I sat in divorce court with my narcissistic ex just last Friday. She lied under oath about so many things - even things that she didn't need to lie about. It was obvious that she was lying, and she came across as mean and nasty, because she is. I was honest and calm. I guess maybe we were both being our authentic selves. For me, it felt good.
@empath7766, That's true. A former "friend" of mine used to say things like, "I know she isn't retaliatory. She's a decent type.".....and similar. Another one was, "If a friendship goes sour, you hope for a soft landing." Such odd things to say, I thought to myself. Those were the people she pursued for friendship, and I was one of them. When I finally wanted to leave the friendship, those things she used to say started to make sense to me. She knew I wouldn't make things nasty or hard. I just stopped being available, and without asking me why (she KNEW why!😂) she dropped off by herself, like a tick who is full and doesn't need to suck any more of your blood.
@@aynilaa Well I guess they're not willing to be vulnerable, to enable their authenticity. I find it quite sad and ironic that, they see it as weak, though aren't willing to show the strength needed, to be themselves, as is. And I thought I was bad at adulting at times.. 😂
Depends on whether the narcissist is a violent psychopath or not. I've had both. I laid low with the criminal psychopath and got help to escape. He later murdered his final victims. Other narcissists, less criminal, I've been authentic with and broke off the relationship. Why put up with them. One thing for sure: This arrogant United States of America is RIFE with narcissists, criminal and non-criminal and they pretty much have destroyed the country. This from a 25-year political activist and domestic violence survivor and adult child of a narcissistic parent, and survivor of multiple employer abuse and narcissistic friendships. Narcissism is everywhere in this country.
I think it's true to some extent, especially when you're financially dependent or have kids with a narcissist. But I think that being more authentic (it's always a spectrum) with the narcissist, might mean that they're losing their mental advantage over you.
This was very useful to me. I think of myself as authentic and I think I am in some ways but I often don't express myself for fear of being disliked. Telling me people disliked me was one of the ways my mother controlled me from an early age and when someone did indicate they liked me I didn't try to pursue a friendship because I couldn't believe anyone could truly like me. I'm going to work on this. Thank you.
Thank you is all I can say from the bottom of my heart. This year has been unbelievably painful losing a close friend to cancer and then realizing my closest relationship (my sister) is a narcissist and my family are enabling her. Somehow I came across your videos and they have helped me understand all of my pain and anxiety and where it stems from and how to move on. I am doing therapy now too and no it is not easy but truly thank you for helping me find my true authentic self and even my husband said he's excited to see me find myself for the first time. Your videos give me the validation, comfort, and trust in what I am doing is right even though it's difficult it's what I need.
Thank you again another amazing video that nails everything. My road to a deeper authenticity was through a narcissistic relationship. Through the abuse I was able to find my true voice and what was authentically me and what was authentically her. And now I turn away and move forward with my life healing, growing and expanding and showing up as exactly who I am. Thank you.
The timing of this video is perfect. Your knowledge has accompanied me throughout my healing journey from a former narcissist partner and in your channel I understood that my mother was also one. After embracing my authenticity last year I entered the discard phase and finally ended the relationship. The whole of 2023 was my journey of getting myself back together and I'm leaving it stronger and more authentic than ever. But being authentic is HARD! I never associated that as an antidote against narcissists, you've made my day! Thank you so much Dr!
Great content, as usual, Dr. Ramani! I once had a (what I believe to be) grandiose narcissist for a coworker, and she would frequently tell us “how” she was: kind, nurturing, motherly, giving, etc. My own observation was that she seemed sadistic, jealous, and cruel. One night, she was waxing eloquent about one of her many virtues, and another coworker chimed in about how *they* were. I couldn’t take it anymore and pointed out that I didn’t know “how” I was to others- only that I *tried* to be kind and a decent, ethical person, and I knew *why* I behaved how I did- but that didn’t mean that was how others perceived me. So even if I thought I was one way, that didn’t mean that others would agree, and simply declaring it didn’t make it so. That was just one of the many reasons this coworker hated me. Yeah, sorry not sorry 😅
My mom and grandmother (oddly enough, my dad's mom) were the most authentic people I've ever known. They saw and encouraged me. But they didn't know we were swimming in a sea of narcissism, both within the family and out in the world. Mom just taught me to accept that most people aren't capable of perspectival thinking, so it was up to us to bring them along. She saw how women had to fashion themselves in the world so as not to displease the men and knew our expectations had to be different. She gave me permission to explore them. Without her authenticity and trust in mine, I would never have survived the abuse I've received from the narcs.
Authenticity has been "my pathway to healing" forsure🖤 DrRamani has stayed relevant every step of my journey. Giving me all the tools to save myself years ago, and having stayed close to her vids, am still learning to get to the real me..
