Jordan Peterson - How to deal with your Child's Temper Tantrums
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- Опубликовано: 22 авг 2024
- original source: • 2017 Maps of Meaning 0...
Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson tells a story about how he dealt with his kid's temper tantrum.
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I believe the most fundamental aspect of good parenting is discipline. Not discipline like consequences or punishment; but disciplined order, structure, routine, boundaries, goals, fulfilling tasks, self respect and manners. Kids naturally feel good and thrive when they can understand the environment and respond to it appropriately. Many parents can't discipline themselves and live chaotically and the kids model their behavior. For example, a parent lounging in pajamas at midday, eating junk food in front of a t.v. is a problem, but for a child it is crushing to be hyped up on carbs and chemicals and expected to sit complacently watching mindless garbage. Maybe kids provoke parents who don't give them what they need...positive discipline.
Trial by ordeal, keel-hauling, strapado, et cetera, et cetera.
One of the things about disciplining is that if the parents don't abide by the rules they imposed on the child then the kid will grow even more confused. Often children are a reflection of their parents. If the parent makes a rule of no yelling towards the kid but they themselves yell, the child is learning that yelling is ok and not ok at the same time, a contradiction... that contradiction develops in the child and once they get big enough they self can self-actualize that exception. But if you create a universal rule that yelling is not ok for anyone in the family, and the child is allowed to point this out when mommy and daddy fight, that it's not ok to yell, they will adapt that positive trait into their lives as they grow.
My cousin lives with with me at my parents house and she constantly yells at her child. She wanted full custody of him but didn't get so she gets him every other day and doesn't really take care of him. She's usually just laying down with her fucking phone in her face and making the kid sit on the couch or go to sleep as to not bother her. He falls down and cries and she yells, he throws a tantrum and she yells. And it's also what she yells that bothers me she yells "stop crying or I am going to kick your ass". He's barely turned two and I know she's already done damage to him psychologically, since he hugs me tightly while looking at her as if he's afraid of her. She acts like she cares about him when calling her ex-husband yelling at him over the phone in front of her kid " I don't want no other bitch hanging around my son, he's my son". God I am just so fucking pissed at how she can't see the damage she's doing.
John Korn
if I were you I'd confront her.
if she doesn't do anything, tell child services
She treating the kid as a possession rather than a child. I don't know the women but she may be lieing to herself. Try showing her how to deal with the child without confronting her and if that doesn't worj tell her straight. Child services should be a last resort.
This guy is the only person I’ve ever heard speak that was honest about what it’s like to be a parent. Parenting is all about regulating your own emotion and then being consistent with your babies.
Not all professors are teachers. Professor Peterson has a gift.
pacnite he’s NOT a good teacher.
inpugnaveritaas ...perhaps the fault lies with the student, eh?
@@Tom-fh3zg No he really isn't a good teacher. He just wings it and shouts to make you believe he just said something that is absolute fact.
I adore my children and so should every parent. He just tells people they are not nice and they won't like there children, no one does?
He doesn't seem very well balanced and rational to me.
Ever seen his daughter on the joe rogan show? Girls got issues! I wonder why?
pacnite peterson lacks critical thought. he simply regurgitates what he's been told
I thanked my kids when they gained control. YOU DID IT!!!! They would yell “ I DID IT””” good memories but tried my patience as it happened often.
I’m having a really hard time with one of my kids right now and for some reason this short message gave me some hope. Thank you for sharing.
@@ckoritko Hope it's getting better by now.
so did you allow them to beat you without disciplining back? a 3 year old??
@@mariagee1233 They got disciplined A back side swat was needed, time outs, when they do not listen or they are in harms way, they got corrected. Later on I disciplined differently. They never had TV’s in their rooms and it was before kids owned cell phones, so I didn’t have to contend with that nonsense
I love Jordan Peterson. Especially as you can close your eyes and pretend it’s Kermit the frog saying all this
mhehehehe dude
He be spilling the psychological tea ☕🐸
He is a spiritual frog,
A tribe in Canada adopted him,
It's on one of his videos 😂😍😂
Omg 💀 so true
That is super true. I won't forget this. Thank you.
Neat how he engages his whole class,moving side to side.
Criss Gerwing he's actually a pacer. But yeah he's making it look like he's doing it for the class.
If it works for sprinklers on a front lawn...
Don't give in to tantrums. Kids won't do them too much once they see it doesn't work.
Teach your kids showing emotion is OKAY, Ashlie. Don’t ignore their feelings, psycho:
@@kaylaa2466 Showing emotion is ok. However, when they are screaming and you giveth what they want, they are learning that throwing a fit works. That is psycho. You teach them early what works. A kid can say, " I am sad" or I am upset....but kids who are allowed to throw tantrums turn into adults who throw tantrums. It is a parents job to teach them how to handle big emotions.
