Ep. 6 The ADHD Guys Podcast: How to Handle Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD Kids
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- Опубликовано: 12 июн 2024
- In this episode of the ADHD Guys podcast, hosts Ryan and Michael delve into the crucial topic of emotional dysregulation in kids with ADHD. They challenge traditional views on executive functioning, emphasizing the importance of self-regulation and cognitive flexibility. How can parents navigate emotional outbursts without falling into the trap of parental accommodation? What strategies can help children develop better emotional regulation skills at home? Tune in to discover the evidence-based treatments recommended for kids with ADHD and learn how to empower your child through effective parenting techniques.
Find Mike @ www.grownowadhd.com
Find Ryan @ www.adhddude.com
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[00:00:00] Start
[00:02:09] Cognitive flexibility and emotional dysregulation.
[00:03:34] The power of attention.
[00:08:24] Ignoring negative behaviors.
[00:10:22] Affective calmness.
[00:15:16] Parenting and child's discomfort.
[00:19:36] Brain breaks for self-regulation.
[00:23:12] Developing self-regulation skills.
[00:24:16] Less language for better parenting.
[00:27:10] Teaching kids emotional regulation skills.
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ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.
𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.
𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
✅Membership Site: adhddudecourses.com
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✅Trip Camp: adhdtripcamp.com
✅Meet Ryan: adhddude.com/meet-ryan-wexelb...
✅Speaking/Presentations: ryanwexelblatt.com
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✅Videos For Kids: tinyurl.com/dudetalkplaylist
ADHD Dude is for educational purposes. I am not serving in a clinical capacity and cannot provide clinical consultation or free advice through RUclips comments, email, etc.
#adhddude #ryanwexelblatt #adhdkids #adhdchildren #adhdkidstreatment
This podcast has been a game changer for me as a mom and for the whole family! You have NO idea how helpful your points of views are!! So balanced and in tune with the way God intended to raise a child. What a relieve !
Thank you so much, that means a lot to us!
OMG Ryan ... this is pure gold!
Thank you!
This is so freaking useful. Thank you guys so much! Sharing.
Glad it was helpful!
Informative, thanks guys.
Thanks for watching!
Hi Ryan, I know it's not your professional area of expertise, but it would be great if you could find a guest that could talk about ADHD medication. Because I would really like to hear your experiences with it. Not so much whether or not it should be used, as there is a million videos on that, but on how to determine whether your child is on the right medication, how to get the right dose, and what kind of results to expect. My child has ADHD and a lot of trouble with emotional dysregulation at home, but it took a long time to get our pediatrician to prescribe ADHD medication. When they finally did it was like magic "at first", then it waned after a few weeks and it's been a rollercoaster ever since. I feel like we can't get it dialed in and I don't know if it's even working, or if the dysregulation is getting worse. I try to follow your advice and when it works it really works, but so much of the time my son is just not receptive and I feel it's because the medication isn't doing it's job.
Hi, I'm sure we will eventually, however I do want to explain there are no definitive answers to the questions you presented as everyone reacts differently to medications and unlike other psych meds, genetic testing cannot tell you which stimulant would be most effective, it can only help with dosing. If you're a member of the membership site please come to Office Hours and I can answer your question in greater depth, and it will be answered live.
I'm also from BC. There is an adhd parent support group for parents in BC. Such a wealth of knowledge. It was this group and speaking to my child's pediatrician that we decided to try medication. It's been a year so far
Great episode. Question...6 yr old boy. What is an appropriate time frame for a reset and clean up? It's very hard for me to get my son to take a brain break or isolate him when he becomes aggressive to become calm and reset. He absolutely does not like being alone.What is the time frame for a clean up to make it right with the person they wronged?
If he's being physically agressive, that is not the time to protect his feelings regarding not liking being alone. He needs to understand that when you are physically agressive you cannot be around others until your brain is calm. A clean up can happen anytime, ideally at his age by the next day. I have a video coming out about physical agression towards family members but in the meantime: facebook.com/adhddude.ryanwexelblatt/posts/pfbid029oZM27zYq86PmNzPDVTFGan4M2Dcq1dsk6HGxUJPWNQ24Td6MfUKz5fZHKs5tQnjl
@ADHDDude With plenty of respect for your education and experience in this field- I think you give some really great advice and helpful techniques! - have you read much about the more recent developments in neuroscience in the area of self-regulation (Dr. Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Tina Payne Bryson Ph.D. and others)? Depending on the child's specific relational history with his parents, at 6 yrs, he may not yet have developed the ability to calm himself down all by himself yet. Many children give up/shut down when left alone to deal with their dysregulation, which looks like it works because they have stopped being violent, when in fact they have just moved into a different, more passive state of dysregulation. I'm not saying I have all the answers- not a doctor, just a parent with a lot of background in early childhood development here- but I know that self-regulation begins with co-regulation, and that the normal process of co-regulation with infants/very young children is not always completed properly at that age, with ADHD being one of the possible things that can interrupt that important step on the way to being able to re-regulate alone. Because of this, I think it's extremely important not to just recommend leaving an out-of-control 6yr old alone with his feelings, full stop. There are many ways to safely accompany your violent child through their feelings while maintaining the personal boundary of not being physically abused by them.
Also, just want to re-emphasize that, while I felt this one suggestion might be too simplistic, I really do feel like your work is so great, and so helpful overall! Thanks for being out here giving people tools and hope for such difficult situations! 😊
I appreciate your comment and what you described regarding strategies that work, which is no different than what I suggest. You're still creating a physical separation, which is needed when a child is violent. I am glad you found something that works for your child.
