Hoarding is such a complicated issue. If it were simple, and if there were simple fixes (like "why didn't you just clean it out when she was alive??") then there would be no such thing as hoarding. You're having to deal with the loss of your mother AND the results of her mental illness. It's a lot and I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. I appreciate that you're sharing your journey because it will be helpful to many others.
I hope many of us mom's with adult children will learn to thin down our own things. I would never want to leave my child with this task as I am sure mom did not think about this ever happening.
I can’t believe that someone would actually comment on blinking a lot. You are doing what you feel is the right thing to do for you. I say, good for you. It is such a difficult thing to deal with grieving and cleaning out someone’s home. You are doing just fine.
No one should put any guilt on you. Someone else's hoarding is hard enough to stop by professionals that specialize in hoarding. The guilt serves no purpose. I hope you can tune out the negative comments and just accept the supportive comments. This is clearly a hard time for anyone let alone doing it by yourself. I hope you can chip away at this at your own pace and leave when you need to for your own sanity. I so wish you the best.
Thank you! I do receive an overwhelming amount of positive comments and very few negative comments, and I try my best to tune out the nasty ones but I'm super sensitive and they do bother me sometimes.
I think you're a very smart, independent woman who will find her way through this incredibly challenging situation one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. I know you'll find your smile again.
I have a friend who is a hoarder. I do everything I can to help her clean her house. Last March 3 of us spent 5 days cleaning her 2 bedroom apartment while she was out of town and didn't get it all finished. We only threw away trash and made a large pile of donations that sat in that spot for 5 months. One day when I went over I kindly offered to help her take things to the donation center and although it was hard she agreed. Now in January you can't even tell we did anything. There is nowhere to sit or stand in her home, but she makes her bed every morning. It breaks my heart, but I can only do so much to help her.
It’s why it’s so important that a hoarder initiates it and has been to multiple therapy sessions before the clean up can start. My mum is one and she would always say I’m not that bad when we’d watch hoarders. She has started to talk about getting it sorted and don’t remember how but she wanted and got a lady to come and help her I was also their all that happened was a lot things went in tubs step 1 I guess and mostly rubbish went. But she wasn’t 100% emotionally ready and isn’t organising a psychologist. Even though she prefers my house which at the moment is a cluttered mess because of my ADHD and the fact I started trying to declutter.
You sharing your situation has inspired me to begin clearing the detritus I’ve collected - I don’t “think” I’m a hoarder (my daughters haven’t told me) but I don’t want them to have to go through what you are experiencing. So thank you for your bravery, your courage, and your strength. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.
I had watched all of your videos which forced me to finally sort through my hoards of paperwork. I had planned to get a shredder and never did invest in one. I just used a dark trash bag and threw it away after I sorted through it. My daughters have less to sort through. I'm not a hoarder and buy very little stuff but it got me motivated here to get rid of one of my hoards, and not use a shredder as an excuse any more. Bless you dear! I'm sorry for your loss!
Girl, I was so happy to see your face again. Thank you for sharing your journey. I admire your work ethic and willingness to forgive, realize your mother didn’t do this intentionally, and choose to be a steward of her legacy. I’m also glad you can feel that she is with you. You have my best wishes for this journey and new phase of life!❤️
Thank you for sharing your situation. I think you loved your Mother very much to respect what made her the most comfortable. You were right to not distress her in her final years. You knew you would have to go through this process and it was very thoughtful and selfless to wait. The hardest part is having to do this while grieving, but it will be cathartic for you and when you get to the other side of all of this process, you will find the blessings in it all. I pray that our Heavenly Father lift your grieving heart and give you strength and joy in this major life change. Blessings.
Its so easy to stand in judgement -especially when we don't have the whole story. As an adult child we don't have the right to insist our parents live the way we want them to-as hard as that can be sometimes and even when we can see its having negative impact. As you said so well- "We just have to love them as well as we can." Happy to support you as you travel thru this season.
With such a complex situation it’s always best to do what you feel is right. It’s awesome you answered people’s questions but you don’t owe anyone any explanations. Sending a big ol hug cause I’ve done this a few times and it can really be a rollercoaster of emotion.
When I had to clean out my mother's home and try to sell off the things I didn't want to keep. I took one room at time. I took everything out and then set it up for the sale inventory. I took all like things and grouped them in boxes and tubs and sold them in lots for one set price. example fabric: all Halloween, all Christmas, etc. the office supplies example: all post it notes in a Ziplock bag, all markers in a bag, all pens in a bag, a bag of scissors. This moves things much faster, and I was not left with random things people weren't going to buy individually. If it were me, I would start with the garage. take one side and set it up for the sale and leave it so all you have to do is open the garage door and people can shop rain or shine, close it when the day is over. feed the things over from the other side as you have openings from items leaving. Use some of the boxes still packed with stuff as tables if needed. As things sell then unpack those. Then start feeding the garage with items from the house. As people start to see that you are having regular sales, they will return to see what's new, and word will spread. The garage will also keep the traffic out of the house. Not all people will stop unless they see things visible from the street, with the garage door up and some signs saying it's a garage sale makes them curious to stop and take a look. Use signs that say garage sale and not estate sale. More people shop garage sales because prices are generally lower. Take pictures of the garage set up each sale day so people following will know that the inventory is always changing, and they should come by again and again. Price things to move. this will also attract resellers by selling things they can buy and resell to make a profit. Put your free piles outside the garage door on the days of the sales only. This will draw people in to take a look inside to see what you are selling. And one last piece of advice park your car at the end of the driveway to block it from others pulling in, to keep people safe walking back and forth. Good luck, thanks for sharing your story.
You are so sweet and kind. Absolutely a loving daughter. I appreciate your willingness to share this journey with us. It’s an eye opener for many, so know you are doing such a good service sharing your feelings and this journey. I keep you in my prayers.
Alot of these questions show a lack of insight from some viewers into how hoarding disorder works and how difficult it is for families trying to help. Judgement has no value as it comes from a place of negativity and those making these comments do not know the full story. What beautiful and compassionate answers. 💖 Thankyou for sharing this channel as it is helping me too.
I think that you were very wise to not try to intervene with your mom's hoarding. It would have been so stressful for her and would probably have set her back with this struggle, not to mention the strain it would have put on your relationship with each other. You sound like a very loving daughter. Also... I never noticed you blinking. It always shocks me with some of the tiny details that some commenters remark on. I'm already seeing in the comments that your journey is inspiring people to do some Swedish Death Cleaning. I think that is terrific! You are doing very important work here.🙂
I just found your channel and can relate. My mom passed away 16 years ago and my dad, who is 89 is a pack rat. She kept him in line while she was alive, but without her to assert some control, he has been hoarding. But instead of buying stuff, he is keeping every coffee can and grocery bag, and stuff like that. Now, he's still mentally sharp except for 1 thing. He has a delusion (or is telling the story for attention) that a locksmith is breaking into his house and taking things, usually of no value, like a spatula. He is an organized hoarder, so while he has over 200 coffee cans, they are neatly grouped and packaged. His collections of stuff like that haven't impeded the use of his home. The floors are mostly open, but he has boxes along the walls or in the corners. Now because he thinks someone is entering his house uninvited, he has started hiding things, especially cash. He also has a mistrust of the banking system and the government so he keeps $ in the bank to pay bills and withdraws cash to hide at home. So I will have to go through every single bag, every coffee can, every magazine, etc to make sure there is nothing valuable hidden in it. I'm 600 miles away and when I visit I beg him to work with me to purge something so it is 1 less thing to deal with after he dies. He gets belligerent and I get nowhere. So I understand completely how you weren't able to get anywhere with your mom before she passed. My dad never went through my mom's stuff, so when he passes I'll be dealing with both of their possessions at once. I still haven't properly mourned her, so its going to be a double whammy. I resent that he is burdening us with this task, and its only a fraction of what you are contending with! My brother lives close to him but won't be of much help when the time comes. Thankfully I'm retired, and my hubby has a very flexible job, and my sister in law will help as much as possible. But I hate that I'll have to leave my son, pets, and livestock home, travel 600 miles and bust my butt to do as much as possible in a week or so. We've talked and I think my husband will remain behind and gut the kitchen and bathroom to remodel it before selling the house. The house is probably a 50's home and still has the avocado green appliances. Anyway, you are not alone... this situation is playing out all over the country and all over the world. I'm in my 50's and my son is 22. Having spent more time visiting my dad this last year has forced me to look at my own possessions with a new eye. I have started Swedish Death Cleaning just so he would not be left with a bunch of boxes or totes to sort through. I want to make sure that he could easily put his hands on the things he wants to keep and the rest is organized enough to do an estate sale. I don't want him burdened with having to sell our stuff. I wish you luck... and peace. It may be hard not to be resentful that your mom left this to you to deal with.
