Don’t change, having a solid ego is not healthy in the long term. You can change because you are not attached, so a lot of things you can understand and enjoy for example the dif genres of music. The dif types of people and energies you can fully interact with is only possible when you are not stubborn to a way. People are miserable 1000 more times trying to force and environment to them.
Well apparently I have no sense of self either...the "we adapt to our surroundings" describes me so much...I have like 4 groups of friends, and I am literally a different person with each of them, and I feel kinda lost when 2 groups come togethet because I dont know how to behave..
I really really feel you. I am a mess, I dont know what I like and what I dont like. Actually, I spent a whole day tryinna figure out what I wanted for christmas...and I just couldnt think of anything specifically. I just thought like "yeah, something original", or "yeah maybe something bout harry potter even if Im not like a HUGE fan", or "yeah, something about piano" but then Im like "but what and where do I buy?"
Idk...I just feel like I might have it, I dont mean to be like "yeah emma has it, so do I" but I dont think this is ruining my life in any way, just that Im chill with everything even if I dont have a particular thing that describes me lol.
This is me. Would you ever have trouble decorating a room of your own? I'm decorating my bedroom atm and there is nothing I could ever put in it that would make it my own because nothing would resonate with me. I'm gonna struggle hard when I move in with my boyfriend and decorate our place next year, like fuck me
That's normal honey. It has nothing to do with not having a sense of self. Adapting to different surroundings is how we get to know ourselves. The more you change and adapt, the more aware you become of the things about you that DON'T change, that THAT's who you are. Don't let anyone tell you there's something wrong with you.
I feel you. I discovered that personality disorder because I was trying to understand someone else. I was shocked to find that I found myself in that description, especially the unstable sense of self. And even though it was a shock at first I've realized that I've started to made that lack of identity my thing in a positive way. I have decluttered. Getting rid of everything that is no longer relevant. Very liberating. I also avoid shopping because I know what I like today I may not identify with tomorrow. Saves a lot of money. And even though I sometimes miss having a clear identity to portray I've made it my Mission to be okay with myself without all of that. With my pure self so to speak. Whatever that may be. No hairstyle feels like me, so I wear it short. Every color feels like a costume, so I wear greys. And I'm rocking it. There is good in it, too! Freedom!
This is how I've felt my whole life. I quickly learned that I was boring or weird for not having any distinguishable traits, so I'd look at others and just mimic what I saw. I started to make friends that way but never really, and still don't feel like I could be a character in a book anyone would want to read. I'm just a blank slate, like you said. I could be anything at any time. :/ Especially clothes shopping. I'd always have to ask other people's opinions on things because I literally didn't know if I liked it or not. I still have no idea.
I remember watching this video when it came out, and I strongly related to it, but I read the descriptions of BPD thinking "that can't be me, I relate but it must be a coincidence. *I've never been abused*." Five years later, and four days ago, I was diagnosed with BPD. It's mad how your brain can normalise a situation and a way of living until someone else comes out and points at it saying "it's not normal, something is wrong". Thank you for this video. I'm trying to understand myself more after my recent diagnosis, and I came back to this video for some comfort in the fact that it's ok that I'm like this.
i still don't get the difference between their main one and the blue one and the yellow one and isn't there a purple one?? at least my channels are all different genres :p
Vloggery hi emma! I don't want to tell you how you feel but have you considered that maybe you're just quite open-minded? Like maybe it can be seen as a positive in that adaptable people must necessarily be empathetic in order to adapt. Also maybe your career in RUclips has given you an exaggerated sense of needing to brand yourself, ie consistently pin your interests to one group or trend? Maybe people outside of your career don't suffer from this as much, or don't feel it as acutely because they don't feel required to be consistent in the eyes of others? Also I love these chatty videos! Maddie xx
I have BPD and it's nice for someone to that I look up to so much talking about a massive struggle that I've had my entire life. I'm currently undergoing really intense therapy for it but it's nice to have someone put into words that actually make sense how I feel. Thank you so much for making this video 💕
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
@@sauravgupta4103 hello, thats okay, some people have multiple traits of bpd and most people go through maybe a couple. Having bpd just means you fit multiple, it best describes you and has gotten to a disorderly state thats causing yourself and others distressed. Your experience is just as valid even if you don't have bpd. Emma has often stated a variety of other things that fit it including actually mentioning it once and lashing out emotionally online in the past, so the person above probably feels they relate to the difficulty and pain of their disorder in relation to this video because there is alot of similarity, they're not labelling Emma, just expressing their own relation to the topics covered that are often misunderstood especially when under the bpd name. 😊 hope that makes some sense.
Voltexe I hate that I'm about to say this, but I saw it in her so early on. And I didn't want to ever point it out until she came out with it herself because I truly do believe that it's a huge diagnosis, but I'm so proud of the person she has become and is becoming. Gives me hope.
Kinda just want to say while I know you're seeing these, that bpd is so misspoken of and so incredibly looked down upon and to have someone like you in the media who has a platform talking about it, even implicitly, is so powerful for those of us who feel so isolated and alone. We love you so much, you're stronger than you think x forgive yourself for not always knowing about yourself what you feel like you should, or for hurting people in relationships due to things that aren't 100% in your control. Life's a learning curve, and for people like us we have to keep learning how to evolve and cope or we drown. Do not drown for fuck sake because you are a gem and the world needs you- rant over.
Nah I feel you there, I saw it in her years ago but until being diagnosed myself I didn't really know what it was! IT's honestly so hopeful because she's doing well with life in general, and Im hoping she makes a video about it to shine some light on BPD and that it's not evil.
I have bpd too, and have been recently diagnosed, and I am still coming to terms with understanding and accepting it, but have a great sense of relief because I have never felt understood at all. I have found it literally impossible to articulate this sort of feeling for ages, I found this particularly comforting. Bpd is a bitch sometimes and makes my everyday a bit shit, but it gives me the capacity to love as greatly as I can feel awful and horrible and all the shit stuff etc etc. Sending love to you all, and thank you Emma for this video, it is insightful for those that don't understand, and makes me feel a bit better that (although I understand how shit it is) other people can relate x
Please please please to all teenagers watching this who are going through puberty right now: it's very, very likely that you feel this way but very unlikely that something is wrong with you. Dont' worry if you can relate to this, because as she said, it is perfectly normal to feel this way for some time in your life. Also not all adults have found themselves yet, which is fine too, adapting to other peoples behaivour lies in the human nature. I'm just putting this out there because I think many people could be worried about themselves unnecessarily just because they can relate to some aspects. Self reflection is always a good thing, but please don't overreact.
I have bpd, and honestly this video made me cry, I have never known who I was or what I really liked, I've constantly made changes to my life and style etc, and now I'm in my 20s I realised that it isn't just a school/teenage thing. Thank you for making this video, unfortunately I do relate, but thank you for making me feel a little better about my mindset
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
Hey no sense of self girl. . I am you but 52. . I've had some incredible experiences travelled all over . . I have an amazing son with a spirit thats happy to settle. Me on the otherhand am still no closer to fiding me lol. So I stopped looking stoppped caring . . Get yoursemf a dog . Don't give up angel . . Karsn
I'm so glad you talked about this because I always so alone about this. I just feel more and more aware that I am just pieces of other people, nothing I have is my own, It's just adapted from other people. And this makes me feel awful. So I'm glad you made this :)
I used to be like this. Honestly, it took my removing myself from everything I knew and setting off on my own to come to grips with who I am. I have only leveled out in the last couple of years, but changing my environment and those around me thus forcing myself to find my inner foundation thus helping me stop the never ending shiftiness. At this point, it's not a matter of finding out of who you are (that's ment to change with age and the more you grow and mature), but discovering what you actually want in life. Once you figure out what you want out of life and what you actually want to do everything else Wil fall into place. You have this. I've been there and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Feel free to reach out if you ever feel the need or just want to :)
Yooo... something worth mentioning other than Personality Disorders is Autistic Spectrum Disorder... MANY women are misdiagnosed with a personality disorder when they actually have ASD because it presents differently in women. The stereotypical male version of autism does not apply to most women and so they tend to go most or all their lives not knowing they have it. I figured out I had it a few months ago (fyi being overly empathetic can actually be a symptom (which is so me) rather than not being very empathetic) and it legit solved my sense of self problem because I realised that being a bit all over the place was, in itself, who I was, and that's okay.
I follow you completely (although i'm a guy). But ASD is a spectrum. it won't manifest differently in just women vs men, but it will be different for every individual. Through the years I found out it isn't black and white. Hence the slow elimination of just "autism". But the misdiagnosing is indeed a very real problem.
DeVelopMental yeah I agree, it's just that women diverge from the traditional expectation of autistic people more often than men, so it's a bigger problem. Definitely is a problem for everyone though
Kerry Douglas isn't the Extreme Male Brain theory of autism where the traditional expectation of autism comes from? I'm by no means an expert but I've looked into (I don't know if you've heard of it) the Intense World Theory of autism which basically says the Extreme Male Brain theory is rubbish and autism is actually to do with having sort of a hyper-connected brain which leads to autistic people experiencing the world more "intensely" (hence the name), which explains, among other things, why autistic people often hate/dislike loud and crowded places and may have strict routines to minimise any surprises/uncertainty which can be unbearable. This theory explains my experience far better than the EMB theory and accounts for many variations in experiences unlike the EMB theory which I believe is outdated, from what I've read at least.
I was going to make a similar comment, but you were a lot more articulate than I could ever hope to be. I'm autistic, and lack of sense of self is something I experience on a daily basis, and it definitely affects every aspect of my life. Like, I'm studying towards a career at the moment (have been for a year and a half), and I'm not sure that's what I want anymore because I've become interested in something else. Even stuff like music genres--I've gone from listening to metal, to singer/songwriter, to pop, to folk, e.t.c. Even with book genres or clothing like Emma mentioned!
Hannah D end Kerry Douglas sorry to but in, but if i'm not mistaking, the EMB theory (and its predecessor: empathizing-systemizing theory or e-s theory) are more of a culmination of what people expected of gender roles and autism. Its fair to say that it is outdated, however they also talk about a sliding spectrum, so that is something to keep in mind i think... The Intense World Theory is not a bad theory, but has its own flaws as well in for example that it doesn't account for sensory hypo-sensitivity, which is also a common thing with ASD. In the end, I don't think there's yet one complet explanation right now. But i'm glad that IWT has made sense for you, which points to the fact that it ought to have at least a kernel of truth.
I felt like this for most of my life where in school I would get along with teachers, prefix, girly girls, slackers, gang members etc. I would 'get along' with all of them but I never felt like I 'fitted in'. I'm 21 now so most of the time I don't give care anymore. Another thing, and maybe others with no sense of self can relate, is the lack of any sense of accomplishment, becoming bored aroumd people, and/or being able to do nothing for hours on end (and by nothing I mean sit and breathe and think) without ever feeling bored.
this is exactly me. for me, it's a symptom of my borderline personality disorder - but you dont necessarily have bpd if youre like this, thats just one of the things FOR ME that goes along with it - i can never settle on anything ever and have this impulsive need to change EVERYTHING about myself too and end up settling for a new piercing instead
Jack Edwards the worst part is that Daiquiri's are my favourite cocktail 1:I'm 13 I shouldn't be drinking alcohol anyway 2: I can never think of a Daiquiri in the same way again
I can totally relate to this in a lot of ways. I jump around hobbies constantly and that has translated into changing my college major three or four times and taking like 7+ years for a bachelors degree. I just like everything. I reflect other people's personalities as a way to relate to them. I've always choked it up to being a Gemini. I feel like I generally know who I am but not in a way that I could explain it to other people.
not only am I the same way wig my lack of sense of self, but I am a sufferer of borderline personality disorder, and this just means that I literally have no idea who I am or who I used to be because I always feel some extreme emotion coupled with whatever sort of "phase" I'm in. I'm at the point where I'm actually feeling strongly like I am a different human being than I used to be. EDIT: Coming back to this three years later, turns out I was never borderline, that was a misdiagnosis given to me during the early stages of what has now been identified as schizophrenia. The same still stands for how I was feeling at the time though.
yes, I completely relate. I've lost so many friends over the years because they "don't feel like I know you anymore. you're not the Crystal I became friends with". but I can't help it, part of being my friend is expecting and accepting inconsistency
Same. I just went through years and years of therapy to at least combat the symptoms to some extent. Was lucky enough to get it diagnosed early on, some are not as lucky. What I'm trying to say is, if you get a skilled therapist they can help you gain some form of control of it. I'm pretty mild now compared to how extreme I used to be (let's be honest, BPD pretty much is the definition of extreme). I mean thank fuck because there are pictures of me during those phases I want to delete from existence. I don't have a sense of self and I'm just content with that. I've become my own name and people can't seem to understand how unless they too have BPD which is ironic. Own sub group of humans maybe? lol
I'm 27. I couldn't say what my favorite kind of music was until late high school. And the answer changed depending on who I was with. I like everything from Classical, Jazz, Metal and lately KPop (just to name a few). In high school I hung out of with the geeks, Mormon choir kids, the Classic Rock loving stoners, etc. I've had long hair, pixies and everything in between in many different colors. Growing up I never felt comfortable in any style of clothing and only in the past few years have found styles I like. I have had 13 different jobs, all by choice. I have a handful of hobbies I'm exploring to see what fits "me". But since I've become comfortable with the knowledge that I like to change, it's become fun.