A real relationship allows you to breathe and be yourself. I taught this to my niece a long time ago before she was a teenager, hoping she would avoid the pitfalls her mother and my other siblings went through. It is also one of the reasons I wait. I want to be as good a friend to the other person as I can, while allowing them to breathe and just be. I always told her, don’t go with what is pretty or handsome. Go with what is consistent, and allows you to breathe and just be. So many people have a hard time being with someone because they feel they are constantly under threat or picked on, instead of being a team or true friendship. True authenticity is not only allowing the other person to be vulnerable without holding it over their head, but also being honest with them. That has to be done in private (obviously) but it also means not publicizing their vulnerabilities. -like your other videos point out, narcissists only seek to learn your vulnerabilities so they can exploit them and humiliate you
This is gold! I hate that I’m over 40 before learning this but I definitely feel at my best, heart led, at peace with my words and actions when being authentic. Making it ok to honour the self is a definite welcome buzz word and follows so nicely on from toxic and gaslighting. Anything I can do to ensure that I don’t become narcissistic. Really appreciate this ❤
"You had to be what somebody else wanted you to be in order to survive." That is painfully True. Even when I was aware that was what I was doing, in hopes of making it out physically alive so that one day I could live as ME and stop shoving my actual self into a psychological prison just to keep myself from being constantly ripped apart by the narcs running the house I grew up in, the knowing did NOT make it easier. I cried my eyes out when I saw Man in the Iron Mask for the first time because seeing the metal face cage the protagonist is forced to wear his whole life was the first time I could put a picture to what my birth family had done, was still doing, and would always do to me. It was sad to see it, but it was also liberating and affirming because I felt the world was seeing proof now that underneath that awful mask he was forced to live in there was an actual person - a whole and living and breathing person with thoughts, beliefs, feelings, character, and self that existed with or without that prison keeping him hidden. When the NPD King tells the prisoner "Wear It Until You Love It", I saw and heard my mother, and I still do.
I think this is good news and a good change from the gas lighting term trending one year and then authenticity is trending because of the narcissism recovery curriculum (here at RUclips). Thank you Dr ramani, I'm here daily with my pen and journal. Thank you for so much healing, education and help.
Narcissistic authenticity= "Just so you know, I'm not being rude when I interrupt you. It's just sometimes if I don't say it right when I think of it, I'll forget, and that frustrates me more 'n just about anything. God, that makes me mad!! And it's always important." ...I got interrupted a lot. From grade school on, I had such extreme anxiety about speaking in from of the class. I refused to do presentations and usually voted "most shy." I said very little and people often commented about how shy/quiet I had no confidence or self-esteem. Every good, joyful thing that happened at my mom's was criticized and I believed what my father said. I didn't have a safe place to learn who I was. I was gaslighted if I said I had a good time w/ my mom. I believed she was dishonest, and unauthentic. Even my memories are distorted. But what bothers me most is before I knew the truth about father is: If asked to describe my own qualities, values, beliefs...all of it would have been centered around who I was for him and who I was because I had him as a role model. That's a disgusting thought and reality.
Love your purple wisdom chair. And your library. And your helpful perspective that keeps me sane in my life with a very self centered aged mom. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Agreed with Dr. R. 💐 that for anyone who "DECIDED" to be as much authenticcally as they can "afford" .. Remember that the price tags are VERY EXPENSIVE that no amounts of💰💰 can be exchanged for, including the DISCARDING of the old relationships of those whom had sold the Authentic individual's Souls for the cheapest 💰💰 for survival sakes of their cowardly, contentment and/or pathetic satisfaction being someone's else lapdogs..Period..
Before I knew about narcissism and it's cycle I thought a narcissistic family member had changed and let my guard down. I thought I could finally be myself. It was me speaking my mind that set off the narcissistic meltdown that made me realize that they hadn't changed and never would. I went no contact after that. Fortunately for me, my daughter knew about Dr. Ramani and sent me a link to this channel. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Dr. Ramani for these videos. They gave given me tools for healing, validation when enablers defend the narcissist, and strength to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
i know....this is why i really hope to see more videos about what to do in those situations...no contact, grey rock....and all the other usual suggestions just don't work in these situations...i mean i know who am i dealing with and i know it would be best to leave....but there are very practical reasons why that is not possible....so what to do then?
I'm loving the word Authenticity. I've been reading Dr. Gabor Mate's book, the myth of normal. My Dad had BPD growing up which caused me to have a lot of identity issues and trouble finding my authentic self. But after 20 years of therapy I feel like I'm finally getting there. Finding out that my Dad has BPD has created a huge wave of healing in the last few days. He's in his 70s so I wonder what my life would have been like if he'd been diagnosed when I was a kid.
“Social media is where authenticity goes to die!” 👏👏👏 Bravissima, Dr Ramani! Thank you for this excellent and very timely video❤️❤️🥰 Please could you make a video on how to find yourself again and our purpose after we had to bury it so deep and in the graveyard of our dreams that we forgot where it is?
Authenticity has kind of a funny association with me these days. When I filed for divorce from my covert narcissist husband, he just was starting up his smear campaign. One of the last things I said to him was that I was sad to see him spreading lies, and surrounding himself with people who actually encourage him to lie in court. Meanwhile my family and friends empowered me to be truthful. I told him he would never live authentically by doing that and he told me to "get fucked." It showed me that I was making the right decision by divorcing him!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Dear reader, if you’re reading this comment and are a Catholic considering going to confession this Advent season, please consider this very talk on authenticity as a form of an examination of conscience. Say a prayer for all of us healing, those we need to pray for, & of course wonderful Dr. Ramani
Catholics need to stay OUT of American women's reproductive choices. Hardly an AUTHENTIC religion, just another patriarchal old boys club that has done great harm to humanity.
Authenticity was a big trend in restaurants in the late 80s and early 90s. A lot of the places that claimed it turned out to be false. I had a pastor that really emphasized the importance of authenticity as the antidote for getting deceived. It served me well through my dealings with narcissists and kept me from falling into their ways. I could see what the narcissists were immediately but I didn’t have the label narcissist yet. I think the label of narcissist is at best a temporary designation for a much deeper problem that psychology can never solve.
I try to be worthy enough to be considered Authentic. It's a challenge and I have fallen out with a few narcissist types. It's 100% worth shedding these vampires. You do great work ❤
I think what bugs me about the word ‘authentic’ being used incorrectly, is there can be ‘shame/blame’, like you’re ’less than’ if you aren’t ‘authentic’, when I really couldn’t be myself in unsafe toxic relations, and had to alter how I behaved to survive, and I have learnt to be proud of myself for doing what I had to. Many people don’t understand and use it incorrectly. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I am very very proud of myself for not being authentic, that is revealing my true thoughts and feelings, with cops that came to arrest me and then psychiatrists who fed me antipsychotics during the 20 days my narc family forced me to spend in a psychiatric clinic. That was 10 years ago, december 2013, and thinking about all that this week, I admire the young strong woman I was then, knowing how to put on a mask and survive.