The book you referenced is not evidence-based; thus, it's not something I subscribe to, and I have to disagree with that theory about a passive state of self-regulation. That's a theory; it's not science. I understand the tremendous appeal of that book; I read it. The clinician literature is clear that giving attention to negative behaviors (violence) reinforces them.
Everyone should do what works for them; I would ask any parent who follows that approach how self-regulation develops if poor treatment of family members and physical aggression are always rewarded with undivided attention and empathy rather than clear limit setting. At what age does hitting your mother not become something that is rewarded with "connection time"? Is there an endpoint, or should it be handled the same when they're 12 and doing this? I'd like to hear the authors' answers to these questions.
Again, I respect whatever someone finds works for them, and I appreciate you sharing some strategies that work for you as well. It's great that your daughter is receptive to breathing exercises. I believe in the following evidence as much as possible. Thanks for sharing. I hope people find your strategies helpful.
Have y'all noticed in your practices any signs for when it makes sense to pull a child with ADHD from a school system that isn't serving them well in order to homeschool, versus building resilience in the school's framework through an IEP/504/other supports? I get that lowering demands might make a child more rigid, but I assume there are times when a child's rigidity isn't being reduced in an unsupportive (and potentially dangerous, with behavior escalation) school environment, meaning the school environment isn't really teaching self-regulation or flexibility either... Would welcome your thoughts!
I think the question is how equipped is the parent to homeschool AND how will the child respond to the the parent homeschooling them. I think the homeschooling community has a propensity to encourage parents by telling them anyone can do this and your child will respond great to it. I have a colleague who works with many homeschooling families and I regularly hear about kids who have decompenstated, have fallen years behind in academics because it's not a good fit for them. I fully support homeschooling, my issue is the homeschooling community often seems to not want to acknowledge that not eveyrone can do this, and it's not the best thing for all kids. In my experience many homeschooling parents have a propensity to be profoundly defensive, and may not be willing to accept the fact that there's certain aspects of teaching they do not have the skill set to do successfully, particularly if their child has learning differences.
@@ADHDDude Thanks. This is a key consideration for us as well, and if we were seeing worse outcomes during homeschooling, I'd want to be clear-eyed about trying again with the professionals, even though they are often overburdened in our state due to long-term efforts to defund them. This is helpful!
Does all of this imply to your child who also gets rage anger? My son at times cannot self regulate on his own when he gets to this point. What do I do when he is charging at me because he's so upset?
Have a video coming out about this exact topic but in the meantime: facebook.com/adhddude.ryanwexelblatt/posts/pfbid029oZM27zYq86PmNzPDVTFGan4M2Dcq1dsk6HGxUJPWNQ24Td6MfUKz5fZHKs5tQnjl
how do you regulaided the emotions? also how do you deal when they have aggression
ruclips.net/video/sjGfE_q7ZTE/видео.htmlsi=kRO3vVy-Xp_wD1Yv
1. Any tips for handling teenager on excessive digital gadget use be it for gaming, tiktok or any form of social media.
Installing parental control is not frasible as it often gets removed thru child resetting his handphone.
2. Homework ans school refusal.
1. Are there expectations in place for tech use, which you provide to them, or is it at entitlement they are given regardless of whether they respect the rules? ruclips.net/video/oTKJVjluHuA/видео.htmlsi=jFtlmYwqojfVw11O
2. I don't know what you mean by homework and school refusal, but school refusal is covered in Scaffolding Better Behavior: adhddude.com
In terms of pushing your kids to do some thing that they say they don’t want to do; I used to have my son go to Judo, for many years, and every single night it would be a fight, there would be tears and screaming, because I knew it was good for him, eventually I had him stop because it felt like the psychological damage was becoming too much. I do now have him do a workout 2 to 3 nights a week at a gym with me, he gets an hour video games for going to the 45 minute workout. This seems to be working. But, there are certainly other activities that I would like him to participate in, however, once he’s there, if he doesn’t want to be there, he’s not going to fully participate. How would you suggest getting our kids, especially teenagers to not only show up to activities that we know are good for them, but actually to engage and participate if they adamantly don’t want to?
I wasn't into competitive sports when I was younger. If I were forced to join a basketball team I would have been miserable. I think the question is do they get any enjoyment out of the activity AND does it help them feel succesful?
Also during the negative behavior outburst, is it ok to remind them we will not respond until you calm down or should we ignore completely without any reminders? Our son can be relentless and can go on go a LONG time!
I would not give attention to the behavior and not talk when they're escalated as they cannot hear or learn then. What I teach in Scaffolding Better Behavior is to offer a "brain break" and that you can talk when their brain is calm.
What do we do when we don’t react to our sons negative behavior (saying bad words etc) however he get a reaction from his younger sister? Does this reaction from his sister give him the same effect if the parents react? Thank you
I don't think there's a definitive answer to that question but overall I would say no.
Any tips to give teachers when they are “trying” to ignore the negative behaviors then the child escalates to throwing chairs down and banging to make noise?
I don't think that can be ignored in class, it's frightening to the other students
I agree that aggressive behaviors can’t be ignored. Especially in a class full of kids. You all suggested to ignore negative behaviors, but what is suggested when ignoring the negative behaviors of the child with emotional dysregulation, results in the child’s behaviors to become gradually worse/aggressive as now he’s seeking a response or attention?
At a time when they're calm, never in the moment I teach to explain to them that when they are being agressive family members or anyone cannot be around them because they are being unsafe, and when they calm their brain down you can be togehter again. After this, do not give attention to the behavior, This is all covered in Scaffolding Better Behavior.
You mention research a lot. Do you site the research you're referring to anywhere?
Sure a lot of my posts on Facebook and Instagram have the URLs of the research data