Do I REALLY Have ROCD? / Is My Relationship Wrong?
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- Опубликовано: 4 дек 2019
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*PLEASE NOTE: If you feel as though you're in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship then please dismiss the tips in this video and contact a professional and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233*
"Do you have ROCD?"
"I don't know, I'm on my 5th video to try to figure it out."
😂 so true
Loooool. Yeah, sometimes I use these videos as a compulsion.... Sigh.
Sooooo mee 🤣
😹😹lol
Oh man/woman you cracked me up.
Strange how I always felt good in abusive (emotional or avoidant partners) relationships, but in healthy relationships I am always finding and picking flaws in partner
i feel exactly the same. it's insane how ocd makes precious things seem bad and allows you to get hurt by horrible things
In abusive relationships, things feel very certain. I'm still trying to figure out the relationship between codependence and OCD.
What makes it even worse, is seeing all the couples around you look so happy. And your stuck in your head wondering if you have that, and not picking your relationship, harming your relationship.
I feel the same
Most people dont air out their issues and problems online or even in real life. We just see the positive and happy moments that these people choose to share
We should be careful not to compare our relationship based on “others happiness” the illusion the image of happiness where we don’t know what those couples have gone and work through behind the scenes. Happy Relationships is not black and white. Comparing can also potentially led to complaining unhappiness on why you may not have what they have, It’s not fair to you or your relationship.
“Every relationship may have some toxic traits.” Thank you. Thank you for that realistic acknowledgment.
❤
My obsessing isn’t between my girlfriend and someone else; it’s between my girlfriend and being single.
It do be like that.
I too am in that situation rn
I felt so understood and relieved by that that I just started sobbing. I love my boyfriend so much but I doubt everything all the time! And I often don’t feel happy even though he’s everything I’ve wanted. It sucks and hurts so bad…
Feel you
I’ve definitely been experiencing something similar!
@@rishikarathi5724 hey are u better now? I m feeling the same😞
Me too
I can relate to that very much..my partner is the sweetest man in my eyes yet i can't enjoy the relationship bc of these doubts 😢
anyone else watching this during COVID lockdown? i have just discovered that ROCD even exists and all i can say is ...wow. i have this in my current relationship and i've had it in past relationships. my partner and i are essentially in an LDR because of lockdown and my obsessive thoughts have gone through the roof in isolation. constantly, constantly googling about relationships, reading about stuff online, podcasts, thinking about the future, wanting to know for sure if my boyfriend and i are right for each other. i almost cried watching this because it was genuinely such a relief to feel seen and understood.
SAME:((((
@@nurjamalmyrzabekova943 thanks for checking in :) i am waaaaayyyyy better than i was when i wrote that comment! my partner and i are still together, we broke up for like a day during lockdown and then as soon as we saw each other again we were like "wait... why are we doing this." we had a huge chat and really got on the same page. i stopped clinging on and he didn't need to pull away anymore. isolation definitely didn't help. now we're happy and very in love and also very secure in ourselves!
@@oliviarafferty oh. I am sooo happy for you. I read your comment and it was saaame situation with me LDR and isolation and rocd. I wish you and your partner all the best and happy holidays :)))
Ok anyone else feel that their ROCD sometimes is where you are afraid to lose your partner and must make sure it's right, but then other times you feel relief from actually deciding its wrong and feeling like you have to break up? Like sometimes I'm so in love and want to be with my partner forever but then other times I feel nothing and I need to feel not anxious about "not knowing" if it's right so I feel better just deciding its wrong and has to end. Does that mean its actually wrong or just ROCD symptoms, these feelings come and go and dealing with generalized anxiety for my whole life and this for the past year and a half has just been so exhausting.
That sounds so familiar.
I'm going through this rn. I feel like I want to break up but I don't want to but I want to but I don't want to? Like I confronted the thought with him and it sounded extremely wrong. I just can't figure out my emotions anymore
Oh god I am in same situation and it's really exhausting
@@madwildocean03 did you find your answer
This is quite exactly me, like, sometimes it'll go away and for at least a good bit, usually the rest of the day, the feelings will subside and I'll just be madly passionate again, but almost every time, it goes away, and I'm stuck with my head telling me it's just a fluke and I should feel bad for not being that constantly.
I’m pretty sure i have rOCD but after suffering it for so long i begin to feel detached from my partner and that makes the obsessive thoughts worse. It’s like they’re saying “see!! I told you! I was right” but really i think i just feel numb and distant from my partner bc these thoughts make it so hard to just love and be happy. I just want to be happy
I feel the same about being numb and distant it’s like if I can’t see them I get sad but I don’t feel that pang in my chest anymore. Have u figured out something that has helped ?