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
I'm 28 this year... and I'm trying to figure out how to be who I used to be, but she's gone an it's really hard because I feel like I have no personality anymore ... but the thing is when I look back at all the years growing up I realise Iv been doing this my whole life... just searching and exploring... shedding skin growing new skin ... it never ends and I never find out who I am ... I also feel like I never arrive at that secure destination of confidence in myself like I'm always hoping when I'm searching
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
Thank you so much for posting this, I can recognize quite a huge bit of myself in that. It's very nice to see other people have similar experiences. I didn't know it was a 'thing' either. One of the more troubling things is that I can't help but change my friends every few months, making it really hard to actually connect with someone. Another thing that's exceptionally troubling is that every time I notice anything good in a person I immediately desperately wish I was exactly like that and very much adapt and try to adapt to be that person, sometimes flip-flopping a few times a day even. I guess I'm still lucky in having a few parts that stay constant, a lot of anchoring is provided by rational unemotional thought since that stays pretty constant and I have at least a very vague idea of who I want to be.
this has finally answered so many questions about myself. ive always wondered why i go through these intense "phases" for months and then just drop it like it never happened. Even my mom has commented on it in the past. Ive dropped out of school twice now, ive changed careers countless times and i always thought it was because i was a failure and wasnt good at anything but i realize its because i have a ridiculously hard time figuring out what i actually want especially when im surrounded by people who know exactly what they want. I think going forward this knowledge will really help me understand why i change my mind so much and maybe force me to pick something (career wise) that doesnt make me miserable because chances are if i change again, although it may make me happier for a short time, the same thing is most likely going to happen again. Thank you for making this video emma, i know it was probably tough but it really does help and i hope you continue to make videos on the topic going forward.
I can actually relate to this, plus I'm suffering from depression. It can get really really difficult to deal with at times but after all I'm kind of okay with it, now that I'm older. Oh and; Emma, I love all of your past and present channels and I think a lot of people do, so don't worry about it too much! :)
You took the words right out of my mouth. I relate to this so much! I also feel like I'm a chameleon and my sense of self is very flexible. This was particularly confusing for me when I was younger but I've come to accept it better now that I'm in my 30s (yeah, I'm still a chameleon at this age, haha). I'm worried that if I ever get married and have a big wedding or something, all my guests will be confused by each other because I like all of them for different reasons, and they'll be confused by the different sides of me they haven't seen before that are all being brought out of me by the various guests.
I feel like I have the same problem (in a way I think??) because everyone around me seems to have found their path and I'm still here like idk what I'm doing. I'm 22 and I'm scared of choosing a career path because I'm afraid I won't go through with it. I already dropped out of medical school and after 1 semester of studying literature I already can't be bothered anymore. This _needs_ to stop one of these days or else it'll ruin my entire life. I mean that's also the reason why I'm kinda okay at a lot of things but not good at anything, because I simply drop it after a while.
I'm in the same boat (same age too). I'm actually in the process of dropping out of my 4-year program to instead get a cheaper 2-year degree. I'm still not sure if I'll stick to it in the end but at least I'll have a fancy piece of paper to show for it lol
This is me, and it scares me so much. You just described my entire personality - that I don't have one, it's fluid. I thought it was a phase, as I'm 17 but maybe not. It sucks how accurate and scary relatable this is.
I get that what you're describing is very different from just trying out new things (as you say you lose your old personality completely and adopt a new one) But you said that people that do have a sense of self seem to 'know' where they want to go in life; I'm not sure people are really able to plan out their life with much certainty. The future is uncertain after all, and that doesn't have much to do with a stable sense of self. For example, my mom switched careers when she was 55, in the middle of the financial crisis! I think most people are just flopping along in life, trying to make choices that they think are best at the time. Which is NOT a bad thing imo
I also have no sense of self. Raised by narcissist (with no realistic sense of self) and was not allowed to have a sense of self, and all my adult life, I’ve struggled with trying to figure out who I am. I’m almost 50. 😟
Through my late-night, curiosity-driven internet studies about Meyers-Briggs personality psychology, I've concluded that I'm one of those people who is more in tune with what the people around me feel than what I feel at any given moment (INFJ, for those wondering). Like if we're deciding what restaurant to go to, I'll pick where to go based on the tastes of my friends rather than my own. I'll pick conversation topics purely on what I know will be successful with a certain person even if I find it kind of boring. Most people probably do this without thinking about it, but I take it to kind of an extreme. A lot of the time this leads me to feel like I exist purely for entertainment and comfort rather than people being friends with me for--me. My boyfriend is pretty much the only person I can turn to and be like "I'm bored, let's do something else," or exactly which restaurant I want to go to :P So in my case my "sense of self" is something I turn on and off at will, and if I spend too long with other people, I'll feel incredibly drained and start to feel like some hollow shell. If you made it this far in my comment, hope you had fun reading this essay.
AlwaysTheButler this used to be me (INFJ) . spending a lot of time alone and being selective with my friends so I only spend time with people who I feel welcome to express myself with was what made it change 😊
I'm exactly the same! I fear talking to new people because I don't know what conversational topics they like, etc. so making friends is really difficult for me. I'm trying to teach myself that it's okay if not everyone likes you and that talking about yourself/your own interests is okay too.
I can definitely identify with this, though I've never interpreted it in myself as empathy, or being in tine with others, that's far to positive a thing for me to believe about myself instead I interpret it as me avoiding conflict and trying to please people. I'm not INFJ though, and I know a lot of INFJ people are empaths... I'm ENFP, and I don't really know what qualities ENFP people have.
as someone with BPD it's extremely nice to hear someone talking about this, i know you say you hope we didnt enjoy this video but i really really did because having someone i admire that i can relate to (not saying you have BPD, just even this symptom) BEFORE i change my interests to relate to them is very refreshing. thank you emma 👏🏻
People need to be careful with self diagnosing, seeing all the people saying same in he comments freaks me out, its statistically extremely unlikely that this many people in such as small space suffer from lack of self. Remember changing styles, tastes in music etc are all very normal. For example I have gone through different stages within my life in which i dressed gothy, preppy, punk and bohemian. Ive had years where I've decided to never wear makeup or shave and years where Ive caked myself in makeup and laserd of my leg hair, Ive decided to never swear and to speak properly but im currently going through a thing of calling people mate and bruv ect. We all change our personality and tastes to fit in with the groups around us but the extent to which sufferers of lack of self suffer from this is much, much more extreme and more internal, while i have made these changes some core beliefs remain and when i think of 'me' i feel i could pick this person out from a crowd. Without self we would not be able to pick ourselves of of a crowd of individuals since we could equally be any of them. I know speeches like this may seem like stopping people from finding out if they need help but I'm just reminding people to seriously think if their symptoms are sever or to be expected from socialization and never use google as a doctor, cyberchondria and wrong diagnosis is seriously damming perception of mental health sufferers.
Well lacking a sense of self is a symptom, not a diagnosis. If you don't have one then you've always known that you don't and perhaps just haven't had the words to really say anything about it, instead describing yourself as insecure, low self-esteem, social chameleon and having identity crises whilst knowing there was something a bit more fundamental and difficult to reason your way out of. A lot of the people here, myself included, had never heard of Emma before and have only been brought here because the video has been shared widely in mental health forums and groups. So it's not the statistical unlikeliness you're suggesting of just people who already subscribed to Emma's channel having an unusually high prevalence of this.
I know Emma's videos attract audience often suffering mental illness because she addresses and suffer from mental illness. However even with this video being shared it is still unlikely so many people suffer from it, it can be a symptom and sign of other mental illness or disorders BPD ect but this actually does into widen its scope much and people can suffer the illness without signs of lack of self. Plus the people in the comments appeared to be saying they felt kinda like this and wondering if they had it to rather than watching it because they have the illness. I just wanna make sure people know to a GP or mental health practitioner for a diagnosis and not scare themselves if its not necessary. Ive seen people making themselves ill from doing stuff like this. A girl I know and whom My mom treated managed to develop anxiety by insisting she had it and when not getting a diagnosis she worked on and internalized the symptoms until she'd finally developed a anxiety disorder. I know this wont be the case for most people simply cause they may identify with some aspects of a illness but It scare me still.
Thank you for making this video. This made me realise that I actually dont have a sense of self at all. A few years ago I hung out with a group of girls who were really into make up so I suddenly I did too, I would spend my day watching beauty gurus, buy all kinds of new make up etc. then i stopped being friends with them and became friends with some more nerdy, fandom type people and I suddenly stopped caring about make up and started liking tv shows and bands etc. I've recently decided I had to cut out my best friend because the friendship was toxic, I also moved to another city where I don't know anyone which has led me into basically not having any real friends at the moment. At first I was really sad and depressed about this but at the same time I feel like this is a great opportunity to find out who my true self is. Theres no one to influence me anymore and I feel like I'm becoming myself more and more everyday
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
I feel like a chameleon too. However, I have recently realised that it's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows that you're adaptive and accommodating of other people, and that you are open minded and willing to experiment. Nobody is the same person their whole lives - it's fun to try out different styles/mindsets/life philosophies. Phases are normal because identity is not concrete but fluid. Besides, there will always be that part of you that makes you Emma - your sense of humour, your open mindedness, your kindness, your voice, and many other traits that are probably more visible in your private life than online, and therefore I cannot list them. Try not to worry too much because you will always be you. I hope you make peace with this. Sending you love x
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
Hi, I'm 22, I am exactly the same And for years I've thought there's something not right about me, in the head, and watching you say it's linked to stuff has given me the confidence to go and find out what's up with my brain, I still might not go but I have more motive, if that makes sense... Anyway, thank you for making this vid and sharing and helping xxx
Saurav Gupta Hi, no I didn’t get any help lol Sorry I can’t be of any help for you! But if you’re questioning if you should or shouldn’t go then definitely go and talk to someone for advice, your GP would be the best place to start x
Saurav Gupta I think it will help to talk to someone, I’m just a barmaid, not a doctor so I can’t comment on how effective it will be for you but it’s definitely better to try
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder yesterday and I've been doing a lot of research and I came across this because a lack of sense of self aka a disturbed identity is a symptom. What I want to say is that I can relate 100% I'm constantly changing my hair, rearranging my furniture, constantly changing my taste in fashion and styles, and I have an extremely wide variety of taste in music (which is a positive)... But I hate how everyone says that it's normal as if they can relate to the amount of distress it causes us to be the way that we are. There is a big difference. Nothing sticks when someone has a disturbed identity. It's stressful and never stops changing. Our values and beliefs change as well and that's even more abnormal. I'm glad I found this and could relate. I understand your struggle for wanting to stick with one channel but fuck it, you know you'll end up making more anyway lol you got a new subscriber here 👍🏻
I've been recently (formally, not self-) diagnosed with BPD; what you said about 'it can be a part of something bigger' is definitely true, it's always worth looking into. I hope you become at peace with yourself/your thoughts/your diagnoses soon, Emma. Sending love and consensual hugs x
OMG EMMA YOU'VE JUST CHANGED MY LIFE. I've just realized everything I've ever mulled over and questioned about myself and why I'm so inconsistent with every aspect which involves making a decision, and why I'm so reliant on the people around me to help decide my life for me, is because I don't know who I am! Which I've always known- but this revelation you've just presented me with has tied it all up in a neat little bow and made me feel a lot less negative about it all, going to look into this more I related to EVERYTHING you were saying...
Growing up, to not be alone, I would unconsciously imitate whoever was around so they'd tolerate me following around. Then there'd be another group, and I'd change for them, and sometimes I could change to bounce between groups, but usually I'd just abandon the first. Not because I didn't like them anymore or they did something wrong, but because the other group was ignoring me less. Other then a year and a half relationship, nothing grade 9 to 12 was stable. The worst it got was when I moved to a new place and met people at the first job I found. They were all I knew so I desperately didn't want to lose them. They did rock cocaine. And I had money. So I started doing it to not be alone again. This went on for almost 2 years. I'd kicked them out of my life because I wasn't just following them around, they were controlling me. But the drugs continued and only stopped when I didn't have anyone to buy from anymore. After getting clean alone, I told my regular doctor what happened. She sent me to talk to someone. I was finally diagnosed Bipolar with social anxiety, and started medication and counseling. It helps, but I'm still that same person on the base level. I still have trouble making basic adult decisions when I don't have someone to heavily lean on or follow. I get into what the people in a Twitch channel I love are interested in so I can respond to people in chat and maybe they respond to me and I don't feel completely alone watching a stream. This is who I'll always be.
@@MOGE_ I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
I've always felt this way. I couldn't understand it or put words to it. I can never stick with someone, my favourite EVERYTHING is always changing. My style always mimics those of a close friend... I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you, Emma!!
But you are quite clearly 'you'... you have a very unique personality, it's recognisable as 'you' and you've always seemed very authentic, so this is surprising.
Henley Phoenix except I started on RUclips copying danisnotonfire and alex day and recently went through a phase of doing pewdiepie style videos. it's always been there, you just haven't noticed. people with this still have a small certain amount of traits that stick with them - i was raised to be tough and stubborn by my dad. in many ways, i am exactly like him. but when it comes to interests, sense of humour, style etc - those things change more than they do in a 'normal' person
even though those things have changed, your way of putting things, and your sense of humor, even though you included that, seems to have stayed the same. Like I can tell ways in which you've changed, but idk what it is, it always seems like you. Like you may be doing something similar to or the same as someone else, but you've always got your own lens over it.
You do remind me of Alex Day (RIP) :p The way you speak. I wonder how much of that is just you, and how much is almost unconscious mimicking... Interesting video! I didn't realise this was a thing until now.
I'm so glad you spoke up about this. We see other people as secure and content with themselves and fail to realise that others may also be dealing with the same thing you are. So for you to talk about something that I'm also going through is very comforting in the fact that I'm not alone. And of course I knew that I wasn't alone but we all feel like that sometimes I suppose. Thank you Emma.
This is so me. I've looked into BPD before and related a lot to it, but haven't ever been tested for it. I have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, anxiety and depression. The anxiety/depression diagnosis was just generic though, my mental issues have never actually been properly looked into. I've never really known who I am and what makes me a person anyone would want in their life, I just feel like I'm this awkward weird person who doesn't do much with her life. I change my hair colour on a pretty much monthly basis because I just get sick of looking at myself and looking the same. It's strange, every time I change it I start getting used to it and that immediately sparks me to change it. I start hating myself every time, then once I change it I like myself for a short period of time. It's always temporary. I've had multiple RUclips channels as well and I feel bad when I abandon old ones and then start new ones and I've had people get annoyed at me for it as well. I haven't found anything I'm actually really good at, I really like singing but I could never pursue it as a career or anything because it's just too much work. I just feel like I'm floating by in life not really doing anything or being anyone. You are the RUclipsr I definitely relate to the most, I feel like I always understand the things you talk about in your videos and I have the same kind of sense of humour. Anyway I doubt you even read this, but if anyone else is reading, thanks for taking the time to do so. I just wanted to share my thoughts and I don't usually comment on videos much but I felt this so much and I just felt like I had to get this off my chest.
