@@Cybernurse2020 I understand where you're coming from, but I think Maté simply means that you have an emotional response to a past memory triggered by the present moment.
Wow Tim it took guts to post this! No one could ever convince me you don't care about your audience after being so publicly vulnerable - ironically this makes you appear even more masculine & worthy of respect.
@@Way_Of_The_Light The act of posting such obvious unconfortable moment its what signals a genuine person ( Action = Values) ( "Put you money where your mouth is" . His eyes, body language get clearly unconfortable by the second. He could have chosen to not make this moment public. Real action matching the message of declared values is what most humans will perceive as closer to the truth.
@@VinceAscaino I don't know if that's enough of a benchmark for me to accept that he "cares" about his audiences. He could have just posted this clip because it's a good clip to post and get more video views.
Reframing to assume responsibility all along the way (unflinchingly) can be one's source of power. One may not 'jump to conclude: "I am not worthy of good treatment but rather where in this dealing did I fall short?" (of course this thinking doesn't fit the 'that's trauma' story being promoted as it is Mate's work.
@@AnaTai3 If you were thinking logically like that, you wouldn't have felt the emotions. I'm sure you know from your own experience that you wanted someone you really trusted to do something. When they didn't follow through, you would immediately go to where there could have been an error, both on their and on your side. That's because you trust them. There is no trauma connected to your thinking. Now, with people you don't trust, there is a different story. Then you'll respond to your childhood experiences and go back to trauma.
There's so many friends I know that if I tried to do this ...(I do do this with, but not well) with them I would get that look. Man that look. Yeah thanks for posting that. The biggest thing is how to get past that look... cuz now look where the anger is directed ...LOL And it usually comes out of nowhere, and I can't think fast enough on my feet.. . and that's where things go......
Just as you commented, I too thought Tim was uncomfortable, but maybe for other reasons. It felt like he was being pressured to provide the answer(s) Gabor was holding out for. It's hard to know if Tim's original answer held true for him, as he seems like someone who likes to please. What do you think, as I'm new to this channel? It seemed unfair to keep re-phrasing the questions, as Tim's (original) answers seemed spontaneous, thoughtful, and sincere. Was it fair to keep pushing for different ones? Maybe Gabor knew best. In a different setting, where a "therapeutic alliance" exists, between client and therapist, that's fair game, but I don't think that was the case here. It seemed as though Gabor needed the podcast to land where it did, in order to illustrate his viewpoint on the topic. (And he needed Tim to supply the "right answer" that lead to that theme.) Was it at the expense of Tim's "truth"? We may never know. That's the "discomfort" I felt, even though I still enjoyed the podcast and found it interesting.
@@tobinmoffatt3075 At times, our perceptions of reality are correct and at other times, false. Also, the truth is subjective for topics that defy scientific method.
Tim is like your grown up brother, healing himself and showing the way to his siblings and the rest of the world. thank u for showing up for your inner child. 💓
Someone once told me: never assume malintent, meaning don't assume someone is out to hurt/betray/annoy/damage you, the real answer is usually much more complicated. I've tried over time to reserve judgement because of that advice. Learn the whole story first, then proceed.
There are times you can't learn the whole story but if you can figure out for yourself what & why you are being triggered then at least when confronted with those feelings again instead of an overly emotional triggered response, you are able to respond to the present appropriately.
3rd time watching this (not repeatedly but different times in my life) and still get something new out of it. Thank you Gabor Maté for your teachings and thank you Tim Ferriss to be open to receive them - and share it with the rest of us.
Love to see authentic content!!! Tim made himself vunerable, stayed in the moment, was visible uncomfortable, but went through the conversation and we as an audience share the “Aha” moment 🙌🏼
Sorry if I sound mean, the “is when” part sounds like a 10 year old explaining something l. That said the rest of the sentence is very interesting and eye opening. Thanks.
Dr. Gabor Mate is a modern-day wizard. The combo of Tim Ferriss -- whom I admire and his work with the wizard is powerful beyond measure. Bravo Tim for your vulnerability.
My counsellor turned me on to Gabor, he is an amazing mind and a very self aware human being. So happy I got connected to him. I am now 18 months clean from the dtes. Turned my life around.
So brave of Tim to venture into this exercise with Dr. Maté. The doctor is right though, with our traumas we are really responding to the past more so than the present.
Oh my gosh!!! I SOOOOO needed to hear this right at this moment. My blood was boiling. My stomach was sick and my chest was constricted and I didn't know what to do with those feelings!! Am sooo grateful for this video!
This was a very powerful lesson. I will never forget "Reframe This Situation" (thank you Dr. Mate), which puts an almost immediate halt to ftrue anger or, worse, blowing a gasket. The important reminder for me in this is that people do things, or don't do things, for reasons I may never know about or understand, and very likely their actions or inactions have nothing at all to do with me. That's not to say if their behavior is habitual I'm not entitled to do something about it, but at least I will come to a decision intellectually and not emotionally.
no you won't. you will feel the emotion no matter how you wish you wouldn't feel it. Your decisions intellectually have no choice but to be reached by emotion, even if you turn down the knob to cool. And moreso if you turn it to cool, because what you really had wished for is the warm setting. Talking heads can make you see something that when tried you realize was hogwash.. talking heads made a lot of money off you, too. If you look into Gabor more, you will see he capitalizes off his holocaust trauma and everything in his life strings from it. I met him in person and his eyes are distant and cold to everyone. He really is a black hole pity party.
Gabor Mate is revolutionary in healing past trama. Its so wonderful to see the vulnerability in healing. It's not weakness it's courageous! Love it! Thank you💓
Tim really reached down deep for that power move and put something out there for all of us to learn and benefit from, and he handled it with absolute class and gratitude.
