Definitely, though I am not autistic. I do wonder a bit though, hence me watching your vids. I have been called weird and quirky all my life. I get along with people on the spectrum I have 2 male friends who are diagnosed, known them for years.
Yep, I'm recently diagnosed and I have relatives that still what to insist that I can be "normal" if I really want. I'm so grateful for my wife who loves me just like I am.
I have always been overly sensitive and empathetic! If it is internal I shut down, if it is someone else who is hurting I try to do the best I can to help them even if it is just sitting next to them so they are not alone.
same, sometimes, emotions overwhelm me so much i become catatonic almost... and it mostly happens when i feel a lot of stuff and im not allowed to express it because it will hurt other people how i feel about something...
I’ve been called “stiff”, “robotic” and accused of “having no emotions”. A doctor once said I had a flat affect. They must never discover my secret...beep boop beep 🤖
in my primary school was a boy that once came to me and said: You are a robot! and i answered: No, i am not. He replied "They told you you are a human but you are not" and i answered afterwards "No i am not a robot." - he has never said that again.... He was also one of my best friends during schooltime... when i remember him i think he liked me because i took things literal....
Jenn12141983 hey I’m writing something on this, can you give me some pointers on how NOT to portray this character? I don’t want them to be the villain and I don’t want them to be attacked by a neurotypical- this would most likely give an unwanted reaction. (I’m on the spectrum or close to it with ADHD but I don’t have this so I’m trying to better grasp this.)
When I was young I assumed adults would be reasonable and moral, like me and I waited for it with anticipation. I am adult now and ... well, I was wrong and my hope is gone.
@@schonlingg.wunderbar2985 Feeling for you, I ended the same. Now I've decided to perceive them as monsters and the real neurological anomalies and I treat them as the dangerous sub-beasts they are. Makes things immensely easier, especially seeing their panicked surprise at not receiving the respect they think they're owed. But they're the ones getting murderously agressive because we're not like them. We're superior to them because we try our whole lives to fit in to accomodate their poor ugly little souls while they immediately choose to resort to physical and psychological violence.
@@lysevensolaris7025 I don't consider them beasts or monsters of any kind... I think I feel more something like they must have felt so long ago when they started to realize their differences with Erectus... I (and I hope we) just feel less violent about it then they did then. We must remember their disability is not their fault, and not of their choosing... if at all possible we should accommodate them when appropriate, without losing ourselves in the effort. That said, we must remember their 'superiority' is the primary indicator of this disability (and the primary motivator for their emotional and violent over-reactions) and the day will come when it will be appropriate for them to face that lie head on - we should not wish it to happen before it's time (or woe unto us). @Mathew Campbell ... isolation is the common answer, whether chosen or endowed. I would like you to consider, since we are now able to throw our voice about the internet with easy (instead of having our voice (and bodies) bricked behind institution walls) a better option to work toward - quiet, subtle, connection... with each other. Unlike we have been told (some of us for many decades) we are not incapable of interaction or even society, our problem was never that. Rather, we are not capable of entertaining their ideas of interaction and society... their is nothing holding us back from our own interaction and society (if we had ever before been given a chance to form such, I wouldn't have to tell you so(!)). Once we have such a chance, we can dispel that myth once and for all, and rid ourselves of their inefficient ways.
'You're weird' was the bullying phrase I received in two different countries and I tried so hard, so hard to fit in. Now when I tell people I have autism they tell me 'don't be ridiculous, you're normal' I AM FAKING BEING NORMAL.
@@toothfairy10133 Thats what gets me, yeah we all fake it a little but we do it for survival. Our fakeness is draining on us while for you its literally easy peasy. It also speaks how we human created so many dumb rules on how to act and speak on the job and all that.
I literally told my therapist “you think I’m normal? I literally have a script for what to say! Everything I do or say is something I saw or something I’ve heard people do! I literally look up how to be human.” He was like “ooooohhhhh I see” it was so strange to put it into words and have someone understand how much I/we fake being normal.
When you said that you’ve noticed people taking an immediate disliking to you and it went unnoticed by others, that has happened to me. What a weird feeling. Makes you wonder how others are so blind when some things seem so obvious.
I think what has happened there is that you have been bumped down a notch on the dominance hierarchy; other people don't notice the slight because doing so would mean noticing the dominance hierarchy, which people prefer to deflect from consciousness.
My wonderful partner of 4 years has a diagnosis of "moderate to severe Asperger's". Early in our relationship, before we were sure it even was a relationship, he said the saddest thing to me. "I'd give anything to be normal for you." I blurted out "I don't want normal. I want you." We've been together ever since.
What people do not realise is that autistic people can think out of the box. It is thanks to autisic people that we have electricity space travel and other inventions that makes modern life possible. Had every body been nurotypical we would still be in the ston age. What ever you say about autotstic people nurotypical people just do not have the ability to think out of the box there by having origininal ideas.
I can relate to your partner's comment as I feel my disorder has brought a great deal of pain to the people I have tried to love. I am so happy for you both as what you have is rare among autistic circles. Not a big fan of the "better to have loved and lost..." expression myself. Eventually you lose someone one time too many and you realise that attempting to experience love is a risk to your life. It's so nice to hear that someone has helped one of us to realise that you don't always have to be normal for someone to love you! You're both literally goals 😂❤✌
Swedish Dissident I am autistic. Someone once said to me: “You have to think outside of the box!” to which I replied “Which box?”. They didn’t know what to say.
I'm waiting for the second test. My friend who suggested I present more than him says we're the next step on the evolutionary ladder 🤔 something to think about when you do feel "wierd"
I'm jealous..I come up with lot of odd turns of phrase which everyone ends up using, even though they criticise at first. But ASPIONAGE is just perfect!!
I work in a bookshop. A few months ago a teenager who looked like he was on drugs came into the shop where I work. We have a big problem with thefts by drug addicts. I'm sorry to say that I watched him like a hawk. But he kept on coming back. He wasn't on drugs at all. He was on his school holidays He found the shop a safe place for him. He has a few favourite people here now. He likes to write copious notes on bits of paper. We leave him alone to get on with it and do his own thing. On New Year's Day he showed up with flowers he had picked for each of us. He was very specific about who the flowers were for. To and amazing person: Prince (his real name), thank you. I love you too.
Being accused of being on drugs seems common. I had it constantly when I worked retail, fast food (altho I also had accusations of retardation) and even my high school (although no accusations there only of drug). Am a teetotaller.
@@runakovacs4759 lol same. I worked somewhere and a fella said I "must smoke a lot of weed" lmao I told him it was just a head injury as that's what I had it chalked up to at the time. Wouldn't even suspect autism for several more years
When i was younger a colleague thought i was a “stoner” because i came across to them as very chilled out and expressionless. They seemed to like me and think i was cool for being a “stoner” and i just went along with it but the truth was that i had never done drugs before and i didnt know it at the time but i was just autistic and appeared chilled out and emotionless because of my autism
When I was about to get my Master’s Degree in counseling I did an internship at a rehab hospital (an internship I negotiated myself that had a stipend) I wanted to have experience working with TBI patients, and I found my patients and their families really liked me. However my supervisor was very critical of me and accused me of being on drugs, which I NEVER did in my life. Now, late in life, I find I’m on the spectrum.
I remember when I was in elementary school, I would always think to myself, "When I get older i will know how to socialize." I thought that I would magically be given the invisible instruction manual that everyone seemed to have. I guess I blamed my social difficulty on how young I was, but tbh its just gotten much worse and noticeable XD
Same here, and every year I get a little bit more depressed about still not being able to socialise. I’m in my late 30s & now I know it might be an ND condition or two (maybe ADHD as well, unsure).
I learnt that once I found I got a diagnosis for autism as a child. I realised I am most likely autistic and I will never get better I just will have continue being a student in social interactions
Suppose that's the same as me keep asking people how do I meet people and make new friends IRL? Because I only know how to meet people in online social games. Beyond that I'm lost and can never seam to make a further connection than a work acquaintance?
being hated within 30 sec and blocked out of conversations hit so hard. It's happened way too many times to me. I don't understand how people can be so nasty and hateful because theyre insecure
That hit me so hard, too! I can't even count how many times this has happened to me, over and over again, in my life. Sometimes, if I'm "lucky", it might not happen for a few days on a new job (or another situation where I'm introduced to new people), but it's always inevitable that they will discover that I'm different, and I start getting the cold shoulder. I'm so tired of it, and I've gotte to the point I don't even try very hard anymore to get to know new people.
I think this whole phenomenon of blocking someone out of a group conversation is not really "nasty and hateful." I think it is done unconsciously, similar to how people often mirror each other's arm positions and even speech patterns. I believe that neurotypical folks are not even aware that they are doing it. Anyone who has ever been shut out is very aware whenever it happens either to themselves or someone else, and we go out of our way to widen the circle to include the person being blocked. It's just one of the way that neurodivergent people are making the world a better place.
I hope I get better with this ..I'm 36 and still let people.. individuals at work or my in laws walk over me and act like I am not there. My issue is primarily with workplaces . Lots of workplace bullying and gossip that keeps me a nervous wreck. It's like school all over again 😔😔😔
I feel this. I’ve been trying to mask my whole life and still had trouble with it. But recently I’ve just sorta felt like no matter what other people think, if it helps me focus it’s fine, right? So fuck other people’s opinion of me lol
Could not agree more. One of the advantages of getting older is not giving a shit what people think nearly as much. I personally find neurotypicals to be weird. They’re so....thick headed. I mean they seem to be really dense.
i've been there. sometimes when i am around company that makes me so uncomfortable i throw caution to the wind and subconsciously proclaim,"bring out your worst, captain autismo. let's ruin this social function."
This video literally had me in tears.... I didn't even become aware of how "weird" I was until middle school when suddenly became aware that the concept of a friend wasn't just blanketly applied to everyone you said hi to. And that my classmates saw each other outside of school. After that shocking and disheartening realization. I found that EVERY kid in my class had actual friends, that rolled over from previous classmates they had, the mean kids, the smart kids, the popular kids, even the "other" "weird" kids had friends. I seemed to be the only person in our school without them. I them became obsessed, I studied every trend that came and went, studied how different kids interacted with each other. Then bam! 3 years later I made a friend that was friends with all the popular kids, and I was invited to my very first non school function. It was there that I studied that kids act quite different socially outside of school. It was like the missing puzzle piece to complete my making strategies. And I spent literally ALL my time reading magazines, tv shows, movies, to keep up with a d learn how normal people communicate, and respond to each other. And by my senior year of high school I was sure I was a pro. Then my group of friends were hang out just as school let out and they all talked about this party they were all going to. Which was news to me, but whatever it didn't seem odd. Not until one of my "best" friends said that I wasn't invited because "i was well... you know... weird." And then they chucked and left. And if felt as if the last decade of obsessive work to seem like everyone else wasn't even working... it was shattering. I felt like any making efforts were pointless after that. If people were going to think I was off while I was literally 15+ hrs of work each day into trying to be like everyone else, then there was no point to it. That was the last day I masked... and it has given me a life of isolation. I can make endless acquaintance, but I've made 1 real friend in the past decade and they are also also autistic. Make friends seems like some sort of mystical magic I'm trying to recreate with science.
That's so familiar and raw. I gave up and stopped trying a few years ago and now I hardly ever go out. Getting a diagnosis and meeting large numbers of other autistic people was revolutionary for me and has at least made me not be suicidal any more. The trouble is, that, while it has been hugely psychologically beneficial to finally know that I'm not just bad and lots and lots of other people have experienced the same sort of things, we're all quite badly broken by our experiences and we can only talk to each other because it doesn't seem like NTs want to know. The people who need to hear this are the last people who are ever going to listen, because they are so heavily invested in whatever rationale they give themselves for the way they treat us.
Thank you very much for your words. I already gave up on searching for friendship. I accepted my weirdness and aloneness. Since then I am somehow more happier! Accepting the harsh reality was for me hard but it freed my soul. Friendship is truely overrated.
Gina.. you have to know people out there are just not nice. The way things look is way more important than what's on the inside of a person ..I see it all the time and I don't like it but you have to know that you are beautiful for who you are... it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks...
Throughout high school and for several years afterward, I felt extremely lonely and cut off from other people. I've always thought of friendship as a strange, unobtainable thing which other people seem to enjoy effortlessly. Even today, I still have no idea how to 'make friends'. For a long time, I was very attached to my Facebook account and would check for messages regularly. Eventually I realized I was putting forth too much effort into trying to 'get somewhere' with people and that the underlying drive for my social habits was just for a sense validation. I have left Facebook behind and taken up new hobbies and activities in its place, and I have felt much better because of it.
Totally can relate to the being blocked out of conversation, ignored, or not taken seriously. It’s not that I have nothing to say or contribute, I often have a lot, as I read a lot, but it always seems to be because of some mysterious unwritten rules that I’m obviously not following. It does happen more with age... I think when we are young we are more likely to be forgiven for being slightly awkward or ‘off’ ... people do start to catch on when a person in their 30s randomly squeals at the sight of a cat, or struggles to make eye contact, or any other trivial thing which is akin to a social mortal sin for a neurotypical. It is very frustrating. Another great informative video and congratulations on the 1000!
I have experienced, that whenever I start to open my mouth, then someone will talk a couple of seconds after I started. They usually use colourfull language, and the others just forget that I had started to say something. And NT's call people on the ASD rude. Well... I have learned to just turn around, walk away and start doing something productive instead. If they figure out that they did something rude, or if they never think that thought. Well.... That is really none of my concerns. On that point I am stone cold whatever feelings they might have. I used to feel empathy for them, for not realising that they are rude. And then it struck me. It is not my business to feel that on their behalf. They have to realise that about them self, for them self. None if my problems in orher words.
@@loanicastillo3327 I completely relate to this. Its very difficult and uncomfortable for me in a workplace setting especially. My husband actually asked me why I find problems with every person I meet and I dont , it's just they treat me wrong or completely block me out as if I'm am nobody of any importance. As of now, I struggle with several autoimmune diseases and this recent but delayed diagnosis of aspergers makes it's that much more difficult in finding a job. I just hope I can find one with coworkers and a manager that do not take part in gossiping and treating people that aren't like them like crap. It's odd I don't understand people that behave as if they stayed in high school their entire lives and though I'm still pretty young in my 30s I've never been that way even in school. I actually got homeschool in 10th grade because the bullying began making me physically ill. even in my awkwardness I am not rude to others nor do I enjoy gossip. 😔😕😔
@@loanicastillo3327 Nope... You are not the problem. They have a problem that is the problem of excluding you. Normally I just walk away and let them figure out, if they need to ask me why I walked away. And they will never ask that question. Because the one that stole your turn to talk, were interresting enough that people forgot all about you had something on your mind and had something to tell. Hence, better live without any friends and go without social interaktion, than to be ignored time after time.
@@brostenen wow! I constantly get talked over at work especially. Or if I begin to talk or join in on conversations I get completely stopped or blocked I guess we would call it.. I hope your well and if you have any other advice I would so appreciate it! 💜
The worst thing is when people eventually get to know you and feel comfortable telling you how weird they thought you were when they met you. This has happened to me multiple times. I don’t need to know how much I didn’t fit your expectations. It’s hurtful.
I'm sorry your friends were so rude! And yet they say we are the rude/ socially off ones... Obviously if you were that "weird" they wouldn't have stuck around. They should just keep it to themselves.
Damn, now I'm wondering if I've hurt people by saying similar things. I'd consider myself to be very weird, and wear it as a badge of honor, and I mostly make friends with other people that I find "weird" because in my head, weird = interesting.
@@seashells1460 Well, they're not actually rude. They're being friendly and relaxed, and open up to someone they now see as a friend about how they found them earlier. They wouldn't say that to a stranger. Besides, "They should just keep it to themselves." isn't that what neurotypicals say to autistic people who can often be too blunt and undiplomatic?
@@foljs5858 im not sure how you know someone elses friends' intentions? If this reply came from the OP i would take it more seriously. But i feel its up to OP to decide if she felt hurt by what her friends said. The way i read it she felt hurt so i was validating her. Its also honestly my opinion that its an unnecesary and rude thing to say to anyone. But thats just me.
About five years ago I was working with an autistic kid as support to help him in his school life. During a meeting with the teachers and parents and therapists and I, the therapist who specialized in autism started talking about how lucky it was that they had an autistic adult on their team to help. As I was sitting there wondering who she could be speaking about, I noticed everyone else looking at me. I have always suffered quite intensely because however much I try, I never feel like I know how to "human", but I was kind of convinced no one else could tell that I wasn't being me, I was playing a normal person and I thought I was fooling everyone. I would limit my fits of rage, that I now know are meltdowns, where I hit my head with my fists or a wall, scratch myself, bite myself and strangle myself, to moments when I was not in presence of other people. This therapist later told me she was surprised I had not been diagnosed as I am quite obvious as an autistic woman. My student noticed I was in a bad mood and asked why, so I told him: "the therapist said I'm autistic and I'm not". To which he smiled and replied " Yes you are. You're like me. Why do you think I talk to you?" And I thought I was sooooooo good at playing at being a normal person... I once read a sentence that I really like : "Who would you be if no one was looking?"
@@lambchop6278 especially as there are loads of undiagnosed people out there. There was a good chance the person the therapist was talking to didn't know they had Autism (as was indeed the case). That's not the way to break it to someone, and in front of everyone, too!
I don't really know what to say. When it's quiet I sleep normal. But when it's not - I don't. I guess some sounds are better than others for sleep. It usually all right. most of the time. sometimes. kind of.
This talk reminds me of something Einstein once said: “ people learn things in different ways. If you judge a fish by his ability to climb a tree it will forever think of itself as stupid.” Very interesting ideas here!
To flip the metaphor: If you judge a chimpanzee by its ability to swim, it will forever think of itself as a stupid, when it is actually great at climbing trees. The problem is that we chimpanzees (neurodivergent humans) live in an ocean (society) which means the ability to swim (interact with neurotypical humans) is more important than the ability to climb trees.
@Crucibelle I just remember to look over to something else within the periphery every now and then, otherwise I'm concerned it might be seen as a bit werid, or 'too much'.
I think autistic people tend to be more genuine because we see the world more simply than other people who are not autistic. I try to be nice and polite and try and always treat People the way I like to be treated and I mean what I say and do . I have noticed that a lot of people say thing and do another. They might say I don't like someone i am not going to talk to them again then pretend they are best friends with them . I find if I don't like someone I don't want to talk to them. And I have noticed that a lot of People are conceited and snobby and judgemental and just see the world through their eyes. If someone tells me their problems I tend to feel sympathetic and want to help them. I have noticed a lot of People will say things like if someone is crying they will say she just wants attention. And a lot of People love drama and enjoy humiliating people for their own satisfaction. Autistic people don't think like that because we just see things more simply than other people.
With regards to communications one of the strangest things to me is that "neurotypical" people never seem to actually listen to what was said, as in what the actual words were and what they mean. I've lost count of the number of times I have had to say "but that isn't what I actually said".
I can't agree more. Other people literally have tried to force me "admit" to saying things that i never actually said!! They interpret my exact words to mean what they feel, and ignore my words completely. How can anyone get others to listen when they never have the desire to hear anything other than their own narrative? Lol.
NTs minds focus 70-80% on nonverbal communication, the rest is used for the actual info. That's why they need things repeated to them over and over. For us it's the other way around. It doesn't really matter what you're saying to them as long as you're using the right tone and body language and leave a positive impression.
@@cockycookie1 as a neurotypical I agree, half of what you learn from a person speaking is in their body language and facial movements. Words mean less like when they say they enjoyed something but their face says otherwise. And I would disagree with Adrianne saying we use our own narrative, we don't deflect our own emotions onto others but perhaps what you said and what your body was doing was sending mixed signals which muddied whatever you intended with what you were saying. NTs or whatever spend a lot of time deciphering body language for deeper meanings in what people say. Maybe they just wrongly assumed in your case.
