The frustrating thing about it is that I’m constantly switching between wanting to be a hermit for the rest of my life and wanting human connection. U know what they say, “no man is an island” when I just want to be one, but human nature requires interaction so my only choice is to find others like me
Aye. I guarantee that life is more rewarding when you get to a higher quality/bandwidth of human connection. It just takes a lot of energy to get there.
It's so hard to find connection. Like, I'll easily make friends but it's hard for me to find a connection. I'm in the middle of extrovertedness and introvertedness.
@@GeekPsychology never more lonely that in the middle of a crowd. You a good dancer, by the way? I wonder how much of that otherness is a lack of hand eye coordination. Too much in the head and not enough in the body. Certainly something I should work on.
@@TheKlink Hey fellow INFP! It's funny that you should mention dancing as I've been dancing salsa for almost 20 years now and your comment just made a few things click in my head. I believe that taking up any couple dance, be it salsa, or swing, or tango has a great potential for self-growth in "our" complex case :) I've loved music and dancing for as far as can remember (yes, I'm a guy), and before I even knew about MBTI, I managed to articulate the "why" I love it so much: both are awesome ways of conveying one's emotions without having to use a single word. And it gets better: once you reach a decent level, you get to go to "social dancing" events. How the hell does it get better if just the word "social" brings a gush of anxiety out of you?! Well, you are in the middle of a crowd, but you are not lonely! You are dancing one on one with a partner, and you hardly ever have to use words to communicate! I just know that you hate it just as much as I do to be in group conversation where the loudest people monopolize the floor, and when you finally get the chance to talk one on one with someone, you need to get past the awkward, conventional small talk before getting to the real, interesting stuff. There's zero convention for small talk in the "conversation" that couple dancing is. You can express the deepest emotions and connection to your partner from the very first notes of a song. The cherry on the cake is it's a great opportunity to, as @Geek Pschology put it, stretch your comfort zone. Explore more possibilities in the outside world. You can sign up to classes alone (you'll get paired with random partners and switch regularly) and knowing that all these people are also beginners will help you to overcome the self-consciousness and finally have fun! Wow, I never comment on RUclips videos, but I could ramble on that subject forever :) So if I can give any worthy advice, if you feel like it's something you should work on, go for it! Even if you happen not to like it, it will be an experiment!
I suspect that loneliness for INFPs is different than for other personality types. After all, we recharge by being physically alone and are often the ones most likely to feel lonely in a crowd. I think as healers our loneliness also comes from the fact that we are that over-flowing fountain of support and love for others but there are very few people around us who can reciprocate the kind of empathy we give others when we are feeling down. That's the cross we bear. I also suspect that deep down we also know that no one can really help us with the great existential problems of life and we must figure them out by ourselves. This can isolate us further because we don't ask for help because we don't want to burden others with the kind of emotional pain we are so ready and willing to help others with. It's as if we know the sadness of others too well to burden them with our own pain and suffering. It may even explain why we can appear aloof or cold to others and why we can spend years living a hermetic or monk-like existence. There is probably also a special kind of loneliness that INFP men face in terms of the softer masculinity we embody because it's clearly not respected by the wider culture.
Woww!!! Go start a youtube channel or something and give me the link. Everything is just so bright and relatable. You seem really intelligent and introspective 😁 do you have any more texts like that?
@@feelx2073 Thanks for your kind reply. You can always find me on Amazon. I've written two novels and several poetry books. If you like what I wrote here, you might find some of my poems online for free, too. In any case, I'm glad you found my words helpful and you make time to pursue your own creative work.
Irony of ironies is that the lock down was a breeze for me as I read an enormous amount of Hermetic philosophy while in hermitage resolving my existential quest. ;) All seriousness aside, years of isolation is something I am familiar with and can handle but also fear for the rest of my life. It is extremely rare to get the sense of another that will reciprocate what we give them. I know I can disappear and I try to remind myself that being clued into pain is a superpower that most don't have, but wonder why I can go months without hearing from someone I love if I am not the one to reach out. Part of it is life, and we are busy, but most people can't keep their phones off the table and be present, so I know they have that device to reach out. And the messed up thing about this INFP brain is that I can convince myself that I am a narcissist for feeling left out. What is that, can someone please answer me how that makes any sense at all?
One of the biggest things I have been learning very slowly is that being vulnerable is a good thing. I have spent a lot of my life so far hiding and closing myself off from others. I desired to be known, but fear of rejection held me back. I am still that way quite often, but I have been opening up very slowly to certain people and it has made me get closer to them. It is scary, but then the other person opens up sometimes and shares personal stuff. I always felt lonely and still do sometimes, but being vulnerable can sometimes make a strong bond with other people. I am very careful with who I am vulnerable with and I don't say everything on my mind, but it has helped grow some relationships. However, there are a few family relationships that I can now say almost whatever is on my mind and they listen and share good feedback. It is really hard to open up, but I feel a lot less lonely except when I isolate myself too much. Honestly, I don't need that much social interaction, but I do need some. I need to remind myself to keep opening up and putting myself out there every once in a while.
Me to... I am afraid to go out from my house.. I do not have friend at all. I am just talking to myself or my cat. I do not know what to do and what to start and how..i fell frustrated every single day..
Thanks for this beautiful video! As an INFP/enneagram 4, I've realized that part of my problem is that I want authentic connection to look a certain way. I want to feel that lightning-strike of authenticity from the first moment that someone reaches out to me. In reality, we usually have to go through a (long) phase of polite, ordinary, somewhat fake interaction before we get to real intimacy. So now I'm trying to learn to say yes to interactions that don't immediately feel like what I'm looking for. (Even though secretly, I still hope for that instant affinity that means we'll stay up all night talking intensely about the things that really matter.)
The idealism will always be there. Maybe you can find ways to make the fluff part of getting to know someone more appealing and tasty like cotton candy. Enjoy the process of learning to control conversation or of listening more intently. And also of finding ways to weed out what might be a waste of time more quickly...
I have two modes: 1) Opens dating app. Writes a very detailed bio. Find myself completely overwhelmed and halfway to marriage with like 5 people by the end of the day because the decision to be vulnerable has ended in overly-intimate stranger bonding. 2) Deletes app the same day without explaining anything to my 5 digital husbands, vows never to open that pandora's box again, and breathes easy knowing I am once again alone and not beholden to anyone..............until 6 months later when I do it all again out of crippling loneliness.
I have found it hard to truly be vulnerable with people. It seems sometimes when I actually let someone into my heart it is forever. Many people in general aren't like that, so it really hurts when I lose them. So, I am friendly with people, but I don't let them into my heart and love. Sometimes, when I have found the person I can trust emotionally it is wonderful, though. I have one person in my life, other than family, and he is such a joy to be around.
Vulnerability is very hard, but I have started opening up to a select few people in my family and our bond has gotten stronger. However, I agree that opening up to other people is tough because they can leave or you leave them and, to me, it feels like they took a piece of you. I have it happen at work. I would start opening up to someone at work or just getting closer and one day they're gone or say it's their last day and it would make me sad because I am not good at keeping relationships going. I don't like calling or texting. I don't like social media much except RUclips, so I just lose that relationship. The restaurant I worked for closed and I lost a bunch of people. I tried looking them up, but I didn't even know their last names, so I couldn't find them. Being vulnerable is a good thing at times, and it can strengthen relationships, but it can backfire and hurt you as well.
