I had to learn to trust myself more than a friend I cared about. I saw red flags and when I tried to talk to her about it she turned it all back on me. Kept saying you know me, you took it wrong. Nope. I trusted myself and my intuition. Been 2 years now and I dont miss her drama.
You have such a soothing voice. Mourning the demise of a friendship that was destroyed by narcissism, gaslighting, and micromanaging, and what you said makes so much sense to me.
Also, the toxic person claims that they gave you some important information and they never did. The consequence is that you miss out on something good or you end up looking bad to others.
Thank you. Thank you so much. I had a friend, past tense, and she would use exactly those words, you twisted my words, you took it out of context, you’re too sensitive, can’t you take a joke, all those things and I finally dropped her. I hung onto her because there was not a lot of English speaking women my age, I was new to the community and I figured we should be friends because we both needed a friend. Years went by until she finally crossed a line. This is on me but I put up with her and walked around talking to myself, to my husband, to other friends. One friend who knew her did not back me because she wasn’t there (tho she finally witnessed a number of instances. But she kept saying we were both wonderful women and she wanted us to get along. I tried and it got worse so I finally walked away. It took awhile to believe in myself again, she lives right down the street in this tiny Mexican village we live in, not many English speaking women live here. But I finally walked away, stopped taking the blame or even half the blame. It took awhile, I thought I’d lost something, a relationship I tried so hard to forge. I was always a bit disconcerted, left wonder what had just occurred, why did I feel so bad? It took awhile but now. I’m ok, I’ll never subject myself to that again.
I came to that on my own . Remain defiant and remember word for word what they said and repeat it back to them. nothing has gone further to make a difference for me. After awhile you automatically remember .
Gaslighting is even worse when it's done by someone you trust, because you don't even suspect the gaslighting behavior in question to even be gaslighting at all and assume they're doing it not despite, but BECAUSE they're your friend/family. And if you get upset and/or cut them off, it only makes you look even more guilty in their eyes.
Journaling has kept me from falling back into the snare as I once did over and over with the same few friends and family. I’ve put them at arms length distance from me and I’ve never been happier! These guidelines have been a lifesaver. I don’t doubt myself anymore. It’s fascinating to watch them work their old tricks though. I feel absolutely no obligation to engage, so I respond politely and firmly and end the conversation before it even begins. I have no hard feelings, just not interested in the nonsense.
Thank you so much for posting this. I am currently struggling with gaslighting from a toxic friend and this really gave me some perspective. I need to give myself more compassion.
This is one of your best! I have been through many toxic friendships along with healthy friendships. The toxic ones I thought it was my job to fix as most adult children of alcoholics do. This was very healing for me! Not my Calling! Thank you Petra!!
Thank you Petra.. as always I enjoy evolving from your wisdom. I particularly like your work because it addresses friendships...female friends. It's amazing how quickly they lose interest in me when they sense that I've called my power back. Nothing in particular is spoken but rather, I exude shifted energy. They can feel it...and my goodness, they scatter like cockroaches. I grieve this...but gladly, my withdrawals are lesser and lesser.
So accurate, especially after you went out of your way to drive them home after lunch, they say to your face, after they get out of the car, "now I will be seen with you & I want to reach out to you on zoom, but I don't dare"🤔 Almost jumped out of my skin, who says that to a friend?🤔 Thanks for Sharing 👍🌹 Petra Please Respond, when time allows🌹
Hello there Petra, your content is godsend. It's been weeks since I've distanced myself from friends who I believed gaslighted me. But, it still hurts when I think about the things they've said and the times I doubted myself because of that. But, listening to you now made me step back and think about the times I may have gaslighted them too.
I saw the red flags. It's not good to try to be so understanding. I said, "Well maybe she's..."., and tried to be understanding and compassionate because her husband just died. When I saw her hit her basset hound for barking, I should have ran. Fortunately, it's not too late. I've only been her target for two long months and I'm done. The explosion she had in my face the other day is enough for me to learn from. I am my own best friend.
I understand you so much! I’m 51 now and I still doubt myself, I have no real friends anymore. The narcissist are now in other areas of my life, the hair Salon, grocery store, repair men, family members, and I’m still married to one. They are everywhere, I’m so conditioned to it now I’m afraid I’ll never get away from them. I feel surrounded. Love your videos. 🤍🕊🦋
Great tips, thanks Petra. I’ve really got to try writing things down - I hate it when I get occasional tender feelings for the narcissist. Seeing their misbehavior and complete disregard for me on paper should help with that. Oh and I agree, “I’ll heal me, you heal you”. It’s not our responsibility to heal them. They don’t want to heal, anyway.
