YOU MAY BE THE REAL PROBLEM SIS!

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  • Опубликовано: 16 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 111

  • @latifahwallace5985
    @latifahwallace5985 Год назад +39

    Alhumdulilah it's a blessing that this just dropped. I'm listening as I commute home but at the same time gaining so much knowledge jazakallah

  • @immes682
    @immes682 Год назад +23

    Nafissa has helped me so much with my life. I have found many husbands by hearing her podcasts. Best quality men. Now I am happily married with chad.

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад +5

      Wonderful! A Alhamdulilah stay blessed

  • @mimo4856
    @mimo4856 Год назад +50

    Nafisa, I haven't watched the video yet but please can you make one, especially for the brothers to remain chaste. I'm struggling to find a husband who I am attracted to but it seems like all the guys I find physically attractive have some impure past. There are double standards in our Muslim community about women guarding their chastity but no one bats an eyelid if a brother does not guard his. I get laughed at when I tell sisters I'm trying to find a chaste husband because apparently it's impossible nowadays :(

    • @AlAafiah
      @AlAafiah Год назад +18

      Keep your standard

    • @kingplays5364
      @kingplays5364 Год назад +12

      It's not, they are there. Just not in lowly places.

    • @MuslimMan246
      @MuslimMan246 Год назад +3

      Zina is a big sin in Islam. There are countless chaste muslim men present I can vouch for that. Search properly and stop judging all muslim men through same lens.

    • @FR-zz2bj
      @FR-zz2bj Год назад +6

      Alhamdulilah I know of many chaste muslim men and women. Stay chaste, Allah will send you a pure man InshaaAllah

    • @monilolalove9361
      @monilolalove9361 Год назад +17

      The same thing happened to me, I was told I was a perfectionist, so people even laughed! But I PRAYED and continuously spoke to Allah and he did it for me. I marrried a man that was chaste. It wasn’t easy waiting, but Alhamdulilah it was defintely worth the wait. It’s been six months and I’m glad I waited.
      Do not listen to the negativity and remain focused. It is certainly NOT impossible. Come on! NOTHING is impossible with Allah. Just like Allah has done it for soooo many of us, he will grant you your hearts desires. Ameen.

  • @Avana20
    @Avana20 Год назад +26

    I agree. We all need to work on becoming the best version if we reach for the best version of men. It is crucial to have the tools we didn't grow up with. Admitting your wrongs is showing strength and showing up for you and your future family. We are in constant change.

    • @goldenhoursunset2758
      @goldenhoursunset2758 Год назад

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    • @goldenhoursunset2758
      @goldenhoursunset2758 Год назад

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    • @goldenhoursunset2758
      @goldenhoursunset2758 Год назад

      Mbona hn

    • @goldenhoursunset2758
      @goldenhoursunset2758 Год назад

      On m

  • @studious_muslimah
    @studious_muslimah Год назад +11

    You’re one of the most underrated Muslim RUclipsrs out there Nafisa. May Allah bless you and all that you do, Ameen

  • @-assiya
    @-assiya Год назад +8

    Nafissa All you say is truth ! I am even talking with a man but he seems so religious and focus on upgrading himself but i am always seeking attention ! I have goals, a grade to fulfill and family to take care, thank you for the reminder ❤

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад +5

      Alhamdulilah I’m glad that you realise this. This new realisation will help you to grow. Stay blessed

  • @georginagalindo5897
    @georginagalindo5897 Год назад +2

    I think when people feel they are the problem that leads to shame, shame leads to mental blocks and mental disorder, when people feel they have a problem separating the person from the problem but recognizing it and owning it makes a difference because they feel the may feel guilty and try to solve the problem. Shame destroys, guilt can lead to changes. A lot of mental problems are based on shame created in childhood.

  • @tinaali3686
    @tinaali3686 Год назад +7

    You made lots of VALID points and you are 💯 correct.. You made me realise things.. I’m happy I came across your video. I will watch it again loll
    Alhamdulillah.. May Allah swt grant you even more success. Ameen

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад

      Ameen and Jazaka’Allahu khairan for watching

  • @samia6888
    @samia6888 Год назад +6

    Ouch Nafisa!!! Looks like I have a lot of work to do 😢

  • @seyendeye4783
    @seyendeye4783 Год назад +2

    Seeing Nafisatou’s new video makes always my day جزاك الله خيرا ❤

  • @MadinaAhmed90
    @MadinaAhmed90 Год назад +7

    جزاك اللهُ خيرًا
    You’ve done it again dear Nafisa! Another of your beautiful most needed gems! Your series have touched so many people! Keep doing the amazing work my dear! ❤ let’s sit back and enjoy it

  • @nadirajames4267
    @nadirajames4267 Год назад +3

    SubhanaAllah!!! This was very good Ma shaa Allah TabarakAllah very beneficial 🤲🏾❤️

  • @BQ900
    @BQ900 Год назад +3

    So true, I see women go to a diff face but same character. She’s so insightful. May Allah bless her.

