So what's the verdict? Are you the narcissist? I'm guessing it's a no. Thanks for watching! *Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
No, but I seem to attract people of the covert kind, who have poor emotional maturity. Being a nurse probably sets me up for allowing people to dump their baggage at my doorstep.
I have been questioning myself for weeks as well, but then I noticed a pattern: narcissists never seem to want to talk about the past, any solutions you try to come up with you will only be met with more problems and arguments, they will never admit their faults, their actions will never match their words. These are just some of the things I've finally noticed after years with dealing with them.
Smashplayer 01 wow sounds just like how the Narc I was married too would act. He never wanted to talk about the past. He would never take full acknowledgement for his behaviour always blamed it on some thing or someone else. He always had excuses or lies and one caught in a lie would get very angry at me that I caught him in a lie as if it was my fault. He had a sense of entitlement that was beyond belief and use it against me. Any solution I did come up with to resolve an issue it just came up again later and worse and then even other issues came up. He was always telling me to think positive and that I was so negative about our relationship meanwhile he was lying and cheating how was somebody supposed to be positive during that. Plus you were so right his actions never match his words. After I left him I realize just how many red flags that were telling me that he never intended for our marriage to work. It was truly an eye-opening and heartbreaking experience but it’s helping me to be a stronger wiser person and trust me when I say I will never make the same mistake again.
Yeah it became pretty apparent that when seeking comfort from my father during a highschool breakup instead of consoling me and trying to help me through it his idea of the appropriate thing to do was to go on and on and on about what he was going to do to my ex. How he was going to hurt him, how he was going to ruin him (note this ex was no abusive. He never really did anything to me other than end the relationship) and it made me realize that in the situation my Dad didn't really care about MY feelings being hurt. He cared about HIS feelings, he cared that his perceived property (me) was damaged. It was less like a father reacting to his daughter getting dumped and more like a man who had someone steal his car and crash it.
Yes, and in my experience that is related to their image/self-image. I have found with my narc mom she can show empathy when need help with something she can be sweet and enjoy playing the savior but if it is at all related to her own accountability I am the villain.
Imo, one of the ultimate markers of being gaslit is wondering if you are the abusive one. I used to think I was until my own thinking and logic kicked in. I know I am being abused, it is not a figment of my imagination, it actually happened. When he tries to twist, project, lie, etc, and all these are happening, I look at and document the patterns of dysfunction. I am not perfect here as I am healing from previous cases of "narc fleas" and have my own issues. But the lack of compassion and empathy that I have seen tells me the fleas came from being gaslit my whole life. Thank you for this content, it is encouraging.
I was too empathetic, to the point of putting other people's feelings and comfort over my own. The well being of my peers made me feel happier than seeing them uncomfortable. The moment my therapist warned me about my boundaries and why I felt like shit, I started to put myself first and behaved in ways that made me feel like a narcissistic person. It's so complex 😣
@@KN-os1pv I started setting boundaries with people in my life and I instantly got massive pushback from those closest to me...in a really bad way....it's so confusing
@@habsfan8768 Yes, I have lost my now ex partner, my best friend, my brother to a large degree...and my mother is testing the waters all the time calling me bad names, but I can't be the same pleasing person putting myself aside anymore - it's so hard and makes me feel very lonely.
I laughed so hard out loud when you said “because narcissists aren’t capable of that degree of self reflection” Thank you so much for this video and for your channel 💜
I became so emotionally burnt out that I shut down and started dissociating. I think this is one instance where dissociation is a good coping skill because I wasn’t feeding into his dysfunctional relationship anymore. and it became easier to be more objective. For a moment, I thought I lost my empathy. I was just hiding it 😉
Same here. I started giving him the silent treatment like he gave me for years, withdrawing, grayrocking, and dissociating to cope. I just couldn't do this toxic relationship anymore, it broke me and I was questioning my mental health. We live in the same house in different rooms, but mentally I am completely detached from him and the relationship. I avoid him because I don't want to explode on him, because this nice girl can get pretty ugly if you push me. I still lave empathy, recently he became very ill and I was there cooking for him, giving him hot water bottles and making sure he had his fluids etc, checking up on him in the night. He was so scared! I questioned whether I was a narc as well, that's why I was watching this video. Good to know I am not. I just lost myself in his crazy!
Joie De Eve wow. Until recently we lived in the same house but in separate rooms as well. I also started to withdraw and avoided him by secluding myself in my room just to avoid conflict. And I as well still question my mental health, but I know I will never be as bad as he is. As long as we have empathy. Good luck! ❤️
I rage-made me think i was the narcs. But i think its more to do with his manipulation/triggering and having been so frozen for so long and wanting to fight back which has only made it so much worse.
It was the old bait and switch, although I didn t know it then. He would bait or tease and when I reacted and tried to defend my character, he would call me abusive.
Of all your videos I appreciate this one most. I was in a relationship and always took the blame for everything and always apologized for things I didn't do. But when I got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore, I fought back and said horrible things. I told him exactly what I thought for the first time. Then walked away to not look back, but I felt horrible for what I said.
The moment I realized for certain that my husband was a narc (and possibly slightly psychopathic)....was after I had my daughter. I was crying in the hospital because I was in pain after my C -Section and the pain meds had worn off . (I could honestly write a book on the abuse I endured and am currently still living through).The nurse was nowhere to be found and my baby was in NICU so I was also slightly disoriented and confused about her welfare and the searing pain was not helping my mental state. His response was this......." stop crying....just stop being so attention seeking".......no hug..... no comforting words.....no empathy. It was in that moment I realized that something is seriously wrong with his internal wiring. Needless to say I was subjected to many years of emotional torture....neglect.....lies...physical abuse...drug use etc and was blamed for absolutely everything.......he called me crazy and made me continuously see a therapist. He laughs now about all the lies he made me believe. Up until recently he was laughing at me in the car......" hahaha.....I was snorting cocaine and spending hundreds of dollars ( meanwhile I was unemployed and barely managing) and you were freaking out and I had everyone believing you were just paranoid and crazy"......these types of "demonic beings" show no remorse.....no shame......nothing. I am always amazed at the levels they will stoop to. The best way to deal with people like him is to stay far far away from them because the mental confusion.....gaslighting......hoovering......devaluation etc are all REALITY of how these people operate. Save yourself years of trauma. Don't walk away from narc......RUN!!!! Nothing they say is genuine. Nothing they say is real. Educate yourself about these types and watch for what the psychologists call " red flags".....I have wasted over 9 years and he is still hoovering.......still re-traumatizing me and still pretending to care. All he cares about now is finding "new supply" in the form of young ....and sad to say "broken" young women who have absolutely no idea what they are dealing with , because I refuse to stroke his ego and compliment and admire him or provide him with " supply" .At this point I am looking to see a lawyer and trying desperately to extracate myself from a very very sick man who will stop at nothing .....even destroying his own daughter emotionally to get back at me for whatever imagined slight I have dealt his fragile ego and whose very existence depends upon his victims validation of his "false self". Scary and dangerous people. Don't be fooled. Nothing they promise will ever come to pass.......when they get bored of you they will abandon you and discard you like yesterdays trash.....but only after depleating you emotionally.....mentally......physically and sometimes even financially. The first time I tried leaving him because I knew he was cheating he felt no shame in taking $200 from my $800 savings which was all the money I had in the world as he used money to control me and keep me trapped.You will never be rich enough,popular enough,good enough,pretty enough etc. to satisfy the demons empty souls. Seek God and through faith in a power higher than yourself you will find peace. These types of people will never be satisfied. And if you notice they are also very very predictable. Almost like every relationship they have follows a script ......almost like a pattern and if you take the time to study them.....and their victims...... are all usually of the "disordered type "(women with childhood trauma,alchoholic or abusive fathers or totally absent fathers) These women can't and don't often even recognize their own dysfunctions which is the truly sad part.They are so desperate for love and validation they willl settle for absolutely anything and they typically have VERY LOW STANDARS of behaviour and no idea what real love and decent relationhips even look like. I know. I was one of them.They will accept anything.Including men who cheat or lie to them and don't actually care about them at all...because of a lack of self worth and self respect.....trust me ladies...becoming SELF AWARENESS IS MENTAL FREEDOM.....don't waste your life on men like him. They take all and give back nothing.....in every area. My mother used to say to me " it's not that he doesn't love you but he can't love you"...... I used to internalize his coldness,meanness and calous disregard for my feelings until I woke. Now I am impervious. When we were married i used to expend so much emotional energy.......cry and really get upset . Now I understand the psychopathy it's so much easier to cope .The indifference they display towards you when they discard and hurt you (which sometimes borders on inhumane ) becomes less hurtful when you realize that although the person you are dealing with is actually a grown man of 40 + years (or more in many cases )what you are actually dealing with is not a man but a broken child. They will never change. In many instances these people can't actually afford the professional help they need either and if they do seek help via a therapist all they will do is lie and lie and lie. Because that's all they know how to do. If you choose to stay look forward to a false life. Because that's all they have to offer. Good luck. My advice. Leave. Get out as soon as you can and save yourself. Amen
Thank you for clearing this up. I had a covert narcissistic mother. When I turned 18, I wanted out and got married to the first person that would have me, an overt narcissist. I divorced him, and I am aware that both my mother's and ex's behavior was abusive. In both relationships I never felt heard. In both relationships, I was accused of things I never did and was "punished" for lying. So I lived in a world where didn't feel important enough to be heard. So when someone talks to me and I have a story that relates I am quick to jump in with my own story. It was pointed out to me the other day about how bad that is. That I shouldn't do that. I don't think I'm a bad person, so what they said really hurt but got me thinking: I am the narcissist? I don't want to hurt people, and I want my actions and what I say to be mature and I want to be kind to others. I don't want to hurt them. But cleared things up, I needed this. I am not bad person. I am just a person that wants validation.
