How to Handle Emotions Under Stress

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  • Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
  • On today’s show, we hear about:
    - A wife who thinks she’s being abusive to her husband
    - A woman who doesn’t like the new school guidance counselor
    - A mom who had a surprise pregnancy at 40
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    The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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Комментарии • 464

  • @disavvynurse8858
    @disavvynurse8858 Год назад +636

    So I watched Dr. John podcast throughout my entire pregnancy. Now as soon as my newborn hears his voice he calms down and falls asleep. 😂

    • @brennanleyen
      @brennanleyen Год назад +21

      That’s awesome! 🤣

    • @LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY
      @LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY 11 месяцев назад +40

      My husband joked that our daughter would be born with a TN accent because I watch every Ramsey show episode, every day 😂

    • @noufhabra1799
      @noufhabra1799 10 месяцев назад +9

      😂😂😂😂😂

    • @jaredandallie1681
      @jaredandallie1681 6 месяцев назад +7

      Funny😂. My husband teases me for how much I listen to Dr. Delony.

    • @paulenabroxson2023
      @paulenabroxson2023 6 месяцев назад +11

      I did the same thing but with Alan Jackson's music with my daughter and now she's 1 and will dance to it

  • @Veteranemo
    @Veteranemo Год назад +256

    “The thing that kept you alive as a kid, is gonna destroy everything as an adult” Heard. Echoed. Wow! 13:14

    • @VanDGrrl
      @VanDGrrl 11 месяцев назад +3

      For real

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 11 месяцев назад +1

      Attached by Amir Levine
      Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
      Wired For Dating by Dr Stan Tatkin
      Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Imago
      Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
      I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
      The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
      The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
      The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma--- Bessell Van Der Volk
      Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
      The Language Of Emotions by Dr Gabor Mate
      Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud
      What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay
      Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
      The Four Agreements by Don Miguel
      How To Be An Adult In Relationships by Don Richo
      Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
      Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
      If The Budda Dated by Charlotte Kasi
      8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
      The 7 Principles Of Making A Marriage Work by John and Julie Gottman
      Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
      Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
      The 10 Essentials Of A Secure Partnership-by Dr Stan Tatkin
      How Your Childhood Trauma Effects Your Love Choices -;Jonathon Asla and Sabrina Risling podcast 🌞
      Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD podcast
      Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
      Why Are Relationships Are So Hard?
      Why You Choose Who You Choose with Dr Stan Tatkin podcast
      Empowering both genders. 🌞
      When you've healed from all your past experiences then you're set up for successful relationships Healthy and whole. Inner peace is the goal.
      . The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. Only you can heal yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Would you rather be happy or right? We are aligned with many people however not all are heading in the right direction. Goals, on the same path or journey.
      Alignment is shared values beliefs disposition emotional maturity lifestyle character and worldview. Shared vision- goals.
      Dating requires detective skills and good judgement. People show you who they are on day one. Words are who someone wants to be. Actions are who someone is. Their character.
      We are consciously and subconsciously attracted to the familiar. People who resemble one or both of our childhood caregivers. This can be unhealthy attachment. What we will experience with someone is what's internal. Choose with purpose. Know yourself. Knowledge is power!
      Stand in your sovereignty. 🙏
      Message to the world. Do no harm.
      Karma always has an address.
      Healthy love is calm and safe. Trust is paramount.
      Love and respect yourself ❤️ Take care of yourself.
      Pay it forward to humanity. Victor consciousness 🌞

    • @mr.fettesq.7705
      @mr.fettesq.7705 7 месяцев назад

      He should have called her put for what she is. An Abusive partner. Because that's what she is.

    • @samsamsam82
      @samsamsam82 5 месяцев назад

      @@sherriflemming3218you rock!

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@samsamsam82 Thank you, Sam!

  • @zknight4481
    @zknight4481 Год назад +182

    My heart absolutely breaks for that mother.
    And for the first time in my life, I feel like I can really fully empathize with my mom. She had my older brother at 19, me at 27, and my younger brother at 38. My younger brother was a surprise, obviously. There’s an 18 year age gap between my older brother and my younger brother. My mom went to the doctor because she’d been so sick that she was actually absolutely convinced she had cancer. I remember being afraid that she was right because I’d seen how sick she was for months. I was at that doctors appointment with her and I will never forget the absolute devastation on her face when the doctor told her it wasn’t cancer, it was a baby. As if cancer would’ve been preferable. It’s one of the few times I remember seeing my mom cry. I’m sure she’d cried in front of me many times before and she’s cried in front of me many times since but I remember that time more than any other because it was different. It was soul-crushing. It was like I watch the light in her eyes go out. She reacted as if she’d been told she had months to live. And in a way, that was true. Just like the mother who called in said… it’s like you’re finding out you won’t get to truly live and be a whole person until you’re 60 years old, right when you thought you could finally start to feel like yourself again. I have kids of my own now so I understand it in a way I couldn’t then. You do lose yourself, especially as a stay at home mother. Your identity and personhood are stripped of you, no matter how hard you try to maintain all the things that made you who you were before you had kids. Your freedom and autonomy disappear. And it’s a price many of us are willing to pay for 20 years for the reward and gift that is motherhood. But when your kids are born so far apart, that 20 year cost turns into a 40 or 50 year cost. And it feels like by the time you’re able to transition into the life you imagined at the finish line, you’ll be so close to death you’ll have sacrificed all of your years. And I’m sure there’s a grief of knowing you won’t see your younger children’s lives. If you’re nearly 60 when they graduate high school, how much of their adult life can you realistically see? Will you live long enough to see them graduate college, to accomplish their dreams? Will you live long enough to see them marry? Will you get to meet your grandkids or will you already be an urn on the mantle and nothing more than a collection of stories that they’ll tell their children about you and the life you lived? It’s terrifying in so many ways. On top of the grief of being blindsided by your own life, you’re also forced to face your own mortality. I cannot imagine anything that would trigger an existential crisis quite as severe as the one that accompanies having a child unexpectedly at middle age.
    My mom is in her mid-50’s now and my younger brother is still a teenager. She’s done an admirable job of never treating him like he was the cause of such devastation. In fact, I’m almost positive he’s her favorite of us kids 😂 He was a blessing in disguise. But that doesn’t mean the devastation and grief and sense of loss disappeared. I know it’s still under the surface, hidden away so that my mom can give all of herself to him just like she did me and my older brother. Motherhood is, in a word, sacrifice. You sacrifice everything. Your time, your patience, your money, your years, your peace, your rest, your tears, your adventure, your freedom, sometimes your dreams, your autonomy, your identity, your personhood, the very core of your being. And you love those children more than you ever thought humanly possible. You’d give your very life for them, if needed. Which is why that feeling of devastation just brings more devastation as your own shame and guilt sink in every time you feel the loss and grief on the other side of the coin.
    I hope the mother who called in, and all the other mothers out there warring with those feelings, know they aren’t alone in those feelings. And it doesn’t diminish or tarnish their absolute selfless love for their children in any way. They’re still human beings. They’re still wonderful mothers, even when being a mother feels like devastation sometimes.
    I’m sending love to all the mamas out there. I should call my mom. Let her know that I get it now. I understand her. And it changes nothing about her as mom.

    • @christinasmrecek2412
      @christinasmrecek2412 6 месяцев назад +5

      So true! Very well said.

    • @Mamabear1138
      @Mamabear1138 5 месяцев назад +8

      I think you are making more out of this than it is. I cannot speak for your mother any more than you can but I have 7 children and had moments where I thought about how old I'll be when this child turns 30. The moment passes and is replace by life. Delicious and exciting, wonderful life! Please don't judge her life so definitively by one brief moment of weakness and shock.

    • @bufficliff8978
      @bufficliff8978 5 месяцев назад +9

      @@Mamabear1138She's speaking for thousands and millions of us, so it's not out of place.

