Dressing as an AMAB Non-Binary Person (cw: flashing lights)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
- No longer on this channel you can find me on twitter tho: calliethrice also I changed my name again I'm callie nice to meet you xo WEARING DRESSES IS NOT (ALWAYS) THE ANSWER :/
This channel is deactivated! plz follow my new channel: / @syn.c1312
Here is why I had to do that: • Goodbye
More videos:
☼ ONE YEAR OUT: • One Year Out as Non-Bi...
☼ PEDAGOGY OF THE OPPRESSED: • Pedagogy of the Oppressed
☼ HOW I KNOW I'M NON-BINARY: • How I Know I'm Non-Binary
I want to clarify something about what I said. "Non-Binary" is not a gender, as I accidentally implied, but an umbrella term which encompasses multiple gender identities which do not conform to the feminine/masculine gender binary. For example genderfluid and agender would both be considered non-binary genders and also fall under the similar umbrella term genderqueer. Since we're here, non-binary people are trans since they, by definition, do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.
Thanks for watching and plz give me advice and love; I'm a Leo I need it!
☼ INSTAGRAM: / saturntheoriginal
Amab enby here. I’ve spent months trying to find inspiration, looking for other amab enbies who don’t feel that dresses work for them. It’s really frustrating, because it feels a little like I’m not quite part of the community. Like I’m not as enby as others. Your video, you saying that amab enbies can forge our own identity and have no redefined way to look, really made me feel validated. It’s incredibly reassuring to hear someone else say “go be what you want to be as an enby”. Thank you so much ❤️
Hey! So so soooo happy to hear this resonated with you! I know how you feel. It really does feel sometimes like we still have to fit into other people's ideas of what being non-binary looks like and that is frustrating as hell. When I realized I was non-binary, I thought "ok great, now I can just exist without fitting into some arbitrary box" only to find out that the queer/enby community still has arbitrary boxes for some reason >:0
But the more of us amab enbies out there that are doing our own thing, looking how we want to look, and feeling good about it, the more it will become "normal" and "acceptable" for us to do so. Despite the world being continuously on fire, I'm optimistic about us all being able to do that, and at least carving out a space for ourselves to exist as we are in some way or another. Thank you again for the kind words - it makes me really really happy to hear this!
Loved this! I'm amab and agender and dresses don't make me feel nonbinary so I really related to this video! Thanks :)
oh i used to be Agender but im voidgender now
Sameeeeee. I’m only starting to come out to my friends and family and the struggle is real.
Found this video while also trying to figure out how to present more nb as amab and found it really uplifting! Also I love your outfit (and jawline).
Aw thank you! Uplifting is totally what I'm aiming for :))))))))))))))
I often feel disconnected from the enby community because even though there's probably an equal amount of AMAB/AFAB people in it, the idea that enbys are just women lite has made me feel like I'm just something else, like only _real_ enbys are allowed.
It's just really hard to feel like there's anyone that understands me when I only see comments on videos about being enby that talk about x person's period or bras or y AFAB centric issue, because it just feels like it's not a place for me.
This video really helped with that. Thank you.
Hey Kirk, amab agender enby here! I also have never felt super great about dresses. I am much more of a femme-cut shirts/blouses kind of person. I have struggled a lot with feeling like I don't look trans or non-binary enough to be visible. Until I can round out some of my more "masc" traits (not a good frame for me, but I get some people use it), I tend to lean into some femme things, (blouses, earrings, growing my hair out) and let my masc features sort of balance it out. It isn't always perfect, but it does help me pick my battles.
As an agender person, I don't really resonate with some enby's high-masc and high-femme simultaneously presentation, and try to strive for something a little less gendered than that (I someday hope to claim the "butch lesbian" aesthetic, but that's just me ahaha), but there needs to be more amab enby visibility out there! I love the help and community coming from enby's from other walks of life, but there are definitely some struggles unique to AMAB enbies. Thanks for contributing!
Thank you for sharing your experience! Balancing the gendered aspects of presentation is something I think about too, and earrings have been such a nice, subtle way to add gender ambiguity for me. I'm with you on the simultaneous high-femme/masc presentation as well - but it's difficult because there aren't a huge variety of prominent enby presentation examples to begin with..
AND YES, more amab enby visibility and more non-binary visibility in general! The more we all talk with each other and share our experiences the better it is for everyone. I love that you have an aesthetic vision in mind, and I have every faith that you will claim & OWN it < 3
''but there are definitely some struggles unique to AMAB enbies''.
no doubt. male gender presentation is severely restricted by societal conservatism. woe betide any 'man' who chooses the feminine.
I love your post!especially the “butch lesbian” part. I would love to be perceived as a trans guy. There’s something so sexy about that.
Afab enby here, I found out in lockdown that I feel absolutely okay wearing my more "feminine" clothing- I've gotten very comfortable with myself, my body too. I just want other people to not look at me trough them.
It's a shame mostly afab enbys are so visible, I guess because it's more widely accepted for a "girl" to dress "tomboyish", than for a "guy" to dress more "feminine". Toxic masculinity hurts us all...
Anyways, I absolutely get what you're saying- especially formal wear is hard to decide on, since suits just don't feel right, and I'm not fond of dresses traditionally seen as formal. Guess it's a good thing I don't go to many parties, haha. I'm not very fashion concious, I mostly just dress comfortably- I guess I'm still finding my style, and if I have one. I hope you'll find a solution, all best and stay safe!