You have been through a war and you are shell shocked. Being aware that you interrupt people is the first step to fixing it. Normal human stuff. I went through 47 years of being told what a piece of shit I was from my narc abuser. I'm here to tell you, it feels awesome to be finally free of that prison. It was hell. I wish you well on your journey. Be happy 😊. They didn't win.
Love this. So balanced. It is so difficult for a toxic person to actually test spectrum narc but that doesn't change that their behaviors are abusive and toxic and similar to that of a narc. This is why enacting boundaries and even distance when needed because if they are not actual narcs then the most compassionate thing we can do is give them the opportunity to face their own toxicity. If they are actual narcs then it is the the most compassionate thing we can do for ourselves.
Now I find myself stalking her social media when she is the one that viciously discarded me and triangulated me with the new supply. I don't think I'm a narc but I think I'm just ruminating. It's only been a month.
Try very hard to break the trauma Bond and cut off permanently. Except that you will not get closure and move on to something more healthy you won't regret it once you've healed.
I have a narcissistic grandmother who would always say she “forgives me” when I tell her something she said or did to me hurt me(I am an extremely civil person and most of the time I was crying while telling her as she’s done and said some extremely painful things). This “forgiving me” when I brought my concerns is the thing that made me question if I was the narcissist and later upon realizing what she was doing is the thing that allowed me to realize she was the narcissist. I never thought... but it can come from the people you love the most and hurt the parts of yourself you are most insecure about. Empathy can be used as a weapon against you but NEVER change that. Ever. Love harder. Love smarter. Do the one of many things they can’t: Evolve into a better person at every single opportunity you can and be grateful that you can in fact do that. Never take your consciousness for granted. How sad it must be to live your life asleep.
Prexst I know what you mean. My grandmother is like that. And we used to be so close but I started waking up and yea I love her but I can’t even be around her for too long anymore.
Thank you for giving me some relief...I felt that I was probably reacting to my passive aggressive covert narc with frustration and anger...I told him in the heat of a fight that I was going to give him back the same treatment...He doubled up his narc treatment....no surprise....
I just want to thank you so very much for posting this video I almost cried with relief watching your video at first I did the same as you and finger pointed at all the horrible things the ex narc did to me and put me through then just like you I self reflected it and saw the things that I did wrong. It was then that I started to wonder if I was actually the narcissist or if we were both narcissist. As you mentioned I had to look at where my behaviours had come from I grew up in a very emotionally abusive household I watch my parents argue hit and I’m not to say that these behaviours were normal but I could see were my yelling and name calling belittling came from when I was in a place of hurt that doesn’t excuse my behaviour and for many months I have felt very very guilty and praying for forgiveness not from the narc but from God. I have seen how my actions have affected the person that I wanted to be I can see that I need to make some serious changes and I’ve been working on myself as of December 1, 2019 I will been single for two years while working hard on myself this is a lesson that I have learned that I needed to take more time to correct myself before entering into any kind of relationship and to fully heal myself before entering another relationship as I used to jump from relationship to relationship because I was lonely I was wanting love and trying to fill a void but I’m learning that I need to fill my void myself I need to validate myself I need to have self-worth strong boundaries and strong self-love so that I never attract a relationship like this ever again thank you so very much for your video it really brought some relief to me knowing that I’m not the only one that felt exactly that you literally took the words from my mouth of how I’ve been feeling thank you again so very very much platforms like yours have been such great forms of healing for so many of us we’ve had the fortunate misfortune of being in a narcissistic relationship. Knowing that I can work hard on correcting my behaviours and make changes to myself and my choices in life is such a relief knowing that the narcissist cannot do this for them selves leaves me feeling nothing more than pity for them it’s sad to know that they will never be able to change themselves and therefore never ever feel a true connection I hope to keep working hard correcting my week and bad points and to heal and be fully happy someday soon Just as I do for everyone else here nothing but light and happiness for us all PS you’re absolutely right I do feel empathy for other people and when I am with someone and they are away I am able to still love them and miss them the narc I was with was not able to do either of these this was the very eye-opening fax for me the proof that I am 100% not a narcissist
Been with my husband for 17 years. I'm right there with you! The last few years we have been friends with a neighbor couple who are narcissistic as well. The three of them would always insult and belittle me about being a stay at home mom to I would snap. We're just joking...no...they never stopped, even after they knew how it upset me. What really happened that made me see. I had to have a major surgery and right in front of the neighbors and several other people. Loud and CLEAR I ain't taking you to the hospital! 😔 No empathy for me and my health scares. I am passive aggressive, so will rage if pushed to far. I've said mean hurtful things to. I been reading and searching and learning all I can. He keeps trying to tell me I'm bipolar. ...No I am not! Thank you for sharing ❤️
So thankful to hear that God has given you insight, some healing and caused His face to shine upon you. He is good and faithful always! :) May He continue to bless you and your family Tina.
Scary cause I felt I was I got two back to back. He came back the second time and now I feel like I’m the narc.. but it stemmed from him lying and cheating and abusing me .. I felt bitter and hurt and needed lots of reassurance.. he went to therapy so my therapist to think told him the wrong stuff .. it made it so much harder to blame me for my trauma and triggers and I kept telling him it was from him not from my other abusivr ex .. he started taking the blame off him thinking this was all my own insecurities and my head was fucked up before he met me but in reality this guy did it to me .. I still love him at this very moment unconditionally.. he told me he didn’t love me anymore like a switch.. said he couldn’t feel at this moment he was so numb and empty inside .. and if he was gonna stay with me he would feel empty cause he has no love inside him. So strange and said if he feels the way he use to feel towards me he’ll come back and find me. But he’s fed up. I blocked him first day no contact I did go three and broke it .. but I just wanted him to fight for me so I played this push pull game kind of .. I would run Everytime he hurt me and said mean things and now it’s like he learned from therapy it’s not healthy or it’s toxic but he was the one that lied about eveything hurt me and she told him I needed to work in that within myself .. how when this person lied to me and abused me and hurt me? He told me was going to spend forever making it up to me. He didn’t .. he would hurt me and then get me sweet things. I would start to lash out and say mean things but it was I was so hurt and he used that and said because I traumatized him. It’s so awful my head hurts still
Thank you so much for sharing this video, your expertise and your story. I am terrified that I might be a narcissist and have been binge watching videos on narcissism so that if I am, I can change. Thank you so much for giving me another piece of the puzzle so I can put myself back together.
@Theodor Geisel I still think I am some days but I'm going to learn more so that I won't do these things to anyone. I try not to obsess over it but some days I do.
I lost my true self whilst being with my ex. Everything you have said have clarified a lot of behaviours. He would belittle me and tell me I’m crazy and that I should take myself to a psychologist. I’ve just had a baby with him, my daughter is now 8 months. He would do so many things to blur my mind and cause me to react. Your videos not just this one has made me stronger in identifying many things of what a narcissist is and their behaviours. At the start, he was so in tuned with me, showed me love and was so attentive. He discarded me and told me that he needs space. Later after a few months he told me that he dated not remembering of what he told me of needing space. I took him back because I was awed on the way he swept me off my feet at that very early time of our relationship. Then thinking back, I would always be the one to make an effort to come to him to spend time and drive an hour, paid for most of our outings. On my early days after having my baby, he would isolate me and not support me in looking after our daughter as my parents live far, he would always encourage me to ask his mum (his flying monkey). I am now trying to control my reactions and keep them to myself and only respond. As I feel disgusting of the way I react towards him but it’s retaliation, no excuse for the bad temper after he calls me names and smear my name towards my other two daughters and obviously his family. I know deep down the truth will come out and try to just limit my interactions with him and say no. Even if he try to persuade me to change my mind by calling me names, guilt trip and blaming his sorry life on me I stick to that no. I have now learnt to put boundaries and have tactics to ensure he doesn’t trigger my child hood pain in which I trusted him with. I even had to confide with a psychologist, psychiatrist and my doctor if I was crazy they all said no and gave me support on where to learn to deal with him. I just want to thank you for sharing your knowledge about narcissism. I really appreciate it. xx
My former roommate, also used to accuse me of being abusive, which no one before has accused me of, and nobody since, but that sure messed with my mind. That was a very difficult period of my life and I am glad it is in the past.
As a former victim of narcissistic abuse...I often find myself annoyed when people complain about " seemingly frivolous" things...the fact that I find myself doing this and that it bothers me enough to do self reflection, I Know that I'm not a narcissist..but it definitely is a thing with me. I was forced to accept some really bad things..that have never been recognized as "bad''...but that's just a human need for affirmation by the narcissist that will never happen... I have to accept that it's a totally asinine expectation for me to actually think it can happen....
I’m on a very difficult journey with a narcissistic family member. I can’t thank you enough for making this video! I too wondered if I was a narcissist but now I know I was most likely “picking up fleas”. I am making a conscience choice to change that behavior ASAP. Thanks so much for helping me understand 💕
I had this!! My ex emailed me an article about BPD after I left him. Saying he thought I needed help and was pretty sure I had this disorder. He said was there for me. And once before I moved out he found out I called a womens abuse helpline - he had checked the numbers dialled on our landline- he flipped out at me and then accused me of being the abusive one! I definitely went through this thinking am I the narcissist? Or do I have BPD? I still have moments where I think maybe I am one. Its so hard.