Oh my, I never took notice that you blink alot. But I know I do! I don’t realize it until I see a video of myself. Hopefully other people don’t notice my blinking, like I didn’t notice yours. Thanks for sharing your journey. I really like it when once in a while you are able to smile or laugh. Take care.
Thank you for sharing your mother's story with us. I am sure I will get a lot of hate for this comment, but if purchasing fabric gave your mother comfort then the purchase did it's job, even if it looks confusing and wasteful to us as outsiders. It's sad but I agree it's not your job as a daughter to change her, the most wonderful thing you can do is love someone as they are and be there to support them.
No hate from me! I don’t agree with people who tell us to get rid of our stuff so that our children won’t have to “deal with the burden of cleaning it all up.” The fact is that no one has to “deal with” anyone else’s stuff when they die. Just call someone who will be glad to come and get all of it and resell it. There are many businesses out there who will do it for free….
Chickee, maybe think taking a friend or close colleague with you next time you go. Don't go on your own love, unless you are forced to and maybe just do one room at a time. I live across an ocean and you are worrying me as well! Lost both my parents too, so I understand, didn't have the hoarding problem though. Although my father in law died last year and he kept buying and buying and buying, so we don't have one room clear yet either on that front, so no room to talk or criticise you about it either! Just take care and take 'little runs at it' when you are ready.
What's interesting is that some areas of your mother's home were completely organized behind all the stuff. Paperwork stored in file folders, three-ring binders, and bank boxes. Fabric neatly packed away in plastic storage containers. Clear paths to all the exits. Things weren't stacked too high inside the home to the point of being dangerous. The floors, walls, structure, and foundation appear undamaged. Canned and dried foodstuffs stacked neatly. And though some of the food may have expired, the refrigerator was a LOT cleaner than others I've seen in my life.
I helped clean out my mom’s house in 2003, I flew in from outta states. It’s incredible how much dust and particles of decaying plastic store bags were stirred up during the clean out. It got in my eyes and nose and even made me cough. I worked quickly because I had already been there a month already and I needed to get home. I set aside what I wanted, and got a U-Haul to drive it home. My two sisters lived local, so it fell to them to fix it up & prepare the house for sale. I completely understand your dry eyes. It’s almost painful hearing you answer questions, that frankly are kinda rude and nobody’s business. Those of us who know somebody who hoarded, UNDERSTAND. All the best to you as you continue your journey of setting things straight. Sending you energy , strength, clarity and most of all peace. What an accomplishment you will feel at journeys end. Hang in there, friend🙏🩷💜
Sorry to hear about your mom's situation that led her to the hoarding. It's a blessing you don't have a sibling. You can decide all for yourself and don' t have to get into any arguments with anyone about what to do with the house and it's contents (and have it take 5xs longer to get anything done). I've watched all your videos and I thank you for sharing your experience.
My mom became a hoarder in her mid 60’s, my parents home was very large with a 4 car garage, when she passed away at 79 from Dementia and cancer, it was FULL, including the garage. I had no choice but hire it to be cleaned out, it was way over my head overwhelming. I removed photos and personal papers and a few things that I wanted to keep, I told family members to come see what they wanted, the rest went into dumpsters because it was too much for me to deal with. It made me sad, I didn’t have the time to go through the enormous amounts of STUFF/ furniture etc, it was so overwhelming! For my own mental health, I had to do what I had to do. I didn’t want strangers coming going through the stuff in the house, that didn’t feel good either! I don’t ever want to put my grown children through that!
I'm glad you did what was best for your mental health. I wouldn't want strangers going through my mom's stuff either. I wish more people would think about the repercussions of their clutter and the trouble it causes their loved ones after they pass. But I am so happy to hear you are being proactive and don't want to put your children through what you went through!
After those awful auction experiences I'm sure you would even feel better personally deciding what to do with her things even if you decide to just donate to others who have a need. You are handling this well and encouraging me to clear out my collections so my son isn't burdened.
Thank you for your willingness to share! It is so brave to share part of your life with the masses. It certainly was not your responsibility to step in and modify your mom's behavior, so I am glad you realize that and I hope you don't feel bad from reading comments. As someone who helps care for an older generation, I know it is an impossible task to try to change their thinking on their things. Especially if there is an emotional issue, like hoarding or a scarcity mindset. Also-- I never noticed your blinking and even after you mentioned it, it doesn't bother me. I also have dry eyes and hate doing drops.
Your experience with this and your perspective is very enlightening and of great value to us viewers. I’m about to turn 70 and I am trying to declutter so my only daughter won’t be burdened. She is actually involved in my declutter decisions. Thank you for sharing.
If you could find a quilter's group that makes blankets for hospitals or nursing homes as a ministry, maybe you could donate some of the fabric to them. That would be a nice way to honor your mother.
I understand the reasoning for going through everything by you. I am trying to get through my “stuff” so I can downsize and also help my kids so they don’t have to go through this. One main reason is, I often would put (and then forget) envelopes of cash or important documents in piles and then thrown in boxes at time of moving. I have had friends offer to help, but those individuals (whom I value their friendship) are totally different from me. They obviously are detached from everything, so it is easy for them to pretty much want to throw out everything. I recently spoke to a mutual friend of one of the friends who offered to help me, and she said do not let her help. Our mutual friend did and there was a lot of supplies that our mutual friend needed for home improvement projects that were donated, trashed.
Have you considered maybe hiring someone to assist with the decluttering and sales? Not an estate or auction person but just someone to be there to lend a much- needed hand. It would make a huge difference! Also you have a powerful understanding about your parents and their issues. I have been a professional organizer for over 25 years and I can say that powerful negative emotions are what causes something to be called “clutter”, rather than just things. It is no wonder that being in the house will all that rage and resentment make you feel drained and exhausted. If at all possible, staying aware of not allowing the buried emotional clutter to infiltrate your energy field. Take breaks, take breaths and hold the boundaries. You are doing an AMAZING job. I honor you in this process which will ultimately bring you FREEDOM.
