I don't have a lot of regrets and was lucky to have good parents. But I was raised in a traditional household where I was expected to follow the norms. So I went to college, bought a house and new car, worked at my career...only to find myself broke and unemployed at 52. My only regret is I wasted 3 years trying to get a new job and maintain the same lifestyle. Finally I gave up, sold everything, retrained in a new field and launched my own business at 60. Now I'm 64, successful and happy!
My crappy childhood was the best thing that could have happened to me. I haven't cared what anybody thought about me since I was 12 and haven't spoken a word to any family member for nearly 50 years now. Life is good. Who our family are is fluid, we get to decide who we want in our life.
That takes so much strength and courage!!!! Good good good for you. I finally dumped sperm donor (that’s what I called him) when he didn’t show up at my wedding!!!! Do u believe it. He left me at the alter. Turned out to be the best wedding gift ever. Done!!!
Don't justify your filming choices! This is YOUR channel - if people don't appreciate, and can't get past just the surface details - they are not ready to receive your message - and should likely just move along! 🧡
What are your thoughts on consentual #Polygyny? Polygyny is 1 Husband who has multiple women willingly married to him, and living in their 1 large house.
Yes, they are not the ones taking the time doing content . Block them or mentally don’t engage with critics. They are usually very unhappy people wishing they had the self esteem to do what you are doing.
Absolutely Steve, we truly have to push through the circumstances of life. And if needed get some guidance from a professional if needed. I also understand we all have different coping attributes but we must remain positive and find joy whenever we are. 😊
At 56.5 I woke up and now at 57 I have a life plan. Instead of being a pleaser I am planning on being selfish and focusing on myself. If you keep looking over your shoulder at that the past you will never see the great future you have ahead of you.
Thank you so much for sharing but I have a RUclips channel focused on helping people. If I only shared rosy parts of my life I doubt that many would find me relatable. Obviously, If you have watched my other videos you know that I focus on positivity
This is so me. I concur. I was a pleaser for years that taught my family to disrespect be horribly shattering me. I finally went to a Psychologist who taught me boundaries. My life is finally beginning to turn around but it’s not easy. I’m having to learn self love as well. You can lose yourself in giving to people who don’t appreciate and abuse you because they begin to expect it. Balance is hard but key. I’ve served my community feeding the homeless at thanksgiving and Christmas and donating hats gloves and blankets.
I'm 52 and feel that being in service to others (one's community, one's family) is one of the greatest forms of self-growth there is. We just have to be discerning about whom we serve. My son is disabled, and I serve him by helping him find purpose. We're going to begin volunteering at the Humane Society next month. This is a "selfish" pursuit insomuch as I reap the rewards of outward ripples coming back in my direction.
My narcissistic ex husband nearly broke me in every way. My story is long and sad but he put me through such Hell, which included involving me in a custody battle for my young daughters-the divorce worse than the marriage-everything in my life fell apart for so many years and he made me feel so so horribly about myself (he was gay,so the gaslighting and crazy making started off the bat) that I honestly didn't want to live anymore. He was relentlessly bad o me. I was 40 when we divorced-I'm 64 now and feel like my entire adult life was just a stretch of sadness and financial ruin.Anyway-just starting to feel better about myself. I haven't dated once since my divorce-I don't think I have the self-love to date, But I AM trying to rebuild my finances, exercise, and regain something resembling a life again. Oooops-this was LONG! I enjoy hearing your journey-it gives me hope. (The ex died two years ago-the sound of his voice on a video still puts my stomach in a knot) Sorry this is so long
You sound like me. I got love bombed and believed this guy was real. He asked me to marry him within six months of dating. Engaged for a year. Well, he never wanted sex the minute we were married. He screamed at me and his son (he had a son and his wife had died when he married me) all the time. Horrible anger and he was horrible. But then he would be very nice. I was 45 when I married him. I now know he married me to give his son a mom and get him off the hook of caring for this kid. He started stonewalling me, he lies all the time, it's too long to tell it all here. But I wanted to die also. I came from a great family and never knew anyone like him. I keep counting how many years I have lost. I'm now 67 and never got away, yet. I plan to. This ones voice makes my ears ring. My sadness is holding me hostage. The only thing I have is my dog. Two just passed. Too long I know. Just want you to know there are many of us. {{hugs}}
Don't be sorry, thank you for sharing! I too struggle with self-love and that is a big part of the reason I don't date. I accept that this is a struggle for me because of my past and like you, I focus on other areas in my life. It sounds like you are on the right path.
I know exactly what you are saying.my marriage lasted 34 years. Since I was 19 till 53. Being so controlled by a narcissist destroys your whole being. It has been 2 years now. He remarried very soon after the divorce, but I probably never will have anyone again. Just learning who I am and figuring out how to be a normal human being. Then there are the flashbacks….
@@gertruidamulder8823 Pretty much my story as well. A life wasted but most people just dont understand. Narcs are so evil yet walk the planet free to destroy. Worse than murder.
Sorry you went through this. I completely understand you same here . Im starting to pick up the pieces at 63 . I regret giving all my time and energy in a relationship for 36 years. God has a plan! Amen!
I think many people never figure their lives out. I’ve been through dark times. I’ve also come back from them. I’m grateful to have learned from my mistakes. They’ve been my best lessons 🙏
An emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical affair and sometimes more hurtful to all involved. I’m glad you found your way to peace and a better understanding of your authentic self.
My mother also had NPD. My toxic childhood led me into continuing the abuse as I had a 23 year relationship with a man that was actually a Dark Triad. I learned through self healing and therapy that my toxic upbringing was normal so I gravitated to someone even more abusive. He passed in 2021 and my healing began. I was with a man that owned a successful IT company, a Real Estate Developer and an Attorney. All to impress my mother. My mother fell very ill in 2023. I cared for her daily until her passing on 11/26/2024. My caring for her helped me to continue to heal. I’m finally at peace. I’m now 59 and the balance of my life will be about me and not trying to make toxic people happy at my own expense. Thank you, for sharing your experiences with us. This is one of the most important content I’ve watched on RUclips. Confirmation🙌🏻
This is coming at such a pivotal time in my life. My Dad just recently told me “how can we even be sure you’re my Daughter”, this was after I asked him a simple question of where he was during my childhood. He is now denying he even said it. I know see him for who he truly is, a liar and gaslighter. A lot of things make sense now. I am learning to fill that hole from him with self love. I am 42 and it took me this long to realize this.
Don't worry Tiffany you've done nothing wrong we accept as children whatever is " the norm" thank goodness you realise now and are giving love to yourself wholeheartedly.
I asked my Dad some simple questions about my childhood 10 yrs ago. I was 55 years old at the time. He looked me straight in the eyes and said I was opening up Pandora’s box. I was confused so I asked him again. He shook his head because he could not answer my question. I learned at that moment he was a liar, and a Gaslighter. From that day on, it was hard for me to like him let alone show any kind of love for him. My father couldn’t answer simple questions about where he was during my childhood. And all the stuff about Pandora’s box? WTF??? I chalk it up to the double standard in our world. Men live by one set of rules, while women are expected to live by another set of rules. 😢
Tiffany, my mother a narcissist, my father enabler, I just realized now in my 50's. I sold my house to look after them, he has always been on my mothers side, even when she told me my brother that had just passed, didn't love me. When I told my dad, he said, "Who do u think u are? you are nothing..then he said I stole from him, I had just sold my house I had money. I was so shocked. I left their house the next day, got airbnb and now 3 months, no contact. My bday in a week and he sent e mail he wants to give me money. I will not respond, but all the money in the world will change those horrible words from them...Be strong and don't accept disrespect from anyone.
Ya he was just making a comment. Parents say this all the time. I have a son that doesn’t like chocolate I say that to him how can you be my son. We don’t mean it. Not everything is literal.
Your story regarding fragile self, a narcissistic mother and falling apart after a not really significant relationship are exactly mine. My mother also insinuated it was my fault (she has actually never truly been a good emotional support to any of her children as it's all about her). I did all the things you did, drank, smoked but also avoided relationships as I realised I was so fragile I couldn't risk dealing with another rejection. Unfortunately, this avoidance pattern has persisted throughout my life even though I have had many male friends who have been supportive and some who wanted a relationship. Your story is inspirational and thank you for it.
I was also raised by a narcissist. My mother. I get codependent in relationships because of it. I lose my self in relationships. I lost my virginity at age 20. I was taught to believe that a good girl didn’t do that. I felt so scared, I turned to my mother. She told me I was “used”. She said no one would ever want to marry me now. I ended up marrying a narcissist. He was emotionally and physically abusive. It took me years to get away. I feel terrible that I raised my children in this toxic situation. I know that I can’t be in a relationship because of all that’s happened to me. I’m doing better now. On my own.
Thank you for sharing this, it will help a lot of people. As a daughter of a narcissistic father I totally relate to that.The moment I realized that I do not want to please him anymore was the moment of freedom for me, 'disappointing' him (as he always said to me ) did not matter to me anymore. All the love to you ❤
Thank you for sharing🫂🫂🫂 I’m escaping a narcissistic person for a 2 nd time. My heart breaks to hear your voice so fragile. And, I understand. It’s an undermining person really jealous of us doing that.and they did not know how to compliment us I appreciate your raw authenticity. ❤️😻😍😘
Like you I seem to be attracted to only self absorbed men and have been really hurt. I also decided to be grateful for my wonderful children and their spouses and grandchildren and friends and do the things that bring me joy. Better to be grateful for what I have than be sad that I don’t have a significant other. I am glad you are feeling better. Life is short make your next chapter the best ever. 😊
My mother was also a narc. I was not her favorite and really suffered her meanness but I just did my best. That's how I live my life, by doing my best each time, so I have no regrets. The choices I've made were the best option at the time, with what I knew at the time. I do not berate myself for mistakes, I just go forward.