It is hard. If it wasn't, our world would be vastly different. What's helped me learn that I can cope and thrive is failing over and over again with the intention of learning and growing.
not bad... i gave up on life in 2006. Sometimes, the anxiety and panic sets in. I did have this realisation about life around my early 20's. For what its worth; 20 years later... i would advise taking a different route; tho, only on the basis that the grass looks greener, but i dont actually know. What it seems more like is the issue, is that (and i can only speak for myself) is that... we're trying to run away from ourselves, and wherever we go, we are there....
Damn, i'm 17 and have barely gone out since i was 14. mainly because of social phobia and also because i have had only a real friend and he stopped talking to me and I still don't know why.
@@serkratos1216I had shitty teenage years... don't worry! It gets better after. We can truly be ourselves when we get out of this extroverted centered place 😂
22 yo here! My high school was : playing skyrim ( more than 400 hours), going at the library EVERY break timez or alone at home when it was possible, fealing WEIRD af. Do you know what you wanna do in life? I guess well find out lol. Sorry for the late comment 😂
Just go for your hobies and passions .. Try to call your friends at first .. And hang out with them as far as you can ... Dont watch too much movie dont listen too much music ... Thoose are sometimes brings the loneliness and sadness.. Just try to live with others most of your time. Its better then being me who is at 30 right now feeling the same way ... Sorry i cant hold back my self to give advise like an old grandma..
I'd love to let people in and be vulnerable, but what I find is that when I start trying to communicate my feelings to these people, it becomes clear that my feelings are much more intense than they are comfortable with... As a result, I end up feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
Sherman is our infp Yoda :) The music choice is great. Its very relaxing. Does everyone else agree that geek psychology would also be great at a positive thinking, meditation app ? Or if he made an audiobook ?
I needed this. I've been struggling with this my whole life. I couldn't talk to anyone. Only recently found more about the cognitive functions. Thank you for sharing your experience. Truly grateful.
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away... and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast.... be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.... and don't expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Thank you so much. It’s no wonder i read the entire comment no matter how long. I have always wanted to read this book. I might as well read it soon. 😅
I think I’m an intp (and I hate it, I have massive Fi envy for a lot of reasons). I always feel different and alien and not on the same plane as everyone else’s consciousness. Connecting with people is so hard. I feel like I engage in a kind of mandatory inauthenticity every time I interact with people, putting up a front because they can never know my soul or mind or true emotions anyway, and if they did they’d reject me and wouldn’t understand, and I need to follow these elusive social norms, so why bother. I’m trying my best though, and slowly doing better. But I tend to push people away.
Thanks for commenting. Keep at it and get a bit more strategic about it imo. Finding ways of bettering your self-image works wonders. And remember that people aren't rejecting you, they're "rejecting" a generalization/distorted version of you based on the information you've presented them about you. So finding ways to present yourself better helps.
Im an INFP-T, enneagram 2. I often recieve calls from my friends asking for help but when im the one in need... i have absolutely no idea who to call. And if I call, they either dont understand or misunderstands. Loneliness is... suffocating. I keep going, everyday greeting friends and talking and laughing but there is always that detached feeling. You look at your friends and realize that you dont have 'one' for you. People often say that if INFP has a super power it would be invisibility. Lets just say invisibility sucks most of the time.
I'm so happy I found some people on RUclips talking about INFP issues. thank you! I completely relate to feeling that certain type of existential and actual loneliness at times - and not feeling like there are enough others around that you are close to to draw you out. I also deal with severe clinical depression and it gets pretty scary. Learning to reach out more.
This is a very nice video. I feel you. I used hide myself from people fearing judgement. It made me very lonely because it felt like all my friends were fake friends because they didn't really like who I really am but like the fake always happy front I put on. When I became depressed, no one was there. It's a journey in life to find myself. Your words of saying, understanding my feelings of when I am following my values and when I am not following my values, really stand out to me. It is completely true. Due to fear and all kinds of reasons I go against my values but I am not happy, it's like i am trapped in a prison, but if i let go and accept myself as who i am, i am following my values and doing the things I like and the things that makes me happy and free. Thank you for sharing such an inspiring video!
Thanks for sharing. Yeah... depressed people don't necessarily look "depressed" and so people brush it off... I wonder why that is :/ maybe because dealing with those types of emotions is hard and out of the "normal" scope of life for most people. Well... it sounds like you need to start following your values more if you're ready to be free!
Geek Psychology Yeah you are right, I need to follow my values to free myself lots of times. There can be many reasons why people don't know how to deal with depressed people. One reason may be, many of us don't even know how to deal with the depressed or sad side of ourselves and find ways to escape it instead of dealing with it. Like you said it is a difficult emotion that is not positive. Lots of times how we deal with ourselves ends up the same with how we deal with others. So people just avoid these situations of having to deal with depressed people. Maybe another reason is people realized that we cannot change others. Only we can change ourselves. If a person is depressed, the only person who have the power to change their state of emotions is themselves. We can try to help, but we alone cannot make the person go out of depression and at the same time it is like what you described in the video, people don't want to run in the pit of darkness in circles with us. Lots of times I am just going in circles without even realizing it, it can be very tiring for people when we ourselves don't realize we need to change ourselves.
I’m usually love being alone, I craved to be in my “dark dungeon”. But sometimes I do need that connection with other people. It is rare for someone like me to be able to make that connection though. So when I do, I feel bad because I tend to be clingy and I do not like a clingy person. Saying that, the root problem could be something else, I think I just know what that is. I just solved my own problem by rambling about it haha, I’m sorry 😅
Geek Psychology sometimes I cought myself fighting the urge to reach out to a few particular persons almost like an addiction. I wonder how have you end this form of suffering?
@@krystalcat3625 I completely understand that feeling of being in a way addicted to certain persons, what eventually broke me out of it & helped me to lessen the cravings was realizing it wasn't the individuals themselves that I was addicted to, it was the way I felt inside when I thought of & remembered them that was my true addiction. After I accepted that it was easier to let them go on the outside. For me it took 20 years to make this realization, I hope that in sharing this it will save others some valuable time.
I'm going through a very tough time right now. I feel stuck and weak and everything feels hopeless and what's been frustrating is knowing that I can get out of this rut (because I have before) but I haven't been able to gain back my strength and hope. But after watching a couple of you infp videos I feel like I can tackle this, I feel a bit more hopeful and oriented. Thank you so much, just thank you.
You can be completely surrounded by people yet never so alone. To satisfy that hunger we value authentic friendships where we can share our deepest concerns. There are few 'friends' that can do that for an INFP. I'm thankful to have friends who I can engage with in deep philosophical, and personal conversations.
the trouble with thinking about "that you" in the future... is ... that ... there isnt one. And as for "best version" - i keep hearing this a lot; but it implies a final state; there never "IS". And there are linguistic issues even with using the word "is" as it has lots of presuppositions - sigh... life...
I used to not be able to explain that feeling of wanting to be alone and yet craving for meaningful human connections. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this kind of loneliness. Listening to your journey and reading comments here gave me hope. Thank you so much.
I’m crying from relief because I always feel alone because all of the people around me have different personalities from me, so i feel like they do not understand why i do the things i do. I always feel like i need to hide my life from my nearest people in my life, even my mom and my bestfriend. When I try to explain my thoughts and feelings and actions, I just can not do it! i just want to keep everything to myself, but it makes me a little bit crazy sometimes and i feel lonely and hopeless because of it.