My internet dad
Dude this guy is a father figure for millions of guys and a few gals, I know several of my other 18 year old friend who have had their life look changed permanently and that resulted in actual success in life
@@alecbollinger7748 im really happy that jordan is effecting boys because they need it with all this femaleness around. Also suicide rates for them are growing very rapidly. Hes also a substitute for a father figure for me too. Hes absolutley brilliant.
Dude. Not healthy.
amanijan yeah honestly i might compile peterson videos when i want to have kids to learn how to parent
Sad.
My son threatened to hold his breath once. I told him to go for it. He'd just pass out and his body would take over and breathe for him. Then I shrugged at him. He gave me the "Don't you care about me at all?" look. I told him I'd punish him for throwing a hissy fit or he could just behave and listen to me. He wasn't happy about it but he didn't hold his breath and he's never tried it again. They warned us he had a high IQ and to look out for manipulative behavior.
Interesting.
“Lots of parents do not like their children.” This needs to be on billboards across the western world. Too many moms and dads out there have so much anxiety because society says that we will be buddies and want to be around our kids all the time and they can’t figure out why they go through these periods where they just can’t stand the little hellions.
You’re not broken, American Mom. Kids are just hard to be around.
techguy651 I love this, it’s so true. I’m happy I love to be around my boys a lot. They’re only 11 and 8 right now tho so I’m aware that this may change some day. I feel for those parents out there of people/children who make shocking decisions, it’d be so hard to accept
we need to stop telling women they won't be ever fulfilled without motherhood then it's guaranteed a lot of them will realise they wouldn't ever become mothers in the first place /:
Very hard... the lack of logical thinking is the worst thing about kids...
One of my friends used to tell me regularly "I love my children unconditionally. But a lot of the time, I don't like them."
@@bobkaiser8782 🤣
I actually held my breath until I was blue when I was 2-3. My mother took me to the doctor thinking something was wrong with me.
Doctor told her to pour cold water on my face next time I did it. My mother thought he was insane, but he insisted. So, the next time I did that, she absolutely did pour cold water on my face. She said I looked at her like she was insane, then I silently walked to my room.
She also said I threw the tantrum one more time, saw her coming with the pale of water, and immediately stopped and stood up lol interesting how that works.
Hahaha that is a great story, mate.
Lol, I've thought about getting a spray bottle and spray my 6 year old when he throws a fit lmao
Mine came with a stick...and I have the best manners today.
My brother did that. We would splash water or blow in his face. Then we just started stepping over him and ignoring him and he stopped. Peterson is right, it really is commitment
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My dad told me one of the best tips for parenting is CONSISTENCY and dont make false threats.
If you say there is a consequence for a given action and you dont follow through then they have you beat already. If they know you make false threats then why would they listen if they know there is no consequence.
If you have consistency then they will soon realize that they mise well listen because they have no doubt there will be consequences to come.
He makes a good point, I also heard a good talk where the speaker said not to try and negotiate in the moment when the child is having the tantrum. Be neutral, consistent and explain a better way to handle themselves when they are able to communicate.
"No you're not a good person. Don't be thinking that"
I feel sorry for anyone who actually utilized peterson as a therapist.
Cathy Jefferson what’s your alternative?
@@jain3484 a raccoon would probably suffice
Cathy Jefferson how hilarious. Agree to disagree. Out of curiosity, what exactly do you oppose of what he’s saying?
Cathy Jefferson I have a feeling the clients he’s helped over the years would disagree with you lol. As well as all the people who’ve listened to his lectures and gotten their lives together as a result. But thank goodness you’re here in the comment section to criticize and save people from improving their lives.
Downloading *every video* i find about this wise dude...
Ive come to know myself a lot since he appeared in my radar.
Yea same he helped me.
It's all about educating ourselves so that we don't do to ours what ours did to us...
same happens here :)
Same here. Plus hes not what so many lazy people accuse him.of being.
Yuntha_21 I think I’ve learned more watching his videos than my four years in high school combined
He knows exactly what he's talking about. Without any doubt. I have three little ones, 8 year old (boy), 3 year old (boy), and 1 year old (girl). I agree without any bit of difference. My 3 year old, Kain, is impossibly immovable. He will turn down candy, CANDY!!! If it wasn't under his circumstances, to hell with it all. The opposite end of this coin is, Kain is impossibly loyal. I have seen him step in and defend his brother and sister, in situations where he would lose without a doubt. As a parent, you have to know how to appeal to each one of your children. They will never fit into any type of category or group, they are the individuals that we as parents cultivate. Your intentions as a parent determine EVERYTHING, in my own personal opinion. Hats off to Dr. Peterson, I have learned much from the content he provides. Thanks, to say the least.