How beautiful this is, to watch how Gabor navigates and leads Tim safely to the learning. Tim’s relieved smile at his “aha!” moment at the end is priceless 🥰
No words can express how grateful I am towards Gabor Mate, and Tim for sharing this conversation. We rarely really examine ourselves deep enough, but we keep regurgitating the negative emotions without realising that the source is just within us. It feels so liberating to revisit this conversation again.
Really awesome awarenesses here. The next step in my experience is giving the part of us what it needed that it didn't get...often through letting it share how it (little 'me') felt when so and so happened and then giving that part the Love it needed and still needs. The love can be anything from a hug, to words like "i love you" or "i got you" or "you didn't do anything wrong, etc etc. One of the big keys is allowing our emotions around the challenges so they can be cleared, completed and resolved through this process of awareness and loving ourselves. This is really important and deep work. Glad you are sharing this Tim.
I would have started crying. When they hit right were it hurts, we're not ready for it. Tim is a strong man who has worked on himself intensively and has made strides in his healing journey. God bless you, Tim. Through your own vulnerabilities, you have saved more lives than you will have ever imagined. May you never ever feel any pain or hopelessness ever again. You are worthy of the most beautiful things in this universe. ❤️
Tim thank u for being honest, that is the way out of being a victim on an emotional level. we need a lot of care in the emotional level. thank u for letting your emotional mind speaking up , your honest responses.
You are powerful because you can resolve the problem yourself, and you not depending on someone to change it or do something for you to fix what you feeling...you do the change, you fix yourself by fixing your perception that changes your feelings...you are on top of the situation and you probably have the strength to help the guy who committed to help you but was powerless to do so. In turn, you can be of help to him so he can be of help to you...
Or you realize the best thing you can do is grasp the significance of your lesson and stay out of the the other persons way so he can deal with his issues. Issues which you may have no ability to influence and to which your involvement may only delay his progress.
Or in other words you just don't care so don"t even try. Helping is super straight forward, just listening can help people realise a lot of things about themselves.
@@hiseggcelency no that’s not what I said. “ in other words” often assumes too much. No where did I say “ don’t care don’t try” . Circumstances can vary widely, I don’t think there is a one size fits all solution, as an example if you are dealing with a narcissist your strategy might want to be very different. It’s a big subject to discuss in short comments.
Wow I’ve never seen Tim get this uncomfortable it’s pretty heartening to know someone as intelligent and sharp as him even still has his wounds. Props for posting this.
Goosebumps!!! This is the EXACT can of worms I am currently working through in therapy and I have been startled to find it is just as uncomfortable as working through specifics of trauma I endured. I am very grateful to see I am not the only person feeling uncomfortable with discussing sadness and unworthiness. ❤❤❤❤❤
Wow! So, it's me who is the source of feeling unworthy and disrespect. Thanks a ton Tim for sharing and being vulnerable. You got guts. From now on, I trust myself and I'm worthy. It's me.
Shashank M Always makes me curious why certain people consume a lot of RUclips but always use the phrase “ I don’t usually comment on RUclips videos “ , may I ask why you don’t comment ? I think that commenting is a form of communication , once you refrain yourself from doing it , you cut out communication ..
This also helps me to show others empathy. Its hard to know when you should let things slide and when to be assertive. This can help us do both. Or at least try to do both.
What an incredible conversation! Such a simple explanation about how all the negative stuff is coming from our own inner world! Really valuable advice and a technique that I plan to put into practice in my own life.
Thank you Time for your honesty and openness. I am currently getting help for my mental health issues and yourself and Gabor have helped me to see myself in a positive light. Something I am trying my best to do. Your conversation with Gabor helps me immensely and I look forward to hearing more about your journey through recovery.
Wow this just blew my mind, I have never considered the point of view here presented, childhood is the key almost every single time. Thanks for your precious knowledge Dr. Maté 🙏🏻
This is a great tactic for a lot of things, but not everything. You can’t reframe every kind of challenging moment of trauma in this way. This hits different after knowing of Tim’s trauma. Wish him and everyone lots of healing. ❤️
How brave of you to do this on camera. Thank you for being open to being vulnerable, so we may learn. I hope you got something out of this too. Be well.
there are so many different ways to look at a situation like this that happened to Tim there are so many different ways to perceive life’s events i agree with the trauma lingering even after eons of healing awareness we are continually learning
Thank you. I want to say here my compassion esp. to all the women like me who did'nt receive respect or fair treatment, sometimes from their own fathers, simply because of their sex, and who were then despised for claiming it. This time is over.
Wow! Just realized that it's "okay" to own states of mind; but not emotions. I noticed this as I watched Tim struggle to name the emotion; but have no problem describing his state of mind. I see this within myself.
You have shown us Beautiful moment~! You did not side-way but in our lives, our own scenario, emotional moment matters, we may hold it until it bears a pearl, like how a shell holds onto its scar caused by the pebbles that it ate to create a pearl. My personal lesson was to Be compassionate to yourself in your past when you happened to re-visited that moment in the present.
I love this exercise so much. I went into my last relationship feeling so lovable and left feeling the complete opposite. My ex took offense to everything I said and did like this guy and eventually I adopted his, “you need to respect me,” attitude and responded with defensiveness towards him. He felt unlovable and eventually I did too. I’m still healing from this connection and I hope to go back to the way I was. It’s so much easier.
This is one of the most valuable podcast episodes I have ever seen. I appreciate the vulnerability and openness. I find it very useful to see this exercise as it personally helped me navigate something I have never thought of before. Thank you!
