Tex Ruins history as the Italian Navy (Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts) Part 5
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- Опубликовано: 18 фев 2024
- #ultimateadmiraldreadnoughts #ultimateadmiral #blackpantslegion
This is not a serious take on naval history, but more a shitpost thereof. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, Elmo Zumwalt.
The game is Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts: store.steampowered.com/app/10...
In Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts you play as the head of a navy doing what the head of navies do best - spend entirely too much money on holes in the water, or, in laymans terms, ships. You can design very stupid things. I do this.
Music from Epidemic Sound - www.epidemicsound.com 
Игры
![Tex saves the Habsburg dynasty [Part 1] - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vGRNWi344_U/mqdefault.jpg)
As Sacred Cow Shipyards once said: “Water, especially salt water, is liquid hate. It hates moving things. It really hates metal. So it real really hates moving metal things.”
I was just about to reference that same quote. You beat me to it, good sir.
@@ArvexYT lol, same here.
I love how Tex explains Ships are not tanks and proceeds to build a ship like a tank.
I mean battleships are the tanks of the sea......
Is a ship a tank?
Even not as a military vehicle, is a ship full of liquid cargo, also a tank?
Oil tankers come to mind, but what about a ship full of barrels of wine, or cases full of bottles of beer?
Suppose it's just a vehicle, an engine of motion and cargo dosen't matter.
Personally I love how Tex is just talking a whole load of BS , like his call that Cordite was invented by Nobel 😂
The first tanks were called "land ships", soooo... in the words of Tex himself:
"I hate that that's not entirely inaccurate."
I mean, they design them like tanks hoping they'll be like tanks. Then they come out like pre-assembly line guns and cars where nothing fits and no 2 ships are actually alike.
"I'm going to break you, like Americans break the spaghet" - Tex
"i dated a girl once who had alot of weight in the front and it worked out" now thats a dad line if i ever heard one
17:00 Vasa was a good example of a runaway project. The chief architect had died midway of that project and was succeeded by a younger guy who didn't dare to tell king to piss off. And then it happened that the king came across bigger guns, didn't know what else to do with them as hauling them across land with a army was a horrible pain, so the logical question arose "can't we just mount these on a ship?". So instead of lecturing the king on center of gravity and other such things in regards to naval architecture the young architect said "Okay." and got on with the job.
Which then led to the problem of the ship being too top heavy despite the captain trying to rectify the problem by loading extra stuff down in the hull. More water, ammo, things like that. The ship almost keeled over in the dockyard during trials in which captain ordered the test crew to sprint from one side of the ship to the other.
"I don't know which Hapsburg I made mad, but probably all of them"
When your family tree is that much of a straight line, is there really a distinction between individuals? No, no there is not
I thought the Hapsburg's had more of a family wreath than a tree?
I thought they had stolen everyone else's family trees at this point...
“Work in progress for their whole lives”. I feel seen. Thanks Tex, always wanted to be compared to imaginary 1908 Italian warships.
For a moment I couldn't tell if the thumbnail said 'Tex Runs the Italian Navy' or 'Tex Ruins the Italian Navy' before deciding that those sentences are not mutually exclusive anyway.
In some alternate universe Secretary of the Navy Tex is why there are Modular ships by 1930 and LEGO is a shipwright and not a toy manufacturer.
Speaking of "I plan for the future". My old boss used to say: "Whatever you assume it's gonna take, multiply your expectations by the number π." Time, money, resource, effort. Did they say it's gonna be in a day? Assume 3 days and a bit. If you are proven wrong, you are proven wrong and that's okay.
damn - I work in Accounting, so not sure if this applies to bean counters like us. But I willl try remember this and see if my under-expectations will also be proven right (wrong)
Many thanks and good day.
Having spent a good amount of time crawling in and preserving bilges along with being certified as a tank and void inspector, it warms my heart to hear Tex talk about the necessities of paint and preservation for a ships life span.
