Dating Expert Explains Modern Dating Dynamics - Matthew Hussey
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- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
- Matthew Hussey is the world's best-known female dating coach, a RUclipsr, public speaker and an author.
Choosing your ideal romantic partner is one of the most important choices you will make. However, men and women seriously struggle to understand each other, perhaps more than ever. Thankfully Matthew has spent 15 years coaching millions of women through their relationship struggles.
Expect to learn what the women Matthew coaches actually want in a man, whether the dating landscape has actually changed that much over the last 15 years, how to build deep and lasting attraction, why more women are opting to not have children, what men often misunderstand about women's mindsets, whether men should be more vulnerable with their partners, how to present your best self on your online dating profile and much more...
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Check out Matthew's website - www.howtogettheguy.com/
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#dating #relationships #matthewhussey
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00:00 Intro
01:13 What has Changed in What Women Want?
04:42 How the Dating Market has Evolved
11:24 What Men Misunderstand About Women
24:49 Most Common Traits of Attractiveness
27:19 Complaints that Matthew Receives From Female Clients
41:23 Challenges of the Modern Dating Market
52:32 Why is there a Gap in Sexlessness Between Men & Women?
1:01:38 What Women say They Experience in Online Dating
1:14:37 Is Matthew Worried About Decreasing Birthrates?
1:27:18 How to Build Deep Lasting Attraction
1:37:20 How Matthew Finds Happiness Amidst Success
1:50:46 What to do if You Feel Disconnected in Life
2:12:00 Where to Find Matthew
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Get in touch in the comments below or head to...
Instagram: / chriswillx
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Email: chriswillx.com/contact/
Hello you beauties. Really enjoyed getting a different insight on the mating market from someone on the front lines of female dating. Here’s the timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:13 What has Changed in What Women Want?
04:42 How the Dating Market has Evolved
11:24 What Men Misunderstand About Women
24:49 Most Common Traits of Attractiveness
27:19 Complaints that Matthew Receives From Female Clients
41:23 Challenges of the Modern Dating Market
52:32 Why is there a Gap in Sexlessness Between Men & Women?
1:01:38 What Women say They Experience in Online Dating
1:14:37 Is Matthew Worried About Decreasing Birthrates?
1:27:18 How to Build Deep Lasting Attraction
1:37:20 How Matthew Finds Happiness Amidst Success
1:50:46 What to do if You Feel Disconnected in Life
2:12:00 Where to Find Matthew
I dont see the point of following a mens advice on dating when he himself doesn't seem like a guy who've been on a serious healthy relationship. He always has the basic excuses for his singledom. Women out there who need a genuine opinion on how to date a men and be a wife should first of all look for men who've been married, some of them who've been divorced and had kids because these are the only men who can give you the correct advice on a LTR and not in the fairytale this dude is constructing. Im not disregarding his opinion at all but if you want to clearly get useful advice go listen to older men. Thats why I like to listen to older and not politically correct dudes like Tom Leykis , Better bachelor and Coach Greg Adams. I know I know this guy is handsome and has a smooth voice but I can almost fell asleep listening to this dude. He has no experience and credentials.
Thank You
@Z Z so cute! hugs :)
@@ricardodelacrvz1400 well yes if you need to know how women think.. ask women?:)) I listen to different ppl because ppls life experience varies. I only dated guys so I talk to my guy friends to figure out how their brain works and what are their patterns. I dont want to manipulate anyone into anything, I just dont want to get into the wrong relationship or friendship.
Good podcast. Men and women shouldnt be put in boxes. Everyone is different and wants and needs are different. See people as individuals, not as a collective group.
This us best podcast from a man talking on women and dating. He doesnt make women look like horrible creatures as many others these days seem to portray women as. X
When my father died, (I was 12) his best friend came over to our house to give his condolences and when he entered the room he was sobbing uncontrollably and tears were streaming down his face. I guess, at that age, this was the first time I saw a grown man full on crying. You know what? This was a memory throughout my childhood that helped me mourn and cope with the loss, because in one of these darkest hours in my life I was somehow comforted in the fact that my father had such a good friend who was weeping openly because he had loved him so much. This was soothing my soul and still is. This friend is still alive. He doesn't know, but if I am ever to have a son, I am going to name him after this friend.
EDIT: Since so many of you told me to tell the friend, but did miss the update down in the comments, I will also post it here:
I did tell him. On the anniversary of my father's death, I called him. The story is not nearly as good of a story as the first one. He is an old man, in his seventies now, and while he was happy about the call, he admitted to having forgotten what day it was. If he was emotional at all, I couldn't tell through the phone. His wife was next to him, and we talked a little because he had put me on speaker. I told him that his name was a strong contestant for a boy's name when I have children (trying for babies at the moment.). He said he felt honored.
I told them about being engaged and about my fiancé. I'm at my home village about twice a year since I moved away. I told them, whenever I pass by their house, I think of them, because they were around so much during my childhood and that I regretted not seeing them anymore since I grew up. They were all part of a volleyball sports club my parents went to. They used to celebrate New Year's Eve as a group, and my mother still took me until I was about 14. Then started to celebrate with my friends.
I don't think I've ever had an actual adult conversation with them. Eventually, he told me, when I'm at home next time, I should not just pass by his house but give him an actual visit and bring my fiancé with me. I think I am going to do that. :)
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Go and tell that to your fathers friend. It will mean the world to him.
Beautiful story. Let him know that. It would mean so much to you and him.
@@3_Star_Belt I always wanted to, but I rarely get to see him now. You don't just bring up a heavy topic like this out of nowhere. But actually, the anniversary of my father's death is next week. I might just give his old friend a call and tell him. This might actually a great way to honor my father's memory this year. It's been 22 years since he passed.
Amazing how you turned the death of your father into a story about you...
Being born in the 80s, growing up in the 90s, dating in the 00s, and being married by the time the dating app phenomenon began was such a lucky break. Every generation has its challenges, but I don’t envy the young people of today.
Amen
@Julián I'd argue it's actually the worst for someone from my age group, I was born in 93 so I was raised with all the traditional standards, dated and engaged with girls in my teens when social media wasn't a thing for us yet, had a few serious relationships but ultimately nothing worked out, and now I'm single and stuck in the worst era of dating possible without any of the skills to deal with modern women lol. I'm not crying tho, if anything I've been lucky to have a kick in the ass to reaffirm my faith in God and have him be my center, rather than hedonistic pleasure 🙏
Haha speak for yourself. As a handsome and competent young man, the only problem i have in this modern dating world is the spiritual pain i feel from having too much sex with too many beautiful women who are all eligible to be a wife.
@Julián that’s a fair point. Maybe I should’ve said “single people of today” instead of “young people”.
Yeh rub it in more please.
I've been single now for the last 3 years after my divorce. And it's been a steep learning curve. The one thing I think I've realised more than anything else, is just to be honest from the start. You owed it to yourself to never play a role to entrap a person.
Yikes I would never want to be with you even as a friend
Stupid comment.. the guy is saying be honest. I'd want an honest friend. @@divineeye1254
That is obvious!!!How come you can live with the closest person, share your life, call someone wife/husband and do your own things?That is still living your own life!!!!Disgusting being in relationship.
@@divineeye1254what a grim thing to say
You owe it to yourself... AND to the other person! Become the actual person who would be attractive to other people, rather than playing pretend. It's harder, but much more rewarding (and congruent).
Relationships are difficult and requires a high level of maturity. Maturity is rare.
Gosh that first 30 seconds of this video is so true. You see so many women on the apps say they want a strong leader and a guy that's comfortable with his masculinity. I have an ex who showed zero interest in getting to know who I was, she was only interested in me making her laugh and posting photos of us on social media being a "happy couple." Oh and paying for her dinner.
In my almost 60 years I have always heard that women understand men better than men understand themselves. Pretty sure that does not include the last couple of generations. Women today have become shallow, narcissistic, clueless hedonists with no moral code but whatever gets them their next dopamine hit. Feminism got women the power they wanted... too bad it didn't inform them they will be held accountable for every use (and misuse) of that power.
very interesting insight. thanks for posting
Yeah they want a strong man and a leader until they see your anger, or you do something 'controlling' or you show some of the other traits that also come with this personality type. Basically the want the traits of masculinity that *they* want, not the whole package of it. A masculine man is going to get angry sometimes. He is not going to have a space as detail-oriented and neat/clean as you would like. He's not going to be as well-groomed as a more feminine man. Women don't want to accept these things and so they fall the an illusion of a man instead of the real man. When the real man comes out, they flee.
Imagine going into this video seeking validation for things you already believe.
@@dovekie3437 Chris isn't very black pilled or red pilled. I doubt anyone on this channel is here for confirmation bias
I think Matthew is presenting an idealised view of women ... these perfect women he's talking about that are psychologically stable and ready for a relationship are RARE !
he is talking about women he works with. women who want to become good partners for men. you are looking at gold diggers and getting angry that all you see is that. Maybe change your lens
@@indoorphine The divorce rate has been 50% for a very long time, but you want to deflect by calling men angry. lol
You are right! He can’t talk bad about woman, they are his customers!