Hello frien :3
Pushing the queer representation forward in boat city, together ^^
@@villentretenmerth11 Wait... Where do I know you from? This kinda freaked me out a little 😅
Your username doesn't help hahah
@@cawareyoudoin7379 at the swimming pool?!?!???!??!???!!??!??
^quote
@@villentretenmerth11 Got it.
Just send me a screenshot the next time lol
Hey, I’m not amab but honestly relate... in a gendered society its hard to not feel like you look Nonbinary because every one is seen as man or woman or more specifically clothes are shoved in those boxes. We just have to remind ourselves that things don’t have gender and we can carve out our expression. Its hard to explain all the feelings around this aha. I’m just trying to force myself to learn clothes don’t make me more or less nonbinary. I finally just got my ears pierced after months of feeling awkward about it... because of how pierced ears are gendered. I often lean towards a “masc” presentation because it feels safer almost, dysphoria I guess. Its a learning curve, retrain my mind. An anxious mind. I can have earrings and wear weird jumpers and be loud ...I don’t have to live in plain black. Sorry for the rambling aha, I hope I made some sense. I honestly feel what you feel. ~ all the best from an agender human 😊💚
It's true and I've always found it so weird that people have gendered bits of fabric we put on ourselves so strongly in the first place. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with the effects of society being so gendered, but something that I think always helps is just talking with other non-binary people, at least that helps me feel more valid and less alone. I'm glad you went ahead and got your ears pierced :) What you said makes total sense and I'm so happy that you shared this - it's been a long day for me and reading this really lifted my spirits! All the best to you as well
im afab transmasc but ive nearly wholly transitioned to male so i identify with this side of the enby spectrum a lot more since i have a 100% male appearance (beard, hairy body, short hair, etc) and easily pass as male nowadays so i do wanna transition further (only bottom surgery left) but lately ive had a bit of a dysphoria about everything and wanting to look more gender neutral. but feminine clothes make me really dysphoric too and i do feel a lot more confident and nicer in male clothes so id love a solution where i dont have to wear feminine clothes to appear gender neutral (for some reason i dont care about hotpants and croptops so i try to wear those if i do feel dysphoric bc i feel comfortable in them; well maybe not the croptops all the time but def the hotpants) thanks for even inspiring me who already has a lot of experience with this but still needs the reminder. :)
I experience this, so much. I don't enjoy feminine clothing ,it often shows more skin than I'm comfortable with. The look I feel the most agender in is a turtleneck with a paired necklace (+ a blazer on colder days)
Hi I'm amab and questioning (nb, to be clear heh) and I just wanted to say I think you're so cool and I totally agree! I'm also agreeing with the latest comment that was made that you responded to, you're the first amab non binary person I've found online and I've been (lightly, casually) searching for a few months! You weren't ever coming up until now somehow. I'm only 16, so I have a lot of life to figure stuff out and I don't mind wearing men's clothes at all, as to be fair, the "men's" clothes I wear are always found in the women's section too, but I'm hoping to buy some "women's" clothing soon! No necessarily dresses, more floral blouses and earrings/rings and such, MAYBE makeup, it'd have to be subtle though. Aaahh it's just so cool to see that you exist! That maybe I exist, I don't know if I'm anything yet but I'm glad I found this video even if I'm maybe not this.
Hey! Thank you so much for saying such nice things and for sharing a little about yourself. This is the first video I've ever made talking about this, and actually the first video I've ever made that I am even in, so that's probably why my stuff didn't come up in searches. I think it's so cool that you're 16 and already thinking through this and figuring it out, and that you're open to whatever might happen. Because who knows what's gonna happen, gender *is* fluid (for some of us more than others) and so much of life even apart from gender is dealing with change. For the record, I see you - you exist! Your feelings and perspective and identity are real even if you don't have a label for them right now 🖤
Kirk Nice response 😊
Got really dysphoric and sad trying really hard to look "more nonbinary" just to be taken seriously by others. I actually came to this video because I remembered your short haircut. It's such a simple thing but pretty inspiring. I plan to get a cut like that too. For me, it symbolizes embracing the masculine part of myself, knowing that it doesn't make me any less non-binary.
I feel you. for a long time I was chasing that feeling too of "looking non-binary" and in my experience that can only ever lead to dysphoria - no matter what it's never enough. lately I've been leaning hard into more femme looks and growing my hair out, and I feel good about it cuz that's just how I feel and how I want to look. I'm happy for you that you're feeling good about a shorter cut and embracing the masculine!! damn right it doesn't make you any less non-binary
this helps a lot to know that more amab people feel like me, it’s hard to feel gender euphoric and this helps :,)
this editing is a blessing 🙏 fr tho, mad respect to you for this video. I struggle on the DAILY with finding clothes that fit and make me feel good about myself. I'm afab nb, so my experience is inherently a little bit different than yours, but I can relate in a lot of ways. I find myself striving to find style inspiration and outfits online that I like, but always get discouraged when my shopping experiences are ultimately divided by "men's" and "women's". I'm slowly making progress in the not-giving-a-fuck department, which I think is what we as nb people need to embrace, since the industry is so slow to change for the avg consumer. Td;lr, great vid, fuck everyone else - wear what makes you feel good
omg thank you thank you! That is such a compliment!! I'm totally with you on the frustration of how things Are Always Gendered Everywhere and that we should definitely just not give a fuck even as we work to change it. Some days it doesn't affect me at all but others it is so stupidly infuriating... In any case you're right: what other people think is totally irrelevant as long as you are happy with yourself!
hi it’s vicco i’m AFAB! and ya it’s always hard to remind myself that clothes dont have gender/queerness attached to them. when i wear a dress in my room by myself i can feel super good super in my gender but as soon as i leave my room and feel cis eyes, esp cis men eyes, i feel super uncomfortable. and it’s also interesting bc when i wear a dress i want to look like a boy in a dress? agh working w/in white constructs of gender is awful. also, ur editing in this video is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 BEAUTIFUL!
