Narcissists can’t handle constructive criticism. They automatically see it as a personal attack when all the other party is trying to give feedback in order for them to improve. But narcissists never feel the need to improve because they think they’re perfect. They get triggered by form of criticism as it is a narcissist injury which hurts their ego.
I found this incredibly frustrating with someone I was dating, because not only would she not listen, but she’d instantly lash out and deflect by criticizing something irrelevant about me - when I wasn’t even criticizing her in the first place.
@@bloom4807I think my father recognizes how he is at some level, but feels entitled to behave that way because it’s “his house” and “his family.” He seems to have dual personas, the relatively normal man, and the narcissist, and oscillates between the two both predictably and unpredictably.
The selfishness, ignorance, arrogance, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, their delusions of grandeur, victim-playing, blame-game, false accusations, unreasoning desire for revenge, grudges and resentment.
Your sentence lacks a verb. Sorry to criticize. But I was waiting for a verb. Ex : their lack of empathy IS mind boggling. Blessings NS ,I am a sub to you also.❤
Vindictiveness is by far the worst for me. The NEED, the utter INABILITY to let things slide, to see it as life simply being, to instead see it as a PERSONAL violation in need of punishment: horrible.
Yeah i agree, this was the most harmful aspect of being abused. That they feel the need to hurt you/punish you for honest mistakes or even just nothing much at all, and that they do it consciously with intent and forethought.
You are absolutely right regarding the Dunning Kruger effect. I’m a singer / singing teacher/ general dogsbody musician. I constantly see people who are genuinely gifted but underestimate themselves, whereas the incompetent yet arrogant ones always want to hog the stage. But at least I don’t have to teach them, because they’re already perfect 🤭
They will argue in a circle and down a rabbit hole with you until you either agree with them or they completely exhaust you😩they are just ‘right fighters’!!!
My son and I like the quote, “a fool thinks himself wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool”. My hubs shames me and my son simply for stating our ignorance in something or asking for help when needed.
I'll never forget the first (and last) time I sang karaoke. Once my song was over, I returned to my acquaintances. "You are such a great dancer," said the woman, kindly. Years later, I still laugh at this memory. A healthy dose of humility keeps one's feet on the floor. Warm wishes to all those in recovery.
I, too, would appreciate the critical advice. Please know this: Your voice can get stronger and you can sing more in tune IF you sing even more. I have heard a lot of poor singers improve because they simply love to sing because it helps them to feel better. Some of us with strong singing voices only have them because we sang so much through our childhoods to get through the pain. It doesn't make me better than you if your voice isn't as strong as mine or as someone else's. I bet you are a fantastic dancer....I can only dance at home. Please sing if you feel like singing.
@yu12si7 What an unexpected lovely response! I do sing when depressed and it invariably raises my spirit. I no longer live alone, however, and rarely sing anymore unless we're on a good drive and it feels right. The kind woman's tactful compliment is a lasting reminder of the effectiveness of a deftly worded compliment. Kind regards to you for such a generous heart.
Once I decided to believe actions and not words, I found relief. Now all I have to say is, you're a good talker you are, but I'm waiting for the actions because you have no commitment behind your words.
6 of the Worst qualities displayed by narcissists 00:31 - They overestimate their abilities 09:36 - They are arrogant 17:29 - They are entitled 22:15 - They are manipulative 26:23 - They are greedy 31:03 - They lie
"There's an inherent delusion and hypocrisy built into entitlement...They don't believe the same rules that apply to others should apply to them, and when that entitlement gets challenged, rage always follows." - Dr. Ramani, sourced from another video.
In the realm of cerebral narcissism-as my 20 years with my ex unfolded, he was increasingly likely to make ill informed and erroneous claims & statements in his work, convinced that he knew what he was talking about. I’m a certified scholar as well. Initially, he welcomed my input, and was grateful for it, because I kept him out of some pitfalls on a number of occasions; but again, as time went on, and he became more and more “self-important” (for lack of a better term), I toned my input down, because if I got him angry, I would suffer the consequences.
My mom (one of my main role models growing up), was a perpetual victim. She would tell me and anyone else she could (including other family members, friends who were close or not close, and even strangers she just met), about how abused she was as a child. The issue is, that made up the majority of my conversations with her. And she always told the SAME stories over and over again. But it wasn't just stories of her being a victim. She also told many stories of her having moments of superiority over others, or "winning" at something. To make her look tough, strong, or smart. These stories were also told on repeat. I was told so much I can remember most of my moms memories/stories, good or bad. She always claimed her stories were honest because every time she told the same story, "the details were consistent", she would say. She always had to have this certain intimidating power over me and her poor friends who soaked up everything she said and were so gullible, that they believed it all and even pitied her. Yet my mom had the nerve to complain to everyone about MY shortcomings and how I was acting like such a horrible daughter. Diagnosing me and telling everyone I had bipolar or depression or even agoraphobia without ever taking me to a therapist. I dont want to assume my mom was a narcissist but to this day, she still seems like she hasn't changed a bit and treats me like I'm the selfish one because I cut her out of my life. I know it was a good choice considering she burned her bridges with most of our other family members, including her own neices, nephews, and even sisters. They won't even talk to her. I honestly dont feel a thing for her besides an empty space missing true and healthy materal love. I try my best not to be like her.
I did notice the arrogance of my narc boyfriend and now husband, but unfortunately I interpreted it as him being sure of himself as it was the total opposite of me. In fact he always said that I was such a shy introvert, while he was very much an extravert, very sure of himself as he was describing himself. Yet, in 20 years of life with him, I've seen through him and saw the exact opposite: a shallow, insecure introvert, miserable and with suicidal thoughts which is the extreme expression of his victim hood... he always reacted with fear/aggression if someone rang the doorbell, never wanted guests in his house. At work he was putting on a mask to seem professional and extroverted, being the centre of attention, telling stories and jokes. In private a totally different person who had nothing meaningful to say, often very bitter, sarcastic, mean and dismissive
Sounds a bit like my mother, she hates having any guests and doesn't go anywhere too. If she does visit someone on a very rare occasion, she always tells me afterwards that their house is so much better than mine in every way 😂 IDK what she is trying to achieve, I literally don't care.
On Mother’s Day,I saw the pain in a young mother’s face, her eyes the hurt she was feeling from the father of their child. It wasn’t the first time I saw this. This woman has not humiliated you when I have been present. I want you to think about this; it is her dedication, her paycheck, her love for her daughter that has made your daughter who she is. A decent man would have given her a card. You gave her not even the words.
I have been experiencing all of this dynamics in my work place for 5 excruciating years now, all because I need the money to provide for my children. This month of December, 2023 will be my last month working for these narcissistic management! I have forced myself to resign 10 days prior following work rules, so these narcissistic bullies do not hold that against me. I have witnessed the love bombing stage, constant backlighting, gossip, belittling, invalidation, entitlement, overworked and under paid! My body would experience pain in the shoulders and back, and night mares that didn't make sense to me because I left my abusive narcissistic ex spouse along time ago. With pay cuts and over load of work happening now, I am quitting my job! I feel so much relief that it feels like a free soul! I look forward to a new beginning 2024! ☺
I had this happen with a coworker who asked my advice on something as I have more education and experience than her. I feel like she’s jealous cause she makes weird little comments almost like digs at my extra education. She named an important work thing incorrectly, but I just expressed what I thought it could be without correcting her. After she did the work, she made a point of telling me it was what she had originally thought, even though it couldn’t be as she had named incorrectly. It felt like she was playing a weird power game trying to prove she was right when actually it couldn’t have been because it wasn’t the right info. I didn’t bother correcting her cause I get a weird vibe from her, and don’t think she gets it, so I just keep my boundaries and don’t engage. But deep down I know the truth. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Had a “ boss” once ask me what I thought about something. She didn’t like my answer so she quickly informed me that I ”wasn’t paid to think”. Message received…I moved on.
Oh right either that or - videos like these have driven you a bit off your trolley and now you cannot stop acting like a sociopath toward others who are narcissists in your mind ? Any reasonable person would hope not. But then any reasonable person could tell that these videos are full of utter hateful nonsense looking for desperado's with nothing better to do that accuse people they meet of being narcissists at random.
@@SophieBird07Perhaps if she didn't like your input, then why the he'll did she ask you in the first place-just to look good(open-minded) to some higher-up who might have been there for a split second? Phony douchebags.
I worry that I might come off as being narcissistic! This is one quality I never want to show, having grown up with and being forced to move back in with a narcissistic mother. I try my darnedest to treat people the way I want treated!
They think of us exactly how a 3 year old relates to "their" Dolly, shape sorter, and color of their bedsheets. If they can't master, or control it, they lose their shit! So, here you are eating plastic peas, Dolly.
This is happening at work right now. I left the office where the narc worked, but he is inventing nonsense as "rules" and has no idea how to do the job. He actually took over time and attendance submission and could not learn it for 6 months or more. 5 people left that office and he is still there, so management is also not seeing it.
