Coming back to this at it's that time of the year. Female INTJ here, and this time I managed to tell everyone I'll hermit for this period. I really don't wanna start a new year being exhausted and annoyed for being "forced" to celebrate when I didn't want to or felt like it. I planned time to see everyone only after all of this. It took years for me to put this in place, but now everyone understand that It's the way I work and I feel grateful I don't have to put on a mask again and can plan 2024 in peace. (and even if they couldn't understand it's the same, I just couldn't do it anymore). Good luck to all of you and I hope it's not too hard on you, sending energy! ⚡ (also an other Slytherin member? I'm here for it 😏, I really love your channel I'm too lazy to comment usually but I love that you're showing authenticity and you're not trying to act as "intj" whatever that means :))
Don't feel guilty. When I'm at the grocery store during this time of year and people with all this enthusiasm and energy jump at me and say "hey, merry christmas!!, hey happy holidays!!". I just smile and nod. Out of respect of course, but I don't participate. --- I get distracted all the time too, like watching your video right now when I should be working right instead. 🤗 --- What helped me stay on track and more focused is using one of these free to do apps. I'm using Trello, but theres lot of free ones out there now. -- I think most INTJs are ALL control freaks 😉
Feeling like too much of our energy is going into other things than what we planned is exactly why we INTJ's tend to keep a very small circle of friends. I developed a habit of not sustaining any friendships beyond boundary events, such as leaving school or a job, or moving to a new area specifically to manage what I'll call "contact bloat"... too many people wanting a piece of my time. I don't feel any dread or depression during the holidays, but for example my Thanksgiving experience was 2 hours meeting with a group of 5 other people. I also don't do gift exchange. It would be exhausting and time consuming to overthink what to get everyone.
I dug a hole. Took a week off work and stayed in and cleaned the house, organized and read books. Spent Christmas alone...it was decadant! I dont give gifts out of obligation. Pressure of too much "obligation", to show up, socialize and gift give is burning.
Interesting, I’m an INTJ and I grew up loving the holidays. Yes the social events drains me but I make sure I recharge at home for days afterwards. Growing up, I always had positive memories of the holidays with amazing food every year. My mother took me Christmas shopping each year and I would help her figure out what to buy. She always took me to light shows around the city where I grew up. Now that we’re older, we only do Pollyanna for gifts and that makes it a lot easier since each of only buy for one person. I really do enjoy the cooking part of the holidays and everyone raves over my food. Each year, I enjoy planning my holiday schedule ahead of time. I guess a key part is looking at it as an integral part of our lives (Fi) so that it doesn’t feel like it disrupts our plans (Se).
Sounds like SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). My father use to get it every year at the same time. Medical professionals have linked it to Vitamin D deficiency, because people are not in the sun and they cover up with clothes. This is especially bad for people who have really pale skin from living like a shut in. Since Vitamin D is only made in our skin when exposed to UV light, many people are severely deficient during Autumn and Winter. The amount of Vitamin D we get from food is very low and not nearly enough as we require direct sun exposure. Vitamin D is actually not a vitamin, which is very deceiving. It is actually a hormone that is required for many processes in the body, mainly fine tuning the immune system response and controlling calcium absorption in and out of the blood. This is also why people tend to be sicker in the colder months, because their immune systems are compromised due to Vitamin D deficiency. I recommend you take at least 5,000iu of Vitamin D3 every morning after you wake up. You have pale skin, so I suspect you get very little if any daily direct sun exposure. A normal person with normal sun exposure should take up to 3,000iu per day. I get no sun exposure and take 9,000iu per day, but I do not recommend a dose this high unless you have a doctor regularly monitoring your bloodwork and you have an auto immune disease. So, start with 5,000iu of Vitamin D3 per day. Vitamin D is a fat soluble vitamin, so it takes time to build up in your body, may take weeks to months before you notice a gradual difference. After about 6 months, have your primary care physician check your blood Vitamin D and blood calcium levels. Your goal is to shoot for the upper normal range. If you are still falling in the lower normal range you can up it by 1,000iu as long as your blood calcium is within normal limits. 4 months later do the labs again, if you fall below the middle of normal keep upping the vitamin D3 slowly in the same manner until you get into the upper normal zone. You also have to watch your blood calcium though and make sure it stays in the normal zone. Vitamin D puts more calcium into your blood and you do not want the calcium higher than the normal range. If your at the upper end of normal blood calcium it is best to keep your Vit D dosage there and not raise it anymore. If your blood calcium is high and your Vit D level is still low you want to add Vitamin K2 MK7, this vitamin will shuttle the extra calcium out of your blood and into your bones where the calcium belongs. I do not recommend taking extra calcium while doing this, you get plenty from your food and the Vit D will make your body absorb that calcium a lot faster. High calcium in blood is bad, high calcium in bones is good, the goal is to keep it inside the bones and out of the blood. If you add the Vit K2 MK7 it should give you slightly more room to raise your ViT D3 a little more. So to paraphrase, shoot for the upper range of normal Vit D blood levels. Keep an eye on your blood calcium to be sure it is not above normal. Add Vit K2 MK7 if calcium goes too high. You should start noticing a positive change in your mood within 6 months. You will also get sick far less often and when you do get sick it will be far less severe. Vitamin D has a bigger impact on immune function than even Vit C. Vitamin D deficiency causes Seasonal Effective Disordered as well as causes weak compromised immune function.