Yeah! It also happens to me. Sometimes I explain something simple 4, 5 times. It looks like people (specially extroverts) they read between the lines, not a actually to what I'm saying. When they finally get the point and explain it back to me , I'm like yeah... That's what I said (like 5 times before)...o.O They get stuck in reading between the lines or whatever happens, it's confusing
It's also a way of saying that the smallest differences are punished more harshly than the largest differences. One of the unspoken rules is "I won't like you if you're not easy enough to figure out", after all.
I didnt watch the video full yet but there a game called human or not and idk what point i wanted to make but i feel like since autistic ppl not diagnosed are seen as some robots (ppl telling me im emontion,telling me my voice sounds very robotic kinda) so in this game human or not there is more room for ppl to experiment since you cant expect with who u talk since u either talking with bot or human and get a reaction after seeing who you are when they guessed wrong or right after its just a game so u just supposed to have fun. im maybe yapping lol
during an argument, someone close to me revealed that I appear emotionless and apathetic. I literally couldn’t believe it because I feel so many intense emotions all of the time, I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see that, and even go as far as viewing me as emotionless. I also get “what’s the face for” a lot. like literally nothing!! this is just my face!!
ugh my god, my dad used to ALWAYS look at me and ask, "Why do you look like your dog just died?" and it would drive me crazy as a child and make me feel so bad.
I've been told I look "sour" when my face is neutral. I've trained in a habit of always smiling a litte, practiced in the mirror so it's not actually visible as a smile but it still works in keeping people from thinking I'm in a pissy mood when I'm just relaxed and neutral.
Am I the only one who was defended as a kid and even now as a young adult, when my face didn’t match how everyone thought I was feeling? My relatives would be like “why does she look mad” and my dad always says “she’s not, it’s just her face” and that always made me feel better because, while it may sound like he’s almost making fun of me, if y’all knew him, that is not how he speaks when he’s joking around with me and my siblings. He never jokes about that kinda thing. While my family understands that my face doesn’t give off how I feel, other people don’t. I’ve had other adults assume they know what I’m feeling because they can “read body language” and I am just “looking for attention” Yeah, my parents don’t let that go. They will absolutely defend me when something like that happens ❤️🥹
I didnt watch the video full yet but there a game called human or not and idk what point i wanted to make but i feel like since autistic ppl not diagnosed are seen as some robots (ppl telling me im emontion,telling me my voice sounds very robotic kinda) so in this game human or not there is more room for ppl to experiment since you cant expect with who u talk since u either talking with bot or human and get a reaction after seeing who you are when they guessed wrong or right after its just a game so u just supposed to have fun. im maybe yapping lol
To me too but just revealed me I was weird though I always knew lol it just was refreshing to hear cuz atleast there was a clear ground to what to hate me on
I'm 82, and it has finally occurred to me that many of the things you and others online are describing definitely apply to me. I have been aware of being a nerdy outsider all my life, and I've chuckled about maybe being "kind of autistic," but I never took it seriously. The sensitivity to stimuli, fatigue at having to be around others, occasional meltdowns, difficulty communicating by phone, and other traits are familiar. Happily (but sometimes sadly), those around me have largely adjusted to the way I am and have often compensated for my deficits. I feel sad knowing that my life might have gone differently--better--if I had realized all this earlier. At least, being old and immune-compromised and thus isolated in the pandemic is quite comfortable for me. Living alone where I can control my surroundings is relaxing.
I feel like everyone dislikes me and if I tell a loved one about it , I get told I'm paranoid or that I'm looking for problems. But I honestly get a strong sense from others and my intuition has been strong my entire life. 35 years old and just finding out how many symptoms I have is stressful.
there are a lot of shallow dumb ass people in the world unfortunately they think they can judge you and they do... then act on it, normally these type are prats, silly, immature :-))
I've had people who know me do that. Because of that, I don't know if it's just complete conscious rejection on their parts or if they think I'm just going to figure out how to function by kind of forcing me to have to deal with it on my own. Maybe I haven't spent enough time with people, though... -_-' It seems dangerous to try anything, though.
@@Catlady1210 We have trouble reading people, and I can certainly relate to how you feel. At some point, I realized that most people don't care enough to dislike us. We're not on their radar. They don't know how to communicate with us, so they block us out. They forget us as soon as they meet us. It really isn't you, it's them.
Same!!! Let’s all be friends bahaha I have a hard time making girlfriends, I don’t have a filter I suppose that I make the “fakeness” not seem so cool when I call them out in it, then when I’m quiet it’s always what’s wrong with you 🤦🏼♀️
I think I've just realised why I love having blue hair. Its because it sends out a message to people that I might be weird, and to adjust their expectations accordingly. Maybe this is a way to avoid that 'uncanny valley'
Flashbacks to that horrible, horrible "girls" trip I went on a few years ago (really I was a tag along to my sister). It was awful, but one woman (YES woman, a woman who has children) was just awful to me. She was nice to me for about the first 10 minutes until she realized I was different and I was either ignored, gossiped and laughed at or was the butt to all her jokes. I was bullied in school and I guess i just thought that shit ended after graduation but I was wrong. Never again
Interesting talk! I do believe masking or the struggle of masking does get harder with age. Which would make sense. We get worn down. There was an interesting talk specifically about women reaching a breaking point and crumbling, mid life crisis, autism edition. I believe that's why women slip the diagnostic radar for so long, masking, but inevitably it wears down the mind, body and soul. I know I feel it. I've always had trouble masking and have been weird my entire life. It's been hard being rejected constantly.
Yo Samdy Sam also how it impacts assessments, especially girls. Like I appeared fairly neurotypical at my hour assessment and so all my struggles on paper were dismissed simply because I didn't appear autistic in person. They went so far to say as my have falsified the tests or whatever.
My counselor came out and told my adult children that their mom (me) had struggled for so long to hold it together and that I was tired and couldn't do it anymore. I felt such relief at really being seen and accepted! Too bad I had to move away!
@@Wolf-r9d good point. Ted Bundy was one of the most charismatic and handsome dudes around. He escaped from at least 2 correctional facilities and had a different conjugal visitor every day until his death in prison. Autistic dudes are really really good at one specific thing a lot of times. Seems like a coin toss, to me. IDK...
Maybe this is why I almost always somehow feel somewhat excluded in a group discussion or conversation. I am usually allowed to be part of the circle, but more in the way of a bystander instead of an active participant (and often, when the circle morphs into another shape when new people enter it and/or others leave I tend to end up, bit by bit, eventually also physically excluded from the group). I am there, but I cannot really participate and what I say usually ends up completely unacknowledged. The sad thing is, after watching this video, I remember often having done the same to some people that are more obviously autistic than me (or not good at masking), because I felt this uncanny feeling when I interacted with them.
i’ve had this as well :( now i’ve left the group completely because not only did they exclude me, but also my more obviously autistic friends. when i sat with them i felt like a bystander in my own life. it sucked
i relate 100% everybody in general always does this to me. ive only had 1 friend throughout my life and shes still my friend till this day. other than that i basically cnt make friends with anyone else because the exact same thing happens to me when im being excluded and blocked from a grp conversation and im just a bystander and what i say just is so irrelevant and ignored its as if no one has ears when I talk. it even happens to me in grp chats. besides my best friend, it's a rare occurance that i bump into anyone i cn click with deeply and be 100% myself with and not just some surface level conversations and niceties that NTs treat me with at first, and then lose interest in me so quickly. Being with NTs in general make me uncomfortable, it's like there's an invisible wall between us and an invisible wall in myself that makes me so constricted around NTs
This is actually something I've been wondering. (For the record, I have not been diagnosed on the spectrum. I live a moderately siccessful life. I do however identify with a lot of things associated with autism and have been wondering about myself for a number of years.) Anyhow, I've always found it much easier to communicate with autistic people. They communicate more effectively from my perspective. All these shallow pretenses are skipped and we can just talk about what we want to talk about. I find that very refreshing. Have you ever had that feeling of relief when you meet an autistic person and you can just communicate normally, instead of having to worry about the "neurotypical fluff"?
Absolutely! Though really I find I get along better with people who are a little odd in general, even if not in quite the same way. One of my best friends has ADHD, and one of the reasons we get along so well is that I'm very focused on the information content of a conversation. So I don't really care if the person I'm talking to is super twitchy or jumps topics a lot so long as they're saying something interesting...but she says it drives NT people NUTS and she has to work a lot harder to get them to take her seriously. (I'm kind of in the same boat, BTW, of having suspected for years...but after experiencing unexpectedly sudden burnout when taking on a more people-wrangling job role, I think I do need to actually check with a professional to see if my intuition about being somewhere on the spectrum is correct!)
I've been masking myself since childhood and it has become difficult to separate the mask from the underlying me. I've come to accept that the mask, because it is my creation, is actually a part of me. Basically, I consider it a creative achievement that I have been working on since childhood. People have told me I seem like an incredibly calm person and that they find this calming. In fact, I am an incredibly anxious person and the calmness they are detecting is actually my well practiced mask. However this mask has served a purpose; it has calmed other people, it has allowed me to survive in this world. However the time has come to find out the real me behind the mask. Without doing so, I will not be able to live authentically.
I’ve heard other people say “you have a calm about you” but I don’t think that about myself at all. If anything I’m rather neurotic. But I think I internalize my fears so well, they don’t really have a chance to peek through
I feel like this too about my emotions. I'm not sure if I am on the spectrum, or if I inherited some of the tendencies from my grandfather without being fully on the spectrum myself, but I find some aspects of life quite hard to navigate.
I feel that. People have always told me they like me because I'm chill. Then they get confused af when the mask drops because I'm actually a mess underneath 😂
This sounds waaaay too much like me…I have repressed myself with the mask and when I don’t have the energy to mask I just don’t talk. Wow, it’s really starting to make sense now!
It took me *forever* to realize what people were saying when they called me weird. It finally hit me in my mid-20s and I was like "...ohhh!" And then I got sad
I'm so relieved that I found you. Back in kindergarten, wherever I went, children would reject me. Always. I really didn't know what this was about and at some point I started thinking they must have felt that I was somehow inherently wrong or 'bad'. That was seriously horrible.
I’m so sorry that that happened to you. You are amazing! Forget those people who made you feel that way. Shows THEIR true character. On them for mistreating ANY person. I’m hoping that they learned from it and grew :/ . I hope that you ended up finding people who loved you the way that you are 🤍 if you have not, I know that you will…
nope, never managed to blend in. Always have felt like a leper in any social setting, including schools and workplaces, it is incredibly draining, and lonely.
Story of my life, and I feel like this gets lost with some of the focus on masking. Life isn't any easier for those of us who don't mask or never figured out how to.
Mendaharin Tusca I can relate, I get so tired. I started a ketamine therapy on Monday it goes on for 6 infusion. I really hope it helps with my sadness. I think perhaps leaving my situation would help. Would you like to stay in contact? My email is heirofjc@gmail.com. Stay strong my friend
You know what works? You gotta let yourself FEEL a part of the group. Imagine you're all interconnected by a web or something, whatever works for you. Then use that over empathy and assimilate by copying the popular folks. Mix and match the traits you like best from different people. Sounds weird but really does work!
After 35 years of observing this, I think it's because some people are more concerned about their social status. Affiliating with someone who's different or "weird" might affect their social status so they try to distance themselves. I don't think that's what they're thinking, but I think it's what they're feeling. (I don't have autism but I have ADHD.)
*That could be a part of it, but as someone who's also got ADHD occasionally a person will trip up my rejection sensitive dysphoria if I'm not aware they're autistic and they're not reacting the way I expect. It's pretty bad anxiety and I don't talk to people irl often, so if a social interaction doesn't go as planned there's a chance I might just crumble and die inside on the spot. No plan B. *I would never let this show to the person at the time of course- partially because I'm afraid of messing things up more- but I wonder if that could be a factor for some people
I knew this right away because my Mom was a psych and also an undiagnosed Autistic. So I would always have to experience every judgemental situation without being able to change it. It was like being locked into a movie I couldn't get out of.
I go by this theory too. Aspies, by society's standards are perceived (not necessarily the reality) as being very low on the social hierarchy. They are told they will find the right people for them and its only other neurodiverse people that will wanna be friends with them. It's actually a myth though. The reality is that it just takes much more effort for aspies to socialise and get to know others, but the socially "cool" people don't want to wait for that and don't need them
And that's why a diagnosis is important! If you don't have it, you fell different in a bad way, you feel wrong and you think you need to be fixed. But when you have a diagnosis you start to think that it's ok to be a weirdo! It really changes the world! P.s. I never knew about the uncanny valley effect but it was really on point! Nice to discover new things! P.p.s. congratulation for the 1000 subscribers!
Exactly, getting a diagnosis has been so great for my self-esteem and confidence! I got a bit into the uncanny valley stuff during my research - it's such interesting stuff! Humans are weird ;)
@@YoSamdySam In the process of getting one. But all this time as preparation I've been reading up on it too, for a year now, to be certain. And it is really like this: All your life, you have been trying to act like a dog, when you were a cat, and were also judged by "dog behaviour" standards. Now I finally realized I am a cat, so I will no longer try to adopt "dog-behaviour" but rather adopt more "cat-behaviour", which is more natural to me.. But letting go of "dog-behaviour" when you trained yourself in it all your life, it is not that easy, it's like second nature to slip into this role... and only be a cat in private at home...
I was able to self diagnose at the age of 50, thanks to the internet. I've always felt like I'm another species, that I don't belongs among humans. Now I understand why. Thankfully, over the decades, I've gotten good at masking and this has reduced my stress levels and depression. I'm at a point where people argue with me and try to convince me I don't have Asperger's. I'm too normal. So I must be doing it right.
@@Wolf-r9d I recommend checking out Professor Tony Attwood's videos on autism in girls here on RUclips. You can find heaps of his on the Autism Hangout channel. Also, read the book I Am Aspienwoman by psychologist Tania Marshall and see if you identify with it. It's an easy read as it's very visual and has lots of quotes from female Aspies. If all that makes you think you're an Aspie, then the next step is to find your tribe so you feel less like the odd one out. I recommend female-only groups as sadly the mixed ones tend to have a lot of opinionated incels in them who can be quite mean.
@@YoSamdySam It gets worse with the latest DSM -- a lot of people who exhibit a lot of traits shared with the autistic spectrum limiting their daily functioning but not enough to prevent their functioning often won't get the diagnosis. You're normal enough not to get a diagnosis, or even adapted enough to do so. But you're not normal enough to have an easy time connecting with people or make first impressions which is crucial during job interviews and so on. Your video rings quite true to my own experiences.
I have lost count of the number of people who told me I was weird. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADHD at age 10, so I always knew I was neurodivergent, but even among other Dyslexic kids, I was the weird kid nobody wanted to hang out with. Social norms have always been a struggle for me. Even when I am masking, I still find it nearly impossible to "fit in". I thought for most of my life that all those people were right, I am just weird. It was not until I started researching autism on the internet and finding content like yours that I realized I am probably autistic. I am still undecided if I should go for a diagnosis (im 57) but at least I finally found my people, and for that I am grateful.
I don’t know if I’m autistic or not but I have been called weird usually because I’m trying too hard. I can see when I was younger that I did not follow certain rules. I didn’t stay close to my friends in the playground. I would talk at inappropriate times. Things like that. Just always doing things at inappropriate times.
I've never honestly tried to mask, I didn't even know it was a thing people did until like last year. Honestly I don't give a shit what people think about me and if they don't like it then they can piss off. I'm not gonna pretend to be someone else so NPCs like me. I'm me and nobody else.
OMG I cannot tell you how many times I have perceived a new acquaintance making a snap, negative judgement about me, usually on a day when I didn’t have the energy to pretend to be happy. It somehow makes me feel a little better that you have come up with an explanation for this.
Loveable weirdo here - nt, but asd ally I hope. I'm a therapist, and have worked with lots of clients who've been diagnosed with asd. What you say here about the uncanny valley is really interesting... Historically, nt's have tried to say that autistic people lack empathy somehow - whereas my experience has always been that it's nt's who traditionally fail at bothering to offer empathy to autistic people. Your points about the uncanny valley attitude, which is surely some kind of nt tic, helped me understand maybe a little more about where the empathy failure comes from. My subscription, however, is for "aspie-onage". Genius! Keep up the good work.
Joel, I sometimes wonder if modem life is becoming (always was??) so frenzied that people don't have the patience nor time to sit down and figure someone out. I'm a late diagnosed Aspbergers person(40+ yo), who has just found a romantic interest. I find it awkward to give an honest smile, but usually paying close attention all the same. I found it helpful not to raise the issue on a first date but sneak in a few bad but non-threatening jokes instead. Sometimes, eliciting a groan is as good as a laugh.
@@alwynwatson6119 Well, many of them fail at empathising and I've also noticed a distressing inability to pay attention to detail in many of them. You say, "Here's the latest figures from Engineering and it doesn't match up with what we can see here." and they say, "hmm, interesting. We should contact _Engineering_ and see what *they* reckon the figures should be." AAAAAARRGGHHHH!
@@marceasusanna7749 I'm not sure if this is directed towards my original comment, but if it is then i can acknowledge i wasn't very clear as i reread what i wrote again now... I think basically my point was that NT people aren't actually great at empathy most of the time, although cruelly we have historically accused neurodivergent people of not having empathy. That's based on my experience as a therapist. The point which Sam is making in the video about the Uncanny Valley effect here makes sense to me as at least part of the explanation. Again, not quite sure if you were finding my original comment unclear or not, but appear to have marched in anyway...
Since someone finally concluded that my awkwardness is a product of high-functioning autism, I have tried (with varying degrees of success) to view it as a gift, of sorts. I’m a trial lawyer; because of the “odd” way my brain works, I’m lethal to adverse witnesses. Social norms don’t matter in that arena. And in argument, knowing obscure facts often comes in very handy. The downside, of course, is small talk. I am required to engage clients and hope they like me. That can be tough. But in some ways, the atypicality can be useful. Here in the American South, for instance, college football is almost a religion. It’s fact-intensive and learnable. Esoteric facts are appropriate. It works. I am still learning the whole small talk thing. It’s hard and, often, boring. But breaking the task down almost forensically helps.
I've always felt like small talk is a barrier that prevents true connection. Or even a jail: you're put there if the other person doesn't trust you with big talk.
Just Wow... I've dropped out law school cause, to me, someone who doesn't has that social charm would never thrive in this type of career, and here you are. Its specially hard when you live in a country where fiery emotions rules (Brazil) and you're supposed to be that warm, joker savy guy to everyone all the time or else youre out. The worst part is that its clear like a summer sky how unease people feel whenever youre around, god knows why. Its was really hard to be there for all those years filled with a depression no one seemed to understand, yet everyone loved to point fingers. The feeling of going insane so strong you cant even learn or pay attention to what you're doing anymore. Maybe if i knew back then about aspergers i wouldnt be so hard on myself. Maybe it isnt too late.
@@GodHandplayers It’s never too late. You must learn how to use your atypicality. I usually strike people as a bit odd, but it rarely causes big problems. For me, the key is to find a subject that interests the person I am talking with. I have a wide enough information background that I can usually find something. This may surprise you. Before I was a lawyer, I was a radio announcer. Again, it’s all about knowing the rules of the game. And the skills of radio announcing translate well to trial work. It’s just acting.
Thank you for sharing. I incidentally just figured out I am on the spectrum at age 30, after doctors were trying to figure out the cause of other neurological issues that started after I got COVID last year. I guess the mask fell away after I got sick and social isolation increased during the pandemic. I am also a litigation attorney. I have always been seen as likeable by most peers and clients, but definitely weird. I normally do okay with small talk. My “oddities” and tendencies to sometimes get stuck on small or obscure details that other people don’t think matter is often used to disarm deponents and witnesses. Or I’m able to pick up on things with jurors that my colleagues don’t pay attention to. (I’m trying to figure out how to start looking my oddball brain as a gift as you have.) I’m still trying to process everything, but it was very comforting to see your comment.