Wow I really really appreciate Dr. GABOR and Tim Lately I have been feeling so much anger within am healing and uts hard I ask myself why am so angry with situation with my babies. Wow and I went for a walk yesterday evening and asked the universe to guide me to help me know why all this anger and boom I found this today. Am grateful to the universe
Definitely how I perceived things is influenced by my own childhood and past experience and a lot of the times my emotions esp the negative emotions took over any clarity of mind. Growing up I felt I was always the slowest and not smart enough as I couldn’t respond to a situation quickly. But now ironically I would like to remind myself to slow down and try to step into the other person’s shoes and see things from a different angle. Often I found it will only do more good than harm to take a step back and observe the situation than reacting on my negative emotions. And I realise that although a lot of things are outside of my control how I react respond and feel about certain things and people are all within my control. And that is a great power I often forget and when I feel unworthy and unloved that is because I myself give away too much power to other people or circumstances. Let’s remind myself I always have that power - the power to control my thoughts, responses and feelings.
OMG! It has just changed my life perspective. At the moment I am going through a certain situation, which made me question my own worthiness. I tried to imagine how I would be reacting to " assumptional disrespect" if I was feeling completely loved and valued. Emmm..... First, I faced some difficulty to feel it that way (!). When I finally did, I had noticed that there are possible other reactions then anger/frustration. In a state of acceptance I was more kind and empathetic myself. I suggest to everyone to go through this little experiment.
"Reframing" is incredibly powerful. If you want to talk about having a superpower that literally anyone can wield it's the ability to reframe uncontrollable situations. If there is nothing you can do in your inner circle of control, you must reframe the situation and look at it in a different light. It will be much more easier to deal with the situation than simply being angry and feeling harmed about something you probably can do nothing about to change.
Bold to share this Tim. The idea we do not react to the moment, but rather the remembered past, can open the door to chose a different path forward. We can begin architecting the person we want to become in these moments. And, add up enough of those reframed moments and your default will, more often than not, move you to a healthier initial reaction. Thanks Tim.
Thanks for the interview. The first time I watched this video few days ago, I didn't understand what Mr. Mate said about a lot of time, our emotional reactions are based on what happened in the past. Not what is happening now or currently happening. Now I understand.
For so many of us, those feelings of shame and unworthiness are how we were controlled by those in authority. They are like a little built in light switch that someone else controls until we learn about its existence and how to keep it at Off more. :-) If you struggle with these feelings, you might also enjoy the work of Brene Brown. A good place to start is her first TEDtalk . Gabor Mate's TEDtalk is wonderful, too! All the best. :-)
Dr. Gabor Mate, you are the best doctor I've had the pleasure to meet through RUclips. There are no words to say how much I thank you for being so massively spectacular by how much you learned me. Forever you will have a special place in my heart, forever! You are the 1st I've known to love mankind as you do. With your amazing mind and loving care you l know will make everything better not just for me but for all. Without your knowledge I would still be lost broken and this addict I use to hate. Much love, respect, and gratitude sent your way babe. God bless you and yours, h Happy New year buddy! 2021
I don't think I realized you had a channel. I've been living by many of your rules for a while. Thank you for showing people there are more options to life.
I always thought Tim had an overachiever persona which probably rooted in feeling not enough as a kid. Watching his difficulty discussing emotions and his negative feelings pretty much confirms that.
This video hits me a lot... I`m not the only one who are trying to prove that I`m NOT worthy ............. the thing that I could not get enough in the past when I was totally helpless, and I try to get back here at my present , still in thought that I can never be worthy....... OMG .........................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I`m no longer helpless , and I have no longer need to be proved by others... now, but I still don't know where I`m , who I get to be... an the power, the strength that I have got now as an adult..... It feels like I`m living in a big and huge dilution like the screwed mirror from the past with all those pains , all those negative emotions that have come back to me , here, at the present, endlessly. Damn, where am I now?
TBH I can't believe you held it together as well as you did. This guy is incisive, cutting through layers of cognition in mere seconds and using a mostly Socratic style. Mind blowing, and hits different all at the same time. Most videos I watch on 1.5 or 2x speed. In retrospect I probably should have watched this on 0.5 or 0.25 speed.
Listening to Gabot always stirs my gut and that is why I listen because I want to stir into truth and be free to enjoy creative writing not keep regurgitating stories of my life and failing to reframe myself. So many ghosts wanting freedom.
Come on, let us all be real here for a second, everybody in Tim's sit would have responded exactly like him or even worse, knowing that millions will see your vulnerability, and honestly, you Tim posting this particular video, makes you even stronger. Much respect !
To me this process is called Quantum Healing, and requires complete honesty with oneself in order to effectively forgive and let go of past wounds, once aware of the Truth. Almost everyone can operate in a transparent way in a "safe" environment. He seems to trust in Gabe to help him through the process that he will be able to do himself by asking similar questions. The self reflection of feelings is key.🙏
Not sure why you THINK he is so vulnerable? Or why anyone else would have reacted like him or worse? You assume how others would be and not be based on your perception which is exactly what Gabor said people do. He said people don't react to the thing done they react to their perception of what is done to them.So then that means Tim is not a victim. Gabor pointed out that he is the creator of his own anger and frustration not someone else.Being on T.v. show shouldn't again make him vulnerable, or take on a victim or poor me mindset,make him feel he is put on the spot.Gabor says he does these exercises all the time with people. If Tim wants to feel sorry for himself and vulnerable then that is a choice he makes with himself...but he doesn't have to
Just because of the way he reacted to those questions dude, it's not easy for anyone to just delve into your childhood trauma and be cool about. Just look at the way he was nervous, the look in his eyes, and also the fact that he said to pause the subject, I think all of that shows his vulnerability :)
Hard disagree. Any average person watching this video has more capacity to be humble and vulnerale than Tim fucking Ferriss who was reluctant to even engage with the exercise.
Interesting, powerful learning this resonated with me so much. In my own experience and learning I feel I can now “respond” to the present instead of “reacting” to the past.
