Quick note! 🎯 The first part of the video leans distinctly towards the English way of things, but once I get into Robert Greene’s strategies, those pearls of wisdom will also find their mark in other English-speaking corners of the world and beyond in some contexts.
Irish here..we also say sorry for many different reasons. Foreigners often say we’re always apologising, but they’re just hearing the word not the context. Sorry can mean excuse me, get out of my way, move now or how dare you! 😂😂
It's common practice when responding to complaints for companies to use terms like, 'I'm sorry that you feel...." and it's massively passive aggressive. It absolutely is a statement that the writer doesn't believe/care about whatever the recipient has complained about.
It's so good to hear this explained so clearly. I live in Australia and I find that this English use of sorry is part of my lived experience and I find it very disturbing. I am autistic and the manipulative use of sorry is something I have struggled for years to recognise and understand. Thank you
It’s a very nuanced word in our language, and if you have autism those nuances might be hard to process. This lady has concentrated on negative uses, erroneously in my experience. If you have a negative bias, then that’s what one is driven to hear. It’s really not the balanced approach. Politeness, courtesy and manners were foundations of the English linguistic use. It’s sad that too much focus, as we see here, is being placed on manipulation. It’s really not the everyday uses IME.
I once raised the issue of corruption with a local canvassing politician and received the classic: 'I am so sorry you feel this way', performed with a faux concerned head tilt and eye contact to presumably convey sincerity... I considered next time I hear this to reply with: 'How dare you apologise for my feelings.", but to be fair, I value de-escalation more than open conflict. He left abruptly, clutching his leaflets and stopped the campaign on our street, that was good enough for me.
I am English and have been on a one man anti ‘sorry’ campaign for some years now…. I work on the basis that If I meant to do something then sorry is disingenuous… if I didn’t mean to do it then nothing to apologise for… it’s a really hard habit to break but has greatly reduced my sorrow. The worst sort of sorry in my opinion is when followed with a ‘but’. My approach has caught on amongst my friends… but saying sorry for saying sorry is a dangerous loop to get into 🙄
British people are often very easy to read when it comes to facial expressions, tone of the voice and body language. And mostly I find them quite cute, even when they're a bit irritated, passive aggressive or even angry. The term sorry is so often used, so it all depends on the context. I find the term 'excuse me' better to use whenever one wants to bring proper attention to the situation. And mostly, British people are very polite in an honest way. In Scandinavia, it's more difficult to see when people are lying straight to your face. And in Norway, most people don't even try to use any way of saying that they truly are sorry. Maybe it's the cold weather. 🖤😎👍
I was very interested in this topic. We lived in London for 8 years and I was always taken aback by some of the subtle use of language in the UK. Much different than in the United States. A prime example is the phrase "I hear what you're saying". In the United States, this would signal that you've taken in what was being said and you are having a rethink about the topic, but in the UK it means a couple of things, mainly my mind is made up and I do not want to talk about it anymore. I was in a pub having a pint with a client and thought I'd use the phrase. The other party said "Right then" and he stopped the conversation. We carried on with our discussion. I was standing in front of the cheese kiosk at M&S and I felt someone behind me hovering and she reached around me to grab some stilton. In the US this would be considered very rude. A simple "excuse me" would have announced that I was blocking their access to the cheese they wanted to purchase. One morning I was on the Underground on my way to the office. The car was extremely crowded. Not all the bench-style seating was the same size. I met a colleague at the station and began chatting about the office. We sat down in one of those small bench seats. A woman boarded the Underground a few stations along the route. She got on and stood before the two there and announced, and in an elevated voice stated that she wanted the tiny space between us. She implied we were rude for taking up two seats. Again, a simple "Excuse me is that seat taken" would have been sufficient to enlist the response to her request. I hate to continue on this topic, but here is another example. I was heading to Heathrow to catch a flight to the continent. I waited outside the carriage to ensure everyone had decamped. When I thought everyone had left the carriage, I climbed on board. Suddenly, a disheveled passenger appeared rushing to get to his flight( I guess). He then mumbled that he wished everyone would wait till left the carriage before attempting to board the carriage. My Americanism kicked in and I turned and shouted back "Well if you got off sooner you might have had a better outcome". His companion looked mortified as they exited the train. We love our time in the UK and the subtle differences made life interesting.