"one of the horrible things about being a parent is making your child less happy" .... well St. Paul actually said that 1st. "In loving you more, I will be loved less"
Yeah too many parents opt to be friends first and parents second.
I am not afraid, I was born to do this Truth. Go have a look at the comments on some other JP videos about breaking away from family for numerous examples of this manifesting itself.
I am not afraid, I was born to do this. It should be “In loving you more than myself, I will no doubt be loved less”
@@eddygci8, i like your line, it's more fleshed out.
GTTalera fleshed out?
This is the first time I've seen him talk about his family. Finally, I see him smile.
“Happiest Toddler on the Block” worked best for us when ours had temper tantrums. Basically, you can validate their feelings without giving in. I’ve found this works on difficult adults too.
Thanks for the tip. "How to Talk So Kids Listen and Listen So Kids Talk" has helped me a lot. I'll look into "Happiest Toddler on the Block".
So true about validating feelings without giving in working on all ages.
@@powers6253 my child's dentist who has a great demeanor with children also recommended How to Listen so Kids Will Talk...
I had a bad parenting day today. I normally have great ones. But gosh, my 2.5 year old was so... testy...today all day. Yelling and fighting and mean. He gets into everything. Then add my 3 year old saying, mom mom mom mom mom every moment and my 7 and 8 year olds getting away with everything as I try to clean and cook and discipline the two younger kids while taking care of our new puppy who bites all day... all while my husband is on a 48 HOUR SHIFT!!!!!!🤯 AAHHHHHHHHHHHH...
Thank you mr. Peterson this talk calmed me down and makes me feel I am doing a good job, it's hard to not just let them run free on the hard days. It's hard to like them somedays. It's hard to like myself somedays... but I love us and mr. Peterson is amazing. I love him too. 🥰
"he was a tough little rat" I got one of those! 😂😂
Me too. She laughs in my face
@Rimadim dim , boss comment
No you haven't. You've got a child and an under-equipped skillset.
Being a parent is hard
Try being a toddler!
Know yourself and you will be grateful for the chance to parent/Love.
Truer words were never spoken...
Boo fuckin hoo
@@AceRimmer_ I've never heard of a parent who wasn't a toddler first, you know... puberty and all.
We pair discipline with clear and consistent expectations. Neither of our children throw tantrums because they know there is zero reward. We continually encourage discussion about feelings and emotions so they are accustomed to telling us they are sad instead of a blow out temper tantrum. Then we talk about why they are sad and what we can and can’t do about it. Oh, we also have a immense amount of lunch that our kids (1.5yr & 3yr old) are very well mannered and well behaved. Thanks mom, I know they didn’t get that from me!
Canada... thank you for this man!
bluecapone best thing Canada ever gave the world
Canada... you finally repaid the world for Bryan Adams
...jk!
I Agree. But for the love of god they need to apologise for bieber. I will never forgive that.
NO!!! NOT YET!!
I must've watched hundreds of hours of this man's content. I've basically studied him more than I have my Engineering degree. I've seen him live on his 12 rules for life tour, and I've seen the same talk delivered a dozen other times online. And yet this is one of my favourite things I've ever seen him say. There's something so magical about him embodying his 2 year old child in such a way.
I treated my children as people, as I would want to be treated were in in their shoes - fairly, kindly, caringly. I gave them a lot of my time - all the time they needed. They were always kind and reasonable to me. They never had a temper tantrum or even shouted at me once. They are now 18 and 20, self-disciplined and intelligent and loving.
Yes. This guy does not talk about the reasons for the anger. He is just so smartly superficial that the whole world is buying his bull#@it
Agreed. Young children are developmentally incapable of regulating their big emotions. You can certainly shame them into learning not to express their emotions through punishment and isolation, and it’s certainly very effective, but that’s a recipe for a lot of difficulties that can follow some children into adulthood. It’s a myth that allowing a tantrum means giving in to whatever the child wants. You can hold a firm boundary around whatever it is you’re denying the child AND send the message that it’s okay for them to feel what they feel about it, all while trusting that when their brains have developed more, they will have a much better ability to regulate their emotions. We’re not teaching them to stuff their emotions down using shame. By doing what I suggested, most people will actually find their children calm down much faster.