@@loganblackwood2922 perhaps you are 100 years old, mature and angry, sorry cant get to that level
@@claudio6032 Why do people insist on "talking bad about" either gender?
This man hits the heart of struggle, vulnerability, depression, pain, spiritual awakening that brought me to my knees. I have been listening for years to his authentic words. Such a beautiful man. Thank you!
I’m with you, to my knees 🙌🏽 Such a beautiful man. What a journey!
I love that they are talking about separating your micro experiences from the macro. We get lost in comparing ourselves with everyone else. There is a lot of value in focusing 100% of your energy into building with one person. Forget the rest of the world for a day.
The thing i always find funny and interesting about “dating coaches” is that, a significant amount of them are always single, or unmarried. Dating is not the end game. A long lasting relationship is. Good thing he’s in one. Solid interview.
good point, this guy has exactly whan many of us want, and you dont really take fitness advice from obese people
It’s true, but on the flip side, you also want someone who understands the modern dating game.
There are always tradeoffs
Soo true
A person who has been a very long relationship will likely be poor at giving advice on getting people interest. Probably an expert in keeping a relationship though
Only problem is depending on how long they’ve been married they are out of touch with the current dating market. The recent effects of social media , 4 th wage feminism and misandry in movies and tv have turned a vast majority of women into more of an adversary and competitor than someone who is trying to date . The average guy is having a harder time than ever .
Also there is a certain amount of naivety or call it blind trust a man has to even get married today. The laws do not make it an attractive contract to enter into for a man .so someone who is married on a lot of levels isn’t the most relatable or reliable giver of advise
14:38 this is exactly what happened to me in my last relationship. Instead of recognizing that we weren’t compatible, I thought I was wildly deficient. The toll it took on my self esteem nearly killed me.
I’m curious as to why you leaned left (thinking that you were deficient) instead of leaning right (that they are deficient for you)?
I’m asking this because I as a man too was in a situation like this and it’s interesting to see how the mind leans …
Right there with you. I met a girl back in October and I thought there might be something there. But then after a couple of weeks of texting she just ghosted me, and I was depressed for like two months after that. I blamed myself for things not working out. I decided to just go “ho phase” and give up on anything beyond a friends with benefits type of deal, but then 3 months ago I met someone wonderful. She’s going through a tough time in her life so we’re just being friends, but there’s definitely something strong between us.
@@wyp617 I went through the same thing a little while ago. I can’t answer for others but I can for myself: I put this woman on a pedestal. When things didn’t work out, I blamed myself because “it couldn’t be her because she’s so amazing” even though I’d only known her for like two weeks. 😂 I’m not saying it’s her fault either, but to just blame things not working out solely on me is wrong. It takes two to tango, or in this case to not. 😂
@@philipcallado5693Sounds like the new girl is emotionally unavailable. Best to be friends.
@@philipcallado5693 Read "The Rational Male". You were suffering from Oneitis.
As a man who has consumed copious amounts of red pill content from various "men's adivce", this has been the most genuine and insightful perspective on the stuff men deal with. Great stuff
Red pill can get toxic too sometimes
red pill should be taken with a huge pinch of salt
Yay
@@eKko0like ANY information, duh.
I got intoxicated by the red pill and when it was too late I ruined my relationship. Lesson learned.
Divorce is never the way out, My wife and I have been having issues before I sort out help from a spiritual adviser,i wasnt going to let my marriage of 18years crash
amazing,i am kinda in a similar situation,how did you handle it?
@@DavidVelasquez9 well not the orthodox way but i was referred by a friend to a spiritual adviser and healer
@@peterwilliams6361 please how can i get in touch with the spiritual adviser?
@@DavidVelasquez9 her name is *Victoria Lee Hess* ,and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as caster
you can look her name up online and you will find all you need.
Matthew says the #1 thing women complain about is men not wanting to commit. I'd like to share something important that nobody talks about.
It used to be that for men to get sexual access, women required commitment. Men understand this dynamic even if we're not told unless ideologically we were convinced otherwise.
However its become normalized for women to give sex without commitment and men play along. Men will always play the games women allow them to. And unfortunately because this has become so normalized, men expect women to give sex, and commitment has turned into a "why would I situation" because if one women won't another will.
The female promiscuity movement has hurt everyone except a small percentage of men that women allow to play the game. This is not me blaming men or women, it's the culture that's been formed around romantic relationships. As we can see, it only benefits the privileged and hedonistic immature portion of society.
Comparison is the thief of joy. The grass isn't often greener on the other side. These are huge dangers of promiscuity, especially for women. ( But obviously it can be for men too )
Underrated comment
Matthew Hussey is clearly an "old romantic" that just hasnt kept pace with the change in dating dynamics. He continually espouses an idyllic wishful approach that is a bit detached from reality. To think that successful women will ditch a hypergamous approach to dating is ludicrous
@@bruswain9158 I agree he is a bit whimsical with his approach. I do think his insights are generally quite good and valuable. But I definitely think he's a bit naive when it comes to mating preferences and how uncomfortable they tend to be to think or say out loud.
They used to say it the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. The point of that comment wasn't that people didn't know that sex existed, but rather that what really makes a stable relationship is both sides benefiting in a very practical way.
If you're chasing feelings and status the results are always going to be brutal.
You make some good points. Men who can will often do what women allow.
What Matt says about „making income so you don’t need money from another person“ is something I can attest to 100%! My father never went to university and my grandparents never thought he was good enough for my mom, because he was a carpenter and not a businessman. Luckily my mother didn’t care and married him anyway. He always had her back while she took over the family business and they were happily married until he died from cancer in 2019. „Being on the same level“ in terms of income says nothing about your compatibility as a couple. If anything it makes it more difficult to decide who‘s going to take a step back once kids enter the picture. Choose somebody who‘s got the same values & good communication skills, rather than looking for matching numbers on a paycheck! ❤
sounds good on a youtube comment.. but reality is different
@@Deb_deCoder I know this is only my anecdotal experience and I‘m sure my parents went through rough patches as well, even though they never let anyone see that side of their relationship. But the bottom line of my comment is to look for general compatibility - not a match in financial status.
@@Ninitschga you are prohibiting the very thing wymn look first in a man.. financial status.. i mean this is the main reason wymn are looking for men.. otherwise most of them don't care to be with a man
@@Deb_deCoder Maybe that is true for where you live and your culture but over here in Germany women are able to make their own income and look for a lifelong partner, companion, lover, best friend, confidant and a potential father for their kids, if they want any. Financial status is not a top priority in a lot of European countries. My husband for example has a chronic illness - so I know at some point I will have to take care of him and he won’t be able to work anymore and add to our income. But that’s not a reason I would ever leave him or considered not dating him back in the day. He is a wonderful friend, husband and father to our children and even if we had to live in a yurt or on a remote island - I would rather live there with him than with anyone else in a mansion. 🤷🏻♀️ Hope you find somebody that loves you for who you are and not the earthly things you posses.
may be you are an exception.. but what i said is the universal truth.. majority of the cases around the world.. and as far as i know very few from today's generation get mrrd in Germany and UK
44:55 - 52:30 is a complete paradigm shift in thinking about yourself and what YOU bring to a relationship! I LOVE this! My ex's friends felt this way about me and tried convincing her to see the incredible qualities and values I brought to the relationship. She has always been stuck in her head on a particular body type for the man she finds attractive and struggles in her head. Even though I lost over 20lbs and am fit at 158lbs, and our sex life was amazing. But part of her always wondered "what if"? I know he said we may have to play "the long game", and I gave 150% for a year and a half, but I deserve to be appreciated and WANTED for who I am. I have no anger or animosity, but I have to walk on now.
You're pretty resilient and perseverant with changing and still waiting so long. Move on. There are other women that can have good s*x and bloody *_do_* appreciate You as You are. However, some of 'em simply are too much of an Insta-whore in their head to find back to real life for long enough strips to even recognize let alone appreciate what they really have (had).
I really like Chris’ point about how the bar is set so low, that if you put in effort and don’t just accept the weather, you will be way more successful
“Attention is not intention…………and intention doesn’t equal investment.”- Mathew Hussey
@@croissants1280 just bc someone gives you attention (men/women) doesn’t mean they intend to be with you long term.
The advice seems to be catered to women, and supposedly profound, when it is virtually most self-evident. Basically, the non-PC translation is: "Guys will say anything to F you and give you any amount of attention", no shit sherlock.
@@Nah-ah also intention isn’t enough, the road the hell is paved with good intentions. Actions. Behavior. Over time. That’s all that matters
But you can have good intentions and lack attention and still end up at zero…. So what’s the solve?
And people tell me economics and a financial mindset isn't the right way to approach dating. It's the proper mindset, and I'm a value investor looking for marriage.