People think that mental breakdowns are going crazy - they’re like out of body experiences and then you look back with regret, stress, and sadness. We go on and let it go. I have a narcissistic father. So it does make sense.
Great to see Holly again. Her smile and kindness calm down my soul. Every time that I see her, she reinforces my path in the permanent search for the happiness, mental health, and serenity. God bless your life, Holly.
Oh yes my mother died of cancer but over the 18 months it took , her and mainly my sister ganged up on me and tried to steal my life so that I would evolve solely around her caretaking. I lost a decade of guilt and grief from lashing out and removing myself as much as possible until she passed. Now I realize my sister is a narcissist..
I've had so many friends over the years fall prey to the 'Oh, we're basically separated' or 'We're only together for the kids, I sleep on the couch' only to find out later there was never any trouble in his marriage to begin with.
In my early 20s, I was devastated over my college boyfriend break up and I could hardly see my way out of that for a while. Then I got married at 27 and the marriage ended, not by my choice, before our two year anniversary. He was younger and didn't want to be married. I mourned that loss for most all of my 30s. I wish I could get those years back. I finally started dating in my late 30s and 40s and it was one trainwreck after another. Now, in my 50s, I'm too scared to get another wrong guy so I just don't try to date.
Dating is another animal these days, it seems. I bet there are good guys out there, but so difficult to make the right connection. I am 70 now and honestly feel I am not that interested in it anymore.
Hmm you are not alone just turned 57 , male fit health full head of hair and no health issues, financially stable and looking to travel a lot. Finding someone to share life is just as hard in my world.
Being in a toxic relationship for nearly 17 years. Thank god my son was almost 18 when the relationship started. Extremely selective of who I date and will not tolerate control freaks. Glad you are feeling much better Holly. Getting the word out to everyone I know about your much needed channel. Have a great inspiring week 🙌🏻🌞
I love all of the pretty green colors in your video, I recently stopped going over thing in my mind regarding my mother and her faults because I realized a code I was never taught. Love and accept yourself, Love God & Love People. You can't go wrong. I was always caught up before in everything that was wrong with me and everybody else. Now I look for the love in everything. It has changed my life. My mother died last April, I had those terrible feeling in my heart about her. I regret that I didn't know how to love better, but now I know and now I will.
It's easy to say "Don't live in the past" buy that's easier said than done when your decisions have affected others. I deeply regret marrying my ex husband 32 years ago. I should have acknowledged the signs. He not only caused me emotional distress at various times, but my daughters also. I feel guilty that they had to suffer because of my decision. We had some happy times and fun, so I try to focus on that. Thankfully we're all in a happier place now.
Abraham Hicks teaches that the biggest waste of life is regretting the past. They encourage us to view challenging situations from inside the vortex, finding the positive aspects instead of dwelling on pain. Your mother, like all of us, is a human being with her own flaws and perspectives. At 45, you were in a position to make your own decisions. Taking responsibility for your choices can be empowering and freeing. From the vortex, you may see the situation differently. Forgive your mother, not for her sake, but for yours. She gave you the gift of life, raised a wonderful person (you), and blessed you with a younger brother. I’m sure there’s much more to appreciate about her if you look closely. I wish you healing, joy, and continued success with your channel!
what an incredible incredible comment. taking back that power is so freeing. we get to choose and create the environment around us. we get to choose how we respond and react
Your comments resonate with me. We are all complicated. We need to take into consideration how different generational outlooks are. Mothers aren't always able to say or do what we wish they did; and they are coming from a place that is different from ours. A therapist I loved and who brought me through a terrible time, told me that my mother was a narcissist. I am still trying to figure out why she said that, and if it was true. Reading your comments makes me feel that my mother was loving, and did the best she could, coming from her generation and her emotional state of being.
We may be mothers but we are also individuals. Our children for some odd reason don’t understand this. To all the mothers out there, I wish you the best of everything everyday of your lives here on earth. May God bless you and may you find peace, love and happiness. Lots of love and hugs to you all ❤.
my situation was this my mother never had any time for us three children. I understand now, as to why, my father was not a good husband and poor father. I grew up being seen but not heard. I refused to marry right after university instead I saved my money and bought a condo penthouse three bedroom. I thought my parents would be proud of me.... oh boy was I wrong instead she said to me *when I visit, I will be sleeping in the master bedroom) and changed subject. I was speech less but then again this is my family. I learned never ever ask for their opinion. It hurts less now, but I can't forget how they were. both are dead, I was left with the not so happy memories
I could so relate to your story about never being broken up with. When it finally happened to me at age 53 the devastation was far reaching. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I too have been able to heal and transform my life.❤
Hormones at that time of life 40- 53 can make women fall apart and act not like themselves. I went through it, my first daughter did too and now my second daughter is going through it.
We may have hormonal chgs that cause uncertainty and pain. Other ppl should be polite and not make excessive demands or show disappointment. Similarity, we should know when to stop the crazy feelings.
You're a wonderful person. It's a mistake to believe that women can ONLY get love and happiness through a man!!!!! That could have been in the past but definitely NOT now.im single , knowing myself everyday better enjoying my free time and I'm nearly 60 and happy!!!!❤❤❤ You're wonderful all women need to love themselves FIRST ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My father was the one who was narcissistic. My mother was just sort of oblivious to it. He was more covertly narcissistic - mainly either just ignored my older brother & I, or was angry at us for some reason, or had contempt for us. He was a minister so that created cognitive dissonance in me as we'd go to church and watch him preach love, forgiveness etc, and smile and shake people's hands as though he was the kindest man in the world. But as soon as we were at home, we got his other side. My mother never really called him out or saw anything wrong with how he treated us, prob because her own father was abusive but in a louder more obvious way. Anyway I get the grief part with your mother - feeling as though you were losing her again. I felt that with my father. When I was a child I always told myself that when he finished working as a minister and 'wasn't so busy' he would be the good kind father to us I knew he really was (the one we saw at church, or the other odd glimpses we got of him laughing with friends and adults). Well he got older and less busy but he didn't change. And I got older and got busier and had children and was struggling myself. And I could have used the kind words of a supportive father. But I never got them as he started to become unwell with Parkinson's Disease. And he just kept declining. And one day my mother went away on some long overseas trip and I really needed to talk to someone, and realised even though my father lived nearby and was there I couldn't just pick up the phone and talk to him, because the relationship just wasn't there. If he answered the phone I'd always ask to speak to my mother. So I came to the realisation that he was never going to be the father I needed because it was just too late. And he didn't have the capacity to show or even feel love probably. That relationship was never going to be resolved. That hit me like a tonne of bricks. It felt like losing him twice - once as a child and again as an adult. It felt very lonely and angry and sad. What makes it worse with narcissists is that no-one else outside the family (or inside sometimes) can see what you experienced because they put on a show for everyone else. Then eventually he died, but I wasn't especially sad because I'd already grieved about his absence in my life.
I am just coming out of my dark period - an eerily similar situation to yours. I struggle with the thoughts of having 9 years of my life wasted, but I also think that I learned a great deal about myself on this journey. Life is not linear; life is a series of ups and downs as we all know. Without dark times, personal growth would be stunted. When we come out on the other side of this darkness, we learn to appreciate the lighter times. Blessings to you 🙏
I hope u get better. Rest and lay down. My mother died in 2020 and had not talked to her in 12 years. She basically u could say she was sociopathic. There was no reconciliation or closure. Got a email saying she had died
So good to see you again, Holly...and thank you for sharing on this. Sharing experiences as the daughter of a narcissistic mother will help so many watching this channel because you are exactly in the right space to talk about it in a way that is relatable. My father was a narcissist and all my life made excuses for him and the damage he did to our family. Ten years go, I fell into a romantic, full-on relationship with a man who's behaviours reminded me of my father and I was making the same excuses for him too. Of course it ended but not before I felt traumatised. I am now 68 yrs and just starting to feel happy about myself and being on my own. Those relationships with narcissistic people are damaging and unsustainable but when it's coming from a parent, the child has no understanding or way to escape. God Bless you for talking about this sensitively and in a healing light x
I'm glad I've seen this today. I've been feeling so depressed recently because my mother is ageing. We have had a complicated relationship but the last few years she supported me through a lot of bereavement. Unfortunately this also meant I ended up partially dependant on her again which was something I'd worked really hard to avoid. The life I built crumbled and she supported me as I grieved that but now she is getting old herself. I need to figure out some kind of path myself and I've been feeling so scared and lost like a frightened child. I think I have a lot of learnt helplessness where I don't believe that I'm able to support myself. I've tried starting businesses but I haven't had much success with it. So I'm going to look for a job again. And continue with a small business I started last year to see if I can get that to work for me since it's something I enjoy a lot. It helps to talk about this stuff and feel less alone, thank you.