Im sick as a dog, i just woke up in the middle of the night because i slept all day (God send really) and what do i see? THIS! 2 hours of entertainment at 4 in the morning! THANK YOU!
If an 80 ton mech can be a scout then a battleship can be an escort.
Tex is playing as the Italians, not Steiner. I am still waiting for the Urbie class destroyer to get unleashed.
I love the early Small Battleship hull.
It costs only a tad more than a cruiser and kicks the snot out of those.
After some thought, i figured the Urbie class could not be a destroyer because you are limited to a 5" max main gun and the Urbie needs to have a massive cannon. So I loaded my current save (1926 as the US) and designed an Urbie class BC. It is 35,000 tons, 23kt max speed, light-ish on the armor, and 5 quad barrel 15" turrets with a 15% length increase. Now how it can fire all guns and not roll over is currently unknown, but never doubt the Urbie.
@@SmartDummiesAn Urbie-class destroyer would be an escort with one heavy cruiser gun, one AA mount, and the speed of a fleet oiler.
@@spinetanium3296 that fleet oiler might be too fast. Most supply ships can keep up with the fleet. The Urbie might need a mod to add an outboard motor.
Considering that the fax machine was invented in 1845 and that the Edo era in Japan ended in 1868, it means there was a very brief historical period during which Abraham Lincoln could have sent a fax to a samurai.
That would have been amazingly funny
I could argue over: 'brief' historical period and samurai existence. At least those are the obvious ones.
Ahhhh Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts with Tex, it's a good start to the day/week .
heh, "just choose a name!" dude, remember that we're italians, we went to war over a bucket
The last bucket on earth?
@douglasnelson4592 "La guerra della secchia rapita" translated "the war of the kidnapped bucked", 1325, the winner still has the bucket in a museum, there was even a poem written abut it, no-one does spite like italians, especially since both factions warred 'till 1529 when outsiders invaded so the Guelfi and the Ghibellini made peace just to f*ck someone else for a change
100 rowboats with shoulder fired fun times would be a neat navy
you mean like Somalia?
i think you mean shoulder fired DAVY CROCKET!!!!!!!!!
Irans navy essentially?
those Picos make me sad-you had (arguably super-) dreadnoughts, and decided to make pre-dreadnoughts that are lighter but almost as expensive
God bless the 1 AM Tex uploads. Helps me ignore the cold, and bring cheer to the home.
The Brits with a commonwealth flag makes it look like it got conquered by Australia and/or New Zealand. They replaced Lords Nigel and Oliver with Ministers Bruce and Terry, which would make them slightly less classist and possibly not as inbred with the benefit of maybe being slightly less rubbish at rugby and cricket.
"I'm gonna take this all the way to the Prime Minister.
Oi! Mistah Prime Minister... Andy!!"
Upvoting SPECIFICALLY for the pasta dad joke. It made me smile.
"When you have to change the earth to build your ships, you have a problem" - well, in a way, that was true even for the Montana's - as designed, they were too wide to fit thru the existing locks on the Panama Canal - part of the bill that authorized their construction, also allocated money for widening the locks on the Panama Canal.
to be fair, widening the Panama canal wasn't that bad of an idea, and it was the primary bottleneck in American shipbuilding-actually building them and maintaining them would've been well within the realm of possibility
some of the H series of German battleships would not have been able to dock anywhere, such was their monstrous size
The “don’t you have phones” line still hurts..
"Hello Austro-Hungary," said Tex, "I'm dad."
A nearly 3am Tex Naval Video makes the world a little bit better.
Though, suppose Tex is the Italian Navy it makes sense since its nearly noon in Italy.
I'll never get over the destroyer fleets swarming an enemy for in-game hours to sink four ships, meanwhile battleships can kill a boat before they even know what they sunk.
Different types of terror.
Instant death out of nowhere, or a long, lingering death where your death is assured but you can do nothing about it.
Love this series, thanks for making it
"I'm everyone's favorite forgotten naval power. Emphasis on forgotten. Please forget Maine, and that I invented the dreadnought."
