Dad Left When I Was a Teen and Cut Contact. Found Out Years Later That He Was Using a Fake Name to..
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Dad Left When I Was a Teen and Cut Contact. Found Out Years Later That He Was Using a Fake Name to Talk to My Stepsister on a Dating App.
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I don’t understand why is everyone blaming her , also she is an adult she shouldn’t have to consult her mom and step sister before talking to her father. She should have told them what the father is doing after , so the stepsister learned the truth from op but that’s the only thing that should have been done different.Why is everyone acting like she did a mortal sin I don’t understand. Also, why isn’t she standing up for herself and let everyone walk all over her
Its because OP didn't even take a moment to think of the step sister or mom before attacking her bio dad. Read watch the video. She didn't do the obvious thing of telling step sister she was about to date her step mom's ex, she didn't tell her mother any of this, and after lashing out stupidly assumed her bio dad would just ghost them and could pretend nothing happened. It's childish and shortsighted, allowing the bio dad to almost ruin things again.
It wasn't done maliciously and that's why they forgave OP for hiding the truth and stirring up trouble, but she did mess up.
People get really weird about forgiving bad men and holding women accountable for any perceived slight. My ex beat me up and stole from me but when he started dating the sister of a mutual friend I was the bad guy who had posted pics of my injuries online and warned the mutual friend about her sister being in danger. I got blocked online by a lot of our mutual friends and got blasted for airing dirty laundry. Six months later the ex abused his new girlfriend and she’s crying to me over him. FYI - cops are useless. I tried filing a police report but was warned they’d have to arrest me as well because I bit him when he tried suffocating me. Apparently it’s not self defense if you leave a Mark. (Pun intended his name is Mark)
I think there is more to the story than OP posted or might even know about. Going off his message to OP's mom, I would gather that he was rather nasty and personal to the step-sister as well.
If so, there is part of the human psyche that doesn't know how to deal with abstract pain, so it will lash onto concrete elements. For instance, hating burbon cause that's what your late husband drank, or yelling at your innocent grandpa for not being around when grandma did something horrible.... or in this case, last out at OP because the vile man is not physically there to beat down.
The sad thing is that these attəcks never make the one delivering feel better and only causes more vıctıms.
Because OP doesn't have the right to make decisions on the behalf of other people. She doesn't have a right to break 2 people up over a personal issue, whether she thinks its justified or not. She's selfish and is also an AH along with everyone else in this story.
@@TheVeggiekat that's bullshit because you can use a gun for self defense in USA. The police never seem to know the law, and that's why you need a lawyer. To make the cops do their jobs properly. All of those people find it easier to silence the victim and appease the abuser.
Bro… he used a fake name and age, he knew what he was doing he wasn’t innocent!
There isn't a point of rekindling the relationship with the step sister if she was so ready to kick her out and cut her out of her life for a guy she hadn't even met in person yet, she clearly doesn't feel the same bond.
Divorcees, both men and women, can be notoriously desperate when it comes to the dating game. OP's should have told step sis but there's no way to know if she would have reacted the same regardless.
@@scarlthesnarl5581 she was definitely wrong for that I don't dismiss her validity in being mad, it's the instant cut off that is uncalled for, that isn't saying something in the heat of the moment because you were mad it was weeks of ignoring her.
Did you even listen to the story, the sister didn't care about the dude, the sister cared that op didn't go to her and went behind her back. The op was selfish and took things into their own hands, when frankly it didn't actually concern her at all even if it was her piece of shit dad, she should of told her step sister and let her Handel it.
The op is the one in the wrong Herr between the sisters
The step sister is going to end up with another man who is going to cheat on her.
Everyone in OPs life sucks. Wow.
ITTO😱😱
Agreed!!! How the hell is what she did selfish!!! The girl confronted HER FATHER for her own closure after ten years. Her stepsister had never even met the man and OP saved her from a lying a**hole who left his family. Why is she the one they're angry at? She didn't have to consult her stepsister to confront her father about the past and she certainly didn't deserve to be called selfish for doing so. I get she probably should've told her that it was her father, but still she did nothing wrong!
Including OP
@@hestieodendaal2732She was selfish. She lied/hid the truth and went behind her back to confront her dad and stupidly thought it would all go away and when confronted was shocked for some reason. She wasn't thinking of her sister, only her own trauma and that why she did what she did, not to protect anyone so why should they thank her? If she wanted thanks she should have told her the truth the moment she saw the pic.