You have no idea how important this video is to me. It appeared in a moment of despair, when the feeling of loneliness covered my head. This video really is a support for me. To begin with, I will accept it and say thank you. I'm going to reach out to people more, feel free to show my vulnerability and be the same support for them. Thanks again. I hope you have a nice day.
Hold onnn. How is he just gonna start the video sounding perfectly attractive n at the right moment to catch my eyes n ears off guard?😭🤦🏽♀️ Great video btw☺️👍🏽👍🏽
For me, I became a loner because I saw early on that people wanted me to become someone I was not. I had so much "friends" when I was little, but it felt lonelier being with people who can't seem to accept me than when I was alone for just a moment. I found more comfort in my own company than with another's forced company even though it was still painful to experience as a child. It felt so right to do something that started from within and then out, rather than feel the hollowness inside while being with people who didn't know or accept that I was empty in reality. In a way, I traded a whole bunch of "friends" for the hopes that one day, I'd meet just a few or even just one right and true friend. If I don't meet this person, I was willing to wait some more. I've had training all my life anyway, so it's ok. Now, it's worth it.
I'm infp and live like a hermit/Hikikomori. I don't have a job, stay by myself in my room and avoid certain family members who come to visit. No friends so gets lonely but it's become normal.
I feel you! I do the same Its not so bad though.. but exploring makes me so damn good instantly. we should try something new dont you think? I really love music maybe I should do something with it.. what about u?
In every video of yours I’ve seen, I always felt like you could be describing me with a quirk less or more depending on the topic. But in this video I felt like you were channeling me. I’m 45, newly diagnosed with ADHD and finding myself doing a lot of introspection. I’m currently off work on a leave and am really considering leaving my job to go back to school. I always wanted to study psychology anyway. I gotta say I really enjoy your content! Thank you so much for sharing so much.
It is so terrifying and frustrating that even when u have friends to talk , u can feel lonely. They say that they love u , they say that they care u , they say that they are happy with u but u are not. U are not happy with them , u don't feel that they love u or care u. But u can't finish ur relationships with them because u are afraid of feeling lonely but u already feel lonely.Also u don't want to make them sad so u just hide u feelings and try to be happy. U just fake it until u make it. Sorry if ı 've made grammatical falses , ı am not an english. :)
i do try to be honest with my emotions with other people, but when i do, i’m a little too intense for them to handle… they do like it when i take the driver’s seat in setting the joyful mood, and they also are willing to reach out to me when i’m feeling the blues… sadly, dumping the negative feelings out on other people not only makes me feel guilty, but also frustrated for being judged (which is understandable because it is in fact much more draining for people to emotionally connect instead)
Used to think that I should be an INFJ but recently realised that I'm an INFP. The first sentence pops up in my mind while watching this video is, "The feeling is too much!"
LMAOO, we are so alike. I started to study deeply into personality typology too to be able to categorize others like the gaming analogy you mentioned. And to understand the self and to understand others more. It is definitely a cheat code in life to be able to read others more easier and know which types I can get along with better. I also think about the future version of me a lot. This has been some great content. Thank you!
As an Infj/ Enfj meet an Infp and had the strong sensation that he dug his own hole towards loneliness...not because he was isolated by others but he on purpose will look for his alone time and not doing things he truly enjoyed so it was def extremely hard for him to connect with others because he didn't knew himself to begin with...he saw me for three weeks and then cut me off claiming no connection..I was hurt! ...not much to do besides go ahead roam freely.💔
Been an INFP for years but just started connecting it with how I live... Just started seeing a counselor I hope all goes well and I'm able to start leaving the house again
You will !! Don't worry! Cognitive behavior is the best if you wanna get out of the house. It just cost money but its really worth it to see a therapist.
As a person who is also a foreigner in Japan this hits home my sister that I knew From childhood and I always depend on is at the other country and my mother who is absent my whole childhood because she was abroad at the time is with me and we were toxic at the time (still it but it isn’t that but and mostly my fault) because I’m going crazy at the time couldn’t talk to people too much stress paranoid can’t talk my vulnerability out feeling caged and it was middle school so everyone was shit, and this is amazing it’s very pleasant to hear and I don’t even deserve this but I really crave this for some time because I feel disconnected rn and my childhood I was like an esfp I was stupid I don’t know anything and I wished I’ve stayed that way and when I was a kid I didn’t go to kindergarten because my mom went abroad and my niece who has the money from my mom only uses it for gambling and then my mom went home and I quit school from 3rd so we go learn Japanese but too bad I was a stupid not knowing anything and absolutely didn’t learned anything I regret that and then we wait for 3 years and we thought we will never go to Japan because every one who came from Japan after us was quitting there jobs and becomes missing from the company who would like us to go to Japan (I think) and doesn’t trust us anymore we waited for 3 years or 2 years and then when we go to Japan I was stressed out etc etc when loco crazy retard my sister was left behind from my country I went down spiral becoming an INFP and I don’t want to know what the hell I was thinking back then it was very envious and angry I don’t want to remember it anymore and when my sister came I somehow regain my sanity and she doesn’t know me anymore and I regret my actions much more I don’t even know myself anymore thank you for this I’ve been alone and retarded for 7 years now I think I don’t know everything is so slow yet very fast I don’t remember anymore
been single 7 years, havent gone on a date in 6, and have been constantly rejected since i was a teenager. at this point is just seems worthless to even think itll happen, but then theres that nice pit of despair in my diaphragm with it. multiple dating apps for years, multiple attempts of dating and hanging out, multiple calls from the girl im seeing about how they are talking to their ex, multiple times of literally being laughed at cause they dont believe me. i really don't know what to do with any of that. raise my standards and create boundaries, same result. flirt with women and be sexy, same result. if insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, what is doing a lot of different things and expecting a different answer? at this point, my friends dont care, my family doesnt care. everyone just says "don't look", ive gone through looking and not looking. at this point, i honestly just want to not even pack and run off to some forest and hardcore say fuck it to every thing possible. ive given up, sometimes a woman can spark it in me, sometimes its so passion of the moment that it didnt last longer than 5 minutes. friends will give me support like trying to do something, work distracts me, trying for one night stands that dont happen distracts me. ive managed to cut out all the drugs besides weed, but at this point that seems like a hinderance to finding woman. im just so tired and exhausted at this point. ill float from suicidal to ecstatic to catatonic to angry and so on. like im honestly just embarrassed by myself now, and i do understand the negative mind set only makes it worse, but it just keeps growing. last woman i chased kept telling me to work on myself, been doing that for 2 years. really don't see a different outcome. i dont even have the energy to try to be perfect anymore. i really do just embrace im a piece of shit now, and its just not ever gonna change. always be stuck working a dead end job, never have kids, never make a difference in the world, and really im just gonna never be able to get anywhere besides getting to the same point no matter how many times i restart. ive moved 22 times in the last 10 years.
I always find the Cartesian questions enlightening: What does that belief allow you to do? What does that belief prevent you from doing? What does that belief allow you not to do? What does that belief prevent you from not doing?
Not reason I think.. just like dislectic who need to train a way more just to be able to read. our brains are not wired the same way, so we have to compensate 🤪
I relate to this *so* much. I had to move back to place that I hadn’t been to in 12 years. I had been traveling and had been living in different cultures as well. Relating to people because so hard. Tried to make connections but to avail. Worst time of my life. 🤦♀️
its the same conclusion i've achieved recently, im still going through the process of improving myself by throwing me out there in the wild society... and hey, its going ok so far, i don't feel as bleak and lonely as i used to be before, im still learning, its only the beginning now, but i can see some light now take your time, and while you don't get to where u want to be use your loneliness to polish yourself its hard and very unconfortable to start socializing... but once u start to get the hang of it u will see things starting to change. will it still be unconfortable? yes. is small and irrelevant talk ****? yes. but things will start to flow like water. hope this can be of help ^^ - 22y old INFP guy that always dreamed of having a wife and children, but was totally isolated from society and people.
