Lucid Dreaming

Two separate memories of a single moment ....
fourth of July. 2008
I was working at five below.
I woke up and went to work.
While at work I realized I needed a change of clothes to go watch the fire works in after work.
I called my sister and
asked her to grB the clothes.
and bring them to me at work.
not sure of an exact time...
around noon.
as far as I can recall
She was currently at her boyfriends.
So my sister then had my mom come get her from her boyfriend's house.
She grabbed the clothes and brought them to me at work.
When she got there
I asked her why she was in my room.
that morning.
I remembered.
Or thought I remembered.
her coming in my room earlier in the morning...
She was going through my closet...
while yelling things to my mom.
who was downstairs.
I saw her from the point of view of laying in bed.
I was peeking out from under a bunch of blankets.
I told her what she was doing while she was in my closet.
I told her things she was saying to my mom on the bottom floor.
I told her my mom's responses.
They were yelling back and forth.
I told her what they were saying
and wat they were doing....
She asked me
"what's wrong with your brain?"
beings things like this happend often with me.
She said
" that had all just happened. you were here working, there's no way I could know any of that."
The entire memory of that day is off.
while at work It also felt sort of surreal, like a dream.
I remember handing somone their change,
then looking down
the register popped open
I hadn't handed them Their change yet...
I did it over again ..
Not long after that there was an incident.
I needed something from the car.
I RAN OUT TO THE CAR ON A SUNNY CLOUDLESS DAY.
THERE WAS CLOUDS IN THE DISTANNCE.
I ALMOST GOT TO the car and heard a loud pop and a fizzle sound...
like crackling.
at the same time
I saw white,
then green.
It was the grass.
My mom was running to me screaming "OMG u got hit! "
She says a bolt of lighting had hit me
and I flew bak about 13 feet.
IM NOT SURE WHAT HAPPEND...
to this day...
beings it didn't effect me
In Any other way then feeling as if I were pushed down....
did I drown when my friend crashed into the bay
and the car sunk with us in it...
did we actually get out as it bubbled under...
or am I still sitting in that back seat staring at the sky.
and this is my brains desperate attempt
to live a life before I'm back there
not knowing who will find us.
and when
or why it would matter, at that point.
I remember feeling a sense of reliefe
knowing it's finally over
inches left to breathe
between the roof
and the water
my friend yelling he won't die this way
then suddenly he tells me
he got the door open.
is that what happend?
did he get us out?
Was I beaten to death in my old neighborhood.
or
Did I really wake up in the hospital after wards
how many times have I OD'ed
am I still here.
or is this what's next....
is anything even next
is anything going to happen....
I don't make up stories or embellish the truth for the sake of getting a rise from people.
I don't think I need to.
my reality is crazy enough.
I can't stand liars.
I would hate to have a witness come forward and prove something I'm saying isn't entirely factual.
I do however distrust even my own memories....
As u get a little older
u find that sometimes
u seem to unwittingly embellish memories.
based on wat those u trust have said happend
or
you yourself "want" to believe.
I think people who blow up proportions or make up details that aren't factual have ruined my ability to believe anyone.
but
I know it's not always intentional...
I want to be rite...
but
sometimes even what u see with your own eyes
and entirely believe to be true,
is not.
as far as I remember,
thats what happened....
believe what you will.
you will anyway.
I just want to know
What's Real?
And What makes it that.
There is a connection between thought and reality
I will find it.
and I will use it.....
I WILL FIND IT.