Repeated exposure has worked wonders for me. Not only with becoming less socially anxious but also with (slowly but surely) overcoming people pleasing. For sooo long, I thought that legit everyone would get angry at me or yell at me (like members of my family did growing up) if I set boundaries or said that I didn’t want to do something or didn’t like something. I truly didn’t know that was possible ❤
Unfortunately didn't work for me. I put myself in many social situations and do fine, i get along with people and have some positive experiences, but still a simple trip to the shops can take effort to get over my anxiety
Something else that kind of helps me with social anxiety is picturing the person I want to be, and acting as that version of myself. It helps if you write down characteristics of how you want to be (ex: Always ready to listen and help someone, patient, easygoing, etc.) and practice acting as that version of yourself even if its scary. Of course if something feels too fake to the point of not feeling like your true self, use this sparingly. Another thing to acknowledge is that we as people are always changing. Even if you are socially anxious right now, that doesn't mean you'll always be. So try to stop labelling yourself negatively, and accept that you are always growing and changing
Repeated exposure for social anxiety can be very effective through habituation but its only if the exposures turn out to not be that bad. Many people have found that repeated exposures can make social anxiety a lot more severe if the situations do not turn out well. That's why its very crucial to work your way from doing things you feel more conformable with to then doing things you feel less comfortable with as she recommended. Habituation is our subconscious mind telling us that it wasn't so bad after all.
That’s exactly how my social anxiety was born. My classmates as a child almost all through middle school and high school made me fee like I would never be or have enough to fit in. And ever since that experience it became very hard for me to see myself as someone of value for someone else. I concluded that I was better off alone, that I would be okay on my own regardless. So as I grew older I hated social gatherings and would push people away and sabotage many of my relationships and concluding that that’s exactly how it ought to be. No, I don’t want to end up alone. But it feels like it is my destiny. I feel like I’ve gotten better at not doing that and seeing my self as worthy of love and friendship but it has certainly been a journey
I find that the closer I get to people, the worse my anxiety gets. If I feel criticised, rejected etc.. I cannot stand it! It hurts too much. I disappear, isolate. I feel ashamed. I actually find strangers much easier, even though I'm still shy and can still have anxiety. It hurts or is scary too. But they don't know me to judge me strongly. But the deeper it goes, the more I feel like they're a mirror showing me how terrible I am. I feel too vulnerable. I'm terrified of ruining things through my behaviour too. I'm too embarrassed to talk again after disappearing on them etc. It's really difficult. I sometimes wonder if that's something else though because I find that other people with social anxiety gets easier the closer you are. I am trying all types of ways to help. I recently learnt about learned helplessness. I think tackling that may open doors for me. Edit: because I've been through therapy, exposure never helps me. I never have ever felt better. I can do things, to be honest. But I still feel terrible ever single time, which leads me to easily fall back if I'm having a bad period in my life and thus don't wanna add to it by doing things that make me feel bad. So I'm hoping tackling it at another angle may help! I feel so bad for how I treat others, even if they practice understanding. I don't want to be seen. I love them, care about them, but I don't want to be near them. It hurts me and I'm too scared I'll hurt them. I don't know why I fell so deep into this hole. But I'm determined to get out. Although my comment is just a rant. Thank you for the video!! Thank you to the other commenters too. Provided some common humanity and things for me ❤️
I once read a tweet that said something along the lines of "When I was in grade school, I told my mom I was nervous about going onstage and she said, 'It's okay, nobody cares about you'" which is such a mean thing for a mother to say to her child and I feel bad for OP but it honestly helped me with my insecurities 💀 I used to be scared of what people think of me but now I don't really care anymore. As the saying goes, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
That’s an interesting idea to move through the world assuming everyone likes you! I feel like I move through the world as if no one’s paying attention to me, and if they are, that’s on them lol. It works for eliminating social anxiety, but it doesn’t necessarily provide the extra confidence boost that would probably come from assuming everyone likes you
As a socially anxious person, probably stemming from genetic temperament as well as early bullying, I feel my social awkwardness makes me more of a target for bullying and abuse in my adult life. It's a self perpetuating cycle.