@@MrArielKyup
So wait. The father lied about the age and the name to the stepsister and she is the bad guy? Hahaha. I wouldnt blame the OP for going nuclear on his father after ghosting her and all. But I think the stepsister’s ego was hurt because she was duped that’s why she lashed out on the OP. Still, NTA.
She says all that bs about them being sisters and yet doesn’t say anything to her stepsis when she shows her the pic of him. I’d immediately tell her “that’s the deadbeat Pos that left me and my mom!” Like wtf did she do just hand the stepsis’s phone back and just sat there in silence?
Yeah, that's weird
Shock I guess. Some people freeze up in stressful situations.
NTA! Her stepsister is pathetic.
She couldn't even consider what what her sister felt like...
Woman🤷♂️
And OP didn't consider her sister at all. If she had she wouldn't go behind her back to stir up drama alone.
@@cww2490”Stir up drama”? Dog she was getting closure on her fucked up family situation,she made a bad call,that’s different from intentionally doing that. Dont be willfully ignorant.
@@bruhmomento3105 But he wants to be
@@bruhmomento3105 The funny thing is cww is replying to every comment defending OP. I don't know if it's funny or sad. 😂
No, OP doesn't deserve ANY FLAK WHATSOEVER for seeking closure with her father. He's a monster and deserved every harsh word OP tossed at him. He's the one who ruins everything he touches, not OP, and the stepsister's words are borderline unforgivable.
You didn't even explain why you think what you think nice
Why would OP not tell their step-sister as soon as she saw the profile? This whole story shows OP values her closure more than her step-sister's happiness. And that she takes no accountability for her actions.
Dad through his many many faults never maliciously spoke to the step-sister to hurt OP. Her constantly blaming her dad for the way she handled the situation is simply childish and deserves to be called out.
Seems like OP is the only one with common sense in that family.
Nope. If she had common sense she wouldn't have hid anything or expected no backlash.
@cww2490 She didn't hide shit, all this happened in the span of less than a day and her sister didn't even let her explain
@@HazeyClarityRe watch the video. She saw the pick of her bio dad and chose to say nothing, tricked step sis to get his name, contacted bio dad without talking to anyone and hoped he never contacted anyone and never planned to mention it to sister or mom. So yes she hid shit and hoped things would go away. And sister came to yell at OP it didn't even immediately click what she was upset about showing she put it all behind her.
@cww2490 You need to rewatch the video, she literally took time to process what happened and once she did she confronted her father. Then as soon as she got back into the house her sister yelled at her and kicked her out, nowhere does it say she wasn't planning to tell anyone so stop projecting lil bro
@@HazeyClarityCommon sense would be to mention it right away. She chose to her what she was doing.
the fact that all 4 people acted completely inconsiderate of each other makes me think this is real. they all got caught up in their own feelings because too many people in this world are selfish.
When stepsister verbally attacked OP, that was over the line and really shows her true colors.
I can understand the stepsister being moderately upset, because what OP did was pretty duplicitous. I don't know how you see a picture of someone your sibling is dating/flirting with, recognize them as your father, and not immediately say "that's my dad" just as an honest, kneejerk response. Instead you let your sister flirt with this guy for another day while you cyberstalk him? What if she had talked dirty to him in that day, or sent him nudes for the first time? That's bad enough for an argument, in my book, though I don't think OP needed to consult her mom before reaching out to him, she's a fully grown woman. It's also not something I'd kick someone out over unless I already disliked them.
Also as an aside, if someone blocks you like the step sister did in this situation, genuinely give them some space, even if you don't personally think that they're justified in blocking you. Repeatedly reaching out through alt accounts or alt phone numbers is, at best, extremely annoying (and at worst seen as stalking/harassment) and is just going to push them away from you. OP clearly has some attachment issues.
This. Yes, the people around her OVERreacted, but for starters, so did she; And for seconds, she can't sit here and beg for validation of her OWN overreaction while also crying about the same of other people. Literally how can you sit there, see the person, AND hear the alternative name and verify who it is IN that moment and not say "Uh, I think that's my dad..." She wanted her petty revenge, and while I commend her for that... She has to accept that the fallout afterwards is a direct result of her choice there. She had a right to prioritize her own hurt and closure; They had a right to their own, too. She put hers first and it caused indirect harm to them, so, yeah. Glad they're all in therapy tho. They need it lol.
