I don't believe that therapy crap! Or they have been lying to the therapist or it was a crappy one! No good therapist would say "sure, forcing yourself on your kid is a great idea! What? They need space?..no! YOUR wants are more important"
I would love to see how their therapist deals with the rest of the information if he or she ever gets it. Their therapist chewing them out would be awesome.
Yeah, but that really sucks for OP. She had her life where she wanted it, was NC/VLC with her parents, and still kept in contact with the rest of her family. Thanks to her parents, she's not only losing them for good (no great loss TBH, although OP had some hope) but also being forced to cut off the rest of her family who took her parents' side.
Normal people would have sent her a check for the amount of her stolen college fund, along with a heartfelt apology letter. OP still hasn't gotten either one.
I can’t believe how much crap OP took without taking basic steps to protect her privacy and that she never made a huge grand effort to tell everyone at once exactly why OP will NEVER accept this type of bullying “reconciliation” effort. One explicit message to everyone including cops and lawyers that any efforts to communicate on behalf of or in favor of the parents will be met with hostility, permanent separation and legal consequences whether a distant cousin or the nosy busybody aunt. I just can’t stand seeing these cases where one good swoop of putting this crap in its place can do 99% of the work needed to stop the harassment. OP is obviously the victim. But even as a victim there are basic levels of self protection to which one must avail themselves and in way too many cases we see people avoiding doing even that 😢
I wondered about this too. Why not just lay it all out for the busybody and family nosy-parkers, that includes the facts and emails. Besides, they're not really about peace, reconciliation or concern for OP, it's the drama or self righteousness they enjoy.
Geez OP, I'd have told them to get bent and changed my number.. Blocked them in every form of communication.. That Aunt is not calling for your benefit, but for their benefit.. Id have told Aunt, she stood back and kept her trap shut throughout your childhood; so she can keep it shut now.. Cousin can pound sand also.. Good for your friend for ending their wooh is me story..
Sorry to say but the "surprise" the parents wanted to give you was most likely to move into YOUR HOME and to support them. Good for you for saying NO to them.
The parents do not love each other and their marriage is a sham. The greatest bond possible between 2 people is having a child together, and it trumps even marriage as a bond in my opinion. I do not think it is possible for 2 people to have a child together and abuse that child AND love each other.
If I were OP, I would give all the emails and voice messages to the therapist, telling them that it's not wise to advise abusers to get into contact with their victims regardless of the progress they made in sessions. If they continue to push the parents into contacting OP, they should report them to the board of medicine for the dangerous practice before OP takes everything to the cops for harassment and threats. Plus, if OP were wise, they should give all family members a P.O. box address so they wouldn't have their new address.
There is something that apparently hasn't occurred to OP. When her parents were unemployed for a while, they suffered a severe financial setback. At their time in life, even with eventually getting jobs again, their future retirement funding and plans will have had to have been scaled down, probably a good bit. I suspect that they may have been planning on using OP to boost their retirement lifestyle in some way. Possibly by living together. OP should not share her new address with ANY relatives. I have a really strong gut feeling that I'm right about why her parents are doing all of this. I'm sorry that OP's parents are the type to try to take advantage of and use their own child. Fortunately, we can make our own family through marriage and friendship.😊 Enjoy your future, OP!
Here's what I figured out one day: "AFTER ALL ,they are still your parents". I'm gonna ENLIGHTEN you on those two words we use: "After all". Those two words are a GUILT TRIP you lay on YOURSELF to excuse THEIR behavior. DON'T fall for it. You'll be healthier MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY AND SPIRITUALLY if you turn your back and walk (or RUN, SPRINT or SWIM - it's a choice) to the nearest EXIT. THANK YOU for the enlightening respite!