See, I always found it easier to connect to others from other cultures easier than my own native culture. When there are language barriers, the intuitive mind becomes more important than the rational mind.
It's just another one of those things that I have to live with. I'm 54 now. So I'm on the down hill now. And I'll be out of this world soon enough. But I guess this soul lesson was to suffer
I know you're addressing loneliness specifically in INFPs in this video, but does the feeling of loneliness differ significantly between types? I don't know the answer to this myself, just asking out of curiosity.
I imagine it has its own flavor and intensity for each type. I'd be curious to do metaphor comparisons or see some sort of statistical comparison. Someday. Either way, I think INFPs have a special relationship with loneliness. Fi feels so connected to what it means to be human, Ne expands outward and can imagine all these wonderful pasts and futures for us and humanity, but we get overwhelmed (and overloaded with Te Strategizing) and return to loops of negative and isolating experiences. :s
@@GeekPsychology Interesting. You seem to have a more complex ‘relationship’ with loneliness. For me, if I get lonely, I kind of take it as a sign of weakness or incompetence. I equate experiencing the feeling with me lacking something essential and being ‘too dependent’ on the outside world hence me being weak. But I don’t apply this reasoning to other people. As in, if someone else is feeling lonely, I don’t think they’re weak or inferior.
I feel like the entire rest of the world is on a train track and I’m on a separate train track. Both tracks have the same destination, but I’m the only one in my train, and EVERYONE is on the other train. I can see them and hear them and even touch them. But in my soul, it’s almost like I can’t feel them... And I want to be deeply connected to people, and there are some people that I have that connection with. It’s a weird thing in my mind that I can’t really figure out or pinpoint... I don’t feel like the world is against me. I just don’t feel like I can find anyone who is with me either.
I feel kind of the same thing at times. But I think that people and friends are possible to have if we get to like our own train track. Accept that what we are and the way we live.. well it's ourselves. Its not all bad and not all wrong like everyting else. With time we are just going to need to developp a few skills but I know now that im not really on another track.. not completely I've seen shiey's youtube channel recently. Made me feel good about being a loner and different than the norm . But mostly fulfied my expliration cravings and made me want to start to live an exploration life without being stucked by useless laws or mainstream society standards and norms. ( not talking about illegal stuff here ) it just made me fell like I could look weid. Its okay to be seen as a complete weirdo in the purpose of exploring and discovering the beautiful world. Theres so much to see to be in the jail we create for ourselves!?
I have been watching your videos for months, and i can feel you belonging to the same INFP group as i am from the first time watching your video. i dont know you in person, not knowing anything of your life, but i feel a connection as if you were a good friend of mine. It sounds funny i know, dont laugh at me:) I do hope that one day, i can have a conversation with you:)
Thank you for this, incredibly relatable. I m not sure if I ever caught your MB type? I work as an independently licensed psychotherapist and I am finishing up my PhD right now. I have noticed that a lot of people in our field have some introverted leanings. I cannot help but to wonder if it happens as a result of working in the field, but it might make a good topic for research. I suspect it is the emotional heaviness of the work and just needing to disconnect afterwards. I also have found that people just gravitate towards me any time they need help, so I sort of shut down to avoid doing that, as I have been taken advantage of as well. Just all interesting thoughts I have had on the INFP/mental health worker.
I find it difficult to talk to people because I am a very awkward person, but even when I fond someone eho is willing to talk to me I just get bored and want to immediately leave the conversation. I'm too idealistic with what I want in a friendship but I can't reach that point because of my struggles with connecting with people.
Im convinced that after the first impression has passed people think you are so cool and kind.. just awkward . But its not bad at all, just different. It makes us more interesting to be with. You just have to get over a few moments of weird small talk. After that real conversation will start. Important tip: dont give up just because you are convinced that the other people think you are weird : real friends will like that about you because. Real friends are people who are open minded and interested about u. So dont be scared to look awkward because its not what makes people go away: its the fact that we are so afraid to be weird that we prefer to avoid taking to others to avoid being awkward to them . Tell me if you agree Peace ✌
As an INFJ, I really admire all of my infps in my life, both of These types go together like peas and carrots! Because naturally ,were most similar to each other. INFP types are by far the best artists I've noticed. Unless they were traumatized, in which case it's like they get stuck in the mud kind of. Also I've observed that INFP's gravitate towards the medical field, at least female INFP's do. Summary: INFJ and INFP are about like 2 👽👽 Prometheus's amongst all the other 14 "BOB" types if that makes sense,... 😆 Lol
I moved away for college and am struggling I feel so alone I try to get out of my bubble but I remain in my hermit ways. My bf is an estp really extroverted and I’m so painfully shy
Good that you have a bf tho! And... what's the bubble made of, how long have you had it, and why do you keep bringing it around with you? Seriously, think about it.
The frustrating thing about it is that I’m constantly switching between wanting to be a hermit for the rest of my life and wanting human connection. U know what they say, “no man is an island” when I just want to be one, but human nature requires interaction so my only choice is to find others like me
I feel you
Aye.
I guarantee that life is more rewarding when you get to a higher quality/bandwidth of human connection. It just takes a lot of energy to get there.
Proverbs 26:4 In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.
I am like you .. some times I get tired of people so I lose all my friends and other times I really want to connect but nobody's left
It's so hard to find connection. Like, I'll easily make friends but it's hard for me to find a connection. I'm in the middle of extrovertedness and introvertedness.
voltaire balagtas right? it’s like i’m cool with a lot of people but no one truly understands
@@charlesbrown9931 exacfuckingloutly!
that odd limbo zone of being alone in a crowd
@@GeekPsychology never more lonely that in the middle of a crowd. You a good dancer, by the way? I wonder how much of that otherness is a lack of hand eye coordination. Too much in the head and not enough in the body. Certainly something I should work on.
@@TheKlink Hey fellow INFP! It's funny that you should mention dancing as I've been dancing salsa for almost 20 years now and your comment just made a few things click in my head. I believe that taking up any couple dance, be it salsa, or swing, or tango has a great potential for self-growth in "our" complex case :) I've loved music and dancing for as far as can remember (yes, I'm a guy), and before I even knew about MBTI, I managed to articulate the "why" I love it so much: both are awesome ways of conveying one's emotions without having to use a single word. And it gets better: once you reach a decent level, you get to go to "social dancing" events. How the hell does it get better if just the word "social" brings a gush of anxiety out of you?! Well, you are in the middle of a crowd, but you are not lonely! You are dancing one on one with a partner, and you hardly ever have to use words to communicate! I just know that you hate it just as much as I do to be in group conversation where the loudest people monopolize the floor, and when you finally get the chance to talk one on one with someone, you need to get past the awkward, conventional small talk before getting to the real, interesting stuff. There's zero convention for small talk in the "conversation" that couple dancing is. You can express the deepest emotions and connection to your partner from the very first notes of a song. The cherry on the cake is it's a great opportunity to, as @Geek Pschology put it, stretch your comfort zone. Explore more possibilities in the outside world. You can sign up to classes alone (you'll get paired with random partners and switch regularly) and knowing that all these people are also beginners will help you to overcome the self-consciousness and finally have fun!