I 100% get that. Cis people definitely do not understand that as they are looking at us, categorizing and calculating where we fit (and therefore how to treat us), we can 100% feel that shit as it's happening. And you're totally right that it's not necessarily about finding genderless clothes, but reminding yourself that clothes don't have gender in the first place. But one thing we can all agree on is that my editing is beautiful 🖤🖤🖤
I appreciate hearing this from someone else. I'm in the same boat. I wish there was a third option, already defined, to clothing choices. But there's not- we're responsible for carving that out, for being creative and setting our own standard.
What a great video! You have summed up my experience pretty succinctly. The sense of “man in a dress” is magnified as I have a pronounced masculine shape/body and so femme clothes simply don’t fit properly. I’ve begun to gravitate toward what I think of as afab androgyny, with splashes of femininity thrown in through accessories. I agree with you that the lack of a template for expression is a blessing, in a way. It is also a curse.. Having people to look to who have walked a similar path would be amazing. To me, it’s not enough to “carry it with confidence.” I want to look so good that even that slanted cis-eye is forced to admire it!
Try leggings. For me, they're a real wonder in what they can do. They hide leg hair, define the legs instead of hiding them (unlike jeans or dresses) and are also very comfy. Only problem is the lack of pockets, but a handbag (laptop bag, in my case) can alleviate that problem.
Hello! Amab nonbinary here and I have found knee high/over the knee socks to be perfect for my gender expression. They’re cute and a nice way to accessorize my legs (and cover up the hair I’m not ready to shave) and kinda girly while also not being STRICTLY feminine (which I know nothing is strictly feminine, but you know what I mean). I can’t recommend Sock Dreams enough.
Also shorts targeted at women are great for me because I’ve been able to get brighter colors and better fabrics while also not having to sacrifice comfort (because especially with my disgustingly big build most feminine pants, hell most feminine clothes in general are too tight on me, even in plus sizes, but I can get away with shorts).
Just my two cents, but not only will your mileage vary, mine probably will too because I’ve only been out a few months and I’ve only known a month or so longer than that so DONT TRUST ME haha.
YESSS!! Honestly a combo of knee high/over the knee socks and "women's" shorts sounds so cute! I feel like there are so many fun ways to play around just with those two things and do all kinds of color combos and stuff.
It's pretty cool that you've only been out for just a few months and have already found clothes that you feel good about wearing! Who knows how things are gonna change - I've had ups and downs with certain types of clothes, but it still feels like I'm generally heading in the right direction if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing, people don't talk about this enough
@@Kirk_CIAF Yeah, haha, I got the advice from a transgender person I really admire to just go in head first, try everything out, consequences be damned and while I'm not sure it's 100% the best advice, it has certainly lead to quicker realizations and being on a speedier transition path than I would've been otherwise. I'm also just the sorta person who doesn't think things through well, if I want to do something I usually just do it. Which again, probably isn't the healthiest way to be, but it's gotten me here, so I guess it's fine?
And you are so right, people don't talk about this stuff enough. Part of the problem is, for generations this stuff was seen as a taboo, and still is by many. Look in the comments of any video about transgender science and there will be hundreds and hundreds of transphobic comments. Breaking it down even more, there are binary trans folks who DESPISE enby people and use the (in my opinion) very offensive term "transtrender" all over the place. It's very similar to the way society treats the various sexual orientations one can identify with, which is why that T should stay in LGBT+ (though if I could get the T outta my body I'd love it lolololol, I stole that joke). And that's why safe spaces (online and irl) are so very important, because not everyone can or wants to speak so frankly about these sorts of topics, but representation is key. I would've never come to terms with my identity if I hadn't heard other people speak about theirs.
So thank you for sharing as well, I found this video late last night when I was in a bit of a depressive slump after a day with many dysphoric triggers for one reason or another and was looking to hear from other enby people, and it made me feel a sense of normality and calm, enough so that I wanted to share a little myself. So yeah, thank you.
Aw thanks! tbh I'm the kind of person who ends up overthinking everything to no end so I really admire the ability to just GO and do things, it's definitely something I'm trying to develop more in myself.
Agreed, representation is everything. I hate the term "transtrender" - there are so many cruel and possessive connotations to that word. Whats so sad is it comes from the same oppressive mentality that would invalidate their own binary trans identity. Representation is the cure because the problem is ignorance. And the more we talk about this and take up space in society at large, the more people will have to accept us, because the fact is we *do* exist - it's not up for debate.
It's unfortunate, but sadly not surprising that transphobic ideas are so common. Like you said, gender non-conformity in white western culture has been taboo for generations. It's woven into the fabric of society. People want to feel like they belong, and it's much easier to regurgitate your internalized prejudices than to examine why and how you came to believe those things in the first place, and why stating those beliefs repeatedly, hatefully is so important to you. But there are also so many people out there who look at those norms and taboos and recognize that they don't fit into them - and without representation those people might grow up thinking they're a freak just because they never get to see the people who are like them.
