It's everyone's "place" to point out bs like that. She's in another country sick and alone without a familial structure to back her up. Why the heck should she add a baby to that? He's not going to marry her, he's simply going to make sure he can control her with a baby. It's obvious that he's not amazing, he's crap.
If you ask me, I think it’s important to point things out like that, this woman’s whole life was on the line because if she would’ve had kids with this asshole, he would have definitely use them to keep her tied* to him. He is already disregarding her desires and her mental and physical health in order to get what HE wants. People who are concerned with being polite, palatable, pleasant, courteous at all times are delusional.
Story 1: OP is a girl's girl, and she needs to take a hard look at her own partner because if he's signing off on John's shit blindly, then he likely supports it.
"It's not your place" is the reason abusers get away with shit. He knows her health isn't good and openly admitted in front of everyone that he _doesn't give a shit_ as long as he gets what _he_ wants. He needed to be called out for that. Op was "too harsh"? Op wasn't harsh _enough._ That man would literally rather risk her health and _life_ than acknowledge that she is a person with wants and needs too.
Everyone is so concerned about being polite and her husband idealizes the guy. What a crappy group of people OP and her friend have found themselves in.
Do you think it helps people who are being abused to have your friends get into a fight with them… When you have to go home with that person? if the OP really thought this was abusive, she should’ve kept her mouth shut. She just brought out the abuse word because she wanted to win the argument.
@jodieg6318 Right? "You didn't speak to her and made assumptions" yeah, assumptions made on past information that Op had been told repeatedly up until that _very moment_ when the story suddenly changed out of left field and _didn't line up at all_ with what she had just _recently_ been told.
@@hazeltulip I've been abused, believe me when I say I know what does and doesn't make it worse, and maybe Op shouldn't have directly pulled the "abuse" card, but not saying anything at all because it's "not your place" is significantly worse and just lets him continue, and lets her keep thinking it's perfectly fine because _nobody is fighting it,_ so therefore it _must_ be fine that he's completely disregarding her health and safety just so his -incubator- future wife can pump out a baby for him. She needs to see someone be openly angry and on her side. Edit: Op lashing out after hearing the same story of "I don't want kids before marriage, I'm not well enough" only for that story to change and have him talking about her as if she's an object with an expiration date is more than understandable.
Exactly! With each successive reveal (his foolish/selfish/shortsighted behavior, and her willful blindness, even if this guy was built like a god and loved her like a pro, this was bad news.
S1: It's always "it's not your place" until something terrible happens, and everyone is left with the aftermath and the what-ifs. Calling him out absolutely was the thing to do, but Op and the friends should've gotten her alone to talk to her. The fact that everyone is hesitant to make waves with him should be a red flag in and of itself.
Calling out an abuser in front of him is NEVER "the thing to do." At BEST you're directly contributing to the abuse getting worse. You are freaking stupid and want him to actually hurt the poor girl just so you can say "I told you so."
He is not going to marry her. Most likely, he is going to take the kids when he leaves or, even with her failing health, expect her to be full-time care for the kid and house. If he doesn't care for her now, he won't care for her when she get pregnant or in the future after kids.
I cant feel bad for the OP in story 2. She's passive aggressive and insulting to everyone with enough braincells and empathy to tell her she shouldve never gotten with a squatter
eh. try sexist man child instead. squatting isn't a problem when literally no one is living in the house. we have more empty houses than we do homeless people. but his inmaturity, working under the table to avoid court-ordered child support, and mfing being "one of those men who never let a woman drive their car" is more than enough to make someone ask why tf OP gave him the time of day at all.
Story 2, OP is a huge AH for staying with a man who doesn't believe in financial responsibility and works under the table so he can avoid child support. OP must be desperate.
@@LovesGaming37I understood it as it being about two different children. The one he didn't father and the daughter he did father. He still sounds like a mess and OP is a clown for being with someone like him. Then again, 25 is still an age where most people are relatively emotionally immature and him being her first relationship could also speak to some insecurities of hers because it feels better to stick with what you know rather than facing the unknown. So on one hand I think she's a massive idiot and on the other I kinda get why she's being a massive idiot.
Fr she makes every excuse for him and now at this point if he screws her over it's on her...she claims he had 2 jobs and a house when they met then says he was living in someone else's house before they demanded rent...he didn't ever own a house but she likes to brag and pretends he had all his shit together to save face for her terrible decision making...so they deserve each other
@@loganjoh1 in the final update he said he left over something she did to him in january, absolutely no context. She was painting herself in the best light possible. If he was at fault she would have said so.
@@danielbain3613 you are making so many assumptions like could OP have done something wrong? Yes. But is you writing some weird fan fic defending that walking red flag a dude about him being a "victim" is wild. litterly nothing in this post would even suggest that going to get answers? no.
He wants to have kids before marriage so he can "lock her down". He is literally admitting to wanting to baby trap his fiancée (which is next level abuse and psychotic).
I don't think OP's is any better! She said that her husband thinks that "he poops gold" in other words, he wishes he was just like him but his shy nature or looks or something else that he has little or no control over, is the only thing/things keeping him from being just like that Ahole boyfriend of OP's husband! I wonder if OP's husband is closeted & in secret love with the straight friend & OP is his backup/beard? Surprise🎉!!!
He is a golden ticket. Something that looks good at first glance but once you got it, it's more likely to bring doom and pain than anything actually worthwhile and in the end it was never worth the hype because the thing is not living up to the dream of it. Exactly like the golden tickets in the movies.
Story 1: I agree with Markee, comments have this blown out of proportion, OP's friend is in a very vulnerable position and her partner needs to be called out. I think everyone is way too concerned about being polite, and those friends need to be shown what standing up for someone looks like. You may not be able to intervene but you can at least tell someone what you see happening instead of letting them stay in the fog. OP's husband is disgusting as well, worshiping the ground the boyfriend walks on while he abuses his partner.
Yeah, OP needs to take a look at her husband. He agrees what's happening is wrong, and rather than speak up he is concerned about offending his AH friend.
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think that abusers are a small problem compared to enablers and deniers like OPs husband. I would take a long hard look at my marriage if I was OP.
@@ngoziagbakwu2328 you're not the only one who would reconsidering their marriage too. Enablers and deniers like OPs husband are the reason abusers are able to get away with their abuse. The whole group, minus OP, acts like they enable this because husband has an Art Room Crush, and the others seem to turn a blind eye to "keep the peace" because "its not their business", and maybe they don't bother because "she wouldn't listen away" (that's the excuse I got when I asked my so-called friends why they didn't say anything to me) Seriously what is the worst that can happen to them for standing up to this guy? Him throwing a tantrum? An few awkward minutes cause it killed the vibe? How cowardly do you have to be for that to be a reason?
