Looking at this guy, no one would ever guess how vulnerable and honest he is. Mad respect to you Chris. The psychology courses in jail/prison helped you deal with and understand your trauma more than you know. I wish you the best. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I beg to differ. Having been an addict for more than fifteen years, clean now going on three soon four years, I have done alot of trauma treatment and various psychology courses and all they did was make me feel sorry for myself and made me blame others. When I gave up on psychiatry and both the mental and pharmaceutical posions they peddle I was able to straighten myself out. Modern psychology is a scam.
@@dx5242 @dennis I am in my last year of obtaining my bachelor in sociology as well as psychology.... I think being aware of basic psychology and understanding how events can and do effect you help process them, now that doesn't mean everyone will process them better or proactively. However, I don't see how studying some basic psychology can harm someone in his position.
I want to give this dude a hug so bad, I’m really rooting for him! So honest, and real. “I want to change, I can’t sit here and say I don’t know how to change, I don’t know how to find the passion to change.” This gave me goosebumps.
Mark , being the sounding board for this poor man , Chris , so full of emotional pain. May each and every parent listening to this video have a clear and serious , wake-up call. Chris , do try one more time .You owe it to yourself. Thanks Mark .Keep well .
@Homedad Nips you mirrored your own situation...good for you taking care of them...dont think though you are more worthy because you are ahead in the Game... peace...
Chris, you don't "get rid of the pain", you work through it. That's where consistent therapy comes in. You said it yourself, you didn't take the time to allow it to work. You deserve to be happy! ❤❤
The time is also needed because drugs have rewired the brain to obtain and use drugs, as its primary focus. I remember how hellish my first 10 days of treatment were. There’s a reason I got 30, 60, and 90 days “clean” several times, and used again and had to start over. At that point, quitting seemed so miserable. All I thought about was using. But when we give the brain time to rewire itself, it gets SO much easier! When I finally got 6 months from it, I rarely thought about using at all. After a year and a half, I felt like had a new brain, new life! I’m not saying I never had a craving again, but they are rare to occasional, and fleeting now, not all-encompassing.
@@brittaolson6550 true. I’ve found for me I only get strong cravings (for meth, myself) if I’ve drank too much. (I understand the 12 step wisdom is being an addict to one thing means you’re addicted to anything else. For me that has proven untrue, just speaking my experience) So I have a rule I only drink 2 drinks then I stop, because if I have 5 it might become 10 and that might become a bag of dope and a sick one I regret. We have to learn where we get triggered and avoid those things, and it really gets better. After 2 decades of self medicating I only have weed left to remove. Pray for me, I’m trying to be totally free.
This just broke my heart 😣. As someone who had a bad childhood too I understand the heartbreak of knowing your parents don’t want you. That’s a wound that never heals and how you deal with it dictates your life. My heart goes out to him ❤️
I can relate too, I was beaten by my dad and mum! My parents had 4 kids in the house and my mother said to me she only had 2 good kids and I wasn’t one of them! Messes you up I Still deal with it! I am so 😢
My mom disowned me and I feel alot of awful pain from that. Sometimes I think I am trying to emulate my Dad's fuckups so my wife leaves me like my mom left my Dad. I have 3 kids. Wish I could sort my shit out correctly so I don't fuck my kids up like my parents fucked me up.
@@Kryynism can I ask how old are you ? For me as I aged I grew wise, you will too!! Just try to be yourself, love & spend time with your children, what r their ages? We all mess up, parenting is so hard I sure didn't think I would manage some days. I only had one child, I knew I couldn't handle any more, he's grown now & I'm old . I'm in my 60's . Put God in your life how you need to & in theirs.You know right from wrong just live it..teach your the same. Best of all blessings to you. You won't fail, learn to forgive & even forgive yourself.🤗🙏
I had the worst childhood. I went through addiction. What saved me was finally getting out of the victim mentality. I AM in control of my own happiness. Sending Chris lots of love and light. RISE UP brother. RISE UP!
@Homedad Nips I do agree that people are quick to praise people they don't really know and who's history would seem to indicate what you say. An interview only gives you their sorry from THEIR subjective perspective. I have made the same point in the comment section. Having said that, you seem to go a bit far in the other direction. The man is struggling with a lot and he's not just going around whining, he was ASKED to tell his story and this is it. You can tell that it's not actually something he does a lot because he was kind of realizing things as he talked. The older I get, the more I see that people are both too quick to forgive AND that people are also largely a product of their environment. This man had everything stacked against him and it simply was going to affect his life. I have some empathy, but that doesn't change the fact that the course of action you describe is the only way out. He does have to change his mindset. That said, I think you should have some understanding of just how profound that sort of upbringing is. You can say "just do better" to anyone. It's a nothing statement. The issue is exactly how that is done and having what you need to make that move.
I've watched a lot of these interviews and read a lot of comments of people attacking Mark's interview style. One thing I know is that Mark cares about the people that sits in that chair. He wants them to succeed as much as we do. This interview and that hug was a perfect example of that. I really hope that Chris finds the peace that he is seeking.
Oof...when our own mother abandons us when we’re still so vulnerable it’s a monumental rejection which scars us forever. The devastating thing about this is how we internalised it as children and abandoned hope that we’d ever measure up. That shameful secret we keep that we’re inherently unlovable is the poison that keeps us pushing everyone away, terrified of being detected. Chris, I have hope for you...♥️
That shit fucked me up too... Needing my mom as a young kid and having her just not even wanna try to be there for me... Figure it out yourself.. I'll give you money but that's all I'll ever give you. She still to this day thinks she was the greatest mom of all time...makes me sick.
I agree. It’s my belief that a mother’s rejection is much worse than a fathers rejection. It’s something about the sacred mother connection that’s essential to your mental.
Absolute truth. I live with this too. However I was fortunate enough to have my Father. Chris, I pray that you will find some peace. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Love & Light
I'm @ the end of the adoption process with my 3 nephews ages 7, 8, and 12. I'm hoping to save them from this kind of life. Their father, my brother is doing 10 years in prison and their mother's a heroine addict. It's hard with these boys cause they ALL have some form of ADHD and opposition/defiance disorder, but we love them dearly and they mean the world to us. They're a handful most of the time, if not ALL of the time. I hope with time they'll settle down some. They've already come SO FAR in the little over a year that we've had them with us. When I see stories like this guy's, it makes me think of what they may have become had we NOT taken them from the state and they would've stayed in foster care.
@Dalester1979, all I can say is thank you. Thank you and your spouse for this. Thank you for giving these three children, a fighting chance. These kids will now get to experience what love and acceptance is because of you. This is so awesome. It definitely sounds like a huge challenge, but I’m sure you will be very rewarded in the end.
Sir, you're not as alone as you feel. Abandonment & addiction scar the soul. You matter. Thank you for being honest about your struggle. The real tragedy is failed drug policy, not human beings reacting in a very human way to drugs.
I love your comment! He is NOT alone. I have been right there with him and, often, I still am because this IS an unforgiving system. No expungements unless you didn’t do it. No clean slate, no matter what we contribute (for most people). But reading about how addiction affects the brain has stopped me from carrying around guilt and self-hate and, without that, there was no need to use drugs. Once I was accepted and not judged by a treatment counselor (5th time around was the first time that happened), went to school and learned the science of it, I see the stigma of addiction is wrongheaded. Especially the primacy of the ancient brain stem are, over the frontal region. The frontal lobes and prefrontal cortex (the seat of reason) is, pretty much, shut off in addiction. Brain scans show very little metabolism in this region, because once the brain decides using drugs is important, it actually reduces gray matter in the frontal region, for the sake or efficiency. Look up the images of anormal vs. cocaine user’s brain. It’s like blackout conditions, on daily cocaine. I’ve seen people who have used for years largely living in drug psychosis, so maybe that’s just the most extreme example of what we all go through. Our minds are not truly our own, in this condition. The good news is, with abstinence, most of us can get it all (or nearly all) back. But the best news, for me, was all the stuff I’d heard about people “choosing” drugs over their spouse and kids, a great job, or full ride scholarship are moralistic 💩! If you can’t reason well, you can’t choose, period. Nobody is dumb enough to choose so wrong all the time. There is something else going on. (Biology of Desire. Marc Lewis, Neurobiology of Addiction. George F. Koob, etc.). I cannot say enough how this information changed my life. I don’t avoid drugs because I feel bad about myself if I use anymore (that never worked, anyway. I avoid them because I know that my mind is not my own when I use, and I don’t take for granted being able to get it back again. We are all accused of “not wanting it enough” (getting off drugs). Our brain is not made to want to stop because the ancient brain, where emotions are interpreted as survival needs, has been around thousands of years longer and stronger than our reasoning. That’s why there are those, like me, who have to get arrested to stop, once we start. Maybe some feel they chose to quit, and that’s great! But it’s those who can’t who have long been misunderstood.