If people don't invest in something, they don't bid it up, that means they don't value it. If they bid it up, why are they trading it? Is it a long term hold? Or is it a short term trade?
Ask the investors what their intentions are after they express they'd like to invest (give commitment/attention) to get a rough idea. But they have biases and say things for their own self interest, so it's best to check their financials, investment history, are they an accredited investor or not (find out how they acted in former relationships, I would also say ask for a financial statement and credit report on 2nd or 3rd date after expressing marriage is the intent for both of you and bring your own).
This is how you take a calculated risk to minimize liability. Is this a weird way to date? Don't care. This is optimally efficient. And fortunately I'm an Orthodox Jew, so this kind of practice is normal. This is probably why we also have the lowest divorce rates in the US and have happier marriages on average and raise kids better than most Americans on average.
A lot of women don't realise how unattractive it is if they are on their phone during a date!
That's gross for anyone to do. If I was on a date and dude is on his phone the whole time, I'm not going out with him again.
If they’re on their phone they don’t care, they expect the man to win them over.
i had a girl whip out a phone on a first date. 2nd time it happened i told her if it came out again i was gonna confiscate it (i was a teacher at the time, she knew that, so it was a 'little joke'). phone didnt come out again. dated her for 3 years, she wanted to get married, i wasnt ready and she was too masculine anyway. in hindsight, prolly wasted 3 years of my 20's, dating a girl that i should have eliminated on the first date due to the phone. its disprespectful, it is the woman attempting to show dominance that she has other options and better things to do... NEXT !
oh maybe shes doing it to throw you off.
@eyeswideopenpod that's the difference I think most men would maybe perceive that red flag but ignore it anyways and continue to date her for 3 years like the other dude said because sometimes we think more with our small head than our big one. Speaking for myself when I was young it's hard to know yourself well enough to fight off that unconscious bias of attraction and make a rational decision. Also I think men feel like they have less options so they feel forced to settle with what they've got maybe. Who knows that's just how I perceive it
I always found Hussey useful for understanding what women want. They are his market and he understands them a lot better than most male oriented coaches.
Unfortunately he makes a lot of positive assumptions about women like maturity, sanity and self reflection that might not be applicable to the general female population today. When 30%+ of women are on antidepressants you're only going to get so many sane well balanced women in the dating pool at once. Just like men the good ones and the ones in reasonable BMI range are going to be mostly already spoken for.
Of the sane well balanced I can tell you right now most women don't know what they want. They are chasing a feeling that is fleeting for a lifetime of happiness goal. Most people can't honestly assess themselves. Average people should be happy with other average people. The problem today is no one knows they are average bc no one is honest with them.
As someone who is a stay at home mom currently I can honestly say that I have never felt more empowered and free. All though I Financially depend on my husband it works well for us as it can in a healthy relationship/marriage and of course depending on your Financial situation. I have grown and learned more as a person and in our case I will need to go back to work eventually so I am enjoying teaching and raising my baby and being able to give him the best version of me .
My mom has been a stay at home mom since I was 12, and all of my younger brothers life. We loved being able to have her around and spend time with her.
I’m all career but my mom was stay at home, and I’m an artificial intelligence specialist now (so software), but taught kindergarten for 9 years prior- and I applaud you. If I’d had kids, I’d done same as you
That's beautiful to hear! I'm so happy for you 😊
Visiting blockbuster was actually truly fun. Running around the store trying to figure out which movie wouldn't suck. Arguing about it. Possibly not winning. Possibly being pleasantly surprised. Or hating your friends for forcing you to watch trash. Holding it against them for the rest of their life.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@cobrakaiISBACK you're missing the point. It was the activity itself, the act of going to the store, hoping they had the movie you wanted to see, or having nothing in mind and looking thru the shelves until something catches your eye. And you didn't want to choose wrong because you couldn't just stop a movie 20 mins in when you realize it sucked, and then pick another movie, you were stuck with your choices that you also had to pay for. It was a weekend treat to rent movies and stay up late watching them, it wasn't something you often did during the week. Sometimes you find more value in something that takes more effort, something you have to pay for, as opposed to just having 9 million movies handed to you on a silver platter that you can start/stop anytime you want, and so many options you end up spending 2 hours looking thru the never-ending menu instead of actually watching a movie.
Yeah video stores were fun back in the day
@@cobrakaiisback4709 most of those streaming services just offer low grade rubbish 'straight to streaming' shows/movies that wouldnt even be found in the 'weekly' rental shelf at a video store.
You can see how this guest's clientel is women. He talks and talks in the most sincere/etherial way, saying little as possible that might offend (or help) anyone.
Yup I can't finish listening to him.
Go back to your red pill community !
Finally I found a comment that points out the obvious.. that Matthew is clearly fantastic at SELLING to women because he talks in circles and doesnt offer any actual solution to the problem. But he does this in a way that women just loves. Oh and also the way he addresses things like sex (which he barely talks about of course..) he will do in a very soft and delicate way.. lure them in so to speak and then the circle begins and voila, you think you got something out of it but if you think about it just a little bit.. you didnt.
When he got to the part where he said the point of renting a ton of money is so that you can choose whoever you want I realized he was just talking BS. That ONLY applies to men. He even said himself that the women specify they want someone on their level. He's not going to talk them into finding something they don't innately find attractive acceptable
I have watched Matthew Hussey for years - and Chris Williamson - for a few weeks.
Both of these men are beautiful. Thank you.
I have realized how important trust is in relationships. It is so much better meeting someone you can trust than someone very attractive.
Hey guys, did you know, in addition to his many talents Matthew Hussey is a world class tap dancer? Amazing!
I know, right! How could one man poses so many talents.
The way he tap danced around the landmine of “what’s changed about women in the last 15 years.”
Can’t upset that base of upwardly mobile, sassy, middle aged single women supporters now can we?
Simply masterful!
Expert
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I noticed that, too
I really like his comments about "attention & intention." Just because someone is giving you their focus doesn't mean that intentions are of what you think because of that focus, people get that misconstrued all the time.
Missed the mark saying guys are only looking at the top 1%. Most guys are perfectly ok with an average girl with a good head on their shoulders that would be willing to stick it out.
Many of us don’t like the apps or online dating anymore because all the scammers and catfishers have raided them and ruined it for many to not trust much anymore . So yes you’re right 😢 the world of dating now Is a mess
Both men and women need to realise most of what we see online is not real. The issue is our lack of authenticity… that’s it. Truly.
Kudos to Chris for allowing the guest to take the conversation to an unexpected place and knowing when to be comfortable in silence and just listen... Great job!! 👏
Amen. I think it's a big part of why he's been so successful
He’s a very charismatic guy, has a nice smile, generally makes you feel good, but it’s very telling how he ignores the more pressing questions. Anyone who says they’re “raw” but then side-steps the more uncomfortable realities of dating is an instant red flag. Even if he’s well-meaning, at the end of the day he’s a motivational speaker whose tells you what you want to hear.
That is why he works with women.
I would have respected him if he was honest about "I'm not particularly familiar with this area, but my experience would lead me to believe that __ is the case regarding it" etc. But instead when he confidently spewed out absolute 100% wrong falsehoods that ignore reality it completely demolished his credibility. Defying reality to cater to someone's feelings *IS* extremely profitable with women, but it's not going to fly with men. He's not a jackass like a lot of personalities we see these days, but that doesn't make his advice valuable or correct.
This interview is a gem for those who would like to build a long lasting healthy relationship. I just ruined my 4 years relationship because many of the things that Matthew mentioned here. External metrics and never ending comparison with others. Thinking that my performance in my other areas of my life should also drive my intimate life. Couldn't be more wrong... I guess it's a lesson to swallow, and putting the effort I hope I can be a better man for my next relationship. Thank you for this show.
xD haha!
See, what I found is that a lot of men usually get broken up with after a certain period of time (mostly around 4-6 years) anyway. It's always amazing how these guys will always think they could have done something better, fixed the problem, and kept her, and that they should become better men for the future wifies. All of these men behave in various manners, are absolutely different from each other, yet they still get broken up with and think it's their fault.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This society...
One thing I didn't like about this conversation is that every time some difficult issue comes up, Matthew Hussey offers a soundbite aphorism to sidestep the problem without actually addressing it. He feels like a politician to me, able to talk past the issues without actually addressing it. At times, it's feel-good platitudes. Other times it's "both sides are guilty".
Because he's hyper alert of saying the wrong thing. Look at how many pauses he has at the beginning of the interview. His viewer demographics that provide $$ are the same group being scrutinized in this topic, so he tries to dodge all of those hard discussion points, and I can't take that seriously. I see through it.
@@juliomartinez6426 Matthew’s a good guy. I think I responded to your same comment in another thread so I won’t repeat myself. I’ll just add that if he’s treading lightly, maybe it’s because current society doesn’t want to hear about personal responsibility or bettering oneself. Rather, victimhood and blame is “in”. If he’s pausing to find a diplomatic way to speak truth in a way that easily offended people (women) can hear, I’m fine with that. I say this as a woman.