LOVEly to see you again, dear Petra! I think what you said about journaling is so true. It helps to have a record because it's easy to give the benefit of the doubt, and usually by doubting ourselves in that process and it leads to such confusion. What's funny is that they can deny emails or texts that they themselves have written. "Well, that's not what I meant." Whaaaaat?! I'm much more familiar with the little red flags now. It's interesting that many advice columns are just riddled with kind people dealing with personality disordered family, friends, bosses or co-workers. Yikes!
Wow, very helpful. Mine just said: I'm not interested in how I made you feel, you're not at my level yet, it's boring and I don't want to talk about it. Also: everything I do and say is profound, it's all to help you and if not, I was just going through a difficult time. Meaning, she was entitled to treat me in whichever way she liked, all the time. I finally see the dynamics of our relationship. It's so clear now but it took such a long time...
I made the big mistake of taking a big black marker and painting over all my journal entries from the times I was with my ex-friend as a way of removing her completely out of my life. Since her gaslighting still affects me today, I wish I still had those records to look back on them. I feel like I’ve lost all the „proof“ of the abuse.
The hardest parts for me _not_ journaling is that I now have "holes" in my memory and no way to read about my reality. So, you understand. I didn't write things down and the gaslighting left me with memory loss. I who have always had a great memory! Yes!!
It was lovely to hear you again. I'm glad you are ok. I was also wondering, and with what's currently happening in the world, one does get concerned. You look well Petra xo
Lovely to see you. PETRA it would be nice to know about the info supplier that the narcissistic friend appoints after blocking them away. People who try to extract the information about you after you have blocked them out of our life
I am new to your channel but you are really a lovely person. I never got the emotional support from anyone really bcuz my best friend of a long time and my mother both are narcissist but your presence is so warm that i almost cried because I feel so comforted really. Thank you very much.
It's all relative. This is the reaction I would have when someone is trying to gaslight. Gaslighters lie, and create things that never happened just to be a victim.
I got the “I’m sorry you feel that way” and by my sister of all people. This set me off on discovering narcissism. Explained a lot and the “mirroring” I thought wtf is going on here, and wow it’s psychological abuse. I’m so disgusted! I called her out and got punished by not seeing my nephews. I’m going nearly 2 years without seeing them now. These narcissistic people are so damaging. ☠️🌈🦋🙏🏽✨
I'm sad to say I've had this experience too often with family members and an ex. No friends have done it that I can recall, but then I haven't had many friends in my life, sadly, due to my upbringing and affects from that. It took the ex for me to realize it and what was going on, but I'm glad I did because, before that, it would actually make me doubt myself so much. Now, I've started to be a lot more sure about things that have happened or what someone said. With my ex, it got to the point, I didn't even like talking to him unless what he said was written down or in a text because he'd say something and then a few days/weeks later, act like he either never said it or I was remembering it wrong. Sometimes, he'd say he didn't remember it, which I can understand because my memory isn't all that great, either, but then he'd later make reference to it in a way that made me realize he did remember it, but was using his supposed bad memory to act as if he didn't remember. And I won't deny he had memory problems because I'll never really know, but in this case, I'm pretty sure he was faking it. I mean, his denying was so bad that I could have a literal picture of his text message saying something and he'd then deflect and go, "It's petty to need to keep receipts on me". I mean, probably, but it was the only way I could prove to myself and him that he'd said something. But then, focus was off what he said and then I'd be defending why I took the picture in the first place and, often, end up apologizing for making him feel bad or something. My mother, the second main narcissistic person in my family, she's much more straightforward. She's the type who will gladly proclaim she has issues and says/does bad things to people, but is never interested in talking about them or trying to change her ways. I was trying to talk to her about a bad childhood memory and she just straight up told me I'm remembering it wrong. The only reason I'm certain it did happen is because I kept journals as a kid/teen, so I have evidence it happened, plus I guess she'd forgotten she'd remembered it before. I just hate the way gaslighting makes you feel because for so long I always doubted everything, but the fever pitch of it all was with my ex because of his denying and also being very deceitful to the point I never really knew what was truth or a lie.
Excellent video. It really supported what I went through today with a friend??? I’ve tried to forgive & forget so many times with this person, but as you say, it’s not up to me to heal them, but rather heal myself & move on.❤
I would always take screenshots of what my ex guy friend would say cause he would always say "oh I never said that" then when I would send it back to him he would say I twisted his words.