I’m 60 years old and after a lifetime of feeling that I am worthless, weird and isolated, have recently been diagnosed as autistic. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Since being diagnosed and having declared it to my employer (the NHS), I’ve been sacked. I’m a paramedic and may now lose my licence to practice. Weird or not, I must hold onto the fact that I’m autistic and not insane.
@@amys0482 Yes it is indeed. However, my union, UNISON, offered no evidence at my dismissal hearing and completely failed me at appeal. It’s not just about being dismissed though. If a Paramedic is dismissed, they are immediately reported to the HCPC under the fitness to practice regulations. The HCPC will start a process which is not dissimilar to a criminal process to establish if that Paramedic can remain a Paramedic. Essentially, I could be struck off and no longer allowed to work. Remember, this is the NHS we’re talking about. You’d think they would know better.
@@distantplaces6560 I am so sorry. That doesn't seem right at all if you were able to perform the job (and can continue to perform with accommodations). Since the Union didn't protect you, do you have a personal lawyer now?
Back in 5th grade, the school psychologist was testing me to see if I had autism or not. I wasn't diagnosed with autism because I shared some traits with it, but not enough for a diagnosis. So, not autistic but not neurotypical, either. I'm in my 30s now, but I clearly remember in high school I didn't have many friends and many people called me "weird". It hurt so much. The work world has been a challenge, too, especially one of my previous jobs where I was treated like I was stupid or incompetent or something and the boss didn't even try to listen when she was the one who asked what I needed to help me succeed (all I asked for was to balance the negative feedback with some positives. If all I hear are negatives, I believe I can't do anything right, but if I have positives as well, then I can work with it and address my weaknesses without feeling worthless). I feel like we live at a time when our society is having these conversations about neurodiversity and yet, many people still bully or ostracize those who don't fit in to the very narrow box of being neurotypical. It makes me sad.
Workplace bullying absolutely sucks, especiaĺly when it's by someone who (a) should know better and (b) is aware of your condition and requirements but still treats you like carpet because they really don't want you there or to be bothered with you at the end of the day; you're just the token 'disabled' or 'neurodivergent' - basically the token retard to make their company looks like it gives a shit. Hope you manage to succeed in the future though, without any of these people.
@MeganØØF 2005 recently began making vids for a campaign I am extremely passionate about. I have been in the military (found out I was Autistic after service) and I fear this shit more than anything. I continue to rewatch what I have posted similar to how I would go through convos in my head. This stuff is really difficult to do. If you have something to say or what your voice heard, I am willing to help...and work with you to make you comfortable. Be well.
I just wanna say as a neurotypical person, you guys deserve so much better. I've only met a few overt autistic people and I didn't really see anything "weird" about them. Everyone has their own way to do things and some people have more noticeable things. Due to my anxiety, I'll sometimes have odd tics or fidgets and I never understood why people would get upset about it. Again, everyone has their own "things" (for lack of a better word) and if you overstep or do something that upsets someone it's your job to fix that. You guys are totally normal in my books. It can take a little learning from both sides, but it's not bad or weird.
I've had people act weirdly (from my viewpoint) with me or just seem to dislike me for I wasn't sure what reason. I've also had people turn their backs to me in a group, which I thought was a way of physically shutting me out until some of them noticed and apologized or told me I should've included myself somehow. I don't think I really understood (and still don't probably). I actually haven't been bullied or had people call me strange or weirdo (although I felt like I was), but I've heard sometimes way way after the fact second-hand that people have actually been concerned by my behavior and just didn't say anything about it to me.
April Helm Same thing happens to me, but I’m not really even sure I’m autistic. I have a few of the signs, but not definite that I am even on the spectrum. I always have a hard time talking with people regardless that I am hearing impaired. I always spaced out when I was a kid, and it took a while for me to start speaking. Always took a while to make friends. Maybe I’m just introverted. I have obsessed over certain topics before they fade. And I do have a somewhat difficult time reading body language.
@@taoist32 I'm not sure I'm autistic either. I don't relate to some autistic traits, like food issues and sensory sensitivity; I don't think I've ever had a meltdown. But some things I do, including the feeling of being weird and judged (in my case, even if people don't say anything, although maybe they do and it's not direct enough for me to notice it always). I also get tired from socializing (or trying to and hoping I don't mess up), want time to prepare for things, and don't like small-talk. Even feeling like I have to talk with people (perform socially, I guess) gives me anxiety unless I feel like I have something to say, which probably isn't the case unless my personal interests come up or if it's something I can have an opinion about since I also like to argue/debate. Regular chit-chat and networking seem like a foreign land that I've taken a while to see the point of and have had trouble fitting into. I don't know if it's autism, but it seems pretty similar to me, and I'm sure people can have other issues and life factors besides. Just my thoughts, though. :)
@@KTR2022 I think I've gotten pretty much ignored growing up. I don't think people called me weird, but it was like being shunned except that it felt more like I didn't exist. And I think a lot of people honestly just hadn't noticed me. When I was by myself (often), I felt like everyone was judging me and laughing at me (social anxiety, I guess), but I kind of rationalized to myself later that they probably weren't. I think it might have been a bit silly that every time (ONLY if I was alone) I heard a group of girls laugh, it felt like they were laughing at me. I have gotten dirty looks occasionally from people, both peers and adults (while I was in school), who I was sure didn't know me enough to be judging me. But as an adult, I've expected everyone to just not like me and reject me (I guess), yet a lot of times people have seemed to appreciate me, so I don't know. I try not to get close to anyone pretty much nowadays because I'm pretty sure when people think they like me, they also don't know or have any reason.
@@KTR2022 Also, I don't take Myers Briggs too seriously since I think it's difficult for people to get clear, definitive answers, and ultimately I'm pretty sure it's not an exact science as much as an idea probably could be accurate or have inaccuracies. I have a somewhat difficult time deciding on a type because none of them really seem to fit me to a T, and so it's kind of like trying to squish yourself through a cookie cutter.
@@aprilhelm518 it sounds like you have social anxiety because you are paranoid thinking that everyone is obsessed with you. I doubt most people care about other people enough to do everything you are describing. And even if they were talking about, or laughing at, or side eying you, so what?
I can really relate to that thing about noticing people already hating you within 30 seconds of meeting you. Something that also happens to me a lot is being talked to in a very patronising way, as if I was a child, by people that have gotten to know me a bit and realised that I'm a weirdo. I think this happens to me a lot because I give a very harmless and innocent impression so people mostly don't perceive me as weird in a threatening way. Instead they perceive me as weird in a helpless way, as if I'm a bit behind and that's why I don't know how to play the social game all that well. It's very frustrating because I'm the opposite of stupid, not trying to sound arrogant but I think I know more about reality and the world than most of them do
The being physically pushed out of a conversation as people slowly turn away from you and bring their group in closer is such an uncomfortable feeling. Now I have a job where I’m mostly liked and accepted and loved for being myself, but I went to my high school reunion and they were still doing it to me. I walked up to multiple groups and said hi and was ignored. I don’t know how autistic people get labeled as the antisocial ones. We just aren’t included most of the time. Get treated differently. Then when we react we are some how the rude one.
I love that you pointed out that when you put us together we can talk just fine in the same way a neurodiverse person would speak in their own groups. We are just different. I really enjoy your channel. xoxo
I dunno. Sorry but I'm still a bit skeptical about this one. If only when it comes specifically to maintaining conversations. I agree that to aspies who share interests can maintain a converstaion just fine (no social difficulty whatsoever). But in my experience when I've witnessed conversation between two aspies with differing interests, there seems to be a relutance for one of them to talk about something they know the other is interested in, but they're not. Allistics seem to be much more willing to feign enthusiasm for their interlocutor interests and ask questions about them, for the sake of maintaining/extending a conversation. I know its lamentabaly fake behaviour, but it does ensure we don't have to endure silences, pauses, conversation breakdowns that we percieve as extremely akward/uncomfortable. I think becuase aspies don't have this perception of silences, they don't have the same impetus to maintian the conversations for as long as possible.
@@qubitz5906 I too wonder about this. @YoSamdySam, would you mind sharing the studies you read that indicated autists communicate well together? I think I may have had very different experiences. I am pursuing diagnosis and have observed distinctly autistic traits in several of my friends and family members, which I think they are mostly unaware of. In some ways we get each other, but in others we don't at all and we can have extreme misunderstandings to the point of triggering simultaneous meltdowns in each other. Even thinking about it makes me want to smash my computer on the floor. I wonder if it makes a difference whether the autists are diagnosed or at least self identified and have any awareness and accommodation of their own needs.
@@qubitz5906 very insightful, with some autistic people not realising the benefit of fake behaviour and enthusiasm. It encourages the other person and builds a bond where people can take turns speaking. Autistic people are less likely to have this sense.
When I was growing up in Iowa, the first attractive role model that I could find in either real life or fiction was Cain in the television show Kung Fu. As Cain wandered through what was for him the alien culture of the American Old West, the people he encountered would frequently judge and dismiss him, but he knew and accepted who he was remained unperturbed, kind and non-judgmental, despite the hostility and rejection. In the end Cain's strange but consistent character would win people over. I think we can get away with being openly 'atypical', as long as we are self-assured, and consistently non-judgmental.
I have been thinking about that show. I loved that program and also the hulk. I used to think when I grew up I would wander town to town, interacting with new people. Now I don't even like to leave the house.
I hear you. I loved that show as a kid. and for the same reason. I could identify with the central character. But I would phrase it that he was the alien, wandering through a culture of normalcy. Which is how I felt all of my life.
I hope you know that David Carradine was, during shooting for the show, frequently dropping acid as though he was ingesting gumdrops. He was frequently really out of it on set. My friends and I thought that just made the show that much more amazing!
I grew up with the word "weird" being a compliment. My mom likes weirdness, or differentness, so she encouraged and enjoyed the things that made me "weird" and different, so I ended up feeling pride for being weird growing up. I do mask, though not as heavily as I would have if not for my mom encouraging me to be myself so much. I still find myself proud of how different I am, even though I was bullied for it. I just learned I can't be myself with strangers, and only give them my real self a little at a time.
What you said about someone turning their back to you and blocking you from the group… oh. The pain. It’s happened to me so many times and it always hurts so bad.
Almost everyone who befriends me at some point says that there's something off about me or I'm a mystery, and they'll eventually come to the conclusion that either I don't have emotions, I hate everyone, or I'm secretly a robot.
Well that was depressing.. I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but i never really had help with social interactions. My family just made it harder, my grandmother always tried to protect me from getting bullied, so she tried to limit my number of friends. My dad always talks about my disorder like he knows what he's talking about. He tells me i'm weird (as if i didn't know already) and all of the things i should fix for making friends. I improved my socializing skills, and i have a group of friends that i hang out regularly, and i'm not bullied anymore. Sometimes i feel sad tho. All of my friends have a past, they talk about all of the things they did when they were around 14 years old and i stay quiet. I can't talk about how everyone kept on rejecting me and how i felt miserable all of the time. When i stumble upon videos or articles on autism i can't help but feel deeply sad and hurt. I feel ashamed of myself even if i know i shouldn't be. I just wish i met someone who was more open minded and loved me for what i am, instead of always being rejected and isolated.
For my whole life people have described me as "awkward" or "weird", I used to lean into those labels to try and fit in, I'd play up the whole I'm awkward thing and joke about it. And that worked really well throughout most of my school career, but then senior year I stopped trying to keep up the act and slowly all my "friends" started to disappear. Learning about the autism spectrum has really put a lot of my past experiences into perspective.
I've known all of my life that I'm not "normal" it hasn't been until recently that I've watched a few videos about Autism and I'm starting to think that I might be on the spectrum. I'm seriously thinking about getting tested. Thank you for posting these videos, I think you're helping many people.
Thank you for this. My husband and I have faced years and years of hostility and abuse on these lines. It is so obvious when someone "smells" you and knows that you are not "them." I have spent years explaining myself to people and I still get a lot of hostility in odd times. Also the way that people can habituate to all kinds of sensory overloading stuff is beyond me. My husband is pretty much a recluse at this point. I cannot be, since I have to make the money for us to live on, but social interaction is desperately exhausting. I often wish I were rich so I could just pay people to go away and leave me alone. However, finding things like your channel is lovely. Gives me hope. However, I believe in creating a protocol to force onto them. If they do not know what to do, they will not do it. Shaming them into a better (more universal) protocol works.
I have almost always been immediately disliked by people. I have always been so depressed by this but never guessed I might have autism. I’ve also been labeled as “weird, oddball” without even trying. Thank you for bringing light to this topic. I hope more people see your videos and can accept the non-neurotypical personalities.
There was a fly on my monitor while there was a fly on your lense :) I think some autistics also take the opposite route to masking, instead of trying to leave the uncanny valley by masking and perfecting their imitation, they put effort in being weird on purpose and thus may be in part able to leave the uncanny valley via appearing essentially 'non-human'. I know I did this as a child, There is also a concept called chauvinistic tolerance, which relates quite closely to what you were talking about. It basically describes the effect that someone will only accept (aka tolerate) a person who is different in some way, if they are aware that this person is 'sick' in some way and therefore not able to obtain the standarts of normalcy. Great video, thanks for making it!
I don't do either. I just am who I am, if people don't like it, be damned. I don't try to fit in, but I hate attention and can't see myself ever trying to purposely stick out either. As I'm quite an honest person, sometimes to a fault, most people who end up disliking me, it's very probable I didn't care for them much either in the first place.
In junior high school people told me I was weird so I thought, "you want weird, I'll give you weird." I wore the craziest things and was ostracized. In highschool I made a compromise. I decided to wear clothes that were more popular but only if I also liked them. Then I had people to eat lunch with even if we didn't hang out after school. I was still lonely but it was a big improvement over junior high school.
yes, the bodymovements are actually just a NATURAL reaction to the environment, it is a way of a very intelligent system to protect itself. It should not be judged. We are the canaries in the coalmine, passing out quicker (or rather, reacting quicker than NTs do) -- Masking is very automatic in my case, but when tired, so exhausting, right.
@@michellecd4722 it should not be declared as disorder. The whole system is set up the wrong way: You go to a psychiatrist to get "diagnosed disordered" in order to get access to support for "your disordered state" - why do NTs still mostly do the evaluation?? - who says, it is a disorder, just because it does not fit in this chaotic world, which is a highly UNNATURAL environment for EVERYBODY in the first place, it's completely upside down!! - animals actually DON'T like eye contact, they see it as threatening. NTs are the only species who has such strong emphasis on eye contact. Certain dog breeds (labrador) no longer act in a way, less overbred breeds ( German Shepard or husky) - which leads to confusion among dogs. Maybe it's the NTs who are actually "disordered" (too domesticated), similar to overbred dogs, who have lost their natural instincts? - Similar thing to high pitched sounds - wild animals and ruminants react to high pitched sounds with fear and stress, similar to autistics. Low pitched sounds will be rather calming. Only domesticated dogs can be trained with high pitched sounds to motivate them to do tasks..
@@strawsofftheneurodivergent4221 I like how we've done a u turn to comparing 'NTs' to trained animals For argument's sake we'll say there is no such thing as normal but the world caters to the majority. When someone is born unable to use their legs, they are usually diagnosed by someone who can walk. The diagnosis helps them find the correct support. Whether you like it or not, this world you inhabit has been designed by typicals for typicals but it's getting better because people are aware now that autistic and spectrum people exist and understand them a bit more. Diagnosing you helps you stop being completely ostracised. Eye contact is important because the eyes are known as the windows to the soul. It is not far to compare humans to animals since we hacked nature to bypass a lot of animal traits by relying on our high intelligence that relied on collaborating with strangers - which needed detailed social skills and high emotional intelligence. When you engage in eye contact you are opening yourself up for a connection with a new person, you are letting them in so that you might have a new companion for help and support. But like your autism shows, eye contact has different purposes but it has always been used to detect intention, like in fights for dominance but also in building trust. Sorry you're bitter but the NT way works, it was the evolution. You guys are outliers, but the great thing about variation is how essential it is for diversity and the success of a species. And unless you've forgotten we are a herd species. Cows have best friends and families and develop cultures of their own. I doubt autistic animals would survive long in the wild so be thankful you were born here and born human, with a species that can empathise with you without knowing you or liking you. I'm sure you'll say you don't need anyone (despite it being a requisite for humans) so good luck x
Totally agree on all points. And also this system puts us in that box, we can barely ever come out of. automatically one is now basically lower on the hierarchy pedestal, not an equal. that's highly disturbing
Thank you for making these videos. I've been an outsider looking in for all my life. My late husband once told me I was a chameleon and I realized he was right. I'm good at surface-blending. It's comforting to know that I did the right thing in embracing my strangeness.
With my ASD, I'm absolutely brilliant at playing the game, "Truth or Lie." I can tell who's lying, and will say so, even in a large group where almost everyone else raises their hand to say it's the truth.
This is the channel I've been dreaming of! You sum everything up so perfectly. I was diagnosed this year at 42 and suddenly my whole life makes sense, but I still worry all the time that I'm just lazy, stupid, not trying hard enough, etc. So your videos are extremely reassuring and empowering. Thank you!!!
At this point in my binging of autism-related videos, I'm 90% sure I have some level of autism. Regarding the point you made about communication... I have been a math tutor for most of my adult life. I have excellent communication skills when it comes to making advanced concepts clear to people that are new to those concepts. I am also a software engineer, and I'm often chosen to train new employees because of this skill. However, when it comes to the art of small talk or casual conversation, I'm lost. I miss visual cues or fail to perform them. Sometimes what I mean as a compliment is understood as an insult. So, I appreciate that you pointed out that autistic people are not "disabled" or use "broken" communication... we just have a different skill set.
Also, if you hate/don't understand small talk, there is a good chance that you're going to look bored...because you are! And then, of course, that's seen as rude. (I feel like that happens to me a lot. But if a conversation is boring enough, it is hard to care about hiding that feeling! At that point it's usually better if I wander off and start looking at the bookshelves or petting the cat...)
I have never had a diagnosis of Asperger's. But I do know that I have never fit in at school or my work. I have often felt as though life was a party to which I was not invited.
Being someone who doesn't make friends easily, I have done more than my fair share of socialising in catch-all meet-up type contexts over the past 10 years. I'm in no way speaking about everyone I meet, but I am very familiar with the feeling of being 'blanked-out' after 30 seconds of meeting people, or otherwise find that I'm ok when initially meeting people but at some point I subtly become shut out of a conversation, and I cannot pinpoint exactly how this is happening. A good topic to explore further.
Yes! Haha i agree with you, we DONT always get along sadly. I have Asperger's and have known a few autistic people both genders and it was online but exactly as you said , it triggered the paranoia and irritability in me and I flat out disliked them . I feel a bit bad and mean but I simply can't cope with that kind of full onness or abrasiveness and bluntness with unfeeling. That makes me a total hypocrite as I can be that way myself sometimes I felt like my driving instructor was a bit scared if me lol damned if you do or you don't! But well...you cant help who you like and don't Like everyone I respond well to empathy compassion and understanding, I most get on with very nice people who have a lot of patience and open mindedness, I'm least likely to talk out with them but ive been doing a lot of self introspection to try to minimise my flaws that make me a hard person to be around for whatever reason without comprising yourself. At the end of the day actions speak louder than words but no one can be liked by everybody . Frieñdships are a hard skill anyways !
You are sensitive to noise. I've replaced ceiling lamp in my bathroom to LED one because elements in old lamp were buzzing which was so annoying that I could not relax in the bath.
Thank you for posting these videos! I was always criticized, censored, asked "What's wrong with you" and sent to people who made me feel abnormal. All this did was created a person with PTSD. I am almost 60, and was recently diagnosed. It's liberating to come to the truths you point out.