Always appreciate your honesty. Glad you're feeling better. I've been learning more about limerence and how we tend to be drawn to folks who are unavailable, due to our own neglect, abuse, or abandonment issues from childhood with a toxic parent (my father was the narcissist). We attract what we are. The more dysfunctional we are, that's what we attract. Gotta work on ourselves to break the cycle, and eventually feel worthy of the love we actually want.
You’re so right! Lots of people expect that the other will fill up what you feel void. That’s not how relationships work. You should feel happy about yourself as who you are. Don’t look for something that you don’t have from others. That agenda eventually become toxic relationship.
Hi Holly, so glad you are feeling better. Definitely relate to the NPD mother. Mine also has undiagnosed/untreated bipolar. It has taken 52 of my nearly 59 years to realize what had happened to me, and how it derailed my happiness, self confidence, career, everything. Thank you so much for offering up your story. It is so important to protect ourselves first, before entering into any new romantic relationship. Manipulators and personality disordered folks seems to proliferate. LoA and let it flow! Take good care! xo
I have several regrets. I have a human characteristic we all have...imperfections. Although my parents loved me there was emotional neglect that went on. I remember being so frustrated when having talks about things that would happen... and basically being told they did not believe me. There was a 3 year period that started when I was 10... it was hell while I tried to cope with it on my own. It had a huge impact on my life...I often wonder how much better life would have been with some support through that.
Totally can relate! I once started saying thank you and then what I was asking for happened. I've continued doing so everyday and it changes your world. It's gradual but I enjoy the half hour I spend focusing on being grateful. I also found myself very fragile after a breakup and remember thinking this can never happen again. Since then, I have focused on becoming stronger. Focus on yourself. Not selfishly, but work on others not affecting you so much. Everyone had their own issues, triggers and traumas. Figure your own out, focus and be grateful.
I missed you and your Positive messages.....You look GREAT ! Camera and setting also work well. Now the story is very important as well. I'm a man, and can relate to what happened to you as well. Lots of wisdom here. Excellent points about the mportance of a strong sense of self-worth. You are VERY loveable and attractive and have a magnetic personality. You will attract what you need. Read recently that the most powerful drug known to man----is the Power of Words!. Keep the teachings coming...............Love ya----
My ❤️ heart goes out to you. These experiences must have been truly heart wrenching. I respect your immense self-awareness and strength. You were fragile but it grew into a strength that you are giving now to others ❤❤. Thank you dearly for your channel. Glad you're ok. I never had a mother (she left and never returned when I was 2. My father was narcissistic, and I think that's why. 🎉I'm grateful for all you've shared.🙏
Ugh. Hello ladies.. a married man who lives with his wife… is a married man. If he tells you his wife is a witch and he’s leaving her.. think about it. Do they have kids? Is he just escaping the responsibility of parenting, family and being a husband? The woman was seeing my husband for a year while I was home raising our toddlers, one of whom is special needs. And these cowards find needy women who buy this bs. In my humble opinion by 45 we should know better than to hook up with a man who is living with his wife and hasnt filed for divorce. Did I have a dark chapter of my life? Yes I did. The day I had to tell my beautiful five year old daughter and seven year old son that mommy and daddy were getting a divorce. I had been a stay at home mom and now had to face parenting a special needs child with no current work experience and my heart in a million pieces. Don’t hook up with married men. I’m sorry your mom was so selfish and harmed you so much. I have experience with that too. I hope you experience continued success with laws of attraction. You seem very successful from this side of the camera. Keep going.
Certainly an interesting channel. Very real for a change. I’m glad your health has been largely restored, healthy is good. Thought provoking story. As people we make mistakes because we have emotions which sometimes cause us to be cast adrift. When we reconcile with the mistake and gain control of of emotions it is then we have a duty to ourself to grow and improve. The sooner we realize this the better our lives will become. It’s how we respond to the issue and it does take time. I can see your regret. I can feel your regret. It is in the past. I’m glad you are no longer held hostage to it. Keep it in the past - where it belongs.
Hi Holly, I’m glad you are feeling better. I think it’s good you are comfortable when you are creating your videos. It definitely doesn’t look like to me the camera is on the ceiling. Thank you for sharing what happened to you when you were 45. That couldn’t have been easy. I too had an affair with someone who was also married as was I. I was 48 at the time. My marriage ended, but this person stayed in theirs always promising to leave it to keep me hanging on. It was the most toxic, narcissistic relationship of my life that was full of lies and empty promises that I was caught up in for a decade. I was a broken person for about 5 years after it ended due to the person cheating. So that was a pretty big regret for me, but I realized there was some reason I had to go through it. I have learned a-lot about narcissism thanks to a channel on RUclips and can now spot a narcissist from a mile away. I too had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do any better. I now know all that I believed about myself is not true and I love myself, who I am and who I am evolving to be. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in having a regret in life. I’m sure everyone has at least one! 😊
I had a narcissistic father. Nothing I did was ever good enough or worthy of his attention. Probably a little different from such a mother, but also made me doubt myself. Even more confusing was having a mother that tried to overcompensate for him. He’s been gone almost ten years, but I’m still dealing with the childhood trauma. Glad you have gotten to a better place. It’s a long road.
When you realize this life is very temporary and short, success or not are not matter, in another 100 years, no one even knows who you were. I enjoy my lonely life.
Hi, Your video background is calming, comforting and pleasing to watch! I admire your personal stories that you shared and can relate to similar life situations. It’s therapeutic and I’m thankful and appreciative of your thoughts
spent years trying to figure out why my narcissistic mother disliked me, seems jealousy is a part of it, their lives are fading and we are developing, and the prospect we might turn out HAPPIER than they are, wants them to separate from us, leaving us forever searching for the love we craved, convoluted for sure, but almost impossible to conquer, we get involved with people who are destined to leave us repeating the pattern we so want to avoid,
I guess i have more to regret than you. I wasted 20 years or more of my life after a break up in my early 20's. Like you, I was angry, depressed and miserable. Im in my 60's now and never married or had kids and still have no regrets. Being single does have its advantages . Don't regret those what you say, are critical mistakes, what's the point ? The important thing is, unlike me, you have learned from them. You are a very interesting person Holly... Love your vids.
I relate to your story, it’s very good to hear how you sorted things out. You’re very strong, none of it is easy. My mother was not a narcissist, but she was a victim, and taught me how to be. I suffered in relationships with no self-esteem, choosing men that had nothing to offer and didn’t pretend to. I felt compelled to do my my part and their part for many years. My only solution was to stay single. Would be wonderful if younger women could be better equipped and get it right I think your videos are valuable. Regret is terrible to live with.
Have you read the book It’s Not You? It’s fantastic. It’s been 20+ years now that I’ve lost of my life and I wish I could go back and do things differently. I lost everything I had worked for and built, all my family and friends….. I have been through some of the darkest times and I still am dealing with them. I’m shocked I’m still alive. Today has been a very rough day and I came across your video. I don’t take pleasure in others pain, but you made me feel that I’m not alone in my suffering. Peace ✌️
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I encourage you to start studying the law of attraction and watch every video you can find on the subject. It is the only thing that brought me out of the darkness
I can definitely divide my adult life into my pre- and post- late 30s. I was living and working with people who I didn't like and didn't like me. I drank a lot and wasn't always a nice person ( I wasn't a monster or anything like that, just snappy a lot of the time). As I got towards middle-age I realised I'm just someone who needs a lot of space, and tried to work on that. I like being on my own although, weirdly, I now interact with people a lot better and am much more comfortable in myself. Happiness takes time, and it's important to be who you are, not who you think you should be,
This is such a great story I can relate to. The first time someone broke it off with me was after my mom died and it sent me spiraling into depression. I kept busy with the gym and dancing but, boy I felt worthless because he really wooed me in a way I'd never experienced before. The depression lifted as my dancing started to take off with milestones, competitions, new faces, and accolades. I still hate him, but I'm in a much better place now.
Holly! Welcome back and thank you. Thank you for your camera being such to make you comfortable and like we are having a coffee chat in your home. And thank you for tackling a tough topic and sharing so vulnerably. My mom has narcissistic leanings and I am just now able to see some of that and how it shaped me. Awareness is everything in helping us accept and overcome! Thanks again❤
I wa broken up with for the first time at age 61, after 15 years of marriage. Took me 5 years to recover and now life is great again. Just starting seeing someone recently, I know I could survive it if/when it happens again. Now I know it was a blessing to be release.
I think the number one thing that determines your outcome, regardless of what you were exposed to, is...do you LOVE yourself. I have been exposed to those who have mental health issues (family members) yet, I don't see myself as part of that. I do not take on other people's issues or low self-worth. Their perception of me doesn't matter because I value myself, and I know I have the correct perspective from what Source has said about us. I have been like this since I was a young teenager. I didn't become a Christian until I was 24, but my strong sense of self kept me from making costly mistakes. I never did what others did, because I did not want to wreck my life. I was always a cause-and-effect person.
your stories resonate with me. I too had an affair with an attorney because of low self-worth, which started with my relationship with my mom. Of course, I knew none of that then! Everything that happens in our exterior life is a reflection of what's happening inside of us. Thank you for sharing your story.
