Btw, when you graduate most men up to 24-26 years old will be at the same maturity level as you anyways so it will be the perfect time to start dating.
It’s because Black women are hellbent on dating only black men. I know so many black women who passed up on perfectly good men because they weren’t black. I mean there’s nothing wrong with having a preference but that’s not working for BW. Having an open mind about dating can do you wonders
Great conversation. Most black women do not receive the same conversation ww received from there mother. We are told to go to college and get an education in order to take care of yourself. We leave college with Independence that's what we are taught.
And, the mothers who constantly advise their daughters to focus on an education and getting that dream job are angry and bitter mothers who have been left to struggle. It really does a bw a disservice to be raised this way. Don’t get me wrong; independence is needed for survival. However, there is nothing wrong with interacting with the opposite sex, and wanting marriage and children, in addition to pursuing an education and career.
@@donnamcintosh2109 calling black middle aged women bitter, beceause they want their daughters to have a better life is low. Many black women didn’t choose the struggle life, and had no choice to vent for themselves. Black women are each other’s greatest enemy. Stop shaming black women for choosing a degree and income over a man who can’t only give you a title and struggle.
My dad was the one who told me bm are not dependable, to not get pregnant by one of them and to focus on getting my education. I'm where I am today for it.
I'd love to hear Chris talk about the reasons to get married outside of romance and child raring. The father of my white friend made a speech at her wedding essentially saying to the groom's parents that he looked forward to doing business with you. Both kids are going to benefit from what each family has built. Its more than economics for them. Its a way to ally with other families making the families stronger. We aren't on this level in the black community but I'd like to get there.
My experience going to a predominantly white high school, the black boys did not date the black girls. The black girls ended up dating outside the school district. I'm going to assume this is the same for universities. I went to an all black University and I can't tell you if I know anyone that graduated from college there and got married. I can tell you a few people left there with children and unwed.
I honestly wouldn't even encourage my daughter to get married or engaged while in college. The level of maturity with most college aged students just isn't there. Also a bad relationship can be detrimental to one's college career I know so many girls who dropped out of school after they were humiliated by men they thought loved them in college.
At uni I struggled to make friends let alone meet a future husband. I wish people would stop ignoring real life issues and concerns for black women. Plus I think that's too young 18 to 24. Live a little first!
@16:16 IMO, the discussion about prioritizing education is very different from the perspective of people who were GENERATIONALLY denied it than it is from those who were GENERATIONALLY denied nothing! Privilege changes perspective. That's also why it's typically easier for educated Black people to see the comprehensive benefits of education than it is for those of us who are in many ways still in survival mode.
Fantastic interview! i went through that in college and i saw all the beckys and Mei ling get married right outta college while the black girls were indoors doing their hair. Me personally made it a point of duty to date and go out but alot of the black girls were looking to catch the attention of the 3 black guys on campus and staying in during the weekends lol
LOL! I know ran my mouth so much on the stream but I really want to see my fellow black sisters do well. Like I said. College bound black girls need to focus on the top elite schools to meet the top elite men for dating and marriage. I mentioned Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Brown, Stanford, and overseas Oxford and Cambridge in the UK and the Sorbonne in France. Getting a head start in good college is the first step to Gen Z girls taking the road less traveled and breaking the generational cycle of poverty and struggle love. Thank you Christelyn for all your hard work on behalf of black women😘
I laugh, because as a young girl I was considered the Oreo. I was a black girl, who sounded so white acted so proper, and everyone just knew I was going to marry a white man, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt like it was my obligation as a black woman to marry a black man and I did now, in hindsight, I don’t regret my marriage none and me and my ex-husband we I’m gonna say semi coparent because he does just the bare minimum but I just remember being so hyper focused on uplifting my community and my race in being what I considered a model black woman that I couldn’t, and I didn’t mind if I had to sacrifice my own happiness I was the model black woman that society would look at and yes marriage was not easy I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it again I would, but it was a challenge
I was like that too and really resent the "uplifting the race" attitude I had. If I have any regrets, it's not ditching this archaic concept sooner and knowing that I was ASD from the get go.
instead of focusing on learning skills or professions, the burden is placed on the girls to be providers while the boys be passport bros and travel everywhere looking for love from stray girls in poor countries 😂
Black women need to focus on what I call THE LAPTOP LIFESTYLE by investing in yourself while traveling and making money via social media traveliling the world. Its time us black women embrace the world open to us now.
@@Bb-jm6wx lol literally story of my life . Mother kicked me out because I refused to pay her cell phone bill which she gave to my brother to use 11 years ago, when I was 20 years , now 31. And ever since that day I’ve never lived with her . Matter in fact I moved to FL to finish school, live on my own while my 35 year old brother lives with her , no car , uses her bank account. He’s never been to college or can hold a job for more than 3 months . Also in and out of jail for domestic violence, drugs and DUIs . But the child gets not , they make comments like they thing I’m better than them , why did I leave them Behind and so forth . 🙄🙄🙄🙄
I just wanted to say that being a member of upper class society doesn't exempt bw from racism. There seemed to be people in the live chat that were trying to imply that financially stable and/or rich bw aren't victimized by racism. Racism affects all bw, regardless of what income bracket they fall into. Bw who deny that are delusional. Oprah and the purse incident in Switzerland is only one example. More recently, Meghan Markle literally had to leave the palace because it got so bad.
