What to Do with Sentimental Items from a Loved One Who Died
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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I donated many of my Mom's things when she passed away. Sold the furniture, House, Car, etc...Then was left with MOUNTAINS of nick-knacks, Collector Plates, Crystal vases she collected...Those left me with massive guilt (along with my Mom's best friend that judged me every step of the way, will no longer speak to me) I made up my mind that these items were not mine, my taste or my choosing. So I had to let go. I stopped allowing others in my head to judge me on this journey. I sold many of them on EBay & Etsy. I still have more...But it was mentally liberating to break away from "stuff" it's just stuff! And this stuff won't bring my Mom back...
When my mother passed away, the first thing I did was ring Womens Refuge and they sent around some people to take everything they could use to help set up homes for abused women and children. I thoroughly recommend doing this if you can.
So generous, and so smart!
PERFECT IDEA❣️ Thank you!!! I needed this!!!
Just wanted to add in what I did when I inherited my mom's 12 place settings of Noritake china and Waterford crystal. 12 COMPLETE settings with all the bells and whistles. I worked with a local antique dealer who waved their fee after hearing what I wanted to do. We put them all up in the shop and when they sold, I donated all the money to an organization called Foster Care 2 Success. A program that helps foster kids go to college. A woman heard of what I would do with the money, so she bought the whole set. The dealer made the check out and someone has gotten help with books or tuition. Just another idea to the many great ones listed.
What a wonderful story!
BEAUTIFUL❣️ Thank you!!!
Let's get to the point. If the "thing" holds sentimental thoughts but you don't have room or need or, e.t.c for it - take a picture of it and get rid of it. It's the memories it holds. It's not the person, it's a thing. You don't have to keep the "thing" but you will keep the memories.
What this woman is saying is absolutely true. I lost my husband 10 years ago. After two years, I was ready to sell our home. Of course I was downsizing into a apartment and realistically I knew I couldn’t keep it all, so I scaled everything down. I gave a lot of things away to young couples who were just starting families, and were in dire need for things, and I was happy to hand it over to them. The things that I did take to the apartment I held on to for a while. Then I noticed every couple years I would start looking through things. The bottom line is if you’re not sure whether to part with something from a deceased relative, sibling or spouse, then the answer is no. But like she said you’ll notice the shift and when that uncertain feeling shifts and becomes a feeling of certainty then you know that you are ready. In regards to clothing I had a quilt made out of my husband’s clothing. It’s beautiful! It’s a way of keeping things, especially clothing and accessories that you were used to seeing on the person it’s a way to keep them without all that packaged clutter. You can make jewelry out of shirt buttons and you can make Ottomans or table runners out of a spouse’s , brother’s or father’s ties. It’s just a really great way to save things without them taking up a lot of space and being sealed up and tucked away. That way with the quilt or the jewelry or the ottoman things are out and you see them. You look at these things, and you remember certain shirts, or pants that your loved one used to wear. But always remember if you’re not sure, then the answer is NO for the time being. Great segment!
GOOD GOD THAT WOMAN IN THE AUDIENCE TALKED TOO MUCH. I almost turned it off.
I know 😂😂 I had to skip ahead a bit.
Yes she went on a lot. I wanted her to get to the point
I am at this point too. My Mum and Dad are both gone and I have been living in the family home (I was born just around the corner 53 yrs ago & it has always been where I have come back to) and slowly decluttering their possessions (& mine!) over the last 9yrs. My brother has now retired and the house is jointly owned by us so it has to be sold this year. Now I have a time limit to get rid of around 80% of all sentimental and everyday items as the place I am going to is tiny. It is like ripping off a plaster some days and my nerves feel like they are on the outside of my skin. It is certainly an interesting situation to go through! Taking photos of things is helping though I still struggle sometimes. If I could click my fingers and make it all ‘sorted’ I would as it is very emotionally draining. Just another lesson to me to own less, no one will be there to sort my stuff when I die (no kids) so I may as well jettison it all now, as responsibly as possible. Hopefully my sanity ( what remains!) will be intact. Be well 🌹
Yes! Everyone has a different time table.
My current home is a small studio walkout unit under a larger house. Listening to this video inspired me to count the rooms (including my unit): 2 bathrooms, 3 living rooms, 4 bedrooms, 2 kitchens with dining space, and a sun room. 12 separate ROOMS!!!
There's also a 3k foot 2-story bldg, which the family calls "the barn."
The lovely grandmother/owner passed last April, and the family is still attempting to sort thru the lifetime of possessions, during each break their kids have from school... trekking from out of State to conquer "the collection."
This experience has positively altered my relationship not only to my (still living) mother, but to THINGS, in a profound and tangible way. Thank you for this video, which further supports what I'm witnessing 💓
Different for everyone.
My situation is one where I have the juxtaposition of two parents who are now gone. Beautiful things - but a hoard. Narcissistic parents - but I appreciate who they were earlier in life, even though I was golden child, switched to scapegoat. A sister a few doors away - who thought it was cruel and wouldn’t have been approved of by Mom, that there’s probate at all. One relative who thinks I should just get rid of the house. An old family friend - who probably thinks my concentration should be on spending the next few years appreciating, sorting through and donating my parents belongings to appropriate museums and other entities. A friend who is helping me to clear the property and I do buy her lunch/dinner when she helps - but she has been hinting at moving in with me (and would love for me to just throw everything in the place away, because her standard of living is a TV and a mattress on the floor.
