My husband of 2 years BLEW UP at me when I asked if I could be a stay-at-home mom
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- My husband of 2 years BLEW UP at me when I asked if I could be a stay-at-home mom
author: u/boxfishfan
#reddit #redditupdate #redditrelationship
Dude was projecting so much he could work at the local theater.
This comment really made me laugh. Thank you!
So, the husband was successful and quite an amazing arbiter of fairness! He made sure that his two children will grow up with a single parent. Fair's fair. The idea that he felt ganged up on but at no point felt like he could be in the wrong must have been very affirming to him- I'm sure he laments the difficulty of being the only one who is ever correct. And what a lucky daughter for having a truly perfect father
My thoughts exactly. Both of these kids will suffer because their Dad is an idiot. I'm glad Lizzy sees it for what it truly is...."Daddy made both of my mommys go away"
Poor girl. And of course he tried to use her as a manipulative tool......... poor girl is gonna need a lotta therapy.
She’s the one in the wrong you must be a woman
She wants to do for one but not both that’s not gonna happen I’ll make sure
@@JJ40555 friendly reminder, use of "" in that manner garners the interpretation of asshole behavior.
@@JJ40555 her version of “manipulation” is he’s making too much sense and he’s right so I’ll label him as controlling because he won’t let me break the agreement me had and treat their son different than their daughter. She honestly needs to be slapped
A perceived injustice on his part. Blew up his marriage, damaged his relationship with daughter and family, just to die on that hill, alone.
Naaa you fail to see it from his perspective.
This is a one sided story.
The wife was not wanting anything to do with the daughter. She even states she will be a SAHM and be able to go to her daughter’s events. What? Shouldn’t she had been doing that as a parent? My parents both worked and were there for my games.
How does the daughter feel seeing a woman treat her like that? Kids are smart and they know when they are not being treated fairly.
The father was doing what he as a father should do. Protect his child from being hurt and calling the woman’s bs.
@@martin99110nah from his perspective, op should either only be an unemployed person whos only task in life is to take care of her step daughter or a total workaholic who is almost absent in her children's life, and not you know, a loving mother who also have a promising career?
And all your bs statements about the mother neglecting the daughter are debunked by the fact that the daughter herself looks up to her and knows well how she was well loved by her step mom. She was even resentful towards her father for abusing her mother to a point she wanted divorce
@@ethanhanover3263 you’re simplifying it too much. You’re saying things like they are black and white. The dad didn’t want her to be a stay at home mom or working parent. He just wanted his daughter to be treated like her bio son. She was clearly showing that she didn’t care about the daughter. Again if you’re a parent and you see your bf/gf not want anything to do with your child, you would second guess the relationship.
Most of the comments don’t even have kids. Y’all speaking like you would be understanding.
No ones talking about a career here. Don’t make it seem like I want her to stay home or or be at work. The point is there are many working parents that still have the time for their children. She just didn’t want to do it because she didn’t see that child as hers.
She even says she will start going to the daughter’s school events when the son is born. So she’s not even trying to be a parental figure.
This story is one sided. I can bet step parents would not put up with the favoritism like that.
@@martin99110she literally states verbatim that she views Lizzy as her own. She also has done more than enough for her. Do you really think anyone on this planet owes children that aren't theirs anything? Like yeah it is nice, but not mandatory in any way and to expect that is absolutely vile and despicable. You clearly are some bitter father who had to man up and actually raise his own children. You obviously didn't listen to the part of the story that explains why being a SAHM was impossible at first, because:
1. OP could not work from home(she is entitled to work if she wants to and no partner has the right to make that decision as your partner, no matter the gender, isn't your fucking boss in any way)
2. The reason she can be a SAHM now is because she was given an opportunity to work from home(and good on her, for every gold digger that steals a man's wealth, there are 100 women that are just left with nothing because they were forced into a jobless lifestyle taking care of everything but the paycheck. My mother and grandmother and many many friends have lived this life. They were manipulated, abused, cheated on, and left for dead with nothing to their names)
3. They weren't married (it is your right as a person to think marriage strengthens the relationship. It is also your right to not move the relationship to the next level until marriage, whatever that "next level" may be)
4. The difference between the children is that Lizzy was already in daycare and didn't require as much care as an infant would, making the situation completely different.(OP would have had absolutely nothing to do but wait for Lizzy to get out of daycare to start taking care of her, so it definitely would make more sense for her not to be a SAHM because it's just squandering opportunities to bring more income to the house)
I'd like to add that all of this information, aside from my personal bits obviously, is readily available in the story. So like why lie like this? Unless you just didn't pay attention and are a woman hater, you're lying. Either way, you're just wrong😂
@@martin99110 You know. The whole "I didn't get this privilege, so you shouldn't either" argument is how a lot of parents justify depriving their children of much needed things, or even abusing them. "My mom would never have gotten me therapy, so you need to suck it up and deal with it" is something the mother of one of my actual irl friends said to her. She was 13 and self harming.
