Discerning the Bondage of PEOPLE PLEASING
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- To break free from people pleasing, we have to become self-aware and discern its patterns in our life. What does the life of a people pleaser look like and why do so many get trapped underneath this bondage? in this broadcast teaching, I will share about patterns of people pleasing so that you can discern it in your life, while also getting to the heart of why people struggle with the disease to please.
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"Trying to keep someone happy is not love."
👏🏾 Say that again!
I'm honest and I admit this has been a problem for me my entire life! I'm ready for this one big time!
For me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're not alone, that's most of us to sum degree.
I’ve had to stop and start this video a few times because it’s so triggering to know I’ve lived my life this way for so long and believed the lies from manipulators when I wasn’t “pleasing enough.” Dear God thank you for the deliverance!
@@Portiab_ hi, how have you changed over the time since you watched this video? Do you have any advice on where to start working towards not being a people pleaser?
Boy did God give this to me at the right time
Me too!
I was badly bullied in middle school for about 5 years. I am in my mid 30s now- wow this makes so much sense. I am a total people pleaser because I want people to accept me and not judge...it all connects...thanks, Mark! Now I can work through this in therapy haha!
Wow yea, I have the same story.
Same!! It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone in my journey!
God bless you brothers and sisters in Christ 😊🙏🏼
So inspiring to read this comment because yes!! Lol Thanks for sharing!
People pleasing is a survival skill I.e. Fight/Flight/Freeze/FAWN. Plus, it’s primal-as a herd community-if we were exiled, and kicked out the community, then exfile = death in our minds. So we people-please to not get exiled.
We people please because we're broken by a sinful world.
It takes time to believe who you are in Christ and know how much he loves you. Once you can get that in your heart it is moving to think of how much he loves you. Powerful. Then you can accept yourself warts and all and then love others.
I spent a year in a customer service call center - the worst possible environment for a pleaser. Huge anxiety constantly. Tried but couldn't keep people happy. I thought I would get used to it but never did.
Where are we supposed to work 😅
@@RTYWLive.Forever I'll tell you when I find out lol. But the job I switched to has bookkeeping and errands that may not be fun, but don't make me anxious.
@@ethanmoon3925 oh nice ❤️
This video is so helpful. I need to replay it often.
For me, people pleasing tendencies started with my mom. She’s always been codependent and essentially just a broken human being. And growing up, I would be the one to “protect her” and nurture her. And I ended up suppressing and neglecting my own needs. It robbed me of my childhood and now I have so many repressed emotions and resentment toward my mom. AND I STILL ATTEMPT TO PLEASE HER. Every time I’m talking to her on the phone I end up tending to her needs and trying to fix her. It’s so annoying. I see all of the signs, Mark! Pray for me! Lol
Your mom may not be a codependent. She sounds more like a narcissist. They come in many forms. I was a people pleaser too. Had a narc for a mom so I was programmed to please hee and I went into the world believing I was not good enough to love so I people pleased w/ everyone.
I had other narcs in my life too. One almost broke me. God used the break/Crack to shine His light into it so I was able to wake up to who I really was. A child of God and deeply loved.
"Be still and know I am God" are powerful words. It's in the stillness that we meet Him.
Listening to this for the second time. Won‘t be the last time. Thank you for this video.
I can’t thank enough for this message. 26 and I keep telling the lord I’ve felt trapped.
I’m sorry I don’t have money to give right now but this is the best counseling session I’ve ever had. Thank you!
Mark droppping knowledge bombs!!
Thank you for pointing out the obvious in my life that I have had such a difficult time seeing. SO much in my life has been about pleasing people and NOT love- 51 years old and I have BIG things to allow God to change in me!
My goodness. This is me. My friend at church always said she didn't understand my need to fix everyone. I'm realizing this. Thank you for this
I thought I did majority of my work in this area. I saw painful growth when it comes to be a people pleaser. But lately.... goodness gracious! People pleasing plus traumatic memories have bombarded my heart and mind that last few months. This video helps identify some of my current struggles.
You are the uncle that I never had in my life and I'm so glad that I have access to all your resources. I'm highly blessed. 🙏
Thank you so much. 😊❤
All of thee above. He's angry...I need to make him happy. No...just need to sit with the emotions. I am not a pretzel.
This video completely blew open my whole world. Goodness... as if all your other videos haven't been completely relevant for my life. This one pretty much, yea. Wow. I almost skipped past it too. But something told me to just check in and see. Thank you, God.
This video 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾😭😭😭😭. This is something I’ve struggled with a LOOOOONG time and really want to be free from this. Again, thank youuuuu for another SOBERING video.
I would like to thank you so so much for the way you are putting everything is really opening my eyes I'm 42 and have been dealing with this my whole life thank you again my brother in Christ may God bless you !
You damn right about not answering the door for drama Big Mark! That’s a good word lol😊
Pastor Mark, once again you hit the bull's eye! Thank you for these teachings. You have no idea how God has used you to bring healing into my heart.