Also, have you seen any of his videos? If not, maybe watch a few. Don’t take my word for it, see for yourself and then decide. ✌️😊
“Guys feel invisible, what would you say to them?”
“Guys only want the top 1%. Get real boys.”
That’s the issue. The 99% of women, I get to pass off, ignore and string along.
Always has been.
If you guys think Matthew Hussey "supports women" and is "catering to his demographic" then you can say that about male-focused dating gurus as well. If you've watched enough of his content you'd know he does call out women, but does so in a digestible way. A lot of men take the approach of scolding women rather than both being emotionally aware, and explaining things in a way where a person can take in what they're saying without attacking their character or resorting to extreme narratives. Women listen to him because he has mastered the art of "it's not about what you say, it's how you say it."
Like in this comment, here you are accusing him of ill-intent without any bases. You didn't even explain why he's wrong. You went straight to slander. Interesting. I'd say Matthew Hussey's emotional intelligence is light years ahead of most men. I appreciate that he addresses issues that are on both sides. And it's very telling that you pointed that out. A lot of you men and even women want to be told you're always right and that you did nothing wrong. Or that you're not a danger to yourself, but you are.
He knows that everyone is hyper sensitive.. Men included...and when he asks people to consider what they are looking for... he hits the nail on the head. A lot of guys who call themselves nice guys if you follow reddit snapshots pf conversations also completely degrade women , seggualize them and feel entitled to their bo. Dies. They are single not for being nice, as that is the bare cultural expectation(and it is debatable how nice these people really are when they don't get what they want), but because the outcome they are seeking is often to take advantage of advantage of subjugate others or because they do not even work on themselves. He actually made a lot of good points on changing intention and putting in work and the hypocrisy of wanting the top 1 percent of women and being upset that there are so me women who also have unrealistic expectations (not all of us by the way). He barely touched on a lot of things, but it was a very interesting interview, and if you listen to his heart he seems to really wan to do right by those in his life.
This guy doesn't understand the concept of invisibility. He thinks that if you're invisible you still have choices... He's been working with women for too long to understand true invisibility.
The most "real" and compelling part of the cinvesation was at the end. He very eloquently described quite similar experiences I've had in life. There are times when you have to come to terms with the notion that no one's coming.
I think that women can appreciate a man who breaks down over the loss of a child or wife or good friend or parent but no over much else. Those are times when Stoicism and resolve are more appreciated.
I'm 31 and I don't have any issues getting matches on dating apps. My problem is when the woman asks what I do for a living. It's not even worth my time and energy to respond because 99% of the time the woman just ghosts me after I tell her what I do for a living ahahaha, it's a pointless conversation. It's actually a really shallow conversation because they're not interested in what I do, they're just fishing to see if I'm wealthy or not. It gets old really fast.
What do you do and what's your income? Theres a big big difference between a shallow materialistic gold digger and a good women who wants a succesful compitent man...
what do you do?
I feel you brother, it's a similar situation for me. I got injured in the workplace almost two years ago and I had to undergo extensive physical therapy and surgical procedures...long story short I've been unemployed for about two years 😂 imagine how women respond to that. Here is the thing though, I'm on workers comp and actually do better than most people with jobs because when I got injured I was making close to 6 figures, nobody cares though. As soon as they hear unemployed they flee
@@Captain_Insano_nomercy are you planning on going back to work? Could always frame it as temporarily on medical leave from my job until I'm able to get back to work.
@@Ryan-wx1bi I'm applying for jobs currently and have been the past two months, economy is just trash ya know? But I've received offers from prestigious companies (I was an aerospace engineer) not to brag, I'm just pointing out how women these days don't even give a damn about potential lol, they're like "call me once you actually get your life back together"
He’s always careful not to criticise his target audience but he talks freely about men
@@mattcomchoc2957all of husseys work is very gynocentric
I noticed this also.
lol indeed.
Accountability and responsibility of modern women? Crickets 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗
I have always been a fan of Matt’s but this interview just moved him to my list of personal heroes. Wow…just wow!
Thank you so much... I was in that same situation: I was vulnerable, it backfired and i said "never again". Now I know I can be loved for being myself... But for that I have to be brave enough to be myself and own it.
I want that too!!!So you think it's on my way :-).With being brave I di not have problem , and for sure I don't now :D
My experience from back when I was still in the dating scene is that women like a romanticised version of vulnerability because it implies that she is so special to her partner that he is defying his gender socialisation for her. When a woman says she wants you to be vulnerable, she means cute crying at chick flicks and telling her how much you adore her. She's not ready to see you ugly crying and rocking back and forth on your knees when you're at your lowest, at that point you lost any utility you have as man and she will see you as subhuman.
Only women are allowed to be human beings, men are not allowed to be more than human doings.
I heard someone say once that:
Men fetishize women's bodies, and women fetishize men's emotions
It's very true. They love a man's emotions when it flatters THEM
“You are not the steak. What you do for her is the steak. Who you are is the garnish” -Paul Proteus
Exactly, I'd rather be lonely on my own than to be lonely in a relationship.
never trust what women say. only her actions. men need to understand women's nature. they don't want to see you cry at all. it's a pussy behavior and childish. if you need to cry or be vulnerable go do it by yourself or pay someone to listen to your bs. She will tell everyone about your problem whether you put a ring on her or not.
And yet it's being at that very place sobbing and totally raw that is the very place she could connect. Where you both would connect as fully human.
In what has become such a oddly toxic topic on social media, this conversation is wholesome and needs to be how it should be approached more often.
This was a fantastic conversation gentlemen. As a guy who just turned 35, long feeling the occasional spikes of panic in the form of "What ifs" and "How longs" and "How am I going to do this?", your discussion was something I needed to listen to. Thank you.
Lovely comment😁
Thank you for the last 2 segments. For me those two segments are actually more about the topic than the rest of the topic. They talk about the difficulty around life that is responsible for the difficulty around relationships.
Never knew Mathew struggled with chronic health issues. Here’s wishing him all the health and happiness in the world ❤ Hope he continues to shine his light for many years to come.
That last part of the interview was so thoughtful and moving. Mathew is light years ahead of most men in emotional intelligence. That is why he is so successful in his field of work.
he carefully protects wymn's ego.. that's why wymn think he understands them 😂 and take help from him to find rich partners by paying.. nice business
@@Deb_deCoder nothing is more fragile than men’s ego. But ego has nothing to with his business. He talks with so much emotional depth, which is why women listen to him. And no he doesn’t help women to get high value men. He educates women on what kind of relationships they should be in. One of his biggest advice is to never invest in any relationship where the other person doesn’t invest as much. He teaches women that the biggest resource available is time and not to waste time on bad relationships. So naturally for those women, they will be more happy with being single rather than being in a relationship. It is not only about finding a husband. In so many cases, once women cut out the dead weight, they are more happier. That is why he is popular with women. He covers different aspects of relationships.
@@manifest2203women happier single? I don’t think I’ve met these women. Don’t mean to offend but women need family and they can’t have it without a husband that can provide it (ie kids). More true the older they get.
@@whitebroccoli694 can I disagree with you? I am chronically single woman lol. every time I am in a relationship, I get bored within a relationship right around 2--3 months in. Literally, my brain goes into work mode "If i were single, i would be doing (list of things)" then an incredible desire to be free (almost one foot in and one out) but more about relationships being a burden plus constantly being asked "where are you?" "where haveyou been" and etc. If I read the symptoms of men why they are afraid of commitment, 9 out of 10 fit me like a glove which I cannot say about the symptoms why a woman is afraid of commitment.
@@whitebroccoli694 how are women more unhappy when they are single? The only women who are crying online are older women (I would say 35-45) who have never had children but wanted to. Childfree by choice women are happy. Most women do have one or two children. These women would have been married, or had a long term bf or been single for a long time. Some women then continue in the marriage if they find their marriage reasonably ok. If the 50% divorce rate statistic is to be believed, half of these women would have been married and divorced by then.
Among these women, most women dont want to get into relationships. These are the women who truly understand men and what marriage is. And they want no more part of it. According to one PEW research, 62% of all women are single and not "looking for a relationship". What use is it for them to have a man in their life? If they have no man, they will have no one to nag them endlessly for s3x, his food, his laundry, to tidy up the space he dirties and so much more. Men are dependents and as they become older they become even more dependent. Most older men require more caregiving because he will have more health issues, wont take his tablets on time, wont even schedule his doctors appointments or checkups and so much more. Being a nurse maid for an older man is more work for the woman and finally it ends only with end of life care. Why would any older woman take a new man in his decline when he wasnt the one who was with her in her younger years? Men outmber women in homelessness stats, old people homes and even in young men still living with their mother. If a man was decent, he will be cared for by his wife. More older women are taken care of by their children and grandchildren. Older women arent crying for men at all. They are happier single. They move on to their children and give caregiving to their grandchildren. Men on average are more likley to d*ie "deaths of despair" than women. And there are so many childfree by choice women and that number of women is only increasing. Most advanced nations in Europe have a high number of child free by choice women. Education and healthcare is free there. Standard of living is higher and raising children should be easier but even then the birth rates have been low for decades. Even in the East (China, Japan, Korea) it is low. In these countries (and also US) birth rates are below population replacement levels.
