Why you feel misunderstood, alone, and disconnected

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  • Опубликовано: 1 фев 2025

Комментарии • 106

  • @asjeble
    @asjeble 7 часов назад +25

    I am so sad now. Come out of survival mode after more than 50 years and see the devestation behind me. Depression and anxiety destroyed most of my life, what a mess. Still gratefull that i have some life left in front of me. Now on my healingpath. But i am so tired and feel so alone. I lost a lot in my life and it's a lonely road.

    • @robincrowflies
      @robincrowflies 7 часов назад +4

      💚 It's never too late. When I was 50 I discovered I'd been living with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I'm 57 now, still working on processing and healing, and have recently brought pieces of my soul back to me--I brought back the child who knew magic--KNOWS magic. Keep going. Peace and Joy and Love go with you.

    • @kloebl10
      @kloebl10 5 часов назад +4

      I feel the same but learning to heal myself.

    • @GoogleAccount00
      @GoogleAccount00 4 часа назад +4

      I’m sending you an abundant of love, positive energy, healing energy, support! Your comment really touched me, and I am so empathetic to you. I know that the life ahead of you will be 10 times greater than the devastation the depression and anxiety has left behind you. Keep pressing forward, my friend! Sending you a big hug! 💛

    • @trakmala4013
      @trakmala4013 Час назад +1

      Im 42 and i feel the same.

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад +2

      I hear you and feel your pain. I just want to say that I was also in my 50's when the lightbulbs started flashing and the new research (HSP, CPTSD) reached me. I'm now in mid-60's and I feel the happiest I've ever felt because I finally understand what happened to me, what caused my pain (I'm also on anti-depressants for most of the year) and I only allow healthy people into my life. If I have people who trigger me, they only get a part of me because I owe them or we have a history and I am loyal, but not at the expense of too much trigger or toxicity.

  • @KonradTamas
    @KonradTamas 8 часов назад +18

    Wow, you described 90% of my childhood. I thought I was the only one with this setting, but as I see it is more common!

    • @fortissimoX
      @fortissimoX Час назад

      "Wow, you described 90% of my childhood. I thought I was the only one with this setting..."
      Lol, if you scratch under the surface of western society, I guess you'll find at least 90% disfunctional people with these kinds of issues.
      Nope, you're not the only one. Not even close.
      Look from the positive side, we live in era when these insights are finally surfacing and we have great opportunity to heal them.
      Most generations before us were not even aware of what causes their disfunction. They simply thought that's what life is.

  • @quintdotcom
    @quintdotcom 9 часов назад +12

    I've never clicked on a video so fast. And I felt this whole video was speaking to me (except switch "dad" with "mom")

  • @Boralak
    @Boralak 2 часа назад +2

    OMG, as a parent, I am guilty of everything mentioned here. I thought I had the best intentions because my daughter was indecisive. She ended up disconnecting from us in her 20s, becoming rigid in her beliefs and stubborn. This made us mad, but it translated as disapproval, which it was, and she decided we didn't love her anymore; her health failed, she got OCD, became a vegan and took her life. I live in guilt and regret

  • @AlysonArchibequeDavis-kv1bx
    @AlysonArchibequeDavis-kv1bx 11 часов назад +20

    I became controlling as a result of my relationship with my controlling, yet inattentive mother. I believe my control issues probably added to my first born’s anxiety challenges. I was a great mom, but my nervous system was also dysregulated, and I was unaware of so much. My wife fawned and developed OCD and C-PTSD. 💔 We are all healing each other with deep, authentic love. Your content 🤌🏼🙌🏼🫶🏼 Thank you.

  • @Nitronerd
    @Nitronerd 10 часов назад +26

    Definitely points 1 and 4. Regarding point 4, my developed persona was/is that of a bad guy, a tough guy. The old long haired biker type. Heavily tattooed. Quiet. Lives alone. Acts like he doesn't need anyone. But inside, I am alone, depressed, want to love and be loved. I live alone because that when I feel in control. 😢

    • @s.stevens4520
      @s.stevens4520 10 часов назад +6

      They’re not here now. You can be whoever you want to be! And you’re not old. Do it!!!

    • @mommae295
      @mommae295 4 часа назад +2

      Same here but I'm a mom, a single mom

    • @AnnLi-lm2kd
      @AnnLi-lm2kd 26 минут назад

      Trust me when I say things will change when you work on your Trauma. There are a lot of free resources on the internet and if you can visit a therapist that would be great too. But just don't loose hope or think life is going to be this way always. There are better days ahead!!!!!

