I hate that society makes it seem like your 20's is the time where you make all your mistakes, kiss a bunch of ugly frogs, get your heart broken a million times and then some how, miraculously in your 30's you are ready to settle down with the right person. Why do we normalize dysfunction before we get to experience joy?? I met my husband when I was 18, we got married when I was 23, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary. I wouldn't change a thing! I'm glad I missed out on all those unnecessary heartbreaks, and toxic men. We put ourselves through unnecessary pain because we listen to societies philosophy on love. Listen to me, God has your soul mate waiting for you and you will not have to experience a bunch of mess in your 20's just to meet the right person. All the people that I know who adapted thos philosophy of your 20's being your "wild" years, are living right now with so much pain, regret, unwanted pregnancies, guilt and unhappiness. Just please, be wise and patient and thr right one will find you.💕
Honey that is just real life, not society. Not everyone has perfect relationships or great experiences in their 20's. If it was that easy everyone else would be celebrating their 11 year anniversary aswell.
@@xAgirlfriend don't get me wrong, I never said life nor my life is perfect. I'm specifically speaking to the unnecessary dysfunction we sometimes put ourselves through in our 20's. And alot of our views on love and relationships begin in our home, and unfortunately many of us have not seen or experienced healthy love/marriages. This is something that you have yo be taught and want to learn. I saw dysfunction growing up. But I told myself, I will not become or partake in generational curses or broken homes. Life is nothing more than the choices we make.
Some of us didn’t go through these things but haven’t been able to find the right guy so please don’t make assumptions that everyone had experiences like this in their 20s.
I agree with not putting an age on marriage. Also, some people have no business being married. My middle sister told herself she needed to be married before 30. Well, it happened and she was miserable! From what I understand, my parents had some concerns about that union. They felt neither of them knew themselves well enough. She got remarried to a wonderful man when she was almost 40. It's sad that she put that pressure on herself to have to be married before 30. She could have been happier if she had waited. Who knows, she may have met my second brother-in-law earlier? However, I am glad that she did meet him when she did and married him. 💘
@@RTA6226 thanks for highlighting the other side of marrying young lol cause everyone in the comments is only talking about the people it worked for when the divorce stats are telling a different story.
I completely agree with Adrienne. Not everyone wants to be at the party till 12am. I got married at 23 and it was the best decision for me and we are so incredibly happy with eachother.
A person can get married at 20 and be happily married for 60 years, and a person can get married at 40 and be divorced within months. It's a personal decision, some people have no problem with getting married young. Not everyone wants to travel and you can still travel when you have kids. It's not like all the joy out of life is sucked out when you get married and/or have kids.
Exactly! I actually have more fun traveling with my husband and child than I did when I was single. Experiencing new things with my family, and seeing the excitement and wonder in my son’s eyes when we go somewhere new, makes the experience so much better.
i think it's some people want to do alot before marriage and not have responsibility just yet like married is 8pm curfew,it sounds negative but i think everything was said more as a joking way.i use to say i didn't want kids because i didn't want responsibility but of course i some day did just not at a young age but i married young 22 thinking i would married at 30 and 3 girls by 29 thinking at 35, I Love them so much, i travel, eat at restaurants, lived in beautiful places but it's hard work and responsibility.i like what Adrienne said some people know what they wan and how to achieve it for others it takes longer
I agree with Adrienne, it's situational because everyone isn't a mess in their 20s. That's one of my favorite things about myself and my life, in my 20s with a great head on my shoulders, financially and emotionally stable as well and ready to start my life. I love not being a mess in my 20s. I also feel like it sucks that it took Jeannie so long to figure it out though, not to shame her, but i feel like she might have just been one of those people that took a while to get herself together. I don't want to wait (or take) until 40 to figure myself out and to get my life on track, I understand that we're always learning and growing but I would just hate to not have things be in a great place until my 40s.
YASS I'm with you. My HS husband and I were so bless to have good head on our shoulders and we know what we wanted and now in our late 30s now we have a child over 10yrs old and I can't believe how calm and harmonize my life is. so greatful that we both matured fast and hustle are ass to get to our lives now.
I don’t think that’s necessarily fair to say “mess” while being in your twenties. I do agree everyone has their own baggage and backgrounds of situations. Everyone’s journey to truly finding theirselves is different. While being in my twenties right now, I’m still figuring myself out and getting an idea of how I want things to move forward. Also before I continue I’m not trying to like, argue or debate on this situation. Just freely expressing, some are lucky ( like yourself) to have experienced the opposite of difficulties while being young. For me example, the only thing I struggle with right now is getting my mental health in a good place and finding that peace/balance with everything in my life currently so I won’t overwhelm myself. But I’ll admit I do hope by age 40, I’ll be in a better headspace and just loving myself and knowing exactly what I want 100%. But I am learning sometimes life is unpredictable and we’re all just doing the best we can at the end of the day.
INDEED INDEED... However, it is evident that Jeannie had wisdom and discernment in her 20s, 30s, and 40s. We saw her happily married to her first husband. She is in the honeymoon phase of having a new husband and child. IF she gets another divorce, she will realize all relationships shape us and allow us to make different decisions independent of age.
20's is a vast decade though. There's a huge difference between getting married at 20 vs getting married at 29. If the person has completed their education, travelled and gotten to know themselves and what they want I don't see anything wrong with marrying in your mid-late 20s
I got married at 19. I had two kids, traveled, and went to college. Getting married young didn’t stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. To each their own. Still married almost 17 years in August.
I agree with A. Not everyone has the same goals and aspirations. If you finish college by 22, have a career, and have found the one in college. You can absolutely marry in your 20s. Just because You didn’t find yourself till your 40s does not mean the same for someone else. Not to mention kids. It sucks but true that we have a fertility clock. Not everyone can afford or succeed with IVF. If you want kids young and find the right person for you in your 20s then go ahead.
I’m 24 and I just got engaged. We’ll be getting married next year. I‘ve never been interested in traveling the world or anything like that. I just want to live a boring life, build a family, and work a career that I love. Never been a party person. Never been a I-need-to-experience-different-people person. Whether I’m 24, 34, or 44, there will always be room for growth, and I’d be more than happy to do that with a life-long partner rather than alone. 😅 Life is too short to worry about when the right time will be. Both of my parents passed in their 40’s. I wanna live my life on my own timeline, not what society expects of me. Get married at 19, get married at 28, get married at 45. Don’t get married. Who cares? As long as it makes you happy! 🤷🏾♀️
Pia, that is beautiful. I am 34 years old, and I have "traveled" and I have some education. You are not missing out on anything but foolishness. I am happy you have found your husband, hold on to him tight. You don't want to end up like me or Loni. God bless you my sister, and Congrats!!
I love this congrats! I know having your parents pass away young really put life into perspective. Also, things like traveling is so much more fun when you have a little family to do it with. I love going to new places even if it’s just another state with my husband and son.
You’re still in you’re 30s you still have plenty of time please don’t give up so early. Loni is 50 you’re don’t compare yourself to her. Many women are starting families in the mid to late 30s now.
You are doing the right thing...WOmen or people who think they need to EXPERIENCE different men or women before they get married usually live with regrets and they are usually single for a long time....God bless you and your fiance
Jeanie…20 was too young FOR YOU. She’s talked about how unstable her adolescence was- not everyone has a crazy life at 20. Some people have their stuff together
Jeannie and Adrienne both made valid points. I hate that pressure is put on us to marry by a certain age, my aunt used to do that with me saying I should marry in my 20s. Let everyone move at their own pace. What worked for you won't necessarily work for me.
It depends on the person and what goals you want to accomplish. If you’ve got it together in your late 20s then that’s fine to get married. Regardless of age it has to be the right person
I got married in my early 20's. But I was mature and it worked out well for me. It really depends on the person, If they know themselves, and what they want.
Life is not a “one size fits all”. Many of the women and men in my family got married early. Some are still going strong decades later and a few are divorced. My aunt got married for the first time at 54 years old, while her daughter from a previous relationship got married at 24. Some of us find our soulmates early in life and some find them late. I know it’s hard but we need to stop falling for societal pressures and just live.
I have a friend from highschool. She had a baby with her bf senior year. They had been together since the 10th grade. They got married in 2019 which was the year after we graduated. They now have 3 kids and are still married. They own a house, have 3 dogs and a cat, but I think that's a rare occurrence for someone to mary their highschool sweetheart and for it to work out in the long run.
2019? Their marriage just begun girl. Truly hoping it last but we need to see how it goes for the next few years when they’ve been in it for all of their 20s
Loni is spot on at the end about her mom. I feel the same way, as I get older I realize my mom was once a girl who had dreams and wishes and wanted to go places and see things too. She stopped her life when she had me and she gave me the BEST possible life so I could thrive today and live a bit more with a little less struggle. So I get where Loni is coming from and I use the time now as my mom gets older to show her the same love and attention, but also SACRIFICE and DEDICATION that she gave me in my early years. There has to be a balance when you love someone your entire lifetime and now the ball is in my court.
Your mom has you. You are worth way more than any "vacations" or "education". As a woman in her 30s who will probably never get a chance to be a wife or a mom, trust me, the highest honor a woman can be is a wife and a mom. Jeanie Mai is blessed to have gotten in at middle age and found a husband she respects and had a child, even after being another man's wife for years. Not every woman will get that chance after 40. Loni is an old woman who is trying to misguide young woman, because she cannot undue the choices of her youth. Loni was talking about adopting a few season ago, and crying about miscarrying. Loni has a career, money, and the time to travel, but she she does not have a husband or children. Baby if you are a young woman, find a man you respect, be an agreeable and nice woman, and start a family, before you end up like me or Loni. Do not waste your youth. Do not take advice from Loni or Jeanie, two women who should not be giving advice.
I agree I feel like Loni would make different choices if she could turn back time. She use to say that she was happily single and we now know that was a lie she was very lonely. The way she gushes over other peoples baby and cry all the time says that she wishes that she was a mother.
My mom had me at 39. It was really nice growing up in a house and having everything that I needed. Don't think I would have enjoyed my childhood as much if my mom was still trying to figure things out cause she had me too young.
