It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't talk to their partners. They drop hints, play games, have moods and moan to their friends instead. My husband and I talk frankly about all this stuff, and check in with each other regularly. If I'm on my period and it's affecting my mood, I tell him. If I'm going through an unsexy patch I tell him, and explain the reason. If I'm unhappy about something in the relationship, I tell him. That's the only way you get your needs met, by being direct and having constant communication.
My ex used to sulk, and you are so right Nadia, the more he sulked, the less interested I felt. It caused so much bad feeling that we were always arguing and I ended up hating him. It was such a negative, circular thing (it didn't help that he loved watching porn) and then got nasty if I wasn't interested! In fact he actually forced himself on me a couple of times, which is what finished us. Such a good video, thought provoking and fascinating to hear both sides! As always TFS.
You should read - “The Five Love Languages” - everyone has their own personal way of feeling love (usually something we’ve learnt as a child). Understanding each other’s love languages helps us feel love. Defo read up on it, an interesting take on how we feel and give love. My love languages are: quality time, affirmations and touch. What are yours ?
I learnt of this book through my church and it has been really valuable. It’s so much better when you can articulate what you would most like from someone and also to recognise what they most need. My daughter has also looked at this both at church and at school so from a young age has been able to articulate what she must needs from us ( in her case, words of affirmation and physical affection).
Men, in general, tend to get most of the pleasure and none of the responsibility from sex, if studies are anything to go by. Women regard other tasks as being an expression of love because the man is, for once, getting nothing out of those tasks, other than a "thank-you". Women do those same tasks without the expectation of a thank-you, probably because they know that they won't get one!
"Love" is just Oxytocin. Women get Oxytocin from Conversation, Attention, Touch & Shared Experiences. Men get Oxytocin from being desired and the act of sex. This isn't a conscious choice, it's nature. The issue is... Women require an emotional connection in order to be in the mood for sex. Men need sex in order to form an emotional connection. One side is going to have to step outside their comfort zone to start the upward spiral.
Nadia, if you had a man that didn't want to make love to you. You would be crushed! It hurts terribly. It could be medical or age. I don't care what is. I want some type of intense intimacy. When I adore my partner. I want us to be as one through out our lives.
I'm on the perrie menopause and struggling with my libido, I'm not sure my husband truly understands even though he says he does, he does unintentionally make me feel guilty.
@@michellearmstrong307 There is absolutely no need to apologise for this, it's not as if "deer heart" didn't understand what you meant, some people just feel the need to act superior to others, that's why I did they eyes emoji. Enjoy your evening. Take care.x.
As a man, I've always seen sex as the barometer of how things are in the union between the two. Perhaps that's an overly simplified simile of it. But it's how I gauge how things are between my wife and I. Usually when we are having an active normal (for us) sex life, communication is at a high, intimacy and closeness is at a high, affection is at a high, etc. When the sex tapers off, something is usually amiss, whether that's a physical concern with one of us, a communication breakdown, lack of time for just the two of us, etc. I know my wife loves me. But I do tend to feel somewhat insecure if sex tapers off. Alot of that is my own shit, insecurity, troubles with Hispanic machismo/masculinity, feeling unlovable, etc. I agree so much with what Mark said that there's an emotional contingent for some men. I'm one of them. I'm a pretty sensitive person as a whole. Which Alot of that just stems from like I said before, my own shit. Lack of self esteem, self worth, feeling unlovable, or a constant disappointment/failure, etc.
Totally agree with Nadia. And most women I talk say exactly the same. It’s like a currency. Women’s bodies go through so much periods period pains baby’s hormones premenopausal menopause. Stress Work family. It’s hard. I am not in any way putting blame on any side. It’s a hard life to work it all out lol
As always thank you both for your honesty and openness you help a lot of people with these vlogs I agree that relationships do change over time, it takes work from both to keep the romance and intimacy alive, I think that What happens during the day before Intimacy is Important especially for women to feel connected to their partner sexually. 🇨🇦💗
I agree completely with nadia iv allways thought the same but never wld say it in case i wld be laughed at first time i heard it said like that thank you nadia x
It’s been nearly 6 months since me and hubby have had sex. There are problems in our relationship so I have had to withhold sex to make him realise there is a problem as otherwise he thinks if we are having sex then everything is fine.
Sometimes I feel like I have to disembody sex from love, for no other reason than I don’t want the sole reason someone does nice things for me/is thoughtful/is interested to be TO “get sex”, I need to see love as a separate entity so I’m comfortable enough to go further with that, and to engage in sex. Essentially, I need to find some sort of evidence that I’m not being used or manipulated into having sex… I need to know it’s not the reason for all that kindness, now, to be fair, I was in a very emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship when I was quite a bit younger, so I have my own baggage that I’m bringing with me in that regard!