@@aoifecullen8498 I’m still working on it and it’s hard to give a clear answer. A lot of the time, I feel like my experience with ROCD is like falling into a hole and when i’m in it it’s hard to feel rational about anything and know what to do. But there’s times where I haven’t fallen in yet. I can still feel the anxiety but it’s more quiet and i don’t instantly jump on the fear. It’s easier to ignore. I’ve just been teaching myself that feelings are always changing and you can’t attach yourself to one and assume everything about the relationship is wrong. it’s not always easy but basically if you know there are no red flags and there’s just small things about your partner that trigger you, try to sit with the thought instead of push it away. And it’s okay to feel numb too. a lot of the time, feeling nothing is just as scary because you worry it may be a sign. Treat it the same way. Feeling numb isn’t an instant sign you’re ready to move on. Just try not to give your feelings so much power. Love is about choice and commitment.
@@1chillychang so it’s ok that I don’t get a pang in my chest when I can’t see him or if we disagree?
@@aoifecullen8498 you choose your love for him, everything will be okay. love is extremely complex and it's always different for everyone. if these thoughts become obsessive, then that is a big sign that it is rocd.
I also tend to feel numb, not only with my partner but in many other areas in my life. However, my brain focuses on my relationship and says "Well, if you dont feel love for this person 100% of the time then they must not be "the one". " If you dont miss this person 100% of the time then you must not love him". It's so frustrating but some of the best thing that have helped are reminding myself to take it one day at a time and that it is normal to have fluctuating feelings as you've said. Although I dont know 100% he is the RIGHT partner for me, I know that he is a wonderful partner to me based on the "evidence" I have. Remind myself that Love is a choice , that I choose to be here, and if in a year I dont want to be here I can always leave. Sigh. Sending much strength and patience to you all, it truly is a struggle some days but one day at a time.
Honestly have just started having this , it kinda goes away when I’m with him but during the week when I’m away from him I go into the obsessive thoughts it makes me feel depressed and sad :( I love him , but my thoughts keep making me question it! Need therapy
SAME!!! SAME!!! Wtff omggggg
Same!!! I'm totally fine when I'm with him, it's just when I'm working from home and he's away at work that it hits me so bad
Omg same it’s absolutely horrible
Does the same with me. I’ve been going crazy. Driving her away I’m sure
At the start of this my anxiety was absolutely horrible when I saw him like nothing changed between when I was with him and was I was at home on my own. But now I feel fine when I’m with him just really shitty when I’m not. So does that mean I’m getting better??? Like I’m so scared I’ll be like this forever
I realised I can have ROCD/Relationship Anxiety symptoms when I realised how random my doubts and worries were. The examples were:
Am I suppose to feel madly in love by now? (1.5 months of relationship)
Should I have deep feeling that he's the one by now? (2 months of relationship)
I feel put off by what he wore today, am I attracted to him?
Someone said we look like siblings, do we look ugly/funny together?
I'm in love with him but today he seems disconnected. Did he loose feelings for me?
Our relationship feels easy, is it weird we don't have agreements?
We have similar personalities. Will it make our dynamic vanilla and boring?
My compulsive behaviour is constant reading of reddit threads, checking relationship gurus yt videos or checking ig dating advice pages. I also noticed that one day I can have total piece and feel happy, but next day I feel very anxious with no specific reason.
Wondering ...
I was scared to click on this video because the title triggered me a bit. But I’m glad I did. My obsessive thoughts kind of change, they come and go in waves. Currently it’s about this topic and if my partner is a good person. I recognize that I sometimes feel like a relationship has to be perfect or it’s not good, I know that’s not true but it’s hard sometimes. I tend to take those flaws and imperfections in a relationship and turn them into “red flags”. And sometimes I put all the blame on him and I don’t even recognize the things I can improve on because all I can think about is my obsessions.. which is unfair to him. We constantly talk about wanting to grow together and become the best we can be, he can be a bit passive and impatient and I can be dismissive and closed off but we’re trying. I just want the best for us. I want to heal for us and for myself. It’s so hard sometimes. But thank you for this video, I am glad I worked up the courage to watch it!
Kelsey Keeling YES I can relate to this 100%. I turn flaws into “red flags” all the time 😭
Madison Young ugh it’s a struggle but it’s nice to know I’m not alone😩
Can you tell me again what is red flag ?
It's mad how much I relate to this comment!! Feeling like things have to be perfect or there's no point and taking flaws and turning them into 'red flags', wondering whether he's a good person (when he clearly is!)
Best of luck to you :) x
I relate soooo much
I obsess about if he is toxic or not,but i feel like there are real red flags😭
The notion that someone could be totally comfortable with uncertainty is just so foreign to me 😅 who are these magical beings, I want to learn from them!
Everyone talks about triggers. I feel like everything is a trigger. From the moment I walk up to the time I go to bed. My mind is constant you don’t love your boyfriend anymore, you need to end the relationship. I know I don’t want to but even while typing this my thoughts are yes you do. I have very little amounts of the day where I don’t think like this. When you were in the deepest part of your ROCD was everything a trigger? Did you feel good at some point? I’m worried that since I don’t feel I have certain triggers that everything is a trigger that it may not be ROCD
When it started for me I was triggered just by existing. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. It got better now after a few months. Now I only get triggered by certain thoughts. The best advice I gan give is just deal with it (I know it sounds awful). But push through every single day, day by day and don't give up. Don't let the anxiety win.