INTJ Male here, same but with zero friends for the last 5-6 years, I feel you in every word. I can say holidays seasons are even worst alone, 10x. PM me if you want to empty your last drop of social battery and talk about it.
Hey, thank you for the video. I've read some of the comments and what I would've said is already said. But some of the things that helped me with the holidays is to just go away from people, close the door, know that it is just some marketing gimmick, realize this is temporary, and instead of having entertainment at night, maybe I'd start the day off doing something that is not towards my goal so that in the event a random event pops up I'd be in a good mood and have a relatively higher capacity of tolerance for the social situation. However, I mostly like the holidays. How much I like the holidays inversely correlated with the amount of people I see, but besides that, the weather, humidity, color-tone outside among other things are nice
Definitely relatable. I wouldn't say the holiday season is much worse for me, personally, but just generally speaking, spending time with people --- even with family --- can be exhausting even when it's really good. It's an introvert thing, I suppose. That said, I remember one particular year when my wife (now ex-wife) wanted to spend the New Year in Rio (the Copacabana beach) and I agreed to go to make her happy. And she was happy indeed. But for me... the horror. THE HORROR. I feel like it took me years to recover. :)
I didn't celebrated Christmas and holidays theses last 2 years, I celebrated nothing theses last 2 years. I hate buy things except when It's very essential and useful, and in particular useless things that people will don't like or don't use it. I hate buy things for others, except if I really deeply love them. No one will force me to do things or buy things I don't want. I am an INTJ, a paradox, Gifted and Asperger. I am not like others persons, I see the world differently and I function differently. High Te users we seems don't like holidays, what make us happy is doing, work, create something, not the social things. We get depress when we repress or don't use enough Ni and Te.
Comparing your thoughts with my INTJ wife's Thanksgiving energy: You're describing your holiday gatherings as having a fair amount of Se and maybe some Fe. And you're trying to bring the Fi values into it to make it palatable. But all three of those functions still fall beneath your Ni-Te, which are getting nothing out of it. And it's almost like these gatherings are devaluing you, because you are prioritizing them but they can never prioritize you. Maybe there's a fix available as small as making sure you do something Ni-Te on a day before going out? It's not "I can't play until I've eaten my vegetables" energy; it's "I can't play your game until I've played my game" energy. *Shrug* I dunno. But I hope you find something that works for you.
I actually love Christmas. But I'm complicated kind of like you. I don't mind spending time with some family members but some I hate to say it...but I don't really care for them. I love my moms side of the family but the only problem with them is that they still think I am the same as I was when I was a kid. I am very different as an adult as far as things I like and don't like. There are certain things I can't talk to them about because they wouldn't like it. So it's draining to hide those parts of myself. I like decorating because I'm artistic, but I don't go overboard with the decor. I just decorate the tree and put a few pieces of decor around the tree and that's pretty much it. I work in retail so that's definitely draining around the holidays. It's the part I hate the most.