He's been paying ZERO rent for five YEARS😮!!! Why doesn't he have a savings account to pull his fun money from? Or to pay bills on time then when paid put that amount back into the savings he pulled from😊??? OP has herself a user & Not a good candidate for a life partner! She is the Ahole, unless she gets rid of that turd tumor😂!!!
Story 1. I know why the guy is doing this. It's 100% narcissistic abuse. He's forcing her to go against everything she believes in for him. When you go against your core beliefs you die a little. Once she dies that she will be way easier to control. My X tried something similar. He wanted me to abandon my dog at a countryside and drive off, sell MY house and go to his mother's church 1hr away from home when I'm not even religious. Also, he will never marry her so he can use "I'll get you deported and keep the baby away from away from you" over her head. I know this because I'm latina and I think he subconsciously saw me as an illegal immigrant and an easy target.
This was her 1st love. That's hard to let go of especially in your 20's. I know that is sucks to be dumped, depressed, alone and broke but it could be worse. She could still be dating that man. There is a big difference knowing a bill is late or that you're low on cash due to your actions as a single person vs waiting by the phone or door hoping your slacker roommate or partner is gonna finally have their 1/2 of the rent or bill late again if at all for the umpteenth time. It just drains you mentally and physically slowly overtime.
Question, what did she "do in January?" The way that's phrased it seems quite obvious she did do something, and it's apparently not something she felt like sharing.
Exactly! Anyone who thinks they can treat a Filipina like garbage has never met a Filipina. They got a spicy streak that can make them a handful at times (samr with Korean & Japanese women) but they're phenomenal wives & mothers.
Story 2: Op needs to learn about sunk cost fallacy because she should've been the one to dump his irresponsible ass way before this whole rent situation
I’m so confused on s1. I’m not big on marriage. But the “you have to birth babies while medically vulnerable to EARN marriage” just sounds like a scam. Like he doesn’t intend to marry her unless things go the way he likes…and if something goes awry, he will dump her like a rotten potato
Men like the friend in the first story don’t want to be fathers they just want the title of it. 10:43 a veteran that lives a couple of streets from me married a Filipino women because he saw two men get into a street fight and then one of men’s wife jumped in to help and his thought was “I need me a woman like that”
Story 1: John deserves all the embarassement he gets, he's a major AH. OP isn't, imo, though yes, maybe the conversation should happen away from others. the problem is, having the conversation in private with John would most probably do nothing, as he seems to think himself the boss. But the real conversation should be with the GF, and trying to convince her to leave him.
Story 1: OPs man is a red flag. If my partner supported an obvious abuser like Jhon, that tells me my psrtner has abusive ideas themselves they just dont act on. Thats an immidiate dump.
Op 1: "you were being too harsh" he doesn't care about his fiancé's health, autonomy, emotional well-being, etc. why should Op care about him. He's clearly pig-headed and needs a firm kick of "you're being a pos to your fiancé"
Story 2 - it makes me laugh when the OP only gives so much info about the situation then gets mad when people make judgements based on the info given and goes on about how judgemental we are being based on the story THEY told and asked for judgement on
I love that the second OP is whining about people judging her bf but hasnt painted any good qualities about him. Like girl you ignored all those red flags
Pretty disgusted with those comments. Call out abuse when you see it. He has no intention of marrying that poor woman. He will not help her with children. She is unhealthy and he doesn’t care about her opinion. He has her self esteem so low she doesn’t think she has any other options
NTA. My daughter has chronic illness exactly like this. I cant imagine her having kids at all, let alone with an unsupportive partner. OP's friend may be afraid she will lose anyone because of her health issues. Health has been shown to be a big factor in attractiveness for long term relationships. She needs someone to stand up for her. I hope the friend realizes she deserves a good partner.
Or "AITA for taking my dead beat ex baby daddy to court for stealing my identity" followed by her blaming everyone in the comments for telling her what an idiot she is
It is everyone's business to stop abuse. That man does not care about his girlfriend. He wants children and does not care about the "vessel." Disgusting dude. She should cut ties immediately. Run not walk away.
This was a form of him bullying his gf 2:48 It’s everyone’s responsibility to stand up to bullying, in all its forms. The only time I have known of someone saying if they had a kid, they might marry them…. For other reasons, I think that guy was a pedophile, so this makes me uncomfortable.
Everyone sucks here? No. OP did the right thing, how dare people make her feel bad for standing up to an abusive person. Saying "She is an adult she can make her own choices" thats the thing about victims of abuse...theyre so beat down. People on reddit suck sometimes
My dad always taught me, "Responsibility comes before recreation. Always make sure the bills are paid before you goof off. If you don't, it's your own damn fault if you lose your place."
Story one You see how he talks down to her You says somethig about it "Well, it's not your place ...." You see how he humiliates her You says somethig about it "Well, it's not your place ...." You see how he slaps her You says somethig about it "Well, it's not your place ...." You see how he beats her up You says somethig about it "Well, it's not your place ...." You heard how he put her in the hospital You says somethig about it "Well, it's not your place ...." He ENDED her Reddit : "why didn't you do anything??? YTA and just as guilty "" /S
💯 can't fathom these comments about "it's not your place" and concern with being polite and in the same breath will comment that not doing anything makes someone just as guilty. Whatever helps you sleep at night Reddit.
12:29 as a woman that suffered and left an abusive situation, its hard to see past what has been conditioned in us. I grew up in a disfunctional family and when i dated my ex i thought the treatment was normal, even when he started to push me, i justified it because he never did it before that point. It took 5 years years of therapy to finally get the help i needed to see that my situation was not normal. I left and have been living a much better life, but it took a very long time to see how bad it was.
S2: lol, saw that coming. “He moved out and He doesn’t have the money for rent.” It was as plain and obvious as the sun in the sky. Edit: “simple minded people…” that’s a lot of sass coming from a chick that makes 14$/hr and dates a guy 8 years older than her that makes 8$/hr. Make better choices OP.
Story 2: OP is willfully ignorant. She was just griping and looking for validation by writing that post, but she took offense and started attacking responders because they were unwittingly attacking her values, as well, when bashing her BF. Also, he moved out so he wouldn't have to pay the upcoming rent, she never broke up with him. The fact that both are making half of what minimum wage is now is crazy. I think OP is a lot like her BF, which is why she doesn't see red flags about him finagling her finances, making her cover his ass with her meager funds, and he's off making crazy side purchases like a car, a 75 inch TV and a PS4 + games, when he is barely contributing to their shared household. He evaded paying child support even though one of those children were definitely his, and he thinks working for $8 an hour part time is getting him by in life. The guy lost his home because he was too entitled to pay rent to the owners, owners who still have to pay property taxes and repairs and whatever else the house required while he lives there for free. None of these register as red flags to OP because her values are probably similar so long as she knows her bills are paid first. She doesn't see anything wrong with him avoiding to pay child support for his child just because he didn't want to pay for the other child. She is ok with all of this, except when it comes in direct conflict with what she needs to feel secure in the moment (bills paid so she knows she has a place to live).