Yes, and it doesn't even have to be a professional organizer. Just a gopher could help a lot. And I didn't think you blinked too much. Ignore those comments that are not helpful to you. Sending you lots of love from KY. 💙
I never ever noticed you blinking a lot! And watching at you said that, I still don't. Don't even waste a thought on it.. And if it means anything, I'm someone who can really get sidetracked by things like that. ❤
So glad to see new videos as I was wondering how you were doing. Don’t worry about the comments. Just do what you feel is right for you on your time frame. After dealing with many of my family’s estates I’ve down sized twice and have made it my number one priority this year to do a final major push to get rid of the majority of my belongings. I don’t want my children to have to deal with what I went through. Instead of keeping many items I’ve started just taking pictures of them and giving the actual items to new homes to bless someone else, so I highly suggest that. May the Lord give you peace and comfort!
I was appointed my mother’s guardian only after she landed in the hospital & professionals finally realized she couldn’t function unassisted. People don’t understand how much the law ties your hands & how much supervision there is by the courts. You were in a lose-lose situation, so don’t let people start the “why didn’t you XYZ while she was alive?” guilt trip. You’re doing the best you know to do given your situation & there’s no single right answer. Luvvies to your kitty & you’re doing great. Virtual hugs from someone who’s been there, survived that. 🤗🥰
You’re 100% correct about not wanting to make her give up on her hoarding. She wasn’t going to change. It wasn’t worth the struggle. I also understand you wanting to do the cleaning yourself. I live in St. Louis and am trying to take care of my mom’s Ohio property. She died Thanksgiving morning. I took enough items that the estate lady didn’t see enough left for a sale, but she did offer me a lump sum for what was left that would go to her store and would also donate and clean up the rest. The realtor I signed with is excellent and is overseeing everything. He’s having a handyman come to make three minor repairs before the house is being shown. But I’m at a bit of a loss because I’m still grieving and when I was sorting through things, it was kind of cathartic. Now I won’t have that opportunity. When she was in the hospital, someone unsuccessfully tried to break the door’s dead bolt lock and force their way in as was evidenced by the mark and small dent in the front door. I was worried about someone trying again to break into the house, so I took all of the obvious expensive items out. I also had a trusted friend with a spare key check from time to time. Is there any way to enlist the help of your aunt? I don’t know what the circumstances were with their relationship, but perhaps that didn’t change her feelings for you at all. Be sure to also ask the police to keep an eye out on the house as it is vacant. Blink as much as you want! If someone is that picky, they can get over it.
Your answers gave me great perspective to relax into this process. I just wanted a company to swoop in and help you so that it wouldn't take so long. But that's not a good solution for YOU! So thank you for the Q and A. Next time I'd love to see a twinkle in your eye as you tell us something that you do in your life that makes you smile and brings you a little bit of joy. xo
I have dry eyes and vitamins, warm compresses, and massaging eyelids with my ring fingers help a lot! I don't mind the blinking, just if it hurts you (my eyes hurt a lot). If you are reading comments, if it starts being negative, just glaze over the comment and stop reading. It's not worth even acknowledging them in my opinion! Thanks for the explanations regardless.
I feel so bad you have been left in this situation. My prayers are with you. I have family who are hoarders and I know when they pass I will be the one burdened with the clearing I am dreading that day! Oh boy, it's true they don't listen and they don't seem to care...it's so bizarre! I'm so sorry dear one, be strong and go forward!
I never noticed your blinking. What a strange thing to comment about. You're doing great. Keep moving. One foot in front of the other. We're here for you.😊
You totally got this ❤ Don’t waste your money on the services unless it’s a brief hr or two or an extra hand or advice otherwise I feel you have got it under control! Plus then we can come along on the journey with you and cheer you on.
I totally get it. I like to do things myself as well and did my parents home alone. Doing it while you are grieving is the difficult part. However, I must say that barring the circumstances, I would have had a BALL cleaning out that house. I love sharing things on Buy Nothing groups. Also, that house is beautiful. You mentioned that it would be a good summer house. Have you considered an Air B&B...this way while you are not there, you could pull an income
I think this is the first video where you smiled. You have a gorgeous smile that lights up your whole face. Oh yes and beautiful teeth. I hope as time progresses you find more things to smile about. So very sorry for your loss.
After my husband died, I had to clean out a huge mobile home and yard. Decades of stuff accumulated by numerous family members before I married him. I had help though and we had a neighbor with a truck and huge trailer. He hauled tons of crap to the dump!!! I cleaned out my clothes and personal things. His family came in and took furniture, pictures etc. When I sold the property, there was still a lot of stuff left in the house. The new owners are now cleaning it out. It was stressful and a lot of work.
Omg, that’s a real heads up for me! Your mom’s story is so much like mine. I just feel like I’m constantly fighting clutter. And then the depression, which spurs more spending,.. I’m looking at stuff I have purchased and not even opened. Jeez,… I’m scared 😳.
Hoarding can be caused by lots of things from ADHD to trauma. Loss of a relative and if you don’t trust your memory to remember moments can be significant triggers in and of them selves because items hold the stories or remind them of another person. To some of you throw away the item you are loosing the person all over again or saying they are unimportant. If you’ve never had anything to do with a hoarder or watched any documentaries about them or the clean up process I can understand the questions. The main thing to know is that if you clean it without them having done the psychological work and building the skills needed to work through it and maintain it you will make it worse. It’s very often how people who have a predisposition to hoarding go from a cluttered house to a massive hoard relatively quickly and once that happens the paralysis from overwhelm makes it impossible to think about and then you become accustomed to it so don’t see the need to change.
I'm so glad you updated! You look as though you are dealing well and feeling less overwhelmed. If there's no need to do this quickly then I think you are approaching everything in the way that makes sense for you. As you get rid of things slowly it becomes easier and it is a great way of preparing for your own future and can reinforce your relationship with your own things. Good luck!
Your story parallels mine so much. The only difference is that I have 3 younger siblings. Hoarding stems from trauma. My mom lost her father then her husband (my father) a year later. Online shopping, hoarding and isolation became her life. I was there almost every day and couldn’t stop it any more than I could stop my ex husband’s alcoholism. The biggest relief is the stuff stopped coming in. It finally stopped. Then I could work on it. You are doing so well and I know you did the best you could for everyone ❤🤗❤
Found your channel while searching ways to deal with the situation at my mom’s house. I’ve found your videos really interesting and helpful! I wish you luck with everything you’re going through. P. S. You seem so intelligent and I love your hair!
trust your gut feelings at all times bc some ppl may come across as genuine or kind but have intentions on hurting. be safe we are all with u. kinda like a truman series but this is real life. sorry for everything your facing. how ever i can see your strength. mom is with you. stay blessed
In the process of new year and revising my home I've started labeling things on the off chance someone else has to come in and function in my space --- I have things unconventionally organized and should that need arise I'd like to reduce some of the stress my caregiver would have. One thought I had for you Chickabiddies is to look into quilting groups (I know of one that uses volunteers from both a hospital and a church in order to construct blankets which are given away). But you likely have already thought along those lines...I am facing a similar situation but unfortunately that house will have to be sold and the proceeds split between 2 inheritors. Having only one person inherit means less financial loss/conversion of property. My hats' off to you on your process with your mom. I am all for stress reduction in family relations!
Perhaps you could see if there's a quilt shop or a quilting club in your mom's area. If you find any, have a chat with them. They might be able to help you put some prices on the fabrics and all of her other supplies.
You’re absolutely right! A person can only change themselves. Like you said, she wouldn’t have listened to you unless she wanted to change and obviously she didn’t. My dad was a hoarder. I went through the same thing. You can’t change someone else’s mental illness. Stay strong. 🙏
You did the best that you could do under the circumstances you were in. It’s unfortunate she wasn’t able to work through it, but you’re super brave for taking care of this for her ❤❤
I have never believed that the family is responsible for the hoarders lifestyle. When you watch all those hoarding TV shows, they always make it sound like it’s the family‘s fault. It is not. It wasn’t their fault and it certainly isn’t your fault or responsibility.