I've always had beef with the statement "perception is reality", and now I see why. Our impulses are brought on by our windows to the world as we see it. We're so short-sighted as individuals. Although I wish the world was less of a reactive place, it is not, and the actual reality is that none of us can expect us to get over that shortcoming. Albeit it is a virtuous act to go beyond what we feel about others and practice patience by cutting them slack each and every time, because there is no way to know what's really going on in the life of another, even if we can assume that we ask and that person attempts to answer to provide what eventuates to be limited context.
I really like that video but at some point i paused and asked myself would i give him (worker who was suppose to do the job) hard or at least a bit harder time, by which i mean telling him that is not the way to do business? Because if everyone would just not give a damn, the final equation would be indifference by everyone. At least my opinion. On the other hand, maybe inside i need to do response like the one in video, go inside myself and try to be free but outside tell something to worker.
@@markomraovic8971 I just think it means calmly asking the worker why the work was not carried out as they had arranged. Ie. missing out the stage of presumption and feeling angry, sad, hurt and disrespected etc.
Memories replaying as would say Dr Hew Len. Seems simple enough but this kind of work requiers real commitment. You must be willing to feel the pain of your self-condemnation and judgment ... wince ...
I have been very mindful of these moments when I am feeling "slighted" in life and wondering what it's all about. What I have noticed is that the VERY VERY first feeling is surprise. Always. Only after a few seconds does it begin to tie into some past harm, hurt, or trauma. It's almost like my psyche doesn't initially know what to do with the input but then determines "oh, is just like when you were a kid and that bigger kid bullied you the first time. You don't want THAT to happen again, so..."
This is very good. It helps the person to assume greater responsibility for their personal pain. What it won’t do is heal that pain. For that to happen, you have to allow emotional expression of the pain, without believing the story that the pain wants you to believe. And that is the most difficult part of healing for most of us. That is my personal experience.
Agreed. "We are the source." Therapy with these specialized professionals is of the highest importance to have consistently in our lives weekly. They unravel the emotional cognitive cob webs and propel our lives into healthier places.
Funny, I know this and yet yesterday I lowered my guard and slipped into a spiral of negative self talk that eventually ended up with me being a total arse to my lovely woman. The good thing is that I pulled myself around and apologised and recall that all the time I was in this state it felt like I was mimicking my father's behaviour. I'm not blaming him, he's a good man. Thanks for Vid.
All that succes, status, money, expertise..., but a person just crumbles when it comes to the core of life: your heart, and what is hurting inside. A very uncomfortable moment for Tim, probably his most important one too; it will lead you back home. Best of luck on your journey.
I watched the entire original interview when it was posted and thought at the time this part needed to be put in it's own short video, great job! How is it we don't teach kids this level of introspection asap as they grow up? So much suffering would be resolvable and avoidable.
“We don’t respond to the present moment, we respond to the past.”
Amen!
We respond to the present moment with the past.
I know I wrote that sentence down immediately!
We reply to the present FROM our past. What do you think?
@@Cybernurse2020 I understand where you're coming from, but I think Maté simply means that you have an emotional response to a past memory triggered by the present moment.
Wow Tim it took guts to post this! No one could ever convince me you don't care about your audience after being so publicly vulnerable - ironically this makes you appear even more masculine & worthy of respect.
That is the gayest comment I have ever read.
@@IMPACTPodcasterAcademy ..and this is the second gayest comment I have ever read.
How do you know if he cares? He rarely personally replies to any of us..
@@Way_Of_The_Light The act of posting such obvious unconfortable moment its what signals a genuine person ( Action = Values) ( "Put you money where your mouth is" . His eyes, body language get clearly unconfortable by the second. He could have chosen to not make this moment public. Real action matching the message of declared values is what most humans will perceive as closer to the truth.
@@VinceAscaino I don't know if that's enough of a benchmark for me to accept that he "cares" about his audiences. He could have just posted this clip because it's a good clip to post and get more video views.
"Once you see yourself as the source, now you're powerful." Thank you, Gabor.
So true!!
Reframing to assume responsibility all along the way (unflinchingly) can be one's source of power. One may not 'jump to conclude: "I am not worthy of good treatment but rather where in this dealing did I fall short?" (of course this thinking doesn't fit the 'that's trauma' story being promoted as it is Mate's work.
@@AnaTai3 If you were thinking logically like that, you wouldn't have felt the emotions. I'm sure you know from your own experience that you wanted someone you really trusted to do something. When they didn't follow through, you would immediately go to where there could have been an error, both on their and on your side. That's because you trust them. There is no trauma connected to your thinking.
Now, with people you don't trust, there is a different story. Then you'll respond to your childhood experiences and go back to trauma.
Tim is uncomfortable. Hits a nerve with him. Still working through childhood trauma....like most of us. Way to go for posting and being brave.
100 percent fair play for posting
There's so many friends I know that if I tried to do this ...(I do do this with, but not well) with them I would get that look. Man that look. Yeah thanks for posting that. The biggest thing is how to get past that look...
cuz now look where the anger is directed ...LOL
And it usually comes out of nowhere, and I can't think fast enough on my feet.. . and that's where things go......
Amen! Always ballsy, Tim. Thanks Man. Your courage is inspiring.
Just as you commented, I too thought Tim was uncomfortable, but maybe for other reasons. It felt like he was being pressured to provide the answer(s) Gabor was holding out for. It's hard to know if Tim's original answer held true for him, as he seems like someone who likes to please. What do you think, as I'm new to this channel?
It seemed unfair to keep re-phrasing the questions, as Tim's (original) answers seemed spontaneous, thoughtful, and sincere. Was it fair to keep pushing for different ones?
Maybe Gabor knew best. In a different setting, where a "therapeutic alliance" exists, between client and therapist, that's fair game, but I don't think that was the case here. It seemed as though Gabor needed the podcast to land where it did, in order to illustrate his viewpoint on the topic. (And he needed Tim to supply the "right answer" that lead to that theme.) Was it at the expense of Tim's "truth"? We may never know. That's the "discomfort" I felt, even though I still enjoyed the podcast and found it interesting.
