I've noticed that when you are way past your friends' level of maturity and/or level of achievement in some key areas, chances are *most of them* will stop being your friends because your mere presence is a reminder of their failure to achieve their potential.
Michael Di Carlo much of it comes down to what you do with your time. Many will fall into the camp where 40-50 hours of their week goes into working some job, and their time outside of that job is thrown away on Netflix, social media, keeping up with at least one sport on TV, drinking at bars etc. Then you will have the (much smaller) group comprised of people with a tendency to 'attack' their time away from their jobs and try to get the most of it. It's possible for people in this group to loosen up every so often and ride along with the first group, but they tend to only have so much patience for doing so, and understand that that lifestyle is a slippery-slope making it easy to slide into a routine of mindless self-gratification while accomplishing little to nothing. People from either group are bound to feel threatened (to some extent) spending too much time with members of the other group. Those belonging to the more laid-back and hedonistic bunch will likely rationalize that those from the more go-getter group are "too serious", don't know how to "enjoy" life, are neurotic, possibly suffer from dreams of grandeur etc. At some point it becomes nearly impossible to reconcile the two modes of living. One side won't understand why the other can't simply kick back and smoke a few bowls while watching playoffs, and the other won't care to participate in activities compromising their edge and distracting them from what needs to be done. C'est la vie
Totally agree with you. I ditched most of my friends. At work I have to hide anything intellectual and my work colleagues just show me videos of prison fights from cable TV. Yes you are not going to get far with losers.
You don't even need to ditch them. Most of my older friends, they slowly but surely stopped contacting and hanging out with me. At this point of my life, I am basically alone. I had a very hard time relating with them; as they have a negative opinion about women, constantly complaining that women are bitches, this and that, and no life goals. I guess I made them feel uncomfortable as I hated to listen them talking so badly about women and often found myself arguing with them and sometimes out of excitement, I shared with them my financial goals. So they slowly stopped inviting me less and less until they completely vanished.
I think the thing is you are the average of the 5 people you associate most with is true. And the people who use this definition are often selfish and value loyalty less. You can surround yourself with new friends based on them motivating you to do more with your life. But then you may end up as the average of 5 sociopaths who are achievers and are only around you for the same reasons
Almost 3 minutes in and John says he doesn't "judge" people. He surely does (any intelligent person with standards will) but I think he meant he doesn't condemn people or damn people. He might be willing to overlook some things and focus on the good things. Maybe I'll find that distinction later on in the video.
Totally agree with you. I notice this in school, where almost every guy in my class doesn't care about homework, tests or that kinda stuff and does only the bare minimum to get to the next grade. With the time I also got a bit lazy, making my homework late in the evening, etc. That's not good. But great video! :D
I've had some friends trying to get me to settle. Even people who are doing better than you can stunt your growth if they like you where you are they will also thwart your progress.
painful truth man, BUT when you surround yourself with that kind of people, ambitious, smart, self driven, who can motivate you or get you through the closed doors there is one problem: in most of the cases they will never be your true friends. They are rational and they will ditch you when something will go wrong or they will ran out of limits for "unimportant" friends. You'll never feel really sincere with them. Everytime you want to tell them something you would need to think twice what are you going to say. Because they analyze you and your status, your thoughts and your mindset and if they will find that it's not fitting their values you will be banned
Radioactive FistFoot Even if you're just smoking pot and not being negative, you can still waste someone's time. There does not have to be something malicious, insidious, or negative about your interaction or behavior for someone to decide their time is better spent elsewhere. You could hang out with preschoolers, if you want. People are predominantly selfish. Some even more so. You haven't really defined what "rational" is.
Radioactive FistFoot I agree with you, but can you feel really free with that kind of "friends"? Be yourself and don't think about how it looks like. Laugh historically out of something stupid (sometimes we all do that with friends) and feel like if you were kid. You can do that only with your old friends, and they are not always successful
Radioactive FistFoot you're right, but also the fact is that it is very hard for adults to make friends. Most of good friends are from school or college. And if you want to find people with special qualities it is even harder to do. 'Thanks to RUclips you can add couple of really cool guys to your circle of friends by watching their videos ))
I think , you are right , people like that tend to be very selfish, don't expect too much from those guys , what wrong to hang out with an old friend even they are not rich and success , Life is nothing , just be nice , kind with anyone , be there for them when they need us , when you are calculate too much , That's not a true friendship.
I hate to say this, I agree with you 100%. I've spent a fortune on my IT training, but can't get the job because my CV is a mess due to peer pressure of "just get a job, any job".