Depriving her son of a sahm just so his other bio child, who showed zero signs of feeling any neglect or jealousy towards the baby, just so things will be "fair" is nothing short of cruel and narrow minded. Not to mention, this robs lizzy of having a sahm as well... it's so counterproductive. Lizzy could GET the sahm she didn't have before, while also ensuring the baby also is raised by a sahm. That's literally a win-win. Where is the loss? Unless lizzy suddenly decides she doesn't love her stb baby brother anymore and wants to be an only child out of absolutely fucking nowhere, there is NO reason why this is a problem and EVERY reason why it's a _good_ thing.
I will not be responding to further replies, for my own sanity. Just getting my perspective out there.
Insisting that the son suffer through a worse quality of life than necessary to be "fair" to the daughter is actually insane.
This guy is actually insane he ignored everyone around him it’s like that part of his brain stopped working
So many stories have everyone around The person giving bad advice. Especially when family involved
14:35 Craig and Daniel are the hero of the story.
I do not even know if they exist
@zelz3011 it's the Internets. Assume that they don't.
@@MrToubrouk As it be sometimes. Is it not interesting we exist on such a platform where misinformation is so common that even a grain of salt is likely not what we take things with we might be taking a spoon unless we can physically know something has enough affect to truly reach our realities
The husband what an absolute manipulative kingbaby. He basically wants to let out his stacked up frustration over his first failed relationship on the new wife and keeps her emotionally hostage with his absolute idiotic conditions on how to raise and treat the children. What the heck was his problem anyway for being a sahm mom when she get to keep all the benefits of her job. That is literaly a career dream combo.
Because they had a agreement that she wouldn’t do it, you don’t get to break agreements without consequences
@@DavidStewart-hb4kbSo what youre saying is if you have an agreement to pay rent even if you suddenly lose your job and become disabled and have no money to pay you should be kicked out onto the street with absolutely no care and no consideration for your physical health AND they are well within their rights to sue you for every coun you owe and who cares if you end up living under the bridge. Shouldnt have signed an agreement if you cant pay the rent no matter what the circumstances are that lead to the change in agreement. Perfect. Make sure you never get into an accident, dont ever miss a payment because from what ive heard even if you own your home they can put leins if you dont pay your utilities. Make sure to tell your apartment manager, bank teller, who ever you owe money to that no matter what they arent to change the agreement even if they have to harvest every organ in your body. You wont be changing the agreement because to do that would be disrespectful and heinous. Make sure to let them know even if you have to drag yourself out because your legs dont work anymore they arent to change the agreement and if its not paid the morning of to throw you out without a second thought.
@@DavidStewart-hb4kb I see you commenting all over like the enthusiastic rage baiter you are! You're doing a GREAT job sweety, just a few tips! When you comment under every other comment, it starts looking more trolly than legit, so if you want to be an effective rage baiter, you gotta not make it so obvious! And when you pick you opinions, you need to sound like you actually believe them instead of just regurgitating manosphere blurbs! But other than that honey, you're doing such a good job being edgy! Keep it up!
@@DavidStewart-hb4kb God forbid a life situation changes or a person evolves their thinking and wants to try something new! Especially when it would benefit both children.
@@DavidStewart-hb4kbokay you're clearly a troll and I'm done feeding you😂 you don't even troll well, like this other person describes😂 and don't even try to say you aren't a troll because no one in their right mind would agree with the father, only manipulative mentally ill bitter fathers would agree with him. So you're either that bitter father, or just a loony, or a troll. Either way this is hilarious 😂
This happened 8 years ago damn 😢.I hope things get better for her and Lizzy
Damn dude is filled with so many insecurities. Like it's amazing some people have it all but throw it away the first chance they get.
"No one is on my side! Waaah! Why won't anyone agree with me!!"
Maybe it's because you're _WRONG!!!_
I remember this story; it’s sad because he’s the one showing favoritism, and Lizzy will lose out on so much because of him
Not actually favoritism but rather "if my daughter didnt have it my son shouldnt" while ignoring why she didnt have it.
@@Justicar2503 It is favoritism. He wanted a SAHM for her kid, but she couldn't have it because of the circumstances, and then for his son he DIDN'T want the SAHM. So yeah, not blatantly obvious, but still favoritism.
@@Justicar2503”if my child can’t have it, no one else can” is still classed as favouritism.
@@Only1199 Face it, "lizzy" is a mere afterthought in op's mind.
Just listen to her; "i don't mind spending more time with lizzy" as if that was a constraint on her.
Clearly favoritism on her part, the dad was right to call it out.
"It's not fair to punish me and my son because we can't go back in time and change the uterus she was conceived in".
Need I say more?
@@Only1199um no if one didn’t get it the other one doesn’t. That’s fairness ops a stuck up bitch and the only people on her side are other women who want to stay at home with their feet up while the husband does all the work and brings in all the money.
To give everyone further context of this story. The last update was from 9 years ago. So I doubt we will get any updates to this situation.
If everyone tells you, that you are making a mistake. Than you propably do. Also first, he says that he needs a therapy and then leaves it with the same mindset which is a red flag.