Yoooo, the thing you described, being too tired to feel like being able to keep that mask up, or feeling uncomfortable in a situation meeting someone for the first time-and then that new person seemingly instantly deciding they don’t like you or don’t trust you because you’re not entirely “normal” or enough “like them”-SAAAAAME. That happens to me too, the “I’m so tired and done peopling and I’m struggling to keep the mask on now even though an hour ago it was second nature” thing, it happens to me all the time, even with family and close friends. And I remembered a specific instance in which I met someone that a bunch of my friends knew and likes, but this new person instantly seemed to look me up and down with thinly veiled dislike, which I also say just any time they looked at me in particular, like they didn’t know how to deal with me and therefore didn’t trust me. A couple years after that initial meeting, during which I hadn’t seen that person at all, one of my best friends invited me over for thanksgiving at their apartment with said other person, and I immediately shut down, knowing full well the other person didn’t really like me from that first encounter. I told my friend this, feeling super uncomfortable being so vulnerable in letting them know I could tell the other person didn’t like me-and their response was to go ask the other person if they didn’t like me, which of course the other person had to assure my friend they didn’t have a problem with me or risk looking like an asshole. It also just felt like a breech of confidence, that my friend would think it was okay to ask the other person that, like I know my friend didn’t see literally anything wrong with that, and I get it, but I know that then that question would have been the main thing standing in the corner of the room the entire time I would have been there with the two of them, always in the back of my and the other person’s mind, and it would continue to color our interactions that night. So I shut down even more and told my friend I couldn’t join them. The other person ended up pulling out, too, which made me feel bad because I would be leaving my friend alone on the holiday, so I felt that I had to step back in and tell them I could do thanksgiving with them again-when all I wanted all along was to just be able to spend that obnoxious holiday alone for the first time, lol. Super long-winded comment, but I totally feel it too, when someone gives off the “I don’t know how to deal with you” vibes when they somehow can tell we’re masking. It’s rough. We work so hard (mostly subconsciously) to mask so that we can just fit in enough to get through the day, and then someone comes along and sees right through the mask, without understanding why it’s there in the first place, and rips the whole thing wide open for us, like ripping a bandaid off.
I get it where people don't like me. Most likely in work settings. I dunno if I'm scowling or come across as a jerk. When I talk to people online before I meet them they tend to be able to get past it
I get this, too. It is always other women, usually older, who take a disliking to me. I think it might be because I don't automatically mirror their facial expressions and body language and they interpret this as hostility and then return the hostility in my direction.
@@queenofshred they might feel threatened or intimidated by you , a lot of autistic people come over as intelligent , knowledgable (in fact they probably love fact finding , analysing and are very justice orientated) , i used to put everything into my job and started getting sacked a lot , then i realised i was breaking rule number 1 of the workplace, never outshine the boss....my life has become so much easier now because i dont bother anymore , i do the minimum , just like everyone else, i don't plan ahead , make contingencies, or even be on time .
@@NOT_SURE.. yeah, I struggled with that for years. Managers in the western world (UK and USA) don't want you to succeed. They want their own position as manager to not be threatened and they don't want to see or know about anything that could jeopardise your work performance now or in the future (i.e. Mental health issues). In theory, you can't be fired because of a health condition. In reality, you absolutely can be fired for any reason because the employer has all the money (and therefore power) and you don't. So you have to fit in to a certain extent.
@@NOT_SURE.. you just need to fit in enough to get by, you don't need to fit in completely. Socially, you just need to remember the Golden Rule 2.0 Everyone says "Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself" and this is the supposed 'Golden Rule' but the 2.0 of this is "Treat others as THEY would like to be treated." This gets you more focused on other people and then you can give them what they want. But it's individual so if someone likes football, for example, you can talk to them about that. You can even go into building rapport, which is simply matching how they speak and what they're into. But it starts with changing perspectives. This is what really helped me.
I'm neurotypical, but I love your videos as I have a few autistic friends. It really helps me understand them better. Of course, I ask them about how they function too, but your videos are a good supplement! I 100% agree that none of you are broken or need to be "fixed". You are simply different (and quite marvelous, might I add), and if both neurotypicals and autistic people learned more about the other we would save ourselves a lot of grief. Generally, neurotypicals need to catch up in that department. Two-way street and what not.
Never change. You are amazing and I love your videos. I’m a 28yo in Australia and I relate SO much to all your videos. I found out I have Alexithymia today - all thanks to you. 🙏❤️🙌 p.s. I am also highly empathetic and attuned to people’s emotions (painfully so) and most people don’t see this as being an ‘Autistic’ characteristic. Good old stereotypes! Xx
I recently found you so this comment is super late in the game. This has to be the best video to launch an understanding of autism and neurotypicals. I love it.
A "cheerleader type" woman I worked with long ago told me, "You know, you're really weird--but it's a good kind of weird." I took that as a great compliment, actually. I thanked her with a smile, then did a back flip and recited Poe's "The Raven" backwards in fluent Japanese. (Well, all true except for the back flip, etc....)
Thank you for this video. I was recently diagnosed with Autism, which has given me a much better level of understanding about my entire life! This video really helped to explain why people may have called me weird, or lacking empathy for all those years. And it's comforting to know there are other people out there, who understand me. Thanks again for sharing your story and wisdom on this topic!
I have the misfortune of falling right at the bottom of the uncanny valley of autism. I'm "different" enough that I can't effectively mask as a quirky neurotypical like some of us on the spectrum who are more high functioning can. But I'm high functioning enough that I don't meet society stereotype of "autism". I'm thankful that I live in a small town since I never became afraid of being friendly, but at the same time I'm met with much less enthusiasm when I walk up to people and say "hi" to strike up a conversation. I didn't know why until my parents explained it to me, people thought it was cute when I was little because it's cute for a little girl to walk up to strangers and say hi and talk about her interests, but it's not so cute when it's a 25 year old woman who towers over them (I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall) and some people might be intimidated, which baffled me because I saw myself as the epitome of innocent and harmless looking. But friends have explained that some of my quirks and other traits make me look intimidating. Like how I literally always have my hands on my hips (it's just that it feels natural, my hands belong on my hips when they're not in use, I don't get why it's seen as an aggressive stance, if anything I feel my most girly when my hands are on my hips), how I always wear sunglasses (severe light sensitivity, it's so bad that outside I'm constantly squinting if it's daytime even on cloudy days unless it's super dark overcast, despite my dark sunglasses, my profile pic was taken in a dark room which is one of the few times I don't need sunglasses, I've even worn sunglasses to bed when extra tired not thinking about it), and how a lot of the time my head's tilted up slightly (I didn't realize I do that but apparently I do, most likely unconsciously to hide my weak chin, also I have a lot of saliva so if I'm looking up I'm less likely to drool, but more prone to gurgling I guess). But as soon as people get a close look at me they realize I'm not like that at all, someone once told me my face "looks autistic" whatever that means. Also as I said before, I have a lot of saliva due to a medical condition (possibly related to my autism, I dunno) causing me to lack an automatic swallowing reflex, I can only swallow if I'm actively performing the action and remember to do so. So I have a pronounced lisp from all of the saliva in my mouth and I look like I have a mouthful of shaving cream. I have sort of high cheekbones which means my cheeks don't have much room to store saliva as it builds up so I sometimes drool (usually it's just a tiny bit trickling down my face onto my chin, not dripping off). So people are probably uncomfortable with all of my saliva as well, which sucks. Hey, sorry for the long comment, I know I sometimes can be quite verbose, not by intent, it just happens. And I probably should have broken this into paragraphs.
I do not understand that you do not understand. If people explain to you that certain ways you act make them uncomfortable why not take those into account? You hate the light because it hurts your eyes (I totally get that) so you wear sunglasses to deal with that -> great solution. People get uncomfortable when you step too close to them and start spraying drool in their faces (it is really disgusting to get some strangers saliva on your ow body esp. the face) -so they don't want to be near you.-> great solution (for them) It is the same thing: avoiding something that is very very unpleasant. Drooling has always been associated with being mentally defective (not always true, but still...) you will have to prove otherwise. So why not make sure you swallow before you speak? It is not such a hard habit to get into. No drool on other peoples faces -> more fun for you and them. Or stand next to them (instead of opposite) and spray in another direction, you can still have fun conversations without anybody getting wet. The head tilt is probably a way for your body to enhance certain signals from your nervous system- it is a quite common coping-style for people who do not get enough auto-input anymore. Hands on hips: yes, it is aggression-stance, just like baring your teeth etc.etc. - so if you do not want to appear aggressive do not do it... (sorry, it is part of the non-verbal vocabulary all over the world, it will not change its meaning just because you happen to feel comfortable that way) Maybe you should look into " that other medical condition" a bit more- there are a lot of things people just accept about the way their bodies go haywire that are actually easily fixed.
@@muurrarium9460 wow. You seem pleasant. I highly doubt she reached out to share her experiences so that she could be torn apart and judged by some random know-it-all. Those who are quick to give advice usually need the most. So typical
@@baileyharang3046 I wasn't judging at all, just going "hey: people give you information maybe DO something with that". If you want to to be accepted (and liked), behave more sociable acceptable. It is not rocket-science. If people (hesitantly) tell you they do not want to be near you because your clothes stink (even if you are oblivious to the smell yourself)- why no just take the trouble of washing said clothes? No skin of your back and people will actually like being around you- and that makes everybody happy. Nobody has to change completely who they are, but some social norms can be respected (like not accidentally spitting in each others faces) with a tiny bit of effort and creativity. Just trying to help- but thanks for the judgement on your part about me!
I've never considered myself to be autistic, but I am an HSP (highly sensitive person) which seems to match with my MBTI type of INFJ. It's also possible that I have some form of CPSD. I have been fascinated by the subject of the autism spectrum, and when I saw the title of your video, I couldn't resist watching. Thank you for sharing your observations with us, especially given your unique perspective. I imagine that you can see things in many ways that NTs will miss.
Something that has always stayed with me is when I was moving schools, and I didn't tell anyone until my last day that I was leaving. My last class on that day one of the guys actually wrote a poem to say goodbye to me and performed it to the class. I just sat there, completely blown away as I hadn't realised that the people in my class actually liked me as I had always thought they didn't talk to me because I was weird. But then it also made me really upset as I wondered why, if they had really thought highly of me, did they not try talk to me? I had a bully at the school and he would regularly call me Spud, due to my acne. My mum at home would always complain to me about my acne (even though it wasn't actually that bad), so someone actually pointing it out at school made me very upset. This guy was sat next to me in a lot of my classes as no one else wanted to sit next to him, and because I was well behaved the teachers assumed I could handle him. I remember in Art class complaining so many times to the teacher that I didn't want to sit next to him as he made me extremely uncomfortable. I have been bulled at every school I have been to (3 primaries, 3 secondaries and a college), but that guy was one of the worst.
Even before I was diagnosed (only at 43), I spent a life being called slow, space cadet, stupid (from me taking time to think). One supervisor even often called me things like retard and window-licker. As a child of about 9, when they were trying to diagnose me (they thought I had ADHD, as well as a sensitivity to the chemical makeup of food, sending me on emotional tangents), I had to undergo IQ tests, which put me at a genius level. I may have deteriorated since then lol. I've had the experience of people shunning me in groups etc, and with men, it can be a bit more intense... Regarding empathy, I personally think auties are ultra empaths. We soak up every bit of information from our surrounding environments, and it's a case of making sense of them all, but the part which I think causes auties most issues is where people are insincere, yet hiding the fact from people who can't see the tells (nt's), so we're constantly at odds with what we see being different from what they're trying to con us with. We're trying to hide our poker face that we know they're being insincere etc.
I tend to stare at certain things around me when I'm in a group conversation, it's very distracting when I hear all of the sounds and when little things around me seem to be different, it's kind of like being a vampire with enhanced senses 😂
Lmfao the weird electrical sound that only we can here!!! I identify as on the spectrum but I have never been diagnosed. I've always felt weird and never felt like I fit in I'd guess high functioning verbal with pretty good masking skills. I love that you mentioned that 30 seconds after meeting people you get a strange feeling of denial from the group...I love your videos...I wish I'd have found you earlier in life.
I don't know if I have autism. I am a 22 years old female and I'm going through these videos and almost everything is a check. One thing that infuriates me most and the reason why I don't get involved in social situations and group meeting as much as I did when I was a teenager is that people don't listen to me. I am always left out and I feel like the third or hell even fourth or sixth wheel, depending on how much people are there. I make up my mind to verbalize what I want to say and say it and the moment I say it, the person/people in front of me are already thinking about what they are going to say next and not focusing on what I'm saying at all. And then they say something which I will respond with "but that's not what I meant at all", because they haven't been listening. It infuriates me so much that I stopped meeting with people in big groups. I'm afraid I will have an even smaller group later in my life because I really can't put up with their social games anymore and trying to match up only to still be left out and misunderstood angers me. I don't know, maybe I am on the spectrum. Either way, whatever it is, it is causing me problems in my life.
I've always felt like the weirdo around other people, and usually my attempts at trying to fit in just made me feel even more out of place. I've slowly become more comfortable with being a little weird over the years, and instead of always trying to fit in, I've embraced some of my eccentricities. I have two modes: the weird, babbling, silly girl who is interested in peculiar things and can't stop thinking (this is me when I'm not bothered to mask), and then there's the quiet withdrawn girl who seems so awkward, says barely nothing, and feels really uncomfortable (this is me after failing to act like "a normal person"). Both versions are weird to others, but I prefer the silly weird - not trying to mask is so much less exhausting (and, according to my therapist, I'm adorable when I'm relaxed 😊).
Yo Samdy Sam. Everything you explained is so true. I always wonder why kindness, patience and tolerance can't be in greater supply. I'd love someone to think I was cool, interesting and unusual but unfortunately they usually think the exact opposite and just patronize, particularly if I'm having a stressful day. I haven't worked it out yet and have completely given up masking, which has provoked a rather extreme response. Just like you said, I believe I do have complex PTSD from constant put downs and rebuttals but it's nice just to let go of the stress for a change and be myself!
And there it is! The reason why I got excluded and bullied half of my life. I was constantly fine tuning my masking/adjusting to what was expected from me to fit in. Most girls in my class excluded me with that body language exactly. Then people always said why don't you just stand with them? Well they litterly blocked me out with their bodies. I never understood why I was excluded or bullied. I thought I was too sensitive so it was fun for them to see my reaction. I've been thinking about it for ever. I also noticed neurotypical people like the more obvious autistic people as they are appearently cute. The ones actually appearing neurotypical that just are more rigit in what they need are seen as difficult, complicated or weird. It always madens me as it feels our hard work to fit in seems to get punished. But for me it was necessary as I am a very social outgoing person, its a need to have good social connections. And my sensitivity could detect every subtile rejection. That's why advices as just be yourself and don't care about what others think about you didn't work for me as my days would be even longer and harder if everyone was against me. I think this is why it's so inportant especially for teenagers to get more general understanding for people being slightly different.
48 and about to be assessed !! Feels like all my lifes lists memories pains confusions...etc used to all hang and be held upon one very tired and wiry branch, already has began to distribute its weight atop the whole tree, since i began to look into adult autistic diagnosis and learnt about masking etc....mainly from your videos.. ..i can relate alot to some of what you say, especially the inner monologue. Thanks for sharing a broad and concise set of videos...you're amazing. xx
8:48 I relate to this part so much, I was abused as a child as a form of “correcting my behavior” because I was saying inappropriate things in front of others sometimes, and I still didn’t learn anything from this abuse, If anything, I learned to shut up because I’m afraid of saying inappropriate things again without realizing
Are you a loveable weirdo? Let me know!
I’m more of a weirdable loveo 😂🙈
@@badgernorth9945 You win the comments this week! 😂
Definitely, though I am not autistic. I do wonder a bit though, hence me watching your vids. I have been called weird and quirky all my life. I get along with people on the spectrum I have 2 male friends who are diagnosed, known them for years.
Well I'm definitely a weirdo, I dunno about lovable but I am weird.
Yep, I'm recently diagnosed and I have relatives that still what to insist that I can be "normal" if I really want. I'm so grateful for my wife who loves me just like I am.
I find the "no empathy" thing funny because I have TOO much empathy, I will cry over a dead bug if Im in a particular mood
THIS. i feel overly empathetic 😂😭
I can be called a crybaby sometimes
I also feel abnormal because one second I'm fine then the next I'm balling my eyes out
I have empathy. I just find it difficult to read emotions.
I have always been overly sensitive and empathetic! If it is internal I shut down, if it is someone else who is hurting I try to do the best I can to help them even if it is just sitting next to them so they are not alone.
same, sometimes, emotions overwhelm me so much i become catatonic almost... and it mostly happens when i feel a lot of stuff and im not allowed to express it because it will hurt other people how i feel about something...
I’ve been called “stiff”, “robotic” and accused of “having no emotions”. A doctor once said I had a flat affect. They must never discover my secret...beep boop beep 🤖
"greeting_human.exe" has encountered an exception and has been forcibly shutdown.
exact same thing with negative symptoms of schizophrenia .....
whoa !
in my primary school was a boy that once came to me and said: You are a robot! and i answered: No, i am not. He replied "They told you you are a human but you are not" and i answered afterwards "No i am not a robot." - he has never said that again.... He was also one of my best friends during schooltime... when i remember him i think he liked me because i took things literal....
Jenn12141983 hey I’m writing something on this, can you give me some pointers on how NOT to portray this character? I don’t want them to be the villain and I don’t want them to be attacked by a neurotypical- this would most likely give an unwanted reaction. (I’m on the spectrum or close to it with ADHD but I don’t have this so I’m trying to better grasp this.)
Flat affect?
It does get "worse" as you get older...
you start to realize that their games and the mask are simply not worth it anymore.
When I was young I assumed adults would be reasonable and moral, like me and I waited for it with anticipation. I am adult now and ... well, I was wrong and my hope is gone.
@@schonlingg.wunderbar2985 Feeling for you, I ended the same. Now I've decided to perceive them as monsters and the real neurological anomalies and I treat them as the dangerous sub-beasts they are. Makes things immensely easier, especially seeing their panicked surprise at not receiving the respect they think they're owed. But they're the ones getting murderously agressive because we're not like them. We're superior to them because we try our whole lives to fit in to accomodate their poor ugly little souls while they immediately choose to resort to physical and psychological violence.
@@jyotishkakonwar9844 And rightfull so, I assume.
it became isolation for me.
@@lysevensolaris7025 I don't consider them beasts or monsters of any kind... I think I feel more something like they must have felt so long ago when they started to realize their differences with Erectus... I (and I hope we) just feel less violent about it then they did then. We must remember their disability is not their fault, and not of their choosing... if at all possible we should accommodate them when appropriate, without losing ourselves in the effort. That said, we must remember their 'superiority' is the primary indicator of this disability (and the primary motivator for their emotional and violent over-reactions) and the day will come when it will be appropriate for them to face that lie head on - we should not wish it to happen before it's time (or woe unto us).
@Mathew Campbell ... isolation is the common answer, whether chosen or endowed. I would like you to consider, since we are now able to throw our voice about the internet with easy (instead of having our voice (and bodies) bricked behind institution walls) a better option to work toward - quiet, subtle, connection... with each other. Unlike we have been told (some of us for many decades) we are not incapable of interaction or even society, our problem was never that. Rather, we are not capable of entertaining their ideas of interaction and society... their is nothing holding us back from our own interaction and society (if we had ever before been given a chance to form such, I wouldn't have to tell you so(!)). Once we have such a chance, we can dispel that myth once and for all, and rid ourselves of their inefficient ways.
'You're weird' was the bullying phrase I received in two different countries and I tried so hard, so hard to fit in. Now when I tell people I have autism they tell me 'don't be ridiculous, you're normal' I AM FAKING BEING NORMAL.
"that's because i'm faking it" "well, isn't everybody?" NOT IN THE SAME WAY
tell me how u fake being normal pls i need help with this
@@std155 same I'm terrible at masking I just don't try anymore
@@toothfairy10133 Thats what gets me, yeah we all fake it a little but we do it for survival. Our fakeness is draining on us while for you its literally easy peasy.
