Well the thing on it is , it's matter of who you're asking you'll get different answer every time. When we we're in marriage prep Talking with a priest about the Catholic understanding of marriage. The crucial thing, he said, "was that the husband finished in the proper place. That made it a procreative act." Then I asked, whether the wife could then finish. He indicated that he thought not. "that the procreative purpose being achieved, the thing to be done had been done, and the couple should stop. To continue would be to start another act which might or would not be procreative. "“Oh, yeah, that’s going to fly,” I thought, `` What is this 1850 ? ( Interesting b/c My thought went the fact that if your only having sterile sex on the weeks the wife isn't fertile how is that any different?)
I was PROUD of my decision to wait, and the key is to be proud of it, claim it, and say it's for you AND them, AND their future spouse. DOn't just be selfish about it.
The idea of rationing is so true. I'm engaged after 3 years of dating. Waited 3 months to kiss for the first time and I almost wish we waited longer. Good advice
What my Fiancé and I did was wait to kiss until we were engaged, which we personally have both actually really appreciated (as two veeery horny people). Glad we waited until now and glad we’re not waiting longer. We have a list of boundaries that can also shift depending on whether or not we’re around people and some places we never go. We have a normal romantic zone, which we reserve for being in or near pretty public spaces, and with or near friends or family (essentially not somewhere we could just both go off on our own). Then we have a friend zone, where we pretty much don’t touch each other (because sometimes I genuinely cannot without it being completely electric). This allows us to be alone (though never at our apartments) and still be able to firmly say no to our common goal. At this point it really won’t be long. We kiss, and more than a peck, and we communicate. Our physical boundaries have greatly protected our communication skills and allowed us to get through some really hard stuff together. Wouldn’t change a thing. I get married in five months.
We’d recommend Christopher’s “Good News About Sex & Marriage” if you’d like to take a deep dive in the topic shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage @stjosephshouseofrepose !
Im currently reading this with my bf! It helps us to grow closer with God and with each other. Really recommend this if you and your future spouse are discerning for marriage.
Don't touch anything you don't have with the exception of the butt obviously. (boobs, penis, etc) Read Theology of The body by West. If we find ourselves wanting to sin then a change is what's needed not more practicals
My experience is that a lot of intimacy talk is always focused on dating before marriage so I would definitely like to hear about intimacy in the marriage!
Thank you. More of these moral lifestyle topics need to be known in our society, like a domino effect for a healthy mindset and purity for oneself, families, then the world catches on too +
In my last relationship, the woman I was dating wanted to wait until engagement before kissing, and I agreed to go with this. I think that had the positive result of us being forced to resolve the conflicts that come in a relationship, since we didn't have physical activity to paper over it. On the other hand, I wonder if it made the conflicts more stressful because "kiss and make up" and the resulting oxytocin bonding wasn't there to help us push through the tough times.
Understandably - When your told to treat a romantic partner as a platonic sister, and making into quasi- incestual turnoff when using that logic as guardrail .
@sitka49 Hey, man. I hope and pray all is well. That is totally the wrong way of thinking. Romantic doesn’t have to be just physical, and many people use physical things to cover up problems. They use physical intimacy for the wrong reasons. Actually, I think becoming friends (while still being romantic in reasonable ways) is actually a very important part of dating. I wish I searched for that more in my past couple relationships.
@ Well I've seen were someone's says one thing and it's another. where a couple/or one of the partners believes they're compatibility/friendship and amazing chemistry, with recreationally companionship ,and after marriage come find out they're were really only doing these actives, and pretending to like them to gain affection solely with goal to gaining love from their prospective partner - stemming in the fear of losing them. It all comes down to deception.
Hi, guys! I hope and pray. Yeah, why not wait until marriage? As long as you’re having reasonable physical affection, it probably is better to wait. I definitely think one shouldn’t make-out before marriage, which is tough but I’m convicted about.