I used to own a restaurant. My attitude was there's no such thing as a VIP. Every customer is a VIP.... they are all paying the same price they all get the same service. I had the entitled customer's and guess what..... they usually tip the worst unless they are trying to impress someone
Regarding lying. I don’t think my narcissistic partner really lied very much at all. With him the issue was more secrecy and hiding than outright lying. At one point late in our relationship, he disclosed angrily that he “didn’t feel comfortable sharing his thoughts or feelings” with me. I think in some relationships, or for some narcissists, being secretive can play the same role that lying plays for other narcissists.
In my relationship with my narcissistic husband, I was the one who didn't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts. My narc used to complain and criticize me for being secretive. What he didn't realize was that I was just protecting myself from his abuse. I had learned long ago to refrain from sharing my innermost thoughts with him, as when I had shared my heart with him in the past, he would promptly rip it out of my chest, throw it down on the ground, stomp on it until it was a bloody mess, and then expect me to still be whole. I could no longer trust him with the innermost secrets of my heart, and he would complain that I was holding back from honest, open communication.
I've recently realized that I hi-jack conversations and try to prove how intelligent I am. It's not because I'm a narcissist. It's because i had to be perfect, and to know everything, to be loved. So, not every know-it-all is a jerk. Some are still battling CPTSD, etc.
I also realized that I interrupt a lot.... not to hijack the conversation but to ask questions. I know that I do this because I had to listen to 10-15 minute monologues where I would have had to ask questions to understand what is being said but wouldn't have remembered them all by the time they finished talking. I don't mind when someone interrupts me to ask a question but am I a jerk in doing so?
@nicolaa9672 it's not my place to say who's a jerk. I can only say that being interrupted is a big trigger for me personally because I was never allowed to complete a thought or sentence. Interruptions can affect the flow and rhythm of the speaker, which, in my mind, is a form of hi-jacking. BUT, that's just me. Others, I'm sure, are perfectly fine with it 👍
@@dgvfsa66 Thank you for explaining this to me. I'm sorry that I asked if I am a jerk. I am now aware of my behavior I am trying to change.I've asked my friends to stop me and call me out if I do. I wasn't aware before that it could be a trigger for someone. I appreciate you teaching me. Thank you
As a young person, I was driven in the arts, and spent hours honing my skills, fueled by my interest in what I was doing. It paid off, and I began winning awards for my work in grade school. Some of the other students, complained loudly to me, to my face, because they didn't win. They felt that competing against me, was unfair, and had me eliminated from competing against them. I know this, because I asked the teacher why I was suddenly excluded from fair competitions, outside of our school, which included a much larger cast of competitors than just me. What the students told me; "It's unfair to" the other students, was repeated back to me. After I was eliminated from larger local, and national competitions- the jealous students, won absolutely nothing more than the right to demand my exclusion. I should note that the people who demanded my exclusion, are the same sex as me. It's not a sport, where size, and physical structure matters. I feel that's different. They have told me, as adults, that they are still angry, and claimed that I , personally, ruined their potential... LOL Don't know if they're NPD- but I don't care to know them well enough to find out.
What bothers me the most is when I am expected to carry out the narcissist's entitlements. "I want something a certain way." "I don't think they do it that way." "Well, you just tell them if they don't do it that way we won't use them anymore! We'll tell all our friends not to go there!" 😐
The narc I dealt with blamed me for everything. Nothing was ever his fault, including the abusive comments he would make. I was never allowed to talk about what was going on with anyone. I was never allowed to express an option or share how his comments were impacting me. I never felt more powerless. I was subjected to the silent treatment so many times. It makes you feel like you don't matter, don't exist. I don't believe he will ever suffer in any way.
Another one of the worst qualities is, as I have to endure for the past 16 years of being married to a narcissist husband: inability to accept other peoples opinion. Also standing up for yourself. my say something, as soon as I express my opinion about something general, like about the weather, about the news, about things etc...and he does not like it, not even the fact that I am the audacity to express my own opinion, he gets so mad at me, especially when I do not agree with his, that he starts insulting me, attacking my character, my education, my past, bring up my faults and mistakes etc...out of the concept, not aligned to the subject. He cannot accept the fact that I have my own opinion. and we then can have the biggest fights when I stand up for myself and defend myself, then it goes really bad, then he is so mad at me, not loud, but he hits me with the meanest words, the meanest insults, the meanest comments, hurting me, like stabbing me he insults my figures, my eating habits, my routines, my parents, my preference and acts like he has the right to talk over and bad about me and acts like he owns me he acts like he needs to tell me how the world works . Narcistic people do not like when people have their own opinion nor when people like me do not accept any insults from them. Narcistic people expect everyone around them to follow their rules otherwise it is war pure and you get attacked by them in the meanest way
I’ve mentioned this a few times. I see it in my narcissistic sister, going through probate. The number of times she’s said to the judge that I don’t know what I’m doing. If she really has the belief system she has, I think she’d have the smarts to take care of a number of things BEFORE our mother passed, rather than to project her lack of savvy and due diligence on me. I just don’t even respond as, I know she has the need to feel smart and I’m removing her from my life, so she can feel smart elsewhere. Where the rubber sometimes hits the road is that annoying old question, “How’s it workin for ya’.” A question many narcissists never think to ask themselves.
I supervised a person who was not qualified to do their job, because they could not read or write. It was frustrating, because the other employees often stopped what they were doing, in order to step in, and provide help. This person could have gotten a job bagging groceries, doing janitorial work, or as a greeter. The company who needed employees who could read and write, did nothing about it. They also paid that person less than the other employees. I discovered that companies who hire challenged people, are given a tax incentive to do so.
I worked as a teamleade and trainer r in an office with a high volume of customer service and interaction with attorneys. stakeholders. After moving across country I eventually got back into the same field, in a smaller office. My role was different and I quickly realized the trainer overestimated her knowledge and authority. I spoke up during training citing my 1st hand knowledge of how a statute was applied. The narc looked shocked and then got loud. I remained calm. Eventually her arraogance and unprofessionalism resukted in 2 people in the group filing grievances against her. I realized management had been hoodwinked by her confidence. I'm self-assured and applied for promotions but this meant the narc woukd work closely with me, she was known to hide key information. I learned whatever I could. I knew a downsize was coming and planned my exit. The boss was surprised when I stated I was quitting and knew I won't be unemployed for long.
Re entitlement, I have had narcissists tell others that I am incompetent - because I do not cheat, cut in line or berate workers etc to get things done. Re greed, I remember someone who would go to a meeting and take 2 bagels (which the junior staff members were required to take turns buying), which would just sit, uneaten in front of him, while others went without. It just seemed like a really jerky power move.
Dr Ramani. You are my heart Beat. Love you so much. Thank God for blessing us with you. Your work is remarkable in restoring our sense of Worth. Beauty with.Brains...You are Amazing.
I’ve always thought of it as like Arrogance is just fake confidence.. and i believe the awareness and intent in why you’d be using it are what really matters more ❤
for me, it's when they need the last word. Always..I have a malicious ex from 29 years ago who went off with with best friend and still tried to find me as I just ignored them.
Narcissists can dish it out but can’t take it, so criticisms apply to everybody else but narcissists (who always have enough excuses and blame to go around).
It's so dangerous to work with a Dunning-Kruger boss or colleague. Inevitably, they mess things up. They are a root cause of a "death march" project because they overestimate their abilities and underestimate workloads. Run fast 🏃💨💨
The two qualities I remember I experienced with my Toxic ex was being manipulative and lying. He could lie just like when he told the truth. He was good at hiding my things, throwing things away. I would question him about different things and he was so convincing that he didn't move or discard something. But I knew he had to do it, because there was no one else in the house but him and I.
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! So Smart!!! So Very Very True!!! I Experienced This in The Work Place Many Many Times!!! I Appreciate You Dr.Ramani, and Your Wonderful, Informative, and Teaching Videos Very Much!!!❣️
Dr. Ramani, you're content has helped me so much. There's so many "narcissist help" information channels now, but I find yours to be the most grounded and true. Everyone has been effected by narcissism in one way or another and your information on the subject is in my opinion of the highest quality. I believe you're words can and have help to heal so many people, both narcissistic abuse victims and people with narcissistic/toxic behavior patterns. What I've come to realize is most people in this day and age of technology and consumption. Even if your not an NPD diagnosed individual, everyone has at least a shred of narcissistic or toxic behavior/s within. At least if we're willing to look within and see it. You have a kind open minded empathetic way of seeing even the narcissistic behaviors for what they are, I respect that so much. The cycle is vicious and being empathetic for the narcissists in the world must be carefully navigated but if there's ever a world without the narcissism, it would require healing all around. I see other people "content creators" speaking on the topic and it makes me cringe because it comes across so extreme In my opinion. Danish Bashir and creators like that going in on these demonic and almost hatred filled videos that can potentially spread misinformation or stop people from healing in general. It just seems dangerous for someone to gain a platform influencing people, "healing" people, while putting out the messages that Narcissists have the power of "demonic magic" and that they can "curse you". This is why I respect your work so much, you know the narcissism is horrid and you share truthful factual information. Narcissists are far from the best people and should be avoided when possible.(Also there are no "best people", just people.) And even though it's extremely unlikely that narcissists would ever fully heal and have functional healthy relationships. It doesn't make them anything other than human..