I wish had this advice given to me years ago. I hanged around with loosers for 15 years and wasted so much time with them. Big learning lesson i say cut them out of your lives ASAP and move on. It is a lonely road but i promise there is light on there other end as you will meet people on your level.
I find it hard to meet people like that , a lot of people are leeches . A quote that I really like is "if you find no support on your path , walk alone . There is no companionship with the immature"
John, I stopped at about 2:40 just to tell you you're cracking me up :-) You're pretty well balance, I didn't know you did so well at humor :-). This is a topic I need to hear... a few times.
Anyone know his stats so I can calculate his FFMI? Voice has dropped over the past 4 years, muscle mass has gone up significantly, you might not be wrong ;)
John started out as a nerd. His voice was high pitched. This is learned behavior. He worked on his self image, worked out. His default mode, his nerd core, shows through with his more high pitched voice. But his updated image uses a deeper voice. I get it. We're different people, but I can relate.
I had went back to my loser friends thinking I could help and change them...NOPE didn't work made me stoop to their level....Never look back....screw em
Bro.... I'm pretty sure more than half of the people in this channel have goals. We should make a Discord chat for all the simple programmers, to talk about life, goals, programming etc... Edit: I made a discord discord.gg/4Ktsf for simple programmer chat. If you're interested , we need more people though..
Paul Garcia ya sure bro so how can we gather them and have a group we really do need a good company coz after this video I did realized my friends are losers so what's say what's your plan?
The best way is to join a Discord chat Now how to get people in the chat we have two options One: Spam the link on his videos. ( But I don't think John would appreciate that) Two: Have John create his own Discord chat and make a video on it or see if John can talk about our discord chat
hey john ,do you pay taxes as a multimillionar? Karl Ess a vegan fitness youtuber in germany who is a millionaire said that all his colleague are not paying taxes some of them are also multi millionaire as you
How can you attract more successful people to be your friends? they will think the same way that you are not successful enough to be friends with you .
John Sonmez While I understand what you are essentially trying to say, it begs the question ... Why would your so-called friends who are 'above your level' as you say want to be your friends? Won't they consider you to be detrimental to their growth and treat you as a loser? For e.g why would a roided for success idol like Jay Cutler want to be your friend and mentor when you have nothing worth his time? Life is all about trying to strike a balance ... being ambitious, driven, successful and all that hoopla is fine but just like everything else in life when taken to the extreme it might be just as bad as being a complete loser who posses none of these qualities. Fake friends are just as bad as loser friends :)
Basically all I heard in this video was "I have friends, I have lots of friends", it's almost like he was trying to convince himself of this idea lol just kidding man.
i kind of agree. I think relationships are a kind of investment. However if you will not spend much time with people below your level you probably won't be friends with your children.
What advice can you give to a loser who already have no friends whatsoever? :'( Should I spend my time on RUclips listening to "successful" people and programmer like you brag and talk like this or what? How about listening to a podcast?
Leaving toxic friends is one of the best things I have done with my life.
Leaving toxic friends
I've noticed that when you are way past your friends' level of maturity and/or level of achievement in some key areas, chances are *most of them* will stop being your friends because your mere presence is a reminder of their failure to achieve their potential.
Michael Di Carlo much of it comes down to what you do with your time.
Many will fall into the camp where 40-50 hours of their week goes into working some job, and their time outside of that job is thrown away on Netflix, social media, keeping up with at least one sport on TV, drinking at bars etc.
Then you will have the (much smaller) group comprised of people with a tendency to 'attack' their time away from their jobs and try to get the most of it. It's possible for people in this group to loosen up every so often and ride along with the first group, but they tend to only have so much patience for doing so, and understand that that lifestyle is a slippery-slope making it easy to slide into a routine of mindless self-gratification while accomplishing little to nothing. People from either group are bound to feel threatened (to some extent) spending too much time with members of the other group. Those belonging to the more laid-back and hedonistic bunch will likely rationalize that those from the more go-getter group are "too serious", don't know how to "enjoy" life, are neurotic, possibly suffer from dreams of grandeur etc.
At some point it becomes nearly impossible to reconcile the two modes of living. One side won't understand why the other can't simply kick back and smoke a few bowls while watching playoffs, and the other won't care to participate in activities compromising their edge and distracting them from what needs to be done.
C'est la vie
the 40-50 hours break into 2 categories.
these that are sufficiently educated (not necessarily college degree). and these that are not
sad but true.
"Overloaded definitions of the same words." Jon, your c++ is showing.
lol :-D
Totally agree with you. I ditched most of my friends. At work I have to hide anything intellectual and my work colleagues just show me videos of prison fights from cable TV. Yes you are not going to get far with losers.