Really enjoyed watching this and it all makes sense now. Nadia I feel the same way as you love /sex is all about the other things not just what happens in the bedroom and mark I think I understand my husband now 😂👍 thank you I love this channel ❤
I think you all could have learned from a modern lesbian relationship. You don't mention female desire. And lesbian relationships generally aren't sexually transactional.
I think this would've been helpful if the husband actually was able to talk. Instead the conversation was about why men SHOULDN'T equate sex with love and THAT'S not what we needed. I love you guys but can you please do this one again so we can really get this answered? Thanks 😊
Hhhmm I just think I get you both. I completely see it as making love and love intimacy and sex with my partner (10 years). But I do agree (although may depend on love language) that acts of service and How I’m treated throughout the day do help towards that. Maybe it depends on who has the higher sex drive as well as it isn’t always men. You defiantly go through different patterns of more and less often.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't talk to their partners. They drop hints, play games, have moods and moan to their friends instead. My husband and I talk frankly about all this stuff, and check in with each other regularly. If I'm on my period and it's affecting my mood, I tell him. If I'm going through an unsexy patch I tell him, and explain the reason. If I'm unhappy about something in the relationship, I tell him. That's the only way you get your needs met, by being direct and having constant communication.
My ex used to sulk, and you are so right Nadia, the more he sulked, the less interested I felt. It caused so much bad feeling that we were always arguing and I ended up hating him. It was such a negative, circular thing (it didn't help that he loved watching porn) and then got nasty if I wasn't interested! In fact he actually forced himself on me a couple of times, which is what finished us. Such a good video, thought provoking and fascinating to hear both sides! As always TFS.
I had exactly the same I ended it in the end
@@carolmoore4202 Me too Carol! 👍
You should read - “The Five Love Languages” - everyone has their own personal way of feeling love (usually something we’ve learnt as a child). Understanding each other’s love languages helps us feel love.
Defo read up on it, an interesting take on how we feel and give love.
My love languages are: quality time, affirmations and touch.
What are yours ?
I learnt of this book through my church and it has been really valuable. It’s so much better when you can articulate what you would most like from someone and also to recognise what they most need. My daughter has also looked at this both at church and at school so from a young age has been able to articulate what she must needs from us ( in her case, words of affirmation and physical affection).
Men, in general, tend to get most of the pleasure and none of the responsibility from sex, if studies are anything to go by. Women regard other tasks as being an expression of love because the man is, for once, getting nothing out of those tasks, other than a "thank-you". Women do those same tasks without the expectation of a thank-you, probably because they know that they won't get one!
Very thought provoking! As always, thank you for tackling these difficult topics xx
Any time Denise xx
"Love" is just Oxytocin.
Women get Oxytocin from Conversation, Attention, Touch & Shared Experiences.
Men get Oxytocin from being desired and the act of sex.
This isn't a conscious choice, it's nature.
The issue is... Women require an emotional connection in order to be in the mood for sex. Men need sex in order to form an emotional connection. One side is going to have to step outside their comfort zone to start the upward spiral.
"It's a miracle that anyone manages to pull it off". Nadia 2021. Lol.
Nadia, if you had a man that didn't want to make love to you. You would be crushed! It hurts terribly. It could be medical or age. I don't care what is. I want some type of intense intimacy. When I adore my partner. I want us to be as one through out our lives.
Love u both - thanks for always being honest and interesting.
Also thanks for making lockdown more bearable ! Love watching htsm
I'm on the perrie menopause and struggling with my libido, I'm not sure my husband truly understands even though he says he does, he does unintentionally make me feel guilty.
Peri menopause
@@deerheart87 🙄🙄
Sorry I'm dyslexic
@@michellearmstrong307 There is absolutely no need to apologise for this, it's not as if "deer heart" didn't understand what you meant, some people just feel the need to act superior to others, that's why I did they eyes emoji. Enjoy your evening. Take care.x.
@@leaveittothediva thank you I thought my days of people picking up on this ended years ago take care to x
Thanks for clarifying the mouse was outside the hse. 🙅🏿♀️🙆🏿♀️
Love your discussions - so honest xxx
4 mins in and I completely agree Nadia👌😚 making love is everything outside of sex, couldn't have put it better👌
I so agree with you Nadia it’s all the little touches that show the love in a relationship not just sex xxx
Very relatable topic, good to hear it being discussed ..sex is so complex...especially in a marriage or long term relationship x
Sooooo interesting . Thank you ❤️💕
Sex over complicates everything in any female and male relationship. Especially with the older you get.
But is just an excuse to deny sex?
