This is remarkable story-telling - part testimony, part confessional - of one young gay man’s struggle to say inside the community he grew up in and to be not shut out. He made an exhausting effort over many years to shape his life to the strictures of his church. At the risk of overgeneralizing, it is noteworthy how the tightest racial, religious, sectional interest groups - as the price of their close-knittedness - are often amongst the most inflexible groups in the community, slow to change or progress, with severe harm and hurt caused to their non-conforming members, as shown here. Congrats to Mormon Stories for recording this and posting on youtube.
Don't really know how I "happened" upon this video today, but it must've been meant to be. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. My first Mormon Stories interview video, but how can it get better than this most special one?--and on more levels than one. And I didn't even know Benji Schwimmer was a SYTYCD Champion. Mr. Schwimmer, this, your Part 3 interview, was riveting from start to finish. It was the length of a feature film, but never ever was there a dull moment, because you were so honest. I found myself mouthing certain words or phrases a second before you expressed them, that's how universal your specific experience was! Then (at 1:08:17) when you said (in regards to the new Church policy of the asterisk* staying on your record as a lifetime "sentence") that "This is not of God", if I wasn't afraid of knocking over my laptop on my lightweight table, I would have leaped into the air! That was exactly what I was thinking and you voiced it. And kudos to interviewer Mr. John Dehlin, who laid the foundation of a feeling of comfort and searching for truth and openness for Benji. A 5-star interview if ever there was one! It has begun to change my life, in ways that have nothing to do with being gay, although I am. Thank you so much, everyone involved, including the sensitive, marathoner videographer. I've been one too, so I saw how you imperceptibly followed your person in the flow of the interview. Your work did not go unnoticed. Bravo for this, for Benji's life, and for all of us.
I have been so incredibly moved and touched by seeing this interview. Having watched and listened to Benji take us on his incredibly personal and spiritual journey has been both thought provoking but intensely emotional. I am filled with great admiration for this young man and wish him great joy, happiness, blessings and peace as his life's journey continues.
Amazing series of interviews. Especially now after the latest exclusion policy that has been put in place a few years after this interview. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Benji for opening up. This is completely free of typical stereotypes, but full of intellectual rapport. I completely love your honesty and candor! Love this video Caroline
"I looked forward to tying my sons ties at church and watching them the first day pass the sacrament and being able to be an adviser and watch them in scouting and go on camping trips and doing these things and here I am wearing a scarlet letter for the rest of my life." (1:08:50) Powerful Benji. Awful.
I would love to see a follow up interview with Benji in 2019. I have watched all 3 parts of these videos. It has been a very huge eye opener for me. Thank you
Fantastic series. I truly admire Benji for going through this journey and coming out a better person knowing that he still feels like he needs to help and serve others--what a genuine human being. Congratulations!
Thank you Benji Swimmer! That was one of the most touching interviews I have ever seen. I could relate to so many things you talked about. You deserve every bit of happiness, every bit of peace, and all the love in the world. Thank You!
The thing that resonated the most with me is the part about letting go of focusing on sin and turning that energy to focus on how you can be of service. The other point that got me was the lifting of the veil and seeing everyone as brother and sister, not just those that were in the church. This was an AMAZING 5 hour journey and I thank you both so much for it.
As a West Coast Swing dancer, I am moved by the depth of this West Coast Swing and dance icon. Thank you, Benji, for choosing a path of life where I and so many others are blessed by your gift of dance!
I'm not a Mormon. I'm an agnostic gay man that grew up conservatively baptist. I can relate with the entire story of Benji as my experience is VERY similar; especially the part about picking up the pieces of the snow globe to see what still fit. Thank You sooo much for sharing your story Benji. I wish there'd been something like this 12 years ago when I came out and attempted to reconcile my faith.
I want to thank you for sharing your story. It truly touched me deeply. Telling it must have been so hard but it's so important for people to hear it. Because it's people like you that shows that there is hope for humanity, that shows that there is still good to be found in men and women. Thank you for bringing us that hope.
when I saw how long these are, I thought there is no way I can watch it all, but here I am 5,5 hours later. much respect and all the best Benji, all the best
What an absolutely fabulous testimony and epic spiritual journey! Benji shows us what it means to be truly spiritual and to choose "the better part." His testimony moved me to tears and changed my mind and heart! I'm reminded of something Jesus said: "10 But into whatsoever city [congregation?] ye enter, and they receive you not, go your ways out into the streets of the same, and say, 11 Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you. 12 But I say unto you, that it shall be more tolerable in that day for Sodom, than for that city." (Luke 10) Indeed! It will surely be more tolerable for this young man -- who has the faith and love of Nephi! -- than for those who condemn him, though they never faced the challenges he has faced. I believe in mercy. I believe in the grace. I believe in forgiveness. And I believe this young man has done ALL that he could do in the service of his God. There is indeed a path of escape! And this young man has shown just how far the LDS Church can go (but can go no farther). He has "evolved." He is now in a far, far better place. I wish him the very, very best.
I didn't know anything about Benji Schwimmer before watching this video but was very moved by his story. His path to self-acceptance and self-affirmation against all odds is inspiring. I feel thankful for all the love and support he received when he most needed it. I respect and admire him, I'm grateful for the happiness and peace he's achieved and I hope he finds the love and fulfillment he seeks. No one could deserve it more.
Benji should go on Mormon stories again for an updated interview. I'd love to see what he's up to now, and how the November 2015 policy affected his life and Mormon relationships.