I wonder if being with a narc long enough can give you borderline traits...because I know I was normal before I got woth him but after 4 years it was me doing the push and pulling and raging at him because he was constantly invalidating me
I'm Bipolar. And yes. This resonates. She loved the mania, high, explosive love, spontaneous side of me to begin with. But then couldn't cope or show any emotion to the depressive, low, suicidal side of things. She would also then (as time wore on) use the mania as a reason for stalking my social media, hacking my phone, creating fake profiles...all under the guise of (looking out for me)
Excellent video. I too believe we all have a tendency to act in narcissistic ways, but I KNOW when I am doing something that hurts the other person and I shift might damn quick to be a better person.
This is very useful thank you. It's cleared up confusion over my behaviour in past relationships and the behaviour of a ex who sometimes behaved like a Narc but then also had a lot of good qualities and could see the good in others even those that hurt him. We even admitted to each other that we had narcissist traits so I'm guessing that means neither of us were actually narcs? It's over between us now but I'd find more peace in knowing he wasn't that bad after all.
My ex narc used to tell me I was moody and I couldn’t understand why he would say that I never ever thought I was It made me second guess myself I now know he was reflecting his silent treatment on me as I wouldn’t react but just wait until he came around again .
Michelle McE holy mackerel... This to a T... I never understood why he would tell me I was moody when I wasn’t or he would interpret my texts as being moody.... and even when things would go really well he would ghost and disappear for weeks at a time...then come hovering back.... because he would always say I was moody I would constantly wonder if he left because he thought I was in some kind of moody mood... this has opened my eyes to so many behaviors I would have never even thought to,question.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve questioned this subject from time to time, but its all clear now. I’m not alone anymore, there’s others out there that have been through the same and have doubted their good heart and intentions. This information makes things clearer for me. I’m determined to heal and work on myself so I can be more educated and wiser to never allowing these people to enter and consume my time, energy and life anymore.
Sadly I can relate to lacking empathy and feeling kind of numb when my partner leaves. But, I think I’m just very confused from this off and on relationship. I don’t feel I have a grasp on reality right now. I have no idea how to change “me”.
Another thing about empathy that is completely unfortunate, is that over time after giving and giving and giving and giving your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical energy, and all of your empathy to someone or several narcissists, you may become empathy impaired because your energy tank is empty. They have drained you and now narcissistic traits reveal themselves. We have to be very careful where our energy goes. We should keep most of it for ourselves and those other empaths who truly deserve our positive energy and empathy.
What is the deal with these people accusing you of being "angry and in a rage" when they are the ones that are the ones that fly off the handle frequently and go into toxic meltdown over nothing? Seriously, I am a lot of things but not angry and I don't rage. Theres no reason to. Im retired, financially well off, happy with my life and dont engage in this kind of behavior (though I witness it frequently). My ex and I had the life of Riley - traveled frequently, went to concerts, jazz clubs, nice restaurants, had a seemingly ok sex life, enjoyed each others company etc....than "BOOM"...out of no where she goes off over nothing. I knew she had real issues stemming from her asserted history of chid abuse but this is unreal. Headed to divorce court now...I hate this is where it ended, but it wasn't my choice and I finally feel as though its ok if she wants to live life on the ledge. Its really heart breaking to watch her self destruct out of what appears to be delusional thinking and the need to project so much unhappy nonsense on others. I watched this video with an open mind thinking I might be the one with the problem. I did a personal behavioral inventory and asked others to genuinely offer criticism of me...nothing seems to support me being the narcissist ... oh well, life is good and too short to go through it bitter and unhappy. I dont get people who wake up every morning nurturing grievances with the world. So completely senseless
Ex would accuse me of raging but its projection. Similarly is the holding grudges. Everything was a personal slight. It is exhausting being with them. Life is so much calmer now, there is no drama and home is a happy place. It takes a long time to recover from a narcisstic relationship, I would at least a year from when separation is finalised I.e divorce
I admit that I DO rage and have a lot of anger (which I'm trying to work on), but a big part of my rage is being resentful that SHE never taught me how to handle my emotions and actively sabotaged any attempt I made to learn when I was growing up. And now she has the gall to ask why I'm so angry and say she needs to "distance" herself from my "emotional instability" when she intentionally insults me and brings up shit from my childhood. (*she being my mom, btw)
Omg! You have helped me to see clearly once again as well as answering questions I had been asking myself. Unbelievable as well as a huge releif to watch yet another extremely helpful video that you were kind enough to share with people like myself that so desperately need the help. God bless you and please don't stop making these videos. You are an amazing and strong woman!!!!!
I really appreciate this. I've been spending the last several months thinking about my relationships and how toxic basically all of them were and... That says to me that I'm the problem. And in some ways I am. I don't know what a healthy relationship even is or how to do it. I've absorbed a lot of bad ideals from my parents and from society at large. Toxic relationships are exiting and exhilarating and missing/wanting that made me wonder if I was disordered myself. It's not a fun place to be.
I am so happy for you to have been able to find out what was going on. I knew something was going wrong with me and decided to start psychoanalysis in the mid 80's but even though had 2 narcissistic relationships, one ending now after 30 years of marriage. And only now I understand why I not only accepted their behaviours but wanted them, it was just so common. Both of my parents were narcissists. At the young age of 5 I looked at my mom and said to myself "she's not going to take care of me". It's been pretty tough these last 3 months, for I do have a lot of narcissistic behaviours, but what I really am is a empath and a dependent at 60 years of age. My ex, not sure if he is a narc but he sure has issues with women. He treats us badly.
There is a difference between being narcissistic and having narcissistic personnality disorder. One is characterized as a few behaviours, the other one is part of your personnality and makes everyone around you basically suffer. If I am really into my looks and think I'm super pretty, that hurts no one. But if I manipulate everyone around me into thinking they are crazy and truly believe I'm always right, and do not care about other people's feelings all the time for very long periods of time, that's way different
Wow I needed this video so badly. I’ve been going crazy wondering this myself. I think I have gone into survival mode and built up so much resentment, that I feel like I am toxic now. I also spend so much time talking to friends about it that I feel self centered. I think people pleasers like me feel really guilty for taking care of ourselves, so me wanting to do that now and stand up to my narc makes me feel like I am being narcissistic or cold.
Thank you so much. I’ve been so confused for so long. I have some bad qualities. I kept getting triggered by the slick things my narc would say and do. Mostly she would devalue me about my finances and manhood. I’d yell at her and basically throw a tantrum when I couldn’t take it anymore, and then because I became bitter and had already crossed that boundary, it took less and less, over the 3 years we were together, to upset me. It’s to the point where I’m still scared that I will react to my next partner this way. It doesn’t help that she preyed upon this part of me and nearly convinced me this is who I am with or without her.
Good one! Whenever I study this topic of narcissism I have to examine myself because I'm very aware of the tendency to project my Shadow onto others. I remind myself to remove the beam from my own eye so I can see well enough to help remove the speck in someone else's eye. But when I do this the speck in that someone else's eye becomes a beam. Then I can't believe how blind I've been all my life. So, I conclude that while I have narcissistic tendencies, my empathy has always been stronger. I try to feed the empathy, but allowing some egotism to remain in my personality. ""Be careful, lest in casting out your demon you exorcise the best thing in you." - Friedrich Nietzsche. But this is entirely different from the one who runs away, covering their eyes, rather than to see the monster in the mirror.
I feel this on such a deep level. I actually cried. Was constantly called a know it all or that I acted like I "had a masters degree in therapy" when I would be like uh...what you're doing isnt normal. Was constantly told I didnt make him a priority when everything in my life was suffering( job, school, my kids etc) because I devoted so much time to him and his problems. Would complain that I didnt like or retweet enough of his tweets or wasnt allowed to be on during certain conversations and when I said its controlling I was exploded on and discarded but went back. I always found it odd he was what I believe was obsessed with social media and appearances on there with him being in his 50s...and now that I left...and I'll be honest I discarded this time...all he has done is passive aggressively retweet narcissist tweets and jabs at me. Even when I told him it hurts when he calls me that because my mother is a diagnosed narcissist and she really hurt me and damaged me for what seems like life. It didnt matter. I've spent so much time recently talking to people and taking quizzes and watching videos totally convinced it was me. I had toxic behaviors of course but I truly believed that I was the narcissist. Sorry for the dumping...I had to get this out after seeing this and reading so many similar stories here. Thank you so much for this. 🥺🥺🥺
As we talked in depth over a year ago.. Ive had the behavior before because it been reactive abuse before alongside being in the environment.. As this video conveys.. Even the song "Bad Habits" Ed Sheeran can be viewed as trying to say about another.. It also can be viewed as the person knowing what's up and still debating if the need is greater to change being a certain way toward a person.. And whichever else prompts a listener.. Including admitting what's going on with themselves with projecting along processing.. It's refreshing to come to your videos especially when caught up in challenging events lately.. I appreciate you
I'm glad you touched on this because I have been wondering exactly that , like maybe it was me maybe I'm the one with some kind of disorder, to be sure, I know I picked up some shitty personality habbits, but I think I can get back to the guy I was before.
if we are in the relationship of a narcissists. I just noticed that thier behaviour we will becoming like thier behaviour. Bcz they want us to react.. this is true. We pick up thier behaviour
I said in another video of yours, yes, we might have a narcissistic infection. It started inside our families. We are not narcissistic. We suffered narcissistic abuse as children. We are drawn to them and we understand them. We fall in love with them out of familiarity. It is so hard to overcome this but we can break patterns and become responsible adults.
