Hello! Yes, swords do not weigh 4.5kg/10lbs unless they are made of depleted uranium or three metres long. That is, indeed, the joke. Welcome to the channel, we have swords and also make jokes 😁⚔️😁 The complete Fantasy Heroine series is here: ruclips.net/video/m-axbuh6v68/видео.html Or if you want to pick and choose, all the Fantasy Heroine shorts are here: ruclips.net/p/PLj4N-R1RQxAuAQ4qBpaUbGLb1ZWpWySAz
@@aaronjones5314 just slap the demon core into a containment system on the hilt and go full dark atompunk. Might as well make it more balanced for all the acrobatic rapier-style fight scenes
The naturally hot childhood friend was really on the money,will he also later sacrifice his life for the heroine after a one-book phase of working with her enemies?
Ooooh, don't forget the confession of unrequited love before they sacrifice themselves, so that the author can use that to keep the fantasy heroine oscillating between *needing a bad boy to cry on and / or make bad decisions with* and _rejecting healthy relationships to honor the memory of Kevin!_
Let’s not forget the urban fantasy update where the hot bad guy and hot good guy compete for her affections and she sleeps with both of them and is soooooo conflicted about it. Later it just becomes porn. I love you, Laurell K. Hamilton, but that guilt gets a little difficult to believe after she bangs like the fifth supernatural hottie
@@athena1491 The next definition down: "an extremely thin young woman." And certainly not option 3: "a piece of property (such as property washed up by the sea) found but unclaimed"
@@tyree9055 One little detail I liked in 3.5e was that compound bows allowed you to use your strength mod for damage rolls. I hope they come back in 5.5.
I would love to see this heroine's story! I feel like tropes would constantly be popping up, and she'd just give them a weird look and do the sensible thing.
That's gonna be a short story: Scene one: patent zero Scene 2: heroin with determined look and large shotgun Scene 3: Jaime want bi... BOOM Scene 4: because of the competence of our heroin, the remainder of this movie will be a drastic recitation of Shakespeare's greatest hits.
Like the one time buffy brought a rocket launcher to a fantasy fight. Got smart AND got even. I always wondered if blade would have ever had an issue in the buffy-verse, even the watchers seemed content with watching their charges for instead of providing adequate defence training/gear.
It reminds me of the webcomic "Manly Guys Doing Manly Things" which was a deconstruction of the uber-macho action hero trope. It was about an employment agency trying to find jobs for people like Rambo and Kratos. I would watch the shit out of a video series about a similar premise for female characters.
"Can you pin your hair up with jus the one very long hair pin so your hair cascades down dramatically during a fight?" "Uuuhhh won't that make it hard to see and give the enemy opportunity to grab my hair and or chop it off? Also depending on what era I'm supposed to be set in, a long hair pin will be quite anachronistic for a lot of what we actually see?" "... I feel like you're missing the 'fantasy' element here"
Reading the hair description I wonder what kind of fantasy. Considering my daughter would probably not hesitate cutting enemies into tiny bits were she a fantasy heroine I'm not worried (about here - there might be other casualties).
A lot of people still believe swords are heavier than they really are. Opportunity for a video there, Jill - difference between epee, sabre, arming sword, etc. and its effect on stage.
This really needs to be discussed more. Even two-handed swords aren't as heavy as people think. It's like people forget that being the first to cut and/or stab is crucial in a fight to the death, and using a heavy, slow weapon is actively detrimental to that goal, and thus no one wanted to make heavy slow weapons in the past, because no one would want to use them.
@@Anti_Woke You also can't forget that in the calculation of force F=MV^2. Velocity is worth a lot more, so lighter blade that can swing faster can, generally, give a lot more force than a heavier blade.
@@Dyundu I remember asking a blacksmith I knew about another acquaintance's assurance that there really were 35lbs swords. His response was that he didn't even think a lead sword could weigh that much. Clearly, he wasn't aware of the period greensmiths who made depleted uranium into swords.
That is pretty common. A lot of people get aged up from the books, bc too young important people are not believable (realistic!) or a bit creepy. In history a lot of people were really young, and probably immature with bad judgement, which could explain some of the stupidities.
Hm, odd, I was going to ask if this is a metric ton reference, however, I thought it was 2204.642 lbs., however, the conversion value website seems to figure on 2204.423 lbs...
I had a little trouble following who was who even the second time through, simply because fast cuts plus similar-looking characters. Would suggest pushing the third character to the side in some way, or using a desk, typewriter/computer, or other prop to make them feel different from the two main conversants.
[Googles 4.5kg to lb in Google because American] Ah, yes, fencing with ornamental zweihanders. Perfect for witty banter and flirting while the combatants catch their breath and balance between swings.
I think the largest two handed swords that were actually used in battle topped out at about 4kg (8.8lbs), but those are exceptional, with large two handed swords usually weighing about 2kg. Some weapons weighing even more than 4.5kg did see widespread use, but they were in general large polearms, primarily for fighting in formation.