Wow, I never comment on RUclips videos, but I could ramble on that subject forever :) So if I can give any worthy advice, if you feel like it's something you should work on, go for it! Even if you happen not to like it, it will be an experiment!
I suspect that loneliness for INFPs is different than for other personality types. After all, we recharge by being physically alone and are often the ones most likely to feel lonely in a crowd. I think as healers our loneliness also comes from the fact that we are that over-flowing fountain of support and love for others but there are very few people around us who can reciprocate the kind of empathy we give others when we are feeling down. That's the cross we bear. I also suspect that deep down we also know that no one can really help us with the great existential problems of life and we must figure them out by ourselves. This can isolate us further because we don't ask for help because we don't want to burden others with the kind of emotional pain we are so ready and willing to help others with. It's as if we know the sadness of others too well to burden them with our own pain and suffering. It may even explain why we can appear aloof or cold to others and why we can spend years living a hermetic or monk-like existence. There is probably also a special kind of loneliness that INFP men face in terms of the softer masculinity we embody because it's clearly not respected by the wider culture.
This 💯 relatable
Woww!!! Go start a youtube channel or something and give me the link. Everything is just so bright and relatable. You seem really intelligent and introspective 😁 do you have any more texts like that?
@@feelx2073 Thanks for your kind reply. You can always find me on Amazon. I've written two novels and several poetry books. If you like what I wrote here, you might find some of my poems online for free, too. In any case, I'm glad you found my words helpful and you make time to pursue your own creative work.
Irony of ironies is that the lock down was a breeze for me as I read an enormous amount of Hermetic philosophy while in hermitage resolving my existential quest. ;)
All seriousness aside, years of isolation is something I am familiar with and can handle but also fear for the rest of my life. It is extremely rare to get the sense of another that will reciprocate what we give them. I know I can disappear and I try to remind myself that being clued into pain is a superpower that most don't have, but wonder why I can go months without hearing from someone I love if I am not the one to reach out. Part of it is life, and we are busy, but most people can't keep their phones off the table and be present, so I know they have that device to reach out. And the messed up thing about this INFP brain is that I can convince myself that I am a narcissist for feeling left out. What is that, can someone please answer me how that makes any sense at all?
This is the truth
Your channel is underappreciated. Keep up the unique, heartfelt, and informative videos. 😊
Thanks Matt :) It'd be great if you could help share it then if you feel that way so that it helps other people too!
@@GeekPsychology For sure!
One of the biggest things I have been learning very slowly is that being vulnerable is a good thing. I have spent a lot of my life so far hiding and closing myself off from others. I desired to be known, but fear of rejection held me back. I am still that way quite often, but I have been opening up very slowly to certain people and it has made me get closer to them. It is scary, but then the other person opens up sometimes and shares personal stuff. I always felt lonely and still do sometimes, but being vulnerable can sometimes make a strong bond with other people. I am very careful with who I am vulnerable with and I don't say everything on my mind, but it has helped grow some relationships. However, there are a few family relationships that I can now say almost whatever is on my mind and they listen and share good feedback. It is really hard to open up, but I feel a lot less lonely except when I isolate myself too much. Honestly, I don't need that much social interaction, but I do need some. I need to remind myself to keep opening up and putting myself out there every once in a while.
Good for you! It's a tough and scary lesson that I wish more of us could experience.
Me to... I am afraid to go out from my house.. I do not have friend at all. I am just talking to myself or my cat. I do not know what to do and what to start and how..i fell frustrated every single day..
Thanks for this beautiful video! As an INFP/enneagram 4, I've realized that part of my problem is that I want authentic connection to look a certain way. I want to feel that lightning-strike of authenticity from the first moment that someone reaches out to me. In reality, we usually have to go through a (long) phase of polite, ordinary, somewhat fake interaction before we get to real intimacy. So now I'm trying to learn to say yes to interactions that don't immediately feel like what I'm looking for. (Even though secretly, I still hope for that instant affinity that means we'll stay up all night talking intensely about the things that really matter.)
The idealism will always be there. Maybe you can find ways to make the fluff part of getting to know someone more appealing and tasty like cotton candy. Enjoy the process of learning to control conversation or of listening more intently. And also of finding ways to weed out what might be a waste of time more quickly...
Wow... thank you for your thoughts. Thank you.
I have two modes:
1) Opens dating app. Writes a very detailed bio. Find myself completely overwhelmed and halfway to marriage with like 5 people by the end of the day because the decision to be vulnerable has ended in overly-intimate stranger bonding.
2) Deletes app the same day without explaining anything to my 5 digital husbands, vows never to open that pandora's box again, and breathes easy knowing I am once again alone and not beholden to anyone..............until 6 months later when I do it all again out of crippling loneliness.
I have found it hard to truly be vulnerable with people. It seems sometimes when I actually let someone into my heart it is forever. Many people in general aren't like that, so it really hurts when I lose them. So, I am friendly with people, but I don't let them into my heart and love. Sometimes, when I have found the person I can trust emotionally it is wonderful, though. I have one person in my life, other than family, and he is such a joy to be around.
Kathy Colbus I’m like this and am ISTJ!
Vulnerability is very hard, but I have started opening up to a select few people in my family and our bond has gotten stronger. However, I agree that opening up to other people is tough because they can leave or you leave them and, to me, it feels like they took a piece of you. I have it happen at work. I would start opening up to someone at work or just getting closer and one day they're gone or say it's their last day and it would make me sad because I am not good at keeping relationships going. I don't like calling or texting. I don't like social media much except RUclips, so I just lose that relationship. The restaurant I worked for closed and I lost a bunch of people. I tried looking them up, but I didn't even know their last names, so I couldn't find them. Being vulnerable is a good thing at times, and it can strengthen relationships, but it can backfire and hurt you as well.
Omg this is blowing my mind. My husband is INFP and my only friend. I’m his only friend. He’s an expert guitarist and plays our church’s worship!
Everything you wrote sounds like him too!
It is hard. If it wasn't, our world would be vastly different.
What's helped me learn that I can cope and thrive is failing over and over again with the intention of learning and growing.
I spent an hour today literally crying, reminiscing about my loneliness. I've herniated for 4 years of my life (14-17) I'm 20 right now.
not bad... i gave up on life in 2006. Sometimes, the anxiety and panic sets in. I did have this realisation about life around my early 20's. For what its worth; 20 years later... i would advise taking a different route; tho, only on the basis that the grass looks greener, but i dont actually know. What it seems more like is the issue, is that (and i can only speak for myself) is that... we're trying to run away from ourselves, and wherever we go, we are there....
Damn, i'm 17 and have barely gone out since i was 14. mainly because of social phobia and also because i have had only a real friend and he stopped talking to me and I still don't know why.
@@serkratos1216I had shitty teenage years... don't worry! It gets better after. We can truly be ourselves when we get out of this extroverted centered place 😂
22 yo here! My high school was : playing skyrim ( more than 400 hours), going at the library EVERY break timez or alone at home when it was possible, fealing WEIRD af. Do you know what you wanna do in life? I guess well find out lol. Sorry for the late comment 😂
Just go for your hobies and passions .. Try to call your friends at first .. And hang out with them as far as you can ... Dont watch too much movie dont listen too much music ... Thoose are sometimes brings the loneliness and sadness.. Just try to live with others most of your time. Its better then being me who is at 30 right now feeling the same way ... Sorry i cant hold back my self to give advise like an old grandma..