Thank You Benji and Jon. Your story and words are helping an 18 year old boy lost in limbo. Both of you are so brave for sharing your life experiences and i hope that i can one day help people the way you have helped me. I admire you guys and also a shout out to all the people that help make these videos. Bless you wonderful people.
Thank you and thank you. What a brave soul! I believe love is love, regardless of gender. You are beautiful and I love your honesty! I can totally relate, growing up as LDS and living in Utah and feeling judged all the time. And yes, I do have that asterisk you were talking about and the reason why I left the church. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I love and respect the Church. I hope someday that people in the church could actually Love More and Judge Less!
Benji, it has been obvious since Day 1 of your presence in the public eye that you are a being of pure joy and a credit to humanity. Watching this emotional and spiritual roller coaster you have gone through fills me with righteous fury - that you had to suffer the misfortune to have grown up in this twisted and gnarled Phariseean construct of a form of worship that degraded so much about you that brings light to the people you love. You ARE worthy - both of God and a man who loves you.
I love Benji’s ability to see the bigger picture; when the man told him he’s gay but married to his second wife and Benji said how many lives have to be ruined and how many kids will be abandoned. This clearly demonstrates his ability to look at the bigger picture!
I thought I would skip skip skip during watching this video but apparently I stayed calm and watched full for the 2 hours. All I can say is this is the most respectful and dedicated person I've ever known.
I watched this purely because of my love of dance and sat enthralled by Benji's story,what an inspirational young man,I wish him love and luck in his furture. Very sad that he had such a painful path to his new empowered self but as he says that is how he learned so much, Powerful interview,many thanks and much love to you,I would be very proud to have you as a son.x
I was brought to this video from a video about Benji's coming out. At first I was like "Well, duh." and was expecting to come on here to watch maybe five minutes. Now it is two hours and change later. What I saw here was an amazing interview with an articulate, intelligent, thoroughly engaging man. I wish that I had the chance to meet him because I want to give him a hug, take him to dinner, and talk to him for another two hours about everything under the sun. Good for you, Benji!
You are very brave! Most people could not fathom your pain and your real desire to have integrity. What you were willing to do to be right with God is so rare. Righteousness comes to those with empty hands and hearts who know they need the forgiveness that comes from Jesus. The church cannot save us or give us lasting peace. Thank you for being so transparent. You have a heart to seek righteousness. Many would find this a fault. False guilt is an issue but the true desire to be forgiven that leads to what is good brings joy and not more pain. It is hard to know the difference at times. He has changed our mourning into dancing! You have so many gifts even beyond your amazing ability to dance! Thank you for sharing your struggles and how you desire to follow God in all you do. May the rest of your life be very rich and fulfilling.
This guy is amazing! I've been crying, smiling and praying during this whole interview. What an inspiring one! Thanks for bringing this piece of peace, reflection and decision into my world. P.s.: Benji, I hope to meet you someday. I need to have friends (or a husband) with this natural spirituality. :)
Okay I’m sobbing now listening to Benji talk about how your podcasts saved him from wanting to kill himself!! You just never know what impact you’re going to have on someone! I absolutely love his authenticity and transparency!!! I had to pause the video!
I'm neither Mormon nor gay, but I was a fan of Benji's back in Season 2. I began watching the video, not sure if there would be anything of relevance to me but wanting to hear what he had to say. I thought, "Maybe there's some truth in this for me," and I was right. It would take too long and be irrelevant to anyone other than me, I think to explain how, but I needed to see this. I'm hurt by how much loss he (you?) experienced. I don't know how anyone could come to this video and testimony and feel anything other than empathy and anger at the suffering you experienced... Your journey towards God echoes my own in some strange ways - in the past and in the present. I hope you feel the presence of God in your life in a real way again in a community gathers around you and loves you the way that we are meant to love each other. I'm very glad you shared this - hopefully it brings healing, courage, strength and hope to others who need it. I'm certainly glad to have found it.
This is that first I've heard of that policy that the disciplinary mark stays on record for the rest of their lives. Is that still policy, and if not when was it revoked?
So much pain he had! He could have prevented that if he'd just been honest with himself after falling for the "love of his life". It's so clear that this is a smart, deeply feeling, highly moral, honest man.Yet, his religion told him he was "unworthy". He just needed to know it's okay to be human, with the same feelings anyone else has: falling in love, loneliness, despair and finally joy. True joy. HIS joy. I just hope he hasn't decided to live a celibate life. Responsible sex is one the the great pleasures of life. Why would a loving god give it to us then prohibit our enjoyment of it? Doesn't make sense. Good on you, Benji. Have a great, meaningful life.
Passion and anger are two very different emotions. Benj sounds like he would like to be understood (truly understood), and that people with stereotypical perceptions will not truly understand, because of their limited insights. He doesn't seem internally angered at all. He seems sooooo much cooler than I ever gave him credit for being. He actually seems more free than I have ever noticed. Before this, he always seemed to have a wall up. I now see why.
