Tiffany Haddish - The Ass That Kills - This Is Not Happening
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- When she was younger, Tiffany Haddish made extra cash dancing at bar mitzvahs, but a one-on-one dance with a grandpa took a tragic turn. (Contains strong language.)
Follow Tiffany Haddish on Twitter: @TiffanyHaddish
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Cdrgjkvew
Somewhere out there, some guy went to a movie theater, saw Girl's Trip, and thought "Hey that lady looks like the dancer that killed grandpa at my bar mitzvah"
some one hang on mr. goldberg.
I didn’t know she was light weight a murderer 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
They thanked her 😂
she's a legend, in a strange way 😂
😂 😂 😂
She was probably terrified at the time, and now she turns that into laughter, she a real one out here and I love it
Bucket list: get a lap dance from Tiffany Haddish
That's real comedy
the tears welling up in her eyes man. That story has truth
Read her book.. it's all in there
numanumatard yup yup especially the part where you gotta watch white people while being black and dancing because that’s when white people trap them
Yeah, she was really scared they would lock her up for murder.
Thought it was only me that noticed that
I thought so too. Then I started to think she was high.
“As long as your clothes don’t come off you ight”😂😂😂
i never seen a comedian cry while making people laugh thats pretty powerful
Those are tears of joy
Ali Siddiq telling the story about Mitchell
🥰
Brad williams
I never saw a tear
"This ass kills...and gets paid to kill". That had me rolling XD.
Literally and figuratively. Great all around punchline.
Ass_assin
"He's somewhere in America running from the law. That part was true."
😂
I didn't know to laugh or not, i was just like ...ssss damn.
Ray Shepherd Right lol haha mine too haha...😐
I didn’t know how to feel about that either
James Mason Goodness. Goodness
"Come on and dance with a colored girl....." LMAO!!
What a marvelous way to go
I already knew this one, but Tiffany Haddish is such a great storyteller, and so funny, that I had to watch. It was even better than the first time I watched her telling this story. This woman deserves nothing but fame and fortune.
"He's somewhere in America running from the law. That part was true."
I feel like that part got her emotional 😢 Dam Tiff, I was ready to cry with her
I really want to know if this sorry ass father ever showed up to meet her or to see her show.
$2500 for a single event is not bad. Not bad at all.
Once in two or three months
@@pamirbadakhshan9934 They all talk to each other a lot though (Jewish communities are typically very tight knit) so if you live somewhere with a larger Jewish population, you could easily do 2-3 of these parties a month. Even one a month, at 2,500$ is a liveable income in most places. And you could easily have another job too, since the parties are only 1 work day each. It's a great side hustle or job, depending on your amount of gigs per year.
After 10 years
Everyone skips the $40 part
"I turned around and I hit him with this right here...." 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Bow bow bow bow bow bow!
Cluv22 Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Happens
Where do I sign up to get hit by that 🤔
@@stevenwahl3440 Right? Lol
Such a good story Tiff!!!
@TheRealMrMcCoy haters gonna hate
@TheRealMrMcCoy okay. Your original msg read as a bit differently. She does her job well. Some people support her. End of story. Feel free to not be one of them. 😎
Really missed an opportunity. She's an actual Ass Assassin.
@TheRealMrMcCoy u a sad dude, get better
TheRealMrMcCoy wait so were you at the show that she just recently bombed at or do you just not find her funny at all? I mean you didn’t laugh once at this story right here?
I was seriously picturing Bernie Sanders as the old man in her story with his arms raised.
Damn. Somebody's got ESP. I wonder if that's where he was when he had his heart attack a few weeks ago? Hmmm...
He do be out there dancing. Damn man out ran teenagers and 20 year olds when I marched with him to the polls. You needed run cross country to keep up with him, he was gone 😂 he's oddly spry for a man who had a heart attack.
Me too!Lol🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tiff got emotional up there. Like she was bout 2 cry. Maybe it's just me...
Yeah, I was worried watching
@@EMNstar Eyes don't lie . She kept it 2gether. She is strong no matter what was goin on with her. I think it was more 2 the story and she was fighting thru it...