Any of you have or had a narcissistic partner who was NOT entitled in the way Dr. Ramani describes? Mine was not. In fact, quite the opposite. In fact, he got angry at me when I was assertive in public or with a service person on the phone. I think this goes back to childhood when my ex was bullied by his stepfather and taught to be invisible outside of the family setting. It’s this kind of thing that made it hard for me to identify my own suffering as narcissistic abuse or neglect for many years.
Regarding manipulation. Yes, the sob story of overwhelming childhood abuse. But the issue is not that it made me feel guilty; it’s that it triggered my own savior complex, and led me to go into “say yes when I mean no” mode. Every time we got to a behavior or a conflict that could have been, and probably should’ve been relationship ending, he cried me a river, and I bailed him out and just kept rowing harder.
I want revenge every time I think about what was done to me. I could have it. I don't do it because I know its wrong, but what was done to me was monstrous and cruel. Nobody would even believe me about what was done. Theres no way to seek justice beyond revenge. I can't stop thinking about hurting those who hurt me. If this makes me arrogant or entitled, why do they get to do this to a person? I've made some mistakes and done some questionable things, but nothing justifies what was done to me. The fact that nobody believes me. I can't trust. I keep wanting to die. The things I've had to try to come to terms with. No human being should ever have to deal with. I live in fear and pain and heartbreak and nobody understands. Nobody believes. I've been violated in ways people can't imagine but I'm written of as crazy, a liar, or maybe even deserving. There are no therapists that can understand enough to help. There are no people with power enough to bring them to justice. I'm still being punished for talking about it. I don't want to be silent. I want to trust again. I think its impossible. There is no hope.
I know affirmation from some random person on the internet can't make up for lack of affirmation from people around you, but for what it's worth...I believe you. I was so distraught after the discard that I ended up in the hospital overnight just to keep myself safe. The pain of narcissistic abuse is like no other. Your compassion, empathy, and willingness to do the right thing is a gift to the world, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Hang in there ❤
@xXNoMoralzXx, There are people here who believe you, and who have been through a lot as you have. I know how it feels to not be able to trust. It's okay, because it will protect you until whether you can trust or not is no longer an issue for you. Each new person you meet will reveal themselves faster as you gain more knowledge about the types of people who you shouldn't allow to get close to you. I wish you relief from what you're going through, but I do believe that there IS hope, and it's not impossible. Peace for me has finally come after five years of internal struggle and turmoil. Look up and forward! Don't despair. You're stronger than you think. ❤🙏🏼
While my experience was different, I had difficulty forgiving the other person, which has been a key tennent underlying who I know myself to be. The way things ended, in my case, was excruciating for who I am, because I was stuck in a position of being incredibly mad and having no one to talk to about it. I had my therapist, my religious leader, friends, etc., but talking to them didn't help. I couldn't go back to the person who hurt me because I had tried that over and over and over and just trying to work it out with the other person wasn't working. Their last words to me were, "We're doing X to save the friendship, but I have to let you know if you want to be in touch with me, you'll have to call me. I'm not calling you." (Um, excuse me... WTF??? How is that a "friendship? That's not a friendship. That's bullshit.) And, I did try. But it became very obvious after six to seven calls and their response to me that they were full of it. So, I ended it. ) But I was mad. Oh, how I was steamed. The bottom line is that I had to go elsewhere to find closure. And I did. Sometimes that is just how things go. So, I found a person that gave me the 40,000 foot view and he helped me understand what was really going on in the situation. It helped a lot and after talking to him, I regained my equilibrium and was able to forgive the other person. Has that healed things between me and the former friend? No. I would rather not deal with her. I am content to let things go at this point. I wish her well, but I don't need that toxicity in my life any more.
@@paulad.4578 , They want you to run after them when they say you'll have to call THEM. Same thing happened to me with a so called "friend". I didn't call them. Haven't seen them for years. 😂 My take on it is, that they know deep down, that they're not going to be fair to you; all they want is what they can easily get out of you. They know they're not worthy of your honest friendship. Believe me, they know the difference in who THEY are, and they know who YOU are! A very telling thing happened when I one day started to mention to this person, how some people are covert OPERATORS. She suddenly started to squirm, and quickly changed the subject! Interesting, huh?
The narc I know will complain about how he shouldnt wait in line because he has better things to do or how him meeting an owner of some establishment should get him special treatment and then go talk about how not entitled he really is and he pushes that thinking over and over it's like he is trying to condition the people around him to actually believe it. Some people are fooled by it 😢
this has nothing to do w the topic but Dr Ramani is glowing at 23:00 !! i think red is a beautiful color and it brings out the beauty of Dr Ramani both inside and out!!!!!! slay
This comes down to small things as well not just large. Narcissists in my life seem to think they are qualified in 'common sense' this is then used as a weapon too stifle personal growth and having your own decisions because they somehow know best!
Dr. Ramani - please do a video to help people who are being accused of being a narc - having NPD - when in fact they are just being misunderstood by a ‘Highly Sensitive personality’ - it’s has crushed me for more than a year having been accused by someone who ‘thinks’ they are experts in spotting a Narcissist? Whenever I tried to explain situations it is being received as Gaslighting?? It’s a preverbal catch 22?
I think your flaw here is that you’re trying to prove them wrong. To them. Possibilities: they are narcissistic. You, while not having NPD, have some bad behaviours for some reason. In my life there are many people who I understand to absolutely not be NPD people But they have a couple of those bad qualities. Because I can’t just write them off as impossible NPD people it hurts a lot when they do their mean things. One reason for being this way is growing up with a narcissist, or growing up in a very patriarchal culture. Yet another reason to be this way is to have health privilege and deal with someone with chronic disease, especially invisible ones. Or even as you said deal with a highly sensitive person as a rather insensitive one, same dynamic If either of these possibilities are true, the solution is not to convince them they’re wrong, but to (falsely or honestly) let them think they’ve convinced you they’re right and express that you are sorry and plan to change.
I tried out arrogance as a teenager. I was seeing how effective it was when teachers and my grandfather used it in getting a quick snap-to-it response. My goodness, it worked like a charm! I can still see the terror in those children's eyes. I don't ever want to see that again! I would honestly rather be ignored.
Swagger culture, oh my gosh thank you! That phrase just put a massive light on a lot of situations and cleared up a lot of confusion. Merry damn Christmas!
I have THE perfect example of the dangers of Dunning-Kruger effect! Quintessential and a perfect storm! Walkerton, Ontario Canada. Results: hundreds sickened and several deaths including a baby. When you read the inquiry and the results of the trial, the culprit firmly believed water did not need to be tested &treated (as was his job) and he and his family also drank it. Public health & doctors in the area also felt they knew everything and the water was safe. It was not.
Canada's worst-ever outbreak of E. coli contamination took hold 10 years ago in a typically quiet town in the rural heartland of Bruce County, Ont. The community of Walkerton, population less than 5,000 at the time, saw 2,300 people fall ill, and seven die, after breakdowns in the local water system. The region's public health officer later said the catastrophe was probably preventable. Here is a timeline of the events: May 15, 2000 Walkerton's local public utilities commission (PUC) takes routine sample of the water supply. May 17, 2000 First symptoms of contaminated water appear, including diarrhea and flu-like illnesses. PUC receives a fax from a lab confirming E. coli contamination in May 15 water sample. The utilities commission does not notify public-health officials, however. May 19, 2000 Region's Medical Health Office (MHO) first notified about several patients with bloody diarrhea. The MHO later finds out that local doctors had been treating patients with symptoms including bloody diarrhea, vomiting, cramps and fever since May 17. PUC, run by Stan Koebel, assures health officials that the water is safe. MHO begins looking for other source of contamination, such as food. May 20, 2000 As many as 40 more people report to hospital with bloody diarrhea. PUC reassures officials at least twice that Walkerton's water supply is safe. May 21, 2000 With more cases of illness reported, MHO officially warns residents not to drink untreated tap water. MHO also takes independent water samples, despite being told by PUC there is no contamination. May 23, 2000 MHO's own lab confirms water is tainted with E. coli. After confronting PUC with test results, MHO is finally told about May 17 fax. Health officials are also informed that the equipment used to put chlorine into at least one drinking well has not worked for some time. Q&A: Safe drinking water Steve Hrudey, a water expert and professor emeritus at the University of Alberta, sat on the Walkerton inquiry panel. Hrudey tells CBC News about Canadian water safety since Walkerton and the kinds of improvements that still need to be made to ensure access to safe drinking water. May 24, 2000 The first four deaths, three adults and a baby, are reported as a result of the E. coli outbreak. Local schools are closed. May 25, 2000 A fifth person dies after being infected with E. coli. Dr. Murray McQuigge, the region's medical officer of health, stuns the country with his revelation on CBC Radio that the PUC knew there was a problem with the water several days before they told the public. The regional police force asks the Ontario Provincial Police to conduct a criminal investigation into the origins of the outbreak.
to sum up, Koebels got 84000 severance and... March 25, 2003 Ontario announces it will resume scrutinizing the laboratories that monitor Ontario's drinking water. Stan and Frank Koebel are charged in the public-health disaster. They face one count each of public nuisance, uttering a forgery and breach of public duty. Nov. 30, 2004 Stan and Frank Koebel plead guilty to common nuisance. The charge carries a maximum penalty of two years in prison. Crown attorneys drop the forgery and breach of trust charges in exchange for the guilty pleas. Dec. 20, 2004 Stan Koebel is sentenced to a year in jail. Frank Koebel gets nine months' house arrest. Ontario Superior Court Judge Bruce Durno stresses there was never any intent on the part of the Koebels to harm anyone, but he finds them negligent in discharging their duties.