Wow, you got me thinking. While I guard myself with all the narcissists in my life, the only one that I truly hide the real me from is my Mom. I wonder why I do that with her and not the others…. I’ll have to think about that some more….
Wow. Me, too…until this last year. I’ve now spoken my truth to my brutally narcissistic mother about who I authentically am, and have done so in the context of “This is what you’ve either ignored, paid no attention to or have never cared to know - about me.” It’s the only time I’ve gently, yet forcefully, told her to just sit there and be quiet or I would leave without another word…and it’s the only time she’s actually done so. When I was finished, I walked out the door, and other than some small essentials of dealing with a widowed, 85 year old mother, I do not call or interact. I feel freer than I have in my entire lifetime, without no guilt, shame or regret for standing up for who I am.
This is legitimately the word of my year. Every birthday I have I have a word that I live up to. Last year was control, and this year, 17 years old, is Authenticity. Simply hoaning in on embracing my identity has lost me my girlfriend, plenty of friendships, and the respect of my band director. This year, I've taken the most emotional hits than ever in my life , but it was in an effort to feel fully comfortable in my skin. At the moment, I'm far closer to my family, my best friend, and people that matter more in my life. At first I didn't entirely know what to make of it, but after watching this video, I know I'm not alone
Am so so grateful to you for your guidance and clarity . So much knowledge and education on this subject is so hopeful and encourages us to actually live fearlessly . You are doing a great job Dr Ramani !
I grew up in a Socialist country. Inauthenticity is the best word to describe it. And to this day it's advocates overlap with Narcissism and the worse things in that Cluster. A bunch of pretentious, often malicious, children, no matter many decades their bodies have been on this Earth. It might be true for any cult. It's Leaders, its main agents. The rest are good people who really fell for it and will then do bad things for the group, the cause, whatever, believing it's good.
The circle is getting smaller, that community is now being found within these videos. Authenticity is a beautiful gift. Please don't SELL your self short #weloveyouall #thankyouall and Romney yes it's TIME😉😉😉 have a Beautiful Day
Thankful for this great video and the one about wanting normal. Validation-seeking is such a waste of time, although everyone needs some now and then. Love your stmt about social media and authenticity. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I've experienced being shamed for being authentic, boringly myself when "Cool is all around me" and this is published BTW as a magazine contributor, I stand steadfast, unstirring to those who need an illusion. It's kinda lonely here, but I do have my close friends for decades I can turn to who know me and appreciate me. For them, I'm grateful because I would have lost myself without those who believe in me as a friend. This video brought back a flood of sad memories and self-esteem issues trying to maintain authenticity in toxic relationships and work environments, yet I am so happy to have heard it because I feel a little more validated today than I did yesterday and everything helps as I continually try to rebuild my self-esteem :)
In Thanksgiving: { USA 🇺🇸} : btw: Media Technical Support People and Staff @ Doctor Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.: ( Presentation: Awareness- Mental Health- information ℹ️ Fabulous) : btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
I think i’m one of the most authentic people in the world (yet a bit too much judgemental, but i’m working on it…) and it’s not by chance that i got caught in the hypnotic web of a vulnerable narcissist…now i’m struggling to mend the broken pieces of my mind and heart…but if i’m not bending under the unbareable weight of loss pain confusion etc, it’s mostly thank to video like this one, that gave validation to all this maddening emotions and sensations and doubts i’m going through for almost 4 months since the mask sllipped! Thanks a lot!! I felt like nobody (not even my psy) could understand what was going on within myself…now i know what’s happening! 😊
My personal life is awesome…. Don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out. But the workplace is my kryptonite. Narcs are in charge everywhere, from top to bottom. They like each other. They speak the same language and circle up the wagons. And as a single working class older female, they weaponizing that paycheck. I have learned to shut up. It actually takes courage not to engage or explain anything. And in these truly frightening times, a good survival strategy. There’s NO support for authenticity in our extremely artificial world. But we can still keep the fire burning inside. I verbalize my boundaries, ever. That’s just bait for narc bosses and toxic co workers. I just act on it and then play stupid when they try to attack me. Since people believe that women over the age of 45 are all stupid, works every time.
I really enjoyed this video! I learnt that being my authentic self means irking/triggering others and then I found out that I was autistic! Anyway, when you described the opposite of authentic, I didn’t think of narcissism funnily enough, I thought of emotionally avoidant people and people who are shallow thinkers! I don’t believe these people have NPD but I do think that they have strong narc traits, which is why I use the term, ‘narcissistic’ a lot. Anyway, I am always striving to be my authentic self and recognising that it is also a lonely journey! Thanks Dr Ramani ❤
I worry that narcissists think they embody "authenticity," but being exclusively concerned with their own internal experience, not aware of others' internal experiences (or even aware of the fact that others HAVE internal experiences, independent of their own. They are also aware of how others, and the external world, impact THEM, justifying their reactions ("I'm just telling it like it is," as though their individual perspective is THE Way It Is,) but being oblivious to the fact that THEY ALSO IMPACT OTHERS. Somehow, "what's important" is intent, not impact, when it's THEIR intent, and their actions are impacting others, but when others' actions are impacting THEM, it's the impact "that's the important thing," regardless of others' intention. The key is that the focus is on THEM, whatever the situation, and THEIR view, THEIR "truth," THEIR authenticity that takes priority, if anyone else's is even acknowledged as existing at all.