Benji, thank you for sharing your story and your testimony. I'm an active mormon and I understand everything you explained. I believe you received personally revelation from God. I think you are a very special son of Heavenly Father with a special mission in this life. Christ is the rock of our salvation, the church is just a mean to an end. I love you, you are a beautiful soul inside and out. God bless you brother! :)
Talking of sensuality and spirituality, the best book I have found is 'Karmasutra' by Staju Jacob. An exceptional book which explores the connection between karma and sensuality. It is a rare to find a book that discusses these two aspects of life without too much religious dogmas. It can also challenging for a layperson, particularly a Westerner or someone who hasn't read religious texts, to understand the complex laws of karma so this book simplifies it all. This 2016 book 'Karmasutra' By Staju Jacob (by the way it is not the kama sutra book 🙂 with pictures about how to do it... but a different book) provides a nuanced and comprehensive understanding of karma and its impact on consensual sex and sexuality, curses, occult, and the karmic system. Furthermore, it presents these ideas without relying on vague terminology from Eastern religions. It is a remarkable book. I think the author is of Indian origin...some guru of some sort maybe.. Hope this book becomes widely available in all languages.... 🙂
Benji is amazing. He spoke about how awesome the Church would be if Gays had full fellowship. I totally agree. Homosexuality is a stone weighing heavily upon the fabric of Christianity, including Mormonism. If the Church doesn't come to grips with it, the fabric will rip, and Christianity may collapse. The Church has always received revelations when it was expedient (the First Vision, the Word of Wisdom, the Manifesto, and the 1978 Priesthood Revelation). It's time for another one.
By the end of this, whatever issues I may have had with some of what he said faded away. I think he's a very sweet, evolving young man who seems to have an open mind. I think as he is exposed more to the gay community he will get over some of his issues regarding masculinity. I look forward to seeing where he goes and I wish him all the best.
"You're drawing a moral equivalence between the calculated policy directives and machinations of politicians with that of the mormon church?" Actually, you are the one who pointed that out, that the LDS only changed for political reasons. The human species thrives and depends on politics to survive. We're all politicians in our own ways, both as individuals, and as groups. The Catholic Church accepted divorce when it became apparent to it that not to do so would be catastrophic.
Wow that was a great story. I can't believe the pain Benji had to go through to finally get out of the church but I think he is right that we all have to follow our own path. I am a big skeptic so I think that it was just his brain telling him what he needed to survive but whatever it was I am glad he found peace. I am trying to figure out my sexuality now but I am glad I am already out of the church so hopefully it will be easier. It still isn't going to be easy with my family though.
3 parts. Long but good. I hadn't heard of Benji before, never watched SYTYCD and am not a huge dance fan but am a disaffected Mormon. I have to say that I Benji appears to be a great person- dynamic, sincere and loving of all people and he has a pretty amazing story. Hope his story helps who are gay and LDS or those LDS who are doubting. There is a beautiful world outside of the LDS Church and culture. Is there good in the Church? Sure. But it's more than OK to leave if you need to.
I feel so inspired by how Benji tried SO HARD to explore every avenue that he thought he had to before the final acceptance that his path led outside the church. When the interviewer asked what advice Benji would give to other young people going through the same thing, I was sad that he didn't say "what does the Mormon church need to do to be at peace with both the teachings of God and its members". The people don't need to change, the church does. I thought I watched it all but apparently there's 2 more episodes but I think I watched the right one to be honest. I just hope, the romantic in me hopes, that the gate isn't closed on the young man who was Benji's love because everyone deserves that in their lives. I can't even imagine how valuable this is for young people who are Mormon or even other religions ....... or NO religion. You are born the way you are, loving someone of the same gender is not a sin, love is ALWAYS beautiful :)
+Gems St If you believe that loving someone of the same gender is not a sin (which I also believe), you can't simultaneously believe in the Mormon church and hope that they will change. If you believe that prophets will never "lead you astray" then you can't believe something that differs from what Mormon prophets have always taught and also believe they are teaching the truth. I know dozens of gay mormons and gay former mormons, and the former mormons are all extremely happy and content with life. The ones who stay in the religion are all conflicted and miserable. The church doesn't need to change. The people need to change and stop believing in the church. Then they will be happy!
Well I know literally nothing about being a Mormon but churches DO change over time (I mean look at the Catholic church lately!) and there's hope that one day they'll actually LISTEN to the messages of love they're preaching lol I'm not holding out hope but I still think this would be very inspirational for people trying to come to terms with sexuality v religion. And maybe that DOES mean you have to leave the church to be happy - I'm gonna go ahead and say that God is ok with that :)
+Gems St Well, the Mormon church has changed its doctrines at about the same rate as the Catholic church. The point is that they are not teaching messages of love. It's best to follow what you know is moral because of your own innate intellect and character than to follow people who are obviously wrong. If they change the church to accept gays, that will just mean the current leaders were completely wrong (or worse, that it was God's plan for all these gay people to suffer up until the conveniently timed revelation). If the current ones were wrong about this, and past ones have been wrong about so many things (from black people to evolution, etc. etc.) then future ones will also be wrong! Just stop believing them and lead a wonderful, moral life as a non-believer.
Hi, I'm not a Mormon, but have experiences in religion(Catholicism). I believe some people grow out of a prescribed 'religion'. I'm not saying that staying in a religious context is wrong, but some feel they find what they are looking for outside of the constraints as you did. I wish you much luck on your individual journey, mine has been amazing.Those that say being gay is a 'sin' are ill informed(ignorant). To thine own self be true.
The asterick that Benji mentions is truly a scarlet letter, it means there is no forgiveness, there is no Christ. Benji is right, what is being practiced is not of Christ. This is major. We don't earn our salvation - it is gift of God, so none should boast. Grace is what we all need - we need to give up our self righteousness or faith in an institution. It is faith in Christ. If that is not taught, we need to be somewhere where else.