Thank you for such an excellent video, Christina! You explain narcissistic traits so well, but also encourage self-reflection which is key to recovering from the abuse that we have suffered. Keep flashing that awesome smile, and may God continue to bless your mission of helping others!
I’ve questioned it and asked all my friends and family if they thought I was. I genuinely wanted to know and they said no. My cousin is an empath and is into psychology. She said no I would know and I wouldn’t like you if you were. She can sense when people are narcissistic or emotionally abusive. She dated one
Thanks so much for this! I was married to my kids dad was is a narc. fast forward 30+ years and my grown kids are cold, and accusing ME of being abusive. I am questioning if I am the one who is a narcissist. My "abuse" was when they had witnessed my craziness when I was being abused by their dad and other relationships. I have also been a victim. The worst was when my son was dealing with addiction...and their father used that crises to be topdog. My kids need his money still even as adults..and they are very loyal to him. I feel like all the love I gave them in their childhood went down the drain. I was accused of creating his addiction and my 2 daughters have been cold and angry ever since....even after going to therapy and apologizing for the mistakes I made with my son. Now 4 years later...he is clean (thank god) and I am still being scapegoated! My focus is always on them, their needs and my grandchildren, what can I do to help them etc....I am self supporting, never ask for anything and although I've been "needy" in the past ..I HATE being a victim and have worked hard at just being present for them and strong. Now that I'm getting older...and in quarantine...I realized that my kids dont care. I could have a stroke and I would rot in my apartment! They dont call or text..dont say how are you...my one daughter never says thank you or I love you....now she is saying that I am abusive, my son says I am selfish...I have never asked him for a thing. I'm so confused. This video has helped a lot to put things in perspective. I know my own heart and I feel empathy for others. I'm heartbroken.
The part where you say we're the sum of the five people we spend the most time around made me feel better because I only have spent time with narcissists and their flying monkeys for so damn long
That's what made me realize I was not a narcissist. I was able to compare my growth, spiritual journey and my ability to change how i reacted to abuse versus the lack of growth in my ex. My sense of reality is not driven by fear, emotion, lack, insecurity, a false persona, or self-esteem. Even when someone upsets me, I self regulate and I act accordingly to my values not "revenge," that's for vindictive people. I do not go around projecting my personal issues onto others, I just work on the things I do not like and thats it. I also don't walk around judging people, or worry about what others think of me. I could care less. That doesn't mean I do not have fears or insecurities of my own..I just deal with them differently than he does.
Waou, I been feeling like that for few months and little by little I peeled the orange, I am not!!!! Yesssss, crazy that Put up we all I did for as long as I did, every day that pass I feel better and better, no fights, no gaslighting no drama!
I'm going to disagree - but hear me out, I could be wrong. I am a narcissist; I have asked and answered the question with professional help. I believe narcissism, like addiction, requires one to admit it first, in order to correct it. Once an alcoholic - always an alcoholic. Asking the question and answering yes is the path to recovery - but you'll always be a narcissist.
I do give the silent treatment, for months at a time. But I do that because when I have not calmed down from an argument (and I do take weeks to calm down and forget it, because as long as I remember it its like a fresh wound) I cannot act friendly when I'm not at peace or happy with that person, so I want to remain in my corner and not acknowledge them until I'm over it. Same as I don't expect them to acknowledge me.
I was going threw this myself for a bit, until I recognized that I can accept my flaws and openly discuss them as well as I don’t enjoy or appreciate harming anyone for any reason, even when they do harm me. I appreciate justice which is not my judgements (law) but rather do joy when those who do harm do receive justice for themselves. Even then they can’t accept the consequences of their actions.
Going through this right now. I think I have a narcissist who is also pulling a lot of people in on her side - at least it feels like it. I feel beat down and unable to defend myself because it seems everyone is invalidating me. It makes me think I'm the one at fault. I'm in a very bad space right now.
You are so right on with this subject thank you for using what happened to you for good for others What the enemy meant for your destruction, God will turn around and use for your good!!!
My ex actually told me he was a narcissist, several times. I think in the back of my mind I thought him telling me/warning me meant it wasn't that bad or wasn't his fault so I should just accept it. He also constantly told me he was unwilling to change :/ we talked about how our relationship was 'a bit abusive' and he said he shouldn't be allowed around people and it just made me feel worse for him :( it's such a manipulative dynamic you really don't see it happening and will come out the other side a different person. It's now time to accept that this new person isn't me and I can become my true self again ❤️
Thank you :) Verdict is ofc no :) I was abusive and on me narcissist is using silent treatment. Ehhh these people, thank you for this awesome work! :) You are very positive person. Greetings from Poland.
I've felt all of this! I was told by my narc I lied, I gaslighted, I was the angry one. In a lot of ways, I was convinced, until her and I went to counseling. Our therapist told me to get out! It took some time, but I ended it.
Recent narcissist tells me i have anger issues because i am calling out their bullshit and digging at them because i clapped at them and said how courageous they are for giving me the silent treatment 🙄 Also accused me of a bunch of things they do....all shifting blame throwing accusations of me being too needy for pointing out the relationship was ome sided in their favor 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
Hi this video gave me a lot of answers. I doubted myself.. but became clear tonight. The problem is I've gone back time and again, picking up the bad along the way. I reacted and done wrong things.. But now i see that was years of abuse by different relationships, because ..I've felt bad after my reactions. Much of my past traumas are long gone.. My most recent, .. Di-spite whats been done to me.. I STILL CARE AND LOVE THAT PERSON, forgive but not forget.. But saying that ... I would not go back to what it was. I care enough to show compassion to help her up, when she falls and it will come.. without any help from me.. I'm not reacting to the love bomb faze, I have a new clear piece of mind.. Thank you.
Very well said. Thank you. I struggle with a narc mom and one of my daughters...it's so hard. And I often wonder if they are right and I am the bad guy. All I know for sure is that when I screw up, I know it, and I know what I did. With those two, it's never clear what it is I've done to them. The silent treatment is their fave.
My reality is that my behaviors we bad and my narc is very refined with tremendous self control and perfect behavior. I have PTSD from war and that affected my tolerance and emotional regulation. I lasted 15 years with my narc before I snapped. I recovered and became passive and the narc broke me down and left after 30 years. FYI because your channel is very effective and I share my experience with the hope you will find it useful.
I think the notion that if you're questioning it, you're not a narcissist could be false. It took me a while, but I finally had an earth-shattering realization that made me realize my wrong-doings and I was able to actually look at my actions logically, not from an emotional space that allowed me to justify my behaviour and victimize myself. Sometimes, you really are the narcissist. Sometimes it be like that. We just have to work on healing and admit that we were shitty. It's not fun, it's definitely heartbreaking and it's a learning process but it's so much more worth it than going through life lying to yourself.
A narcissist is unable to conduct any personal self reflection. You on the other hand, the fact you're here and admitting your faults and flaws shows that you are otherwise.
So what's the verdict? Are you the narcissist? I'm guessing it's a no. Thanks for watching!
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
No, but I seem to attract people of the covert kind, who have poor emotional maturity. Being a nurse probably sets me up for allowing people to dump their baggage at my doorstep.
I am not a Narcissist but of course he calls me one when I react to his crazy... ugh...
I have been questioning myself for weeks as well, but then I noticed a pattern: narcissists never seem to want to talk about the past, any solutions you try to come up with you will only be met with more problems and arguments, they will never admit their faults, their actions will never match their words. These are just some of the things I've finally noticed after years with dealing with them.
Smashplayer 01 wow sounds just like how the Narc I was married too would act. He never wanted to talk about the past. He would never take full acknowledgement for his behaviour always blamed it on some thing or someone else. He always had excuses or lies and one caught in a lie would get very angry at me that I caught him in a lie as if it was my fault. He had a sense of entitlement that was beyond belief and use it against me. Any solution I did come up with to resolve an issue it just came up again later and worse and then even other issues came up. He was always telling me to think positive and that I was so negative about our relationship meanwhile he was lying and cheating how was somebody supposed to be positive during that. Plus you were so right his actions never match his words. After I left him I realize just how many red flags that were telling me that he never intended for our marriage to work. It was truly an eye-opening and heartbreaking experience but it’s helping me to be a stronger wiser person and trust me when I say I will never make the same mistake again.
echoism recovery
I find that the supposed "empathy" they show is ONLY from the perspective of how the situation effects THEM.
And it disappears quickly
Your comment really helped me with the situation im in with my narcissist right now so i just wanna say thank you!
Yeah it became pretty apparent that when seeking comfort from my father during a highschool breakup instead of consoling me and trying to help me through it his idea of the appropriate thing to do was to go on and on and on about what he was going to do to my ex. How he was going to hurt him, how he was going to ruin him (note this ex was no abusive. He never really did anything to me other than end the relationship) and it made me realize that in the situation my Dad didn't really care about MY feelings being hurt. He cared about HIS feelings, he cared that his perceived property (me) was damaged. It was less like a father reacting to his daughter getting dumped and more like a man who had someone steal his car and crash it.
Yes, and in my experience that is related to their image/self-image. I have found with my narc mom she can show empathy when need help with something she can be sweet and enjoy playing the savior but if it is at all related to her own accountability I am the villain.
Yeeees
They tell us we’re the abusers .. been there done that, don’t fall for it 👍🏻
Exactly. 😣
100% the funny thing is i decided to go to domestic violence courses. It was those courses that showed me I was being abused myself.
Their rage is fear. Essentially saying to themselves "i can't afford for you not to see me as imperfect".