Yep, it's always their way or the highway. And I'm left singin', 🎶… Movin' me down the highway Rollin' me down the highway Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by 🎶
I always encourage people to heal their wounds to become who they truly are, which means authentic self. It's definitely the ultimate way to "send away" Narcissist or toxic people in general. Yes, Being authenticity means you have smaller social circles but they're all same kind of people like you. I think that's the best part of it. However, not a lot of people want to go down this road, coz they don't want to face these traumas. It's too painful for them, but I always told them that if you can express about it, you started the healing process. I do believe there will be more people want to dig into their shadows and heal their selves in the following years, and in the end they will transform to a new version of their selves just like the butterfly.😇 Thank you Dr. Ramani for this whole year you devoting to these Narcissism education to public.
Yes I understand that and I’ve made it my goal to like myself even though I’m always saying I’m weird or asking why I do or say something so I’m refusing to behave the way he expects me too!! He can kiss my ass lol
Found your videos two months ago, my wife of 8 years left this morning, i only asked if she knew what a narcissist was. I thought we had communication issues that were preventing us from resolving problems, i came to realise that it was by design. I strived so hard to be authentic in all the ways you describe, but all i got back was bad faith arguments, false statements and straw men. Such a sad day, day one i guess.
Cheer up - reading down these columns i notice almost everyone gets divorced / separated / smashes their mothers face in / or turns the pet into a taxidermy statue after running it over not long after finding / listening to this material.
Great word of the year. Authenticity is the ONLY thing that really matters. Human beings are by nature, and in their cultures, deceptive. My ET contact with highly telepathic beings has shown me that being emotionally open and authentic is the only way forward for us as a species. AND of course, it has helped me recovering from narcissistic abuse.
We can study narcissism for years and still be exploited by them. How? Their enablers who appear to us to be normal and trustworthy, all while they walk the narcissist right through our front door of our homes and give them access to our lives. An enabler is the part of a narcissist that flies under the radar. I’ve spent years studying narcissism but what good does it do when I’m being robbed by a narcissist who is under the protection of an enabler. I wouldn’t have been exploited if I could have recognized the enabler before it was too late.
Why does the description of an Authentic person sound like the epitome of humanity. I've never met anyone that encompasses 'everything' that Dr Ramani described. Can I achieve 100% Authenticity with such a high bar to reach?
The last things taken from my home need to be returned immediately or my neighbors will continue to absorb the cost of that. This will continue until you confess the the police dept.
Loosing people because of a narcissist can also make life easier - as they have eliminated themselves from the equation and you don’t have to test them if they are enablers - you just know and move on.
The problem with living in a politically correct society is that you can’t be 100% authentic unless you have FU money. Until then, you have to censor parts of yourself to avoid offending your boss and HR department to keep your job. This is why financial freedom is so important.
If you don't fit in, it's because you stand out, and that makes you OUTSTANDING.
😄
Bars👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Dayyymmmnn 🔥🔥🔥
That was me
Powerful AND TRUE comment! ❤
A narcissist will hug you in public and then slap you in private.
Yup
I sat in divorce court with my narcissistic ex just last Friday. She lied under oath about so many things - even things that she didn't need to lie about. It was obvious that she was lying, and she came across as mean and nasty, because she is. I was honest and calm. I guess maybe we were both being our authentic selves. For me, it felt good.
Beautiful share. 🌼 Thanks. You are not alone. 🧡
It felt good being in court? Surely you’d feel anxious being in court, not proud of how you were coming across?
Narcissists target empaths... they know we are good people who give others the benefit of the doubt. They take advantage.
@empath7766, That's true. A former "friend" of mine used to say things like, "I know she isn't retaliatory. She's a decent type.".....and similar. Another one was, "If a friendship goes sour, you hope for a soft landing." Such odd things to say, I thought to myself. Those were the people she pursued for friendship, and I was one of them. When I finally wanted to leave the friendship, those things she used to say started to make sense to me. She knew I wouldn't make things nasty or hard. I just stopped being available, and without asking me why (she KNEW why!😂) she dropped off by herself, like a tick who is full and doesn't need to suck any more of your blood.
My authenticity turn me into the scapegoat and I'm taking it back!!!! ✊✊🏼✊🏾
It feels as though integrity is poison to a narcissist. I think it bores them and annoys them, in equal measure! 😂
You are so correct!
They absolutely hate it. And they know they aren't authentic but just pretend to be.
@@aynilaa Well I guess they're not willing to be vulnerable, to enable their authenticity. I find it quite sad and ironic that, they see it as weak, though aren't willing to show the strength needed, to be themselves, as is.
And I thought I was bad at adulting at times.. 😂
Being authentic in a narcissistic relationship is impossible if you want to be safe.
Depends on whether the narcissist is a violent psychopath or not. I've had both. I laid low with the criminal psychopath and got help to escape. He later murdered his final victims.
Other narcissists, less criminal, I've been authentic with and broke off the relationship. Why put up with them.
One thing for sure: This arrogant United States of America is RIFE with narcissists, criminal and non-criminal and they pretty much have destroyed the country.
This from a 25-year political activist and domestic violence survivor and adult child of a narcissistic parent, and survivor of multiple employer abuse and narcissistic friendships.
Narcissism is everywhere in this country.
True. But doing it honestly makes a narcissist show their true colors. Then you GTFO of there. I'm grateful that my authenticity saved my life. 💝
I think it's true to some extent, especially when you're financially dependent or have kids with a narcissist. But I think that being more authentic (it's always a spectrum) with the narcissist, might mean that they're losing their mental advantage over you.