@@NamasteInYourLane Meghan is black, please stop. Her mother is black. Black people are not 100% African, so please stop trying to gatekeep just because she’s really light skinned and doesn’t “act” how people think black women should act.
Meghan is Not Black but I understand what u mean. If she’s Black then what are u and I ? Please stop. It’s ppl like u that ALLOW these biracials to feel so comfortable to come into Black spaces to disrespect Black Women. And it’s ppl like you that make black males say see she’s a Meghan Marker so y’all can’t say she’s not black.
Black women please don't let the fear of racism keep you from experiencing different. This is another tactic used by other black women to keep you from stepping out. Its common sense that racism does exist but don't let it block you for stepping out. You have a higher chance of dealing with colorism than racism. I said what I said.
Bw are really ready to move differently now. The pandemic made it abundantly clear the state of Bw dating and mating prospering the community. Cont to help free the minds of Bw to open dating options.
My white friends in college were all married within a couple of years of graduating undergrad. No shock, I lost touch with them. Conversely, the white guys who showed interest in me in college were married minded and I cannot say the same for others (despite my preference for BM).
The reality is my black friends who had a similar upbringing to me got married later but they mostly married out (because the BC has not prioritized marriage for some time now).
@@LadyCharity I would agree with this. 4 years out of college and most of the white and Asian women are settled into long term relationships, if not already married. A lot of it comes down to securing a good partner you can grow with in college and locking it down 2 years post-grad. I’m now 26 looking for marriage. I’ve had a few boyfriends but they weren’t ready for marriage. I will likely marry out of my race, possibly to someone who isn’t American. Doing some international traveling this year to ensure I’m able to find the partner I want
@@ninagrace-lee8323 Please don’t put BM at the top of your list! Please put a good man at the top of your list! Too many BM are still growing up. If you’re 25, a BM around 45 would probably be your equal in maturity! Even if you find a BM your age or 5 years difference, they feel they’re in such great demand, and after a few years, he’s going fishing to see if he still has it. I’ve never seen anybody’s ego as big as BM, of all men! Remember, who’s being murdered 5 times more than all groups of women in the US, and by whom!
I missed the livestream. But the gentleman on the show was awesome and you gave a great interview. With so much technology and the fact that social media is being used more each day by black women we have a golden opportunity to get out into the world and make some much needed changes to improve our lives. Black women as of today hold 55.5% of U.S. Passports so traveling overseas to do business, invest in real estate, find love and build a new world for ourselves has never been more available to us and we need to take advantage that. Sad to say, some black women we be left behind, but the ones that are looking out side the box and moving forward will be ok.
Idk that black women hold that large percent of passports. Hopefully with all the black women traveling, we can change the image of what society and bm have given us.
To be fair, not all non black women are meeting their education match. Many don't. With the exception of Asians, women attend college more than men almost 2 to 1. This is gap will continue to grow as men feel the ROI of college attendance is too low.
This is actually very important and true. The issue with basing what we should do on what white women are doing is literally that. White people are experiencing what WE as black women have been experiencing for some time now. I think the BW who will thrive are the smartest and most strategic. Instead of looking for a template, we should encourage BW to marry their equals and play it safe/smart with their life choices. Conditions may vary because American life is rapidly shifting
I huge regret of mine is not marrying one of the men I dated in college. They all married and are still married to the next woman they dated after me. I’ve told my college bound son to find a wife in college…..
I really appreciate this conversation and I LOVE Themis’s analytics lens in this discussion. However, I disagree on his theories for why the BM don’t go to college. As a Black girl, throughout my schooling I was discouraged by other Black girls AND boys to strive academically. Black PEOPLE discourage Black boys and girls that are nerdy or that like school. I was teased and made fun of just as much as the Black guys that were like me in school. I believe we don’t see as many BM in school because they are not encouraged to do so as much as BW. Collectively, we are held to a higher standard. We are expected to go to school and be successful, but I don’t see it encouraged as much for the boys.
Sad to hear that. My experience through academic career we challenged each other for the best grades. This was boys and girls. We had study groups and homework sessions. Our goal were to be to be the best. We went a predominantly white high school. Then off to hbcus and plus but never stopped striving for the best.