  • @saajb7208
    @saajb7208 Год назад +3

    as always u upload when I needed it. thanks a lot
    can u also talk about styles of attachments

  • @kaykay0xx
    @kaykay0xx Год назад +9

    Great advice! In this day and age of a lot of people being emotionally unstable, woman should know how to be independent and have self-respect but also have a balance and not be taken for granted or fall in a relationship with an emotionally avoidant/unavailable man who may be not giving enough investment and time into the relationship. Time apart and freedom is great, but not by ignoring emotionally connecting and developing intimacy with your man/woman :)

  • @fareedahisah3959
    @fareedahisah3959 Год назад +4

    May Allah continue to blessing. This is really an eye-opener. This also applies to both men and women.

  • @ginapetonito
    @ginapetonito Год назад +7

    Another excellent video. Al hamdulellah. Please do a video that will provide some nuts and bolts tips and techniques to help women overcome these problems, short of counseling. Jazakum Allahu Khair for your excellent channel.

  • @Sacdah
    @Sacdah Год назад +2

    Sister nafiza may Allah increase your knowledge ur absolutely amazing at giving advise❤

  • @monilolalove9361
    @monilolalove9361 Год назад +8

    Alhamdulilah. I’m always so happy when you upload. 💃🏿
    May Allah reward your efforts to help us all. Ameen.

  • @kawtarabselam9830
    @kawtarabselam9830 Год назад +4

    Jazak Allahu Khairan! Subhana Allah, we need to see ourselves before seeing other’s faults. Also, as friends we need to tell our sisters the truth and that maybe they’re the problem and it’s okay. Instead of going with this “go girl he doesn’t deserve you” mentality that are affecting healthy men’s reputation ❤️
    A big hug Nafisa,
    may Allah bless you 🫂

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад +1

      Waiyakum. I would disagree though on your point that empowering women not to stay with toxic men is affecting healthy men’s reputations. Healthy men’s character speak for it’s self. Some men really don’t deserve the good women in their lives because their behaviour is unacceptable (and vice versa) . It is not ok for anyone man or woman to have to live in misery. We all owe it to each other to put the effort that is required to make our relationships work.
      Thank you for your contribution though ❤️

    • @kawtarabselam9830
      @kawtarabselam9830 Год назад +2

      @@NafisasPearlz Ohh sorry I didn’t explain myself correctly!! I mean that sometimes we as women try to encourage or make our friends feel better when things doesn’t work out by saying the man doesn’t deserve them even when we know our own friends were having toxic behaviors or simply they were just incompatible. Or sometimes we just try to convince ourselves we ‘deserve better’ without realizing that to get what we want we should be what we want, first.
      Obviously no one should stay were they are not valued or respected. I just say it for this particular context. Thanks for your feedback and sorry for my lack of context 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️

  • @danam358
    @danam358 4 месяца назад

    I agree with you, that many sisters behave like that, although talking every 5 min is too extreme lol But I also want to mention that is not always the case. There are many ladies who have confidence and not clingy at all and almost perfect in every way but still single/divorced for many years is because God has not decided they marry yet! So naseeb plays a big role not necessarily there’s something wrong with her

  • @Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    @Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Год назад +1

    This is so timely Subhanala

  • @hajarguetbach1976
    @hajarguetbach1976 Год назад +14

    Assalamu alaikum! SubhanAllah, yesterday i was talking with my husband about our possible problems. I have realised long time ago that i might have the neediness issue, possibly due to abandonment issues and insecurity, but i dont know how to fix it. I am not overly clingy, i dont externalise it, i just hurt inside. I thought maybe detaching and getting busy is the best, Allahua3lam. Please any advise will be welcome and may Allah reward you Nafisa and anyone reading 🩵

    • @swanunicorn3316
      @swanunicorn3316 Год назад +1

      Your emotional needs are valid . You might have an anxious attachment style. ( Read the attachment theory, you can read the book attached) . Hope it helps. May Allah bless you and guide you sis 😅