Same here! As it looks it's certainly ROCD no doubts. I know it and know how bad it is for my relationship and still constantly do it ,😁
How are you doing now?
Curious if you have improved or how you are doing?
I feel the same way. Sometimes when I see beautiful things around me, I think about my boyfriend, and love, and happiness, and it can be triggering. Sometimes waking up and my heart racing from waking up in the morning makes me feel anxious--like my body is recognizing the bodily feelings and my mind associates it physically with those thoughts. I am coming up on almost two years of these feelings, and I am so glad I am not alone. I love my boyfriend more than ever and we are looking at engagement rings tomorrow. I am terrified, but I know this is what I have wanted for almost six years. He is perfect for me and my best friend. It's okay to choose what you want and push through the negativity---it is so hard, but keep doing it. You will begin to trust yourself more.
I feel a pit in my heart area when with my partner. I think it feels like guilt. I don’t want to leave her, but this feeling hurts. In moments when I don’t feel it I feel euphoria and feel like I know I want to be with her.
This is exactly what happens to me, when I'm in a good mood and I'm not feeling awful, i feel euphoric and with relief like you said, i know i want to be with my partner
@@saiasdlalsdsk1203 I understand this so much, as soon as the thoughts settle, I run to my partner and give him all love without guilt. It's just so hard when everything is so up and down.
Very relatable. I can go from feeling like I’m in love to feeling that the relationship is wrong in a matter of hours.
The next day it could start all over again.
@@aguy559 hey same here can I talk with u idont know if I have rocd.or.not
@@abhinandhb9149 Go for it, my friend.
My relationship ended because was spiraling on anxiety, thinking if we should be together or not. I couldnt make a decision. So he asked me "would you feel relief i I broke up with you now?"... I said "at least the doubts would stop".
So we broke up.
Turns out I wasn't as relieved as expected. A bit, yes, but I still wouldn't sleep well. Now we are talking again, and are both about to attend therapy to fix each issues (he also has his own toxic traits). We decided to stick together and see if therapy helps us work it out.
Thank you so much for everything you do. Ever since I discovered the existence of ROCD I have felt SO much better with myself. I suffered immensely going back and forth between excitement, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety. Sometimes I still think “you’re just playing victim, nothing’s wrong with you, you’re just too much of a coward to face the fact that you don’t love her, you will her her…” and it goes on and on, spiralling into panic. Since I discovered these videos I managed to take a step back, listen to my body, have the courage to ignore these obsessive thoughts and realise that “everything is ok”
I’m 1 minute in and after you talked about the fear of not matching up with what you were saying I was just like “yes!!! Me !!! Me!!! Me!!!” Lmao
i’m tearing up and i haven’t even watched the video yet. thank you so much for this
What? Why is that.?
Same girl, this is really touching and helpful
I was in a narcissistic personality disorder relationship for 8 years and It made me worse.. I do believe this person is speaking my life though..
This time last year I had these thoughts and had no idea what was wrong with me! My partner stuck through me throughout this! I expressed all my worries, every thought, every fear and he still STUCK with me! I’m so grateful for him and for you and a few other youtube channels. I found out about OCD/PURE O/ROCD last February and have been recovering ever since.
I still have awful days but before it was awful months or weeks! So so so grateful
Please tell me what did you do to recover
Bhaaad Queen listen to every video and take them literally. When I have a bad thought I acknowledge I am thinking it, push past the negative or guilty feeling and then literally say the words “it’s ocd let’s move on” in my head no matter how hard my brain is saying “it’s not ocd” it always is!
The more I did that the more I felt “normal.
I promise you If you find your own way of doing what I explained then you will recover. Don’t get me wrong is STILL happens but I am recovering and you will too! You’ve got this, god bless and stay safe during this strange time!
Aysegul Tahir have you experienced not being able to know how you acted b4 any of this like when i’m fine i don’t know if i have enough feelings for my boyfriend or not
J West yes I struggle with this so much, it’s like I’ve forgotten how I acted around him before and then I overthink it and make things awkward. Did it get better for you?
Merhabaa. Aynı sorunu ben de yaşıyorum ve konuşabileceğim kimse yok. Sizinle mail yoluyla vs. iletişim kurabilir miyim?
What a wonderful video, I love the new editing style.You are really helping me, Thank you.
I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR CHANNEL OHMYGOODNESS
Thank you so much Kiyomi for this. The most helpful material I have found so far! Bless you!
The thought itself "Are we going to break up? Did I fall out of love?" etc sets of my anxiety. Like the actual thought itself. Ive been with my partner for 13 years and due to the pandemic my anxiety went through the roof...this seems to be one of the most sticky of my OCD thoughts. Its like my generalized anxiety attached itself to my relationship among other very typical OCD sub categories.