True! 💯
Rightly said 👍
I suspect now that narcs know about the word, they will boast about being "the most authentic person in the world"😂
I have always hated the phrase "fake it til you make it".
This was very useful to me. I think of myself as authentic and I think I am in some ways but I often don't express myself for fear of being disliked. Telling me people disliked me was one of the ways my mother controlled me from an early age and when someone did indicate they liked me I didn't try to pursue a friendship because I couldn't believe anyone could truly like me. I'm going to work on this. Thank you.
Authenticity played a crucial role, it beats appearances
Thank you is all I can say from the bottom of my heart. This year has been unbelievably painful losing a close friend to cancer and then realizing my closest relationship (my sister) is a narcissist and my family are enabling her. Somehow I came across your videos and they have helped me understand all of my pain and anxiety and where it stems from and how to move on. I am doing therapy now too and no it is not easy but truly thank you for helping me find my true authentic self and even my husband said he's excited to see me find myself for the first time. Your videos give me the validation, comfort, and trust in what I am doing is right even though it's difficult it's what I need.
I wish Good luck to you
The Oxford dictionary word of the year for 2023 is ‘rizz’ short for charisma, another word that Dr Ramani uses frequently.
Thank you again another amazing video that nails everything. My road to a deeper authenticity was through a narcissistic relationship. Through the abuse I was able to find my true voice and what was authentically me and what was authentically her. And now I turn away and move forward with my life healing, growing and expanding and showing up as exactly who I am. Thank you.
The timing of this video is perfect. Your knowledge has accompanied me throughout my healing journey from a former narcissist partner and in your channel I understood that my mother was also one.
After embracing my authenticity last year I entered the discard phase and finally ended the relationship. The whole of 2023 was my journey of getting myself back together and I'm leaving it stronger and more authentic than ever. But being authentic is HARD! I never associated that as an antidote against narcissists, you've made my day! Thank you so much Dr!
Great content, as usual, Dr. Ramani! I once had a (what I believe to be) grandiose narcissist for a coworker, and she would frequently tell us “how” she was: kind, nurturing, motherly, giving, etc. My own observation was that she seemed sadistic, jealous, and cruel. One night, she was waxing eloquent about one of her many virtues, and another coworker chimed in about how *they* were. I couldn’t take it anymore and pointed out that I didn’t know “how” I was to others- only that I *tried* to be kind and a decent, ethical person, and I knew *why* I behaved how I did- but that didn’t mean that was how others perceived me. So even if I thought I was one way, that didn’t mean that others would agree, and simply declaring it didn’t make it so. That was just one of the many reasons this coworker hated me. Yeah, sorry not sorry 😅
My mom and grandmother (oddly enough, my dad's mom) were the most authentic people I've ever known. They saw and encouraged me. But they didn't know we were swimming in a sea of narcissism, both within the family and out in the world. Mom just taught me to accept that most people aren't capable of perspectival thinking, so it was up to us to bring them along. She saw how women had to fashion themselves in the world so as not to displease the men and knew our expectations had to be different. She gave me permission to explore them. Without her authenticity and trust in mine, I would never have survived the abuse I've received from the narcs.
Authenticity has been "my pathway to healing" forsure🖤 DrRamani has stayed relevant every step of my journey. Giving me all the tools to save myself years ago, and having stayed close to her vids, am still learning to get to the real me..
A real relationship allows you to breathe and be yourself. I taught this to my niece a long time ago before she was a teenager, hoping she would avoid the pitfalls her mother and my other siblings went through.
It is also one of the reasons I wait.
I want to be as good a friend to the other person as I can, while allowing them to breathe and just be.
I always told her, don’t go with what is pretty or handsome. Go with what is consistent, and allows you to breathe and just be. So many people have a hard time being with someone because they feel they are constantly under threat or picked on, instead of being a team or true friendship.
True authenticity is not only allowing the other person to be vulnerable without holding it over their head, but also being honest with them.
That has to be done in private (obviously) but it also means not publicizing their vulnerabilities.
-like your other videos point out, narcissists only seek to learn your vulnerabilities so they can exploit them and humiliate you
This is gold! I hate that I’m over 40 before learning this but I definitely feel at my best, heart led, at peace with my words and actions when being authentic. Making it ok to honour the self is a definite welcome buzz word and follows so nicely on from toxic and gaslighting. Anything I can do to ensure that I don’t become narcissistic. Really appreciate this ❤
"You had to be what somebody else wanted you to be in order to survive."
That is painfully True. Even when I was aware that was what I was doing, in hopes of making it out physically alive so that one day I could live as ME and stop shoving my actual self into a psychological prison just to keep myself from being constantly ripped apart by the narcs running the house I grew up in, the knowing did NOT make it easier. I cried my eyes out when I saw Man in the Iron Mask for the first time because seeing the metal face cage the protagonist is forced to wear his whole life was the first time I could put a picture to what my birth family had done, was still doing, and would always do to me. It was sad to see it, but it was also liberating and affirming because I felt the world was seeing proof now that underneath that awful mask he was forced to live in there was an actual person - a whole and living and breathing person with thoughts, beliefs, feelings, character, and self that existed with or without that prison keeping him hidden.
When the NPD King tells the prisoner "Wear It Until You Love It", I saw and heard my mother, and I still do.
Whoa. You are such a profound thinker! Thanks for this comment. 🎭
@@websurfer5772 lol, perfect emoji, ty
Dang what a great video!! So important and you describe authenticity so authentically 😁
😄 Yeah!
I started watching your videos at an extremely pivotal point in my life and they saved my life. Thank you.
Your not alone
I think this is good news and a good change from the gas lighting term trending one year and then authenticity is trending because of the narcissism recovery curriculum (here at RUclips).
