I've been on this planet 43 years and have never seen anyone use silent treatment in such a "positive" way you have described. The silent treatment is a manipulative tool used by emotionally immature people to avoid their own anxiety
I really want to take time to express my gratitude for all that you share. 🙏🏽 You have a way of communicating which really helps to reframe and understand the many levels of relationship dynamics. 💜
Thanks for one more live Briana! The way you express things is so insightful! It really helps me to find balance and peace when reflecting about my doubts, expanding the search for resolutions in a positive and flexible way 😁
So if you tell a DA you go at their pace they will pull away because there is no challenge and if you set boundaries and tell them you want to be closer to them they will also pull away because they feel smothered ? OK got it...........
I'm an avoidant, husband in anxious attachment. We've been married 7 years now, together totally for 10. It can work but... It's difficult. Patience, understanding...more patience.
The last two live stream videos where highly structured for me. You have done that facades of work to reach that level of understanding explaining and teaching and i want to express that appreciation. So many of the things you explained in this video and the former one ..are so playing in my life.. currently only in therapy that "lights my attachment system like a Christmas tree" .. you sure have brilliant expressions. I am doing work suggested by you and other who luckily put the effort to educate the receptive.. glad i live in RUclips era. Hope at some point i can truly say and feel that " i can deal with what ever comes ... And IT IS all information" .. so far i struggle holding the visceral sensetion s triggered ... The racing thoughts and emotions. Its not easy. I know you know and have gone a long way your self and thus i trust your process leads. Thank u and marry Christmas.
I would like to say, if someone is secure with themselves why would you need to earn anyone's love. Why would anyone want someone to earn there love? They love you or they don't I thought!
Such wonderful insights. Thank you for the great guidance you're offering. You are bringing me more clarity and your articulate words and tools to me help navigate a complex relationship. You're immensely helpful to find my core in this and to put my relationship on a safer path.
EXTREMELY CONFUSING & PAINFUL for an anxious attatchment with an avoidant partner/friend 😔 Is there no hope having a relationship with an avoidant if they just keep u as a friend but interested yet push/pull & keeps his single life, emotionally unavailable/detatched, a gorgeous alpha, confident, charismatic man, but won't let that barrier down to have an attatchment, I wouldn't probably be able to have anything anyway with me being so anxious with his confident very friendly, independent, personality...so do u just walk away i guess? Is so hard if u both have an attraction, but he can keep himself & emotions seperate.....I can't!!.😔 I had to break it - to nothing!!! But still feel so much 😔 Can u turn an avoidant around to feel safe & want the same - to want to have something?? How do u get them to feel safe & be honest & open up with you??
I am in this exact same situation, sometimes you HAVE to go with your head and NOT your heart! it is always going to be a struggle because attachment styles touch on a very deep-rooted childhood trauma that is almost impossible to overcome without therapy. You have to do what is best for you first, or it'll be a never ending cycle! I am an anxious preoccupied myself and I'm telling you it's not worth all the emotional pain of crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if they officially abandoned you or not, it's an emotional roller-coaster I just can't deal with anymore imo. There is NO greater pain than telling someone you have feelings for and love about your pain and being ignored it triggers something primal in me and personally; it's mentally scarring. God bless and best of luck to you! you have to love yourself more than others sometimes and I know that's hard as it goes against the open hearts core belief system of loving unconditionally
@@wesley6442 Thankyou Wesley 🙏 Well talk about a 360, I'm not 100% but pretty sure after seeing photos of him & another female very happy/cosy looking on FB saying what a happy couple, may have a lot to do with it!! Wow how wrong did I have it & blaming myself, feeling not good enough, no answers, I'm just biding my time to have the opportunity to burst his bubble...with my knowledge....very calmly to let him know that I am no fool!! And yes its extremely difficult for the anxious & I have/am seeking help due to obvious childhood issues but being aware doesnt stop the pain of still attracting the wrong people which just gets triggered again when re occurring situations like that happen!! And u believed in them is the worst!! Always more work to be done on thy self, limiting beliefs for sure! 😔 I wish u all the best & thankyou again 🙏
Only if BOTH parties are willing to work on themselves other then that there is no hope especially if your with an avoidant not all but a large amount never work on themselves because they think they dont have a problem open hearts have issues as well but they are more open and honest and willing to work on themselves and with the people they love both suffer trauma core wounds
I gave her space for some weeks haven't seen her in 5 months every few weeks I can't resist emailing and of course no response tried no contact for 6 weeks and I blew that so now I don't even know what to do I guess just be silent no other choice yes I'm anxious and she's avoiding this sucks
Go with a secure type, or maybe even a fellow anxious attachment type and cling to each other! in my experience being with an avoidant is just too painful as an open heart.. I think the avoidant types are really cool but their emotional unavailability is too hurtful sometimes for a sensitive anxiously attached type
Is there a short answer to the question what I can do best to make my avoidant partner come back to me after an argument? He asked for space but it's been a month and my anxiety is through the roof, l want him back at any cost
I’m sure it must be a very difficult position you are in. And I have a lot of empathy for that circumstance. I think you might benefit from watching this playlist on avoidant partners. The short answer is the “I want him back at any cost“ energy that you have, is probably what is keeping him away. I hope this helps. Avoidant Partners ruclips.net/p/PLrMVDDz2c7DNuWCF2Zaw9jWrix4qIqmAw
If someone witnessed a lot of dysfunction in their parents relationship including child grooming will they re enact this in their relationships? Does it normalise the ills?