Love and support goes out to Benji, it's always hard to lose a big connection like a church family. “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:11-12) Here Jesus identifies three classes of men who should not marry women. Taking his categories in reverse order, first, there are those who have made themselves “eunuchs” for the kingdom of heaven, i.e., those who foreswear marriage to better serve God. Second, he mentions those who have been “made eunuchs by others,” an apparent reference to castrated males. But Jesus mentions a third category - eunuchs who were born that way. Some might argue that Jesus was referring to males born without testicles, but this would be extremely rare. Moreover, this interpretation ignores how the term “born eunuchs” was used in other literature of the time. In the ancient world, including ancient Jewish culture (as reflected in the Talmud), “natural” or “born” eunuchs were not associated with missing testicles. Rather, they were associated with stereotypically effeminate characteristics and behavior (just like modern gay men), and were thought by Rabbi Eliezer to be subject to “cure” (just like modern gays). Moreover, as we have also seen, eunuchs were commonly associated with homosexual desire. (For a complete discussion of the term "born eunuch" and the connection with homosexuality, see The Early Church Welcomed a Gay Man.) As a reasonably informed person of his time, Jesus would have been aware of this common view of eunuchs. Yet he very matter-of-factly asserts that some people are simply born that way. The implication of his statement is profound - God created gay people the way they are! I believe fully that the majority of churches are operating on a very flawed notion of biblical statements on homosexuality, and I hope there are some who find PEACE in the knowledge that JESUS practiced mercy, acknowledged your birth given orientation and excepted you from the male-female marriage rules.
Benji, welcome to the truth seekers. The truth is more complex and vaster than any of us will ever define. come rest a while, but know those that think they know the answers can't ever feel the awe and continuing discovery that people like yourself will. welcome to the larger world. Robb I. in Dallas, Tx.
Benji was a devote Christian that didn't cuss(at least publicly). This guy Tonex was a Christian singer/pastor, he came out of the closet and started cussing in his music. lol This pastor Jim Swilley and his ex-wife announced to the congregation he was gay and his wife started cussing in the pulpit. I'm talking about people who didn't cuss. At the end of the day, I really don't care. It's just something that stood out to me because I'm always surprised when they start cussing.
There is such an immaturity to the way he talks about what it means to be gay. He seems to have a lot to work through. It baffles me that he still expresses such a sated view of masculinity. He repeatedly seems to see masculinity as a black and white defined concept and being gay and being masculine as more or less mutually exclusive.
John, I don't know if you or your staff is keeping up with old comments, but if you are I'd just like to pass on a message to Benji: I pray that your life is so much better now, Benji. You are a fantastic young man, and exactly the way God made you - if you still believe in God. I have left the church myself, with the November policy being the final straw for me, but I still believe in God. However, I respect all my fellow exmormons who no longer believe in God. I just want us all to find peace and to do good for each other because that is the highest meaning of human life.
Are you a deist now? Have you gone back and read the bible since you left the church? The old testament has vile things to say about homosexuality (and other equally vile things). If the November policy is bad what does that make stoning gays?
![Chris Langan - The Interview THEY Didn't Want You To See - CTMU [Full Version; Timestamps]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/9miVG2xT5jY/mqdefault.jpg)
Benji has such a beautiful heart. So much integrity and kindness in him. Lovely, lovely person.
That is so true. I love him for his purity and integrity. Very inspiring and touching.
I love Benji’s energy, he seems like a really cool, positive person that just radiates happiness. I hope he finds his soulmate when he’s ready!
This is remarkable story-telling - part testimony, part confessional - of one young gay man’s struggle to say inside the community he grew up in and to be not shut out. He made an exhausting effort over many years to shape his life to the strictures of his church. At the risk of overgeneralizing, it is noteworthy how the tightest racial, religious, sectional interest groups - as the price of their close-knittedness - are often amongst the most inflexible groups in the community, slow to change or progress, with severe harm and hurt caused to their non-conforming members, as shown here. Congrats to Mormon Stories for recording this and posting on youtube.
Thank you Benji!!! This is an escape rope from the dungeon I've been going through all my life. I'm glad I found this at 21 and still young.
Don't really know how I "happened" upon this video today, but it must've been meant to be. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. My first Mormon Stories interview video, but how can it get better than this most special one?--and on more levels than one. And I didn't even know Benji Schwimmer was a SYTYCD Champion. Mr. Schwimmer, this, your Part 3 interview, was riveting from start to finish. It was the length of a feature film, but never ever was there a dull moment, because you were so honest. I found myself mouthing certain words or phrases a second before you expressed them, that's how universal your specific experience was! Then (at 1:08:17) when you said (in regards to the new Church policy of the asterisk* staying on your record as a lifetime "sentence") that "This is not of God", if I wasn't afraid of knocking over my laptop on my lightweight table, I would have leaped into the air! That was exactly what I was thinking and you voiced it. And kudos to interviewer Mr. John Dehlin, who laid the foundation of a feeling of comfort and searching for truth and openness for Benji. A 5-star interview if ever there was one! It has begun to change my life, in ways that have nothing to do with being gay, although I am. Thank you so much, everyone involved, including the sensitive, marathoner videographer. I've been one too, so I saw how you imperceptibly followed your person in the flow of the interview. Your work did not go unnoticed. Bravo for this, for Benji's life, and for all of us.