This happened to me I went on a trip with a friend to Vegas and the trip didn’t go well me and her had an argument the second night and on top of that argument .we had a conversation fast for going on a month of not talking .she decided to text me about something pertaining to conversation we had and she began to twist my words of what I told her that night at Vegas which was the complete opposite . I start to second-guess myself but my intuition kept telling me no I didn’t say those things. Now throughout our text messaging back-and-forth she decided to gaslight the whole situation and decided not to text back as I’m trying to me explain myself I even tried calling her she didn’t want to call me back and at this point I decided to in friendship so suddenly.
@Swoosh God it’s unfortunate but as a friend if you’re trying to fix the situation and the person is not allow you to fix the situation it’s best to not even waste your time or energy or your day to contact that person just leave that person alone and out of your life for good. trying to explain myself I suddenly realize that I am not the problem she was the problem .as I was bringing up the conversation what I actually said she was deflecting and gaslighting me this situation and making this situation worse. My best advice if it’s worth saving the friendship and try to have a conversation but if it’s not cut them people your life for good.
@Swoosh God another advice have somebody read your text message because I had coworkers of mine at work to read my text messages to see if I was crazy or if I was in the wrong but turns out each coworker of mine pointing out the gaslighting that this girl was doing throughout text messages and she try to be a smart ass and tell me I didn’t know what gaslighting mean but she was doing it to me throughout texting and not answering my phone calls.
Hi Petra, I have a situation here. I have this friend who's like blaming me for things I believe I never said or had done. But I kind of think maybe she'll change or maybe I am really hurting her? Her words make me feel like I Am the bad one here... But she's aggressive too... I am in dilemma. Is she toxic or am the one overreacting?
The friend is toxic! Stop gaslighting yourself with sentences like "Am I the one overreacting?" A genuine friend would never make a point or pattern of you feeling bad about yourself. You get to choose who you want in your inner circle.
Even watching this and typing this comment I keep questioning if maybe I'm the real toxic one and idk what to do and I know that they are just getting in my head but at the same time I don't wanna be a bad person or turn into them
A person in my friend group has been manipulating and gaslighting me.The worst part is that recently, she started doing it in front of our common friends , she just twists a situation (many situations ) in a way where whenever i make an observation about something she did, even calmly, im always the one who's wrong and being ridiculous, at first i thought those were just misunderstandings so i tried to explain my perception of how things happened, when she would say they didnt , but then after a long time i realized that she just doesn't want to take any accountabilty for her words, and her actions and how they impact me and others. (ive seen her do the same to some of our other friends, but i feel like im the only one who confronted her the most ) One example is that a lot of times ,she says things (usually pieces of info about our studies/schedule/things that the teacher said or did while i wasnt there, we'rein the same university)and i would believe it, but then she would be like "haha i was just kidding, did you really believe me?". AT the time I thought it was fine, it felt annoying but i didnt want to make it bigger than it was. It was just joking after all, right? Then after a while i started doubting the things she would say because she 'joked' too often. Then one day when we were with our other friends, she started complaining that i didnt trust her when she says things and blamed me for doubting her.. Like, you do realize that you joke about things A LOT and that its NORMAL that after a while i dont automatically believe what you say? Like that story of the guy who cried wolf. Today in the morning, in our friend groupchat, i was waiting for the exams grades and i asked whether any grades were out, she replied and said yea two of them are, X and Y , they're in the website, so i was like oh really? im gonna go check them out; Then i couldnt find anything and asked if she was sure, then she went like "Did you believe me?" I got upset, but tried to stay calm and said that "i was really waiting for the results to be out so yes, i did believe", then she said: "that i always say that she's always messing around and NOW im believing her? What? " That felt confusing. She shames me publicly for not believing her, when she herself very often "messes with me" about regular, day to day things, and then on the times when i do actually believe her, she blames me for believing her. What does she want from me? I feel like im gonna tear my hair. And that isnt the end unfortunately.There are many instances, where i feel she just takes a situation, twists it in a way where she denies all responsibilty, even when its obvious, and just switches the whole blame to me. At first it was small unimportant things, but it kept happening again and again and again, and i was constantly wondering if i was imagining things. I found myself overthinking a lot after our interactions. One day i told her a secret and asked her to not tell anyone, then i added that if she wants to talk about it, "please don't do so while we're in class" and i explained i was worried someone would hear and spread it . She said okay. Fast forward to probably