Story 2: Wow, just wow. Story 1 is tragic, but story 2 did it to herself. He was using her and ditched her when he didn't need her anymore. The comments called it way before the updates but OP was so defensive. Idk what she was expected by getting with a 30+-year-old man who: - Doesn't know responsibilities come before fun. - Purposefully takes a lower paying cash job to sitch child support (supposedly for a daughter he does love and thinks of as his number 1 priority😂) - Has excuses for not finding a better-paying job after child support was worked out. - Also, there is another child that isn't his(?) that he was also dodging payments for. Is that with the same woman he has his daughter with, or a third woman in this circus? - But hey, at least he has weed money & a (checks notes) tagless, uninsured, used car that he legally cannot drive due to not having a valid license🤦.
Unfortunately, while what she did most certainly was "her place", how she did it can have a far more damaging affect. Now the boyfriend knows that op knows what's up - he understands who the first person he'll isolate the friend from is. Anyone willing to call attention and support their friend as strongly as op is, will be seen as a threat to a potential/aspiring abuser.
Really glad you didn’t do the long read!! Found the comparison to two toddlers arguing very accurate. Frustrating and pathetic lives they’ve got going on.
Story 2 has so much missing backround info lol, but, I have a hypothesis: Boyfriend had his own place and cars as OP mentioned and was living with his ex, ex cheated on him and had someone else's baby & tried to say it's his. During their divorce (or break up) he lost the house (or could not afford the rent) and had to sell his cars or lost them, either due to child support alimony or lawyers fees or combination. Something in boyfriend broke and he became irresponsible and latched on to OP as a support system for himself even though he didn't really love her and he was basically using her. After he didn't need her he moved on. What do you guys think of my hypothesis?
S2: I’ve never been so grateful for a Redditor getting dumped. Every word she said made me feel so sorry for her. The worst part is that she’s a year older than me and falling for a man like that. My first love was also an ass but never this bad. Maybe women need to skip dating till they’re 30z
Some people try to say “you don’t trust me!” when people don’t want to do things like buy a house or have kids without marriage. But honestly, why would you trust ANYONE who tries to force you into a lifelong agreement of any kind without paperwork? Religious or cultural significance aside, marriage is a legally binding agreement than can really cover your bases if sh*t goes sideways.
Story 2: Gurrrrrrrllll!!!!!! Stop. Just stop. What exactly are his positive qualities? He needs to grow up. You need to let him. Do NOT bail him out again. Do NOT live with him again. Definitely go to counseling yourself, with or without him. Please take care of yourself! You deserve better. After update: I know it hurts right now, but good riddance and good luck!
Story 1: I wonder if the friend's fiance wants her to have kids before marriage because he doesn't want to marry her then find out she can't have kids. I think he's more interested in having a broodmare/bang maid than a wife.
Story 1: maybe she was slightly in the wrong for bringing it up in the moment in front of others but dead ass that is a huge red flag that is an instant nope. Thats a u need to leave the house and dont return until he agrees to go to therapy and understand why his statements are not ok. Honestly id have talked to her on her own later explained why what he said is highly problematic and offered her to stay with me. Theres a chance that he can be rehabbed and be better but im not going to let my friend be a statistic
First story, it's absolutely the ONLY time to have the conversation. It's important to make sure the person knows they are supported in leaving their abuser. Janet is in terrible health and wouldn't be in good condition if she did manage to get pregnant. It's so bad to end up feeling bad that someone else got into a fight that opened that person's eyes. To some of their abuse. OP's husband is a bit of a dumb butt to still be sucking up shit from the "friend." It's abuse. No one really wants 'a guy like him' because that kind of guy is trash.
Story 1: Instead of going in on John, OP should have turned to the fiancé and asked her directly in front of everyone. The only thing OP did wrong was speak about the fiancé like she wasn't even there. OP needs to stand up to her husband too. He needs to either open his eyes to what John is really like or go get married to John. Shitty men continue to act shitty because the other men in their lives don't hold them accountable for their shitty behavior.
S1: this is how feminism helps women. By creating a world where you aren’t dependent on men financially, women have the chance to leave. They don’t have to stay with these guys until they die. This is actually better than it was a couple of generations ago.
Story2... I think few will disagree with me when I say the BF has proved beonde doubt that he is utterly unreliable. I'm sure he fully expected OP to cave and pay the rent herself, now he's demanding SHE borrow money to give to him to make up the shortfall that his selfish choices created. I know the poor woman is hurting over the breakup but it's the best thing that could have happened for her.
I kind of like how Markee goes more and more full on "calling absolute aholes abhorrant behavior out" mode, with a side dish of audible disdain and laughter. It's simply delightful.
Story 2: OP. This isn’t an “end your sentences with lol” problem!! This man is a leech-and OP, you ARE a half-wit for defending this guy! Past the update, this guy did OP a favor by breaking up with her. God, she was trying to fix him, trying to fix an adult in his 30s who was going to use his rent money as fun money and didn’t want to pay his family any rent to keep living in a HOUSE over not having a home at all. This man was NEVER worth it.
Story one: if John is so concerned about having children… than why doesn’t he birth them… op you weren’t wrong… I said what I said… Janet needs a friend like you.
I am a Filipina wife. the way we are being described as docileand submissive to our man😂 no no no! me and majority of the filipina wives I know here in Texas are far from docile. we are being so misunderstood. we are loyal, grateful people and are mostly in for a long ride in a relationship but are far from what someone described. although, there are few of us that are like that but I feel like the description isn't right.
"I see you've never met a Filipino wife." Truer words! My SIL is Filipino and she has *no* problem expressing herself and her opinions. She and my brother are conservative Christians and say they subscribe to wifely submission. But I notice that my brother chooses his battles.
That man literally doesn't care if demanding children could kill her. The husband is a vile monster, and that woman needs to hear it in a public situation. She needed the social pressure honestly. Sometimes when the social pressure is from people who truly love you-its actually for the best.
Some inconsistencies here. First she says she makes about a thousand biweekly. Then in an update she gets paid weekly. Apparently she "owned the place they were living", but now rents. What happened there? Also he's commiting tax evasion and welfare fraud. Snap benefits are based on taxable income. If he's not declaring any income he's getting max benefits.
S1: I was just glad someone stood up for that poor girl. That said, I rolled my eyes so hard when OP was waxing poetic about how "amazing" her husband was, then in the next breath, that he thought John could do no wrong and won't even let OP say a bad word against him. S2: He's a 30-year-old leech. Drop, squash, and move on. "I have a surprise for you! Well, really for me. I don't let women drive my car."