I am not a believer in any kind of god, but I need to say that I appreciate the testimony given here and I wish love and joy.
Thank you for sharing, Benji. The honesty and love truly shine through and I think you will help many with this.
I have been so incredibly moved and touched by seeing this interview. Having watched and listened to Benji take us on his incredibly personal and spiritual journey has been both thought provoking but intensely emotional. I am filled with great admiration for this young man and wish him great joy, happiness, blessings and peace as his life's journey continues.
The more I watch of this........the more my heart breaks for this guy.
Amazing series of interviews. Especially now after the latest exclusion policy that has been put in place a few years after this interview. Thank you so much for sharing.
Benji has a heart of gold. This was a wonderful interview, thank u
Thank you Benji for opening up. This is completely free of typical stereotypes, but full of intellectual rapport. I completely love your honesty and candor!
Love this video
Caroline
"I looked forward to tying my sons ties at church and watching them the first day pass the sacrament and being able to be an adviser and watch them in scouting and go on camping trips and doing these things and here I am wearing a scarlet letter for the rest of my life." (1:08:50)
Powerful Benji. Awful.
I would love to see a follow up interview with Benji in 2019. I have watched all 3 parts of these videos. It has been a very huge eye opener for me. Thank you
We had a follow up with Benji ~6 months ago. You may find that interview here: www.mormonstories.org/podcast/benji-schwimmer-life-after/
Fantastic series. I truly admire Benji for going through this journey and coming out a better person knowing that he still feels like he needs to help and serve others--what a genuine human being. Congratulations!
Thank you for sharing your story so candidly.
Thank you Benji Swimmer! That was one of the most touching interviews I have ever seen. I could relate to so many things you talked about. You deserve every bit of happiness, every bit of peace, and all the love in the world. Thank You!
The thing that resonated the most with me is the part about letting go of focusing on sin and turning that energy to focus on how you can be of service. The other point that got me was the lifting of the veil and seeing everyone as brother and sister, not just those that were in the church. This was an AMAZING 5 hour journey and I thank you both so much for it.
As a West Coast Swing dancer, I am moved by the depth of this West Coast Swing and dance icon. Thank you, Benji, for choosing a path of life where I and so many others are blessed by your gift of dance!
I'm not a Mormon. I'm an agnostic gay man that grew up conservatively baptist. I can relate with the entire story of Benji as my experience is VERY similar; especially the part about picking up the pieces of the snow globe to see what still fit. Thank You sooo much for sharing your story Benji. I wish there'd been something like this 12 years ago when I came out and attempted to reconcile my faith.
I want to thank you for sharing your story. It truly touched me deeply. Telling it must have been so hard but it's so important for people to hear it. Because it's people like you that shows that there is hope for humanity, that shows that there is still good to be found in men and women. Thank you for bringing us that hope.
An important six hours. Benji is breathtaking in his articulateness and candor....and he's a beautiful dancer to boot.......... An amazing young man.
what a crazy interveiw, thank you, for opening my eyes to a whole new perspective. I wish only joy and happiness for your future.
when I saw how long these are, I thought there is no way I can watch it all, but here I am 5,5 hours later.
much respect and all the best Benji, all the best
Good for you Benji, live your authentic life. God bless you.
What an absolutely fabulous testimony and epic spiritual journey! Benji shows us what it means to be truly spiritual and to choose "the better part." His testimony moved me to tears and changed my mind and heart!
I'm reminded of something Jesus said:
"10 But into whatsoever city [congregation?] ye enter, and they receive you not, go your ways out into the streets of the same, and say,
11 Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you.
12 But I say unto you, that it shall be more tolerable in that day for Sodom, than for that city." (Luke 10)
Indeed!
It will surely be more tolerable for this young man -- who has the faith and love of Nephi! -- than for those who condemn him, though they never faced the challenges he has faced.
I believe in mercy. I believe in the grace. I believe in forgiveness. And I believe this young man has done ALL that he could do in the service of his God. There is indeed a path of escape!
And this young man has shown just how far the LDS Church can go (but can go no farther). He has "evolved." He is now in a far, far better place.
I wish him the very, very best.
I didn't know anything about Benji Schwimmer before watching this video but was very moved by his story. His path to self-acceptance and self-affirmation against all odds is inspiring. I feel thankful for all the love and support he received when he most needed it. I respect and admire him, I'm grateful for the happiness and peace he's achieved and I hope he finds the love and fulfillment he seeks. No one could deserve it more.
Wow... This is incredible. I am so moved and this will stay with me for a long time.
This should be required viewing for every Mormon before they're allowed to form an opinion about gay Mormons.
Benji should go on Mormon stories again for an updated interview. I'd love to see what he's up to now, and how the November 2015 policy affected his life and Mormon relationships.
Agree to this in 2022!
@@noborikoon Check out episodes 1,000 and 1,001 if you haven's already seen them.
Thank You Benji and Jon. Your story and words are helping an 18 year old boy lost in limbo. Both of you are so brave for sharing your life experiences and i hope that i can one day help people the way you have helped me. I admire you guys and also a shout out to all the people that help make these videos. Bless you wonderful people.
Thank you and thank you. What a brave soul! I believe love is love, regardless of gender. You are beautiful and I love your honesty! I can totally relate, growing up as LDS and living in Utah and feeling judged all the time. And yes, I do have that asterisk you were talking about and the reason why I left the church. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I love and respect the Church. I hope someday that people in the church could actually Love More and Judge Less!