    • @hajarguetbach1976
      @hajarguetbach1976 Год назад

      @@My_Secret_Sketchbook999 jazakallahu khairan 😊💖

    • @hajarguetbach1976
      @hajarguetbach1976 Год назад

      @@swanunicorn3316 Ameen! Idid some research after this video SubhanAllah, it does resonate with me hahaha But alhamdullilah, I don't think it's too extreme, Insha'Allah khair xx Jazakillahi khairan, May Allah reward you xx

    • @shyro1316
      @shyro1316 Год назад +1

      Read and learn the 99 names of Allah the book I suggest is reflectionon on the names of Allah by jinan Yousef, , and trust me it will build your relationship with Allah in the extend that you will see him the Almighty in all aspects of your life, you will feel the closeness to your Lord that will help you detach from everything and everyone, when I say detach I don't mean, that you will live lonely or don't love others , bit it means you will be doing all this bit in peace. You can as well practise sport , learning something new like a language, if you have kids take time to play with them and do activities with them , whether outside or inside. There is one book of Yasmine Mogahed named reclaim your heart a very inspiring book. May Allah make your heart attached to him only. ❤

  • @susankoroma3870
    @susankoroma3870 Год назад +2

    sister you are really amazing I am not marry but I have learnt a lot from you may Allah continue to bless you and increase your knowledge

  • @fatmatafayankay1055
    @fatmatafayankay1055 6 месяцев назад

    I have been following you since 2021 to date, I have working on myself and connecting my relationship with Allah. I build peace with myself and people around me. Alhamdulillah's

  • @pineappleoreo5349
    @pineappleoreo5349 Год назад +5

    Who else is scared to open this video🥴🥴Bro Im already stressed😵‍💫

  • @marietousarr9398
    @marietousarr9398 3 дня назад

    Thank you for this very useful video.
    And I want to say you that you are so beautiful Allahumma barik❤️🙏

  • @Anaaa605
    @Anaaa605 Год назад +3

    Thank you so much once again sister. Allah will continue to bless you 😊I love you so much

  • @miakamei1751
    @miakamei1751 Год назад +4

    I've learnt to deal with big triggers of my trauma. Now I need to tame the small triggers. #cptsd #EmotionalDysregulation
    The small ones aren't intense. They aren't strong emotional response but are impactful to us nonetheless.
    Small triggers are *irritations* , like food stuck in your throat.
    Small or big triggers. It is ultimately caused by our fears and resentment, misplaced expectations and attachment.
    Alhamdulillah while improving my emotional intelligence, my patience also improves.
    Allah SWT loves those who are patient :)

  • @ReadInitiative
    @ReadInitiative Год назад

    I just subscribed to your channel I am so glad I made this decision. Alhamdulillah. Your videos are so educational. Jazakillahu Khayran.

  • @clairerosalie
    @clairerosalie Год назад +1

    Thankyou for the video, Nafisa! I did these behaviour before the pandemic. Eventho I already work this out, I still need this video for a reminder to self improvement 😊. And I will rewatch it later for a self reminder, cause we all are humans and sometimes we have ups and downs :)

    • @maywewonder
      @maywewonder Год назад

      how did you work this out if i may ask ?

    • @clairerosalie
      @clairerosalie Год назад

      @@maywewonder tbh Matthew Hussey and Brian Nox videos really help me out to understand more about man. But aside from that, I was really trying self improvement and want to change to be better. And because i'm a Muslim, trying to learn and close with God help me too :)

  • @YoungRiaz
    @YoungRiaz Год назад +1

    Much love and respect nafisa

  • @mariamel-ouahhabi8507
    @mariamel-ouahhabi8507 Год назад +2

    Salam alkm sister just came across your page. MAA Shaa Allah. I really enjoyed this talk. I want to ask you if there is a book or can you do a video on how to be feminine and walk on it. As sometimes you grow muscling because you parent where and that all you know.