Thank you Dr ramani, I'm here daily with my pen and journal. Thank you for so much healing, education and help.
That's brilliant, I can identify with all of it, brings clarity. Thank you.
Thanks, Dr Ramani. That was my Christmas gift. ❤
Love you Dr Ramani. You’ve saved my sanity in 2024. I’m now out and healing. Thank you, thank you 🙏
I just adore you Dr. Ramani. I enjoy the humor that you pepper into your presentations. You crack me up! 😄
Wow. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Authenticity is my goal. Don't settle. Break the cycle. Rebel. Let's go!
Thank you so much for the message. It has validated my journey!
I feel complimented, thank you Doctor Ramani ❤
Narcissistic authenticity= "Just so you know, I'm not being rude when I interrupt you. It's just sometimes if I don't say it right when I think of it, I'll forget, and that frustrates me more 'n just about anything. God, that makes me mad!! And it's always important."
...I got interrupted a lot. From grade school on, I had such extreme anxiety about speaking in from of the class. I refused to do presentations and usually voted "most shy." I said very little and people often commented about how shy/quiet I had no confidence or self-esteem. Every good, joyful thing that happened at my mom's was criticized and I believed what my father said. I didn't have a safe place to learn who I was. I was gaslighted if I said I had a good time w/ my mom. I believed she was dishonest, and unauthentic. Even my memories are distorted.
But what bothers me most is before I knew the truth about father is: If asked to describe my own qualities, values, beliefs...all of it would have been centered around who I was for him and who I was because I had him as a role model. That's a disgusting thought and reality.
Love your purple wisdom chair. And your library. And your helpful perspective that keeps me sane in my life with a very self centered aged mom. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Dropped Basquiat’s Name kudos Dr. Ramani😊
Authenticity: Truth and Consistency.
Agreed with Dr. R. 💐 that for anyone who "DECIDED" to be as much authenticcally as they can "afford" .. Remember that the price tags are VERY EXPENSIVE that no amounts of💰💰 can be exchanged for, including the DISCARDING of the old relationships of those whom had sold the Authentic individual's Souls for the cheapest 💰💰 for survival sakes of their cowardly, contentment and/or pathetic satisfaction being someone's else lapdogs..Period..
Before I knew about narcissism and it's cycle I thought a narcissistic family member had changed and let my guard down. I thought I could finally be myself. It was me speaking my mind that set off the narcissistic meltdown that made me realize that they hadn't changed and never would. I went no contact after that. Fortunately for me, my daughter knew about Dr. Ramani and sent me a link to this channel.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Dr. Ramani for these videos. They gave given me tools for healing, validation when enablers defend the narcissist, and strength to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
This is quite a challenge when other people can control your finances, social environment, and familial community.
Stay strong! ❤
thank you
i know....this is why i really hope to see more videos about what to do in those situations...no contact, grey rock....and all the other usual suggestions just don't work in these situations...i mean i know who am i dealing with and i know it would be best to leave....but there are very practical reasons why that is not possible....so what to do then?
I'm loving the word Authenticity. I've been reading Dr. Gabor Mate's book, the myth of normal. My Dad had BPD growing up which caused me to have a lot of identity issues and trouble finding my authentic self. But after 20 years of therapy I feel like I'm finally getting there. Finding out that my Dad has BPD has created a huge wave of healing in the last few days. He's in his 70s so I wonder what my life would have been like if he'd been diagnosed when I was a kid.
Her every video is so good, but I think this one was the best.
“Social media is where authenticity goes to die!” 👏👏👏
Bravissima, Dr Ramani!
Thank you for this excellent and very timely video❤️❤️🥰
Please could you make a video on how to find yourself again and our purpose after we had to bury it so deep and in the graveyard of our dreams that we forgot where it is?
Authenticity has kind of a funny association with me these days. When I filed for divorce from my covert narcissist husband, he just was starting up his smear campaign. One of the last things I said to him was that I was sad to see him spreading lies, and surrounding himself with people who actually encourage him to lie in court. Meanwhile my family and friends empowered me to be truthful. I told him he would never live authentically by doing that and he told me to "get fucked." It showed me that I was making the right decision by divorcing him!
Thank you!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Dear reader, if you’re reading this comment and are a Catholic considering going to confession this Advent season, please consider this very talk on authenticity as a form of an examination of conscience. Say a prayer for all of us healing, those we need to pray for, & of course wonderful Dr. Ramani
Catholics need to stay OUT of American women's reproductive choices. Hardly an AUTHENTIC religion, just another patriarchal old boys club that has done great harm to humanity.
Authenticity was a big trend in restaurants in the late 80s and early 90s. A lot of the places that claimed it turned out to be false.
I had a pastor that really emphasized the importance of authenticity as the antidote for getting deceived. It served me well through my dealings with narcissists and kept me from falling into their ways. I could see what the narcissists were immediately but I didn’t have the label narcissist yet. I think the label of narcissist is at best a temporary designation for a much deeper problem that psychology can never solve.
I think “authenticity” even more important in the era of AI.
Yes!
Amen
I'm not perfect. I appreciate those who are strong enough to be authentic....
I try to be worthy enough to be considered Authentic. It's a challenge and I have fallen out with a few narcissist types. It's 100% worth shedding these vampires. You do great work ❤
You are. We are. It feels good to be energy vampire slayers 😎🙌
What they say about you and the things they do behind your back, is the real test of authenticity.
@youngblood8540 , True ,It takes guts to face their nonsense . Narcissists work hard to break you down.