The cobra is, nobody wants to hear why your an addict. There is no rational way out. The drug pushing doesn't help either. And the ones who push people over the edge. More than one could ever fix. The odds from every angle are against addicts. And why is this I ask?
This gentle soul broke my heart. You only get one chance to raise a child. He is a product of his environment and you can feel that he wants to be better. I wanted to hug him and offer him support. He would be an amazing life coach or counselor to like minded youth. What an impact he could make!
I totally agree with you. I never knew the abandonment rate from mother's to their children until my mother because a static. What I would give to have Chris sit down with my brother, if for no other reason than for both these men to know they aren't alone.
@@gabrielmartin4726 Not mostly, it's a fact! drug addicts burn all there bridges. in they aint Worth wasting your time on just let them overdose and die.... And I have family members like that, just waiting to get the call The world will be better off when all the drug addicts die.
I listened to your story on my ear buds first, before coming on here. You touched my heart with your openness and vulnerability. I felt your heartache. One day there will be no pain and sadness. But until then, we're still here to serve our purpose. You've touched and will have had an impact on probably over a hundred thousand lives by this interview. Thank you Sir for sharing with me. Angelina
As a fellow Chris who’s gone thru addiction, heavy opiate addiction, I wish you the best Chris. You’re a good-hearted guy who did what he had to do in prison, i know Cali prisons are a different world. Here in Chicago we can mingle with blacks, whites, hispanics, asians, etc. and its no big deal, no one cares. Cali is a different world so u did what u had to do to survive. Dont feel bad and keep pushing thru bro!🙏🏼
@@uncrownedoak7777 The COs would be overrun in a second if they didn't encourage the racial politics. It keeps the prisoners at odds with those in other racial groups so they can't team up and fight together against the injustice from the prison. What you see as the inmates being in charge is actually a way for the guards to manipulate them so they can maintain control behind the scenes Thee are other reasons too, but that's the main one.
Wow, this one really touched me. That was such a vulnerable interview and it's clear to see Chris has a good heart despite the negative things he's done in his life. He seems to own all of it and has a grasp on why his life turned out the way it has. I'm rooting for you, Chris! I can see a bright spirit behind your eyes. You can make changes, if you truly want to. I'd love to see an update on this one. Thank you for what you do, Mark. Truly inspirational stuff.
it's so heartbreaking to hear what a vulnerable child he was "seeking love" and how his foster dad used that to take advantage and violate him. I mean can that even be repaired or healed? Makes me so angry and sick. And he even says, he really couldn't trust anyone after that. God. And then he abandons his own kids around age 7. My one wish is that all children, every last one, knows love, protection, safety, care, and is supported in developing their gifts. Bless him. I do believe there is still time for healing!
I've been watching these for years and my one biggest takeaway is that the foster system SUCKS. Over and over and over again these poor adults still trying to deal with the mental, physical and sexual abuse of the foster system. If nothing else, this criminal system needs to be disbanded and people should go to jail for the crimes against humanity these people describe.
I agree and at times I think birth control whether permanent or temporary would be best for many, maybe even have To take a test before trying to conceive. Its heartbreaking to hear these stories over and over 💔
Foster care is a open playground for all kinds of adult predators. No person can care and will care for a child like their own anyways. It's human nature
@huffing cologne is whats up have you been in the foster care system? If no then don't pretend to walk in shoes you haven't . The foster care system speaks for its self. If your saying these adults are lying cheating stealing. And they come from the system then pretty sure that system speaks for itself. I myself have been in the system.Also social workers have taken children away from a single mom . only because she was raised in the system so deemed unfit .
Chris you are an outstanding person who has been through so much and you are still standing. To some you are a hero who survived a long hard life the best you knew how. Now it is time to stop comparing yourself to your mom. You love your kids and ex wife and still have more love to give. Your loyalty will attract other loyal people. You are a movie star loved by many after this video ! Keep being Chris !
Chris, firstly I wish you well mate. I hope what I write here comes out right. The problems that your facing are not "normal" or "usual" problems that the average person has in life. So, of course this will make you feel anxious or strange. It blew me back to see you so calm and well spoken. I strongly feel you are not below average at all. Your more than you give yourself credit for by a long way. Your obviously very intelligent. I hope and wish for you to be able to forgive yourself for mistakes you might have made. No all of them were your fault. For example, you can't get a driver's licence and then try to ride a horse. Which is kind of what has happened in your life. Please don't give in. You don't look like a bad guy to me. ✌
This interview brought me to tears. As Chris talks, you can hear and feel all of his emotional trauma. All his life he has been trying to find the love he never got from his mom in other places. Chris if you read this you are loved. You are seen. You are heard. I hope you find peace and heal from all your traumas one day. Don't lose hope.
I just feel for this guy. Despite having done some bad things (just like the rest of us), he just has this amazing vulnerability and softness about him.
I relate to this guy so much regarding the childhood and found how he described the feelings, very insightful. Abandonment and child abuse are an albatross that you can never free yourself from. It hangs over your whole life like a black cloud. And foster care is the true prison pipeline - the kids are already in the system and with no one fighting for them they are perfect candidates for the prison industrial complex. But at the end he talked about his loyalty. If he truly feels loyalty is important than he needs to realize the most important commitment in his entire life is to his kids and show that loyalty to them. In turn, they are they are one thing that can give his life the meaning he seeks.
Mark I am such a fan of your work. These stories of men who are insightful and vulnerable are so important to be seen. Society has long taught men to suck up their pain. That is not fair and it's not right, it's created so much hurt in the world. Chris you have such an honest soul, so insightful. Hold on and believe in yourself. Your words here were important.
💔 DON'T GIVE UP, CHRIS! PLEASE FIGHT FOR YOURSELF! PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING TO PERMANENTLY HARM YOURSELF...🙏🏻 Everyone has trauma that they have to cope with to survive through. Your mom too, Chris. You know what you have to do, Chris. Get back into therapy. You have a lot to work through. It's a tangled web of trauma, that impacts all of your life. You need to face it, to have a chance to get past it to a better future. I hope you get the help that you need, so that you can start to move forward. SAFETY and HEALTH to you. May you find the STRENGTH to FIGHT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FUTURE! You CAN do it! 🤞🙏🏻💜
it's the having nobody thing that's the toughest part. when nobody fights for you, there's really no point in fighting for yourself. at least that's been my experience/feeling. i grew up in foster care also. it's a very tough life to live. i had a good carer who i've gotten back in touch with, it's definitely helped change my life. she's very supportive and regrets that the placement broke down. I'm grateful I know what love and support feels like now. When I was younger, I couldn't really feel it as I wouldn't allow myself to. If Chris has any carers from the past he can get in contact with, he'd probably be surprised. I never thought mine would help me as much as she has.
Chris... beautiful, inside out. "I don't know how to find the passion to change." Stuck in that one myself. I love this part: "Loyalty is the biggest thing. If I say something to you, it's done." That truly is the biggest thing, isn't it?" *hugs*
Chris, your mom abandoning you is her loss. My father walked out in us when I was 3 and never came back. Years later I learned he had a new family. For years I resented him. But then I realized he’s the bad person, not us kids. You need to create your own story and do the opposite of what your parents didn’t teach you. I believe in you that you can turn your life around for the positive. This is your story, screw everyone else. Stay strong Chris. I’m cheering for you.
Mark, this is so great that you treat these people with kindness, empathy and offering a safe space for all these souls to let out their pain. I wish Chris well.
Out of all the episodes I've watched, Chris strikes me the most painful and in the most pain. No one was there to love and protect him when he was a little boy. His mother was incapable of being a loving parent and I'm angry at her for ruining his life. I don't know, I think he'll always be with this pain that he was handed. He's such a good person with a kindness.
"and I numb myself so I don't have to feel. Seems to be the one thing that works, even though I know it's destroying me...." damn. Abandoned as a child by his Mother. A wound that caused him to self sabotage everything and "hurt them before they hurt me." I hope he can find healing.