  • @maimunasaw
    @maimunasaw Год назад +10

    I read the title and was like ouch this video may hurt but also sting true a bit. Will edit once I finished the video😂
    Edit: I think this was me 3 years ago up to last year until I took it really serious and started to invest in personal development, stop making excuses and being in the victim mentality. I think if we can be our best muslim version we will also be great spouses✨

  • @muslimahdiva587
    @muslimahdiva587 Год назад +7

    My sister I love you for the sake of Allah so much May Allah increase you in the wisdom you share helping us women be beautiful better quality wives and wives 2b and self care ! 👊🏾💥🔥never to young or seasoned to learn

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад +1

      Absolutely! May Allah bless you for openness to learning and doing better ❤

  • @sakuu8552
    @sakuu8552 Год назад

    Needless to say, this counts for brothers as well. I have, and I bet other sisters have met or know some brothers who deal with these personal issues too. There’s no shame in seeking help, especially when it comes to self-development, like sister Nafisa says, may Allah bless and reward her for all her work - Ameen ❤️

  • @ok_ema_
    @ok_ema_ Год назад +1

    great advice once again! Thank you sister

  • @soulsixta7427
    @soulsixta7427 Год назад

    Some complain on matters that regard deen and you can't compromise.

  • @mariamh3856
    @mariamh3856 Год назад +7

    Nobody reasonable enough and thoughtful enough would ever think that "men are always the issue". Reality is always much more nuanced than bold immature statements of this sort. But it would be dishonest not to admit to the weight men have put on women when they fall in dominating behaviour often even forcing themselves onto those women who are not interested in pervasively intrusive men who don't have the right of authority over any of those women and who justify breaking all rules to contaminate their privacy. No matter how much they imagine themselves such behaviour is in anyway manly, they're certainly not the type of man any woman on this planet would want.
    There are women who live very happily all while having emotional security demands that root back to difficult childhood history with partners that understand and are secure enough to give them what they need. Not everybody has grown up into large families and entire villages either. So I disagree, emotional neediness doesn't mean somebody has giant issues or that they cant marry if they experience it. There's always room for growth without having to deprive oneself from seeking union intelligently. They have conscious struggles that is possible to live with when the partner corresponds. Working on oneself is the whole journey of life for everyone. However, and everybody is free to do whatever they want at the end of the day, but controlling men who are insecure with themselves to the point they obsess and hunt women like bleeding preys, those are the ones who need the most help, and should certainly not marry before they get that serious help.
    It is interesting that you point out at agressiveness in women when most of your videos focus on empowering them. Agressiveness does not mean anything. But responses with legitimate underlying anger is what makes most insecure men uncomfortable, when women reach a point of no return because of them or dominative male figures in their own family. A really secure man knows how to deal with a woman, no matter her character. The prophet sws is the loudest one example of that type of man, Aisha RA was not always an easy character to handle, there are several narrations around certain attitudes strong headed women display she'd have, yet she was respected and people were welcoming her as a whole.
    There's the saying that "there is someone for everyone", and we were not born to be copies. So while I welcome everything I could learn from your réflexions, I personally don't believe in one way of being a woman 🙂 Same goes for men. And as long as they're secure enough to own their personality and know what woman fits them, because they're the ones assigned as responding for the bigger load of responsibility for their household on the day of judgement.
    Regardless of the narrative in which this video was put, I very much appreciate your content, it is pure magic and balm of reminders. May Allah preserve you.

    • @nabiryepeninah9171
      @nabiryepeninah9171 Год назад

      I totally agree with you!! Women's love language is different from men's love language and Allah has made women different from men. You can understand women from a man's perspective, neither can you understand men from a woman's perspective. It's best to under and appreciate our genders the way Allah has created them and seek for guidance from Allah the most wise on how to handle our opposite sex. For He created both genders and knows them best.
      Infact, family background has alot of impact on us as we grow. People who don't come from large families and people who don't have parents are much more likely to fall into depression and be emotionally needy for the fact that they often don't have many people to talk to. Such people should never be made to feel like it's their fault to be so emotionally needy. Instead we should try to understand our partners by engaging with them and looking at how their life journey has shaped them and assure them that no matter what, we will always be there for them. We should give them a sense of security rather than disregarding their concerns. This also goes for people who have been disappointed alot in life. For crying our loud, how can one be sure 💯 that their heart won't be broken this time round if they have already been disappointed several times before?? Let's learn to be accommodative of our partners fears and concerns.

    • @YeahNoWay123
      @YeahNoWay123 Год назад

      I just dislike this idea that women are the “preys”, the “catch” and males are the “predators”. But ok, you do u

    • @mariamh3856
      @mariamh3856 Год назад

      @-0_MinusZero there are men acting like predators, and going as far as spying and playing mind games with women, which I denounced in that comment and which is a far bigger issue than "women struggling with emotional needs".
      And oh, feel free to dislike whatever you want.

    • @YeahNoWay123
      @YeahNoWay123 Год назад

      @@mariamh3856 I didnt say such crimes dont exist. I just feel that as a woman, id rather be the one hunting for male property/catch, then it being the other way round.