Love this guy so much. Thanks Benji for who you are, what you do, and for being your best self! Always a fan.
Benji, it has been obvious since Day 1 of your presence in the public eye that you are a being of pure joy and a credit to humanity. Watching this emotional and spiritual roller coaster you have gone through fills me with righteous fury - that you had to suffer the misfortune to have grown up in this twisted and gnarled Phariseean construct of a form of worship that degraded so much about you that brings light to the people you love.
You ARE worthy - both of God and a man who loves you.
just finished the whole 3 parts of the video. It was a great story of a beautiful human being.
Thanks Benji for sharing your story. John - it is great of you to give a voice to the marginalized. Keep the interviews coming.
I love Benji’s ability to see the bigger picture; when the man told him he’s gay but married to his second wife and Benji said how many lives have to be ruined and how many kids will be abandoned. This clearly demonstrates his ability to look at the bigger picture!
I've watched all 5+ hours of this and find Benji honorable and so worthy of having a devoted loving husband. I'm so happy he left religion. 🙂
I thought I would skip skip skip during watching this video but apparently I stayed calm and watched full for the 2 hours.
All I can say is this is the most respectful and dedicated person I've ever known.
What a great interview. Very informative.
I watched this purely because of my love of dance and sat enthralled by Benji's story,what an inspirational young man,I wish him love and luck in his furture. Very sad that he had such a painful path to his new empowered self but as he says that is how he learned so much, Powerful interview,many thanks and much love to you,I would be very proud to have you as a son.x
I hadn't realized Benji was this thoughtful and intelligent. Extremely attractive guy, both inside and out.
I was brought to this video from a video about Benji's coming out. At first I was like "Well, duh." and was expecting to come on here to watch maybe five minutes.
Now it is two hours and change later. What I saw here was an amazing interview with an articulate, intelligent, thoroughly engaging man. I wish that I had the chance to meet him because I want to give him a hug, take him to dinner, and talk to him for another two hours about everything under the sun.
Good for you, Benji!
LOVE this. Benji, I've always been a fan! You are great! I hope you can continue to feel happiness in your life.
I was planning on watching only the SYTYCD portion and I ended up watching the whole thing. Great interview. Thanks for uploading it.
You are very brave! Most people could not fathom your pain and your real desire to have integrity. What you were willing to do to be right with God is so rare. Righteousness comes to those with empty hands and hearts who know they need the forgiveness that comes from Jesus. The church cannot save us or give us lasting peace. Thank you for being so transparent. You have a heart to seek righteousness. Many would find this a fault. False guilt is an issue but the true desire to be forgiven that leads to what is good brings joy and not more pain. It is hard to know the difference at times. He has changed our mourning into dancing! You have so many gifts even beyond your amazing ability to dance! Thank you for sharing your struggles and how you desire to follow God in all you do. May the rest of your life be very rich and fulfilling.
This guy is amazing! I've been crying, smiling and praying during this whole interview. What an inspiring one! Thanks for bringing this piece of peace, reflection and decision into my world.
P.s.: Benji, I hope to meet you someday. I need to have friends (or a husband) with this natural spirituality. :)
I no longer see the sequined dancer. I now see the man. I'm deeply moved by his story and his spirit.
So beautiful. Become the salt that brings savor to the whole world. But first... Leave Zion. LOVED IT!
Okay I’m sobbing now listening to Benji talk about how your podcasts saved him from wanting to kill himself!! You just never know what impact you’re going to have on someone! I absolutely love his authenticity and transparency!!! I had to pause the video!
I have been a fan since sytycd days, know that you are wonderful person no matter who you are
Since I’m not LDS I don’t know certain things that he’s talking about but his inner struggle was so raw. I can relate first hand.
So proud of you Benji! Always will be
Thank you for this. It was beautiful.
Such an amazing testimony...
Love you so much Benji!!! Wish you all the best in your future!!!
I needed this, wow, wish i would've know about this sooner.
"I don't need to 'I-know-it'."
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Love you man, Fight the good fight,
I pray God will continue to bless your life as I'm sure he is.
For my own issues, which aren't even the same issues I've just been helped by a brother TY
Benji, you are the prophet my friend. You are the prophet.
+Tony O'Neill - Don't be such an Idol worshiper!
This is very enlightening. I love him!!!
I'm neither Mormon nor gay, but I was a fan of Benji's back in Season 2. I began watching the video, not sure if there would be anything of relevance to me but wanting to hear what he had to say. I thought, "Maybe there's some truth in this for me," and I was right. It would take too long and be irrelevant to anyone other than me, I think to explain how, but I needed to see this.
I'm hurt by how much loss he (you?) experienced. I don't know how anyone could come to this video and testimony and feel anything other than empathy and anger at the suffering you experienced... Your journey towards God echoes my own in some strange ways - in the past and in the present. I hope you feel the presence of God in your life in a real way again in a community gathers around you and loves you the way that we are meant to love each other.
I'm very glad you shared this - hopefully it brings healing, courage, strength and hope to others who need it. I'm certainly glad to have found it.
Wow....just watched.....amazing and inspiring....thank you.
He's a cutey pie! I am glad for his discovery and that he is doing better
God bless you, Benji Schwimmer.
This is that first I've heard of that policy that the disciplinary mark stays on record for the rest of their lives. Is that still policy, and if not when was it revoked?
You are an awesome interviewer!!