I hate it when I hear family is family and family sticks together that drives me insane. some family are just too toxic and it is better to just stay away
That's why Granddad insisted "You like your friends better than you like your relatives, because you get to pick your friends." I would totally have picked Granddad and Grandma (Mom's parents) and my maternal Aunt. Also my paternal Grandmother- she was totally cool. Everybody else who's a blood relation? Let's just say I'm in therapy at age 56 and leave it at that, shall we?
Wow! These parents were so selfish. They were hoping to misdirect OP's scholarship money to fund their "lifestyle"...smart move, getting out of there fast.
If they try to force the garbage "gift" money. Tell them to use it for their funeral arrangements because that's the only way that money could be useful.
Somehow humans have the idea that any problem can be solved simply throwing money at it. This doesn't work, even when you have the entire US Federal Treasury to throw at problems. Like Granddad said, "Government's motto is 'Billions down the drain, and we ain't plugged it yet'." Case in point: Turns out there is no statistical correlation between per-pupil funding and student success.
Your parents want money money money has someone left them something that tied to you I don't trust them they where abusive emotionally I would move and get a restraining order against them they see you as their retirement plan
Totally. It's all about money and image, OP said it herself and I'm suspicious about their motives too - why did it take so long before they suddenly became interested in her, hounding her?...I don't buy the therapist story.
I have never understood the mindset and even the math of "a second chance". If someone has treated you like crap for years, isn't there HUNDREDS of chances for them to change in there. Everytime you point out, argue, act out, criticise, scream at them for how they treat you is a chance. You can't lump in years of neglect or abuse into 1 chance and then say, "give them a second chance" when they come out of nowhere for the first time. They need to EARN ANOTHER chance not be GIVEN a chance.
I actually DISAGREE with the OP on something. In most situations if you neglect a person and a person never got the recognition or affection that they needed it is shallow to try to make amends with money but they STOLE her college fund so in this situation I see it as reparations for THAT and it saves her the trouble of having to sue them. She should have told them that she will accept the money for THAT reason and that makes amends ONLY for what they stole from her but will not fix the other aspects of their relationship.
Which is why they needed to send her a check and a heartfelt apology. None of that other manipulative self-dealing bullcrap. Why would they set up a trust fund- other than the blatantly obvious fact that they would control the trust? In families like that, money always has strings attached.
@@MarkStockman-b4j When a person is wrongfully imprisoned and exonerated at a later date some states pay RESTITUTION. In Texas I heard that some wrongfully convicted people ended up becoming millionaires because of this. However, it is not a "trust fund". It is theirs to do whatever they want with. When you wrong a person horribly and are giving your victim restitution it is theirs to do whatever they want with with no strings attached. I find it odd that they offered her a "trust fund" rather than just GIVING HER THE MONEY when they are the ones who stole her college fund.
Tell your parents you wouldn’t get the scholarship if you didn’t go to college. How ridiculous to think anyone would do that. How dare your parents expect you to give up your chance at bettering yourself.
Sadly, narcissists never have a single self-reflective moment in their lives. I had to work SO hard not to react in any way when my Mom talked about some other moms using terms like "That's not mother love, that's smother love" and "She has the apron strings tied tightly around their neck." She never once realized that was exactly how she treated me. And if you ever try to hold a mirror up to a narcissist, you get the same "yeabuts" and "nobuts" you get from kindergartners: "Did I tell you not to do that?" "Yeah, but. . ." "Did you listen to me?" "No, but. . ." "And you did it anyway?" "Yeah, but. . ."
I always marvel and the fact that when situations of low/no contact wanted, other family members always seem to want to step in. Like where were these family members for the past several years? Why all of a sudden its about family when that family never reached out before?
In the midst of their so- called self improvement journey, did anyone ever think to explain to OP’s parents that one lousy gesture or encounter would probably not be enough to prove to their child that they are sincere in their desire to truly have a relationship with OP or that they even see OP as an equal worthy of respect? I don’t understand how so many family members are siding with these toxic and foolish people when they have taken little or no time to sit down and find out what is actually going on here. They are all drinking the same kool aid that tells them that a child is ALWAYS in the wrong no matter how devious or jacked up the parents’ behavior was and that’s just not right. It’s disgusting and small minded.