Some of those transport examples seem more like moments of rudeness than subtle cultural differences. It’s true-people in London can be a bit brusque at times, but a little courtesy wouldn’t go amiss! In a rather twisted way, I think some people actually relish the opportunity to call others out for alleged rudeness in situations they create - they get a kick out of it - they like to play the victim like the guy getting off the train in your story. They love being in 'righteous indignation' mode. Not to mention the undercurrents (or perhaps over-currents) of entitled behaviour that seem to crop up in many cultures these days. Cheers for watching and commenting!
Whilst I agree she could have handled the seat thing better, it is rude on busy public transport for 2 people to take up 3 seats. Regular computers will be aware of their surroundings and other passengers needs and make space by moving closer together or putting bags on laps to free up seats when it gets busy. If you are commuting daily with tourists that don't normally travel by public transport and appear unthoughtful of others' needs, it can become frustrating. ❤
I agree with the German or American point of view; I prefer the blunt honesty of an archetypical German or American to the polite hypocrisy of an archetypical Englishman. Greetings from Italy.
Hi, "it doesn't matter your painful, your feeling are strange for the other". That is one of the significant characterístics in this particular historical moment. En Argentina for example "sorry" is being replaced for bad attitude and talk in a rude way in informal speaking. The question is why? Thanks for sharing the video. 🎉❤
I found this to be very ,very informative. Its great how you added an extra layer on top of a subject that was already discussed in a much more general way. There is something about layering another video on top of one of the same topic, but different nuances,.Doing a little more of a deeper dig helps someone see cultural contexts better. Your examples were good too.I'm beginning to understand English people and behaviors a bit better now. Thanks for this one! Great job !
The tone of voice, inflection, followed by a ? (or not) usually informs you what sort of “sorry” you’re getting - which is decoded in a nanosecond- if you’re English.
During a flight a British girl around 8 years old and her dad were sitting next to me. She said 'sorry' every time she looked at me. It made us both very uncomfortable, so I gave her my tablet with a colouring book app to keep her busy. Then her dad looked at me and said 'sorry' 😂 They were very friendly and polite people. Just a bit awkward in such small space in the plane (so was I).
I wouldn't have expected so many interpretations of "sorry" including those that better match with an "excuse me" . Of course I've heard some worries like an interjection to start a demand but I always felt it to be excessive since it reminds me of "sorrow" instead of "permission".
"Sorry seems to be the hardest word" - Billy Joel. He was right, when it's genuine it's hard, so the fact that it seems to be so overused should make you wonder how genuine it is. Correction: it was Elton Jonh of course!!
I'm not sure if I agree that passive aggressiveness can be misread between 2 cultures because of different use of words/silence etc. i personally find that it's not the words and the silence, but the underlying energy/vibe/mood of the person that reveals whether they have friendly intentions or passive aggressive ones.
It’s interesting to explore how passive aggressiveness can be interpreted across cultures. In England, much of our communication relies on spoken language, with certain words-or the absence of them-often signaling underlying emotions like frustration or displeasure. Unlike cultures where implicit or non-verbal cues are heavily relied upon, English communication tends to be more explicit, which is why words and tone hold a lot of weight in how messages are interpreted.
I disagree with this. "Sorry" is certainly used frequently. It's diminishly rare for "sorry" to signify negative sentiments. So videos like this give non-native speakers of English the view that someone has offended them by use of the word. Other English-speaking cultures may differ.
Hi, I suspect you might be English due to your comment. Therefore, you may be too close to your culture to realise how passive aggressive English politeness, including the use of “sorry”, really can be. So many times in England right to my face, sorry and other seemingly polite words have been used to barely cover seething rage and anger. The rules of English society are too complex for me to understand them all but I know anger when I see it.
@@rithikuja7299 On the other hand, I have an inside view about the intention of common words and phrases. Could it be that other cultures mistake the intention of the word "sorry," especially when videos and websites intended for other audiences suggest this intent, priming the perception. I have rarely seen much seething rage and anger in my life, perhaps you may have been the cause of it. Have you considered that your culture may affect your relationship with those Britons you have met. We are upset by 'rudeness' interpreted through our culture, although it may not have been intended.
@BillDavies-ej6ye No not really. As I mentioned at the start of the video (maybe you missed me saying that part) this builds on a separate video I did a while ago, which contains most of the typical 'sorry' scenarios.