My daughter also. Your comment makes my heart sing
@@funnygirl965 Wow, just read you nasty comment from 3 years ago. You better now? Seems you were having a temper tantrum online here. Didn't he say, that it depends on the level of agreeableness of the child? Some children are born agreeable and need but a look. He told his daughter was like that. But his son... he did produce such tantrums and one has to deal with them.
This man and his advice go real deep. Not superficial by ANY means. Guess what? You really are not funny at all. Just... yikes.
there are two kinds of discipline:
self....
fear....
teach your children self discipline and they will be free....
teach them fear and they will never be free...
I taught my eldest soen self discipline very young. However, as a parent, the best example is how you behave yourself. oung children must see the benefits and rewards of behaving well and being self disciplined in tough situations.
That's fucking deep, bro.
Experiencing the consequences of the latter as an adult unfortunately
Define "fear."
There are only 2 kinds?
Excellent lecture. Very graphic, very compelling, and very sensible. Parents these days don't know how to just watch and let their children be without trying to 'rescue' them all the time. Either that, or they're too busy to even look at their children. Modern day parents are very strange.
Learned Helplessness.... it's a huge problem and extremely difficult to teach a child who's mastered being Helpless.
And you said "Modern day parents are very strange", I would not consider any of these people as parents.
Too many parents are glued to their phones instead of giving their children attention.
Modern parenting is hard, especially when you are already prejudged based on what era it is. My wife and I are shift workers to afford modern life and giving our children structure and consistency is often very hard.
@drencoss "Majority of parents are single mothers?" Exaggerate much?
Single parents raising children is a problem in this country, but they are in no way the majority.
@drencoss Show me the data then...
I wish I was raised by Peterson.
if you are a midget, you can be raise by peterson
A lot of children of professional psychologists end up being extremely dysfunctional. Peterson references Freud as if he had it all figured out but man were his kids messed up.
Yup. Pretty concerning that Peterson put his 12 year old daughter on anti-depressants. Wish he would say more about that.
Gori11aMath wait how do you know that?
I haven't heard him say he put her on anti-depressants, but he has mentioned that as a child she had some grave, long-term and very painful physical problems (some kind of bone disorder, I think) so anti-depressants would make a lot of sense in a situation like that. Look up "Antidepressants: Another weapon against chronic pain" on the Mayo Clinic website. Gori11aMath is assuming without evidence that the reason she took antidepressants was that she was psychologically messed up. Maybe so, but it could easily have been as an adjunct to pain management.
Lol at 3:32 when Peterson asks, "Have you ever seen a two-year old have a temper tantrum?" like we've never seen an SJW protester at any of his speaking engagements.
TheChamp1971 it begs the question whether there is an association of poor parenting with the emergence of Millennial kids who are more emotional and more likely to gravitate towards Post Modern ideology . I believe lack of good discipline at an early age in a growing environment of single parent homes who does not have a whole lot of time/patience/energy to correctly discipline his/her kid and thus either cave to their demands or simply distract them/reward them when behaving badly leads to weak minded kids, full of rage who are also impatient, who do not respect authority and think they can still get their ways with anger or violence/tantrum even as an adult.
Age-old knowledge - spare the rod, spoil the child. Although, some parents who make time for their children, do not spank and use their reasoning, or wiles if need be, not that a good old spanking would be solely for the uneducated masses.
Consider how many parents are putting their children into daycares rather than spending time with them. Once they hit the age to go to public schools, the parents will have even less interaction usually only having enough time after work to pick them up, make dinner, and then put them to bed. Most parents have abandoned parenting in the hopes that the Government will 'educate' their kids for them. Well we can see where this leads in the long run.
@lucius avenus ,
spanking is known to have extreme adverse effects on children, and no positive effects. It may stop behaviour in the short term, at the cost of long term damage to their psychological well being, spanking does not teach what you think it does.
richard bagnall Not in my case, spankings did a lot to correct my behavior and attitude.
These students are so lucky. I would love Jordan to be my professor!!!
Another great lecture. I've been binge watching him for the past two hours.
I have to say my 2 1/2 year old daughter is very easy going, she has very few tantrums and when she does I just calm her down as if everything was normal... it’s actually most of the time due to the fact that they are tired that they can’t deal with their emotions properly. The problem is mostly with grandparents that take everything dramatically and that always get in the way of the parents because they are their kids.
Superb advice every time!
when I watch JP it helps me understand myself. JP says "I just had to look at her and she would stop." well, that was me growing up and it turns out i'm just as agreeable now as I was then. i started to resent my parents over time while growing up because of the constant discipline and i started to feel like damaged goods. it never occurred to me that i was just very agreeable and didn't realize i was taking their discipline the wrong way. thank you JP for helping me understand my parents and myself. i realize now I'm not damaged goods anymore.