@@hamstsorkxxor That's pretty consistant with my own internet searches. I'm not super surprised to hear about heavier polearms, especially after you mentioned they were mostly for formation fighting.
The idea of old warriors wielding heavy swords makes me think of the final fight scene in Robin & Marian, with an aged Sean Connery and Robert Shaw as old, slow, clumsy (and armored) dueling in the field.
Honestly Jill I hope you're proud you've ruined many fantasy novels with your realism over the years but on the plus side made my writing a smidge more accurate 🤣 (My character may or may not have rather thick plot armour but even then I've had to give her rapid healing powers bc she should be dead or brain damaged by now. There's also a very confused My Cabbages style doctor who is Concerned bless him)
...all I can think of is the guy from AtLA and his wails of "My CABBAGES!!" as a doctor, splinting his patient's arm, using cabbage leaves as cushioning. 🤣
"Can you wield a sword...?" _sadly some of us recall what "sword" was as a euphemism in bodice-ripper books and dicey 1980's fantasy novels_ . I won't demean myself or the crowd by "inserting" an eggplant emoji.
"What else can you do?" "Well if we're talking about an urban fantasy setting I'm clearly old enough to drive, so I could run over my hot enemy when they're busy performing their first ever villainous monologue in the story, that should make for a very lasting first impression.
I was making the stressed grimace face 😬 through half this video. I mean, when I was younger I didn't know all that much about actual medieval weapons, but I still understood that you don't give a full-sized blade to a halfling! Not to mention the other biases expressed by stripey authorial type, there.
I'm trying to imagine how big a 4.5 kilogram sword would actually be. IIRC even the biggest German Zweihanders were only about 1.5 kilos tops. Would we be talking "Buster Sword", or maybe even bigger?
Actually, apologies, I was mistaken. Zweihander actually *were* upward of 4.5 kilos, though that was mostly late model show swords more than weapons used by actual Landsknecht in battle. Still, doesn't need to be Buster Sword size.
And like that, you've sparked ideas. There's definitely a gap in the market for that kind of "Princess realises she doesn't want to be trapped in a tower forever" plot but slowly while having a fight with her parents about it, her mum goes "oh, wow, you have a point" and the rest of the story covers, in no particular order, the Queen terrorising brigands and enemies of the crown while juggling chainsaws and doing panto, the husband's desperate attempts to _not_ get roped into fighting a minotaur and to just have a nap in the throne room, and the daughter's bewildered realisation that her mum has _accidentally killed or ran off anything dangerous within the kingdom's borders,_ thus totally undermining her attempt at teenaged rebellion. So, allow me: We find ourselves in a library. Dust has settled down gently for the night. A man is tapping his teeth with the nail of his thumb, an intense expression of concentration on his face. A child of maybe six naps close to the hearth, bundled in blankets. The only sounds are a _t-t-t-t_ of keratin on enamel, and the occasional deeper breath from the sleeping girl. There is a crash. Distantly, the double doors bang open, rebound, and we hear another bang as somebody kicks the rebounding oak open once again. The man glances to his daughter. Still fast asleep. He turns a page. "Darling," calls the intruder quietly. Quietly for her, anyway. "The trophy room is full and the minotaur head would look brilliant above the children's room. You wouldn't mind terribly if I made some redecorations?" There is the scraping sound of tusk on flags. "Not at all, dear," the man replies absently. He frowns. The author has written 'proclivitiviousness,' which he is almost certain is not a word. "You _will_ nail it on and not just hook it up, this time? The cook was nearly crushed by the Naga, and Pippin won't eat anything unless he prepares it." The dragging sound pauses. "Is the beam above their door load-bearing?" "I believe not." _"Excellent."_ The dragging resumes. Silence falls again, and the dust resettles itself. Then, there is the tinkle of broken glass, and heaving breaths. "Hello, sweetheart," he calls. "Hello, father," comes an irritated voice in reply. "Is the fire lit?" The voice comes closer, and the man can hear a giant squelching. "Did you know mother fought the pack of wolves near the castle?" The girl, barely 13 and carrying about 7% of her body weight in sword, flops down on front of the roaring fire with a sigh of content. She glances to her sister, and slides a small toy wooden boat to rest atop the burrito of blankets. "I remember her mentioning it, yes. Something about noble creatures and living only once. The servants leave me blankets for when I decide to take a rest here. They should be under a chair." "Only, I think when they saw my hair, they turned and ran." "Your mother knows how to leave an impression. I knew that well before I married her. Is that why you're soaking? Did one of the dogs you were chasing jump in a puddle?" Sometimes Alizarin wondered if her father was still all there. Maybe it was some coping mechanism, or the stress of the job he'd married into. Maybe he just genuinely didn't see any difference between dogs and puddles and a wolf, nor realise they weren't playfully running, but _absolutely terrified of every ginger woman who came near them,_ now. "No, father," she said testily. "I spent all day looking for _anything_ exciting to do, and all I found was this stupid toy boat for Roa." She shivered. "Still, the lady who gave it to me had me fight an octopus for it." "Well, it's a lovely gesture. I'm sure she'll love it." Proclivitiviousness, he decides as Alizarin bundles herself up and curls protectively around Roa, is definitely _not_ a word.