Fortunately, I have my own mind and am not easily swayed. Still, I am in trouble, with the amount of STUFF! Hard to just hurl everything out. I also know that outsiders have ZERO appreciation for my parents’s work. Moving as fast as I can, considering there’s no power, no water, my sister’s already broken in, going against the court. I also HHHATE summer heat! Still have to maintain the exterior also.
Hi there hun. How are you doing with things now?
Sir Ryan and Sir Joshua, I just had a massive "breakthrough", or "light bulb moment"' thanks to you. I am currently watching and reading everything that you two offer, and I get insight from each video, each documentary, each book. (Forgive me, I'm trying hard to pay off debts from my life before I started to learn that "retail therapy" wasn't helpful. At all. So I don't have Patreon in my budget at this time, but when I am available I definitely will be subscribing).
My breakthrough was when Joshua mentioned having fewer items made those items more valuable!!! See, I come from a long line of collectors. My mom and dad both worked really hard, and their free time was spent with so many different types of collections, too long to list. My collection (please don't judge me) is vintage Barbies. My childhood was tumultuous, but my dad would literally get down on the floor and play Barbies with me, a big deal for the tough guy that he was.
I don't buy the insanely priced $3000 vintage Barbies. I have the ones saved from my childhood. And I almost exclusively buy on the secondary market, so as not to add to the global problem of overpackaging and the damage that plastic does.
But I realized just now, that if I only had, say 10 dolls, as opposed to the approximately 100 I have now that those ten dolls would automatically become so much more valuable to me! You guys are probably saying, "duh". But my parents' example was to GROW their collections, and that's where I was at. Even though it went against my realization that my clutter was NOT creating a soothing or peqceful living environment. It would be very simple for me to downsize my collection, as when I last moved I donated over 70 Barbies to the Salvation Army (no Goodwill here in Nova Scotia, unfortunately). I was happy in the knowledge that some girls - or boys - who got the Barbie(s) would give the Barbie lots more time and attention than I had to give.
You both have changed my perspective in a very healthy way, and I'm so grateful. Not just with items, but with the way I search out happiness, peace of mind, and feeling content. Forever grateful.
P.S. If you guys are reading this, you're probably saying, "stop buying Barbies and you can afford to subscribe to Patreon." I get it. I have stopped buying Barbies, I just imagined downsizing my current collection (without evoking anxiety) until now.
Due to long-term post-concussion disorder (the first two concussions I happily earned playing rugby at university) and an intractable seizure disorder, I live in a long-term care home and don't have a huge income.
Also, the staff where I live would probably write you both a thank you letter, because when they come into my room, there are about 100 Barbies staring at them, and that freaks some of them out. 🤣
😡I wish you would just say it’s a snippet and IT IS MEANT FOR YOUR PATREON! 😡
They gave plenty of good advice in the clip
@@Beth1300 😞🤷🏻♀️
This year has been the toughest year of my life. I started with the 30 day challenge last year and failed. I tried again...started ok and just couldn't make it to the 30 day mark. Enter New Year's Eve and multiple trips to ER which led to my mother's passing at the end of Jan.
I am in the middle of trying to get rid of the clothes that are invading my space at home. Now I have my stuff and now mom's stuff I need to go through. I am not in the right headspace to let my mom's belongings go anywhere. I want to hang on to it all.
I at least put together 1 bag of my clothes I will donate...so I guess that's a start. Thank you @The Minimalists for helping me in this journey.
❤️❤️❤️
Hello Sandy, first I want to say sorry for your loss💗, RIP to your mom🙏. Stop trying to declutter now, instead start outdoor exercises__I do mall walking and outdoor miles walking 7 days a week_ in norCalifornia🌴. Then think of memories of her life, not the ER, doctor visits, etc. My mom was very fiesty, so that brings a smile to my face! Stay busy, then when you feel that burst of energy-(declutter). don't be weighed down and sad, your mom gave you a life to live and be happy-- honor her by doing that, its okay to 😅 laugh, just help others with a smile. Btw, my God is outside, not in a building, lol.
@@bjwilliamsamen.
How are you doing these days?
I lost my grandma in 2016, my cousin and dad in 2017 and another cousin 7 months after that. Grandma had all her items labeled with masking tape and sharpie as to who she wanted to give her belongings to. She was a very organized lady and had a comfortable understanding of her mortality. I had received a few items from her, a cedar chest and some odds and ends. When dad passed the experience was completely different with his possessions. Dad thought he was gonna pull through after being sick for a year. 5 months before he passed I went through his apartment not knowing if he was going to live or die. I packed up his belongings putting the items he would use if he pulled through at the opening of a storage unit. He unfortunately passed in December of 2017. He had no will/estate and never remarried. My siblings and I went through who gets what and divided up his possessions. It is difficult while you are grieving however it also brings a sense of comfort and good memories rush in. I kept my dads pocket knives and use them frequently. When my cousin passed suddenly I inherited his electric tea kettle. Every time I use these items I thank my grandma, dad, or cousin. I think the more utilitarian the item the more we use it in our daily lives and are grateful to have had our time with our loved ones. Apologies for the Ted Talk grief and loss I know all too well, thank you for the content as always!
So true. Mom passed a year ago. Her husband is still living. Over the years he sent me books that are toxic to me. I just now, literally 10 minutes ago, know why I have to purge them and have a huge pile leaving the house. I feel so much lighter.
it is hard to let go of parents sentimental items and that I would probably need some help getting rid of all of them...I need to clear my mind and be free of all the clutter and financial stress