Modern men are literally so boring. All they are interested in is some addiction or the other. They dont do any self care, arent interested in education as much, dont have any readership, dont fight for any causes, dont do anything for animals or do nothing. All they do is whine about women or j*erk off to p*orn whilst whining about women, or play video games or whatever. Good thing AI is here. Let them vegetate more.
thank god we got 40 different angles of a conversation
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I hear you. Doesn’t add much value for me either. I find it distracting really. I just listen
Yeah I think Chris is pulling his hair out as Matt H has nothing but cliches whereas Chris is used to world renowned evolutionary psychologists
@@bruswain9158 100% i feel like this guy is a bit of a fraud, Chris is way more of an expert
You're complaining about a professionally edited and produced podcast? 🤪
I rescind my comment. Guy clearly doesn't know about dating today. Apparently he hasn't seen the list of "unacceptable dates" floating online.
Chris, as this progresses, you get him to reveal his inner state. You draw out profound intimate moments. In the last third of the video, I can see the inner beauty in Matthew. I can see the inner child enamored with Disney. I can FEEL it. After Matthew states it, the rest of the interview demonstrates it. You did an amazing job. Kudos!
You're so right! I suppose that's why mathew is happily married and at peace. That disney magic goes a long way!
What he says at 4:30 is idealistic.
I do wish the world worked like that as it would be better for both men and women, but when he talks about women attaining a certain level of success and then being free to choose someone “they admire”, he’s broaching a problem.
Women struggle to admire someone that’s achieved less than them. Admiration is looking upwards by its very nature. Women at the top have a minuscule pool to choose from unless they consciously decide to override their nature.
A lot of this too, to be fair, is that a capitalist system only really admires wealth and material success. In cultures that value honor and courage above all else you would find another avenue to admiration, but honor can't be sold or bought so there's no value for it in our society. Women (and men) are only going to be as good as you make them be for the most part
@@baalzebub5000 Yeah women at that level have to be ok with being admired and not admiring
@@coomdoon But do men admire women at that level as romantic partners? I've gotten the impression from the Manosphere that they don't. If this is the case, then who should women be dating? Or maybe women need to adjust their idea of what makes a man admirable other than status and income.
The weight people put on certain achievements over others is part of the issue.
Men don’t like it either. A lot of men are intimidated and emasculated by a woman that’s more successful. I don’t remember the exact study but the cases of ED are much higher in relationships where the woman is the breadwinner
The problem is the major focus is on dating advice, not marriage advice.
Excellent point.
Well...look at the title. It's about dating so... duh. There are a million other people talking about marriage if that's your interest.
I really like his point in the beginning, that becoming very successful and rich gives you the freedom to choose whoever you want. not to say they are buying a person, but that you can choose people that are amazing but don't necessarily make a lot of money. You can eliminate a lot of the financial issues in a relationship by having enough money for 1.5 or more people. I understand the desire to have someone at your level, but he addressed that point saying "what exactly makes a person powerful?" because people can be intelligent mentally and emotionally, caring, hard working, responsible, and honest without making a lot of money. Sometimes people dont have a good family background, they dont have opportunities to pursue a higher education, or they simply have a job that they enjoy that doesn't necessarily pay a lot. If I personally had more money than I would ever need, I wouldnt want a partner that had equal money. It would be nice, no doubt, but I would just want a person that is beautiful on the inside and out.
I’d have to add though, that applies to the man? As a female making an amazing living in AI, I’ve tried dating people with fewer resources and maybe it’s part of the masculine energy, or maybe I need to learn ways to appreciate things differently - but it’s not worked out and my question is: is it wrong to find dates on sugar daddy sites, NOT because I’m looking for someone to give me $, but because I’m looking for someone who is in a pool that doesn’t have to worry about that as much
@@elsavelazi think the men you've dated just presents the average of whats happening, that the average person is not for you and men with higher status/money level will still fall into average category because its not money that attracts, its the right attitude and competence and that is rare in and of itself regardless of financial status of a man
This is the problem with our society when love and relationships are boiled down to numbers and resources we all lose. What ever happened to choosing a person that we like, admire and are compatible with. Love should not be a transaction that's why so many people have big holes in their souls they can never fill. I understand that in the past this was the norm but that's why progress is called progress. Just try to find someone that together you become bigger than the sum of your parts. I earn a very good wage and have been in a relationship for 23 years neither of these has anything to do with each other. We met when we were both struggling financially and we both built our life together. Money is important but on your death bed you will not regret having enough money but you will regret not having love. My advice to younger men especially if she is only interested in resources. Let her go there's a world full of women out there, find one that is interested in you not your resources.
Chris, literally every podcast you post is like a continuum of addressing the thoughts on the forefront of my mind, and always in the exact same order😂
Cap
Love or hate the manosphere, many of the creators have done more to save mens lives than they receive credit for. The fact is we’ve spent 60 years building women up and tearing men down. I’ll defy you to read ‘The war against Boys’ by feminist Christina Sommers. This put words to what I felt in school back in the late 70’s- early 80’s, and it’s gotten much worse. Long term solution, I don’t know. Short term, advising men to steer clear of relationship and develop themselves, which the manosphere pushes, WILL saves mens lives. Christ, even Jordan Peterson advises men to developed themselves, and how sad it took him to do it since many had no fathers to teach them. Boys certainly are not getting encouragement in schools. This ‘entitlement of guys’; look at the typical standards of 90% of men: not obese and nice. You’re projecting the top men over the ‘bottom’ 90%. Feminism is taught in school, the media, and even in companies now. Try looking further into the manosphere than just clips & shorts. Partial solution? Remove feminism from school, encourage boys, and women will find men ‘on their lever’ (a truly ignorant phrase). We’ve got at least two or three more lost generations coming past gen Z. Before you try labeling me as an Incel, I’ve been married for 19 years to a women 2 years younger, smart, successful, kind…..from the opposite side of the word from the US. My heart bleeds for the boys growing up in the atrocities of education, and the girls brainwashed by it. This conversation is a nice start, but still pussyfooting around real issues. Tell people what they need to hear, not what makes them feel good……even at the risk of being canceled. The world needs courage, not cowards.
Hussey wouldn’t have a product to sell if he told the truth
I honestly believe that Hussey believes in what he preaches. Some of it is on point (and sure sounds nice). This whole topic is very nuanced, but overall I agree with the original comment. There is a general distain/mistrust for anything resembling traditional masculinity. Add to that the catch22 of "if men shut up, they're toxic/emotionally immature" vs "if they speak up, they're incel cry-babies". You're basically only allowed to say, what aligns with the w.oke/left/fe.minist agenda. I also agree, it'll take generations to repair the damage. The programming is too strong. The institutions completely subverted. The only upside: it's easier to be attractive if your halfway masculine. But still you have to deal with a mostly brainwashed society unless you're willing to move...
Prior to feminism, was centuries building up men
Very true.
( Completly anecdotal ) Looking back from the mid 90's I've experienced severe change on judgment on men. In the early 2000s when I was about 14 I recall vividly a push in school of the message that we live in a patriarchy where men are inherent predators(not the words they used but the way they put it made it clear). Now, as a young boy I was completely dumbstruck at the time, how my values of decency & morals counts for nothing. Now, I never brought that up to my parents for whatever reason. I think we really have poisoned ourselves by not being vigilant as we seem to have some type of resentment from injustices barely anyone alive have experienced. Edit: and distorted our history heavily.
Not saying men are victims but I am disappointed how little regard we have for young boys. If anything, they really would do better with a mentor figure & I can only hope that I can do better when I get the chance. I'm sure this is something every generation says, now that I think about it... x]
@@andrewmackenzie325 Thank you, I noticed that too. He's hyper alert of saying the wrong thing. Look at how many pauses he has at the beginning of the interview. His viewer demographics that provide $$ are the same group being scrutinized in this topic, so he tries to dodge all of those hard discussion points and I can't take that seriously. I see through it.
Last 20 mins I felt listening to someone explain my 20s and now just turned 30 and had hold back tears, I feel I always knew this and never knew how put it in words until hearing this
@23:00, this guy said that he's a crier and quickly glossed over this fact without addressing it should be a huge red flag. He almost seemed to encourage it but not entirely. The truth is women will never respect men who cry easily and or are overly emotional, contrary to modern dating advice. He made some really good points in this interview, however, caveat emptor.
The caveat is....if you look like him and have that accent. Then, and only then can you cry in front of that woman, before she had sex with you.