Additionally: my condolences to anybody on mobile who clicked read more, only to have to scroll for five minutes to get past my comment. You could say you got click-scrolled.
But I thought that Jill has magic powers? And frankly I imagine Jill in the role of Captain of the Queen's Scouts, or Librarian Adventuress who retrieves valuable rare books from villains. Or perhaps a curly haired queen of a vaguely Celtic fantasy kingdom who can fight with spears, swords, pole arms, and is a werebear.
4.5kg, eh? That is, interestingly, almost exactly what your average sledge hammer weighs here in the US. Definitely doesn't sound like an elegant weapon from a more civilized age!
Now I'm imagining a sledgehammer with a sword coming out the top. Is it almost strictly worse than any of a sledgehammer, a polearm, a spear, or a sword, in almost any situation? Yes. Would it be a unique looking weapon for a stark foe to wield with terrible efficacy? Also yes.
I had to re read that; I thought you said so the male lead can get gored. Scene: Big Sword fight as our Red Haired Heroine nimbly steps aside to avoid the viscous thrust of the hot evil enemy. Ugh! Blood! Cute but not much else male lead is skewered! Thud! Red Haired clocks the Hot Evil Enemy out and she saves the day!
*Happy Sigh!* Jill, to quote Steve Rogers...in regards to watching you act..."I could do this all day!" But stop being mean on YOU! You're perfectly credible, delightful and fearsome action heroine ESPECIALLY at...triple 12!
@@JillBearup I need to start describing my age this way, though last year I described my age as a "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" quote: "I'm 37. I'm not old!" (as said by Dennis the Peasant).
I do like the touch that oversized swords are fine if she clearly has aid from magical ability. Always gotta give love to the Spellsword/Hexblade queens. X3
I’d love to read a book where the main character and their best friend are literally just platonic and care for each other like family instead of actually wanting to bang.
I know a comic(manwha) that has a 37yr heroine protagonist. It’s called “A wicked tale of Cinderella’s stepmom”. It’s great! About a woman that positively believes she’s turned into the infamous stepmother and just tries her best to live with her 3 daughters trying to ensure that they all 3 end up happily married(due to olden days patriarchal impositions, law enforced or not). It’s wholesome and funny and it’s just a very pleasant read.
I'm sure you could wield a zweihander if you just put your back into it. Kids today. In my day we marched three days uphill through a blizzard to get to the dragon.
"Can you be thin and fit current beauty standards perfectly and have around .005% of your body weight be muscles and wield a sword that weighs 5 kilos?" "Um, no, of course not!" "Ah, I love the sarcasm!"
I know where this story is going. It turns out the hot childhood friend betrays her because she refuses to love him, then there's an epic battle near the end when they fight each other, only for them to team up again and fight the main villain
Recently, I've been going through a phase where I want my fantasy characters to have handhelled communication devices, social media, overnight shipping, traffic caused by labour union strikes and handhelled projectile throwing weapons, so swords in fantasy are starting to seem overused. Electricity, internal combustion and gunpowder not required, but space flight is nice to have. For these reasons, my female fantasy characters should be a cashier for a big retail chain with an on-again off-again boyfriend, a room she's renting that's too expensive in a house in a bad suburb with terrible public transport and she should spend 8 hours a day scanning elchemical cleaning powder at a till to sell to a goblin that's unclogging his drain because pixies have been throwing fatty/oily liquids down an outside drain where they shouldn't. Give me something to relate to in my escapism, please. She shouldn't ever require the ability to swing a sword, because the government frowns on carrying blades over a certain length in public. When her younger brother gets involved with a potion gang she can go on an adventure to rescue him, avoid the hot childhood bully from high-school and have a healthy discussion with her boyfriend about support and distance. And also avoid low flying dragons and spinx investigators in the process.
![Gunna - HIM ALL ALONG [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HiCxoDeo0hc/mqdefault.jpg)
![VICTOR Denmark Open 2024 | An Se Young (KOR) [1] vs. Gregoria Mariska Tunjung (INA) [5] | SF](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Y3QEyCih85s/mqdefault.jpg)
Hello! Yes, swords do not weigh 4.5kg/10lbs unless they are made of depleted uranium or three metres long. That is, indeed, the joke. Welcome to the channel, we have swords and also make jokes 😁⚔️😁
The complete Fantasy Heroine series is here: ruclips.net/video/m-axbuh6v68/видео.html
Or if you want to pick and choose, all the Fantasy Heroine shorts are here: ruclips.net/p/PLj4N-R1RQxAuAQ4qBpaUbGLb1ZWpWySAz
I mean depeleted uranium sword definatly sounds like a si fi fantasy sword design lol. (Edit- spelling)
Depleted Uranium, the perfect way to make a cursed sword.
@@blockyuniverseproductions6587 Use enriched Uranium for that.
@@aaronjones5314 just slap the demon core into a containment system on the hilt and go full dark atompunk. Might as well make it more balanced for all the acrobatic rapier-style fight scenes
Thanks for the clarification, I was wondering what kind of sword she is going to wield to that to be so heavy.