God lol I get so emotional talking about this stuff! But I really do think that every single thing we do makes a difference no matter how small, and even just having this conversation is another conversation about non-binary people BY non-binary people where there might have been nothing at all. It warms my heart to meet and talk to non-binary people so so much !
I went/am going a similar route, i wear leggings instead of jeans. You know, the ones tightly fit to your legs. That women often wear in conjunction with short skirts. But i wear it without the skirt, and i like it. I just have to wear relatively tight underwear, for bulge reasons. But i hate how tucking feels, so i'm not gonna do that.
I'm AFAB, nonbinary (honestly, agender seems to fit me best...I really like "stuff" to present with but don't feel a gender) and on HRT (4 years now) so I get read as male and only more recently have I tried to add feminine-coded items to my presentation again. The things I've always liked and just want. For instance, I paint my nails again. No one seems to notice or say anything about that. I'm still actively trying to build a style that isn't all masculine-coded items or a combo of things that fit a certain way to avoid public issues. I also keep my facial hair visible...sometimes trimmed short but sometimes I get lazy...because I don't want to be "ma'am"ed (I'm in the south)...so it's a weird balance. I'm trying to find more NB friends who are comfortable just being with me in public so I could wear more soft and flowy things. I don't understand how a dress or skirt has ever meant to fit, so not sure if I'd ever want to wear one again (it has been a LONG time) but there's definitely styles of pants, like leggings or wide-leg trousers, that are considered feminine...I haven't worn leggings while having my leg hair grown out so not sure if I could tolerate a pair (VERY HAIRY!) but I want to try. I have mixed feelings about shopping alone...I sometimes have an IDGaF attitude, but other times I just don't want to feel like I'm being watched...I'm really tactile so I need to feel any texture that looks nice. I dunno if any of that is relatable, but figured I should comment since you asked :)
It's totally relatable!! As someone who has Very hairy legs, I can say that wearing leggings has never been uncomfortable for me, but then again, I also have never worn them with shaved/unhairy legs, so.. grain of salt. Wide-leg trousers have also been a huge hit for me in terms of striking that balance a little better, I just wish I could find more that fit well.
I agree about shopping too. It can feel so uncomfortable sometimes. What I've tried doing is ordering online and returning whatever I end up not liking, but it's so hit or miss that I'm not sure I'd recommend it.
Anyway, thank you for commenting and thank you for sharing!! It is so heartening to know that there are so many people out there like us going through the stuff we're going through, you know?
I love your earring!
Was about to comment that!
I was looking up videos because I've been questioning and this made me cry from how validating it was so....I think I have my answer. Thank you.
You don't owe anyone their idea of androgyny. The beauty of the sitch is that you can define based on your own aesthetics or life practicalities. Lucky to work in a sphere where practicality comes before presentation. We don't want to be damaged by the environment we work in. In my case, small personal touches with hair and jewelry are the jam along with a flashy accent expressions (neck bandanas, hats, undershirts beneath a 3/4 button up. Also searching my friend and thanks for sharing.
An obvious place to look for inspiration would be Japanese animation/anime where formal and casual ware is often on a spectrum.
amab genderfluid/non-binary here. I understand what you mean about the dresses part. I honestly would try a dress so long as it has darker colors. But my problem is that I am open about expressing my masculine side but I feel like I am more femme and that needs more attention. I sometimes wish I look more femme like a woman and less like a man sometimes.
I feel you on that. Personally, I find it difficult to strike the right balance sometimes, because I have that same desire to incorporate masculinity into my presentation. It comes down to representation. Even if there are a few highly visible amab non-binary people (Alok Vaid-Menon comes to mind), most non-binary people you see or hear about are afab. With greater representation of amab non-binary people in the world, I think it will be easier for us to play a little more with masculinity and femininity, rather than walk that fine line to be recognizably non-binary.
I'm AMAB Non-Binary with unfortunately hyper-masc appearance (think really broad shoulders and hypertrophic musculature which is a genetic curse) and a partner that prefers that. I've wanted to incorporate more femme elements into my wardrobe to express my identity but it's not easy given my body and the social pressures I face day to day...
I'm also masculine. I love my beard. It's the thing people give me the most compliments about. I have broad shoulders. Women's clothes don't fit me well or feel good to me. I dress like a lesbian, but on me it looks like a cis dude.
It's butch looks plus big accessories for me, specially earrings!
Thank you! I'm also AMAB and have been finding it very difficult to find other enby AMAB folks who are not always wearing dresses. I love dresses but part of my enby expression is not wearing dresses. As I try to avoid binary ways to dress I’ve encountered hardly anything that calls my attention.