It also speaks how we human created so many dumb rules on how to act and speak on the job and all that.
I literally told my therapist “you think I’m normal? I literally have a script for what to say! Everything I do or say is something I saw or something I’ve heard people do! I literally look up how to be human.” He was like “ooooohhhhh I see” it was so strange to put it into words and have someone understand how much I/we fake being normal.
When you said that you’ve noticed people taking an immediate disliking to you and it went unnoticed by others, that has happened to me. What a weird feeling. Makes you wonder how others are so blind when some things seem so obvious.
They have disordered thinking.
I went through that too many times. People would look at me weird until I introduce myself. High functioning here
I think what has happened there is that you have been bumped down a notch on the dominance hierarchy; other people don't notice the slight because doing so would mean noticing the dominance hierarchy, which people prefer to deflect from consciousness.
I'm always baffled too that no one noticed it. Same with people who obviously look hypocritical.
My wonderful partner of 4 years has a diagnosis of "moderate to severe Asperger's". Early in our relationship, before we were sure it even was a relationship, he said the saddest thing to me. "I'd give anything to be normal for you." I blurted out "I don't want normal. I want you." We've been together ever since.
What people do not realise is that autistic people can think out of the box. It is thanks to autisic people that we have electricity space travel and other inventions that makes modern life possible. Had every body been nurotypical we would still be in the ston age. What ever you say about autotstic people nurotypical people just do not have the ability to think out of the box there by having origininal ideas.
I can relate to your partner's comment as I feel my disorder has brought a great deal of pain to the people I have tried to love. I am so happy for you both as what you have is rare among autistic circles. Not a big fan of the "better to have loved and lost..." expression myself. Eventually you lose someone one time too many and you realise that attempting to experience love is a risk to your life.
It's so nice to hear that someone has helped one of us to realise that you don't always have to be normal for someone to love you!
You're both literally goals 😂❤✌
Swedish Dissident I am autistic. Someone once said to me: “You have to think outside of the box!” to which I replied “Which box?”. They didn’t know what to say.
Normal, average, average is unexceptional, plain & boring.
I'm waiting for the second test. My friend who suggested I present more than him says we're the next step on the evolutionary ladder 🤔 something to think about when you do feel "wierd"
I kind of love the word "aspionage."
LOVE this, too!!
I'm jealous..I come up with lot of odd turns of phrase which everyone ends up using, even though they criticise at first. But ASPIONAGE is just perfect!!
This is Autastic!
I love it.
Yes, me too!
I work in a bookshop. A few months ago a teenager who looked like he was on drugs came into the shop where I work. We have a big problem with thefts by drug addicts. I'm sorry to say that I watched him like a hawk. But he kept on coming back. He wasn't on drugs at all. He was on his school holidays He found the shop a safe place for him. He has a few favourite people here now. He likes to write copious notes on bits of paper. We leave him alone to get on with it and do his own thing.
On New Year's Day he showed up with flowers he had picked for each of us. He was very specific about who the flowers were for.
To and amazing person: Prince (his real name), thank you. I love you too.
OK, you got me crying. That's so beautiful!
Being accused of being on drugs seems common. I had it constantly when I worked retail, fast food (altho I also had accusations of retardation) and even my high school (although no accusations there only of drug).
Am a teetotaller.
@@runakovacs4759 lol same. I worked somewhere and a fella said I "must smoke a lot of weed" lmao I told him it was just a head injury as that's what I had it chalked up to at the time. Wouldn't even suspect autism for several more years
When i was younger a colleague thought i was a “stoner” because i came across to them as very chilled out and expressionless. They seemed to like me and think i was cool for being a “stoner” and i just went along with it but the truth was that i had never done drugs before and i didnt know it at the time but i was just autistic and appeared chilled out and emotionless because of my autism
When I was about to get my Master’s Degree in counseling I did an internship at a rehab hospital (an internship I negotiated myself that had a stipend) I wanted to have experience working with TBI patients, and I found my patients and their families really liked me. However my supervisor was very critical of me and accused me of being on drugs, which I NEVER did in my life. Now, late in life, I find I’m on the spectrum.
I remember when I was in elementary school, I would always think to myself, "When I get older i will know how to socialize." I thought that I would magically be given the invisible instruction manual that everyone seemed to have. I guess I blamed my social difficulty on how young I was, but tbh its just gotten much worse and noticeable XD
Yikes, this happened to me as well. I've always felt like everything was going to click once I became an adult. Turns out it didn't.
Same here, and every year I get a little bit more depressed about still not being able to socialise. I’m in my late 30s & now I know it might be an ND condition or two (maybe ADHD as well, unsure).
I learnt that once I found I got a diagnosis for autism as a child. I realised I am most likely autistic and I will never get better I just will have continue being a student in social interactions
Suppose that's the same as me keep asking people how do I meet people and make new friends IRL?
Because I only know how to meet people in online social games. Beyond that I'm lost and can never seam to make a further connection than a work acquaintance?
SAME OMG I thought I would socialize better too when I get older but I’m still the same 😭
being hated within 30 sec and blocked out of conversations hit so hard. It's happened way too many times to me. I don't understand how people can be so nasty and hateful because theyre insecure
That hit me so hard, too! I can't even count how many times this has happened to me, over and over again, in my life. Sometimes, if I'm "lucky", it might not happen for a few days on a new job (or another situation where I'm introduced to new people), but it's always inevitable that they will discover that I'm different, and I start getting the cold shoulder. I'm so tired of it, and I've gotte to the point I don't even try very hard anymore to get to know new people.
I think this whole phenomenon of blocking someone out of a group conversation is not really "nasty and hateful." I think it is done unconsciously, similar to how people often mirror each other's arm positions and even speech patterns. I believe that neurotypical folks are not even aware that they are doing it. Anyone who has ever been shut out is very aware whenever it happens either to themselves or someone else, and we go out of our way to widen the circle to include the person being blocked. It's just one of the way that neurodivergent people are making the world a better place.
I think my traits have got stronger as I’ve got older because I really just don’t give a shit what people think about me anymore.
I hope I get better with this ..I'm 36 and still let people.. individuals at work or my in laws walk over me and act like I am not there. My issue is primarily with workplaces . Lots of workplace bullying and gossip that keeps me a nervous wreck. It's like school all over again 😔😔😔
I feel this. I’ve been trying to mask my whole life and still had trouble with it. But recently I’ve just sorta felt like no matter what other people think, if it helps me focus it’s fine, right? So fuck other people’s opinion of me lol
Could not agree more. One of the advantages of getting older is not giving a shit what people think nearly as much. I personally find neurotypicals to be weird. They’re so....thick headed. I mean they seem to be really dense.
i've been there. sometimes when i am around company that makes me so uncomfortable i throw caution to the wind and subconsciously proclaim,"bring out your worst, captain autismo. let's ruin this social function."
Good, don't care, keep on not caring lol why should you.
This video literally had me in tears.... I didn't even become aware of how "weird" I was until middle school when suddenly became aware that the concept of a friend wasn't just blanketly applied to everyone you said hi to. And that my classmates saw each other outside of school. After that shocking and disheartening realization. I found that EVERY kid in my class had actual friends, that rolled over from previous classmates they had, the mean kids, the smart kids, the popular kids, even the "other" "weird" kids had friends. I seemed to be the only person in our school without them. I them became obsessed, I studied every trend that came and went, studied how different kids interacted with each other. Then bam! 3 years later I made a friend that was friends with all the popular kids, and I was invited to my very first non school function. It was there that I studied that kids act quite different socially outside of school. It was like the missing puzzle piece to complete my making strategies. And I spent literally ALL my time reading magazines, tv shows, movies, to keep up with a d learn how normal people communicate, and respond to each other. And by my senior year of high school I was sure I was a pro. Then my group of friends were hang out just as school let out and they all talked about this party they were all going to. Which was news to me, but whatever it didn't seem odd. Not until one of my "best" friends said that I wasn't invited because "i was well... you know... weird." And then they chucked and left. And if felt as if the last decade of obsessive work to seem like everyone else wasn't even working... it was shattering. I felt like any making efforts were pointless after that. If people were going to think I was off while I was literally 15+ hrs of work each day into trying to be like everyone else, then there was no point to it. That was the last day I masked... and it has given me a life of isolation. I can make endless acquaintance, but I've made 1 real friend in the past decade and they are also also autistic. Make friends seems like some sort of mystical magic I'm trying to recreate with science.
That's beautifully expressed.
That's so familiar and raw. I gave up and stopped trying a few years ago and now I hardly ever go out. Getting a diagnosis and meeting large numbers of other autistic people was revolutionary for me and has at least made me not be suicidal any more. The trouble is, that, while it has been hugely psychologically beneficial to finally know that I'm not just bad and lots and lots of other people have experienced the same sort of things, we're all quite badly broken by our experiences and we can only talk to each other because it doesn't seem like NTs want to know. The people who need to hear this are the last people who are ever going to listen, because they are so heavily invested in whatever rationale they give themselves for the way they treat us.
Thank you very much for your words. I already gave up on searching for friendship. I accepted my weirdness and aloneness. Since then I am somehow more happier! Accepting the harsh reality was for me hard but it freed my soul. Friendship is truely overrated.
Gina.. you have to know people out there are just not nice. The way things look is way more important than what's on the inside of a person ..I see it all the time and I don't like it but you have to know that you are beautiful for who you are... it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks...
Throughout high school and for several years afterward, I felt extremely lonely and cut off from other people. I've always thought of friendship as a strange, unobtainable thing which other people seem to enjoy effortlessly. Even today, I still have no idea how to 'make friends'. For a long time, I was very attached to my Facebook account and would check for messages regularly. Eventually I realized I was putting forth too much effort into trying to 'get somewhere' with people and that the underlying drive for my social habits was just for a sense validation. I have left Facebook behind and taken up new hobbies and activities in its place, and I have felt much better because of it.
Totally can relate to the being blocked out of conversation, ignored, or not taken seriously. It’s not that I have nothing to say or contribute, I often have a lot, as I read a lot, but it always seems to be because of some mysterious unwritten rules that I’m obviously not following. It does happen more with age... I think when we are young we are more likely to be forgiven for being slightly awkward or ‘off’ ... people do start to catch on when a person in their 30s randomly squeals at the sight of a cat, or struggles to make eye contact, or any other trivial thing which is akin to a social mortal sin for a neurotypical. It is very frustrating. Another great informative video and congratulations on the 1000!
I have experienced, that whenever I start to open my mouth, then someone will talk a couple of seconds after I started. They usually use colourfull language, and the others just forget that I had started to say something. And NT's call people on the ASD rude. Well... I have learned to just turn around, walk away and start doing something productive instead. If they figure out that they did something rude, or if they never think that thought. Well.... That is really none of my concerns. On that point I am stone cold whatever feelings they might have. I used to feel empathy for them, for not realising that they are rude. And then it struck me. It is not my business to feel that on their behalf. They have to realise that about them self, for them self. None if my problems in orher words.
@@loanicastillo3327 I completely relate to this. Its very difficult and uncomfortable for me in a workplace setting especially. My husband actually asked me why I find problems with every person I meet and I dont , it's just they treat me wrong or completely block me out as if I'm am nobody of any importance. As of now, I struggle with several autoimmune diseases and this recent but delayed diagnosis of aspergers makes it's that much more difficult in finding a job. I just hope I can find one with coworkers and a manager that do not take part in gossiping and treating people that aren't like them like crap. It's odd I don't understand people that behave as if they stayed in high school their entire lives and though I'm still pretty young in my 30s I've never been that way even in school. I actually got homeschool in 10th grade because the bullying began making me physically ill. even in my awkwardness I am not rude to others nor do I enjoy gossip. 😔😕😔
@@loanicastillo3327 Nope... You are not the problem. They have a problem that is the problem of excluding you. Normally I just walk away and let them figure out, if they need to ask me why I walked away. And they will never ask that question. Because the one that stole your turn to talk, were interresting enough that people forgot all about you had something on your mind and had something to tell. Hence, better live without any friends and go without social interaktion, than to be ignored time after time.
@@brostenen wow! I constantly get talked over at work especially. Or if I begin to talk or join in on conversations I get completely stopped or blocked I guess we would call it.. I hope your well and if you have any other advice I would so appreciate it! 💜
@@brostenen Great point
The worst thing is when people eventually get to know you and feel comfortable telling you how weird they thought you were when they met you. This has happened to me multiple times. I don’t need to know how much I didn’t fit your expectations. It’s hurtful.
I'm sorry your friends were so rude! And yet they say we are the rude/ socially off ones...
Obviously if you were that "weird" they wouldn't have stuck around. They should just keep it to themselves.
I got told in highschool by some guys they thought I was going to stab them with my pencil. 😓
Damn, now I'm wondering if I've hurt people by saying similar things. I'd consider myself to be very weird, and wear it as a badge of honor, and I mostly make friends with other people that I find "weird" because in my head, weird = interesting.
@@seashells1460 Well, they're not actually rude. They're being friendly and relaxed, and open up to someone they now see as a friend about how they found them earlier. They wouldn't say that to a stranger. Besides, "They should just keep it to themselves." isn't that what neurotypicals say to autistic people who can often be too blunt and undiplomatic?
@@foljs5858 im not sure how you know someone elses friends' intentions? If this reply came from the OP i would take it more seriously. But i feel its up to OP to decide if she felt hurt by what her friends said. The way i read it she felt hurt so i was validating her. Its also honestly my opinion that its an unnecesary and rude thing to say to anyone. But thats just me.
About five years ago I was working with an autistic kid as support to help him in his school life. During a meeting with the teachers and parents and therapists and I, the therapist who specialized in autism started talking about how lucky it was that they had an autistic adult on their team to help. As I was sitting there wondering who she could be speaking about, I noticed everyone else looking at me. I have always suffered quite intensely because however much I try, I never feel like I know how to "human", but I was kind of convinced no one else could tell that I wasn't being me, I was playing a normal person and I thought I was fooling everyone. I would limit my fits of rage, that I now know are meltdowns, where I hit my head with my fists or a wall, scratch myself, bite myself and strangle myself, to moments when I was not in presence of other people. This therapist later told me she was surprised I had not been diagnosed as I am quite obvious as an autistic woman. My student noticed I was in a bad mood and asked why, so I told him: "the therapist said I'm autistic and I'm not". To which he smiled and replied " Yes you are. You're like me. Why do you think I talk to you?" And I thought I was sooooooo good at playing at being a normal person... I once read a sentence that I really like : "Who would you be if no one was looking?"
Wow 🤗
She was tactless and even unprofessional to have said that out in public without first consulting you and getting your permission.
@@lambchop6278 especially as there are loads of undiagnosed people out there. There was a good chance the person the therapist was talking to didn't know they had Autism (as was indeed the case). That's not the way to break it to someone, and in front of everyone, too!
I also got myself in the head with fists or a wall lol
Wow. Deep. I quit telling ppl they’re on the spectrum. They don’t like it.
Sometimes I can't sleep because of the little sounds I hear, I especially don't like clocks ticking.
I cant sleep when i feel the pulse in my neck veins :(( it really interferes with my sleep
I deal with both of these. I can't even sit without feeling or hearing things that make my whole body unable to sit still or sleep
Well, that's why digital clock/watches are good.
Same, but for me I've noticed if I have a consistent noise I can sleep better. Like rain or white noise. I use an app to sleep with at night.
I don't really know what to say. When it's quiet I sleep normal. But when it's not - I don't. I guess some sounds are better than others for sleep. It usually all right. most of the time. sometimes. kind of.
This talk reminds me of something Einstein once said: “ people learn things in different ways. If you judge a fish by his ability to climb a tree it will forever think of itself as stupid.” Very interesting ideas here!
This is one of those quotes I've always obsessed over.
If memory (of the writing of quote investigators) serves, Einstein never said that.
actually a reporter attributed that quote to einstein. it was however not made made by einstein and he later corrected this.
@nova00boss have you met the majority of humans 🤨
To flip the metaphor: If you judge a chimpanzee by its ability to swim, it will forever think of itself as a stupid, when it is actually great at climbing trees. The problem is that we chimpanzees (neurodivergent humans) live in an ocean (society) which means the ability to swim (interact with neurotypical humans) is more important than the ability to climb trees.
Sometimes I over stare people in the eyes when I’m having conversations. It’s all about finding a balance.
BatBaby sometimes I stare so much that I cant concentrate on what they’re saying ;x
I look away when they look away, then look back when they do.
It’s like I know they know the eye contact is awkward and I just can’t wait until it’s over.
I figured out I only make eye contact with peoples left eye. I don’t know why but somehow I got this habit going.
@Crucibelle I just remember to look over to something else within the periphery every now and then, otherwise I'm concerned it might be seen as a bit werid, or 'too much'.
calling autistic people "weird" is generous, most people call me inattentive, lazy, annoying, and a know it all
I think autistic people tend to be more genuine because we see the world more simply than other people who are not autistic. I try to be nice and polite and try and always treat People the way I like to be treated and I mean what I say and do . I have noticed that a lot of people say thing and do another. They might say I don't like someone i am not going to talk to them again then pretend they are best friends with them . I find if I don't like someone I don't want to talk to them. And I have noticed that a lot of People are conceited and snobby and judgemental and just see the world through their eyes. If someone tells me their problems I tend to feel sympathetic and want to help them. I have noticed a lot of People will say things like if someone is crying they will say she just wants attention. And a lot of People love drama and enjoy humiliating people for their own satisfaction. Autistic people don't think like that because we just see things more simply than other people.
Very good description!
Genuine ?yous don't have any empathy for anyone ,more like psychos
Judging by the comments, autistics are less chaotic than normal people.
When normal people are drama queen, autistic is chaos to them lol
we are more logical thats why, and less emotionally immature
corsican lulu for parents who are emotionally immature, logic kids are troubling them
@@corsicanlulu That's bullcrap. You're not superior.
@@mira394 = to...…...
With regards to communications one of the strangest things to me is that "neurotypical" people never seem to actually listen to what was said, as in what the actual words were and what they mean. I've lost count of the number of times I have had to say "but that isn't what I actually said".
I can't agree more. Other people literally have tried to force me "admit" to saying things that i never actually said!! They interpret my exact words to mean what they feel, and ignore my words completely. How can anyone get others to listen when they never have the desire to hear anything other than their own narrative? Lol.
NTs minds focus 70-80% on nonverbal communication, the rest is used for the actual info. That's why they need things repeated to them over and over.
For us it's the other way around.
It doesn't really matter what you're saying to them as long as you're using the right tone and body language and leave a positive impression.
@@cockycookie1 as a neurotypical I agree, half of what you learn from a person speaking is in their body language and facial movements. Words mean less like when they say they enjoyed something but their face says otherwise.
And I would disagree with Adrianne saying we use our own narrative, we don't deflect our own emotions onto others but perhaps what you said and what your body was doing was sending mixed signals which muddied whatever you intended with what you were saying.
NTs or whatever spend a lot of time deciphering body language for deeper meanings in what people say. Maybe they just wrongly assumed in your case.
Me too
Yeah! It also happens to me. Sometimes I explain something simple 4, 5 times. It looks like people (specially extroverts) they read between the lines, not a actually to what I'm saying. When they finally get the point and explain it back to me , I'm like yeah... That's what I said (like 5 times before)...o.O
They get stuck in reading between the lines or whatever happens, it's confusing
"uncanny valley of the violation of human norms."