TLDR Below Ok the simple solution as an INTJ is to realize that you dont always have to conform to societies standards, what is others deem acceptable. Offcause spending some time with the people you care about is important I would generally advise to draw a hard line and be very transparent with these people you plan or expect to spend time with. If you already have a lot of plans with the people you feel obligated to spend time with, you obviously wont have alot of leeway left for other people who randomly pop up and demand some of your time that you already have dedicated to acomplishing a project or goal. You would have to be transparent with these people as well and tell them your time is limited and are not willing to sacrifice what you value(goals & project) and you already have plans with other people. TLDR: Determine how much time you allocate to your select group of people and your projects and transparently communicate with all people involved ,that you plan for and those that randomly demand your time and attention, that you either have time for them in your free timeslots (Maybe you can merge some people in a group) or not and explain that you already have plans in your available free time slots. Time Allocation Priorities: 1. Projects (Have extra room for sudden changes) 2. Your choosen group of Important People 3. The rest of the random people that demand time and attention (may be included in prior planned "Iportant People" meetings or otherwise generally dismissed) (4. Sudden events that demand time may interrupt prior plans so keep some extra free timeslots that you then if not needed can fill by moving up time nonspecific events (like projects and goals) Hope I was able to give some helpful advise on how I would structure and plan the winter season more worrie free. Your Neighbourhood INTJ
I'm an ISTJ and I also can't stand the holidays. Loud music, a lot of people around, and just a lot bs going around. I rather stay home in my room and not come out until it finishes.
I didn’t like the holidays for a long time… now that I have small children I can enjoy it a little bit through them, and also it is a nice break because we work a lot. That being said, when they become teenagers, we will probably become a whole family of grinches 😅
I would rather this season to be to myself for myself, don't want to share the winter season with others lol It should be a season for me to recharge but... yeet! Overimposed social norms say othewise.
Coming back to this at it's that time of the year. Female INTJ here, and this time I managed to tell everyone I'll hermit for this period. I really don't wanna start a new year being exhausted and annoyed for being "forced" to celebrate when I didn't want to or felt like it.
I planned time to see everyone only after all of this. It took years for me to put this in place, but now everyone understand that It's the way I work and I feel grateful I don't have to put on a mask again and can plan 2024 in peace. (and even if they couldn't understand it's the same, I just couldn't do it anymore).
Good luck to all of you and I hope it's not too hard on you, sending energy! ⚡
(also an other Slytherin member? I'm here for it 😏, I really love your channel I'm too lazy to comment usually but I love that you're showing authenticity and you're not trying to act as "intj" whatever that means :))
Don't feel guilty. When I'm at the grocery store during this time of year and people with all this enthusiasm and energy jump at me and say "hey, merry christmas!!, hey happy holidays!!". I just smile and nod. Out of respect of course, but I don't participate. --- I get distracted all the time too, like watching your video right now when I should be working right instead. 🤗 --- What helped me stay on track and more focused is using one of these free to do apps. I'm using Trello, but theres lot of free ones out there now. -- I think most INTJs are ALL control freaks 😉
Feeling like too much of our energy is going into other things than what we planned is exactly why we INTJ's tend to keep a very small circle of friends. I developed a habit of not sustaining any friendships beyond boundary events, such as leaving school or a job, or moving to a new area specifically to manage what I'll call "contact bloat"... too many people wanting a piece of my time. I don't feel any dread or depression during the holidays, but for example my Thanksgiving experience was 2 hours meeting with a group of 5 other people. I also don't do gift exchange. It would be exhausting and time consuming to overthink what to get everyone.
Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Holidays definitely can be strange to maneuver for INTJs.
Controlling my own time over the holidays is tough but managing how everyone's time fits together is the most exhausting. It's generally a bad time.
I dug a hole. Took a week off work and stayed in and cleaned the house, organized and read books. Spent Christmas alone...it was decadant! I dont give gifts out of obligation. Pressure of too much "obligation", to show up, socialize and gift give is burning.
Interesting, I’m an INTJ and I grew up loving the holidays. Yes the social events drains me but I make sure I recharge at home for days afterwards. Growing up, I always had positive memories of the holidays with amazing food every year. My mother took me Christmas shopping each year and I would help her figure out what to buy. She always took me to light shows around the city where I grew up. Now that we’re older, we only do Pollyanna for gifts and that makes it a lot easier since each of only buy for one person. I really do enjoy the cooking part of the holidays and everyone raves over my food. Each year, I enjoy planning my holiday schedule ahead of time. I guess a key part is looking at it as an integral part of our lives (Fi) so that it doesn’t feel like it disrupts our plans (Se).