The naturally hot childhood friend was really on the money,will he also later sacrifice his life for the heroine after a one-book phase of working with her enemies?
Ooooh, don't forget the confession of unrequited love before they sacrifice themselves, so that the author can use that to keep the fantasy heroine oscillating between *needing a bad boy to cry on and / or make bad decisions with* and _rejecting healthy relationships to honor the memory of Kevin!_
Don’t forget that he was in on the whole magical world thing in the first place!
Let’s not forget the urban fantasy update where the hot bad guy and hot good guy compete for her affections and she sleeps with both of them and is soooooo conflicted about it. Later it just becomes porn.
I love you, Laurell K. Hamilton, but that guilt gets a little difficult to believe after she bangs like the fifth supernatural hottie
@@Quirksmith1013 He got them stranded there Marcy style
*wheeze* probably
"Are you an archer? Can you draw a 100N+ bow and shoot with pinpoint accurately for the course of a prolonged battle, AND be described as a waif?"
Yes, all of my dex-built female characters are *totally* wrong now. I have finally realised this years later...
A waif meaning "a stray person or animal especially" ?
@@athena1491 The next definition down: "an extremely thin young woman." And certainly not option 3: "a piece of property (such as property washed up by the sea) found but unclaimed"
@@tyree9055 One little detail I liked in 3.5e was that compound bows allowed you to use your strength mod for damage rolls. I hope they come back in 5.5.
@@TooLateForIeago ohhhhhh, and honestly, given the tropes, the third might fit, also the first
“I brought a knife, it’s like a sword.”
*Lillie carries a sword similar to the Raven Claw knife*
Somebody get this woman a cake!
Unless it's American McGee's Alice Vorpal Sword; honey, that ain't gonna cut it.
I would like to add on to this "I bought a dagger and that's the perfect sword size for a hobbit"
cue "That's not a knife this is a knife" joke.
On the other hand a german messer (meaning knife) can be had in a two handed version.
I would love to see this heroine's story! I feel like tropes would constantly be popping up, and she'd just give them a weird look and do the sensible thing.
Ooh now I need to see this
Yaaas!
That's gonna be a short story:
Scene one: patent zero
Scene 2: heroin with determined look and large shotgun
Scene 3: Jaime want bi... BOOM
Scene 4: because of the competence of our heroin, the remainder of this movie will be a drastic recitation of Shakespeare's greatest hits.
Like the one time buffy brought a rocket launcher to a fantasy fight.
Got smart AND got even.
I always wondered if blade would have ever had an issue in the buffy-verse, even the watchers seemed content with watching their charges for instead of providing adequate defence training/gear.
Yessssss
Can I "wield" a sword? Yeah. Can I competently use one in a melee without cutting my own ear off? Speak up! I don't hear so good anymore.
twinsies
🤣🤣🤣
Omg hahaha, got me cackling in my tea.
You feeling saintlike? Hole-y?
@@giordanodsouza9563 Very Cathedralesque, yes.
Wielding a sword is super easy, barely an inconvenience.
I may or may not have been thinking just that...
@@JillBearup So... You have no history of poking anyone's eyes out then?
:D
Crossover! CROSSOVER!
RUclips crossovers are tight
@@makarabaduk1754 "They sure are, sir!"
More Of This Story Line Please
It Is Almost As Good As Cheese
It reminds me of the webcomic "Manly Guys Doing Manly Things" which was a deconstruction of the uber-macho action hero trope. It was about an employment agency trying to find jobs for people like Rambo and Kratos.
I would watch the shit out of a video series about a similar premise for female characters.
😭💛🧀
Yay cheese🧀 🤣🤣🤣
I can't thank her enough for explaining the cheese thing.
Plot twist: Cheese is the heroine's kryptonite. She loves it but is totally lactose intolerant. 🧀
"Can you pin your hair up with jus the one very long hair pin so your hair cascades down dramatically during a fight?"
"Uuuhhh won't that make it hard to see and give the enemy opportunity to grab my hair and or chop it off? Also depending on what era I'm supposed to be set in, a long hair pin will be quite anachronistic for a lot of what we actually see?"
"... I feel like you're missing the 'fantasy' element here"
As long as the hair pin is sharpened to a point that will go through chain mail it's all good.
Reading the hair description I wonder what kind of fantasy.
Considering my daughter would probably not hesitate cutting enemies into tiny bits were she a fantasy heroine I'm not worried (about here - there might be other casualties).
I’m going to use this scene in a novel
use the hair pin as a horn and stab people with it
You can actually do a sturdy bun and then add a big hairpin... For the enemies.
“Pointy end goes in the other man” I hope I wasn’t the only one who got that reference
You were not.
Everybody know that was a Harry Potter reference
@@Torlik11 Zorro reference, my friend.
My phlebotomy teacher...?
The Princess Bride, yes? Do I get a prize? :)
Loved the Mask of Zorro reference.
"Do you know how to use that thing?"