Yeah I think she almost cry twice there...I guess there's something deeper to the story that she didn't share...
@@LadyVoldemort exactly. Most comics turn true pain to laughter some how. Hard 2 ignore pain or not see a woman's pain...
@@LadyVoldemort yeah I saw it twice too. I do believe she kept some painful stuff silent.
This woman is phenomenal she’s so funny and a great storyteller
Heeeeeeelllllll no. 🤣😂😆😆😆😆
@@mr.motivation3797 Stop hatin
Eh...
Who skips all of the intros?
Yup.
Everyone who values time
Ari’s were better
Charles McHaley they were still kinda shit ... just more ... shit going on ...
Super annoying.
When I saw her eyes, I almost lost it myself bc I felt her emotion. What a story.
Gives a whole new meaning to the word 'assassin' 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Joshua Hammond wtf
BEAT ME TO IT!
✌❤
I don’t think I ever laughed as hard as I did after reading this, lolololololololllllllll!!!!!
I was like "Do they want me to run? I don't know!" 😂😂
I didn't know dancing at Bar Mitzvahs was a way to make extra cash.
Brown Guys Who F*!% Podcast wtf is your podcast??? lol
I also would like to know
I think its called being a professional guest and you are the first one to start dancing and you get ppl to dance and stuff. Cuz at places where ppl r shy to be the 1st one on the dance floor which is most places the pro guest gets the party going.
John Tron Two Brown guys and a Blonde Jew talk about dating and race issues :)
Brown Guys Who F*!% Podcast Ima Jew. Been Bar Mitzvahed. Went to many Bar Mitzvahs. Never heard of hiring a professional party member to start the dancing. We all dance. Nobody needs a starter dancer.
She’s hilarious and beautiful. She soooo deserves all her success!
Mexican got on boots
🔪🔪🔪
Only the real fans know
MITCHELL.....THIS AINT GONNA BE GOOD
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@dlein93 gonna get myself a knife from ma boi CiCi
I dont understand how some people can hate on Tiffany. She's so cute and funny and cute.
I love her, she seems like she would be so fun to hang out with!
She would be fun to hang out with if you enjoy contracting venereal diseases...
ANKH-RA 999
You seem like a joy to be around :)
She's so cool and funny, she's refreshing too because she's pretty and grounded at the same time.
she's not funny. she's boring, ghetto, and annoying. quite frankly, what the fuck is wrong with you fucking morons that think this is funny.? It isn't, at all.
the black people stoning her now... when they were singing her praises..smh
😂😂😂 Tiffany Hadish is genuinely funny and just genuine af
I read this story in her book but I still love to listen and watch her explain it 🤣
jbaby007 do you recommend her book?
@@HaloHighlightz @ A. Bannister, it's better to buy the audio version of it.
she has told this story hundreds of times as a part of her set... really wasted an episode on this one.
Roy Wood Jr. I was an associate of your father Roy Wood at the National Black Network and remember you coming to the station for the first time to catch him off-guard. He would be proud that you got the right genes.
I don't understand the tiff hate. She got Amy Schumer tf outta here and she deserves that spot way more than that scrub
Hoes Onmadiq I mean it’s like drinking from the hose instead of the toilet. Just because she’s an improvement doesn’t mean she’s not annoying af. I wanted her to be funny in this, but nah, she’s still trash. Just not as trash a Schumer
@@lmcdermott96 I mean you may not like her. There may be alot of people that dont like her. But theres alooooytytt more people that like her then norm what am saying is. Schumer is trash. Haddish is funny but she's every where and watered down
@@lmcdermott96 drinking from the hose is the shit tho. Terrible analogy for people who got locked outside as kids.
Hoes Onmadiq it’s still not ideal and it makes ya sick, so I’d say the analogy fits well.
Micheal Williams a lot of people love trump too, so A lot of people are idiots obviously. I’ve given Haddish a fair shake with this, a couple other bits and shit, and nothing she’s said has made me laugh inside or out. She’s just obnoxious really. And bruh when she was in Vegas, that shit was empty af. They had a whole area and entrance roped off and they’re were trying to pull people in to watch her perform 😂 it was kinda sad
The best send off any old man could ask for!