@Lipstick Nista: I agree, Loni is still scarred and. . .I can totally relate!! My late mother had me at 20 y.o., and, I at 50+, am STILL dealing with the repercussions of that!! Not only did she birth me so young, her naivete caused me to have lifelong difficulties that showed up in my 30s. I wanted. . .SO MUCH, to get married and have a family BUT. . .NOT before I completed my College Education, which, up to now, has not happened. Found out that I have a Cognitive Disability so, I collect SSI and SSDI. Never. . . .in a million years. . .would I have thought I'd supported by a Government handout. Certainly NOT me, who received a Graduate Diploma w/honors, in Pharmacy Technician studies from Beacon Career Institute!! And, I ended up going there because, I wanted to earn a living while studying for my Bachelor's Degree. I was SO DETERMINED to be a success, IN SPITE of my challenges and it just 😬😬me at times, that I haven't achieved my goals. NEVER giving up though👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. #lifelong goals
I feel like there’s a difference between 21/22 and 28/29 too so to say any age in their 20s is a bit much. Some people aren’t “partiers” anyway and are ready younger
As a Hmong woman, it is normalized that couples get married young. My parents got married in their 20s & stayed together until my dad peacefully passed last year. Keep in mind they were also first generation and came to the US shortly after they survived the Secret War in Laos (1978). All they knew were each other and their love passed on to me & my sisters. The pressure comes from our elders and siblings bc they don’t want us to be alone when they’re gone. Ageism is also a huge factor due to fertility/infertility and sperm count. I’m in my mid-20s now and there isn’t any pressure from anyone in my family. They all encourage me to live my life and figure it out before commitment.
My husband and I got married when I was 22. This September will make us 9 years since we tied the knot. I experienced every thing with him. We are three children in and I have gotten 2 degrees during this time too. So I'd say, different strokes for different folks. No matter what age you get married you will experience trials 🤷🏾♀️
Loni is an old woman who is trying to justify giving away her youth. Jeanie Mai is a woman who is lucky enough to have had a child at 43 years old, and found a husband she respects after 40, which is difficult for most women. Jeanie Mia will be in her 50s when her child is growing up, and a someone who works with children, children need youthful parents. Find your husband in your youth, and start your family.
@@ineedya123 Children don’t NEED youthful parents. It’s nice to have for longevity. But children need older & wiser parents. Parents who experienced more life than 20 years.
Got married when I was 19. 17 years later and I am more in love with him now than the day we got married. Marriage isn’t easy at any age. But it’s nice to have known my husband this long and go through so much together. I even feel like the time goes by fast that I feel like we haven’t had enough time together. I still miss him when he’s gone on work trip and feel like time is going by so fast. It makes me said to think if I had found him in my 40s like Jeannie I would have missed out in these precious years. finding someone late in life isn’t always the best for everyone.
@Tori Adore Hi. I didn’t say that finding love later in life isn’t best. Everyone is different. And Actually I have struggled with infertility. I have no children. 😞
That's really sweet... if you're lucky to find someone who you want to grow with and they feel the same way, why not marry in your early 20s. Some people are old souls. They find eachother early in their lives and just know. Even if you recognize your differences, you have a commitment to work through them. Sometimes we have to give young people credit that they are capable of being committed and figuring it out.
@Toriel And if she doesn't then what? Lol. Y'all be waiting for people who married young to get divorced. I know a couple who married at 20 and of course they had many people share their negativity about it and was probably waiting on them to fail. They celebrated 65 years before his wife passed. I'm guessing the miserable people were happy his wife died. Y'all are really weird.
Agree with Adrienne. My grandparents have been married since 17 & they are 70 now. It bothers me when older women who went through Divorce want discourage younger women to not get married just because theirs didn’t work out. Keep that away from me 👋🏽
@@batteriesnotincluded4715 disagree. My grandparents chose to get married and bring the word of God to people. They’ve been pastors for the same amount of time. I’ve seen failed marriages & successful ones. Either way no one should say when you can and can’t get married.
Your grandmother's generation were wiser women who understood their purpose in life, to build families and communities. Jeanie and Loni are foolish and misguiding younger women.
I think its a combination of how you grew up, your mindset, goals in life, personality and interests. Some young adults leave home having had to grow up too fast because of circumstances, or grew up very structured and traditional maybe with strict parents (obviously there are several different upbringings/scenarios) which could lead to mindset differences on things like this. It really depends on the person if it's "too young" or not.
I think it's up to everyones maturity level. I'm in my mid twenties and matured emotionally later than most young women. We don't all mature at the same time. I also want to travel and do other things but I still belief that when you find the one you know and it doesnt matter at what age. My best friend from high school got married at 18 and I questioned her about it. She replied, "If I don't do this know I don't know if I will ever find a person like him." Everyone has different needs and a different time line.
I've been with my husband since I was 21. We got married when I was 26. I'm 30 and we're still together. To each their own. Not everyone wants to even get married at all. Don't let society tell you what you should & shouldn't do. Period.
I’m 27 and would love to find the right person, get married and have kids but honestly I’m not in a rush. I love my freedom, the ability to travel and discover more of the world and my purpose. It’ll happen when the time is right. Society definitely puts pressure on us to have it “together” by a certain age and kids by another but you just have to do what’s best for you. We’re all just trying our best out here and it’s different for everyone.
I disagree, I know plenty of people who got married in their 20’s and they’re still married now. One of my best friends got married at 19 and she’s still married. That’s just Jeannie’s story, but that’s not everybody. My grandparents got married in their 20’s and they’ve been married 65 years.
I got married at 22 to my high school sweetheart and I don't regret it one bit. Yall need to realize you can still have a life, grow mentally, work your way to success, travel, etc while married. Yall act like marriage is death. I agree with everything ade said. Everybody just need to worry about themselves and stop speaking on others choices. NO ONE has the right to tell someone they're too young or too old to get married. Period
I agree with Loni and Jeannie. Everybody needs all the time they need to establish independence before marriage. The way society glamourizes a wedding and a marriage is such a big trap for women in particular. Our society is still largely conservative which means there will be a lot a lot of giving up that was once maybe taken for granted. Marriage largely benefits men.
But Loni and Jeannie were "independent" when they were teenagers. Loni's mother kicked her out and Jeannie ran away while teenagers and became who they are without a parent. IF anything, they should have learned themselves enough to find true love way before their 40s.
I agree with Adrienne too. Of course you shouldn’t rush into something you’re not ready for, but some people know who they are and what they want in their 20s
i got married at 19. 9 years later still happily married. i don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because i found my person to do life with. Marriage is just a commitment doesn't matter what age u get married.
I got married at 18 (because of a bad situation at home) to the love of my life. We have been married for 20 years now and still going strong! Also have 2 children.
I have a question if you don't mind answering. If your home life were better would you still have gotten married that young? I'm happy everything worked out for you.
@@crystalsnow1138 That's a good question...Do you mean if we turned the clock back and I could do it over knowing what I know now? Or if it had been better at home to start off with?
@@MmeHDF If you had a better home life to start off with. It just sounded like your bad home life was part of your reasoning for getting married at 18. I'm sure it's hard to think about since everything for you worked out so you probably wouldn't want to do anything differently.
@@crystalsnow1138 I wouldn't have gotten married at that age no but probably not long after. Maybe 20/21... But that is because we knew what we wanted. I wouldn't want to change anything to be honest. People that wait until their 30s to get married have a lot of freedom in their 20s whereas our kids are now 17 and 18 and will be out of the house within the next 5-10 years which means we will have our freedom then (which will be a bittersweet moment😉).
Adrianne is 💯 percent true in this one. Just as some people idealize marriage in early 20s nowadays same GOALS lifestyle is referring to people who are marrying in their late 30s. And u can be very successful still if u got married in your early 20s. Nothing is guaranteed.
Beautiful my sister, you are spending your youth correctly, with your husband. Don't listen to Jeanie or Loni, they are foolish and lying to themselves and others.
I'm 30 and I always wanted to be married in my 20s, I guess I wasn't lucky in love in that way. Not everyone wants to be at the party till midnight, we want to be cozy at home with our life partner.
Completely agree with A. I got married at 21 and was constantly questioned what’s the rush. Some people don’t want to have multiple toxic relationships go drinking to “find themselves” I’m lucky that I’ve managed to find myself at a young age.. people should focus on their own lives and let other people be
It has nothing to do with age, it has everything to do with maturity. You have 50 and 60 year olds out here still tryna find themselves. If you are mature enough in your twenties for a lifelong committed relationship and you have found the one for you, don't let the world tell you what not to do. You can both grow together and still achieve way more fulfillment than those who marry later on in life ✌✌✌✌
Haha…people saying they need to find themselves. Sometimes I feel it’s an excuse to not be responsible or grow up but I like using that idea at times! Gotta find myself so leaving on a solo trip cause I really want to get away from them kids!! Lol That would be me right there!!
I got married when I was 22. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, 10 married. We’ve chosen to be child free and have the best time just having fun together. We’ve grown up together and continue to grow as partners. It’s all about the individual couple and where they are in life/maturity.
I had my son at 17 (please no judgment) I love him with all my being but I never had a life of my own, I didn't travel, go to parties, I've never even been to a theme park with just my friends that wasn't a school trip I don't regret anything as I know life happens for a reason, but I do wish I got to know myself a bit more.
@Lipstick Nista you’re right, I was coming more from a place of experiencing life before having major things happen. Like Loni said she wished her mom didn’t have her so young so she could of gotten to know herself better. I wasn’t referring to marriage at all.