a week later, we were in class and she was next to me, and then she started whispering to me about "that thing" i told her about, i dont remember exactly what i said, but at first i told her to wait until we were out, but she insisted so i answered her. Now to be honest, when i told her to wait until we were out, she did start whispering less loudly, so im not saying she was trying to reveal my secret,and knowing her i dont think she was, but she didnt respect my boundary to not talk about it in the classroom, and some girls were sitting right behind us, so it stressed me a bit. After the class was over, i told her (in a light joking tone) "hey, didnt i tell you not to talk about that if we were around people?" i wasnt even angry, i thought she would just say that she forgot or smth but she was like "no, i didnt say anything , did i say anything? ,and "i didnt say 'the word". She lied to my face. As if i wasnt there when it happened. It bamboozled me. It hurt me. Usually, the little lies she said before that point in time were kinda blurry, but this one was just an OBVIOUS one. She didnt even seem phased. I also felt so disrespected, not only bc she didnt value my boundary and broke it, but because right after doing that in front of me, she LIED about it. That was one eye opening moment for me, because before that, i was kinda convinced that the small repetitive lies she would say and deny, for a long time, were just me imagining things, amplifying them etc. And honestly i dont care about a lot of those lies, but its the fact that she keeps LYING, and that she tries to make me look crazy in front of my friends whenever i confront her about it and i mean, when im not even trying to make it a public thing; I'm starting to feel scared that if this keeps going, ill lose my friends, that theyll stop trusting me or smth,i already doubt myself a lot at this point, recently i started doubting my memory about normal things, like things that happened a few seconds ago. Like recently when i "confront" her about a behavior she did, she denies it, and then a while later she brings it up in front of our friends after flipping it over, and takes no accountabilty for anything. And she says it so confidently, i sometimes start believe her even when i know what happened. And the way the situation happened, most of the time, is NOT how she talks about it with our friends, and the way she describes it makes me seem and feel as if im just irrationally making up problems where there are none, blowing things out of proportion, hell a lot of times I've wondered if she was right and i was just constantly making things bigger than they were, and ruining the mood. I think thats it for my rant.If youve made it to the end, thank you for listening :)
I completely relate to you. Every single thing you’ve said describes a friend I had. And it’s even worse. Such people can make you feel like you’re going crazy. Especially when you’re in a group friend and wonder why some people still tolerate her.
@@joysally6895 Exactly! I can't count the times I felt like:" Am I the only one who is seeing this?" and "Does anyone else notice this craziness ? Why isn't anyone confronting her"
RUN!!🙏 she's going to erode your confidence and self worth. She sounds jealous of you and she's trying to break you down. Distance yourself, Trust Yourself and use the gray rock method ❤️ good luck dear
@@leilac6970 I did! I'm glad we hardly ever talk now. I still struggle with believing myself at times , it's as if my mind can't register that she actually was manipulative and was gaslighting me. But im trying. Thank you for being supportive❤️ hope you have a great day
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I had to learn to trust myself more than a friend I cared about. I saw red flags and when I tried to talk to her about it she turned it all back on me. Kept saying you know me, you took it wrong. Nope. I trusted myself and my intuition. Been 2 years now and I dont miss her drama.
Good for you Dona! Self trust is a priority!
You have such a soothing voice. Mourning the demise of a friendship that was destroyed by narcissism, gaslighting, and micromanaging, and what you said makes so much sense to me.
"You think that's how you feel, but that's not how you actually feel." "I think you are confused."
Also, the toxic person claims that they gave you some important information and they never did. The consequence is that you miss out on something good or you end up looking bad to others.
The double bind...😞
Thank you. Thank you so much. I had a friend, past tense, and she would use exactly those words, you twisted my words, you took it out of context, you’re too sensitive, can’t you take a joke, all those things and I finally dropped her. I hung onto her because there was not a lot of English speaking women my age, I was new to the community and I figured we should be friends because we both needed a friend. Years went by until she finally crossed a line. This is on me but I put up with her and walked around talking to myself, to my husband, to other friends. One friend who knew her did not back me because she wasn’t there (tho she finally witnessed a number of instances. But she kept saying we were both wonderful women and she wanted us to get along. I tried and it got worse so I finally walked away. It took awhile to believe in myself again, she lives right down the street in this tiny Mexican village we live in, not many English speaking women live here. But I finally walked away, stopped taking the blame or even half the blame. It took awhile, I thought I’d lost something, a relationship I tried so hard to forge. I was always a bit disconcerted, left wonder what had just occurred, why did I feel so bad? It took awhile but now. I’m ok, I’ll never subject myself to that again.