The true assassin is that damn laugh in the background
Or haddish paid her to be there...
codee comah there’s somebody like that in every video
Mr. Goldberg died doing what he loved.
"I hit 'em with this right here officer, is my bootie deadly? Is this a weapon?"
Swear I read this at the exact moment she said it.
@Joshua Hammond dtarted at 6:30
@Michael Davenport If that's not funny!then your a corpse
Jewish and black humor makes a great combination.
Tiffany Haddish is a national treasure
What? She sucks not even a little bit funny
Yeah a real national treasure...lmao
She fuckin suuucks
The shit she aint
She bombed right after getting called out by Kat Williams after he questioned her comedic skills. She got booed off stage cause she can't perform comedy, but she can act funny
I’ve heard the joke before and still clicked because Tiff is fire 😍
No.
mmm no she isn't. she's not funny. she's boring, ghetto, and annoying. quite frankly, what the fuck is wrong with you fucking morons that think this is funny.? It isn't, at all.
@@Sanctifiers you stupid
@@Sanctifiers STFU you copy & paste the same shit on other posts' 😂😂😂 you're fuckin lame.
I can't seem to get her jokes.
Never been a Tiff Haddish fan per say but this just smacked me over the head hard af, I’ve been missing out on Sis 👏🏾🤣
I already knew this story and I still cackled all the way through. She is a treasure.
I'm in love with this chick....shes beautiful and hilarious
Get in line
I LOVE HER!!!!! She's fucking awesome! And I bet it does kill...
And she sound as black as possible
@@annabelle6197 There is no such thing a sounding black, does she sound like she came from a ghetto area yeah. But that is it
Funny , sweet courageous and beautiful on so many levels.
My adopted daughter (I don’t think she knows, but she probably doesn’t mind), Tiffany Haddish.
Knew nothing of Tiffany until SNL, and that was pretty good.
Is it just me... or is she non-stop likeable?
It's also me but we might be the only two lol
Nope, you're right!
I love some haddish too fam. 😍😂
It's not just you, but you're definitely in the minority! She's not funny
@@setfree8218 Uhhh..did you WATCH this clip? Also, have you read the other comments? You're the one who's in the minority on that.
I'm never tired of this story, I could listen to her every segment on repeat
I started slipping "Mitzvah" into my dirty talk... it did not work.
lmfaoooo statements like this are why the comments section was created
Keep trying
in the last 4 hours?
Try it with an accent
Trill25 Mane lmao forreal 😂😂😂
I’m not getting hit with no pine cones 😂😂
Soooooo we gonna ignore the fact Tiffany killed someone😂
😂😂😂
I thought she was gonna say "this ass kills! And it pays the billssss!" Kick ass story lol
Are we all going to walk past the fact that Roy Wood Jr. was fixing to have a hot tub three way with his clone selfs?
Lmmfao
so would that be considered gay, or masturbation?
I think I would be some form of self-mutilation.
Wouldn't know, I skipped it.
I now have my answer to Katt Williams’ question “what’s my favorite Tiffany Haddish joke?”
This my favorite joke so...
I don't fully understand how people think this is unfunny... this shit is hilarious!
Sleepy All The Time j well I heard this story already with the same delivery from her before so it wasn’t as funny for me
misogyny/racism
Joshua Hammond all of it, you might have a different opinion but I thought this was hilarious🤷🏻♀️
B Moore what did you think of it the first time?:)
maryandchild maybe, or maybe people have a different opinion but there’s definitely a stereotype of women being unfunny which is bull.
Raise your hand if you want Tiffany to host your Bar/Bat Mitzvah right now at whatever age you are right TF now! ✋🏼
Valley Girl - I want her to be my best friend and call me up everyday and tell me her funny stories 😀😜
Here before the Haddish haters. Spread Love everyone...take care
I don't like her
I don't hate. I just don't see why people enjoy her... I keep watching her to see if she gets funnier
Chill kid
"When you get on a Bar show your Mitzvah..." That is probably the funniest thing I've heard all week
She is the most interesting person to me. Love any and everything she does. She just keeps amazing me!!!