Jadeb623 same! i have been with my partner for 4.5 years and never experienced this until lockdown started (also timed with some major breakthroughs in therapy with childhood trauma). it’s been the hardest few months.
Thank you for making this. It means so much to me.
I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I CANT BELIEVE THERE’S A TERM FOR WHAT IM FEELING
I've been dealing with this all year. So happy I've found this channel
This. I am so glad I found your channel. I’m ready to heal. And I think your videos might truly help me
Love your videos, you're extremely helpful for ocd sufferers like me x
I've just found this channel right in a moment of necessity and I just want to say THANK YOU. I suscribe. Thank you for your videos because I'd just started to think I was going crazy
thank you so much for the uploads, it makes me feel much better knowing that its just my OCD.
this is ridiculously helpful. the questions at the end were so eye opening i think i might cry. thank you.
You touch my soul everytime. Thank you so much for all the work you are doing. You're just amazing I'm so happy I found you.
Wow. This video really spoke to me. I’m saving it. Thank you.
This is amazingly helpfull ! Thankyou so much ! Please continue this vids :)
I am SO happy I found you can't express how grateful I am thank you so much
THIS ANTICIPATES WHATEVER I WANNA THINK THIS IS AMAZINGGGGG OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD
Thank you! Great video! It’s a shame more people aren’t talking about this
Beautifully put. I hadn't thought about it like this. I know that my partner and I are willing to grow together. Thinking about a relationship as an ongoing process that cultivates growth, rather than a static, wrong or right finality, is such a game changer. I'm going to push myself to frame my relationship in this way❤️ thank you.
I started struggling with all of this very recently and finding your channel has really really helped me and grounded me. The guilt and anxiety is so hard because my partner is the most beautiful person on the planet and I love him so much.
I just started sobbing and i’m only 4mins in. These videos are so helpful. Thank you so much♥️
I have ROCD, your videos have helped me so much. I've worked to disengage from my compulsions as much as possible (sometimes I slip but overall it's been so much better). Thank you for everything you do, my stress levels within my relationship have drastically decreased!
Nailed it and brought me to tears! I have a great guy and I'm going to stop questioning everything and follow your advice. Thank you
I feel so unbelievably seen by this video, everything you said resonated so brilliantly with me, and you've brought me a lot of peace mid-ROCD crisis/spiral. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart
you touch my soul every time Kiyomi, thank you.
guys If you still haven't join the community.. do it right now, because it is full of love and compassion and it feels like HOME, so join us we have your same thoughts and the same will to just heal and learn, AND LOVE.
I totally agree, having ROCD I didn't want to google it again but I'm so glad I did and found her.
Kiyomi, you are amazing! Thank you so much!
This brought tears to my eyes...I have past sexual traumas and my partner has stuck with me through it all...all the anxiety, the panic attacks, the pain. He's really been a strong and consistent person in my life and I couldn't be more thankful. He's my first love, and he proposed to me this last month. I love him so much and I don't think I could truly see anyone else as my future husband. We get each other and have each other's backs when things go wrong. I often have people tell me, when things are rocky, that there are "other fish in the sea" and that I "SHOULD date other people". Things have been draining with my anxiety and compulsions and my family tells me that we "shouldn't be having so many problems so early on" and that "when we were engaged, we didn't have half as many problems as you did". It discourages me and truly makes me fear that he isn't the one. ROCD is debilitating and it debilitates me on a daily basis. This video has given me so much hope, thank you Kiyomi💜
How r things now
@@crystalslade8056 we are still together! I am currently working on processing my sexual trauma and getting my bachelor's degree in the spring so my fiance and I can get married!! I still have doubts about our relationship sometimes, but you can never always be certain about the future and what will come. It's just a part of being human. 💜
And also, something that helps me is I try to look back and remember the good qualities about my partner...his patience, his kindness, his goofiness, etc.
I have something similar going on where it feels like even family doesn't approve of the relationship 100% because of comments they made in the past or remarks like "you should date other people, you are too young" (we are high school sweethearts and been together for 6 years). I'm in the process of accepting that it's my choice to love who I want to and ultimately I'm the one who knows our relationship best out of everyone in my circle. Then of course with OCD you start to question your own judgement but this video helped me understand that there will never be 100% certainty in anything in life and you just gotta live every day as it comes and I've felt very in love and happy like never before with my partner by my side after treating my depression and I want to feel that for as long as possible and that's my choice no matter what anyone says. Hope you are doing better. I know it's a constant war with your head where you win some n lose some days but we just gotta take it one day at a time I guess. Best of luck !
omg this video just made me break down, i feel so seen, you described exactly how i feel and i have been going crazy obsessively thinking about this
this is such an amazing channel and the first truly helpful source of information on this topic. I'd love videos and advice for the two topics that challenge me the most: Other attractive persons (real or in movies, avoiding public places in order to avoid other attractive persons) and being "afraid" or anxious to go home from work, for example (even though being home is totally fine). You have spoken about this in side notes, I guess, but I can imagine, a lot of people experience these two issues :)
Your voice is so soothing and I love how you came out and said “we have to cut the BS” 👏👏message received.