Children that throw temper tantrums are begging to be shown their boundaries.
100%
200%
Dealing with this right now with our 3 year old. Consistency is so key! And if I get lazy with discipline, then the positive reinforcement and forgivness when he's been good, the bad behavior becomes more frequent and worse. We have to stick with it!
This channel should really be called 'Bite-sized Petersonophy'.
Nevergreen peterosophy
What if your kid doesn't sit or stay or listen to anything you say
Jordan peterson the type to have philosophical discussions with his 2 year old
and they would end up being smarter because of it kids under 4 have an incredible capacity for learning!
As a new Dad to be, I'm going to have this advice tattooed on my large forehead
I have no problem admitting my 2 year old is a little asshole sometimes lol these videos are great. Having children is so complex
My first born- an angel. Never dealt with hitting, pinching or biting. My second…. A challenge. A challenge for sure. She’s 2 and a half and boy, oh, boy… watch out world! My main goal is to make sure that she is coachable. I don’t want total agreeableness, but she MUST be coachable.
I watched this when my boys were 1 and 0. Now they’re 7 and 6 and I firmly believe that Jordan’s wisdom is at least some small part of why they’re awesome little men.
As I have said to my wife and my children. I am their father, not their friend. They can hate me, curse me or love me. It won't change what they need to learn or what I need to teach.
49 people are still sitting on the steps to gain control of their emotions.
I have 5 kids and have been a dad for -8 yrs.
Nailed it.
This is very insightful. My girlfriend has a 3 year old who is very smart and full of energy and out of control at times. I am easily entertained by him.
It’s sweet that you’re seeking out info to understand him better. I have a three year old too, it’s a lot of work
Step one: no sugar or extremely limited. Sugar is the bane of a happy child.
Sweet things are fine but sugar often will throw them in hypermode making it difficult for them to listen its a litteral drug for most of em.
Step 2 structure and known boundaries.
Step 3 never compromise
Step 4 if nothing helps punishment is your only recourse but only if you failed step 1 2 or 3.
Step 5 after the ordeal is over explain the child your course of actions
Always remember being a parent is not a 40 hour workweek but an 80 hour one.
Not saying that sugar is healthy, but the sugar->hyperactivity causation is pretty much debunked at this point.
Sugar is poison
I was told to go play under the green light at the intersection ...
''A lot of people don't like their children.'' I really would like to know the percentage of that.
I love listening to what Dr Peterson has to say! Great mind with truly "Good" intentions.
I work with young girls in residential care (neglect, abuse etc) and I've seen teenagers go into full on 2 year old tantrum. It's crazy to watch and see this giant baby.
My 4 year old granddaughter recently said to her 5 year old brother..."Myles, you get what you get, don't throw a fit".
I thought it was the best line I had ever heard from a 4 year old or an adult.
Donna Lands that line is from a children’s book!
Nearly every preschool teacher says that every day.😊
@@Jen.E And it is very darling.
I am trying so hard not to get upset when you got a child that just misbehaves just to misbehave it is just too much. I have self- discipline myself, but I really want to redirect my son in the best way that i can. I think every parent wants their child to behave, but when kids are three years old this can't happen right away. Some adults can't even behave right. We all have dealt with immature people. It's a matter of what you can and can't handle. Compromising I believe is so important in any relationship. When you become too strong they rebel, they run off. So you got to have a balance between the two.
I know a parent who has never been embarrassed of his 8 year old no matter how rude or horrible he acts to him or others blows my mind
This feels so much like a scene from a movie :D JP is so entertaining.
My 14 month old baby boy is starting to give me some attitude already. Tough times ahead.
These student don't know how lucky they are to have Jordan Peterson teach them
The one piece missing here is that Jordon ignores the importance for children to feel their emotions are acknowledged too, and by serving time out and seeing them as monsters, telling them to figure it out, bypasses that step. Yes you are giving them a way to learn how to develop their internal control of their behaviour, they also learn they need to repress their anger to be accepted. They lose their attachment when they express these feelings and when we repress or even bypass anger consistently over our lifetime, it can also transform into repressed rage later in life. Gabor Mate has made this point about Jordon, that he presents as having repressed rage himself, which may be related to his own unresolved traumas.
Yes, to be accepted, a human must suppress ther anger, dogs musy suppress their desire to bite and attack. Absolutely, this is a fundamental life skill which is necessary for survival, Peterson is right. Gabor mate deceives for money. If mum does not teach the child the important skill of " you have a right t feel angry but not to act dusgusting", the child becomes loathable by everyone except the mother.