Thank you so much Kris (Pink Pill) and Themis. Another great conversation as per usual. I thank God for the internet that has made me meet people like yourselves that I relate to in so many ways when it's comes issues that affects us Black women. As a 39 year old Black woman based and living in South Africa, I always felt alone since I couldn't find people that I could relate to until the internet made the world so small and easier to find people you can relate to.💕💕💕 I also loved the two songs you played at the beginning of the video, can you please tell me names of the artists title of their songs.
when she says "institution" i don't think she's saying the professors are responsible for making the dating life easier for BW. i think she's saying the closed culture in those institutions makes it difficult to join their social groups. for example, if you go to a PWI, you might not get invitations to parties, gatherings, sororities, clubs--all of the things that make up social life and social networking.
Also, because female students generally do better than male students these days, some colleges ARE giving help to male students to keep a 50-50 ratio. This indirectly helps heterosexual female students with dating. Without help, the female students will outnumber male students. The point is that young people in other groups DO have institutions that help them pair up, whether matchmakers (Jewish, desi, etc), houses of worship (Christians, etc), colleges (my HBCU aimed for 50-50 ratio in our graduate program), and more.
Is someone studying this dynamic at HBCUs? I'd be interested to see how similar the outcome is despite the presence of college educated BM. I guarantee you if our mothers were more honest with us in college about our chances of finding suitable men, we'd open our options way sooner. My mom would always tell me I'm going to marry a non-black man based on my "high standards"
I get so weary of that posture from older BW! Our standards are not too high they are NORMAL and NON TOXIC standards that everyone to ascribe to as well!
College is not a dating agency Or combat completion zone.. Everyone should either date inside or outside your race when you can.. Its up to you. If African American men can date and marry successfully outside their race why can’t the African American women ? Good luck girls .
I really wanted to interject on this topic in good faith. From my experience and observation, BW did not want to date good guys who were in college with them. They wanted the cool guys, the fraternity brothers and the athletes.....I was an athlete, played college football, but I was also a 4.0 academic all American on the dean's list. I can't tell you how many BW that were in college dating thugs, drug dealers or non college dudes wasting their time. They looked at the studious guys as corny. A perfect example of this is the recent Michael B. Jordan incident with his former HS classmate who teased him and called him "corny" also this was also the case on the pineapple show with the nuclear physicist. In my category "The Athlete" BW rarely talked to us....believe it or not... they never wanted to come off or be seen like they were pressed on us so there was always a lot of slide remarks about us in public but throw in some liquor and a after a party they were sleeping with 3/4s the team (the same group of girls anyway)... or completely stayed away. My college girlfriend was blk... from an unbelievable 2 family household., rich, and well accomplished...I thought I was going to marry her however she didn't like the fact that I was a better student than I was an athlete....she didn't want to get married because I wasn't going to the NFL and I knew it....she wanted to always have fun, she was spoiled.....but I loved her she was a really a good person and we are still friends to this day. I think I disappointed her dreams of marrying a famous athlete.... I wanted to go to medical school and she didn't want to go through that with me, so we broke up. The WW had no problem in pursuing the athletes....and became their girlfriends and just stayed with them. The guys that were the nerds in most of my biology classes were "corny" and BW never talked to them..... Never....if they did it was to try to get them to help them do their school work. You know who accepted them, talked to them, and built relationships with them? WW. So after I graduated I went to medical school tried to keep my relationship with my college girlfriend but she cheated on me and I couldn't deal with that..... And I knew she cheated on me with some pookie while I was studying to be a doctor.... I was done with BW after that... Today at 43, I'm a physician, vp of clinical operations for a biotech company and today despite her coming from a very well respected wealthy family she is a single mother for the worst kind of man..... and she had the audacity to say me a couple years ago that I was the love of her life and how she screwed up..... I had to hurt her feelings with that one. I don't want to come off like I was perfect when we were together but I was focused on my purpose and I loved her and I talked about marriage with her. Today I primarily date non BW primarily BW just have really bad attitudes and its often disappointing trying to deal with BW today.
Did you talk to your fellow nerdy black girls?? Or just tried to get w the ghetto-ish ones w the big behinds & lipgloss poppin that everyone else wanted..let’s be real. I’m tired of the “ww only accepted me” trope. It’s just an easy cop out.
Wow crazy cautionary tale. Too bad for her for being so myopic in her thinking. One thing I’d posit is that you may come across BW with bad attitudes. However, could that be because your preference in BW - tend to have bad attitudes? 😅🫤 Something to think about…
This is what happens when lower class people come into the worlds of the upper class but don’t understand the customs and norms of upper class society. Upper class people KNOW that you are supposed to find your husbands and wives in college. They’ve been doing this since college has existed. And thats because the wealthiest and smartest young adults go to college so it’s a way to ensure that they marry into good and similar families and secure generational wealth. Most black people going to college today have NO IDEA that this is an unspoken expectation. Black men think that college is for sleeping around and black women think that college is about studying and graduating. Neither of them are right. In contrast, most white men and white women go to college to graduate, network with future leaders, and find their spouses. ESPECIALLY when they go to really high ranking schools. Black people just don’t understand how the world works because we’ve been on the outside looking in for so long.