Her husband is so emotionally immature OMG
“Hurt people, _hurt_ people.” While I initially understood the stbx’s upset and hurt at OP suddenly changing her mind at being a SAHM for their son and not her stepdaughter, him being so willing to die on a hill for “fairness” screams Lizzy will never have a decent stepmother. She’ll likely see an endless rotation of women in and out of her life because her dad still has unresolved issues with her mother. At least she’ll still have OP in her life for a while, until her dad inadvertently runs her off for good.
She's not becoming a SAHM though, she's going from full time on location to part time working from home. He also can't compare the 2 situations. Nobody would've given up their job to a schoolgoing kid who's not yours and you're not even married to their dad to.
OP should have looked into ways to get custody of Lizzy because it's obvious STBX is an unfit father
i dont think so she mentioned her husband would never do anything to lizzy and even though he acted from his insecurities and threw everything away in his mind he actually did it for lizzy he should see a therapist but i dont think hes an unfit parent
Taking his kid? She wouldnt do that. While hes in the wrong do you notice how throughout she nevers refers to her in a loving manner, “lizzy” “my husnands daughter” it seems like this new baby will obviously be favourited. I see his pov but he blew it out of proportion. Both are in the wrong
She could adopt Lizzy and become her guardian. I have heard stories about parents signing away their rights as parents. She could trick Liz’s mother and horrible father by gathering evidence that they aren’t fit parents to use against them in court! She needs to take anything she gets her hands on. I would do this because what if Lizzy is in an unsafe environment with that man-child…I wouldn’t forgive myself if I was op, if something happened to Lizzy because of the man-child…
"He felt ganged up on" YEAH BECAUSE HE WAS HORRIBLY FUCKING WRONG AND EVERYONE CAN SEE IT
Ya it’s his past trauma but if he can’t get help there’s no fixing this. He should fix himself
She pretty much did everything right. Tried to talk with him, when it became a toxic environment she left, tried to get him into couples counseling, then stuck to her guns on working it out before reconciling. At the end of the day working arrangements are between the two. Its fine if he wanted her to work, but his rationale and behavior was insane and unfair.
Fair treatment doesn't always mean equal treatment.
And sometimes equal treatment can be unfair treatment.
Plus their relationship now is very different to what it was then. Time causes change.
He needs to learn this because I'm concerned he can't understand such basic fundamental things about life.
Your philosophical axioms can be interpreted both ways.
No lol fair is equal if I split the work we do with you and split the pay 80 20 with you despite us doing the same amount would you call that fair? Because I mean according to you fair doesn’t always mean equal. Fucking retard
This situation is incredibly sad, the person has not updated what has happened for eight years, I hope she and her children are well. I am concerned about Lizzy's mental state, let's hope she has had the help she needs
Crazy part is that HE'S the one favoring his daughter over his son, whom are both biological children to him which is just sad. I can't stress enough how he's ruining a healthy relationship and step daughter/stepmom dynamic just because he wants his newborn son to miss out on the same opportunities his daughter did to be "fair. Again, not concerned with the benefits both his son and daughter would recieve from OP being a STAHM, but concerned with favoring his daughter more.
3 minutes in and I'm already wondering how the husband got full custody of his first marriage's kid.
He’ll realize what he lost and what he could have had after a few years and try to get her back after it’s already way too late. I’ve had a couple buddies like that and they’re all the same. Those types of people make fun fishing partners but terrible husbands and fathers
The only thing I can think of is that he had a very rough time being a single parent and whatever she said triggered some trauma from being a single father and something that happened between his kid and his ex. The dude needs a reality check.
Why do I get the feeling the husband is having a breaks down because he's cheating
I mean he could have just said no, then explained why, then moved on.
It's very sad this man ruined his family and his daughter who no longer has a step mother in her life. Very sad.
When you go out see someone act like an ahole then that guy an ahole but when you go out and see everyone are ahole then you are the ahole .
This story is 8years old and there was never any update after this :( makes me hope they worked it out tbh
The way she talked about her step daughter kinda proved her husbands point…..she doesn’t want to talk to her or even hear her name bc she was mad at her husband. She basically raised his daughter bc his ex wife wasn’t around and if you’re married to someone and have been helping raise their kid especially if you’re basically the only mother figure in that kids life you should love that kid as your own…..if this was a guy telling the story and he told his wife he doesn’t love her child as much as he loves the child they had together that guy would be crucified
Can someone find a video with the baby update that op deleted
I'm confused of why he upset for her Lizzie her and her son can spend time together what's the issue what because she went she changed her mind is she not allowed to change her mind and also she can still work from home what's the problem I'm confused cuz someone is explain it to me
The issue is she's a terrible person. If Lizzie came out of her, she would've jumped at becoming a stay at home mom, but because Lizzie wasn't hers she chose work over his daughter, she continued working, at any point while she was working after they got married she could have said "hey husband I've been thinking and I want to be a stay at home mom for Lizzie," and then 2-3 years later she gets pregnant with his son and it would've been fine, but nope it takes her up until she's pregnant before she has a change of heart. You have to understand when people are writing these stories they are being blatantly biased towards their side of the story, he was furious at her change of heart but she made no effort to own up to her blatant favoritism it was all 'we can do whatever it takes to help YOU see things from my point of view.' She's a bitch and he overreacted because he knew she was a piece of shit, she is a terrible step mom for the way she went about wanting to be a stay at home mom for her son, but the ex husband is worst because he became overbearing with his own sense of fairness.