I like this advice of rationing! Super helpful. May not be the most “romantic” thing, but honestly I think it would help keep sweet simple signs of affection very meaningful and potent (such as a kiss on the cheek). ❤
I like that you put a lot of value onto the right things but I don't think it counts though, these could probably be considered intimate moments between you and God, if all goes well you know?! I sometimes find it hard to pray sincerely enough and end up talking to my own conscience instead of talking to God
Its not intimacy, it's sharing worship. Its a public thing you're doing with your other brothers and sisters at mass. Intimacy is when you are sharing a moment between just the two of you where you are showing up authentically and vulnerable. It has levels to it and doesn't require it being a date or sex.
For anyone with a heightened sense of empathy, prayer together, lifting your hearts to God together (especially the Mass), are exceptionally intimate...just as intimate as physical contact.
@@thewilliamsfamily2728 praying together just in the context of two people is an intimate, going to mass is being intimate with the congregation or multitude which is why it isn't intimate in the sense of a relationship or a couple. Thats why it's easier to call it sharing worship rather than intimate because of the English language being so vague and lumping together contextual meanings.
I have been waiting, will wait whether marriage happens or not, it's decision I have made for Myself, my body belongs to Jesus, if he decides to give me to a man in marriage, let it's will be done.
Hello Elizabeth, I have a question for you… I’d like some more clarification on 10:33 where you said “I do not recommend waiting to kiss until your wedding day” why is that ?
Whoever sees this, I ask you could say a prayer for me that God will bring a man in to my life, that could be my husband. Id be very appreciative. Really struggling with it all atm. Im 32, it’s taken me over two years to get over my last and only relationship with a man i genuinely thought i was going to marry, and im feeling very discouraged.
35 dude still a virgin I never played that game in high school or college or even when I got out in the real work world I was just always too scared of catching something . I want to experience that intimacy so badly the way God created it. I had one relationship for two days recently, but she cut it off, I guess I was just going too fast. She kind of mentioned it and now looking for another woman. rrrr
Thank you very much for your help.. I'm seeing a women for 9 month now, but only like once in a month. I think she is pretty but I don't know if she really wants to date me or has deeper interest in me.. I'm afraid of asking her because her answer might dissapoint me.. But I would like to know what she feels, but I'm also afraid about That.. What can I do?
It's hard man, but you have to offer it to God and be willing to risk it. It's not like not trying will get you anywhere, you should not be afraid of the truth even if you end up rejected, you don't have much to lose either. If you don't try there is no progress, you know? Be respectful and honest and things will flow more naturally, be it with her or with somebody else. I'm just some random guy on the internet though so you do you, but I sure think you are overcomplicating things, it's not like being anxious will help so just gather some courage and try to be the great man God has made you to be. Wow, I should probably listen to my own advice and be more decisive about my actions too!😅
Hello @honest-fanboy ! Thank you for the honest question. We'd suggest reaching out to Elizabeth on IG @discerningmarriage directly. She loves to get questions from viewers!
You've been dating 9 months and only see each other once a month? I don't think that sounds very good hate to break it to you. You can talk with her of course.
I know a devout Catholic couple who dated 3 years before marriage. Didn’t have sex. Baby on the way now. Turns out, he’s gay. That’s why he could wait 3 years.
My girlfriend and I are blind, so we can’t go many places. We’re in college, and we spend most of our time on my couch. We’ve never had sex, but what would be some good ways to use these three boundaries?
Hello and thank you for your honest question! Feel free to reach out to Elizabeth on Instagram @discerningmarriage for detailed advice! She loves receiving questions from viewers.
I've been thinking about that too, but some time ago I came upon someone saying that most of the elements of a "marriage rite" as we think of it come from TV, and that if you look into it the couple's vow is the actual sacrament, I'm unsure about the kiss though, that frase is probably just a cultural thing. You should probably ask a priest or look for it on the catechism, it's most likely a common question so it should be easy to find it. I will look it up myself too
Because the "kiss of the bride" had no romantic/sexual connotation back then in Middle Ages, it was more of a formal gesture of the conjugal contract, you know when people weren't probably literate. In fact it's not a French kiss, just a peck
Before Vatican II, I believe, there was no kiss during the marriage rite. Who knows why it was added. So it wouldn't make sense that the priest would be the one giving permission for the couple to kiss from henceforth.