I was a woman that was truly bound by so many of the same if not all the things you struggled with and now for the first time, I can honestly say that light has penetrated the deep, dark places of my heart. Lasting emotional, mental, spiritual and even physical changes are taking place! "For everything, there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1.
My time of healing and restoration has truly come. It's been a long time coming (I am 51) but God's timing is always perfect. Pray that God will use my pain and healing journey to the benefit of others because it's my desire to see people live whole and free. I praise God for your ministry!
Mark this is absolutely essential for me to hear. I give thanks to God and to you for having the courage and for doing the work you did that allows you to use this amazing gift that Papa(God) gave you - to speak truth and touch our lives. I also greatly enjoy your amazing sense of humour Thank you so much!
You PREACHED !
Thank you so much for your very in depth insight. Blessed ! Be blessed my brother from another mother!!!
Once again your right, so much of this is me. Thankfully, I have worked on some of these things for about 10yrs, and I can say now Praise God not ALL of what you spoke of is me ANYMORE🙏🙌😇Thankyou Holy Spirit for changing and healing me, and for putting people in my life line Mark who help along the way 😊
I was recommended to watch this by a friend who has found it great on her recovery journey .... it is very good and helpful. Thank you
Your ministry is truly a blessing Mark & this message yet again is very timely🙏🏼 God has been working on me in this area. I’ve realized that I have to face those uncomfortable feelings & tell ppl the truth. & it is SO freeing when you do it‼️
Alexandria. YES it is. Maybe it'll get easier and easier??
Congratulations on your progress 😊
@@margaretgrosskreuz8687 yes I’m sure it will😊 & thank you🤍❕
For me - this started with my Mother - who was a good woman but was stuck raising a troublesome toddler (me) during the time my Dad was in Vietnam. As a very young child, I learned to "side step" things that would make my Mom go ballastic or worse, make her cry (How does a toddler deal with THAT? At that age, I was supposed to have the ultimate rights to these types of tantrums). Very scary when you are small and learning your place in the world. I am now 61 and no matter what kind of counseling i've gone to, no matter what the Bible says, I STILL can't stop people pleasing to those I care about -- it is exhausting... Technically I KNOW I am a beloved child of God, but I still find myself believing that my feelings and opinions don't. matter...
Oh Mark. I can so relate
Thank you for taking the time to share this.
You and Melissa are amazing ☝🏼❤️🎯
Brother from another Mother!
Thank you for walking by faith and for taking the time to make these videos. I’m a people pleaser and have been my entire life. I’ve gotten better over the years but still struggle with it. God bless you ! ✝️🛐💟
So good. Thank you. Excellent.
As always heart healing and calming. Thank you dear brother
there so many times i wished i had just said NO.....wow
Wow! This has really helped shed light on things for me.
Such a great video thank you so much for helping unpack this. I’ve been on this healing journey as well and God has done already so much in my life but I find that I somehow still need professional help but then I also remind myself that God can do the impossible and I just keep pressing on to him .
I feel so attack 😂 lol this was such an eye opener. Bless you brother for the powerful message. Makes me think back to all the times I've been in certain situations.
Profound message! The inner life vs performative Christianity. Being able to receive love can actually be an act of humility vs the pride of not having needs
It's so true that it can be easy to throw yourself into serving if it's an area of life that feels "successful" to you, when other things that maybe should take priority aren't going so great...nothing wrong with serving, but are you following where God is actually leading or is it just compulsive? Thanks so much Mark.
This brought up a whole bunch of other stuff for me. I acknowledge that not only am I a people pleaser, but I can be really mean because I don't want to be rejected. Mess!! 🤦♀️🤦♀️
'Mary is people orientated RELATIONALLY' what a quote that hit the bullseye for me.
Hi Mark, thank you so much for this teaching. This has been an issue in my life for so long. I’m hoping for more in this area.
"Savior of the moment" @ 46:40
So much truth.
If you're reading this Mark thank you for your time. How much of our people pleasing behavior is caused by our parents versus the way we are programmed in school to be perfectionists and get good grades and outcompete other students on the field.
All the above
Thank you so much I knew I had this problem but I didn't realize the extent of it! I really appreciate you this has helped me immensely I really it means a lot that you put this out there❤ thank you for showing me that I can hop off the hamster wheel!!!! ❤❤❤
Yes, yes, ues. God showed me my helping is Not always helpful. Staying in my own lane. God is so good. Pause, pray and mind my own business 😊
Yes, gave it my all and burned out. Dont attend church now. Praying for healing 🙏😅
Thank you so much for this video brother!
this is so powerful and I can see myself. But it is good. I have needed to hear this and have better bondaries and stand back and see if this is something I should help in or to sit back and wait and see. Very good talk. Powerful in fact. Thank you.
Excellent teaching!
I kind of think, everyone has a people pleaser aspect of themselves to some degree. It was interesting to hear you say you can do nothing for certain people you are having difficulties with but today as I was meditating on this actual thought, I came to the conclusion that it is important to pray for those individuals, not only because you may desire to pray a particular thing but more importantly to keep your focus of God our Father rather than the thing that is bothering us about that individual. This keeps us Spiritually healthy from bitterness or some other issue not healthy Spiritually speaking. I am appreciative of your ministry thanks.