Your sharing this personal information can be very helpful to others who face the same circumstance that you are in. Thank you. I know it must be very difficult. And as regards to her stuff - you just follow your heart - take your time and get rid of her stuff as you can. You are always going to do what is best. Her hoarding does not conflict with your love for her (or hers for you). Though it is difficult for you, you shall overcome. Take care of yourself, stay healthy, for it is only with health that you can deal effectively with your circumstances. Love you and know that others have a great deal of compassion for you and what you are going through.
Thank you for sharing your journey and know that if it helps even one person, that is priceless. You have a very insightful thought process to sorting out not only the hoarding, the loss of your mom and hoarding. Please know that you could not have changed her habits, she would have had to do that on her own and for whatever reasons was unable to. I agree with you on auctions and would never consider that either. I have had excellent experiences with estate sale companies in our small community and you get to decide what you want to sell which still leaves you in control of what goes. Good luck to you on this difficult journey and really have learned so much from your insight from your videos. You got this girl, stay strong❤
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey. It can't be easy. I totally understand wanting to do things for yourself, especially after the bad experience with auction houses. Have you visited local estate sales for ideas on how they have things organized and priced? It might help you figure out what sells and what doesn't. Since you're not in a hurry, and if you're comfortable shipping, Etsy might be a good place to sell your mom's craft and quilting supplies. There are listing and transaction fees but they aren't as high as Ebay. All the best.
A lot of her quilting supplies are still brand new in the package. Ebay and Etsy would be a good way to sell them. I've been a seller on both for years. Thank you for the idea!
Thank you for sharing this with us. I think I would have done the same in your position. It would have been too stressful for you and your mum if you tried to declutter when she was there. I was wondering why you chose the name of the channel. It sounds very cute. It may be something you all know in your part of the world, I'm from England and I can't say I've heard this before. The closest thing is chickadee which I think is a bird. My aunt rescued a little blackbird chick when I was a kid and she called it chickadee
Great video. It seems like some of these questions are from people who have never even watched an episode of hoarders. How many times have you seen where the family states that they came and cleaned out the house and the horde was done worse that’s why they let people touch and make a decision on each item if they are ready feel out of control in their lives and you take their crap away they’re gonna hang on even more. You cannot have done this while she was alive she would’ve recorded spent even more money filling the place back up. There was one man after he complied with the hoarders team after said he felt empty and of course he hoarded back up. And like you say people do you have a right to make their own decisions. I’m glad that you’re well aware of what being a landlord is like. From the horror stories I’ve seen I would never want to be one but you know what you’re dealing with. Even just from Covid when people did not have to pay rent and landlords had tenants who were actually working so there was no loss of income and they chose not to pay insanity stories out there besides destruction. I think you’re doing a great job and I know that your mother would be happy with you turning it into a rental property that you’re making a more consistent income off of what she was able to leave you talk about making lemonade out of lemons. And if you have the time and energy burst here and there to do this yourself and save money go for it
Do you have enough of a support network in your own life? This seems like a very tough situation for you to be in, so I was worrying about how you're holding up.
There is a store in my area in the Midwest called Pound and Inch. They buy fabric by the pound and sell by the inch. Maybe there is a place like that near you.
So good to see a video from you! Then you. What you’re dealing with is real…. I’ve been downsizing for 11 years since loosing my husband. Have you thought about making some shorts to attract attention to your channel? I think your RUclips channel is off to a great start. You can make $ on it as it grows and help people in the process. Did your dad do upholstery? I ask because I use to have All that stuff. Upholstery, drapery, etc. take care and please keep the videos coming. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. We have a housing crisis. if you’re a seasoned renter, probably a good idea to rent it. Can’t find any house here for less than $1500. A nice one is $1800-2500. Maybe get an older couple or someone who will have low impact. You’re doing great! Or day at a time…
Thank you! I have been meaning to create some Shorts, I will do that on my next trip. I'm still getting the hang of filming for RUclips. My dad had his own business of cleaning and repairing high school football uniforms and equipment, thus all of his commercial washers and dryers and sewing machines.
You can make shorts from existing videos. Kind of lies king a commercial for your video. Take little sections from old videos.enough for people to get the idea and want to come see more.
None of this is your fault. If you want to take your time to clear out the house, then go with that plan. I would suggest you stick with one room at a time instead of tackling the entire house all at once. Also, work from the very back of the house toward the front. FYI, extreme, constant sighing is a sign of depression.
I don't think it's depression. She's in an overwhelming situation right now and just she's mentally and physically exhausted. As she makes solid decisions and makes progress with the house she'll find her smile again.
@@scrapgirl82No need to be a bitchy, snarky jerk. Sometimes people don’t realize the signs of deep depression. You must be a real peach to hang out with.
I never even noticed your blinking. My Sister is a hoarder and I cleaned out her house after she had a stroke. Unless you’ve dealt with it personally then you really don’t know how hard it is. My Mom is borderline hoarding and I’ll be the one in your shoes when she dies.
Do you need the money? If not, I'd be tempted to donate it all to some really good causes. It would be rewarding and you wouldn't have to get upset seeing her stuff sold for next nothing. I can see how upsetting that would be.
I sneak clean whenever my mom is in the hospital. Additionally, I put new groceries in her fridge and toss old moldy food. >>>Same for my grandmother and elderly aunt. >>They are usually mad for 24 hours, and then it's old news.🎉🎉🎉
Arizona attracts Snow Birds from Canada. That would be a good rental market as they stay for 6 months. Property management company is the way to do it. Seeing stories of renters in Canada lately. So friggin entitled and refusing to leave a property up for sale unless given $50 000 and owing $20 000 rent. Hoarders want to keep their stuff do you dust the right thing to wait.
You seem detached from her and the situation. Seems like she has had problems for years. You don't have to justify any of your actions. You do what works best for you and your life.
No way could you have cleaned her house with her in it! Dealing w a hoarder …. It is an emotional issue and fear based cling to the past and their surroundings. It is a mental illness.
I don't understand how come the canned food is still sitting in the same place after all this time? Can't you just throw out the expired ones and donate the rest ?
Hoarding is such a complicated issue. If it were simple, and if there were simple fixes (like "why didn't you just clean it out when she was alive??") then there would be no such thing as hoarding. You're having to deal with the loss of your mother AND the results of her mental illness. It's a lot and I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. I appreciate that you're sharing your journey because it will be helpful to many others.
I hope many of us mom's with adult children will learn to thin down our own things. I would never want to leave my child with this task as I am sure mom did not think about this ever happening.
I can’t believe that someone would actually comment on blinking a lot.
You are doing what you feel is the right thing to do for you. I say, good for you. It is such a difficult thing to deal with grieving and cleaning out someone’s home. You are doing just fine.
Noticing someone blinking? People are insane.
Ikr, I didn't think the blinking was at all an issue, and I am stunned that would be noticed! 💖
No one should put any guilt on you. Someone else's hoarding is hard enough to stop by professionals that specialize in hoarding. The guilt serves no purpose. I hope you can tune out the negative comments and just accept the supportive comments. This is clearly a hard time for anyone let alone doing it by yourself. I hope you can chip away at this at your own pace and leave when you need to for your own sanity. I so wish you the best.
Thank you! I do receive an overwhelming amount of positive comments and very few negative comments, and I try my best to tune out the nasty ones but I'm super sensitive and they do bother me sometimes.
I think you're a very smart, independent woman who will find her way through this incredibly challenging situation one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself. I know you'll find your smile again.