Thank you ❤
Thank you Kiyomi! Your videos are always just what I need to hear and are very inspiring to me. I’ve always had strong anxiety ever since childhood so I have times now where I have a good grip on it and then there are times where I slip into depression because of it. Anyways, as I got deeper into my relationship (of 4 years) it turned into rocd and as I’ve known about rocd I frequently would sulk in the thoughts like the symptoms you were describing but lately I’ve been able to control it better to where I’m not like the people you describe having rocd. It could be because I’m in a happier place in my life because my boyfriend moved in with me. I definitely know I have it but I sometimes doubt myself because I don’t show all of the exact symptoms you spoke of when I’m dealing with rocd. Oh well haha everyone probably has and handles rocd differently anyways.
This was amazing. Thank you.
This is so validating. Thank you so much
This video came to me in great time. I had been doing well for a while, but days ago I had some bad thoughts and in the beggining I didn't judge them, but then I thought: 'im not worrying or feeling bad(a gut feeling I used to had) about these bad thoughts and feelings, what if that means I don't love my partner anymore?'. Really wtf thought, like healing would be a bad thing
This video reminds me to not be black and white, besides that, I think my hormonal periods affects A LOT my anxiety, being aware of that can be very useful
Thank you Kiyomi for ALL you do ❣️ and sorry about my English, im latin
Byeee
It's great seeing a community of people commenting on here, sharing their thoughts with each other. I feel the same stuff
I admired so much that Demolishing the norm of” if it feels right, it’s right, and if it feels wrong, it’s wrong” articulating a great aspect of a relationship that I’ve not ever seen or heard before. You are hitting a very deep hole in my mind cause I suffer from ROCD, and I just acted impulsively urgent;That was 2 days ago, and the obsessive thinking strikes me all over again! All over. You blew my mind ,touched my soul, gave me another perspective of what relationships are( yes, toxicity exists, but limited, there is no right or wrong, there is what I can do to make it better..etc) feeling understood and contented ❤keep it up
This has helped me so much! ❤️
This is really touching. What a lovely person Kiyomi seems to be. I had fallen upon ROCD about a year ago I think, but it has really taken hold of me recently (& of course I forgot about this concept altogether.) I am a gay man in my late 40’s and have been partnered for 10 years. Having been in another long-term relationship, the pressure to not be the troubled/defective one is quite high. I relate to many of these feelings and am liberated by the notion of not trying to solve immediately the problem. I really relate to that numbness that grows as almost a protection from the jarring mind work that sometimes takes hold. There will be incompatibilities and differences and that does not equal wrong. This is huge for me. I have such a need to have it right-not just for myself but because I am very fearful of wasting any more of his time. The question comes up, “Are you happy?” And we have been honest about helping one another if either of us decides to change course. The truth is that happiness is just a little hard to gauge right now. No red flags, no deal breakers, many things that are quite strong and simpatico...but a ton of anxiety and some sadness that has sort of taken roots. So, yes, this strikes a chord and is comforting to find.
ROCD takes over my life. But I know there's a way out
Man, this is such great information.
"OR ELSE I AM DOOOOMEEDD" haha yup that's meee. OCD is getting much better now... Can't believe it's improving. Thanks Kiyomi you have helped so much
This just helped me and my mind. I thank u for this and I’m a new subbie ❤️ I deserve healthy love and not having to know all the questions. Thank u by much
this is totally me! 😢 thank you for this video
This video made me cry tears of relief. I have SUCH a healthy, wonderful relationship with my husband and finally i have some clarity.
god this is a breath of fresh air. wish i watched this before breaking up with the sweetest girl in the world out of impulse and intrusive thoughts.
Im with the best and most supportive person and I feel frozen!I miss the warmth I could offer him the first months.By the time I realized how feelings got deeper and deeper I just froze by rocd thoughts!Can't deal with how good he is and how crappy all these thoughts are in my head.
im dealing with the same issue and i feel very guilty
I can’t tell you enough how HAPPY I am I found you. This video is exactly what I needed and how I’ve been feeling. Thank you so much, subscribed ❤️❤️
I’ve been suffering so badly
Hey, I’m also suffering from ROCD and I wondered if you might want to chat and try to support each other as we both understand what we’re going through X
em v I would
@@emmavann6462 wow I’m rewatching this video and I just saw this comment. How are you doing a year later? Clearly I’m still going through this as I’m watching this video again 😭
Gracias Kiyomi ♥️✨
Thank you for this video!!
I started getting these thoughts about a year ago and let me tell you it was the absolute worst time in my life. Constantly asking myself questions, constantly doubting my feelings. It was rough. This lady has saved me in ways no one will understand.