You're a good dude man. I've struggled with most of the same issues and i also picked up tattooing in prison and currently use it as a means to support my many drug habits so your story really hit home with me on a lot of levels bro. When life keeps constantly knocking u on your ass, it gets really fuckin hard to keep finding a good reason to get back up, especially when we let ourselves believe that we're not good enough or don't deserve to stand but in my opinion that way of thinking is the catalyst to most of our pain. I'm definitely not in any position to give the best advise because I'm in the same boat but i finally reached my breaking point and kicked heroin 45 days ago and I've been kinda fluid with everything else but for the first time in my life, I'm finally putting all my pride and shame aside and not only seeking help for my trauma but actually applying it too and i gotta say, i think its working cause I'm starting to focus more on all the positive things in my life and I'm truly grateful for every single hardship I've ever endured and how much more beautiful and precious life is because of it. I don't think anything ever fully makes the pain go away for some things but i think u could use it to your advantage by channeling it into your art. Anyways, i feel like I'm rambling on and on but the point is i got faith in u homie and i wish nothing but the best for u and yours
One of the hardest interviews to view are the ones where people know what's wrong and can't escape. The fact that he can open up like this and still is in this state is just depressing
I am impressed over and over at how intelligent, insightful and well spoken your guests are. I wish they could see and feel how valuable they are. I know countless people who are not drug addicted,homeless,abandoned... etc,have great jobs and on and on and are not as conscious and thoughtful and aware as this man. I hope this moment in time gives him the strength. Pause before deciding and choose good for yourself and breathe..
Chris, what a beautiful soul. You are unreal eloquent at describing your pain and struggle. It feels like you are incredibly introspective and a life-long learner - the best is yet to come. I hope all is well with you.
Dear mark, thank you for giving this man a platform to share his stories. Also, is there anyway you can do a video showing us how you meet all of your interviewees? ‐---》Wow. Just wow. God bless you, chris for being so open and honest. I wonder if he knows how much he is helping others by speaking so openly. I love your channel. Please follow uo with this man if possible.. Thank you for sharing chris. God bless ❣
Never met my father, sent away by my mother, I haven’t been clean for longer than 3 months since I turned 18. I’ve had suicidal thoughts inherent to my whole life. I remember being in 2nd grade and wanting to ride my bike into oncoming traffic or off a ravine. I connect with this guy so much I’m so grateful that this guy shared his story. Even the fact that I’m an addict but I’ve never not had a job or stolen is almost the same. The way he described self destruction hit me so hard. I also feel like a fraud because on instinct I can shapeshift into what I think people around me want. I feel like if I ever said these things to people in my life they would no longer accept me.
To please others yet not be pleased with Individual self was something I had to learn to undue. I still want to please people , but I gotta make sure I’m not pretending to be pleased myself because that is one of the most depleting things a human can do to themselves is constantly lie yet pretend for others . Keep the head up , take life one day at a time , re learn to love life and all it’s ups and downs.
Honestly, God Made us in His Image, He Loved us so much that He Decided to Give us a chance to lower ourselves before Him as a human in flesh and what did we do? Murdered Him. and yet still He Loves us, in a way we can't understand. Satan doomed humanity, himself, and a third of the angelic hosts because he could not reconcile being lower on the order of whom God Favors than us "from dust we came and to dust we shall return" and eventually having to bow before us when he is deposed form the throne of this world. So with all that in mind, as much as I detest our species I have respect for the life that God has given me, and that it was not His Will for me to be born in sin and face physical death, so far be it from me to take my own life, when my life was a gift in the first place, and the sin that doomed me to not only physical, but eternal death, was paid for in blood, in a way that I believe the human mind is to finite to comprehend (google the difference in time between a million and a billion seconds, i believ the term is Order of magnitude confusion or something liek that) I understand spirituality (what i just expressed is not religion which is always bad) can be of putting so there is this reason, If you watch the movie the mist, a shitty scifi movie about a mist that rolls in with a monster in it wehenever anyone goes into it they are heard screaming in terror, at the end a father and his family is about to be captured by the mist because their car broke down, he "uses his last three bullets" for his wife kid and then self. a couple beats go by and the mist dicipates and the military is there to "save the day" (the most unbelievable part of the movie hahahaha) but my point is all of the pain he went through in the movie was invalidated by his making a decision out of fear (for me and you fear that we will have to feel abandoned again) when if he would have faced death head on, not only would he have been saved, all the prior pain he went through had meaning and would have made him really strong fort having lasted. bonus: he knoiws better than anyone how the mist opoerates so if it happens again he can help those currently struggling better than anyone else (sometimes someone is crying out for help in a way that no one can translate except you because you been through it) @@MomsRoots
The quote "I numb myself so I don't have to feel". I'm with ya right there man. One addict to another. Life feels hard. Today is just a day, but life has been very hard to feel.
Watched alot of these interviews by now and man the "problems" in my life is starting to seem pretty small by now. Hope this man can get some kind of peace in his life
I cannot imagine not have had my parents in my life, they were the most loving, hardworking, doting people you could wish to meet. They weren't church going but encouraged me to seek spirituality. I miss them every day. They were married 35 years till mum died and never knew any other, they were the perfect couple
I don't think I could get over a foster "dad" molesting me at 8 years old. Hope his 6 kids and future grandkids don't follow a similar path. Always interesting, thanks!
@@Lena-uh3ky Yeah your right, and all for their own sexual gratification, it's just disgusting. On top of that they were being paid $s to look after him. People like that shouldn't be able to get through the vetting process but many do, it's dispicable and it happens way to often. ❤️✌️
@@EchoBravo370thank you for your answer. Aprreciated. I understand that but the thing is why not break the cycle ? This is the 2021 we all should do better.
@@EchoBravo370 unless you were molested and raped as a small child by your caretakers you will not answer correctly no matter how many books or schooling you do. Most that were molested will not become molesters but will protect their kids even more maybe.
I feel you man.. my mom pissed off to an ashram in India when I was 2.5. I was lucky in that my dad and grandma were great. Also my mom came back eventually and I could stay at her place 1day/week. Still I know the feeling of abandonment and unworthiness. It's like a flesh wound to the soul that never heals.
Addiction specialists should consider treating meth addicts with legal ADHD medication instead. It might be like giving heroin addicts suboxone or methadone. Just give them what they want safely and responsibly. Had his mom been given the proper healthcare early (drug rehab for heroin, PTSD therapy, and birth control), Chris would be a different person.
One of the best Mark, so very heartfelt. God Bless this man, and you as well Mark. You asked some deep and amazing questions, I truly enjoyed this one .
Chris has so much insight. I hope that by sharing his story he can heal. Chris I think you could be a great counselor. There are people that need you. I believe you can do it. You have the self awareness to turn things around.
I was relieved to see that Mark hugged him at the end. This was so heartbroken, I wanted to hug this man all the interview. I really hope he finds his purpose and can be happy. So sad to see that all of his life could be completely different if he was loved. Hope somehow he feels all the love we leave in the comments 💜 Big fan of your work Mark, love from Portugal 🇵🇹
Love the channel mark! You give a voice to people that don’t have one. You give a true perspective of people and not just the average cliche of a drug addict, sex worker etc. When really 99% are dealing with extremely horrible past/present issues from are forms of abuse and the biggest one being mental illness. These people turn to drugs or are turned onto drugs to help numb there pain or to be able to function. Largely unaware of the severe consequences that come with using. Especially with prescription narcotics. A lot are introduced by friends etc. A large majority go untreated or ignored by doctors for something that could have been helped by modern medicine or therapy. I know a lot of people that weren’t listened to by doctors, medical personal that had never touched drugs, alcohol there entire lives. But when you go through extreme trauma, depression, anxiety, insomnia etc. For years, decades… and they get turned onto something like oxycodone not really knowing what it is and it all a sudden takes away there problems initially. They found the cure not knowing any better. Until they figure out what it was…. an addiction starts…. a tolerance develops and they switch to a harder similar less expensive drug. As much as there is help is the US or Canada where I reside. It’s massively underfunded or mismanaged. I’ve found lack of training and ignorance to be a huge part. As a person that’s dealt with anxiety and insomnia. For most of my life it took years for me to find a private doctor that would listen and was interested in helping me. It’s universal healthcare here so many general practitioners have no experience in mental health. And seeing a specialist could be a year or 2 wait. And if he/she is ignorant. Going through this process, could take a life time to get help. I was lucky to be able to afford private well educated compassionate specialist. Alot of these people would kill for that opportunity. Out of your interviews the percentage that started using for fun is so low. It’s people looking for a way to function. I cannot emphasize enough to viewers, if they felt like these people do, if for no reason they felt sick all the time and couldn’t get out of bed. But a drug made you feel normal what would you do and I don’t mean withdrawals I mean what lead them to this lifestyle.