Hey Dr Ramani! Love you and your channel. Thanks for all the conversations about narcissist. I'm in a sober house dealing with alcohol addiction and one of the stipulations is to get a sponsor and work the 12 AA steps. Step 4 is to take personal Inventory. Some of that involves writing down those who have hurt you or have issues with. HALF of those people have strong narcissist traits. Thank you for discussing these people. It's making it much easier to just dismiss them and move on. Thank you!! I can't be the only one. A whole series could be made and save millions of lives. I'm serious! The unfortunate truth is the ones running this house I'm in are showing those traits. I'm in the process of leaving. It's frustrating. Thanks again. God bless
Unfortunately doc but in my country “the Danny Kruger syndrome “ is really too common ! … Not only among psychologists or even tutors but also in other fields. Many easily present themselves as saviours or healers or specialists entitled to many different options or posts. For this reason some of us choose, most of the times, to stay, deliberately, in darkness and silence.
The narc I knew demanded to always be right, and always win at board games, otherwise expect a tantrum complete with personal insults. Today he sits alone drinking hardly anyone calls him.
I wanted to add a comment on taking the “high road” video. I was doing that. It was drilled into me. Not just because it’s a social construct but the law. As you know victims lose in the law. I can’t tell you how many times I was told that. It’s wrong. I am out in the position of being counter-intelligence to stay alive. I had thought I had done that with my narc mom. Last night I was up until 5:30 journaling. The horrific flashbacks as traumatic as it was it was helpful. I saw the patterns. I saw things I forgot. The things that made me do the things I do. It was awesome. When I got up after a few hours I felt such a sense of calm and peace. I saw my beautiful dogs. They are my rock and my joy. I saw them so clearly. My mother was almost psychopathic on how she abused and hurt my dogs as a child and that has been my purpose to save and help dogs. I adopted the special needs dogs and older dogs. My mom hurt my brother beyond abuse. She stood back and did nothing as my daddy was dying before my eyes. I knew that my dad was far more seriously ill than my mom told me. She was cruel to me forcing me to stay in an office supply closet in the dark with a 5x5 black and white TV. There is no love. I wanted to project a good mom. A mom that changed. Your kidney article rings very true. I was getting a radical hysterectomy and asked her to stay with me. She said no she didn’t want to put her cats in the kennel. Apropos.
This explains alot, a piece of my puzzle , that was missing, we are all lucky to have you, and all the others too, thats for sure, i feel safe sharing and posting to these comunities, because i trust in most of you, i dont trust easily, your as close to the truth as ill ever get, i wish it wasnt so, but it is.
I’m working on the documents I need this week for a Hearing where I’m suing my Ex Narc spouse for not paying Court Ordered marital assets. He has a good job in Management and he claims it’s because he’s good with people. I have scars and pictures of bruises resulting from those good people skills. I’m far enough out to be amused.
This is my ex husband, fortunately I divorced him 25 years ago! He didn't work for 7 out of 10 years we were married. LOL I never remarried but did move on. Life is good.
“Marking my territory “…. I’ll bet I’ve used that at one time or another….. maybe not expressed with offensive arrogance, but another way…. Like maybe speaking too much about my experience
I used to have a department lead that always had to "Add Her FIVE DOLLARS WORTH" at every morning meeting before the store opened. It was so disgusting and exhausting
I’ve lived this scenario and I could say that for me, it made me resent cooking. I ended up not wanting to cook for quite some time as a result, and would only cook out of necessity as a result Happy ending. I got over it and started enjoying cooking again. ❤
OK so I've been working on this narcissist problem fir many years. It's been a long and painful road. Especially my needing to face my own willingness to embrace shared fantasy. I can see clearly that I have no way to help narcissists. Theirs is a spiritually failed incarnation. They aren't there to help. But what happened to the soul who was locked out of body and mind?
I didn’t have a voice for 21 years . God forbid I spoke up defended myself something like what’s happening now in the world ! My ex would lose his mind and do unthinkable things! Took a lot to get him out of my life . Almost killed me almost ! He’s upset about that ! He’s upset I’m alive he’s upset I work he’s upset that I survived and thrived while he is living with another woman victim and using her . Not my problem ! Her problem ! Wake up woman !
I just recently had to deal with a narcissistic person it was only in vrchat but they where constantly trying to get under my skin and in my head and was always trying to manipulate me on discord to get a rise out of me, they ended up blocking me on everything because I stared them down in game and even though they had gone to another part of the map they knew that i was watching them - paying attention and that I'd had noticed for a while. I know staring at people is bad but i wanted to silently let them know that it wasn't working on me or my friends.
I learned a different interpretation of the Dinning Kruger effect. It was presented as a natural and almost necessary aspect of learning especially complex subject matter. The idea is that If a person knew how complex quantum electrodynamics, they would be intimidated by the volume of subject matter, that they wouldn't start.
Sometimes I just do exhausted I wanna bother doing something cause I’m just tired. I’m in pain I’m just tired so sometimes that it’s hard to do things when you’re in pain I know this really doesn’t have anything to do with this topic but sometimes it’s not arrogance you’re just tired and you’re in pain so you move slowly
"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." -- Charles Bukowski (supposedly)
@Dr.Ramani and survivors Have you ever watched the shows Revenge and The Oval ? I highly you watch these show. You will see the worst of narcissism and psychopathy.
The narc even sees qualities in you as a criticism of them, if they think they don't have that quality. Heaven forfend they should attempt to become a better human being. Aw hell no. They'll punish you. Soon enough, you'll feel crappy about your good self. If you stay long enough, you may start to feel that your goodness is some sort of weapon you're using against them.
Narcissists can’t handle constructive criticism. They automatically see it as a personal attack when all the other party is trying to give feedback in order for them to improve. But narcissists never feel the need to improve because they think they’re perfect. They get triggered by form of criticism as it is a narcissist injury which hurts their ego.
They work hard to live in a fantasy that they’re perfect. Which obviously backfires since no one is. And not being able to accept input is a huge flaw
You described my mother perfectly. It was even noted on one of her elementary school report cards that she didn't take constructive criticism well.
@@M_SC Narcissists can convince themselves of nearly anything, especially if it correlates to grandiosity.
I found this incredibly frustrating with someone I was dating, because not only would she not listen, but she’d instantly lash out and deflect by criticizing something irrelevant about me - when I wasn’t even criticizing her in the first place.
it's only hiding massive amount of insecurity. just like i feel small inside that i need to just appear big to actually hide that smallness...
Their inability to self reflect is their worst quality. It’s what destroys all their relationships.
And that is the truth.
Agree 100%. When they won’t own up to their mistakes and nastiness and lies and blame others it’s over.
I think they know and understand what they do, but they are enabled enough to not want to change, ever. The enabling is just as dangerous
@@bloom4807I think my father recognizes how he is at some level, but feels entitled to behave that way because it’s “his house” and “his family.” He seems to have dual personas, the relatively normal man, and the narcissist, and oscillates between the two both predictably and unpredictably.
Spot on
All the narcissist’s worst qualities boil down to the fact that they don’t love themselves which is why they always wear a mask.
Absolute fact!!!!
❤
The selfishness, ignorance, arrogance, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, their delusions of grandeur, victim-playing, blame-game, false accusations, unreasoning desire for revenge, grudges and resentment.
Your sentence lacks a verb. Sorry to criticize. But I was waiting for a verb. Ex : their lack of empathy IS mind boggling. Blessings NS ,I am a sub to you also.❤
@@Andrea-HeIsKing Sounds like you lack comprehension skills honey. Worry about that first.
I can comprehend an incomplete sentence though now can't I ??? And that is an incomplete sentence. No verb.
@@Andrea-HeIsKingvictim-playing perhaps is a verb, at least the playing part…
@@hapahaolekawena3181 it is used here as an adjective.
Vindictiveness is by far the worst for me. The NEED, the utter INABILITY to let things slide, to see it as life simply being, to instead see it as a PERSONAL violation in need of punishment: horrible.
I would agree. The narcissists I know are not that bad in this area. They would be scary if they were
absolutely feel you on this one...and their vindictiveness lasts years!!!!
@@M_SC I've also seen this! Sometimes they'll tone down the escalation to stay with you, or simply live an easier life.
Yeah i agree, this was the most harmful aspect of being abused. That they feel the need to hurt you/punish you for honest mistakes or even just nothing much at all, and that they do it consciously with intent and forethought.