That shitty dude from the first story really is a golden ticket. Something that looks good at first glance but once you got it, it's more likely to bring doom and pain than anything actually worthwhile and in the end it was never worth the hype because the thing is not living up to the dream of it. Exactly like the golden tickets in the movies.
S1: It IS EVERYONE'S business in a family and friend group to call out disgusting behaviour like this. Just like it's absolutely a friend's business to call out shitty behaviour and words when they say fucked up shit. OP needs to open a hand to the wife to get her out of that situation before he traps hers even further.
OP Should be aware that her husband agrees with his friends behaviour. Few people would be friends with someone saying something they find utterly repugnant. Shes looking at the treatment she very likely will be on the recieving end of the moment she cant or wont do all the things her husband wants. Her husband is only 'great and supportive' whilst hes supporting her doing stuff that benifits him. Like having his kids.
Never let yourself be pushed into having kids. NEVER. Leave the partner if they are pushing. I'm not joking. They are pushing FOR A REASON. They are NOT gonna be a good parents and they are NOT gonna be a good partner. Leave while you're not stuck and tied to them by the child.
since they're friends is absolutely the reason it's her place. John is ableist, controlling, abusive, and sexist, OP's husband is deluded and loyal to a pos so that's a red flag for him too. also the fact that both John and OP's husband are with women from other countries is also a red flag. frankly, if i were OP i wouldn't think twice about talking to Janet, but i would think twice about staying in a relationship w/someone who was friends with someone like John. and no, anyone should "never get a man like him".
I was in almost the same position as the woman in story 1. My pregnancies were not all that difficult, but my partner expected to constantly be adored, served, and waited on. To the extreme that I was expected to kneel on the floor in front of them & stare adoringly at them the whole time they were eating, then I was allowed to eat, most of the time. As a lighter example; I gave them multiple foot massages every week of my pregnancies. I got 1 total, it was during my 2nd pregnancy (as an apology for intentionally making me faint over & over for 2 hours solid when I was 6 months along), and that was it. I could tell many, many DARK stories, but that's not the point of this comment. I would have been grateful if someone actually called them out, even though I was suffering a pretty severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. The problem would have been that I would have been prevented from seeing or talking to that person ever again.
Story 2: Her boyfriend took a cash paying job to avoid paying child support! That's one of the biggest financial red flags. So, of course, he doesn't care about messing up her financial situation. I'm not surprised by the update. He was definitely using her for stability until he got himself into a somewhat better situation. Edit: In regards to the child support, I'm referring to his daughter and not the other child the court case was dismissed on. However, having that train of thought in general is troubling.
Story 1: it’s weird that people are acting like she’s in a healthy headspace and can speak up for herself when she’s so obviously is not that’s why her friend is having to step up. Her health was not a hidden subject. The conversation was brought up naturally, and that man had the audacity to throw out the plans that she has to go against her own cultural and religious norms in order to provide him a child before he’ll put a ring on it. That’s huge.
Story 1: OP is better than me because I would be the villain and tell the friend's boyfriend he's garbage and tell my husband he's garbage for not telling his garbage abusive friend off. Then I would say I can't look at him the same if he truly thinks that's okay behavior. Like lay that shit on thick. I do not deal with men's bullshit or disrespect towards other women. And I refuse to see another kind woman get abused because she doesn't feel like she deserves better. Yes the fuck you do babe, you're a HUMAN BEING. You DESERVE WAY BETTER.
It's everyone's "place" to point out bs like that. She's in another country sick and alone without a familial structure to back her up. Why the heck should she add a baby to that? He's not going to marry her, he's simply going to make sure he can control her with a baby. It's obvious that he's not amazing, he's crap.
If you ask me, I think it’s important to point things out like that, this woman’s whole life was on the line because if she would’ve had kids with this asshole, he would have definitely use them to keep her tied* to him. He is already disregarding her desires and her mental and physical health in order to get what HE wants. People who are concerned with being polite, palatable, pleasant, courteous at all times are delusional.
Story 1: OP is a girl's girl, and she needs to take a hard look at her own partner because if he's signing off on John's shit blindly, then he likely supports it.
I feel that he’s either in on John’s behavior, and he’s all happy about it… low key… or he’s trying to keep the peace…
"It's not your place" is the reason abusers get away with shit. He knows her health isn't good and openly admitted in front of everyone that he _doesn't give a shit_ as long as he gets what _he_ wants. He needed to be called out for that. Op was "too harsh"? Op wasn't harsh _enough._ That man would literally rather risk her health and _life_ than acknowledge that she is a person with wants and needs too.
Everyone is so concerned about being polite and her husband idealizes the guy. What a crappy group of people OP and her friend have found themselves in.
Do you think it helps people who are being abused to have your friends get into a fight with them… When you have to go home with that person? if the OP really thought this was abusive, she should’ve kept her mouth shut. She just brought out the abuse word because she wanted to win the argument.
@jodieg6318 Right? "You didn't speak to her and made assumptions" yeah, assumptions made on past information that Op had been told repeatedly up until that _very moment_ when the story suddenly changed out of left field and _didn't line up at all_ with what she had just _recently_ been told.
@@hazeltulip I've been abused, believe me when I say I know what does and doesn't make it worse, and maybe Op shouldn't have directly pulled the "abuse" card, but not saying anything at all because it's "not your place" is significantly worse and just lets him continue, and lets her keep thinking it's perfectly fine because _nobody is fighting it,_ so therefore it _must_ be fine that he's completely disregarding her health and safety just so his -incubator- future wife can pump out a baby for him. She needs to see someone be openly angry and on her side.
Edit: Op lashing out after hearing the same story of "I don't want kids before marriage, I'm not well enough" only for that story to change and have him talking about her as if she's an object with an expiration date is more than understandable.
@hazeltulip i can't help but notice you didn't offer an alternative, besides just allowing the abuse to continue. Curious.
If you have to tell a 33 year old guy that rent comes before fun RUN,! FAST!
Exactly! With each successive reveal (his foolish/selfish/shortsighted behavior, and her willful blindness, even if this guy was built like a god and loved her like a pro, this was bad news.
Rent or mortgage are *always* top of the list and come before everything, every time.
She won’t because she’s too busy arguing with the comment section instead the man baby she’s raising
If you have to tell a woman to take accountability and be more responsible and doesn't run!!!
If you dont pay your rent pretty soon things wont be fun at all
S1: It's always "it's not your place" until something terrible happens, and everyone is left with the aftermath and the what-ifs. Calling him out absolutely was the thing to do, but Op and the friends should've gotten her alone to talk to her. The fact that everyone is hesitant to make waves with him should be a red flag in and of itself.