I love watching you play this Tex
I fucking died at the Hapbsburg chin 😂😂😂😂😂 finally humor my tism understands
Absolutely love your presentation, every time I watch I want to buy Dreadnoughts. Then I realize I don't play like you do so it might not be as fun. :)
Again, this is a lot of fun for me. Lots of Tex talks weapons development with some naval combat as dessert. Love it.
Thanks for the videos. I picked up the game after watching this series!
People do tend to forget that the ocean, especially the larger ones, desire nothing more than the flesh and blood of sailors and the bones of ships for it’s meals
The seas hunger and cannot be satisfied.
This has quickly become one of my favorite series on this channel. The absurdity makes me laugh.
My favorite weird interregnum designs. American Cruiser Submarines. No, not the Gato class, the ones where some naval designers heard that the British were making something called a cruiser submarine and thought, "Sweet! Lets make full sized cruisers submerge!"
I cannot express in a succinct word count how much I love this series.
Thank you, The Black Pants Legion and Mr. Tex.
Damnit Tex.
I've got to the mid point of this video every single time I've watched this.
And never finish it because I go to The Courtesy Flush because you say "transport"!
Damn you Tex!
I love Tex's smack talk to other countries, especially as he sinks their navies.
These vids are like a grown up version of School House Rock, you get entertained and educated at the same time
Ah brilliant. A fantastic way to start a Monday, thank you.
I hope one day to see a bertolli class destroyer sometime. Im really enjoying this series. Thank you for making it.
Dude, I just had a right crap of a day at work where I wish there were 5 of me to get 'er done and another one to sit and take the beating from HR. But then I come home and see that Tex has another installment of the Italian Navy, and suddenly my worry is Tah-dah! It's, it's gone!
Thank you, Tex! You brought the light I needed today. I'll make sure to donate for the next BPL fundraiser you do. :)
Fun fact: every compartment of every ship in Tex's navy comes equipped with it's own pasta maker.
And an accordion or an organ grinder music player with a dancing marmoset that wears a bowler hat. His name is Beebo Bojangles. He likes boiled peanuts. He does bite.
The font used for these ones, my brain constantly auto-corrects this into "ruins the Italian navy"
the Sforza is very weird, it's basically a pre- or semi-Dreadnought fast battleship, something which obviously never existed in the real world
(it's not a dreadnought because it has a pre- or semi-dreadnought armament of two big twin turrets and a large secondary battery, instead of using all big guns of the same size and thus the same ballistics for rangefinding & such)
"What is he sinking about...probably the ocean"
YAY, My favorite BPL series is back for another episode of sending resources to the bottom of the sea!
4am ,oh boy a new tech upload before work
A pleasure as always Tex.
Almost 2 hours of pasta boat action? Tex, you are far too generous to us this Monday!
I’ve seen the Vasa when I was visiting family in Sweden. It is insanely ornate, and thanks to the Baltic’s low salinity, well preserved. If I recall, some of the artwork was to offend the Polish. Tragic story of hubris.
I'd kind of love it if there were occasional random civilian vessels that you *expected* to be warships, so the identification at range was a bit more useful. That last battle, where the ship was barely identified before it was sunk would be great to learn you just shot a cruise liner and two light cargo ships. I do dearly love this series. Came for the pasta shipposting, stay for the stream of consciousness, and recommend to all for the facts about fax.
This poppin up in da queue, saving me from my heartbrake, very nice, thanks mr Tex.
Sucks you don't have unlimited on demand meatloaf.
Giusseppe Missori narrowly surviving the battle with the cruisers is some releaving stuff right there.
Loving the Exporto's theme song at the end.
Tex as the Italian Navy: Get of my lawn.
So am I the only one that hears Mario's maniacal laugher each time Tex sinks a boat?