Did you do any of her courses or just watch her videos? How are you doing now?
Wow i destroyed all my relationships because of ROCD. The anxiety is overwhelming. I finally gathered the courage to tell my mom about this...and she said i should approach this in therapy. I told her do you think X, Y and Z is normal? And she said "no, you are clearly suffering. This is too much anxiety". Im very scared of ever entering a relationship again due to my problem. I get too stressed and obsessed.
Wow! Thank you! Subscribed!!!
Thank you so much. This was amazing.
Im so glad I found this video:((❤️ thank you so much
thank you. i needed to hear this
I am tearing up watching this...I have experiencing this for 6 years now..bt kept on suppressing my feelings because of loosing this perfect guy...he is a GEM...it was a interreligion relationship, n my parents won't agree to it ..that was the constant fear that haunted me... finally I broke up with him few months back...the sad reality is..he thinks I used him (or something like that)..n guilt started eating me up from within.
Thank you
So glad I found this
You may never read this comment, but I can't tell you how much these videos help. I finally reached out to get professional help from an OCD specialist, and I can't wait for my first appointment. When I watch these I feel like I'm listening to myself talk! Thank you for all the work you do!
Hey how did it goo
Thanks for your videos on ROCD! Certainly if a relationship has any major red flags (abuse, infidelity, etc.) then it's the wrong one. I do think it's possible, even with ROCD, for a relationship not to have any of these major red flags but still simply be fundamentally unsatisfying. I realize it could be triggering to talk about that, but I'd like to hear you touch on it.
The couldn’t be ROCD because there is as reality out of the thoughts
This is really helpful thanks
Thank you so much for making this video Kiyomi. It baffles me how people can live their lives with these feelings and thoughts. I spend hours and hours in my day worrying whether my relationship is right for me when i find a detail that could mean doom. But when i see him in person and hang out with him, I'm having the time of my life. It's torture when I have break-up thoughts, for fear that I've made the wrong decision and because I think these thoughts are signs that the relationship is not doing well, I want to break up right away.
How r y now?
It's true for me, idk why but meeting her can ease the anxiety and making me relieved
@struggle9394 hi, thanks for asking. It's been 5 months, I'm doing much better in my relationship! My partner can help me if I m triggered by not reassuring me, but providing support. Ironically, my ocd is now attaching on other things other than my relationship. But now I can handle things much better after exposure response prevention. My complusions before made my life unstable. Now at least I can get a grip of my actions! I wish you well and a great recovery too.
thank you so much for this 🙏
You got me again... I paused the video at 1:10 to check and search if I am possibly in an abusive relationship, because he does some stupid things sometimes that I don't like. Got into the hole really quick, got very bad and felt the spiral going down. I decided to just continue watching the vid and then came to 7:12 ... and of course I'm making everything worse than it actually is. It feels so stupid to type this all but the feeling is sooo real!! Thanks for your vids, they help me a lot
Yeeeessss. Oh my . This video saved my life
constant thoughts about feeling happier if I leave or find someone else or just feel freedom. It sucks, because that feeling also make me feel like Ill never experience joy in this relationship.
Thank you so much for these videos I have constant doubt and worry that I will leave my boyfriend and I will end up losing someone I care about deeply and these videos have really helped me realize I'm not alone 😔
Hey, I'm going through exact some thing. I keep feeling like a want to leave him and then my obsessive thoughts start. Somewhere deep down I know I don't want to break up but my anxiety keeps telling me I should do so
@@evafly1000 yes that's exactly what I feel as well too but something I keep in mind is that love is a choice not a feeling . Your feeling change but that doesn't mean you must leave. It's your brain trying to find and escape from rocd not your partner. Breaking up is an easy escape for your brain because this means not doing the work. I highly recommend journaling and looking into her rocd course I've been struggling so much but learning more about it gives me hope in building a strong foundations with my boyfriend ♥️
@@alejandrarios8524 thanks for this
this is so helpful wow
I don't know if I have ROCD and I really wish I could figure it out. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, and suddenly have started obsessing over whether I'm happy in the relationship. It was triggered by a close friend of mine breaking up and then deciding to download a dating app and meeting people online. When she started talking to guys online who appeared so much more interesting and funny, unfortunately I started comparing my boyfriend to all of them and nitpicking on every aspect. Even after my friend stopped going out with new guys due to Covid, I just couldn't help but feel like I was missing out. I'd never dated before him (I'm 29 and a very late bloomer), he's my first ever boyfriend and till now I was sure I loved him deeply.
