Do NOT Make This College Essay Mistake

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  • Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
  • I'll edit your college essay! 📝 nextadmit.com

Комментарии • 459

  • @boomjelly.-.
    @boomjelly.-. 2 года назад +24871

    “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard”
    A true legend made that quote

  • @x3rtus746
    @x3rtus746 Год назад +13714

    YOU are telling ME that "thinking about working hard,makes me hard" DOESNT CAPTURE YOUR ATTENTION

  • @shoogvs
    @shoogvs Год назад +7924

    “thinking about working hard, makes me hard” is a pretty engaging hook to me

    • @railx2005
      @railx2005 Год назад +147

      Yeah that hook was solid

    • @careca_3201
      @careca_3201 Год назад +37

      yeah that hook hit hard

    • @016_
      @016_ Год назад +22

      On god that sticks with me

    • @Majestic469
      @Majestic469 Год назад +6

      @@016_ 😳

    • @Badass_Skull
      @Badass_Skull Год назад +16

      @@railx2005 That wasn't the only solid thing...

  • @dracosol4415
    @dracosol4415 Год назад +1391

    “Thinking about working hard makes me hard”
    ACCEPTED

  • @carbonari0
    @carbonari0 2 года назад +5656

    Hey the voice who was speaking the essay was Gohar

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 2 года назад +262

      I think they are brothers

    • @shivamvaze8509
      @shivamvaze8509 Год назад +14

      Yes

    • @GatikRaj
      @GatikRaj Год назад +102

      @@crypticfairy7930 yeah, he confirmed it in one of his older videos

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 Год назад +12

      @@GatikRaj ohh okay I probably haven’t seen that video yet then

    • @GatikRaj
      @GatikRaj Год назад +6

      @@crypticfairy7930 it didn’t have that many views, I was kinda surprised that it didn’t

  • @j0ndav1s
    @j0ndav1s Год назад +768

    Use the most engaging hook of all... "my father made a large donation to this school"

    • @yawningcat3129
      @yawningcat3129 8 месяцев назад +5

      💀

    • @equinox2655
      @equinox2655 5 месяцев назад +16

      Or “I’m black and disabled”

    • @_Pesty
      @_Pesty 2 месяца назад

      @@equinox2655you’re accepted

    • @Messup7654
      @Messup7654 9 дней назад +2

      @@equinox2655and mixed with masu mula and gay

    • @equinox2655
      @equinox2655 9 дней назад +2

      @@Messup7654 and identify as an animal

  • @TalkandListen902
    @TalkandListen902 2 года назад +2390

    Definitely Gohar khan doing the voice over

    • @crypticfairy7930
      @crypticfairy7930 2 года назад +102

      I’m pretty sure they are brothers, might be wrong but they have the same last name and look somewhat alike.

    • @selvamantony5711
      @selvamantony5711 Год назад +34

      @@crypticfairy7930 yeah I’m pretty sure they are brothers/ cousins

    • @collateraldamagegaming6985
      @collateraldamagegaming6985 Год назад +18

      @@crypticfairy7930 they are brothers

  • @Some_Stranger1
    @Some_Stranger1 Год назад +571

    I love how they stopped every sound so the “Just thinking about working hard makes me hard” would be so clear

  • @aegontargaryen1848
    @aegontargaryen1848 Год назад +650

    “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard”
    Is that david goggins?

    • @zoff18
      @zoff18 Год назад

      😂😂😂

    • @Youneedsomemilk16
      @Youneedsomemilk16 Год назад +15

      "Stay hard”-David goggins

    • @sushmit6415
      @sushmit6415 Год назад

      whos gonna carry the boats???
      that should be his hook

    • @boobenshnozle691
      @boobenshnozle691 Год назад +3

      @@Youneedsomemilk16 people with erectile dysfunction: am i a joke to you???

    • @Zedblitz6002
      @Zedblitz6002 11 месяцев назад

      WHOS GONNA CARRY THE BOATS - david goggins

  • @Adam-pv4qn
    @Adam-pv4qn Год назад +2975

    Essay: "Prestidigitation, P R E S . . ."
    Admissions: "BORING!" *throws away*
    Essay: "Thinking about working hard, gets me hard."
    Harvard: "Bro, want a scholarship?"