@@hardywatkins7737Exactly 💯
They can't receive criticism, but they have no problem dishing it out!
You are absolutely right regarding the Dunning Kruger effect. I’m a singer / singing teacher/ general dogsbody musician. I constantly see people who are genuinely gifted but underestimate themselves, whereas the incompetent yet arrogant ones always want to hog the stage. But at least I don’t have to teach them, because they’re already perfect 🤭
lol
GOOD ONE!👍🤣
😂
😂😂😂😂❤ yep I was married to a musician and engaged to one. They didn't quit their day jobs at MYRTLE BEACH SC baby😂😂😂❤
True that why I don't do auditions ...😮
They will argue in a circle and down a rabbit hole with you until you either agree with them or they completely exhaust you😩they are just ‘right fighters’!!!
If they're treating you like you're nothing then you must become nothing in their lives...they shouldn't matter anymore
❤
Great point ☝️
My son and I like the quote, “a fool thinks himself wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool”. My hubs shames me and my son simply for stating our ignorance in something or asking for help when needed.
Then he is the fool!
I'll never forget the first (and last) time I sang karaoke. Once my song was over, I returned to my acquaintances. "You are such a great dancer," said the woman, kindly.
Years later, I still laugh at this memory.
A healthy dose of humility keeps one's feet on the floor.
Warm wishes to all those in recovery.
😅
I, too, would appreciate the critical advice. Please know this: Your voice can get stronger and you can sing more in tune IF you sing even more. I have heard a lot of poor singers improve because they simply love to sing because it helps them to feel better. Some of us with strong singing voices only have them because we sang so much through our childhoods to get through the pain. It doesn't make me better than you if your voice isn't as strong as mine or as someone else's. I bet you are a fantastic dancer....I can only dance at home. Please sing if you feel like singing.
@yu12si7 What an unexpected lovely response! I do sing when depressed and it invariably raises my spirit. I no longer live alone, however, and rarely sing anymore unless we're on a good drive and it feels right.
The kind woman's tactful compliment is a lasting reminder of the effectiveness of a deftly worded compliment.
Kind regards to you for such a generous heart.
@@yu12si7 ♡
That is so clever, and careful.😅❤
Once I decided to believe actions and not words, I found relief. Now all I have to say is, you're a good talker you are, but I'm waiting for the actions because you have no commitment behind your words.
Amazing
Narcissists are like serial killers in that they derive pleasure from inflicting pain on others.
6 of the Worst qualities displayed by narcissists
00:31 - They overestimate their abilities
09:36 - They are arrogant
17:29 - They are entitled
22:15 - They are manipulative
26:23 - They are greedy
31:03 - They lie
❤ thank you.
29:46 Michael Douglas
Thanks!
Thank you!
How come any list like that also accords exactly to what the maker of this cult belief system is doing then ?
Today, on December 10th 2023, I've been NC for 2 whole years!! 🎉🎉🎉 My life has never been more peaceful ❤
Dunning Kruger Effect: The 45th resident in Washington DC who attempted to be a 46th wanna-be squatter. A M.N.
"There's an inherent delusion and hypocrisy built into entitlement...They don't believe the same rules that apply to others should apply to them, and when that entitlement gets challenged, rage always follows."
- Dr. Ramani, sourced from another video.
In the realm of cerebral narcissism-as my 20 years with my ex unfolded, he was increasingly likely to make ill informed and erroneous claims & statements in his work, convinced that he knew what he was talking about. I’m a certified scholar as well. Initially, he welcomed my input, and was grateful for it, because I kept him out of some pitfalls on a number of occasions; but again, as time went on, and he became more and more “self-important” (for lack of a better term), I toned my input down, because if I got him angry, I would suffer the consequences.
My mom (one of my main role models growing up), was a perpetual victim.
She would tell me and anyone else she could (including other family members, friends who were close or not close, and even strangers she just met), about how abused she was as a child.
The issue is, that made up the majority of my conversations with her. And she always told the SAME stories over and over again. But it wasn't just stories of her being a victim. She also told many stories of her having moments of superiority over others, or "winning" at something. To make her look tough, strong, or smart. These stories were also told on repeat. I was told so much I can remember most of my moms memories/stories, good or bad. She always claimed her stories were honest because every time she told the same story, "the details were consistent", she would say. She always had to have this certain intimidating power over me and her poor friends who soaked up everything she said and were so gullible, that they believed it all and even pitied her. Yet my mom had the nerve to complain to everyone about MY shortcomings and how I was acting like such a horrible daughter. Diagnosing me and telling everyone I had bipolar or depression or even agoraphobia without ever taking me to a therapist. I dont want to assume my mom was a narcissist but to this day, she still seems like she hasn't changed a bit and treats me like I'm the selfish one because I cut her out of my life. I know it was a good choice considering she burned her bridges with most of our other family members, including her own neices, nephews, and even sisters. They won't even talk to her. I honestly dont feel a thing for her besides an empty space missing true and healthy materal love. I try my best not to be like her.
I did notice the arrogance of my narc boyfriend and now husband, but unfortunately I interpreted it as him being sure of himself as it was the total opposite of me. In fact he always said that I was such a shy introvert, while he was very much an extravert, very sure of himself as he was describing himself. Yet, in 20 years of life with him, I've seen through him and saw the exact opposite: a shallow, insecure introvert, miserable and with suicidal thoughts which is the extreme expression of his victim hood... he always reacted with fear/aggression if someone rang the doorbell, never wanted guests in his house. At work he was putting on a mask to seem professional and extroverted, being the centre of attention, telling stories and jokes. In private a totally different person who had nothing meaningful to say, often very bitter, sarcastic, mean and dismissive
Sounds a bit like my mother, she hates having any guests and doesn't go anywhere too. If she does visit someone on a very rare occasion, she always tells me afterwards that their house is so much better than mine in every way 😂 IDK what she is trying to achieve, I literally don't care.
So, if you don't like houseguests, you're a narcissist? Come on, man!
On Mother’s Day,I saw the pain in a young mother’s face, her eyes the hurt she was feeling from the father of their child. It wasn’t the first time I saw this. This woman has not humiliated you when I have been present. I want you to think about this; it is her dedication, her paycheck, her love for her daughter that has made your daughter who she is. A decent man would have given her a card. You gave her not even the words.
I have been experiencing all of this dynamics in my work place for 5 excruciating years now, all because I need the money to provide for my children. This month of December, 2023 will be my last month working for these narcissistic management! I have forced myself to resign 10 days prior following work rules, so these narcissistic bullies do not hold that against me. I have witnessed the love bombing stage, constant backlighting, gossip, belittling, invalidation, entitlement, overworked and under paid! My body would experience pain in the shoulders and back, and night mares that didn't make sense to me because I left my abusive narcissistic ex spouse along time ago. With pay cuts and over load of work happening now, I am quitting my job! I feel so much relief that it feels like a free soul! I look forward to a new beginning 2024! ☺
Warm hugs
The very best to you 😊
Absolutely ditto! I hope you have found a better job with much better potential than what you've dealt with. ❤
Their thinking that the universe revolves around them, and that they hover above the rest of us, is beyond the pale.
Trying to reason with a narcissist about their arrogance would be like peeing up Niagara Falls.
Good one. 😂
lmao facts
Aint that the truth!!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
😂😂😂😂
I had this happen with a coworker who asked my advice on something as I have more education and experience than her. I feel like she’s jealous cause she makes weird little comments almost like digs at my extra education. She named an important work thing incorrectly, but I just expressed what I thought it could be without correcting her. After she did the work, she made a point of telling me it was what she had originally thought, even though it couldn’t be as she had named incorrectly. It felt like she was playing a weird power game trying to prove she was right when actually it couldn’t have been because it wasn’t the right info. I didn’t bother correcting her cause I get a weird vibe from her, and don’t think she gets it, so I just keep my boundaries and don’t engage. But deep down I know the truth. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
She is Annoying let her be dont advise her again
Had a “ boss” once ask me what I thought about something. She didn’t like my answer so she quickly informed me that I ”wasn’t paid to think”. Message received…I moved on.
Oh right either that or - videos like these have driven you a bit off your trolley and now you cannot stop acting like a sociopath toward others who are narcissists in your mind ?
Any reasonable person would hope not. But then any reasonable person could tell that these videos are full of utter hateful nonsense looking for desperado's with nothing better to do that accuse people they meet of being narcissists at random.
@@SophieBird07Perhaps if she didn't like your input, then why the he'll did she ask you in the first place-just to look good(open-minded) to some higher-up who might have been there for a split second? Phony douchebags.
I worry that I might come off as being narcissistic! This is one quality I never want to show, having grown up with and being forced to move back in with a narcissistic mother. I try my darnedest to treat people the way I want treated!
They think of us exactly how a 3 year old relates to "their" Dolly, shape sorter, and color of their bedsheets. If they can't master, or control it, they lose their shit! So, here you are eating plastic peas, Dolly.
This is happening at work right now. I left the office where the narc worked, but he is inventing nonsense as "rules" and has no idea how to do the job. He actually took over time and attendance submission and could not learn it for 6 months or more. 5 people left that office and he is still there, so management is also not seeing it.