OP should also see a therapist to help her deal with her family dynamics. There is a lot of ingrained "brainwashed" ideas she is still carrying around. A good therapist will help her recognize these, and how to restructure her thoughts and mind patterns to eventually learn how to cope and heal. Needless to say, OP should also include her boyfriend in this process.
Parents: "We want to reconnect and make amends." OP: "Okay, respect my boundaries, take it slow, and we'll see how it goes." Parents: "Ridiculous. This is happening on OUR terms, on OUR timeline. Your feelings and boundaries do not exist."
Ask for the name and phone number of their therapist? Explain to the therapist your view of what had happened. It seems that they want you to support them.
Why are they so desperately trying to get her back. It looks sus to me. Do they need an Atm to fund their lifestyle now that she is successful?? Just a thought.
Funny that the parents were seeing a family therapist without the FULL family. Which means they were able to tell their story and only their version.
I don't believe that therapy crap!
Or they have been lying to the therapist or it was a crappy one!
No good therapist would say "sure, forcing yourself on your kid is a great idea! What? They need space?..no! YOUR wants are more important"
I would love to see how their therapist deals with the rest of the information if he or she ever gets it. Their therapist chewing them out would be awesome.
Again, if this level of harassment was from anyone but family, it would be felony stalking.
Well... Tell them, It's clear that disappointment runs in the family😂😂😂
What a champion OP's friend is. Finally someone told the real truth about OP's life...shows how little this family really cared about or knew OP.
Very funny how some always play the "Family" card when it's only convenient for them
Which activates the trap card "Restraining Order" which negates all guilt-based attacks while active on the field. :-)
if YOU wanted to make amends?
what do you need to make amends for?
I would honestly block the entire family, cause damn. Also family therapy without the whole family? yeah okay
Yeah, but that really sucks for OP. She had her life where she wanted it, was NC/VLC with her parents, and still kept in contact with the rest of her family. Thanks to her parents, she's not only losing them for good (no great loss TBH, although OP had some hope) but also being forced to cut off the rest of her family who took her parents' side.
Oh, yeah..."FAMILY" is the new "swear word". And that "Grand Gesture" of a Trust Fund? THAT was CONTROL.
Normal people would have sent her a check for the amount of her stolen college fund, along with a heartfelt apology letter. OP still hasn't gotten either one.
OP, I have used the line "If I had said yes, you would have accepted it right? Well, why doesn't my NO carry the same weight?"
"isn't there a way to work this out peacefully?"
yes. but they keep ignoring it.
I can’t believe how much crap OP took without taking basic steps to protect her privacy and that she never made a huge grand effort to tell everyone at once exactly why OP will NEVER accept this type of bullying “reconciliation” effort.
One explicit message to everyone including cops and lawyers that any efforts to communicate on behalf of or in favor of the parents will be met with hostility, permanent separation and legal consequences whether a distant cousin or the nosy busybody aunt.
I just can’t stand seeing these cases where one good swoop of putting this crap in its place can do 99% of the work needed to stop the harassment.
OP is obviously the victim. But even as a victim there are basic levels of self protection to which one must avail themselves and in way too many cases we see people avoiding doing even that 😢
I wondered about this too. Why not just lay it all out for the busybody and family nosy-parkers, that includes the facts and emails. Besides, they're not really about peace, reconciliation or concern for OP, it's the drama or self righteousness they enjoy.
Geez OP, I'd have told them to get bent and changed my number.. Blocked them in every form of communication.. That Aunt is not calling for your benefit, but for their benefit.. Id have told Aunt, she stood back and kept her trap shut throughout your childhood; so she can keep it shut now.. Cousin can pound sand also.. Good for your friend for ending their wooh is me story..
What is it with these spineless doormats and not being capable of making their own decisions?