    • @therickestroller
      @therickestroller Год назад +12

      😏

    • @016_
      @016_ Год назад

      Ong aint nobody wanna read some dumb spelling bee shit

    • @Ryuisdragon
      @Ryuisdragon Год назад +4

      ​@@therickestroller 😳

    • @hawkeye171
      @hawkeye171 8 месяцев назад +1

      🥵 ​@@Ryuisdragon

  • @Trimarkovich
    @Trimarkovich Год назад +172

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard”
    Guess what’s going in my college essay

    • @gradypoole5366
      @gradypoole5366 Год назад +1

      To be honest if you have at least one prestigious you might not get in out it on there.

    • @Trimarkovich
      @Trimarkovich Год назад +10

      It worked, got into SUNY Binghamton

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 Год назад +2

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

    • @ErrorNumber404
      @ErrorNumber404 11 месяцев назад +2

      @@Trimarkovichwait you actually put it in? If so that’s wild

    • @midnightwitch3847
      @midnightwitch3847 9 месяцев назад

      @@Trimarkovichno way-

  • @nunyabiznez6381
    @nunyabiznez6381 Год назад +502

    My admission's essay started out like this:
    She lay their naked screaming...

  • @VikkieEule
    @VikkieEule Год назад +61

    This reminds me of the dumb greentext that talked about "I throw away half of the resumes I get, I dont want unlucky people."

  • @jaredrains
    @jaredrains 2 года назад +186

    I used to do this on essays anyway but High school English class squashed my confidence in it...

    • @insta_artists.support
      @insta_artists.support Год назад +3

      Don't Give up..

    • @absolootdisaster1060
      @absolootdisaster1060 Год назад +21

      There's a certain convention I've learned after taking an English class that focused a lot on using creative writing. English classes teach us every possible fundamental tool for using English. Creative writing (which would apply to these admissions letters), by nature, breaks those fundamentals up for the sake of narrative flexibility and immersion. Creative writing is a whole different world compared to what most English classes try to prepare you for. For example, no author has a grammatically "perfect" style. Most people that would stick to "proper" English usage would make boring stories. Don't let the technical stuff bog you down. Just understand the advantages to using it in certain situations.

    • @Ttyumbra
      @Ttyumbra Год назад +2

      @@absolootdisaster1060 is there some sort of class or video that can show me an example of that?

    • @mastertrey4683
      @mastertrey4683 Год назад +5

      Its high school english. 98% of the time the teachers themselves cant write a decent composition or know what one is. They ask kids to read books, then occasionally assign an essay because they have to, and they are bad cookiecutter essays

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 Год назад +1

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

  • @mandad8442
    @mandad8442 Год назад +66

    my cousin wrote about why kanye was her favorite rap artist for her harvard essay back in 2016. she was accepted lol

  • @tayar3797
    @tayar3797 2 года назад +147

    Ok they're so obviously brothers, no cap

    • @sh1lezh262
      @sh1lezh262 Год назад +1

      yes they are

    • @askredditstudios8055
      @askredditstudios8055 Год назад

      Romans 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.1

    • @notnat2
      @notnat2 6 месяцев назад +1

      @askredditstudios8055 Umm look I'm Christian too but I feel like that's kinds irrelevant to the video?

    • @halcyon.x
      @halcyon.x Месяц назад

      @@notnat2it’s a bot/hacked account

  • @NyikaWachira
    @NyikaWachira Год назад +61

    did he say “just thinking about working hard MAKES ME HARD?” Wtf 😂

  • @Y_KM
    @Y_KM Год назад +33

    Goddamn i got you and gohans vids one after another while randomly scrolling

  • @stuartsheppard321
    @stuartsheppard321 Год назад +39

    Thinking about working hard gets me hard, I was cracking up

  • @EliteGamerRanger
    @EliteGamerRanger Год назад +23

    “Thinking about working hard makes me hard”💀💀💀

  • @andychen7016
    @andychen7016 Год назад +13

    My college essay started with “Humans on this planet are quite interesting.”

  • @thespiritqueen983
    @thespiritqueen983 Год назад +18

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard”
    Nah this is staged, no one would flip past that one 💀

  • @TrishitSamanta-oi3nh
    @TrishitSamanta-oi3nh 11 дней назад +1

    Honestly the college essay thing makes me
    like concept of entrance exam even more.
    Score good marks, fullfill the criteria, shut up and give my seat.