🎉🎉🎉👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼Yay!!!❤️❤️❤️💥💥💥 Last year the word was "Gaslighting"🔥🔥🔥Which helped SO many people identify unhealthy, toxic relationships better. This year it is "Authenticity", another stellar word that is also SO positive, creative & fun for everyone to discover what THEIR Unique qualities are!!! 🎉Yay for everyone!!! Thank You Dr. Ramani!!! 🎉🎉🎉🥇🥇🥇❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗©️
I think what bugs me about the word ‘authentic’ being used incorrectly, is there can be ‘shame/blame’, like you’re ’less than’ if you aren’t ‘authentic’, when I really couldn’t be myself in unsafe toxic relations, and had to alter how I behaved to survive, and I have learnt to be proud of myself for doing what I had to. Many people don’t understand and use it incorrectly. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I am very very proud of myself for not being authentic, that is revealing my true thoughts and feelings, with cops that came to arrest me and then psychiatrists who fed me antipsychotics during the 20 days my narc family forced me to spend in a psychiatric clinic. That was 10 years ago, december 2013, and thinking about all that this week, I admire the young strong woman I was then, knowing how to put on a mask and survive.
Wow, you got me thinking. While I guard myself with all the narcissists in my life, the only one that I truly hide the real me from is my Mom. I wonder why I do that with her and not the others…. I’ll have to think about that some more….
Wow. Me, too…until this last year. I’ve now spoken my truth to my brutally narcissistic mother about who I authentically am, and have done so in the context of “This is what you’ve either ignored, paid no attention to or have never cared to know - about me.” It’s the only time I’ve gently, yet forcefully, told her to just sit there and be quiet or I would leave without another word…and it’s the only time she’s actually done so. When I was finished, I walked out the door, and other than some small essentials of dealing with a widowed, 85 year old mother, I do not call or interact. I feel freer than I have in my entire lifetime, without no guilt, shame or regret for standing up for who I am.
I suggest "CONGENITAL" for the word of 2024.
Happy Holidays
That’s truly me
My covert waited his time. I hardly engaged I
If he changes things , calmly I will recall things.
Dr. Ramani, thank you for clearing up what authenticity is and what it isn't. It was getting confusing.
This is legitimately the word of my year. Every birthday I have I have a word that I live up to. Last year was control, and this year, 17 years old, is Authenticity. Simply hoaning in on embracing my identity has lost me my girlfriend, plenty of friendships, and the respect of my band director. This year, I've taken the most emotional hits than ever in my life , but it was in an effort to feel fully comfortable in my skin. At the moment, I'm far closer to my family, my best friend, and people that matter more in my life. At first I didn't entirely know what to make of it, but after watching this video, I know I'm not alone
Great video.
Dr. Ramani, thank you very much. I'm working on my authenticity. Watching your videos empowers me every time. ❤
Am so so grateful to you for your guidance and clarity . So much knowledge and education on this subject is so hopeful and encourages us to actually live fearlessly . You are doing a great job Dr Ramani !
Thank you Dr Ramani!
Genuine empathy and compassion .
I grew up in a Socialist country.
Inauthenticity is the best word to describe it. And to this day it's advocates overlap with Narcissism and the worse things in that Cluster.
A bunch of pretentious, often malicious, children, no matter many decades their bodies have been on this Earth.
It might be true for any cult. It's Leaders, its main agents. The rest are good people who really fell for it and will then do bad things for the group, the cause, whatever, believing it's good.
Which country are you from?
The circle is getting smaller, that community is now being found within these videos. Authenticity is a beautiful gift. Please don't SELL your self short #weloveyouall #thankyouall and Romney yes it's TIME😉😉😉 have a Beautiful Day
Great Show!
i want to be authentic so bad but i don't even know myself, i'm not comfortable with myself i don’t know how to be authentic
Thankful for this great video and the one about wanting normal. Validation-seeking is such a waste of time, although everyone needs some now and then. Love your stmt about social media and authenticity. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I've experienced being shamed for being authentic, boringly myself when "Cool is all around me" and this is published BTW as a magazine contributor, I stand steadfast, unstirring to those who need an illusion. It's kinda lonely here, but I do have my close friends for decades I can turn to who know me and appreciate me. For them, I'm grateful because I would have lost myself without those who believe in me as a friend. This video brought back a flood of sad memories and self-esteem issues trying to maintain authenticity in toxic relationships and work environments, yet I am so happy to have heard it because I feel a little more validated today than I did yesterday and everything helps as I continually try to rebuild my self-esteem :)
Thank you DR
I like you all along but now even more. You make things very clear and we really appreciate it.
I think narcs smell authenticity and attack it with the quickness!
Wow, this is a tall order!
One of the beautiful things about being out of a narcissistic marriage is discovering and rediscovering myself so I can live authentically.
In Thanksgiving: { USA 🇺🇸} : btw: Media Technical Support People and Staff @ Doctor Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D.: ( Presentation: Awareness- Mental Health- information ℹ️ Fabulous) : btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
I think i’m one of the most authentic people in the world (yet a bit too much judgemental, but i’m working on it…) and it’s not by chance that i got caught in the hypnotic web of a vulnerable narcissist…now i’m struggling to mend the broken pieces of my mind and heart…but if i’m not bending under the unbareable weight of loss pain confusion etc, it’s mostly thank to video like this one, that gave validation to all this maddening emotions and sensations and doubts i’m going through for almost 4 months since the mask sllipped! Thanks a lot!! I felt like nobody (not even my psy) could understand what was going on within myself…now i know what’s happening! 😊
My personal life is awesome…. Don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out. But the workplace is my kryptonite. Narcs are in charge everywhere, from top to bottom. They like each other. They speak the same language and circle up the wagons. And as a single working class older female, they weaponizing that paycheck. I have learned to shut up. It actually takes courage not to engage or explain anything. And in these truly frightening times, a good survival strategy. There’s NO support for authenticity in our extremely artificial world. But we can still keep the fire burning inside. I verbalize my boundaries, ever. That’s just bait for narc bosses and toxic co workers. I just act on it and then play stupid when they try to attack me. Since people believe that women over the age of 45 are all stupid, works every time.