Calling out an abuser in front of him is NEVER "the thing to do." At BEST you're directly contributing to the abuse getting worse. You are freaking stupid and want him to actually hurt the poor girl just so you can say "I told you so."
@@jakeand9020but at the same time, if op didn’t tell her, the friend would have still believed that her bf/fiance poops gold
He is not going to marry her. Most likely, he is going to take the kids when he leaves or, even with her failing health, expect her to be full-time care for the kid and house. If he doesn't care for her now, he won't care for her when she get pregnant or in the future after kids.
Get that woman deported without HIS kids. He'll probably have another victim chosen by then to take care of the babies.
I cant feel bad for the OP in story 2. She's passive aggressive and insulting to everyone with enough braincells and empathy to tell her she shouldve never gotten with a squatter
Exactly! She has more energy to argue with comments than the dude who’s screwing her over. OP’s goofy AF.
She got so badly on my nerves. Then came the "my first relationship" and I rolled my eyes so hard I think I hurt myself 🤣
eh. try sexist man child instead. squatting isn't a problem when literally no one is living in the house. we have more empty houses than we do homeless people. but his inmaturity, working under the table to avoid court-ordered child support, and mfing being "one of those men who never let a woman drive their car" is more than enough to make someone ask why tf OP gave him the time of day at all.
Story 2, OP is a huge AH for staying with a man who doesn't believe in financial responsibility and works under the table so he can avoid child support. OP must be desperate.
Tbf to him, the child wasn't his, but yea, these 2 people are in their 30s but acting like petulant children.
@@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107 then why is he saying it's his daughter?
@@LovesGaming37I understood it as it being about two different children. The one he didn't father and the daughter he did father. He still sounds like a mess and OP is a clown for being with someone like him. Then again, 25 is still an age where most people are relatively emotionally immature and him being her first relationship could also speak to some insecurities of hers because it feels better to stick with what you know rather than facing the unknown. So on one hand I think she's a massive idiot and on the other I kinda get why she's being a massive idiot.
OP, leave your boyfriend now because he is not trustworthy!
@@LovesGaming37The kid that's not his is a different kid than his daughter, obviously.
Story 2: the fact that OP made so many excuses for this dude makes her TAH to herself
Fr she makes every excuse for him and now at this point if he screws her over it's on her...she claims he had 2 jobs and a house when they met then says he was living in someone else's house before they demanded rent...he didn't ever own a house but she likes to brag and pretends he had all his shit together to save face for her terrible decision making...so they deserve each other
I wonder what she did to him in January. She may have been abusing him financially and finally got out.
@@danielbain3613 that is such a insane assumption to make what is wrong with you?
@@loganjoh1 in the final update he said he left over something she did to him in january, absolutely no context. She was painting herself in the best light possible. If he was at fault she would have said so.
@@danielbain3613 you are making so many assumptions like could OP have done something wrong? Yes. But is you writing some weird fan fic defending that walking red flag a dude about him being a "victim" is wild. litterly nothing in this post would even suggest that going to get answers? no.
Story 1: NTA. The bf needed to be called out, he isn’t a ‘golden ticket.’
He wants to have kids before marriage so he can "lock her down". He is literally admitting to wanting to baby trap his fiancée (which is next level abuse and psychotic).
Yeah he's more of the booby prize.
I don't think OP's is any better! She said that her husband thinks that "he poops gold" in other words, he wishes he was just like him but his shy nature or looks or something else that he has little or no control over, is the only thing/things keeping him from being just like that Ahole boyfriend of OP's husband! I wonder if OP's husband is closeted & in secret love with the straight friend & OP is his backup/beard? Surprise🎉!!!
He is a golden ticket. Something that looks good at first glance but once you got it, it's more likely to bring doom and pain than anything actually worthwhile and in the end it was never worth the hype because the thing is not living up to the dream of it.
Exactly like the golden tickets in the movies.
@@Scarlett.Granger so fool’s gold?
“The more you talk, the more I don’t like him”
Sums up how i feel about these chucklenuts
Story 1: I agree with Markee, comments have this blown out of proportion, OP's friend is in a very vulnerable position and her partner needs to be called out. I think everyone is way too concerned about being polite, and those friends need to be shown what standing up for someone looks like. You may not be able to intervene but you can at least tell someone what you see happening instead of letting them stay in the fog. OP's husband is disgusting as well, worshiping the ground the boyfriend walks on while he abuses his partner.
Yeah, OP needs to take a look at her husband. He agrees what's happening is wrong, and rather than speak up he is concerned about offending his AH friend.
The Art Room crush.
@@johnbradbury8610
This might be an unpopular opinion but I think that abusers are a small problem compared to enablers and deniers like OPs husband. I would take a long hard look at my marriage if I was OP.
@@ngoziagbakwu2328 you're not the only one who would reconsidering their marriage too. Enablers and deniers like OPs husband are the reason abusers are able to get away with their abuse. The whole group, minus OP, acts like they enable this because husband has an Art Room Crush, and the others seem to turn a blind eye to "keep the peace" because "its not their business", and maybe they don't bother because "she wouldn't listen away" (that's the excuse I got when I asked my so-called friends why they didn't say anything to me) Seriously what is the worst that can happen to them for standing up to this guy? Him throwing a tantrum? An few awkward minutes cause it killed the vibe? How cowardly do you have to be for that to be a reason?
Pays rent late on purpose because his name isn't on the lease. I'd kick him out. I wouldn't let someone mess up my record.
He's been paying ZERO rent for five YEARS😮!!! Why doesn't he have a savings account to pull his fun money from? Or to pay bills on time then when paid put that amount back into the savings he pulled from😊??? OP has herself a user & Not a good candidate for a life partner! She is the Ahole, unless she gets rid of that turd tumor😂!!!
Yup. Bf is a bum.
Story 1. I know why the guy is doing this. It's 100% narcissistic abuse. He's forcing her to go against everything she believes in for him. When you go against your core beliefs you die a little. Once she dies that she will be way easier to control. My X tried something similar. He wanted me to abandon my dog at a countryside and drive off, sell MY house and go to his mother's church 1hr away from home when I'm not even religious.
Also, he will never marry her so he can use "I'll get you deported and keep the baby away from away from you" over her head. I know this because I'm latina and I think he subconsciously saw me as an illegal immigrant and an easy target.
Story 2: Honestly, the longer it goes on the more i think both of them are trashy
Agree the way she talks gives her noooooo credit.. like use your brain
This was her 1st love. That's hard to let go of especially in your 20's. I know that is sucks to be dumped, depressed, alone and broke but it could be worse. She could still be dating that man. There is a big difference knowing a bill is late or that you're low on cash due to your actions as a single person vs waiting by the phone or door hoping your slacker roommate or partner is gonna finally have their 1/2 of the rent or bill late again if at all for the umpteenth time. It just drains you mentally and physically slowly overtime.