@@Cybernurse2020 interesting take. I read that too but it feels to me that both are true in degrees
We don’t respond to what happens, we respond to our perception of what happens... 🔥🔥
Remind me of something I read in Marcus Aurelus's book.
Yayyy, we live in a world where people treat each other well and sadness is always just a logical fallacy that is never rooted in circumstance!!
@@tobinmoffatt3075 Are you missing the point on purpose ?
yeah, we learn. isn't it amazing! ;)
@@tobinmoffatt3075 At times, our perceptions of reality are correct and at other times, false. Also, the truth is subjective for topics that defy scientific method.
Tim is like your grown up brother, healing himself and showing the way to his siblings and the rest of the world. thank u for showing up for your inner child. 💓
Someone once told me: never assume malintent, meaning don't assume someone is out to hurt/betray/annoy/damage you, the real answer is usually much more complicated. I've tried over time to reserve judgement because of that advice. Learn the whole story first, then proceed.
Sometimes that is not possible, Claire Houston.
Absolutely agree. As I approach 40 I am finally noticing I am doing this constantly 🥺 I wish for a day I could see through a new mind.
@@owenlee9474 In my case, I meant that I lack information. I enjoy being in my mind.
@@omardelmar It's always better to learn the full story before proceeding, if possible.
There are times you can't learn the whole story but if you can figure out for yourself what & why you are being triggered then at least when confronted with those feelings again instead of an overly emotional triggered response, you are able to respond to the present appropriately.
3rd time watching this (not repeatedly but different times in my life) and still get something new out of it. Thank you Gabor Maté for your teachings and thank you Tim Ferriss to be open to receive them - and share it with the rest of us.
Love to see authentic content!!! Tim made himself vunerable, stayed in the moment, was visible uncomfortable, but went through the conversation and we as an audience share the “Aha” moment 🙌🏼
Ah my close cousin-brother Tim F revealed me to me yet again. Now for the work..
Well said.
Absolutely. Tim is me. Tim is most people.
Gabor Maté has a heroic gift for healing. Thank you, Tim Ferriss, for this.
No God is the gift
Gabor is the human vessel-talent
He’s not the Saviour
@@mandycote5662 energy, universe...
Trauma is when we don’t respond to the present moment we respond to the past.
Z Ber this one got me
wow thanks for this
Sorry if I sound mean, the “is when” part sounds like a 10 year old explaining something l. That said the rest of the sentence is very interesting and eye opening.
Thanks.
🔥🔥
@@javiceres Shush now
Who else just wants to give Tim a hug after this act of emotional bravery?
Having the language to articulate how we feel is a huge step in resolving, unwinding our mental anguish.
Very good point. We try to teach this language at primary school now using emotion colour wheels. It's very useful for adults too.
Need education
Dr. Gabor Mate is a modern-day wizard. The combo of Tim Ferriss -- whom I admire and his work with the wizard is powerful beyond measure. Bravo Tim for your vulnerability.
He's awesome cause he saw all the bullshit in a broken system and just started talking about it and seeking how far it went.
Well put!!
My counsellor turned me on to Gabor, he is an amazing mind and a very self aware human being. So happy I got connected to him. I am now 18 months clean from the dtes. Turned my life around.
Fuggin glad to hear it, man. Keep going. Rooting for you!!
@@TwinTalon01 thanks so much! Still in it to win it.
It's not the event - it's the meaning we give it.
Beautifully illustrated here.
Hello Free From Your Fears
That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐
So brave of Tim to venture into this exercise with Dr. Maté. The doctor is right though, with our traumas we are really responding to the past more so than the present.
So great that you were able to partake in this exercise and equally great that Gabor was able to teach us about this.
T
Oh my gosh!!! I SOOOOO needed to hear this right at this moment. My blood was boiling. My stomach was sick and my chest was constricted and I didn't know what to do with those feelings!! Am sooo grateful for this video!
😢
Life sometimes brings us things at the very moment we most need them.
This was a very powerful lesson. I will never forget "Reframe This Situation" (thank you Dr. Mate), which puts an almost immediate halt to ftrue anger or, worse, blowing a gasket. The important reminder for me in this is that people do things, or don't do things, for reasons I may never know about or understand, and very likely their actions or inactions have nothing at all to do with me. That's not to say if their behavior is habitual I'm not entitled to do something about it, but at least I will come to a decision intellectually and not emotionally.
no you won't. you will feel the emotion no matter how you wish you wouldn't feel it. Your decisions intellectually have no choice but to be reached by emotion, even if you turn down the knob to cool. And moreso if you turn it to cool, because what you really had wished for is the warm setting. Talking heads can make you see something that when tried you realize was hogwash.. talking heads made a lot of money off you, too. If you look into Gabor more, you will see he capitalizes off his holocaust trauma and everything in his life strings from it. I met him in person and his eyes are distant and cold to everyone. He really is a black hole pity party.
Wow, Gabor Mate is truly a gift to the world. Thank you Gabor and thanks @TimFerris for always having him on your show
Gabor Mate is revolutionary in healing past trama. Its so wonderful to see the vulnerability in healing. It's not weakness it's courageous! Love it! Thank you💓
Simply incredible. Best learning I had in my last 12 years of personal development. Thank you, Tim and Gabor Mate.
Tim really reached down deep for that power move and put something out there for all of us to learn and benefit from, and he handled it with absolute class and gratitude.
How beautiful this is, to watch how Gabor navigates and leads Tim safely to the learning. Tim’s relieved smile at his “aha!” moment at the end is priceless 🥰
Thank-you Dr Maté, for facilitating an opportunity to see the depth of sadness in this generation.