Only 2am here. Bring me more Tex commanded Olive Garden! Never ending torpedos and fiesta pales!
god I love this series
Speaking of re-engine-ing a Battleship, reminds me of how I got thrown out of Mike Sparks's Yahoogroup. Was all on-board with the idea of bringing back heavier naval armillary (I understand this is a thing that's coming back around in admiralty circles) but I was skeptical of his ideas we should re-commission the Iowas Again for several reasons, one of which being just how ludicrous it would be to try and re-engine the old girls.
I mean, trying to re-build institutional knowledge in operating and maintaining naval oil-fired boilers of that scale and training young sailors with dead-end skills is doable if meh... but the process of opening-up those hulls to sneak gas-turbines in would be just ludicrous. And heaven forbid you try and install a Nuke Plant. I mean, that would be Awesome, but you'll never get that through Congress.
...so that's why I'm unwelcome in Mike Sparks's presence.
We're already training young sailors with dead-end skills so that part's already covered. 😆
@@Coconut-219 Oh?
Ah, well, re-commissioning the _Iowas._ Yeah, that sounds like Mike Sparks. Let's recommission ships designed around a weapon system that was obsolete when it launched eighty years ago.
Unless your argument is that directed energy weapons are about to swat everything from the sky, there's nothing those 16" shells can do that can't be done from further away with more accuracy and with less dedicated logistical support. And should they get some sort of electromagnetic launcher working, you'd still get the same problems you get pulling the engines, only worse, because you're mucking with the barbettes on top of digging around inside the citadel.
Which doesn't mean they won't, of course. It was a stupid idea when they did it forty years ago, too. But, _Kirovs._
@@boobah5643 IIRC the Kirovs were laid down in response to the recommissioning of the Iowas, not the other way 'round. The Iowas were recommissioned because Reagan asked the Navy for an unreasonable number of boats in an unreasonable timeframe and re-commissioning the Iowas was the best of the limited options at the time. It was a headcount thing, pure and simple, but the Soviets took it seriously.
I love the sound of Tex snickering. Reminds me of my cat sneezing
I like to put forward facing torps on my destroyers. Put the torps on the nose centerline, smaller guns on either side of the torp rack, then you're putting fish in the water on the way in and on the way out. Maybe you lose 1" diameter on the gun, but with a roll like that you're not hitting anything anyway.
17:12 Of course you need to be careful not to let the Engineer get too crazy either since you might end up with something like Brunel's SS Great Eastern. Excellent ship, ran great, laid a lot of International cable lines, but also bankrupted two of the three companies that owned her. The first with the cost of her construction, the second with the cost of repairs.
That TB didn't sink, it flew apart 😂
Hey now the Montana's were only going to be somewhat reasonable to fit through the panama canal
I've tooled around the editor and there is not only a weight to speed curve but also speed a cost to speed curb. Like for example the turbo electric engine has a much lower horsepower curve compared to turbine and geared steam engines. Under 30 knots it's a better more inexpensive engine on destroyers but crank it to 38 and you easily quintuple the cost or more. So you have to play with the engines to get the best cost for your ships even if faster is better.
It was a ship. Now it's a reef. Good job, boys.
I await the all-fore battlecruiser of unusual armament.
I feel like Tex is aware that ships will have an easier time falling into formation if you lower the speed of the lead ship but he his consciously ignoring it for maximum spagetti.
It's absolutely amazing to think of France being such an powerhouse while America got bullied by the local Exporto.
Inner Italian intensifies!
I love how Tex is like "Don't worry I'm not gonna pick a fight, I'm not gonna start that fire"
And then IMMEDIATELY turns around and says "But I AM going to research explosives"
Or in other words, I'm not gonna start any fires, BUT I'LL CERTAINLY BE LEARNING HOW TO MAKE THEM BIGGER!!😂
Can't set something on fire if you blast it to pieces.
Admiral Tex continues to plunder the east coast? Yes please!
Brilliant!
The new anti-fouling is an alchemical mix that is a powdery slippery texture when under water. And biocidal. The slang term for primer is "Red Lead".