Darn auto correct. I meant I DON’T verbalize my boundaries to others.
@@gertrudewest4535 It's okay. You can also click the 3 vertical dots on the side of your comment to edit it.
I really enjoyed this video! I learnt that being my authentic self means irking/triggering others and then I found out that I was autistic! Anyway, when you described the opposite of authentic, I didn’t think of narcissism funnily enough, I thought of emotionally avoidant people and people who are shallow thinkers! I don’t believe these people have NPD but I do think that they have strong narc traits, which is why I use the term, ‘narcissistic’ a lot. Anyway, I am always striving to be my authentic self and recognising that it is also a lonely journey! Thanks Dr Ramani ❤
I needed this today. Thank you
I worry that narcissists think they embody "authenticity," but being exclusively concerned with their own internal experience, not aware of others' internal experiences (or even aware of the fact that others HAVE internal experiences, independent of their own. They are also aware of how others, and the external world, impact THEM, justifying their reactions ("I'm just telling it like it is," as though their individual perspective is THE Way It Is,) but being oblivious to the fact that THEY ALSO IMPACT OTHERS. Somehow, "what's important" is intent, not impact, when it's THEIR intent, and their actions are impacting others, but when others' actions are impacting THEM, it's the impact "that's the important thing," regardless of others' intention. The key is that the focus is on THEM, whatever the situation, and THEIR view, THEIR "truth," THEIR authenticity that takes priority, if anyone else's is even acknowledged as existing at all.
Yep, it's always their way or the highway.
And I'm left singin', 🎶… Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by 🎶
Good vid doc
There are billions of wonderful things hiding under the gray rock.
Love this vlog………. And yes we are the ‘antidote’ :) :) :)
Thank you
Hx
You write again madamme.🙏Halelujah and amin loves you verry much🤶.Begin to write the Blue Book.its verry easy😁
I always encourage people to heal their wounds to become who they truly are, which means authentic self. It's definitely the ultimate way to "send away" Narcissist or toxic people in general. Yes, Being authenticity means you have smaller social circles but they're all same kind of people like you. I think that's the best part of it. However, not a lot of people want to go down this road, coz they don't want to face these traumas. It's too painful for them, but I always told them that if you can express about it, you started the healing process. I do believe there will be more people want to dig into their shadows and heal their selves in the following years, and in the end they will transform to a new version of their selves just like the butterfly.😇 Thank you Dr. Ramani for this whole year you devoting to these Narcissism education to public.
Oh yeah doctor. Before I even watch. Authenticity. I judge everybody so harshly that I know it must be my own projection. I dont know how to be me
This is an efficient concise presentation. Very nice. Thanks
Authenticity is the trait I admire and look for the, most.
Arrogance is bliss in a narcissistic reality.
2024 will be the year of the Narcissist
I think it is the decade of narcissism.
I definitely struggle with being any where near this, I got so much anixety about doing or saying the wrong thing.
@amac2573 , whatever you feel or think is your truth .Share if you wish .
Yes I understand that and I’ve made it my goal to like myself even though I’m always saying I’m weird or asking why I do or say something so I’m refusing to behave the way he expects me too!! He can kiss my ass lol
As an autistic person, it means daring not to camouflage my autism.
Found your videos two months ago, my wife of 8 years left this morning, i only asked if she knew what a narcissist was.
I thought we had communication issues that were preventing us from resolving problems, i came to realise that it was by design.
I strived so hard to be authentic in all the ways you describe, but all i got back was bad faith arguments, false statements and straw men. Such a sad day, day one i guess.
Cheer up - reading down these columns i notice almost everyone gets divorced / separated / smashes their mothers face in / or turns the pet into a taxidermy statue after running it over not long after finding / listening to this material.
Narcissist tell you that you think you do it right but it’s all not true and your help is fake 😂
Great word of the year. Authenticity is the ONLY thing that really matters. Human beings are by nature, and in their cultures, deceptive. My ET contact with highly telepathic beings has shown me that being emotionally open and authentic is the only way forward for us as a species. AND of course, it has helped me recovering from narcissistic abuse.
Love this!❤
@@crazyredheadbeyotch8125 I am glad you appreciate it. Thanks.x
Awesome thanks
We can study narcissism for years and still be exploited by them. How? Their enablers who appear to us to be normal and trustworthy, all while they walk the narcissist right through our front door of our homes and give them access to our lives. An enabler is the part of a narcissist that flies under the radar. I’ve spent years studying narcissism but what good does it do when I’m being robbed by a narcissist who is under the protection of an enabler. I wouldn’t have been exploited if I could have recognized the enabler before it was too late.
Why does the description of an Authentic person sound like the epitome of humanity. I've never met anyone that encompasses 'everything' that Dr Ramani described. Can I achieve 100% Authenticity with such a high bar to reach?
The last things taken from my home need to be returned immediately or my neighbors will continue to absorb the cost of that. This will continue until you confess the the police dept.
Loosing people because of a narcissist can also make life easier - as they have eliminated themselves from the equation and you don’t have to test them if they are enablers - you just know and move on.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for your generous support! Hope all is well!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. This was great! So spot on in your analysis & what it takes to finally get there. To finally be yourself 🎉
The problem with living in a politically correct society is that you can’t be 100% authentic unless you have FU money. Until then, you have to censor parts of yourself to avoid offending your boss and HR department to keep your job.
This is why financial freedom is so important.