1975 Tuskegge University. Lots of black men. I don't know who they where dating. I dated the forgren students. My mother did tell me to get my education because If my spouse got sick or lost his job, I would be responcible to take care of the family.
I highly recommend young bw get as slim fit as possible, if you want to secure a husband. I also recommend a therapist to workout personal issues, style coaching, and romantic coaching from successfully married experts.
Bw always had their options open at these PWI's they just weren't preferred ones let's be real. I've had tons of bw tell me that all races of men didn't play them any attention in college.
The typical delusion of black men. Just make it up as you go. Black men will say anything to keep black women from looking elsewhere. Even if we aren't chosen, we still want choose you
I never realized Themis was so indoctrinated with the all white ppl or even must are racist. He is usually so intelligent. I think he has hung with black women a little too much
![Black Women think they are SUPERIOR to Black Men: The Table [preview]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Di7hUc3aetM/mqdefault.jpg)
I didn’t date at all in high school or college because I was told to “focus on school” for years. None of the black men looked at me and it made my self esteem drop. As soon as I got out I had no idea what to do when it came to men meanwhile my white and Asian girlfriends were on their second engagement 😂 I’m finally seriously dating at 26, y’all wish me luck.
How did you get yourself together?
Don’t settle! Please don’t let BM be your only option, because it could cost your life! I know it could happen with any man, but the odds are higher when you date the Brothas! Not my opinion, but it’s the facts and hoping for your safety!
26 is very young, please live your life first. I can't tell you how many married people I encounter who regret getting married and having children too young.
@@mjohnson1741 I got married young (21)...we've been married 10 years and have no children. You don't have to start having children right away when you get married. Family planning is still a thing.
Unsolicitated advice:
1) Look extra feminine :hair, makeup, nails, clean & nicely decorated home
2) Date outside the community
You will be fine.
Good luck lady!
Great convo, as usual. If I may, I'd like to put on the table the black women who have to balance their studies and a parttime job. During my college days, I didn't have time for clubs, sororities, and campus activities because when I wasn't in class and completing assignments, I was working. I couldn't afford not to work. During my last semester of college, I did course overload plus worked 2 jobs and an internship. I wonder how many other black women had this experience and the extent to which this impacted our pairing and marriage rates?!
@@Bb-jm6wx Most couples in College don't stay together after they graduate. I also knew people who married in College but were divorced before they graduated from college. I dated in College but school was a priority for me because I understood the value of my college degree. I did not come from a wealthy family and I had no other choice but to make it and I dated after I got my degree. I joined the military and that gave me the opportunity to travel abroad and dated and eventually married interracially. BW must expand their options in order to find a quality mate.
Thanks for the advice!
I think it happens a lot but one workaround is the study buddy group. Where you meet the guy in class and study together. I see this with the students who are taking a full load + extra, and the campus library at my alma matter would see the guys and girls studying together.
@@Bb-jm6wx same here lol
Exactly. Another reason being THAG Black parents NEVER set their college kids up for success by actually helping them to pay for college. MOST Black Women HAVE TO have a job or two while in college while MOST white women DONT have to work.
As a middle-aged black woman, I highly recommend young black women to look for a husband while in college. When I was in college, I had non-black men who were interested in me but I had no time to date. I was a single mom of a toddler when I decided to go back to school to earn my B.S. degree. Even when the non-black men found out I was a single mom, they still showed interest. They were impressed that I was getting my college degree. Fast forward to today, I am still single because I have been waiting on that "good" black man. Young black women, don't ignore the non-black men who are interested in you. Give them a chance, you may find what you are looking for in a mate. Last year I started opening up my options, and dated a white southern Republican. It was a good experience. I wish I would have done it earlier in life. Side note: there are non-black men who are open to dating and marrying black women. We as black women need to give them the green light to approach us.
White women go to college to look for a man
Black women go to college to prove they don't need a man.
The Godfather aka Kevin Samuals.
@@Bb-jm6wx There's a lot of good black men in college. The young black women we were interested in would bring their hood pookie boyfriends up instead and they would cause trouble. Keep blaming black men are all your self induced troubles and see how far that get you.
My friends were waiting too, but they passed away. But at least they weren’t murdered. They both had been married to BM, but got a divorce after being cheated on and abused. When they dated other BM after the divorce, they got used and hearts were repeatedly broken EVERY TIME!!
Ok on paper the advice sounds good, I too am in the not 35 group, but don’t get married because you think there are few choices. Find yourself. Take your time. I did get married a d it was miserable. I wanted a mate, a partner. He wanted a maid, a cook, a sex doll who didn’t say anything. He made awful decisions that made family life hell cause he was the head of the house.
Being married or having a man isn’t the end all be all.
Don’t focus on race. Focus on compatibility.
Something as little as a vacation. How does someone vacation? That was a contention point 😂😂😂😂.
Take care of you. Put yourself first.
Trust me if you die or get sick, he will move on.