And the ability of each individual to mend themselves! There is no other way
No words can express how grateful I am towards Gabor Mate, and Tim for sharing this conversation. We rarely really examine ourselves deep enough, but we keep regurgitating the negative emotions without realising that the source is just within us. It feels so liberating to revisit this conversation again.
Really awesome awarenesses here. The next step in my experience is giving the part of us what it needed that it didn't get...often through letting it share how it (little 'me') felt when so and so happened and then giving that part the Love it needed and still needs. The love can be anything from a hug, to words like "i love you" or "i got you" or "you didn't do anything wrong, etc etc. One of the big keys is allowing our emotions around the challenges so they can be cleared, completed and resolved through this process of awareness and loving ourselves. This is really important and deep work. Glad you are sharing this Tim.
Wow! One crystal clear example of what it means, "if you know the truth, it will set you free."! Thanks Tim and thanks Dr. Mate.
I would have started crying. When they hit right were it hurts, we're not ready for it. Tim is a strong man who has worked on himself intensively and has made strides in his healing journey. God bless you, Tim. Through your own vulnerabilities, you have saved more lives than you will have ever imagined. May you never ever feel any pain or hopelessness ever again. You are worthy of the most beautiful things in this universe. ❤️
Keep listening to this over and over again. Love how Gabor breaks the situation and how Tim openly and honestly admit and follow through
Tim thank u for being honest, that is the way out of being a victim on an emotional level. we need a lot of care in the emotional level. thank u for letting your emotional mind speaking up , your honest responses.
You are powerful because you can resolve the problem yourself, and you not depending on someone to change it or do something for you to fix what you feeling...you do the change, you fix yourself by fixing your perception that changes your feelings...you are on top of the situation and you probably have the strength to help the guy who committed to help you but was powerless to do so. In turn, you can be of help to him so he can be of help to you...
Or you realize the best thing you can do is grasp the significance of your lesson and stay out of the the other persons way so he can deal with his issues. Issues which you may have no ability to influence and to which your involvement may only delay his progress.
Or in other words you just don't care so don"t even try.
Helping is super straight forward, just listening can help people realise a lot of things about themselves.
@@hiseggcelency no that’s not what I said. “ in other words” often assumes too much. No where did I say “ don’t care don’t try” . Circumstances can vary widely, I don’t think there is a one size fits all solution, as an example if you are dealing with a narcissist your strategy might want to be very different. It’s a big subject to discuss in short comments.
Wow I’ve never seen Tim get this uncomfortable it’s pretty heartening to know someone as intelligent and sharp as him even still has his wounds. Props for posting this.
Goosebumps!!!
This is the EXACT can of worms I am currently working through in therapy and I have been startled to find it is just as uncomfortable as working through specifics of trauma I endured.
I am very grateful to see I am not the only person feeling uncomfortable with discussing sadness and unworthiness.
❤❤❤❤❤
Wow! So, it's me who is the source of feeling unworthy and disrespect. Thanks a ton Tim for sharing and being vulnerable. You got guts. From now on, I trust myself and I'm worthy. It's me.
Hello Mamta N
That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐
Wow I had to pause this video and have a big cry. That hit home.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting it. only 7 minutes. a whole lecture. i got it just in time. i am grateful. love. respect.
I don't normally comment on RUclips videos, but this one blew my mind. Wow.
Shashank M Always makes me curious why certain people consume a lot of RUclips but always use the phrase “ I don’t usually comment on RUclips videos “ , may I ask why you don’t comment ? I think that commenting is a form of communication , once you refrain yourself from doing it , you cut out communication ..
same here
This also helps me to show others empathy. Its hard to know when you should let things slide and when to be assertive. This can help us do both. Or at least try to do both.
What an incredible conversation! Such a simple explanation about how all the negative stuff is coming from our own inner world! Really valuable advice and a technique that I plan to put into practice in my own life.
I needed to hear this again. Thanks for shortening the clip and sharing! Love Gabor Mate's work. And yours Tim.
Hello HappyJiyoung
That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐
Thank you Time for your honesty and openness. I am currently getting help for my mental health issues and yourself and Gabor have helped me to see myself in a positive light. Something I am trying my best to do. Your conversation with Gabor helps me immensely and I look forward to hearing more about your journey through recovery.
Wow this just blew my mind, I have never considered the point of view here presented, childhood is the key almost every single time. Thanks for your precious knowledge Dr. Maté 🙏🏻
This is a great tactic for a lot of things, but not everything. You can’t reframe every kind of challenging moment of trauma in this way. This hits different after knowing of Tim’s trauma. Wish him and everyone lots of healing. ❤️
I agree. Sometimes we see our worth and others are doing things to get at us!?!
How brave of you to do this on camera. Thank you for being open to being vulnerable, so we may learn. I hope you got something out of this too. Be well.
there are so many different ways to look at a situation like this that happened to Tim
there are so many different ways to perceive life’s events
i agree with the trauma lingering even after eons of healing awareness
we are continually learning
I really admire Tim's courage, and hunger, for this journey.
Thank you. I want to say here my compassion esp. to all the women like me who did'nt receive respect or fair treatment, sometimes from their own fathers, simply because of their sex, and who were then despised for claiming it. This time is over.
Wow! Just realized that it's "okay" to own states of mind; but not emotions. I noticed this as I watched Tim struggle to name the emotion; but have no problem describing his state of mind. I see this within myself.
Tim Ferris and Gabor Maté!!?? My faves by far! Looove it! Life time lesson in 7 minutes! 😍😍😍💚💚💚💚
Thank you, Dr Maté. Watching this video has been like a wonderful and for sure compasionate therapy session for free (thank you for posting!)