    • @josephinenatsui4267
      @josephinenatsui4267 5 месяцев назад +4

      I love your comment a thousand times ❤

    • @tinahays4464
      @tinahays4464 5 месяцев назад +3

      I live this life so I feel like I can speak to it.
      I have a husband who is an alcoholic. So let's talk about that first. There is ZERO that your mom could do to make anything change. Period! If she could have....do you think she would have? I promise you this....if there was anything that she could change in this world it world be for your dad to stop drinking. She was trying to keep "the peace" by keeping you safe and quite until the next morning or until he passed out. Don't hate your mom tell her you love her and thank you for doing all she could. I'm 48 ....menopause and hormones are a real thing. Look into that too.

  • @deeanna8448
    @deeanna8448 5 месяцев назад +44

    That second caller is really something. I carry a LOT of hurt from bullying in middle school and high school. There was a time I felt great bitterness toward those who hurt me but I dealt with it in a healthy way. I'd never DREAM of trying to sabotage the careers of my bullies. I know some of them have greatly matured and changed for the better. I don't know about others. If they haven't changed, that's on them.

    • @Kelli-ru7yy
      @Kelli-ru7yy 3 месяца назад

      I laughed with my bully when we grew up. I was like "You were the one who called me Sasquatch?!" And he laughed and was like "I'm sooo sorry" Turns out he was self conscious being the littlest guy in the class. And if at the time I didn't have a jealous spouse (we're broken up now) we would've been friends.

    • @BFku36
      @BFku36 3 месяца назад

      I think there should be a much deeper study on this subjct tbh.. Do people like caller #2 vote? Do they partake in certain activities while doing so? 🤔 I truly think after all these years, it's totally worth looking into. You have to think, some of these people grow up to be in CONTROL of mere BASIC hiring processes, all the way up to highly sensitive government positions and so on.. 😳 and that's when thoughts become borderline "conspiracy theories"..but.. are they true, or paranoia? (A lot of conspiracy theories are thought to be paranoia, even when proven true years down the road🤔?) This is more worthy of taxpayer funding than say.."extra seonsory perception"..or.."drug addicted animals", and so forth😳🤷‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

  • @VanDGrrl
    @VanDGrrl 11 месяцев назад +85

    My son suffered a traumatic brain injury at 16. I’ll be parenting a long time down the road . College , normal life for him is uncertain . I have heart failure and I’m trying to stay strong for him while I homeschool him balance his medical care and his mental health . It is what it is . Find the joy in every day

    • @YasminMahnaz
      @YasminMahnaz 4 месяца назад +4

      May you find some peace and your son as well. Prayers and lots of light , thank you for sharing

    • @skimbaweed
      @skimbaweed 4 месяца назад +5

      So true, find the joy in life as you never know what will happen. My son is autistic and still not speaking, it is uncertain how much care he will need and for how long. But my friend just lost her son to dravet syndrome so I am thankful every day for what we have.

    • @VanDGrrl
      @VanDGrrl 4 месяца назад +3

      @@skimbaweed just tossing out random suggestions, in an effort to be caring and helpful to a fellow 2e parent .
      Don’t know if have you found any success with adaptive voice and or signing? That helped us.
      Also we went to amen clinic for a spect scan and pivoted to tms. Helped with brocas area.
      Dravet is a mean disease. My prayers to your friend and her angel .
      Keep up the good work, mamma! You and your son are strong!

    • @thepianoroommusic
      @thepianoroommusic 4 месяца назад +3

      You are an amazing person

    • @VanDGrrl
      @VanDGrrl 4 месяца назад

      @@thepianoroommusic thank you .

  • @madelenaherrera1919
    @madelenaherrera1919 Год назад +58

    Dang..that second caller! I wonder if someone’s out there judging me on my high school days 😅
    I use to ditch a lot 😅
    Today I make it a priority to show up and be on time! It’s almost sacred!

  • @NotThatDeep
    @NotThatDeep Год назад +212

    This Second Lady seems insanely jealous and judgmental. I work with women like this who were the ACTUAL mean girls in high school.

    • @olivias2836
      @olivias2836 Год назад +38

      I got the same vibe, almost seemed like the caller is very religious & judgmental and thinks that someone who doesn’t share her same values doesn’t deserve the same level of success she has. I would also bet that she doesn’t have proof that this person engages in smoking/drinking outside of work, she’s probably just speculating and starting rumors. Women like this are awful to work with

    • @abbyxiong3931
      @abbyxiong3931 6 месяцев назад +15

      She is saying a lot of things that "feels" but there's been no evidence of the counselor behaving as such. Yes. She is a poor sport towards her old classmate and even wants to do reputation damage to her as an adult. I often know these kind of women well. They will keep spreading rumors and gossip until they get their own way. I hope people can see that spreading lies about others doesn't help anyone.

    • @tracy5721
      @tracy5721 5 месяцев назад +12

      You’re make assumptions about the caller. The caller said she knows people who are participating in the Behaviour with her. Getting drunk, doing drugs and sexual immorality may be fine for the World, but it is not acceptable in Christianity. And for the record, we are supposed to make judgements about right and wrong.

    • @ZombiePinupBarbie
      @ZombiePinupBarbie 5 месяцев назад

      Im sure shes not drinking, smoking, or fucking at work or encouraging kids to part take. Her personal life is her business ​@tracy5721

    • @cosodesign8953
      @cosodesign8953 5 месяцев назад +11

      @@tracy5721okay and? Are you going to cast the first stone? Jesus taught us to love people. Do you expect someone to change when they are shunned or loved instead? What she does in her personal life is for her and god to contend with. As long as she isn’t bringing it into work or doing at home that is actively harming others then it isn’t yours or anyone else business.

  • @zknight4481
    @zknight4481 Год назад +58

    I relate so much to the first caller and Dr. Delony nailed it. I’d never thought about the connection before but he’s right about growing up in an abusive and chaotic environment. I did. A lot of fighting, some physical abuse, a lot of emotional abuse, being forced at 10 years old to care for my newborn baby brother overnight while my mom worked and my dad left to go out and drink. And I would’ve never realized the connection between that and why I seem to be so cold to my partner even though I really do love him. It’s like I can’t figure out how to love- except I’ve done it before. I’ve been so loving with exes. I’ve been so loving with my current partner. When we were dating, before we had kids I was able to love openly and fiercely. But now the dynamics of our relationship have changed bc we have a daughter and I think maybe that’s triggering some trauma from my old childhood family unit and making me react the way my mom did to my abusive alcoholic father, even though my partner isn’t abusive or an alcoholic. I catch myself sometimes and realize “I’m acting the way my mother did in her marriage to an abusive alcoholic whom she despised but I’m not married to an abusive alcoholic”. I think it could also be trauma from a previous relationship of mine. My first husband died from drug overdose when my first daughter was 2. But up until that point, he was a sometimes incredible, sometimes abusive alcoholic and drug addict. I was never once cold to him in spite of the sometimes abuse. I feel like part of me is making up for that now that I’m safe.
    Anyway, don’t mind this trauma dump. I just had an epiphany from this episode and needed to get it out somewhere before I bottled it up again. Thank you for what you do, Dr. Delony. And thank you to the first caller for having the courage and strength to call in with something that often feels so shameful and isolating and embarrassing to share. You can’t imagine how many people your story helped. I’m one of them. I guarantee there are so many more. You helped so many people AND their partners, and their children who will now have a chance to see a loving affectionate relationship. So thank you

    • @lauriediandrea715
      @lauriediandrea715 6 месяцев назад +4

      I’m sorry you are going through this. Untreated childhood trauma changes our central nervous system & continues to keep us in the fight flight or freeze pattern. On top of that probably a lot of unresolved grief. Wood has helped me immensely is listening to people like Dr. John but also going and getting therapy more specifically EMDR therapy. You probably have some PTSD along with all that anyway I hope you get the help you need and become vulnerable enough to have the life that you dream of.❤

    • @roselynn3066
      @roselynn3066 5 месяцев назад +4

      I can finally take a breath of fresh air and I hope you can too.
      I thought there was something wrong with me. I grew up in very unstable households. Both of my parents are divorced twice and remarried 2 times.
      My ex step dad was very abusive. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
      My first very real relationship was with an abusive alcoholic who I treated way better (mostly out of fear) than my own wonderful husband.
      I catch myself too and think, why can't I just be nice? Why can't I let myself go a little or tell him how I really feel? Why can't I be more supportive?
      It all makes so much sense now. I had to keep myself together most of my childhood. I saw my mom doing the same.
      I've been working on myself and we have a daughter now. I still catch myself doing it. 😮‍💨
      Part of me thinks I need to see a counselor too.
      Thank you for sharing ♡ This truly has helped me too.