The difference between "vulnerability" and "dependency" is the frequency with which you make YOUR problem, their problem.
If you share periodically the struggles that exist inside of you (that you're WORKING on), you're being open and honest about the difficult parts of yourself.
If you do that CONSTANTLY, you're displaying insecurity, weakness, and relying on the other person's constant validation of you in a broken state to maintain your sense of security.
Nobody is attracted to being NEEDED as a security blanket.
"If you share periodically the struggles that exist inside of you (that you're WORKING on), you're being open and honest about the difficult parts of yourself. "
That's a turn off for women.
"If you do that CONSTANTLY, you're displaying insecurity, weakness, and relying on the other person's constant validation of you in a broken state to maintain your sense of security. "
Which is why men don't bother and do everything themselves.
@@silentvoicespodcast nah.
I'm gonna disagree with you AND show my work to demonstrate why you're wrong.
To be clear, we need to be referring to the same place in a relationship when we're talking about revealing vulnerabilities.
If you dump out all your problems on a first date, you will almost CERTAINLY not get a second...
Not debating that.
But any woman who actually CARES about you at a point in the relationship where you are partners, does want to know periodically that the electricity is on in your brain and that you sometimes struggle with things, but you do have some sort of projected arc in how you want to get over them.
Revealing your concerns, being strong enough to paint yourself in the light of your failures, fears, and insecurities - as long as you also don't let those things control you, is a sign of REAL confidence.
And there is no woman who isn't attracted to confidence.
But the nuance between being "vulnerable" and "dependent" is frequency and also whether or not you have self control over those issues.
It's okay to be not perfect. No one is.
It's okay to have things that make you feel less than good in yourself or in life. As long as you don't let those things shape your reality. And as long as you're doing the work on them to resolve it or at least make some kind of peace with them.
So if you only associate with shallow women who expect you to present as anything other than "real", that's on you.
My advice is you wouldn't want one of those to be your long term partner anyway because they don't actually give a shit about your feelings or struggles. So you don't really need to worry about whether or not something "turns them on".
Maybe we're hunting for different kinds of outcomes.
@mhuntprofessional "if you only associate with shallow women". That's pretty much all modern women if you're not in a rural setting. I've seen men get dumped for sobbing after their mother died. Showing any form of vulnerability to a woman is stupid af.
@mhuntprofessional Another comment said it best: Women always want a shoulder to cry on, they never want to be the shoulder.
@citizensnips3850 I think it makes women uncomfortable because they see tears as something they own and can't share. Men should start dumping women when they do anything masculine like start fighting or move heavy objects
This podcast is the opposite of the one with Vincent Harinam. With Vincent, it was a harsh injection of statistics and evolutionary biology without regard for the how that would land with the audience. I'm guessing that Chris Willimson's audience is something like 70/30 Male to female, maybe as high as 80/20 male to female. Men are curious and they want actionable plans to deal with reality so I'm guessing that was a popular episode. Matthew Hussey's audience is mostly women from what they described here. He's focusing more on empathizing with the feelings of the audience rather than any solid statistics or actionable plans. I'm not sure if I heard one solid fact or anything even remotely resembling a judgement from him the entire podcast. I'm not saying that as a criticism. He's an excellent listener and I can see how that would be valuable in many circumstances. But, this tells you directly what draws his audience-empathy and sentimentality, not cold-hard facts that can help you navigate the dating landscape.
That being said, the tip about going on a first date where you don't have to look directly at one another is good. Sushi restaurants, walks, etc.
A fair point. I think it's important to have a variety of perspectives on these topics. Matthew is on the front lines with women who are dating so figured he'd be a great insight here
@@ChrisWillx Matthew may have been "on the front lines with women" half a decade ago, but like many other dating gurus, they take a step backwards, after investing in the foundations of the business, excluding necessary public appearances (e.g., good with product creation and content, interviews, podcasts etc.). It is evident from this interview; he is a quite out of touch with modern dating but does have a particular dating philosophy and approach that caters to women, that led him to massive business success. His millions of women audiences, literally view him as the perfect man (hypergamy on steroids), and an example for what these women should look for in a man.
@@Game5WBYeah, I can't help but think a lot of women go to his conferences because they fancy him. He's very good at communicating to women, but he uses a lot of superficial methods like NLP, and I've always got the impression he was offering women the 'cheat codes' to life, in the same way that PUAs did for men.
As a woman, Matthew is on point. We are exhausted about those approaches with stats, very disconnected with feelings and sensations (and I have a rational/maths background AHAHHAHA), just feel, be connected from heart
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Gentlemen I can't tell you how this helped me. This came at just the right time. I'm going through one of the most difficult patches in my 45 years of being on this earth. I shared with my wife what I was going through. Afterwards I was wondering if she'd loose respect for me as a result. And it's been bothering me since. I will now let that go. There was so much more in this interview that was pure gold. I can't thank you enough
I am neither young nor single, but from life experience I can tell you Matthew talks a lot of sense.
If people closed their social media accounts they'd stop seeking an upgrade.
Basically yeah. Social Media is the cause of all of this mess and it ruined a generation of potential marriages.
@@jorgefigueroa2231 when social networking was first established it was fantastic. People made meaningful posts, real friends and some even got married. Couldn't wait to get back to my computer anytime I was away. Then Facebook and Twitter turned it into one click Narcissism plus RUclips and Podcasting gave people a platform to never have a private conversation ever again. Everything is about pandering to an audience or becoming a virus.
It is tragic that many women have been socialized to prefer an over romanticized version of vulnerability that feeds their infatuation but doesn't serve the object of their affection at all, namely the men they claim to love. The reality of vulnerability is one that many of these women weren't prepared for. That ignorance must be dispelled.
We're taught that love is supposed to be like a Disney movie or a Rom-Com and then we're sadly disappointed when it's not or it's worse.
An under-appreciated book, Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen has two amazing questions a man must pose himself. "Where am I going?" and "Who am I going with?" The order of these questions, Keen stressed was essential. If someone has not questioned their life's trajectory, how can they expect a partner to enter one's life and add meaning if there were no previous meaning? Men have to be their own foundation first.
I never date a single mom. I will never let resources be used for another one's child. I've been there & done that.
Much respect to Matthew, but I can't be the only one snickering a little at the fact a man with the last name Hussey is the most popular dating coach for women...
🤣
English is not my mother tongue. What does his surname mean in this context?
@@JaZmine147A hussy is a brazen or promiscuous woman.
@@JaZmine147 a hussey is a word for a promiscuous or "loose" woman, aka a woman who sleeps around with a lot of men
@@JaZmine147 it's slang
It is good to know someone was able to articulate the idea of being disconnected and talk about it honestly. I hope others are able to wake up and reach that level to feel again. 🙂
Wake up?
You mean like flat earthers want globers to wake up?
Matthew, thank you so much for sharing. You never fail to be your true authentic self.
Chris, great interview look forward to hearing more from you! I am very greatful to have listened you this video today. Big love and appreciation to you both
He is not being authentic, if he really he would talk about how "all that men that want to hookup" is the only 10% of men who actually woman go for because their looks got the genetic lottery
Matthew Hussey knows that one can get far in life by telling people what they want to hear
His tone and cadence sound like he's reading a script.
As soon as he said he didn't understand why highly successful women still look for a man at least as successful as them, alarm sounds went off in my head. That's like relationship dynamics lesson 1.
Ding Ding Ding ... exactly
matthew nailed it imo with his example about looking at macroeconomics and saying “that’s why it’s a bad time to start my business”. that’s exactly what i feel when i dive too deep into the current state of the dating market and how women are, how men are… they are all generalizations - helpful somewhat, but they can kill that uniqueness that your life could be if you believe them and them only.
macro is actually covering up for the micro, macro looks at blocks of time so it evens out all the jarring speedbumps and pot holes, its a matter of perspective.
@@eddie-ni5ox it depends on the application: do you want to derive a general rule and give good advice to others, be a commentator on social issues - or do you want to settle your own life? these are different, in fact. looking at statistics helps - you should not think you are extremely special. but are you actually average and doing average things, looking for the same exact things that the average person looks for? this applies to you less if you are not. i genuinely think i ≠ “the norm”, for example, and have reasons to think so.
Red Pill was debunked fast with that one.
I think the internet has made people waaay overthink dating. I think the 21 year old guy he mentioned who wants a wife and kids is the only sane person mentioned. Planning for a family is probably the best goal setting strategy you can possibly have because it puts everything in perspective and gives you direction. Career is and always was meant as a way to aupport family. Family is the primary goal, and the fact that this has gotten confused is real reason why dating is a mess.