I came to that on my own . Remain defiant and remember word for word what they said and repeat it back to them. nothing has gone further to make a difference for me. After awhile you automatically remember .
Gaslighting is even worse when it's done by someone you trust, because you don't even suspect the gaslighting behavior in question to even be gaslighting at all and assume they're doing it not despite, but BECAUSE they're your friend/family. And if you get upset and/or cut them off, it only makes you look even more guilty in their eyes.
Glad that you're still in the game,Petra.☺
😊 Thank you Oscar
Journaling has kept me from falling back into the snare as I once did over and over with the same few friends and family.
I’ve put them at arms length distance from me and I’ve never been happier!
These guidelines have been a lifesaver. I don’t doubt myself anymore.
It’s fascinating to watch them work their old tricks though. I feel absolutely no obligation to engage, so I respond politely and firmly and end the conversation before it even begins.
I have no hard feelings, just not interested in the nonsense.
Yes! This right here!
Thank you so much for posting this. I am currently struggling with gaslighting from a toxic friend and this really gave me some perspective. I need to give myself more compassion.
Fill yourself up with compassion, kindness and forgiveness. It's not about them, it's about you 💖
This is one of your best! I have been through many toxic friendships along with healthy friendships. The toxic ones I thought it was my job to fix as most adult children of alcoholics do. This was very healing for me! Not my Calling! Thank you Petra!!
As Ram Dass often said "I can do nothing for you but work on myself. You can do nothing for me but work on yourself" and so it is!
Thank you Petra.. as always I enjoy evolving from your wisdom. I particularly like your work because it addresses friendships...female friends. It's amazing how quickly they lose interest in me when they sense that I've called my power back. Nothing in particular is spoken but rather, I exude shifted energy. They can feel it...and my goodness, they scatter like cockroaches. I grieve this...but gladly, my withdrawals are lesser and lesser.
Like everything in life, healing is a process. Stop the self-judgement and give yourself compassion for what you've been through.
So accurate, especially after you went out of your way to drive them home after lunch, they say to your face, after they get out of the car, "now I will be seen with you & I want to reach out to you on zoom, but I don't dare"🤔 Almost jumped out of my skin, who says that to a friend?🤔
Thanks for Sharing 👍🌹
Petra Please Respond, when time allows🌹
Thank you Petra, as always ❤️. You’re correct with journaling, it’s the easiest way to see a pattern.
You're most welcome.....yes journaling is so healing ❤
Hello there Petra, your content is godsend. It's been weeks since I've distanced myself from friends who I believed gaslighted me. But, it still hurts when I think about the things they've said and the times I doubted myself because of that. But, listening to you now made me step back and think about the times I may have gaslighted them too.
I saw the red flags. It's not good to try to be so understanding. I said, "Well maybe she's..."., and tried to be understanding and compassionate because her husband just died. When I saw her hit her basset hound for barking, I should have ran. Fortunately, it's not too late. I've only been her target for two long months and I'm done. The explosion she had in my face the other day is enough for me to learn from. I am my own best friend.
Crazy people with crazy ideas about themselves - the center of the universe and we are rubbish
I understand you so much! I’m 51 now and I still doubt myself, I have no real friends anymore. The narcissist are now in other areas of my life, the hair Salon, grocery store, repair men, family members, and I’m still married to one. They are everywhere, I’m so conditioned to it now I’m afraid I’ll never get away from them. I feel surrounded. Love your videos. 🤍🕊🦋
Same here..
@@gammalight5953 sorry you have the same experience. It has to get better one day.
@@tinalight7106 yes it has too...
Great tips, thanks Petra. I’ve really got to try writing things down - I hate it when I get occasional tender feelings for the narcissist. Seeing their misbehavior and complete disregard for me on paper should help with that. Oh and I agree, “I’ll heal me, you heal you”. It’s not our responsibility to heal them. They don’t want to heal, anyway.
LOVEly to see you again, dear Petra! I think what you said about journaling is so true. It helps to have a record because it's easy to give the benefit of the doubt, and usually by doubting ourselves in that process and it leads to such confusion. What's funny is that they can deny emails or texts that they themselves have written. "Well, that's not what I meant." Whaaaaat?! I'm much more familiar with the little red flags now. It's interesting that many advice columns are just riddled with kind people dealing with personality disordered family, friends, bosses or co-workers. Yikes!
It's kind and loving to ourselves to step away from dealing and focus on healing 😘
Wow, very helpful.
Mine just said: I'm not interested in how I made you feel, you're not at my level yet, it's boring and I don't want to talk about it.