Send your friend a bottle of champagne and some lovely flowers. She helped you more in one day than any therapist or lawyer could have!
Why didn't she not block her Aunt and her parents? She really didn't need them in her new life!
Sorry to say but the "surprise" the parents wanted to give you was most likely to move into YOUR HOME and to support them. Good for you for saying NO to them.
This is a perfect example of parents who treat their child like crap and wonder why their child want nothing to do with them
The parents do not love each other and their marriage is a sham. The greatest bond possible between 2 people is having a child together, and it trumps even marriage as a bond in my opinion. I do not think it is possible for 2 people to have a child together and abuse that child AND love each other.
If I were OP, I would give all the emails and voice messages to the therapist, telling them that it's not wise to advise abusers to get into contact with their victims regardless of the progress they made in sessions. If they continue to push the parents into contacting OP, they should report them to the board of medicine for the dangerous practice before OP takes everything to the cops for harassment and threats.
Plus, if OP were wise, they should give all family members a P.O. box address so they wouldn't have their new address.
Well said! I couldn't agree more.
There is something that apparently hasn't occurred to OP. When her parents were unemployed for a while, they suffered a severe financial setback. At their time in life, even with eventually getting jobs again, their future retirement funding and plans will have had to have been scaled down, probably a good bit. I suspect that they may have been planning on using OP to boost their retirement lifestyle in some way. Possibly by living together. OP should not share her new address with ANY relatives. I have a really strong gut feeling that I'm right about why her parents are doing all of this. I'm sorry that OP's parents are the type to try to take advantage of and use their own child. Fortunately, we can make our own family through marriage and friendship.😊 Enjoy your future, OP!
Just block them and change all numbers. Be careful who you give any new addresses and numbers to.
Here's what I figured out one day: "AFTER ALL ,they are still your parents". I'm gonna ENLIGHTEN you on those two words we use: "After all". Those two words are a GUILT TRIP you lay on YOURSELF to excuse THEIR behavior. DON'T fall for it. You'll be healthier MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY AND SPIRITUALLY if you turn your back and walk (or RUN, SPRINT or SWIM - it's a choice) to the nearest EXIT. THANK YOU for the enlightening respite!
I hate it when I hear family is family and family sticks together that drives me insane. some family are just too toxic and it is better to just stay away
Very true.
That's why Granddad insisted "You like your friends better than you like your relatives, because you get to pick your friends." I would totally have picked Granddad and Grandma (Mom's parents) and my maternal Aunt. Also my paternal Grandmother- she was totally cool.
Everybody else who's a blood relation? Let's just say I'm in therapy at age 56 and leave it at that, shall we?
"... how much you would take before your give in"
or give up.
If the parents were as great and loving as they say...how come they need to MAKE AMENDS with OP? A bit sus...
Wow! These parents were so selfish. They were hoping to misdirect OP's scholarship money to fund their "lifestyle"...smart move, getting out of there fast.
The aunt is the leak.
If they try to force the garbage "gift" money. Tell them to use it for their funeral arrangements because that's the only way that money could be useful.
Somehow humans have the idea that any problem can be solved simply throwing money at it. This doesn't work, even when you have the entire US Federal Treasury to throw at problems. Like Granddad said, "Government's motto is 'Billions down the drain, and we ain't plugged it yet'." Case in point: Turns out there is no statistical correlation between per-pupil funding and student success.
Your parents want money money money has someone left them something that tied to you I don't trust them they where abusive emotionally I would move and get a restraining order against them they see you as their retirement plan
Totally. It's all about money and image, OP said it herself and I'm suspicious about their motives too - why did it take so long before they suddenly became interested in her, hounding her?...I don't buy the therapist story.
I have never understood the mindset and even the math of "a second chance". If someone has treated you like crap for years, isn't there HUNDREDS of chances for them to change in there. Everytime you point out, argue, act out, criticise, scream at them for how they treat you is a chance. You can't lump in years of neglect or abuse into 1 chance and then say, "give them a second chance" when they come out of nowhere for the first time. They need to EARN ANOTHER chance not be GIVEN a chance.