@Anastasia Graves I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
I hate the fact that I identify so much with what you are saying. I haven't been able to find my own self since my middle school emo phase was over. I have gone through so many phases of different music styles, clothes, people I surround myself with. And it wasn't until now that I realised that I in fact have no sense of self. I absolutely hate to admit it, but atleast I'm more self aware now. Thank you Emma for talking about/bringing up a topic like this.
I don't have this, but I do disassociate and depersonalise. Basically sometimes I don't feel real or like this is my life, like I'm wathing a TV programme, or like the world itself isnt real
i discovered solipsism when i was 17 and to this day i still wonder if it's possible. it's not the same, but i do get what you mean. i also disassociate under extreme stress, which can be very hard to deal with
I get this too. It's scary when you go really deep into it as well. To me it feels like "the real me" is using some sort of advanced vr headset and my body is fake in a fake world.
Alex de Villiers I get this too, and I didn't realise it wasn't normal (ie that not everyone experiences it) until I watched Dodie's video about it a couple of months ago. It can be really scary, and because it's not talked about, explaining it to people is really difficult and they tend not to understand, so it can be socially alienating as well as mentally alienating. Just know that you're not alone in this, and treasure the moments where you do feel connected to reality, but also don't beat yourself up over those times where you feel spaced out or distanced from what's going on around you. Try writing down your experiences, as that works for me and helps me connect with important experiences I've had after the fact, and stops me feeling like I wasted an opportunity or experience being spaced out. It's scary as hell, but you're not alone ❤️
Abaven Denada This happens to me too. Sometimes I just sit down and look at my hands then try to figure out how I'm a human being living in this world breathing, existing and communicating. I also have the samething as emma. I don't know myself. I don't know how to act like myself or be myself. My personality feels fake, like I'm pretending to be me. I don't try to fit in like emma. I feel like I don't know myself and I'm just making things up as I go along. It gets really exhausting when I'm around my family and friends because it hard when they feel like they know me and I don't even know myself.
I see alot of people talk about how everyone can relate. But the real question is what do we do? Are we fixable? Do we just go with the flow? Why does this happen? I'm not in therapy. But I learned 2 years ago I have BPD, and severe OCD. I am a daily fighter. Thank you for taking the time to talk and share your experiences with us. God bless❤
I totally know the feeling of not knowing where you really belong or who you you are or feel the need to be. Even if not knowing most of this one's whole adulthood, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a huge problem or leading to other mental illnesses. it's totally okay not to know who you are and change if you feel the need to it. I have been through several different faces with music, clothes, behavior etc. But there's no need to conclude anything. there are at least two things you could do; 1. either stick to something you like the most, you can still listen to everything and like a bunch of stuff at once. That is only a part of who you are as a person ~ 2. keep switching to whatever pleases you, life is long, you might go through a 100 more phases anyway ~ Sometimes changing your whole wardrobe isn't that bad ~ It's refreshing, a new start ^^ Have a wonder ful day and keep doing you!
I'd hate to have one thing that I used to define myself. I don't think I would say that I have a lack of sense of self (maybe had a phase when I was younger idk I don't know enough to say) but I do change constantly, like constant phases. But I don't want to ever stop having the phases. I don't want to settle on one thing. Personally I think the beauty of life is that I can keep changing till I die. Honestly, I think that as long as you are genuinely happy whilst you "copy" people, then you have no need to care. That in itself is kinda like your personality and if you aren't distressed by it (as you said it could be part of something bigger) then I think that's completely fine. I'd still be your friend :)
I think it's helpful that you're able to describe these phases from the perspective of someone with a functional sense of who you are, and help differentiate it from those felt by someone who's sense of themselves is dysfunctional / absent. I think the case of someone without a sense of self, they constantly feel like they haven't found it yet, and that with each new phase they are just a fraud pretending to be something they are not, because while anyone can undergo a change, the hope for most people is to then feel secure with your new passions and not feel like your old identity is gone to be replaced by one that you didn't have just a few months ago.
I totally agree with the chameleon analogy! My philosophy lecturer at uni once gave me a small photo of a chameleon because she said I was just like one. I think I have a base personality, but my interests and appearance change frequently. I've had a super difficult time with my hair too, I always want to change things (I went from decent length bright green bowl cut to a totally shaved head in September - the second time I've shaved my head to stop the hair obsession, I've been growing it out since mid-September and this is the longest I've not changed my hair since I was 14). I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (officially diagnosed - it's BPD's new name in the UK) but the prognosis for personality disorders is that they often improve with time.
I completely understand people going to doctors to be diagnosed with stuff because that can give them an answer and that helps some people, and idk why but I hate how people go into the comments to say "you probably have borderline personality disorder" "I have bpd and bipolar and anxiety we're just the same" like no I have all the same things as Emma, I change my hair and my style and my hobbies all the time, I constantly change what I want to do, I went through a two month period of calligraphy and a couple moths were I was obsessed with plants, then tumblr white and grey and one bright aesthetic, then goth and emo and punk fashions on and off all the time, I've had art accounts and fan accounts and spam accounts and venting accounts, depending who I'm with I'll be an ironic meme queen or a bitchy little gossip girl, but by no means do I think I have a disorder, and I don't want people saying I do. If Emma says she does that is 100% okay, but it just really annoys me when someone puts a label on other people (like all those people who say dan Howell is bi because of what he said in his diss track) Sorry it just bugs me I don't like it
E-J Thompson at the end she starts talking about this being a symptom of a personality disorder and that she's not quite comfortable talking about it in video yet but she's liking comments and replying etc to people mentioning BPD and not just on this video. This is the most common symptom of BPD along with unstable relationships, that's just a fact, and it's rare for someone to speak about personality disorders in general even somewhat publicly because they're so heavily stigmatised (especially BPD) so I think people are talking about their own experiences because it's somewhat of a safe space with maybe some people who understand. No ones labelling Emma for her when she's talking about it herself in comments and mentions that it's a symptom of a personality disorder.
i related to this so much, because ive been called "fake" and that i don't show my "true personality" by people who don't know me that well but have met me and noticed me in different social settings, and for too long i thought that maybe i am fake, and maybe im hiding myself for some weird subconscious reason, and it weighed on me. so thank you very much for making this
I used to think of myself as a Chameleon as well until I started to distance myself from everyone to find myself. I am a lot happier now :) Not that there's anything wrong with being a chameleon.
I could see how hard you were working to say what you said....thank you for putting it out there. Know that you are loved and, we'll be here through all the transformations of Emma. Have a great weekend!
I'm awaiting to be seen for diagnosis, but one of the first things that passed my brain was that episode. I'm literally a mirror to whoever I'm with. Fine with one person at a time, confused by more.
I'm like this too. Positive side of it - you are flexible, you can adapt easily, you can enjoy lots of different things. I think it's normal to have phases.. most people aren't going to hit a certain age, like X Y Z and then permanently like those things for their whole lives. People change!
Not trying to say this in a bad way, as I'm the same exact way, but "no sense of self" is pretty much somewhat identical to BPD (borderline personality disorder), which at one point in life I was actually diagnosed with. What I've come to find in it as a strength, is you're like a chameleon of sorts, a blank canvas that can be repainted again and again, rather than only being molded once... you feel stronger vibes than most from different things, or are attracted to or pulled to certain styles, etc... things resonate more to those with BPD or "no sense of self" more than they do others (like when to some people a song is just a song, where to those with BPD or "no sense of self" that same song could be an anthem). Those in the same boat tend to have more of an energetic/electric/vivacious personality (though, that can also be at times manic, or sporadic and/or fleeting at times, lol), which is awesome... I love those kinds of people. Hope this help to shed a bit more light on it. Cheers! ;-) PS - As far as "learning" and "taking up different things"... if honed in on and harnessed correctly, it can develop the most well-rounded people, which were once referred to as "Renaissance man/woman". (Sort of like the saying, "jack of all trades, master of none".) ^_^
i’m 17 and i have felt like this all throughout high school.. especially after i lost my friends. i act different around every person i know depending on the ‘vibes’ the give off. EVEN WORSE if i can’t read their personality i act SO BLAND. today i noticed that even my handwriting changes depending on who i sit by in each of my classes. fuck. i just want to have close friends but i can’t because i don’t know who i am.
and i know this could just be tEenAger thiNgs but i feel like it goes beyond that at least slightly because it’s very severe like, i am completely different people depending on who i’m with but it isn’t intentional, i don’t want to fit in with anyone. idk.
I don't see anything wrong with what you're describing. I have always been the same way - have referred to myself as a social chameleon for well over a decade - observant to the way people behave and speak and adapted as I (felt I) needed to. People change, they evolve, they learn and grow - it seems to me that you're looking at other people too simply and judging yourself accordingly. We're all deeply complex, we're all multi-faceted - it's what I love about humanity. I've often scared people off because I've probed too deeply into their consciousness, unsatisfied with the surface level of their existence. So long as you're not hurting anybody else, I don't see anything wrong with evolving, changing and growing. I've been thinking about myself lately as a caterpillar who is eternally inside a cocoon - it's been quite a comforting perspective. I'd be intrigued to discuss this further with you - if you were willing to engage. If not, I completely understand :) I just hope all this isn't weighing too heavy on your mind. xx
Phil Hankins Music the downside of it is feeling a lot of internal confusion, feeling torn between personalities when you have different friends, and feeling empty and lost when you're alone.
Firstly, thanks for replying! I appreciate your willingness to engage. Your use of the term personalities concerns me. When you say this, what exactly do you mean? Are we talking like when you're with some people you're much more outspoken, with some others more analytical and with some others more childlike/playful etc. - or do you mean like fundamental belief systems and moral compass switches depending on who you're with? I think it's natural for different people to bring out different things within us, I'm just struggling to understand where the differences lie that make you to think of them as separate from each other. Or are both of these wrong and you're talking more about the situations where you assimilate into gaming/wrestling/punk styles depending on who you're with? Because I don't think that's a bad thing either, I can see how it's disconcerting if you think about them all as distinctly different personalities though as then it makes it harder to reconcile them all into one soul/mind/body - perhaps reframing it as portions of a pie would help? Or possibly you could look into ways of fusing the styles together in a way that more accurately reflects the multiple facets of your personality? Apologies if I'm muddying the water. Genuinely trying to understand, empathise and help if possible.
Phil Hankins Music Phil- are you under the age of 25? if you are, then your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for personality is not fully developed yet, so you aren't going to have a stable sense of self, which is normal for someone without a developed prefrontal cortex. however, Emma is over the age of 25, and she does not have a sense of self or stable personality. this is an indicator that something is wrong, because this shows that her personality development is closer to that of a child's than it is to someone with a fully developed pre frontal cortex. a lack of sense of self is an indicator of a personality disorder because as I said before it shows faulty under development of the part of the brain responsible for personality, and it interferes with the persons daily life in a negative way.
Im amazed by how perfectly you actually described my perspective, I surely definitely relate to the video, but also what you described as relating to the big image and actually having no problem with anything as long as it's not hurting anyone, so sometimes, eventhough it feels really empty and meaningless but i feel it's comfortable and just alriight to vibe and tune with everything and everyone around you !
I'm actually crying right now, because I've been trying to describe this to people for a VERY long time. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for so long, I've hated myself for being this way, and even lost friends over it, I've pushed away friends because of it, I've gotten so much anxiety and been so depressed because of this, and I thought i was really the only one. Thank you so much. Genuinely.
You say "I wanna be a famous singer" is an unrealistic goal you've had for years, but here you are, having released an album and toured with Busted! That's pretty impressive!!
Constantly regenerating, #EmmaIsATimeLord - Also totally relatable, My personality really depends on who I am with, due to my Aspergers and social awkwardness.
i mean, i wouldn't say people with this need 'help' - perhaps if she is showing other traits of a personality disorder as well, then it's a case of perhaps talking to her about it. ultimately though, if someone told me that i had what i do, i would've lashed out - it's often something you have to realise yourself and then talk to someone about.
Vloggery I just want her to recognise that she probably has something like that (as it is the only way of overcoming it, if it can even be solved) and make her not feel sad/freak out or generally have a negative reaction because I really care about her. Thank you for answearing and for the advice, though!
If she looks up to you and trusts you, you can ask her while also telling her that you want what's best for her or for her to be happy. If she doesn't fully trust you then thinking of how I would react (Although I'm not entirely sure if I have the disorder yet, I just feel like I fit most of the symptoms), there isn't really any way to bring it up that won't make her upset. Only 2 of my friends could have ever told me that without me denying it. EDIT: I had a friend who clearly has issues, I brought up that maybe he was depressed (as he had a lot of bad things happen to him early on in his life) and he got extremely pissed off. Later, he was diagnosed with anxiety.
"We all change. When you think about it, we are all different people, all through our lives, and that's okay - that's good, you gotta keep moving - so long as you remember all the people that you used to be." - The 11th Doctor What you were saying reminded me of this... and then moments later you mentioned how you keep regenerating...
I don't see it as a bad thing... I think it makes us more rounded. We've dabbled in so many different versions of ourselves that we can relate to so many different things, and people... plus there's all that varied life experience to draw from. I think that no sense of self just comes with being creative... yeah it's frustrating... but life is never boring, right.
Everything you've said for me sounds so natural, something I thought everyone goes through, all at different levels. Obviously for you the feelings are much stronger right now, but as you say we change often and I haven't met a person yet of any age who 'has it all figured out'. But if you're overwhelmed or feeling negatively effected I'm glad you're taking notice and exploring it and its great you're feeling strong enough to share what your minds going through. Take care, be patient and be kind to yourself x
This is me - everything you said in this video, 100%. It's at the point where I'm almost 25 and have never had a boy/girlfriend. The last person I tried to date said I was the 'perfect woman on paper', but left because he was struggling to get to know the 'real me'. How could I explain there isn't a real me? I love my chameleon abilities because I get on well with practically anyone, but at the same time, I'm resigning myself to the fact that intimacy's probably out of reach.