That's a definite 'NO'! English people are as direct as Americans. Having said that, character does alter dependant on the amount of alcohol consumed ....Dutch courage tends to kick in. 😂
It always suprises me how many people see sorry as an admition of guilt and won't say it . Yes, I will say sorry if I have done wrong and mostly mean it, but in a conflict situation I am perhaps only actally apologising for upsetting them and not necessarily for my actions. In British culture 'sorry' is often a word used to smooth an awkward or potentially awkward/difficult situation. It is often said without specific reference to what the apology is for, most context this is inferred, but not always in the same way by the two parties within the exchange. Example. Sorry, but I've been sleeping with your husband. (I shouldn't have slept with him and it was wrong of me and I feel so very guilty and ashamed and have ruined your marriage... OR ... I can't avoid admitting I slept with him and am sorry this news is going to upset you and yes this is awkward isn't it but we're both moving in together on Friday). Poor and a somewhat extreme example, but perhaps this makes sense. (Please be assured no marriages were harmed in the writting of this hypothetical comment).
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Quick note! 🎯 The first part of the video leans distinctly towards the English way of things, but once I get into Robert Greene’s strategies, those pearls of wisdom will also find their mark in other English-speaking corners of the world and beyond in some contexts.
Dutchman here, imho opinion, in england the word sorry is often used ro replace "f#$% off!"
net als in het nederlands🙂
Absolutely!
true
No, many of us will just say exactly that, if that’s what’s needed.
Irish here..we also say sorry for many different reasons. Foreigners often say we’re always apologising, but they’re just hearing the word not the context. Sorry can mean excuse me, get out of my way, move now or how dare you! 😂😂
Absolutely 💯
Agreed!
😂😂
Scot here. Yeah, England, not British, lose the Union Jack if it’s just England please….sorry?!,?
Glad I found you interesting info respect 🎉
It's common practice when responding to complaints for companies to use terms like, 'I'm sorry that you feel...." and it's massively passive aggressive. It absolutely is a statement that the writer doesn't believe/care about whatever the recipient has complained about.
I hate that phrase with a passion. It is so dismissive and I can't think of a single legitimate reason to use it
Sorry you feel that way.
It's not an apology.
It's so good to hear this explained so clearly. I live in Australia and I find that this English use of sorry is part of my lived experience and I find it very disturbing. I am autistic and the manipulative use of sorry is something I have struggled for years to recognise and understand. Thank you
It’s a very nuanced word in our language, and if you have autism those nuances might be hard to process. This lady has concentrated on negative uses, erroneously in my experience. If you have a negative bias, then that’s what one is driven to hear. It’s really not the balanced approach. Politeness, courtesy and manners were foundations of the English linguistic use. It’s sad that too much focus, as we see here, is being placed on manipulation. It’s really not the everyday uses IME.
I once raised the issue of corruption with a local canvassing politician and received the classic: 'I am so sorry you feel this way', performed with a faux concerned head tilt and eye contact to presumably convey sincerity... I considered next time I hear this to reply with: 'How dare you apologise for my feelings.", but to be fair, I value de-escalation more than open conflict. He left abruptly, clutching his leaflets and stopped the campaign on our street, that was good enough for me.
I am English and have been on a one man anti ‘sorry’ campaign for some years now…. I work on the basis that If I meant to do something then sorry is disingenuous… if I didn’t mean to do it then nothing to apologise for… it’s a really hard habit to break but has greatly reduced my sorrow. The worst sort of sorry in my opinion is when followed with a ‘but’. My approach has caught on amongst my friends… but saying sorry for saying sorry is a dangerous loop to get into 🙄
Your book recommendations are really good. Please keep throwing these in when you can lol
Of course!
"Sorry" doesn't mean sorry at all. It's an involuntary noise that people make in the UK. It's similar to burping or farting. 😂
🤣🤣🤣
Perfectly put. It’s a noise I make more than I should do.
@@nk-gp1ml spot on
British people are often very easy to read when it comes to facial expressions, tone of the voice and body language. And mostly I find them quite cute, even when they're a bit irritated, passive aggressive or even angry. The term sorry is so often used, so it all depends on the context. I find the term 'excuse me' better to use whenever one wants to bring proper attention to the situation. And mostly, British people are very polite in an honest way. In Scandinavia, it's more difficult to see when people are lying straight to your face. And in Norway, most people don't even try to use any way of saying that they truly are sorry. Maybe it's the cold weather. 🖤😎👍
British ppl are very skilled in being polite in both honest and dishonest ways, that's my observation.
"I am sorry if I offended you", "I am sorry but I ..." are typical passive non-apologies.
That’s right. People chose actively to take offense, it’s not given.