I have a friend who is a hoarder. I do everything I can to help her clean her house. Last March 3 of us spent 5 days cleaning her 2 bedroom apartment while she was out of town and didn't get it all finished. We only threw away trash and made a large pile of donations that sat in that spot for 5 months. One day when I went over I kindly offered to help her take things to the donation center and although it was hard she agreed. Now in January you can't even tell we did anything. There is nowhere to sit or stand in her home, but she makes her bed every morning. It breaks my heart, but I can only do so much to help her.
It’s why it’s so important that a hoarder initiates it and has been to multiple therapy sessions before the clean up can start. My mum is one and she would always say I’m not that bad when we’d watch hoarders. She has started to talk about getting it sorted and don’t remember how but she wanted and got a lady to come and help her I was also their all that happened was a lot things went in tubs step 1 I guess and mostly rubbish went. But she wasn’t 100% emotionally ready and isn’t organising a psychologist. Even though she prefers my house which at the moment is a cluttered mess because of my ADHD and the fact I started trying to declutter.
You sharing your situation has inspired me to begin clearing the detritus I’ve collected - I don’t “think” I’m a hoarder (my daughters haven’t told me) but I don’t want them to have to go through what you are experiencing. So thank you for your bravery, your courage, and your strength. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Someone once told me that there will be a special place in heaven for the children of hoarders. People who haven’t lived it have NO idea.❤❤
I had watched all of your videos which forced me to finally sort through my hoards of paperwork. I had planned to get a shredder and never did invest in one. I just used a dark trash bag and threw it away after I sorted through it. My daughters have less to sort through. I'm not a hoarder and buy very little stuff but it got me motivated here to get rid of one of my hoards, and not use a shredder as an excuse any more. Bless you dear! I'm sorry for your loss!
I'm so glad you are motivated to reduce your belongings! You can take documents to the UPS Store and they can shred them for you.
P.S. Two good resources---1. Swedish Death Cleaning 2. Decluttering at the Speed of Light
Girl, I was so happy to see your face again. Thank you for sharing your journey. I admire your work ethic and willingness to forgive, realize your mother didn’t do this intentionally, and choose to be a steward of her legacy. I’m also glad you can feel that she is with you. You have my best wishes for this journey and new phase of life!❤️
Thank you for sharing your situation. I think you loved your Mother very much to respect what made her the most comfortable. You were right to not distress her in her final years. You knew you would have to go through this process and it was very thoughtful and selfless to wait. The hardest part is having to do this while grieving, but it will be cathartic for you and when you get to the other side of all of this process, you will find the blessings in it all. I pray that our Heavenly Father lift your grieving heart and give you strength and joy in this major life change. Blessings.
Its so easy to stand in judgement -especially when we don't have the whole story. As an adult child we don't have the right to insist our parents live the way we want them to-as hard as that can be sometimes and even when we can see its having negative impact. As you said so well- "We just have to love them as well as we can." Happy to support you as you travel thru this season.
With such a complex situation it’s always best to do what you feel is right. It’s awesome you answered people’s questions but you don’t owe anyone any explanations. Sending a big ol hug cause I’ve done this a few times and it can really be a rollercoaster of emotion.
When I had to clean out my mother's home and try to sell off the things I didn't want to keep. I took one room at time. I took everything out and then set it up for the sale inventory. I took all like things and grouped them in boxes and tubs and sold them in lots for one set price. example fabric: all Halloween, all Christmas, etc. the office supplies example: all post it notes in a Ziplock bag, all markers in a bag, all pens in a bag, a bag of scissors. This moves things much faster, and I was not left with random things people weren't going to buy individually. If it were me, I would start with the garage. take one side and set it up for the sale and leave it so all you have to do is open the garage door and people can shop rain or shine, close it when the day is over. feed the things over from the other side as you have openings from items leaving. Use some of the boxes still packed with stuff as tables if needed. As things sell then unpack those. Then start feeding the garage with items from the house. As people start to see that you are having regular sales, they will return to see what's new, and word will spread. The garage will also keep the traffic out of the house. Not all people will stop unless they see things visible from the street, with the garage door up and some signs saying it's a garage sale makes them curious to stop and take a look. Use signs that say garage sale and not estate sale. More people shop garage sales because prices are generally lower. Take pictures of the garage set up each sale day so people following will know that the inventory is always changing, and they should come by again and again. Price things to move. this will also attract resellers by selling things they can buy and resell to make a profit. Put your free piles outside the garage door on the days of the sales only. This will draw people in to take a look inside to see what you are selling. And one last piece of advice park your car at the end of the driveway to block it from others pulling in, to keep people safe walking back and forth. Good luck, thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you! Lots of great advice you have given.
You are so sweet and kind. Absolutely a loving daughter. I appreciate your willingness to share this journey with us. It’s an eye opener for many, so know you are doing such a good service sharing your feelings and this journey. I keep you in my prayers.
Alot of these questions show a lack of insight from some viewers into how hoarding disorder works and how difficult it is for families trying to help. Judgement has no value as it comes from a place of negativity and those making these comments do not know the full story. What beautiful and compassionate answers. 💖
Thankyou for sharing this channel as it is helping me too.
I think that you were very wise to not try to intervene with your mom's hoarding. It would have been so stressful for her and would probably have set her back with this struggle, not to mention the strain it would have put on your relationship with each other. You sound like a very loving daughter. Also... I never noticed you blinking. It always shocks me with some of the tiny details that some commenters remark on. I'm already seeing in the comments that your journey is inspiring people to do some Swedish Death Cleaning. I think that is terrific! You are doing very important work here.🙂
I just found your channel and can relate. My mom passed away 16 years ago and my dad, who is 89 is a pack rat. She kept him in line while she was alive, but without her to assert some control, he has been hoarding. But instead of buying stuff, he is keeping every coffee can and grocery bag, and stuff like that. Now, he's still mentally sharp except for 1 thing. He has a delusion (or is telling the story for attention) that a locksmith is breaking into his house and taking things, usually of no value, like a spatula. He is an organized hoarder, so while he has over 200 coffee cans, they are neatly grouped and packaged. His collections of stuff like that haven't impeded the use of his home. The floors are mostly open, but he has boxes along the walls or in the corners. Now because he thinks someone is entering his house uninvited, he has started hiding things, especially cash. He also has a mistrust of the banking system and the government so he keeps $ in the bank to pay bills and withdraws cash to hide at home. So I will have to go through every single bag, every coffee can, every magazine, etc to make sure there is nothing valuable hidden in it. I'm 600 miles away and when I visit I beg him to work with me to purge something so it is 1 less thing to deal with after he dies. He gets belligerent and I get nowhere. So I understand completely how you weren't able to get anywhere with your mom before she passed. My dad never went through my mom's stuff, so when he passes I'll be dealing with both of their possessions at once. I still haven't properly mourned her, so its going to be a double whammy. I resent that he is burdening us with this task, and its only a fraction of what you are contending with! My brother lives close to him but won't be of much help when the time comes. Thankfully I'm retired, and my hubby has a very flexible job, and my sister in law will help as much as possible. But I hate that I'll have to leave my son, pets, and livestock home, travel 600 miles and bust my butt to do as much as possible in a week or so. We've talked and I think my husband will remain behind and gut the kitchen and bathroom to remodel it before selling the house. The house is probably a 50's home and still has the avocado green appliances. Anyway, you are not alone... this situation is playing out all over the country and all over the world. I'm in my 50's and my son is 22. Having spent more time visiting my dad this last year has forced me to look at my own possessions with a new eye. I have started Swedish Death Cleaning just so he would not be left with a bunch of boxes or totes to sort through. I want to make sure that he could easily put his hands on the things he wants to keep and the rest is organized enough to do an estate sale. I don't want him burdened with having to sell our stuff. I wish you luck... and peace. It may be hard not to be resentful that your mom left this to you to deal with.