Man it baffles me how much me and this guy have in common in terms of our lives our parents and molestation things that all happen to me and things that I all reacted to in a similar way in which this man has just described it's honestly refreshing to hear and know that I'm not the only person to go through these things I hope you succeed in everything my man good luck
I've been following this channel since almost the beginning. This interview brings everything very clearly to the point. Well done Mark. And thank you @Chris for sharing your story&state of mind - you deserve to have a better life and less pain.
My heart is breaking. I hear every word. It's super similar to my story. I healed/am healing with a book "Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker. I had to wade thru then purge (you can get it out permanently) a lot of anger and crying and pain. I asked my 6 children for forgiveness and I spend every day making amends. My work has born fruit and our lives are much better now - we even have happiness - it's so beautiful because I never had happiness. Thinking of you bro xxx
That was emotional, powerful and productive. It has make me think. Chris, I hope you see all these messages of support and hope. Thank you both for this interview. The series is an stolen insight into peoples lives that you would otherwise never see or even enquire about.
As a ex foster child I highly despise single mothers who give their kids away... The stuff that your daughter and son will go through in a system based of making money off u will end bad...stay strong bro.Hope we see more videos of ex foster child's.
Unfortunately that is what it does almost 100% of the time and society barely cares. And no one addresses the fact that, in the U.S., 80% of prisoners had CPS involvement as kids...
Chris definitely owes it to himself to try to get on a better path. He's a survivor and the fact that he's still standing means there's hope of a better life. I hope to hear a follow-up from Chris one day.
“he doesn’t know how to be a dad” I can relate to this saying so much growing up… My dad had a hard childhood, never knew how to be a dad. He struggled disciplining us because he was so used to how he was raised. I feel for you man.
It would be great if some people could translate these videos into other languages. Because they deal with issues that afflict several countries and are of tremendous importance. Mark you are doing a wonderful job. It would be great to have subtitles in these videos in my Portuguese language. God bless you. Greetings from Brazil
Chris what if you’re looking at this wrong? Look at just these comments! How many people did you touch in 30 minutes? What if your story doesn’t have to equal negativity? What if you oh can share your story to men women and children with similar stories? What if from your mothers inadequacies you can share your story and help other people that understand that they matter and their place in this world is valid and important. Go spread love Chris & you will get it back 10 fold! You’re intelligent you’re empathetic you’re insightful! You’re worthy!
Chris, thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable. You have been through so much in your life, but you are extraordinarily strong strong from it! 8 years off of heroin is amazing! If you can do that, and so many years in prison, you can do literally anything. I pray that you’re doing better today 🩷
For some reason this video spoke to me. One of my favourites on this channel. He’s deeply aware and insightful. It’s easier said then done but I hope he finds self love and self forgiveness 💕 We all need too
Chris thank you for sharing your story. Your honesty is a badge and you wear it well. I hope you find the strength to overcome this; also hope we get to hear more from you. Your story matters, you matter. Love to you.
THIS guy got to me. Chris. I am sitting here listening to you, feeling all your pain, sobs......you seem like such a good guy even after all the crap you've been through. " It's not that I don't know how to change. It's that I don't have the passion to change" Wow. Another classic story of a broken person (mom) raising a broken person. I really wish you the best, sir.
Chris, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHANCE TO TURN IT AROUND UNTIL THE MOMENT YOU ARE NOT BREATHING ANYMORE. IF YOU HAVE BREATH IN YOUR LUNGS YOU HAVE HOPE. YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVE YOUR 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER MORE THAN ANYTHING SO THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR HER IS GET YOURSELF TURNED AROUND AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T GROW UP FEELING ABANDONMENT AND CONTINUE THE CYCLE HERSELF. GOOD LUCK BROTHA, WE ALL HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
Mark. I feel he is one person worth helping His eyes reek sadness. And he doesn’t want it anymore Hope he can learn to love himself again. And everything else will fall in place Love yourself dude. Yr a good man inside eh
"Anytime I DO get something; I feel like I don't deserve it" This statement truly hit home. Growing up with a Mother similar to his really made this statement that much more true. Often I find when my wife and kids try to do something nice for me I automatically go into a strange set of mind. I can't explain it other than it feels as if I don't need this nice display of affection, I don't want it and at times it actually gets me angry and makes me feel alienated because I don't know how to feel this genuine "love". My mother not showing me the love that I see so many mothers show their children is something I will always want and need. I do my best to show my children that I am with them every step of the way. I want you all to know you aren't alone. Keep moving forward. Keep believing in yourself. Remain true to yourself and understand that no matter what happens we can break these cycles by becoming a better human being than what cared or did not care for us.
Even from its inception i can feel so many emotions from this video unlike any other. So much sadness and heaviness. He is self reflective and I hope he can use it to help him overcome. So many prayers for this man. May God bless you and help you see that His love is unconditional and daily.
I could really relate to Chris as far as the depression he suffers. I appreciate his honesty. God bless you Chris, I truly hope you find some peace and thanks for sharing your story.🙏🏽
Looking at this guy, no one would ever guess how vulnerable and honest he is. Mad respect to you Chris. The psychology courses in jail/prison helped you deal with and understand your trauma more than you know. I wish you the best. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I beg to differ. Having been an addict for more than fifteen years, clean now going on three soon four years, I have done alot of trauma treatment and various psychology courses and all they did was make me feel sorry for myself and made me blame others. When I gave up on psychiatry and both the mental and pharmaceutical posions they peddle I was able to straighten myself out. Modern psychology is a scam.
@@dennisnordlund902 I 100% agree with you, and that's coming from someone with a Psychology Bachelor
@D X Interesting. Why?
@@dx5242 Everyone is different please keep that in mind..thank you for listening.
@@dx5242 @dennis I am in my last year of obtaining my bachelor in sociology as well as psychology.... I think being aware of basic psychology and understanding how events can and do effect you help process them, now that doesn't mean everyone will process them better or proactively. However, I don't see how studying some basic psychology can harm someone in his position.
A broken young child, and is still a broken man. This video was heartbreaking
I want to give this dude a hug so bad, I’m really rooting for him! So honest, and real.
“I want to change, I can’t sit here and say I don’t know how to change, I don’t know how to find the passion to change.” This gave me goosebumps.
Hate to see people so sad. I wish Chris the best.
Mark , being the sounding board for this poor man , Chris , so full of emotional pain.
May each and every parent listening to this video have a clear and serious , wake-up call.
Chris , do try one more time .You owe it to yourself.
Thanks Mark .Keep well .
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏
Many many blessings to you and yours.
@Homedad Nips Really? Is that the understand you got?🤦 You're off. It was about trying again to make peace with the loved ones you Have.
@Homedad Nips you mirrored your own situation...good for you taking care of them...dont think though you are more worthy because you are ahead in the Game... peace...
Chris, you don't "get rid of the pain", you work through it. That's where consistent therapy comes in. You said it yourself, you didn't take the time to allow it to work. You deserve to be happy! ❤❤
The time is also needed because drugs have rewired the brain to obtain and use drugs, as its primary focus. I remember how hellish my first 10 days of treatment were. There’s a reason I got 30, 60, and 90 days “clean” several times, and used again and had to start over. At that point, quitting seemed so miserable. All I thought about was using. But when we give the brain time to rewire itself, it gets SO much easier! When I finally got 6 months from it, I rarely thought about using at all. After a year and a half, I felt like had a new brain, new life! I’m not saying I never had a craving again, but they are rare to occasional, and fleeting now, not all-encompassing.
@@brittaolson6550 true. I’ve found for me I only get strong cravings (for meth, myself) if I’ve drank too much. (I understand the 12 step wisdom is being an addict to one thing means you’re addicted to anything else. For me that has proven untrue, just speaking my experience)
So I have a rule I only drink 2 drinks then I stop, because if I have 5 it might become 10 and that might become a bag of dope and a sick one I regret.
We have to learn where we get triggered and avoid those things, and it really gets better. After 2 decades of self medicating I only have weed left to remove. Pray for me, I’m trying to be totally free.
This just broke my heart 😣. As someone who had a bad childhood too I understand the heartbreak of knowing your parents don’t want you. That’s a wound that never heals and how you deal with it dictates your life. My heart goes out to him ❤️
Sad deal for sure. I can relate.