    • @brandyk
      @brandyk 3 месяца назад +2

      No apologies necessary. Thanks for sharing

  • @Serve24
    @Serve24 5 месяцев назад +19

    One of my favorite quotes from my pastor is:
    “The general rule of life is if you’re not content now, you never will be.”
    The best place to be is a place of radical acceptance of the circumstances in our lives, knowing that God is working all things for good if we are His.

    • @tylerborntraeger8677
      @tylerborntraeger8677 2 месяца назад

      Those are wise words. I'm barely getting started in my life, I'm 28, single, just recently lost my job just like many of us in 2024 it seems, and so many things are just not going quite as I would prefer them, but I'm still having fun pursuing the groups and interests I have, playing/making music and growing plants, petting my cat, going to church and hanging out with the few friends I have left, seeing my family in another state. So many things up in the air, but I think I'm starting to accept that that's how life is sometimes. Sometimes the test is finding contentment in stability (the grass is greener kinda test) and sometimes it's finding peace in spite of chaos or significant changes. Contentedness is a choice from the inside, not something external variables can deliver. But I have the rest of my life to continually test that. So glad I found you and Dr. John Delony roughly a month ago (found him on the Ramsey show earlier).
      "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
      "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20
      "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
      'Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
      and naked I will depart.[c]
      The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
      may the name of the Lord be praised.'
      In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." Job 1:20 - 22
      "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
      "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
      "Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created." James 1:16 - 18
      "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20 - 21

  • @lorainefleeman6011
    @lorainefleeman6011 5 месяцев назад +37

    I'm going out on a limb. With caller #2. I think she's unhappy in her own life. Nothing to do with the other gal, but that gal just happens to be her scapegoat. The best way to not be jealous is to create a life that you love for yourself.

    • @YasminMahnaz
      @YasminMahnaz 4 месяца назад +2

      Or maybe she is really triggered by that girl and past life

    • @barbarastroud4102
      @barbarastroud4102 4 месяца назад

      I was thinking the same exact thing, but on top of that, I'm thinking as soon as she lets this anger go, assuming she does and doesn't ruin the other persons career because of their at home choices, she'll have to find another punching bag. Everyone is a villain in another person's story.

    • @tasia3236
      @tasia3236 3 месяца назад +1

      She litterally said she has a great life its about anger with this person who hurt her

  • @adur4801
    @adur4801 6 месяцев назад +25

    2ND caller isn't happy in her life. As hard as she is trying to make it seem she is. She got SUPER defense when he asked about what she did for a living. She is a hater. I am glad Dr. John said "she doesn't even think about you!"..

  • @CJ2023Incognito
    @CJ2023Incognito Год назад +62

    Olivia was 100% the constant tattletale at school. 😂
    23:08 “Every close adult, which is basically my parents” agree with her. 😆

    • @nbchannel8907
      @nbchannel8907 Год назад

      ☘️☘️☘️😁😁😁😁🥰🥰🥰🥰😁🥰😁🥰🥰😁🥰🥰🥰

    • @abbyxiong3931
      @abbyxiong3931 6 месяцев назад +7

      😂😂 Yeah. She is still living in her teenage years.

    • @waynepolo6193
      @waynepolo6193 5 месяцев назад +6

      She reminds me of something my grandad used to say: “You know… there’s just something about that person I can’t stand about myself.”
      Olivia needs to look at why she feels this person is a threat to the idea, the image she has of herself.

    • @nothinwatever
      @nothinwatever 5 месяцев назад +1

      Right it’s like well we can see where you got your judgemental personality from sweetie 😂

    • @lorainefleeman6011
      @lorainefleeman6011 5 месяцев назад

      For caller #3. And to all parents. Do NOT make your kids your whole world. A big part, yes. Have hobbies, friends, and so on that have nothing to do with your kids. Your kids need to see that. They need to see you have friends and such, hobbies, ways to generate income, you taking a class, etc.

  • @OM-or3im
    @OM-or3im Год назад +43

    To last caller, i am from another country and the way Americans revolve everything around children is very strange to me. I didn’t grow up this way and i sure don’t plan to revolve everything in my life around kids one day. They deserve a happy and fulfilled mother. I hope you can figure out a way to fill your cup a bit more. Wishing you the best!

    • @akaTheLaughingGirl
      @akaTheLaughingGirl 6 месяцев назад +9

      I’m thinking maybe it’s because parents don’t have the support from their families to help raise their kids in America. In other countries a lot of 2 or 3 families live in the same house together verses just one.

    • @badger313
      @badger313 6 месяцев назад +2

      I am from the US &I find this attitude strange as well. Why does she have to be a stay at home mom? She could get a job. Work from home. Find a hobby. Even involve her kids in her hobbies. Kids 3 doesn't have to be put on hold because you have kids

    • @bootif
      @bootif 5 месяцев назад +2

      ​@@badger313 I think it's label's you get. Child neglect, child abuse, cold mother, selfish. You could even have them taken away if that one person doesn't like your parenting.

    • @joywebster2678
      @joywebster2678 5 месяцев назад +1

      There have been parttime working mothers with a variety number of kids in the USA and Canada for more than 60 years. Nothing wrong with combining stay at home through first 2 yrs and then working 16 hrs, be it an evening or a day or a weekend day. Or leading a girl guide group, and involving your own child in the prep work,and any other community work. Or attending a community college program with 6 hrs of classes a week to get a new career in a few years when the kids are in school full time. No one is looking down on you for doing things like this to kerp ypurs3lf relevant, interesting, and balanced as a mother, and partner.

    • @keithwc555
      @keithwc555 4 месяца назад +7

      Why do people think the answer to the mom not revolving around kids is to have a job??? Like John said, you could go be an engineer and build skyscrapers....or you could create a human....both have mind numbing aspects to it, and both have joys. But I don't think the answer to a mom who has "lost herself to being a mom" is getting a job. I think the answer is what John had her ask, what do I want and need? Odds are, what she needs and wants is more meaningful adult connections in her life, starting with a more connected marriage.

  • @Jillygirl-yn9to
    @Jillygirl-yn9to Год назад +32

    I so can relate to the first caller. I grew up in a home filled with chaos and this followed me into my adult relationships. I am now focused all these many years later on living a peaceful existence and just letting stuff go. Not everything is a big deal. My faith is the basis and foundation for my grace-filled existence. So grateful to God.

    • @mramirez410
      @mramirez410 Год назад +3

      This is so great to see. Currently working on receiving God’s peace.

    • @roselynn3066
      @roselynn3066 5 месяцев назад

      I absolutely can relate to this too.
      I've been working on being better over the years but never really realized what it stems from.
      God absolutely has helped me throughout my life too. By His grace I'm still here. ♡

  • @leahbrock7992
    @leahbrock7992 Год назад +61

    She’s not the only mother who feels this way! ❤

    • @jzwalz51robin45
      @jzwalz51robin45 Год назад +1

      Hatred of children?