@@ResolvedRage but like she said she couldn't even see if they stay at home mom because she will literally have to quit and she didn't want to quit for someone who she wasn't married.
So she's not allowed to change her mind she thought about it for a minute before she even made the suggestion towards him at the time like she said she couldn't just do a stay-at-home mom because she had to quit her career so you told me she should have just automatically quit is that it I don't understand how she's at fault for anything he's using the daughter as a manipulating idea again she did nothing wrong he should be happy that she changed her mind and would like to spend time with Lizzie and her son that shouldn't be about fairness at the time she could be a stay-at-home mom because she wasn't at that faze in her career and I understand how she feels about marrying someone and financially dependent on someone do I have any been married yet don't even sound safe
The reason it doesn't make sense, is because the guy is nuts and literally is not making sense. She had valid reasons for not wanting to be a SAHM for Lizzie but he's not seeing reason. He's crazy.
I would love to have a woman willing to do this.
so rare that we get an op ready to stand their ground immediately
OK can we just appreciate how she’s a fucking catch since her husband apparently didn’t?
Like step parents aren’t really obligated to go to the extent that she’s going to , don’t get me wrong step parents do have responsibilities for the child but not full responsibility as Long as they do not abuse the step child or treat them with favoritism then they are doing great , but she’s constantly going out of her way to make sure Lizzie is OK that she really cares about Lizzie even in the procedure of separation yet he doesn’t see it
They are not gang up on him because they hate him but because for his own fucking benefits , like isn’t this every single parent dream? A partner that will treat their child fairly and lovingly with the child actually loving them back
Also fairness as stated isn’t a quality in fact her having time for the baby will benefit Lizzie since her workload will be less which will give her more energy for Lizzie
Showing obvious favoritism before the kids even born os a really bad sign too. Both of these ppl suck
Wow! Talk about biting off the hand that is feeding you.....
Damn I was gonna find op on Reddit and wait for an update just to find out the post was 8 years ago
Dude is so fucking unhinged
i feel like his ego is his own worst enemy as he cant see anybody but him being in the right.
Hey comment section idk if poeple will see this but I'm wondering if someoen that has gone through stuff like this but with a positive conclusion can answer me this, can you really love someone like OP's signigicant other again or maybe not again but, in the same way? Or just more in general can things go back to normal after going through something like this?
I have a strong feeling that even if like in this video's case, there's no malicious intent on the so's part (at least imo, he's just fucked up), i'd still fall out of love, or if not completely fall out of love, i don't think things could ever be the same but i'm hoping I'm wrong, would love to hear other's opinion on this.
I think what people don’t understand step parents aren’t replacements for bio parents that died or aren’t in the picture. A child doesn’t get to choose who comes into their life but they can and should choose to see someone else as a parental figure. OP doesn’t have rights to Lizzy unless she adopts her if her husband decided to take Lizzy and leave the country she would have no say as that isn’t her child. Pregnancy hormones are going to change a woman’s mind and body so obviously her love towards her own child would be different than her love towards Lizzy but it doesn’t mean it’s less than or more than either child deserves. OP husband sounds like he just wants a new mom for Lizzy and doesn’t care about the woman herself and her wants if so, he should just stay single and raise Lizzy on his own or have a relationship but keep them away from Lizzy until he is willing to comprehend Stepmom and mom aren’t the same but are equal only if THE CHILD ACCEPTS THE STEP-PARENT AS A PARENT. Forcing relationship’s between step parent and kids always end in disaster. OP loves Lizzy and vice versa the only one unhappy is the husband therefore he is the problem.
He must have some emotional grief from his first wife that he's refusing to process. OP not wanting to stay home before marriage isn't a bad thing, excuse her for feeling like she wants to contribute. But now that things have changed and BOTH of them have reached a good point, it's a problem? Since he's so ignorant and adamant, his daughter is now resents him, and is one wrong step from receiving papers. He's ruining his own life.
Yoh fuck that therapist! It's not impossible.
IDK this seems very contrived
So are they admitting that they do favortism the son?
I can understand why he felt like he was being "ganged-up on"
If this story is even real because why wouldn't they for someone who doesn't look for other solutions
Now an Attorney's office
If you can't trust them at all they aren't your "Husband" most likely
That "therapy" thing is so manipulative
It's funny the manipulative one see's manipulation because it's manipulative projection
Damn imagine that
If you can't fix them or can't realize how to "fix" then why do you even trust if you can't make an impact that anyone else can make an impact that a therapist can? At least when it comes to a therapist it's like gosh shouldn't you have some level of impact on them already to make them do it? People get therapy for themselves usually because it feels like that's either common or the only way out but when someone doesn't want it and you're forcing it shouldn't you at least have enough effect on them to actually make that happen if not then you nor anyone else you know likely can fix them.