I do feel bad for AMAB as an AFAB nonbinary person. It’s unfair. I feel you there. It’s complex sometimes for me too. I think the main component is people around us not accepting us. But what I do is try to make a look book for clothes I wear and like to help me with my style choices
I'm afab but I've taken testosterone and pass as male. I'm nonbinary too, and love a feminine style. So, I can relate despite not being in the exact same boat as you. Actually I tend to relate more to amab enby's than I generally do to other afab's. If I dress masc I'm just gonna look like a regular cis man... aside from being suspicuiously curvy, so I can't actually relate much to afab enby struggles anymore, lol. Although for me I wouldn't call it a struggle anymore, because I'm happily transitioned. Since I'm afab, however, I grew up with femininity and my pashion for it was encouraged, so now at age 30 I've had lots of time to learn a lot about many ways to be fem and fabulous. Now that I pass as male, and have the facial hair and deep voice I always wanted, I finally feel like myself and love my femininity even more. Because now I can be fem without looking like a barbie. However, I still like receiving advice from amab nonbinary people as well, hence why I'm here. Personally, I like wearing dresses, but I've a ton of other ways to "fem up" my style while wearing pants. This is gonna be a long post, but here's some suggestions I came up with:
(Also disclaimer, I use gendered language here for clarity. I know clothes are not gendered, but hard to word this all differently.)
1.) Jewellery! I love your ear ring, but you can add more stuff as well. I especially like long pearl necklaces, dazzling bracelets, gem rings, belts with a fem buckle, brooches, etc. I also love chokers, but I feel too... choked... wearing them, lol.
2.) Lace and frill! Women's tops and blouses that have lots of lace and other fem details are great to wear with tight jeans. Wearing a lace scarf or lace gloves, or even socks with lace edges is great too. Adding lace to anything will make the whole outfit instantly not masc.
3.) Nail polish! Bright, colourful nails added to any outfit is the easiest and simplest way for me to look more fem. If you ever wear sandals or go barefoot in the summer time, I'd also suggest painting the toe nails.
4.) Makeup, is probably an obvious one, but I'll add it to the list anyway.
5.) Wear women's jackets. Personally I have a fake fur jacket that is very fem and it makes me look really fem even if I'd wear a whole ass suit underneath.
6.) If you can fit into women's shoes, I'd highly suggest that too. If not, ask big-feeted trans women for advice. There are some shoe companies online that make fem shoes is bigger sizes. High heels are torture devices, but there are lots of flat and low-heeled types of shoes that look really fem. I never wear high heels, too painful!
7.) Very optional, but saving out to longer hair can help a lot too. I have short hair now too, and I struggle harder to look fem just because of that. I'm saving my hair out now, but I get if you feel more comfortable with short hair. That is personal.
8.) I know you said options other than dresses, but wearing a skirt gives more space for variety. Then you can match it with a blouse or tank top and have more freedom with the rest of the outfit.
9.) Also, there are other types of pants than jeans. Some can look really fem in style and shape, so you can look into that too. Or you can wear jeans that are in another colour than the simple black, grey or blue. I like purple, red and green jeans. They look more fem because cis men don't tend to wear colourful jeans. Another option is high-waisted and bootcut jeans (flared at the bottom of the legs, tight otherwise). They were very popular among both men and women back in the 70's and got quite an androgynous vibe. They'll make your butt look great and give a slight illusion of having curves. Bare in mind they're not fashionable now though, but I wouldn't let that stop me.
I recently came out as nonbinary and I'm looking for ideas for non-dress clothes to try out. I do like dresses a lot though, I get such a rush of calmness when I wear them.
As a non-binary (genderfluid more specifically) I love painted nails - I can switch just like this whetever I consider it feminine, masculine or androgynous
I began taking estrogen and shaving all the hair on my body (head, eyebrows, beard etc.)
Awwww i really needed this. I don't know what to wear to prom...
LOVE IT! I’m also running into this problem. While I'm an AMAB and I identify as non-binary, I also have 47 (XXY) syndrome. I kind of fit in between since I've been on T for a while now, but my burden has been my bigger hips and gyno, which I wear sports bra's/binders and baggy guy jeans to hide looking like a dude with a hormone problem. Instead of wearing my usual baggy clothes, I recently started learning to love my hips and switching to girls' jeans & my regular tops. While it kind of does the trick and makes me feel genderless and sexy, it also makes me feel super dysphoric because of the attention I've received from others.
I genuinely like you and your content
Thank you! I've grown pretty fond of myself as well 😅
I know I'm late to the party here but I figure I'll throw my two cents in for those that come across this video and relate. For the record, I am AMAB non-binary and just started identifying as such formally less than a month ago. (The photo is old just ignore that.) I've been playing with ideas for presentation and seeing a lot of the same thing - young, thin, white, AMAB folks in dresses. Great for them. They rock it. But I'm in my late 40s and the thought of dresses doesn't really appeal because I fear that whole "man in a dress" appearance.
Here's my game plan. I'm looking at fashions and stuff geared toward women - mostly older women - and thinking about what I like in those photos. For example, I love the look of a woman's blazer, which tends to be longer than a man's and often worn with a rolled sleeve, paired with a nice button-down blouse and slim jeans with maybe some high-heeled ankle boots. I like the whole "bohemian motherly type in a chambray shirt and jeans with a bunch of earthy accessories" look. From those photos I consider what I think would look good on me and see what kind of outfits I can put together. Right now, with the pandemic making it hard to go try stuff on, I'm putting things from my existing wardrobe together in different ways like using a V-neck with a denim shirt and several necklaces for that "bohemian mom" vibe. It may not be strongly feminine-coded but it makes me feel like I'm presenting in a way that is more authentic than just throwing on a polo. And ultimately it's more about how I feel I present than how others actually interpret my presentation.
So just an idea of how to find inspiration in places beyond searching things like "AMAB non-binary fashion" and finding nothing but pic after pic after pic of young AMAB folks in dresses.