Know you are the prize. Don’t get caught up in Demonic BS. Do not let anyone take you out of your Godliness.
Thank you for having me😍😍😍
Are you bajan?
@@kieranwilliams1817 He's Jamaican. 🇯🇲
We love you, Themis!
THEMISSSSSSS!!!!
I think it’s also important to note that women who marry after 26 statistically have more longevity in their marriage. Hopefully these 22 year olds getting engaged by graduation are waiting a few years before actually getting married. I was engaged my sophomore year of college and dodged a huge bullet by not marrying that man lol.
But I of course still agree that bw should be dating quality men in college outside our group ❤
Yes, 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce. Those who wait to marry until they are over 25 years old are 24 percent less likely to get divorced. For myself, I was so emotionally underdeveloped and naive, THANK GOD, I didn't marry right after college.
I was yelling at the screen about this. As a person who is close to this age group, many of these college brides are divorced and onto a second marriage… with kids. Not ideal
Thank you for acknowledging this! I have been saying this every time this topic comes up. I think college is a great time to start dating though!
@Sunny 🌻 Hey, Sunny! It is incredibly common for Gen Z not to date much in high school or even in college. Many people are on different timelines than they were in early 2000's and before. As long as your current friendships are healthy and you know how to set and maintain your boundaries, then there's no reason why you wouldn't have the tools to be successful in dating. Btw, when you graduate most men up to 24-26 years old will be at the same maturity level as you anyways so it will be the perfect time to start dating.
I honestly don’t see this. I know i’m just one person but every couple that I know who married right after college are still married except for 2.
It’s because Black women are hellbent on dating only black men. I know so many black women who passed up on perfectly good men because they weren’t black. I mean there’s nothing wrong with having a preference but that’s not working for BW. Having an open mind about dating can do you wonders
Great conversation. Most black women do not receive the same conversation ww received from there mother. We are told to go to college and get an education in order to take care of yourself. We leave college with Independence that's what we are taught.
And, the mothers who constantly advise their daughters to focus on an education and getting that dream job are angry and bitter mothers who have been left to struggle. It really does a bw a disservice to be raised this way. Don’t get me wrong; independence is needed for survival. However, there is nothing wrong with interacting with the opposite sex, and wanting marriage and children, in addition to pursuing an education and career.
@@donnamcintosh2109 calling black middle aged women bitter, beceause they want their daughters to have a better life is low. Many black women didn’t choose the struggle life, and had no choice to vent for themselves. Black women are each other’s greatest enemy. Stop shaming black women for choosing a degree and income over a man who can’t only give you a title and struggle.
My dad was the one who told me bm are not dependable, to not get pregnant by one of them and to focus on getting my education. I'm where I am today for it.
I'd love to hear Chris talk about the reasons to get married outside of romance and child raring. The father of my white friend made a speech at her wedding essentially saying to the groom's parents that he looked forward to doing business with you. Both kids are going to benefit from what each family has built. Its more than economics for them. Its a way to ally with other families making the families stronger. We aren't on this level in the black community but I'd like to get there.
The black community will never be at this level. It’s up to black men to make this work, but they are too busy playing and traveling for s*x
I ALWAYS wondered too. If u don’t want kids hen what?
@@levelupgoddess9289 You build with each other regardless because marriage is not just about kids.
This was such a great livestream. Thank you Pink Pill. Black women are slowly moving up the social ladder and we are breaking barriers everyday.
My experience going to a predominantly white high school, the black boys did not date the black girls. The black girls ended up dating outside the school district. I'm going to assume this is the same for universities. I went to an all black University and I can't tell you if I know anyone that graduated from college there and got married. I can tell you a few people left there with children and unwed.
Same experience for me in high school and college.
@@VirgoGoddessXxoyou still single?
I honestly wouldn't even encourage my daughter to get married or engaged while in college. The level of maturity with most college aged students just isn't there. Also a bad relationship can be detrimental to one's college career I know so many girls who dropped out of school after they were humiliated by men they thought loved them in college.
At uni I struggled to make friends let alone meet a future husband. I wish people would stop ignoring real life issues and concerns for black women.
Plus I think that's too young 18 to 24. Live a little first!
Live a lot first.
@16:16 IMO, the discussion about prioritizing education is very different from the perspective of people who were GENERATIONALLY denied it than it is from those who were GENERATIONALLY denied nothing! Privilege changes perspective.
That's also why it's typically easier for educated Black people to see the comprehensive benefits of education than it is for those of us who are in many ways still in survival mode.
Great point. Privilege absolutely changes everything. Privilege is being a fish in water.
This was a great discussion! I love The Pink Pill and Themis! It’s so refreshing to be able to listen to an intellectual conversation.
❤❤
Yessss, this is how a conversation should be without all the drama and foolishness. Agreeing to disagreeing without turning it into a warzone.