The coming off aloof and cold resonate with me a lot. Having so many internal struggles makes me avoid talking to people, the whole working from home thing has made it worse, when I am back in the office I try to avoid talking to colleagues at all cost, I am often so worried to seem like a rude person. Will definitely try out these methods.
hey i hope ur feeling better now. i feel the same way as you, there are days where i feel sooo insecure and i would stop talking to my friends or contribute to a convo in group chats. i always feel like such a bad friend and i know isolating myself is destructive but it just happens subconsciously. it's actually very exhausting cause i want to have a deeper connection with my friends, and they seem closer to each other than i do with them cause i've always been anxious even around them.
What you said about hearing someone move through the world assuming everyone likes them really resonated. When my girlfirend told me for the first time she thinks she's attractive my brain short-circiuted. I didn't even realize that was possible. Thank you for the video!
I’m so glad you made this video I was literally working on social anxiety by opening up to my teacher today and letting her know I appreciated her kindness and patience even though I felt nervous that day
Been struggling with social anxiety for years, my entire life even... that familiar feeling of unease that quickly turns into anxiety everytime I see a group of people approaching me never seems to go away... thanks for speaking about this topic
i think the biggest challenge for me is, like you mentioned, believing that the people who see you in a certain way exist at all. I feel like I can only pretend that people are thinking good things about me for so long before I stop believing it. At some point I feel like I actually have to see or hear someone say something positive about me before I start to think I'm delusional
Along with seeing a psychologist and undergoing CBT for my SA and OCD, tip #3 really helped me navigate the world through a less scary lens! I still get nervous is some social situations every now and then, that’s normal, but it’s nothing compared to how scared and dysfunctional I was before therapy. ❤
I’m socially anxious, Now what?, is such a great question to give an online audience. Great idea Ana :) Sometimes it seems when people discover the term ‘social anxiety’, they relate and identify with it and then stop trying to improve. “I have social anxiety” gets used as a definitive statement and resting place for some suffers so they don’t even get to consider it’s something they could improve. Quick tips for anyone suffering :) It’s not a permanent/ stagnant condition, it’s variable to different situations and you can lower it. It’s not rare, everyone (yep everyone!) has a degree of trepidation in social settings. It would be inhuman not to. The worrying about how you are being perceived during interactions is actually contributing to a poorer display of yourself. It’s self fulfilling so best not even spark that fire. Instead, give that energy and thought to expressing yourself how you want to. Focus on expression, not impression. Leave responsibly for how you are being interpreted to your audience. Remember, being your authentic you is best for you. No one likes everyone, you don’t like everyone, so everyone won’t like you and it’s totally fair and fine. Some people prefer chocolate ice cream, some prefer strawberry. Embrace your flavour and you’ll fit in great with its lovers :)
I was just leading a small group last night and we discussed this topic. It was for a group of women and men who had experienced abortion. What I learned from personal experience and leading many similar groups is that feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness convince us we aren’t worthy to interact. We also can be terrified of somehow having our ‘secret’ exposed. Many of us report feeling so different than everyone else so we isolate. In addition to the excellent advice given in this video (I’m a fan of this channel!) joining a support group for healing after abortion, or other trauma, is going to be very helpful.
This was so informative and helpful! I was really needing this video rn. Even though I knew a few of these things sometimes I have to remind myself over and over because it's so easy to forget them (specially when I need it). ;-; And I'm definitely going to try the other things I haven't tried yet/didn't know about. Thanks again ❤️ ps: excited for your halloweek videos 🎃🖤
the rewriting of the origin story is really helpful for me. the rearranging of perspective seemed to really be a saving grace in overcoming (at least) the first obstacle in getting through my social anxiety. Thank you
A good idea is to think of excuse others even if you think they might think something negative for you, people don't owe you anything, keeping this mindset helps to liberate your mind and become more grateful!! ❤️
As someone that has been an early subscriber, I’ve seen you come such a long way! Amazing! Definitely inspiring me as I slowly work my way to getting my masters in counseling!