If you can choose be alone is a gift, if loneliness choose you is hell.
I'd love to let people in and be vulnerable, but what I find is that when I start trying to communicate my feelings to these people, it becomes clear that my feelings are much more intense than they are comfortable with... As a result, I end up feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
Yuppp
Sherman is our infp Yoda :) The music choice is great. Its very relaxing. Does everyone else agree that geek psychology would also be great at a positive thinking, meditation app ? Or if he made an audiobook ?
lol thanks. Have you been looking into my business notes....? -_-
this whole channel feels so comfy
Yes, Matt is awesome, presents incredibly authentically which is important to us as INFPs.
I needed this. I've been struggling with this my whole life. I couldn't talk to anyone. Only recently found more about the cognitive functions. Thank you for sharing your experience. Truly grateful.
Happy to be of service, friend.
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away... and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast.... be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust.... and don't expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
@@maryquite7598 I'm glad you connected with it! (Rilke always seemed like an INFP to me)
beautiful. thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much. It’s no wonder i read the entire comment no matter how long. I have always wanted to read this book. I might as well read it soon. 😅
I think I’m an intp (and I hate it, I have massive Fi envy for a lot of reasons). I always feel different and alien and not on the same plane as everyone else’s consciousness. Connecting with people is so hard. I feel like I engage in a kind of mandatory inauthenticity every time I interact with people, putting up a front because they can never know my soul or mind or true emotions anyway, and if they did they’d reject me and wouldn’t understand, and I need to follow these elusive social norms, so why bother. I’m trying my best though, and slowly doing better. But I tend to push people away.
Thanks for commenting.
Keep at it and get a bit more strategic about it imo. Finding ways of bettering your self-image works wonders. And remember that people aren't rejecting you, they're "rejecting" a generalization/distorted version of you based on the information you've presented them about you. So finding ways to present yourself better helps.
Geek Psychology thank you, I’ll try ☺️💛 senpai noticed meeeee lol
Thank you for this I’ve been stuck in a continuous loop for a while now
YW. What are you gonna do about it?
Same here.
Im an INFP-T, enneagram 2. I often recieve calls from my friends asking for help but when im the one in need... i have absolutely no idea who to call. And if I call, they either dont understand or misunderstands. Loneliness is... suffocating. I keep going, everyday greeting friends and talking and laughing but there is always that detached feeling. You look at your friends and realize that you dont have 'one' for you. People often say that if INFP has a super power it would be invisibility. Lets just say invisibility sucks most of the time.
I'm so happy I found some people on RUclips talking about INFP issues. thank you! I completely relate to feeling that certain type of existential and actual loneliness at times - and not feeling like there are enough others around that you are close to to draw you out. I also deal with severe clinical depression and it gets pretty scary. Learning to reach out more.
Are you an Infp struggling with loneliness?
Me: Yass😭
Where's the lie?? Same here✋✋✋
This video and the comments made me feel a little less alone. Thank you
Same like there are others like me out there
This is a very nice video. I feel you. I used hide myself from people fearing judgement. It made me very lonely because it felt like all my friends were fake friends because they didn't really like who I really am but like the fake always happy front I put on. When I became depressed, no one was there. It's a journey in life to find myself.
Your words of saying, understanding my feelings of when I am following my values and when I am not following my values, really stand out to me. It is completely true. Due to fear and all kinds of reasons I go against my values but I am not happy, it's like i am trapped in a prison, but if i let go and accept myself as who i am, i am following my values and doing the things I like and the things that makes me happy and free.
Thank you for sharing such an inspiring video!
Thanks for sharing.
Yeah... depressed people don't necessarily look "depressed" and so people brush it off... I wonder why that is :/ maybe because dealing with those types of emotions is hard and out of the "normal" scope of life for most people.
Well... it sounds like you need to start following your values more if you're ready to be free!
Geek Psychology Yeah you are right, I need to follow my values to free myself lots of times.
There can be many reasons why people don't know how to deal with depressed people. One reason may be, many of us don't even know how to deal with the depressed or sad side of ourselves and find ways to escape it instead of dealing with it. Like you said it is a difficult emotion that is not positive. Lots of times how we deal with ourselves ends up the same with how we deal with others. So people just avoid these situations of having to deal with depressed people.
Maybe another reason is people realized that we cannot change others. Only we can change ourselves. If a person is depressed, the only person who have the power to change their state of emotions is themselves. We can try to help, but we alone cannot make the person go out of depression and at the same time it is like what you described in the video, people don't want to run in the pit of darkness in circles with us. Lots of times I am just going in circles without even realizing it, it can be very tiring for people when we ourselves don't realize we need to change ourselves.
I’m usually love being alone, I craved to be in my “dark dungeon”. But sometimes I do need that connection with other people. It is rare for someone like me to be able to make that connection though. So when I do, I feel bad because I tend to be clingy and I do not like a clingy person. Saying that, the root problem could be something else, I think I just know what that is. I just solved my own problem by rambling about it haha, I’m sorry 😅
Good work solving your own problem by talking about it!
And yeah... clingy INFPs seems to be a thing. I certainly was for many years.
Geek Psychology sometimes I cought myself fighting the urge to reach out to a few particular persons almost like an addiction. I wonder how have you end this form of suffering?
@@krystalcat3625 I completely understand that feeling of being in a way addicted to certain persons, what eventually broke me out of it & helped me to lessen the cravings was realizing it wasn't the individuals themselves that I was addicted to, it was the way I felt inside when I thought of & remembered them that was my true addiction. After I accepted that it was easier to let them go on the outside. For me it took 20 years to make this realization, I hope that in sharing this it will save others some valuable time.
I feel like I solve my own problems through rambling a lot, it seems a common trait amongst NP types, purrrhaps related to Ne?
I'm going through a very tough time right now. I feel stuck and weak and everything feels hopeless and what's been frustrating is knowing that I can get out of this rut (because I have before) but I haven't been able to gain back my strength and hope. But after watching a couple of you infp videos I feel like I can tackle this, I feel a bit more hopeful and oriented. Thank you so much, just thank you.
You can be completely surrounded by people yet never so alone. To satisfy that hunger we value authentic friendships where we can share our deepest concerns. There are few 'friends' that can do that for an INFP. I'm thankful to have friends who I can engage with in deep philosophical, and personal conversations.
the trouble with thinking about "that you" in the future... is ... that ... there isnt one. And as for "best version" - i keep hearing this a lot; but it implies a final state; there never "IS". And there are linguistic issues even with using the word "is" as it has lots of presuppositions - sigh... life...
I just embraced loneliness. Now I love it and even crave for it when I'm surrounded by people.
Same
you got this in the bag !i -from one infp to everyone
Yessirrr!
I used to not be able to explain that feeling of wanting to be alone and yet craving for meaningful human connections. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this kind of loneliness. Listening to your journey and reading comments here gave me hope. Thank you so much.
I’m crying from relief because I always feel alone because all of the people around me have different personalities from me, so i feel like they do not understand why i do the things i do. I always feel like i need to hide my life from my nearest people in my life, even my mom and my bestfriend. When I try to explain my thoughts and feelings and actions, I just can not do it! i just want to keep everything to myself, but it makes me a little bit crazy sometimes and i feel lonely and hopeless because of it.