1:15 As Christians, Figuring out what to do, how & when to do it etc is trial & error, probably more so for those raised in dysfunction. So many folks have no family help or council, yet they wanna do some thing for The Lord. Hopefully, amongst all the ppl pleasing & other subconscience stuff going on- The Lord uses that service for His Glory and some people heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ or were ministered to in some way. Seems a few OT prophets had depression and certainly trauma, but the Bible does not say much about these mental issues in most of God's servants- Paul, Moses, Joseph etc. As some one who did some pretty far out things for The Name of Christ- I just gotta give that service over to Him trusting His Providence. May The Lord bless this ministry too.
Yes people pleasing can make you work good. That can wear you out
TIS THE SEASON to revisit this series 😅
thank you again
It's so easy to confuse the inability to say no with being a good servant and pleasing the Lord! I've come into this mindset that if someone asks me to do something and I say no, God is frowning on me.
Thanks!
Wow I work in the political field and it's tough not to people please and remain rooted in Christ
Living on an empty tank…..so true.
Hi Mark. What do you think about strictness/discipline? This year I made the decision to set aside more time for daily reading and praying - I started exercising… the year is almost over and I have better relationships with my wife and kids-I’m fitter: I did the right things and it worked. At the same time, I’m dogged, in a way, by the desire to ditch everything (the routines) and run. I can flip sides and view things differently. The disciplines are a constraint (are legalism or something like that). I want the emotional freedom to be myself and ditch my own high standards. When I do it leads to sin often… There’s a tension I don’t understand between the need to have a passion for discipline and the desire to be unencumbered by ‘doing the right thing’. I think it’s probably grief…
Your great
Takk!
Super server Sally serving soup and salad...😂😂
I'm am busy. I do a lot of stuff. I was neglected and faced continual disapprovement. I'm a people pleaser. I have poor boundaries. I have trouble saving no. I can not maintain healthy relationships with a girlfriend. How do I get better?
Watch the episode on Healing the Heart of a People Pleaser
@@marktdejesus do you do individual counseling?
@ 1:02:22 LOL THATS SO ME!
had to repeat that several times xD xD
23:44-26:05
Play It Again Sam 😅
58:12
How do you ask mark questions directly?
Gods thoughts are the entire Bible. That's what a love letter is. I never thought about that. I'm actually reading the creator's thoughts. 😲
Wowwwww. I guess I am a people pleaser lol.
Yes! It's a trap. ❤🎉🙏🏽
Wait til you have full realisation. No self / Self / I and the father are One / the kingdom of God...same thing, different religious symbology. At any now moment "you" can evaporate before your very eyes, and you'll be seeing from the eyes of God. It's not explainable, but there's no "you" in the body. Zero filters. I was Christian also, and had this awakening. I realised instantly that all of the surface level beliefs weren't true. I realised the deeper meanings of every scripture I'd drilled into my head. That "me" you think you are, is illusion. Just thoughts. There's no one here BUT "God". That's why "he" feels near but far. Like you're always being watched within. It's you, watching mind made you. You are One with the father. There's no need for pretense here. Only full honesty. I sensed the truth wasn't literalist Christianity, so I prayed just for truth, over and over, from the depths of my heart. And it was revealed. It's called enlightenment in Buddhism, or no self, or Self, or awakening, pure consciousness, God realisation, I and the father are One, the kingdom of God...take your pick. But while you cling to even one sliver of mental belief or concept or image (belief is idolatry, so is any mental concept or image), you can't enter. It doesn't matter ultimately, but if you want the full real deal, you need to be brutally honest with yourself. You have to realise belief implies doubt. And that doubt is God within calling you home. Thank you for the great wisdom on people pleasing. Even when the illusion of "me" is seen through, the mental programming takes time to unwind. Unknowable mystery, is what "we" are, what God is. And there's no separation in existence or the formless. God isn't anywhere else but in all, and is all. All arisen of no thing. You are the alpha and omega. This isnt theory, belief or concept. This is direct being. But by no one, there isn't a "me". Not I but the father... Brutal honesty with yourself guys. Brutal honesty about every thing you've ever dared to doubt. Your doubts are your best friend. They lead the way home. Not through belief. You're not going to hell when you die - it doesn't exist. Hell is now, here, in your mind. Deep mental anguish and suffering,, are the fires of hell. And they burn up the ego eventually. The kingdom of God is beyond thoughts, it's where you're looking from at the deepest level. You're aware of thoughts, start there. Be there, and stay there. Watch that mind, it's not you. You're watching. And you're even aware of the watching.
31:02
LoL lol lol 😆..All pleasers isle 3,457.......
This people pleasing sounds like when Jesus rode in to Jerusalem and the people shouted this is our king and two days later crucifi him!!!! Gods peace to you
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