Sounds like SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). My father use to get it every year at the same time. Medical professionals have linked it to Vitamin D deficiency, because people are not in the sun and they cover up with clothes. This is especially bad for people who have really pale skin from living like a shut in. Since Vitamin D is only made in our skin when exposed to UV light, many people are severely deficient during Autumn and Winter. The amount of Vitamin D we get from food is very low and not nearly enough as we require direct sun exposure. Vitamin D is actually not a vitamin, which is very deceiving. It is actually a hormone that is required for many processes in the body, mainly fine tuning the immune system response and controlling calcium absorption in and out of the blood. This is also why people tend to be sicker in the colder months, because their immune systems are compromised due to Vitamin D deficiency.
I recommend you take at least 5,000iu of Vitamin D3 every morning after you wake up. You have pale skin, so I suspect you get very little if any daily direct sun exposure. A normal person with normal sun exposure should take up to 3,000iu per day. I get no sun exposure and take 9,000iu per day, but I do not recommend a dose this high unless you have a doctor regularly monitoring your bloodwork and you have an auto immune disease.
So, start with 5,000iu of Vitamin D3 per day. Vitamin D is a fat soluble vitamin, so it takes time to build up in your body, may take weeks to months before you notice a gradual difference. After about 6 months, have your primary care physician check your blood Vitamin D and blood calcium levels. Your goal is to shoot for the upper normal range. If you are still falling in the lower normal range you can up it by 1,000iu as long as your blood calcium is within normal limits. 4 months later do the labs again, if you fall below the middle of normal keep upping the vitamin D3 slowly in the same manner until you get into the upper normal zone. You also have to watch your blood calcium though and make sure it stays in the normal zone. Vitamin D puts more calcium into your blood and you do not want the calcium higher than the normal range. If your at the upper end of normal blood calcium it is best to keep your Vit D dosage there and not raise it anymore. If your blood calcium is high and your Vit D level is still low you want to add Vitamin K2 MK7, this vitamin will shuttle the extra calcium out of your blood and into your bones where the calcium belongs. I do not recommend taking extra calcium while doing this, you get plenty from your food and the Vit D will make your body absorb that calcium a lot faster. High calcium in blood is bad, high calcium in bones is good, the goal is to keep it inside the bones and out of the blood. If you add the Vit K2 MK7 it should give you slightly more room to raise your ViT D3 a little more.
So to paraphrase, shoot for the upper range of normal Vit D blood levels. Keep an eye on your blood calcium to be sure it is not above normal. Add Vit K2 MK7 if calcium goes too high. You should start noticing a positive change in your mood within 6 months. You will also get sick far less often and when you do get sick it will be far less severe. Vitamin D has a bigger impact on immune function than even Vit C. Vitamin D deficiency causes Seasonal Effective Disordered as well as causes weak compromised immune function.
INTJ Male here, same but with zero friends for the last 5-6 years, I feel you in every word. I can say holidays seasons are even worst alone, 10x. PM me if you want to empty your last drop of social battery and talk about it.
depression is a symptom, it's not a root cause. when we want to heal we need to attend to the root cause.
your friendly INFP 💞
Hey, thank you for the video. I've read some of the comments and what I would've said is already said. But some of the things that helped me with the holidays is to just go away from people, close the door, know that it is just some marketing gimmick, realize this is temporary, and instead of having entertainment at night, maybe I'd start the day off doing something that is not towards my goal so that in the event a random event pops up I'd be in a good mood and have a relatively higher capacity of tolerance for the social situation.
However, I mostly like the holidays. How much I like the holidays inversely correlated with the amount of people I see, but besides that, the weather, humidity, color-tone outside among other things are nice
Thank you for posting this.
You made me accessible and understandable to my wife.
Thank you.
Definitely relatable. I wouldn't say the holiday season is much worse for me, personally, but just generally speaking, spending time with people --- even with family --- can be exhausting even when it's really good. It's an introvert thing, I suppose.