I went through a Great Depression over the loss of a good friendship . For five years I suffered the loss of our once great friendship. But then two things happened. 1.) I surrendered it to God. After all, He has never ever let me down. 2.) Then a good friend said to me "You can't unring a bell". Sometimes friendships require forgiveness. I didn't know I needed to forgive because I was so hurt. But I did. When I saw my long lost friend at Christmas she gave me a beautiful gold and silver bracelet with a knot in the middle of the bracelet which she said represented our friendship. She was right and we have found our friendship again. Forgiveness is huge in moving on in life. It's much easier than carrying the burden of hurt or anger.
But what if your friend didn’t repent and never apologized or gave you that bracelet, would you still have forgiven her? I’m asking because I find it absolutely impossible to forgive someone that’s really hurt me, especially on purpose, and then they never apologize or even acknowledge their wrongdoing. I just find that completely unforgivable and not even worthy of forgiveness to begin with. Curious what your thoughts are.
Super sharing!… Life…. Our life… My life… crossing the highways and byways of many other lives… Life is more valuable than an entire solar system and… my life is all mine… it’s all yours…. We are not perfect… and that’s been the truth since the beginning… and we?… are the only one’s responsible for the care and nurturing of our gift regardless of all the imperfections and all those influences we’ve encountered… many heartbreaking… even as we continue to travel… Life’s highway~ and I think You sharing a part of your life (to me) says… you’ve overcome so much and that… you’re honest and a beautiful person Holly. Mahalo for sharing this one🏄♂️🤙
Wow!! I just stumbled upon your channel. My father was a narcissist and most of my family has narcissistic tendencies. I’m 59 years old. I suffer at the hands of my father for the first part of my life. I had no idea what a narcissist was or the red flags 🚩. I just knew I didn’t like how he treated me, I was scared to death of him. It gets worse. Because I’m very empathetic and always willing to help others I was perfect prey for a worse type of narcissist, a sociopath!! I was trapped into a shotgun wedding and because I did what I thought was the right thing I married her. Since we had a child together. She ripped my soul out of me and destroyed my life and myself. I divorced her which was a nightmare in its self. But because we had kids I couldn’t get away from her psychological abuse for 19 years. Just 2 years ago I finally started seeing a therapist and my eyes were opened, but the damage was already done. Peace ✌️
Glad you are back and feeling better. Look forward to your next feed. Sandra BTW, no regrets just a story of very hard heartfelt losses that I believed have truly changed or have defined me to who I am today. 🙏💜🙏💜🙏
Sounds like the guy you dated at 55 was a narcissist if he was Lovebombing you right out of the gate. That over the top, way too fast, wanting to get married after a week. I’m sure you know the stages; Lovebombing,devalue and then discard. Went through it all myself. And you have to be careful because these critters have a way of seeking people like us out.
I have many regrets over the several decades I've been alive. I try to share things with younger people that may make a positive difference in their future lives based on some of my own missteps. I think that's a good way to pay it forward and make "lemonade out of lemons." I wish ALL adults had been more instructive back when I was a child and young adult, when we were left to "fly by the seat of the pants."
Thanks for sharing your story. Very brave. Regrets...sure I a have a couple that may pop up occasionally, but are gone as fast as they came.I think it's normal. Glad you're feeling better.
I've been through alot myself and am twice divorced. I'm now 69. I have 2 adult sons and 6 grandchildren. Two of which are beautiful 5 year old twin girls. I'm previously a hairdresser then much later on actually worked with children. I've always really loved kids.
Being in an unhappy/abusive marriage is the oldest line there is. Men have used it on so many women who believe it. I have a friend that wasted her best dating years on a married man that never intended to leave his wife. Almost none of them leave their wives.
I'm so happy you are back and feeling better. I'm EXCITED 😁 to report that after today, I have SUCCESSFULLY completed the 30 day Challenge of NO GRANULATED SUGAR! This was a HUGE WIN for me. Thanks to all of you by reading your comments who helped me in this journey. 💪🏽 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎊 ❤
Hi Holly! So glad you are back! I also grew up with a narcissistic mother and father. They both drank heavily and so do both of my siblings. I married a narcissist, who was also a big drinker. I divorced him when I was 28 and raised our 2 sons. I tried for years to get my parents to love me and to be kind to me...waist of my time. I did put myself through nursing school and retired last year. I am now 62, single and very happy. I found a 12 Step program called, ACA- Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families. This program has changed my life. My parents are still alive and haven't changed but I sure have. I set boundaries and only talk to them a few times a year. Life has been a challenge but it has taught me so many valuable lessons. I feel like my beautiful journey has just begun!
here's the deal... when a person looks or thinks that something or someone can "complete them" or "make them happy"... well, that person is lost... DO NOT look outward for happiness or peace... you can only found that peace and serenity within yourself... and if you continue to blame your parents for your current problems when you're an adult then are you really an adult ? ...
Bingo! I'm so glad someone else caught this. Blaming a sudden cigarette and alcohol issue that happened later in life on someone else seems really silly and not very mature at all for someone in their 40's. I'd expect that type of behavior from a teenager who hasn't experienced life yet. Find satisfaction and peace within yourself and you won't try to prove anything to anyone, expect anything from anyone, nor look to anyone for peace you should have within. I can't help but wonder what role she played in her mother becoming so obsessed with her being with a married man. 🤔
@Butterfly828-x8e mmm....i'm successfully retired (in my profession, that's called "all eaten up")....in my 30+ year professional career, i worked with high profile clients in various states, communities, and institutions in various positions completing various functions, tasks, and roles... i interacted with many personality types and with many mental challenges ... a person is responsible for their own personal thoughts, ideas, behaviors, and actions... any person is no different than any other person in that regard ... instead of looking outward for excuses, a person should examine their own thoughts, ideas, behaviors, and actions and with counseling they ought to develop tools and techniques to manage their own decisions and decision making processes instead of blaming others for their own deficiencies...
I went through some really bad break ups but the people I broke up with, and they were really bad break ups one took me to court for my dog. I still have the dog. But I worked it out I was a people pleaser and was picking narcissistic people like my mother or unavailable people like my father. I am 67 and just worked it out why this happened.
Thankyou for sharing ❤. I can relate. Sometimes in life though people meet each other and they brake off their marriges both women and men. My friends relative 35- 40s at the time.had a terrible marrige . She just went ä out and about one night to a very nice bar. There he was. The new husband😊. She is living a fantastic life with this shipowner. They really love each other. Like a fairytale. There are no rules how to handle things in life. Everyone is different.
Being human makes each one of us "fragile" in some way. I think it's all part of the experience. imo Also, I think from my own experience, no matter what kind of home experience we had growing up, we can fall "asleep" or fall in love with people who say things that feel good all the while ignoring the red flags being presented...just saying don't be hard on yourself....it's just life.....
Daughter of a narcissist mother. I made myself an orphan on purpose about 8 years ago and best decision I could have made. I’m very aware of that type of person when they come into my life and I get away very quickly.
I don't have a lot of regrets and was lucky to have good parents. But I was raised in a traditional household where I was expected to follow the norms. So I went to college, bought a house and new car, worked at my career...only to find myself broke and unemployed at 52. My only regret is I wasted 3 years trying to get a new job and maintain the same lifestyle. Finally I gave up, sold everything, retrained in a new field and launched my own business at 60. Now I'm 64, successful and happy!
I love this 💞🎉
Sometimes we must cut our losses
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💪🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yay!!!!❤
Very cool, what is your new career?
My crappy childhood was the best thing that could have happened to me. I haven't cared what anybody thought about me since I was 12 and haven't spoken a word to any family member for nearly 50 years now. Life is good. Who our family are is fluid, we get to decide who we want in our life.
Amen brother❤
Wish, oh how I wish that I had been as smart as you @dave.
Wow. That's an interesting perspective that works for you.
That takes so much strength and courage!!!! Good good good for you. I finally dumped sperm donor (that’s what I called him) when he didn’t show up at my wedding!!!! Do u believe it. He left me at the alter. Turned out to be the best wedding gift ever. Done!!!
That's amazing. X
Don't justify your filming choices! This is YOUR channel - if people don't appreciate, and can't get past just the surface details - they are not ready to receive your message - and should likely just move along!
🧡
What are your thoughts on consentual #Polygyny? Polygyny is 1 Husband who has multiple women willingly married to him, and living in their 1 large house.
Yes, they are not the ones taking the time doing content . Block them or mentally don’t engage with critics. They are usually very unhappy people wishing they had the self esteem to do what you are doing.
Everyone has suffered some kind of harm or trauma or regret. The difference is in how we deal with it.
💯 Underrated comment.
And to what severity. eg.mild, moderate or devere trauma.
Right on Steve. So many just like to blame
Absolutely Steve, we truly have to push through the circumstances of life. And if needed get some guidance from a professional if needed. I also understand we all have different coping attributes but we must remain positive and find joy whenever we are. 😊
They do it out of habit or because they think it should be that way.@@MyPronounIsGoddess
At 56.5 I woke up and now at 57 I have a life plan. Instead of being a pleaser I am planning on being selfish and focusing on myself. If you keep looking over your shoulder at that the past you will never see the great future you have ahead of you.
You shall please God and be fine within yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing but I have a RUclips channel focused on helping people. If I only shared rosy parts of my life I doubt that many would find me relatable. Obviously, If you have watched my other videos you know that I focus on positivity
This is so me. I concur. I was a pleaser for years that taught my family to disrespect be horribly shattering me. I finally went to a Psychologist who taught me boundaries. My life is finally beginning to turn around but it’s not easy. I’m having to learn self love as well. You can lose yourself in giving to people who don’t appreciate and abuse you because they begin to expect it. Balance is hard but key. I’ve served my community feeding the homeless at thanksgiving and Christmas and donating hats gloves and blankets.