This is a interesting and helpful video for me 'cause my social anxiety is heavy and I'm trying to manage it 💕 Thank you so much for your time, effort and all this amazing content 🤗
How do you deal with when you find out you have a bad pattern or habit, come up with a good way to cope with it or try to train it away, but then your brain readjusts, and finds a way to dodge your coping mechanism, so that you go back to your bad habit? It has happened to me over and over. Nothing sticks, I always find a way to lose the benefits of my coping strategy, usually at a time of increased vulnerability, or when I go into a more difficult period, and when I try to do it again, I just cannot, and have to find a new one.
Second that. I have a really nice work environment, but am still very scared of my bosses and being judged by the people whose boss I am. And just generally about not doing a good job
I'm terrified of asking people questions about their life and starting conversation because I'm afraid I'll unknowingly come across as intrusive. It's so bad that I freeze when I'm supposed to talk to people - even family members.
Ana, to the point of rewriting the story, I feel like I am denying myself the truth or lie to myself to feel good about myself when I say ,,this kids are in puberty so they picked me to let some stress out etc‘‘. Why do I feel this way. Still don’t have an answer to that
Repeated exposure has worked wonders for me. Not only with becoming less socially anxious but also with (slowly but surely) overcoming people pleasing. For sooo long, I thought that legit everyone would get angry at me or yell at me (like members of my family did growing up) if I set boundaries or said that I didn’t want to do something or didn’t like something. I truly didn’t know that was possible ❤
Unfortunately didn't work for me. I put myself in many social situations and do fine, i get along with people and have some positive experiences, but still a simple trip to the shops can take effort to get over my anxiety
@@BalloonbotPersonally for me it was a years long process to overcome a portion of how I feel in social settings. It's not easy, but worth it
Something else that kind of helps me with social anxiety is picturing the person I want to be, and acting as that version of myself. It helps if you write down characteristics of how you want to be (ex: Always ready to listen and help someone, patient, easygoing, etc.) and practice acting as that version of yourself even if its scary. Of course if something feels too fake to the point of not feeling like your true self, use this sparingly.
Another thing to acknowledge is that we as people are always changing. Even if you are socially anxious right now, that doesn't mean you'll always be. So try to stop labelling yourself negatively, and accept that you are always growing and changing
Repeated exposure for social anxiety can be very effective through habituation but its only if the exposures turn out to not be that bad. Many people have found that repeated exposures can make social anxiety a lot more severe if the situations do not turn out well. That's why its very crucial to work your way from doing things you feel more conformable with to then doing things you feel less comfortable with as she recommended. Habituation is our subconscious mind telling us that it wasn't so bad after all.
That’s exactly how my social anxiety was born. My classmates as a child almost all through middle school and high school made me fee like I would never be or have enough to fit in. And ever since that experience it became very hard for me to see myself as someone of value for someone else. I concluded that I was better off alone, that I would be okay on my own regardless. So as I grew older I hated social gatherings and would push people away and sabotage many of my relationships and concluding that that’s exactly how it ought to be. No, I don’t want to end up alone. But it feels like it is my destiny. I feel like I’ve gotten better at not doing that and seeing my self as worthy of love and friendship but it has certainly been a journey
I find that the closer I get to people, the worse my anxiety gets. If I feel criticised, rejected etc.. I cannot stand it! It hurts too much. I disappear, isolate. I feel ashamed. I actually find strangers much easier, even though I'm still shy and can still have anxiety. It hurts or is scary too. But they don't know me to judge me strongly. But the deeper it goes, the more I feel like they're a mirror showing me how terrible I am.
I feel too vulnerable. I'm terrified of ruining things through my behaviour too. I'm too embarrassed to talk again after disappearing on them etc. It's really difficult.
I sometimes wonder if that's something else though because I find that other people with social anxiety gets easier the closer you are. I am trying all types of ways to help. I recently learnt about learned helplessness. I think tackling that may open doors for me. Edit: because I've been through therapy, exposure never helps me. I never have ever felt better. I can do things, to be honest. But I still feel terrible ever single time, which leads me to easily fall back if I'm having a bad period in my life and thus don't wanna add to it by doing things that make me feel bad. So I'm hoping tackling it at another angle may help!