So much pain he had! He could have prevented that if he'd just been honest with himself after falling for the "love of his life". It's so clear that this is a smart, deeply feeling, highly moral, honest man.Yet, his religion told him he was "unworthy". He just needed to know it's okay to be human, with the same feelings anyone else has: falling in love, loneliness, despair and finally joy. True joy. HIS joy. I just hope he hasn't decided to live a celibate life. Responsible sex is one the the great pleasures of life. Why would a loving god give it to us then prohibit our enjoyment of it? Doesn't make sense. Good on you, Benji. Have a great, meaningful life.
That was the main part I was interested in. I've been riveted though. Watched all of SYTYCD part and this part.
Passion and anger are two very different emotions. Benj sounds like he would like to be understood (truly understood), and that people with stereotypical perceptions will not truly understand, because of their limited insights. He doesn't seem internally angered at all. He seems sooooo much cooler than I ever gave him credit for being. He actually seems more free than I have ever noticed. Before this, he always seemed to have a wall up. I now see why.
What a story..I would have never known by just seeing him on TV and at dance conventions he went through all of this...
Thanks so much for this video. I think Benji is one fabulous human being
Benji, thank you for sharing your story and your testimony. I'm an active mormon and I understand everything you explained. I believe you received personally revelation from God. I think you are a very special son of Heavenly Father with a special mission in this life. Christ is the rock of our salvation, the church is just a mean to an end. I love you, you are a beautiful soul inside and out. God bless you brother! :)
You're an amazing guy Benji!
Talking of sensuality and spirituality, the best book I have found is 'Karmasutra' by Staju Jacob. An exceptional book which explores the connection between karma and sensuality. It is a rare to find a book that discusses these two aspects of life without too much religious dogmas. It can also challenging for a layperson, particularly a Westerner or someone who hasn't read religious texts, to understand the complex laws of karma so this book simplifies it all. This 2016 book 'Karmasutra' By Staju Jacob (by the way it is not the kama sutra book 🙂 with pictures about how to do it... but a different book) provides a nuanced and comprehensive understanding of karma and its impact on consensual sex and sexuality, curses, occult, and the karmic system. Furthermore, it presents these ideas without relying on vague terminology from Eastern religions. It is a remarkable book. I think the author is of Indian origin...some guru of some sort maybe.. Hope this book becomes widely available in all languages.... 🙂
Benji is amazing. He spoke about how awesome the Church would be if Gays had full fellowship. I totally agree. Homosexuality is a stone weighing heavily upon the fabric of Christianity, including Mormonism. If the Church doesn't come to grips with it, the fabric will rip, and Christianity may collapse. The Church has always received revelations when it was expedient (the First Vision, the Word of Wisdom, the Manifesto, and the 1978 Priesthood Revelation). It's time for another one.
By the end of this, whatever issues I may have had with some of what he said faded away. I think he's a very sweet, evolving young man who seems to have an open mind. I think as he is exposed more to the gay community he will get over some of his issues regarding masculinity. I look forward to seeing where he goes and I wish him all the best.
"You're drawing a moral equivalence between the calculated policy directives and machinations of politicians with that of the mormon church?" Actually, you are the one who pointed that out, that the LDS only changed for political reasons. The human species thrives and depends on politics to survive. We're all politicians in our own ways, both as individuals, and as groups. The Catholic Church accepted divorce when it became apparent to it that not to do so would be catastrophic.
Wow that was a great story. I can't believe the pain Benji had to go through to finally get out of the church but I think he is right that we all have to follow our own path. I am a big skeptic so I think that it was just his brain telling him what he needed to survive but whatever it was I am glad he found peace. I am trying to figure out my sexuality now but I am glad I am already out of the church so hopefully it will be easier. It still isn't going to be easy with my family though.
"I adore the poop out of you" awwww :3
So nice guy. I like him. All the best!
3 parts. Long but good. I hadn't heard of Benji before, never watched SYTYCD and am not a huge dance fan but am a disaffected Mormon. I have to say that I Benji appears to be a great person- dynamic, sincere and loving of all people and he has a pretty amazing story.
Hope his story helps who are gay and LDS or those LDS who are doubting. There is a beautiful world outside of the LDS Church and culture. Is there good in the Church? Sure. But it's more than OK to leave if you need to.
I feel so inspired by how Benji tried SO HARD to explore every avenue that he thought he had to before the final acceptance that his path led outside the church. When the interviewer asked what advice Benji would give to other young people going through the same thing, I was sad that he didn't say "what does the Mormon church need to do to be at peace with both the teachings of God and its members". The people don't need to change, the church does. I thought I watched it all but apparently there's 2 more episodes but I think I watched the right one to be honest. I just hope, the romantic in me hopes, that the gate isn't closed on the young man who was Benji's love because everyone deserves that in their lives. I can't even imagine how valuable this is for young people who are Mormon or even other religions ....... or NO religion. You are born the way you are, loving someone of the same gender is not a sin, love is ALWAYS beautiful :)
+Gems St If you believe that loving someone of the same gender is not a sin (which I also believe), you can't simultaneously believe in the Mormon church and hope that they will change. If you believe that prophets will never "lead you astray" then you can't believe something that differs from what Mormon prophets have always taught and also believe they are teaching the truth. I know dozens of gay mormons and gay former mormons, and the former mormons are all extremely happy and content with life. The ones who stay in the religion are all conflicted and miserable. The church doesn't need to change. The people need to change and stop believing in the church. Then they will be happy!