I don't think you did all you can I hear this all the time you did all you did at the time but it seems thinking heavily wasn't one of those things
"Thinks of dating other people"
That sounds manipulative.
What you going to trust the words of Lizzy?
You going to go on a whim and say "Oh well I'm filing for divorce as I know you thought of dating other people"
16:35
My comment might be bad. These next few minutes might change some ideas but I can't lose what's in my head right now.
I kinda see where the husband is coming from assuming this story is real.
Of course I see all stories with a grain of salt but are you kidding me "best thing to ever happen" "man the fuck up"| and all the other things their brother and apparently closest friend said is just
weird like I personally feel like I would never say such things unless like it was really bad of a situation or that I was blatnatly lying and knowing that she likely wasn't really in the situation and it's what they were told it's confusing.
Anyways from the husbands pov I can kinda see why she looks like she would favorite and honestly I think they would
another thing that I always question in these stories is how all these people apparently just want this counselling and therapy but despite all of that still have money or have enough money they think of such things instantly that's so confusing to me and suspicious
Although what that made me think of is simply that her insistence on counselling instead of thinking of others ways at least to me felt kinda manipulative
I'm not saying she's in the wrong for not being a SATM earlier I just think that it's foolish they didn't work harder to explain the point before or be a better mother for the daughter even if they aren't their own biologically
Another thing is I can see how they might think the child is manipulative in being a tool to be brought up to chain them down but to me that shows a weakness and it's not inherently a weakness in battle no it's a weakness of even going into the battleground not even knowing if a battle will break out there.
I can think about how someone who might have complicated emotions and possibly a crying child might IDK bring them up without even thinking about past things from that point of view aren't her actions cruel and only forwarding the insanity this man is being subject to?
Working from home is not a SAHM. That's just... Working from home. 🤷 Besides, it's positive for Lizzy too when she's home. She gets to spend more time her stepmum.
I can't get my head around the husband and his warped views, to make his son suffer in the name of fairness is psychotic.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you need to get out of there, the minute you don't feel safe with a partner is when you leave.
You husband has singlehandedly destroyed his own life, your life and his children's lives.
You're so much better off without him, I fear he could snap at any moment.
think the big ol red flag was he was looking for a mom for his daughter rather then a new partner and wife. he couldn't handle single dad life so he roped in this chick to play mom. She couldn't be a stay at home babysitter for his kid.. but wants to be a stay ay home mom for her own kid with his now that they married, and she in a place to be he gets upset. sorry that a red flag parade...
This is why i dont date. Its not worth it. Youll get undercover psychos like this. First of all its not bad to prefer a baby you made over a stepchild you met a few years ago. The circumstances are different. Husband needs to get like 5 miles over himself
Talking about all the sons missed opportunities while also acting like lizzie didnt deserve the same opportunities is actually fucked up. And proves what i thought from the beginning. The dads right unfortunately. While they are both wrong. She is showing favoritism towards one child. And it was very pbvious which one was the favorite... even before he was born. And shes a narcissist
If the daughter is going to be used, OP might as well take her out of play. Sit down with the daughter and tell her the argument from her husband's POV. Don't leave him with even a crumb of doubt that you understand his POV. Write out the talk and give it to him to read before the sit down.
"I'm pregnant, and dad wants me to work full time instead of being a full-time Mom. I made a deal with dad that I wouldn't be a stay at home mom for you or anyone. I lied. I betrayed Dad. Dad thinks that I don't love you enough. He thinks it's unfair that you didn't have a stay at home mom, and it's only fair if your brother doesn't have a stay at home mom, too. It's not fair. Not at all. Dad also is upset that I didn't trust him when we first got married. Dad needed a stay at home mom, but I refused to stay at home. I wasn't their to support you. Mom didn't trust Dad, Mom made money for the family instead of quitting her job.
The truth is you have had an awful childhood, and Mom can't fix the first 4 years of your life. Your father feels guilty for those 4 years, but I don't feel guilty for not being a stay at home mom till now.
Dad thinks mom got everyone to gang up on dad, to shame him. Everyone has turned against dad. He feels alone, and he needs me back. He needs me to give up spending time at home and go to work."
If he won't let OP read that then he needs to talk with a psychologist to put it into words he feels better resonates. That's the trick, he wants to be angry and vengeful but if he shows his daughter how he really feels she will be crushed.
Yeah your entire thing just paints the op as the bad person (she is) and as long as op is willing to admit they’re wrong.
She also did get everyone to gang up on him along with the therapist, she’s also required to tell the child that she agrees with the therapist about “ it’s ok if I love my son more than you because your not my biological child. Because she agreed might as well tell the child you believe that instead of hiding it. She also needs to tell the child that she told the husband that she doesn’t want to hear anything about it except that she’s ok’ because of some false ass manipulation she’s created in her feeble woman mind
@@DavidStewart-hb4kb
women ☕️ amaright? Why wont they just give up on their career, become subservient servants to their husband and a full time nanny on a whim?