Okay I am confused. A lying asshole who abandons people at his earliest convenience is online messaging an unknowing person. He gets yelled at for being a pos and somehow people are angry with his daughter? Sure daughter should have warned step sis early but either way step sis saved herself somw trouble because she didn't end up having anything to do with a pos. POS got mad but who cares? So why do they need to heal? One person arguably made a tiny mistake if anything but saved everyone some trouble in the meantime so whats the point of bejng pissy with each other?
Everyone sucks here.
Communication from the beginning would have solved everything.
Like a bad TV Show
WTF is wrong with everyone in her life??? This poor woman
This gotta be fake, sounds to ridiculous
Everyone sucks. OP hid the truth and went behind her sister's back to confront her dad. The sister understandably was caught off guard and hurt by the dad and OP, but lashed out at OP too hard. And mother couldn't remember what OP went through.
So why is op the one who is getting criticized and talked down to when the dad is the one who lied? Why is everyone blaming her for this? The dad is 100% in the wrong but yet op is the one who gets punished for his actions? That family needs serious help
She saved her step sis from getting entangled with a guy who was lying about his name, his age, and his abandonment of his child, but she “ruined it” for her. I get that she was upset but once you say things you can’t take back, you’ve said things you can’t take back. Actions have consequences and I’d have been done with her at least, possibly the mom as well.
Granted op should’ve been like hey I think that’s my dad. But everything after that is not her fault. Did they really think an adult needed to consult them on telling her dad he’s a POS?? Even after he cussed out the mom, she still blamed op as if her marriage to him wasn’t trash. All this does is make me think the mom blames op for ruining her relationship with the dad by being born. Then for her stepsister to kick her out over some guy she never met and deem her worse than the guy who lied to her about his entire life is crazy. I’d never want a relationship with people who put trash people’s feelings Ana’s acceptance over me when I’ve been their for them and accepted them no matter what.
So OP took the nuclear route and now is feeling the effects of radiation
A coincidence happened, when he said crashed, my internet crashed😂
HOW COULD YOU OP!? Trying to get some closure on a failure of human being that you have as a dad.
I feel sorry for her. Her step-sister was basically getting catfished and due to her divorce trauma, she can't think properly about it or trying to be on OP's Shoes. Therapy was needed long before this shitshow.
OP should have said to her sister "look at what he did to his own daughter, you think you're gonna get a better treatment?"
I mean before he was a potential fling who is a filthy liar, he was her father. Asking mom would be pointless because now she is nothing to him but OP literally cannot be more right about confronting that POS. Their reaction was out of place and instead of thanking him, this is how they get treated. Honestly, I would go NC or LC if I were OP.
i still dont understand what happened in 9:53?
bro hit puberty
Op deserves better
I can understand the stepsister. She’s still healing from her divorce and this was just something to comfort her first and foremost. Rather than just truthfully tell her and allow her to process things she just got blindsided by what OP did and was suddenly thrown back into heartbreak. Trying to reconcile that with the fact that her own sister caused it by simply not telling her anything and acting to satisfy herself first and foremost probably made her feel like she didn’t matter to her as much as she claimed. Even still she was cool ending things but just did need her space to heal before talking to OP again. And of course they started to get better after therapy which gave her a space to work through these emotions
She had every right to be furious with her dad but she should have talked to her step sister and Mom first before doing that. Because she didn't know what kind of can of worms she was opening by doing that, because she didn't know what her dad was going to do when she messaged him since he hadn't contacted her in 10 years
I think the step sister saying you only think about yourself comment could have attributed to OP not telling her as soon as she saw his picture and knew. It sounds to me that roughly a good 3-5 days passed before dad reaches out to step sis. Meaning OP just sat on tots knowledge while step sis was still flirting and talking up dad. But that’s just a theory
Tbh the only reason I call bs is bc the sister is 36 and the mother is 47 but if it’s like a step sister and I missed that detail then ye I think it’s real I do apologise if I missed the detail
everyone's an AH in this. especially mother and SS. She should've cut all contact with both the moment they tried to ostracize her.