The worst part is, the things I'm obsessing over seem like they're so important. Like common interests, matching sense of humour etc. I'm beginning to think that I'm bored in the relationship now and when I think that I might end up breaking up with him because I'm not feeling anything all of a sudden, it feels like a punch to my chest. I've been crying non-stop about this for 3 months now. This is the guy I was so sure I'd marry, but now I just don't know what I want. I look at him and start panicking, and then I cry and pray to God to stop making me feel this way because he's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and he's the sweetest person I know. But then my brain tells me, "You can just be friends with him, just because he's sweet you don't need to be romantically involved with him. You've never been with anyone else before, how can you be so sure that he's the one? He's absolutely not your type, you've always been attracted to witty, charming guys like in the books you used to read. Won't you forever regret not seeking out the guy of your dreams?"
This is such a long message, but if anyone has any answers to this, I'd love to know what's going on. I really, really do love him so much but these thoughts are making me feel so depressed, I just want to give up now.
Update:
It's a little over a year later from when I wrote this comment. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I became too toxic and he couldn't take it anymore.
Although people have been telling me that it wasn't completely my fault, that I wasn't having my needs fulfilled... I can't help but feel that I caused this. Became insecure, needy, paranoid. And also frustrated at everything, especially him.
I wish I had gotten professional help... But.. I don't know how much it would have worked. Four years... All gone. And now that I've lost him, I'm afraid that I'll keep comparing everyone to him in the future, and never really get over him.
This is punishment... Cruel, and torturous. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel like I'll always be alone. Maybe that's for the best.
So glad that I found this reply because I have a very similar situation. My boyfriend is also the one person I have ever been with sexually and romantically. I just want to assure you that I am going through the same thing as you asking myself exactly the same questions. I just want to add, I think these thoughts are completely normal especially for those who are in their FIRST and only long term relationship, I find myself constantly comparing my relationship to others or my single friends. I relate to this so much it’s comforting to know there’s another person with this almost exact same experience. I at the end of the day believe that it’s really just thoughts that I obsess over and I think considering he is the only person you have experienced it is completely normal to have these “what if?” Thoughts or wonder if you’re making the right decision because it’s human nature to question yourself and the path that you’re on. One thing people like to say to discredit these negative thoughts are things like “when you’re with the right person you know and you never question it” which certainly is not true because I’ve witnessed so many relationships that people swore up and down they KNEW it was their soulmate with no doubts and guess what.... almost all of them failed. Nobody ever forsure knows what the future holds or what your relationship holds. I wish I had a better answer for you because I struggle with this too but at the end of the day I am aware of the love I have for my partner and I try to picture myself without them or them with another person and see how that makes me feel. Another things I might add, is sometimes when you start to get too comfortable or past that “I “honeymoon” phase you can fixate on the idea of what love is SUPPOSE to look like and be like. At the end of the day love is a choice, sticking with your partner and committing to them is a choice. People who treat love as a feeling and decide to give up when it’s no longer fresh and new and exciting and stimulating are the people who go from relationship to relationship.
Sorry I’m typing such a long message but another thing that helps me, is think about the advice you would give to a person if they came to you with this issue. Especially in your particular situation, what would you tell them to do? Would you tell them to give up and leave or would you tell them to understand and process normal negative thoughts and questions that almost everybody goes through at some point in a relationship. Also don’t go to others to seek validation on your thoughts and feelings because a lot of people will try to tell you it’s not normal especially if they are a person who has not experienced this type of stage in their relationship. Talk to a professional, reassure yourself. When u have these thoughts instead of being upset with yourself just process it and allow yourself to understand that it’s only a thought and you don’t have to feed into it or act upon it. As long as you are not actively cheating or seeking out other people in your relationship then I think these types of thoughts are ok to have as long as you at the end of the day know you love this person and are willing to keep loving them bc love is WORK effort and going through changes together!!!
Hi, I am in the same situation. I just met a man who is amazing and sweet who talks of a future and kids. He is the only person I have been with romantically and I face the same fears. Right now I am 26 and can easily see myself in your shoes within the next few years. I'm trying to the answers rn as well. Please hang in there and believe in yourself sweetheart 💗✨
@@ninaalyssa6625 Thank you so much for the reply. I do believe what you say, about love being a choice, and I feel so very loved by this man. Just the other day I was thinking how it's so amazing to have found another person other than your family who genuinely cares for you and wants you to be happy. And I feel the same for him.
It just becomes messed up when I'm not feeling physical attraction towards him, which is scary because I never imagined that would happen. Recently, I discovered that people with ADHD seem to get bored in a relationship after a while because they're always craving dopamine and I wonder if that's what's happening to me. I've always wondered if I had ADHD to some degree.
Gosh, I'm self diagnosing now.
@@nicolette3436 Thanks Nicolette! I hope things get better for you and I, both.
I likely have ROCD in regards to friends, and this genuinely helps
This is worse when your partner asks for space and doesn’t explain anything.
I came to see this video and in the middle I started crying...
I wish i saw this before breaking up with my girlfriend
I had never realised that what I have been struggling with for so long was a real thing until now. Thank you. I wish I had seen this video months ago. ROCD began to dominate my whole life until I gave in to it and broke up with my partner. The relief I felt for a few days after was incredible- and then the ROCD thoughts continued in the same way as they had done before- until I ended up experiencing psychotic symptoms. I have recovered from the psychosis but the ROCD thoughts still keep coming back- it's so exhausting. Thank you for this video
How is it that ROCD continued outside of relationship? How do you feel now, do you regret breaking up?