I agree with you, women has no right on having a career and ambition other than being a full time slave once they get married.
Man the audacity of these sandwich makers having the gall of thinking about both her career and her family at the same time.
The only thing she must worry about is how to serve her husband and how to be a more efficient nanny to the step daughter! /s
@@DavidStewart-hb4kb OP didn't tho, she dated a man who had a 4 yr old and the man wanted her to quit her job and stay at home with his daughter and when his daughter went to school for the better part of the day she would stay at home and have to find something to do, OP refused because they liked their job and wasn't comfortable on being completely dependent on someone who she hasn't married yet and take care of a child who first off, she has no connection to, who's only home half the day, and when the child is home both parents would be there. Fast-forward, OP married the man, is pregnant and they've been the daughters mom for 4 years and the daughter adores her, OP is going through their first pregnancy and now has first time mom hormones and instinctively wants to care for her children and stay with them, being protective and not wanting complete strangers watching the baby, which the man waited a yr before even letting OP meet his daughter, let alone take care for her when she was a newborn. OP is now able to keep her job and help with the family expenses while staying home and wants to stay home and take care of her newborn and spend more time with her daughter, but the man wants her to go back to work and not be a sahm, because his daughter's bio mom was horrible and she didn't get a sahm when she was a baby, so their son should get the same treatment so it's fair, that's want the man wants, dispite the following facts:
OP can bond and care for her 2 kids, giving both a good home environment, OP would be able to bond with her daughter more and be there while she's going through her formative years and being the mother rhe daughter never had when she was younger, the son would get a sahm and be cared for, OP can keep their job so that the man wouldn't be pressed to work as hard, and they could live comfortably and could afford to raise their children without worry of money, OP would continue a job they enjoy and when the kids are in high school/collage or ect OP has the option to go back to work.
It's not favoritism it's the fact, OP wasn't there the first 4 yrs of the daughters life, she's not at fault ir the one who deprived her of a mother, OP BECAME her mother, now she wants to be a mother to her son but that's not allowed? She's not allowed to stay home and be with her kids dispite that now being available for them? Sorry but no, she didn't have anyone gang up on the man, anyone who has common sense can see that the man is/has ruined his marriage, destroyed his relationship with his daughter, drove away his wife/the woman who stepped up to be a mother to his daughter, and his son who know what will happen, at best he will get weekends every other week with his son and for what?
Because his daughter was left without a mother fue to his ex wife and so in his eyes it only fair if his son doesn't get to either...
Yeah good luck with rationalizing whatever you have going on in your life man smh
@@DavidStewart-hb4kbalso the whole, "its ok to not love the daughter the same way" YES, OP wasn't able to raise the daughter, so technically she was deprived of the very intense bonding that a newborn and their parents go thru, the daughter was 4 before she even met her, the daughter knows OP is not her mom, but she called her mother and OP calls her daughter, and in the end dispite everything if OP and her husband get divorced guess what, OP doesn't even get the option of sharing custody or even being able to see the daughter again, so yes it is difficult and a different type of parental love, but it's a parents love all the same, being a step parent will always have this small gap that your kids won't even get considered to be with you if something happens, you can't just go well it should be completely and utterly equal love, how can you do with love when the fact is they can get taken from you and you can't do anything about it.
Everyone in the comments missing that OP said they would only start going to PTA and events etc with the step daughter only after becoming a SAHM are missing a huge red flag here.
Clearly she wasnt as good of a step mum as shes claiming to be, doent make the husband automatically correct with his over the top reaction but I'm thinking there is a lot more to the story then what is provided.
She couldn't before because of her job. I only did like maybe one PTA meeting because I also have a job. They don't schedule things at school around the parents work schedule. YOU have to make your life work around school. Even the kids getting off school at 3pm, isn't designed around anyone's work schedule. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Nobody's missing the point.
@@Because-rt8qsI didn't say it made her a bad parent but also not a good one, and I'm well aware of school not working around you but as a responsible adult in a child's life you should make the effort to at least attend some of the child's events/ meetings etc.
Using work as an excuse to be an absent parent doesn't justify it imo.
My overall point is we are only getting one side of this story and obviously that side won't want to appear bad in any way so maybe we're missing some information.
"I will have more time to do A B and C if I work from home part time" is not a red flag - it's a fact.
I wanna know where this guy got the audacity to ask his girlfriend to quit her job and take care of his preschooler, that he had just introduced her to, despite being unwilling to quit his own job to stay home with his kid? He held onto that resentment for the entire relationship, blew up his whole marriage, and deprived his child of the only good motherly figure she's ever had, by banning his wife from working part time to care for their newborn.
That woman is a saint for putting up with as much as she did. Most would be out the door the second they realized they were being used as a replacement mommy for kids that aren't their's (which is exactly what he did).
Bait and switch
Yeah, the problem is that is not the reasoning/counter argument he is giving.