Hi Emma - would you consider adding full subtitles to your awesome videos, to make them accessible to everyone including those of us who are Deaf or hard of hearing. xx
emmablackery It does take some time, I know. However, if your workload ever changes in the future and you feel you do get some time please consider it. subtitles really are so vital for those of us with a hearing loss or who are Deaf to be able to clearly access content. I really appreciate your reply though and wishing you a very successful 2017 xx
omg i wish i found this video sooner. i relate to it too much riP. i have absolutely no idea who i am and i alway feel like i'm do things to please other people and not myself. It is quite stressful i feel like i have no personality and i'm boring and anyone im close with i just seem to copy like literally EVERY DETAIL ABOUT THAT PERSON i copy. A good example of this would be my clothes.... my wardrobe is a fucking mess. i can't decide what the fuck i want to wear and then when i get a peak at someone else's wardrobe i will recreate it which isn't good because then i just end up throwing out all my clothes within 6 months. i honestly could go on and on about how i relate to this video so much it kinda made me sad realising this but also helped me. thank you so much emma you're content never fails to make me smile and literally every single one of your videos i relate to.
I can relate to this. Not just style-wise, but in life. I've never known what career I want and I've studied so many different things. My career choices depend on the things I'm interested in at the time and the people I spend my time with. I've been studying to get into the teaching industry for over a year now so I'm hoping that this is finally something I want to do. I've been accused by a friend of 'trying to dress like her and be like her' but I genuinely didn't realise it until she mentioned it. I realised I started to like things just because she did, rather than independently and because I just like them. The good news is that I'm slowly becoming more independent and realising what I actually want and working towards those things, and it's a really good feeling once you start finding your way in life 💪
Hi , I come here after fail 5 intern interviews continuously in a week, my friends keep telling me that I don't have my own opinions, it's easily to change my mind. I kinna lost right now between so many options, which might decide my path. And this is my first time here and immediately love how you share your story. Subscribed
your flip flopping is the reason i stick around, feels like you're the only youtuber i can relate to, plus your constant changing keeps up with my constant changing which is nice, don't think i've ever gotten bored of your channel because of this
I can relate to some aspects of this! Sometimes I think this comes from trauma. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and whenever I have a flare up; some days I wake up hating or being very unfamiliar with everything I own or that is around me. It's crazy!! Also it's expensive and anxiety inducing. Sometimes I literally can't stand my environment and my clothes. I won't get dressed because I hate my wardrobe, I get rid of everything in my house because I hate it... crazy!!
Hm, I think you shared this topic too soon. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you made this video, I'm sure it helped you a lot (speaking into a camera can be cathartic, after all). But because there is something you're not comfortable talking about, I can't help but feel like I would understand you and your point better if I knew what that thing was. As it stands now, without that information, I don't think this is a good video: there are too many holes. But I am looking forward to the continuation of this conversation in a few months' time. :)
Thanks for replying and sharing something so personal with me! I still think, from a purely informational standpoint, the video itself would have been better if you had shared this information inside the video instead of outside of it. When you beat around the bush, the topic loses its urgency and it's easier for people to attack (I hope that makes sense; non-native speaker here). BUT, your video did make me look up 'identity disturbance' and related links on Wikipedia, and I feel like I learned a bit about it, so in that sense it accomplished what it set out to do, I hope. :)
I have bpd too, it's also a fairly new diagnosis for me, and I am in pretty much the same position. I can type it, but nobody other than my boyfriend knows about it in real life. You're okay though, we will be alright. I hope you're doing okay at the moment ^^ (also I SO relate to the 'I'm going to start doing THIS and take up THIS hobby now... on a painful level, that is me).
EXACTLY EXACTLY THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL OML I'm constantly getting obsessed with making new aesthetics for myself and reinventing myself I am constantly going through phases. And most of the time it's about people I'm around or people I want to be around. I literally dyed my hair pink yesterday and now I hate it not because it looks bad because in theory, it looks great but because it's not who I want to be anymore and I'm done with it
ok. this hit me too fucking hard. Emma I'm in tears I always thought this was just me. This is a thing? I'm not gonna grow out of it? ok, trying not to have a panic attack. is there anything about this that can be done?
Tilly Jackson Hey I don't have this and I'm not an expert but if this is something that is really stressing you out then you should do everything you can to see a therapist about it. But if your young then don't obses over it. We all have to find who we are by trying difrent things.
Spoke to my therapist about this. People change and evolve and as that happens you figure out who you are by what is important to you, what inspires passion. You will find it, it can't be rushed. Try new things. Live. You will find yourself.
I'm 36 in two months and I still don't know who I am, I never fitted in with the "cool" kids and wasn't a pretty child. This is why i love you channel because its like you are just talking to me only, thankyou xx
I have BPD (doctor diagnosed) and honestly it's so great to hear that it's not just me that goes through this and have more people talk about it more openly cause i find it so helpful
I am so very glad that you made this, I don’t want to be like #relatable, but I finally understand what is going on with me. And the example of a “chameleon” fits me perfectly and I am commenting everything you were hoping no one would comment.
I related to this video very strongly, but I'm still in school and changing. I might find myself, I might not. But thats okay. I'm glad you made this video, because it shows people they are not alone, and seeing how you are handling it is so inspiring. Thank you
Everyone is discussing mental health problems. The good news is for everyone here, everyone has mental health "problems". Mental health is a spectrum, just like sexuality. We all hold the perfect person in our minds, mostly dictated by society, and that is the "good" end of the spectrum. We live somewhere between this perfect person and the "bad" side of the spectrum which is the definition of a mental health problem/condition. I didn't know what college I wanted to go to and I didn't know what career or even field I wanted to get into back in highschool but if you met me in college (BTW I'm American so adjust words accordingly) you would have thought I knew exactly what I had wanted to do for a very long time. Everyone, or nearly everyone I should say, is just winging it at adulthood. That is why "faking it til you make it" is actually solid advice. If you try hard enough to convince everyone you are a certain way, you will become that thing. That is how I went from a 2 year degree in Business to a Masters in IT management with my goal going into school being to come out the other side a pediatrician. I am also looking at politics pretty critically right now and very well might get into labor organizing in a few years if the state of the world doesn't improve instead of my plan from 2 years ago which was to work for a large company as IT management to learn what companies really need and then go into business for myself as a consultant. See? I am all over the damned shop in my head but outwardly I am a steady and confident person and unless you knew me for a very long time you would think, as far as jobs are concerned, that I have known what to do since I was "insert age" because I leave that up to people's imaginations. I hope those who read this far can find something useful. Just remember, you aren't weird, you just aren't very good at faking it to yourself!
Sounds like you've been stuck in a rut for the longest time. Everything you're doing is the same process: concern> exploratory research> conclusion of personal involvement> transition. It's a good routine, but a routine none the less. "Fake it till you make it" is... bad advice. It doesn't change a person so much as it establishes habits. But that process of creating a false identity is damaging to the psyche and eventually leads to mental breakdown. Don't worry, humans are tough. But eventually anybody following that path hits an identity crisis. The most positive aspect of the practice is interacting with peers who have no patience for noobs. If one can talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk their peers are more likely to help one develop rather than ridicule their lack of aptitude.
I have been stuck in a rut in other aspects of my life but as far as education/career I have been very stable and progressing. What I described was over an 8 year span. The more accurate "cycle" was no interest->exploratory research->interest piqued(~3 month transition)pursue new interest. My first degree was entirely "I am here and I need a degree at the end of this." I happened to have had more business classes by the time I decided on computers as a career and by the end of the last quarter I had decided on service A.K.A. IT. Most people would have taken a year off or whatever between high school and college but I was going and getting a 2 year degree instead of doing the last 2 years of high school so I needed a degree at the end of it to "graduate" high school. I view the political interest as a hobby potential or fall-back plan. I entirely plan on sticking to IT, mainly to solve my social and romantic rut, closing the distance in my long distance relationship by moving to Australia. Right now I don't want to replace college and high school friendships which have dissolved from others moving away to pursue their careers and 1 way relationships don't work. I have many friends in Australia and always make more when I go to visit my fiancé. This is my rut. Want to live with my love, need desirable career to qualify, don't want to make short term friends during this last year in my masters program. The "faking it until you make it" and how it applies to me is I would hang out with Computer science and IT students and to talk with them I would have to study hard to close the knowledge gap. Or I was not a nerdy/geeky person in high school but I wanted to be so in college I would hang out with them since the small high school I went to had no geeks. They would mention a show and I would say "Oh I hadn't heard of that one, I'll have to add it to my list." Basically I would pretend to be part of a group or more versed than I was at the moment while I work towards truly being one of the group. I had no interest in professional sports so I never fake it with that crowd because I just don't care. Same thing goes with gamers, if I don't like your genre I will tell you and counter with what I like. But while I was learning geek culture and nerd culture I would act interested in everything and try everything because those were the type of people I liked even though I hadn't had much to do with them until after high school.
I am not going to insult your determination & drive for a moment. What you've accomplished requires solid effort, if not a great deal of money. Congratulations. The way you talk about people tells me you have little to no hesitation in using them. Business and IT work should fit a personality like that quite well. Being able to cater to people's comfort zones and read their limits for charity is a strong skill to possess in a capitalist market. Of course your mentioning of non-work related contacts tells me there's another more compassionate side to you, so it's not as if everybody is a ladder rung to you. Again, not making any insults here. These are useful traits which can work for you. I hope your pursuit of life in Australia goes well. Everybody I've ever talked to has positive things to say about the place with the exception of import costs. From your description, you haven't been faking anything. You've been showing exaggerated interest in things you might like in the hopes that your shared enthusiasm would make you more appealing. That's just socializing. Now if you pretended to like sports, and did a bunch of research so you could fit in, but secretly you hate everything about both the game and the crowd; that would be faking it. "Fake it till you make it" is essentially doing that, in the hopes that if you're at it long enough, doing something you hate or have difficulty with, eventually you won't notice struggling with/hating it anymore and keeping up will become much less of a chore.
+hi100040 But it's not good advice. You yourself express refusal to subject yourself to faking interest in something you know you won't like or a crowd you don't want to be part of. And you haven't been lying to your peers about what you do and do not know, can and cannot do, so you haven't been faking that either. You've been putting in admirable effort, but you haven't been faking anything. What about what you've been doing is a falsification: fake? There is a practice in which continued effort, even in the face of challenge, builds a strong work ethic. I've heard it described as being like an airplane, in how it takes a great deal of effort taking off, but once it's in the air it uses less fuel. As opposed to lowered fuel efficiency from making frequent landings and having to take off again. That there is solid advice which sounds like what you are trying to give. Building productive habits and expressing enthusiasm in one's passions is truly good advice, but being untrue to one's self in the hopes of changing identity (IE "fake it till you make it") is not.
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I can relate to this so damn hard. It's awful. I'm trying to craft a permanent personality so I can stay consistent and it's so difficult.
Did you go to any therapy, it helped ?
Don’t change, having a solid ego is not healthy in the long term. You can change because you are not attached, so a lot of things you can understand and enjoy for example the dif genres of music. The dif types of people and energies you can fully interact with is only possible when you are not stubborn to a way. People are miserable 1000 more times trying to force and environment to them.
Well apparently I have no sense of self either...the "we adapt to our surroundings" describes me so much...I have like 4 groups of friends, and I am literally a different person with each of them, and I feel kinda lost when 2 groups come togethet because I dont know how to behave..
I really really feel you. I am a mess, I dont know what I like and what I dont like. Actually, I spent a whole day tryinna figure out what I wanted for christmas...and I just couldnt think of anything specifically. I just thought like "yeah, something original", or "yeah maybe something bout harry potter even if Im not like a HUGE fan", or "yeah, something about piano" but then Im like "but what and where do I buy?"
Idk...I just feel like I might have it, I dont mean to be like "yeah emma has it, so do I" but I dont think this is ruining my life in any way, just that Im chill with everything even if I dont have a particular thing that describes me lol.
This is me.
Would you ever have trouble decorating a room of your own? I'm decorating my bedroom atm and there is nothing I could ever put in it that would make it my own because nothing would resonate with me. I'm gonna struggle hard when I move in with my boyfriend and decorate our place next year, like fuck me
That's normal honey. It has nothing to do with not having a sense of self. Adapting to different surroundings is how we get to know ourselves. The more you change and adapt, the more aware you become of the things about you that DON'T change, that THAT's who you are. Don't let anyone tell you there's something wrong with you.
I feel you. I discovered that personality disorder because I was trying to understand someone else. I was shocked to find that I found myself in that description, especially the unstable sense of self.
And even though it was a shock at first I've realized that I've started to made that lack of identity my thing in a positive way. I have decluttered. Getting rid of everything that is no longer relevant. Very liberating. I also avoid shopping because I know what I like today I may not identify with tomorrow. Saves a lot of money. And even though I sometimes miss having a clear identity to portray I've made it my Mission to be okay with myself without all of that. With my pure self so to speak. Whatever that may be. No hairstyle feels like me, so I wear it short. Every color feels like a costume, so I wear greys. And I'm rocking it.
There is good in it, too! Freedom!
This is how I've felt my whole life. I quickly learned that I was boring or weird for not having any distinguishable traits, so I'd look at others and just mimic what I saw. I started to make friends that way but never really, and still don't feel like I could be a character in a book anyone would want to read. I'm just a blank slate, like you said. I could be anything at any time. :/ Especially clothes shopping. I'd always have to ask other people's opinions on things because I literally didn't know if I liked it or not. I still have no idea.
This has always been me. It still is.
I remember watching this video when it came out, and I strongly related to it, but I read the descriptions of BPD thinking "that can't be me, I relate but it must be a coincidence. *I've never been abused*."
Five years later, and four days ago, I was diagnosed with BPD. It's mad how your brain can normalise a situation and a way of living until someone else comes out and points at it saying "it's not normal, something is wrong".
Thank you for this video. I'm trying to understand myself more after my recent diagnosis, and I came back to this video for some comfort in the fact that it's ok that I'm like this.
I think I might be like this.
Also, "9 channels? Who needs 9 channels?"