I was very interested in this topic. We lived in London for 8 years and I was always taken aback by some of the subtle use of language in the UK. Much different than in the United States. A prime example is the phrase "I hear what you're saying". In the United States, this would signal that you've taken in what was being said and you are having a rethink about the topic, but in the UK it means a couple of things, mainly my mind is made up and I do not want to talk about it anymore. I was in a pub having a pint with a client and thought I'd use the phrase. The other party said "Right then" and he stopped the conversation. We carried on with our discussion. I was standing in front of the cheese kiosk at M&S and I felt someone behind me hovering and she reached around me to grab some stilton. In the US this would be considered very rude. A simple "excuse me" would have announced that I was blocking their access to the cheese they wanted to purchase. One morning I was on the Underground on my way to the office. The car was extremely crowded. Not all the bench-style seating was the same size. I met a colleague at the station and began chatting about the office. We sat down in one of those small bench seats. A woman boarded the Underground a few stations along the route. She got on and stood before the two there and announced, and in an elevated voice stated that she wanted the tiny space between us. She implied we were rude for taking up two seats. Again, a simple "Excuse me is that seat taken" would have been sufficient to enlist the response to her request.
I hate to continue on this topic, but here is another example. I was heading to Heathrow to catch a flight to the continent. I waited outside the carriage to ensure everyone had decamped. When I thought everyone had left the carriage, I climbed on board. Suddenly, a disheveled passenger appeared rushing to get to his flight( I guess). He then mumbled that he wished everyone would wait till left the carriage before attempting to board the carriage. My Americanism kicked in and I turned and shouted back "Well if you got off sooner you might have had a better outcome". His companion looked mortified as they exited the train. We love our time in the UK and the subtle differences made life interesting.
Some of those transport examples seem more like moments of rudeness than subtle cultural differences. It’s true-people in London can be a bit brusque at times, but a little courtesy wouldn’t go amiss! In a rather twisted way, I think some people actually relish the opportunity to call others out for alleged rudeness in situations they create - they get a kick out of it - they like to play the victim like the guy getting off the train in your story. They love being in 'righteous indignation' mode. Not to mention the undercurrents (or perhaps over-currents) of entitled behaviour that seem to crop up in many cultures these days. Cheers for watching and commenting!
Whilst I agree she could have handled the seat thing better, it is rude on busy public transport for 2 people to take up 3 seats. Regular computers will be aware of their surroundings and other passengers needs and make space by moving closer together or putting bags on laps to free up seats when it gets busy. If you are commuting daily with tourists that don't normally travel by public transport and appear unthoughtful of others' needs, it can become frustrating. ❤
@oz25 Yes i thought about this afterwards. it's so true!
There are not so many English people, haven’t you noticed?
It's the first word the baby hears from their mother as it exits her womb in the UK.
@@VOLightPortal 😂😂😂
Sorry was the first word my daughter learnt in London when she was one and a half years old. Oh yes, and bye bye. … 🌹👍😊
I agree with the German or American point of view; I prefer the blunt honesty of an archetypical German or American to the polite hypocrisy of an archetypical Englishman. Greetings from Italy.
Hi, "it doesn't matter your painful, your feeling are strange for the other".
That is one of the significant characterístics in this particular historical moment.
En Argentina for example "sorry" is being replaced for bad attitude and talk in a rude way in informal speaking. The question is why? Thanks for sharing the video. 🎉❤
I found this to be very ,very informative. Its great how you added an extra layer on top of a subject that was already discussed in a much more general way. There is something about layering another video on top of one of the same topic, but different nuances,.Doing a little more of a deeper dig helps someone see cultural contexts better. Your examples were good too.I'm beginning to understand English people and behaviors a bit better now. Thanks for this one! Great job !
Glad it was helpful!
Good evening Hannah. I'm reading Watching the English at the moment. Very interesting. Thanks for the advice 😊
It's such a great read! Quite the deep dive, lots for you to discover.
family member used sorry for manipulative reasons
I hope you are 'sorry-proof' now! :)
The tone of voice, inflection, followed by a ? (or not) usually informs you what sort of “sorry” you’re getting - which is decoded in a nanosecond- if you’re English.
During a flight a British girl around 8 years old and her dad were sitting next to me. She said 'sorry' every time she looked at me. It made us both very uncomfortable, so I gave her my tablet with a colouring book app to keep her busy. Then her dad looked at me and said 'sorry' 😂 They were very friendly and polite people. Just a bit awkward in such small space in the plane (so was I).
I wouldn't have expected so many interpretations of "sorry" including those that better match with an "excuse me" . Of course I've heard some worries like an interjection to start a demand but I always felt it to be excessive since it reminds me of "sorrow" instead of "permission".