If it was just:: "That was not what the terms and conditions of our marriage are, it could have been but you rejected SAHM aspect and condition negotiations whilst the terms were being decided. The terms are set now, have been for time, and SAHP is not a part of them"
100%
4 year olds don't need their step mommies to give up a big portion of their income and financial independence to be stay at home parents. Newborns do.
@@L3adb3lly It's still not what was agreed.
@@idminister She changes her mind just as soon as she gets a biological son.
Wow what a coincidence.
-Stay at home mom
-Work from home full-time
Pick one, lol.
You're doing yourself a disservice labeling yourself a SAHM if you're just gonna make the small change of working from home-office.
This was one of the main stories that convince me I have to work harder to find a woman without children. There’s no reason to let my child be someone second or third kid.
I mean im fully against my partner being a sahm but damn to blow up this way over it is just rediculous.
Naaa you guys have to remember this story is from the side of the mother.
Put yourself in the guys shoes.
Where it looks like she’s constantly refusing to do things for his daughter. But the moment she has a biological son, she changes her mind.
To him it looks like she doesn’t care. And she’s not reflecting on her own contribution to the failure of the marriage
Reddit loves to make men seem aggressive and evil but if I was a dad and constantly saw my wife reject my daughter but the moment she has a biological son, she wants to do motherly things, I would second guess the relationship. Cause at the end of the day if you marry someone with kids, you should accept them like your own. Think about how the daughter is viewing things, constantly seeing your dad’s wife not want to do motherly things but the moment she has a son, things changeThe father is doing what he should. Protecting his child. He’s calling out OPs bs.
Just flip the genders. Imagine a guy getting with a single mom and him not spending time or money on that child. But the moment he has a bio kid, he goes on a spending spree and does fatherly things.
I was thinking something similar, especially when she added that once she was a sahm THEN she would start going to PTA and events etc for Lizzy shouldn't she have been doing that already if she actually cared for the girl, especially once they were married.
Tbh I think they're both at fault here.
@@Xapheion101 she’s way more at fault for agreeing with the therapist about it being ok “that she loves their son more than the daughter because she’s blood” if you can’t love your stepchild as much as your own then don’t marry into the shit.
Don't get me wrong. The husband is irrefutably the asshole. But I can also see where he's coming from. He's wrong in what he wants, but he's accurate when saying that the stepmom is unfair to Lizzy.
Let's point out a few things, OP never, ever refers to Lizzy as her daughter, or even her stepdaughter. Even though she points out that Lizzy calls her mom, she only ever refers to her as Lizzy, or her husband's daughter.
There is very clearly some Narrator bias in this, and it seems extremely likely the OP is in complete denial about how damaging her behavior and lack of true acceptance of Lizzy is to the girl. Just because this girl clings to you, and says you're better than her bio mom who completely abandoned her and treats her like a toy, doesn't mean you're being a good mom.
Also, note how Lizzy is always an afterthought, almost as if she's mentioning her only out of obligation when talking about the benefits of being a SAHM for her son.
Yes, clearly, The dad is the asshole, and an abuser. But OP also sucks, and sounds extremely emotionally off. Especially with how clinical she is when talking about all this.
Oh my gosh I feel like we kinda get each other.
I saw how she's definitely manipulative because I was forced to become a manipulator so I can now recognize some of the signs at least I think
So when I saw some of the stuff that was being said and on their side I noticed just how manipulative it was
I never even realized they never once referred to Lizzy as their daughter is crazy.
How the husbands apparent family and closest friend ganged up on them seems fake but even if it was real like gosh it feels like OP is a psycho in some way who doesn't even have sympathy because they make all this shit happen apparently they hear of Lizzy saying things that are bad and disrespectful they never thought of the fact of how sad Lizzy probably was they just inherently feared manipulation probably because they are a manipulator and fear their own power being used against them not even realizing the emotions or thinking twice for a second just how messed up a situation like this could be and the feelings the husband would be going through would affect their responses instead they punish them and keep on doing it in a sick way
I also don't like the therapist and that might have been manipulative I've heard of the idea of setting people up with therapists that will prove a point especially with women as if it's more casual that it will happen where they try and essentially use the title of "therapist" with some truths and lies mixed in the foundation of manipulation to make any woman more like a victim and for the man to look more like the abuser so they realize how "terrible" they are and change their ways
Yeah it really annoyed me. Hes an asshole but so is she
I have a feeling that she was nasty to him and called him sexist when he suggested she became a SAHM and outright refused. I would probably be angry in that situation too honestly.
Is there anything op's said that made you feel that way? Because she clearly doesn't seem to object to the concept of being a sahm.
possible, but if that was the case; then it has long been his problem FOR continuing the relationship afterwards especially since that was a convo from before marriage.
the only proper response he had to not wanting her to be SAHM: "That was not what the terms and conditions of our marriage are, it could have been but you rejected whilst the terms were being decided but they are set now and SAHP is not a part of them"
She said it was because of her job
She alludes to the fact that she had agreed not to be a SAHM before getting married.