That said, I remember one particular year when my wife (now ex-wife) wanted to spend the New Year in Rio (the Copacabana beach) and I agreed to go to make her happy. And she was happy indeed. But for me... the horror. THE HORROR. I feel like it took me years to recover. :)
I didn't celebrated Christmas and holidays theses last 2 years, I celebrated nothing theses last 2 years.
I hate buy things except when It's very essential and useful, and in particular useless things that people will don't like or don't use it. I hate buy things for others, except if I really deeply love them. No one will force me to do things or buy things I don't want.
I am an INTJ, a paradox, Gifted and Asperger. I am not like others persons, I see the world differently and I function differently.
High Te users we seems don't like holidays, what make us happy is doing, work, create something, not the social things. We get depress when we repress or don't use enough Ni and Te.
Comparing your thoughts with my INTJ wife's Thanksgiving energy:
You're describing your holiday gatherings as having a fair amount of Se and maybe some Fe. And you're trying to bring the Fi values into it to make it palatable. But all three of those functions still fall beneath your Ni-Te, which are getting nothing out of it. And it's almost like these gatherings are devaluing you, because you are prioritizing them but they can never prioritize you.
Maybe there's a fix available as small as making sure you do something Ni-Te on a day before going out? It's not "I can't play until I've eaten my vegetables" energy; it's "I can't play your game until I've played my game" energy.
*Shrug* I dunno. But I hope you find something that works for you.
Thank you so much
Thank YOU so much!
Just rule the world and decide about what and when are holidays )
I actually love Christmas. But I'm complicated kind of like you. I don't mind spending time with some family members but some I hate to say it...but I don't really care for them. I love my moms side of the family but the only problem with them is that they still think I am the same as I was when I was a kid. I am very different as an adult as far as things I like and don't like. There are certain things I can't talk to them about because they wouldn't like it. So it's draining to hide those parts of myself. I like decorating because I'm artistic, but I don't go overboard with the decor. I just decorate the tree and put a few pieces of decor around the tree and that's pretty much it. I work in retail so that's definitely draining around the holidays. It's the part I hate the most.
TLDR Below
Ok the simple solution as an INTJ is to realize that you dont always have to conform to societies standards, what is others deem acceptable. Offcause spending some time with the people you care about is important I would generally advise to draw a hard line and be very transparent with these people you plan or expect to spend time with. If you already have a lot of plans with the people you feel obligated to spend time with, you obviously wont have alot of leeway left for other people who randomly pop up and demand some of your time that you already have dedicated to acomplishing a project or goal. You would have to be transparent with these people as well and tell them your time is limited and are not willing to sacrifice what you value(goals & project) and you already have plans with other people.
TLDR: Determine how much time you allocate to your select group of people and your projects and transparently communicate with all people involved ,that you plan for and those that randomly demand your time and attention, that you either have time for them in your free timeslots (Maybe you can merge some people in a group) or not and explain that you already have plans in your available free time slots.
Time Allocation Priorities:
1. Projects (Have extra room for sudden changes)
2. Your choosen group of Important People
3. The rest of the random people that demand time and attention (may be included in prior planned "Iportant People" meetings or otherwise generally dismissed)
(4. Sudden events that demand time may interrupt prior plans so keep some extra free timeslots that you then if not needed can fill by moving up time nonspecific events (like projects and goals)
Hope I was able to give some helpful advise on how I would structure and plan the winter season more worrie free.
Your Neighbourhood INTJ
I'm an ISTJ and I also can't stand the holidays. Loud music, a lot of people around, and just a lot bs going around. I rather stay home in my room and not come out until it finishes.
I didn’t like the holidays for a long time… now that I have small children I can enjoy it a little bit through them, and also it is a nice break because we work a lot. That being said, when they become teenagers, we will probably become a whole family of grinches 😅
Ayee it's me!
Most holidays are based in pegan rituals hence the melaise.
Please look into a carnivore diet. It really helps. Dr Ken Berry and Dr Anthony Chaffee have free videos on coping with ADHD/ASD/INTJ.
I would rather this season to be to myself for myself, don't want to share the winter season with others lol
It should be a season for me to recharge but... yeet! Overimposed social norms say othewise.
people are overly emotional for no reason during the holidays. Probably just an INTJ thing.
Final solution: be INTP
Perhaps a spouse and a small child would be the best medicine.