I have been with my love for 21 years, we have the most wonderful daughter that is so smart and amazing. We have sex a few times a year, and I gotta say I do NOT feel guilty like I do when I masturbate. I would go to confession if I masturbate, because its wrong and a dirty sin. Why is it a mortal sin when I make love with my wife with a condom ? babies happen all the time with condoms or birth control, Its the decision after the fact that would make it mortal ??
@12:30 - Yes, please do make that video when you can!
We're working on it!!
Well the thing on it is , it's matter of who you're asking you'll get different answer every time. When we we're in marriage prep Talking with a priest about the Catholic understanding of marriage. The crucial thing, he said, "was that the husband finished in the proper place. That made it a procreative act." Then I asked, whether the wife could then finish. He indicated that he thought not. "that the procreative purpose being achieved, the thing to be done had been done, and the couple should stop. To continue would be to start another act which might or would not be procreative. "“Oh, yeah, that’s going to fly,” I thought, `` What is this 1850 ? ( Interesting b/c My thought went the fact that if your only having sterile sex on the weeks the wife isn't fertile how is that any different?)
I was PROUD of my decision to wait, and the key is to be proud of it, claim it, and say it's for you AND them, AND their future spouse. DOn't just be selfish about it.
You're so welcome!
The idea of rationing is so true. I'm engaged after 3 years of dating. Waited 3 months to kiss for the first time and I almost wish we waited longer. Good advice
Thanks for sharing!!
What my Fiancé and I did was wait to kiss until we were engaged, which we personally have both actually really appreciated (as two veeery horny people). Glad we waited until now and glad we’re not waiting longer.
We have a list of boundaries that can also shift depending on whether or not we’re around people and some places we never go.
We have a normal romantic zone, which we reserve for being in or near pretty public spaces, and with or near friends or family (essentially not somewhere we could just both go off on our own).
Then we have a friend zone, where we pretty much don’t touch each other (because sometimes I genuinely cannot without it being completely electric). This allows us to be alone (though never at our apartments) and still be able to firmly say no to our common goal. At this point it really won’t be long.
We kiss, and more than a peck, and we communicate. Our physical boundaries have greatly protected our communication skills and allowed us to get through some really hard stuff together. Wouldn’t change a thing. I get married in five months.
Yes please tell us what upholds our dignity in marriage
We’d recommend Christopher’s “Good News About Sex & Marriage” if you’d like to take a deep dive in the topic shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage @stjosephshouseofrepose !
Woohoo
Im currently reading this with my bf! It helps us to grow closer with God and with each other. Really recommend this if you and your future spouse are discerning for marriage.
It would be really helpful to have a clear answer on what is permissible and upholds the dignity of your spouse.
Don't touch anything you don't have with the exception of the butt obviously. (boobs, penis, etc)
Read Theology of The body by West. If we find ourselves wanting to sin then a change is what's needed not more practicals
My experience is that a lot of intimacy talk is always focused on dating before marriage so I would definitely like to hear about intimacy in the marriage!
Good video, and for the idea on the next one about things in marriage, it sounds very helpful.
Watch on RUclips Timothy Gordon Married Catholic Sex: What's Ok and What Isn't. It's very detailed
We're working on it!!
This is the best video I have seen in regards to chastity and modesty. Thank you for this gift.
1. Have the conversation early and often (0:23)
2. How you spend your time together (5:00)
3. Spectrum of physical intimacy (6:03)
Love this 7:10 practical!!
And what is left?? 7:37 😂
But that is plenty. The list here is good: 7:58
We're so glad it was helpful! Thank you for being a regular viewer!