@@taipizzalord4463 I think you have totally miss understood my point
Explain lucy dont understand your comment thank you in advance
As a man, I've always seen sex as the barometer of how things are in the union between the two. Perhaps that's an overly simplified simile of it. But it's how I gauge how things are between my wife and I. Usually when we are having an active normal (for us) sex life, communication is at a high, intimacy and closeness is at a high, affection is at a high, etc. When the sex tapers off, something is usually amiss, whether that's a physical concern with one of us, a communication breakdown, lack of time for just the two of us, etc. I know my wife loves me. But I do tend to feel somewhat insecure if sex tapers off. Alot of that is my own shit, insecurity, troubles with Hispanic machismo/masculinity, feeling unlovable, etc. I agree so much with what Mark said that there's an emotional contingent for some men. I'm one of them. I'm a pretty sensitive person as a whole. Which Alot of that just stems from like I said before, my own shit. Lack of self esteem, self worth, feeling unlovable, or a constant disappointment/failure, etc.
And it can be the other way round.a woman can want more sex than a man and also feel unloved if he doesn't want it.
Thank you for always being so honest - love this!
You are so welcome! x
N0 words to describe the comfort you both, have brought to so many people. Thank youxx
Have you read Men from Mars Women from Venus, its all in there ... definately agree Nadia x
Totally agree with Nadia. And most women I talk say exactly the same. It’s like a currency. Women’s bodies go through so much periods period pains baby’s hormones premenopausal menopause. Stress
Work family. It’s hard. I am not in any way putting blame on any side. It’s a hard life to work it all out lol
Bless you all that are dealing with this. It is difficult. It hurts on both sides.
As always thank you both for your honesty and openness you help a lot of people with these vlogs
I agree that relationships do change over time, it takes work from both to keep the romance and intimacy alive, I think that What happens during the day before Intimacy is Important especially for women to feel connected to their partner sexually. 🇨🇦💗
I agree completely with nadia iv allways thought the same but never wld say it in case i wld be laughed at first time i heard it said like that thank you nadia x
Hi pat hope you are well sweetie 🫂🙋🏻🤗🙋🏻🫂
@@Helen78SouthAfrica all good now Helen just had eye surgery just goin home today tg hope ur keeping well too Helen xx
@@patgannon9092 hi pat you keep safe love 💕 and take things easy 🙋🏻🫂🙋🏻🫂🙋🏻🫂🙋🏻🫂🙋🏻🫂
This was wonderful. Thank you 🙏
It’s been nearly 6 months since me and hubby have had sex. There are problems in our relationship so I have had to withhold sex to make him realise there is a problem as otherwise he thinks if we are having sex then everything is fine.
How are things now Katie?
@@carolinebennett4343 better- we are working on getting to a better place. Thanks
Sometimes I feel like I have to disembody sex from love, for no other reason than I don’t want the sole reason someone does nice things for me/is thoughtful/is interested to be TO “get sex”, I need to see love as a separate entity so I’m comfortable enough to go further with that, and to engage in sex. Essentially, I need to find some sort of evidence that I’m not being used or manipulated into having sex… I need to know it’s not the reason for all that kindness, now, to be fair, I was in a very emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship when I was quite a bit younger, so I have my own baggage that I’m bringing with me in that regard!
Really enjoyed watching this and it all makes sense now.
Nadia I feel the same way as you love /sex is all about the other things not just what happens in the bedroom and mark I think I understand my husband now 😂👍 thank you I love this channel ❤
I think you all could have learned from a modern lesbian relationship. You don't mention female desire. And lesbian relationships generally aren't sexually transactional.
Wow! Very intense! LOL!
Thank you.
Good conversation.
I think it’s dependant on the person not gender. Personally. Very binary sometimes x
I think this would've been helpful if the husband actually was able to talk. Instead the conversation was about why men SHOULDN'T equate sex with love and THAT'S not what we needed. I love you guys but can you please do this one again so we can really get this answered? Thanks 😊
🌹🎧💯
GREAT listen
Nadia, that's what you said.
Exactly Mark.
1st step. Have Mark cook half the week. Just let him have fun with it. Don't control it.
Sex is part OF LOVE 😈😍🔥💋💓
GOOD conversation Nadia AND #Maarkkkkk😂
Yes we heard.
Thanks you
Might be fun and nice.
Not all Men are the same.
Do not generalize.
Hhhmm I just think I get you both. I completely see it as making love and love intimacy and sex with my partner (10 years). But I do agree (although may depend on love language) that acts of service and How I’m treated throughout the day do help towards that. Maybe it depends on who has the higher sex drive as well as it isn’t always men. You defiantly go through different patterns of more and less often.
Great topic Mark and Nads
Come on U 2, dive into the deep end...change the title to
HTSM ForEver....😁
We'll start that when we are in our 70s ... xx