I can relate too, I was beaten by my dad and mum! My parents had 4 kids in the house and my mother said to me she only had 2 good kids and I wasn’t one of them! Messes you up I Still deal with it! I am so 😢
@Homedad Nips Some people fall & fail & never recover so count your blessings..
My mom disowned me and I feel alot of awful pain from that. Sometimes I think I am trying to emulate my Dad's fuckups so my wife leaves me like my mom left my Dad. I have 3 kids. Wish I could sort my shit out correctly so I don't fuck my kids up like my parents fucked me up.
@@Kryynism can I ask how old are you ? For me as I aged I grew wise, you will too!! Just try to be yourself, love & spend time with your children, what r their ages? We all mess up, parenting is so hard I sure didn't think I would manage some days. I only had one child, I knew I couldn't handle any more, he's grown now & I'm old . I'm in my 60's . Put God in your life how you need to & in theirs.You know right from wrong just live it..teach your the same. Best of all blessings to you. You won't fail, learn to forgive & even forgive yourself.🤗🙏
I had the worst childhood. I went through addiction. What saved me was finally getting out of the victim mentality. I AM in control of my own happiness. Sending Chris lots of love and light. RISE UP brother. RISE UP!
*getting out of the victim mentality*
I like your comment , that makes sense, I like your comment , that makes sense !
@Homedad Nips how about stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to contribute.
@Homedad Nips I wish you the best
@Homedad Nips I do agree that people are quick to praise people they don't really know and who's history would seem to indicate what you say. An interview only gives you their sorry from THEIR subjective perspective. I have made the same point in the comment section. Having said that, you seem to go a bit far in the other direction. The man is struggling with a lot and he's not just going around whining, he was ASKED to tell his story and this is it. You can tell that it's not actually something he does a lot because he was kind of realizing things as he talked. The older I get, the more I see that people are both too quick to forgive AND that people are also largely a product of their environment. This man had everything stacked against him and it simply was going to affect his life. I have some empathy, but that doesn't change the fact that the course of action you describe is the only way out. He does have to change his mindset. That said, I think you should have some understanding of just how profound that sort of upbringing is. You can say "just do better" to anyone. It's a nothing statement. The issue is exactly how that is done and having what you need to make that move.
@Homedad Nips Nobody’s worshiping anyone. Just listening. Feeling unheard?
I've watched a lot of these interviews and read a lot of comments of people attacking Mark's interview style. One thing I know is that Mark cares about the people that sits in that chair. He wants them to succeed as much as we do. This interview and that hug was a perfect example of that. I really hope that Chris finds the peace that he is seeking.
Oof...when our own mother abandons us when we’re still so vulnerable it’s a monumental rejection which scars us forever. The devastating thing about this is how we internalised it as children and abandoned hope that we’d ever measure up. That shameful secret we keep that we’re inherently unlovable is the poison that keeps us pushing everyone away, terrified of being detected.
Chris, I have hope for you...♥️
That shit fucked me up too... Needing my mom as a young kid and having her just not even wanna try to be there for me... Figure it out yourself.. I'll give you money but that's all I'll ever give you. She still to this day thinks she was the greatest mom of all time...makes me sick.
@@LivingDeadGirl0702 You deserved so much better...
We all did..
♥️
I agree. It’s my belief that a mother’s rejection is much worse than a fathers rejection. It’s something about the sacred mother connection that’s essential to your mental.
@@sidneyvadale True....
Absolute truth. I live with this too. However I was fortunate enough to have my Father. Chris, I pray that you will find some peace. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Love & Light
I'm @ the end of the adoption process with my 3 nephews ages 7, 8, and 12. I'm hoping to save them from this kind of life. Their father, my brother is doing 10 years in prison and their mother's a heroine addict. It's hard with these boys cause they ALL have some form of ADHD and opposition/defiance disorder, but we love them dearly and they mean the world to us. They're a handful most of the time, if not ALL of the time. I hope with time they'll settle down some. They've already come SO FAR in the little over a year that we've had them with us. When I see stories like this guy's, it makes me think of what they may have become had we NOT taken them from the state and they would've stayed in foster care.
@Dalester1979, all I can say is thank you. Thank you and your spouse for this. Thank you for giving these three children, a fighting chance. These kids will now get to experience what love and acceptance is because of you. This is so awesome. It definitely sounds like a huge challenge, but I’m sure you will be very rewarded in the end.
❤️🙏
Good luck.
God bless you.
Bless you all😢🙏🙏🙏
Sir, you're not as alone as you feel. Abandonment & addiction scar the soul. You matter. Thank you for being honest about your struggle.
The real tragedy is failed drug policy, not human beings reacting in a very human way to drugs.
The cobra that covers it's ears.
I love your comment! He is NOT alone. I have been right there with him and, often, I still am because this IS an unforgiving system. No expungements unless you didn’t do it. No clean slate, no matter what we contribute (for most people). But reading about how addiction affects the brain has stopped me from carrying around guilt and self-hate and, without that, there was no need to use drugs. Once I was accepted and not judged by a treatment counselor (5th time around was the first time that happened), went to school and learned the science of it, I see the stigma of addiction is wrongheaded. Especially the primacy of the ancient brain stem are, over the frontal region. The frontal lobes and prefrontal cortex (the seat of reason) is, pretty much, shut off in addiction. Brain scans show very little metabolism in this region, because once the brain decides using drugs is important, it actually reduces gray matter in the frontal region, for the sake or efficiency. Look up the images of anormal vs. cocaine user’s brain. It’s like blackout conditions, on daily cocaine. I’ve seen people who have used for years largely living in drug psychosis, so maybe that’s just the most extreme example of what we all go through. Our minds are not truly our own, in this condition. The good news is, with abstinence, most of us can get it all (or nearly all) back. But the best news, for me, was all the stuff I’d heard about people “choosing” drugs over their spouse and kids, a great job, or full ride scholarship are moralistic 💩! If you can’t reason well, you can’t choose, period. Nobody is dumb enough to choose so wrong all the time. There is something else going on. (Biology of Desire. Marc Lewis, Neurobiology of Addiction. George F. Koob, etc.). I cannot say enough how this information changed my life. I don’t avoid drugs because I feel bad about myself if I use anymore (that never worked, anyway. I avoid them because I know that my mind is not my own when I use, and I don’t take for granted being able to get it back again. We are all accused of “not wanting it enough” (getting off drugs). Our brain is not made to want to stop because the ancient brain, where emotions are interpreted as survival needs, has been around thousands of years longer and stronger than our reasoning. That’s why there are those, like me, who have to get arrested to stop, once we start. Maybe some feel they chose to quit, and that’s great! But it’s those who can’t who have long been misunderstood.
The cobra is, nobody wants to hear why your an addict. There is no rational way out. The drug pushing doesn't help either. And the ones who push people over the edge. More than one could ever fix. The odds from every angle are against addicts. And why is this I ask?
Its not about drugs at all. Its about abandonment here. Where else to go then
This gentle soul broke my heart. You only get one chance to raise a child. He is a product of his environment and you can feel that he wants to be better. I wanted to hug him and offer him support. He would be an amazing life coach or counselor to like minded youth. What an impact he could make!
I totally agree with you. I never knew the abandonment rate from mother's to their children until my mother because a static. What I would give to have Chris sit down with my brother, if for no other reason than for both these men to know they aren't alone.
@cris Easy Brother. They have empathy for the Man, and for good reason. There's no reason to make harsh or hasty judgements without knowing somebody.
@@gabrielmartin4726 He had a tough childhood no doubt! but drug addicts can never be trusted and should never be trusted!
@@eriknorman7409 Mostly true. I've worked with my share.
@@gabrielmartin4726 Not mostly, it's a fact! drug addicts burn all there bridges. in they aint Worth wasting your time on just let them overdose and die.... And I have family members like that, just waiting to get the call The world will be better off when all the drug addicts die.
Everybody deserves to be happy including Chris. Prayers sent, from me to him.
Chris mothers abandonment to him as a child is a wound that never heals but just adds more scar tissue 😔
Prayers 🙏🏽
Amen.
Let him stab one of your family members then say something u fucking goon
I listened to your story on my ear buds first, before coming on here. You touched my heart with your openness and vulnerability. I felt your heartache.
One day there will be no pain and sadness. But until then, we're still here to serve our purpose. You've touched and will have had an impact on probably over a hundred thousand lives by this interview. Thank you Sir for sharing with me.