  • @norhidayah6319
    @norhidayah6319 Год назад

    I enjoyed watching your video sister. Alhamdulillah, keep doing your sharing.

  • @Malika_Deci
    @Malika_Deci Год назад +1

    She has a valid point but most likely that would happen when theirs an age difference or the person your married to is childish and immature in behavior. You are to keep the house clean but your not a maid.

  • @mohammadfahim2838
    @mohammadfahim2838 Год назад +4

    My Allah reward you

  • @garybennett5645
    @garybennett5645 Год назад +1

    Inshallah it’s easy to spot a narcissist be it male or female by their communications such as their mother then they are a mummy boy or it someone who blames other people.

  • @ayeshazafar494
    @ayeshazafar494 Год назад

    1) wrong attitudes
    2) Low self-esteem,insecurely attached
    3) chasing your exes

  • @Freedom_for_Palestina
    @Freedom_for_Palestina Год назад +1

    وَعَلَيْكُمْ السَّلاَمُ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

  • @Esselva88
    @Esselva88 Год назад

    I am the problem, I already knew it. I Still making the same mistakes. AT the start of my relastionships, men are respectfull to my person, admire of some of m'y quality, but at the end I finish to hurt them, drive them away from me because I am not patient, I am impulsive, when I am not happy the only thing I want IS to stop the relationship. I am tired of this repetitive cycle

    • @NafisasPearlz
      @NafisasPearlz  Год назад

      You can change it. It needs you to be brave, to trust. It’s going to be uncomfortable and unfamiliar but if you are determined to have a different outcome then it’s necessary. Do your work. You can do it.

    • @Esselva88
      @Esselva88 Год назад

      @@NafisasPearlz, I started to work on me hopefully things will change. Many thanks

  • @daucuslightskincarebrand5031
    @daucuslightskincarebrand5031 Год назад

    Assalamualaikum Sis
    Thank youuuuuuu for all this video
    Please I have a question?

  • @djenaagoddess8676
    @djenaagoddess8676 Год назад +1

    In VOSTFRENCH please Nafisa

  • @YoungRiaz
    @YoungRiaz Год назад +1

    Subhanallah

  • @muritalaakande69
    @muritalaakande69 Год назад +1

    Compliment

  • @namulondorashida1484
    @namulondorashida1484 Год назад

    But what if the things are unchangable. Heheh! Like i have been told i talk too much. My whole forefathers are talkers. How am i supposed to stop talking. With due respect i talk but respectful and i listen too. But i also talk. Talking is also the reason with the blessinv of Allah the reason that i have achieved the things i have wanted in my life.

  • @agienyaks4420
    @agienyaks4420 Год назад

    I think me loving alot is the problem 😳is it bad

  • @Thesiddiqua
    @Thesiddiqua Год назад +1

    Ouch

  • @nirozozo
    @nirozozo Год назад

    What if the reason is your face/appearance that you're constantly being rejected for? Can we change our face? And if we're going by Islamic rules and Quran we're not allow to change our physical appearance.

    • @salimwaxy4297
      @salimwaxy4297 Год назад

      It doesn't matter how u look, what matters is ur attitude bcoz there so many who can like ur complexion not all who can like your character, thank u

    • @nirozozo
      @nirozozo Год назад +1

      @@salimwaxy4297 Yes I agree, it should not matter how one looks, after all Allah Subhanallah Wa'Tala created us however would you marry someone that you found unattractive before even knowing their character? Be honest as Allah is all hearing & seeing and knows what's in your heart and knows your intentions.

    • @sereneamd
      @sereneamd Год назад +1

      There’s someone for everyone, even for those of us who are not conventionally attractive

  • @Maria-gd4vf
    @Maria-gd4vf Год назад +1

    I have heard a lot about the fact that I don't want to be cooking and doing the chores all the time and I am not willing to change. There is no man on this earth worthy enough for me to be doing all the cooking and cleaning.

  • @daisylilies2483
    @daisylilies2483 Год назад +4

    I’ve been guilty of being clingy in the past when dating men now I’m more aware and when I compare myself to my old self I feel the difference and confidence Inchalah I’m ready for a healthier relationship 🩵

  • @aishasaho6518
    @aishasaho6518 Год назад +1

  • @rchli1_
    @rchli1_ Год назад

    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • @aishasaho6518
    @aishasaho6518 Год назад +1

    First comment 😂

  • @rolaalmasri5857
    @rolaalmasri5857 Год назад

    ❤❤