Everyone sucks:
OP's first reaction wasn't to tell stepsister because it was "akward" and rather used stepsister's connection to her bio dad to attack him. It's ok to seek closure it's not ok to use those close to you to get without there knowledge. Even after she attacked her dad she never told stepsister.
Stepsister shouldn't have lashed out on OP like that and put all the blame on her. She was clearly hurt that OP used her and never told her whats going on and had to find out from OP's bio dad who also hurt her. But lashing out, kicking her out, ghosting her and blaming her was uncalled for.
Mom is clearly hurt her daughter didn't come to her first, yes she is grown but this is something they've been going through together. Still doesn't mean she had the right to blame OP for the dad ruining everything.
Bio dad is just a piece of shit.
Either way its clear that OP and the mom are still coping with what bio dad did to them and stepsister is still coping through her recent divorce, non of them handled the situation correctly and it is good they are giving eachother space to procces and going to therapy.
I mean she did screw up by not immediately telling her step sister and mum. But she is NTA because she clearly still has a lot of unresolved tension with her father. But her father did abandon her after she turned 19.😊
I don't fully believe the things said about the father. Why would he say he calls the cop if they contact him ever again? Sounds like the mother may have told a bit one sided story.
Op had every right to seek closure, but going behind your sister's back and not giving her a heads-up is pretty fked up.
Where is the post?
Not an A hole, but you should have talked to your stepsister first.
Outside of the OP, this family is proving to be complete trash
I think something is missing, why everyone are mean to you why your father could not just a annual meet up with you
Her reaction was weird, it’s just shocking that she didn’t get support, but I understand that everyone’s emotions were running high.
Also does the dad not think she’s his bio daughter? Or maybe he told his side of the family this? Because it’s strange that his side of the family isn’t in contact with OP.
OP’s the a-hole for not telling the step-sister that the man she was talking to was her bio-father, but other than that, the mother & the step-sister’s reaction to everything was absolutely unjustified/unacceptable. The way the mother & step-sister reacted to this was honestly pathetic to me. I shouldn’t even have to explain why that is. However, at the end of the day, if OP’s sperm donor says OP (& her mother) aren’t his family then I hate to break it to her, but you aren’t his family. DNA doesn’t make a family whether people want to acknowledge that or not. It sucks that he abandon OP instead of just being straight up with her from the start, but that’s the past & she has to keep moving forward! At the end of the day, OP isn’t the a-hole in the situation (besides the fact that she didn’t tell the stepsister that she was talking to her bio-dad) & The mother/step-sister are 1000% the a-holes.
Yes it is your fault because actions have consequences and you should have got twice I understand that the original poster wanted revenge for what her father did but she should have thought why she should have went to her family and spoke up to what had happened giving him information and feedback but she did not do that she decided to play games and not because of that to families will her own family now wants distance from her because what she did
It is heartbreaking that the mother and even stepsister didn't immediately understand where OP was coming from. Wtf. The stepsister is so fucking self centered to think her couple of weeks long convo is ANYWHERE close to as important as OP's trauma from father's estrangement. So fucked up. I hope they grovel
Some of you don’t seem to understand so I’ll dumb it down tho they did kinda overreact it’s the op fault instead of letting you daddy and abandonment issues take over you should have told your sister hey that’s my dad you talking to
They all suck. Even op. Grow up and move forward. Life sucks and nothing is fair.
This reeks of missing context imo. Even from her one sided pov she comes off as a bit shifty, not to mention she seems to be obsessed with appearing as if she’s taking responsibility for her slip up while still trying to push the entirety of the blame on the father.
Why is it Ok to block everyone nowadays? It`s ridiculous how many stories I have read and heard about just blocking evryone and freezing them out because they wronged you. Mute or ignore makes more sense, blocking is just the sign that you cannot face another person`s views or opinions or they are legally harassing you.
Everyone is ahole specially op and the father. I feel so bad for the step sister and mother
Op is so annoying, I can see why the dad hates her 😂
What the actual f* is wrong with you...
😂😂😂 this is so bad, yet I couldn't stop laughing
Ah daddy issues on the run here. A daddy left me buhu therefor I have to put him on blast because him and my mum didn't get along and he left me. Buhu. She's an adult behave like one
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