"Yes!... Pointy end goes into the other man."
I was trying to remember where I heard that from! My first guess was Terry Pratchett. Thanks!
Game of Thrones had that joke, too! Jon to Aria when he gifts her a sword, and Aria to Sansa when Sansa is being sequestered in the basement.
I think Hook says it in Once Upon A Time, as well? Kinda funny how many other movies repeated those lines from Zorro.
Moment of appreciation for the accent changes, accurate, subtle and entertaining
The characterization through accent, voice, manner, and everything was really neat.
A lot of people still believe swords are heavier than they really are. Opportunity for a video there, Jill - difference between epee, sabre, arming sword, etc. and its effect on stage.
This really needs to be discussed more. Even two-handed swords aren't as heavy as people think. It's like people forget that being the first to cut and/or stab is crucial in a fight to the death, and using a heavy, slow weapon is actively detrimental to that goal, and thus no one wanted to make heavy slow weapons in the past, because no one would want to use them.
@@Dyundu Plus heavy/slow = telegraphing moves so your opponent has time to counter. A good thing on stage, no doubt, but not much use in combat.
@@Anti_Woke You also can't forget that in the calculation of force F=MV^2. Velocity is worth a lot more, so lighter blade that can swing faster can, generally, give a lot more force than a heavier blade.
@@Dyundu I remember asking a blacksmith I knew about another acquaintance's assurance that there really were 35lbs swords. His response was that he didn't even think a lead sword could weigh that much.
Clearly, he wasn't aware of the period greensmiths who made depleted uranium into swords.
Guilty as charged. I wouldn't have doubted the 4,5kg, if someone had told me that number with a straight face.
"also, what are your views on leather bikinis?"
I'm not a fan. They sometimes require a shoe-horn to remove.
more comfortable than chainmail
They're fine as long as I get to wear thigh-high boots. High heel preferably.
@@Torlik11 you won't need this for the first trilogy. Maybe as an upgrade for the second. If the first sells good, you know?
Homestuck
I didn't expect this kind of comedy sketch, but I loved it! ^^
"Can you handle a sword?" as if there aren't a bunch of different types of sword with a bunch of different techniques to wield them lol
"Can you handle a sword?"
Michelle Yeoh in Crouching Tiger: YES.
I was honestly expecting some innuendo AS WELL AS wry commentary regarding historical weapon use, TBH.
One of the reasons why I liked about The Lord of the Rings films is that Miranda Otto was was thirty-two at the time of filming.
And she KILLED it, she's just that good
That is pretty common. A lot of people get aged up from the books, bc too young important people are not believable (realistic!) or a bit creepy.
In history a lot of people were really young, and probably immature with bad judgement, which could explain some of the stupidities.
I thought we were going down the path of, "I am an expert in 5 different sword styles, which one do you want specifically?"
Interviewer: Can you run in heels?
I actually can. I'll grant that it isn't a full out run, but I can jog in heels
Lillie: “I am ## years old and pretty mature for my age and strong. I know what is a sword and I’m able to lift 2204.4 lbs.”
Hm, odd, I was going to ask if this is a metric ton reference, however, I thought it was 2204.642 lbs., however, the conversion value website seems to figure on 2204.423 lbs...
@@doomslayer7719 doesn't really matter. We can also describe the weight as 4.6 washing machines or 2968 hamburgers...
Considering I could lift object weighing 50 lbs more than me at the age of 16... 🤔😂
You may be able to if that 2204.4 lbs would STAY IN THE GODDAMN BAG
"Oh we gonna have a blast!" *pulls gun from the purse*
*American Venom plays*
Is the fact that this then led into the epic story that was your fantasy Heroine Story. That is just Beautiful.
"we're also going to need a backflip in a flowing dress and high heels, no biggie"
A sword 7.5% of my total body mass would actually qualify as a battering ram 😞
🙌
So you're 400lbs? Because I'm 200lbs and I just got a 15lb propane tank. And modern battering rams are 30lbs.
I had to watch this a few times to make sure I didn't miss any dialogue between the Writer and the assistant. Damn, this was good
Jill provides subtitles 🤩
I had a little trouble following who was who even the second time through, simply because fast cuts plus similar-looking characters. Would suggest pushing the third character to the side in some way, or using a desk, typewriter/computer, or other prop to make them feel different from the two main conversants.
Rewatching this after the saga unfolded I have to say I appreciate her age, because she brings more backstory and experience to the table
“I think we’re going to do great things together!“
And indeed they did.😊
[Googles 4.5kg to lb in Google because American] Ah, yes, fencing with ornamental zweihanders. Perfect for witty banter and flirting while the combatants catch their breath and balance between swings.
I think the largest two handed swords that were actually used in battle topped out at about 4kg (8.8lbs), but those are exceptional, with large two handed swords usually weighing about 2kg.
Some weapons weighing even more than 4.5kg did see widespread use, but they were in general large polearms, primarily for fighting in formation.
@@hamstsorkxxor That's pretty consistant with my own internet searches.