You’re so right. 2 year olds shouldn’t learn to suppress their emotions as soon as possible just in order to be civil, but instead to process them effectively (and efficiently) with a goal of developing the ability to easily understand and allow the emotion to pass. As an adult who has done extensive work on managing my emotions, un-learning and re-learning is so much harder than learning. Repressed emotions can and will eat at you from the inside out. Jordan definitely does appear to have a lot of repressed emotions, and I think it’s because he tries so hard to be as logical as possible. Logic is not wisdom
@@Suddenmindfulness Nonsense. A 2 y old will not "process the emotion", the 2 y old will simply learn " scream, loudly and you will be comforted". Letting your child tantruming is abuse.
By age 3, by the time a child encounters company of strangers adults ( time of nursery and doctors) , the child MUST already know that a tantrum is NOT a way to express emptions.
You don't have kids. Sit quietly and listen to clever people who do.
@@svetavinogradova4243 Actually, I’m a mother to a two year old. Obviously no they can’t be rational at 2, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you have to set them up to LEARN, eventually. The foundation you set with teaching them how to process is important. Sometimes a timeout on the steps is what’s needed, but that by no means can be the end all be all. You have to acknowledge how they feel with compassion so they can acknowledge it for themselves, which helps them understand that it’s normal to have big emotions. All toddlers process their emotions eventually or tantrums would be their permanent state. You have to give them better coping strategies, like “big breathing” and sit with them through it sometimes. Not just shun them every time. A lot of times there is a *reason* for the tantrum and therefore helping them see the root is teaching them emotional intelligence.
@@Suddenmindfulness A mother of a two year old has a name acid? What an acid parent! They do not have to be rational, they must be TRAINED to do certain actions and not do certain actions. No EVENTUALLY will happen. As misbehaviour, aggression and chaotic activities is a natural behaviour for any mammal youngster, it won't disappear by itself, but must be trained out by fear and consequances.
I have already raised my kids to be wonderful successful people, you need to not preach to me, but listen to my wise advice with your mouth open, girl! At 2 a toddler should not be thinking of emotionas, and cannot! He just feels them. He needs to be trained not to ACT on some emotions. That's all. Unless you start parenting your kid propely, he WILL STAY in a permanent state of tantruming, this is nowadays called ADHD, ASD, ODD and takes about 20% of population (there is a lot of bad parents around!).
I said to you that Jordan Peterson is right. Do what I said, follow his advice and stp abusing your kid by misforming him from a proper human into an ....
Discipline is love. When we parents put discipline into action, we are teaching our child to love himself, to build his own goodness to love himself. Firstly it will only work if the parent knows how to love himself.
If not the child will have no knowledge of self love.
We must know how to love ourselves first, before others, with that knowledge we share ourselves, this love, with humanity.
This is healthy.
Little children are super smart.
Fritula 6 ‘discipline is the temporary withholding of love’ is one of the best definitions l heard. Good discipliners give the love back after it’s finished.
Great. His advice on how to handle a temper tantrum of toddlers can be stretched and can be applied on people with npd and bpd as they have the emotional state of a two year old..
I had this training, my father was smart enough to send me to the naughty step and it was often needed!
He must have watched SuperNanny
I think his course lectures are so much better than his public discussions.
NO!!!!! NOT YET!!!!! 😂😂😂
Thanks for this. I'm going to give it a try.
Jordan Peterson has had to deal with adult toddlers since 2016...
My son is 19 months old and I can fully relate to what Jordan is talking about.
I just finished watching your September 2018 Patreon Q&A where that very son you are describing here (years later) helped you out of a technological conundrum with your webcam software. And the amazing loving pat on the back he gave you as you got back up and running with some sketchy and flaky software. If that isn't justification for exactly what you are proposing here, I don't know what is. It's empirical proof of your methodology. I have two young children of my own ... this is exactly what I've intuitively felt and now feel encouraged in continuing to embrace. Thanks, JBP.
trying to figure out how to deal with my roommate who is basically a 2 year old in an adult body... peterson is nailing everything and opening my eyes he is indeed controlled by his rage. i should tell him to hold his breath when hes raging so he feints for a while. jesus christ i hate dealing with angry people...
cant believe stupid students have the gall to shout such an intelligent person down...
(ps i turned the end of this video up loud when he was outside my room haha)
faints. a "feint" is movement in fencing.
Please don’t use the Lord’s name in vain
There is only a way to deal with such people. Leave them to live alone!!! They're incapable of living with others...
Self control is important to live a healthy social life - his education failed to teach him how to interact 🤷♀️ you can't repair the damage, he is an adult and he has to work on himself...