I used to own a restaurant. My attitude was there's no such thing as a VIP. Every customer is a VIP.... they are all paying the same price they all get the same service. I had the entitled customer's and guess what..... they usually tip the worst unless they are trying to impress someone
Regarding lying. I don’t think my narcissistic partner really lied very much at all. With him the issue was more secrecy and hiding than outright lying. At one point late in our relationship, he disclosed angrily that he “didn’t feel comfortable sharing his thoughts or feelings” with me. I think in some relationships, or for some narcissists, being secretive can play the same role that lying plays for other narcissists.
Agreed. I've seen a mixture of both. Lies or secrets is only the choice at the time.
Yes, holding back info and or being secretive is a form of lying/deceit.
In my relationship with my narcissistic husband, I was the one who didn't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts. My narc used to complain and criticize me for being secretive. What he didn't realize was that I was just protecting myself from his abuse. I had learned long ago to refrain from sharing my innermost thoughts with him, as when I had shared my heart with him in the past, he would promptly rip it out of my chest, throw it down on the ground, stomp on it until it was a bloody mess, and then expect me to still be whole. I could no longer trust him with the innermost secrets of my heart, and he would complain that I was holding back from honest, open communication.
@@phalinimcleod8819I’m really sorry you had to suffer through that.
Good morning! This sounds a lot like my husband!! 9 years later.... I'm tired of being used.... and now I am informed -- thanks SO much! Love ya 😘
I've recently realized that I hi-jack conversations and try to prove how intelligent I am. It's not because I'm a narcissist. It's because i had to be perfect, and to know everything, to be loved. So, not every know-it-all is a jerk. Some are still battling CPTSD, etc.
I also realized that I interrupt a lot.... not to hijack the conversation but to ask questions. I know that I do this because I had to listen to 10-15 minute monologues where I would have had to ask questions to understand what is being said but wouldn't have remembered them all by the time they finished talking. I don't mind when someone interrupts me to ask a question but am I a jerk in doing so?
@nicolaa9672 it's not my place to say who's a jerk. I can only say that being interrupted is a big trigger for me personally because I was never allowed to complete a thought or sentence. Interruptions can affect the flow and rhythm of the speaker, which, in my mind, is a form of hi-jacking. BUT, that's just me. Others, I'm sure, are perfectly fine with it 👍
@@dgvfsa66 Thank you for explaining this to me. I'm sorry that I asked if I am a jerk. I am now aware of my behavior I am trying to change.I've asked my friends to stop me and call me out if I do. I wasn't aware before that it could be a trigger for someone. I appreciate you teaching me. Thank you
As a young person, I was driven in the arts, and spent hours honing my skills, fueled by my interest in what I was doing. It paid off, and I began winning awards for my work in grade school. Some of the other students, complained loudly to me, to my face, because they didn't win. They felt that competing against me, was unfair, and had me eliminated from competing against them. I know this, because I asked the teacher why I was suddenly excluded from fair competitions, outside of our school, which included a much larger cast of competitors than just me. What the students told me; "It's unfair to" the other students, was repeated back to me. After I was eliminated from larger local, and national competitions- the jealous students, won absolutely nothing more than the right to demand my exclusion. I should note that the people who demanded my exclusion, are the same sex as me. It's not a sport, where size, and physical structure matters. I feel that's different. They have told me, as adults, that they are still angry, and claimed that I , personally, ruined their potential... LOL Don't know if they're NPD- but I don't care to know them well enough to find out.
What bothers me the most is when I am expected to carry out the narcissist's entitlements. "I want something a certain way." "I don't think they do it that way." "Well, you just tell them if they don't do it that way we won't use them anymore! We'll tell all our friends not to go there!" 😐
The narc I dealt with blamed me for everything. Nothing was ever his fault, including the abusive comments he would make. I was never allowed to talk about what was going on with anyone. I was never allowed to express an option or share how his comments were impacting me. I never felt more powerless. I was subjected to the silent treatment so many times. It makes you feel like you don't matter, don't exist. I don't believe he will ever suffer in any way.
Another one of the worst qualities is, as I have to endure for the past 16 years of being married to a narcissist husband: inability to accept other peoples opinion. Also standing up for yourself. my say something, as soon as I express my opinion about something general, like about the weather, about the news, about things etc...and he does not like it, not even the fact that I am the audacity to express my own opinion, he gets so mad at me, especially when I do not agree with his, that he starts insulting me, attacking my character, my education, my past, bring up my faults and mistakes etc...out of the concept, not aligned to the subject. He cannot accept the fact that I have my own opinion.
and we then can have the biggest fights when I stand up for myself and defend myself, then
it goes really bad, then he is so mad at me, not loud, but he hits me with the meanest words, the meanest insults, the meanest comments, hurting me, like stabbing me
he insults my figures, my eating habits, my routines, my parents, my preference
and acts like he has the right to talk over and bad about me and acts like he owns me
he acts like he needs to tell me how the world works .
Narcistic people do not like when people have their own opinion nor when people like me do not accept any insults from them. Narcistic people expect everyone around them to follow their rules otherwise it is war pure and you get attacked by them in the meanest way
So true. This is exactly what I face daily. Plus, my nex contradicts everything I say.
I’ve mentioned this a few times. I see it in my narcissistic sister, going through probate. The number of times she’s said to the judge that I don’t know what I’m doing. If she really has the belief system she has, I think she’d have the smarts to take care of a number of things BEFORE our mother passed, rather than to project her lack of savvy and due diligence on me. I just don’t even respond as, I know she has the need to feel smart and I’m removing her from my life, so she can feel smart elsewhere. Where the rubber sometimes hits the road is that annoying old question, “How’s it workin for ya’.” A question many narcissists never think to ask themselves.
I supervised a person who was not qualified to do their job, because they could not read or write. It was frustrating, because the other employees often stopped what they were doing, in order to step in, and provide help. This person could have gotten a job bagging groceries, doing janitorial work, or as a greeter. The company who needed employees who could read and write, did nothing about it. They also paid that person less than the other employees. I discovered that companies who hire challenged people, are given a tax incentive to do so.
Deal with this at work. They live off of others answers so they come out smelling like a rose.
More people may understand they are fake than you know. Some people are quiet about it
I worked as a teamleade and trainer r in an office with a high volume of customer service and interaction with attorneys. stakeholders. After moving across country I eventually got back into the same field, in a smaller office. My role was different and I quickly realized the trainer overestimated her knowledge and authority. I spoke up during training citing my 1st hand knowledge of how a statute was applied. The narc looked shocked and then got loud. I remained calm. Eventually her arraogance and unprofessionalism resukted in 2 people in the group filing grievances against her. I realized management had been hoodwinked by her confidence. I'm self-assured and applied for promotions but this meant the narc woukd work closely with me, she was known to hide key information. I learned whatever I could. I knew a downsize was coming and planned my exit. The boss was surprised when I stated I was quitting and knew I won't be unemployed for long.
Metaphorically speaking, Dr. Ramani deserves a miniature diving bell helmet award for delving into this at length. lol
Re entitlement, I have had narcissists tell others that I am incompetent - because I do not cheat, cut in line or berate workers etc to get things done.
Re greed, I remember someone who would go to a meeting and take 2 bagels (which the junior staff members were required to take turns buying), which would just sit, uneaten in front of him, while others went without. It just seemed like a really jerky power move.
Dr Ramani. You are my heart Beat. Love you so much. Thank God for blessing us with you. Your work is remarkable in restoring our sense of Worth. Beauty with.Brains...You are Amazing.
I’ve always thought of it as like Arrogance is just fake confidence.. and i believe the awareness and intent in why you’d be using it are what really matters more ❤
I think narcs can't really laugh at themselves.
They definitely can't 🎯
Not at all, but they can laugh at everyone else easily.
for me, it's when they need the last word. Always..I have a malicious ex from 29 years ago who went off with with best friend and still tried to find me as I just ignored them.
Narcissists can dish it out but can’t take it, so criticisms apply to everybody else but narcissists (who always have enough excuses and blame to go around).
This is the only video I needed to watch. Thank you. I’m free
It's so dangerous to work with a Dunning-Kruger boss or colleague. Inevitably, they mess things up. They are a root cause of a "death march" project because they overestimate their abilities and underestimate workloads. Run fast 🏃💨💨
The two qualities I remember I experienced with my Toxic ex was being manipulative and lying. He could lie just like when he told the truth. He was good at hiding my things, throwing things away. I would question him about different things and he was so convincing that he didn't move or discard something. But I knew he had to do it, because there was no one else in the house but him and I.
My youngest son is like this and he usually ends up screwing everything up, gets hurt trying or both.
Hi doc thank you for the video you have it spot on well done that's all I've gone through thank you 👍👍👍
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! So Smart!!! So Very Very True!!! I Experienced This in The Work Place Many Many Times!!! I Appreciate You Dr.Ramani, and Your Wonderful, Informative, and Teaching Videos Very Much!!!❣️
Dr. Ramani, you're content has helped me so much.