Hello, nonbinary AMAB here. Recently realized this about myself and I’ve FINALLY been trying to lean into the clothes I’ve always wanted to wear. I started buying and wearing a bit more traditionally feminine stuff but my frame and body type make me feel like I’m just a guy in women’s clothing. Maybe some of you can relate. Hoping to try to eat better and lose weight but that doesn’t always fix everything. I know clothing isn’t everything but it would help a lot if anyone had any pointers on dealing with that kind of dysphoria or negative thoughts regarding yourself. Sorry for the rambling, your video really did make me feel less alone in this but I also have so many questions it feels like I can never find answers 😅
Hey! I know exactly how you feel. I came out a little over a year ago, and I am *just now* starting to feel more comfortable in the clothes I want to wear. There are a lot of things that helped me get to that point, but mostly it just takes time. It takes time to unlearn things you've spent your whole life learning about who you're supposed to be. That stuff goes way deeper than people think. The only real pointer I can give is to keep trying, keep pushing, see if you can find an outfit or two that *does* work for you and doesn't give you dysphoria. The more open you are with yourself and others, the easier it will get. No one has all the answers, but just keep going and you'll find yours.
I'm so glad this video made you feel less alone! Actually, hearing that makes me feel less alone too. We're all in this together :)
Kirk Thank you for your advice! I have already been able to tell that it takes a bit of time with how much more comfortable I am now compared to a few months ago. But eventually I’ll get there, one day at a time, right? We really are all in this together, thanks for being such a kind person :)
Just looking at you makes me feel better to be myself
amab- my biggest problem is i love high wasited bottoms, but i'm so over trying to wear women's pants that dont fit my crotch area and just end up hurting all day... tucking and all that is not an option, i'm done lol, all comfort and function now- but goddamn do i want high waisted clothing still. anyone have any solutions for this? clothing brands, clever tricks, anything?
kudos for confidence! support for you. I wish you would've showed dressing options too.
Thanks for the support! I'll keep that in mind for future videos :)
Hey, thanks. I really needed to hear that.
AMAB NB people unite!!!
I relate to this so much, so THANK YOU!
YOU'RE WELCOME 😊😊😊😊😊
I feel invisible because I don't dress in a way that people see as androgynous enough. I also have zero interest in dresses. Fashion isn't how I express my gender. I do social dance and enjoy body movement, and find that's a truer expression for me. People have to know me to get that I'm enby.
Omfg I love your look! It’s so cute
Tunic shirts are great for non binary fashion! Also, collared shirts that are transparent with a top underneath I find nice. I don't have any of this bc I had such bad dysphoria that I refused to wear anything "feminine". I've been on testosterone for 10 months so now I feel ok with showing that I am not 100% a trans man that I identify specifically as trans masculine
High waist pants ❤️ and also cardigans. They can be long and flowy a bit like a dress without being an actual dress.
Also if you are tall like me, research tall women shops for feminine clothes that fit our length.
You look like an enby Guy Pierce.
Amab people aren't as safe with wearing feminine clothing as afab people are with wearing camo pants and boots. They are seen as tough or fashionable where as we are seen as people to laugh at or be confronted right away.
The Harvard t-shirt is the keystone.
Thanks for sharing this!! Personally, I think of myself as largely having moved in the other direction: I began my journey not with identity but with expression, with exploring clothes, shoes, and accessories from the so-called women's section, and then after that found that identifying as non-binary helped me feel freer and more comfortable to dress as I wished without the stress of whether dressing that way is unmanly or non-masculine, or what kind of guy am I who dresses that way (i.e. a crossdresser? if I am a cis male crossdresser, what does that mean? what associations or connotations does that bring with it?) ...
All that said, though, I of course still struggle very much with what looks good on me, what is and isn't my style, what I do and don't like. Opening the door to suddenly trying out all sorts of clothing items and looks that I never gave myself permission to before, it's really tough sometimes to know whether I look as good to others as I do to myself... and whether I look good in a "boys in skirts" kind of way, or bad in an "a man in a dress" kind of way, if you follow my meaning.
Glad to have come across your channel. Hope your journey is going well since you first made this video; hope you're doing swell, and looking forward to watching your other videos!
PS I'm also a Leo and live for affirmation haha.
I'd like to recommend the channel "week of fitz", which is driven by black and queer artist ari fitz. Ari is afab, but has a very masculine body structure, she experiment a lot with gender in her clothing choices, and it's really fun and exciting to see her grow in her expression!
AH I love Ari I follow her on Instagram! I've never checked out her channel, but I will now - thanks for the rec!
I also have the same issue. I found out I'm amab non binary person. But when I looked at these people wearing dresses I didn't think it was a good idea. I only thought "I'm going to look like I want to be a woman or just a man in a dress". I only wear tight jeans instead of loose ones and have many jewlery (I only need earrings). I think I should only get rid of my facial hair to look 100% non binary but I'm not sure yet.
Plus size amab non binary person here I either use Jacamo or Asos x
non binary people can differ drastically from each other in terms of the way they dress and act
Im afab nonbianary and i feel similar limitations. I feel like it would be inappropriate for me to wear a dress sometimes because I make the choice not to shave. I also feel uncomfortable in situations where because of my clothes I might be read differently and possibly harassed in a one gendered space like a public restroom.