Also: everything I do and say is profound, it's all to help you and if not, I was just going through a difficult time. Meaning, she was entitled to treat me in whichever way she liked, all the time.
I finally see the dynamics of our relationship. It's so clear now but it took such a long time...
I made the big mistake of taking a big black marker and painting over all my journal entries from the times I was with my ex-friend as a way of removing her completely out of my life. Since her gaslighting still affects me today, I wish I still had those records to look back on them. I feel like I’ve lost all the „proof“ of the abuse.
The hardest parts for me _not_ journaling is that I now have "holes" in my memory and no way to read about my reality. So, you understand. I didn't write things down and the gaslighting left me with memory loss. I who have always had a great memory! Yes!!
There she is!! :)
Great to see and hear you again, Petra🧡
Thank you Sigrid! 😊
It was lovely to hear you again. I'm glad you are ok. I was also wondering, and with what's currently happening in the world, one does get concerned. You look well Petra xo
Thank you. Love and light to you and yours 💖
Lovely to see you. PETRA it would be nice to know about the info supplier that the narcissistic friend appoints after blocking them away. People who try to extract the information about you after you have blocked them out of our life
I am new to your channel but you are really a lovely person. I never got the emotional support from anyone really bcuz my best friend of a long time and my mother both are narcissist but your presence is so warm that i almost cried because I feel so comforted really. Thank you very much.
You're so welcome. Love and blessings Deepti ❤
It's all relative. This is the reaction I would have when someone is trying to gaslight. Gaslighters lie, and create things that never happened just to be a victim.
I got the “I’m sorry you feel that way” and by my sister of all people. This set me off on discovering narcissism. Explained a lot and the “mirroring” I thought wtf is going on here, and wow it’s psychological abuse. I’m so disgusted! I called her out and got punished by not seeing my nephews. I’m going nearly 2 years without seeing them now. These narcissistic people are so damaging. ☠️🌈🦋🙏🏽✨
I'm sad to say I've had this experience too often with family members and an ex. No friends have done it that I can recall, but then I haven't had many friends in my life, sadly, due to my upbringing and affects from that. It took the ex for me to realize it and what was going on, but I'm glad I did because, before that, it would actually make me doubt myself so much. Now, I've started to be a lot more sure about things that have happened or what someone said. With my ex, it got to the point, I didn't even like talking to him unless what he said was written down or in a text because he'd say something and then a few days/weeks later, act like he either never said it or I was remembering it wrong. Sometimes, he'd say he didn't remember it, which I can understand because my memory isn't all that great, either, but then he'd later make reference to it in a way that made me realize he did remember it, but was using his supposed bad memory to act as if he didn't remember. And I won't deny he had memory problems because I'll never really know, but in this case, I'm pretty sure he was faking it. I mean, his denying was so bad that I could have a literal picture of his text message saying something and he'd then deflect and go, "It's petty to need to keep receipts on me". I mean, probably, but it was the only way I could prove to myself and him that he'd said something. But then, focus was off what he said and then I'd be defending why I took the picture in the first place and, often, end up apologizing for making him feel bad or something.
My mother, the second main narcissistic person in my family, she's much more straightforward. She's the type who will gladly proclaim she has issues and says/does bad things to people, but is never interested in talking about them or trying to change her ways. I was trying to talk to her about a bad childhood memory and she just straight up told me I'm remembering it wrong. The only reason I'm certain it did happen is because I kept journals as a kid/teen, so I have evidence it happened, plus I guess she'd forgotten she'd remembered it before. I just hate the way gaslighting makes you feel because for so long I always doubted everything, but the fever pitch of it all was with my ex because of his denying and also being very deceitful to the point I never really knew what was truth or a lie.
Amazing. Thanks so much Petra!
I’m fully aware of those supposed and alleged friends!
Excellent video. It really supported what I went through today with a friend??? I’ve tried to forgive & forget so many times with this person, but as you say, it’s not up to me to heal them, but rather heal myself & move on.❤
Your voice is so lovely and welcomingly warm 🥺🤗
Thank you Baby girl.
Perfect....just what i needed to hear...thank you....
good to see you again.
So glad to see you
Hello Petra my dear friend and truth warrior Happy Mommas Day & I appreciate you thank you for sharing 🌻🦋
Thank you Ms. LaKiesha ⚘
@@PetraVanDeijl Your more than welcome ❤👸🏽🦋
I would always take screenshots of what my ex guy friend would say cause he would always say "oh I never said that" then when I would send it back to him he would say I twisted his words.