I held my breath till I passed out all the time as a kid according to my parents
Kids...
I watch this monthly.
"No you won't like it. And you're not a good person." Thank you, I love Dr.Peterson's truth bombs. Humans tend to think we're more virtuous than we are, but we're really not, at the human nature level. I learned this from the great works of Dostoyevsky, which Dr.Peterson often talks about.
I loved the insight in this video, thanks for the share.
As a Parent of 2 young boys, Age 2 is a walk in the park compared to 4years of age. At 4 they are so much more able to manipulate not to mention communicate in all ways and game play
So true! I totally agree with you 🙂 Very challenging indeed! Self care is so important & yet where is the time? I pray for all parents & children. It is a blessing & challenging at the same time- what a paradox 👼😯 Enjoying the moment & surviving the trials will make us better parents & people 🦸♀️
SoOoooo true. 4 was by far the worse
“Well, no. When you’re happy you’re actually quite stupid.” I say this too, and people think I don’t make any sense.
Well"...I wish I had known this man 22years ago! I'm learning so much
with his words!
No one tells you how to be a parent" and it's not easy! No matter how much love you give to your child Sometimes you get so frustrated with your child's attitude! What i do is I count up to 100 deep breath and ask child to be quiet for one minute! But still not easy!
Amen.
My grandson does the “ Wildabeat” he circles like a helicopter while dropping to the ground. Digs in and flails. I tell him when he is done we can get back to “ whatever we were doing” I step over him. Making sure he’s somewhat safe and continue my life. He eventually comes around. He is only 15 months old. His mother strayed getting time outs on the steps. 2years-two min. And so on. Or until they settled herself. Some of it was comical. I had to walk away while holding in some grinning. They are both creative in their tantrums
Oh my gosh, mine did the same thing. I called it the Wildabeast too!
Sometimes, I wish I could afford having temper tantrums
I love this. One thing I've been focusing on is gentle parenting as my wife is a early childhood educated person wanted to pursue. The simple changes I would make to this is this.
Time out is allowed! but you can do it in a way that isn't shameful.
To do this, you take the kid out of the situation they are being "naughty" in, and take them to their safe space, this could be their bedroom or a area of the house they feel most calm in. You allow the kid to de-escalate and once they are "civilized" as Jordan indicated, you bring them back into the family as it were. It's important when they are de-escalating to be present with them, so they know that you are there with them through their tantrum and it does not effect you. You are their symbol of to be civilized, if you are not civilized, how can you expect them to be.
I try to teach my children how to have fun while being productive, learning new things etc... it's what you already know that gets boring or monotonous. New things are always exciting, and an opportunity to learn. When my young son is scared to try something he's never done before, I convince him it's "nervous excitement". Where our body and mind are smart enough to be cautious, but when we do something new successfully it's a huge rush. A feeling as an adult hope to never lose.
My estrangrd wife (who has BPD) had temper tantrums all the time and I did have to call 000 sometimes. She also spent all our money all the time...
Same here but she didn’t spend the money most times.
You’re not alone man.
If one of my kids had a temper tantrum in public after 2 yrs. I would look at them like they looked so awful and gross as they looked at me with rage screaming. I remember seeing in their eyes they understood that they were Seen for what they were doing and they were embarrassed or aware. Kids are so smart. They can calm themselves and have a nice time with you again. They are made precious and beautiful so you don't want to kill them.
I had a slightly different approach, but it amounts to the same thing.
When a baby/toddler, as soon as my son started to lose his temper, I would take out the camera (this was at a time when they were separate devices with a reel of film). He quickly learned that the camera meant a permanent picture, was really shocked by his angry face in the photo, and he learned to instantly diffuse a bad mood and put on a big smile as soon as he saw me or his dad reaching for the camera. Amazing how quickly he forgot what he was angry about in the first place.
He's grown up to have a pleasant personality, lots of friends of all ages, and would rather think things through than lose his temper.
Debbie Henri yep. It's about letting them decide that what they're doing is looking ugly.Sounds like having them take a picture made them remember to stop and look pleasant. Good one.When I see parents with kids acting that it irritates me so much. Especially if they ignore them. I could never allow my child to annoy everyone in public.
I remember Jordan Peterson saying kids who cry easily are screwed. Does anyone know why this is the case?
i have a 4 1/2 year old niece and she has temper tantrums so i am watching this to see what advice he gives about how to control it
scare her once, scare wll. Not more tantrums in your presence.
Don't know for how many years but I never had purposeful temper tantrums(to my memory). Why? Because every time I did I was scared I was gonna seriously die. It was usually in response to disappointment but when I got upset it (no no no don't get upset) would wash over me so completely that I couldn't breath. Sometimes there were tears and I would jump and jump, not to express anger but to try to force myself to fucking breath. Wonder what that looked like to my parents.