I feel so bad for how I treat others, even if they practice understanding. I don't want to be seen. I love them, care about them, but I don't want to be near them. It hurts me and I'm too scared I'll hurt them. I don't know why I fell so deep into this hole. But I'm determined to get out.
Although my comment is just a rant. Thank you for the video!! Thank you to the other commenters too. Provided some common humanity and things for me ❤️
Samee :(
I once read a tweet that said something along the lines of "When I was in grade school, I told my mom I was nervous about going onstage and she said, 'It's okay, nobody cares about you'" which is such a mean thing for a mother to say to her child and I feel bad for OP but it honestly helped me with my insecurities 💀 I used to be scared of what people think of me but now I don't really care anymore.
As the saying goes, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
That’s an interesting idea to move through the world assuming everyone likes you! I feel like I move through the world as if no one’s paying attention to me, and if they are, that’s on them lol. It works for eliminating social anxiety, but it doesn’t necessarily provide the extra confidence boost that would probably come from assuming everyone likes you
As a socially anxious person, probably stemming from genetic temperament as well as early bullying, I feel my social awkwardness makes me more of a target for bullying and abuse in my adult life. It's a self perpetuating cycle.
This is sadly so true. Being a socially anxious child made me a target for bullying.
This makes so much sense lol. You're literally a target for alot of people
The coming off aloof and cold resonate with me a lot. Having so many internal struggles makes me avoid talking to people, the whole working from home thing has made it worse, when I am back in the office I try to avoid talking to colleagues at all cost, I am often so worried to seem like a rude person. Will definitely try out these methods.
hey i hope ur feeling better now. i feel the same way as you, there are days where i feel sooo insecure and i would stop talking to my friends or contribute to a convo in group chats. i always feel like such a bad friend and i know isolating myself is destructive but it just happens subconsciously. it's actually very exhausting cause i want to have a deeper connection with my friends, and they seem closer to each other than i do with them cause i've always been anxious even around them.
I am freeing myself by allowing people to dislike me! Thank you Ana ♥️
What you said about hearing someone move through the world assuming everyone likes them really resonated. When my girlfirend told me for the first time she thinks she's attractive my brain short-circiuted. I didn't even realize that was possible. Thank you for the video!
I’m so glad you made this video I was literally working on social anxiety by opening up to my teacher today and letting her know I appreciated her kindness and patience even though I felt nervous that day
Repeated exposure is everything. It's the only thing that helped me after I got properly medicated. Another great video Ana!
Been struggling with social anxiety for years, my entire life even... that familiar feeling of unease that quickly turns into anxiety everytime I see a group of people approaching me never seems to go away... thanks for speaking about this topic
Me too🙃especially when I see a group of teenagers
Same is it because we think that teenagers will always have nasty opinions of us without having the maturity to dismiss the thought?
i think the biggest challenge for me is, like you mentioned, believing that the people who see you in a certain way exist at all. I feel like I can only pretend that people are thinking good things about me for so long before I stop believing it. At some point I feel like I actually have to see or hear someone say something positive about me before I start to think I'm delusional
Along with seeing a psychologist and undergoing CBT for my SA and OCD, tip #3 really helped me navigate the world through a less scary lens! I still get nervous is some social situations every now and then, that’s normal, but it’s nothing compared to how scared and dysfunctional I was before therapy. ❤
I’m socially anxious, Now what?, is such a great question to give an online audience. Great idea Ana :) Sometimes it seems when people discover the term ‘social anxiety’, they relate and identify with it and then stop trying to improve. “I have social anxiety” gets used as a definitive statement and resting place for some suffers so they don’t even get to consider it’s something they could improve.
Quick tips for anyone suffering :)
It’s not a permanent/ stagnant condition, it’s variable to different situations and you can lower it.
It’s not rare, everyone (yep everyone!) has a degree of trepidation in social settings. It would be inhuman not to.
The worrying about how you are being perceived during interactions is actually contributing to a poorer display of yourself. It’s self fulfilling so best not even spark that fire. Instead, give that energy and thought to expressing yourself how you want to. Focus on expression, not impression. Leave responsibly for how you are being interpreted to your audience.