That's one hell of a way to say someone is awkward. Lol
It's also a way of saying that the smallest differences are punished more harshly than the largest differences. One of the unspoken rules is "I won't like you if you're not easy enough to figure out", after all.
alternate detected
I didnt watch the video full yet but there a game called human or not and idk what point i wanted to make but i feel like since autistic ppl not diagnosed are seen as some robots (ppl telling me im emontion,telling me my voice sounds very robotic kinda) so in this game human or not there is more room for ppl to experiment since you cant expect with who u talk since u either talking with bot or human and get a reaction after seeing who you are when they guessed wrong or right after its just a game so u just supposed to have fun. im maybe yapping lol
during an argument, someone close to me revealed that I appear emotionless and apathetic. I literally couldn’t believe it because I feel so many intense emotions all of the time, I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see that, and even go as far as viewing me as emotionless. I also get “what’s the face for” a lot. like literally nothing!! this is just my face!!
ugh my god, my dad used to ALWAYS look at me and ask, "Why do you look like your dog just died?" and it would drive me crazy as a child and make me feel so bad.
I've been told I look "sour" when my face is neutral. I've trained in a habit of always smiling a litte, practiced in the mirror so it's not actually visible as a smile but it still works in keeping people from thinking I'm in a pissy mood when I'm just relaxed and neutral.
Am I the only one who was defended as a kid and even now as a young adult, when my face didn’t match how everyone thought I was feeling?
My relatives would be like “why does she look mad” and my dad always says “she’s not, it’s just her face” and that always made me feel better because, while it may sound like he’s almost making fun of me, if y’all knew him, that is not how he speaks when he’s joking around with me and my siblings.
He never jokes about that kinda thing.
While my family understands that my face doesn’t give off how I feel, other people don’t. I’ve had other adults assume they know what I’m feeling because they can “read body language” and I am just “looking for attention”
Yeah, my parents don’t let that go. They will absolutely defend me when something like that happens ❤️🥹
I didnt watch the video full yet but there a game called human or not and idk what point i wanted to make but i feel like since autistic ppl not diagnosed are seen as some robots (ppl telling me im emontion,telling me my voice sounds very robotic kinda) so in this game human or not there is more room for ppl to experiment since you cant expect with who u talk since u either talking with bot or human and get a reaction after seeing who you are when they guessed wrong or right after its just a game so u just supposed to have fun. im maybe yapping lol
To me too but just revealed me I was weird though I always knew lol it just was refreshing to hear cuz atleast there was a clear ground to what to hate me on
I'm 82, and it has finally occurred to me that many of the things you and others online are describing definitely apply to me. I have been aware of being a nerdy outsider all my life, and I've chuckled about maybe being "kind of autistic," but I never took it seriously. The sensitivity to stimuli, fatigue at having to be around others, occasional meltdowns, difficulty communicating by phone, and other traits are familiar. Happily (but sometimes sadly), those around me have largely adjusted to the way I am and have often compensated for my deficits. I feel sad knowing that my life might have gone differently--better--if I had realized all this earlier. At least, being old and immune-compromised and thus isolated in the pandemic is quite comfortable for me. Living alone where I can control my surroundings is relaxing.
Thanks for sharing your story, and I hope things get better for you! Good luck, and I wish you a very good day!
"they feel like they are not good enough, they are broken & need to be fixed"
oof, i felt that
Like a punch in the heart ...
my autistic niece also says oof, but I love talking to her.
@@Stephen_Jabs if you could get rid of your nieces autism would you
I've been blocked like that before. It's very upsetting because I don't know what I did. It was also a matter of seconds after the person met me.
I feel like everyone dislikes me and if I tell a loved one about it , I get told I'm paranoid or that I'm looking for problems. But I honestly get a strong sense from others and my intuition has been strong my entire life. 35 years old and just finding out how many symptoms I have is stressful.
there are a lot of shallow dumb ass people in the world unfortunately they think they can judge you and they do... then act on it, normally these type are prats, silly, immature :-))
I've had people who know me do that. Because of that, I don't know if it's just complete conscious rejection on their parts or if they think I'm just going to figure out how to function by kind of forcing me to have to deal with it on my own. Maybe I haven't spent enough time with people, though... -_-' It seems dangerous to try anything, though.
@@Catlady1210 We have trouble reading people, and I can certainly relate to how you feel.
At some point, I realized that most people don't care enough to dislike us.
We're not on their radar. They don't know how to communicate with us, so they block us out.
They forget us as soon as they meet us.
It really isn't you, it's them.
No we just dont fit in we are essentially outcasts
My first impression of you:
1) pretty 2) confident 3)fun = right off the bat I’d be friends with you
Haha cool! Girls night out?
I love her hair it's so pretty!
Same!!! Let’s all be friends bahaha I have a hard time making girlfriends, I don’t have a filter I suppose that I make the “fakeness” not seem so cool when I call them out in it, then when I’m quiet it’s always what’s wrong with you 🤦🏼♀️
very fluent.communicator. wish i wad
@@YoSamdySam can I come to the next one? 😅
I think I've just realised why I love having blue hair. Its because it sends out a message to people that I might be weird, and to adjust their expectations accordingly. Maybe this is a way to avoid that 'uncanny valley'
Flashbacks to that horrible, horrible "girls" trip I went on a few years ago (really I was a tag along to my sister). It was awful, but one woman (YES woman, a woman who has children) was just awful to me. She was nice to me for about the first 10 minutes until she realized I was different and I was either ignored, gossiped and laughed at or was the butt to all her jokes. I was bullied in school and I guess i just thought that shit ended after graduation but I was wrong. Never again
Interesting talk! I do believe masking or the struggle of masking does get harder with age. Which would make sense. We get worn down. There was an interesting talk specifically about women reaching a breaking point and crumbling, mid life crisis, autism edition. I believe that's why women slip the diagnostic radar for so long, masking, but inevitably it wears down the mind, body and soul. I know I feel it. I've always had trouble masking and have been weird my entire life. It's been hard being rejected constantly.
I've gotta do more videos on masking, I talk about it in almost every video but never really properly address it.
Yo Samdy Sam also how it impacts assessments, especially girls. Like I appeared fairly neurotypical at my hour assessment and so all my struggles on paper were dismissed simply because I didn't appear autistic in person. They went so far to say as my have falsified the tests or whatever.
@@HarrietFitzgerald580 I feel for you. Psychologists can be so wrong. That's why it's great to have ways like this to connect with others like us. ☺🌻
Hi, friend. Me too.
My counselor came out and told my adult children that their mom (me) had struggled for so long to hold it together and that I was tired and couldn't do it anymore. I felt such relief at really being seen and accepted! Too bad I had to move away!
Is it possible that we place too much value on social skills?
The sad truth is the skills are really that important. The life struggles that autistic people have are a confirmation to this.
@@Wolf-r9d good point. Ted Bundy was one of the most charismatic and handsome dudes around. He escaped from at least 2 correctional facilities and had a different conjugal visitor every day until his death in prison.
Autistic dudes are really really good at one specific thing a lot of times.
Seems like a coin toss, to me. IDK...
@@Wolf-r9d men's hearts are difficult to judge and easily corrupted.
@@Wolf-r9d yeah.
ruclips.net/video/w5yjPlMj95w/видео.html
Maybe this is why I almost always somehow feel somewhat excluded in a group discussion or conversation. I am usually allowed to be part of the circle, but more in the way of a bystander instead of an active participant (and often, when the circle morphs into another shape when new people enter it and/or others leave I tend to end up, bit by bit, eventually also physically excluded from the group). I am there, but I cannot really participate and what I say usually ends up completely unacknowledged. The sad thing is, after watching this video, I remember often having done the same to some people that are more obviously autistic than me (or not good at masking), because I felt this uncanny feeling when I interacted with them.
Sadly I've felt that way with my family several times, like they completely ignore me. I've taken things literally a lot.
i’ve had this as well :( now i’ve left the group completely because not only did they exclude me, but also my more obviously autistic friends. when i sat with them i felt like a bystander in my own life. it sucked
i relate 100% everybody in general always does this to me. ive only had 1 friend throughout my life and shes still my friend till this day. other than that i basically cnt make friends with anyone else because the exact same thing happens to me when im being excluded and blocked from a grp conversation and im just a bystander and what i say just is so irrelevant and ignored its as if no one has ears when I talk. it even happens to me in grp chats. besides my best friend, it's a rare occurance that i bump into anyone i cn click with deeply and be 100% myself with and not just some surface level conversations and niceties that NTs treat me with at first, and then lose interest in me so quickly. Being with NTs in general make me uncomfortable, it's like there's an invisible wall between us and an invisible wall in myself that makes me so constricted around NTs
This is actually something I've been wondering. (For the record, I have not been diagnosed on the spectrum. I live a moderately siccessful life. I do however identify with a lot of things associated with autism and have been wondering about myself for a number of years.) Anyhow, I've always found it much easier to communicate with autistic people. They communicate more effectively from my perspective. All these shallow pretenses are skipped and we can just talk about what we want to talk about. I find that very refreshing. Have you ever had that feeling of relief when you meet an autistic person and you can just communicate normally, instead of having to worry about the "neurotypical fluff"?
Absolutely! Though really I find I get along better with people who are a little odd in general, even if not in quite the same way. One of my best friends has ADHD, and one of the reasons we get along so well is that I'm very focused on the information content of a conversation. So I don't really care if the person I'm talking to is super twitchy or jumps topics a lot so long as they're saying something interesting...but she says it drives NT people NUTS and she has to work a lot harder to get them to take her seriously.
(I'm kind of in the same boat, BTW, of having suspected for years...but after experiencing unexpectedly sudden burnout when taking on a more people-wrangling job role, I think I do need to actually check with a professional to see if my intuition about being somewhere on the spectrum is correct!)
Being autistic doesn't mean you're likely to be unsuccessful.
I've been masking myself since childhood and it has become difficult to separate the mask from the underlying me. I've come to accept that the mask, because it is my creation, is actually a part of me. Basically, I consider it a creative achievement that I have been working on since childhood. People have told me I seem like an incredibly calm person and that they find this calming. In fact, I am an incredibly anxious person and the calmness they are detecting is actually my well practiced mask. However this mask has served a purpose; it has calmed other people, it has allowed me to survive in this world. However the time has come to find out the real me behind the mask. Without doing so, I will not be able to live authentically.
I’ve heard other people say “you have a calm about you” but I don’t think that about myself at all. If anything I’m rather neurotic. But I think I internalize my fears so well, they don’t really have a chance to peek through
I feel like this too about my emotions. I'm not sure if I am on the spectrum, or if I inherited some of the tendencies from my grandfather without being fully on the spectrum myself, but I find some aspects of life quite hard to navigate.
I feel that. People have always told me they like me because I'm chill. Then they get confused af when the mask drops because I'm actually a mess underneath 😂
It’s like you described me perfectly. I’m trying to let go of my mask more because I’ve been burnt out for a while now and I need to change something.
This sounds waaaay too much like me…I have repressed myself with the mask and when I don’t have the energy to mask I just don’t talk. Wow, it’s really starting to make sense now!
My high-functioning autistic mask has fallen off and I simply don't care anymore. Thanks for the insightful video.
me too
Life's too short.
Same, I stopped giving a shit. I think there are more of us then we know and if we drop the mask we can all group up properly
Tots agree.
I want to do that
I always got called weird by my friends. All of my friends. And it upset me because they could never pinpoint why they thought I was.
That's sad, But that also makes me feel lucky because all my friends are also "abnormal" so I can be myself around them and them to me
It took me *forever* to realize what people were saying when they called me weird. It finally hit me in my mid-20s and I was like "...ohhh!" And then I got sad
I'm so relieved that I found you.
Back in kindergarten, wherever I went, children would reject me. Always. I really didn't know what this was about and at some point I started thinking they must have felt that I was somehow inherently wrong or 'bad'. That was seriously horrible.
I’m so sorry that that happened to you. You are amazing! Forget those people who made you feel that way. Shows THEIR true character. On them for mistreating ANY person. I’m hoping that they learned from it and grew :/ . I hope that you ended up finding people who loved you the way that you are 🤍 if you have not, I know that you will…
nope, never managed to blend in. Always have felt like a leper in any social setting, including schools and workplaces, it is incredibly draining, and lonely.
I'm so lonley I have to talk my way out of suicide. I'm afraid I'll quit trying someday, I just want someone to love me
Story of my life, and I feel like this gets lost with some of the focus on masking. Life isn't any easier for those of us who don't mask or never figured out how to.
Mendaharin Tusca I can relate, I get so tired. I started a ketamine therapy on Monday it goes on for 6 infusion. I really hope it helps
with my sadness. I think perhaps leaving my situation would help. Would you like to stay in contact? My email is heirofjc@gmail.com. Stay strong my friend
@@charlesreed5290 Hey Charles, how are you doing now? I hope that ketamine therapy was helpful. Sending love
You know what works? You gotta let yourself FEEL a part of the group. Imagine you're all interconnected by a web or something, whatever works for you.
Then use that over empathy and assimilate by copying the popular folks. Mix and match the traits you like best from different people.
Sounds weird but really does work!
After 35 years of observing this, I think it's because some people are more concerned about their social status. Affiliating with someone who's different or "weird" might affect their social status so they try to distance themselves. I don't think that's what they're thinking, but I think it's what they're feeling. (I don't have autism but I have ADHD.)
that's definitely a thing
*That could be a part of it, but as someone who's also got ADHD occasionally a person will trip up my rejection sensitive dysphoria if I'm not aware they're autistic and they're not reacting the way I expect. It's pretty bad anxiety and I don't talk to people irl often, so if a social interaction doesn't go as planned there's a chance I might just crumble and die inside on the spot. No plan B.
*I would never let this show to the person at the time of course- partially because I'm afraid of messing things up more- but I wonder if that could be a factor for some people
I knew this right away because my Mom was a psych and also an undiagnosed Autistic. So I would always have to experience every judgemental situation without being able to change it. It was like being locked into a movie I couldn't get out of.
I go by this theory too. Aspies, by society's standards are perceived (not necessarily the reality) as being very low on the social hierarchy. They are told they will find the right people for them and its only other neurodiverse people that will wanna be friends with them. It's actually a myth though. The reality is that it just takes much more effort for aspies to socialise and get to know others, but the socially "cool" people don't want to wait for that and don't need them
And that's why a diagnosis is important! If you don't have it, you fell different in a bad way, you feel wrong and you think you need to be fixed. But when you have a diagnosis you start to think that it's ok to be a weirdo! It really changes the world!
P.s. I never knew about the uncanny valley effect but it was really on point! Nice to discover new things!
P.p.s. congratulation for the 1000 subscribers!
Exactly, getting a diagnosis has been so great for my self-esteem and confidence! I got a bit into the uncanny valley stuff during my research - it's such interesting stuff! Humans are weird ;)
@@YoSamdySam In the process of getting one. But all this time as preparation I've been reading up on it too, for a year now, to be certain. And it is really like this:
All your life, you have been trying to act like a dog, when you were a cat, and were also judged by "dog behaviour" standards.
Now I finally realized I am a cat, so I will no longer try to adopt "dog-behaviour" but rather adopt more "cat-behaviour", which is more natural to me.. But letting go of "dog-behaviour" when you trained yourself in it all your life, it is not that easy, it's like second nature to slip into this role... and only be a cat in private at home...
I was able to self diagnose at the age of 50, thanks to the internet.
I've always felt like I'm another species, that I don't belongs among humans.
Now I understand why.
Thankfully, over the decades, I've gotten good at masking and this has reduced my stress levels and depression.
I'm at a point where people argue with me and try to convince me I don't have Asperger's. I'm too normal. So I must be doing it right.
@@Wolf-r9d I recommend checking out Professor Tony Attwood's videos on autism in girls here on RUclips. You can find heaps of his on the Autism Hangout channel. Also, read the book I Am Aspienwoman by psychologist Tania Marshall and see if you identify with it. It's an easy read as it's very visual and has lots of quotes from female Aspies. If all that makes you think you're an Aspie, then the next step is to find your tribe so you feel less like the odd one out. I recommend female-only groups as sadly the mixed ones tend to have a lot of opinionated incels in them who can be quite mean.
@@YoSamdySam It gets worse with the latest DSM -- a lot of people who exhibit a lot of traits shared with the autistic spectrum limiting their daily functioning but not enough to prevent their functioning often won't get the diagnosis.
You're normal enough not to get a diagnosis, or even adapted enough to do so. But you're not normal enough to have an easy time connecting with people or make first impressions which is crucial during job interviews and so on.
Your video rings quite true to my own experiences.
I have lost count of the number of people who told me I was weird. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADHD at age 10, so I always knew I was neurodivergent, but even among other Dyslexic kids, I was the weird kid nobody wanted to hang out with. Social norms have always been a struggle for me. Even when I am masking, I still find it nearly impossible to "fit in". I thought for most of my life that all those people were right, I am just weird. It was not until I started researching autism on the internet and finding content like yours that I realized I am probably autistic. I am still undecided if I should go for a diagnosis (im 57) but at least I finally found my people, and for that I am grateful.
I don’t know if I’m autistic or not but I have been called weird usually because I’m trying too hard. I can see when I was younger that I did not follow certain rules. I didn’t stay close to my friends in the playground. I would talk at inappropriate times. Things like that. Just always doing things at inappropriate times.
I've never honestly tried to mask, I didn't even know it was a thing people did until like last year. Honestly I don't give a shit what people think about me and if they don't like it then they can piss off. I'm not gonna pretend to be someone else so NPCs like me. I'm me and nobody else.
OMG I cannot tell you how many times I have perceived a new acquaintance making a snap, negative judgement about me, usually on a day when I didn’t have the energy to pretend to be happy. It somehow makes me feel a little better that you have come up with an explanation for this.
Loveable weirdo here - nt, but asd ally I hope. I'm a therapist, and have worked with lots of clients who've been diagnosed with asd. What you say here about the uncanny valley is really interesting...
Historically, nt's have tried to say that autistic people lack empathy somehow - whereas my experience has always been that it's nt's who traditionally fail at bothering to offer empathy to autistic people. Your points about the uncanny valley attitude, which is surely some kind of nt tic, helped me understand maybe a little more about where the empathy failure comes from.
My subscription, however, is for "aspie-onage". Genius! Keep up the good work.
Joel, I sometimes wonder if modem life is becoming (always was??) so frenzied that people don't have the patience nor time to sit down and figure someone out.
I'm a late diagnosed Aspbergers person(40+ yo), who has just found a romantic interest. I find it awkward to give an honest smile, but usually paying close attention all the same. I found it helpful not to raise the issue on a first date but sneak in a few bad but non-threatening jokes instead. Sometimes, eliciting a groan is as good as a laugh.
Here's a thought experiment. What if the majority of people were autistic? Would neurotypical people be classed as mentally disabled?
@@alwynwatson6119 Well, many of them fail at empathising and I've also noticed a distressing inability to pay attention to detail in many of them. You say, "Here's the latest figures from Engineering and it doesn't match up with what we can see here." and they say, "hmm, interesting. We should contact _Engineering_ and see what *they* reckon the figures should be." AAAAAARRGGHHHH!
I did not understand much of what you said
@@marceasusanna7749 I'm not sure if this is directed towards my original comment, but if it is then i can acknowledge i wasn't very clear as i reread what i wrote again now...
I think basically my point was that NT people aren't actually great at empathy most of the time, although cruelly we have historically accused neurodivergent people of not having empathy. That's based on my experience as a therapist.
The point which Sam is making in the video about the Uncanny Valley effect here makes sense to me as at least part of the explanation.
Again, not quite sure if you were finding my original comment unclear or not, but appear to have marched in anyway...
Since someone finally concluded that my awkwardness is a product of high-functioning autism, I have tried (with varying degrees of success) to view it as a gift, of sorts. I’m a trial lawyer; because of the “odd” way my brain works, I’m lethal to adverse witnesses. Social norms don’t matter in that arena. And in argument, knowing obscure facts often comes in very handy.
The downside, of course, is small talk. I am required to engage clients and hope they like me. That can be tough. But in some ways, the atypicality can be useful. Here in the American South, for instance, college football is almost a religion. It’s fact-intensive and learnable. Esoteric facts are appropriate. It works.