I'm not super surprised to hear about heavier polearms, especially after you mentioned they were mostly for formation fighting.
To save (next time) ... bandwidth, typing, squinting, making Google richer, over accuracy ....... just x 2
"I thought you asked about handling a sword, not wielding a decorative, vaguely sword-shaped object as an actual weapon."
The idea of old warriors wielding heavy swords makes me think of the final fight scene in Robin & Marian, with an aged Sean Connery and Robert Shaw as old, slow, clumsy (and armored) dueling in the field.
Honestly Jill I hope you're proud you've ruined many fantasy novels with your realism over the years but on the plus side made my writing a smidge more accurate 🤣
(My character may or may not have rather thick plot armour but even then I've had to give her rapid healing powers bc she should be dead or brain damaged by now. There's also a very confused My Cabbages style doctor who is Concerned bless him)
You get a heart just for the MY CABBAGES style doctor 😂
...all I can think of is the guy from AtLA and his wails of "My CABBAGES!!" as a doctor, splinting his patient's arm, using cabbage leaves as cushioning. 🤣
I am Interested.
@@warriormaiden9829 Now that is a glorious mental image
"Can you wield a sword...?"
_sadly some of us recall what "sword" was as a euphemism in bodice-ripper books and dicey 1980's fantasy novels_ . I won't demean myself or the crowd by "inserting" an eggplant emoji.
Ah yes. Paul Stanley wrote a song called "Sword and Stone" where the chorus was "I am the sword, you are the stone." Subtle.
What?
Oh 😂 yikes
I mean, it is also a thing in Shakespeare.
@@DoumaUppermoon2 And AC/DC has a song where the chorus is "let my cut your cake with my knife."
Sword's been a euphamism for male genitals since we invented them (invented swords that is, male genitals predate the jokes)
We need to normalize 36-year-old fantasy heroines with magic powers.
Please continue this series. You had me snickering so hard at the age section.
Jill, I love your wit and sense of humor. Keep on being delightful!
"What else can you do?"
"Well if we're talking about an urban fantasy setting I'm clearly old enough to drive, so I could run over my hot enemy when they're busy performing their first ever villainous monologue in the story, that should make for a very lasting first impression.
Ok I got about halfway through that before I thought "Oh THAT kind of heroine"
Same
I was making the stressed grimace face 😬 through half this video. I mean, when I was younger I didn't know all that much about actual medieval weapons, but I still understood that you don't give a full-sized blade to a halfling! Not to mention the other biases expressed by stripey authorial type, there.
🎶What can I say except you’re welcome🎶
@@JillBearup why do i keep hearing The Rock sing it.....?
Watching this after the series concluded, Caroline's relationship with Rosamund has definitely changed over the course of the story
I'm trying to imagine how big a 4.5 kilogram sword would actually be. IIRC even the biggest German Zweihanders were only about 1.5 kilos tops. Would we be talking "Buster Sword", or maybe even bigger?
Actually, apologies, I was mistaken. Zweihander actually *were* upward of 4.5 kilos, though that was mostly late model show swords more than weapons used by actual Landsknecht in battle. Still, doesn't need to be Buster Sword size.
YOU are my fantasy heroine. Let’s start with Cordelia Naismith. You are perfect.
An excellent heroine! Brains rule! And courage, and ethics, and honor...
And like that, you've sparked ideas.
There's definitely a gap in the market for that kind of "Princess realises she doesn't want to be trapped in a tower forever" plot but slowly while having a fight with her parents about it, her mum goes "oh, wow, you have a point" and the rest of the story covers, in no particular order, the Queen terrorising brigands and enemies of the crown while juggling chainsaws and doing panto, the husband's desperate attempts to _not_ get roped into fighting a minotaur and to just have a nap in the throne room, and the daughter's bewildered realisation that her mum has _accidentally killed or ran off anything dangerous within the kingdom's borders,_ thus totally undermining her attempt at teenaged rebellion.
So, allow me:
We find ourselves in a library. Dust has settled down gently for the night. A man is tapping his teeth with the nail of his thumb, an intense expression of concentration on his face. A child of maybe six naps close to the hearth, bundled in blankets. The only sounds are a _t-t-t-t_ of keratin on enamel, and the occasional deeper breath from the sleeping girl.
There is a crash. Distantly, the double doors bang open, rebound, and we hear another bang as somebody kicks the rebounding oak open once again. The man glances to his daughter. Still fast asleep. He turns a page.
"Darling," calls the intruder quietly. Quietly for her, anyway. "The trophy room is full and the minotaur head would look brilliant above the children's room. You wouldn't mind terribly if I made some redecorations?" There is the scraping sound of tusk on flags.
"Not at all, dear," the man replies absently. He frowns. The author has written 'proclivitiviousness,' which he is almost certain is not a word. "You _will_ nail it on and not just hook it up, this time? The cook was nearly crushed by the Naga, and Pippin won't eat anything unless he prepares it."
The dragging sound pauses. "Is the beam above their door load-bearing?"
"I believe not."
_"Excellent."_ The dragging resumes.