Exactly!
You don't even need to ditch them. Most of my older friends, they slowly but surely stopped contacting and hanging out with me. At this point of my life, I am basically alone. I had a very hard time relating with them; as they have a negative opinion about women, constantly complaining that women are bitches, this and that, and no life goals.
I guess I made them feel uncomfortable as I hated to listen them talking so badly about women and often found myself arguing with them and sometimes out of excitement, I shared with them my financial goals. So they slowly stopped inviting me less and less until they completely vanished.
I think the thing is you are the average of the 5 people you associate most with is true. And the people who use this definition are often selfish and value loyalty less. You can surround yourself with new friends based on them motivating you to do more with your life. But then you may end up as the average of 5 sociopaths who are achievers and are only around you for the same reasons
LARGE DIET COLA Lool
Yes im totally agreed with you , a true friendship is not l calculate like that , be there for a friend with they are need us .
Nice one John. That's exactly the reason for which I order the t-shirt, to remember me of what I need to do !
It’s true when I use to hang around certain friends they want you to be miserable just like them
Almost 3 minutes in and John says he doesn't "judge" people. He surely does (any intelligent person with standards will) but I think he meant he doesn't condemn people or damn people. He might be willing to overlook some things and focus on the good things.
Maybe I'll find that distinction later on in the video.
Excellent observation. Agree with you.
Totally agree with you. I notice this in school, where almost every guy in my class doesn't care about homework, tests or that kinda stuff and does only the bare minimum to get to the next grade. With the time I also got a bit lazy, making my homework late in the evening, etc. That's not good. But great video! :D
Hybrid static Haha yes, let's try that :P
I've had some friends trying to get me to settle. Even people who are doing better than you can stunt your growth if they like you where you are they will also thwart your progress.
very true
painful truth man, BUT when you surround yourself with that kind of people, ambitious, smart, self driven, who can motivate you or get you through the closed doors there is one problem: in most of the cases they will never be your true friends. They are rational and they will ditch you when something will go wrong or they will ran out of limits for "unimportant" friends.
You'll never feel really sincere with them.
Everytime you want to tell them something you would need to think twice what are you going to say. Because they analyze you and your status, your thoughts and your mindset and if they will find that it's not fitting their values you will be banned
Radioactive FistFoot because you're a waste of their time?
Radioactive FistFoot Even if you're just smoking pot and not being negative, you can still waste someone's time. There does not have to be something malicious, insidious, or negative about your interaction or behavior for someone to decide their time is better spent elsewhere. You could hang out with preschoolers, if you want.
People are predominantly selfish. Some even more so. You haven't really defined what "rational" is.
Radioactive FistFoot I agree with you, but can you feel really free with that kind of "friends"? Be yourself and don't think about how it looks like. Laugh historically out of something stupid (sometimes we all do that with friends) and feel like if you were kid.
You can do that only with your old friends, and they are not always successful
Radioactive FistFoot you're right, but also the fact is that it is very hard for adults to make friends. Most of good friends are from school or college. And if you want to find people with special qualities it is even harder to do.
'Thanks to RUclips you can add couple of really cool guys to your circle of friends by watching their videos ))
I think , you are right , people like that tend to be very selfish, don't expect too much from those guys , what wrong to hang out with an old friend even they are not rich and success , Life is nothing , just be nice , kind with anyone , be there for them when they need us , when you are calculate too much , That's not a true friendship.
I hate to say this, I agree with you 100%. I've spent a fortune on my IT training, but can't get the job because my CV is a mess due to peer pressure of "just get a job, any job".
I wish had this advice given to me years ago. I hanged around with loosers for 15 years and wasted so much time with them. Big learning lesson i say cut them out of your lives ASAP and move on. It is a lonely road but i promise there is light on there other end as you will meet people on your level.
I find it hard to meet people like that , a lot of people are leeches . A quote that I really like is "if you find no support on your path , walk alone . There is no companionship with the immature"
"Life is painful. There you go."
Thanks Jon!
+Maddy Waters You're welcome!
thanks John. I realized my dog is a loser, so I gave him away.
Oh, man...
Lol
John, I stopped at about 2:40 just to tell you you're cracking me up :-) You're pretty well balance, I didn't know you did so well at humor :-). This is a topic I need to hear... a few times.
Thanks John for kicking us to a higher level. Hit me harder with those 💪. I enjoy it more than anything else, you are the my beast friend!
this is one of most my favourite video on your channel John!
+Jaka Perdana Awesome!
liked!,subscribed! excellent information once again !!