Question, what did she "do in January?" The way that's phrased it seems quite obvious she did do something, and it's apparently not something she felt like sharing.
@@MrJpaynebbwait isn’t she in her thirties
Story 2: You need to dump your boyfriend now! He is not trustworthy!
I have a few Filipino friends here and OMG, they would not take this from any man.
Exactly! Anyone who thinks they can treat a Filipina like garbage has never met a Filipina. They got a spicy streak that can make them a handful at times (samr with Korean & Japanese women) but they're phenomenal wives & mothers.
Story 2: Op needs to learn about sunk cost fallacy because she should've been the one to dump his irresponsible ass way before this whole rent situation
How is "i bought a car for me that your not allowed to touch" a suprise???
I’m so confused on s1. I’m not big on marriage. But the “you have to birth babies while medically vulnerable to EARN marriage” just sounds like a scam. Like he doesn’t intend to marry her unless things go the way he likes…and if something goes awry, he will dump her like a rotten potato
It is a scam. The psycho wants to baby trap her and only got with Janet to he can financially and long distance trap her.
Yeah, like the Nigerian prince scam: „send me money so that I can release your funds!“
We all know he won’t marry her. If she has kids it’ll then be something else she has to do
story 2, I have zero sympathy for OP, she brought this situation on herself
Men like the friend in the first story don’t want to be fathers they just want the title of it.
10:43 a veteran that lives a couple of streets from me married a Filipino women because he saw two men get into a street fight and then one of men’s wife jumped in to help and his thought was “I need me a woman like that”
😆
I deadass saw a Filipina smack the shit out of her husband for calling her a bitch in public 😬 like they do not back down
Story 1: John deserves all the embarassement he gets, he's a major AH. OP isn't, imo, though yes, maybe the conversation should happen away from others. the problem is, having the conversation in private with John would most probably do nothing, as he seems to think himself the boss. But the real conversation should be with the GF, and trying to convince her to leave him.
" I'm not a halfwit" oh you sweet summer CHILD 😅
Story 1: OPs man is a red flag. If my partner supported an obvious abuser like Jhon, that tells me my psrtner has abusive ideas themselves they just dont act on. Thats an immidiate dump.
“You are the company you keep.”
22:13 No we didn't break up,we are still together. ???
The OP of story two need serious help. This guy will bankrupt her.
S1: oh yeah, another passport bro. OP should also be wary about her own husband because he doesn't sound that great too
OP already has the ring and a child, she's in a better position for citizenship and likely already has her permanent resident status
Thank you! People like OPs husband are the reason why abusers get away with so much crap.
Op 1: "you were being too harsh" he doesn't care about his fiancé's health, autonomy, emotional well-being, etc. why should Op care about him. He's clearly pig-headed and needs a firm kick of "you're being a pos to your fiancé"
Lol "his job's not illegal, it's just illegal"
f being polite!
those commenters are part of the problem!
you can never be too harsh towards abusers
he doesn't deserve politeness or respect
Story 2 - it makes me laugh when the OP only gives so much info about the situation then gets mad when people make judgements based on the info given and goes on about how judgemental we are being based on the story THEY told and asked for judgement on
I love that the second OP is whining about people judging her bf but hasnt painted any good qualities about him. Like girl you ignored all those red flags
Pretty disgusted with those comments. Call out abuse when you see it. He has no intention of marrying that poor woman. He will not help her with children. She is unhealthy and he doesn’t care about her opinion. He has her self esteem so low she doesn’t think she has any other options
Do NOT call out abusers unless you want their victim to get hurt.
NTA. My daughter has chronic illness exactly like this. I cant imagine her having kids at all, let alone with an unsupportive partner. OP's friend may be afraid she will lose anyone because of her health issues. Health has been shown to be a big factor in attractiveness for long term relationships. She needs someone to stand up for her. I hope the friend realizes she deserves a good partner.
Story 2, 1 year later: AITA for not posting bail for my current boyfriend who is on parole.
Or "AITA for taking my dead beat ex baby daddy to court for stealing my identity" followed by her blaming everyone in the comments for telling her what an idiot she is
"It's not an act of love if you make her."
It is everyone's business to stop abuse. That man does not care about his girlfriend. He wants children and does not care about the "vessel." Disgusting dude. She should cut ties immediately. Run not walk away.
This was a form of him bullying his gf 2:48 It’s everyone’s responsibility to stand up to bullying, in all its forms.
The only time I have known of someone saying if they had a kid, they might marry them…. For other reasons, I think that guy was a pedophile, so this makes me uncomfortable.
Everyone sucks here? No. OP did the right thing, how dare people make her feel bad for standing up to an abusive person. Saying "She is an adult she can make her own choices" thats the thing about victims of abuse...theyre so beat down. People on reddit suck sometimes
The filipino wife comment, those dudes obviously have never met a 4'8" filipino nurse. @nursejohn.
My dad always taught me, "Responsibility comes before recreation. Always make sure the bills are paid before you goof off. If you don't, it's your own damn fault if you lose your place."
Story one
You see how he talks down to her
You says somethig about it
"Well, it's not your place ...."
You see how he humiliates her
You says somethig about it
"Well, it's not your place ...."
You see how he slaps her
You says somethig about it
"Well, it's not your place ...."
You see how he beats her up
You says somethig about it
"Well, it's not your place ...."
You heard how he put her in the hospital
You says somethig about it
"Well, it's not your place ...."
He ENDED her
Reddit : "why didn't you do anything??? YTA and just as guilty ""
/S
💯 can't fathom these comments about "it's not your place" and concern with being polite and in the same breath will comment that not doing anything makes someone just as guilty. Whatever helps you sleep at night Reddit.
Thanks, Markee, for watching out for us by keeping us from wanting to bash our heads into walls. You always got our back!❤
12:29 as a woman that suffered and left an abusive situation, its hard to see past what has been conditioned in us. I grew up in a disfunctional family and when i dated my ex i thought the treatment was normal, even when he started to push me, i justified it because he never did it before that point.
It took 5 years years of therapy to finally get the help i needed to see that my situation was not normal. I left and have been living a much better life, but it took a very long time to see how bad it was.
Gonna guess Janet's diagnosis is POTS, and yeah that absolutely makes a pregnancy high risk. She deserves better.
her golden ticket man is fools gold hopefully some time away from his parade of red flags will give her some reflection on the situation
S2: lol, saw that coming. “He moved out and He doesn’t have the money for rent.” It was as plain and obvious as the sun in the sky.