Hey support here! Keep us on your journey. No judgement here & blinking to me is sweet. You go girl!
Thank you so much!!
Oh my, I never took notice that you blink alot. But I know I do! I don’t realize it until I see a video of myself. Hopefully other people don’t notice my blinking, like I didn’t notice yours. Thanks for sharing your journey. I really like it when once in a while you are able to smile or laugh. Take care.
Thank you! I will try to smile and laugh more in future videos.
I can understand you wanting to go through stuff yourself.I know I would.Also,NOW I understand why your Mom had all that material LOL.
Thank you for sharing your mother's story with us. I am sure I will get a lot of hate for this comment, but if purchasing fabric gave your mother comfort then the purchase did it's job, even if it looks confusing and wasteful to us as outsiders. It's sad but I agree it's not your job as a daughter to change her, the most wonderful thing you can do is love someone as they are and be there to support them.
No hate from me! I don’t agree with people who tell us to get rid of our stuff so that our children won’t have to “deal with the burden of cleaning it all up.” The fact is that no one has to “deal with” anyone else’s stuff when they die. Just call someone who will be glad to come and get all of it and resell it. There are many businesses out there who will do it for free….
Chickee, maybe think taking a friend or close colleague with you next time you go. Don't go on your own love, unless you are forced to and maybe just do one room at a time. I live across an ocean and you are worrying me as well! Lost both my parents too, so I understand, didn't have the hoarding problem though. Although my father in law died last year and he kept buying and buying and buying, so we don't have one room clear yet either on that front, so no room to talk or criticise you about it either! Just take care and take 'little runs at it' when you are ready.
What's interesting is that some areas of your mother's home were completely organized behind all the stuff. Paperwork stored in file folders, three-ring binders, and bank boxes. Fabric neatly packed away in plastic storage containers. Clear paths to all the exits. Things weren't stacked too high inside the home to the point of being dangerous. The floors, walls, structure, and foundation appear undamaged. Canned and dried foodstuffs stacked neatly. And though some of the food may have expired, the refrigerator was a LOT cleaner than others I've seen in my life.
She's what I call an "organized hoarder" and I am thankful for that.
I helped clean out my mom’s house in 2003, I flew in from outta states. It’s incredible how much dust and particles of decaying plastic store bags were stirred up during the clean out. It got in my eyes and nose and even made me cough. I worked quickly because I had already been there a month already and I needed to get home. I set aside what I wanted, and got a U-Haul to drive it home. My two sisters lived local, so it fell to them to fix it up & prepare the house for sale.
I completely understand your dry eyes.
It’s almost painful hearing you answer questions, that frankly are kinda rude and nobody’s business. Those of us who know somebody who hoarded, UNDERSTAND.
All the best to you as you continue your journey of setting things straight. Sending you energy , strength, clarity and most of all peace. What an accomplishment you will feel at journeys end. Hang in there, friend🙏🩷💜
Sorry to hear about your mom's situation that led her to the hoarding. It's a blessing you don't have a sibling. You can decide all for yourself and don' t have to get into any arguments with anyone about what to do with the house and it's contents (and have it take 5xs longer to get anything done). I've watched all your videos and I thank you for sharing your experience.
My mom became a hoarder in her mid 60’s, my parents home was very large with a 4 car garage, when she passed away at 79 from Dementia and cancer, it was FULL, including the garage. I had no choice but hire it to be cleaned out, it was way over my head overwhelming. I removed photos and personal papers and a few things that I wanted to keep, I told family members to come see what they wanted, the rest went into dumpsters because it was too much for me to deal with. It made me sad, I didn’t have the time to go through the enormous amounts of STUFF/ furniture etc, it was so overwhelming! For my own mental health, I had to do what I had to do. I didn’t want strangers coming going through the stuff in the house, that didn’t feel good either!
I don’t ever want to put my grown children through that!
I'm glad you did what was best for your mental health. I wouldn't want strangers going through my mom's stuff either. I wish more people would think about the repercussions of their clutter and the trouble it causes their loved ones after they pass. But I am so happy to hear you are being proactive and don't want to put your children through what you went through!
After those awful auction experiences I'm sure you would even feel better personally deciding what to do with her things even if you decide to just donate to others who have a need. You are handling this well and encouraging me to clear out my collections so my son isn't burdened.
Thank you for your willingness to share! It is so brave to share part of your life with the masses. It certainly was not your responsibility to step in and modify your mom's behavior, so I am glad you realize that and I hope you don't feel bad from reading comments. As someone who helps care for an older generation, I know it is an impossible task to try to change their thinking on their things. Especially if there is an emotional issue, like hoarding or a scarcity mindset. Also-- I never noticed your blinking and even after you mentioned it, it doesn't bother me. I also have dry eyes and hate doing drops.
Your experience with this and your perspective is very enlightening and of great value to us viewers. I’m about to turn 70 and I am trying to declutter so my only daughter won’t be burdened. She is actually involved in my declutter decisions. Thank you for sharing.
If you could find a quilter's group that makes blankets for hospitals or nursing homes as a ministry, maybe you could donate some of the fabric to them. That would be a nice way to honor your mother.
This is such a great idea ❤❤ giving back as much as possible in these situations feel like the best route
I understand the reasoning for going through everything by you. I am trying to get through my “stuff” so I can downsize and also help my kids so they don’t have to go through this. One main reason is, I often would put (and then forget) envelopes of cash or important documents in piles and then thrown in boxes at time of moving. I have had friends offer to help, but those individuals (whom I value their friendship) are totally different from me. They obviously are detached from everything, so it is easy for them to pretty much want to throw out everything. I recently spoke to a mutual friend of one of the friends who offered to help me, and she said do not let her help. Our mutual friend did and there was a lot of supplies that our mutual friend needed for home improvement projects that were donated, trashed.
Have you considered maybe hiring someone to assist with the decluttering and sales? Not an estate or auction person but just someone to be there to lend a much- needed hand. It would make a huge difference! Also you have a powerful understanding about your parents and their issues. I have been a professional organizer for over 25 years and I can say that powerful negative emotions are what causes something to be called “clutter”, rather than just things. It is no wonder that being in the house will all that rage and resentment make you feel drained and exhausted. If at all possible, staying aware of not allowing the buried emotional clutter to infiltrate your energy field. Take breaks, take breaths and hold the boundaries. You are doing an AMAZING job. I honor you in this process which will ultimately bring you FREEDOM.
Yes I have, and that's an option I am still considering.
Yes, and it doesn't even have to be a professional organizer. Just a gopher could help a lot. And I didn't think you blinked too much. Ignore those comments that are not helpful to you. Sending you lots of love from KY. 💙
I never ever noticed you blinking a lot! And watching at you said that, I still don't. Don't even waste a thought on it.. And if it means anything, I'm someone who can really get sidetracked by things like that. ❤
So glad to see new videos as I was wondering how you were doing. Don’t worry about the comments. Just do what you feel is right for you on your time frame. After dealing with many of my family’s estates I’ve down sized twice and have made it my number one priority this year to do a final major push to get rid of the majority of my belongings. I don’t want my children to have to deal with what I went through. Instead of keeping many items I’ve started just taking pictures of them and giving the actual items to new homes to bless someone else, so I highly suggest that. May the Lord give you peace and comfort!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate your updates. What your going through isnt easy. Be kind to yourself sweet woman.