Imo, one of the ultimate markers of being gaslit is wondering if you are the abusive one. I used to think I was until my own thinking and logic kicked in. I know I am being abused, it is not a figment of my imagination, it actually happened. When he tries to twist, project, lie, etc, and all these are happening, I look at and document the patterns of dysfunction. I am not perfect here as I am healing from previous cases of "narc fleas" and have my own issues. But the lack of compassion and empathy that I have seen tells me the fleas came from being gaslit my whole life. Thank you for this content, it is encouraging.
Right? 😡
True.
I was too empathetic, to the point of putting other people's feelings and comfort over my own. The well being of my peers made me feel happier than seeing them uncomfortable. The moment my therapist warned me about my boundaries and why I felt like shit, I started to put myself first and behaved in ways that made me feel like a narcissistic person. It's so complex 😣
Right? I feel like yelling at everyone I keep getting so sick and tired of being walked on.
I always put other people's feelings over my own. Maybe less now because I'm not afraid to tell people to fuck off when necessary unlike before.
I'm also learning to set boundaries and it makes me feel kinda selfish and bad :/
@@KN-os1pv I started setting boundaries with people in my life and I instantly got massive pushback from those closest to me...in a really bad way....it's so confusing
@@habsfan8768 Yes, I have lost my now ex partner, my best friend, my brother to a large degree...and my mother is testing the waters all the time calling me bad names, but I can't be the same pleasing person putting myself aside anymore - it's so hard and makes me feel very lonely.
Me to narcissist: I think you’re a narcissist.
Narcissist to me: you’re the narcissist.
🙄
😂👍
🤣Spot on they just repeat your words back to you, either straight away or later as revenge, just a sickness
😂😂😂
Lol... Yes 👌🏻
projection projection projection aaaaaaand projection..from the narc
I laughed so hard out loud when you said “because narcissists aren’t capable of that degree of self reflection” Thank you so much for this video and for your channel 💜
I became so emotionally burnt out that I shut down and started dissociating. I think this is one instance where dissociation is a good coping skill because I wasn’t feeding into his dysfunctional relationship anymore. and it became easier to be more objective. For a moment, I thought I lost my empathy. I was just hiding it 😉
Same here. I started giving him the silent treatment like he gave me for years, withdrawing, grayrocking, and dissociating to cope. I just couldn't do this toxic relationship anymore, it broke me and I was questioning my mental health.
We live in the same house in different rooms, but mentally I am completely detached from him and the relationship. I avoid him because I don't want to explode on him, because this nice girl can get pretty ugly if you push me.
I still lave empathy, recently he became very ill and I was there cooking for him, giving him hot water bottles and making sure he had his fluids etc, checking up on him in the night. He was so scared! I questioned whether I was a narc as well, that's why I was watching this video. Good to know I am not. I just lost myself in his crazy!
Joie De Eve wow. Until recently we lived in the same house but in separate rooms as well. I also started to withdraw and avoided him by secluding myself in my room just to avoid conflict. And I as well still question my mental health, but I know I will never be as bad as he is. As long as we have empathy. Good luck! ❤️
I rage-made me think i was the narcs. But i think its more to do with his manipulation/triggering and having been so frozen for so long and wanting to fight back which has only made it so much worse.
I’m like this. Sometimes I would wake up mad or think of something my narc family did and be in a bad mood for hours.
Sometimes the rage is cold, calculated and so covert.
It was the old bait and switch, although I didn t know it then. He would bait or tease and when I reacted and tried to defend my character, he would call me abusive.
Going no contact rid me of the fleas.
thank you, I can finally breathe.
Of all your videos I appreciate this one most. I was in a relationship and always took the blame for everything and always apologized for things I didn't do. But when I got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore, I fought back and said horrible things. I told him exactly what I thought for the first time. Then walked away to not look back, but I felt horrible for what I said.
The moment I realized for certain that my husband was a narc (and possibly slightly psychopathic)....was after I had my daughter. I was crying in the hospital because I was in pain after my C -Section and the pain meds had worn off . (I could honestly write a book on the abuse I endured and am currently still living through).The nurse was nowhere to be found and my baby was in NICU so I was also slightly disoriented and confused about her welfare and the searing pain was not helping my mental state. His response was this......." stop crying....just stop being so attention seeking".......no hug..... no comforting words.....no empathy. It was in that moment I realized that something is seriously wrong with his internal wiring. Needless to say I was subjected to many years of emotional torture....neglect.....lies...physical abuse...drug use etc and was blamed for absolutely everything.......he called me crazy and made me continuously see a therapist. He laughs now about all the lies he made me believe. Up until recently he was laughing at me in the car......" hahaha.....I was snorting cocaine and spending hundreds of dollars ( meanwhile I was unemployed and barely managing) and you were freaking out and I had everyone believing you were just paranoid and crazy"......these types of "demonic beings" show no remorse.....no shame......nothing. I am always amazed at the levels they will stoop to. The best way to deal with people like him is to stay far far away from them because the mental confusion.....gaslighting......hoovering......devaluation etc are all REALITY of how these people operate. Save yourself years of trauma. Don't walk away from narc......RUN!!!! Nothing they say is genuine. Nothing they say is real. Educate yourself about these types and watch for what the psychologists call " red flags".....I have wasted over 9 years and he is still hoovering.......still re-traumatizing me and still pretending to care. All he cares about now is finding "new supply" in the form of young ....and sad to say "broken" young women who have absolutely no idea what they are dealing with , because I refuse to stroke his ego and compliment and admire him or provide him with " supply" .At this point I am looking to see a lawyer and trying desperately to extracate myself from a very very sick man who will stop at nothing .....even destroying his own daughter emotionally to get back at me for whatever imagined slight I have dealt his fragile ego and whose very existence depends upon his victims validation of his "false self". Scary and dangerous people. Don't be fooled. Nothing they promise will ever come to pass.......when they get bored of you they will abandon you and discard you like yesterdays trash.....but only after depleating you emotionally.....mentally......physically and sometimes even financially. The first time I tried leaving him because I knew he was cheating he felt no shame in taking $200 from my $800 savings which was all the money I had in the world as he used money to control me and keep me trapped.You will never be rich enough,popular enough,good enough,pretty enough etc. to satisfy the demons empty souls. Seek God and through faith in a power higher than yourself you will find peace. These types of people will never be satisfied. And if you notice they are also very very predictable. Almost like every relationship they have follows a script ......almost like a pattern and if you take the time to study them.....and their victims...... are all usually of the "disordered type "(women with childhood trauma,alchoholic or abusive fathers or totally absent fathers) These women can't and don't often even recognize their own dysfunctions which is the truly sad part.They are so desperate for love and validation they willl settle for absolutely anything and they typically have VERY LOW STANDARS of behaviour and no idea what real love and decent relationhips even look like. I know. I was one of them.They will accept anything.Including men who cheat or lie to them and don't actually care about them at all...because of a lack of self worth and self respect.....trust me ladies...becoming SELF AWARENESS IS MENTAL FREEDOM.....don't waste your life on men like him. They take all and give back nothing.....in every area. My mother used to say to me " it's not that he doesn't love you but he can't love you"...... I used to internalize his coldness,meanness and calous disregard for my feelings until I woke. Now I am impervious. When we were married i used to expend so much emotional energy.......cry and really get upset . Now I understand the psychopathy it's so much easier to cope .The indifference they display towards you when they discard and hurt you (which sometimes borders on inhumane ) becomes less hurtful when you realize that although the person you are dealing with is actually a grown man of 40 + years (or more in many cases )what you are actually dealing with is not a man but a broken child. They will never change. In many instances these people can't actually afford the professional help they need either and if they do seek help via a therapist all they will do is lie and lie and lie. Because that's all they know how to do. If you choose to stay look forward to a false life. Because that's all they have to offer. Good luck. My advice. Leave. Get out as soon as you can and save yourself. Amen
Thank you for clearing this up. I had a covert narcissistic mother. When I turned 18, I wanted out and got married to the first person that would have me, an overt narcissist. I divorced him, and I am aware that both my mother's and ex's behavior was abusive. In both relationships I never felt heard. In both relationships, I was accused of things I never did and was "punished" for lying.
So I lived in a world where didn't feel important enough to be heard. So when someone talks to me and I have a story that relates I am quick to jump in with my own story. It was pointed out to me the other day about how bad that is. That I shouldn't do that. I don't think I'm a bad person, so what they said really hurt but got me thinking: I am the narcissist? I don't want to hurt people, and I want my actions and what I say to be mature and I want to be kind to others. I don't want to hurt them.
But cleared things up, I needed this. I am not bad person. I am just a person that wants validation.
Sake here hun, you are not alone with the talking about my stories and not being heard.
And it could be that surrounded by Narc’s so much that you just want to talk too. You want to talk too. Hard to get a word in edgewise as they say.
You have been through a war and you are shell shocked. Being aware that you interrupt people is the first step to fixing it. Normal human stuff. I went through 47 years of being told what a piece of shit I was from my narc abuser. I'm here to tell you, it feels awesome to be finally free of that prison. It was hell. I wish you well on your journey. Be happy 😊. They didn't win.
Guess it all boils down to honesty , and sincerity .
That emotional support is spot on. I needed my exs emotional support and he would always switch it to himself!
Felt like I was acting like my Narc towards her. It really sucks because you know your not that kind of a person
Honestly I’ve been struggling for years because I always felt gifted but denied and even fragmented my talents.