I'm 52 and feel that being in service to others (one's community, one's family) is one of the greatest forms of self-growth there is. We just have to be discerning about whom we serve. My son is disabled, and I serve him by helping him find purpose. We're going to begin volunteering at the Humane Society next month. This is a "selfish" pursuit insomuch as I reap the rewards of outward ripples coming back in my direction.
Sounds horrible. We are the same age and I love giving to others.
My narcissistic ex husband nearly broke me in every way. My story is long and sad but he put me through such Hell, which included involving me in a custody battle for my young daughters-the divorce worse than the marriage-everything in my life fell apart for so many years and he made me feel so so horribly about myself (he was gay,so the gaslighting and crazy making started off the bat) that I honestly didn't want to live anymore. He was relentlessly bad o me. I was 40 when we divorced-I'm 64 now and feel like my entire adult life was just a stretch of sadness and financial ruin.Anyway-just starting to feel better about myself. I haven't dated once since my divorce-I don't think I have the self-love to date, But I AM trying to rebuild my finances, exercise, and regain something resembling a life again. Oooops-this was LONG! I enjoy hearing your journey-it gives me hope. (The ex died two years ago-the sound of his voice on a video still puts my stomach in a knot) Sorry this is so long
You sound like me. I got love bombed and believed this guy was real. He asked me to marry him within six months of dating. Engaged for a year. Well, he never wanted sex the minute we were married. He screamed at me and his son (he had a son and his wife had died when he married me) all the time. Horrible anger and he was horrible. But then he would be very nice. I was 45 when I married him. I now know he married me to give his son a mom and get him off the hook of caring for this kid. He started stonewalling me, he lies all the time, it's too long to tell it all here. But I wanted to die also. I came from a great family and never knew anyone like him. I keep counting how many years I have lost. I'm now 67 and never got away, yet. I plan to. This ones voice makes my ears ring. My sadness is holding me hostage. The only thing I have is my dog. Two just passed. Too long I know. Just want you to know there are many of us. {{hugs}}
Don't be sorry, thank you for sharing! I too struggle with self-love and that is a big part of the reason I don't date. I accept that this is a struggle for me because of my past and like you, I focus on other areas in my life. It sounds like you are on the right path.
I know exactly what you are saying.my marriage lasted 34 years. Since I was 19 till 53. Being so controlled by a narcissist destroys your whole being. It has been 2 years now. He remarried very soon after the divorce, but I probably never will have anyone again. Just learning who I am and figuring out how to be a normal human being. Then there are the flashbacks….
@@gertruidamulder8823 Pretty much my story as well. A life wasted but most people just dont understand. Narcs are so evil yet walk the planet free to destroy. Worse than murder.
Sorry you went through this. I completely understand you same here . Im starting to pick up the pieces at 63 . I regret giving all my time and energy in a relationship for 36 years. God has a plan! Amen!
I think many people never figure their lives out.
I’ve been through dark times. I’ve also come back from them.
I’m grateful to have learned from my mistakes.
They’ve been my best lessons 🙏
So true...I have learned alot from my dark times..
An emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical affair and sometimes more hurtful to all involved. I’m glad you found your way to peace and a better understanding of your authentic self.
I agree with you that an emotional affair is just as damaging. I'm so sorry that those of you who had narcissistic parents, had such a life. 🥺
My mother also had NPD. My toxic childhood led me into continuing the abuse as I had a 23 year relationship with a man that was actually a Dark Triad. I learned through self healing and therapy that my toxic upbringing was normal so I gravitated to someone even more abusive.
He passed in 2021 and my healing began. I was with a man that owned a successful IT company, a Real Estate Developer and an Attorney. All to impress my mother. My mother fell very ill in 2023. I cared for her daily until her passing on 11/26/2024. My caring for her helped me to continue to heal.
I’m finally at peace. I’m now 59 and the balance of my life will be about me and not trying to make toxic people happy at my own expense. Thank you, for sharing your experiences with us. This is one of the most important content I’ve watched on RUclips.
Confirmation🙌🏻
I am sorry for the passing of your mother in November.
This is coming at such a pivotal time in my life. My Dad just recently told me “how can we even be sure you’re my Daughter”, this was after I asked him a simple question of where he was during my childhood. He is now denying he even said it. I know see him for who he truly is, a liar and gaslighter. A lot of things make sense now. I am learning to fill that hole from him with self love. I am 42 and it took me this long to realize this.
Don't worry Tiffany you've done nothing wrong we accept as children whatever is " the norm" thank goodness you realise now and are giving love to yourself wholeheartedly.
Thank you so much for sharing your story
I asked my Dad some simple questions about my childhood 10 yrs ago. I was 55 years old at the time. He looked me straight in the eyes and said I was opening up Pandora’s box. I was confused so I asked him again. He shook his head because he could not answer my question. I learned at that moment he was a liar, and a Gaslighter. From that day on, it was hard for me to like him let alone show any kind of love for him. My father couldn’t answer simple questions about where he was during my childhood. And all the stuff about Pandora’s box? WTF???
I chalk it up to the double standard in our world. Men live by one set of rules, while women are expected to live by another set of rules. 😢
Tiffany, my mother a narcissist, my father enabler, I just realized now in my 50's. I sold my house to look after them, he has always been on my mothers side, even when she told me my brother that had just passed, didn't love me. When I told my dad, he said, "Who do u think u are? you are nothing..then he said I stole from him, I had just sold my house I had money. I was so shocked. I left their house the next day, got airbnb and now 3 months, no contact. My bday in a week and he sent e mail he wants to give me money. I will not respond, but all the money in the world will change those horrible words from them...Be strong and don't accept disrespect from anyone.
Ya he was just making a comment. Parents say this all the time. I have a son that doesn’t like chocolate I say that to him how can you be my son. We don’t mean it. Not everything is literal.
Your story regarding fragile self, a narcissistic mother and falling apart after a not really significant relationship are exactly mine. My mother also insinuated it was my fault (she has actually never truly been a good emotional support to any of her children as it's all about her). I did all the things you did, drank, smoked but also avoided relationships as I realised I was so fragile I couldn't risk dealing with another rejection. Unfortunately, this avoidance pattern has persisted throughout my life even though I have had many male friends who have been supportive and some who wanted a relationship. Your story is inspirational and thank you for it.
Thank you for sharing
I was also raised by a narcissist. My mother. I get codependent in relationships because of it. I lose my self in relationships. I lost my virginity at age 20. I was taught to believe that a good girl didn’t do that. I felt so scared, I turned to my mother. She told me I was “used”. She said no one would ever want to marry me now. I ended up marrying a narcissist. He was emotionally and physically abusive. It took me years to get away. I feel terrible that I raised my children in this toxic situation. I know that I can’t be in a relationship because of all that’s happened to me. I’m doing better now. On my own.
My mother said something similar about something else. "you've lived with him, no one else will want you now".
Thank you so much for sharing, I'm so sorry for what you've been through
@@nolaparker9574❤
@@BecomingMe64❤
@@BecomingMe64thank you for caring.
Something rarely displayed these days, pure honesty! So incredibly sad, yet the story will help so many others in the process.
Thank you for sharing this, it will help a lot of people. As a daughter of a narcissistic father I totally relate to that.The moment I realized that I do not want to please him anymore was the moment of freedom for me, 'disappointing' him (as he always said to me ) did not matter to me anymore. All the love to you ❤
Thank you for sharing🫂🫂🫂 I’m escaping a narcissistic person for a 2 nd time.
My heart breaks to hear your voice so fragile. And, I understand. It’s an undermining person really jealous of us doing that.and they did not know how to compliment us
I appreciate your raw authenticity. ❤️😻😍😘
Thank you so much for sharing
Like you I seem to be attracted to only self absorbed men and have been really hurt. I also decided to be grateful for my wonderful children and their spouses and grandchildren and friends and do the things that bring me joy. Better to be grateful for what I have than be sad that I don’t have a significant other. I am glad you are feeling better. Life is short make your next chapter the best ever. 😊
Yes, but first we need to be greatful for ourselves.
My mother was also a narc. I was not her favorite and really suffered her meanness but I just did my best. That's how I live my life, by doing my best each time, so I have no regrets. The choices I've made were the best option at the time, with what I knew at the time. I do not berate myself for mistakes, I just go forward.
I appreciate you telling your story. It’s helpful. ❤
I'm so glad!
People think that mental breakdowns are going crazy - they’re like out of body experiences and then you look back with regret, stress, and sadness. We go on and let it go. I have a narcissistic father. So it does make sense.
Great to see Holly again. Her smile and kindness calm down my soul. Every time that I see her, she reinforces my path in the permanent search for the happiness, mental health, and serenity. God bless your life, Holly.
Thank you so much!
Oh yes my mother died of cancer but over the 18 months it took , her and mainly my sister ganged up on me and tried to steal my life so that I would evolve solely around her caretaking. I lost a decade of guilt and grief from lashing out and removing myself as much as possible until she passed. Now I realize my sister is a narcissist..
There are really no wasted years because you have to learn from every experience that was put before you in the mortal path of existence.