Agreed.. and I am a single 27 year old girl and I still think everyone makes it too complicated.. it's just about finding someone you have a connection and could start a family with
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v the "start a family with" part is hard because so many men and women aren't prepared for commitment, marriage, or building a family. I'm also 27 and so few others my age know how to cook, clean, keep good hygiene, stay in shape, budget, or know how to raise and guide children in the right direction. Most of them are afraid of committing, eat out every day, have a messy home, and treat their children like pets and their pets like children. High school used to help people grown into functional adults, and so did their families. They literally prepared them for marriage and gave them advice on dating. We have none of that anymore, so we have many in their 20s acting childish.
Male here, I was almost married at 20. Didn't get married till 30. Had a ball in my 20s. Should have focused more in work advancement since I am a man. Family creation will be your goal, life changes you. Many women are too focused of careers when they just have an average job. I understand dual incomes are necessary. It is complicated. My goal now is to retire my wife. It's not easy with both parents working and not ideal for the kids
@@DoubleOhSilver there’s no way to actually know how to do these things until you have to. You find a partner you’re committed to and then you figure it out and do your best. Our parents generation didn’t know what the hell they were doing either for the most part either. My wife didn’t know how to cook until after we were married and then she just out of nowhere decided to start cooking and turns out she’s great at it. When you have family some things just become easier to do because you know what it’s for. Obviously it doesn’t work out for everyone but that goes without saying.
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v Nobody wants to have children with a blown-out wine aunt.
Im so glad I found matthew hussey in 2015. I learned a lot. I have a good relationship still moving forward.
I've seen this theme with myself too where life knocks you out forcing you to reorient everything in your life, and it's HARD but I appreciate when people talk about this stage of life.
The most important, true to yoiurself, though it's not easy.
Watch closely. He will not indict any action of women alone. He’ll indict the actions of men, he’ll indict the actions of women AND men so long as those actions are shared, but women are infallible to him.
36:15 prime example
Ryan Bailey, Bingo. More of the same bs. Smooth talking feminine leaning “dating” coach. Totally disconnected from the majority of the population.
He can't offend his clients. He works for women and has to advocate for them.
@@charlieweaver6322 If he was really advocating for them he would nudge them towards reality instead of fairy tale bs. His business model is either ignorant or disingenuous. Just my humble opinion lol
@@_JMann I don't disagree with you, although I just looked up the word 'advocate' and it means: a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.
"he was an untiring advocate of economic reform"
a person who puts a case on someone else's behalf.
"care managers can become advocates for their clients"
So, yeah I think he is advocating for them, but is not necessarily helping them in their long term goals. You're totally right though, in that women need good men to steer them in the right direction, and Hussey is not going to give them the cold hard facts. Then again, women don't like hearing this and you won't make any money by telling women the truth.
I think the fear of not being found attractive is justified. For the majority of men, it comes from the reality of thats how they were treated. It doesnt happen the other way around where a girl walks up to a guy and he finds her creepy. That's why the advice for men is usually "get over that feeling because most women will treat you like that, but at least 10% may be into you if you have everything else going for you." I dont think it's as psychosomatic as you make it seem.
Being attractive only gets you so far. Suppose you get the girl finally, what makes you think its easy keeping them around? I've lived with two women and thought I was getting married both times. Low and behold both of them had exit plans and were cheating on me. I hadn't a clue until it was already over. I won't even bother anymore, which is sad because I'm still in my prime. I just don't care to be used and or taken for granted yet another time. I'll save myself the misery.
@@brianmeen2158 this is where society is so far gone its almost doomed, this is why Christianity promotes union of 2 people and loyalty to that union until death, it creates pair bonding, commitment and stability for Children, it is so much smarter than anything this modern world is conjuring up. Humans are destroyed by betrayal and cheating and non commitment when the other has committed, this is why the guy is broken above.
@@forcefedapocalypse I feel for you dude. My only LTR ended with me ghosted & broken. Apparently, I was just a side-dick boyfriend while her FIANCE was in school out of state. Pretty sure their first child is biologically mine too. I've been alone almost a decade since.
I think Matt Hussey is incredible. He advises women yet his advice is often sensible guidance for relationship and personal boundaries. Yet I found the part at the end where he spoke about his depression the most incredible that he would share something so personal. I’m high functioning and went through something similar (referring to the depression). It was a shock to suddenly not be able to “out work problems”.
Great episode and thank you Matt!
It's shocking to see people respond this way to a man who is so obviously a grifter who tells old, lonely, "boss babes" what they want to hear and gets paid handsomely to do so.
@@jonsnowight9510 All of these fairy-tale-truths channels have masses and masses of comments of dumb praise and admiration. Only those who want to believe this stuff will listen to it all.
Matthew "understands" women as in he never really calls them out as they're his main audience and that hurts his pocket or else he'd talk about "all the men who want to hookup" are just the 10% of men who can actually do it because they won the genetic lottery but no, that doesn't benefit him and he keeps sugarcoating the truth or else he'd also talk about why the "Passport Bros" movement is increasing but why he doesn't talk about it? Because he'd have to directly compare west women with their east counterparts who are more respectful to men and still have core values but no, he doesnt talk about it.
As much as I like Chris. The dude is a blue pilled Simp who believe treating women like queens is the way. No, the way is to be Chad or Tyrone. Chad or Tyrone, neither have to do anything as women will willingly impale themselves on his alpha rod of power.
Its always men do this, men do that. Never about women having to take some responsibility in their lives.
As a Millennial I saw half the girls in my class get impaled by the time they where 16 at various parties. Women I respected hooking up with 60 year old chads when they where 25 etc.
My own 70y year old mother still calling herself a catch and thinking the world only revolves around her etc.
As a dating coach myself it always baffles me how much men today think "status" and income is a high-predictor of female attraction...don't earn anything close to a million myself and am successful by just making women feel heard, being decisive, taking the lead, introducing a fun vibe and last but not least. Being honest and vulnerable (in a non-needy way without seeking her approval ofc)
Also an amazing conversation and got more respect for Matthew , a lad that can relate and truly gets women. Not ashamed of his feminine qualities and authentically divorced from seeking male approval..got better understand why he's so successful at what he does - Lot to learn myself still
Well said Matthew. The internet has created a skewed expectations, immediate gratification and a microwave society.
The power of perceived choice.
Chemistry attraction and romance do not create relationship success. Compatibility and character is crucial. Substance and depth There are two types of daters. Window shoppers and those who seek totality where looks are the least important thing.
Thats all women, men still want an average looking girl while they want professional baseball players
It seems to me that the biggest issue "high status" women have is that they want the men who aren't after them, they believe their success entitles them to a "top dog" but the top dogs aren't looking for what they offer, because they already have that in themselves and instead are seeking the opposite of what they are, IE: a softer nurturing feminine and submissive woman to be the homemaker of the relationship. I cant see this fact changing any time soon and since men control relationship status this group of women are going to be left on the shelf in many cases.
I can't see any woman with self-esteem interested in being submissive. It's a recipe for disaster. If she doesn't need to be, she won't
And still, they refuse to lower their standards. They would literally rather be single and alone than date down. If that doesn't tell you something about the psyche of women then I don't know what will.
This is sucha genuine conversation! I love Matthew
Matthew "understands" women as in he never really calls them out as they're his main audience and that hurts his pocket or else he'd talk about "all the men who want to hookup" are just the 10% of men who can actually do it because they won the genetic lottery but no, that doesn't benefit him and he keeps sugarcoating the truth or else he'd also talk about why the "Passport Bros" movement is increasing but why he doesn't talk about it? Because he'd have to directly compare west women with their east counterparts who are more respectful to men and still have core values but no, he doesnt talk about it.
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 Then ask him to talk about it, nowhere in this conversation were "passport bros" brought up. I don't know you, but you seem resentful and eager to accept a narrative about genetic lotteries and subjugated women being the equivalent of "respectful". Maybe revaluate your opinions from the point of view of a person and not a statistic, and maybe start looking at others including women as people instead of genetics or how they benefit the narrative you're consuming. Even better, just get off the internet and have the self awareness to notice how you act and think when you live in the real world, where none of this matters, only how you treat people.
@@kirani111 people have told him to speak about it for years but obviously he won't as he'll lose his main audience (women) and therefore, income.
Not the first guy who has said this half assed jsyk
@@kirani111 you are assuming a lot of things btw, no wonder you are sided with this half truth narrative
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 Of course I'm assuming a lot of things, it's the first time I've heard both that guy speak and yourself, and each left their own impression. I'm not paying attention to what you both DIDN'T say, I'm paying attention to what you DID say. If you want to change my mind on my assumptions go ahead and make your case, I'll listen. If you want to point out a video where his biases are clearly showing I'd be happy to watch that too, because so far I only see someone with actual life experience and a good deal of empathy for both men and women.
Wow! This has answers so many questions I've had about my ex. You have inspired me and I am extremely grateful for all your talk and I want to thank you for this.
"Men are only looking at the top percent of women." BS meter redlining with that one. Most guys would be happy with a cute & pleasant woman. A growing minority of guys would be happy getting ANY interest at all.
Yep. Your average woman who works at a checkout or volunteer at the local library. Exactly how our parents & grandparents got together! Ladies, you're making it rather difficult today!