You have no idea how important this video is to me. It appeared in a moment of despair, when the feeling of loneliness covered my head. This video really is a support for me. To begin with, I will accept it and say thank you. I'm going to reach out to people more, feel free to show my vulnerability and be the same support for them. Thanks again. I hope you have a nice day.
Thanks for these videos. I found it calming listening to these on the train on the way back from college a couple of years back.
"What do you gonna do to chalenge yourself?"
Thats great to think about it! I relate so much all of this! Thank you very much for this content.
Hold onnn. How is he just gonna start the video sounding perfectly attractive n at the right moment to catch my eyes n ears off guard?😭🤦🏽♀️ Great video btw☺️👍🏽👍🏽
For me, I became a loner because I saw early on that people wanted me to become someone I was not. I had so much "friends" when I was little, but it felt lonelier being with people who can't seem to accept me than when I was alone for just a moment. I found more comfort in my own company than with another's forced company even though it was still painful to experience as a child. It felt so right to do something that started from within and then out, rather than feel the hollowness inside while being with people who didn't know or accept that I was empty in reality. In a way, I traded a whole bunch of "friends" for the hopes that one day, I'd meet just a few or even just one right and true friend. If I don't meet this person, I was willing to wait some more. I've had training all my life anyway, so it's ok. Now, it's worth it.
Well said!! Were not empty though 🤔if you are like me you are recreating the world all the time in your head. 😂
I'm infp and live like a hermit/Hikikomori. I don't have a job, stay by myself in my room and avoid certain family members who come to visit. No friends so gets lonely but it's become normal.
I feel you! I do the same Its not so bad though.. but exploring makes me so damn good instantly. we should try something new dont you think? I really love music maybe I should do something with it.. what about u?
I especially loved the part about having the conversation with your future self about how did you get there and then implementing those changes.
In every video of yours I’ve seen, I always felt like you could be describing me with a quirk less or more depending on the topic. But in this video I felt like you were channeling me. I’m 45, newly diagnosed with ADHD and finding myself doing a lot of introspection. I’m currently off work on a leave and am really considering leaving my job to go back to school. I always wanted to study psychology anyway. I gotta say I really enjoy your content! Thank you so much for sharing so much.
Yr the best king! ty for yr service to our ppl, u r my life coach
It is so terrifying and frustrating that even when u have friends to talk , u can feel lonely. They say that they love u , they say that they care u , they say that they are happy with u but u are not. U are not happy with them , u don't feel that they love u or care u. But u can't finish ur relationships with them because u are afraid of feeling lonely but u already feel lonely.Also u don't want to make them sad so u just hide u feelings and try to be happy. U just fake it until u make it. Sorry if ı 've made grammatical falses , ı am not an english. :)
What a mood
Keep it up Matt. Thank you.
I'm so sorry-- I never knew you were going through feeling so alone. I was pretty well absorbed in my own life at the time... orz
It’s ok. I hid it well. I wouldn’t expect most people to have picked it up.
i do try to be honest with my emotions with other people, but when i do, i’m a little too intense for them to handle… they do like it when i take the driver’s seat in setting the joyful mood, and they also are willing to reach out to me when i’m feeling the blues… sadly, dumping the negative feelings out on other people not only makes me feel guilty, but also frustrated for being judged (which is understandable because it is in fact much more draining for people to emotionally connect instead)
Used to think that I should be an INFJ but recently realised that I'm an INFP. The first sentence pops up in my mind while watching this video is, "The feeling is too much!"
LMAOO, we are so alike. I started to study deeply into personality typology too to be able to categorize others like the gaming analogy you mentioned. And to understand the self and to understand others more. It is definitely a cheat code in life to be able to read others more easier and know which types I can get along with better. I also think about the future version of me a lot. This has been some great content. Thank you!
well... your video came just at the right time hahah
Great!
Couldn't complete 2 first minutes... it was so true...it was killing me.. 😢😢😢
As an Infj/ Enfj meet an Infp and had the strong sensation that he dug his own hole towards loneliness...not because he was isolated by others but he on purpose will look for his alone time and not doing things he truly enjoyed so it was def extremely hard for him to connect with others because he didn't knew himself to begin with...he saw me for three weeks and then cut me off claiming no connection..I was hurt! ...not much to do besides go ahead roam freely.💔
Been an INFP for years but just started connecting it with how I live... Just started seeing a counselor I hope all goes well and I'm able to start leaving the house again
You will !! Don't worry! Cognitive behavior is the best if you wanna get out of the house. It just cost money but its really worth it to see a therapist.
As a person who is also a foreigner in Japan this hits home my sister that I knew From childhood and I always depend on is at the other country and my mother who is absent my whole childhood because she was abroad at the time is with me and we were toxic at the time (still it but it isn’t that but and mostly my fault) because I’m going crazy at the time couldn’t talk to people too much stress paranoid can’t talk my vulnerability out feeling caged and it was middle school so everyone was shit, and this is amazing it’s very pleasant to hear and I don’t even deserve this but I really crave this for some time because I feel disconnected rn and my childhood I was like an esfp I was stupid I don’t know anything and I wished I’ve stayed that way and when I was a kid I didn’t go to kindergarten because my mom went abroad and my niece who has the money from my mom only uses it for gambling and then my mom went home and I quit school from 3rd so we go learn Japanese but too bad I was a stupid not knowing anything and absolutely didn’t learned anything I regret that and then we wait for 3 years and we thought we will never go to Japan because every one who came from Japan after us was quitting there jobs and becomes missing from the company who would like us to go to Japan (I think) and doesn’t trust us anymore we waited for 3 years or 2 years and then when we go to Japan I was stressed out etc etc when loco crazy retard my sister was left behind from my country I went down spiral becoming an INFP and I don’t want to know what the hell I was thinking back then it was very envious and angry I don’t want to remember it anymore and when my sister came I somehow regain my sanity and she doesn’t know me anymore and I regret my actions much more I don’t even know myself anymore thank you for this I’ve been alone and retarded for 7 years now I think I don’t know everything is so slow yet very fast I don’t remember anymore
been single 7 years, havent gone on a date in 6, and have been constantly rejected since i was a teenager. at this point is just seems worthless to even think itll happen, but then theres that nice pit of despair in my diaphragm with it. multiple dating apps for years, multiple attempts of dating and hanging out, multiple calls from the girl im seeing about how they are talking to their ex, multiple times of literally being laughed at cause they dont believe me. i really don't know what to do with any of that. raise my standards and create boundaries, same result. flirt with women and be sexy, same result. if insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, what is doing a lot of different things and expecting a different answer? at this point, my friends dont care, my family doesnt care. everyone just says "don't look", ive gone through looking and not looking. at this point, i honestly just want to not even pack and run off to some forest and hardcore say fuck it to every thing possible. ive given up, sometimes a woman can spark it in me, sometimes its so passion of the moment that it didnt last longer than 5 minutes. friends will give me support like trying to do something, work distracts me, trying for one night stands that dont happen distracts me. ive managed to cut out all the drugs besides weed, but at this point that seems like a hinderance to finding woman. im just so tired and exhausted at this point. ill float from suicidal to ecstatic to catatonic to angry and so on. like im honestly just embarrassed by myself now, and i do understand the negative mind set only makes it worse, but it just keeps growing. last woman i chased kept telling me to work on myself, been doing that for 2 years. really don't see a different outcome. i dont even have the energy to try to be perfect anymore. i really do just embrace im a piece of shit now, and its just not ever gonna change. always be stuck working a dead end job, never have kids, never make a difference in the world, and really im just gonna never be able to get anywhere besides getting to the same point no matter how many times i restart. ive moved 22 times in the last 10 years.