My ex told me she was coddled and groomed as a child, in my experience with this person they have a very fragile self-esteem and the slightest critique sends them spiraling, even if all I meant was to help then to mature and grow and offer my honest opinion and never meant any offense. I am not saying I am perfect I have my self esteem issues as well but not nearly as much
Rosi I am feeling the same slow so we can process and please Precious Briana could we see a whiteboard. Spell it all out restart from beginning. I’m totally lost.
All these approaches in the end is of a selfish-self-centered approach …. So you go through multiple relationships looking for the unity that being in a relationship is about. Otherwise you may as well stay independant and single. So two people coming together are creating a pod of relationship that is to support and nuture each other. The Christian approach is to be other centered to give and than receive … when both do that you get harmony and better health due to balanced nervous systems… humans are built to be together and find security from the elements… Dr Stan Tatkins talks of ‘secure functioning’ in a relationship where you give sometimes when you do t feel like it but for the sake of the relationship that cares for both. Even an atom has a relationship to electrons… without maintains that relationship we can not exist in materiality… it must uphold its function for the relationship and function to work in a greater reality.
I've been on this planet 43 years and have never seen anyone use silent treatment in such a "positive" way you have described. The silent treatment is a manipulative tool used by emotionally immature people to avoid their own anxiety
Narcissist tool
I really want to take time to express my gratitude for all that you share. 🙏🏽 You have a way of communicating which really helps to reframe and understand the many levels of relationship dynamics. 💜
I agree!
Being silent does not necessarily mean that someone is hiding there own anxiety, just not willing to argue, anymore.
Thanks for one more live Briana! The way you express things is so insightful! It really helps me to find balance and peace when reflecting about my doubts, expanding the search for resolutions in a positive and flexible way 😁
So if you tell a DA you go at their pace they will pull away because there is no challenge and if you set boundaries and tell them you want to be closer to them they will also pull away because they feel smothered ? OK got it...........
Minutes 18:00-24:00 - so helpful to me. I have gained an important insight into myself, and a way to articulate it. Thank you!
Kate Lorenz Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Such a helpful video..given me lots of answers and helped me to move on. Thanks
This video hit really hard when it comes to sadness and being okay to feel that. Thank you
I'm an avoidant, husband in anxious attachment. We've been married 7 years now, together totally for 10. It can work but... It's difficult.
Patience, understanding...more patience.
The last two live stream videos where highly structured for me. You have done that facades of work to reach that level of understanding explaining and teaching and i want to express that appreciation. So many of the things you explained in this video and the former one ..are so playing in my life.. currently only in therapy that "lights my attachment system like a Christmas tree" .. you sure have brilliant expressions. I am doing work suggested by you and other who luckily put the effort to educate the receptive.. glad i live in RUclips era. Hope at some point i can truly say and feel that " i can deal with what ever comes ... And IT IS all information" .. so far i struggle holding the visceral sensetion s triggered ... The racing thoughts and emotions. Its not easy. I know you know and have gone a long way your self and thus i trust your process leads. Thank u and marry Christmas.
Efrat Thank you! Much appreciated.
I think I’m a Fearful Avoidant Rolling Stone.
Great video thank you 🙏 checking in from Melbourne Australia ❤️
I would like to say, if someone is secure with themselves why would you need to earn anyone's love. Why would anyone want someone to earn there love? They love you or they don't
I thought!
Such wonderful insights. Thank you for the great guidance you're offering. You are bringing me more clarity and your articulate words and tools to me help navigate a complex relationship. You're immensely helpful to find my core in this and to put my relationship on a safer path.
Tamas Moricz Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
EXTREMELY CONFUSING & PAINFUL for an anxious attatchment with an avoidant partner/friend 😔 Is there no hope having a relationship with an avoidant if they just keep u as a friend but interested yet push/pull & keeps his single life, emotionally unavailable/detatched, a gorgeous alpha, confident, charismatic man, but won't let that barrier down to have an attatchment, I wouldn't probably be able to have anything anyway with me being so anxious with his confident very friendly, independent, personality...so do u just walk away i guess? Is so hard if u both have an attraction, but he can keep himself & emotions seperate.....I can't!!.😔
I had to break it - to nothing!!! But still feel so much 😔 Can u turn an avoidant around to feel safe & want the same - to want to have something?? How do u get them to feel safe & be honest & open up with you??
They have to make the decision within themselves to do the work.