There's so many "narcissist help" information channels now, but I find yours to be the most grounded and true.
Everyone has been effected by narcissism in one way or another and your information on the subject is in my opinion of the highest quality. I believe you're words can and have help to heal so many people, both narcissistic abuse victims and people with narcissistic/toxic behavior patterns.
What I've come to realize is most people in this day and age of technology and consumption. Even if your not an NPD diagnosed individual, everyone has at least a shred of narcissistic or toxic behavior/s within. At least if we're willing to look within and see it.
You have a kind open minded empathetic way of seeing even the narcissistic behaviors for what they are, I respect that so much. The cycle is vicious and being empathetic for the narcissists in the world must be carefully navigated but if there's ever a world without the narcissism, it would require healing all around.
I see other people "content creators" speaking on the topic and it makes me cringe because it comes across so extreme In my opinion. Danish Bashir and creators like that going in on these demonic and almost hatred filled videos that can potentially spread misinformation or stop people from healing in general.
It just seems dangerous for someone to gain a platform influencing people, "healing" people, while putting out the messages that Narcissists have the power of "demonic magic" and that they can "curse you".
This is why I respect your work so much, you know the narcissism is horrid and you share truthful factual information. Narcissists are far from the best people and should be avoided when possible.(Also there are no "best people", just people.) And even though it's extremely unlikely that narcissists would ever fully heal and have functional healthy relationships. It doesn't make them anything other than human..
Any of you have or had a narcissistic partner who was NOT entitled in the way Dr. Ramani describes? Mine was not. In fact, quite the opposite. In fact, he got angry at me when I was assertive in public or with a service person on the phone. I think this goes back to childhood when my ex was bullied by his stepfather and taught to be invisible outside of the family setting. It’s this kind of thing that made it hard for me to identify my own suffering as narcissistic abuse or neglect for many years.
Regarding manipulation. Yes, the sob story of overwhelming childhood abuse. But the issue is not that it made me feel guilty; it’s that it triggered my own savior complex, and led me to go into “say yes when I mean no” mode. Every time we got to a behavior or a conflict that could have been, and probably should’ve been relationship ending, he cried me a river, and I bailed him out and just kept rowing harder.
I want revenge every time I think about what was done to me. I could have it. I don't do it because I know its wrong, but what was done to me was monstrous and cruel. Nobody would even believe me about what was done. Theres no way to seek justice beyond revenge. I can't stop thinking about hurting those who hurt me. If this makes me arrogant or entitled, why do they get to do this to a person? I've made some mistakes and done some questionable things, but nothing justifies what was done to me. The fact that nobody believes me. I can't trust. I keep wanting to die. The things I've had to try to come to terms with. No human being should ever have to deal with. I live in fear and pain and heartbreak and nobody understands. Nobody believes. I've been violated in ways people can't imagine but I'm written of as crazy, a liar, or maybe even deserving. There are no therapists that can understand enough to help. There are no people with power enough to bring them to justice. I'm still being punished for talking about it. I don't want to be silent. I want to trust again. I think its impossible. There is no hope.
I know affirmation from some random person on the internet can't make up for lack of affirmation from people around you, but for what it's worth...I believe you.
I was so distraught after the discard that I ended up in the hospital overnight just to keep myself safe. The pain of narcissistic abuse is like no other.
Your compassion, empathy, and willingness to do the right thing is a gift to the world, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Hang in there ❤
@dianamiller2947 that's the one thing after all the horrible abuse he wasn't able to break me. And take away my empathy and compassion.
@xXNoMoralzXx, There are people here who believe you, and who have been through a lot as you have. I know how it feels to not be able to trust. It's okay, because it will protect you until whether you can trust or not is no longer an issue for you. Each new person you meet will reveal themselves faster as you gain more knowledge about the types of people who you shouldn't allow to get close to you. I wish you relief from what you're going through, but I do believe that there IS hope, and it's not impossible. Peace for me has finally come after five years of internal struggle and turmoil. Look up and forward! Don't despair. You're stronger than you think. ❤🙏🏼
While my experience was different, I had difficulty forgiving the other person, which has been a key tennent underlying who I know myself to be. The way things ended, in my case, was excruciating for who I am, because I was stuck in a position of being incredibly mad and having no one to talk to about it. I had my therapist, my religious leader, friends, etc., but talking to them didn't help. I couldn't go back to the person who hurt me because I had tried that over and over and over and just trying to work it out with the other person wasn't working. Their last words to me were, "We're doing X to save the friendship, but I have to let you know if you want to be in touch with me, you'll have to call me. I'm not calling you." (Um, excuse me... WTF??? How is that a "friendship? That's not a friendship. That's bullshit.) And, I did try. But it became very obvious after six to seven calls and their response to me that they were full of it. So, I ended it. ) But I was mad. Oh, how I was steamed. The bottom line is that I had to go elsewhere to find closure. And I did. Sometimes that is just how things go.
So, I found a person that gave me the 40,000 foot view and he helped me understand what was really going on in the situation. It helped a lot and after talking to him, I regained my equilibrium and was able to forgive the other person. Has that healed things between me and the former friend? No. I would rather not deal with her. I am content to let things go at this point. I wish her well, but I don't need that toxicity in my life any more.
@@paulad.4578 , They want you to run after them when they say you'll have to call THEM. Same thing happened to me with a so called "friend". I didn't call them. Haven't seen them for years. 😂 My take on it is, that they know deep down, that they're not going to be fair to you; all they want is what they can easily get out of you. They know they're not worthy of your honest friendship. Believe me, they know the difference in who THEY are, and they know who YOU are! A very telling thing happened when I one day started to mention to this person, how some people are covert OPERATORS. She suddenly started to squirm, and quickly changed the subject! Interesting, huh?
The narc I know will complain about how he shouldnt wait in line because he has better things to do or how him meeting an owner of some establishment should get him special treatment and then go talk about how not entitled he really is and he pushes that thinking over and over it's like he is trying to condition the people around him to actually believe it. Some people are fooled by it 😢
this has nothing to do w the topic but Dr Ramani is glowing at 23:00 !! i think red is a beautiful color and it brings out the beauty of Dr Ramani both inside and out!!!!!! slay
16:50
Yeah. Narcs are good at lying.
This comes down to small things as well not just large. Narcissists in my life seem to think they are qualified in 'common sense' this is then used as a weapon too stifle personal growth and having your own decisions because they somehow know best!
Dr. Ramani - please do a video to help people who are being accused of being a narc - having NPD - when in fact they are just being misunderstood by a ‘Highly Sensitive personality’ - it’s has crushed me for more than a year having been accused by someone who ‘thinks’ they are experts in spotting a Narcissist? Whenever I tried to explain situations it is being received as Gaslighting?? It’s a preverbal catch 22?
I think your flaw here is that you’re trying to prove them wrong. To them.
Possibilities: they are narcissistic.
You, while not having NPD, have some bad behaviours for some reason. In my life there are many people who I understand to absolutely not be NPD people
But they have a couple of those bad qualities. Because I can’t just write them off as impossible NPD people it hurts a lot when they do their mean things. One reason for being this way is growing up with a narcissist, or growing up in a very patriarchal culture. Yet another reason to be this way is to have health privilege and deal with someone with chronic disease, especially invisible ones. Or even as you said deal with a highly sensitive person as a rather insensitive one, same dynamic
If either of these possibilities are true, the solution is not to convince them they’re wrong, but to (falsely or honestly) let them think they’ve convinced you they’re right and express that you are sorry and plan to change.
And if they’re the narcissist you need to turn the dial way down on the level of your relationship
Do you think your S/O has BPD?
I just assume because why else would it only be for a year, and why else would you care that much?
Yesterday, the most honest words were “you don’t know what she did for me”
I tried out arrogance as a teenager. I was seeing how effective it was when teachers and my grandfather used it in getting a quick snap-to-it response. My goodness, it worked like a charm! I can still see the terror in those children's eyes. I don't ever want to see that again! I would honestly rather be ignored.
Swagger culture, oh my gosh thank you! That phrase just put a massive light on a lot of situations and cleared up a lot of confusion. Merry damn Christmas!
Yes, people with No manners😂😂😂😂❤
I can feel lots of anger and narcissism in this women
I have THE perfect example of the dangers of Dunning-Kruger effect! Quintessential and a perfect storm! Walkerton, Ontario Canada. Results: hundreds sickened and several deaths including a baby. When you read the inquiry and the results of the trial, the culprit firmly believed water did not need to be tested &treated (as was his job) and he and his family also drank it. Public health & doctors in the area also felt they knew everything and the water was safe. It was not.
Canada's worst-ever outbreak of E. coli contamination took hold 10 years ago in a typically quiet town in the rural heartland of Bruce County, Ont.
The community of Walkerton, population less than 5,000 at the time, saw 2,300 people fall ill, and seven die, after breakdowns in the local water system. The region's public health officer later said the catastrophe was probably preventable.
Here is a timeline of the events:
May 15, 2000
Walkerton's local public utilities commission (PUC) takes routine sample of the water supply.