Now she wants to be.
That puts far more financial pressure on her husband and would easily explain his freakout.
She didn't want to be a SAHM before getting married or being completely dependent on him. Plus the stepdaughter was already starting school. Now she is can work part-time from home and still take care of the kids. She also mentioned that the husband makes more than enough for them to comfortably live on. @eoinoconnell185
Honestly...
I wont subjecy my son to this, but i will to yours... thats pretty fucked honestly...
Im mildly on tge dads side...
She didn't subject Lizzy to this. He was married to Lizzy's mom when Lizzy was a newborn baby. They hadn't even met yet. We're talking about a newborn here.
@@Because-rt8qs doesn’t matter she’s made her clear that she fully intends to favorite the son over the daughter, time to give up custody and fuck off
You have to remember, when he asked her to quit her job to be a full time, stay at home parent to Lizzy, OP wasn't even her step mother yet. She had just met the kid, who was already old enough to start school. If anyone was going to give up their job to be a stay at home parent back then, it should have been him. Why didn't he fill that role?
He just wanted a replacement mommy for his kid, and while I don't blame him for wanting his daughter to have a mother figure in her life, he developed some unrealistic expectations and he held onto the resentment about that for his entire relationship with OP. He's allowing his resentment to cloud his judgement, which blew up his marriage and cost his daughter the only decent mother she's ever had. He hurt his daughter, his wife, and tried to hurt his son, because he couldn't let go of the fact that his plans didn't pan out all those years ago.
Hmm, this story doesn't seem legit. There are some key facts that doesn't make sense. To fly off the handle like that, and it didn't sound like he had a history of that... idk, maybe it's legit, but it feels off. It's hard to believe this is so one sided, she did nothing wrong. It's hard to understand how things were so good, and then he snapped. It sounds super biased. "She" uses buzz words and comes off like she didn't do anything wrong and handled this perfectly. I love how he's a good father, but she still says "her" son. You want him to be a father and involved, but it's "her" son. I wish people wouldn't do that.
He held but hid resentment for the entire relationship. So when she brought up becoming a stay at home parent, he let those bottled up feelings out.
If your only complaint about her is that she says "her" instead of "our" in a few instances, you're nitpicking and reaching.
@L3adb3lly not nit picking. I just find it all suspicious. I may be wrong. It just feels of the way it's told. If I'm wrong, it sucks for everyone involved.
@@L3adb3lly Not every reddit story is trustable and even in some other stories people at least realize how either stories narratives and truths can be different or just how a story is blatantly faked
I know some might wonder the reason for such things but it's probably just recognition, content, or something else
I personally would make a reddit story of some fake BS if I could change the details enough to be different enough it's more believable if I knew one day it would end up on a video and I would never mention when it did because that would help give it away
So I know some people who are maybe more serious about the site or some people who discover this content and want to secretly create more like creating what you are eating would make fake stories
And it's not just that let's start slowly straying from the complete fakery starting with the 2nd response after this one
First what if some people, partners, parents, and petite playful progeny, simply want to make a story up about those close to them or traits in them or just a whole made up reality faking names and doing such things is quite fun you might say that these shouldn't end up in the sub reddits but they might and sometimes people will steal fake stories and change them to make them look more real
The next thing is that some people might just want to make up stories because they feel wronged so they will make themselves look better in the same vain those who might not even realize they have a level of narcissim or too much self love and they have reddit clearly they would make stories and not even realize how much they put themselves in it
Once we get past that phase and the stories are more real it's all about who's telling it perspective, a whole big problem could look different from a different perspective "The woman's hand swayed slowed and was slapped away after that point the other woman then violently beat on the woman with the woman attacking back in certain intervals the spectator would finally come over to try and stop the conflict"
From the story of the Woman "She made me so mad... I wanted to hit her but I stopped I didn't feel like it but even though I slowed and stopped her only feeling wind on her cheek at worst she seemed to think that was enough of an excuse before slapping my hand away and before I even had a chance to walk away she beat me down badly I tried to hit back but it felt not only pointless but I didn't want to stup to her level I knew I could hold myself fine enough even though I ended up more messed up than I thought"
From the story of the Other Woman "She flicked some dangerous substance onto my face after that I smacked her hand away before she could think of doing any more and then I would then beat on her to make sure she didn't do anything dangerous as my body is naturally weak I started getting bloodied arms quite quickly it didn't take much for them to make me go bloodly I know I probably shouldn't have done that but I felt scared and that they might have had more and I wasn't confident in this weak body to restrain them or get away fast enough from someone that strong"
Which one is believable?
So clearly with enough interpretation even the biggest skyscraper of problems you can simply take the picture from the side or infront of the skyscraper without acknowledging that skyscraper at all.
@@zelz3011 I didn't need a whole essay, I know that not everything online is real or that some people lie on the internet for attention.
However, if you want to make the argument that something is entirely fake or grossly misrepresented, good evidence should be used to make that argument, otherwise you'll come off as biased. "Idk it feels off" isn't enough to actually discredit something.