I am 26. I got married 6 months ago to the love of my life. We have our first beautiful baby boy and moved to our own apartment almost a year ago. It's honestly the best time of my life and I couldn't be more content and happier. My teenage years were very tough when I lost both my parents. My mom died from a car accident and my dad basically died from a broken heart. My childhood was good but a bit unstable. I studied, worked on my craft as an artist and I am a 2x graduate and got to travel and live in a different city away from friends and family for a couple of years before I met my husband. I kissed a few frogs before I met my husband too....but I knew I had to pray and manifest true love and my happy ending and get to know myself in those early years of life. It is really not about age and mostly about experience and when you know you know ❤ life taught me to be mature from the age of 15 and I would find myself more mature than some adults who were older than me and made bad decisions. We all have a different path and there's no " right time" for finding the one... I'm so hopeful for the future and to build a life with my own family. It's the most precious gift
I see where Jeannie and Loni are coming from, but I agree with Adrienne. I feel that Jeannie thinks getting married in your 20s is too young because she’s reflecting on her experience within her first marriage. Age has absolutely nothing to do with anything. As long as you’re marrying somebody for the right reasons and you are ready, age does not matter. Whether you’re 20 or 35. Nowadays, people tend to question those who “settle” in their 20s to get married and have kids. Your 20s shouldn’t just be dedicated to partying and traveling. There is so much more to life. And having kids and a husband does not stop you from being able to travel, chase your career, etc. Whatever works for you, works for you! Everyone’s experience will be different
People use to do it back in the day! The media has made it easier to leave marriages. If people chose to get married in their 20’s again, there would be less children being born out of wedlock therefore, decreasing poverty and many other societal issues. People are just so quick to leave when couples face challenges. Life is full of challenges so why not go through them with someone you love. You figure them out together and move on.
Totally agree with Jeannie. If people knew themselves better before getting married maybe there wouldn’t be so much divorce. There’s time for everything.
I agree with Adrienne. Knowing who you are and what you want are so important. I also think that being the person you hope to attract is also SO important. Another thing I think is worth discussing is what each other thinks is a marriage, how they plan on raising children if their decide to have them, and discussing finances is very very important.
It works for some and it doesn't work for others. I think oftentimes, we don't realize what marriage really means, which is why it doesn't always work. Once you know what marriage means and have a great respect for marriage, relationships and also family and the changes that WILL take place, it's a great idea for those who want it. It's not always happy and picture perfect. But there will be beautiful times as well. In your 20s you may or may not be ready to settle down but you can have the same issue at 40. I was definitely ready to settle down in my 20s. Never been a big party girl so being marriege and having kids wasn't an issue for me. But I know some people who were all over the place in their 20s and marriage would've been a bad idea. For my children, I encourage them to learn about themselves in their 20s and enjoy life, Freedom and that ability to live however they want. I tell them it's OK to wait until later to settle down. It's a personal choice though.
You can get married at 22 and live happily ever after..... You can also get married at 22 and get divorced before you're 30 🥴.... Everyone's life experience is DIFFERENT!!!
Got married when I was 25. Have 4 kids now and I’m 40. Been married going on 16 years and very happy. I got my abs in education before I found the love of my life so I felt ready
Age doesn’t matter. It depends on the person and what they want. They have to do what’s right for them. I agree with both sides. Some people marry too early. But not because of their age. Because they weren’t ready. Some people are seriously ready in their 20s and some aren’t ready till their 40s. Some 20 year olds marry and last a lifetime. Some 40 year olds marry and last only a few years. Age doesn’t matter. What matters is knowing, understanding, and trusting who you are, what you need, and what you are and aren’t ready for. Not everybody moves at the same pace. Some are slower or quicker than others and that’s okay. It depends on the person. Not their age.
I met my husband when I was 14, we were friends for two years and we started dating when I was 16, almost 17. We got engaged when I was 20, and we got married this last February when I was 22. For me, 22 was not too young, maybe that is who I am because my friends and family have always said I come across as older than my age. But I think it might also be because I had a baby at 16, I had to grow up quicker in order to be the mother that my child deserved. I am happy and completely in love with my husband and our family. Getting married in my early 20’s made sense for me, but I know that is doesn’t for other people that I know. I agree with Adrienne in that it is dependent on the person, what is right for me, is not going to be right for someone else because we are not the same person.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 23. Got married at 25. I don’t regret anything. He’s still the love of my life and we are figuring everything out together. As he says “there is no one I rather be with through this journey but you.” Don’t umbrella situations people. Love Can come at any age. I don’t regret anything. He’s my personz
Everyone is different. I'm glad I DID NOT marry in my 20s when I had the chance. I was hard working and told I was "wise beyond my years" which are all fine and good. But I don't think I had anything to really offer as a WIFE. Humility, self-sacrifice, and compromise are all involved in marriage, and I did not have any those qualities. I was a fine daughter, sister, and friend, but I don't think I'd be a good wife.
Adrienne’s completely right. Loni and Jeannie acting like people only get married if they’re from a backwoods town or feel pressured by society🤦🏾♀️ Not everyone wants to date loads of people and being married doesn’t mean you’re locked away or need to have kids immediately
I've been with my husband since I was 17 (we got married at 26). We're madly in love and incredibly happy. We've seen each other graduate from high school and college, start our careers, buy our first home etc. We share so many amazing memories together! Who's to say you can't party and travel with your partner? I think when you find your person and you're ready, do what feels right for you! Regardless of your age. I know some very mature 20 year olds and some very immature 40 year olds. Just saying...
There is beauty in getting married young and having grown up kids by the time you’re 40. You get to explore and enjoy life a little more after your kids are gone away for college. You get to travel with your spouse and do fun things. Don’t let anyone tell you 20s is the time for you to explore. If you have found the right person, get married, become their purpose partner and work together for future. Your twenties don’t have to be a soul searching I messed up I don’t know what I want period. Marriage is not a problem. Marriage can be such a beautiful adventure when two people work well together as partners. It’s ego and selfishness that creates problems in relationships. Fix that and you’ll be on a beautiful journey.
Marriage is for when u met the love of your life! The person that u cant see the future without!! Good and bad times!! I found mines at 22 and going on year 33 of marriage!!
I don’t think the age is the issue… like I think someone getting married at 21 versus someone who is 28 is like oh okay it makes sense ! But now it’s like sometimes emotions over logical and cognitive thinking has become such a thing that when the going gets tough people scramble and don’t want to fight it out and just leave when they’re down and out ! But people do things and it helps them grow and life happens
The reason why people say wait a while before getting married so early into your 20s is because most people especially women spend a lot of time in school not really experiencing life its not about being out past 12am clubbing, its about traveling with girlfriends and just loving on yourself and then growing to be in committed relationship with another person whether it be straight or same sex relationships, often times Men are not as mature as women with the concept of monogamy so yea its sometimes best to wait a little while before jumping to get married at 19,20,21,22 if it happens for you and you have an amazing long marriage good, but its all situational. Enjoy your 20s before locking down into a marriage
I agree with all of the ladies. Yes, in early 20s, we are still learning so much and I know many marriage, my parents included, who grew apart because they were too young and still discovering what they wanted out of life. I also agree that it depends on each person. Every person is unique in what they tolerate and can look past. Every person has different aspirations. But of course you see couples who have been together since they were in their early 20s and have been together for decades. My husband was 25 and I was 20 when we got together. We've been married for over 14 years. I mean, honestly, how many couples do we know that marry after 30 and don't last. It's all depending on the person and couple.
May I ask, when you were still married were you also this honest about the fact that you married too young? I'm asking because I've noticed that people who are married like the ones in this comments section only have wonderful things to say about marriage but once they get divorced they suddenly want to talk about the true realities and hardships of marriage.
@@omphilemoerane2569 As a woman who married at 22 and is still married, what I find more interesting is that people who married young and get divorced blame it on marrying young but people who married at 37 and get divorced at 50 don't blame it on marrying older. Lol. People marry the wrong person at any age. A person who is mature and marrieds a loyal person who they are compatible with will last is they married at 23 or 43.
Some people find their love lives at age 20s and some find their love of lives at a later age. Don’t ask people that wait “why they have not gotten married” or question ones that get married younger.
Lol I like how Loni decided not to take Adrienne on. I think this topic isn't about people in their 20s who know what they want, but rather to help people in their 20s (or older) who aren't "there yet" avoid making mistakes because of the pressure they experience. Social pressure is a real force, and not everyone can easily withstand it. If you know what you want, sure do it. But if you're unsure, do not force yourself into a marriage because of the pressure you are facing. I think that's what the statement is about.
Got married at 18 been a couple for 13 years and married for 8 years and we are living our best life’s. We both have grown and changed together and love it. The key is communicating and God.
It is not necessarily about age though because most of the marriages in my family have married there high school sweet hearts and been together and have a family and are going strong decades.
20s I wasn't ready 🤣 I'm 29 turning 30 getting married in July 2022 🥳 met partner in 2013 we clubbed together as friends🤣 I wasn't ready for a relationship so gave myself 2 years to be single after getting heartbroken and he stuck around 🥰 then i been with my partner since 2015 after our first date!! Bought house and got engaged during the pandemic and now getting married 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I got married at 23 and I don’t regret it all! Once I knew my husband was the one we both knew what we wanted! We have been together for 6 years and married for 2! I say if you know then you know NO MATTER WHAT AGE!
I’m with Adrienne on this! I got married at 23 and I’m happy happy as a clam. It’s all about what type of person you are and what you want out of life.
Marriage and parenthood should not be forced on people. Everyone’s path should be different and should be respected. I couldn’t see myself married at 20 and even at almost 35 there are so many things I want to accomplish and experience before knowing if marriage is right for me.
Many people in their 20's are VERY mature (like myself) and they are ready to settle down (not like myself rn lol). Not everyone in their 20's is into hook-up culture, partying all night, etc. It's all about the person and their love life. There are some in their 20's who want to get married but can't find someone who has the same values. Then there are some in their 20's who want to have a strong relationship with God before they bring a potential spouse in their lives. It's all about the person!!!!! You're not missing out on anything!
I was one of the few people in my group of friends who didn’t think much about marriage because I was so career focused. However, I did marry at the age of 23. I do not regret it for one bit because I understand the timing of marriage for me was based on my situation. I was 3 months out of a relationship that ended horribly and I told God sincerely, “I know myself. If I experience this kind of hurt again it will taint me and I will learn to be content alone. So, please send me a future partner that will love me uniquely and purely. Someone I can feel safe and secure with who will protect my heart and who’s I can protect also.” I met my husband on college campus that same year and if I’m being honest I’m glad we found each other before this dating pool went to hell.
Agree with Adrienne. It’s up to the person. I’m an old soul. I married at 18 (met him at 16) he is 9 years older than I am. I’m still with my husband. 20 years married. 2 kids ages 17 and 13 :) I don’t feel I missed out on anything. I’m living my life to the fullest and occasionally would go out with friends for dinner and drinks in a decent manner. Balance!!