These are some sick individuals. Even cold hard evidence they deny.
Nice to see you again x
Hello happy to hear from you 😊
Good to see you!
I love your video. I was gaslighted by an old friend just yesterday and I blocked a narcissist friend years ago
Thanks again for the encouragement 😊
So happy to see you again!
Sweet. Thank you Gill
did anyone got gaslighted into thinking you are the gaslighter?
This happened to me I went on a trip with a friend to Vegas and the trip didn’t go well me and her had an argument the second night and on top of that argument .we had a conversation fast for going on a month of not talking .she decided to text me about something pertaining to conversation we had and she began to twist my words of what I told her that night at Vegas which was the complete opposite . I start to second-guess myself but my intuition kept telling me no I didn’t say those things. Now throughout our text messaging back-and-forth she decided to gaslight the whole situation and decided not to text back as I’m trying to me explain myself I even tried calling her she didn’t want to call me back and at this point I decided to in friendship so suddenly.
@Swoosh God it’s unfortunate but as a friend if you’re trying to fix the situation and the person is not allow you to fix the situation it’s best to not even waste your time or energy or your day to contact that person just leave that person alone and out of your life for good. trying to explain myself I suddenly realize that I am not the problem she was the problem .as I was bringing up the conversation what I actually said she was deflecting and gaslighting me this situation and making this situation worse. My best advice if it’s worth saving the friendship and try to have a conversation but if it’s not cut them people your life for good.
@Swoosh God another advice have somebody read your text message because I had coworkers of mine at work to read my text messages to see if I was crazy or if I was in the wrong but turns out each coworker of mine pointing out the gaslighting that this girl was doing throughout text messages and she try to be a smart ass and tell me I didn’t know what gaslighting mean but she was doing it to me throughout texting and not answering my phone calls.
Makes so much sense ..
Thanks for showing me how to heal 🙂
Happy belated Mother’s Day Petra!
Happy to see you again 👍🏻😊
Hey Erin, thank you!! Haven't seen you in ages....I trust you're doing great! 😘
😻welcome back
Should we even confront them?
Nope, no point. Distance yourself and disengage.
@@PetraVanDeijl thanks for replying.
My frenemies have been so unreasonable I didn't even try, but was surprised when you mentioned emails
This was so helpful thank you so much.
You're most welcome!
❤️🤗❤️Thx Petra 🙏
Hi, thank you for sharing this to us.
You're most welcome!
Looking good and well rested!
Thank you Ms. Shirley ⚘
Hello Petra it's really good seeing you
Thank you Mr. Dwain.
👋good to see you!
Thank you Vashti. Much love 🧡
Hi Petra, I have a situation here.
I have this friend who's like blaming me for things I believe I never said or had done. But I kind of think maybe she'll change or maybe I am really hurting her?
Her words make me feel like I Am the bad one here...
But she's aggressive too...
I am in dilemma. Is she toxic or am the one overreacting?
The friend is toxic! Stop gaslighting yourself with sentences like "Am I the one overreacting?" A genuine friend would never make a point or pattern of you feeling bad about yourself. You get to choose who you want in your inner circle.
Tnsnk you!
A1
Missed you! 💐
Thank you Samantha. I missed showing up.
Yaaayyy!!!
🤗
Even watching this and typing this comment I keep questioning if maybe I'm the real toxic one and idk what to do and I know that they are just getting in my head but at the same time I don't wanna be a bad person or turn into them
A person in my friend group has been manipulating and gaslighting me.The worst part is that recently, she started doing it in front of our common friends , she just twists a situation (many situations ) in a way where whenever i make an observation about something she did, even calmly, im always the one who's wrong and being ridiculous, at first i thought those were just misunderstandings so i tried to explain my perception of how things happened, when she would say they didnt , but then after a long time i realized that she just doesn't want to take any accountabilty for her words, and her actions and how they impact me and others. (ive seen her do the same to some of our other friends, but i feel like im the only one who confronted her the most )
One example is that a lot of times ,she says things (usually pieces of info about our studies/schedule/things that the teacher said or did while i wasnt there, we'rein the same university)and i would believe it, but then she would be like "haha i was just kidding, did you really believe me?".
AT the time I thought it was fine, it felt annoying but i didnt want to make it bigger than it was. It was just joking after all, right?
Then after a while i started doubting the things she would say because she 'joked' too often. Then one day when we were with our other friends, she started complaining that i didnt trust her when she says things and blamed me for doubting her.. Like, you do realize that you joke about things A LOT and that its NORMAL that after a while i dont automatically believe what you say? Like that story of the guy who cried wolf.