Angelina
As a fellow Chris who’s gone thru addiction, heavy opiate addiction, I wish you the best Chris. You’re a good-hearted guy who did what he had to do in prison, i know Cali prisons are a different world. Here in Chicago we can mingle with blacks, whites, hispanics, asians, etc. and its no big deal, no one cares. Cali is a different world so u did what u had to do to survive. Dont feel bad and keep pushing thru bro!🙏🏼
The horror stories out of the cali prison system are insane. Idk how or why the authorities let the inmates run the asylum.
Im from crook county myself
@@uncrownedoak7777 The COs would be overrun in a second if they didn't encourage the racial politics. It keeps the prisoners at odds with those in other racial groups so they can't team up and fight together against the injustice from the prison. What you see as the inmates being in charge is actually a way for the guards to manipulate them so they can maintain control behind the scenes Thee are other reasons too, but that's the main one.
Wow, this one really touched me. That was such a vulnerable interview and it's clear to see Chris has a good heart despite the negative things he's done in his life. He seems to own all of it and has a grasp on why his life turned out the way it has. I'm rooting for you, Chris! I can see a bright spirit behind your eyes. You can make changes, if you truly want to. I'd love to see an update on this one. Thank you for what you do, Mark. Truly inspirational stuff.
it's so heartbreaking to hear what a vulnerable child he was "seeking love" and how his foster dad used that to take advantage and violate him. I mean can that even be repaired or healed? Makes me so angry and sick. And he even says, he really couldn't trust anyone after that. God. And then he abandons his own kids around age 7. My one wish is that all children, every last one, knows love, protection, safety, care, and is supported in developing their gifts. Bless him. I do believe there is still time for healing!
I've been watching these for years and my one biggest takeaway is that the foster system SUCKS. Over and over and over again these poor adults still trying to deal with the mental, physical and sexual abuse of the foster system. If nothing else, this criminal system needs to be disbanded and people should go to jail for the crimes against humanity these people describe.
The parents are even worse. Half of parents cannot care for a child and don’t deserve custody.
Not everyone in the system is bad, I agree it’s really like the ‘new’ residential school system, full of trafficking kids.
I agree and at times I think birth control whether permanent or temporary would be best for many, maybe even have To take a test before trying to conceive. Its heartbreaking to hear these stories over and over 💔
Foster care is a open playground for all kinds of adult predators. No person can care and will care for a child like their own anyways. It's human nature
@huffing cologne is whats up have you been in the foster care system? If no then don't pretend to walk in shoes you haven't . The foster care system speaks for its self. If your saying these adults are lying cheating stealing. And they come from the system then pretty sure that system speaks for itself. I myself have been in the system.Also social workers have taken children away from a single mom . only because she was raised in the system so deemed unfit .
Chris you are an outstanding person who has been through so much and you are still standing. To some you are a hero who survived a long hard life the best you knew how. Now it is time to stop comparing yourself to your mom. You love your kids and ex wife and still have more love to give. Your loyalty will attract other loyal people. You are a movie star loved by many after this video ! Keep being Chris !
Chris, firstly I wish you well mate. I hope what I write here comes out right.
The problems that your facing are not "normal" or "usual" problems that the average person has in life. So, of course this will make you feel anxious or strange. It blew me back to see you so calm and well spoken. I strongly feel you are not below average at all. Your more than you give yourself credit for by a long way. Your obviously very intelligent.
I hope and wish for you to be able to forgive yourself for mistakes you might have made. No all of them were your fault. For example, you can't get a driver's licence and then try to ride a horse. Which is kind of what has happened in your life. Please don't give in. You don't look like a bad guy to me.
✌
I think your comment came out beautifully.
🙏 ❤️
@@LivingDeadGirl0702 Thank's 👍
This interview brought me to tears. As Chris talks, you can hear and feel all of his emotional trauma. All his life he has been trying to find the love he never got from his mom in other places. Chris if you read this you are loved. You are seen. You are heard. I hope you find peace and heal from all your traumas one day. Don't lose hope.
This is one of the most honest and respectful interviews, I've watched since and before Jill. Chris I wish you the best.
The amount of hurt in his eyes just breaks my heart completely. I wish you well man.
I just feel for this guy. Despite having done some bad things (just like the rest of us), he just has this amazing vulnerability and softness about him.
I relate to this guy so much regarding the childhood and found how he described the feelings, very insightful. Abandonment and child abuse are an albatross that you can never free yourself from. It hangs over your whole life like a black cloud. And foster care is the true prison pipeline - the kids are already in the system and with no one fighting for them they are perfect candidates for the prison industrial complex.
But at the end he talked about his loyalty. If he truly feels loyalty is important than he needs to realize the most important commitment in his entire life is to his kids and show that loyalty to them. In turn, they are they are one thing that can give his life the meaning he seeks.
Perfectly & so eloquently stated…
Mark I am such a fan of your work.
These stories of men who are insightful and vulnerable are so important to be seen. Society has long taught men to suck up their pain. That is not fair and it's not right, it's created so much hurt in the world.
Chris you have such an honest soul, so insightful. Hold on and believe in yourself. Your words here were important.
💔
DON'T GIVE UP, CHRIS!
PLEASE FIGHT FOR YOURSELF!
PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING TO PERMANENTLY HARM YOURSELF...🙏🏻
Everyone has trauma that they have to cope with to survive through. Your mom too, Chris.
You know what you have to do, Chris. Get back into therapy. You have a lot to work through. It's a tangled web of trauma, that impacts all of your life. You need to face it, to have a chance to get past it to a better future.
I hope you get the help that you need, so that you can start to move forward.
SAFETY and HEALTH to you.
May you find the STRENGTH to FIGHT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FUTURE!
You CAN do it!
🤞🙏🏻💜
it's the having nobody thing that's the toughest part. when nobody fights for you, there's really no point in fighting for yourself. at least that's been my experience/feeling. i grew up in foster care also. it's a very tough life to live. i had a good carer who i've gotten back in touch with, it's definitely helped change my life. she's very supportive and regrets that the placement broke down. I'm grateful I know what love and support feels like now. When I was younger, I couldn't really feel it as I wouldn't allow myself to. If Chris has any carers from the past he can get in contact with, he'd probably be surprised. I never thought mine would help me as much as she has.
@@serengeti4027
I'm glad you found some support and stability, and that you are doing better.
Continued improvements to you...🤞🙏🏻💜
Chris... beautiful, inside out. "I don't know how to find the passion to change." Stuck in that one myself. I love this part:
"Loyalty is the biggest thing. If I say something to you, it's done."
That truly is the biggest thing, isn't it?" *hugs*
That’s how I pick my friends. Loyalty, not who they are, or what they are.
Seeing someone hurting so deeply is really hard
Talking about ppl he hurt, stabbed, robbed...?
Chris, your mom abandoning you is her loss. My father walked out in us when I was 3 and never came back. Years later I learned he had a new family. For years I resented him. But then I realized he’s the bad person, not us kids. You need to create your own story and do the opposite of what your parents didn’t teach you. I believe in you that you can turn your life around for the positive. This is your story, screw everyone else. Stay strong Chris. I’m cheering for you.
Mark, this is so great that you treat these people with kindness, empathy and offering a safe space for all these souls to let out their pain. I wish Chris well.
Out of all the episodes I've watched, Chris strikes me the most painful and in the most pain. No one was there to love and protect him when he was a little boy. His mother was incapable of being a loving parent and I'm angry at her for ruining his life. I don't know, I think he'll always be with this pain that he was handed. He's such a good person with a kindness.
"and I numb myself so I don't have to feel. Seems to be the one thing that works, even though I know it's destroying me...." damn. Abandoned as a child by his Mother. A wound that caused him to self sabotage everything and "hurt them before they hurt me." I hope he can find healing.
Chris needed that hug at the end. I hope he can get out of his depression - he's an important person in this world.
This is not just a RUclips channel this is therapy.