I was appointed my mother’s guardian only after she landed in the hospital & professionals finally realized she couldn’t function unassisted. People don’t understand how much the law ties your hands & how much supervision there is by the courts. You were in a lose-lose situation, so don’t let people start the “why didn’t you XYZ while she was alive?” guilt trip. You’re doing the best you know to do given your situation & there’s no single right answer. Luvvies to your kitty & you’re doing great. Virtual hugs from someone who’s been there, survived that. 🤗🥰
You’re 100% correct about not wanting to make her give up on her hoarding. She wasn’t going to change. It wasn’t worth the struggle.
I also understand you wanting to do the cleaning yourself. I live in St. Louis and am trying to take care of my mom’s Ohio property. She died Thanksgiving morning. I took enough items that the estate lady didn’t see enough left for a sale, but she did offer me a lump sum for what was left that would go to her store and would also donate and clean up the rest. The realtor I signed with is excellent and is overseeing everything. He’s having a handyman come to make three minor repairs before the house is being shown. But I’m at a bit of a loss because I’m still grieving and when I was sorting through things, it was kind of cathartic. Now I won’t have that opportunity.
When she was in the hospital, someone unsuccessfully tried to break the door’s dead bolt lock and force their way in as was evidenced by the mark and small dent in the front door. I was worried about someone trying again to break into the house, so I took all of the obvious expensive items out. I also had a trusted friend with a spare key check from time to time.
Is there any way to enlist the help of your aunt? I don’t know what the circumstances were with their relationship, but perhaps that didn’t change her feelings for you at all. Be sure to also ask the police to keep an eye out on the house as it is vacant.
Blink as much as you want! If someone is that picky, they can get over it.
The bottom line is you can not help the unwilling. All you can do is deal with it now. Stay strong.
Your courageous journey has inspired me to clear out my clutter so it wont be a sad task for my sons.
Your answers gave me great perspective to relax into this process. I just wanted a company to swoop in and help you so that it wouldn't take so long. But that's not a good solution for YOU! So thank you for the Q and A. Next time I'd love to see a twinkle in your eye as you tell us something that you do in your life that makes you smile and brings you a little bit of joy. xo
I have dry eyes and vitamins, warm compresses, and massaging eyelids with my ring fingers help a lot! I don't mind the blinking, just if it hurts you (my eyes hurt a lot). If you are reading comments, if it starts being negative, just glaze over the comment and stop reading. It's not worth even acknowledging them in my opinion! Thanks for the explanations regardless.
I feel so bad you have been left in this situation. My prayers are with you. I have family who are hoarders and I know when they pass I will be the one burdened with the clearing I am dreading that day! Oh boy, it's true they don't listen and they don't seem to care...it's so bizarre! I'm so sorry dear one, be strong and go forward!
Thank you so much! I'm so sorry you will have to go through the same ordeal. Big hugs to you.
I never noticed your blinking. What a strange thing to comment about. You're doing great. Keep moving. One foot in front of the other. We're here for you.😊
You totally got this ❤ Don’t waste your money on the services unless it’s a brief hr or two or an extra hand or advice otherwise I feel you have got it under control! Plus then we can come along on the journey with you and cheer you on.
Thanks for the encouragement! I am leaning towards doing everything myself too.
I totally get it. I like to do things myself as well and did my parents home alone. Doing it while you are grieving is the difficult part.
However, I must say that barring the circumstances, I would have had a BALL cleaning out that house. I love sharing things on Buy Nothing groups.
Also, that house is beautiful. You mentioned that it would be a good summer house. Have you considered an Air B&B...this way while you are not there, you could pull an income
I have considered that but the house is not in a desirable or touristy area.
I think this is the first video where you smiled. You have a gorgeous smile that lights up your whole face. Oh yes and beautiful teeth. I hope as time progresses you find more things to smile about. So very sorry for your loss.
After my husband died, I had to clean out a huge mobile home and yard. Decades of stuff accumulated by numerous family members before I married him. I had help though and we had a neighbor with a truck and huge trailer. He hauled tons of crap to the dump!!! I cleaned out my clothes and personal things. His family came in and took furniture, pictures etc. When I sold the property, there was still a lot of stuff left in the house. The new owners are now cleaning it out. It was stressful and a lot of work.
Omg, that’s a real heads up for me! Your mom’s story is so much like mine. I just feel like I’m constantly fighting clutter. And then the depression, which spurs more spending,.. I’m looking at stuff I have purchased and not even opened. Jeez,… I’m scared 😳.
Binge watching, am sad for you, sorry about your mom. From what I've seen, you are doing great.
One day at a time. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. Didn't even notice the blinking lol
Hoarding can be caused by lots of things from ADHD to trauma. Loss of a relative and if you don’t trust your memory to remember moments can be significant triggers in and of them selves because items hold the stories or remind them of another person. To some of you throw away the item you are loosing the person all over again or saying they are unimportant.
If you’ve never had anything to do with a hoarder or watched any documentaries about them or the clean up process I can understand the questions.
The main thing to know is that if you clean it without them having done the psychological work and building the skills needed to work through it and maintain it you will make it worse. It’s very often how people who have a predisposition to hoarding go from a cluttered house to a massive hoard relatively quickly and once that happens the paralysis from overwhelm makes it impossible to think about and then you become accustomed to it so don’t see the need to change.
I'm so glad you updated! You look as though you are dealing well and feeling less overwhelmed. If there's no need to do this quickly then I think you are approaching everything in the way that makes sense for you. As you get rid of things slowly it becomes easier and it is a great way of preparing for your own future and can reinforce your relationship with your own things. Good luck!
Your story parallels mine so much. The only difference is that I have 3 younger siblings. Hoarding stems from trauma. My mom lost her father then her husband (my father) a year later. Online shopping, hoarding and isolation became her life. I was there almost every day and couldn’t stop it any more than I could stop my ex husband’s alcoholism. The biggest relief is the stuff stopped coming in. It finally stopped. Then I could work on it. You are doing so well and I know you did the best you could for everyone ❤🤗❤
Found your channel while searching ways to deal with the situation at my mom’s house. I’ve found your videos really interesting and helpful! I wish you luck with everything you’re going through. P. S. You seem so intelligent and I love your hair!
Thank you! I'm so glad they are helpful.
trust your gut feelings at all times bc some ppl may come across as genuine or kind but have intentions on hurting. be safe we are all with u. kinda like a truman series but this is real life. sorry for everything your facing. how ever i can see your strength. mom is with you. stay blessed
In the process of new year and revising my home I've started labeling things on the off chance someone else has to come in and function in my space --- I have things unconventionally organized and should that need arise I'd like to reduce some of the stress my caregiver would have. One thought I had for you Chickabiddies is to look into quilting groups (I know of one that uses volunteers from both a hospital and a church in order to construct blankets which are given away). But you likely have already thought along those lines...I am facing a similar situation but unfortunately that house will have to be sold and the proceeds split between 2 inheritors. Having only one person inherit means less financial loss/conversion of property. My hats' off to you on your process with your mom. I am all for stress reduction in family relations!
Perhaps you could see if there's a quilt shop or a quilting club in your mom's area. If you find any, have a chat with them. They might be able to help you put some prices on the fabrics and all of her other supplies.
You’re absolutely right! A person can only change themselves. Like you said, she wouldn’t have listened to you unless she wanted to change and obviously she didn’t. My dad was a hoarder. I went through the same thing. You can’t change someone else’s mental illness. Stay strong. 🙏
You did the best that you could do under the circumstances you were in. It’s unfortunate she wasn’t able to work through it, but you’re super brave for taking care of this for her ❤❤
I have never believed that the family is responsible for the hoarders lifestyle. When you watch all those hoarding TV shows, they always make it sound like it’s the family‘s fault. It is not. It wasn’t their fault and it certainly isn’t your fault or responsibility.