Thanks for sharing
wooo...there's a lot to unpack here. let's just say that dresses are not the only way to communicate with clothing that one is NB. Unfortunately, as AMAB, you need to lean fairly heavily into femme expression in order to not be read as masculine - many studies have shown that people's perceptive systems tend to default towards perceiving masculinity (largely explained with evolutionary logic that I find kind of sus). In western cultures, appearing more femme through clothing involves working with a much broader range of textures and silhouettes than is found in masculine themed clothing. Also there is a *lot* in *how* you wear the clothing. By that I mean body language, especially posture. Again, remember that it is easier to present a masculine image than a feminine one, and this goes double when you have masculine bone structure.
Presenting as NB (which I have done for years by subverting masculine assumptions) doesn't mean presenting an "average", but I found it necessary to consciously add feminine signalling, in order to derail people's assumptions. This can take a variety of forms as discussed above, but I should also add that working with eye makeup is another big help, as eye shape is both a social *and* phenotypical signifier of feminine gender
I think tatoos are a good thing to look into, I'm saving up for one with masculine and fiminine aspects
For me, I'm thinking having two plaid skirt, but mainly skinny Jean's, like edgy stuff to dress amab, but for soft stuff, I'm thinking big sweater. Like the one they're wearing in the video video but oversized
This is a long time ago but I think you would look super cute in pants and a tight high neck shirt og blouse with some lace detail. 😍
I just want to find something that I can wear to express my feminine side that’s not a dress or skirt. I’m just not comfortable wearing those or high heels. But I like pastel colors.
I know how you feel, although I don't mind wearing heels from time to time.. It'll be interesting to see how non-binary fashion develops over the next few years as visibility & representation of the non-binary community (hopefully!!) increases. Also pastels are great, good pastel looks are incredible!
could you please put a flashing lights warning in the title?? the video transitions were a bit scary,, especially 1:05
will do, thanks for the suggestion. Sorry it didn't have a warning in the first place, I'll be sure to add them to future videos
I’m really new to this and I think I may b amab non binary. I thought I was alone in not loving dresses lol. In fact I don’t love wearing dresses or showing much skin, does anybody have any NB fit ideas?
Sub Gained 🙌
hello, amab genderflux nb here and the only wisdom i have is that if you want to be femme but don’t want to wear dresses, skirts and a t-shirt are a pretty good combination. i often wear a grey shirt, black skirt (sits a little bit above the knee) and big heavy boots of some kind (usually docs). that usually makes me feel pretty nonbinary as i’m combining traditionally masculine and feminine clothing (any aussies here will know of jay jays and dangerfield they’re pretty good stores)
I would sent this to my bf who came out as non-binary but he had light sensitivity and has seizures, you put a content warning but the flashing is in random parts and Its not needed to understand the content
I feel very unwelcomed to the enby community because I’m biologically male, I feel all most outcasted, I can’t explain it... anyone else feel the same?
As an AMAB with hypermasc features even other enbies (mostly AFAB) didn't recognise me as part of the community, but interestingly a number of my trans-male and lesbian friends immediately did and were super supportive. I can't speak for the whole enbie community as I only know what it's like where I live but there is so little AMAB visibility that unless you're AFAB no one will identify us as enbies or worse assume its some sort of appropriation or "tourism".
firstly, the music is a distraction. the snare and backward snare is too intrusive. it could put me off watching any further vids of yours. the 'strings' are too fussy and high pitched.
regarding presentation. i dont like masculine looks - suits/ties/slacks/brogues/wrist watches - just awful, completely bland. i prefer femme clothing but feminine looks don't suit my male looking face/body. i'm not over weight but i'm classically broad chested/shouldered, plenty of facial and body hair and thinning on top. i'm 50.
my 'look': i tend to buy unisex clothes - skinny/slim fit jeans/tees with cap sleeves/nicely cut shirts/suit jackets/baseball tees and so on, all in fairly block colours, reds/blues/blacks/greens and then use accessories for added colour and adding personal touches. i'm a big fan of glitter in small doses - i've got sparkly socks/gloves and scarves etc. i like femme jewellery, classic not bling. i like pin badges and brooches. when i'm out for the evening most times i'll wear foundation, mascara, a little eye liner and some highlighter - it's a very natural look. if i've a beard, (my wife likes some stubble - i hate it - i sometimes grow it for her), i'll go a bit easier on the make-up. i don't find masculine hairiness paired with femme softness a good look.
footwear tends to be baseball boots/desert boots/pumps. i've tried and tried for years to find some non-leather biker boots, here in the uk, in a size that fits me but i've had zero luck. there are plenty of 'women's' up to a size 8 but beyond that, the very few i've seen in my size i've just not liked the style. it's been a source of frustration because i really like the look of boots and slim fit jeans.
i really can't imagine myself looking good in a skirt or a dress. i've looked for years online at hundreds of 'women's' clothes websites and try to i imagine them on me and i just dont feel that my shape would be complimentary. one other thing i love doing is painting my nails. i've got a ton of colours. i think blues are my favourite closely followed by purples. i've been thinking recently of investing in a couple of wigs. not to cover my baldness up but as way to swap around my look on certain occasions - i used to love plaiting/knotting my hair and tying bits of ribbon and string and beads and whatnot into it.
anyhow i enjoyed your vid Kirk despite the music (the music wasn't bad, just distracting) and i've subscribed.
two other things - i despise the term cross dressing - 99% of clothes aren't gendered.
regarding my gender. i'm AMAB. i dont feel like a man, i dont feel like a woman. i have no concept of those things. i've asked other men, who've questioned my gender non-conformity, to show me, what we both have in common regarding behaviours/emotions/feelings/thoughts etc, (physical/sexual attributes aside of course), that women will never have any experience of, and i've never gotten an answer. all i have is my personal experience which is a human one.