Remember, being your authentic you is best for you. No one likes everyone, you don’t like everyone, so everyone won’t like you and it’s totally fair and fine. Some people prefer chocolate ice cream, some prefer strawberry. Embrace your flavour and you’ll fit in great with its lovers :)
I was just leading a small group last night and we discussed this topic. It was for a group of women and men who had experienced abortion. What I learned from personal experience and leading many similar groups is that feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness convince us we aren’t worthy to interact. We also can be terrified of somehow having our ‘secret’ exposed. Many of us report feeling so different than everyone else so we isolate. In addition to the excellent advice given in this video (I’m a fan of this channel!) joining a support group for healing after abortion, or other trauma, is going to be very helpful.
3rd point is a gem
One of your best videos ever in terms of practical takeaways! Thank you so much for this, Ana! 🙌
This was so informative and helpful! I was really needing this video rn. Even though I knew a few of these things sometimes I have to remind myself over and over because it's so easy to forget them (specially when I need it). ;-; And I'm definitely going to try the other things I haven't tried yet/didn't know about. Thanks again ❤️
ps: excited for your halloweek videos 🎃🖤
So glad to hear it! And I'm super excited too, I filmed such a gloomy intro this year
This video couldn’t have came at a better time for me. I’m struggling so bad. Thank you
Thank you for speaking about this topic!!
the rewriting of the origin story is really helpful for me. the rearranging of perspective seemed to really be a saving grace in overcoming (at least) the first obstacle in getting through my social anxiety. Thank you
A good idea is to think of excuse others even if you think they might think something negative for you, people don't owe you anything, keeping this mindset helps to liberate your mind and become more grateful!! ❤️
Yet another benefit of having sex- reduction of social anxiety.
Thanks for the video. I find it helpful. Also calming that you're saying that you yourself used to struggle with social anxiety.
Been working with Social Anxiety a while and this is GREAT advice
As someone that has been an early subscriber, I’ve seen you come such a long way! Amazing! Definitely inspiring me as I slowly work my way to getting my masters in counseling!
This is a interesting and helpful video for me 'cause my social anxiety is heavy and I'm trying to manage it 💕
Thank you so much for your time, effort and all this amazing content 🤗
This was so affirming and comforting ❤️
I feel like traveling really helped
The last one, so true!! ❤️
How do you deal with when you find out you have a bad pattern or habit, come up with a good way to cope with it or try to train it away, but then your brain readjusts, and finds a way to dodge your coping mechanism, so that you go back to your bad habit?
It has happened to me over and over. Nothing sticks, I always find a way to lose the benefits of my coping strategy, usually at a time of increased vulnerability, or when I go into a more difficult period, and when I try to do it again, I just cannot, and have to find a new one.
This video is incredibly helpful, you have no idea. Awesome video, really really helped. Thank you so much
Can you discuss how to deal with work anxiety😢
Second that. I have a really nice work environment, but am still very scared of my bosses and being judged by the people whose boss I am. And just generally about not doing a good job
Make more videos about Junguian Psychology
I'm terrified of asking people questions about their life and starting conversation because I'm afraid I'll unknowingly come across as intrusive. It's so bad that I freeze when I'm supposed to talk to people - even family members.
This is very helpful. Thank you!
thank you thank you thank you Ana!
Tysm for this
All love to you♥️
Thank you 🙏
Ana, to the point of rewriting the story, I feel like I am denying myself the truth or lie to myself to feel good about myself when I say ,,this kids are in puberty so they picked me to let some stress out etc‘‘. Why do I feel this way. Still don’t have an answer to that
Thanks!
Thanks ❤ I’m going to be a stripper now 😂 I have to get over it and make this money for law school!!
thanku 😭
🔥
AM i'm trippin? 4:32
Same. It’s like the yamborghini high music video, unintentional data moshing 🤔
😍🍁🎃🐈⬛😻
I'm too lazy to watch the video, but I'm pretty sure some of these techniques are: exposure therapy and imagining your colleagues are naked
go gym
Ana, you are soo cute 😍
do you wear 50 tons of makeup cause ur insecure?
Ayo!! I literally went to Salem today!!! :) 🫶🎃