  • @akileshyelchuru8382
    @akileshyelchuru8382 2 года назад +24

    The collab we needed

  • @monietheory2493
    @monietheory2493 Год назад +13

    As a Guatemalan just pro tip NEVER start an essay with mission trip to Guatemala

  • @henrynagel2658
    @henrynagel2658 Месяц назад +1

    Gohar saying “thinking about hard work makes me hard” may be the best thing I experience this week

  • @allaccessentertainment4755
    @allaccessentertainment4755 Год назад +16

    Your brother Gohar was definitely the person who dubbed and probably wrote the all of the essays 😊!

  • @daakshadhaanvi7469
    @daakshadhaanvi7469 8 месяцев назад +1

    The collab I didn't know i needed! How did i see this so late????

  • @GetDuckRolled
    @GetDuckRolled 6 месяцев назад +1

    “Just thinking about working hard, gets me hard”
    This had me laughing so HARD

  • @stanis_gaming
    @stanis_gaming Год назад +8

    Picks up last page, it says:
    ‘Ligma’
    And he’s like:
    ‘What’s ligm…

  • @robloxgameshowsasmr
    @robloxgameshowsasmr 7 месяцев назад +2

    “There once was a boy.” Was my personal quote for an essay I wrote. It was weird talking about myself in the third person.

  • @rhdgt6551
    @rhdgt6551 Год назад +1

    Its funny im watching this while in university and i didnt have to do any of the shit this guy and others have been telling me i needed to do for the past 3 years. Ofc it isnt harvard or Cambridge but trust me only one semester in and i fully acknowledge that wont matter once you have a couple of years experience under your belt. I learnt one of the most important things to learn other than academics is the art of talking to and charming people. You can get very far with just the way you talk and present yourself.❤ dont stress, live a little.

  • @Jason-o5s
    @Jason-o5s 2 месяца назад

    Cheer~~~a short piece of writing on a particular subject.😊

  • @shmevanriceballz2857
    @shmevanriceballz2857 Год назад +9

    Honestly those “personal engaging hooks” are boring to me. They are also just cringe. I would never read the last essay tbh

  • @JustBozen
    @JustBozen Год назад +10

    "Create an engaging hook" they said, "capture their attention" they said, now I'm in federal prison thx man..

  • @daablurg3482
    @daablurg3482 4 месяца назад +3

    “Just thinking about working hard gets me hard” ?

  • @kingkoba5618
    @kingkoba5618 Год назад +3

    “Just thinking about working hard makes me ha-“ 💀

  • @JustaNilbody
    @JustaNilbody Год назад +1

    I put in my grade 3 assessment sheet asking me to draw what I would like to be when I was older on the first page of my essay. I think its part of what got me in to University.

  • @henrytienhung9023
    @henrytienhung9023 Год назад +1

    Gohar really going over the voicing

  • @Niky.demina
    @Niky.demina 3 месяца назад

    Great explanation 🔥

  • @aestheticcookiecrumbs446
    @aestheticcookiecrumbs446 4 месяца назад +1

    Not me thinking he was gonna write prestidigitation on the paper 💀

  • @HopperYTRealChannel
    @HopperYTRealChannel 8 месяцев назад +1

    So to get into Harvard have knowledge and be able to create high viewed shorts and TikTok’s and have a min of 100k followers

  • @slopely
    @slopely Год назад

    Yesss being a good narrative writer is an important skill

  • @alexandersperrazza3901
    @alexandersperrazza3901 4 месяца назад +1

    Dude my college essay was literally about my mission trip to Guatemala

  • @helena.555
    @helena.555 Год назад

    I really like his voice. It's so soothing 😌

  • @Adam-pv4qn
    @Adam-pv4qn Год назад +9

    The "good one" is so bad. Unless I know what prestidigitation is and care about it, and spelling a word is meaningless and cliche at this point. Tbh, I'm actually way more interested in the "the thinking about working hard gets me hard" applicant.

  • @kraiter8895
    @kraiter8895 Год назад +9

    I swear I heard “working hard gets me har-“

  • @xiaofanxia78
    @xiaofanxia78 5 месяцев назад +1

    My essay : im hungry give me food

  • @Chabid01
    @Chabid01 2 года назад +17

    What? Thats how much home works we got in goddamn 2nd year highschool

  • @lamar8245
    @lamar8245 Год назад +23

    If this is legitimately how college boards read their papers, I feel every single one of them should be fired and exiled from any college campus.