    • @itchysheets1222
      @itchysheets1222 Год назад +2

      @@jzwalz51robin45no, being taken advantage of by their husbands. Seen as free day care/a c*m dumpster by SOME men. Feels invisible. Nobody is asking us what we need or want bc they don’t care. “You get to be home with your children, what more could you ask for? Ungrateful much?” By the man who switched up on us when things got real. So we just shove it down and keep going bc we don’t have any other option. We don’t want strangers or a step mom taking care of our precious children that we love more than ourselves. So we just go on like this, no emotional connection ever again. As if we aren’t worthy. It’s not because we hate children, I assure you. It is precisely bc we love our family and want to keep it intact that we are still here allowing ourselves to be ignored.
      ETA: not allowing, but enduring, trying to stick it out, hoping if I just keep going one day I’ll be looked at as a good woman worthy of love, and I’ll miss being able to to love and be loved if I left.
      I also think, my children are inherently good. And their dad is half of them. So he must be good too. It’s a hard waiting game to be seen and heard by someone you’re giving so much grace to and having so much faith in. Makes you feel like you’re just a commodity that’s being used up and when he’s used you all he wants he’ll just find someone else he hasn’t ran into the ground and start over fresh, like I was nothing. That’s why our society is the way it is. Very sad. We are low trust, low love, low happiness society.
      I’m not trying to be a martyr, but I do feel like someone has to hold it together and model the things I want to instill and I’m the only one willing.
      Many women feel that way. And it isn’t unwarranted. We aren’t bitter Karen’s dude, we WANT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED.
      I admit I’m ranting bc I’m in the thick of it and I feel like a ghost in my own home that my husband sometimes expects sex from but otherwise doesn’t care for.
      Being a stay at home mom might be easy for some.
      But when you’re trying to parent consciously and raise very good stand up human beings, it takes a LOT of attention and care and heart and effort and teaching. It is so worth everything. But Jesus, some effort and investment into his relationship with me would be a wonderful gift from their Dad. So I didn’t have to feel like I’m being taken advantage of, like a ghost in my lonely robot role.

    • @colmwhateveryoulike3240
      @colmwhateveryoulike3240 Год назад +13

      ​@@jzwalz51robin45No. She clearly doesn't hate her children. Were you distracted while listening?

    • @OM-or3im
      @OM-or3im Год назад +5

      I’ve heard this many times being a therapist and i usually start with finding things for the mom to enjoy and to begin filling her own cup. Dr John gave great advice here.

    • @coconutwater4531
      @coconutwater4531 Год назад +4

      @@jzwalz51robin45 she doesn’t hate her children. She hates birth control.

  • @krisprice2805
    @krisprice2805 5 месяцев назад +10

    The last caller speaks for so many women these days. We need to speak up and say what our needs are and it cannot just be about everyone else. Every member of a family deserves to be heard and to have the ability to live their life

  • @TheGomez1105
    @TheGomez1105 Год назад +61

    The second caller should let it go. If this person is who she says she is the truth will come to light and she will be fired from that position.

  • @jellyrcw12
    @jellyrcw12 Год назад +53

    Dr. John is incredible. I'm so thankful for his channel.

  • @elainebmack
    @elainebmack Год назад +19

    Regarding Amy, the mom. My mom was born in 1925 and grew up poor through the Great Depression, but she always wanted to be a teacher since she was very young. She got married at age 26 in 1951 (she was considered an "old maid" by the standards of the times), had 3 kids in three years, four years later had a son who was born autistic, and 6 years later when she was 39 had my younger sister - 5 kids in total. At the same time, she continued her schooling and got her bachelor's degree in education. It took her 11 years to get her degree, but she did it. She hired a babysitter for those afternoons when she had class, and shortly thereafter got her first teaching job, and taught for 34 years until her retirement. She also studied piano, sewed her own clothes and ours too, and spent summers off from teaching to stay at home and enjoy being with us kids and her extended family. I never saw my mom sacrifice what she loved simply because she had kids. As Dr. Delony says here, you make choices. It's up to Amy to fullfill Amy. She will be a much better mom to her kids if she begins to fully live her life.

  • @mariaking4950
    @mariaking4950 Год назад +17

    Amy..... when your new little one is 6 months old, find a great childminder, get a part time job you love, find a project, art or sport or a drama group to join, take the baby along or have one of your older kids look after the baby, .....do things!!!! And have fun!!!! And don't wait!!!! It's not easy, I remember sometimes wishing those years away and longing for "freedom" but when I think back I realise how much I did during the growing up years and how much we all experienced and achieved. Your children will look at you living your life and they will be impressed and inspired!! Don't be a martyr, you are as important as anyone and it's your turn now! 💕

    • @mariaking4950
      @mariaking4950 Год назад

      I got the time line wrong ....but my basic advice is the same....

  • @britneyog9537
    @britneyog9537 Год назад +40

    People. Change. Don't be so judgmental. The high school self is not the adult self (always).

  • @jxecho1192
    @jxecho1192 Год назад +81

    Wow that 2nd caller needs to stop being a stalker and just live her own life.

  • @britneyog9537
    @britneyog9537 Год назад +28

    My heart really goes out to that mom. I'm 32 with 2 kids and I'm thoroughly embracing all stages. While I do miss the baby/toddler stages, I couldn't imagine starting over. Hugs to her. She can live it up. Take the vacas. Take the dates.

  • @k4xxxminecrafter792
    @k4xxxminecrafter792 Год назад +14

    I love how you’re bold, confident and honest about how you have been in counseling and that you’re imperfect. It’s so relatable. Thank you for being you!!!!!!!

  • @gracehouse11
    @gracehouse11 6 месяцев назад +5

    I love you sweet mom of fourth child in your 40s. Your work is greater than any career or profession. Walk like a queen that your wisdom is greater than people that post “perfect” images of trivial life events….

  • @kerstinfontaine7941
    @kerstinfontaine7941 6 месяцев назад +14

    39:14 I am so proud of this caller! Ooof, her voice and statements went right to my soul. I’m 34, no children and frankly very upset about that. This woman is so amazing and her statement is so valid. “I have so much potential that will never get to see the light of day.” That was so heavy. She sounds like a beautiful person, I hope she gets everything she wants. 🥹❤️

  • @asdf4678z
    @asdf4678z 5 месяцев назад +6

    I appreciate that he connects people's present behaviors to people's childhoods. The survival/coping mechanisms we develop in childhood can wreak havoc in adult relationships. Our programming can set us on a path of self sabotage if it's not healed. I hope the first caller finds healing.

  • @YadiraEspitiaVelazco87
    @YadiraEspitiaVelazco87 5 месяцев назад +8

    I can understand the mom
    I am a mom of 4 beautiful children.
    I have been there many times throughout my mommy hood era, its a roller coaster of emotions, I dislike the way women here are judging her when she needs encouragement and help and a circle of healthy women surrounding her to let her know we all experience in different ways, be kind people if your comments will be belittling and bring no benefit just don’t say anything. You don’t know for sure what that person has gone through and if they don’t have the support they need, reading these negative and judgmental comments won’t help anyone. We all need each other this journey of life isn’t easy and we all go through tough times.

  • @user-ft8ul7ps3s
    @user-ft8ul7ps3s Год назад +29

    This first call could have been me calling in to your show. Thank you for your analysis of this behavior. I, unfortunately, will never get a chance to share this with my partner as he left before I had the chance to heal myself. However, I will be using this episode to write a letter to him and my children. As one of the original 17, I still love this show as much as I did at day one. Congratulations!

    • @jellyrcw12
      @jellyrcw12 Год назад +1

      original 17 what?

    • @sanamm1526
      @sanamm1526 2 месяца назад

      First 17 subscribers of this channel

  • @deamon506
    @deamon506 Год назад +91

    That second girl is just straight up judgmental lol

    • @opinionatedone
      @opinionatedone 6 месяцев назад +4

      I felt her hurt.

    • @tracy5721
      @tracy5721 5 месяцев назад +5

      We are supposed to make judgements about right and wrong. Calling someone “judgemental” implies they’re not supposed to make judgements about right and wrong which isn’t true.

    • @deamon506
      @deamon506 5 месяцев назад +2

      @@tracy5721 there’s a difference between the two.

    • @nothinwatever
      @nothinwatever 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@tracy5721 only God can judge keep your judgements to yourself

    • @keithwc555
      @keithwc555 4 месяца назад

      ​@@nothinwateverexcept when someone is clearly in violation of rules/laws

  • @thetimssportstalk3160
    @thetimssportstalk3160 Год назад +100

    I almost turned it off on the 2nd caller. That was CRINGE lol

    • @albs1448
      @albs1448 Год назад +11

      😂😂😂😂 i know, right? Hopefully we don't have to hear someone like this again.

    • @arthurshat7793
      @arthurshat7793 6 месяцев назад +8

      She was your typical insufferable ☕️

    • @nothinwatever
      @nothinwatever 5 месяцев назад +6

      Some people just need to learn to mind their business 😂

    • @brandyk
      @brandyk 3 месяца назад

      Why would you think about turning it off bc you don't agree. That's far more concerning then this woman potentially bringing her own anger from high school into this situation She at least had the courage to call and have her thoughts challenged a bit by someone she trusts ( John) and all of us armchair therapists in the comments section.