@@kc6810 Pretty sure he meant a cute cashier or service worker would be great for most men. Make your money ladies! Guys generally don't care about financial status, but women sure do even if they're well off themselves.
Matthew seems like a good guy but he's straight up pandering to his female viewer base. He's ignoring mountains of evidence and millions of first hand anecdotes from men verifying exactly what is stated in the studies.
He seems to intentionally dodge any question in which female accountability will be the solution. He talks about men failing to reach a certain level or how both might not be ready for the relationship but doesn't touch on the unreasonably high expectations of women, the manipulations/lying involved with modern hook up culture (from the female side of things) or how women will chase instincts 100% of the time over better judgement (feelings) and select men that are terrible for them but espouse evolutionary markers for making them attractive (confident, dangerous, tall, etc).
You cannot fix something that is broken until you honestly address all the dysfunctional parts involved
@the perfect bring All very good points. The disparities between much of mainstream discourse & the realities you mentioned are astounding.
I think his perspective comes from his experience. He hosts relationship seminars, coaching, and books. Women are the major consumers of these things, Matthew sees mostly women who are spending money and investing in improving their relationship skills and love life. Men do this WAAYY less and would rather invest in making money and going to the gym. But not actually learning relationships SKILLS. Which take years of practice to master. If men won’t even spend some money to learn about it, no wonder Matthew sees men as the issue. And I think he’s right! Lol
Thank you for bringing him on. What an apt episode for today's time ❤
This is the best episode, this guy is 100% correct and his experience shows. So much more mature and level headed than most dating advice out there.
His view of the world is from someone who is very attractive. It sounds very nice to listen to him speak, but it isn't true in the real world.
I appreciate the rosy glasses, but reality is still reality.
Never ask a chad for dating advice
Women today are pricing in perfection. I am divorced after 25 years of marriage. I have been for eight years. I’m 6 feet tall with a masters degree, not that overweight, and not bad looking. But I do build homes for a living, and I make a pretty good amount of money at it. And I think a lot of women are looking down their nose because of my trade. Again, if you have to be perfect to meet their qualifications and there’s going to be a lot of sad single ladies in the future. Unless, of course they all become lesbians. For myself, I think I’m going to look overseas.
There’s also going to be a lot of sad men in the future, the only caveat is men die earlier.
your trade isn't the issue - are you comfortable with varied conversation ... humour ... a little adventure ... or are you a raving political lunatic, a right fighter, a poor me type ... p.s. the 'capitalist pig' handle probably isn't working in your favour.
Overseas is a good option. The women in the west are just hyper emotional men who butcher their kids because they're inconvenient.
I think women will die earlier if they don’t have a provider… they used to live longer because the men were the support base.
@@itsjustbusinessbrokie ?? Where’s the evidence of this? And also I’m making a relative comparison of men to women life expectancy, and I would argue men will die even younger as more women choose to be single. There’s a stronger correlation to life expectancy between men’s longevity to a relationship than there is to women longevity to a relationship.
The last part of the podcast about the things he's dealing with personally are so relatable. It's interesting that so many similar things happen to people and we feel ashamed to talk about it but little do we know that so many others go through the same things. Our lives are linked to others in so many ways than we are even aware of.
I love Mathew Hussey. He's so genuinine and insightful.
Depending on where you live, “Never again” most definitely is the right lesson with regards to not being fully vulnerable to/with your woman. For most women men at the very least have to package their emotional expression in a way that is palatable to said woman. Which more often than not involves said men holding back how he really wants and needs to express himself. Otherwise she will see that man as weak and lose attraction for him. Or if his expressions involve her in a negative light she will make it about how she feels about what he’s saying and/or use it against him. At this point women have to EARN our vulnerability. Women need to understand that a big part of men being able to trust them is connected to how they react and interact with us. So if they not only react to our vulnerability negatively, but exploit it that trust is now broken. Often irrevocably.
You write really well. Please do more on men's issues.
Very well said
Honestly, men are often better off going to other men if they're experiencing something which makes them feel unsure, inadequate, or vulnerable.
A good male friend who knows the strong side of you won't be disturbed by your feelings of anxiety of inadequacy. Chances are they've felt similarly at some point. Also, male friends don't look to you for protection or sexual attraction, so you're not risking a relationship by sharing. Also, guys are much better at clarifying a problem and then helping decide on a course of action to resolve whatever you're going through.
Women can get satisfaction just from sharing, but most men don't work that way.
Men want to know how "fix" whatever is going on, and coming up with a plan is the support they need after assessing the situation.
There are plenty of nice conservative women out there. We don't act nutbags because we live in reality. We know men aren't women, we know we're in a recession, we know affirmative action is thinly veiled racism, we know feminism is literally destroying the nuclear family, we know title 9 is bs and college kangaroo courts are unconstitutional and violate the rights of american citizens to due process of the law. We also know that marriage really is a partnership where two people work together to accomplish shared life goals. Oh, and to top it all off, we won't cheat, we won't muder your baby while it's still in our wombs, and we will respect you if you are a respectable man. My husband and i have been married for a very long time, and our conservative values are the very reason we are so happy. You see son, liberal women are delusional because they are constantly striving for a utopia that will never come. Since society amd the government won't give them the utopia they seek, theyll use you to find it, and when you cant give it, they move on to the next guy to find it. Find a nice conservative woman who lives in reality.
Well, I could say the same works both ways; I’ve been told that if I cried in a more feminine way, then I would get heard/accepted. I think both genders have a lot of expectations that kinda don’t work. It’s a human problem - making it a gendered thing doesn’t really help the individual.
Thanks Matthew. Sharing your experience of suffering has really helped me. I wish you well.❤
"Just choose the good woman."
True. You're completey correct.
There is one problem though...
Show me one.
This was golden and is officially added as one of my fave MW podcasts. I love how he mentioned people applying macro perceptions of the other gender vs. getting to know individuals. It would be nice to see a cease to the constant finger pointing at the other gender’s flaws and differences. We are just different. I feel previous generations understood that, but this generation can’t seem to figure it out. I’ve noticed getting offline and in the real world has given me a more positive view of men in general. There are many good men and women who have matching values. We just have to find each other! 😅
I love your comment but at the same time. If we have to accept that we’re different, we also have to accept that things are the way they are because of those differences therefore this is the way things will always be.
Its not that they "cant figure it out" they are propagandised from birth that both genders are the same or at least SHOULD be the same, yet when the tires hit the road we aren't actually treated the same by each other or society at large. Funny that 😂
@@The_Growth_Experience Agreed, but we can all be nicer about it! 😂 it’s getting straight up hostile at this point! 😓
@@alanadawn1755 I would actually argue that we have more intragender variation than intergender variation, meaning that there are many men that I (as a man) have less in common with than many women. Yes, if you try to essentialize men and women into distinct paradigms, you will find generalizable differences, but there are many people of the opposite gender that, if you engage them in conversation, will be more palatable to you and your sensibilities than many of your same-gender counterparts.
Tell your sisters that. They aren't listening
Matthew is right about chemistry. A lot of people are referring to many different things when they mention “chemistry.” His assessment is correct - chemistry tells you nothing. Absolutely nothing other than you’d want to have intercourse with them. Yeah but what else?? Their character, compatibility, goals, etc matter a lot
It has to do with personality and banter though too. If you can laugh and joke with them and have fun that's what I consider good chemistry.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this podcast, it was spot on. We worry too much about what we are not and what we have not, instead, focusing on those things that hold lasting value, like kindness, loyalty, connection, communication, trust, respect, ad infinitum. Social media, sadly, has too much negative impact on society.
28:13 Great job Chris. You literally broke down & summarized the current plight of men re: dating today; in 90 seconds of pure wisdom.
Women say they want a kind, vulnerable, emotional man. If you believe that then go out and try it, see what happens.
The red pill doesn't have to recruit, guys just come in on their own after they experience the dating market (assuming he doesn't eat a bullet after she leaves with all his money and his kids ending a 15 year marriage because she met some hot guy at a party and he gave her the tingles).
Lol 🎉
Its real sad nowadays, by the times she mentality healthy and ready for a family she's in her 30s and chances of success go way down.
Statistically the chances of getting married and having kids after 37 are slim to none.
And then it’s off to the Cat Farm
Aah red pill men in these comments , if you think k about woman is this way , you are a broken concious man, a woman needs safety and security to have children with a man which you men are slacking today , no leadership skills etc, not all men but the ones that commented here , you need healing as a man
It's only been 9 minutes and the analysis is very interesting -- I'm definitely going to watch it entirely. Thanks for sharing this with the world!
It’s not that men are intimidated. They are jealous. And having a jealous person in your personal corner is scary
I've never been intimidated by a woman ever lol its like being scared of grass
@@Wilhelm4131 right?! But if a woman made a lot more money than a man it CAN cause jealousy because he would always prefer making more money.