Edit: “simple minded people…” that’s a lot of sass coming from a chick that makes 14$/hr and dates a guy 8 years older than her that makes 8$/hr.
Make better choices OP.
"I'm not a half-wit"
Proceeds not to break up with him herself 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
S1: husband needs to be checked as well, he's not that great. He 100% will enable abuser "friends".
Story 2: OP is willfully ignorant. She was just griping and looking for validation by writing that post, but she took offense and started attacking responders because they were unwittingly attacking her values, as well, when bashing her BF. Also, he moved out so he wouldn't have to pay the upcoming rent, she never broke up with him.
The fact that both are making half of what minimum wage is now is crazy. I think OP is a lot like her BF, which is why she doesn't see red flags about him finagling her finances, making her cover his ass with her meager funds, and he's off making crazy side purchases like a car, a 75 inch TV and a PS4 + games, when he is barely contributing to their shared household. He evaded paying child support even though one of those children were definitely his, and he thinks working for $8 an hour part time is getting him by in life. The guy lost his home because he was too entitled to pay rent to the owners, owners who still have to pay property taxes and repairs and whatever else the house required while he lives there for free.
None of these register as red flags to OP because her values are probably similar so long as she knows her bills are paid first. She doesn't see anything wrong with him avoiding to pay child support for his child just because he didn't want to pay for the other child. She is ok with all of this, except when it comes in direct conflict with what she needs to feel secure in the moment (bills paid so she knows she has a place to live).
Story 2: Wow, just wow. Story 1 is tragic, but story 2 did it to herself. He was using her and ditched her when he didn't need her anymore. The comments called it way before the updates but OP was so defensive.
Idk what she was expected by getting with a 30+-year-old man who:
- Doesn't know responsibilities come before fun.
- Purposefully takes a lower paying cash job to sitch child support (supposedly for a daughter he does love and thinks of as his number 1 priority😂)
- Has excuses for not finding a better-paying job after child support was worked out.
- Also, there is another child that isn't his(?) that he was also dodging payments for. Is that with the same woman he has his daughter with, or a third woman in this circus?
- But hey, at least he has weed money & a (checks notes) tagless, uninsured, used car that he legally cannot drive due to not having a valid license🤦.
Unfortunately, while what she did most certainly was "her place", how she did it can have a far more damaging affect. Now the boyfriend knows that op knows what's up - he understands who the first person he'll isolate the friend from is. Anyone willing to call attention and support their friend as strongly as op is, will be seen as a threat to a potential/aspiring abuser.
Really glad you didn’t do the long read!!
Found the comparison to two toddlers arguing very accurate.
Frustrating and pathetic lives they’ve got going on.
Story 2 has so much missing backround info lol, but, I have a hypothesis:
Boyfriend had his own place and cars as OP mentioned and was living with his ex, ex cheated on him and had someone else's baby & tried to say it's his.
During their divorce (or break up) he lost the house (or could not afford the rent) and had to sell his cars or lost them, either due to child support alimony or lawyers fees or combination.
Something in boyfriend broke and he became irresponsible and latched on to OP as a support system for himself even though he didn't really love her and he was basically using her.
After he didn't need her he moved on.
What do you guys think of my hypothesis?
S2: I’ve never been so grateful for a Redditor getting dumped. Every word she said made me feel so sorry for her. The worst part is that she’s a year older than me and falling for a man like that. My first love was also an ass but never this bad. Maybe women need to skip dating till they’re 30z
Some people try to say “you don’t trust me!” when people don’t want to do things like buy a house or have kids without marriage. But honestly, why would you trust ANYONE who tries to force you into a lifelong agreement of any kind without paperwork? Religious or cultural significance aside, marriage is a legally binding agreement than can really cover your bases if sh*t goes sideways.
That looser dumped her 😅 I'm embarrassed for her she needs to keep going to therapy and I wish her good luck and hope she learns from this 😅
Story 2: Gurrrrrrrllll!!!!!! Stop. Just stop. What exactly are his positive qualities? He needs to grow up. You need to let him. Do NOT bail him out again. Do NOT live with him again.
Definitely go to counseling yourself, with or without him. Please take care of yourself! You deserve better.
After update: I know it hurts right now, but good riddance and good luck!
Story 1: I wonder if the friend's fiance wants her to have kids before marriage because he doesn't want to marry her then find out she can't have kids. I think he's more interested in having a broodmare/bang maid than a wife.
Story 1: maybe she was slightly in the wrong for bringing it up in the moment in front of others but dead ass that is a huge red flag that is an instant nope. Thats a u need to leave the house and dont return until he agrees to go to therapy and understand why his statements are not ok.
Honestly id have talked to her on her own later explained why what he said is highly problematic and offered her to stay with me. Theres a chance that he can be rehabbed and be better but im not going to let my friend be a statistic
I hope he reads HOT TO GO!
Ummm, this is a reddit video...
First story, it's absolutely the ONLY time to have the conversation. It's important to make sure the person knows they are supported in leaving their abuser. Janet is in terrible health and wouldn't be in good condition if she did manage to get pregnant.
It's so bad to end up feeling bad that someone else got into a fight that opened that person's eyes. To some of their abuse. OP's husband is a bit of a dumb butt to still be sucking up shit from the "friend." It's abuse. No one really wants 'a guy like him' because that kind of guy is trash.
2nd story sounds like my brother minus the child part 😂
I think “universe asshole” was meant to be “undercover asshole” but autocorrect happened… but now I want to start using the term “universe asshole 😂”
S1: Her husband is trashy too. You are the company you keep.
Story 1: Instead of going in on John, OP should have turned to the fiancé and asked her directly in front of everyone. The only thing OP did wrong was speak about the fiancé like she wasn't even there. OP needs to stand up to her husband too. He needs to either open his eyes to what John is really like or go get married to John. Shitty men continue to act shitty because the other men in their lives don't hold them accountable for their shitty behavior.
Tbh I’d leave a man that justifies abuse. I’m not telling her to but…… the friend he chooses to keep is… interesting
S1: this is how feminism helps women. By creating a world where you aren’t dependent on men financially, women have the chance to leave. They don’t have to stay with these guys until they die.
This is actually better than it was a couple of generations ago.
Story2... I think few will disagree with me when I say the BF has proved beonde doubt that he is utterly unreliable.
I'm sure he fully expected OP to cave and pay the rent herself, now he's demanding SHE borrow money to give to him to make up the shortfall that his selfish choices created.
I know the poor woman is hurting over the breakup but it's the best thing that could have happened for her.
I kind of like how Markee goes more and more full on "calling absolute aholes abhorrant behavior out" mode, with a side dish of audible disdain and laughter.
It's simply delightful.
Op should talk to the woman and recommend they split. And if I was op,with the answer the husband gave I would have to question his beliefs.