I’m 21 and I feel like getting married in ur early 20s is wayyy too young God bless that it worked for so many of u but I bet u none of y’all had ur lives together. I myself don’t even have my life together rn. I feel if u don’t have a career, haven’t traveled,etc u should not be getting married young. Marriage will always be there!
@@africanbootyscratcher6171 it’s not about the sex it’s about having ur life together and being established if ur not established for ur own self ur gonna have so many regrets so no it’s more than the sex
You can know yourself in your 20s. Everyone is different. I’ve been with my husband since age 20 & got married right out of college. We’ve traveled, completed multiple graduate degrees, embarked on amazing careers, bought a dream home, and so much more. Now in our early 30s most of my friends are just settling down. And who cares? This worked for me and that works for them. There’s no one right timeline.
I got married at 28. It felt like a good age for me 🤷🏾♀️ I knew myself, had my career, had money in the bank. I was ready. To each their own. Not everyone 20somethings the same way.
I got married to my husband at 27 years old. Currently 33 expecting our first baby. We’ve been together 17+ years and we are from NYC and we are flourishing lol. Very situational.
Agree I got married at 28 and I was ready I was done with school and had a full time job. But 28 is a big difference the 20 or 21 I wouldn't have been ready at all then
Ive been with my husband since 17. We experienced the party phase, and when we had kids at 21, we grew up! Our lives are full of soccer games, tumbling competitions and a baby :) we love our life we created. We just built our second home, big enough for our family
If you've found the right one, life doesn't have to stop as soon as you get married. My boyfriend (24) and I (21) talked about possibly getting married a couple of times; the only reason we haven't gotten married yet is because we couldn't afford our own place at the time. Right now we're just finishing our education (my advanced diploma and his masters) and saving money. Our relationship and our life would still be the same had we got married. That's what happens when there's trust, respect, honesty and compatibility in a relationship. I've seen my parents prohibiting each other from working, going to church every day, and hanging out with friends. That's not healthy and in that case, yes life does stop. They got married when my mum was 25 and she chose marriage over a career.
This is what these ladies were trying to explain but people don't want to hear it. Not everyone gets to still travel, study and do everything they could have done if they were still single. Some married people end up living restricted lives due to circumstances and sometimes unfortunately because of the type of person they're married to.
It's a personal choice. If you meet the right person that young and you're ready for that commitment (and you possibly want to start a family) why not get married, no one is saying you should get married young. I mean how many people already live with their boyfriends/girlfriends in their 20's without getting married and no one says anything about that. Had I met right person that young I probably would've gotten married in my early 20's too.
I didn't feel societal pressured to be married in my 20s, but I felt biological pressure bc I knew I wanted 4 kids spaced out and if I started at 35-40 I might not have that. I'm thankful that I was married at 27 and for how things worked out for me. But you should never pressure anyone to follow your path and timeline. To each their own!
I been with my husband since 17 we will be together 25 years in July we have 2 kids still together we were teens in the 90's n we partied n lived like we we're 21, so by the time I had my daughter at 20 we were good n then had my son at 31, we still lived n had fun. My advice is u have to let the petty stuff go in a relationship, even if u hurt each other, NVR bring it up again. Don't settle, but at any age it's hard I don't care wat no one says n u have to be mature n sometimes it takes ppl longer to mature, but u have to be understanding n patience n love, love, love each other, it's important. My mother told us girls that her n my father were the happiest when he made less money believe it or not. She also said it don't matter wat a man does for work as long as he works n it's true. Money is not love cus most of us women can careless, we want love n respect n just for them to feel emotion when loving us, cus women love hard! If u break up n get back together u have to leave things in the past n not use it every time u fight either, but again don't settle, do it only for love n happiness.
Fertility should have been added to the discussion. Your egg amount and quality decline in your 30’s :( sad but true. Jeannie making it seem like everyone can (first) find someone and have a baby so easily post-40 is wildly irresponsible.
Ditto. I agree that everyone should live their life based on their own compass. However ☝🏾I also agree that marrying young can be detrimental in the long run - not because you're missing out on other people and 'the party' but because you miss out on yourself. It is incredibly hard to ground and discern your mental health, spirituality, preferences, proclivities, strengths and weaknesses when you're POURING T&A into a new marriage (and possibly children) trying to make it work and explore that union. There is sparse room to check in with your growth spurts. And the 20s are a major developmental phase. People will disagree, and likely not own up to this lol, but it is the truth. We are human, and we are responsible for our own clarity of identity.
Yes Adianne, preach!👌🏻What's wrong with Loni and Jeanie?! The question was in your "20s" not when you're "20"! Mid to late twenties is fine if the couple feels ready. To each their own. Geez!
Lonnie is right. 20 is too young. You are still figuring yourself and life out. If they really love each other and know they want to be together then there is no rush to get married. They can always just both focus on their future goals together, then when they are financially stable they can get married. You don't know for sure if they are completely happy or will stay happen. Eventually someone will feel like they missed out on being young. Not necessarily partying but the freedom and time to grow.
The host had to have her first child via surrogate, 1 month before her 40th birthday. She married a guy she knew for 6 months. That tells you the answer. Terrible advice.
for me, the time to be “messy” and experiment is in your teens and first couple of years into your 20’s. your 20’s should be about laying the groundwork for your future. i’m currently 20, i’ve been in a serious relationship for a year, i’m just about to graduate college and go to university. my boyfriend and i have had our experiences and we’re now focused on our future and talking about getting married in our mid 20’s and having a family in our late 20’s/early 30’s.
I disagree with a lot of these people in this comment section about marrying young. I agree with Jeannie and Loni. Getting married in your early 20s, especially, I think is too young. You're still developing (mentally, emotionally and physically), learning more about yourself and gaining experiences. You don't really know what you want, although many think that they do, until it's too late. I'm 23, and I'm still at a place in my life where I'm confused and not too sure of what I want to do and where I want to go. Ever since COVID started, people I knew started getting married left and right. I now know over 10+ couples who have gotten married since. The pressure is real, especially if you've never been in a relationship. My very good friend of 6+ years is 19 and is now in a relationship. Her friend, around 19, just got married this week. A guy I used to like around my age got married last month... it's so hard to sit and comprehend because you're like "what's going on" and what will become of me in my future? I know that marriage isn't for me at this point of my life, but I want to get married and have kids in the future. And I feel like I'll never get that chance. I see just about everyone else getting into relationships, getting married out of the blue and having kids, and I'm here still trying to get noticed, like... "what are you guys doing to get the person you think is right for you?" Overall, getting married in your late teens and early 20s puts you more at risks for a lot of things in the future. You're also more codependent. Society is partially to blame, too.
I got Married at 23...I will be celebrating my 18th wedding anniversary next month . I am very very happy Loni...Indeed let's not put pressure on any one. Choose
Never been married, but everyone I know that got married in their 20s are divorced, with multiple kids. Or on their 3rd baby mama. They messed up. I hope to get married somewhere in my late 30s.
It works with some people but getting married in 20s it's ok but married with kids I think that's when the problem starts.same with my cousins.By the time she 30 she's had 4 kids so turning 30 she felt like she was turning 40 and never experienced turning 30.she finally divorced cause her husband told her not to work and stop her education.
You could be dealing with finances in your 30s too. Not everyone takes a trip across the globe and starts a business in their 20s. It might be in your 30s or 40s so are you gonna wait til 50 to marry? Just marry when you find someone you love, are compatible with and when you FEEL LIKE IT! How about that.
far too young, if you're 28,29,30, go ahead. but there are people in thier 50s who will never be mature enough for such a thing. like, are they compatible and happy?
Depends on the person and what they want. I was married at 24, first baby at 25 then 3 more soon after. Now at 39 my kids are older and I feel happy I’m still young to do things. All I wanted was a family.
i think getting married in your late 20’s is good. getting married in your early 20’s though is not it, cause you literally got out of highschool and that’s your time to find yourself and know what you really want in life.
I hate that society makes it seem like your 20's is the time where you make all your mistakes, kiss a bunch of ugly frogs, get your heart broken a million times and then some how, miraculously in your 30's you are ready to settle down with the right person. Why do we normalize dysfunction before we get to experience joy?? I met my husband when I was 18, we got married when I was 23, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary. I wouldn't change a thing! I'm glad I missed out on all those unnecessary heartbreaks, and toxic men. We put ourselves through unnecessary pain because we listen to societies philosophy on love. Listen to me, God has your soul mate waiting for you and you will not have to experience a bunch of mess in your 20's just to meet the right person. All the people that I know who adapted thos philosophy of your 20's being your "wild" years, are living right now with so much pain, regret, unwanted pregnancies, guilt and unhappiness. Just please, be wise and patient and thr right one will find you.💕
Honey that is just real life, not society. Not everyone has perfect relationships or great experiences in their 20's. If it was that easy everyone else would be celebrating their 11 year anniversary aswell.
I agree! Your story is ideal to me and many others. Too many years wasted on the wrong men is not what life is about.
@@xAgirlfriend don't get me wrong, I never said life nor my life is perfect. I'm specifically speaking to the unnecessary dysfunction we sometimes put ourselves through in our 20's. And alot of our views on love and relationships begin in our home, and unfortunately many of us have not seen or experienced healthy love/marriages. This is something that you have yo be taught and want to learn. I saw dysfunction growing up. But I told myself, I will not become or partake in generational curses or broken homes. Life is nothing more than the choices we make.
Some of us didn’t go through these things but haven’t been able to find the right guy so please don’t make assumptions that everyone had experiences like this in their 20s.
preach preach preach!!
People say 20’s is too young to be married but will be living with a man, having his children without any of the security marriage can bring.
Very true.
That part!!
Thank you!
I agree with not putting an age on marriage. Also, some people have no business being married. My middle sister told herself she needed to be married before 30. Well, it happened and she was miserable! From what I understand, my parents had some concerns about that union. They felt neither of them knew themselves well enough. She got remarried to a wonderful man when she was almost 40. It's sad that she put that pressure on herself to have to be married before 30. She could have been happier if she had waited. Who knows, she may have met my second brother-in-law earlier? However, I am glad that she did meet him when she did and married him. 💘
@@RTA6226 thanks for highlighting the other side of marrying young lol cause everyone in the comments is only talking about the people it worked for when the divorce stats are telling a different story.