Hey Tom thank you for sharing! Looking back on this now, I have to fully agree with you about the music. It's a critique I've gotten before and something that I am taking into account on new videos.
Even though it sounds like there are some frustrations there, I love that you have such a strong sense of what you do and don't like for yourself clothing-wise. It seems a little backwards that clothing, one of the most personal forms of expression, is produced in such an impersonal, cookie-cutter way. Hopefully with the increase in visibility of gender non-conforming people we will see a parallel rise in clothes that don't cling to rigid gender roles so much: expanded shoe choices, traditionally "gendered" clothes made for a variety of body types, etc. Personally, my ideal situation would be a line of dresses specifically made for AMAB people's bodies. Also I love the idea of treating wigs more like an accessory... I may have to steal that from you...
@@Kirk_CIAF frustrations indeed - for the lack of choice in footwear sizes and for the boxy, boring cuts of most men's clothes and, of course, frustrations about the conservative views of society in general regarding rigid gender roles. (and also for not having a more androgynous body - in my teens and early 20s i was a skinny waif and 'women's clothes always fit me nicely - i spent my thirties and early 40s dressing down because of the change in my physique).
steal away. onwards and upwards my friend. Tx
Try makeup?
What do dresses have to do with any of this? Do you people really understand gender?
I don't get it. What is non-binary? Much of gender roles are arbitrary. I'm a homo sapien with an x y chromosome... im not non-binary, im not agender, i just don't care.
Do you also not know how to google. Seriously ...
@@schonlingg.wunderbar2985 I still don't get it. It's fucking dumb.
Hey there! Gonna dive deep for this explanation because sometimes that's what it takes. Gender roles aren't arbitrary, they've been meticulously constructed over hundreds of years to suit the purposes of Western society. The history of the West begins with an incredibly gendered act: male-dominated groups overthrowing the existing matriarchical societies which existed across what we now call Europe. Since then, women and womanhood have been regarded as distinct from men and maleness, and often considered inferior as well.
To drastically summarize: this is a pattern which has continued and evolved over centuries to become the incredibly strict gender binary we know today. In a sense, you're right: there are no traits that are inherent to any gender (men aren't better at math, women aren't fragile, etc.), but the way society views these traits as gendered isn't arbitrary. The word arbitrary implies that these traits were distributed at random, or came about through random processes. What actually happened is that a group in power (men) repeatedly exercised their power and built structures with that power (government, the church, social norms) to keep women oppressed. Gender roles are one of those power structures, and even if there isn't one single person who decided what gender roles should be, they came about through the actions of an oppressor class, not at random.
Non-binary is a term used to describe a gender experience that doesn't fit neatly into "masculine" or "feminine." It can be an umbrella term that encompasses expressions like genderfluid or agender, but can also be used as a specific term describing identity, as in "I am non-binary." I tend to use it as the latter, and that usage is pretty similar to "gender non-conforming," but without the assumption of what it means to be gender conforming.
Gender is fluid. It's normal to feel like certain gender identities don't fit right. It's not my place to prescribe to you what your gender identity is, but the reality is that you have one whether you're prepared to label it or not. If you don't feel like the binary gender that was assigned to you at birth, then by definition you fall under the umbrella of non-binary. If you feel like you don't have a gender at all, then you might be agender, because that's what that word means.
Labels aren't permanent. Using one and then changing it later doesn't make you a fake, it makes you a human being trying to figure themselves out. For the record, "Questioning" is a valid label and always has been. I considered myself "genderfluid" for a while because that label felt loose enough to allow room for change, but was structured enough for me to clearly state that I was not a man.
Again, I won't prescribe your identity to you, and not wanting to label yourself is fine. So far, I've interpreted your gender apathy as confusion or reluctance to come to terms with your gender identity for whatever reason. The other way to interpret it is to see you as a cis man whose dislike of queer identifications masks their discomfort at what those identifications imply: that cisness and maleness aren't the default, aren't "normal;" they are one set of identities out of many that exist. Cis men often use apathy, ignorance, and the idea that "it doesn't matter, we're all the same" to erase queer identities. It's hard to tell for certain which of the two interpretations is correct.
In any case, I hope this helps clear up some of your confusion.
TL;DR
- Gender roles aren't "arbitrary," they have been constructed by centuries of socialization
- Non-binary = I don't identify with a binary gender (extreme summary)
- Gender is fluid, but everyone in society has a gender identity, even if that identity is "I don't have a gender"
- Labels are important, they give oppressed people power, don't let anyone erase or diminish your identity!
Love always, kirk
@@Kirk_CIAF Thanks for taking the time to explain.
i'm an amab arab
Okayyyy I've got a question. Why do you call yourself AMAB? What does assignment at birth have to do with anything? Clearly your biology is still male, whether assigned at birth or not.
So why don't you just call yourself a male non-binary person? Whyyyyyyy this obsession with assignment at birth? It sounds like youre implying the doctor was wrong about your biology at your birth. Please explain. Clearly your biology is male, not just at birth, but right now as well. What the doctor assigned you at the time of your birth about your biology makes no difference. It's a biological reality that's true even now
This identity sounds like bs to me.