Thank you for sharing this. I went through something similar at 27. It robbed me of so many years.
I now refuse to waste time pining over anyone.
I've had so many friends over the years fall prey to the 'Oh, we're basically separated' or 'We're only together for the kids, I sleep on the couch' only to find out later there was never any trouble in his marriage to begin with.
Wow, that’s crazy that those people your friends were duped by were all just totally lying in order to have an affair!
In my early 20s, I was devastated over my college boyfriend break up and I could hardly see my way out of that for a while. Then I got married at 27 and the marriage ended, not by my choice, before our two year anniversary. He was younger and didn't want to be married. I mourned that loss for most all of my 30s. I wish I could get those years back. I finally started dating in my late 30s and 40s and it was one trainwreck after another. Now, in my 50s, I'm too scared to get another wrong guy so I just don't try to date.
Dating is another animal these days, it seems. I bet there are good guys out there, but so difficult to make the right connection. I am 70 now and honestly feel I am not that interested in it anymore.
I relate
Hmm you are not alone just turned 57 , male fit health full head of hair and no health issues, financially stable and looking to travel a lot. Finding someone to share life is just as hard in my world.
Thank you so much for sharing
@@ChilliPepper-n2b Good to know I'm not the only one in this boat.
Being in a toxic relationship for nearly 17 years. Thank god my son was almost 18 when the relationship started. Extremely selective of who I date and will not tolerate control freaks. Glad you are feeling much better Holly. Getting the word out to everyone I know about your much needed channel. Have a great inspiring week 🙌🏻🌞
I love all of the pretty green colors in your video, I recently stopped going over thing in my mind regarding my mother and her faults because I realized a code I was never taught. Love and accept yourself, Love God & Love People. You can't go wrong. I was always caught up before in everything that was wrong with me and everybody else. Now I look for the love in everything. It has changed my life. My mother died last April, I had those terrible feeling in my heart about her. I regret that I didn't know how to love better, but now I know and now I will.
I'm so happy to see your back. Been praying for you as I thought maybe you were sick. You have been missed.
Thank you so much!
It's easy to say "Don't live in the past" buy that's easier said than done when your decisions have affected others. I deeply regret marrying my ex husband 32 years ago. I should have acknowledged the signs. He not only caused me emotional distress at various times, but my daughters also. I feel guilty that they had to suffer because of my decision. We had some happy times and fun, so I try to focus on that. Thankfully we're all in a happier place now.
That's great that you feel better now.
Sounds like my life.
Abraham Hicks teaches that the biggest waste of life is regretting the past. They encourage us to view challenging situations from inside the vortex, finding the positive aspects instead of dwelling on pain.
Your mother, like all of us, is a human being with her own flaws and perspectives. At 45, you were in a position to make your own decisions. Taking responsibility for your choices can be empowering and freeing. From the vortex, you may see the situation differently. Forgive your mother, not for her sake, but for yours.
She gave you the gift of life, raised a wonderful person (you), and blessed you with a younger brother. I’m sure there’s much more to appreciate about her if you look closely.
I wish you healing, joy, and continued success with your channel!
beautifully said❤
what an incredible incredible comment. taking back that power is so freeing. we get to choose and create the environment around us. we get to choose how we respond and react
Your comments resonate with me. We are all complicated. We need to take into consideration how different generational outlooks are. Mothers aren't always able to say or do what we wish they did; and they are coming from a place that is different from ours. A therapist I loved and who brought me through a terrible time, told me that my mother was a narcissist. I am still trying to figure out why she said that, and if it was true. Reading your comments makes me feel that my mother was loving, and did the best she could, coming from her generation and her emotional state of being.
We may be mothers but we are also individuals. Our children for some odd reason don’t understand this. To all the mothers out there, I wish you the best of everything everyday of your lives here on earth. May God bless you and may you find peace, love and happiness. Lots of love and hugs to you all ❤.
my situation was this my mother never had any time for us three children. I understand now, as to why, my father was not a good husband and poor father. I grew up being seen but not heard. I refused to marry right after university instead I saved my money and bought a condo penthouse three bedroom. I thought my parents would be proud of me.... oh boy was I wrong instead she said to me *when I visit, I will be sleeping in the master bedroom) and changed subject. I was speech less but then again this is my family. I learned never ever ask for their opinion. It hurts less now, but I can't forget how they were. both are dead, I was left with the not so happy memories
Thank you so much for sharing
I hope you were proud of yourself! Most people don't have that level of financial discipline.
I could so relate to your story about never being broken up with. When it finally happened to me at age 53 the devastation was far reaching. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I too have been able to heal and transform my life.❤
Nice to meet a kindred spirit!
Thanks!
Thank you so much!!
@@BecomingMe64 Your welcome Holly!
Hormones at that time of life 40- 53 can make women fall apart and act not like themselves. I went through it, my first daughter did too and now my second daughter is going through it.
Oh my goodness yes.
Totally agree with this statement.
We may have hormonal chgs that cause uncertainty and pain. Other ppl should be polite and not make excessive demands or show disappointment. Similarity, we should know when to stop the crazy feelings.
I love this video! You've given me alot to think about, and I'm happy you're feeling better
You're a wonderful person. It's a mistake to believe that women can ONLY get love and happiness through a man!!!!! That could have been in the past but definitely NOT now.im single , knowing myself everyday better enjoying my free time and I'm nearly 60 and happy!!!!❤❤❤ You're wonderful all women need to love themselves FIRST ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you!
My father was the one who was narcissistic. My mother was just sort of oblivious to it. He was more covertly narcissistic - mainly either just ignored my older brother & I, or was angry at us for some reason, or had contempt for us. He was a minister so that created cognitive dissonance in me as we'd go to church and watch him preach love, forgiveness etc, and smile and shake people's hands as though he was the kindest man in the world. But as soon as we were at home, we got his other side. My mother never really called him out or saw anything wrong with how he treated us, prob because her own father was abusive but in a louder more obvious way. Anyway I get the grief part with your mother - feeling as though you were losing her again. I felt that with my father. When I was a child I always told myself that when he finished working as a minister and 'wasn't so busy' he would be the good kind father to us I knew he really was (the one we saw at church, or the other odd glimpses we got of him laughing with friends and adults). Well he got older and less busy but he didn't change. And I got older and got busier and had children and was struggling myself. And I could have used the kind words of a supportive father. But I never got them as he started to become unwell with Parkinson's Disease. And he just kept declining. And one day my mother went away on some long overseas trip and I really needed to talk to someone, and realised even though my father lived nearby and was there I couldn't just pick up the phone and talk to him, because the relationship just wasn't there. If he answered the phone I'd always ask to speak to my mother. So I came to the realisation that he was never going to be the father I needed because it was just too late. And he didn't have the capacity to show or even feel love probably. That relationship was never going to be resolved. That hit me like a tonne of bricks. It felt like losing him twice - once as a child and again as an adult. It felt very lonely and angry and sad. What makes it worse with narcissists is that no-one else outside the family (or inside sometimes) can see what you experienced because they put on a show for everyone else. Then eventually he died, but I wasn't especially sad because I'd already grieved about his absence in my life.
I understand you. And wish you well.
I can relate so much to this, thank you for sharing
Thank you Holly for your honesty.
Very recognizable the grief a narcissistic mother can cause.
❤
I am just coming out of my dark period - an eerily similar situation to yours. I struggle with the thoughts of having 9 years of my life wasted, but I also think that I learned a great deal about myself on this journey. Life is not linear; life is a series of ups and downs as we all know. Without dark times, personal growth would be stunted. When we come out on the other side of this darkness, we learn to appreciate the lighter times. Blessings to you 🙏
Thanks for sharing!!
I hope u get better. Rest and lay down. My mother died in 2020 and had not talked to her in 12 years. She basically u could say she was sociopathic. There was no reconciliation or closure. Got a email saying she had died
So good to see you again, Holly...and thank you for sharing on this. Sharing experiences as the daughter of a narcissistic mother will help so many watching this channel because you are exactly in the right space to talk about it in a way that is relatable. My father was a narcissist and all my life made excuses for him and the damage he did to our family. Ten years go, I fell into a romantic, full-on relationship with a man who's behaviours reminded me of my father and I was making the same excuses for him too. Of course it ended but not before I felt traumatised. I am now 68 yrs and just starting to feel happy about myself and being on my own. Those relationships with narcissistic people are damaging and unsustainable but when it's coming from a parent, the child has no understanding or way to escape. God Bless you for talking about this sensitively and in a healing light x
Thank you so much for sharing
I'm glad I've seen this today. I've been feeling so depressed recently because my mother is ageing. We have had a complicated relationship but the last few years she supported me through a lot of bereavement. Unfortunately this also meant I ended up partially dependant on her again which was something I'd worked really hard to avoid. The life I built crumbled and she supported me as I grieved that but now she is getting old herself. I need to figure out some kind of path myself and I've been feeling so scared and lost like a frightened child. I think I have a lot of learnt helplessness where I don't believe that I'm able to support myself. I've tried starting businesses but I haven't had much success with it. So I'm going to look for a job again. And continue with a small business I started last year to see if I can get that to work for me since it's something I enjoy a lot. It helps to talk about this stuff and feel less alone, thank you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, thank you so much for sharing part of your story
Always appreciate your honesty. Glad you're feeling better.