Daring to be worlnable is a key to life.
Loneliness runs through my veins.
I always find the Cartesian questions enlightening:
What does that belief allow you to do?
What does that belief prevent you from doing?
What does that belief allow you not to do?
What does that belief prevent you from not doing?
This video is true❤️ thank you for making such a video.
Have you ever thought why you have to train yourself when others just normally do it?
Not reason I think.. just like dislectic who need to train a way more just to be able to read. our brains are not wired the same way, so we have to compensate 🤪
I relate to this *so* much.
I had to move back to place that I hadn’t been to in 12 years. I had been traveling and had been living in different cultures as well. Relating to people because so hard. Tried to make connections but to avail. Worst time of my life. 🤦♀️
Your videos are so inspiring. There's something about your energy that is very soothing. ❤️🦋
its the same conclusion i've achieved recently, im still going through the process of improving myself by throwing me out there in the wild society... and hey, its going ok so far, i don't feel as bleak and lonely as i used to be before, im still learning, its only the beginning now, but i can see some light now
take your time, and while you don't get to where u want to be use your loneliness to polish yourself
its hard and very unconfortable to start socializing... but once u start to get the hang of it u will see things starting to change. will it still be unconfortable? yes. is small and irrelevant talk ****? yes. but things will start to flow like water.
hope this can be of help ^^
- 22y old INFP guy that always dreamed of having a wife and children, but was totally isolated from society and people.
I feel you brother! Love is the answer ♥️
Thank you for sharing. 🤗🧚♀️
Thank you for watching :)
This video is epic man! Thanks a lot
This one hit home, bro!
See, I always found it easier to connect to others from other cultures easier than my own native culture. When there are language barriers, the intuitive mind becomes more important than the rational mind.
It's just another one of those things that I have to live with. I'm 54 now. So I'm on the down hill now. And I'll be out of this world soon enough. But I guess this soul lesson was to suffer
ME INSPIRAS A SER LA MEJOR VERSIÓN DE MI MISMA! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
I know you're addressing loneliness specifically in INFPs in this video, but does the feeling of loneliness differ significantly between types? I don't know the answer to this myself, just asking out of curiosity.
Yes
I imagine it has its own flavor and intensity for each type. I'd be curious to do metaphor comparisons or see some sort of statistical comparison. Someday.
Either way, I think INFPs have a special relationship with loneliness. Fi feels so connected to what it means to be human, Ne expands outward and can imagine all these wonderful pasts and futures for us and humanity, but we get overwhelmed (and overloaded with Te Strategizing) and return to loops of negative and isolating experiences. :s
@@GeekPsychology Interesting. You seem to have a more complex ‘relationship’ with loneliness. For me, if I get lonely, I kind of take it as a sign of weakness or incompetence. I equate experiencing the feeling with me lacking something essential and being ‘too dependent’ on the outside world hence me being weak. But I don’t apply this reasoning to other people. As in, if someone else is feeling lonely, I don’t think they’re weak or inferior.
I feel like the entire rest of the world is on a train track and I’m on a separate train track. Both tracks have the same destination, but I’m the only one in my train, and EVERYONE is on the other train. I can see them and hear them and even touch them. But in my soul, it’s almost like I can’t feel them... And I want to be deeply connected to people, and there are some people that I have that connection with. It’s a weird thing in my mind that I can’t really figure out or pinpoint... I don’t feel like the world is against me. I just don’t feel like I can find anyone who is with me either.
I feel kind of the same thing at times. But I think that people and friends are possible to have if we get to like our own train track. Accept that what we are and the way we live.. well it's ourselves. Its not all bad and not all wrong like everyting else. With time we are just going to need to developp a few skills but I know now that im not really on another track.. not completely
I've seen shiey's youtube channel recently. Made me feel good about being a loner and different than the norm . But mostly fulfied my expliration cravings and made me want to start to live an exploration life without being stucked by useless laws or mainstream society standards and norms. ( not talking about illegal stuff here ) it just made me fell like I could look weid. Its okay to be seen as a complete weirdo in the purpose of exploring and discovering the beautiful world. Theres so much to see to be in the jail we create for ourselves!?
You help us a lot!
I have been watching your videos for months, and i can feel you belonging to the same INFP group as i am from the first time watching your video. i dont know you in person, not knowing anything of your life, but i feel a connection as if you were a good friend of mine. It sounds funny i know, dont laugh at me:) I do hope that one day, i can have a conversation with you:)
is it an infp thing to fall in love with every nice and funny person ever
I guess so 😂
Thank you for this, incredibly relatable. I m not sure if I ever caught your MB type? I work as an independently licensed psychotherapist and I am finishing up my PhD right now. I have noticed that a lot of people in our field have some introverted leanings. I cannot help but to wonder if it happens as a result of working in the field, but it might make a good topic for research. I suspect it is the emotional heaviness of the work and just needing to disconnect afterwards. I also have found that people just gravitate towards me any time they need help, so I sort of shut down to avoid doing that, as I have been taken advantage of as well. Just all interesting thoughts I have had on the INFP/mental health worker.
I'm an INFP. You too? People definitely gravitate towards INFs to share their pains. It's an odd blessing lol.
@@GeekPsychology -yes, INFP....and I have also found that a number of my peers in the field are as well
Hey Matt I know a friend who has an infp personality time and he struggles with addiction can you make a video about infps and addiction
I find it difficult to talk to people because I am a very awkward person, but even when I fond someone eho is willing to talk to me I just get bored and want to immediately leave the conversation.
I'm too idealistic with what I want in a friendship but I can't reach that point because of my struggles with connecting with people.
Im convinced that after the first impression has passed people think you are so cool and kind.. just awkward . But its not bad at all, just different. It makes us more interesting to be with. You just have to get over a few moments of weird small talk. After that real conversation will start.
Important tip: dont give up just because you are convinced that the other people think you are weird : real friends will like that about you because. Real friends are people who are open minded and interested about u. So dont be scared to look awkward because its not what makes people go away: its the fact that we are so afraid to be weird that we prefer to avoid taking to others to avoid being awkward to them . Tell me if you agree Peace ✌
As an INFJ, I really admire all of my infps in my life, both of These types go together like peas and carrots! Because naturally ,were most similar to each other. INFP types are by far the best artists I've noticed. Unless they were traumatized, in which case it's like they get stuck in the mud kind of. Also I've observed that INFP's gravitate towards the medical field, at least female INFP's do. Summary: INFJ and INFP are about like 2 👽👽 Prometheus's amongst all the other 14 "BOB" types if that makes sense,... 😆 Lol
This is me for almost 10 years now...
Te quiero, gracias🫂
De nada ^^
"who else wanna join in that pit? " absolutely nobody ...
I moved away for college and am struggling I feel so alone I try to get out of my bubble but I remain in my hermit ways. My bf is an estp really extroverted and I’m so painfully shy
Good that you have a bf tho!
And... what's the bubble made of, how long have you had it, and why do you keep bringing it around with you? Seriously, think about it.
Geek Psychology I will !
What functions do I need to improve to be able to talk to people with ease?
How does one seduce extroverted, feeling types as an INTJ without overthinking it?!
How could INFP feel lonely when they love being lonely?
Alone not lonely
😶
🙂
👍👌🙌💝
😁