5:00 really like that point never stop learning developing and growing 🤓
Decent advice.
love this channel
Thanks!
This i a very important lesson in life, it took me only about 10 years to figure it out..
Hanging out on RUclips right now. Losers hands up!
Rodrigo !!Thanks! !
If you're the smartest person in a room, you're in the wrong room.
Totally agree.
sometimes i gotta watch you videos!)
I hope it helps you! :)
For those of us who don't have many/any high achieving friends, how would you recommend going out and meeting these people?
"I've got friends that are drug dealers" - that where you get those roids from.
...
Just kidding.
LOL
Anyone know his stats so I can calculate his FFMI? Voice has dropped over the past 4 years, muscle mass has gone up significantly, you might not be wrong ;)
Guys, guys, guys, I don't know how many times I have to tell you I'm not on roids and if I were I would tell you. I wouldn't hide it.
John started out as a nerd. His voice was high pitched. This is learned behavior. He worked on his self image, worked out. His default mode, his nerd core, shows through with his more high pitched voice. But his updated image uses a deeper voice.
I get it. We're different people, but I can relate.
I had went back to my loser friends thinking I could help and change them...NOPE didn't work made me stoop to their level....Never look back....screw em
The problem is only 3% of the world population has a goal!! I don't know how find them now and the main point is I m from India🙃
Bro.... I'm pretty sure more than half of the people in this channel have goals. We should make a Discord chat for all the simple programmers, to talk about life, goals, programming etc...
Edit: I made a discord discord.gg/4Ktsf for simple programmer chat.
If you're interested , we need more people though..
Paul Garcia ya sure bro so how can we gather them and have a group we really do need a good company coz after this video I did realized my friends are losers so what's say what's your plan?
The best way is to join a Discord chat
Now how to get people in the chat we have two options
One:
Spam the link on his videos. ( But I don't think John would appreciate that)
Two:
Have John create his own Discord chat and make a video on it or see if John can talk about our discord chat
Ya sure lets see. What John has to say about this.
Or else tell me ur username
hey john ,do you pay taxes as a multimillionar? Karl Ess a vegan fitness youtuber in germany who is a millionaire said that all his colleague are not paying taxes some of them are also multi millionaire as you
Only about 50% tax rate.
Anyone who tells you they aren't paying taxes is either full of bullshit or literally, illegally not paying taxes.
Simple Programmer don't most multimillionaire pay illegaly not taxes because they have the power and the knowledge
there are no people that are any better than me !
but what if the loser spends his time with a winner?
How can you attract more successful people to be your friends? they will think the same way that you are not successful enough to be friends with you .
What's an example of TOTALLY NEGATIVE.
1 like ez pz
I'm KIdding, Great Video man
Lmao “you got a Bentley ??”
Everybody needs a Roderigo in their life :3
Ha lol
5 Chimps Theory you are the average of the 5 people you hang around with the most.
I'm never hanging out with you again!!!! 😭
That's why you won't be my friend :'( :'( :'(
A few videos today is quite good$)
I'm not good at making friends, I only have one. Maybe it's because of my asperger's.
Soooo true i left my dumb friend and i achieved alot of success
Sonmez got those roids dealer friends.
that thumbnail doe lol
Ha
John Sonmez
While I understand what you are essentially trying to say, it begs the question ... Why would your so-called friends who are 'above your level' as you say want to be your friends? Won't they consider you to be detrimental to their growth and treat you as a loser? For e.g why would a roided for success idol like Jay Cutler want to be your friend and mentor when you have nothing worth his time?
Life is all about trying to strike a balance ... being ambitious, driven, successful and all that hoopla is fine but just like everything else in life when taken to the extreme it might be just as bad as being a complete loser who posses none of these qualities. Fake friends are just as bad as loser friends :)
have you ever sold an application for millions of dollars?
Basically all I heard in this video was "I have friends, I have lots of friends", it's almost like he was trying to convince himself of this idea lol just kidding man.
dont trust the sonmez
Why?
i kind of agree. I think relationships are a kind of investment. However if you will not spend much time with people below your level you probably won't be friends with your children.
5:00
You're very similar to Brandon Carter lol
Ha! Thanks!
He's a friend of mine.
Not surprised tbh, you have very similar mentalities!
You're one person influencing up to 168K people (at the time of this post)... ~cough~contradiction~cough~ ...
That's HUGE!! heh heh...
LOL
not ambitious = losers ?
If they don't have any other qualities that might compensate for it.
What advice can you give to a loser who already have no friends whatsoever? :'( Should I spend my time on RUclips listening to "successful" people and programmer like you brag and talk like this or what? How about listening to a podcast?