I am in this exact same situation, sometimes you HAVE to go with your head and NOT your heart! it is always going to be a struggle because attachment styles touch on a very deep-rooted childhood trauma that is almost impossible to overcome without therapy. You have to do what is best for you first, or it'll be a never ending cycle! I am an anxious preoccupied myself and I'm telling you it's not worth all the emotional pain of crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if they officially abandoned you or not, it's an emotional roller-coaster I just can't deal with anymore imo. There is NO greater pain than telling someone you have feelings for and love about your pain and being ignored it triggers something primal in me and personally; it's mentally scarring. God bless and best of luck to you! you have to love yourself more than others sometimes and I know that's hard as it goes against the open hearts core belief system of loving unconditionally
@@wesley6442 Thankyou Wesley 🙏 Well talk about a 360, I'm not 100% but pretty sure after seeing photos of him & another female very happy/cosy looking on FB saying what a happy couple, may have a lot to do with it!! Wow how wrong did I have it & blaming myself, feeling not good enough, no answers, I'm just biding my time to have the opportunity to burst his bubble...with my knowledge....very calmly to let him know that I am no fool!!
And yes its extremely difficult for the anxious & I have/am seeking help due to obvious childhood issues but being aware doesnt stop the pain of still attracting the wrong people which just gets triggered again when re occurring situations like that happen!! And u believed in them is the worst!!
Always more work to be done on thy self, limiting beliefs for sure! 😔
I wish u all the best & thankyou again 🙏
@@rebeccav7420 🙏🙏 I think i had it all wrong...
Spot on @@wesley6442
So basically there's no chance in making it work
Only if BOTH parties are willing to work on themselves other then that there is no hope especially if your with an avoidant not all but a large amount never work on themselves because they think they dont have a problem open hearts have issues as well but they are more open and honest and willing to work on themselves and with the people they love both suffer trauma core wounds
Danica from Serbia/ Arizona
I gave her space for some weeks haven't seen her in 5 months every few weeks I can't resist emailing and of course no response tried no contact for 6 weeks and I blew that so now I don't even know what to do I guess just be silent no other choice yes I'm anxious and she's avoiding this sucks
Going through something like this as well man. Stay strong ik it’s some of the worst pain you can ever feel
Talk to other woman it helps.
Hi Briana, an American listening in from Abu Dhabi.
how about someone you love, doesn't believe love is real
Go with a secure type, or maybe even a fellow anxious attachment type and cling to each other! in my experience being with an avoidant is just too painful as an open heart.. I think the avoidant types are really cool but their emotional unavailability is too hurtful sometimes for a sensitive anxiously attached type
I think I’m a fearful avoidant rolling stone.
Is there a short answer to the question what I can do best to make my avoidant partner come back to me after an argument? He asked for space but it's been a month and my anxiety is through the roof, l want him back at any cost
I’m sure it must be a very difficult position you are in. And I have a lot of empathy for that circumstance. I think you might benefit from watching this playlist on avoidant partners. The short answer is the “I want him back at any cost“ energy that you have, is probably what is keeping him away. I hope this helps. Avoidant Partners
ruclips.net/p/PLrMVDDz2c7DNuWCF2Zaw9jWrix4qIqmAw
So how do you sustain this whole working hard for love. In a long term relationship?? What a nightmare
I’ve learned the flight response.
I think I’m also a Spice Of Lifer as well as being a Rolling Stone.
If someone witnessed a lot of dysfunction in their parents relationship including child grooming will they re enact this in their relationships? Does it normalise the ills?
My ex told me she was coddled and groomed as a child, in my experience with this person they have a very fragile self-esteem and the slightest critique sends them spiraling, even if all I meant was to help then to mature and grow and offer my honest opinion and never meant any offense. I am not saying I am perfect I have my self esteem issues as well but not nearly as much
How you have to behave when ur avoiding partner come back
Kim from Ohio
I love your work Thankyou for your videos
🤍🤍🤍♥️🤍 cranky pants 😂
Lisa Lacy Iowa
You should release a video on Unrequited Love on You Tube Briana.
Thank you so much.
I don’t have a lot of dating experience.
I’m a Rolling Stone myself.
I love your video. 💝
I fly away myself.
It's not your getting paid for someone to love you.
I think I’m emotionally perceptive and sensitive.
I have my own temperament.
I like all your video, I wish u can speak a little bet slower... Since u give a lot of information.. So we can recive it and process it. Thank 🙇 u
Rosi
I am feeling the same slow so we can process and please Precious Briana could we see a whiteboard. Spell it all out restart from beginning. I’m totally lost.
If you hit the gear icon in the lower right of the video screen you can slow down the playback speed
Angela NS
30:20 ❤
To be silent is not a form of being manipulative, sorry! Why say anything if people don't listen.
Cis gender? So a male and female
Hola
28:30
All these approaches in the end is of a selfish-self-centered approach …. So you go through multiple relationships looking for the unity that being in a relationship is about. Otherwise you may as well stay independant and single. So two people coming together are creating a pod of relationship that is to support and nuture each other. The Christian approach is to be other centered to give and than receive … when both do that you get harmony and better health due to balanced nervous systems… humans are built to be together and find security from the elements… Dr Stan Tatkins talks of ‘secure functioning’ in a relationship where you give sometimes when you do t feel like it but for the sake of the relationship that cares for both. Even an atom has a relationship to electrons… without maintains that relationship we can not exist in materiality… it must uphold its function for the relationship and function to work in a greater reality.
I don’t have a lot of dating experience.