Buzzfeed, that's who.
i still don't get the difference between their main one and the blue one and the yellow one and isn't there a purple one?? at least my channels are all different genres :p
Vloggery I think different teams are responsible for the different colours? Like there's a 'yellow' team and a 'blue' team etc... I think 😂
As in the different teams make different videos, though they are all pretty similar tbh 🙃
Vloggery hi emma! I don't want to tell you how you feel but have you considered that maybe you're just quite open-minded? Like maybe it can be seen as a positive in that adaptable people must necessarily be empathetic in order to adapt. Also maybe your career in RUclips has given you an exaggerated sense of needing to brand yourself, ie consistently pin your interests to one group or trend? Maybe people outside of your career don't suffer from this as much, or don't feel it as acutely because they don't feel required to be consistent in the eyes of others? Also I love these chatty videos! Maddie xx
i really agree with you there and i wanna say that i am really enjoying what you are doing with this channel
There’s a “personality” I go back to, but even that personality doesn’t feel like me. It just feels like I was supposed to be someone else.
I love ALL the Emmas.
ljmasternoob 😆
Emma M that includes you!
Héhé
whooo
Hi
I have BPD and it's nice for someone to that I look up to so much talking about a massive struggle that I've had my entire life. I'm currently undergoing really intense therapy for it but it's nice to have someone put into words that actually make sense how I feel. Thank you so much for making this video 💕
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
@@sauravgupta4103 hello, thats okay, some people have multiple traits of bpd and most people go through maybe a couple. Having bpd just means you fit multiple, it best describes you and has gotten to a disorderly state thats causing yourself and others distressed. Your experience is just as valid even if you don't have bpd. Emma has often stated a variety of other things that fit it including actually mentioning it once and lashing out emotionally online in the past, so the person above probably feels they relate to the difficulty and pain of their disorder in relation to this video because there is alot of similarity, they're not labelling Emma, just expressing their own relation to the topics covered that are often misunderstood especially when under the bpd name. 😊 hope that makes some sense.
As someone with BPD I truly relate to this title.
I can't get it out of my head that she has bpd, see so much of myself in Emma.
Voltexe I hate that I'm about to say this, but I saw it in her so early on. And I didn't want to ever point it out until she came out with it herself because I truly do believe that it's a huge diagnosis, but I'm so proud of the person she has become and is becoming. Gives me hope.
Kinda just want to say while I know you're seeing these, that bpd is so misspoken of and so incredibly looked down upon and to have someone like you in the media who has a platform talking about it, even implicitly, is so powerful for those of us who feel so isolated and alone. We love you so much, you're stronger than you think x forgive yourself for not always knowing about yourself what you feel like you should, or for hurting people in relationships due to things that aren't 100% in your control. Life's a learning curve, and for people like us we have to keep learning how to evolve and cope or we drown. Do not drown for fuck sake because you are a gem and the world needs you- rant over.
Nah I feel you there, I saw it in her years ago but until being diagnosed myself I didn't really know what it was! IT's honestly so hopeful because she's doing well with life in general, and Im hoping she makes a video about it to shine some light on BPD and that it's not evil.
I have bpd too, and have been recently diagnosed, and I am still coming to terms with understanding and accepting it, but have a great sense of relief because I have never felt understood at all. I have found it literally impossible to articulate this sort of feeling for ages, I found this particularly comforting. Bpd is a bitch sometimes and makes my everyday a bit shit, but it gives me the capacity to love as greatly as I can feel awful and horrible and all the shit stuff etc etc. Sending love to you all, and thank you Emma for this video, it is insightful for those that don't understand, and makes me feel a bit better that (although I understand how shit it is) other people can relate x
Please please please to all teenagers watching this who are going through puberty right now: it's very, very likely that you feel this way but very unlikely that something is wrong with you. Dont' worry if you can relate to this, because as she said, it is perfectly normal to feel this way for some time in your life. Also not all adults have found themselves yet, which is fine too, adapting to other peoples behaivour lies in the human nature. I'm just putting this out there because I think many people could be worried about themselves unnecessarily just because they can relate to some aspects.
Self reflection is always a good thing, but please don't overreact.
It's important to mention that you should do a lot of research before you say that you could have no sense of self/BPD.
Lilly Fiebiger Mnini
I'm 38 and have Aspergers it's not just a teen thing.
Lilly Fiebiger well I'm a teen now but this has gone on through kindergartner.
I'm a teen but I'm concerned because I USED to have a sense of self and I think I've lost it...
I have bpd, and honestly this video made me cry, I have never known who I was or what I really liked, I've constantly made changes to my life and style etc, and now I'm in my 20s I realised that it isn't just a school/teenage thing. Thank you for making this video, unfortunately I do relate, but thank you for making me feel a little better about my mindset
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
Hey no sense of self girl. . I am you but 52. . I've had some incredible experiences travelled all over . . I have an amazing son with a spirit thats happy to settle. Me on the otherhand am still no closer to fiding me lol. So I stopped looking stoppped caring . . Get yoursemf a dog . Don't give up angel . . Karsn
Did you find it?
52 here as well and completely relate.
how r you now
I'm so glad you talked about this because I always so alone about this. I just feel more and more aware that I am just pieces of other people, nothing I have is my own, It's just adapted from other people. And this makes me feel awful. So I'm glad you made this :)
I used to be like this. Honestly, it took my removing myself from everything I knew and setting off on my own to come to grips with who I am. I have only leveled out in the last couple of years, but changing my environment and those around me thus forcing myself to find my inner foundation thus helping me stop the never ending shiftiness. At this point, it's not a matter of finding out of who you are (that's ment to change with age and the more you grow and mature), but discovering what you actually want in life. Once you figure out what you want out of life and what you actually want to do everything else Wil fall into place.
You have this. I've been there and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Feel free to reach out if you ever feel the need or just want to :)
Did you go to therapy
Yooo... something worth mentioning other than Personality Disorders is Autistic Spectrum Disorder... MANY women are misdiagnosed with a personality disorder when they actually have ASD because it presents differently in women. The stereotypical male version of autism does not apply to most women and so they tend to go most or all their lives not knowing they have it. I figured out I had it a few months ago (fyi being overly empathetic can actually be a symptom (which is so me) rather than not being very empathetic) and it legit solved my sense of self problem because I realised that being a bit all over the place was, in itself, who I was, and that's okay.
I follow you completely (although i'm a guy). But ASD is a spectrum. it won't manifest differently in just women vs men, but it will be different for every individual. Through the years I found out it isn't black and white. Hence the slow elimination of just "autism". But the misdiagnosing is indeed a very real problem.
DeVelopMental yeah I agree, it's just that women diverge from the traditional expectation of autistic people more often than men, so it's a bigger problem. Definitely is a problem for everyone though
Kerry Douglas isn't the Extreme Male Brain theory of autism where the traditional expectation of autism comes from? I'm by no means an expert but I've looked into (I don't know if you've heard of it) the Intense World Theory of autism which basically says the Extreme Male Brain theory is rubbish and autism is actually to do with having sort of a hyper-connected brain which leads to autistic people experiencing the world more "intensely" (hence the name), which explains, among other things, why autistic people often hate/dislike loud and crowded places and may have strict routines to minimise any surprises/uncertainty which can be unbearable. This theory explains my experience far better than the EMB theory and accounts for many variations in experiences unlike the EMB theory which I believe is outdated, from what I've read at least.
I was going to make a similar comment, but you were a lot more articulate than I could ever hope to be. I'm autistic, and lack of sense of self is something I experience on a daily basis, and it definitely affects every aspect of my life. Like, I'm studying towards a career at the moment (have been for a year and a half), and I'm not sure that's what I want anymore because I've become interested in something else. Even stuff like music genres--I've gone from listening to metal, to singer/songwriter, to pop, to folk, e.t.c. Even with book genres or clothing like Emma mentioned!
Hannah D end Kerry Douglas sorry to but in, but if i'm not mistaking, the EMB theory (and its predecessor: empathizing-systemizing theory or e-s theory) are more of a culmination of what people expected of gender roles and autism. Its fair to say that it is outdated, however they also talk about a sliding spectrum, so that is something to keep in mind i think... The Intense World Theory is not a bad theory, but has its own flaws as well in for example that it doesn't account for sensory hypo-sensitivity, which is also a common thing with ASD. In the end, I don't think there's yet one complet explanation right now. But i'm glad that IWT has made sense for you, which points to the fact that it ought to have at least a kernel of truth.
I felt like this for most of my life where in school I would get along with teachers, prefix, girly girls, slackers, gang members etc. I would 'get along' with all of them but I never felt like I 'fitted in'. I'm 21 now so most of the time I don't give care anymore. Another thing, and maybe others with no sense of self can relate, is the lack of any sense of accomplishment, becoming bored aroumd people, and/or being able to do nothing for hours on end (and by nothing I mean sit and breathe and think) without ever feeling bored.
this is exactly me. for me, it's a symptom of my borderline personality disorder - but you dont necessarily have bpd if youre like this, thats just one of the things FOR ME that goes along with it - i can never settle on anything ever and have this impulsive need to change EVERYTHING about myself too and end up settling for a new piercing instead
Jess Perkins I'm the same - I now have a tattoo of a hamster on my arm, despite once saying I wanted to get all of my tattoos removed.
"Constantly regenerating" - Emma Blackery, confirmed time lord
Emma Blackery orders a cocktail
Emma Daiquiri
Jack Edwards Omg someone should make an Emma Blackery version of jacksfilms Alexander Hamilton 😝
Jack Edwards the worst part is that Daiquiri's are my favourite cocktail 1:I'm 13 I shouldn't be drinking alcohol anyway 2: I can never think of a Daiquiri in the same way again
Love myself a nice Daiquiri :3
Emma procrastinates.... Emma Slackery
Jack Edwards Emma buys knifes, spoons, and forks
Emma Cutlery
I can totally relate to this in a lot of ways. I jump around hobbies constantly and that has translated into changing my college major three or four times and taking like 7+ years for a bachelors degree. I just like everything. I reflect other people's personalities as a way to relate to them. I've always choked it up to being a Gemini. I feel like I generally know who I am but not in a way that I could explain it to other people.
not only am I the same way wig my lack of sense of self, but I am a sufferer of borderline personality disorder, and this just means that I literally have no idea who I am or who I used to be because I always feel some extreme emotion coupled with whatever sort of "phase" I'm in. I'm at the point where I'm actually feeling strongly like I am a different human being than I used to be.
EDIT: Coming back to this three years later, turns out I was never borderline, that was a misdiagnosis given to me during the early stages of what has now been identified as schizophrenia. The same still stands for how I was feeling at the time though.
FinnStewart it's draining isn't it
yes, I completely relate. I've lost so many friends over the years because they "don't feel like I know you anymore. you're not the Crystal I became friends with". but I can't help it, part of being my friend is expecting and accepting inconsistency
I have bpd too, and it's both weird and good to see other people talking about this...
Surfandsandmegs well I feel like its sort of a thing more people need to be aware of because not enough people are aware it exists
Same. I just went through years and years of therapy to at least combat the symptoms to some extent. Was lucky enough to get it diagnosed early on, some are not as lucky. What I'm trying to say is, if you get a skilled therapist they can help you gain some form of control of it. I'm pretty mild now compared to how extreme I used to be (let's be honest, BPD pretty much is the definition of extreme). I mean thank fuck because there are pictures of me during those phases I want to delete from existence. I don't have a sense of self and I'm just content with that. I've become my own name and people can't seem to understand how unless they too have BPD which is ironic. Own sub group of humans maybe? lol
I'm 27. I couldn't say what my favorite kind of music was until late high school. And the answer changed depending on who I was with. I like everything from Classical, Jazz, Metal and lately KPop (just to name a few). In high school I hung out of with the geeks, Mormon choir kids, the Classic Rock loving stoners, etc. I've had long hair, pixies and everything in between in many different colors. Growing up I never felt comfortable in any style of clothing and only in the past few years have found styles I like. I have had 13 different jobs, all by choice. I have a handful of hobbies I'm exploring to see what fits "me". But since I've become comfortable with the knowledge that I like to change, it's become fun.
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
I'm 28 this year... and I'm trying to figure out how to be who I used to be, but she's gone an it's really hard because I feel like I have no personality anymore ... but the thing is when I look back at all the years growing up I realise Iv been doing this my whole life... just searching and exploring... shedding skin growing new skin ... it never ends and I never find out who I am ... I also feel like I never arrive at that secure destination of confidence in myself like I'm always hoping when I'm searching
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
Thank you so much for posting this, I can recognize quite a huge bit of myself in that. It's very nice to see other people have similar experiences. I didn't know it was a 'thing' either. One of the more troubling things is that I can't help but change my friends every few months, making it really hard to actually connect with someone.
Another thing that's exceptionally troubling is that every time I notice anything good in a person I immediately desperately wish I was exactly like that and very much adapt and try to adapt to be that person, sometimes flip-flopping a few times a day even.
I guess I'm still lucky in having a few parts that stay constant, a lot of anchoring is provided by rational unemotional thought since that stays pretty constant and I have at least a very vague idea of who I want to be.
I wish I couldn't relate to this video :(
me too
@thomas rautenbach you might wanna reread the original comment...
sorry for the missread!
Why is this a bad thing it just means you can connect with more people
oh no, so sad
this has finally answered so many questions about myself. ive always wondered why i go through these intense "phases" for months and then just drop it like it never happened. Even my mom has commented on it in the past. Ive dropped out of school twice now, ive changed careers countless times and i always thought it was because i was a failure and wasnt good at anything but i realize its because i have a ridiculously hard time figuring out what i actually want especially when im surrounded by people who know exactly what they want. I think going forward this knowledge will really help me understand why i change my mind so much and maybe force me to pick something (career wise) that doesnt make me miserable because chances are if i change again, although it may make me happier for a short time, the same thing is most likely going to happen again. Thank you for making this video emma, i know it was probably tough but it really does help and i hope you continue to make videos on the topic going forward.
I can actually relate to this, plus I'm suffering from depression. It can get really really difficult to deal with at times but after all I'm kind of okay with it, now that I'm older. Oh and; Emma, I love all of your past and present channels and I think a lot of people do, so don't worry about it too much! :)
how are you now ? Have you regained your sense of self.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I relate to this so much! I also feel like I'm a chameleon and my sense of self is very flexible. This was particularly confusing for me when I was younger but I've come to accept it better now that I'm in my 30s (yeah, I'm still a chameleon at this age, haha). I'm worried that if I ever get married and have a big wedding or something, all my guests will be confused by each other because I like all of them for different reasons, and they'll be confused by the different sides of me they haven't seen before that are all being brought out of me by the various guests.