Well I know literally nothing about being a Mormon but churches DO change over time (I mean look at the Catholic church lately!) and there's hope that one day they'll actually LISTEN to the messages of love they're preaching lol I'm not holding out hope but I still think this would be very inspirational for people trying to come to terms with sexuality v religion. And maybe that DOES mean you have to leave the church to be happy - I'm gonna go ahead and say that God is ok with that :)
+Gems St Well, the Mormon church has changed its doctrines at about the same rate as the Catholic church. The point is that they are not teaching messages of love. It's best to follow what you know is moral because of your own innate intellect and character than to follow people who are obviously wrong. If they change the church to accept gays, that will just mean the current leaders were completely wrong (or worse, that it was God's plan for all these gay people to suffer up until the conveniently timed revelation). If the current ones were wrong about this, and past ones have been wrong about so many things (from black people to evolution, etc. etc.) then future ones will also be wrong! Just stop believing them and lead a wonderful, moral life as a non-believer.
Richard Atkinson
I don't personally believe in any church doctrine. I used to. I believe in love :)
This was three years ago... does anyone know how he is now? I hope to go he's not suffering.
I feel the same exact way I see him differently, but I just respect him so much more now that I know his story
1:27... The only time I truly feel like I've felt the spirit at church is when I hear the primary sing.
Hi, I'm not a Mormon, but have experiences in religion(Catholicism). I believe some people grow out of a prescribed 'religion'. I'm not saying that staying in a religious context is wrong, but some feel they find what they are looking for outside of the constraints as you did. I wish you much luck on your individual journey, mine has been amazing.Those that say being gay is a 'sin' are ill informed(ignorant). To thine own self be true.
what a bro. what a cool dude.
Awesome Video!
I'm a happy and proud mormon, but I really appreciate your concern! I hope for you every happiness that I've been able to find through this gospel
The asterick that Benji mentions is truly a scarlet letter, it means there is no forgiveness, there is no Christ. Benji is right, what is being practiced is not of Christ. This is major. We don't earn our salvation - it is gift of God, so none should boast. Grace is what we all need - we need to give up our self righteousness or faith in an institution. It is faith in Christ. If that is not taught, we need to be somewhere where else.
PS. Khuno... thx for no ad homs. Shows class and is aways apreciated.
Love and support goes out to Benji, it's always hard to lose a big connection like a church family.
“Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:11-12)
Here Jesus identifies three classes of men who should not marry women. Taking his categories in reverse order, first, there are those who have made themselves “eunuchs” for the kingdom of heaven, i.e., those who foreswear marriage to better serve God. Second, he mentions those who have been “made eunuchs by others,” an apparent reference to castrated males. But Jesus mentions a third category - eunuchs who were born that way. Some might argue that Jesus was referring to males born without testicles, but this would be extremely rare. Moreover, this interpretation ignores how the term “born eunuchs” was used in other literature of the time.
In the ancient world, including ancient Jewish culture (as reflected in the Talmud), “natural” or “born” eunuchs were not associated with missing testicles. Rather, they were associated with stereotypically effeminate characteristics and behavior (just like modern gay men), and were thought by Rabbi Eliezer to be subject to “cure” (just like modern gays). Moreover, as we have also seen, eunuchs were commonly associated with homosexual desire. (For a complete discussion of the term "born eunuch" and the connection with homosexuality, see The Early Church Welcomed a Gay Man.) As a reasonably informed person of his time, Jesus would have been aware of this common view of eunuchs. Yet he very matter-of-factly asserts that some people are simply born that way. The implication of his statement is profound - God created gay people the way they are!
I believe fully that the majority of churches are operating on a very flawed notion of biblical statements on homosexuality, and I hope there are some who find PEACE in the knowledge that JESUS practiced mercy, acknowledged your birth given orientation and excepted you from the male-female marriage rules.
Benji, welcome to the truth seekers. The truth is more complex and vaster than any of us will ever define. come rest a while, but know those that think they know the answers can't ever feel the awe and continuing discovery that people like yourself will. welcome to the larger world.
Robb I. in Dallas, Tx.
He's already cried a lot both during the interview & during stories where he said that he did.
Benji was a devote Christian that didn't cuss(at least publicly). This guy Tonex was a Christian singer/pastor, he came out of the closet and started cussing in his music. lol This pastor Jim Swilley and his ex-wife announced to the congregation he was gay and his wife started cussing in the pulpit. I'm talking about people who didn't cuss. At the end of the day, I really don't care. It's just something that stood out to me because I'm always surprised when they start cussing.
There is such an immaturity to the way he talks about what it means to be gay. He seems to have a lot to work through. It baffles me that he still expresses such a sated view of masculinity. He repeatedly seems to see masculinity as a black and white defined concept and being gay and being masculine as more or less mutually exclusive.
John, I don't know if you or your staff is keeping up with old comments, but if you are I'd just like to pass on a message to Benji:
I pray that your life is so much better now, Benji. You are a fantastic young man, and exactly the way God made you - if you still believe in God. I have left the church myself, with the November policy being the final straw for me, but I still believe in God. However, I respect all my fellow exmormons who no longer believe in God. I just want us all to find peace and to do good for each other because that is the highest meaning of human life.
Are you a deist now? Have you gone back and read the bible since you left the church? The old testament has vile things to say about homosexuality (and other equally vile things). If the November policy is bad what does that make stoning gays?
I LOVE HIM!