I've been learning more about limerence and how we tend to be drawn to folks who are unavailable, due to our own neglect, abuse, or abandonment issues from childhood with a toxic parent (my father was the narcissist).
We attract what we are. The more dysfunctional we are, that's what we attract. Gotta work on ourselves to break the cycle, and eventually feel worthy of the love we actually want.
You’re so right! Lots of people expect that the other will fill up what you feel void. That’s not how relationships work. You should feel happy about yourself as who you are. Don’t look for something that you don’t have from others. That agenda eventually become toxic relationship.
Hi Holly, so glad you are feeling better. Definitely relate to the NPD mother. Mine also has undiagnosed/untreated bipolar. It has taken 52 of my nearly 59 years to realize what had happened to me, and how it derailed my happiness, self confidence, career, everything. Thank you so much for offering up your story. It is so important to protect ourselves first, before entering into any new romantic relationship. Manipulators and personality disordered folks seems to proliferate. LoA and let it flow! Take good care! xo
Thank you so much for sharing
I have several regrets.
I have a human characteristic we all have...imperfections.
Although my parents loved me there was emotional neglect that went on.
I remember being so frustrated when having talks about things that would happen... and basically being told they did not believe me.
There was a 3 year period that started when I was 10... it was hell while I tried to cope with it on my own.
It had a huge impact on my life...I often wonder how much better life would have been with some support through that.
We all have imperfections..it's exhausting to try to keep up.. I just try to stay happy, anyway.
Totally can relate! I once started saying thank you and then what I was asking for happened. I've continued doing so everyday and it changes your world. It's gradual but I enjoy the half hour I spend focusing on being grateful. I also found myself very fragile after a breakup and remember thinking this can never happen again. Since then, I have focused on becoming stronger. Focus on yourself. Not selfishly, but work on others not affecting you so much. Everyone had their own issues, triggers and traumas. Figure your own out, focus and be grateful.
Well said, thank you!
Hello. I regret giving up on my life 20 years ago. I thank you for sharing ❤
It is never too late to start anew.
You're not alone. I gave up 10 years ago, also. Worst decision ever!!
After 15 years I woke up and have a plan forward. It is never to late to start again.
I missed you and your Positive messages.....You look GREAT ! Camera and setting also work well. Now the story is very important as well. I'm a man, and can relate to what happened to you as well. Lots of wisdom here. Excellent points about the mportance of a strong sense of self-worth. You are VERY loveable and attractive and have a magnetic personality. You will attract what you need. Read recently that the most powerful drug known to man----is the Power of Words!. Keep the teachings coming...............Love ya----
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in this video.
My ❤️ heart goes out to you. These experiences must have been truly heart wrenching. I respect your immense self-awareness and strength. You were fragile but it grew into a strength that you are giving now to others ❤❤. Thank you dearly for your channel. Glad you're ok. I never had a mother (she left and never returned when I was 2. My father was narcissistic, and I think that's why. 🎉I'm grateful for all you've shared.🙏
Thank you so much!
Why are people so negative
Thank you for your videos
I enjoy your videos
Thank you
Your haircut is SUPER cute on you!
Oh thank you!
Ugh. Hello ladies.. a married man who lives with his wife… is a married man. If he tells you his wife is a witch and he’s leaving her.. think about it. Do they have kids? Is he just escaping the responsibility of parenting, family and being a husband? The woman was seeing my husband for a year while I was home raising our toddlers, one of whom is special needs. And these cowards find needy women who buy this bs. In my humble opinion by 45 we should know better than to hook up with a man who is living with his wife and hasnt filed for divorce. Did I have a dark chapter of my life? Yes I did. The day I had to tell my beautiful five year old daughter and seven year old son that mommy and daddy were getting a divorce. I had been a stay at home mom and now had to face parenting a special needs child with no current work experience and my heart in a million pieces. Don’t hook up with married men.
I’m sorry your mom was so selfish and harmed you so much. I have experience with that too. I hope you experience continued success with laws of attraction. You seem very successful from this side of the camera. Keep going.
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Funny, but not in the current context.
Or in my case...my father.
In my case....both.
So sorry what you went through. I will be praying for your continued strength and new endeavors.
Certainly an interesting channel. Very real for a change. I’m glad your health has been largely restored, healthy is good.
Thought provoking story. As people we make mistakes because we have emotions which sometimes cause us to be cast adrift. When we reconcile with the mistake and gain control of of emotions it is then we have a duty to ourself to grow and improve. The sooner we realize this the better our lives will become. It’s how we respond to the issue and it does take time. I can see your regret. I can feel your regret. It is in the past. I’m glad you are no longer held hostage to it. Keep it in the past - where it belongs.
Hi Holly, I’m glad you are feeling better. I think it’s good you are comfortable when you are creating your videos. It definitely doesn’t look like to me the camera is on the ceiling. Thank you for sharing what happened to you when you were 45. That couldn’t have been easy. I too had an affair with someone who was also married as was I. I was 48 at the time. My marriage ended, but this person stayed in theirs always promising to leave it to keep me hanging on. It was the most toxic, narcissistic relationship of my life that was full of lies and empty promises that I was caught up in for a decade. I was a broken person for about 5 years after it ended due to the person cheating. So that was a pretty big regret for me, but I realized there was some reason I had to go through it. I have learned a-lot about narcissism thanks to a channel on RUclips and can now spot a narcissist from a mile away. I too had low self-esteem and didn’t think I could do any better. I now know all that I believed about myself is not true and I love myself, who I am and who I am evolving to be. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in having a regret in life. I’m sure everyone has at least one! 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your story
I had a narcissistic father. Nothing I did was ever good enough or worthy of his attention. Probably a little different from such a mother, but also made me doubt myself. Even more confusing was having a mother that tried to overcompensate for him. He’s been gone almost ten years, but I’m still dealing with the childhood trauma. Glad you have gotten to a better place. It’s a long road.
It's a long road for sure, hang in there
When you realize this life is very temporary and short, success or not are not matter, in another 100 years, no one even knows who you were. I enjoy my lonely life.
Hi, Your video background is calming, comforting and pleasing to watch! I admire your personal stories that you shared and can relate to similar life situations. It’s therapeutic and I’m thankful and appreciative of your thoughts
spent years trying to figure out why my narcissistic mother disliked me, seems jealousy is a part of it, their lives are fading and we are developing, and the prospect we might turn out HAPPIER than they are, wants them to separate from us, leaving us forever searching for the love we craved, convoluted for sure, but almost impossible to conquer, we get involved with people who are destined to leave us repeating the pattern we so want to avoid,
Thank you so much for sharing. It's so difficult for people to understand what we have been through that don't have a narcissistic parent
The blaming cold words of your mother made you go back to your childhood 💔
I guess i have more to regret than you. I wasted 20 years or more of my life after a break up in my early 20's. Like you, I was angry, depressed and miserable. Im in my 60's now and never married or had kids and still have no regrets. Being single does have its advantages . Don't regret those what you say, are critical mistakes, what's the point ? The important thing is, unlike me, you have learned from them. You are a very interesting person Holly... Love your vids.
YT algorithm sent me here. And I’m so glad it did. Algorithm got it right 💯 for where I’m at right now.
I relate to your story, it’s very good to hear how you sorted things out. You’re very strong, none of it is easy. My mother was not a narcissist, but she was a victim, and taught me how to be. I suffered in relationships with no self-esteem, choosing men that had nothing to offer and didn’t pretend to. I felt compelled to do my my part and their part for many years. My only solution was to stay single. Would be wonderful if younger women could be better equipped and get it right I think your videos are valuable. Regret is terrible to live with.
Thank you so much for sharing
Have you read the book It’s Not You? It’s fantastic. It’s been 20+ years now that I’ve lost of my life and I wish I could go back and do things differently. I lost everything I had worked for and built, all my family and friends….. I have been through some of the darkest times and I still am dealing with them. I’m shocked I’m still alive. Today has been a very rough day and I came across your video. I don’t take pleasure in others pain, but you made me feel that I’m not alone in my suffering. Peace ✌️
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I encourage you to start studying the law of attraction and watch every video you can find on the subject. It is the only thing that brought me out of the darkness
I can definitely divide my adult life into my pre- and post- late 30s. I was living and working with people who I didn't like and didn't like me. I drank a lot and wasn't always a nice person ( I wasn't a monster or anything like that, just snappy a lot of the time). As I got towards middle-age I realised I'm just someone who needs a lot of space, and tried to work on that. I like being on my own although, weirdly, I now interact with people a lot better and am much more comfortable in myself. Happiness takes time, and it's important to be who you are, not who you think you should be,
Stay single, work on yourself, exercise, eat right, travel and keep your finances to yourself…
This is such a great story I can relate to. The first time someone broke it off with me was after my mom died and it sent me spiraling into depression. I kept busy with the gym and dancing but, boy I felt worthless because he really wooed me in a way I'd never experienced before. The depression lifted as my dancing started to take off with milestones, competitions, new faces, and accolades. I still hate him, but I'm in a much better place now.
Thank you so much for sharing, I'm so glad you are in a better place now
Holly! Welcome back and thank you. Thank you for your camera being such to make you comfortable and like we are having a coffee chat in your home. And thank you for tackling a tough topic and sharing so vulnerably. My mom has narcissistic leanings and I am just now able to see some of that and how it shaped me. Awareness is everything in helping us accept and overcome! Thanks again❤
Don't worry we all make mistakes x
I wa broken up with for the first time at age 61, after 15 years of marriage. Took me 5 years to recover and now life is great again. Just starting seeing someone recently, I know I could survive it if/when it happens again. Now I know it was a blessing to be release.