I feel like I have the same problem (in a way I think??) because everyone around me seems to have found their path and I'm still here like idk what I'm doing. I'm 22 and I'm scared of choosing a career path because I'm afraid I won't go through with it. I already dropped out of medical school and after 1 semester of studying literature I already can't be bothered anymore. This _needs_ to stop one of these days or else it'll ruin my entire life. I mean that's also the reason why I'm kinda okay at a lot of things but not good at anything, because I simply drop it after a while.
after contemplating for a while I came to the conclusion that I'm just weird and indecisive
I'm in the same boat (same age too). I'm actually in the process of dropping out of my 4-year program to instead get a cheaper 2-year degree. I'm still not sure if I'll stick to it in the end but at least I'll have a fancy piece of paper to show for it lol
This is me, and it scares me so much. You just described my entire personality - that I don't have one, it's fluid. I thought it was a phase, as I'm 17 but maybe not. It sucks how accurate and scary relatable this is.
I get that what you're describing is very different from just trying out new things (as you say you lose your old personality completely and adopt a new one)
But you said that people that do have a sense of self seem to 'know' where they want to go in life; I'm not sure people are really able to plan out their life with much certainty. The future is uncertain after all, and that doesn't have much to do with a stable sense of self. For example, my mom switched careers when she was 55, in the middle of the financial crisis! I think most people are just flopping along in life, trying to make choices that they think are best at the time. Which is NOT a bad thing imo
I think sense of self has something to do with "Life-mission ", u know, a very strong desire to make an impact on the real world.
I also have no sense of self. Raised by narcissist (with no realistic sense of self) and was not allowed to have a sense of self, and all my adult life, I’ve struggled with trying to figure out who I am. I’m almost 50. 😟
Through my late-night, curiosity-driven internet studies about Meyers-Briggs personality psychology, I've concluded that I'm one of those people who is more in tune with what the people around me feel than what I feel at any given moment (INFJ, for those wondering). Like if we're deciding what restaurant to go to, I'll pick where to go based on the tastes of my friends rather than my own. I'll pick conversation topics purely on what I know will be successful with a certain person even if I find it kind of boring. Most people probably do this without thinking about it, but I take it to kind of an extreme. A lot of the time this leads me to feel like I exist purely for entertainment and comfort rather than people being friends with me for--me. My boyfriend is pretty much the only person I can turn to and be like "I'm bored, let's do something else," or exactly which restaurant I want to go to :P So in my case my "sense of self" is something I turn on and off at will, and if I spend too long with other people, I'll feel incredibly drained and start to feel like some hollow shell. If you made it this far in my comment, hope you had fun reading this essay.
I'm the same way and I'm an ENFJ. Hmm..
AlwaysTheButler this used to be me (INFJ) . spending a lot of time alone and being selective with my friends so I only spend time with people who I feel welcome to express myself with was what made it change 😊
AlwaysTheButler infj here too! :p
I'm exactly the same! I fear talking to new people because I don't know what conversational topics they like, etc. so making friends is really difficult for me. I'm trying to teach myself that it's okay if not everyone likes you and that talking about yourself/your own interests is okay too.
I can definitely identify with this, though I've never interpreted it in myself as empathy, or being in tine with others, that's far to positive a thing for me to believe about myself instead I interpret it as me avoiding conflict and trying to please people. I'm not INFJ though, and I know a lot of INFJ people are empaths... I'm ENFP, and I don't really know what qualities ENFP people have.
as someone with BPD it's extremely nice to hear someone talking about this, i know you say you hope we didnt enjoy this video but i really really did because having someone i admire that i can relate to (not saying you have BPD, just even this symptom) BEFORE i change my interests to relate to them is very refreshing.
thank you emma 👏🏻
People need to be careful with self diagnosing, seeing all the people saying same in he comments freaks me out, its statistically extremely unlikely that this many people in such as small space suffer from lack of self.
Remember changing styles, tastes in music etc are all very normal. For example I have gone through different stages within my life in which i dressed gothy, preppy, punk and bohemian. Ive had years where I've decided to never wear makeup or shave and years where Ive caked myself in makeup and laserd of my leg hair, Ive decided to never swear and to speak properly but im currently going through a thing of calling people mate and bruv ect. We all change our personality and tastes to fit in with the groups around us but the extent to which sufferers of lack of self suffer from this is much, much more extreme and more internal, while i have made these changes some core beliefs remain and when i think of 'me' i feel i could pick this person out from a crowd. Without self we would not be able to pick ourselves of of a crowd of individuals since we could equally be any of them.
I know speeches like this may seem like stopping people from finding out if they need help but I'm just reminding people to seriously think if their symptoms are sever or to be expected from socialization and never use google as a doctor, cyberchondria and wrong diagnosis is seriously damming perception of mental health sufferers.
Well lacking a sense of self is a symptom, not a diagnosis. If you don't have one then you've always known that you don't and perhaps just haven't had the words to really say anything about it, instead describing yourself as insecure, low self-esteem, social chameleon and having identity crises whilst knowing there was something a bit more fundamental and difficult to reason your way out of.
A lot of the people here, myself included, had never heard of Emma before and have only been brought here because the video has been shared widely in mental health forums and groups. So it's not the statistical unlikeliness you're suggesting of just people who already subscribed to Emma's channel having an unusually high prevalence of this.
I know Emma's videos attract audience often suffering mental illness because she addresses and suffer from mental illness. However even with this video being shared it is still unlikely so many people suffer from it, it can be a symptom and sign of other mental illness or disorders BPD ect but this actually does into widen its scope much and people can suffer the illness without signs of lack of self. Plus the people in the comments appeared to be saying they felt kinda like this and wondering if they had it to rather than watching it because they have the illness.
I just wanna make sure people know to a GP or mental health practitioner for a diagnosis and not scare themselves if its not necessary. Ive seen people making themselves ill from doing stuff like this. A girl I know and whom My mom treated managed to develop anxiety by insisting she had it and when not getting a diagnosis she worked on and internalized the symptoms until she'd finally developed a anxiety disorder. I know this wont be the case for most people simply cause they may identify with some aspects of a illness but It scare me still.
Thank you for making this video. This made me realise that I actually dont have a sense of self at all. A few years ago I hung out with a group of girls who were really into make up so I suddenly I did too, I would spend my day watching beauty gurus, buy all kinds of new make up etc. then i stopped being friends with them and became friends with some more nerdy, fandom type people and I suddenly stopped caring about make up and started liking tv shows and bands etc. I've recently decided I had to cut out my best friend because the friendship was toxic, I also moved to another city where I don't know anyone which has led me into basically not having any real friends at the moment. At first I was really sad and depressed about this but at the same time I feel like this is a great opportunity to find out who my true self is. Theres no one to influence me anymore and I feel like I'm becoming myself more and more everyday
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
Oh my god, I never knew this was a "thing" but everything you've just said and described is me.... and it makes complete sense! What an eye opener.
I feel like a chameleon too. However, I have recently realised that it's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows that you're adaptive and accommodating of other people, and that you are open minded and willing to experiment. Nobody is the same person their whole lives - it's fun to try out different styles/mindsets/life philosophies. Phases are normal because identity is not concrete but fluid. Besides, there will always be that part of you that makes you Emma - your sense of humour, your open mindedness, your kindness, your voice, and many other traits that are probably more visible in your private life than online, and therefore I cannot list them. Try not to worry too much because you will always be you. I hope you make peace with this. Sending you love x
mam, I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
Hi, I'm 22, I am exactly the same
And for years I've thought there's something not right about me, in the head, and watching you say it's linked to stuff has given me the confidence to go and find out what's up with my brain, I still might not go but I have more motive, if that makes sense...
Anyway, thank you for making this vid and sharing and helping xxx
Did you go to any therapy, you see any improvements ? Did you regain your sense of self ? Please reply
Saurav Gupta Hi, no I didn’t get any help lol
Sorry I can’t be of any help for you! But if you’re questioning if you should or shouldn’t go then definitely go and talk to someone for advice, your GP would be the best place to start x
@@ashleighlikescats should I go to therapy, will it help me to regain sense of self
Saurav Gupta I think it will help to talk to someone, I’m just a barmaid, not a doctor so I can’t comment on how effective it will be for you but it’s definitely better to try
@@ashleighlikescats I understand, surely will go to a therapist and will try to regain self again. Well, thanks for sharing. It means a lot to me.
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder yesterday and I've been doing a lot of research and I came across this because a lack of sense of self aka a disturbed identity is a symptom. What I want to say is that I can relate 100% I'm constantly changing my hair, rearranging my furniture, constantly changing my taste in fashion and styles, and I have an extremely wide variety of taste in music (which is a positive)... But I hate how everyone says that it's normal as if they can relate to the amount of distress it causes us to be the way that we are. There is a big difference. Nothing sticks when someone has a disturbed identity. It's stressful and never stops changing. Our values and beliefs change as well and that's even more abnormal. I'm glad I found this and could relate. I understand your struggle for wanting to stick with one channel but fuck it, you know you'll end up making more anyway lol you got a new subscriber here 👍🏻
This is exactly what I'm like 🙁
Alister Day same here too
Alister Day jup me too😕
me too, I only realized not so long ago :(
Alister Day I am aswell. Don't be sad dudes! We can't help it but as long as we are happy that's all that matters x
Phoebe Fane your great I like you 😂
I've been recently (formally, not self-) diagnosed with BPD; what you said about 'it can be a part of something bigger' is definitely true, it's always worth looking into. I hope you become at peace with yourself/your thoughts/your diagnoses soon, Emma. Sending love and consensual hugs x
This is me. It's weird, right? I even start to assimilate their voices, accents and laughter. How fucking weird is that?
www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-9
OMG EMMA YOU'VE JUST CHANGED MY LIFE. I've just realized everything I've ever mulled over and questioned about myself and why I'm so inconsistent with every aspect which involves making a decision, and why I'm so reliant on the people around me to help decide my life for me, is because I don't know who I am! Which I've always known- but this revelation you've just presented me with has tied it all up in a neat little bow and made me feel a lot less negative about it all, going to look into this more I related to EVERYTHING you were saying...
Omfg I read the title as "sense of smell"
LilBpixi3 lol same
i read it as no self defence... i dont even no why
Well, I genuinely have no sense of smell, so that would have been something had you been correct about the title.
Ha! - that made me laugh.
Nonono, you are thinking John Risinger. 2 100% twats, easy to mistake them ;)
(This is a joke, I love both of them, they are amazing.)
Growing up, to not be alone, I would unconsciously imitate whoever was around so they'd tolerate me following around. Then there'd be another group, and I'd change for them, and sometimes I could change to bounce between groups, but usually I'd just abandon the first. Not because I didn't like them anymore or they did something wrong, but because the other group was ignoring me less. Other then a year and a half relationship, nothing grade 9 to 12 was stable. The worst it got was when I moved to a new place and met people at the first job I found. They were all I knew so I desperately didn't want to lose them. They did rock cocaine. And I had money. So I started doing it to not be alone again. This went on for almost 2 years. I'd kicked them out of my life because I wasn't just following them around, they were controlling me. But the drugs continued and only stopped when I didn't have anyone to buy from anymore. After getting clean alone, I told my regular doctor what happened. She sent me to talk to someone. I was finally diagnosed Bipolar with social anxiety, and started medication and counseling. It helps, but I'm still that same person on the base level. I still have trouble making basic adult decisions when I don't have someone to heavily lean on or follow. I get into what the people in a Twitch channel I love are interested in so I can respond to people in chat and maybe they respond to me and I don't feel completely alone watching a stream. This is who I'll always be.
Well... this sucks
I can relate to about 80% of this...
I've always felt like this, but now it has a name, so thank you
once you find a name, or reasoning for a problem your facing - sometimes it makes things a little easier to hear the name/reason for said problem
What is the name
@@MOGE_ I am not a BPD. Recently consulted a psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD or any other personality disorder because I have only one symptom which is unstable sense of self. True story - when I was 6 years old I was a attention seeker , at 11 years age , I started behaving like an outsider because I come from a place where I see people who are outsider. Now am 20 , will CBT and some coping mechanism of DBT help me to regain my sense of self at age 20 . Please reply.
Read Robert greene's the laws of human nature , chapter 2 . in that chapter Robert Greene tells you about narcissm , those who fantasize them selves as great people , those who have no sense of self should read chapter 2 laws of human nature
I've always felt this way. I couldn't understand it or put words to it. I can never stick with someone, my favourite EVERYTHING is always changing. My style always mimics those of a close friend... I'm glad I'm not alone. Thank you, Emma!!
But you are quite clearly 'you'... you have a very unique personality, it's recognisable as 'you' and you've always seemed very authentic, so this is surprising.
Henley Phoenix except I started on RUclips copying danisnotonfire and alex day and recently went through a phase of doing pewdiepie style videos. it's always been there, you just haven't noticed. people with this still have a small certain amount of traits that stick with them - i was raised to be tough and stubborn by my dad. in many ways, i am exactly like him. but when it comes to interests, sense of humour, style etc - those things change more than they do in a 'normal' person
even though those things have changed, your way of putting things, and your sense of humor, even though you included that, seems to have stayed the same. Like I can tell ways in which you've changed, but idk what it is, it always seems like you. Like you may be doing something similar to or the same as someone else, but you've always got your own lens over it.
DannieGurl1995 Yeah, that's what I mean and I just assumed the changes I could see were phases or just RUclips trends.
I would have to agree with Henley Phoenix; Even if the superficial stuff and style changes you have a pretty distinct "you" that shines through.
You do remind me of Alex Day (RIP) :p The way you speak. I wonder how much of that is just you, and how much is almost unconscious mimicking...
Interesting video! I didn't realise this was a thing until now.
I'm so glad you spoke up about this. We see other people as secure and content with themselves and fail to realise that others may also be dealing with the same thing you are. So for you to talk about something that I'm also going through is very comforting in the fact that I'm not alone. And of course I knew that I wasn't alone but we all feel like that sometimes I suppose. Thank you Emma.