I am still learning the whole small talk thing. It’s hard and, often, boring. But breaking the task down almost forensically helps.
I've always felt like small talk is a barrier that prevents true connection. Or even a jail: you're put there if the other person doesn't trust you with big talk.
Just Wow... I've dropped out law school cause, to me, someone who doesn't has that social charm would never thrive in this type of career, and here you are. Its specially hard when you live in a country where fiery emotions rules (Brazil) and you're supposed to be that warm, joker savy guy to everyone all the time or else youre out. The worst part is that its clear like a summer sky how unease people feel whenever youre around, god knows why.
Its was really hard to be there for all those years filled with a depression no one seemed to understand, yet everyone loved to point fingers. The feeling of going insane so strong you cant even learn or pay attention to what you're doing anymore.
Maybe if i knew back then about aspergers i wouldnt be so hard on myself. Maybe it isnt too late.
@@GodHandplayers It’s never too late. You must learn how to use your atypicality.
I usually strike people as a bit odd, but it rarely causes big problems. For me, the key is to find a subject that interests the person I am talking with. I have a wide enough information background that I can usually find something.
This may surprise you. Before I was a lawyer, I was a radio announcer. Again, it’s all about knowing the rules of the game. And the skills of radio announcing translate well to trial work. It’s just acting.
Thank you for sharing. I incidentally just figured out I am on the spectrum at age 30, after doctors were trying to figure out the cause of other neurological issues that started after I got COVID last year. I guess the mask fell away after I got sick and social
isolation increased during the pandemic. I am also a litigation attorney. I have always been seen as likeable by most peers and clients, but definitely weird. I normally do okay with small talk. My
“oddities” and tendencies to sometimes get stuck on small or obscure details that other people don’t think matter is often used to disarm deponents and witnesses. Or I’m able to pick up on things with jurors that my colleagues don’t pay attention to. (I’m trying to figure out how to start looking my oddball brain as a gift as you have.) I’m still trying to process everything, but it was very comforting to see your comment.
@@aje90990 Remember, you are not LESS; you are just different. And that’s OK.
Autistics don't seem weird, neurotypicals are just really really boring!
correct they only think about their feelings at the time example how hungry am i, NTs are base level tamed human animals at best.
i’m sorry but I have to agree. The small talk is very boring and agonizing. I would know, because I have it myself.
@@joshuamoody7729 I find it impossible to make small talk.
😂😂😂
Right
I’m 60 years old and after a lifetime of feeling that I am worthless, weird and isolated, have recently been diagnosed as autistic. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Since being diagnosed and having declared it to my employer (the NHS), I’ve been sacked. I’m a paramedic and may now lose my licence to practice.
Weird or not, I must hold onto the fact that I’m autistic and not insane.
Isn't that illegal?
@@amys0482 Yes it is indeed. However, my union, UNISON, offered no evidence at my dismissal hearing and completely failed me at appeal.
It’s not just about being dismissed though. If a Paramedic is dismissed, they are immediately reported to the HCPC under the fitness to practice regulations. The HCPC will start a process which is not dissimilar to a criminal process to establish if that Paramedic can remain a Paramedic. Essentially, I could be struck off and no longer allowed to work.
Remember, this is the NHS we’re talking about. You’d think they would know better.
@@distantplaces6560 I am so sorry. That doesn't seem right at all if you were able to perform the job (and can continue to perform with accommodations). Since the Union didn't protect you, do you have a personal lawyer now?
I really hope you're able to get this straightened out. This is awful! I'm sorry you need to deal with this.
Back in 5th grade, the school psychologist was testing me to see if I had autism or not. I wasn't diagnosed with autism because I shared some traits with it, but not enough for a diagnosis. So, not autistic but not neurotypical, either. I'm in my 30s now, but I clearly remember in high school I didn't have many friends and many people called me "weird". It hurt so much. The work world has been a challenge, too, especially one of my previous jobs where I was treated like I was stupid or incompetent or something and the boss didn't even try to listen when she was the one who asked what I needed to help me succeed (all I asked for was to balance the negative feedback with some positives. If all I hear are negatives, I believe I can't do anything right, but if I have positives as well, then I can work with it and address my weaknesses without feeling worthless). I feel like we live at a time when our society is having these conversations about neurodiversity and yet, many people still bully or ostracize those who don't fit in to the very narrow box of being neurotypical. It makes me sad.
Workplace bullying absolutely sucks, especiaĺly when it's by someone who (a) should know better and (b) is aware of your condition and requirements but still treats you like carpet because they really don't want you there or to be bothered with you at the end of the day; you're just the token 'disabled' or 'neurodivergent' - basically the token retard to make their company looks like it gives a shit. Hope you manage to succeed in the future though, without any of these people.
i love the way you talk. you have a nice voice and are highly articulate.
I love the way she talks as well.
@MeganØØF 2005 recently began making vids for a campaign I am extremely passionate about.
I have been in the military (found out I was Autistic after service) and I fear this shit more than anything.
I continue to rewatch what I have posted similar to how I would go through convos in my head.
This stuff is really difficult to do.
If you have something to say or what your voice heard, I am willing to help...and work with you to make you comfortable.
Be well.
I just wanna say as a neurotypical person, you guys deserve so much better. I've only met a few overt autistic people and I didn't really see anything "weird" about them. Everyone has their own way to do things and some people have more noticeable things. Due to my anxiety, I'll sometimes have odd tics or fidgets and I never understood why people would get upset about it. Again, everyone has their own "things" (for lack of a better word) and if you overstep or do something that upsets someone it's your job to fix that. You guys are totally normal in my books. It can take a little learning from both sides, but it's not bad or weird.
I've had people act weirdly (from my viewpoint) with me or just seem to dislike me for I wasn't sure what reason. I've also had people turn their backs to me in a group, which I thought was a way of physically shutting me out until some of them noticed and apologized or told me I should've included myself somehow. I don't think I really understood (and still don't probably). I actually haven't been bullied or had people call me strange or weirdo (although I felt like I was), but I've heard sometimes way way after the fact second-hand that people have actually been concerned by my behavior and just didn't say anything about it to me.
April Helm Same thing happens to me, but I’m not really even sure I’m autistic. I have a few of the signs, but not definite that I am even on the spectrum. I always have a hard time talking with people regardless that I am hearing impaired. I always spaced out when I was a kid, and it took a while for me to start speaking. Always took a while to make friends. Maybe I’m just introverted. I have obsessed over certain topics before they fade. And I do have a somewhat difficult time reading body language.
@@taoist32 I'm not sure I'm autistic either. I don't relate to some autistic traits, like food issues and sensory sensitivity; I don't think I've ever had a meltdown. But some things I do, including the feeling of being weird and judged (in my case, even if people don't say anything, although maybe they do and it's not direct enough for me to notice it always). I also get tired from socializing (or trying to and hoping I don't mess up), want time to prepare for things, and don't like small-talk. Even feeling like I have to talk with people (perform socially, I guess) gives me anxiety unless I feel like I have something to say, which probably isn't the case unless my personal interests come up or if it's something I can have an opinion about since I also like to argue/debate. Regular chit-chat and networking seem like a foreign land that I've taken a while to see the point of and have had trouble fitting into. I don't know if it's autism, but it seems pretty similar to me, and I'm sure people can have other issues and life factors besides. Just my thoughts, though. :)
@@KTR2022 I think I've gotten pretty much ignored growing up. I don't think people called me weird, but it was like being shunned except that it felt more like I didn't exist. And I think a lot of people honestly just hadn't noticed me. When I was by myself (often), I felt like everyone was judging me and laughing at me (social anxiety, I guess), but I kind of rationalized to myself later that they probably weren't. I think it might have been a bit silly that every time (ONLY if I was alone) I heard a group of girls laugh, it felt like they were laughing at me.
I have gotten dirty looks occasionally from people, both peers and adults (while I was in school), who I was sure didn't know me enough to be judging me. But as an adult, I've expected everyone to just not like me and reject me (I guess), yet a lot of times people have seemed to appreciate me, so I don't know. I try not to get close to anyone pretty much nowadays because I'm pretty sure when people think they like me, they also don't know or have any reason.
@@KTR2022 Also, I don't take Myers Briggs too seriously since I think it's difficult for people to get clear, definitive answers, and ultimately I'm pretty sure it's not an exact science as much as an idea probably could be accurate or have inaccuracies. I have a somewhat difficult time deciding on a type because none of them really seem to fit me to a T, and so it's kind of like trying to squish yourself through a cookie cutter.
@@aprilhelm518 it sounds like you have social anxiety because you are paranoid thinking that everyone is obsessed with you.
I doubt most people care about other people enough to do everything you are describing. And even if they were talking about, or laughing at, or side eying you, so what?
I can really relate to that thing about noticing people already hating you within 30 seconds of meeting you. Something that also happens to me a lot is being talked to in a very patronising way, as if I was a child, by people that have gotten to know me a bit and realised that I'm a weirdo. I think this happens to me a lot because I give a very harmless and innocent impression so people mostly don't perceive me as weird in a threatening way. Instead they perceive me as weird in a helpless way, as if I'm a bit behind and that's why I don't know how to play the social game all that well. It's very frustrating because I'm the opposite of stupid, not trying to sound arrogant but I think I know more about reality and the world than most of them do
The being physically pushed out of a conversation as people slowly turn away from you and bring their group in closer is such an uncomfortable feeling. Now I have a job where I’m mostly liked and accepted and loved for being myself, but I went to my high school reunion and they were still doing it to me. I walked up to multiple groups and said hi and was ignored. I don’t know how autistic people get labeled as the antisocial ones. We just aren’t included most of the time. Get treated differently. Then when we react we are some how the rude one.
I love that you pointed out that when you put us together we can talk just fine in the same way a neurodiverse person would speak in their own groups. We are just different. I really enjoy your channel. xoxo
Thank you!
I dunno. Sorry but I'm still a bit skeptical about this one. If only when it comes specifically to maintaining conversations. I agree that to aspies who share interests can maintain a converstaion just fine (no social difficulty whatsoever). But in my experience when I've witnessed conversation between two aspies with differing interests, there seems to be a relutance for one of them to talk about something they know the other is interested in, but they're not. Allistics seem to be much more willing to feign enthusiasm for their interlocutor interests and ask questions about them, for the sake of maintaining/extending a conversation.
I know its lamentabaly fake behaviour, but it does ensure we don't have to endure silences, pauses, conversation breakdowns that we percieve as extremely akward/uncomfortable. I think becuase aspies don't have this perception of silences, they don't have the same impetus to maintian the conversations for as long as possible.
@@qubitz5906 I too wonder about this. @YoSamdySam, would you mind sharing the studies you read that indicated autists communicate well together? I think I may have had very different experiences. I am pursuing diagnosis and have observed distinctly autistic traits in several of my friends and family members, which I think they are mostly unaware of. In some ways we get each other, but in others we don't at all and we can have extreme misunderstandings to the point of triggering simultaneous meltdowns in each other. Even thinking about it makes me want to smash my computer on the floor. I wonder if it makes a difference whether the autists are diagnosed or at least self identified and have any awareness and accommodation of their own needs.
@@qubitz5906 very insightful, with some autistic people not realising the benefit of fake behaviour and enthusiasm. It encourages the other person and builds a bond where people can take turns speaking. Autistic people are less likely to have this sense.
When I was growing up in Iowa, the first attractive role model that I could find in either real life or fiction was Cain in the television show Kung Fu. As Cain wandered through what was for him the alien culture of the American Old West, the people he encountered would frequently judge and dismiss him, but he knew and accepted who he was remained unperturbed, kind and non-judgmental, despite the hostility and rejection. In the end Cain's strange but consistent character would win people over. I think we can get away with being openly 'atypical', as long as we are self-assured, and consistently non-judgmental.
I have been thinking about that show. I loved that program and also the hulk. I used to think when I grew up I would wander town to town, interacting with new people. Now I don't even like to leave the house.
Have you seen the RUclips channel "Grasshopper"
I think you would like it.
@@hodaka1000 Thank you. I'll check it out.
I hear you. I loved that show as a kid.
and for the same reason. I could identify with the central character.
But I would phrase it that he was the alien, wandering through a culture of normalcy.
Which is how I felt all of my life.
I hope you know that David Carradine was, during shooting for the show, frequently dropping acid as though he was ingesting gumdrops. He was frequently really out of it on set. My friends and I thought that just made the show that much more amazing!
Aspionage! 😄 New favourite word. You're awesome. Thanks so much for making these videos.
I grew up with the word "weird" being a compliment.
My mom likes weirdness, or differentness, so she encouraged and enjoyed the things that made me "weird" and different, so I ended up feeling pride for being weird growing up.
I do mask, though not as heavily as I would have if not for my mom encouraging me to be myself so much.
I still find myself proud of how different I am, even though I was bullied for it. I just learned I can't be myself with strangers, and only give them my real self a little at a time.
What you said about someone turning their back to you and blocking you from the group… oh. The pain. It’s happened to me so many times and it always hurts so bad.
Almost everyone who befriends me at some point says that there's something off about me or I'm a mystery, and they'll eventually come to the conclusion that either I don't have emotions, I hate everyone, or I'm secretly a robot.
This is so me
You could also be an alien, only on earth to observe humans.
I felt the same too before😂🤣😂🤣Not anymore 😂
Well that was depressing.. I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but i never really had help with social interactions. My family just made it harder, my grandmother always tried to protect me from getting bullied, so she tried to limit my number of friends. My dad always talks about my disorder like he knows what he's talking about. He tells me i'm weird (as if i didn't know already) and all of the things i should fix for making friends. I improved my socializing skills, and i have a group of friends that i hang out regularly, and i'm not bullied anymore. Sometimes i feel sad tho. All of my friends have a past, they talk about all of the things they did when they were around 14 years old and i stay quiet. I can't talk about how everyone kept on rejecting me and how i felt miserable all of the time. When i stumble upon videos or articles on autism i can't help but feel deeply sad and hurt. I feel ashamed of myself even if i know i shouldn't be. I just wish i met someone who was more open minded and loved me for what i am, instead of always being rejected and isolated.
Why can't you talk about it? The past doesn't always predict the future. Don't give up hope, you can find those people.
For my whole life people have described me as "awkward" or "weird", I used to lean into those labels to try and fit in, I'd play up the whole I'm awkward thing and joke about it. And that worked really well throughout most of my school career, but then senior year I stopped trying to keep up the act and slowly all my "friends" started to disappear. Learning about the autism spectrum has really put a lot of my past experiences into perspective.
I've known all of my life that I'm not "normal" it hasn't been until recently that I've watched a few videos about Autism and I'm starting to think that I might be on the spectrum. I'm seriously thinking about getting tested. Thank you for posting these videos, I think you're helping many people.
Thank you for this. My husband and I have faced years and years of hostility and abuse on these lines. It is so obvious when someone "smells" you and knows that you are not "them." I have spent years explaining myself to people and I still get a lot of hostility in odd times. Also the way that people can habituate to all kinds of sensory overloading stuff is beyond me. My husband is pretty much a recluse at this point. I cannot be, since I have to make the money for us to live on, but social interaction is desperately exhausting. I often wish I were rich so I could just pay people to go away and leave me alone. However, finding things like your channel is lovely. Gives me hope. However, I believe in creating a protocol to force onto them. If they do not know what to do, they will not do it. Shaming them into a better (more universal) protocol works.
I have almost always been immediately disliked by people. I have always been so depressed by this but never guessed I might have autism. I’ve also been labeled as “weird, oddball” without even trying. Thank you for bringing light to this topic. I hope more people see your videos and can accept the non-neurotypical personalities.
There was a fly on my monitor while there was a fly on your lense :)
I think some autistics also take the opposite route to masking, instead of trying to leave the uncanny valley by masking and perfecting their imitation, they put effort in being weird on purpose and thus may be in part able to leave the uncanny valley via appearing essentially 'non-human'. I know I did this as a child,
There is also a concept called chauvinistic tolerance, which relates quite closely to what you were talking about. It basically describes the effect that someone will only accept (aka tolerate) a person who is different in some way, if they are aware that this person is 'sick' in some way and therefore not able to obtain the standarts of normalcy.
Great video, thanks for making it!
I still act weird on purpose, I've been told I was weird for as long as I can remember, so I decided it was easier for me to embrace it.
I don't do either. I just am who I am, if people don't like it, be damned. I don't try to fit in, but I hate attention and can't see myself ever trying to purposely stick out either.
As I'm quite an honest person, sometimes to a fault, most people who end up disliking me, it's very probable I didn't care for them much either in the first place.
In junior high school people told me I was weird so I thought, "you want weird, I'll give you weird." I wore the craziest things and was ostracized. In highschool I made a compromise. I decided to wear clothes that were more popular but only if I also liked them. Then I had people to eat lunch with even if we didn't hang out after school. I was still lonely but it was a big improvement over junior high school.
yes, the bodymovements are actually just a NATURAL reaction to the environment, it is a way of a very intelligent system to protect itself. It should not be judged. We are the canaries in the coalmine, passing out quicker (or rather, reacting quicker than NTs do) -- Masking is very automatic in my case, but when tired, so exhausting, right.
@@michellecd4722 it should not be declared as disorder. The whole system is set up the wrong way: You go to a psychiatrist to get "diagnosed disordered" in order to get access to support for "your disordered state"
- why do NTs still mostly do the evaluation??
- who says, it is a disorder, just because it does not fit in this chaotic world, which is a highly UNNATURAL environment for EVERYBODY in the first place, it's completely upside down!!
- animals actually DON'T like eye contact, they see it as threatening. NTs are the only species who has such strong emphasis on eye contact.
Certain dog breeds (labrador) no longer act in a way, less overbred breeds ( German Shepard or husky) - which leads to confusion among dogs.
Maybe it's the NTs who are actually "disordered" (too domesticated), similar to overbred dogs, who have lost their natural instincts?
- Similar thing to high pitched sounds - wild animals and ruminants react to high pitched sounds with fear and stress, similar to autistics. Low pitched sounds will be rather calming.
Only domesticated dogs can be trained with high pitched sounds to motivate them to do tasks..
@@strawsofftheneurodivergent4221 I like how we've done a u turn to comparing 'NTs' to trained animals
For argument's sake we'll say there is no such thing as normal but the world caters to the majority. When someone is born unable to use their legs, they are usually diagnosed by someone who can walk. The diagnosis helps them find the correct support. Whether you like it or not, this world you inhabit has been designed by typicals for typicals but it's getting better because people are aware now that autistic and spectrum people exist and understand them a bit more.
Diagnosing you helps you stop being completely ostracised.
Eye contact is important because the eyes are known as the windows to the soul. It is not far to compare humans to animals since we hacked nature to bypass a lot of animal traits by relying on our high intelligence that relied on collaborating with strangers - which needed detailed social skills and high emotional intelligence. When you engage in eye contact you are opening yourself up for a connection with a new person, you are letting them in so that you might have a new companion for help and support. But like your autism shows, eye contact has different purposes but it has always been used to detect intention, like in fights for dominance but also in building trust.
Sorry you're bitter but the NT way works, it was the evolution. You guys are outliers, but the great thing about variation is how essential it is for diversity and the success of a species.
And unless you've forgotten we are a herd species. Cows have best friends and families and develop cultures of their own. I doubt autistic animals would survive long in the wild so be thankful you were born here and born human, with a species that can empathise with you without knowing you or liking you.
I'm sure you'll say you don't need anyone (despite it being a requisite for humans) so good luck x
Totally agree on all points. And also this system puts us in that box, we can barely ever come out of. automatically one is now basically lower on the hierarchy pedestal, not an equal. that's highly disturbing
Thank you for making these videos. I've been an outsider looking in for all my life. My late husband once told me I was a chameleon and I realized he was right. I'm good at surface-blending. It's comforting to know that I did the right thing in embracing my strangeness.
With my ASD, I'm absolutely brilliant at playing the game, "Truth or Lie." I can tell who's lying, and will say so, even in a large group where almost everyone else raises their hand to say it's the truth.