Silence falls again, and the dust resettles itself. Then, there is the tinkle of broken glass, and heaving breaths.
"Hello, sweetheart," he calls.
"Hello, father," comes an irritated voice in reply. "Is the fire lit?" The voice comes closer, and the man can hear a giant squelching. "Did you know mother fought the pack of wolves near the castle?" The girl, barely 13 and carrying about 7% of her body weight in sword, flops down on front of the roaring fire with a sigh of content. She glances to her sister, and slides a small toy wooden boat to rest atop the burrito of blankets.
"I remember her mentioning it, yes. Something about noble creatures and living only once. The servants leave me blankets for when I decide to take a rest here. They should be under a chair."
"Only, I think when they saw my hair, they turned and ran."
"Your mother knows how to leave an impression. I knew that well before I married her. Is that why you're soaking? Did one of the dogs you were chasing jump in a puddle?"
Sometimes Alizarin wondered if her father was still all there. Maybe it was some coping mechanism, or the stress of the job he'd married into. Maybe he just genuinely didn't see any difference between dogs and puddles and a wolf, nor realise they weren't playfully running, but _absolutely terrified of every ginger woman who came near them,_ now. "No, father," she said testily. "I spent all day looking for _anything_ exciting to do, and all I found was this stupid toy boat for Roa." She shivered. "Still, the lady who gave it to me had me fight an octopus for it."
"Well, it's a lovely gesture. I'm sure she'll love it."
Proclivitiviousness, he decides as Alizarin bundles herself up and curls protectively around Roa, is definitely _not_ a word.
Additionally: my condolences to anybody on mobile who clicked read more, only to have to scroll for five minutes to get past my comment. You could say you got click-scrolled.
But I thought that Jill has magic powers? And frankly I imagine Jill in the role of Captain of the Queen's Scouts, or Librarian Adventuress who retrieves valuable rare books from villains. Or perhaps a curly haired queen of a vaguely Celtic fantasy kingdom who can fight with spears, swords, pole arms, and is a werebear.
“pointy end goes in the other man” love the reference
Well, in case of missing bodyweight.. there is always beer and magic! And cheesecake.. Fantasy Heroines definately need more cheesecake.
There's actually quite a long tradition of fantasy heroines and cheesecake.
@@seanheath4492 It’s to balance out the beefcake.
@@Me-oy5he Fair enough. You have to have the right balance of beef and cheese.
@@Me-oy5he Beefcake! BEEF-CAAAAKE! (May cause irreversible damage to the kidneys and liver.)
4.5kg, eh? That is, interestingly, almost exactly what your average sledge hammer weighs here in the US. Definitely doesn't sound like an elegant weapon from a more civilized age!
Now I'm imagining a sledgehammer with a sword coming out the top.
Is it almost strictly worse than any of a sledgehammer, a polearm, a spear, or a sword, in almost any situation? Yes. Would it be a unique looking weapon for a stark foe to wield with terrible efficacy? Also yes.
in my combat group, we referred to a sword of that weight as "a truck" because it was about as quick and maneuverable.
So uncivilized...
I just love her reation when she says "Hello- oh... egh..."
Now that it's over kinda brings back memories
I’d personally be really exited to see a “generic white girl fantasy heroine” book but she wields a claymore
I know there's a series CALLED Claymore that's about fantasy heroines but I don't remember if the girls in that use the titular weapon.
And they did!
Rewatching it because the cliffhanger is just too brutal :D
🤣 This is the humor I needed today.
Great character! and us old people still read.
"I don't mean to branch two decades out" LMAO😂
"Do you know how to step aside at a critical moment so the far less talented, experienced, and interesting male lead can get the glory?"
I had to re read that; I thought you said so the male lead can get gored. Scene: Big Sword fight as our Red Haired Heroine nimbly steps aside to avoid the viscous thrust of the hot evil enemy. Ugh! Blood! Cute but not much else male lead is skewered! Thud! Red Haired clocks the Hot Evil Enemy out and she saves the day!
@@brentmartin6833 I prefer Gored as well -no glory for the inexperienced idiot !
That's why all of my heroes are completely silly goofballs who survive on slapstick to get them through the fight
The second you mentioned swords I imagined Shad busting through the wall yelling “SWOOOOOORDS!”
Dude definitely younger people will read it because I started watching these with out watching this and know I'm hooked
It's so weird to come back to where it all started
I love these. They make me critically evaluate characters before I get serious about it.
Me, laying awake at 2am, wondering what to do with this vision of a beefier, tech bro version of Mr. Darcy....
I LOVE the different looks you rock in this!
Jill is a treasure. Her content always makes for good viewing.
"Can you handle a sword?" is right up there with "Can you ride a horse?" *sigh*
Every fantasy movie pitch to the execs in history right there!
Ah, how far these characters have come…
"We're going to do great things together."
And they did. UwU
*Happy Sigh!* Jill, to quote Steve Rogers...in regards to watching you act..."I could do this all day!" But stop being mean on YOU! You're perfectly credible, delightful and fearsome action heroine ESPECIALLY at...triple 12!