Would love to see him discuss this subject with Alfie Kohn.
I can absolutely confirm adult tantrums are quite horrifying... I was unfortunate to involve myself with a woman with BPD
Watching this to train myself
my mom spanked me once or twice when I was a kid. I ran away and hid my friend's house. then when I got found she would spank me again then get all emotional and tell me to be never do it again. spanking didn't work with me but seeing her cry made me feel guilty 🤔
Spanking workedfor me as a child . But I don't think I would do it to my kid.
8:23 So what should somebody do when the child finishes his temper tantrum....act like nothing happend or giving him positive remarks?
It's funny how accepting I am of Jordan Peterson telling me I'm not a good person 😂
3:34. I love listening to someone give practical life stories and still uses the "intellectual lingo" 😂😂
Would be interesting to hear him in a conversation with Eckhart Tolle.
Id enjoy that!
When the child is always taught that is how you deal with your emotions is to go sit and work them out until you can act right... aren’t you providing them a glorified safe space in a sense. It sounds amazing like that’s the end of it but it isn’t. That child’s personality is a part of them for the rest of their lives. Where’s the part where actual consequences come in... with every action there’s an equal or opposite. Life will NOT give you a time out and let you work it out... it will have NO patience and will run you over like a freight train if you go around acting like that...
Where’s that lecture...
I'm a teacher and my kids are little terrors when they just start out in my class. They throw tantrums over everything. 😒
I give them constructive timeouts. They get time to cool down and when I get the chance I ask them how they feel, whether it's constructive for them to feel that way, how they think their behaviour affects everyone else and what they could've done differently. Giving them the physical timeout space, like Jordan's stairs for example, forces them to be conscious of what they've done and how they feel instead of just rambling on through the interaction with everyone else and forgetting about the upset.
I obviously have to stay calm and level-headed during the entire interaction because I have to model socially acceptable behaviour and ways of handling conflict.
This teaches them self regulation; they learn to process their emotions and think before they act. If we repeat this exercise enough times they'll eventually learn to do it on their own without the need for a time out.
Emotional regulation is a skill and, just like any other skill, it becomes easier with practice. They need scaffolding at first but they'll eventually do it automatically as adults if it was practised enough when they were children.
That's my view and experience of it.
@@AS-kg3mf truth!
Bravo! Thank you. You don’t know how your comment has helped me
Good point. Do the time out but set it up to where they missed out on a fun opportunity perhaps?
I've known parents who couldn't help but say "stop" to every behavior their kids had constantly, and I can sense the exasperation of their kids (there's a Bible verse about children obeying their parents and parents not exasperating their kids), and that's very sad and annoying to see. But at the same time you have to correct them when they are out of line, or else you lose control.
Oh yes, a friend of mine always says "oh my child, he's never calm". I'm a teacher in a day care, so I know my share: the child is perfectly normal! You can't expect a kid to be how you want him. Why should he be calm when everything out there is so exciting? They get tired because they didn't extablish routine and rules and the adults in the pictures have selfish needs too...!
Also: calm kids freak me out. I always wonder what's wrong with them!
Very true and we can also exasperate them by withholding discipline and discipling.
STONKS!!!
then bogg'D
Dude attaches his keys to his belt loop i’m out of here lol
Ask the Dog Whisperer.
Such insight. You think you are going to like your kid anyway? Because you are a good person? "No you don't. And no, you aren't."
Putting people back on planet earth again.
What a privilege to be in this man's classes!
Time outs and punishment are intended to punish the behaviour, but to a child, they interpret that as "you had strong emotions and expressed them, go and sit in the corner until you learn to suppress your emotions then come back"- therefore learning that emotions are bad. Children needs ‘time-in’ - don’t we all, someone by their side that help them move though that anger. Its in those moments they need us the must, not time out. The moment someone embrace, acknowledge, validate your anger, feelings in general, you instinctively feel ok. One of my favourite advice regarding rising children is very simple ‘Don’t do to a child what you wouldn’t do to your partner.’ (Jesper Juul) Imagine next time you feel upset, insecure, misunderstood in your relationship and your partner gives you time out.
Not emptions are bad, but expressing them in an aggressive way is bad. Even puppies learn to control their desire to bite and attack, is your kid less deserving ontellectually than a puppy?
Don't help a brat be brat. Pavlov's law applies : a punished behaviour disappears, a comforted one develops stronger.
The chod is NoT your partner, but a subject for formation by you. Your partner does not have a duty to form you.