I completely agree with Adrienne. Not everyone wants to be at the party till 12am. I got married at 23 and it was the best decision for me and we are so incredibly happy with eachother.
I don't even want to go the party. LOL.
@@crystalsnow1138 Lmao same sis!
Same! I'm happily married turned 24 yesterday
Yes!!!!!!!
@@crystalsnow1138 😂😂😂😂
A person can get married at 20 and be happily married for 60 years, and a person can get married at 40 and be divorced within months. It's a personal decision, some people have no problem with getting married young. Not everyone wants to travel and you can still travel when you have kids. It's not like all the joy out of life is sucked out when you get married and/or have kids.
Agreed
Exactly! I actually have more fun traveling with my husband and child than I did when I was single. Experiencing new things with my family, and seeing the excitement and wonder in my son’s eyes when we go somewhere new, makes the experience so much better.
You right I got married at 21 I'm married 15 years with 2 kids...we still travel and enjoy life together ❤
i think it's some people want to do alot before marriage and not have responsibility just yet like married is 8pm curfew,it sounds negative but i think everything was said more as a joking way.i use to say i didn't want kids because i didn't want responsibility but of course i some day did just not at a young age but i married young 22 thinking i would married at 30 and 3 girls by 29 thinking at 35, I Love them so much, i travel, eat at restaurants, lived in beautiful places but it's hard work and responsibility.i like what Adrienne said some people know what they wan and how to achieve it for others it takes longer
@@ahoney2290 Love it, I hope when your son is older he holds those memories close to his heart.
I agree with Adrienne, it's situational because everyone isn't a mess in their 20s. That's one of my favorite things about myself and my life, in my 20s with a great head on my shoulders, financially and emotionally stable as well and ready to start my life. I love not being a mess in my 20s. I also feel like it sucks that it took Jeannie so long to figure it out though, not to shame her, but i feel like she might have just been one of those people that took a while to get herself together. I don't want to wait (or take) until 40 to figure myself out and to get my life on track, I understand that we're always learning and growing but I would just hate to not have things be in a great place until my 40s.
YASS I'm with you. My HS husband and I were so bless to have good head on our shoulders and we know what we wanted and now in our late 30s now we have a child over 10yrs old and I can't believe how calm and harmonize my life is. so greatful that we both matured fast and hustle are ass to get to our lives now.
I don’t think that’s necessarily fair to say “mess” while being in your twenties. I do agree everyone has their own baggage and backgrounds of situations. Everyone’s journey to truly finding theirselves is different. While being in my twenties right now, I’m still figuring myself out and getting an idea of how I want things to move forward. Also before I continue I’m not trying to like, argue or debate on this situation. Just freely expressing, some are lucky ( like yourself) to have experienced the opposite of difficulties while being young. For me example, the only thing I struggle with right now is getting my mental health in a good place and finding that peace/balance with everything in my life currently so I won’t overwhelm myself. But I’ll admit I do hope by age 40, I’ll be in a better headspace and just loving myself and knowing exactly what I want 100%. But I am learning sometimes life is unpredictable and we’re all just doing the best we can at the end of the day.
EXACLTY!
INDEED INDEED... However, it is evident that Jeannie had wisdom and discernment in her 20s, 30s, and 40s. We saw her happily married to her first husband. She is in the honeymoon phase of having a new husband and child. IF she gets another divorce, she will realize all relationships shape us and allow us to make different decisions independent of age.
YES!
20's is a vast decade though. There's a huge difference between getting married at 20 vs getting married at 29. If the person has completed their education, travelled and gotten to know themselves and what they want I don't see anything wrong with marrying in your mid-late 20s
None of those things are a prerequisite for being ready for marriage or knowing themselves.
Agree because it gets harder after 35
I got married at 19. I had two kids, traveled, and went to college. Getting married young didn’t stop me from doing anything I wanted to do. To each their own. Still married almost 17 years in August.
@Rachele Willis I pray you find a life partner who’s deserving of you! As long as a woman knows her worth it doesn’t matter what age she marries.
Also, it depends on your circumstances n when you get a healthy bf...if i had a healthy bf at 21 I wouldve been in that white dress
I agree with A. Not everyone has the same goals and aspirations. If you finish college by 22, have a career, and have found the one in college. You can absolutely marry in your 20s. Just because You didn’t find yourself till your 40s does not mean the same for someone else. Not to mention kids. It sucks but true that we have a fertility clock. Not everyone can afford or succeed with IVF. If you want kids young and find the right person for you in your 20s then go ahead.
I’m 24 and I just got engaged. We’ll be getting married next year. I‘ve never been interested in traveling the world or anything like that. I just want to live a boring life, build a family, and work a career that I love. Never been a party person. Never been a I-need-to-experience-different-people person.
Whether I’m 24, 34, or 44, there will always be room for growth, and I’d be more than happy to do that with a life-long partner rather than alone. 😅
Life is too short to worry about when the right time will be. Both of my parents passed in their 40’s. I wanna live my life on my own timeline, not what society expects of me.
Get married at 19, get married at 28, get married at 45. Don’t get married. Who cares? As long as it makes you happy! 🤷🏾♀️
Thank you for this perspective! Folks gotta do them.. there's so much more to life than our age.
Pia, that is beautiful. I am 34 years old, and I have "traveled" and I have some education. You are not missing out on anything but foolishness. I am happy you have found your husband, hold on to him tight. You don't want to end up like me or Loni. God bless you my sister, and Congrats!!
I love this congrats! I know having your parents pass away young really put life into perspective. Also, things like traveling is so much more fun when you have a little family to do it with. I love going to new places even if it’s just another state with my husband and son.
You’re still in you’re 30s you still have plenty of time please don’t give up so early. Loni is 50 you’re don’t compare yourself to her. Many women are starting families in the mid to late 30s now.
You are doing the right thing...WOmen or people who think they need to EXPERIENCE different men or women before they get married usually live with regrets and they are usually single for a long time....God bless you and your fiance
Jeanie…20 was too young FOR YOU. She’s talked about how unstable her adolescence was- not everyone has a crazy life at 20. Some people have their stuff together
Agree.. not everyone had a crazy life!
💯
That is what she said…No?
Exactly! Had my degree by 24 and became a home owner at 29
She wasn’t married at 20. She was married at 30 or close to it
Jeannie and Adrienne both made valid points. I hate that pressure is put on us to marry by a certain age, my aunt used to do that with me saying I should marry in my 20s. Let everyone move at their own pace. What worked for you won't necessarily work for me.
It depends on the person and what goals you want to accomplish. If you’ve got it together in your late 20s then that’s fine to get married. Regardless of age it has to be the right person
Exactly❤🎉
I agreed.
I got married in my early 20's. But I was mature and it worked out well for me. It really depends on the person, If they know themselves, and what they want.
True
Life is not a “one size fits all”. Many of the women and men in my family got married early. Some are still going strong decades later and a few are divorced. My aunt got married for the first time at 54 years old, while her daughter from a previous relationship got married at 24. Some of us find our soulmates early in life and some find them late. I know it’s hard but we need to stop falling for societal pressures and just live.
I have a friend from highschool. She had a baby with her bf senior year. They had been together since the 10th grade. They got married in 2019 which was the year after we graduated. They now have 3 kids and are still married. They own a house, have 3 dogs and a cat, but I think that's a rare occurrence for someone to mary their highschool sweetheart and for it to work out in the long run.
A rare occurrence
2019? Their marriage just begun girl. Truly hoping it last but we need to see how it goes for the next few years when they’ve been in it for all of their 20s
9
Their situation is NOT ideal. Exceptions to rules does not NEGATE the rule
I married mine and just now having a baby
Loni is spot on at the end about her mom. I feel the same way, as I get older I realize my mom was once a girl who had dreams and wishes and wanted to go places and see things too. She stopped her life when she had me and she gave me the BEST possible life so I could thrive today and live a bit more with a little less struggle. So I get where Loni is coming from and I use the time now as my mom gets older to show her the same love and attention, but also SACRIFICE and DEDICATION that she gave me in my early years. There has to be a balance when you love someone your entire lifetime and now the ball is in my court.
Your mom has you. You are worth way more than any "vacations" or "education". As a woman in her 30s who will probably never get a chance to be a wife or a mom, trust me, the highest honor a woman can be is a wife and a mom. Jeanie Mai is blessed to have gotten in at middle age and found a husband she respects and had a child, even after being another man's wife for years. Not every woman will get that chance after 40. Loni is an old woman who is trying to misguide young woman, because she cannot undue the choices of her youth. Loni was talking about adopting a few season ago, and crying about miscarrying. Loni has a career, money, and the time to travel, but she she does not have a husband or children. Baby if you are a young woman, find a man you respect, be an agreeable and nice woman, and start a family, before you end up like me or Loni. Do not waste your youth. Do not take advice from Loni or Jeanie, two women who should not be giving advice.
I agree I feel like Loni would make different choices if she could turn back time. She use to say that she was happily single and we now know that was a lie she was very lonely. The way she gushes over other peoples baby and cry all the time says that she wishes that she was a mother.
My mom had me at 39. It was really nice growing up in a house and having everything that I needed. Don't think I would have enjoyed my childhood as much if my mom was still trying to figure things out cause she had me too young.
@Lipstick Nista: I agree, Loni is still scarred and. . .I can totally relate!! My late mother had me at 20 y.o., and, I at 50+, am STILL dealing with the repercussions of that!! Not only did she birth me so young, her naivete caused me to have lifelong difficulties that showed up in my 30s. I wanted. . .SO MUCH, to get married and have a family BUT. . .NOT before I completed my College Education, which, up to now, has not happened. Found out that I have a Cognitive Disability so, I collect SSI and SSDI. Never. . . .in a million years. . .would I have thought I'd supported by a Government handout. Certainly NOT me, who received a Graduate Diploma w/honors, in Pharmacy Technician studies from Beacon Career Institute!! And, I ended up going there because, I wanted to earn a living while studying for my Bachelor's Degree. I was SO DETERMINED to be a success, IN SPITE of my challenges and it just 😬😬me at times, that I haven't achieved my goals. NEVER giving up though👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. #lifelong goals
@@cocoafemme47 don’t give up.