Not sure if I more closely resemble two eighteen year olds smushed together or three twelve year olds, but I’ll take it 😂
@@JillBearup 12 when you are cosplying Vin...18 in pretty much every other picture.
@@JillBearup I need to start describing my age this way, though last year I described my age as a "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" quote: "I'm 37. I'm not old!" (as said by Dennis the Peasant).
I would love to see the job posting for this position!
I do like the touch that oversized swords are fine if she clearly has aid from magical ability. Always gotta give love to the Spellsword/Hexblade queens. X3
I’d love to read a book where the main character and their best friend are literally just platonic and care for each other like family instead of actually wanting to bang.
That has to be illegal, or at least the legislation's pending. It's certainly not allowed...
Movie not book, but the dungeon and dragons movie has a prominant platonic friendship
I know a comic(manwha) that has a 37yr heroine protagonist.
It’s called “A wicked tale of Cinderella’s stepmom”. It’s great! About a woman that positively believes she’s turned into the infamous stepmother and just tries her best to live with her 3 daughters trying to ensure that they all 3 end up happily married(due to olden days patriarchal impositions, law enforced or not).
It’s wholesome and funny and it’s just a very pleasant read.
The magic power is being able to calculate percentages on the fly
Adorable! Love you, Jill!!! Thanks for my first LOL of the weekend.
"I'M THIRTY SIX, I'M NOT OLD!" Did I catch the reference, Dennis?
Author Jill Vs RL Jill
In a Ultimate Jill face off
Lmao, but I'm so disappointed you didn't say "Ultimate Jill-off" smh
Why is it so accurate.
I'm in the editing phase of a short novel and my fantasy heroine ... well let's just say I think you'd approve 😂
The one that started it all! :')
This needs to be a feature-length video or series, please.
i need a whole series of these skits
I'm sure you could wield a zweihander if you just put your back into it. Kids today. In my day we marched three days uphill through a blizzard to get to the dragon.
Well, at least you didn't have to march back home afterwards *chomp* *chomp*
@@jonathan_60503 True. Nothing like a little fire breath when you've marched in the cold for three days.
That supporting character in flower shirt better be in the book too!
Judging from the look on Generic White Girl Fantasy Heroine's face, I think she may have decided to decline the job.
Once again Jill you brighten my day. Thank you.
Depleted uranium sword, probably doesn't even need a cutting edge because just the momentum of the swing would be devastating
Wait... four and a half KILOS? What manner of monstrosity are they trying to get this thirty six year old human to swing?!
Some anime-esque monstrosity. Or maybe Stripy Shirt just knows nothing about swords :D
Anime sword. Taller (and wider) than the wielder.
"Squire! Bring me my... Zweihänder!!!!" 😆
@@euansmith3699 At 4.5kg, it may as well be an achthänder . . .
"Can you be thin and fit current beauty standards perfectly and have around .005% of your body weight be muscles and wield a sword that weighs 5 kilos?"
"Um, no, of course not!"
"Ah, I love the sarcasm!"
Yes, we do like the sarcasm. And chocolate. Way more than cheese. Not to knock cheese, just chocolate is better.
Favorite series on shorts haha, this is so funny! Thanks for posting a playlist link!!
Aaa they’re so cute!!! This song fits so well!!! 😁💕
God your smart with your skits makes me think more about what I’m writing
I know where this story is going.
It turns out the hot childhood friend betrays her because she refuses to love him, then there's an epic battle near the end when they fight each other, only for them to team up again and fight the main villain
Props to Jull who had to change costumes God knows how many times for this skit.
Me: what kind of sword? Short sword, long sword, broad sword?
banter with the hot enemy is always so delicious 😂
The day we all became friends with Rosamund. Miss her stories😊😊
i NEED A HEROOOOO!
Just discovered this channel, I'm loving it already!
Ahh, the beginning.
Hits different when you watch it again after the epilogue🙃.
Lovely and witty as ever. I love her top and the hair that might be windblown later.
Someone else noticed that things happening only with 16 years old girls. Woho
Recently, I've been going through a phase where I want my fantasy characters to have handhelled communication devices, social media, overnight shipping, traffic caused by labour union strikes and handhelled projectile throwing weapons, so swords in fantasy are starting to seem overused. Electricity, internal combustion and gunpowder not required, but space flight is nice to have.
For these reasons, my female fantasy characters should be a cashier for a big retail chain with an on-again off-again boyfriend, a room she's renting that's too expensive in a house in a bad suburb with terrible public transport and she should spend 8 hours a day scanning elchemical cleaning powder at a till to sell to a goblin that's unclogging his drain because pixies have been throwing fatty/oily liquids down an outside drain where they shouldn't. Give me something to relate to in my escapism, please. She shouldn't ever require the ability to swing a sword, because the government frowns on carrying blades over a certain length in public.
When her younger brother gets involved with a potion gang she can go on an adventure to rescue him, avoid the hot childhood bully from high-school and have a healthy discussion with her boyfriend about support and distance. And also avoid low flying dragons and spinx investigators in the process.