Fantastic interview! i went through that in college and i saw all the beckys and Mei ling get married right outta college while the black girls were indoors doing their hair. Me personally made it a point of duty to date and go out but alot of the black girls were looking to catch the attention of the 3 black guys on campus and staying in during the weekends lol
Oh Lord, what a terrible strategy. Somebody should've told them.
As black women, we control our world, so let's act on it
LOL! I know ran my mouth so much on the stream but I really want to see my fellow black sisters do well. Like I said. College bound black girls need to focus on the top elite schools to meet the top elite men for dating and marriage. I mentioned Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Brown, Stanford, and overseas Oxford and Cambridge in the UK and the Sorbonne in France. Getting a head start in good college is the first step to Gen Z girls taking the road less traveled and breaking the generational cycle of poverty and struggle love. Thank you Christelyn for all your hard work on behalf of black women😘
I laugh, because as a young girl I was considered the Oreo. I was a black girl, who sounded so white acted so proper, and everyone just knew I was going to marry a white man, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt like it was my obligation as a black woman to marry a black man and I did now, in hindsight, I don’t regret my marriage none and me and my ex-husband we I’m gonna say semi coparent because he does just the bare minimum but I just remember being so hyper focused on uplifting my community and my race in being what I considered a model black woman that I couldn’t, and I didn’t mind if I had to sacrifice my own happiness I was the model black woman that society would look at and yes marriage was not easy I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it again I would, but it was a challenge
I was like that too and really resent the "uplifting the race" attitude I had. If I have any regrets, it's not ditching this archaic concept sooner and knowing that I was ASD from the get go.
instead of focusing on learning skills or professions, the burden is placed on the girls to be providers while the boys be passport bros and travel everywhere looking for love from stray girls in poor countries 😂
It's not different in the UK either for BDOS (from the Caribbean).
Black women need to focus on what I call THE LAPTOP LIFESTYLE by investing in yourself while traveling and making money via social media traveliling the world. Its time us black women embrace the world open to us now.
@@Bb-jm6wx lol literally story of my life . Mother kicked me out because I refused to pay her cell phone bill which she gave to my brother to use 11 years ago, when I was 20 years , now 31. And ever since that day I’ve never lived with her . Matter in fact I moved to FL to finish school, live on my own while my 35 year old brother lives with her , no car , uses her bank account. He’s never been to college or can hold a job for more than 3 months . Also in and out of jail for domestic violence, drugs and DUIs . But the child gets not , they make comments like they thing I’m better than them , why did I leave them
Behind and so forth . 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Let them go, it's better when they are not around anyway
@@Goddess_Infinity so sad
I just wanted to say that being a member of upper class society doesn't exempt bw from racism. There seemed to be people in the live chat that were trying to imply that financially stable and/or rich bw aren't victimized by racism. Racism affects all bw, regardless of what income bracket they fall into. Bw who deny that are delusional. Oprah and the purse incident in Switzerland is only one example. More recently, Meghan Markle literally had to leave the palace because it got so bad.
@@NamasteInYourLane Meghan is black, please stop. Her mother is black. Black people are not 100% African, so please stop trying to gatekeep just because she’s really light skinned and doesn’t “act” how people think black women should act.
@Blair MacKenzie She has said multiple times herself that she is not black. Stop trying to force an identity down people's throat.
Meghan is Not Black but I understand what u mean. If she’s Black then what are u and I ? Please stop. It’s ppl like u that ALLOW these biracials to feel so comfortable to come into Black spaces to disrespect Black Women. And it’s ppl like you that make black males say see she’s a Meghan Marker so y’all can’t say she’s not black.
Black women please don't let the fear of racism keep you from experiencing different. This is another tactic used by other black women to keep you from stepping out. Its common sense that racism does exist but don't let it block you for stepping out. You have a higher chance of dealing with colorism than racism. I said what I said.
Themis: "we have been victims to the system" So- And? So have we. And we dont tear other people down for getting degrees.
Agreed. I hope I communicated that.
I wish I had seen this live! #TeamReplay 🙋🏾♀️
Bw are really ready to move differently now. The pandemic made it abundantly clear the state of Bw dating and mating prospering the community. Cont to help free the minds of Bw to open dating options.
My white friends in college were all married within a couple of years of graduating undergrad. No shock, I lost touch with them. Conversely, the white guys who showed interest in me in college were married minded and I cannot say the same for others (despite my preference for BM).
The reality is my black friends who had a similar upbringing to me got married later but they mostly married out (because the BC has not prioritized marriage for some time now).
@@LadyCharity I would agree with this. 4 years out of college and most of the white and Asian women are settled into long term relationships, if not already married. A lot of it comes down to securing a good partner you can grow with in college and locking it down 2 years post-grad.