    • @tessaoshea5697
      @tessaoshea5697 2 месяца назад

      She's probably talking about her bully. But people change

  • @brennanleyen
    @brennanleyen Год назад +7

    ❤Amy❤, I feel you. Bless you, you tired mama. I had two in my 40’s and it’s HARD. But you need some help with your kiddos. Go on dates anyway. Your husband needs to cherish you and love on you. Hugs. Hope you get some love and cuddles. All those women who are going on their trips- well sometimes they wish they had littles still. I held a baby the other day and wanted another so bad. Grass ain’t greener, I promise. Fellow Floridian mama. You are not gonna be 60 before you live. I promise you can live your life and have love and trips. Love from Palm Coast FL. ❤❤❤

  • @mamalovesthebeach437
    @mamalovesthebeach437 4 месяца назад +2

    The mom who had a 4th at 40 is so courageous to have made the call. Great advice from John. I had my first and only at almost 41 YO. He was unplanned and my marriage wasn’t great. I had postpartum… when my son was 2 months I signed up for a Parenting the Infant class - 12 weeks. I was easily 15 years older than the other 12 mom’s but it didn’t matter… we were all in the same boat. The facilitator became my mentor. The women, my tribe. We started a mother’s group and from there I started another. I put my kid in a backpack and we hiked nearly everyday. It was a beautiful time I will always treasure. When my son went to kindergarten I started my own business from home. I got up early before school and worked and when he was in school. Put your child in pre-school and do something small that fills your cup. Staying in a ‘victim mindset’ will kill all joy in life. You will look back at your life and miss it… I’ll be 70 next year and I still feel that raising my son was the greatest gift in my life. My sister had her 4th at 40 and now at 68 she is in Italy spending weeks with her 4 adult children and their partners. She is living her best life!❤

  • @candycrushrr
    @candycrushrr 5 месяцев назад +3

    Oh gosh him saying he is a mess….Dr. Delony- WHAT ARE WE THEN?? cause you are the most „normal“ and morally correct person I’ve been listening to and I know it’s genuine!

  • @lilinsulatorchick9665
    @lilinsulatorchick9665 5 месяцев назад +6

    DAMN. Just damn. This lady just explained my life. With 4 kids from 14 yrs to 4 yrs, I also feel like I haven't been a real person in a long long time. 😢 my potential has been pushed the the back burner and the eye isn't even on. I wish I could hug her. And of course, I love my kids more than life itself, but I miss me. All day everyday is for them. I haven't read a book in a decade. Haven't dyed my hair or painted my toes. I know what it feels like to stare at the finish line that never seems to get closer. All I know is that if I wait long enough, things will turn around. But by then I'll be old. So I have to accept that i have sacrificed myself for my beautiful babies. It's just hard to swallow ❤

    • @proud2batj87
      @proud2batj87 3 месяца назад +2

      What do you do after your kids are in bed? That's when I do crafting, reading, painting my nails, and even going shopping by myself. We have other families over for dinner, and made it a priority for our kids to be flexible so we can still have a full life. We travel with our kids. It's more work, but also more fun! We have 3, ages 4, 2 and 5mos. I don't want to minimize your grief- I am thinking about this #3 being our last and I'm so excited to move out of the child bearing years, which I realize is what that caller is grieving. But girl it's not healthy to not be able to do any of those things you listed that bring you joy. You should be able to do those things, even with littles! I hope you are able to find a community that loves and supports your family and that you are able to find a way to take care of yourself in the midst of motherhood.

  • @ally526
    @ally526 5 месяцев назад +3

    Dr. John has given me so much more insight and comfort and faith than I can adequately express in a comment. I hope you read this and know how much you’re appreciated man ❤ Thank you

  • @CHrisPetE056
    @CHrisPetE056 6 месяцев назад +8

    Oh my. The “little kid fog mom” I’m so pulled into your sadness right now. I’m hearing your tears and the fact that you said it out loud. Let me say one thing, I agree yes you love your kids. Here’s the story about my mom: married at 15 ( but this was 1941) soooo two kids right away, then she lost a baby girl then they had another girl in 1953. Then….wait for it, me they had me in 1965. Number 4. She was 39. I saw a picture of her sitting outside with one of my sisters who had a baby the summer of 1964, and my mom looked so sad. She said that’s when I found out I was pregnant. 😮 with me. Then in September 64 my oldest sister had her third baby. 😂 then me March 65. I was already an aunt. But as the years went by…my parents finally got to do things they couldn’t do when they were first married…(hence the spoiling) but they got to see the first girl graduate HS and go to college. They got to see all of us get married. They took me on lots of driving trips across country. My mom told me many times I kept her young! She was happy to drive me to parties and roller rinks and church trips. Now for some reason I never wanted children and that’s not what our family did. BUT, I was there when they turned 60,70,80. I took care of them. I made them laugh. I gave my dad socks for Christmas until his last one. And he loved it. I grew up with my nieces and nephews and they were like siblings to me. They still are. Was my mom devastated to find out again🎉. I was there with them in the end and said goodbye to them. 😢I’ve also lost the two middle sisters. I can’t console you at all but I do believe you can still be you and be a wife and each one of your kids will know how special they really are. First middle or last you sound amazing because you also care about yourself. ❤❤❤❤ best wishes

  • @salonsavy6476
    @salonsavy6476 Год назад +11

    First caller , so relatable!,, I did the same thing with my dad ,, it does affect you as an adult,,

  • @laurasmith8154
    @laurasmith8154 5 месяцев назад +4

    2nd caller...❤ your story resonates with me, but I'm currently 30 with 4 kids 6 and under and those feelings are exactly how I feel. I never wanted kids until 30 But here I am at 30 grieving the life I never got to have. Love my kids. But not currently loving my life, feeling like I'm full of untapped potential as it is all being put into my kids and running a household, I really needed to hear this advice ❤

  • @annkleindl3561
    @annkleindl3561 5 месяцев назад +3

    Man can I relate. Ive been married 30+ years and last 4th of July I had a massive heart attack out of the blue. 2 wks later I had open heart surgery. I know its from stress/ anxiety. Im horrible to my husband too. He reminds me of my Dad in the way they act. Im on always waiti g for the shoe to drop. I am going to buy your book.

  • @madisonhouston6338
    @madisonhouston6338 17 дней назад

    Omg !!!! As a new momma, that 3rd caller has me in tears!! Bless her ❤️

  • @angelface8336
    @angelface8336 6 месяцев назад +6

    Dr. John, I just want to thank you for not disappearing and choosing to put your heart out there and sharing your beautiful healing gifts with the world!! I so wish you and others doing the same were available with a few taps to a screen while growing up!! 💜

  • @therealsandraweise
    @therealsandraweise 6 месяцев назад +19

    The second girl is a terrible person. Her fake morality is NAUSEATING.

    • @TheYazmanian
      @TheYazmanian 5 месяцев назад +3

      She is obsessed with the woman she called about.

    • @TheListKeepers
      @TheListKeepers Месяц назад +2

      literallyyy such moral superiority. what a TRAGEDY she smokes weed

  • @CJ2023Incognito
    @CJ2023Incognito Год назад +3

    Thanks for calling Dannie. I’m in a similar boat. Finally getting counseling. Our kids and husbands deserve the best mom and wife we can be. 💙

    • @mr.fettesq.7705
      @mr.fettesq.7705 7 месяцев назад

      He should have called her out for what she is...an abusive spouse. It's pretty lame he handled her with kid gloves like that. Because she drleserves to be divorced quite honestly. What kind of a person verbally abuses their spouse like that??

  • @genna_analog
    @genna_analog Год назад +20

    Dannie you are not the only one. being the change that you want to see is where it starts..
    Mark 11:28-30. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

  • @Gshen3
    @Gshen3 Год назад +8

    I don’t have kids but I really feel for that third caller ❤

  • @amandadrenter7690
    @amandadrenter7690 Год назад +9

    Dr. John, speaking the truths we need to hear! I call them "Delony Darts!". I can relate to the last caller. Thank you for all you do!! Your show is the highlight of my days!!