This is so me. I've looked into BPD before and related a lot to it, but haven't ever been tested for it. I have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, anxiety and depression. The anxiety/depression diagnosis was just generic though, my mental issues have never actually been properly looked into. I've never really known who I am and what makes me a person anyone would want in their life, I just feel like I'm this awkward weird person who doesn't do much with her life. I change my hair colour on a pretty much monthly basis because I just get sick of looking at myself and looking the same. It's strange, every time I change it I start getting used to it and that immediately sparks me to change it. I start hating myself every time, then once I change it I like myself for a short period of time. It's always temporary. I've had multiple RUclips channels as well and I feel bad when I abandon old ones and then start new ones and I've had people get annoyed at me for it as well. I haven't found anything I'm actually really good at, I really like singing but I could never pursue it as a career or anything because it's just too much work. I just feel like I'm floating by in life not really doing anything or being anyone. You are the RUclipsr I definitely relate to the most, I feel like I always understand the things you talk about in your videos and I have the same kind of sense of humour. Anyway I doubt you even read this, but if anyone else is reading, thanks for taking the time to do so. I just wanted to share my thoughts and I don't usually comment on videos much but I felt this so much and I just felt like I had to get this off my chest.
@Anastasia Graves I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
how are you now ? Have you regained your sense of self.
I hate the fact that I identify so much with what you are saying. I haven't been able to find my own self since my middle school emo phase was over. I have gone through so many phases of different music styles, clothes, people I surround myself with. And it wasn't until now that I realised that I in fact have no sense of self. I absolutely hate to admit it, but atleast I'm more self aware now. Thank you Emma for talking about/bringing up a topic like this.
I don't have this, but I do disassociate and depersonalise. Basically sometimes I don't feel real or like this is my life, like I'm wathing a TV programme, or like the world itself isnt real
i discovered solipsism when i was 17 and to this day i still wonder if it's possible. it's not the same, but i do get what you mean. i also disassociate under extreme stress, which can be very hard to deal with
I will say your reply made my ( had been shitty up to now) day, I love what you do and this channel xx
But agreed. Very not fun
I get this too. It's scary when you go really deep into it as well. To me it feels like "the real me" is using some sort of advanced vr headset and my body is fake in a fake world.
Alex de Villiers I get this too, and I didn't realise it wasn't normal (ie that not everyone experiences it) until I watched Dodie's video about it a couple of months ago. It can be really scary, and because it's not talked about, explaining it to people is really difficult and they tend not to understand, so it can be socially alienating as well as mentally alienating. Just know that you're not alone in this, and treasure the moments where you do feel connected to reality, but also don't beat yourself up over those times where you feel spaced out or distanced from what's going on around you. Try writing down your experiences, as that works for me and helps me connect with important experiences I've had after the fact, and stops me feeling like I wasted an opportunity or experience being spaced out. It's scary as hell, but you're not alone ❤️
Abaven Denada This happens to me too. Sometimes I just sit down and look at my hands then try to figure out how I'm a human being living in this world breathing, existing and communicating. I also have the samething as emma. I don't know myself. I don't know how to act like myself or be myself. My personality feels fake, like I'm pretending to be me. I don't try to fit in like emma. I feel like I don't know myself and I'm just making things up as I go along. It gets really exhausting when I'm around my family and friends because it hard when they feel like they know me and I don't even know myself.
I see alot of people talk about how everyone can relate. But the real question is what do we do? Are we fixable? Do we just go with the flow? Why does this happen? I'm not in therapy. But I learned 2 years ago I have BPD, and severe OCD. I am a daily fighter. Thank you for taking the time to talk and share your experiences with us. God bless❤
love you Emma and your honesty, this channel is so helpful when it comes to helping me think and learn about myself
I totally know the feeling of not knowing where you really belong or who you you are or feel the need to be. Even if not knowing most of this one's whole adulthood, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a huge problem or leading to other mental illnesses. it's totally okay not to know who you are and change if you feel the need to it. I have been through several different faces with music, clothes, behavior etc. But there's no need to conclude anything. there are at least two things you could do;
1. either stick to something you like the most, you can still listen to everything and like a bunch of stuff at once. That is only a part of who you are as a person ~
2. keep switching to whatever pleases you, life is long, you might go through a 100 more phases anyway ~
Sometimes changing your whole wardrobe isn't that bad ~ It's refreshing, a new start ^^
Have a wonder ful day and keep doing you!
I'd hate to have one thing that I used to define myself. I don't think I would say that I have a lack of sense of self (maybe had a phase when I was younger idk I don't know enough to say) but I do change constantly, like constant phases. But I don't want to ever stop having the phases. I don't want to settle on one thing. Personally I think the beauty of life is that I can keep changing till I die. Honestly, I think that as long as you are genuinely happy whilst you "copy" people, then you have no need to care. That in itself is kinda like your personality and if you aren't distressed by it (as you said it could be part of something bigger) then I think that's completely fine. I'd still be your friend :)
But as I said I don't know how distressing it would be, I'm just describing myself
I think it's helpful that you're able to describe these phases from the perspective of someone with a functional sense of who you are, and help differentiate it from those felt by someone who's sense of themselves is dysfunctional / absent.
I think the case of someone without a sense of self, they constantly feel like they haven't found it yet, and that with each new phase they are just a fraud pretending to be something they are not, because while anyone can undergo a change, the hope for most people is to then feel secure with your new passions and not feel like your old identity is gone to be replaced by one that you didn't have just a few months ago.
I totally agree with the chameleon analogy! My philosophy lecturer at uni once gave me a small photo of a chameleon because she said I was just like one. I think I have a base personality, but my interests and appearance change frequently. I've had a super difficult time with my hair too, I always want to change things (I went from decent length bright green bowl cut to a totally shaved head in September - the second time I've shaved my head to stop the hair obsession, I've been growing it out since mid-September and this is the longest I've not changed my hair since I was 14). I have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (officially diagnosed - it's BPD's new name in the UK) but the prognosis for personality disorders is that they often improve with time.
I completely understand people going to doctors to be diagnosed with stuff because that can give them an answer and that helps some people, and idk why but I hate how people go into the comments to say "you probably have borderline personality disorder" "I have bpd and bipolar and anxiety we're just the same" like no
I have all the same things as Emma, I change my hair and my style and my hobbies all the time, I constantly change what I want to do, I went through a two month period of calligraphy and a couple moths were I was obsessed with plants, then tumblr white and grey and one bright aesthetic, then goth and emo and punk fashions on and off all the time, I've had art accounts and fan accounts and spam accounts and venting accounts, depending who I'm with I'll be an ironic meme queen or a bitchy little gossip girl, but by no means do I think I have a disorder, and I don't want people saying I do.
If Emma says she does that is 100% okay, but it just really annoys me when someone puts a label on other people (like all those people who say dan Howell is bi because of what he said in his diss track)
Sorry it just bugs me I don't like it
E-J Thompson at the end she starts talking about this being a symptom of a personality disorder and that she's not quite comfortable talking about it in video yet but she's liking comments and replying etc to people mentioning BPD and not just on this video. This is the most common symptom of BPD along with unstable relationships, that's just a fact, and it's rare for someone to speak about personality disorders in general even somewhat publicly because they're so heavily stigmatised (especially BPD) so I think people are talking about their own experiences because it's somewhat of a safe space with maybe some people who understand. No ones labelling Emma for her when she's talking about it herself in comments and mentions that it's a symptom of a personality disorder.
i related to this so much, because ive been called "fake" and that i don't show my "true personality" by people who don't know me that well but have met me and noticed me in different social settings, and for too long i thought that maybe i am fake, and maybe im hiding myself for some weird subconscious reason, and it weighed on me. so thank you very much for making this
I used to think of myself as a Chameleon as well until I started to distance myself from everyone to find myself. I am a lot happier now :) Not that there's anything wrong with being a chameleon.
Did you do to a therapist ? How did you find yourself ?
Eimeennn
I could see how hard you were working to say what you said....thank you for putting it out there. Know that you are loved and, we'll be here through all the transformations of Emma. Have a great weekend!
There was a House MD episode about this, called Mirror Mirror.
Nay S04E05
I'm awaiting to be seen for diagnosis, but one of the first things that passed my brain was that episode. I'm literally a mirror to whoever I'm with. Fine with one person at a time, confused by more.
I'm like this too. Positive side of it - you are flexible, you can adapt easily, you can enjoy lots of different things.
I think it's normal to have phases.. most people aren't going to hit a certain age, like X Y Z and then permanently like those things for their whole lives. People change!
Not trying to say this in a bad way, as I'm the same exact way, but "no sense of self" is pretty much somewhat identical to BPD (borderline personality disorder), which at one point in life I was actually diagnosed with. What I've come to find in it as a strength, is you're like a chameleon of sorts, a blank canvas that can be repainted again and again, rather than only being molded once... you feel stronger vibes than most from different things, or are attracted to or pulled to certain styles, etc... things resonate more to those with BPD or "no sense of self" more than they do others (like when to some people a song is just a song, where to those with BPD or "no sense of self" that same song could be an anthem). Those in the same boat tend to have more of an energetic/electric/vivacious personality (though, that can also be at times manic, or sporadic and/or fleeting at times, lol), which is awesome... I love those kinds of people. Hope this help to shed a bit more light on it. Cheers! ;-)
PS - As far as "learning" and "taking up different things"... if honed in on and harnessed correctly, it can develop the most well-rounded people, which were once referred to as "Renaissance man/woman". (Sort of like the saying, "jack of all trades, master of none".) ^_^
Amazing comment!
Did you go to any therapy , did you find true sense of self ?
how are you now ? Have you regained your sense of self.
i’m 17 and i have felt like this all throughout high school.. especially after i lost my friends. i act different around every person i know depending on the ‘vibes’ the give off. EVEN WORSE if i can’t read their personality i act SO BLAND. today i noticed that even my handwriting changes depending on who i sit by in each of my classes. fuck. i just want to have close friends but i can’t because i don’t know who i am.
and i know this could just be tEenAger thiNgs but i feel like it goes beyond that at least slightly because it’s very severe like, i am completely different people depending on who i’m with but it isn’t intentional, i don’t want to fit in with anyone. idk.
Consult a psychiatrist bro ? And go for therapy , it will help
Saurav Gupta lmfao you wanna pay for my therapy?
@@broccoli4781 it will help you man, no kidding
I don't see anything wrong with what you're describing. I have always been the same way - have referred to myself as a social chameleon for well over a decade - observant to the way people behave and speak and adapted as I (felt I) needed to. People change, they evolve, they learn and grow - it seems to me that you're looking at other people too simply and judging yourself accordingly. We're all deeply complex, we're all multi-faceted - it's what I love about humanity. I've often scared people off because I've probed too deeply into their consciousness, unsatisfied with the surface level of their existence.
So long as you're not hurting anybody else, I don't see anything wrong with evolving, changing and growing. I've been thinking about myself lately as a caterpillar who is eternally inside a cocoon - it's been quite a comforting perspective.
I'd be intrigued to discuss this further with you - if you were willing to engage. If not, I completely understand :) I just hope all this isn't weighing too heavy on your mind. xx
Phil Hankins Music the downside of it is feeling a lot of internal confusion, feeling torn between personalities when you have different friends, and feeling empty and lost when you're alone.
Firstly, thanks for replying! I appreciate your willingness to engage.
Your use of the term personalities concerns me. When you say this, what exactly do you mean? Are we talking like when you're with some people you're much more outspoken, with some others more analytical and with some others more childlike/playful etc. - or do you mean like fundamental belief systems and moral compass switches depending on who you're with? I think it's natural for different people to bring out different things within us, I'm just struggling to understand where the differences lie that make you to think of them as separate from each other.
Or are both of these wrong and you're talking more about the situations where you assimilate into gaming/wrestling/punk styles depending on who you're with? Because I don't think that's a bad thing either, I can see how it's disconcerting if you think about them all as distinctly different personalities though as then it makes it harder to reconcile them all into one soul/mind/body - perhaps reframing it as portions of a pie would help? Or possibly you could look into ways of fusing the styles together in a way that more accurately reflects the multiple facets of your personality?
Apologies if I'm muddying the water. Genuinely trying to understand, empathise and help if possible.
Phil Hankins Music Phil- are you under the age of 25? if you are, then your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for personality is not fully developed yet, so you aren't going to have a stable sense of self, which is normal for someone without a developed prefrontal cortex. however, Emma is over the age of 25, and she does not have a sense of self or stable personality. this is an indicator that something is wrong, because this shows that her personality development is closer to that of a child's than it is to someone with a fully developed pre frontal cortex. a lack of sense of self is an indicator of a personality disorder because as I said before it shows faulty under development of the part of the brain responsible for personality, and it interferes with the persons daily life in a negative way.
Im amazed by how perfectly you actually described my perspective, I surely definitely relate to the video, but also what you described as relating to the big image and actually having no problem with anything as long as it's not hurting anyone, so sometimes, eventhough it feels really empty and meaningless but i feel it's comfortable and just alriight to vibe and tune with everything and everyone around you !
I'm actually crying right now, because I've been trying to describe this to people for a VERY long time. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for so long, I've hated myself for being this way, and even lost friends over it, I've pushed away friends because of it, I've gotten so much anxiety and been so depressed because of this, and I thought i was really the only one. Thank you so much. Genuinely.
You say "I wanna be a famous singer" is an unrealistic goal you've had for years, but here you are, having released an album and toured with Busted! That's pretty impressive!!
I definitely relate, always change my hair colour, have a million different clothing styles, sing all different types of music etc.
Constantly regenerating, #EmmaIsATimeLord - Also totally relatable, My personality really depends on who I am with, due to my Aspergers and social awkwardness.
this sounds like my best friend but I don't know how to help her ..
and I don't even know if she needs help or if i can even do anything
i mean, i wouldn't say people with this need 'help' - perhaps if she is showing other traits of a personality disorder as well, then it's a case of perhaps talking to her about it. ultimately though, if someone told me that i had what i do, i would've lashed out - it's often something you have to realise yourself and then talk to someone about.
Vloggery I just want her to recognise that she probably has something like that (as it is the only way of overcoming it, if it can even be solved) and make her not feel sad/freak out or generally have a negative reaction because I really care about her. Thank you for answearing and for the advice, though!