I’m now 26 looking for marriage. I’ve had a few boyfriends but they weren’t ready for marriage. I will likely marry out of my race, possibly to someone who isn’t American. Doing some international traveling this year to ensure I’m able to find the partner I want
@@ninagrace-lee8323 Please don’t put BM at the top of your list! Please put a good man at the top of your list! Too many BM are still growing up. If you’re 25, a BM around 45 would probably be your equal in maturity! Even if you find a BM your age or 5 years difference, they feel they’re in such great demand, and after a few years, he’s going fishing to see if he still has it. I’ve never seen anybody’s ego as big as BM, of all men! Remember, who’s being murdered 5 times more than all groups of women in the US, and by whom!
I missed the livestream. But the gentleman on the show was awesome and you gave a great interview. With so much technology and the fact that social media is being used more each day by black women we have a golden opportunity to get out into the world and make some much needed changes to improve our lives. Black women as of today hold 55.5% of U.S. Passports so traveling overseas to do business, invest in real estate, find love and build a new world for ourselves has never been more available to us and we need to take advantage that. Sad to say, some black women we be left behind, but the ones that are looking out side the box and moving forward will be ok.
Beautifully well said!!
@@rayebaldwin9086
Thank you🤗💖
Idk that black women hold that large percent of passports. Hopefully with all the black women traveling, we can change the image of what society and bm have given us.
To be fair, not all non black women are meeting their education match. Many don't. With the exception of Asians, women attend college more than men almost 2 to 1. This is gap will continue to grow as men feel the ROI of college attendance is too low.
This is actually very important and true. The issue with basing what we should do on what white women are doing is literally that. White people are experiencing what WE as black women have been experiencing for some time now.
I think the BW who will thrive are the smartest and most strategic. Instead of looking for a template, we should encourage BW to marry their equals and play it safe/smart with their life choices. Conditions may vary because American life is rapidly shifting
I huge regret of mine is not marrying one of the men I dated in college. They all married and are still married to the next woman they dated after me. I’ve told my college bound son to find a wife in college…..
I really appreciate this conversation and I LOVE Themis’s analytics lens in this discussion. However, I disagree on his theories for why the BM don’t go to college. As a Black girl, throughout my schooling I was discouraged by other Black girls AND boys to strive academically. Black PEOPLE discourage Black boys and girls that are nerdy or that like school. I was teased and made fun of just as much as the Black guys that were like me in school. I believe we don’t see as many BM in school because they are not encouraged to do so as much as BW. Collectively, we are held to a higher standard. We are expected to go to school and be successful, but I don’t see it encouraged as much for the boys.
Sad to hear that. My experience through academic career we challenged each other for the best grades. This was boys and girls. We had study groups and homework sessions. Our goal were to be to be the best. We went a predominantly white high school. Then off to hbcus and plus but never stopped striving for the best.
they discourage themselves. they have such contempt and disregard of their own humanity. it's just an extension of the disease of BM-on-BM violence.
Who’s job is it to encourage Black Boys to go to college? 🤔🤔Oh yea, Black males.
Thank you so much Kris (Pink Pill) and Themis. Another great conversation as per usual. I thank God for the internet that has made me meet people like yourselves that I relate to in so many ways when it's comes issues that affects us Black women. As a 39 year old Black woman based and living in South Africa, I always felt alone since I couldn't find people that I could relate to until the internet made the world so small and easier to find people you can relate to.💕💕💕
I also loved the two songs you played at the beginning of the video, can you please tell me names of the artists title of their songs.
Ngl college was traumatic for me for a few reasons expressed in this live. I appreciate both of your perspectives
when she says "institution" i don't think she's saying the professors are responsible for making the dating life easier for BW. i think she's saying the closed culture in those institutions makes it difficult to join their social groups. for example, if you go to a PWI, you might not get invitations to parties, gatherings, sororities, clubs--all of the things that make up social life and social networking.
Also, because female students generally do better than male students these days, some colleges ARE giving help to male students to keep a 50-50 ratio. This indirectly helps heterosexual female students with dating. Without help, the female students will outnumber male students. The point is that young people in other groups DO have institutions that help them pair up, whether matchmakers (Jewish, desi, etc), houses of worship (Christians, etc), colleges (my HBCU aimed for 50-50 ratio in our graduate program), and more.
Glad interview. Thank you so much.
I'm a super senior & in my last semester of college and never dated. I spent these years trying to glow up so I can date & failed. 😭😭
Is someone studying this dynamic at HBCUs? I'd be interested to see how similar the outcome is despite the presence of college educated BM. I guarantee you if our mothers were more honest with us in college about our chances of finding suitable men, we'd open our options way sooner.
My mom would always tell me I'm going to marry a non-black man based on my "high standards"
I get so weary of that posture from older BW! Our standards are not too high they are NORMAL and NON TOXIC standards that everyone to ascribe to as well!
great conversation guys! thank you! ❤
Ck, Great commentary with you and Themis. Good seeing again.
College is not a dating agency Or combat completion zone.. Everyone should either date inside or outside your race when you can.. Its up to you. If African American men can date and marry successfully outside their race why can’t the African American women ? Good luck girls .