You have shown us Beautiful moment~! You did not side-way but in our lives, our own scenario, emotional moment matters, we may hold it until it bears a pearl, like how a shell holds onto its scar caused by the pebbles that it ate to create a pearl. My personal lesson was to Be compassionate to yourself in your past when you happened to re-visited that moment in the present.
I love this exercise so much. I went into my last relationship feeling so lovable and left feeling the complete opposite. My ex took offense to everything I said and did like this guy and eventually I adopted his, “you need to respect me,” attitude and responded with defensiveness towards him. He felt unlovable and eventually I did too. I’m still healing from this connection and I hope to go back to the way I was. It’s so much easier.
Gabor Maté is changing lives 🌈
This is one of the most valuable podcast episodes I have ever seen. I appreciate the vulnerability and openness. I find it very useful to see this exercise as it personally helped me navigate something I have never thought of before. Thank you!
Wow I really really appreciate Dr. GABOR and Tim Lately I have been feeling so much anger within am healing and uts hard I ask myself why am so angry with situation with my babies. Wow and I went for a walk yesterday evening and asked the universe to guide me to help me know why all this anger and boom I found this today. Am grateful to the universe
My favorite doctor!!!! Thanks for having him on.
This is so revealing of ourselves. Who amongst us isn’t hurt or feel unworthy at times. Almost no one.
Definitely how I perceived things is influenced by my own childhood and past experience and a lot of the times my emotions esp the negative emotions took over any clarity of mind. Growing up I felt I was always the slowest and not smart enough as I couldn’t respond to a situation quickly. But now ironically I would like to remind myself to slow down and try to step into the other person’s shoes and see things from a different angle. Often I found it will only do more good than harm to take a step back and observe the situation than reacting on my negative emotions. And I realise that although a lot of things are outside of my control how I react respond and feel about certain things and people are all within my control. And that is a great power I often forget and when I feel unworthy and unloved that is because I myself give away too much power to other people or circumstances. Let’s remind myself I always have that power - the power to control my thoughts, responses and feelings.
OMG! It has just changed my life perspective. At the moment I am going through a certain situation, which made me question my own worthiness. I tried to imagine how I would be reacting to " assumptional disrespect" if I was feeling completely loved and valued. Emmm..... First, I faced some difficulty to feel it that way (!). When I finally did, I had noticed that there are possible other reactions then anger/frustration.
In a state of acceptance I was more kind and empathetic myself.
I suggest to everyone to go through this little experiment.
This has got to be of the most priceless pieces of advice I’ve seen on RUclips.
"Reframing" is incredibly powerful. If you want to talk about having a superpower that literally anyone can wield it's the ability to reframe uncontrollable situations. If there is nothing you can do in your inner circle of control, you must reframe the situation and look at it in a different light. It will be much more easier to deal with the situation than simply being angry and feeling harmed about something you probably can do nothing about to change.
Bold to share this Tim. The idea we do not react to the moment, but rather the remembered past, can open the door to chose a different path forward. We can begin architecting the person we want to become in these moments. And, add up enough of those reframed moments and your default will, more often than not, move you to a healthier initial reaction. Thanks Tim.
Thanks for the interview. The first time I watched this video few days ago, I didn't understand what Mr. Mate said about a lot of time, our emotional reactions are based on what happened in the past. Not what is happening now or currently happening. Now I understand.
He’s on a different realm of amazing! Simple yet Profound
Omg what a powerful moment that I'm sure resonated with so many of us. Thank you for showing your vulnerability Tim. Both of you are wonderful peoole
I respond to my feelings of unworthiness. This is such a help for me to understand.
For so many of us, those feelings of shame and unworthiness are how we were controlled by those in authority. They are like a little built in light switch that someone else controls until we learn about its existence and how to keep it at Off more. :-) If you struggle with these feelings, you might also enjoy the work of Brene Brown. A good place to start is her first TEDtalk . Gabor Mate's TEDtalk is wonderful, too! All the best. :-)
This was a powerful lesson. thanks for posting! it felt like it was a private therapy session. just that it was filmed and put on yotube. thanks
I respect Tim for going through this.
Gabor was piercing through any beating around the bush and getting direct to the trauma
A round of 👏 applause. Finally someone with real practical exercises. Hit a nerve right here
Disappoint is a statement not an emotion
Dr. Gabor Mate, you are the best doctor I've had the pleasure to meet through RUclips. There are no words to say how much I thank you for being so massively spectacular by how much you learned me. Forever you will have a special place in my heart, forever! You are the 1st I've known to love mankind as you do. With your amazing mind and loving care you l know will make everything better not just for me but for all. Without your knowledge I would still be lost broken and this addict I use to hate. Much love, respect, and gratitude sent your way babe. God bless you and yours, h
Happy New year buddy! 2021
Oh, I would love to hear more of Dr. Gabor's mini sessions....that would saves so many people.
Wow I chose this video after refusing to watch so many times and gratitude for you Tim and myself !!!
Wow. This is seriously real. Tim, thank you for posting this.
I don't think I realized you had a channel. I've been living by many of your rules for a while. Thank you for showing people there are more options to life.
I always thought Tim had an overachiever persona which probably rooted in feeling not enough as a kid. Watching his difficulty discussing emotions and his negative feelings pretty much confirms that.
Hello Grace Chan
That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐
This video hits me a lot... I`m not the only one who are trying to prove that I`m NOT worthy ............. the thing that I could not get enough in the past when I was totally helpless, and I try to get back here at my present , still in thought that I can never be worthy....... OMG .........................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I`m no longer helpless , and I have no longer need to be proved by others... now,
but I still don't know where I`m , who I get to be... an the power, the strength that I have got now as an adult.....
It feels like I`m living in a big and huge dilution like the screwed mirror from the past with all those pains , all those negative emotions that have come back to me , here, at the present, endlessly.
Damn, where am I now?