    • @yuvrajsingh099
      @yuvrajsingh099 10 месяцев назад +1

      They don't have full days to spend and read 1000 each day.

    • @resurrectedpa
      @resurrectedpa 9 месяцев назад +1

      Ok. These essays are supposed to distinguish you from a bunch of people by showing your true self. If you're not making full use of that, you're not gonna stand out. It might even hurt your application chances.

  • @poojaboodoo8140
    @poojaboodoo8140 13 дней назад

    I'm so glad I don't have to do this in my country 😅

  • @theonewiththegoldentouch
    @theonewiththegoldentouch 2 года назад +8

    Ok but how can I make my essays better? I need serious help because I am in the process of applying for scholarships but I'm afraid that my essays will just be weak and not good enough to even have a chance at being considered.

  • @InevitableJake
    @InevitableJake Год назад +3

    If every opening is engaging then none of them are.

  • @treycoble4331
    @treycoble4331 10 месяцев назад +1

    “i hate the letter-“ immediate throw away

  • @philliplopez6993
    @philliplopez6993 Год назад

    Honestly up to perception

  • @joshuapark7
    @joshuapark7 Год назад +1

    You actually don’t have a few seconds to catch their attention. Each essay gets read if you meet the requirements. Multiple people read your essay before it gets a decision.

  • @darcash1738
    @darcash1738 Год назад +1

    You cant tell me “just think about working hard, makes me hard” isnt a great opener

  • @jamesgraydon556
    @jamesgraydon556 Год назад

    I already knew that I needed a good hook. My problem is my complete lack of literary skill in crafting engaging hooks

  • @RahilAyush-xp6km
    @RahilAyush-xp6km Год назад +1

    the goal of all life is death sounds like a cool opening

    • @iminyourbasement283
      @iminyourbasement283 Год назад +2

      Being too philosophical in your college essay will make you come off as quite obnoxious so try to avoid those topics unless you’re going into philosophy

    • @M42-Orion-Nebula
      @M42-Orion-Nebula 11 месяцев назад

      That's a verifiably terrible opening.

  • @Rattlsnke
    @Rattlsnke Год назад +1

    My college advisor told me not to make puns about Hitler’s mustache, when my college I was aiming for asked who we wished we could dine with in history, but honestly I think it is one of several things of what got me into my college. It certainly stood out. Haha. I am definitely an outlandish girl who had great grades. It certainly would not have worked out for me in this day and age though.

  • @vincenttavani6380
    @vincenttavani6380 Год назад +1

    "Prestidigitation. A cantrip that allows minor magical tricks and effects available to bards, sorcerors, warlocks, and wizards at first level. Prestidigitation."

  • @ryann9026
    @ryann9026 Год назад +2

    if i had to make my admission paper catchy, i bet it would be, “aight bro, ima cut to the chase. read my shit rn boy”

  • @Laittth
    @Laittth Год назад +3

    that guy should be fired

  • @Penguins459
    @Penguins459 Год назад +1

    I took a class called career research and decision making and the way they did there essay was exactly how it teaches in that class by doing what they called the sandwich method and it works great

  • @lil_tourette
    @lil_tourette Год назад

    This couldn’t have popped up at a better time.

  • @vaderiscool7395
    @vaderiscool7395 Год назад +3

    bro literary just said what all my english teachers told me

  • @DoctorSkillz
    @DoctorSkillz Год назад +1

    “I’m a donkey, Shrek.”

  • @MuhammadSalarAyub
    @MuhammadSalarAyub 5 месяцев назад +1

    But the admissions officer also gets your rest of the profile with the essay too right?