May 17, 2000
First symptoms of contaminated water appear, including diarrhea and flu-like illnesses. PUC receives a fax from a lab confirming E. coli contamination in May 15 water sample. The utilities commission does not notify public-health officials, however.
May 19, 2000
Region's Medical Health Office (MHO) first notified about several patients with bloody diarrhea. The MHO later finds out that local doctors had been treating patients with symptoms including bloody diarrhea, vomiting, cramps and fever since May 17.
PUC, run by Stan Koebel, assures health officials that the water is safe. MHO begins looking for other source of contamination, such as food.
May 20, 2000
As many as 40 more people report to hospital with bloody diarrhea.
PUC reassures officials at least twice that Walkerton's water supply is safe.
May 21, 2000
With more cases of illness reported, MHO officially warns residents not to drink untreated tap water. MHO also takes independent water samples, despite being told by PUC there is no contamination.
May 23, 2000
MHO's own lab confirms water is tainted with E. coli.
After confronting PUC with test results, MHO is finally told about May 17 fax. Health officials are also informed that the equipment used to put chlorine into at least one drinking well has not worked for some time.
Q&A: Safe drinking water
Steve Hrudey, a water expert and professor emeritus at the University of Alberta, sat on the Walkerton inquiry panel. Hrudey tells CBC News about Canadian water safety since Walkerton and the kinds of improvements that still need to be made to ensure access to safe drinking water.
May 24, 2000
The first four deaths, three adults and a baby, are reported as a result of the E. coli outbreak. Local schools are closed.
May 25, 2000
A fifth person dies after being infected with E. coli.
Dr. Murray McQuigge, the region's medical officer of health, stuns the country with his revelation on CBC Radio that the PUC knew there was a problem with the water several days before they told the public.
The regional police force asks the Ontario Provincial Police to conduct a criminal investigation into the origins of the outbreak.
to sum up, Koebels got 84000 severance and... March 25, 2003
Ontario announces it will resume scrutinizing the laboratories that monitor Ontario's drinking water.
Stan and Frank Koebel are charged in the public-health disaster. They face one count each of public nuisance, uttering a forgery and breach of public duty.
Nov. 30, 2004
Stan and Frank Koebel plead guilty to common nuisance. The charge carries a maximum penalty of two years in prison. Crown attorneys drop the forgery and breach of trust charges in exchange for the guilty pleas.
Dec. 20, 2004
Stan Koebel is sentenced to a year in jail. Frank Koebel gets nine months' house arrest. Ontario Superior Court Judge Bruce Durno stresses there was never any intent on the part of the Koebels to harm anyone, but he finds them negligent in discharging their duties.
Very wise and insightful, thanks!
A couple of my family members. Im fantastic at being a parent, lover, friend. When in reality they destroy everything they touch again and again.
His mother told him he was the best @ 2
Hey Dr Ramani! Love you and your channel. Thanks for all the conversations about narcissist. I'm in a sober house dealing with alcohol addiction and one of the stipulations is to get a sponsor and work the 12 AA steps. Step 4 is to take personal Inventory. Some of that involves writing down those who have hurt you or have issues with. HALF of those people have strong narcissist traits. Thank you for discussing these people. It's making it much easier to just dismiss them and move on. Thank you!! I can't be the only one. A whole series could be made and save millions of lives. I'm serious! The unfortunate truth is the ones running this house I'm in are showing those traits. I'm in the process of leaving. It's frustrating. Thanks again. God bless
Unfortunately doc but in my country “the Danny Kruger syndrome “ is really too common ! … Not only among psychologists or even tutors but also in other fields. Many easily present themselves as saviours or healers or specialists entitled to many different options or posts. For this reason some of us choose, most of the times, to stay, deliberately, in darkness and silence.
Thank you for this vid
The narc I knew demanded to always be right, and always win at board games, otherwise expect a tantrum complete with personal insults. Today he sits alone drinking hardly anyone calls him.
I wanted to add a comment on taking the “high road” video. I was doing that. It was drilled into me. Not just because it’s a social construct but the law. As you know victims lose in the law. I can’t tell you how many times I was told that. It’s wrong. I am out in the position of being counter-intelligence to stay alive. I had thought I had done that with my narc mom. Last night I was up until 5:30 journaling. The horrific flashbacks as traumatic as it was it was helpful. I saw the patterns. I saw things I forgot. The things that made me do the things I do. It was awesome. When I got up after a few hours I felt such a sense of calm and peace. I saw my beautiful dogs. They are my rock and my joy. I saw them so clearly. My mother was almost psychopathic on how she abused and hurt my dogs as a child and that has been my purpose to save and help dogs. I adopted the special needs dogs and older dogs. My mom hurt my brother beyond abuse. She stood back and did nothing as my daddy was dying before my eyes. I knew that my dad was far more seriously ill than my mom told me. She was cruel to me forcing me to stay in an office supply closet in the dark with a 5x5 black and white TV. There is no love. I wanted to project a good mom. A mom that changed. Your kidney article rings very true. I was getting a radical hysterectomy and asked her to stay with me. She said no she didn’t want to put her cats in the kennel. Apropos.
I know my limits...i am adhder...and me and math....sit down office jobs ect do not mix.
My husband and I were on this Island; the band was playing island music, he yells out “play American music”
This explains alot, a piece of my puzzle , that was missing, we are all lucky to have you, and all the others too, thats for sure, i feel safe sharing and posting to these comunities, because i trust in most of you, i dont trust easily, your as close to the truth as ill ever get, i wish it wasnt so, but it is.
I’m working on the documents I need this week for a Hearing where I’m suing my Ex Narc spouse for not paying Court Ordered marital assets. He has a good job in Management and he claims it’s because he’s good with people. I have scars and pictures of bruises resulting from those good people skills. I’m far enough out to be amused.
This is my ex husband, fortunately I divorced him 25 years ago! He didn't work for 7 out of 10 years we were married. LOL I never remarried but did move on. Life is good.
“Marking my territory “…. I’ll bet I’ve used that at one time or another….. maybe not expressed with offensive arrogance, but another way…. Like maybe speaking too much about my experience
I used to have a department lead that always had to "Add Her FIVE DOLLARS WORTH" at every morning meeting before the store opened. It was so disgusting and exhausting
So MANY TO CHOOSE FROM
I’ve lived this scenario and I could say that for me, it made me resent cooking. I ended up not wanting to cook for quite some time as a result, and would only cook out of necessity as a result Happy ending. I got over it and started enjoying cooking again. ❤
OK so I've been working on this narcissist problem fir many years. It's been a long and painful road. Especially my needing to face my own willingness to embrace shared fantasy. I can see clearly that I have no way to help narcissists. Theirs is a spiritually failed incarnation. They aren't there to help. But what happened to the soul who was locked out of body and mind?
I didn’t have a voice for 21 years . God forbid I spoke up defended myself something like what’s happening now in the world ! My ex would lose his mind and do unthinkable things! Took a lot to get him out of my life . Almost killed me almost ! He’s upset about that ! He’s upset I’m alive he’s upset I work he’s upset that I survived and thrived while he is living with another woman victim and using her . Not my problem ! Her problem ! Wake up woman !
I am glad you brought up the Dunning/Kruger syndrome! There is someone at your office that has it.
These people don't last long at any work place because there not use to working. So eventually they quit or move on to something else-facts.
I just recently had to deal with a narcissistic person it was only in vrchat but they where constantly trying to get under my skin and in my head and was always trying to manipulate me on discord to get a rise out of me, they ended up blocking me on everything because I stared them down in game and even though they had gone to another part of the map they knew that i was watching them - paying attention and that I'd had noticed for a while.
I know staring at people is bad but i wanted to silently let them know that it wasn't working on me or my friends.
My ex narc used to say I was part of the furniture for him.
They hate losing
I learned a different interpretation of the Dinning Kruger effect. It was presented as a natural and almost necessary aspect of learning especially complex subject matter. The idea is that If a person knew how complex quantum electrodynamics, they would be intimidated by the volume of subject matter, that they wouldn't start.
I have a narcissist boss and employee. Have to look for another job
Thanks. Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from this. I guess I've got more work to do.
Sometimes I just do exhausted I wanna bother doing something cause I’m just tired. I’m in pain I’m just tired so sometimes that it’s hard to do things when you’re in pain I know this really doesn’t have anything to do with this topic but sometimes it’s not arrogance you’re just tired and you’re in pain so you move slowly
"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence." -- Charles Bukowski (supposedly)
@Dr.Ramani and survivors Have you ever watched the shows Revenge and The Oval ? I highly you watch these show. You will see the worst of narcissism and psychopathy.
OMG!!!! Thank you Thank you so much!!!❤❤❤👍 What do you think of Sam Vaknin?
She never talks on specific famous people unfortunately for us.
The narc even sees qualities in you as a criticism of them, if they think they don't have that quality. Heaven forfend they should attempt to become a better human being. Aw hell no. They'll punish you. Soon enough, you'll feel crappy about your good self. If you stay long enough, you may start to feel that your goodness is some sort of weapon you're using against them.
Oh my gosh, yes
Woowoo!!! Just ordered your book! Looking forward to reading it.