Sorry! lol, check out my other 'Sorry' video that I made as mentioned!
I need a roadmap to keep so many statements straight. Is there a way to emerge with a unified grasp of what is meant?
As a British person myself, I fear I may well have misused this word many times. Especially when I was younger. I'm ashamed.
"Sorry seems to be the hardest word" - Billy Joel. He was right, when it's genuine it's hard, so the fact that it seems to be so overused should make you wonder how genuine it is. Correction: it was Elton Jonh of course!!
If in doubt, I always ask what they are apologising for?
I'm not sure if I agree that passive aggressiveness can be misread between 2 cultures because of different use of words/silence etc. i personally find that it's not the words and the silence, but the underlying energy/vibe/mood of the person that reveals whether they have friendly intentions or passive aggressive ones.
It’s interesting to explore how passive aggressiveness can be interpreted across cultures. In England, much of our communication relies on spoken language, with certain words-or the absence of them-often signaling underlying emotions like frustration or displeasure. Unlike cultures where implicit or non-verbal cues are heavily relied upon, English communication tends to be more explicit, which is why words and tone hold a lot of weight in how messages are interpreted.
Interesting. Greetings from Colombia
What is the meaning of : not to bad
What happens when someone tried to convince you that they are not a computer hacker and they are a complete dick about it?
Happy belated New Year.
Happy new year!
Merci beaucoup
Ooh.. that is why i feel irritation hearing sorry that much..
Sorry seems to be the hardest word…
Narcissism was born in here
Buzz words were born here.
A raised eyebrow, passive agressive, only if the recipient is overly sensitive or called Amber Heard
The English are so “tricky”. Life’s too short!
A rather broad insult.
Sorry!
Please is another one!
Sorry - guilt inducing
The English use of sorry is vomit inducing.
Sasanqua’s ❤
1950 London 99%
2024 London 36%
..you are being conquered.
Yeah... sorry.
Give it a rest
I disagree with this. "Sorry" is certainly used frequently. It's diminishly rare for "sorry" to signify negative sentiments. So videos like this give non-native speakers of English the view that someone has offended them by use of the word. Other English-speaking cultures may differ.
Hi, I suspect you might be English due to your comment. Therefore, you may be too close to your culture to realise how passive aggressive English politeness, including the use of “sorry”, really can be. So many times in England right to my face, sorry and other seemingly polite words have been used to barely cover seething rage and anger. The rules of English society are too complex for me to understand them all but I know anger when I see it.
@@rithikuja7299 On the other hand, I have an inside view about the intention of common words and phrases. Could it be that other cultures mistake the intention of the word "sorry," especially when videos and websites intended for other audiences suggest this intent, priming the perception. I have rarely seen much seething rage and anger in my life, perhaps you may have been the cause of it. Have you considered that your culture may affect your relationship with those Britons you have met. We are upset by 'rudeness' interpreted through our culture, although it may not have been intended.
@BillDavies-ej6ye No not really. As I mentioned at the start of the video (maybe you missed me saying that part) this builds on a separate video I did a while ago, which contains most of the typical 'sorry' scenarios.
You are pretty
I didn't watch this video!
Sorry.
do English people say you're HOT
More likely to say, "are you cold?" We do tend to talk about the weather!
That's a definite 'NO'! English people are as direct as Americans. Having said that, character does alter dependant on the amount of alcohol consumed
....Dutch courage tends to kick in. 😂
No, ‘sexy’ gorgeous’ attractive’ etc, ‘hot’ is a Californication dumbing down the language.
It always suprises me how many people see sorry as an admition of guilt and won't say it . Yes, I will say sorry if I have done wrong and mostly mean it, but in a conflict situation I am perhaps only actally apologising for upsetting them and not necessarily for my actions. In British culture 'sorry' is often a word used to smooth an awkward or potentially awkward/difficult situation. It is often said without specific reference to what the apology is for, most context this is inferred, but not always in the same way by the two parties within the exchange. Example. Sorry, but I've been sleeping with your husband. (I shouldn't have slept with him and it was wrong of me and I feel so very guilty and ashamed and have ruined your marriage... OR ... I can't avoid admitting I slept with him and am sorry this news is going to upset you and yes this is awkward isn't it but we're both moving in together on Friday). Poor and a somewhat extreme example, but perhaps this makes sense. (Please be assured no marriages were harmed in the writting of this hypothetical comment).
It's the 'toxic' sorry I hurt your feelings, but I have no regrets for my actions! This is rife in England.