Just got done playing as the German Empire. I broke AustroHungary so hard, Croatia rebelled and I was forever unable to conquer central Europe outside of Bar. Conquering Russia was as great a victory as two armored cruisers could make... one in each ocean. My armies conquered China with the help of the Brits and Americans...
Spain, China, France, AustriaHungaria, Russia, Italy, Japan, ALL fell in that order. Only the UK and most of CONUS survived til 1960. I can't help but feel that a Scramble for Africa and/or South America should be a feature. Would also like to see the Turks be playable.
It's frustrating that you can't actively do anything about any NPC nation. And it's extra weird that Austria-Hungary is playable while the Ottomans are not.
@@boobah5643 Super weird. I mean, seeing as how the Ottomans were disected but the Chinychinchinfolk felt apart in 1918, it seems like they really should be in there. If Spain is "Difficult," AustroHungary should be "Nightmare," whereas the Ottomans should very much be "Hell." It could be that the Devs just don't have the time/resouces/skill to go full HoI4, where you can play Liberia if you want.
I've played for about 100 hours, so it's fair to say I like the game. Critiques are for improvement at this stage, because I think it's already a "good enough" gMe.
Ahhh, time for another episode of my favorite show on Italian cuisine - "Cooking with Picric Acid and Torpedo Boats".
Tex playing this game is like letting loose a shark in a fish tank, he knows so much that he can totally just meta the game. He takes a crap tier country and with his knowledge makes them the thorn in everyone's side.
Now that you made me think about it, schnitzel curry sound really good.
Japan went that way and it seems to have worked out for them. Katsu curry.
The culture thing isn't weird. I do it all the time. Like... I was playing one game where I basically was a Somalian-Indian Empire. And got fascinated by thinking of the cool fusion foods like a Vindalo Doro Wat. And it's something that after playing a bit of a game like htat, I might spend the next two days as I'm doing things like chores or walking to the store or whatever thinking randomly about things like how Hindu and Coptic cultures might conflate or the language that would develop or how Indian Wrestling might take off in Somalia and what not...
It's like half the fun of historical strategy games for me, at least half the fun.
A good diversion from the world as it exists. Hail the exporto
I love Tex's fierce refusal to be in the Pacific while he owns Alaska.
that joke about the Habsburgs and their chins XD
Time to form the conga line! *drunk driving ensues*
They must have hit the grappa HARD.
I was stationed in Naples for 3 years for the US Navy, and I approve of this video.
Montana was a South Dakota put under a mega-expando-ray. It's armor scheme was more South Dakota than Iowa, with an external belt instead of Iowa's internal belt.
Can't help but laugh that Tex named a ship "pico" which in some parts of latin america could mean "penis". Like, imagine a ship called "the pecker class battleship" hilarious.
Ahoy Sailor! Pass the marinara and meatballs!
Could you turn the national colors on for the world map for your next video? makes it much easier to see who has what
If any of you happen to pass by Stockholm and have a few hours to spare i can highly recommend visiting the Vasa museum. Highly informative and as Tex mentions, she is a beauty. (Just not very practical.)
The Exporto shall live forever.
Spaghetti!! Load the Guns!!
I see you. You judge navy's like my mother. The number of tons in the water.
My mom has a lot of tonage.
Re: Frank Lloyd Wright The difference isn't that Wright's stuff was more practical (or prettier) than the wacky and weird interwar stuff. It was that Wright's stuff didn't even have to float. The only thing it had going for it was the aesthetics (if you were into his flavor of aesthetics,) which frequently led to things like leaky roofs and uselessly sized or shaped rooms.
Dude seriously needed some adult supervision.
So with all the Warships memes is there a BPL warships crew I should be on the lookout for?
- Destroyers basically keeping pace with the torpedoes they fired during the first battle against the Austro-Hungarian Empire. 😂
"Austry-Hungaria" probably has some people further down in the comments having conniptions.
Would be funny to build a 36,000 ton battlecruiser armed with nothing but 5 inch and 8 inch guns
Neat!