    • @zknight4481
      @zknight4481 Год назад +3

      Delony Darts is such a good name for those. I’ve been mentally referring to them as Zingers. Because they take a minute to sink in and when they do, they’ve got some zing to them 😂

  • @mariaking4950
    @mariaking4950 Год назад +28

    Maybe the young woman who got the job at the school has worked through stuff she experienced in her childhood and youth and had a lot of experience of life and hardship that she can use to relate to the young people she will be counselling.

    • @Trish-lamour
      @Trish-lamour 7 месяцев назад +2

      And sometimes schools don't hire the right people, if she's using drugs it might be the latter but as the doctor said: Do something or get over it.

  • @albinataggart4846
    @albinataggart4846 4 месяца назад

    What a wonderful caller.
    She is so self reflective which she already did all the hard work. She helped me understand and complex situation and brought those things together. Here is the problem and this is why. She is already somebody. She could easily be a professional communicator!!!!!!
    She already has her career and purpose in life and she just doesn’t know it!
    So blessed to have heard this.

  • @tyshramos2469
    @tyshramos2469 3 месяца назад +1

    I hear this mother. New husband and new baby at 43. Youngest son was 18 and graduating. 4 boys and now a girl. Full time very physical job. I hear your grieving. I struggle daily. Pulled 40 ways. And I feel guilty and sad and angry at myself for feeling this way. And so overwhelmed. Very tired.

  • @karig1224
    @karig1224 2 месяца назад +1

    “Let it go, don’t hold it back anymore. As the great frozen says.” John is hilarious lol 😂 😂

  • @fieryblaze75
    @fieryblaze75 5 месяцев назад +2

    I am so glad Amy called in. I can relate to her story so much.

  • @teddiwhitney5111
    @teddiwhitney5111 Год назад +98

    OMG OLIVIA let it go. Stop being so judgemental.

    • @zknight4481
      @zknight4481 Год назад +26

      This.
      I get the vibe that Olivia peaked in high school. And I don’t even mean that to offend, but it just seems very obvious to me. Some people just can’t leave high school behind and they can’t grasp that everyone else changed so much since high school that she doesn’t even know them anymore. And it’s likely because she herself hasn’t changed or evolved since high school so she can’t fathom that everyone else has. She has the same judgmental, clique-y, mean girl attitude that 14 year old girls have. But it’s even more unbecoming because she’s a grown ass adult.
      I was a party girl in high school. I escaped my traumatic abusive home life with drugs and alcohol and parties and acting like an adult when I wasn’t one. I was part of the “popular” group for my entire life but once I started partying and meeting people with similar traumas and experiences, I started to realize how judgmental that group was. And then a male teacher tried to sexually assault me (as well as a few other girls, it turns out) and everyone at school, including my own clique, judged me and blamed me for it, as if I’d done something to cause it, and they spread rumors that I seduced him and slept with him willingly. They were all Christian’s and they believed I’d done something to make God put me in that situation or that I’d put myself in that situation for nothing more than being assigned to his Geometry class.
      So I dropped out to escape it. I got sober a few months before I dropped out and thankfully, that was before I got my pregnant with my eldest daughter, who I had young.
      Despite that, I’ve been sober for 10 years. I have an incredible partner of 9 years and two beautiful daughters who are my entire life. I put myself through college as a working mother. I went to law school. I created a life for myself that looks nothing like what that 17 year old party girl should’ve been able to create. And yet, many of the people I went to high school with still see me as that 17 year old who was destined for nothing if not prison. Because I moved away and they have no idea who I am now, while most of them still live in our small hometown and work for the school district and maintain the same weird cliques and sanctimonious bullying behaviors they had back then, as if they never left high school at all. Even after they went to college and had their own partying phases and many had their own children young and out of wedlock.
      I should be angry at being judged, at being reduced to the choices I made in a few years as a legal child. But I’m not. I just feel bad for them. I know the black and white thinking, the judgmental holier-than-thou attitude has to leave a bitter taste in their mouth all day long. It has to me miserable. Because how can you empathize and love people while looking down your nose at them? And how can you feel joy and contentment from your high horse? It sounds like a very sad existence to me. It’s hard for me to believe I was, at one time, part of their popular group clique. Of all the changes I’m thankful for since I left high school, I truly feel that me not being part of that small-minded small town misery is among those at the top of the list.
      But I have empathy and compassion for those stuck in that loop, not knowing how to beat back the judgmental habit they’ve created. I sincerely hope Olivia and all those out there like Olivia are able to get to the root of their sanctimony and work through it. Because so often it comes from a place of insecurity, inferiority, and low self esteem. Their need to make others feel an inch tall, or at least appear an inch tall in their minds, so they can feel better about themselves. The harm they cause to others aside, that’s a heartbreaking life to live.

    • @carloswithac
      @carloswithac Год назад +7

      ​@@zknight4481I was thinking the same throughout the call. Peaked in high school, let it go.

    • @carmencarmen9489
      @carmencarmen9489 Год назад +1

      If that person is still doing what she’s BEEN doing for years, then it needs to be said and warned because leaders need to be held to a certain standard. I understand if the person worked on themselves and changed for the better . Looks like that person HASN’T so yes that’s something she needs to mention to someone up there plus she’s the only one that knows what truly happened and she didn’t want to say on here . I pray she makes the right choice depending on everything she knows .

    • @alandalemorris
      @alandalemorris Год назад +1

      @@zknight4481
      K

    • @alandalemorris
      @alandalemorris Год назад

      O

  • @ambernelli7791
    @ambernelli7791 Год назад +21

    What a judgy person. You are NOT the same person at 26 that you are at 18. Who cares what this other person does on her own personal time. She needs to start minding her own business and stop being the judge and jury of someone who probably could care less about her. And she's worried if her kids are going to go to that school 15 years from now, meaning she would be holding a grudge for 25ish years at that point. 😂😂😂

    • @tinam761
      @tinam761 Год назад +7

      But she’s not bitter 😂😂😂

    • @ambernelli7791
      @ambernelli7791 Год назад +3

      @@tinam761 no, not in the least.... 😄

  • @galinayasinskaya6038
    @galinayasinskaya6038 Год назад +13

    I’m very thankful for this channel!

  • @mariatorres9789
    @mariatorres9789 5 месяцев назад +1

    You CAN completely change, honey. I grew up in an extremely violent unpredictable home. You can 100% change how you view & respond to the world, and be happy & at peace! ❤

  • @Ms.Mel.Creates
    @Ms.Mel.Creates 3 месяца назад +1

    Third caller - girl. I hear you so hard. You can love your kids and still be devastated and destroyed inside. You are not a bad person. But you do not need to be invisible and you do not need to be a full time stay at home mom. That does not make you a bad mom or a bad person. You’re allowed to want something different.

  • @a.colleenfray2138
    @a.colleenfray2138 Год назад +14

    I can relate somewhat to Dannie because my dad lives with us because he’s bipolar and I have to watch over him & his finances as though I’m the mother. And then my husband is not financially responsible on any level so then I end up being the parent there as well. In addition i have my own kids to parent. I’m frustrated all the time and I end up yelling. I am just at my wits end.
    I know how Dannie feels…..

    • @mr.fettesq.7705
      @mr.fettesq.7705 7 месяцев назад +1

      Except that's not Dannies situation. She's just outright abusing her husband for really no reason. To the point where she thinks she's giving him grey hairs because he's so beaten down.
      It's kind of shocking that nobody is calling this out for what it is, including John Daloni. Because if the genders had been reversed you better believe that's the first thing he'd say.

    • @charlesburkhart800
      @charlesburkhart800 5 месяцев назад +2

      Colleen, I hope you will diligently get help. I hurt my children by yelling, always angry. Please get help. It follows them throughout their lives and is a huge burden to them. If I could take it back I would, oh do I wish I could have been the kind parent they deserved. It's like blinking. I need to rewire like Dr. Deloney talked about. Will get his book.

    • @karolsorrell827
      @karolsorrell827 5 месяцев назад

      ​@@mr.fettesq.7705NOT enough info to make a good assumption. She could be suffering from narc abuse, husband or parents could be narcs. Pushing or pushed her till she breaks...etc.