Bobby Emerson wow
Damn you need more people in your life,her stand up is like amateur night at the Apollo!
"Come on, dance with a colored girl!" DYING.
This story has so much truth she got emotional up there
She's so strong for delivering this snd making it into smth ppl can laugh at
Tiffany Haddish is the only comic who is guaranteed to get me to literally Laugh Out Loud.
Starts at 1:02
This had me dying, I've been sleeping on Tiffany Haddish
I wish I could hangout with her for just one night. She's fucking hilarious and seems like shes super genuine and sweet.
She is so f'n great. So engaging, so smart, so expressive. We are lucky to have her here.
The tears in her eyes SCREAM that the story is true. Oh My Gosh 🤣
She had me rollin. Lordt! Them bar mitzvahs be WILD!
Tiffany is one of the funniest comedians out there right now! She’s one of the only ones who can make me just bust out laughing when I’m sad!
I just finished reading the book so I knew the whole story and I still laughed my milk out my nose.
🌹 RIP GRANDPA GOLDBERG 🌹
Oh my god, I love her accent, I don't understand it all though. I'm watching you from Iraq, all the love.
Grandma: What did u think bar mitzvah meant Tiffany: I thought it meant to get on the bar & show ur mitzvah. Boooooo !!!
Putting the “Ass,” in “Assassin.”
"The Ass That Kills", top three TINH's ever! Great job Tiff!
The lady laughing on the audio is cracking me up! 🤣🤣😆😆
My Great-Grandma killed a man with dance too. He had s heart attack on the dance floor. His family thanked her for showing him the time of his life, but they didn’t tip her !
How can you not tip someone who showed your loved one the time of his life? 😭
died of joy
The laugh at 2:05 in the back got me cracking up without hearing the actual jock🤣🤣
Had to go back and hear the punch line🤣
Best story EVER! lmao so funny. Her and Lavell Crawford had the funniest stories
That was by far the BEST This Is Not Happening I have seen yet. I love the story but I love the way it's told much more!
I love how she does have the same bits but phrases in different ways, making it still so hilarious and so engaging each and every time.
I love listening to her share the gift of storytelling & raw comedic timing is addictive. Not to mention You are Fine @TiffanyHaddish !
"as long as yo clothes dont fall off you be good" lmaoo
So honest and drop dead funny every time! The jewel of the up and coming comedy world.
Girl, damn it you made me get all kinds of choked up! TY for sharing a piece of your story.
years later i am seeing this and funny as hell😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Short but quality, she's a great storyteller
Ayyy I lived right down the street from her on 54th and 7th!
Tiffany, your super-secret assassin code name is: "The Ass-Assassin!" 🤣 great story thanks for sharing!
The beauty of tiffany haddish is that shes a master storyteller! And you can picture everything she is telling you.
Great personality. This girl's awesome!
Steven Romero haha she's a racist whore. Always talking about sex.
My favorite female comedian 😂❤️
Redd Foxx was the master of X rated jokes but Tiffany Haddish nailed it with her funny jokes
I love her so much 😍😘😘
She is a fighter ...
She wanted to cry 😪😪this broke my heart ..
.but funny 😅😂😂😁😁
Tiffany:You wanna dig it grandpa
Grandma:let’s dig it
Me:💀💀
She put the "ass" in assassin! I love Tiffany Haddish.
I love me and HADDISH!!! She doesn't have to your type of comedy, just be proud she's doing her thing and made it!
Being from L.A. originally, I could relate to her descriptions of the cops & the huge Jewish community there. Ms. Haddish is SO L.A. that it hurts ! 🤣
Pain can become joy. Rip Grandpa great story.
That's a story and a half👏🏾
Ending got me rolling. 😭
What a cool story! Old feller died happy!
Dag Tiffany Haddish stories, I mean jokes are crazy! But then again that really happened!😶
I used to live in Westlake, my friends Jewish and I showed her this and she went damn that sounds like it would have been better than my bot mitzvah
This is so sad and adorable. She just wanted him to dance.