You're a good dude man. I've struggled with most of the same issues and i also picked up tattooing in prison and currently use it as a means to support my many drug habits so your story really hit home with me on a lot of levels bro. When life keeps constantly knocking u on your ass, it gets really fuckin hard to keep finding a good reason to get back up, especially when we let ourselves believe that we're not good enough or don't deserve to stand but in my opinion that way of thinking is the catalyst to most of our pain. I'm definitely not in any position to give the best advise because I'm in the same boat but i finally reached my breaking point and kicked heroin 45 days ago and I've been kinda fluid with everything else but for the first time in my life, I'm finally putting all my pride and shame aside and not only seeking help for my trauma but actually applying it too and i gotta say, i think its working cause I'm starting to focus more on all the positive things in my life and I'm truly grateful for every single hardship I've ever endured and how much more beautiful and precious life is because of it. I don't think anything ever fully makes the pain go away for some things but i think u could use it to your advantage by channeling it into your art. Anyways, i feel like I'm rambling on and on but the point is i got faith in u homie and i wish nothing but the best for u and yours
One of the hardest interviews to view are the ones where people know what's wrong and can't escape. The fact that he can open up like this and still is in this state is just depressing
Knowing the problem doesn’t fix it, sadly. Some problems aren’t fixable, but we can learn how to live with them.
It gives me hope because I feel like they’re close to breaking free of the cycles that don’t serve them anymore. I hope he can.
I am impressed over and over at how intelligent, insightful and well spoken your guests are. I wish they could see and feel how valuable they are. I know countless people who are not drug addicted,homeless,abandoned... etc,have great jobs and on and on and are not as conscious and thoughtful and aware as this man. I hope this moment in time gives him the strength. Pause before deciding and choose good for yourself and breathe..
Chris, what a beautiful soul. You are unreal eloquent at describing your pain and struggle. It feels like you are incredibly introspective and a life-long learner - the best is yet to come. I hope all is well with you.
Dear mark, thank you for giving this man a platform to share his stories. Also, is there anyway you can do a video showing us how you meet all of your interviewees? ‐---》Wow. Just wow. God bless you, chris for being so open and honest. I wonder if he knows how much he is helping others by speaking so openly.
I love your channel. Please follow uo with this man if possible.. Thank you for sharing chris. God bless ❣
Never met my father, sent away by my mother, I haven’t been clean for longer than 3 months since I turned 18. I’ve had suicidal thoughts inherent to my whole life. I remember being in 2nd grade and wanting to ride my bike into oncoming traffic or off a ravine. I connect with this guy so much I’m so grateful that this guy shared his story. Even the fact that I’m an addict but I’ve never not had a job or stolen is almost the same. The way he described self destruction hit me so hard. I also feel like a fraud because on instinct I can shapeshift into what I think people around me want. I feel like if I ever said these things to people in my life they would no longer accept me.
Same … my instinct is people pleasing and I hate myself for it
Good. I like last sentence is the best
Not being mean. I just want to understand because my mother was like this. What stops you from following through with suicide?
To please others yet not be pleased with Individual self was something I had to learn to undue. I still want to please people , but I gotta make sure I’m not pretending to be pleased myself because that is one of the most depleting things a human can do to themselves is constantly lie yet pretend for others . Keep the head up , take life one day at a time , re learn to love life and all it’s ups and downs.
Honestly, God Made us in His Image, He Loved us so much that He Decided to Give us a chance to lower ourselves before Him as a human in flesh and what did we do? Murdered Him. and yet still He Loves us, in a way we can't understand. Satan doomed humanity, himself, and a third of the angelic hosts because he could not reconcile being lower on the order of whom God Favors than us "from dust we came and to dust we shall return" and eventually having to bow before us when he is deposed form the throne of this world. So with all that in mind, as much as I detest our species I have respect for the life that God has given me, and that it was not His Will for me to be born in sin and face physical death, so far be it from me to take my own life, when my life was a gift in the first place, and the sin that doomed me to not only physical, but eternal death, was paid for in blood, in a way that I believe the human mind is to finite to comprehend (google the difference in time between a million and a billion seconds, i believ the term is Order of magnitude confusion or something liek that)
I understand spirituality (what i just expressed is not religion which is always bad) can be of putting so there is this reason, If you watch the movie the mist, a shitty scifi movie about a mist that rolls in with a monster in it wehenever anyone goes into it they are heard screaming in terror, at the end a father and his family is about to be captured by the mist because their car broke down, he "uses his last three bullets" for his wife kid and then self. a couple beats go by and the mist dicipates and the military is there to "save the day" (the most unbelievable part of the movie hahahaha) but my point is all of the pain he went through in the movie was invalidated by his making a decision out of fear (for me and you fear that we will have to feel abandoned again) when if he would have faced death head on, not only would he have been saved, all the prior pain he went through had meaning and would have made him really strong fort having lasted. bonus: he knoiws better than anyone how the mist opoerates so if it happens again he can help those currently struggling better than anyone else (sometimes someone is crying out for help in a way that no one can translate except you because you been through it)
@@MomsRoots
sad to see all these people be like this…. Do hope he gets help
The quote "I numb myself so I don't have to feel".
I'm with ya right there man. One addict to another. Life feels hard. Today is just a day, but life has been very hard to feel.
Watched alot of these interviews by now and man the "problems" in my life is starting to seem pretty small by now. Hope this man can get some kind of peace in his life
I cannot imagine not have had my parents in my life, they were the most loving, hardworking, doting people you could wish to meet. They weren't church going but encouraged me to seek spirituality. I miss them every day. They were married 35 years till mum died and never knew any other, they were the perfect couple
This is probably one of the fucking heaviest interviews you've done. I wish I could hug you, Chris.
I don't think I could get over a foster "dad" molesting me at 8 years old. Hope his 6 kids and future grandkids don't follow a similar path. Always interesting, thanks!
That is something I will never understand. How can someone hurt a little soul. Natural instinct is to love and protect.I don't get it.
@@Lena-uh3ky Yeah your right, and all for their own sexual gratification, it's just disgusting. On top of that they were being paid $s to look after him. People like that shouldn't be able to get through the vetting process but many do, it's dispicable and it happens way to often. ❤️✌️
god...God... if being in foster care isn't traumatic enough as a kid...I can't even stomach this. so so sad..
@@EchoBravo370thank you for your answer. Aprreciated. I understand that but the thing is why not break the cycle ? This is the 2021 we all should do better.
@@EchoBravo370 unless you were molested and raped as a small child by your caretakers you will not answer correctly no matter how many books or schooling you do. Most that were molested will not become molesters but will protect their kids even more maybe.
Thank you Chris, your story is sad but doesn't have to end up in even more tradgedy. Rise up Buddy, you deserve a better life.
Such sadness in his eyes and voice. I hope so much healing and love for your heart Chris. All humans deserve to be loved. Prayers ❤️
You are an incredible man!! Your self awareness and vulnerability is inspiring. I hope you find peace and contentment….you deserve it.
This is depression. The drugs don't help....but regardless depression is there...
I feel you man.. my mom pissed off to an ashram in India when I was 2.5. I was lucky in that my dad and grandma were great. Also my mom came back eventually and I could stay at her place 1day/week. Still I know the feeling of abandonment and unworthiness. It's like a flesh wound to the soul that never heals.
Addiction specialists should consider treating meth addicts with legal ADHD medication instead.
It might be like giving heroin addicts suboxone or methadone. Just give them what they want safely and responsibly.
Had his mom been given the proper healthcare early (drug rehab for heroin, PTSD therapy, and birth control), Chris would be a different person.
I totally agree with you. It would help cut down on people overdosing on meth that's cut with fentanyl.
Thank you for this episode
Every episode leaves me more forgiving and less judgmental. Thank you
Great work-- I'm amazed at your ability to bring out the humanity with all of your interviews.
One of the best Mark, so very heartfelt. God Bless this man, and you as well Mark. You asked some deep and amazing questions, I truly enjoyed this one .
Chris has so much insight. I hope that by sharing his story he can heal. Chris I think you could be a great counselor. There are people that need you. I believe you can do it. You have the self awareness to turn things around.
I was relieved to see that Mark hugged him at the end. This was so heartbroken, I wanted to hug this man all the interview. I really hope he finds his purpose and can be happy. So sad to see that all of his life could be completely different if he was loved.
Hope somehow he feels all the love we leave in the comments 💜
Big fan of your work Mark, love from Portugal 🇵🇹
Love the channel mark! You give a voice to people that don’t have one. You give a true perspective of people and not just the average cliche of a drug addict, sex worker etc. When really 99% are dealing with extremely horrible past/present issues from are forms of abuse and the biggest one being mental illness.
These people turn to drugs or are turned onto drugs to help numb there pain or to be able to function. Largely unaware of the severe consequences that come with using. Especially with prescription narcotics. A lot are introduced by friends etc.