  • @mindyvaughan9638
    @mindyvaughan9638 10 месяцев назад +2

    Amy, I am in your exact shoes, but also the exact opposite. Husband and I are going on 20 years this year. We have a 15, 10, and 1 year old. The only difference is im the breadwinner, with my own business, and my husband stays at home. We homeschool. Neither of us are happy in the roles we are in. Literally the second I walk in the door, after working all day outside, im full time mom, have to go grocery shopping, figure out dinner. I have to take time off if the kids have dr, or dentist appointments. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. We have a lot of work ahead of us.

  • @nathaliebasile6168
    @nathaliebasile6168 2 месяца назад

    To Amy ! Mother of 4. From me mother of 0. I felt so much understanding towards your grief. That feeling of selflessness is an alarm ‼️ but it is not factual. Voice your needs as dr John said !!! In the audacity of your call for help, i felt that you were a rock star.

  • @sarahsavesit
    @sarahsavesit Год назад +13

    Oh, Amy. I wept listening to you. You are not alone.

  • @ozarkview928
    @ozarkview928 2 месяца назад

    Dr Delaney is spot on with that last lady ! We have seven children spread twenty years we started at 20 an 21 , we are 60 an 61 now our youngest is 21 and we still have a life ! I hope you start taking care of yourself! ❤

  • @clericstorm2009
    @clericstorm2009 Год назад +17

    Amy, step 1, your husband needs to get snipped. You dont wanna be calling John about this again at 50. Good luck!

    • @grreeeeee
      @grreeeeee 9 месяцев назад +4

      seriously, why the f do men not get snipped? takes 5 minutes

    • @Rio26202
      @Rio26202 3 месяца назад

      Or just track your cycles which if done right is just as effective

    • @hotrodrounsavill3515
      @hotrodrounsavill3515 3 месяца назад

      @@Rio26202yep, that’s what I thought too until intense stress from work and the economy caused an hormone imbalance and my cycle to “glitch” (I ovulated off schedule) and I found myself pregnant at 38…😬

  • @lunaramanda952
    @lunaramanda952 6 месяцев назад +1

    Amy girl your not alone I have 5 kids ages 13-3 I also homeschool all of them you gotta learn to live your life while being a stay at home mom I love finding items for cheap and reselling them online I do that while being a mom you gotta learn to put yourself first when your feeling empty and depressed you have to put yourself first and be okay with doing it....I felt the same way you did until I learned to put myself first and now I'm the happiest I've ever been and I mean that you gotta change how you see your life good luck!!❤

  • @rhondagriffith2159
    @rhondagriffith2159 4 месяца назад +2

    2nd caller, create a life you love.Get the babysitting for your young one and play with your older kids.Get the sitter and have a date night or short getaway with your husband. Take 2 hrs to exercise, journal and recreate a beautiful life. Go away for a weekend by yourself to gain perspective. Take it from a 60 year old...you are young, you can play barbies for a few minutes and still Love your family and respect, love on yourself. I hope you allow yourself mental, physically and spiritual time so you and your family will thrive❤...knowing you have CHOICES in life will help you feel more freedom.

  • @xhevrijebeluli4565
    @xhevrijebeluli4565 7 месяцев назад +2

    Is it just me or I've just come across Dr John and now I'm watching hours of this show omg relate to so many videos crazyyyyy

  • @jencru1351
    @jencru1351 3 месяца назад +2

    First story (an generally anything concerning women): I'd like to add to keep an eye on hormones and your cycle. For me, adult adhd and traumatic childhood, it all became amplified not only after becoming a mom in my late thirties not only because of the new challenges but especially because of my hormonal fluctuations whciu started getting more severe and botieceable. I starters teaching my cycle and have at least been able to identify the times I would have to be more attuned to my boundaries and take more time for myself, also actively communicating to my family why and do more conscious awareness work as to not explode or be unfriendly. Also, I assume because of my late pregnancies (2 in 2 years) as well as the constant hormonal fluctuation of the two with breastfeeding and pregancy hormones I assume k may have entered perimenopause earlier (still searching for an Obgyn to take me seriously and run the tests)... hormonal health is not talked about enough and takennito consideration enough when it comes to women issues.

  • @madisonandthefarm
    @madisonandthefarm 6 месяцев назад +6

    Being a stay at home really takes a mental and physical toll on you. You don’t get any rest, you are home with the kids all day…then hubby comes home and he is too tired to watch them. Having a job is way easier than being a stay at home mom, you get a break, plus you feel really accomplished with yourself. I was a stay at home for 2 years, I will never do it again. I became a single parent right after that, went back to the workforce and my daughter was in daycare. My girl is 13 now, and I have gone far in my career. You have to do things that make you feel good🙏🏼

  • @sanamm1526
    @sanamm1526 2 месяца назад

    I can relate with Amy, although I was never waiting to live my life, I did feel like I wasted my education & skills, I also felt no one will ever see what I had to offer and I will contribute nothing. I went back to get my masters at 37 when my youngest was 3, It was luckily all online and I was able to study in the night, and weekends (even though I wanted to take some classes in person). Graduated at 39 with a 4.0 GPA and got a job. Started working a week after my youngest started kindergarten. I do get exhausted some days, but I am happy that I did this for me.
    For all you moms out there, decide what you want to do, even if you do 20% of what you dreamed you wanted to do, you will still feel so fulfilled and happy. I can bet. Take community college classes? Or learn online, start an Etsy store if that’s your thing, a blog, an online job.
    Change your career aspirations to something that’s practical, and do it. ❤🎉 If I can do it, you can do it too!

  • @aprilporter770
    @aprilporter770 4 месяца назад +1

    If I were Amy I’d be feeling the same way absolutely! I love my kids but really looking forward to that next stage of life. I know that life always throws us curveballs. Although I haven’t had that specific curveball I’ve had others and who knows what’s coming. She has every reason to feel the way she feels

  • @denforcer
    @denforcer 2 месяца назад

    Finally Signed up for better help today. Hoping and praying for change. Thank you.

  • @lydialorraine5164
    @lydialorraine5164 5 месяцев назад

    One thing I am proud of as a new parent is that I haven't lost myself in the parenthood role. I love my daughter, she always comes first. She's awesome, but I got an early handle on the 'Mum guilt' and never denied or refused myself a day off when I needed it. Even if it was just to lie in bed and watch TV for the day. Not once in all the years have I felt that I wasn't living for myself, as well as her. And I'm a single parent too. It is possible to be a parent and maintain your individual identity!

  • @EmilyAllan
    @EmilyAllan 6 месяцев назад +2

    Oh Amy. My heart went out to you when I heard your story. There are others that feel very similar in various situations for various reasons. Thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable.

  • @kristinmoore4624
    @kristinmoore4624 3 месяца назад

    Big big hugs to Amy. Every mother knows how you feel. Hang in there. Live your life and enjoy the kids, you can do both. 💕

  • @nedawilmhoff3599
    @nedawilmhoff3599 Год назад +5

    I worked as an RN in hospitals and had to tell others what to do and be in control. I have trouble with not being acknowledged as equal in decision making by my husband.

    • @joywebster2678
      @joywebster2678 5 месяцев назад +1

      I lived that married to a police Sgt husband. Working in the ER, often directing his officers what to do and what I needed to help the patient ( remote community ), and often charge Nurse for entire small hospital on a shift. But my husband treated me like an idiot who couldn't do anything right. One late evening shift I was attacked by a drunk patient who was dragging me out into the snow and ice, I managed to call 911, a d evry cruiser on duty came to rescue me off the street where I'd been dragged. The duty staff Sgt was there even, and he told me he called husband at home off duty, offered to pick him up and bring him to the scene. He declined. That's how I knew I was not loved, or respected. I left 2 years later. Went on got my masters degree and PhD. Sadly his mother was a very capable RN, his Dad a cop, and his Dad adored his mom. SMH. I was careful not to be bossy Nurse at home, but I just didn't matter. Good luck to you!