  • @kimgillick2340
    @kimgillick2340 6 часов назад +5

    Thanks for this! I’m glad I’m not alone, I’m sorry for anyone that was not valued or allowed to explore and grow as a child.

  • @_ross5800
    @_ross5800 7 часов назад +7

    Everything, Everything you said and wrote on the board rings the bell, thank you again!

  • @Deniz-p1x7q
    @Deniz-p1x7q 11 часов назад +12

    These words explain how i feel so well, it makes me feel validated when everyone else blames me for being this way including myself. Thank you❤

  • @jessherac
    @jessherac 12 часов назад +12

    Is crazy how hard it is to know who you really are in the healing journey! I am in that process while healing health issues because of all of this. Is scary, difficult but I know it will be worth the work ❤

  • @tjrn73
    @tjrn73 11 часов назад +7

    Wow most of my entire child and young adulthood in 7 minutes. Looking forward to the next videos.

  • @amygerstle2037
    @amygerstle2037 2 часа назад +1

    Need to watch again when I am in a better place to comment. Really low today. Thank you for your videos.❤

  • @OogwayGames
    @OogwayGames 11 часов назад +7

    Every point you made resonated with me, especially the last one!
    I felt so alone amd unsure of myself ever since i was little!
    Looking forward to your next vid! Much love ❤

  • @Aurora-e6o
    @Aurora-e6o 5 часов назад +6

    I remember as a child in elementary school (2nd or 3rd grade) during recess, I kept turning around looking at what all the other kids where doing and feelings like I wasn't there or like they moved only when I looked at them. I would also pretend I was adopted and my real mother would show up any day and take me. 😢

  • @KimE-sy6jt
    @KimE-sy6jt 5 часов назад +2

    #3. Ive been on autopilot all my life. Im an only child of a stay home alcoholic mother while my dad was gone working to pay the bills. I was alone for most of my young childhood. Al anon and years of talk therapy and EMDR have helped but still don't know myself well or have goals or dreams. It feels hard to think about the future with me in it. I still feel like a ghost in my own life. Thanks for talking about the subject.

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад

      I hope you will continue to research and do what you can toward healing. In my religion, we are taught to do everything we can and then to put it in God's hands. I've noticed that the most sincerely religious people I know are the ones who do that. You don't need to be religious to have this work for you. Generally, I see that people improve bit by bit and then, suddenly by leaps and bounds as they work on themselves. I am so sorry you spent so much time alone when you were little.

  • @cuzitsayseveryhandleistaken
    @cuzitsayseveryhandleistaken 2 часа назад +1

    Thanks Dr. Nicole for making this video ✨

  • @dayanrocha760
    @dayanrocha760 4 часа назад +1

    To me point #2. I was the caregiver of my two younger siblings. I am certain that Im still healing from that. But I been doing the work. Therephy, reading and journaling. I now know myself and I really like me. Im an amazing person! I know I have more to heal but I love who I am. The real me❤❤❤❤!!!

  • @biamia8763
    @biamia8763 10 часов назад +7

    I’m ready for the 4 step journey!

  • @tnels5027
    @tnels5027 10 часов назад +6

    All mentioned🎭 Many, many thanks for all your videos🌻

  • @kloebl10
    @kloebl10 5 часов назад +1

    1, 3, 4 for me. I'm 56. Fewer years ahead than behind. But learning to heal and still figuring out who I am.

  • @Stashbox88
    @Stashbox88 8 часов назад +2

    All of this resonates with me, can’t wait to see the next video, time to ditch this persona and let the real me shine! Thank you for your knowledge and help 🙏

  • @stellablue707
    @stellablue707 4 часа назад +1

    Wow this is me. I'm looking forward to the next one and finding your book books.

  • @tammysclips
    @tammysclips 12 часов назад +20

    My childhood was very traumatic. I was born to a mother with schizophrenia and an alcoholic absent father. My mom loved me but she did horrible things. She didn’t make me go to school. She didn’t feed me sometimes. She left me outside while she was in bars. All while my dad paid the bills but was never there. At 5 I was forced to live with my dad because of cps. He didn’t want me. He married another woman who hated me. I never felt good enough. I was always treated as an outsider. At 15 I left home and was never allowed back. I cried I begged but he wouldn’t let me come home. I then went on to live with an aunt. Her boyfriend beat her and me. Then I started being in relationships just to have someone something. I was abused mistreated and never loved. Now at 42 I dissociate. I have anxiety, depression. And I do not know who I am. I feel like no one loves me. I have an amazing boyfriend but I’m self sabotaging. I don’t know what to do. And I feel all alone. Please help