Today in the morning, in our friend groupchat, i was waiting for the exams grades and i asked whether any grades were out, she replied and said yea two of them are, X and Y , they're in the website, so i was like oh really? im gonna go check them out; Then i couldnt find anything and asked if she was sure, then she went like "Did you believe me?" I got upset, but tried to stay calm and said that "i was really waiting for the results to be out so yes, i did believe", then she said: "that i always say that she's always messing around and NOW im believing her? What? "
That felt confusing. She shames me publicly for not believing her, when she herself very often "messes with me" about regular, day to day things, and then on the times when i do actually believe her, she blames me for believing her. What does she want from me? I feel like im gonna tear my hair.
And that isnt the end unfortunately.There are many instances, where i feel she just takes a situation, twists it in a way where she denies all responsibilty, even when its obvious, and just switches the whole blame to me. At first it was small unimportant things, but it kept happening again and again and again, and i was constantly wondering if i was imagining things. I found myself overthinking a lot after our interactions. One day i told her a secret and asked her to not tell anyone, then i added that if she wants to talk about it, "please don't do so while we're in class" and i explained i was worried someone would hear and spread it . She said okay. Fast forward to probably a week later, we were in class and she was next to me, and then she started whispering to me about "that thing" i told her about, i dont remember exactly what i said, but at first i told her to wait until we were out, but she insisted so i answered her.
Now to be honest, when i told her to wait until we were out, she did start whispering less loudly, so im not saying she was trying to reveal my secret,and knowing her i dont think she was, but she didnt respect my boundary to not talk about it in the classroom, and some girls were sitting right behind us, so it stressed me a bit. After the class was over, i told her (in a light joking tone) "hey, didnt i tell you not to talk about that if we were around people?" i wasnt even angry, i thought she would just say that she forgot or smth but she was like "no, i didnt say anything , did i say anything? ,and "i didnt say 'the word". She lied to my face. As if i wasnt there when it happened. It bamboozled me. It hurt me. Usually, the little lies she said before that point in time were kinda blurry, but this one was just an OBVIOUS one. She didnt even seem phased. I also felt so disrespected, not only bc she didnt value my boundary and broke it, but because right after doing that in front of me, she LIED about it. That was one eye opening moment for me, because before that, i was kinda convinced that the small repetitive lies she would say and deny, for a long time, were just me imagining things, amplifying them etc. And honestly i dont care about a lot of those lies, but its the fact that she keeps LYING, and that she tries to make me look crazy in front of my friends whenever i confront her about it and i mean, when im not even trying to make it a public thing; I'm starting to feel scared that if this keeps going, ill lose my friends, that theyll stop trusting me or smth,i already doubt myself a lot at this point, recently i started doubting my memory about normal things, like things that happened a few seconds ago. Like recently when i "confront" her about a behavior she did, she denies it, and then a while later she brings it up in front of our friends after flipping it over, and takes no accountabilty for anything. And she says it so confidently, i sometimes start believe her even when i know what happened. And the way the situation happened, most of the time, is NOT how she talks about it with our friends, and the way she describes it makes me seem and feel as if im just irrationally making up problems where there are none, blowing things out of proportion, hell a lot of times I've wondered if she was right and i was just constantly making things bigger than they were, and ruining the mood.
I think thats it for my rant.If youve made it to the end, thank you for listening :)
I completely relate to you. Every single thing you’ve said describes a friend I had. And it’s even worse. Such people can make you feel like you’re going crazy. Especially when you’re in a group friend and wonder why some people still tolerate her.
@@joysally6895 Exactly! I can't count the times I felt like:" Am I the only one who is seeing this?" and "Does anyone else notice this craziness ? Why isn't anyone confronting her"
RUN!!🙏 she's going to erode your confidence and self worth. She sounds jealous of you and she's trying to break you down. Distance yourself, Trust Yourself and use the gray rock method ❤️ good luck dear
@@leilac6970 I did! I'm glad we hardly ever talk now. I still struggle with believing myself at times , it's as if my mind can't register that she actually was manipulative and was gaslighting me. But im trying.
Thank you for being supportive❤️ hope you have a great day
Hi Petra...
and, how would they respond when you kept repeating your truth?
With rage or silence. So one beautiful day 5 years ago I decided enough is enough. I walked out and never walked back in. Peace is bliss!
Before you apply the advice in this video you must make sure you're being honest with yourself!!!! That should be step 1.❤
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