  • @AnGeLaOYA
    @AnGeLaOYA 6 месяцев назад +1

    34:22 I appreciate this caller 🙏🏼... I feel it! Harder on moms. Takes a savior of a husband and if you don't have that, it feels like this!

  • @tcw3848
    @tcw3848 Месяц назад

    The caller at 34:00 expressed everything I’ve been feeling in the last 5 years 🥺🥺🥺 thank you caller for putting into words my own suffering ❤

  • @moniquekendel5782
    @moniquekendel5782 6 месяцев назад +1

    My heart goes out to the mom who finds herself grieving what she thought life would like like at 40 when kids were gone. I am 62 and my coworkers were all retiring at 55 with great pensions. I am tired and will not be retiring any time soon after going from homemaker to working when a divorce from am abusive marriage through me into a life I never expected. It has some good for sure. But I wanted to have the time to be with my daughters and grandchildren. And to slow down. Raising kids alone was exhausting. And I can' slow down a bit but never stop moving . Working for life. If i don't show up for work it will be cause I had a heart attack at 88 in my sleep lol.

  • @L-ff5kw
    @L-ff5kw Год назад +2

    Dannie, wow,, God bless you on this journey to healing

  • @willaknotts1298
    @willaknotts1298 5 месяцев назад

    Shawn Ryan is a hero and patriot. He deserves big hugs. ❤

  • @hayleyallen5949
    @hayleyallen5949 6 месяцев назад

    The discussion and advice on the last caller was 100% spot on!

  • @Susq15
    @Susq15 Год назад +3

    Well, I spent most of my adulthood rearing and homeschooling children. My brain was most emphatically not wasted.

  • @starsapphirelee5714
    @starsapphirelee5714 5 месяцев назад +1

    There is nothing I've ever experienced- and I've had a very rough life- as bad as an "empty nest". My son left 10 years ago and I've never been able to get over the loss. That woman has a husband and young kids. I'd give anything to have that life.

  • @kimm5555
    @kimm5555 8 дней назад

    I can relate to your last caller.....I had 3 kids 8 yrs apart and had my Mother for a while and my Grandson and might have to raise my Grandson. I don't know if I am up for it at this point in my life and I beqt myself up over it. Others tell me they would never turn their Grandchild away but I raised kids over 35 years and I have health issues. I feel like he deserves better than an old lady with health issues and I feel like I need this small chapter to be for me. 😢

  • @chelseanicole5435
    @chelseanicole5435 Год назад +1

    DANNIE. I am the same way! It’s so hard and sometimes i do not know how I’m reaching until after. We are just doing our best ❤ proud of you!

    • @mr.fettesq.7705
      @mr.fettesq.7705 7 месяцев назад

      It's not ypur best though is it? That's the point. If ypur perceived "best" is being abusive then you have a serious problem and deserve to be single. He should have called Dannie out for what she is...an Abusive spouse. Instead he placated her. Switch the genders and I promise it's a different conversation all together.

  • @arthurshat7793
    @arthurshat7793 6 месяцев назад

    Third caller. I feel for her. But she is so, so blessed! Even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. I hope she can talk to her tribe and get some time for herself and her husband. Proud of her for raising her babies and being a good momma.

  • @audreymarie1191
    @audreymarie1191 4 месяца назад +3

    Caller #3😢 sounds like such a precious lady

  • @davidhealdjr.513
    @davidhealdjr.513 Год назад +23

    Dannie's husband needs to hold on to her, she is a good woman to recognize that she might actually be wrong.

    • @mr.fettesq.7705
      @mr.fettesq.7705 7 месяцев назад

      He should have divorced her ass a long time ago!! How did he not call her what she is? Which is an abusive partner.

  • @gnamc
    @gnamc Год назад +6

    Ok I'm trying to understand some of these people...the second caller... Get busy with your own life, family, hobbies and self improvement...when you accept yourself you accept others. She has a lot of growing up to do.

  • @elainebmack
    @elainebmack Год назад +9

    That second caller should let this go. Maybe this person she is resentful towards may have found her true self and has, or will, do the work it takes to be best she can in this new position. Maybe she has grown up. Only time will tell.

  • @emilykozel5087
    @emilykozel5087 7 месяцев назад +4

    I would kill to be at home playing mindless (which I love) Barbie’s with my 7 year old than sitting at my desk in a law office.

  • @GwenMotoGirl
    @GwenMotoGirl Год назад +48

    Second caller has a lot of time on her hands to waste.

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 11 месяцев назад +7

      She's got unresolved issues like most people.

    • @karolsorrell827
      @karolsorrell827 5 месяцев назад +2

      Second caller probably has suffered from some other sort of abuse. There's probably another trigger for her that she needs to look at. And I can relate as a mother to wanting the best for my kids and trying to raise them right.

    • @GwenMotoGirl
      @GwenMotoGirl 5 месяцев назад

      @@karolsorrell827 you may be right on track in your thoughts about the caller. I hope she’s doing okay.

  • @olivias2836
    @olivias2836 Год назад +38

    This show was frustrating, second caller was a total Karen, sounded like she just had a personal vendetta against a random woman who has zero effect on her daily life, last caller was upset about having more children than she wanted…. do people not realize things can be done to prevent this ? My heart breaks hearing the pain in her voice and I hope she finds peace 💔

    • @anibaldamiao
      @anibaldamiao Год назад +3

      I think it's more than being preventive: people get lives and are completely unable to live happy with what it turned out to be.

    • @coconutwater4531
      @coconutwater4531 Год назад +7

      @@anibaldamiaopregnancies absolutely can be prevented. In fact, she could have gotten sterilized since she definitively didn’t want any more kids after three. She’s not taking responsibility for her reproductive system.

    • @ellicemcfarlane6010
      @ellicemcfarlane6010 Год назад +7

      This is why John tells people not to read the comments

    • @olivias2836
      @olivias2836 Год назад +1

      @@ellicemcfarlane6010 if you’re willing to call a radio/podcast show about mental health/personal struggles you must realize that the purpose of these shows is all centered around commentary, discussion, entertainment, learning etc. if you’re not ready for people to share their opinion on your problem(s) than seeing a therapist in private is probably the best option.

    • @neisci
      @neisci Год назад

      ​@@coconutwater4531 if she had natural births, sterilization would be a surgery, a 7 layers deep surgery. It's a surgery. And birth control fails, everybody knows that.

  • @markdevilliers3103
    @markdevilliers3103 4 месяца назад +4

    I’m so grateful that my wife and I decided never to have kids! We love our freedom. We both knew and accepted that we are not parent material. 🙏🏻❤️

    • @brandyk
      @brandyk 3 месяца назад

      Well then I and that world thank you as well. It's a trade off for sure but it's a big commitment and while I certainly don't want to discourage people from having kids it is good that more people are making these choices more complicated more consciously.

    • @ginawilcox3079
      @ginawilcox3079 3 месяца назад

      That’s sad

    • @allysonreilly
      @allysonreilly 3 месяца назад

      @@ginawilcox3079 Sad doesn’t describe the life they chose that they find fulfilling. They did what was right for them. How silly and judgmental to think your experience and choices are the right ones for other people.

    • @renebrown7394
      @renebrown7394 2 месяца назад

      To each their own..❤🙏

  • @Delphiverdi
    @Delphiverdi 5 месяцев назад +1

    Dr. Delony, you are a blessing.

  • @gailpage9524
    @gailpage9524 4 месяца назад

    Love your show,you changing lives one person at a time. You for filling your God given reason for being on this earth. I just love it!!!!

  • @cathyosullivan718
    @cathyosullivan718 Год назад +5

    I was a little confused with the second phone call. Maybe the other girl bullied her in high school? Is she jealous of her? A lot of kids drink, smoke weed, hook up in high school. The woman may be better able to understand the kids because she was not an Angel at that age.

  • @angieavina
    @angieavina 6 месяцев назад

    Thank you for sharing what so many women feel. My children are grown and I love them but I felt the same way…. 🙏

  • @lavenderlady7441
    @lavenderlady7441 2 месяца назад

    john i watch and learn from you everyday!!!!! thanks john....😊

  • @carolynjordan4826
    @carolynjordan4826 9 дней назад

    Love watching you, you call it like it is!