Love this. So balanced. It is so difficult for a toxic person to actually test spectrum narc but that doesn't change that their behaviors are abusive and toxic and similar to that of a narc. This is why enacting boundaries and even distance when needed because if they are not actual narcs then the most compassionate thing we can do is give them the opportunity to face their own toxicity. If they are actual narcs then it is the the most compassionate thing we can do for ourselves.
Now I find myself stalking her social media when she is the one that viciously discarded me and triangulated me with the new supply. I don't think I'm a narc but I think I'm just ruminating. It's only been a month.
Same here
Same here
Try very hard to break the trauma Bond and cut off permanently. Except that you will not get closure and move on to something more healthy you won't regret it once you've healed.
I have a narcissistic grandmother who would always say she “forgives me” when I tell her something she said or did to me hurt me(I am an extremely civil person and most of the time I was crying while telling her as she’s done and said some extremely painful things). This “forgiving me” when I brought my concerns is the thing that made me question if I was the narcissist and later upon realizing what she was doing is the thing that allowed me to realize she was the narcissist. I never thought... but it can come from the people you love the most and hurt the parts of yourself you are most insecure about. Empathy can be used as a weapon against you but NEVER change that. Ever. Love harder. Love smarter. Do the one of many things they can’t: Evolve into a better person at every single opportunity you can and be grateful that you can in fact do that. Never take your consciousness for granted. How sad it must be to live your life asleep.
Prexst I know what you mean. My grandmother is like that. And we used to be so close but I started waking up and yea I love her but I can’t even be around her for too long anymore.
My heart breaks for you especially since this is coming from someone you’re supposed to be able to look up to. Sending you lots and lots of love.
I really love, and needed your genuine and enlightened comment.
Thank you for giving me some relief...I felt that I was probably reacting to my passive aggressive covert narc with frustration and anger...I told him in the heat of a fight that I was going to give him back the same treatment...He doubled up his narc treatment....no surprise....
I just want to thank you so very much for posting this video I almost cried with relief watching your video at first I did the same as you and finger pointed at all the horrible things the ex narc did to me and put me through then just like you I self reflected it and saw the things that I did wrong. It was then that I started to wonder if I was actually the narcissist or if we were both narcissist. As you mentioned I had to look at where my behaviours had come from I grew up in a very emotionally abusive household I watch my parents argue hit and I’m not to say that these behaviours were normal but I could see were my yelling and name calling belittling came from when I was in a place of hurt that doesn’t excuse my behaviour and for many months I have felt very very guilty and praying for forgiveness not from the narc but from God.
I have seen how my actions have affected the person that I wanted to be I can see that I need to make some serious changes and I’ve been working on myself as of December 1, 2019 I will been single for two years while working hard on myself this is a lesson that I have learned that I needed to take more time to correct myself before entering into any kind of relationship and to fully heal myself before entering another relationship as I used to jump from relationship to relationship because I was lonely I was wanting love and trying to fill a void but I’m learning that I need to fill my void myself I need to validate myself I need to have self-worth strong boundaries and strong self-love so that I never attract a relationship like this ever again thank you so very much for your video it really brought some relief to me knowing that I’m not the only one that felt exactly that you literally took the words from my mouth of how I’ve been feeling thank you again so very very much platforms like yours have been such great forms of healing for so many of us we’ve had the fortunate misfortune of being in a narcissistic relationship.
Knowing that I can work hard on correcting my behaviours and make changes to myself and my choices in life is such a relief knowing that the narcissist cannot do this for them selves leaves me feeling nothing more than pity for them it’s sad to know that they will never be able to change themselves and therefore never ever feel a true connection
I hope to keep working hard correcting my week and bad points and to heal and be fully happy someday soon Just as I do for everyone else here nothing but light and happiness for us all
PS you’re absolutely right I do feel empathy for other people and when I am with someone and they are away I am able to still love them and miss them the narc I was with was not able to do either of these this was the very eye-opening fax for me the proof that I am 100% not a narcissist
So happy to hear that. Your thoughts and feelings in the aftermath are incredibly common. It helped me to learn that too! 🙏❤
Been with my husband for 17 years. I'm right there with you! The last few years we have been friends with a neighbor couple who are narcissistic as well. The three of them would always insult and belittle me about being a stay at home mom to I would snap. We're just joking...no...they never stopped, even after they knew how it upset me. What really happened that made me see. I had to have a major surgery and right in front of the neighbors and several other people. Loud and CLEAR I ain't taking you to the hospital! 😔
No empathy for me and my health scares. I am passive aggressive, so will rage if pushed to far. I've said mean hurtful things to. I been reading and searching and learning all I can. He keeps trying to tell me I'm bipolar. ...No I am not! Thank you for sharing ❤️
So thankful to hear that God has given you insight, some healing and caused His face to shine upon you. He is good and faithful always! :) May He continue to bless you and your family Tina.
Scary cause I felt I was I got two back to back. He came back the second time and now I feel like I’m the narc.. but it stemmed from him lying and cheating and abusing me .. I felt bitter and hurt and needed lots of reassurance.. he went to therapy so my therapist to think told him the wrong stuff .. it made it so much harder to blame me for my trauma and triggers and I kept telling him it was from him not from my other abusivr ex .. he started taking the blame off him thinking this was all my own insecurities and my head was fucked up before he met me but in reality this guy did it to me .. I still love him at this very moment unconditionally.. he told me he didn’t love me anymore like a switch.. said he couldn’t feel at this moment he was so numb and empty inside .. and if he was gonna stay with me he would feel empty cause he has no love inside him. So strange and said if he feels the way he use to feel towards me he’ll come back and find me. But he’s fed up. I blocked him first day no contact I did go three and broke it .. but I just wanted him to fight for me so I played this push pull game kind of .. I would run Everytime he hurt me and said mean things and now it’s like he learned from therapy it’s not healthy or it’s toxic but he was the one that lied about eveything hurt me and she told him I needed to work in that within myself .. how when this person lied to me and abused me and hurt me? He told me was going to spend forever making it up to me. He didn’t .. he would hurt me and then get me sweet things. I would start to lash out and say mean things but it was I was so hurt and he used that and said because I traumatized him. It’s so awful my head hurts still
Thank you so much for sharing this video, your expertise and your story. I am terrified that I might be a narcissist and have been binge watching videos on narcissism so that if I am, I can change. Thank you so much for giving me another piece of the puzzle so I can put myself back together.
@Theodor Geisel I still think I am some days but I'm going to learn more so that I won't do these things to anyone. I try not to obsess over it but some days I do.
I lost my true self whilst being with my ex. Everything you have said have clarified a lot of behaviours. He would belittle me and tell me I’m crazy and that I should take myself to a psychologist. I’ve just had a baby with him, my daughter is now 8 months. He would do so many things to blur my mind and cause me to react. Your videos not just this one has made me stronger in identifying many things of what a narcissist is and their behaviours.
At the start, he was so in tuned with me, showed me love and was so attentive. He discarded me and told me that he needs space. Later after a few months he told me that he dated not remembering of what he told me of needing space. I took him back because I was awed on the way he swept me off my feet at that very early time of our relationship. Then thinking back, I would always be the one to make an effort to come to him to spend time and drive an hour, paid for most of our outings. On my early days after having my baby, he would isolate me and not support me in looking after our daughter as my parents live far, he would always encourage me to ask his mum (his flying monkey).
I am now trying to control my reactions and keep them to myself and only respond. As I feel disgusting of the way I react towards him but it’s retaliation, no excuse for the bad temper after he calls me names and smear my name towards my other two daughters and obviously his family. I know deep down the truth will come out and try to just limit my interactions with him and say no. Even if he try to persuade me to change my mind by calling me names, guilt trip and blaming his sorry life on me I stick to that no. I have now learnt to put boundaries and have tactics to ensure he doesn’t trigger my child hood pain in which I trusted him with.
I even had to confide with a psychologist, psychiatrist and my doctor if I was crazy they all said no and gave me support on where to learn to deal with him.
I just want to thank you for sharing your knowledge about narcissism. I really appreciate it. xx
My former roommate, also used to accuse me of being abusive, which no one before has accused me of, and nobody since, but that sure messed with my mind. That was a very difficult period of my life and I am glad it is in the past.
As a former victim of narcissistic abuse...I often find myself annoyed when people complain about
" seemingly frivolous" things...the fact that I find myself doing this and that it bothers me enough to do self reflection, I Know that I'm not a narcissist..but it definitely is a thing with me. I was forced to accept some really bad things..that have never been recognized as "bad''...but that's just a human need for affirmation by the narcissist that will never happen... I have to accept that it's a totally asinine expectation for me to actually think it can happen....
I’m on a very difficult journey with a narcissistic family member. I can’t thank you enough for making this video! I too wondered if I was a narcissist but now I know I was most likely “picking up fleas”. I am making a conscience choice to change that behavior ASAP. Thanks so much for helping me understand 💕
I wasn't the narc, I was the borderline /: but he was a narc. Super common combo I found out after I learned about this stuff
I had this!! My ex emailed me an article about BPD after I left him. Saying he thought I needed help and was pretty sure I had this disorder. He said was there for me. And once before I moved out he found out I called a womens abuse helpline - he had checked the numbers dialled on our landline- he flipped out at me and then accused me of being the abusive one! I definitely went through this thinking am I the narcissist? Or do I have BPD? I still have moments where I think maybe I am one. Its so hard.
I wonder if being with a narc long enough can give you borderline traits...because I know I was normal before I got woth him but after 4 years it was me doing the push and pulling and raging at him because he was constantly invalidating me
Same.
I resonate with this.
I'm Bipolar.
And yes. This resonates.