A large majority go untreated or ignored by doctors for something that could have been helped by modern medicine or therapy. I know a lot of people that weren’t listened to by doctors, medical personal that had never touched drugs, alcohol there entire lives. But when you go through extreme trauma, depression, anxiety, insomnia etc. For years, decades… and they get turned onto something like oxycodone not really knowing what it is and it all a sudden takes away there problems initially. They found the cure not knowing any better. Until they figure out what it was…. an addiction starts…. a tolerance develops and they switch to a harder similar less expensive drug.
As much as there is help is the US or Canada where I reside. It’s massively underfunded or mismanaged. I’ve found lack of training and ignorance to be a huge part. As a person that’s dealt with anxiety and insomnia. For most of my life it took years for me to find a private doctor that would listen and was interested in helping me. It’s universal healthcare here so many general practitioners have no experience in mental health. And seeing a specialist could be a year or 2 wait. And if he/she is ignorant. Going through this process, could take a life time to get help. I was lucky to be able to afford private well educated compassionate specialist.
Alot of these people would kill for that opportunity. Out of your interviews the percentage that started using for fun is so low.
It’s people looking for a way to function.
I cannot emphasize enough to viewers, if they felt like these people do, if for no reason they felt sick all the time and couldn’t get out of bed. But a drug made you feel normal what would you do and I don’t mean withdrawals I mean what lead them to this lifestyle.
He needs to interview "normal" people too... i bet they will just be like this.. or even ppl whos got their lives together too
Man it baffles me how much me and this guy have in common in terms of our lives our parents and molestation things that all happen to me and things that I all reacted to in a similar way in which this man has just described it's honestly refreshing to hear and know that I'm not the only person to go through these things I hope you succeed in everything my man good luck
This was one of the most beautiful interviews ive seen so far! I hope Chris have the energy to make another try!
I've been following this channel since almost the beginning. This interview brings everything very clearly to the point. Well done Mark. And thank you @Chris for sharing your story&state of mind - you deserve to have a better life and less pain.
My heart is breaking. I hear every word. It's super similar to my story. I healed/am healing with a book "Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker. I had to wade thru then purge (you can get it out permanently) a lot of anger and crying and pain. I asked my 6 children for forgiveness and I spend every day making amends. My work has born fruit and our lives are much better now - we even have happiness - it's so beautiful because I never had happiness. Thinking of you bro xxx
Wait when he said “I’m white” babyyyy my mind was blown 🤯
Same...
I think he said that cause Mark's white, he wouldn't get away with that around any brown or black folk
Dude never met his dad, so he could be Hispanic.
@@tylermilton4039 get away with what?
@@bdet313 saying that he was white, but I dont know him. He very well could be held white. He certainly looks latino tho
That was emotional, powerful and productive. It has make me think. Chris, I hope you see all these messages of support and hope. Thank you both for this interview. The series is an stolen insight into peoples lives that you would otherwise never see or even enquire about.
As a ex foster child I highly despise single mothers who give their kids away... The stuff that your daughter and son will go through in a system based of making money off u will end bad...stay strong bro.Hope we see more videos of ex foster child's.
Foster care should save children, not damage and traumatize them further.
Unfortunately that is what it does almost 100% of the time and society barely cares. And no one addresses the fact that, in the U.S., 80% of prisoners had CPS involvement as kids...
I can’t believe this interview doesn’t have more views. This gripped my heart. He needs a miracle.
Chris definitely owes it to himself to try to get on a better path. He's a survivor and the fact that he's still standing means there's hope of a better life. I hope to hear a follow-up from Chris one day.
“he doesn’t know how to be a dad” I can relate to this saying so much growing up… My dad had a hard childhood, never knew how to be a dad. He struggled disciplining us because he was so used to how he was raised. I feel for you man.
You gotta keep an eye on this guy mark he's so insightful, enough to take his own life.
This hit hard we’ve got more in common than I would have thought love you brothaman you ain’t alone big bro thank you for this
Oh, this hurt me to my core. Parents, please listen to him. Please don’t let ANYTHING take you out of the lives of your children!
It would be great if some people could translate these videos into other languages. Because they deal with issues that afflict several countries and are of tremendous importance. Mark you are doing a wonderful job. It would be great to have subtitles in these videos in my Portuguese language. God bless you. Greetings from Brazil
Your story will help me be a better mom. Thank you so much. You are in my prayers Chris
By far one of the best videos to date on this channel.
Powerful, well done. Chris's awareness is remarkable, he's so intelligent. He can help others, which will help him as well..
My boy did not want to stop talking. You got people rooting for you Chris! Hopefully you're in a better place now.
Chris what if you’re looking at this wrong? Look at just these comments! How many people did you touch in 30 minutes? What if your story doesn’t have to equal negativity? What if you oh can share your story to men women and children with similar stories? What if from your mothers inadequacies you can share your story and help other people that understand that they matter and their place in this world is valid and important. Go spread love Chris & you will get it back 10 fold! You’re intelligent you’re empathetic you’re insightful! You’re worthy!
This broke my heart.
I've struggled with addiction. I really feel for this guy. He needs a hug and somebody to say there proud of him
I hope you find peace and acceptance in your life Chris , yes you were dealt a hard hand
But you have so much insight and heart we are rooting for you
Oh Mark, how you told Chris how beautifully he speaks and that you could listen to him all day...❤️
Chris, thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable. You have been through so much in your life, but you are extraordinarily strong strong from it! 8 years off of heroin is amazing! If you can do that, and so many years in prison, you can do literally anything. I pray that you’re doing better today 🩷
For some reason this video spoke to me. One of my favourites on this channel. He’s deeply aware and insightful. It’s easier said then done but I hope he finds self love and self forgiveness 💕 We all need too
"I still have hope .. I hope it ends soon" 💯 this is exactly how I feel.
Chris thank you for sharing your story. Your honesty is a badge and you wear it well. I hope you find the strength to overcome this; also hope we get to hear more from you. Your story matters, you matter. Love to you.
Bless this man. The human experience can be so painful, but his willingness to self reflect and embrace the battle of change, he is a warrior.
THIS guy got to me. Chris. I am sitting here listening to you, feeling all your pain, sobs......you seem like such a good guy even after all the crap you've been through. " It's not that I don't know how to change. It's that I don't have the passion to change" Wow. Another classic story of a broken person (mom) raising a broken person. I really wish you the best, sir.
I hope Chris finds peace and love, he deserves it 🙏 Stay strong Chris, you've got this!
Chris, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHANCE TO TURN IT AROUND UNTIL THE MOMENT YOU ARE NOT BREATHING ANYMORE. IF YOU HAVE BREATH IN YOUR LUNGS YOU HAVE HOPE. YOU SAID THAT YOU LOVE YOUR 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER MORE THAN ANYTHING SO THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR HER IS GET YOURSELF TURNED AROUND AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T GROW UP FEELING ABANDONMENT AND CONTINUE THE CYCLE HERSELF. GOOD LUCK BROTHA, WE ALL HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
Mark. I feel he is one person worth helping
His eyes reek sadness. And he doesn’t want it anymore
Hope he can learn to love himself again. And everything else will fall in place
Love yourself dude. Yr a good man inside eh
Wishing you all the very best Chris hope you find the strength within yourself to get your life on track again....you so deserve it!
Man, hearing about people growing up with no family always hits my heart. Can't control who your parents are or situation you're raised in.
Chris, it was an honor to be a witness to the telling of your story.
Thank you. 🙏
"Anytime I DO get something; I feel like I don't deserve it"
This statement truly hit home. Growing up with a Mother similar to his really made this statement that much more true.
Often I find when my wife and kids try to do something nice for me I automatically go into a strange set of mind.
I can't explain it other than it feels as if I don't need this nice display of affection, I don't want it and at times it actually gets me angry and makes me feel alienated because I don't know how to feel this genuine "love".
My mother not showing me the love that I see so many mothers show their children is something I will always want and need. I do my best to show my children that I am with them every step of the way.
I want you all to know you aren't alone. Keep moving forward. Keep believing in yourself. Remain true to yourself and understand that no matter what happens we can break these cycles by becoming a better human being than what cared or did not care for us.
Even from its inception i can feel so many emotions from this video unlike any other. So much sadness and heaviness. He is self reflective and I hope he can use it to help him overcome. So many prayers for this man. May God bless you and help you see that His love is unconditional and daily.
I could really relate to Chris as far as the depression he suffers. I appreciate his honesty. God bless you Chris, I truly hope you find some peace and thanks for sharing your story.🙏🏽