Story 2: OP. This isn’t an “end your sentences with lol” problem!! This man is a leech-and OP, you ARE a half-wit for defending this guy!
Past the update, this guy did OP a favor by breaking up with her. God, she was trying to fix him, trying to fix an adult in his 30s who was going to use his rent money as fun money and didn’t want to pay his family any rent to keep living in a HOUSE over not having a home at all. This man was NEVER worth it.
Story one: if John is so concerned about having children… than why doesn’t he birth them… op you weren’t wrong… I said what I said… Janet needs a friend like you.
I am a Filipina wife. the way we are being described as docileand submissive to our man😂 no no no! me and majority of the filipina wives I know here in Texas are far from docile. we are being so misunderstood. we are loyal, grateful people and are mostly in for a long ride in a relationship but are far from what someone described. although, there are few of us that are like that but I feel like the description isn't right.
Story 2: I'm not a halfwit.
Aren't you, though?
"I see you've never met a Filipino wife." Truer words! My SIL is Filipino and she has *no* problem expressing herself and her opinions. She and my brother are conservative Christians and say they subscribe to wifely submission. But I notice that my brother chooses his battles.
Story 2: He is not worth your tears!
Last story: He's never going to pay you. He wants you to pay.
That man literally doesn't care if demanding children could kill her. The husband is a vile monster, and that woman needs to hear it in a public situation. She needed the social pressure honestly. Sometimes when the social pressure is from people who truly love you-its actually for the best.
Some inconsistencies here. First she says she makes about a thousand biweekly. Then in an update she gets paid weekly. Apparently she "owned the place they were living", but now rents. What happened there? Also he's commiting tax evasion and welfare fraud. Snap benefits are based on taxable income. If he's not declaring any income he's getting max benefits.
Is Markee Industries a part of your RUclips thing? I keep seeing this channel and wasn't sure if it's affiliated?
It is! It's Markee's channel, just run by a friend of his.
Yes it is. Connor keeps Markee in that little cell and makes him work for food, and puts markee's name on everything for tax liability purposes.
S1: I was just glad someone stood up for that poor girl. That said, I rolled my eyes so hard when OP was waxing poetic about how "amazing" her husband was, then in the next breath, that he thought John could do no wrong and won't even let OP say a bad word against him.
S2: He's a 30-year-old leech. Drop, squash, and move on.
"I have a surprise for you! Well, really for me. I don't let women drive my car."
Markee please make a whole video about the second OP, I'm begging you. I lurked at that profile and it's a trainwreck
That shitty dude from the first story really is a golden ticket. Something that looks good at first glance but once you got it, it's more likely to bring doom and pain than anything actually worthwhile and in the end it was never worth the hype because the thing is not living up to the dream of it.
Exactly like the golden tickets in the movies.
Story 1: You were not harsh enough; you are being protective of your friend! Why is your friend defending her POS fiance!
Story 1: OPs friend needs to dump her fiancé!
S1: It IS EVERYONE'S business in a family and friend group to call out disgusting behaviour like this. Just like it's absolutely a friend's business to call out shitty behaviour and words when they say fucked up shit.
OP needs to open a hand to the wife to get her out of that situation before he traps hers even further.
OP Should be aware that her husband agrees with his friends behaviour. Few people would be friends with someone saying something they find utterly repugnant.
Shes looking at the treatment she very likely will be on the recieving end of the moment she cant or wont do all the things her husband wants.
Her husband is only 'great and supportive' whilst hes supporting her doing stuff that benifits him. Like having his kids.
Never let yourself be pushed into having kids. NEVER. Leave the partner if they are pushing. I'm not joking. They are pushing FOR A REASON. They are NOT gonna be a good parents and they are NOT gonna be a good partner. Leave while you're not stuck and tied to them by the child.
“her fertility window is almost closing” john immediately looses all credibility in this situation after that
Story 1: Fiancé needs to work on herself and needs to go to therapy for self-esteem issues!
since they're friends is absolutely the reason it's her place. John is ableist, controlling, abusive, and sexist, OP's husband is deluded and loyal to a pos so that's a red flag for him too. also the fact that both John and OP's husband are with women from other countries is also a red flag. frankly, if i were OP i wouldn't think twice about talking to Janet, but i would think twice about staying in a relationship w/someone who was friends with someone like John. and no, anyone should "never get a man like him".
I was in almost the same position as the woman in story 1. My pregnancies were not all that difficult, but my partner expected to constantly be adored, served, and waited on. To the extreme that I was expected to kneel on the floor in front of them & stare adoringly at them the whole time they were eating, then I was allowed to eat, most of the time. As a lighter example; I gave them multiple foot massages every week of my pregnancies. I got 1 total, it was during my 2nd pregnancy (as an apology for intentionally making me faint over & over for 2 hours solid when I was 6 months along), and that was it. I could tell many, many DARK stories, but that's not the point of this comment. I would have been grateful if someone actually called them out, even though I was suffering a pretty severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. The problem would have been that I would have been prevented from seeing or talking to that person ever again.
Lmao at the “he’s never met a Filipino wife.” A former coworker is a 4’10” Filipina woman and I would not want to be on her bad side.
I knew a guy in the US Army who married a woman from the Philippines. They had 3 kids and she divided him and called him lazy.
Story 2: Her boyfriend took a cash paying job to avoid paying child support! That's one of the biggest financial red flags. So, of course, he doesn't care about messing up her financial situation. I'm not surprised by the update. He was definitely using her for stability until he got himself into a somewhat better situation.
Edit: In regards to the child support, I'm referring to his daughter and not the other child the court case was dismissed on. However, having that train of thought in general is troubling.
Who?? the fuck?? Willingly incurs late fees???? That's SO dumb. That's like throwing money away. Manchild.
Story 1: it’s weird that people are acting like she’s in a healthy headspace and can speak up for herself when she’s so obviously is not that’s why her friend is having to step up. Her health was not a hidden subject. The conversation was brought up naturally, and that man had the audacity to throw out the plans that she has to go against her own cultural and religious norms in order to provide him a child before he’ll put a ring on it. That’s huge.
Story 1: You need to dump the fiance and you need to divorce your husband if he thinks that you have overreacted!
Story 1: OP is better than me because I would be the villain and tell the friend's boyfriend he's garbage and tell my husband he's garbage for not telling his garbage abusive friend off. Then I would say I can't look at him the same if he truly thinks that's okay behavior. Like lay that shit on thick. I do not deal with men's bullshit or disrespect towards other women. And I refuse to see another kind woman get abused because she doesn't feel like she deserves better. Yes the fuck you do babe, you're a HUMAN BEING. You DESERVE WAY BETTER.
do not read the other op post for the last story, good grief, denial isn't just a river in egypt