I think the number one thing that determines your outcome, regardless of what you were exposed to, is...do you LOVE yourself. I have been exposed to those who have mental health issues (family members) yet, I don't see myself as part of that. I do not take on other people's issues or low self-worth. Their perception of me doesn't matter because I value myself, and I know I have the correct perspective from what Source has said about us. I have been like this since I was a young teenager. I didn't become a Christian until I was 24, but my strong sense of self kept me from making costly mistakes. I never did what others did, because I did not want to wreck my life. I was always a cause-and-effect person.
Thank you so much for sharing
Hope you feel better. So glad you are back dear lady! Love your chair conversations and appreciate your content
Thank you so much!
your stories resonate with me. I too had an affair with an attorney because of low self-worth, which started with my relationship with my mom. Of course, I knew none of that then! Everything that happens in our exterior life is a reflection of what's happening inside of us. Thank you for sharing your story.
It's always wonderful to hear from a kindred spirit
I like your style. I felt like you were talking to me in my living room like a friend. Thanks for sharing….
Glad to see you're back!
Thank you so much for sharing all of this so honestly and vulnerably. It helps a lot of other women.
I'm so glad!
I went through a Great Depression over the loss of a good friendship . For five years I suffered the loss of our once great friendship. But then two things happened. 1.) I surrendered it to God. After all, He has never ever let me down. 2.) Then a good friend said to me "You can't unring a bell". Sometimes friendships require forgiveness. I didn't know I needed to forgive because I was so hurt. But I did. When I saw my long lost friend at Christmas she gave me a beautiful gold and silver bracelet with a knot in the middle of the bracelet which she said represented our friendship. She was right and we have found our friendship again. Forgiveness is huge in moving on in life. It's much easier than carrying the burden of hurt or anger.
Amen. Forgiving is so hard. But most important. When I feel like I can't forgive I ask God through Jesus and His Holy Spirit for help to do so.
But what if your friend didn’t repent and never apologized or gave you that bracelet, would you still have forgiven her? I’m asking because I find it absolutely impossible to forgive someone that’s really hurt me, especially on purpose, and then they never apologize or even acknowledge their wrongdoing. I just find that completely unforgivable and not even worthy of forgiveness to begin with. Curious what your thoughts are.
Super sharing!… Life…. Our life… My life… crossing the highways and byways of many other lives… Life is more valuable than an entire solar system and… my life is all mine… it’s all yours…. We are not perfect… and that’s been the truth since the beginning… and we?… are the only one’s responsible for the care and nurturing of our gift regardless of all the imperfections and all those influences we’ve encountered… many heartbreaking… even as we continue to travel… Life’s highway~ and I think You sharing a part of your life (to me) says… you’ve overcome so much and that… you’re honest and a beautiful person Holly. Mahalo for sharing this one🏄♂️🤙
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure that it will help many through their journey.
Thank you Holly for sharing this part of your life so openly while respecting your private boundaries. ❤
Wow!! I just stumbled upon your channel. My father was a narcissist and most of my family has narcissistic tendencies. I’m 59 years old. I suffer at the hands of my father for the first part of my life. I had no idea what a narcissist was or the red flags 🚩. I just knew I didn’t like how he treated me, I was scared to death of him. It gets worse. Because I’m very empathetic and always willing to help others I was perfect prey for a worse type of narcissist, a sociopath!! I was trapped into a shotgun wedding and because I did what I thought was the right thing I married her. Since we had a child together. She ripped my soul out of me and destroyed my life and myself. I divorced her which was a nightmare in its self. But because we had kids I couldn’t get away from her psychological abuse for 19 years. Just 2 years ago I finally started seeing a therapist and my eyes were opened, but the damage was already done. Peace ✌️
Thank you so much for sharing your story
So sorry about that, How are you doing this Morning.
Glad you are back and feeling better. Look forward to your next feed. Sandra BTW, no regrets just a story of very hard heartfelt losses that I believed have truly changed or have defined me to who I am today. 🙏💜🙏💜🙏
Sounds like the guy you dated at 55 was a narcissist if he was Lovebombing you right out of the gate. That over the top, way too fast, wanting to get married after a week. I’m sure you know the stages; Lovebombing,devalue and then discard. Went through it all myself. And you have to be careful because these critters have a way of seeking people like us out.
I have many regrets over the several decades I've been alive. I try to share things with younger people that may make a positive difference in their future lives based on some of my own missteps. I think that's a good way to pay it forward and make "lemonade out of lemons." I wish ALL adults had been more instructive back when I was a child and young adult, when we were left to "fly by the seat of the pants."
Thanks for sharing your story. Very brave. Regrets...sure I a have a couple that may pop up occasionally, but are gone as fast as they came.I think it's normal. Glad you're feeling better.
I've been through alot myself and am twice divorced. I'm now 69. I have 2 adult sons and 6 grandchildren. Two of which are beautiful 5 year old twin girls. I'm previously a hairdresser then much later on actually worked with children. I've always really loved kids.
Being in an unhappy/abusive marriage is the oldest line there is. Men have used it on so many women who believe it. I have a friend that wasted her best dating years on a married man that never intended to leave his wife. Almost none of them leave their wives.
I'm so happy you are back and feeling better. I'm EXCITED 😁 to report that after today, I have SUCCESSFULLY completed the 30 day Challenge of NO GRANULATED SUGAR! This was a HUGE WIN for me. Thanks to all of you by reading your comments who helped me in this journey. 💪🏽 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎊 ❤
YAY!!!! Way to go girl!!! Did you notice a difference in how you feel?
@@BecomingMe64 Absolutely! Without a doubt, 3 days after the challenge, I'm STILL UNDEFEATED! 😀 💪🏼
Hi Holly! So glad you are back! I also grew up with a narcissistic mother and father. They both drank heavily and so do both of my siblings. I married a narcissist, who was also a big drinker. I divorced him when I was 28 and raised our 2 sons. I tried for years to get my parents to love me and to be kind to me...waist of my time. I did put myself through nursing school and retired last year. I am now 62, single and very happy. I found a 12 Step program called, ACA- Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families. This program has changed my life. My parents are still alive and haven't changed but I sure have. I set boundaries and only talk to them a few times a year. Life has been a challenge but it has taught me so many valuable lessons. I feel like my beautiful journey has just begun!
waste
Thank you so much for sharing this!
So sorry to hear you've been sick. Glad you are better!
here's the deal... when a person looks or thinks that something or someone can "complete them" or "make them happy"... well, that person is lost... DO NOT look outward for happiness or peace... you can only found that peace and serenity within yourself... and if you continue to blame your parents for your current problems when you're an adult then are you really an adult ? ...
Bingo! I'm so glad someone else caught this. Blaming a sudden cigarette and alcohol issue that happened later in life on someone else seems really silly and not very mature at all for someone in their 40's. I'd expect that type of behavior from a teenager who hasn't experienced life yet. Find satisfaction and peace within yourself and you won't try to prove anything to anyone, expect anything from anyone, nor look to anyone for peace you should have within.
I can't help but wonder what role she played in her mother becoming so obsessed with her being with a married man. 🤔
@@nuthinbutlovewhat a compliment! She's in her mid sixties! 😂
@@nuthinbutloveIf you ask something like this, you have never had narcistic parents. Because if you would have, you could understand a lot more.
@Butterfly828-x8e mmm....i'm successfully retired (in my profession, that's called "all eaten up")....in my 30+ year professional career, i worked with high profile clients in various states, communities, and institutions in various positions completing various functions, tasks, and roles... i interacted with many personality types and with many mental challenges ... a person is responsible for their own personal thoughts, ideas, behaviors, and actions... any person is no different than any other person in that regard ... instead of looking outward for excuses, a person should examine their own thoughts, ideas, behaviors, and actions and with counseling they ought to develop tools and techniques to manage their own decisions and decision making processes instead of blaming others for their own deficiencies...
@@juliafisher5844 and still blaming her mother
Thank you for sharing your story! ❤
I went through some really bad break ups but the people I broke up with, and they were really bad break ups one took me to court for my dog. I still have the dog. But I worked it out I was a people pleaser and was picking narcissistic people like my mother or unavailable people like my father. I am 67 and just worked it out why this happened.
Thankyou for sharing ❤. I can relate. Sometimes in life though people meet each other and they brake off their marriges both women and men.
My friends relative 35- 40s at the time.had a terrible marrige . She just went ä out and about one night to a very nice bar. There he was. The new husband😊. She is living a fantastic life with this shipowner. They really love each other. Like a fairytale.
There are no rules how to handle things in life. Everyone is different.
Being human makes each one of us "fragile" in some way. I think it's all part of the experience. imo
Also, I think from my own experience, no matter what kind of home experience we had growing up, we can fall "asleep" or fall in love with people who say things that feel good all the while ignoring the red flags being presented...just saying don't be hard on yourself....it's just life.....
That’s not an affair if the act was not consummated! !
Daughter of a narcissist mother. I made myself an orphan on purpose about 8 years ago and best decision I could have made. I’m very aware of that type of person when they come into my life and I get away very quickly.
Glad you’re back, your story resonates with me!❤