I feel like there’s a difference between 21/22 and 28/29 too so to say any age in their 20s is a bit much. Some people aren’t “partiers” anyway and are ready younger
When they made the party analogy I was like I wouldn't even be at the party to begin with. I'm too much of a homebody.
Everyone has a different path..what works for another person might not work for you. So who's to say everyone should get married at a particular age??
As a Hmong woman, it is normalized that couples get married young. My parents got married in their 20s & stayed together until my dad peacefully passed last year. Keep in mind they were also first generation and came to the US shortly after they survived the Secret War in Laos (1978). All they knew were each other and their love passed on to me & my sisters.
The pressure comes from our elders and siblings bc they don’t want us to be alone when they’re gone. Ageism is also a huge factor due to fertility/infertility and sperm count.
I’m in my mid-20s now and there isn’t any pressure from anyone in my family. They all encourage me to live my life and figure it out before commitment.
My husband and I got married when I was 22. This September will make us 9 years since we tied the knot. I experienced every thing with him. We are three children in and I have gotten 2 degrees during this time too. So I'd say, different strokes for different folks. No matter what age you get married you will experience trials 🤷🏾♀️
Right on Adrianne
Loni and Jeannie should not judge others by their beliefs
Loni is an old woman who is trying to justify giving away her youth. Jeanie Mai is a woman who is lucky enough to have had a child at 43 years old, and found a husband she respects after 40, which is difficult for most women. Jeanie Mia will be in her 50s when her child is growing up, and a someone who works with children, children need youthful parents. Find your husband in your youth, and start your family.
@@ineedya123 Children don’t NEED youthful parents. It’s nice to have for longevity. But children need older & wiser parents. Parents who experienced more life than 20 years.
@@tenisawhite4660 nope. I didnt say 20, but not starting a family at 43.
Got married when I was 19. 17 years later and I am more in love with him now than the day we got married. Marriage isn’t easy at any age. But it’s nice to have known my husband this long and go through so much together. I even feel like the time goes by fast that I feel like we haven’t had enough time together. I still miss him when he’s gone on work trip and feel like time is going by so fast. It makes me said to think if I had found him in my 40s like Jeannie I would have missed out in these precious years. finding someone late in life isn’t always the best for everyone.
SO beautiful!! You spend your youth with your husband, you have lived your life right.
@@ineedya123 Thank you 😊
@Tori Adore Hi. I didn’t say that finding love later in life isn’t best. Everyone is different. And Actually I have struggled with infertility. I have no children. 😞
That's really sweet... if you're lucky to find someone who you want to grow with and they feel the same way, why not marry in your early 20s. Some people are old souls. They find eachother early in their lives and just know. Even if you recognize your differences, you have a commitment to work through them. Sometimes we have to give young people credit that they are capable of being committed and figuring it out.
@Toriel And if she doesn't then what? Lol. Y'all be waiting for people who married young to get divorced. I know a couple who married at 20 and of course they had many people share their negativity about it and was probably waiting on them to fail. They celebrated 65 years before his wife passed. I'm guessing the miserable people were happy his wife died. Y'all are really weird.
Agree with Adrienne. My grandparents have been married since 17 & they are 70 now. It bothers me when older women who went through Divorce want discourage younger women to not get married just because theirs didn’t work out. Keep that away from me 👋🏽
70? Those were different times when marriage was thee ONLY option for women. There are very few elders (65+) with degrees.
@@batteriesnotincluded4715 disagree. My grandparents chose to get married and bring the word of God to people. They’ve been pastors for the same amount of time. I’ve seen failed marriages & successful ones. Either way no one should say when you can and can’t get married.
Your grandmother's generation were wiser women who understood their purpose in life, to build families and communities. Jeanie and Loni are foolish and misguiding younger women.
@@ineedya123
How are they foolish?
@@ineedya123 Right! You basically said the same thing that I did. Couples dated with the intent to marry back then.
I think its a combination of how you grew up, your mindset, goals in life, personality and interests. Some young adults leave home having had to grow up too fast because of circumstances, or grew up very structured and traditional maybe with strict parents (obviously there are several different upbringings/scenarios) which could lead to mindset differences on things like this. It really depends on the person if it's "too young" or not.
I agree with Adrienne. It all depends on the person/people
I think it's up to everyones maturity level. I'm in my mid twenties and matured emotionally later than most young women. We don't all mature at the same time. I also want to travel and do other things but I still belief that when you find the one you know and it doesnt matter at what age. My best friend from high school got married at 18 and I questioned her about it. She replied, "If I don't do this know I don't know if I will ever find a person like him." Everyone has different needs and a different time line.
I've been with my husband since I was 21. We got married when I was 26. I'm 30 and we're still together. To each their own. Not everyone wants to even get married at all. Don't let society tell you what you should & shouldn't do. Period.
I’m 27 and would love to find the right person, get married and have kids but honestly I’m not in a rush. I love my freedom, the ability to travel and discover more of the world and my purpose. It’ll happen when the time is right. Society definitely puts pressure on us to have it “together” by a certain age and kids by another but you just have to do what’s best for you. We’re all just trying our best out here and it’s different for everyone.
I disagree, I know plenty of people who got married in their 20’s and they’re still married now. One of my best friends got married at 19 and she’s still married. That’s just Jeannie’s story, but that’s not everybody. My grandparents got married in their 20’s and they’ve been married 65 years.
are they also happily married?
I got married at 22 to my high school sweetheart and I don't regret it one bit. Yall need to realize you can still have a life, grow mentally, work your way to success, travel, etc while married. Yall act like marriage is death. I agree with everything ade said. Everybody just need to worry about themselves and stop speaking on others choices. NO ONE has the right to tell someone they're too young or too old to get married. Period
I agree with Loni and Jeannie. Everybody needs all the time they need to establish independence before marriage. The way society glamourizes a wedding and a marriage is such a big trap for women in particular. Our society is still largely conservative which means there will be a lot a lot of giving up that was once maybe taken for granted. Marriage largely benefits men.
But Loni and Jeannie were "independent" when they were teenagers. Loni's mother kicked her out and Jeannie ran away while teenagers and became who they are without a parent. IF anything, they should have learned themselves enough to find true love way before their 40s.
I got married at 23 and I wish I would have waited. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know enough.
I got married at 20 and 12 years later we are still going strong. I agree with A
Glad to hear. I’m 21 and engaged and all the negative talk of people projecting their fears and failures is exhausting. Like damn.
I agree with Adrienne too. Of course you shouldn’t rush into something you’re not ready for, but some people know who they are and what they want in their 20s
Me too I agree with her and I think it depends on the people as well
i got married at 19. 9 years later still happily married. i don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because i found my person to do life with. Marriage is just a commitment doesn't matter what age u get married.
It can definitely work out . My friend has been married since she was 25 and married 14 years .
I got married at 18 (because of a bad situation at home) to the love of my life. We have been married for 20 years now and still going strong! Also have 2 children.
I have a question if you don't mind answering. If your home life were better would you still have gotten married that young? I'm happy everything worked out for you.
@@crystalsnow1138 That's a good question...Do you mean if we turned the clock back and I could do it over knowing what I know now? Or if it had been better at home to start off with?
@@MmeHDF If you had a better home life to start off with. It just sounded like your bad home life was part of your reasoning for getting married at 18. I'm sure it's hard to think about since everything for you worked out so you probably wouldn't want to do anything differently.
@@crystalsnow1138 I wouldn't have gotten married at that age no but probably not long after. Maybe 20/21... But that is because we knew what we wanted. I wouldn't want to change anything to be honest. People that wait until their 30s to get married have a lot of freedom in their 20s whereas our kids are now 17 and 18 and will be out of the house within the next 5-10 years which means we will have our freedom then (which will be a bittersweet moment😉).
@@MmeHDF Thanks for answering. Good luck to you and your family.
Adrianne is 💯 percent true in this one. Just as some people idealize marriage in early 20s nowadays same GOALS lifestyle is referring to people who are marrying in their late 30s. And u can be very successful still if u got married in your early 20s. Nothing is guaranteed.
I’ve been with my husband since 17 and we are now 26 with one kid and we are so happy!!
Beautiful my sister, you are spending your youth correctly, with your husband. Don't listen to Jeanie or Loni, they are foolish and lying to themselves and others.
I'm 30 and I always wanted to be married in my 20s, I guess I wasn't lucky in love in that way. Not everyone wants to be at the party till midnight, we want to be cozy at home with our life partner.
Completely agree with A. I got married at 21 and was constantly questioned what’s the rush. Some people don’t want to have multiple toxic relationships go drinking to “find themselves” I’m lucky that I’ve managed to find myself at a young age.. people should focus on their own lives and let other people be
It has nothing to do with age, it has everything to do with maturity. You have 50 and 60 year olds out here still tryna find themselves. If you are mature enough in your twenties for a lifelong committed relationship and you have found the one for you, don't let the world tell you what not to do. You can both grow together and still achieve way more fulfillment than those who marry later on in life ✌✌✌✌
🗣️🗣️🗣️
Period.
Haha…people saying they need to find themselves. Sometimes I feel it’s an excuse to not be responsible or grow up but I like using that idea at times! Gotta find myself so leaving on a solo trip cause I really want to get away from them kids!! Lol That would be me right there!!
@@meileevaj 🤣🤣🤣
@@meileevaj your comment is hilarious!
I got married when I was 22. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, 10 married. We’ve chosen to be child free and have the best time just having fun together. We’ve grown up together and continue to grow as partners.
It’s all about the individual couple and where they are in life/maturity.
I had my son at 17 (please no judgment) I love him with all my being but I never had a life of my own, I didn't travel, go to parties, I've never even been to a theme park with just my friends that wasn't a school trip I don't regret anything as I know life happens for a reason, but I do wish I got to know myself a bit more.
@Lipstick Nista you’re right, I was coming more from a place of experiencing life before having major things happen. Like Loni said she wished her mom didn’t have her so young so she could of gotten to know herself better. I wasn’t referring to marriage at all.
Don't give up on still getting to know and enjoy yourself. Being a great parent does not mean you don't deserve your own peace .
@Lipstick Nista The great purpose of marrige is to create families. Marrige is pointless without creating a family.