Your sharing this personal information can be very helpful to others who face the same circumstance that you are in. Thank you. I know it must be very difficult. And as regards to her stuff - you just follow your heart - take your time and get rid of her stuff as you can. You are always going to do what is best. Her hoarding does not conflict with your love for her (or hers for you). Though it is difficult for you, you shall overcome. Take care of yourself, stay healthy, for it is only with health that you can deal effectively with your circumstances. Love you and know that others have a great deal of compassion for you and what you are going through.
Stay strong your doing an awesome job and if it gets to be to much just take one day at a time ,theirs no hurry .
Thank you for sharing your journey and know that if it helps even one person, that is priceless. You have a very insightful thought process to sorting out not only the hoarding, the loss of your mom and hoarding. Please know that you could not have changed her habits, she would have had to do that on her own and for whatever reasons was unable to. I agree with you on auctions and would never consider that either. I have had excellent experiences with estate sale companies in our small community and you get to decide what you want to sell which still leaves you in control of what goes. Good luck to you on this difficult journey and really have learned so much from your insight from your videos. You got this girl, stay strong❤
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey. It can't be easy. I totally understand wanting to do things for yourself, especially after the bad experience with auction houses. Have you visited local estate sales for ideas on how they have things organized and priced? It might help you figure out what sells and what doesn't. Since you're not in a hurry, and if you're comfortable shipping, Etsy might be a good place to sell your mom's craft and quilting supplies. There are listing and transaction fees but they aren't as high as Ebay. All the best.
A lot of her quilting supplies are still brand new in the package. Ebay and Etsy would be a good way to sell them. I've been a seller on both for years. Thank you for the idea!
Usually and estate sale company will put all the things you want to keep in one room and lock it up…off limits to the public.
You are doing great, you will get to all of it in time
Thank you for sharing this with us. I think I would have done the same in your position. It would have been too stressful for you and your mum if you tried to declutter when she was there. I was wondering why you chose the name of the channel. It sounds very cute. It may be something you all know in your part of the world, I'm from England and I can't say I've heard this before. The closest thing is chickadee which I think is a bird. My aunt rescued a little blackbird chick when I was a kid and she called it chickadee
Great video. It seems like some of these questions are from people who have never even watched an episode of hoarders. How many times have you seen where the family states that they came and cleaned out the house and the horde was done worse that’s why they let people touch and make a decision on each item if they are ready feel out of control in their lives and you take their crap away they’re gonna hang on even more. You cannot have done this while she was alive she would’ve recorded spent even more money filling the place back up. There was one man after he complied with the hoarders team after said he felt empty and of course he hoarded back up. And like you say people do you have a right to make their own decisions. I’m glad that you’re well aware of what being a landlord is like. From the horror stories I’ve seen I would never want to be one but you know what you’re dealing with. Even just from Covid when people did not have to pay rent and landlords had tenants who were actually working so there was no loss of income and they chose not to pay insanity stories out there besides destruction. I think you’re doing a great job and I know that your mother would be happy with you turning it into a rental property that you’re making a more consistent income off of what she was able to leave you talk about making lemonade out of lemons. And if you have the time and energy burst here and there to do this yourself and save money go for it
Do you have enough of a support network in your own life? This seems like a very tough situation for you to be in, so I was worrying about how you're holding up.
Contact Arizona quilters guild for her quilting supplies
There is a store in my area in the Midwest called Pound and Inch. They buy fabric by the pound and sell by the inch. Maybe there is a place like that near you.
Thank you, I will look into something like that in my area.
So good to see a video from you! Then you. What you’re dealing with is real…. I’ve been downsizing for 11 years since loosing my husband.
Have you thought about making some shorts to attract attention to your channel? I think your RUclips channel is off to a great start. You can make $ on it as it grows and help people in the process.
Did your dad do upholstery? I ask because I use to have All that stuff. Upholstery, drapery, etc.
take care and please keep the videos coming. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing.
We have a housing crisis. if you’re a seasoned renter, probably a good idea to rent it. Can’t find any house here for less than $1500. A nice one is $1800-2500.
Maybe get an older couple or someone who will have low impact.
You’re doing great! Or day at a time…
Thank you! I have been meaning to create some Shorts, I will do that on my next trip. I'm still getting the hang of filming for RUclips. My dad had his own business of cleaning and repairing high school football uniforms and equipment, thus all of his commercial washers and dryers and sewing machines.
You can make shorts from existing videos. Kind of lies king a commercial for your video. Take little sections from old videos.enough for people to get the idea and want to come see more.
We did our own estate sale. We made $3200 and we were happy about it.
Sounds like a great turnout! I hope I can be a fraction as successful.
@@chickabiddies I think someone just posted some signs and on Craigslist at that time.
None of this is your fault.
If you want to take your time to clear out the house, then go with that plan. I would suggest you stick with one room at a time instead of tackling the entire house all at once. Also, work from the very back of the house toward the front. FYI, extreme, constant sighing is a sign of depression.
Gee, do you think she is mourning the loss of her mother, maybe??
I don't think it's depression. She's in an overwhelming situation right now and just she's mentally and physically exhausted. As she makes solid decisions and makes progress with the house she'll find her smile again.
@@scrapgirl82No need to be a bitchy, snarky jerk. Sometimes people don’t realize the signs of deep depression. You must be a real peach to hang out with.
@@sharonzotoff3975That too.
@@sharonzotoff3975 And she has a very pretty smile.
❤❤❤
I never even noticed your blinking. My Sister is a hoarder and I cleaned out her house after she had a stroke. Unless you’ve dealt with it personally then you really don’t know how hard it is. My Mom is borderline hoarding and I’ll be the one in your shoes when she dies.
Do you need the money? If not, I'd be tempted to donate it all to some really good causes. It would be rewarding and you wouldn't have to get upset seeing her stuff sold for next nothing. I can see how upsetting that would be.
As tempted as I am to donate everything, I do need the money.
@@chickabiddies I completely understand. I hope it all goes well!
I sneak clean whenever my mom is in the hospital. Additionally, I put new groceries in her fridge and toss old moldy food. >>>Same for my grandmother and elderly aunt. >>They are usually mad for 24 hours, and then it's old news.🎉🎉🎉
Arizona attracts Snow Birds from Canada. That would be a good rental market as they stay for 6 months.
Property management company is the way to do it. Seeing stories of renters in Canada lately. So friggin entitled and refusing to leave a property up for sale unless given $50 000 and owing $20 000 rent.
Hoarders want to keep their stuff do you dust the right thing to wait.
💖
You seem detached from her and the situation. Seems like she has had problems for years. You don't have to justify any of your actions. You do what works best for you and your life.
No way could you have cleaned her house with her in it! Dealing w a hoarder …. It is an emotional issue and fear based cling to the past and their surroundings. It is a mental illness.
Agree!
There is no way that you could have done anything about her house while she was alive and maintain a relationship with her.
I have sent you a private email.
You are doing great in a very stressful situation. Look forward to your reply
🏡👍👍🏡
I don't understand how come the canned food is still sitting in the same place after all this time? Can't you just throw out the expired ones and donate the rest ?
The food sitting behind me is what I'm keeping.
Do you have any siblings who can help you? What is your career?
I am an only child and do not have any siblings. I own a couple of e-commerce businesses that I run online.
It was not your responsibility to change her.
You seem so sad!