Thank you. More of these moral lifestyle topics need to be known in our society, like a domino effect for a healthy mindset and purity for oneself, families, then the world catches on too +
You're so welcome!
"Your body is like "Oh great, let's make new humans!", I literally laughed out loud!
Glad you enjoyed it!
It literally feels like that tho😂
Hey Elizabeth, great video as always! I would be really interested in a video about what's permitted in marriage, it'd be awesome if you are able to.
We're working on it!!
great advice, thanks!
In my last relationship, the woman I was dating wanted to wait until engagement before kissing, and I agreed to go with this. I think that had the positive result of us being forced to resolve the conflicts that come in a relationship, since we didn't have physical activity to paper over it. On the other hand, I wonder if it made the conflicts more stressful because "kiss and make up" and the resulting oxytocin bonding wasn't there to help us push through the tough times.
Understandably - When your told to treat a romantic partner as a platonic sister, and making into quasi- incestual turnoff when using that logic as guardrail .
@sitka49 Hey, man. I hope and pray all is well. That is totally the wrong way of thinking. Romantic doesn’t have to be just physical, and many people use physical things to cover up problems.
They use physical intimacy for the wrong reasons. Actually, I think becoming friends (while still being romantic in reasonable ways) is actually a very important part of dating. I wish I searched for that more in my past couple relationships.
@ Well I've seen were someone's says one thing and it's another. where a couple/or one of the partners believes they're compatibility/friendship and amazing chemistry, with recreationally companionship ,and after marriage come find out they're were really only doing these actives, and pretending to like them to gain affection solely with goal to gaining love from their prospective partner - stemming in the fear of losing them. It all comes down to deception.
I toooooootally agree with not waiting for the wedding to kiss...guys who have said this to me, were red flags I confirmed were right
I appreciate this comment as a gent who's afraid of those stickler type red flags from the gal :-)
I am wondering why not to wait to kiss?
Hi, guys! I hope and pray.
Yeah, why not wait until marriage? As long as you’re having reasonable physical affection, it probably is better to wait.
I definitely think one shouldn’t make-out before marriage, which is tough but I’m convicted about.
I like this advice of rationing! Super helpful. May not be the most “romantic” thing, but honestly I think it would help keep sweet simple signs of affection very meaningful and potent (such as a kiss on the cheek). ❤
Absolutely! Thank you for watching!
would you count going to mass/praying together as a form of intimacy?
I like that you put a lot of value onto the right things but I don't think it counts though, these could probably be considered intimate moments between you and God, if all goes well you know?! I sometimes find it hard to pray sincerely enough and end up talking to my own conscience instead of talking to God
Its not intimacy, it's sharing worship. Its a public thing you're doing with your other brothers and sisters at mass.
Intimacy is when you are sharing a moment between just the two of you where you are showing up authentically and vulnerable. It has levels to it and doesn't require it being a date or sex.
For anyone with a heightened sense of empathy, prayer together, lifting your hearts to God together (especially the Mass), are exceptionally intimate...just as intimate as physical contact.
@@thewilliamsfamily2728 praying together just in the context of two people is an intimate, going to mass is being intimate with the congregation or multitude which is why it isn't intimate in the sense of a relationship or a couple. Thats why it's easier to call it sharing worship rather than intimate because of the English language being so vague and lumping together contextual meanings.
Absolutely!
Vety useful and very good!
We're glad it was helpful!
Excellent post. 🙏
Thank you for watching!
I have been waiting, will wait whether marriage happens or not, it's decision I have made for Myself, my body belongs to Jesus, if he decides to give me to a man in marriage, let it's will be done.
Hello Elizabeth, I have a question for you… I’d like some more clarification on 10:33 where you said “I do not recommend waiting to kiss until your wedding day” why is that ?
Whoever sees this, I ask you could say a prayer for me that God will bring a man in to my life, that could be my husband. Id be very appreciative. Really struggling with it all atm. Im 32, it’s taken me over two years to get over my last and only relationship with a man i genuinely thought i was going to marry, and im feeling very discouraged.