I really wanted to interject on this topic in good faith. From my experience and observation, BW did not want to date good guys who were in college with them. They wanted the cool guys, the fraternity brothers and the athletes.....I was an athlete, played college football, but I was also a 4.0 academic all American on the dean's list. I can't tell you how many BW that were in college dating thugs, drug dealers or non college dudes wasting their time. They looked at the studious guys as corny. A perfect example of this is the recent Michael B. Jordan incident with his former HS classmate who teased him and called him "corny" also this was also the case on the pineapple show with the nuclear physicist. In my category "The Athlete" BW rarely talked to us....believe it or not... they never wanted to come off or be seen like they were pressed on us so there was always a lot of slide remarks about us in public but throw in some liquor and a after a party they were sleeping with 3/4s the team (the same group of girls anyway)... or completely stayed away. My college girlfriend was blk... from an unbelievable 2 family household., rich, and well accomplished...I thought I was going to marry her however she didn't like the fact that I was a better student than I was an athlete....she didn't want to get married because I wasn't going to the NFL and I knew it....she wanted to always have fun, she was spoiled.....but I loved her she was a really a good person and we are still friends to this day. I think I disappointed her dreams of marrying a famous athlete.... I wanted to go to medical school and she didn't want to go through that with me, so we broke up. The WW had no problem in pursuing the athletes....and became their girlfriends and just stayed with them. The guys that were the nerds in most of my biology classes were "corny" and BW never talked to them..... Never....if they did it was to try to get them to help them do their school work. You know who accepted them, talked to them, and built relationships with them? WW. So after I graduated I went to medical school tried to keep my relationship with my college girlfriend but she cheated on me and I couldn't deal with that..... And I knew she cheated on me with some pookie while I was studying to be a doctor.... I was done with BW after that... Today at 43, I'm a physician, vp of clinical operations for a biotech company and today despite her coming from a very well respected wealthy family she is a single mother for the worst kind of man..... and she had the audacity to say me a couple years ago that I was the love of her life and how she screwed up..... I had to hurt her feelings with that one. I don't want to come off like I was perfect when we were together but I was focused on my purpose and I loved her and I talked about marriage with her. Today I primarily date non BW primarily BW just have really bad attitudes and its often disappointing trying to deal with BW today.
Did you talk to your fellow nerdy black girls?? Or just tried to get w the ghetto-ish ones w the big behinds & lipgloss poppin that everyone else wanted..let’s be real. I’m tired of the “ww only accepted me” trope. It’s just an easy cop out.
Wow crazy cautionary tale. Too bad for her for being so myopic in her thinking.
One thing I’d posit is that you may come across BW with bad attitudes. However, could that be because your preference in BW - tend to have bad attitudes? 😅🫤 Something to think about…
Because they still live in the land of unicorn bm.
This is what happens when lower class people come into the worlds of the upper class but don’t understand the customs and norms of upper class society. Upper class people KNOW that you are supposed to find your husbands and wives in college. They’ve been doing this since college has existed. And thats because the wealthiest and smartest young adults go to college so it’s a way to ensure that they marry into good and similar families and secure generational wealth. Most black people going to college today have NO IDEA that this is an unspoken expectation. Black men think that college is for sleeping around and black women think that college is about studying and graduating. Neither of them are right. In contrast, most white men and white women go to college to graduate, network with future leaders, and find their spouses. ESPECIALLY when they go to really high ranking schools. Black people just don’t understand how the world works because we’ve been on the outside looking in for so long.
2:15:10 - I was approached by several WM and I swerved when I was in college...
1975 Tuskegge University. Lots of black men. I don't know who they where dating. I dated the forgren students. My mother did tell me to get my education because If my spouse got sick or lost his job, I would be responcible to take care of the family.
58:06 I’m a Pilates lady too! LOOOOVE it!!
Great conversation!!
Thank you for the live !
I highly recommend young bw get as slim fit as possible, if you want to secure a husband. I also recommend a therapist to workout personal issues, style coaching, and romantic coaching from successfully married experts.
I like the term transcendence
Yes to more lives!
Missed this live , watching it now
Love this channel
WE NEED TO LEARN TO OUR DAUGHTERS TO RECOGNISE A POTENTIAL HUSBAND!
This conversation/subject matter gives me a headache
Bw always had their options open at these PWI's they just weren't preferred ones let's be real. I've had tons of bw tell me that all races of men didn't play them any attention in college.
The typical delusion of black men. Just make it up as you go. Black men will say anything to keep black women from looking elsewhere. Even if we aren't chosen, we still want choose you
I thought his name was Themis
Crystal I wood love to coverage with you is there a way you can be reached
I never realized Themis was so indoctrinated with the all white ppl or even must are racist. He is usually so intelligent. I think he has hung with black women a little too much
I read that article. Sounds like that chick wants to petition the media to MAKE non BM take BW seriously. Sad 😢 and funny 😆 at the same time
Fruit cake gang gang!!! 🎩⚖️
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