If she looks up to you and trusts you, you can ask her while also telling her that you want what's best for her or for her to be happy. If she doesn't fully trust you then thinking of how I would react (Although I'm not entirely sure if I have the disorder yet, I just feel like I fit most of the symptoms), there isn't really any way to bring it up that won't make her upset. Only 2 of my friends could have ever told me that without me denying it.
EDIT: I had a friend who clearly has issues, I brought up that maybe he was depressed (as he had a lot of bad things happen to him early on in his life) and he got extremely pissed off. Later, he was diagnosed with anxiety.
Eva Taki link her this video and see if she can relate?
"We all change. When you think about it, we are all different people, all through our lives, and that's okay - that's good, you gotta keep moving - so long as you remember all the people that you used to be." - The 11th Doctor
What you were saying reminded me of this... and then moments later you mentioned how you keep regenerating...
I'm like this too!
i'm sorry to hear that
I don't see it as a bad thing... I think it makes us more rounded. We've dabbled in so many different versions of ourselves that we can relate to so many different things, and people... plus there's all that varied life experience to draw from. I think that no sense of self just comes with being creative... yeah it's frustrating... but life is never boring, right.
Tortor Smith Sorry Emma, I agree with Him/Her. However, I am not creative XD
Everything you've said for me sounds so natural, something I thought everyone goes through, all at different levels. Obviously for you the feelings are much stronger right now, but as you say we change often and I haven't met a person yet of any age who 'has it all figured out'. But if you're overwhelmed or feeling negatively effected I'm glad you're taking notice and exploring it and its great you're feeling strong enough to share what your minds going through. Take care, be patient and be kind to yourself x
how are you now ? Have you regained your sense of self.
I can kind of relate to this?
oh shit
I feel like I’m always changing and I feel empty
Sometimes I feel like I’m literally better than everyone and that I’m a genius and if I don’t I feel like I’m the worst person in the whole world
Yep I have that too all the time
This is me - everything you said in this video, 100%. It's at the point where I'm almost 25 and have never had a boy/girlfriend. The last person I tried to date said I was the 'perfect woman on paper', but left because he was struggling to get to know the 'real me'. How could I explain there isn't a real me? I love my chameleon abilities because I get on well with practically anyone, but at the same time, I'm resigning myself to the fact that intimacy's probably out of reach.
Hi Emma - would you consider adding full subtitles to your awesome videos, to make them accessible to everyone including those of us who are Deaf or hard of hearing. xx
Kirsty Reed sadly I'm very pressed for time with uploads and don't have a lot of time to transcribe my videos :(
emmablackery It does take some time, I know. However, if your workload ever changes in the future and you feel you do get some time please consider it. subtitles really are so vital for those of us with a hearing loss or who are Deaf to be able to clearly access content. I really appreciate your reply though and wishing you a very successful 2017 xx
omg i wish i found this video sooner. i relate to it too much riP. i have absolutely no idea who i am and i alway feel like i'm do things to please other people and not myself. It is quite stressful i feel like i have no personality and i'm boring and anyone im close with i just seem to copy like literally EVERY DETAIL ABOUT THAT PERSON i copy. A good example of this would be my clothes.... my wardrobe is a fucking mess. i can't decide what the fuck i want to wear and then when i get a peak at someone else's wardrobe i will recreate it which isn't good because then i just end up throwing out all my clothes within 6 months. i honestly could go on and on about how i relate to this video so much it kinda made me sad realising this but also helped me. thank you so much emma you're content never fails to make me smile and literally every single one of your videos i relate to.
Wowzzers, I didn’t know others felt like this too! Thank you for making this video it’s really heart warming
I can relate to this. Not just style-wise, but in life. I've never known what career I want and I've studied so many different things. My career choices depend on the things I'm interested in at the time and the people I spend my time with. I've been studying to get into the teaching industry for over a year now so I'm hoping that this is finally something I want to do. I've been accused by a friend of 'trying to dress like her and be like her' but I genuinely didn't realise it until she mentioned it. I realised I started to like things just because she did, rather than independently and because I just like them. The good news is that I'm slowly becoming more independent and realising what I actually want and working towards those things, and it's a really good feeling once you start finding your way in life 💪
I've only ever turned internally not externally yet hold certain values that I have held from my deepest memories both sitiuations are bad
I thought this would go away by now but I’m 38 and still dealing with this and I’m so tired, Christ.
I'm bpd so I have this and a disassociative disorder too which really doesn't help lmao
Hi , I come here after fail 5 intern interviews continuously in a week, my friends keep telling me that I don't have my own opinions, it's easily to change my mind. I kinna lost right now between so many options, which might decide my path.
And this is my first time here and immediately love how you share your story. Subscribed
uploading regularly, well done Emma. Good Job.
your flip flopping is the reason i stick around, feels like you're the only youtuber i can relate to, plus your constant changing keeps up with my constant changing which is nice, don't think i've ever gotten bored of your channel because of this
Notification squad, where you at?
Luke Zeches my notifications are always like an hour late
Luke Zeches deeeer
Sorry, why the f*ck did I write 'deeeeeeeer'
I can relate to some aspects of this! Sometimes I think this comes from trauma. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and whenever I have a flare up; some days I wake up hating or being very unfamiliar with everything I own or that is around me. It's crazy!! Also it's expensive and anxiety inducing. Sometimes I literally can't stand my environment and my clothes. I won't get dressed because I hate my wardrobe, I get rid of everything in my house because I hate it... crazy!!
Hm, I think you shared this topic too soon. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you made this video, I'm sure it helped you a lot (speaking into a camera can be cathartic, after all). But because there is something you're not comfortable talking about, I can't help but feel like I would understand you and your point better if I knew what that thing was. As it stands now, without that information, I don't think this is a good video: there are too many holes. But I am looking forward to the continuation of this conversation in a few months' time. :)
Sientjuhna borderline personality disorder. I'm comfortable typing it but I'm not ready to make a video about it
Thanks for replying and sharing something so personal with me! I still think, from a purely informational standpoint, the video itself would have been better if you had shared this information inside the video instead of outside of it. When you beat around the bush, the topic loses its urgency and it's easier for people to attack (I hope that makes sense; non-native speaker here).
BUT, your video did make me look up 'identity disturbance' and related links on Wikipedia, and I feel like I learned a bit about it, so in that sense it accomplished what it set out to do, I hope. :)
I have bpd too, it's also a fairly new diagnosis for me, and I am in pretty much the same position. I can type it, but nobody other than my boyfriend knows about it in real life. You're okay though, we will be alright. I hope you're doing okay at the moment ^^ (also I SO relate to the 'I'm going to start doing THIS and take up THIS hobby now... on a painful level, that is me).
EXACTLY EXACTLY THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL OML
I'm constantly getting obsessed with making new aesthetics for myself and reinventing myself I am constantly going through phases. And most of the time it's about people I'm around or people I want to be around. I literally dyed my hair pink yesterday and now I hate it not because it looks bad because in theory, it looks great but because it's not who I want to be anymore and I'm done with it
ok. this hit me too fucking hard. Emma I'm in tears I always thought this was just me. This is a thing? I'm not gonna grow out of it?
ok, trying not to have a panic attack. is there anything about this that can be done?
Tilly Jackson Hey I don't have this and I'm not an expert but if this is something that is really stressing you out then you should do everything you can to see a therapist about it.
But if your young then don't obses over it. We all have to find who we are by trying difrent things.
Patrick Bourne I'm 20 next month, I've always just thought it was something I'd grow out of but this did kinda send me into panic mode.
It gets easier to accept as you get older.
Best of luck to you Tilly Jackson
Spoke to my therapist about this. People change and evolve and as that happens you figure out who you are by what is important to you, what inspires passion. You will find it, it can't be rushed. Try new things. Live. You will find yourself.
I'm 36 in two months and I still don't know who I am, I never fitted in with the "cool" kids and wasn't a pretty child. This is why i love you channel because its like you are just talking to me only, thankyou xx
Interesting. it helps me understand you. I do have my sense of self.
I have BPD (doctor diagnosed) and honestly it's so great to hear that it's not just me that goes through this and have more people talk about it more openly cause i find it so helpful
i feel like i've been waiting for someone to say this all of my life, thank you for understanding
I am so very glad that you made this, I don’t want to be like #relatable, but I finally understand what is going on with me. And the example of a “chameleon” fits me perfectly and I am commenting everything you were hoping no one would comment.
This was so uncomfortable to watch cuz I recognize myself so much.
I related to this video very strongly, but I'm still in school and changing. I might find myself, I might not. But thats okay. I'm glad you made this video, because it shows people they are not alone, and seeing how you are handling it is so inspiring. Thank you
Everyone is discussing mental health problems. The good news is for everyone here, everyone has mental health "problems". Mental health is a spectrum, just like sexuality. We all hold the perfect person in our minds, mostly dictated by society, and that is the "good" end of the spectrum. We live somewhere between this perfect person and the "bad" side of the spectrum which is the definition of a mental health problem/condition. I didn't know what college I wanted to go to and I didn't know what career or even field I wanted to get into back in highschool but if you met me in college (BTW I'm American so adjust words accordingly) you would have thought I knew exactly what I had wanted to do for a very long time. Everyone, or nearly everyone I should say, is just winging it at adulthood. That is why "faking it til you make it" is actually solid advice. If you try hard enough to convince everyone you are a certain way, you will become that thing. That is how I went from a 2 year degree in Business to a Masters in IT management with my goal going into school being to come out the other side a pediatrician. I am also looking at politics pretty critically right now and very well might get into labor organizing in a few years if the state of the world doesn't improve instead of my plan from 2 years ago which was to work for a large company as IT management to learn what companies really need and then go into business for myself as a consultant. See? I am all over the damned shop in my head but outwardly I am a steady and confident person and unless you knew me for a very long time you would think, as far as jobs are concerned, that I have known what to do since I was "insert age" because I leave that up to people's imaginations. I hope those who read this far can find something useful. Just remember, you aren't weird, you just aren't very good at faking it to yourself!
Sounds like you've been stuck in a rut for the longest time.
Everything you're doing is the same process: concern> exploratory research> conclusion of personal involvement> transition.
It's a good routine, but a routine none the less.
"Fake it till you make it" is... bad advice. It doesn't change a person so much as it establishes habits. But that process of creating a false identity is damaging to the psyche and eventually leads to mental breakdown. Don't worry, humans are tough. But eventually anybody following that path hits an identity crisis.
The most positive aspect of the practice is interacting with peers who have no patience for noobs. If one can talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk their peers are more likely to help one develop rather than ridicule their lack of aptitude.
I have been stuck in a rut in other aspects of my life but as far as education/career I have been very stable and progressing. What I described was over an 8 year span. The more accurate "cycle" was no interest->exploratory research->interest piqued(~3 month transition)pursue new interest. My first degree was entirely "I am here and I need a degree at the end of this." I happened to have had more business classes by the time I decided on computers as a career and by the end of the last quarter I had decided on service A.K.A. IT. Most people would have taken a year off or whatever between high school and college but I was going and getting a 2 year degree instead of doing the last 2 years of high school so I needed a degree at the end of it to "graduate" high school.
I view the political interest as a hobby potential or fall-back plan. I entirely plan on sticking to IT, mainly to solve my social and romantic rut, closing the distance in my long distance relationship by moving to Australia. Right now I don't want to replace college and high school friendships which have dissolved from others moving away to pursue their careers and 1 way relationships don't work. I have many friends in Australia and always make more when I go to visit my fiancé. This is my rut. Want to live with my love, need desirable career to qualify, don't want to make short term friends during this last year in my masters program.
The "faking it until you make it" and how it applies to me is I would hang out with Computer science and IT students and to talk with them I would have to study hard to close the knowledge gap. Or I was not a nerdy/geeky person in high school but I wanted to be so in college I would hang out with them since the small high school I went to had no geeks. They would mention a show and I would say "Oh I hadn't heard of that one, I'll have to add it to my list." Basically I would pretend to be part of a group or more versed than I was at the moment while I work towards truly being one of the group. I had no interest in professional sports so I never fake it with that crowd because I just don't care. Same thing goes with gamers, if I don't like your genre I will tell you and counter with what I like. But while I was learning geek culture and nerd culture I would act interested in everything and try everything because those were the type of people I liked even though I hadn't had much to do with them until after high school.
I am not going to insult your determination & drive for a moment. What you've accomplished requires solid effort, if not a great deal of money. Congratulations.
The way you talk about people tells me you have little to no hesitation in using them. Business and IT work should fit a personality like that quite well. Being able to cater to people's comfort zones and read their limits for charity is a strong skill to possess in a capitalist market.
Of course your mentioning of non-work related contacts tells me there's another more compassionate side to you, so it's not as if everybody is a ladder rung to you. Again, not making any insults here. These are useful traits which can work for you.
I hope your pursuit of life in Australia goes well. Everybody I've ever talked to has positive things to say about the place with the exception of import costs.
From your description, you haven't been faking anything. You've been showing exaggerated interest in things you might like in the hopes that your shared enthusiasm would make you more appealing. That's just socializing.
Now if you pretended to like sports, and did a bunch of research so you could fit in, but secretly you hate everything about both the game and the crowd; that would be faking it.
"Fake it till you make it" is essentially doing that, in the hopes that if you're at it long enough, doing something you hate or have difficulty with, eventually you won't notice struggling with/hating it anymore and keeping up will become much less of a chore.
I guess we have different interpretations of the phrase, as is common with most good advice.
+hi100040
But it's not good advice.
You yourself express refusal to subject yourself to faking interest in something you know you won't like or a crowd you don't want to be part of.
And you haven't been lying to your peers about what you do and do not know, can and cannot do, so you haven't been faking that either.
You've been putting in admirable effort, but you haven't been faking anything.
What about what you've been doing is a falsification: fake?
There is a practice in which continued effort, even in the face of challenge, builds a strong work ethic.
I've heard it described as being like an airplane, in how it takes a great deal of effort taking off, but once it's in the air it uses less fuel. As opposed to lowered fuel efficiency from making frequent landings and having to take off again.
That there is solid advice which sounds like what you are trying to give.
Building productive habits and expressing enthusiasm in one's passions is truly good advice, but being untrue to one's self in the hopes of changing identity (IE "fake it till you make it") is not.