Thank you for making this video
I never actually cared about how people think about me. I'm still the same alien from years ago. Never be ashamed of who you are!
This is the channel I've been dreaming of! You sum everything up so perfectly. I was diagnosed this year at 42 and suddenly my whole life makes sense, but I still worry all the time that I'm just lazy, stupid, not trying hard enough, etc. So your videos are extremely reassuring and empowering. Thank you!!!
I also am always worrying that I am lazy and not trying hard enough!
At this point in my binging of autism-related videos, I'm 90% sure I have some level of autism. Regarding the point you made about communication... I have been a math tutor for most of my adult life. I have excellent communication skills when it comes to making advanced concepts clear to people that are new to those concepts. I am also a software engineer, and I'm often chosen to train new employees because of this skill.
However, when it comes to the art of small talk or casual conversation, I'm lost. I miss visual cues or fail to perform them. Sometimes what I mean as a compliment is understood as an insult.
So, I appreciate that you pointed out that autistic people are not "disabled" or use "broken" communication... we just have a different skill set.
Oh my gosh, that's me to the T. At this point I'm also pretty much 95% sure. Pending opinion.
Also, if you hate/don't understand small talk, there is a good chance that you're going to look bored...because you are! And then, of course, that's seen as rude.
(I feel like that happens to me a lot. But if a conversation is boring enough, it is hard to care about hiding that feeling! At that point it's usually better if I wander off and start looking at the bookshelves or petting the cat...)
Are you me or am I you? 😂
I have never had a diagnosis of Asperger's. But I do know that I have never fit in at school or my work. I have often felt as though life was a party to which I was not invited.
Being someone who doesn't make friends easily, I have done more than my fair share of socialising in catch-all meet-up type contexts over the past 10 years. I'm in no way speaking about everyone I meet, but I am very familiar with the feeling of being 'blanked-out' after 30 seconds of meeting people, or otherwise find that I'm ok when initially meeting people but at some point I subtly become shut out of a conversation, and I cannot pinpoint exactly how this is happening. A good topic to explore further.
Yes! Haha i agree with you, we DONT always get along sadly. I have Asperger's and have known a few autistic people both genders and it was online but exactly as you said , it triggered the paranoia and irritability in me and I flat out disliked them . I feel a bit bad and mean but I simply can't cope with that kind of full onness or abrasiveness and bluntness with unfeeling.
That makes me a total hypocrite as I can be that way myself sometimes I felt like my driving instructor was a bit scared if me lol damned if you do or you don't! But well...you cant help who you like and don't
Like everyone I respond well to empathy compassion and understanding, I most get on with very nice people who have a lot of patience and open mindedness, I'm least likely to talk out with them but ive been doing a lot of self introspection to try to minimise my flaws that make me a hard person to be around for whatever reason without comprising yourself. At the end of the day actions speak louder than words but no one can be liked by everybody . Frieñdships are a hard skill anyways !
I can hear my illuminated bathroom mirror buzz. Nobody else can
You are sensitive to noise. I've replaced ceiling lamp in my bathroom to LED one because elements in old lamp were buzzing which was so annoying that I could not relax in the bath.
Bro I get you. Auditory sensitivities are a bitch...
I swear fluorescent lights will be the bane of my existence.
I hear them too so don't worry, your not alone 😊
Same. I have to unplug electrical things, ALOT. Especially before bed
Thank you for posting these videos! I was always criticized, censored, asked "What's wrong with you" and sent to people who made me feel abnormal. All this did was created a person with PTSD. I am almost 60, and was recently diagnosed. It's liberating to come to the truths you point out.
I often tell people I'm autistic. It makes my life easier.
Yoooo, the thing you described, being too tired to feel like being able to keep that mask up, or feeling uncomfortable in a situation meeting someone for the first time-and then that new person seemingly instantly deciding they don’t like you or don’t trust you because you’re not entirely “normal” or enough “like them”-SAAAAAME. That happens to me too, the “I’m so tired and done peopling and I’m struggling to keep the mask on now even though an hour ago it was second nature” thing, it happens to me all the time, even with family and close friends. And I remembered a specific instance in which I met someone that a bunch of my friends knew and likes, but this new person instantly seemed to look me up and down with thinly veiled dislike, which I also say just any time they looked at me in particular, like they didn’t know how to deal with me and therefore didn’t trust me. A couple years after that initial meeting, during which I hadn’t seen that person at all, one of my best friends invited me over for thanksgiving at their apartment with said other person, and I immediately shut down, knowing full well the other person didn’t really like me from that first encounter. I told my friend this, feeling super uncomfortable being so vulnerable in letting them know I could tell the other person didn’t like me-and their response was to go ask the other person if they didn’t like me, which of course the other person had to assure my friend they didn’t have a problem with me or risk looking like an asshole. It also just felt like a breech of confidence, that my friend would think it was okay to ask the other person that, like I know my friend didn’t see literally anything wrong with that, and I get it, but I know that then that question would have been the main thing standing in the corner of the room the entire time I would have been there with the two of them, always in the back of my and the other person’s mind, and it would continue to color our interactions that night. So I shut down even more and told my friend I couldn’t join them. The other person ended up pulling out, too, which made me feel bad because I would be leaving my friend alone on the holiday, so I felt that I had to step back in and tell them I could do thanksgiving with them again-when all I wanted all along was to just be able to spend that obnoxious holiday alone for the first time, lol.
Super long-winded comment, but I totally feel it too, when someone gives off the “I don’t know how to deal with you” vibes when they somehow can tell we’re masking. It’s rough. We work so hard (mostly subconsciously) to mask so that we can just fit in enough to get through the day, and then someone comes along and sees right through the mask, without understanding why it’s there in the first place, and rips the whole thing wide open for us, like ripping a bandaid off.
I get it where people don't like me. Most likely in work settings. I dunno if I'm scowling or come across as a jerk. When I talk to people online before I meet them they tend to be able to get past it
I get this, too. It is always other women, usually older, who take a disliking to me. I think it might be because I don't automatically mirror their facial expressions and body language and they interpret this as hostility and then return the hostility in my direction.
@@queenofshred they might feel threatened or intimidated by you , a lot of autistic people come over as intelligent , knowledgable (in fact they probably love fact finding , analysing and are very justice orientated) , i used to put everything into my job and started getting sacked a lot , then i realised i was breaking rule number 1 of the workplace, never outshine the boss....my life has become so much easier now because i dont bother anymore , i do the minimum , just like everyone else, i don't plan ahead , make contingencies, or even be on time .
@@NOT_SURE.. yeah, I struggled with that for years. Managers in the western world (UK and USA) don't want you to succeed. They want their own position as manager to not be threatened and they don't want to see or know about anything that could jeopardise your work performance now or in the future (i.e. Mental health issues).
In theory, you can't be fired because of a health condition. In reality, you absolutely can be fired for any reason because the employer has all the money (and therefore power) and you don't. So you have to fit in to a certain extent.
@@AutomaticDuck300 definately , its that fitting in bit i find hard
@@NOT_SURE.. you just need to fit in enough to get by, you don't need to fit in completely. Socially, you just need to remember the Golden Rule 2.0
Everyone says "Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself" and this is the supposed 'Golden Rule' but the 2.0 of this is "Treat others as THEY would like to be treated."
This gets you more focused on other people and then you can give them what they want. But it's individual so if someone likes football, for example, you can talk to them about that. You can even go into building rapport, which is simply matching how they speak and what they're into. But it starts with changing perspectives. This is what really helped me.
I'm neurotypical, but I love your videos as I have a few autistic friends. It really helps me understand them better. Of course, I ask them about how they function too, but your videos are a good supplement! I 100% agree that none of you are broken or need to be "fixed". You are simply different (and quite marvelous, might I add), and if both neurotypicals and autistic people learned more about the other we would save ourselves a lot of grief. Generally, neurotypicals need to catch up in that department. Two-way street and what not.
Never change. You are amazing and I love your videos. I’m a 28yo in Australia and I relate SO much to all your videos. I found out I have Alexithymia today - all thanks to you. 🙏❤️🙌 p.s. I am also highly empathetic and attuned to people’s emotions (painfully so) and most people don’t see this as being an ‘Autistic’ characteristic. Good old stereotypes! Xx
Change is a slow and painful proceed for me so I probably won't 😉 Thanks for your lovely comment, it's made my day.
If most people were autistic how do you think neurotypical people would be stereotyped?
I recently found you so this comment is super late in the game. This has to be the best video to launch an understanding of autism and neurotypicals. I love it.
A "cheerleader type" woman I worked with long ago told me, "You know, you're really weird--but it's a good kind of weird." I took that as a great compliment, actually. I thanked her with a smile, then did a back flip and recited Poe's "The Raven" backwards in fluent Japanese. (Well, all true except for the back flip, etc....)
Thank you for this video. I was recently diagnosed with Autism, which has given me a much better level of understanding about my entire life! This video really helped to explain why people may have called me weird, or lacking empathy for all those years. And it's comforting to know there are other people out there, who understand me. Thanks again for sharing your story and wisdom on this topic!
I have the misfortune of falling right at the bottom of the uncanny valley of autism. I'm "different" enough that I can't effectively mask as a quirky neurotypical like some of us on the spectrum who are more high functioning can. But I'm high functioning enough that I don't meet society stereotype of "autism". I'm thankful that I live in a small town since I never became afraid of being friendly, but at the same time I'm met with much less enthusiasm when I walk up to people and say "hi" to strike up a conversation. I didn't know why until my parents explained it to me, people thought it was cute when I was little because it's cute for a little girl to walk up to strangers and say hi and talk about her interests, but it's not so cute when it's a 25 year old woman who towers over them (I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall) and some people might be intimidated, which baffled me because I saw myself as the epitome of innocent and harmless looking. But friends have explained that some of my quirks and other traits make me look intimidating. Like how I literally always have my hands on my hips (it's just that it feels natural, my hands belong on my hips when they're not in use, I don't get why it's seen as an aggressive stance, if anything I feel my most girly when my hands are on my hips), how I always wear sunglasses (severe light sensitivity, it's so bad that outside I'm constantly squinting if it's daytime even on cloudy days unless it's super dark overcast, despite my dark sunglasses, my profile pic was taken in a dark room which is one of the few times I don't need sunglasses, I've even worn sunglasses to bed when extra tired not thinking about it), and how a lot of the time my head's tilted up slightly (I didn't realize I do that but apparently I do, most likely unconsciously to hide my weak chin, also I have a lot of saliva so if I'm looking up I'm less likely to drool, but more prone to gurgling I guess). But as soon as people get a close look at me they realize I'm not like that at all, someone once told me my face "looks autistic" whatever that means. Also as I said before, I have a lot of saliva due to a medical condition (possibly related to my autism, I dunno) causing me to lack an automatic swallowing reflex, I can only swallow if I'm actively performing the action and remember to do so. So I have a pronounced lisp from all of the saliva in my mouth and I look like I have a mouthful of shaving cream. I have sort of high cheekbones which means my cheeks don't have much room to store saliva as it builds up so I sometimes drool (usually it's just a tiny bit trickling down my face onto my chin, not dripping off). So people are probably uncomfortable with all of my saliva as well, which sucks. Hey, sorry for the long comment, I know I sometimes can be quite verbose, not by intent, it just happens. And I probably should have broken this into paragraphs.
never mind what people say or would say about anything of urself, not even 1%
I do not understand that you do not understand. If people explain to you that certain ways you act make them uncomfortable why not take those into account? You hate the light because it hurts your eyes (I totally get that) so you wear sunglasses to deal with that -> great solution. People get uncomfortable when you step too close to them and start spraying drool in their faces (it is really disgusting to get some strangers saliva on your ow body esp. the face) -so they don't want to be near you.-> great solution (for them)
It is the same thing: avoiding something that is very very unpleasant.
Drooling has always been associated with being mentally defective (not always true, but still...) you will have to prove otherwise.
So why not make sure you swallow before you speak? It is not such a hard habit to get into. No drool on other peoples faces -> more fun for you and them. Or stand next to them (instead of opposite) and spray in another direction, you can still have fun conversations without anybody getting wet.
The head tilt is probably a way for your body to enhance certain signals from your nervous system- it is a quite common coping-style for people who do not get enough auto-input anymore.
Hands on hips: yes, it is aggression-stance, just like baring your teeth etc.etc. - so if you do not want to appear aggressive do not do it... (sorry, it is part of the non-verbal vocabulary all over the world, it will not change its meaning just because you happen to feel comfortable that way)
Maybe you should look into " that other medical condition" a bit more- there are a lot of things people just accept about the way their bodies go haywire that are actually easily fixed.
@@muurrarium9460 wow. You seem pleasant. I highly doubt she reached out to share her experiences so that she could be torn apart and judged by some random know-it-all. Those who are quick to give advice usually need the most. So typical
@@baileyharang3046 I wasn't judging at all, just going "hey: people give you information maybe DO something with that". If you want to to be accepted (and liked), behave more sociable acceptable. It is not rocket-science. If people (hesitantly) tell you they do not want to be near you because your clothes stink (even if you are oblivious to the smell yourself)- why no just take the trouble of washing said clothes? No skin of your back and people will actually like being around you- and that makes everybody happy. Nobody has to change completely who they are, but some social norms can be respected (like not accidentally spitting in each others faces) with a tiny bit of effort and creativity. Just trying to help- but thanks for the judgement on your part about me!
@@muurrarium9460 no problem, you asked for it
I've never considered myself to be autistic, but I am an HSP (highly sensitive person) which seems to match with my MBTI type of INFJ. It's also possible that I have some form of CPSD. I have been fascinated by the subject of the autism spectrum, and when I saw the title of your video, I couldn't resist watching. Thank you for sharing your observations with us, especially given your unique perspective. I imagine that you can see things in many ways that NTs will miss.
"You've been taking part in Aspie-onage." Love the word play! You pose many questions I also have. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Something that has always stayed with me is when I was moving schools, and I didn't tell anyone until my last day that I was leaving. My last class on that day one of the guys actually wrote a poem to say goodbye to me and performed it to the class. I just sat there, completely blown away as I hadn't realised that the people in my class actually liked me as I had always thought they didn't talk to me because I was weird. But then it also made me really upset as I wondered why, if they had really thought highly of me, did they not try talk to me?
I had a bully at the school and he would regularly call me Spud, due to my acne. My mum at home would always complain to me about my acne (even though it wasn't actually that bad), so someone actually pointing it out at school made me very upset. This guy was sat next to me in a lot of my classes as no one else wanted to sit next to him, and because I was well behaved the teachers assumed I could handle him. I remember in Art class complaining so many times to the teacher that I didn't want to sit next to him as he made me extremely uncomfortable.
I have been bulled at every school I have been to (3 primaries, 3 secondaries and a college), but that guy was one of the worst.
Even before I was diagnosed (only at 43), I spent a life being called slow, space cadet, stupid (from me taking time to think).
One supervisor even often called me things like retard and window-licker.
As a child of about 9, when they were trying to diagnose me (they thought I had ADHD, as well as a sensitivity to the chemical makeup of food, sending me on emotional tangents), I had to undergo IQ tests, which put me at a genius level.
I may have deteriorated since then lol.
I've had the experience of people shunning me in groups etc, and with men, it can be a bit more intense...
Regarding empathy, I personally think auties are ultra empaths.
We soak up every bit of information from our surrounding environments, and it's a case of making sense of them all, but the part which I think causes auties most issues is where people are insincere, yet hiding the fact from people who can't see the tells (nt's), so we're constantly at odds with what we see being different from what they're trying to con us with.
We're trying to hide our poker face that we know they're being insincere etc.
Yes. My family thought I was “retarded”. I have a Mensa IQ. Help would have been nice.
I tend to stare at certain things around me when I'm in a group conversation, it's very distracting when I hear all of the sounds and when little things around me seem to be different, it's kind of like being a vampire with enhanced senses 😂
What neurotypicals might not understand is that to me their world is much stranger and weirder than mine is to them.
Lmfao the weird electrical sound that only we can here!!! I identify as on the spectrum but I have never been diagnosed. I've always felt weird and never felt like I fit in I'd guess high functioning verbal with pretty good masking skills. I love that you mentioned that 30 seconds after meeting people you get a strange feeling of denial from the group...I love your videos...I wish I'd have found you earlier in life.
I don't know if I have autism. I am a 22 years old female and I'm going through these videos and almost everything is a check. One thing that infuriates me most and the reason why I don't get involved in social situations and group meeting as much as I did when I was a teenager is that people don't listen to me. I am always left out and I feel like the third or hell even fourth or sixth wheel, depending on how much people are there. I make up my mind to verbalize what I want to say and say it and the moment I say it, the person/people in front of me are already thinking about what they are going to say next and not focusing on what I'm saying at all. And then they say something which I will respond with "but that's not what I meant at all", because they haven't been listening. It infuriates me so much that I stopped meeting with people in big groups. I'm afraid I will have an even smaller group later in my life because I really can't put up with their social games anymore and trying to match up only to still be left out and misunderstood angers me. I don't know, maybe I am on the spectrum. Either way, whatever it is, it is causing me problems in my life.
I'll be your friend
I've always felt like the weirdo around other people, and usually my attempts at trying to fit in just made me feel even more out of place. I've slowly become more comfortable with being a little weird over the years, and instead of always trying to fit in, I've embraced some of my eccentricities.
I have two modes: the weird, babbling, silly girl who is interested in peculiar things and can't stop thinking (this is me when I'm not bothered to mask), and then there's the quiet withdrawn girl who seems so awkward, says barely nothing, and feels really uncomfortable (this is me after failing to act like "a normal person"). Both versions are weird to others, but I prefer the silly weird - not trying to mask is so much less exhausting (and, according to my therapist, I'm adorable when I'm relaxed 😊).
Yo Samdy Sam. Everything you explained is so true. I always wonder why kindness, patience and tolerance can't be in greater supply. I'd love someone to think I was cool, interesting and unusual but unfortunately they usually think the exact opposite and just patronize, particularly if I'm having a stressful day. I haven't worked it out yet and have completely given up masking, which has provoked a rather extreme response. Just like you said, I believe I do have complex PTSD from constant put downs and rebuttals but it's nice just to let go of the stress for a change and be myself!
And there it is! The reason why I got excluded and bullied half of my life. I was constantly fine tuning my masking/adjusting to what was expected from me to fit in. Most girls in my class excluded me with that body language exactly. Then people always said why don't you just stand with them? Well they litterly blocked me out with their bodies. I never understood why I was excluded or bullied. I thought I was too sensitive so it was fun for them to see my reaction. I've been thinking about it for ever. I also noticed neurotypical people like the more obvious autistic people as they are appearently cute. The ones actually appearing neurotypical that just are more rigit in what they need are seen as difficult, complicated or weird. It always madens me as it feels our hard work to fit in seems to get punished. But for me it was necessary as I am a very social outgoing person, its a need to have good social connections. And my sensitivity could detect every subtile rejection. That's why advices as just be yourself and don't care about what others think about you didn't work for me as my days would be even longer and harder if everyone was against me. I think this is why it's so inportant especially for teenagers to get more general understanding for people being slightly different.
I learned from a psychologist that 20 percent of mass shooters had autism spectrum disorder.
48 and about to be assessed !! Feels like all my lifes lists memories pains confusions...etc used to all hang and be held upon one very tired and wiry branch, already has began to distribute its weight atop the whole tree, since i began to look into adult autistic diagnosis and learnt about masking etc....mainly from your videos.. ..i can relate alot to some of what you say, especially the inner monologue. Thanks for sharing a broad and concise set of videos...you're amazing. xx
8:48 I relate to this part so much, I was abused as a child as a form of “correcting my behavior” because I was saying inappropriate things in front of others sometimes, and I still didn’t learn anything from this abuse, If anything, I learned to shut up because I’m afraid of saying inappropriate things again without realizing