Block and ignore all of your family OP!
Family members who do not know the truth should keep their noses out of everyone else's business and shut their mouths.
Going to take a stab at it before I hit the point in the video: The "surprise" is a bill of some sort.
Fighting for oh please OP grow a spine.
I actually DISAGREE with the OP on something. In most situations if you neglect a person and a person never got the recognition or affection that they needed it is shallow to try to make amends with money but they STOLE her college fund so in this situation I see it as reparations for THAT and it saves her the trouble of having to sue them. She should have told them that she will accept the money for THAT reason and that makes amends ONLY for what they stole from her but will not fix the other aspects of their relationship.
Very good point, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Which is why they needed to send her a check and a heartfelt apology. None of that other manipulative self-dealing bullcrap. Why would they set up a trust fund- other than the blatantly obvious fact that they would control the trust? In families like that, money always has strings attached.
@@MarkStockman-b4j When a person is wrongfully imprisoned and exonerated at a later date some states pay RESTITUTION. In Texas I heard that some wrongfully convicted people ended up becoming millionaires because of this. However, it is not a "trust fund". It is theirs to do whatever they want with.
When you wrong a person horribly and are giving your victim restitution it is theirs to do whatever they want with with no strings attached. I find it odd that they offered her a "trust fund" rather than just GIVING HER THE MONEY when they are the ones who stole her college fund.
Tell your parents you wouldn’t get the scholarship if you didn’t go to college.
How ridiculous to think anyone would do that.
How dare your parents expect you to give up your chance at bettering yourself.
Sadly, narcissists never have a single self-reflective moment in their lives. I had to work SO hard not to react in any way when my Mom talked about some other moms using terms like "That's not mother love, that's smother love" and "She has the apron strings tied tightly around their neck." She never once realized that was exactly how she treated me.
And if you ever try to hold a mirror up to a narcissist, you get the same "yeabuts" and "nobuts" you get from kindergartners: "Did I tell you not to do that?" "Yeah, but. . ." "Did you listen to me?" "No, but. . ." "And you did it anyway?" "Yeah, but. . ."
@ All true about Narcissists
I always marvel and the fact that when situations of low/no contact wanted, other family members always seem to want to step in. Like where were these family members for the past several years? Why all of a sudden its about family when that family never reached out before?
Letting the past go- isn't leaving them in the past letting the past go?
In the midst of their so- called self improvement journey, did anyone ever think to explain to OP’s parents that one lousy gesture or encounter would probably not be enough to prove to their child that they are sincere in their desire to truly have a relationship with OP or that they even see OP as an equal worthy of respect? I don’t understand how so many family members are siding with these toxic and foolish people when they have taken little or no time to sit down and find out what is actually going on here. They are all drinking the same kool aid that tells them that a child is ALWAYS in the wrong no matter how devious or jacked up the parents’ behavior was and that’s just not right. It’s disgusting and small minded.
Sounds like your parents were both crap employees at their jobs
OP should also see a therapist to help her deal with her family dynamics. There is a lot of ingrained "brainwashed" ideas she is still carrying around. A good therapist will help her recognize these, and how to restructure her thoughts and mind patterns to eventually learn how to cope and heal. Needless to say, OP should also include her boyfriend in this process.
Your doing good without them keep it up !
Parents: "We want to reconnect and make amends." OP: "Okay, respect my boundaries, take it slow, and we'll see how it goes." Parents: "Ridiculous. This is happening on OUR terms, on OUR timeline. Your feelings and boundaries do not exist."
Ask for the name and phone number of their therapist? Explain to the therapist your view of what had happened. It seems that they want you to support them.
Why are they so desperately trying to get her back. It looks sus to me. Do they need an Atm to fund their lifestyle now that she is successful?? Just a thought.
OP IS WEAK