Soooo... Just saying, when we're talking about "abusive", red-flag relationships and describing them with words like "spiritual" and "emotional" abuse, "not okay with you", "pushes you down", it's hard not to also see a similarity here living with a partner with ROCD and how they may be constantly thinking they could be with someone "better", or that you really aren't as intelligent, beautiful, social as someone else might be and becoming obsessed with it to the point of being emotionally unavailable. Even if you never say these things to a partner, a person can sense the cycles and I say this as someone with ROCD who is often attracted to other people with ROCD. It often triggers my eating disorder when I'm around someone soooo uncertain of me even if this uncertainty is causing that person suffering too, (because they can't fully enjoy being with anyone). The behaviors that manifest from ROCD come from ambivalence but could look extremely similar to spiritual and emotional abuse because we're unable to love another person while in the throes of obsession and may actually harm them repeatedly.
Got you💔
And here I am, seeking reassurance...again :(
right now my main problem is breaking through my trust issues. we’ve been together 9 months and idk how to trust him even though i have no reason not to. whenever he goes out with his friends i struggle with not being anxious for some reason. he treats me so well and deals with all my anxiety but i know i am the problem. he listens to me when i’m sad about things that don’t even exist and does his best to reassure me. whenever there’s a party and he’s drinking, i need to be there. i get sad when he likes other girls posts but i can’t stop myself. i’m so in love with him but sometimes have intrusive thoughts that i think are right and can’t get my mind off of them. he’s my best friend and i know i won’t be able to live without him but my anxiety is taking me over and burning me out. i cant just force myself to not be anxious about anything and it seems as if it gets stronger the more i love him. is this ROCD or am i not ready for a relationship ?
Like someone else. In the comments. I was also scared to click this video because I was scared of the title. I've been with my husband 8 years. 3 kids. Recently had my third and struggling with postnatal depression again with has triggered these obsessive thoughts about my feelings in my relationship again. Before this I was sure I was so in love with him and glad I didnt leave him in the past when this happened. And also before me feeling like this I was obsessing and worrying that he was cheating on me when he wasn't. Which Is why i didnt think I have these doubts again. Hopefully my dr will sort out my medication as that has helped me tremendously before when this happened x
I've always had obsessive thoughts about having a terminal illness, even if the doctor told me I was fine I'd still find a way to convince myself they were wrong. So they've chalked that up to anxiety/depression and I've been on meds for about 2.5 years. Just after they started working and those thoughts were going away, I met my partner. I was so happy with him I felt like I finally found my other half! We broke up a few times because his feelings were not as strong, but we've been together a year now since the last breakup and things have really improved. But i found myself not really wanting to be intimate anymore, I couldn't really muster the energy to do it and he wanted to all the time. When he pointed it out I felt really bad, I started thinking that it was my medication giving me low sex drive and I went off it without professional advice. The anxiety slowly started coming back, but not about my health it was about not loving my boyfriend anymore. I thought that because I didn't want to have sex, that meant I wasn't attracted to him, therefore I didn't love him. Everytime I'm with him I check to see how attracted I am to him, how much I love him in the moment, can I be with him forever? I have moments where I realise I'm happy with him, but those moments turn bad once I convince myself I'm faking it. I went back on the meds, it's been a week now and I still get these thoughts. The side effects are giving me more anxiety, it's making me irritable and tired. Everytime my boyfriend tries to be funny, I get annoyed I just want him to stop talking. Last night I broke up with him, I told him a few days prior what I'd been going through and he's been so understandable. I just want to be alone all the time, I don't want to see him because I know I'll overthink and fuel the anxiety. I feel safe when I'm alone, so maybe I did the right thing? Maybe I'll realise i made a mistake when I start to get better. I feel so out of touch with my emotions, I don't know what I'm feeling at all right now. I don't feel happy or sad, I don't feel relief I don't feel anything.
It’s ocd I have the same problem
How r things now
@@crystalslade8056 We got back together, my anxiety kind of just went away once my meds started working. Every now and then I would have an intrusive thought, but the meds made it easier for me to talk myself down and brush that thought away.
We actually did break up again about 8 months ago because he fell out of love.
I am so sad guys. We broke up 10 months ago. I didn’t know ROCD was a thing, but I think I suffered from that a lot of time. Also I have suffered around 6 OCD themes since then. I miss her like crazy, I hope we can get back together one day , explain her everything I went through and apologize. I love her, even tho rocd made me doubt it and made me obsess about finding “perfection” in a relationship. My heart hurts :( I cry everyday and think about her all the time
Ive been diagnosed with ROCD for over a year
Also me: Hmmm i really don’t think I have it. Let me watch this video
A classic lol