    • @AlysonArchibequeDavis-kv1bx
      @AlysonArchibequeDavis-kv1bx 11 часов назад

      First of all, you are worthy and deserving of love. You made it to 42! And to 2025! I bet younger you didn’t think that would happen. 🥺 Your story reminds me of stories I know I don’t get from my students who are always tired and hungry. I’m sorry for your suffering. And welcome to self-healing. Watch it all from Dr. Lepera. And if the bf is good and the love is real, lean in to that. You got this. 🙏🏼🫂

    • @Jasonslittlesister1
      @Jasonslittlesister1 11 часов назад +13

      Wishing you all the best. It's not much, I'm not where you live, maybe I'm an ocean, a continent far apart from where you physically are.
      You don't know me. I don't know you. This is not my native language.
      But I reach out to you nontheless.
      I didn't experience what you did.
      I fought other fights, lost other battles.
      I'm sorry this happened to you.
      I feel your pain through your words, I see your loneliness in the sentences, I hear you cry into the abyss.
      There are things that are helping you, like they helped me.
      You do them, mostly not self aware.
      Non expensive ones.
      Writing helped me. A piece of paper, a pen, or a phone or a Laptop. Music. Listening.
      Singing. The sun. The rain.
      Hugging myself, shifting myself forwards and backwards when I cried. Laughing as hard as it could be, about some bad jokes or animal videos. Touching the fur of a dog. Or another person's hand. Feel it. Hear the breath with your ears. The smell of a citron, the taste of a strawberry. Be in the moment.
      It'll bring peace. And comfort.
      Ask for help. There are community Services. Online groups. Videos. Podcasts.Telephone help Hotlines. Therapy for those who will want it.
      I hope you'll find your very own and unique way, so unique like you are, cause you're worth it.
      You're your own Light.
      Don't loose hope. When it's dark, it's all that's left. You already know that, cause you're still here.
      There's always hope❤
      Wishing you all the Best.

    • @Chercheure_Indépendante
      @Chercheure_Indépendante 11 часов назад +2

      I had a very similar experience though I don't have a boyfriend because I don't want one because of abuse.

    • @Chercheure_Indépendante
      @Chercheure_Indépendante 11 часов назад

      @@Jasonslittlesister1 What is your native language?

    • @Jasonslittlesister1
      @Jasonslittlesister1 10 часов назад

      ​@@Chercheure_Indépendante Northern European.

  • @tamaravsthevoid
    @tamaravsthevoid 5 часов назад +2

    I have a lot of trauma from childhood but I watch mainly to ensure I don’t make the same mistakes with my kids.

    • @tamaravsthevoid
      @tamaravsthevoid 5 часов назад +1

      My mother improved a lot from her upbringing (she was taken from her parents under Australia’s stolen generations policies at 4yrs old) so I admire her and what she accomplished, but I also have the tools to do better for my kids and offer them things I didn’t have, and your videos are amazing for that. They help identify what it was I was missing out on so I can adjust my behaviour and it’s made a huge different to my confidence with my parenting too❤

  • @sunshinesunflowerz1647
    @sunshinesunflowerz1647 6 часов назад +1

    Points 1 and 3 resonated the most.

  • @Hummingbird64
    @Hummingbird64 5 часов назад +2

    I had to take on an adult role as the oldest to raise my siblings, clean ,cook . #3 Disconnect from my inner world. Built a survival persona of miss fix everything. I ran away a lot at age of 4 yrs old . I hid all the time when my dad came home or I disappeared so he wouldn't abuse me verbally or physically abuse me .

    • @kellyamodeo214
      @kellyamodeo214 3 часа назад +1

      @@Hummingbird64 I can relate. Thanks for sharing.

  • @itsamerrylife9128
    @itsamerrylife9128 8 часов назад +2

    I’m really enjoying your videos. They are helping me I think. Thank you.

  • @barrymcalister5133
    @barrymcalister5133 8 часов назад +2

    I love this as I just completed an Authentic Embodiment practice at Pachamama here in Costa Rica. ❤💃💃

  • @katyalambo
    @katyalambo 10 часов назад +2

    I relate to all 4. So looking forward to your upcoming videos; this is something I have been wanting to address for years ❤

  • @rosamoreno4794
    @rosamoreno4794 12 часов назад +7

    Spot on for me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • @brendag5855
    @brendag5855 7 часов назад +1

    I LOVE your videos, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us 🙏🙏🙏

  • @Rico-RR
    @Rico-RR 11 часов назад +2

    This is incredibly valuable 💯 well done

  • @mm669
    @mm669 6 часов назад +1

    Thank you.