I am 26. I got married 6 months ago to the love of my life. We have our first beautiful baby boy and moved to our own apartment almost a year ago. It's honestly the best time of my life and I couldn't be more content and happier. My teenage years were very tough when I lost both my parents. My mom died from a car accident and my dad basically died from a broken heart. My childhood was good but a bit unstable. I studied, worked on my craft as an artist and I am a 2x graduate and got to travel and live in a different city away from friends and family for a couple of years before I met my husband. I kissed a few frogs before I met my husband too....but I knew I had to pray and manifest true love and my happy ending and get to know myself in those early years of life. It is really not about age and mostly about experience and when you know you know ❤ life taught me to be mature from the age of 15 and I would find myself more mature than some adults who were older than me and made bad decisions. We all have a different path and there's no " right time" for finding the one... I'm so hopeful for the future and to build a life with my own family. It's the most precious gift
I see where Jeannie and Loni are coming from, but I agree with Adrienne. I feel that Jeannie thinks getting married in your 20s is too young because she’s reflecting on her experience within her first marriage. Age has absolutely nothing to do with anything. As long as you’re marrying somebody for the right reasons and you are ready, age does not matter. Whether you’re 20 or 35. Nowadays, people tend to question those who “settle” in their 20s to get married and have kids. Your 20s shouldn’t just be dedicated to partying and traveling. There is so much more to life. And having kids and a husband does not stop you from being able to travel, chase your career, etc. Whatever works for you, works for you! Everyone’s experience will be different
People use to do it back in the day! The media has made it easier to leave marriages. If people chose to get married in their 20’s again, there would be less children being born out of wedlock therefore, decreasing poverty and many other societal issues. People are just so quick to leave when couples face challenges. Life is full of challenges so why not go through them with someone you love. You figure them out together and move on.
Everything Adrienne said! Some people have old souls, and know what they want.
I think if we set 20s to being a decade toward achieving independence and waiting after for marriage there would be healthier relationships
Totally agree with Jeannie. If people knew themselves better before getting married maybe there wouldn’t be so much divorce. There’s time for everything.
Tell that to the host
I'm pretty sure she is going through a divorce now...
Anyone can go through divorce, it’s not limited to people who married in there 20’s
I agree with Adrienne. Knowing who you are and what you want are so important. I also think that being the person you hope to attract is also SO important. Another thing I think is worth discussing is what each other thinks is a marriage, how they plan on raising children if their decide to have them, and discussing finances is very very important.
It works for some and it doesn't work for others. I think oftentimes, we don't realize what marriage really means, which is why it doesn't always work. Once you know what marriage means and have a great respect for marriage, relationships and also family and the changes that WILL take place, it's a great idea for those who want it. It's not always happy and picture perfect. But there will be beautiful times as well. In your 20s you may or may not be ready to settle down but you can have the same issue at 40. I was definitely ready to settle down in my 20s. Never been a big party girl so being marriege and having kids wasn't an issue for me. But I know some people who were all over the place in their 20s and marriage would've been a bad idea. For my children, I encourage them to learn about themselves in their 20s and enjoy life, Freedom and that ability to live however they want. I tell them it's OK to wait until later to settle down. It's a personal choice though.
I agree with Adrienne, its about finding the right person...not necessarily the age....some find the right person early....others find it late
No it is not too young but it is also not for everyone.
100%
You can get married at 22 and live happily ever after..... You can also get married at 22 and get divorced before you're 30 🥴.... Everyone's life experience is DIFFERENT!!!
Got married when I was 25. Have 4 kids now and I’m 40. Been married going on 16 years and very happy. I got my abs in education before I found the love of my life so I felt ready
Age doesn’t matter. It depends on the person and what they want. They have to do what’s right for them. I agree with both sides. Some people marry too early. But not because of their age. Because they weren’t ready. Some people are seriously ready in their 20s and some aren’t ready till their 40s. Some 20 year olds marry and last a lifetime. Some 40 year olds marry and last only a few years. Age doesn’t matter. What matters is knowing, understanding, and trusting who you are, what you need, and what you are and aren’t ready for. Not everybody moves at the same pace. Some are slower or quicker than others and that’s okay. It depends on the person. Not their age.
I met my husband when I was 14, we were friends for two years and we started dating when I was 16, almost 17. We got engaged when I was 20, and we got married this last February when I was 22. For me, 22 was not too young, maybe that is who I am because my friends and family have always said I come across as older than my age. But I think it might also be because I had a baby at 16, I had to grow up quicker in order to be the mother that my child deserved.
I am happy and completely in love with my husband and our family. Getting married in my early 20’s made sense for me, but I know that is doesn’t for other people that I know. I agree with Adrienne in that it is dependent on the person, what is right for me, is not going to be right for someone else because we are not the same person.
I’ve been with my husband since I was 23. Got married at 25. I don’t regret anything. He’s still the love of my life and we are figuring everything out together. As he says “there is no one I rather be with through this journey but you.” Don’t umbrella situations people. Love Can come at any age. I don’t regret anything. He’s my personz
Everyone is different. I'm glad I DID NOT marry in my 20s when I had the chance. I was hard working and told I was "wise beyond my years" which are all fine and good. But I don't think I had anything to really offer as a WIFE. Humility, self-sacrifice, and compromise are all involved in marriage, and I did not have any those qualities. I was a fine daughter, sister, and friend, but I don't think I'd be a good wife.
Adrienne’s completely right. Loni and Jeannie acting like people only get married if they’re from a backwoods town or feel pressured by society🤦🏾♀️ Not everyone wants to date loads of people and being married doesn’t mean you’re locked away or need to have kids immediately
Definitely agree with Jeannie. Take your time.
People get married way too fast then end up regretting it later I’ve seen it so much!
I've been with my husband since I was 17 (we got married at 26). We're madly in love and incredibly happy. We've seen each other graduate from high school and college, start our careers, buy our first home etc. We share so many amazing memories together! Who's to say you can't party and travel with your partner? I think when you find your person and you're ready, do what feels right for you! Regardless of your age. I know some very mature 20 year olds and some very immature 40 year olds. Just saying...
There is beauty in getting married young and having grown up kids by the time you’re 40. You get to explore and enjoy life a little more after your kids are gone away for college. You get to travel with your spouse and do fun things. Don’t let anyone tell you 20s is the time for you to explore. If you have found the right person, get married, become their purpose partner and work together for future. Your twenties don’t have to be a soul searching I messed up I don’t know what I want period. Marriage is not a problem. Marriage can be such a beautiful adventure when two people work well together as partners. It’s ego and selfishness that creates problems in relationships. Fix that and you’ll be on a beautiful journey.
Marriage is for when u met the love of your life! The person that u cant see the future without!! Good and bad times!! I found mines at 22 and going on year 33 of marriage!!
Lol when Loni laughed at her own joke and literally nobody was laughing and Adrienne continued with a straight face🤣🤣
I don’t think the age is the issue… like I think someone getting married at 21 versus someone who is 28 is like oh okay it makes sense ! But now it’s like sometimes emotions over logical and cognitive thinking has become such a thing that when the going gets tough people scramble and don’t want to fight it out and just leave when they’re down and out ! But people do things and it helps them grow and life happens
The reason why people say wait a while before getting married so early into your 20s is because most people especially women spend a lot of time in school not really experiencing life its not about being out past 12am clubbing, its about traveling with girlfriends and just loving on yourself and then growing to be in committed relationship with another person whether it be straight or same sex relationships, often times Men are not as mature as women with the concept of monogamy so yea its sometimes best to wait a little while before jumping to get married at 19,20,21,22 if it happens for you and you have an amazing long marriage good, but its all situational. Enjoy your 20s before locking down into a marriage
I agree with all of the ladies. Yes, in early 20s, we are still learning so much and I know many marriage, my parents included, who grew apart because they were too young and still discovering what they wanted out of life. I also agree that it depends on each person. Every person is unique in what they tolerate and can look past. Every person has different aspirations. But of course you see couples who have been together since they were in their early 20s and have been together for decades. My husband was 25 and I was 20 when we got together. We've been married for over 14 years. I mean, honestly, how many couples do we know that marry after 30 and don't last. It's all depending on the person and couple.
As someone married at 21 I say yes it's too young as you are still developing and change over time. I was married for 17 yrs and got divorced.
May I ask, when you were still married were you also this honest about the fact that you married too young? I'm asking because I've noticed that people who are married like the ones in this comments section only have wonderful things to say about marriage but once they get divorced they suddenly want to talk about the true realities and hardships of marriage.
@@omphilemoerane2569 As a woman who married at 22 and is still married, what I find more interesting is that people who married young and get divorced blame it on marrying young but people who married at 37 and get divorced at 50 don't blame it on marrying older. Lol. People marry the wrong person at any age. A person who is mature and marrieds a loyal person who they are compatible with will last is they married at 23 or 43.
Some people find their love lives at age 20s and some find their love of lives at a later age. Don’t ask people that wait “why they have not gotten married” or question ones that get married younger.
Lol I like how Loni decided not to take Adrienne on.
I think this topic isn't about people in their 20s who know what they want, but rather to help people in their 20s (or older) who aren't "there yet" avoid making mistakes because of the pressure they experience. Social pressure is a real force, and not everyone can easily withstand it. If you know what you want, sure do it. But if you're unsure, do not force yourself into a marriage because of the pressure you are facing. I think that's what the statement is about.
Got married at 18 been a couple for 13 years and married for 8 years and we are living our best life’s. We both have grown and changed together and love it. The key is communicating and God.
It is not necessarily about age though because most of the marriages in my family have married there high school sweet hearts and been together and have a family and are going strong decades.
20s I wasn't ready 🤣 I'm 29 turning 30 getting married in July 2022 🥳 met partner in 2013 we clubbed together as friends🤣 I wasn't ready for a relationship so gave myself 2 years to be single after getting heartbroken and he stuck around 🥰 then i been with my partner since 2015 after our first date!! Bought house and got engaged during the pandemic and now getting married 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I got married at 23 and I don’t regret it all! Once I knew my husband was the one we both knew what we wanted! We have been together for 6 years and married for 2! I say if you know then you know NO MATTER WHAT AGE!
I’m with Adrienne on this! I got married at 23 and I’m happy happy as a clam. It’s all about what type of person you are and what you want out of life.
Marriage and parenthood should not be forced on people. Everyone’s path should be different and should be respected. I couldn’t see myself married at 20 and even at almost 35 there are so many things I want to accomplish and experience before knowing if marriage is right for me.