She loved the mania, high, explosive love, spontaneous side of me to begin with.
But then couldn't cope or show any emotion to the depressive, low, suicidal side of things.
She would also then (as time wore on) use the mania as a reason for stalking my social media, hacking my phone, creating fake profiles...all under the guise of (looking out for me)
Excellent video. I too believe we all have a tendency to act in narcissistic ways, but I KNOW when I am doing something that hurts the other person and I shift might damn quick to be a better person.
This is very useful thank you. It's cleared up confusion over my behaviour in past relationships and the behaviour of a ex who sometimes behaved like a Narc but then also had a lot of good qualities and could see the good in others even those that hurt him. We even admitted to each other that we had narcissist traits so I'm guessing that means neither of us were actually narcs? It's over between us now but I'd find more peace in knowing he wasn't that bad after all.
Damn!!!! This is spot on! I can’t believe I was asking the same question.
Thank you Christina.
My ex narc used to tell me I was moody and I couldn’t understand why he would say that I never ever thought I was It made me second guess myself I now know he was reflecting his silent treatment on me as I wouldn’t react but just wait until he came around again .
Michelle McE holy mackerel... This to a T... I never understood why he would tell me I was moody when I wasn’t or he would interpret my texts as being moody.... and even when things would go really well he would ghost and disappear for weeks at a time...then come hovering back.... because he would always say I was moody I would constantly wonder if he left because he thought I was in some kind of moody mood... this has opened my eyes to so many behaviors I would have never even thought to,question.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve questioned this subject from time to time, but its all clear now. I’m not alone anymore, there’s others out there that have been through the same and have doubted their good heart and intentions. This information makes things clearer for me. I’m determined to heal and work on myself so I can be more educated and wiser to never allowing these people to enter and consume my time, energy and life anymore.
Sadly I can relate to lacking empathy and feeling kind of numb when my partner leaves. But, I think I’m just very confused from this off and on relationship. I don’t feel I have a grasp on reality right now. I have no idea how to change “me”.
I can also relate to this, but I wasn't always like this. I think I am now because I learned it as a defense mechanism...a way to cope.
Another thing about empathy that is completely unfortunate, is that over time after giving and giving and giving and giving your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical energy, and all of your empathy to someone or several narcissists, you may become empathy impaired because your energy tank is empty. They have drained you and now narcissistic traits reveal themselves. We have to be very careful where our energy goes. We should keep most of it for ourselves and those other empaths who truly deserve our positive energy and empathy.
What is the deal with these people accusing you of being "angry and in a rage" when they are the ones that are the ones that fly off the handle frequently and go into toxic meltdown over nothing? Seriously, I am a lot of things but not angry and I don't rage. Theres no reason to. Im retired, financially well off, happy with my life and dont engage in this kind of behavior (though I witness it frequently). My ex and I had the life of Riley - traveled frequently, went to concerts, jazz clubs, nice restaurants, had a seemingly ok sex life, enjoyed each others company etc....than "BOOM"...out of no where she goes off over nothing. I knew she had real issues stemming from her asserted history of chid abuse but this is unreal. Headed to divorce court now...I hate this is where it ended, but it wasn't my choice and I finally feel as though its ok if she wants to live life on the ledge. Its really heart breaking to watch her self destruct out of what appears to be delusional thinking and the need to project so much unhappy nonsense on others. I watched this video with an open mind thinking I might be the one with the problem. I did a personal behavioral inventory and asked others to genuinely offer criticism of me...nothing seems to support me being the narcissist ... oh well, life is good and too short to go through it bitter and unhappy. I dont get people who wake up every morning nurturing grievances with the world. So completely senseless
Ex would accuse me of raging but its projection. Similarly is the holding grudges. Everything was a personal slight. It is exhausting being with them. Life is so much calmer now, there is no drama and home is a happy place.
It takes a long time to recover from a narcisstic relationship, I would at least a year from when separation is finalised I.e divorce
I admit that I DO rage and have a lot of anger (which I'm trying to work on), but a big part of my rage is being resentful that SHE never taught me how to handle my emotions and actively sabotaged any attempt I made to learn when I was growing up. And now she has the gall to ask why I'm so angry and say she needs to "distance" herself from my "emotional instability" when she intentionally insults me and brings up shit from my childhood. (*she being my mom, btw)
I can relate 100%. I am 3 weeks into ending my relationship with a Narcissist and thank God I saw the light.
I can relate 100%.
Omg! You have helped me to see clearly once again as well as answering questions I had been asking myself. Unbelievable as well as a huge releif to watch yet another extremely helpful video that you were kind enough to share with people like myself that so desperately need the help. God bless you and please don't stop making these videos. You are an amazing and strong woman!!!!!
Great video. Thank you! I'm not a narc,, and I knew that, but the subject just intrigues me and you explain it very Well! Thanks again 💖
Wow. Your delivery of this information was wonderful. Great video! Great points. Super helpful. I was in a dark place until I found this.
very validating - so nicely put, too. You are a really decent person thanks for these videos
I really appreciate this. I've been spending the last several months thinking about my relationships and how toxic basically all of them were and... That says to me that I'm the problem. And in some ways I am. I don't know what a healthy relationship even is or how to do it. I've absorbed a lot of bad ideals from my parents and from society at large. Toxic relationships are exiting and exhilarating and missing/wanting that made me wonder if I was disordered myself. It's not a fun place to be.
Damn bro
Thank you for the clarification. :)
Thanks for your comment! ❤
I am so happy for you to have been able to find out what was going on. I knew something was going wrong with me and decided to start psychoanalysis in the mid 80's but even though had 2 narcissistic relationships, one ending now after 30 years of marriage. And only now I understand why I not only accepted their behaviours but wanted them, it was just so common. Both of my parents were narcissists. At the young age of 5 I looked at my mom and said to myself "she's not going to take care of me". It's been pretty tough these last 3 months, for I do have a lot of narcissistic behaviours, but what I really am is a empath and a dependent at 60 years of age. My ex, not sure if he is a narc but he sure has issues with women. He treats us badly.
We’re all Narcissistic. The. Sooner you acknowledge the BS the sooner you become your true self.
There is a difference between being narcissistic and having narcissistic personnality disorder. One is characterized as a few behaviours, the other one is part of your personnality and makes everyone around you basically suffer. If I am really into my looks and think I'm super pretty, that hurts no one. But if I manipulate everyone around me into thinking they are crazy and truly believe I'm always right, and do not care about other people's feelings all the time for very long periods of time, that's way different
@@joelleplourde7934 what if I offend people by speaking the truth?
Christina thank you for your gift of wisdom : )
You're an absolute God send. Thank you for relating to me so much and giving me much internal peace
I'm learning so much from you. ❤❤thank you for this channel🙏🙏
Thanks for this video.
Wow I needed this video so badly. I’ve been going crazy wondering this myself. I think I have gone into survival mode and built up so much resentment, that I feel like I am toxic now. I also spend so much time talking to friends about it that I feel self centered. I think people pleasers like me feel really guilty for taking care of ourselves, so me wanting to do that now and stand up to my narc makes me feel like I am being narcissistic or cold.
This.
Your videos help me know that my ex was a true narcissist.
Thank you so much. I’ve been so confused for so long. I have some bad qualities. I kept getting triggered by the slick things my narc would say and do. Mostly she would devalue me about my finances and manhood. I’d yell at her and basically throw a tantrum when I couldn’t take it anymore, and then because I became bitter and had already crossed that boundary, it took less and less, over the 3 years we were together, to upset me. It’s to the point where I’m still scared that I will react to my next partner this way. It doesn’t help that she preyed upon this part of me and nearly convinced me this is who I am with or without her.
Good one! Whenever I study this topic of narcissism I have to examine myself because I'm very aware of the tendency to project my Shadow onto others. I remind myself to remove the beam from my own eye so I can see well enough to help remove the speck in someone else's eye. But when I do this the speck in that someone else's eye becomes a beam. Then I can't believe how blind I've been all my life. So, I conclude that while I have narcissistic tendencies, my empathy has always been stronger. I try to feed the empathy, but allowing some egotism to remain in my personality. ""Be careful, lest in casting out your demon you exorcise the best thing in you." - Friedrich Nietzsche. But this is entirely different from the one who runs away, covering their eyes, rather than to see the monster in the mirror.
I feel this on such a deep level. I actually cried. Was constantly called a know it all or that I acted like I "had a masters degree in therapy" when I would be like uh...what you're doing isnt normal. Was constantly told I didnt make him a priority when everything in my life was suffering( job, school, my kids etc) because I devoted so much time to him and his problems. Would complain that I didnt like or retweet enough of his tweets or wasnt allowed to be on during certain conversations and when I said its controlling I was exploded on and discarded but went back. I always found it odd he was what I believe was obsessed with social media and appearances on there with him being in his 50s...and now that I left...and I'll be honest I discarded this time...all he has done is passive aggressively retweet narcissist tweets and jabs at me. Even when I told him it hurts when he calls me that because my mother is a diagnosed narcissist and she really hurt me and damaged me for what seems like life. It didnt matter. I've spent so much time recently talking to people and taking quizzes and watching videos totally convinced it was me. I had toxic behaviors of course but I truly believed that I was the narcissist. Sorry for the dumping...I had to get this out after seeing this and reading so many similar stories here. Thank you so much for this. 🥺🥺🥺
As we talked in depth over a year ago.. Ive had the behavior before
because it been reactive abuse before alongside being in the
environment.. As this video conveys.. Even the song "Bad
Habits" Ed Sheeran can be viewed as trying to say about another.. It
also can be viewed as the person knowing what's up and still debating if
the need is greater to change being a certain way toward a person.. And
whichever else prompts a listener.. Including admitting what's going on
with themselves with projecting along processing.. It's refreshing to
come to your videos especially when caught up in challenging events
lately.. I appreciate you
Thank you so much for this video. And especially for your courage to talk about your personal experience with it.