What was the name of the other RUclipsr you mentioned?
Kyle Nutt is the filmmaker!
I find it really hard in to find a girl who wants to wait till marriage, it doesent make sanse if i dont want it and the girl wants it
35 dude still a virgin I never played that game in high school or college or even when I got out in the real work world I was just always too scared of catching something . I want to experience that intimacy so badly the way God created it. I had one relationship for two days recently, but she cut it off, I guess I was just going too fast. She kind of mentioned it and now looking for another woman. rrrr
Thank you very much for your help.. I'm seeing a women for 9 month now, but only like once in a month. I think she is pretty but I don't know if she really wants to date me or has deeper interest in me.. I'm afraid of asking her because her answer might dissapoint me.. But I would like to know what she feels, but I'm also afraid about That.. What can I do?
It's hard man, but you have to offer it to God and be willing to risk it. It's not like not trying will get you anywhere, you should not be afraid of the truth even if you end up rejected, you don't have much to lose either. If you don't try there is no progress, you know? Be respectful and honest and things will flow more naturally, be it with her or with somebody else. I'm just some random guy on the internet though so you do you, but I sure think you are overcomplicating things, it's not like being anxious will help so just gather some courage and try to be the great man God has made you to be. Wow, I should probably listen to my own advice and be more decisive about my actions too!😅
Hello @honest-fanboy ! Thank you for the honest question. We'd suggest reaching out to Elizabeth on IG @discerningmarriage directly. She loves to get questions from viewers!
You've been dating 9 months and only see each other once a month? I don't think that sounds very good hate to break it to you. You can talk with her of course.
I know a devout Catholic couple who dated 3 years before marriage. Didn’t have sex. Baby on the way now. Turns out, he’s gay. That’s why he could wait 3 years.
My girlfriend and I are blind, so we can’t go many places. We’re in college, and we spend most of our time on my couch. We’ve never had sex, but what would be some good ways to use these three boundaries?
Hello and thank you for your honest question! Feel free to reach out to Elizabeth on Instagram @discerningmarriage for detailed advice! She loves receiving questions from viewers.
On the first date? Why not wait to see if the relationship is serious enough?
Some people are hooking up ON the first date. You should state your boundaries clear and proudly.
Some people EXPECT it on the first date.
@israeliana If they're Catholic and doing it, that's a huge problem. So I was addressing people who take it more seriously.
Thank you Elizabeth 🙏 I really enjoy listening to you 😊💕 such a fruitful blessing to many 🩷
Thank you for watching and being a regular viewer @teresadezylva!
Why are you implying that kissing before marriage is okay when in the marriage rite the priest gives the groom the permission to kiss the bride?
I've been thinking about that too, but some time ago I came upon someone saying that most of the elements of a "marriage rite" as we think of it come from TV, and that if you look into it the couple's vow is the actual sacrament, I'm unsure about the kiss though, that frase is probably just a cultural thing. You should probably ask a priest or look for it on the catechism, it's most likely a common question so it should be easy to find it. I will look it up myself too
Not all rites syro Malabar doesn't have it that comes from Roman culture.
Also kissing is called first base for a reason.
Because the "kiss of the bride" had no romantic/sexual connotation back then in Middle Ages, it was more of a formal gesture of the conjugal contract, you know when people weren't probably literate. In fact it's not a French kiss, just a peck
Before Vatican II, I believe, there was no kiss during the marriage rite. Who knows why it was added. So it wouldn't make sense that the priest would be the one giving permission for the couple to kiss from henceforth.
I have been with my love for 21 years, we have the most wonderful daughter that is so smart and amazing. We have sex a few times a year, and I gotta say I do NOT feel guilty like I do when I masturbate. I would go to confession if I masturbate, because its wrong and a dirty sin. Why is it a mortal sin when I make love with my wife with a condom ? babies happen all the time with condoms or birth control, Its the decision after the fact that would make it mortal ??