TBH I can't believe you held it together as well as you did. This guy is incisive, cutting through layers of cognition in mere seconds and using a mostly Socratic style. Mind blowing, and hits different all at the same time. Most videos I watch on 1.5 or 2x speed. In retrospect I probably should have watched this on 0.5 or 0.25 speed.
This might be my favorite video on RUclips…ever. Thank you so much 🙏🏼
Kudos Tim! That was so brave of you. Thank you for posting this. So encouraging.
Yes❤ when you see the source within ourselves, we feel powerful. Is is so liberating! Thank you.
Listening to Gabot always stirs my gut and that is why I listen because I want to stir into truth and be free to enjoy creative writing not keep regurgitating stories of my life and failing to reframe myself. So many ghosts wanting freedom.
Wow! This is the best video I could bump in during my morning coffee. Thank you, Tim!
Seriously might be the best video I've watched all year.
Come on, let us all be real here for a second, everybody in Tim's sit would have responded exactly like him or even worse, knowing that millions will see your vulnerability, and honestly, you Tim posting this particular video, makes you even stronger. Much respect !
To me this process is called Quantum Healing, and requires complete honesty with oneself in order to effectively forgive and let go of past wounds, once aware of the Truth. Almost everyone can operate in a transparent way in a "safe" environment. He seems to trust in Gabe to help him through the process that he will be able to do himself by asking similar questions. The self reflection of feelings is key.🙏
Not sure why you THINK he is so vulnerable? Or why anyone else would have reacted like him or worse? You assume how others would be and not be based on your perception which is exactly what Gabor said people do. He said people don't react to the thing done they react to their perception of what is done to them.So then that means Tim is not a victim. Gabor pointed out that he is the creator of his own anger and frustration not someone else.Being on T.v. show shouldn't again make him vulnerable, or take on a victim or poor me mindset,make him feel he is put on the spot.Gabor says he does these exercises all the time with people. If Tim wants to feel sorry for himself and vulnerable then that is a choice he makes with himself...but he doesn't have to
Just because of the way he reacted to those questions dude, it's not easy for anyone to just delve into your childhood trauma and be cool about. Just look at the way he was nervous, the look in his eyes, and also the fact that he said to pause the subject, I think all of that shows his vulnerability :)
Hard disagree. Any average person watching this video has more capacity to be humble and vulnerale than Tim fucking Ferriss who was reluctant to even engage with the exercise.
Of course we would. But that's the point being. We often default to the worst possible scenario which degrades us as people.
Interesting, powerful learning this resonated with me so much. In my own experience and learning I feel I can now “respond” to the present instead of “reacting” to the past.
I've always had beef with the statement "perception is reality", and now I see why. Our impulses are brought on by our windows to the world as we see it. We're so short-sighted as individuals. Although I wish the world was less of a reactive place, it is not, and the actual reality is that none of us can expect us to get over that shortcoming. Albeit it is a virtuous act to go beyond what we feel about others and practice patience by cutting them slack each and every time, because there is no way to know what's really going on in the life of another, even if we can assume that we ask and that person attempts to answer to provide what eventuates to be limited context.
I really like that video but at some point i paused and asked myself would i give him (worker who was suppose to do the job) hard or at least a bit harder time, by which i mean telling him that is not the way to do business? Because if everyone would just not give a damn, the final equation would be indifference by everyone. At least my opinion. On the other hand, maybe inside i need to do response like the one in video, go inside myself and try to be free but outside tell something to worker.
@@markomraovic8971 I just think it means calmly asking the worker why the work was not carried out as they had arranged. Ie. missing out the stage of presumption and feeling angry, sad, hurt and disrespected etc.
If only everyone can have that kind of understanding after just a few minutes of talking, the world would have more peace
Love, love, love this. So powerful, so true, so simple.
“We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.” Very powerful. And very similar to The Work of Byron Katie
This is really great. I appreciate and respect Dr Mate. He makes so much sense. I love this experiment. How enlightening.
Memories replaying as would say Dr Hew Len. Seems simple enough but this kind of work requiers real commitment. You must be willing to feel the pain of your self-condemnation and judgment ... wince ...
I have been very mindful of these moments when I am feeling "slighted" in life and wondering what it's all about. What I have noticed is that the VERY VERY first feeling is surprise. Always. Only after a few seconds does it begin to tie into some past harm, hurt, or trauma. It's almost like my psyche doesn't initially know what to do with the input but then determines "oh, is just like when you were a kid and that bigger kid bullied you the first time. You don't want THAT to happen again, so..."
This is very good. It helps the person to assume greater responsibility for their personal pain.
What it won’t do is heal that pain. For that to happen, you have to allow emotional expression of the pain, without believing the story that the pain wants you to believe. And that is the most difficult part of healing for most of us. That is my personal experience.
Agreed. "We are the source."
Therapy with these specialized professionals is of the highest importance to have consistently in our lives weekly.
They unravel the emotional cognitive cob webs and propel our lives into healthier places.
Funny, I know this and yet yesterday I lowered my guard and slipped into a spiral of negative self talk that eventually ended up with me being a total arse to my lovely woman. The good thing is that I pulled myself around and apologised and recall that all the time I was in this state it felt like I was mimicking my father's behaviour. I'm not blaming him, he's a good man. Thanks for Vid.
All that succes, status, money, expertise..., but a person just crumbles when it comes to the core of life: your heart, and what is hurting inside.
A very uncomfortable moment for Tim, probably his most important one too; it will lead you back home. Best of luck on your journey.
This was excellent! A short and sweet video that immediately shows you how, by reframing, your thoughts can bring you power. Damn. Nice.
I watched the entire original interview when it was posted and thought at the time this part needed to be put in it's own short video, great job!
How is it we don't teach kids this level of introspection asap as they grow up? So much suffering would be resolvable and avoidable.