Many people in their 20's are VERY mature (like myself) and they are ready to settle down (not like myself rn lol). Not everyone in their 20's is into hook-up culture, partying all night, etc. It's all about the person and their love life. There are some in their 20's who want to get married but can't find someone who has the same values. Then there are some in their 20's who want to have a strong relationship with God before they bring a potential spouse in their lives. It's all about the person!!!!! You're not missing out on anything!
I was one of the few people in my group of friends who didn’t think much about marriage because I was so career focused. However, I did marry at the age of 23. I do not regret it for one bit because I understand the timing of marriage for me was based on my situation. I was 3 months out of a relationship that ended horribly and I told God sincerely, “I know myself. If I experience this kind of hurt again it will taint me and I will learn to be content alone. So, please send me a future partner that will love me uniquely and purely. Someone I can feel safe and secure with who will protect my heart and who’s I can protect also.” I met my husband on college campus that same year and if I’m being honest I’m glad we found each other before this dating pool went to hell.
Agree with Adrienne. It’s up to the person. I’m an old soul. I married at 18 (met him at 16) he is 9 years older than I am. I’m still with my husband. 20 years married. 2 kids ages 17 and 13 :) I don’t feel I missed out on anything. I’m living my life to the fullest and occasionally would go out with friends for dinner and drinks in a decent manner. Balance!!
Thank You Adrienne lol
He groomed you sis, you were 16 and him 25??? Omg
@@alina9924 lol I was mature for my age no grooming was done. We’re doing good. Thank you though :)
@@rociosoltero7542 Is that what he told you to trap you? Poor baby😔
@@alina9924 that’s not right to accuse some one of something they didn’t do
I’m 21 and I feel like getting married in ur early 20s is wayyy too young God bless that it worked for so many of u but I bet u none of y’all had ur lives together. I myself don’t even have my life together rn. I feel if u don’t have a career, haven’t traveled,etc u should not be getting married young. Marriage will always be there!
Just be honest you want to ride the cc until your at least 30 thats what the majority of women do
@@africanbootyscratcher6171 it’s not about the sex it’s about having ur life together and being established if ur not established for ur own self ur gonna have so many regrets so no it’s more than the sex
You can know yourself in your 20s. Everyone is different. I’ve been with my husband since age 20 & got married right out of college. We’ve traveled, completed multiple graduate degrees, embarked on amazing careers, bought a dream home, and so much more. Now in our early 30s most of my friends are just settling down. And who cares? This worked for me and that works for them. There’s no one right timeline.
20 is young to be married, Im 23 and still feel like im putting myself together, I sometimes feel like that lost 18 year old honestly
I got married at 28. It felt like a good age for me 🤷🏾♀️ I knew myself, had my career, had money in the bank. I was ready. To each their own. Not everyone 20somethings the same way.
I got married to my husband at 27 years old. Currently 33 expecting our first baby. We’ve been together 17+ years and we are from NYC and we are flourishing lol. Very situational.
Agree I got married at 28 and I was ready I was done with school and had a full time job. But 28 is a big difference the 20 or 21 I wouldn't have been ready at all then
Ive been with my husband since 17. We experienced the party phase, and when we had kids at 21, we grew up! Our lives are full of soccer games, tumbling competitions and a baby :) we love our life we created. We just built our second home, big enough for our family
If you've found the right one, life doesn't have to stop as soon as you get married. My boyfriend (24) and I (21) talked about possibly getting married a couple of times; the only reason we haven't gotten married yet is because we couldn't afford our own place at the time. Right now we're just finishing our education (my advanced diploma and his masters) and saving money. Our relationship and our life would still be the same had we got married. That's what happens when there's trust, respect, honesty and compatibility in a relationship. I've seen my parents prohibiting each other from working, going to church every day, and hanging out with friends. That's not healthy and in that case, yes life does stop. They got married when my mum was 25 and she chose marriage over a career.
This is what these ladies were trying to explain but people don't want to hear it. Not everyone gets to still travel, study and do everything they could have done if they were still single. Some married people end up living restricted lives due to circumstances and sometimes unfortunately because of the type of person they're married to.
I genuinely don’t understand what’s the RUSH??!! To get married in your 20’s??!!
It's a personal choice. If you meet the right person that young and you're ready for that commitment (and you possibly want to start a family) why not get married, no one is saying you should get married young. I mean how many people already live with their boyfriends/girlfriends in their 20's without getting married and no one says anything about that. Had I met right person that young I probably would've gotten married in my early 20's too.
I didn't feel societal pressured to be married in my 20s, but I felt biological pressure bc I knew I wanted 4 kids spaced out and if I started at 35-40 I might not have that. I'm thankful that I was married at 27 and for how things worked out for me. But you should never pressure anyone to follow your path and timeline. To each their own!
I been with my husband since 17 we will be together 25 years in July we have 2 kids still together we were teens in the 90's n we partied n lived like we we're 21, so by the time I had my daughter at 20 we were good n then had my son at 31, we still lived n had fun. My advice is u have to let the petty stuff go in a relationship, even if u hurt each other, NVR bring it up again. Don't settle, but at any age it's hard I don't care wat no one says n u have to be mature n sometimes it takes ppl longer to mature, but u have to be understanding n patience n love, love, love each other, it's important. My mother told us girls that her n my father were the happiest when he made less money believe it or not. She also said it don't matter wat a man does for work as long as he works n it's true. Money is not love cus most of us women can careless, we want love n respect n just for them to feel emotion when loving us, cus women love hard! If u break up n get back together u have to leave things in the past n not use it every time u fight either, but again don't settle, do it only for love n happiness.
Fertility should have been added to the discussion. Your egg amount and quality decline in your 30’s :( sad but true. Jeannie making it seem like everyone can (first) find someone and have a baby so easily post-40 is wildly irresponsible.
Exactly. Women aren’t on the same timeline as men if they want to start a family and not everyone can afford $50,000 to freeze their eggs and get IVF
Thank you for adding sanity to this clip. The scary part is, there are a lot of young women in these comments listening to this advice.
I still don't think that should be a reason to rush. I would rather have dried up eggs then bring children into a miserable marriage.
Ditto. I agree that everyone should live their life based on their own compass. However ☝🏾I also agree that marrying young can be detrimental in the long run - not because you're missing out on other people and 'the party' but because you miss out on yourself. It is incredibly hard to ground and discern your mental health, spirituality, preferences, proclivities, strengths and weaknesses when you're POURING T&A into a new marriage (and possibly children) trying to make it work and explore that union. There is sparse room to check in with your growth spurts. And the 20s are a major developmental phase. People will disagree, and likely not own up to this lol, but it is the truth. We are human, and we are responsible for our own clarity of identity.
Yes Adianne, preach!👌🏻What's wrong with Loni and Jeanie?! The question was in your "20s" not when you're "20"! Mid to late twenties is fine if the couple feels ready. To each their own. Geez!
Lonnie is right. 20 is too young. You are still figuring yourself and life out. If they really love each other and know they want to be together then there is no rush to get married. They can always just both focus on their future goals together, then when they are financially stable they can get married. You don't know for sure if they are completely happy or will stay happen. Eventually someone will feel like they missed out on being young. Not necessarily partying but the freedom and time to grow.
You're right
The host had to have her first child via surrogate, 1 month before her 40th birthday.
She married a guy she knew for 6 months.
That tells you the answer. Terrible advice.
for me, the time to be “messy” and experiment is in your teens and first couple of years into your 20’s. your 20’s should be about laying the groundwork for your future. i’m currently 20, i’ve been in a serious relationship for a year, i’m just about to graduate college and go to university. my boyfriend and i have had our experiences and we’re now focused on our future and talking about getting married in our mid 20’s and having a family in our late 20’s/early 30’s.
I disagree with a lot of these people in this comment section about marrying young. I agree with Jeannie and Loni. Getting married in your early 20s, especially, I think is too young. You're still developing (mentally, emotionally and physically), learning more about yourself and gaining experiences. You don't really know what you want, although many think that they do, until it's too late. I'm 23, and I'm still at a place in my life where I'm confused and not too sure of what I want to do and where I want to go. Ever since COVID started, people I knew started getting married left and right. I now know over 10+ couples who have gotten married since. The pressure is real, especially if you've never been in a relationship. My very good friend of 6+ years is 19 and is now in a relationship. Her friend, around 19, just got married this week. A guy I used to like around my age got married last month... it's so hard to sit and comprehend because you're like "what's going on" and what will become of me in my future? I know that marriage isn't for me at this point of my life, but I want to get married and have kids in the future. And I feel like I'll never get that chance. I see just about everyone else getting into relationships, getting married out of the blue and having kids, and I'm here still trying to get noticed, like... "what are you guys doing to get the person you think is right for you?" Overall, getting married in your late teens and early 20s puts you more at risks for a lot of things in the future. You're also more codependent. Society is partially to blame, too.
I got Married at 23...I will be celebrating my 18th wedding anniversary next month
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I am very very happy Loni...Indeed let's not put pressure on any one.
Choose
Never been married, but everyone I know that got married in their 20s are divorced, with multiple kids. Or on their 3rd baby mama. They messed up. I hope to get married somewhere in my late 30s.
It works with some people but getting married in 20s it's ok but married with kids I think that's when the problem starts.same with my cousins.By the time she 30 she's had 4 kids so turning 30 she felt like she was turning 40 and never experienced turning 30.she finally divorced cause her husband told her not to work and stop her education.
You could be dealing with finances in your 30s too. Not everyone takes a trip across the globe and starts a business in their 20s. It might be in your 30s or 40s so are you gonna wait til 50 to marry? Just marry when you find someone you love, are compatible with and when you FEEL LIKE IT! How about that.
far too young, if you're 28,29,30, go ahead. but there are people in thier 50s who will never be mature enough for such a thing. like, are they compatible and happy?
Depends on the person and what they want. I was married at 24, first baby at 25 then 3 more soon after. Now at 39 my kids are older and I feel happy I’m still young to do things. All I wanted was a family.
i think getting married in your late 20’s is good. getting married in your early 20’s though is not it, cause you literally got out of highschool and that’s your time to find yourself and know what you really want in life.