This is the best explanation!! It also makes me understand why I keep asking myself this everyday! Thank you!!
I'm glad you touched on this because I have been wondering exactly that , like maybe it was me maybe I'm the one with some kind of disorder, to be sure, I know I picked up some shitty personality habbits, but I think I can get back to the guy I was before.
if we are in the relationship of a narcissists. I just noticed that thier behaviour we will becoming like thier behaviour. Bcz they want us to react.. this is true. We pick up thier behaviour
So true!!! 💯
I said in another video of yours, yes, we might have a narcissistic infection. It started inside our families. We are not narcissistic. We suffered narcissistic abuse as children. We are drawn to them and we understand them. We fall in love with them out of familiarity. It is so hard to overcome this but we can break patterns and become responsible adults.
Glad to hear so many other survivors go through this other than me. Short answer? If you were the narc, it would never occur to you or concern you.
You're so good at this!
Thank you for such an excellent video, Christina! You explain narcissistic traits so well, but also encourage self-reflection which is key to recovering from the abuse that we have suffered.
Keep flashing that awesome smile, and may God continue to bless your mission of helping others!
These videos are so helpful. Thank you.
Praise God!! Please keep this lady strong and safe
I’ve questioned it and asked all my friends and family if they thought I was. I genuinely wanted to know and they said no. My cousin is an empath and is into psychology. She said no I would know and I wouldn’t like you if you were. She can sense when people are narcissistic or emotionally abusive. She dated one
Very, very, very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you! This was so helpful
Thanks so much for this! I was married to my kids dad was is a narc. fast forward 30+ years and my grown kids are cold, and accusing ME of being abusive. I am questioning if I am the one who is a narcissist. My "abuse" was when they had witnessed my craziness when I was being abused by their dad and other relationships. I have also been a victim. The worst was when my son was dealing with addiction...and their father used that crises to be topdog. My kids need his money still even as adults..and they are very loyal to him. I feel like all the love I gave them in their childhood went down the drain. I was accused of creating his addiction and my 2 daughters have been cold and angry ever since....even after going to therapy and apologizing for the mistakes I made with my son. Now 4 years later...he is clean (thank god) and I am still being scapegoated! My focus is always on them, their needs and my grandchildren, what can I do to help them etc....I am self supporting, never ask for anything and although I've been "needy" in the past ..I HATE being a victim and have worked hard at just being present for them and strong. Now that I'm getting older...and in quarantine...I realized that my kids dont care. I could have a stroke and I would rot in my apartment! They dont call or text..dont say how are you...my one daughter never says thank you or I love you....now she is saying that I am abusive, my son says I am selfish...I have never asked him for a thing. I'm so confused. This video has helped a lot to put things in perspective. I know my own heart and I feel empathy for others. I'm heartbroken.
The part where you say we're the sum of the five people we spend the most time around made me feel better because I only have spent time with narcissists and their flying monkeys for so damn long
That's what made me realize I was not a narcissist. I was able to compare my growth, spiritual journey and my ability to change how i reacted to abuse versus the lack of growth in my ex. My sense of reality is not driven by fear, emotion, lack, insecurity, a false persona, or self-esteem. Even when someone upsets me, I self regulate and I act accordingly to my values not "revenge," that's for vindictive people. I do not go around projecting my personal issues onto others, I just work on the things I do not like and thats it. I also don't walk around judging people, or worry about what others think of me. I could care less. That doesn't mean I do not have fears or insecurities of my own..I just deal with them differently than he does.
Waou, I been feeling like that for few months and little by little I peeled the orange, I am not!!!! Yesssss, crazy that Put up we all I did for as long as I did, every day that pass I feel better and better, no fights, no gaslighting no drama!
If your asking the question then no.....
True disordered people do not question
Kristel
Thank you 🙏
Exactly
And now
I’m thankful
To know I was right
Kristel, it’s funny because I question this... Thanks.
Amen to that! I am clear, direct, empathetic, loving, genuinely concerned about others and humble enough to acknowledge my flaws. So... nope!
I'm going to disagree - but hear me out, I could be wrong. I am a narcissist; I have asked and answered the question with professional help. I believe narcissism, like addiction, requires one to admit it first, in order to correct it. Once an alcoholic - always an alcoholic. Asking the question and answering yes is the path to recovery - but you'll always be a narcissist.
@@EverettNewell You probably aren't a malignant, or clinical, at least, because you were worried about it.
Thank you sooooo much, that was really helpful!
OMG you did this video is very very well done....Thank you so much..
I love your videos!
Thanks, Kathy!
So grateful for your posts. Very enlightening.
Thank you so much!!
May you be absolutely happy!!!
I do give the silent treatment, for months at a time. But I do that because when I have not calmed down from an argument (and I do take weeks to calm down and forget it, because as long as I remember it its like a fresh wound) I cannot act friendly when I'm not at peace or happy with that person, so I want to remain in my corner and not acknowledge them until I'm over it. Same as I don't expect them to acknowledge me.
I am the same. Been doing silent treatment since teens.
I was going threw this myself for a bit, until I recognized that I can accept my flaws and openly discuss them as well as I don’t enjoy or appreciate harming anyone for any reason, even when they do harm me. I appreciate justice which is not my judgements (law) but rather do joy when those who do harm do receive justice for themselves. Even then they can’t accept the consequences of their actions.
Going through this right now. I think I have a narcissist who is also pulling a lot of people in on her side - at least it feels like it. I feel beat down and unable to defend myself because it seems everyone is invalidating me. It makes me think I'm the one at fault. I'm in a very bad space right now.
The same for me
Going through something similar. I hope that by now, you have learned who you are and are in a much better space! You got this!
Thank you!
A lot of narcissists is an understatement. Politicians. Influencers, cops, doctors lawyers… the list goes on.
Thank you. You are very pleasant to listen to, I come from a family of narcissists, I'm quite sure. It has been some taxing decades.
Oh my God. Ugh. I was just asking myself this. I'm so relieved. And I'm angered that I'm this screwed up.
Thank you for this wonderful, insightful and helpful video.
You are so right on with this subject thank you for using what happened to you for good for others What the enemy meant for your destruction, God will turn around and use for your good!!!
My ex actually told me he was a narcissist, several times. I think in the back of my mind I thought him telling me/warning me meant it wasn't that bad or wasn't his fault so I should just accept it. He also constantly told me he was unwilling to change :/ we talked about how our relationship was 'a bit abusive' and he said he shouldn't be allowed around people and it just made me feel worse for him :( it's such a manipulative dynamic you really don't see it happening and will come out the other side a different person. It's now time to accept that this new person isn't me and I can become my true self again ❤️
Thank you :) Verdict is ofc no :) I was abusive and on me narcissist is using silent treatment. Ehhh these people, thank you for this awesome work! :) You are very positive person. Greetings from Poland.
I've felt all of this! I was told by my narc I lied, I gaslighted, I was the angry one. In a lot of ways, I was convinced, until her and I went to counseling. Our therapist told me to get out! It took some time, but I ended it.
Wow. I'm not a narcissist. At all. This is such a relief. I can work on myself continually and feel good about it
Recent narcissist tells me i have anger issues because i am calling out their bullshit and digging at them because i clapped at them and said how courageous they are for giving me the silent treatment 🙄 Also accused me of a bunch of things they do....all shifting blame throwing accusations of me being too needy for pointing out the relationship was ome sided in their favor
😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
Hi this video gave me a lot of answers. I doubted myself.. but became clear tonight. The problem is I've gone back time and again, picking up the bad along the way. I reacted and done wrong things.. But now i see that was years of abuse by different relationships, because ..I've felt bad after my reactions. Much of my past traumas are long gone.. My most recent, .. Di-spite whats been done to me.. I STILL CARE AND LOVE THAT PERSON, forgive but not forget.. But saying that ... I would not go back to what it was. I care enough to show compassion to help her up, when she falls and it will come.. without any help from me.. I'm not reacting to the love bomb faze, I have a new clear piece of mind.. Thank you.
2:29 what a relief!
Very well said. Thank you. I struggle with a narc mom and one of my daughters...it's so hard. And I often wonder if they are right and I am the bad guy. All I know for sure is that when I screw up, I know it, and I know what I did. With those two, it's never clear what it is I've done to them. The silent treatment is their fave.
My reality is that my behaviors we bad and my narc is very refined with tremendous self control and perfect behavior. I have PTSD from war and that affected my tolerance and emotional regulation. I lasted 15 years with my narc before I snapped. I recovered and became passive and the narc broke me down and left after 30 years. FYI because your channel is very effective and I share my experience with the hope you will find it useful.
I think the notion that if you're questioning it, you're not a narcissist could be false. It took me a while, but I finally had an earth-shattering realization that made me realize my wrong-doings and I was able to actually look at my actions logically, not from an emotional space that allowed me to justify my behaviour and victimize myself. Sometimes, you really are the narcissist. Sometimes it be like that. We just have to work on healing and admit that we were shitty. It's not fun, it's definitely heartbreaking and it's a learning process but it's so much more worth it than going through life lying to yourself.
A narcissist is unable to conduct any personal self reflection. You on the other hand, the fact you're here and admitting your faults and flaws shows that you are otherwise.