    • @LezzRL
      @LezzRL 2 месяца назад

      yes

  • @vanshika2912
    @vanshika2912 Год назад

    thank you for this tip :)

  • @benbugger7792
    @benbugger7792 Год назад +1

    Plot twist, he wrote "absolute garbage" on the paper

  • @sirainilawal
    @sirainilawal 8 месяцев назад +1

    To be honest, I have nothing eventful to write about

  • @7.00_P.M
    @7.00_P.M Месяц назад

    If “just thinking about working hard, gets me hard” isn’t engaging enough idk wtf is 😭

  • @YoungPhysicistsClub1729
    @YoungPhysicistsClub1729 8 месяцев назад

    This video made me have a good belly laugh

  • @isaactroyer5689
    @isaactroyer5689 Год назад

    Tbh that opening was more of a beginning to a book rather than an application

  • @shashankraj6818
    @shashankraj6818 Месяц назад

    "thinking about working hard, makes me hard" is pretty engaging to his audience might be funny to admission officer but definitely not for "taking u get through it"

  • @clubsillyness5687
    @clubsillyness5687 Год назад

    I don't know dude, that trip to Guatemala kinda got me hooked

  • @byFiscus
    @byFiscus Год назад +1

    My admission letter was less than 3 complete sentences: I’m [insert name]. I would like to come to this school.
    I was also auto accepted in Tx cause of my HS ranking and I knew that they couldn’t tell me no

  • @zack4527
    @zack4527 Год назад +1

    Damn I wish I won a spelling bee so I could steal that for my essay

  • @JasperMay
    @JasperMay Год назад

    This reminds me of that one scene from a Christmas story

  • @hisenaoki9172
    @hisenaoki9172 Год назад +1

    Kinda sad you have to rely partialy on your ability to write essays to get to college and not just your exam results

  • @gavinsgameadventures8784
    @gavinsgameadventures8784 6 месяцев назад

    You know what’s crazy is if you in an English class and that last one is your first sentence most teachers would instantly take off points

  • @jasonvoorheesv1nce904
    @jasonvoorheesv1nce904 6 месяцев назад

    This is why I'd rather go to a college that requires no essay or not go to college at all, i cannot write essays to save my life

  • @liptoncheetos
    @liptoncheetos Год назад

    My admission essay to a 4 year university was 12 words. “I think I would make a great addition to the tiger community”
    I was accepted and have since dropped out because I got depressed. Now I’m just depressed, in debt and have no degree.
    Yay.

  • @Jblast252
    @Jblast252 Год назад

    When he got to the last one the writer put the reader in there shoes instead of a reporter style essay where you just list what you did

  • @RayUtsav69
    @RayUtsav69 Год назад +2

    The fact is @Gohar Khan video was right above this video and it was about college essay to lol

  • @cringy7-year-old5
    @cringy7-year-old5 Год назад

    My essay began “Ants are pretty stupid”

  • @Dukz125
    @Dukz125 Год назад

    Best crossover of the 21st century

  • @Twink474
    @Twink474 Год назад +1

    Bro went to White Castle after this

  • @CowBoy_Anthony
    @CowBoy_Anthony 8 месяцев назад

    Everyone Gangsta until they realise that the voice was gohar

  • @bluejay9638
    @bluejay9638 8 месяцев назад

    Hooks are the most important part of any essay. How kids applying to top schools will forget that I'll never know 💀

  • @winter4517
    @winter4517 8 месяцев назад

    doom scrolling as a job

  • @protopan7722
    @protopan7722 6 месяцев назад

    what a nice AD xdxdxd

  • @garrettmorano3038
    @garrettmorano3038 Год назад +1

    Entrance letters, resumes, etc, etc...everyone is forced to right these overblown and forced "exciting" letters with a hook or catch. How about the admissions officers do their due diligence and not be lazy.

  • @mayonnaiseonanescalator4820
    @mayonnaiseonanescalator4820 7 дней назад

    Aight so mine gotta be the last one

  • @paramdrall
    @paramdrall Год назад +1

    What are you doing Step-Gohar khan !?

  • @blankb.2277
    @blankb.2277 Год назад +1

    Am I going insane? Why is everyone quoting it as “Thinking about working hard, makes me hard” when he clearly said “gets me hard”? Is this some sort of RUclips censorship thing or are all the top comments mishearing it?

  • @diegoflores3831
    @diegoflores3831 Год назад

    This is definitely how they check your essay

  • @esp1rocking
    @esp1rocking 7 месяцев назад +1

    Wait is saying, “You, yes you reading this essay let me tell you the time…” is that a smart hook or stupid I’m sorry if it’s a stupid hook

  • @divano1014
    @divano1014 Год назад

    Rhis feels like an ad for quiting smoking or smth

  • @kiradripkage
    @kiradripkage Год назад

    So good collages are a “who’s got a better personality contest to get accepted”?