  • @masscommunicationlecturese5418
    @masscommunicationlecturese5418 11 часов назад +7

    My father was highly controlling, dominating & verbally abusive. So in my 30s I dont know who Im & what I want from my life.

    • @metaparcel
      @metaparcel 6 часов назад +1

      Forgive him

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад

      @@metaparcel and forgive yourself.

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад

      Are you my daughter? Your situation sounds so similar to hers. Even if you are not her, I send you a loving embrace.

  • @kellyamodeo214
    @kellyamodeo214 10 часов назад

    Checked them all.
    This is really helpful for me as I break the generational trauma. Thank you.
    I’m looking forward to your next videos.

  • @wayofthebutterfly
    @wayofthebutterfly 10 часов назад +1

    Excellent video!

  • @jane_7193
    @jane_7193 48 минут назад

    Really, I just live that whiteboard and you talking. It is healing to one's brain. I am so fed up with the artificial intelligence and social media trends.

  • @Spinkleofwhimsy
    @Spinkleofwhimsy 7 часов назад +9

    The people I’ve noticed to be the most self-aware and generally successful in life-speaking as a millennial-tended to come from homes where they were a priority. Their needs were met, often beyond just the basics, especially financially, and they had a sense of stability at home.
    However, many in my generation were raised by parents who were relatively young when they had kids, which often made life more challenging for the children. I never saw anyone with a perfect home life, but some definitely had it better-facing less trauma and instability.
    That said, personality also plays a huge role. Some people are naturally more resilient and navigate trauma better, even without guidance from their parents. You can see this in siblings raised in the same household under similar conditions-one may go on to be successful while the other struggles.

    • @asjeble
      @asjeble 7 часов назад +7

      Siblings have NEVER the same parents if you know what i mean.

    • @dayanrocha760
      @dayanrocha760 4 часа назад +1

      Love this❤

    • @kellyamodeo214
      @kellyamodeo214 3 часа назад +2

      @@asjeble yes, my siblings and I were not treated the same and did not have the same lives as me. We all had very different experiences with our parents and grandparents and each other. Expectations are different for the first born and different genders.

  • @ck6835
    @ck6835 12 часов назад +6

    My parent obsessively projected their religion onto me as a kid.
    I also remember daydreaming for hours while listening to music, fantasizing about a life where I am not me, but something else. Someone else.
    Now guess who lost their faith and developed bpd?
    I wish to go bqck in time to myself as a child or a tween. Maybe then i can see my true self? I dont remember.

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад

      I am so sorry your parents ruined religion for you. But I believe you can still find whatever in life that will comfort you in a healthy way. Maybe even just the search for self-healing.

  • @ljensen9364
    @ljensen9364 11 часов назад

    Excellent insight. Thank you for sharing

  • @tracyhowell235
    @tracyhowell235 12 часов назад +5

    Absolutely ❤💯😞🤦‍♀️

  • @divyakhubdikar5129
    @divyakhubdikar5129 Час назад

    I legit am crying. I feel mess

  • @KerrieCharltontrude
    @KerrieCharltontrude 10 минут назад

    Love this ❤

  • @knowuthrume
    @knowuthrume 9 часов назад +1

    🙏 Thank you.

  • @lenatoscas424
    @lenatoscas424 12 часов назад +7

    I click in on every one

  • @info.asappro-Gmail
    @info.asappro-Gmail 12 часов назад +10

    Can you please let me know how to overcome/remove OCD, FEAR And ANXIETY thank you ❤️❤️❤️

    • @coffination
      @coffination 12 часов назад

      Rtt changed all that for me. Marissa Peer Rapid Transformation Therapy. You can find a practitioner near you.

    • @paiviheiskanen2382
      @paiviheiskanen2382 9 часов назад +1

      You can’t remove OCD, anxiety or fear , however you can learn to cope with them by creating true SAFETY in your body through consistent practice+ daily promises this is a process that takes time. I still have OCD and anxiety myself and have learned to befriend these parts + tools so they don’t take over control of my day to day life hijacking it completely. ❤

    • @marijkevv11
      @marijkevv11 7 часов назад

      ​@paiviheiskanen2382 I agree thank you

    • @susie5254
      @susie5254 Час назад

      I DID stop anxiety attacks all by myself! I was having such horrible attacks every fall (I think because I was such a bad student and hated school??). Anyway, last year it happened as usual. Each time it happened, I thought I was having a heart attack and would surely die. I watched a RUclips video where the man said that we need to remember that anxiety attacks are NOT DANGEROUS. Once he said that, every time an attack started, I said to myself, "anxiety attacks are not dangerous." I just kept repeating this over and over until it subsided. I went from TEN A DAY to THREE. And then they were gone! It's my second year anxiety attack free! I'm not saying it will work for everyone, but what I am saying is that it is FREE and it's EASY and FAST to try so what is there to lose? If you don't think it works after four days, then move on to another way. Good luck to you!

  • @sarawlindgreen3115
    @sarawlindgreen3115 9 часов назад

    I relate to points 1 and 4

  • @jodiemarks6122
    @jodiemarks6122 10 часов назад

    Definitely resonates, like many of your videos, I feel heard. I just don't know how to resolve this and how to find myself. Would be even better if you could do a follow up video/s on steps to take to heal and steps to find ourselves?

  • @deia-says
    @deia-says 10 часов назад +1

    I can relate to all those things, Nicole explains.... but what do we do now?? 😢

  • @user-ce8tr1ex2m
    @user-ce8tr1ex2m 6 часов назад

    I have all 4. Damn.

  • @Chercheure_Indépendante
    @Chercheure_Indépendante 11 часов назад +2

    All of them. Sorry I don't want to say how or why because I have a hard time to keep my chin up at the moment.

  • @kingshukcs
    @kingshukcs 8 часов назад

    All of them, I relate to all of them. My dad was never there, mom always busy. Had to get through many things alone. And now I just don't see hope. There's no way I can have a good life with all the issues I have.

  • @brianjones2349
    @brianjones2349 10 часов назад +4

    Who told you about my parents?

  • @arjunjain5714
    @arjunjain5714 3 часа назад

    Thank you! The idea of changing yourself Depending on who you're with keeps popping up for me. For a few days i was wondering if this is in some way connected to autism, as it is not easy to tell at the moment given physical memory from early childhood is still dormant

  • @jane_7193
    @jane_7193 44 минуты назад

    Parent who needed parenting. Being burdened by the parenting role and responsibilities very early on. Early training which is hard to learn away from. In any situation, that role takes over since the inner child was always blocked. Elderly helpless mother and a sibling who still need parenting. Ethics prevent one rejecting them.

  • @Becca-k4h
    @Becca-k4h 6 часов назад

    Every. Single. One. 🥺

  • @kathrinhoffmann3486
    @kathrinhoffmann3486 3 часа назад

    So grateful for that video!! The first time that I see it so clearly. Thank you so much ❤ It really helped me. But how can I heal that now?

    • @kellyamodeo214
      @kellyamodeo214 3 часа назад

      @@kathrinhoffmann3486 I think we have to create it for ourselves now. Allow ourselves to try things. Let ourselves be messy and feel and be in our bodies so we can figure out what we truly enjoy and what we don’t.
      But I’m also here for the follow up videos lol.

  • @dawndiaz9361
    @dawndiaz9361 Час назад

    I was today years old when I learned that the survival persona is not really me.

  • @kate_rae_porteous
    @kate_rae_porteous 7 часов назад

    What kind of therapy is good for this? Or what is it called?

  • @FeminineRose
    @FeminineRose 8 часов назад

    🎉🎉🎉

  • @thinkstrong280
    @thinkstrong280 2 часа назад

    How do we fix this though?

  • @sandro3390
    @sandro3390 11 часов назад

  • @leialuminous
    @leialuminous 8 часов назад

    This has me wondering, is a flexible personality not healthy? Are we not supposed to change and grow?

  • @AnimaMea1111
    @AnimaMea1111 7 часов назад

    ❤️‍🩹

  • @Ayewitness
    @Ayewitness 4 часа назад

    Just talk normally please 🙏 I can’t hear your message anymore

  • @KerriHansen
    @KerriHansen 34 минуты назад

    This resonates deeply. Over 20 years of supposed depression and anxiety but in reality I believe insecure attachment, cptsd and the following poor decisions leading to domestic violence, sexual abuse and substance/alcohol misuse. Clean and sober, doing the work but tired, so, so tired. Questioning every decision and choice every single day to evaluate its validity is exhausting ❤️‍🩹

  • @Jskins
    @Jskins 10 часов назад