I knew repetition compulsion was an unconscious mechanism to provide safety and similarity. This new explanation was very insightful, so thank you. I also was familiar with another concept regarding this which basicaly says that we repeat old patterns because we believe uncounsciously that we would be able to repair what needs to be repaired. But because we don't have the tools (consciously) we fail each time and so it goes on and on until one day we can see what role we are playing. In other words: taking responsibility for our actions and reactions can override old patterns.
@@samvaknin and your bits of Hebrew are so cool. Made me decide to finally learn it. You wanted to hypnotize us? ;-) It's interesting what you have to say and I find your explanations helpful. Thx.
I was raised parentified in a silent but toxic environment. I have learned to cope and started healing but I tend to follow a certain pattern in choosing relationships be it friendship or romantic. I really want to change the pattern but I am struggling😢
Did part 2 ever get uploaded? I'd love to see it. If he does post part 2 at some point could someone please notify me so I can check it out. I just found out about repetition compulsion yesterday and this lecture was really interesting so I'd love to hear his thoughts on it.
Professor, I am so appreciative of you sharing all this. I suspect I am covert borderline but don’t have that official diagnosis. I have lost count of how many of your videos I have watched. Thank you!
Can you give us information about patients with both NPD and alcoholism? You provide such detailed information! Not elsewhere in the web found as yours.
This video really helped me. Because I now understand the patterns of thinking that lead to compulsive repetition. So what I've been doing is this: Each time I feel the compulsion to make an unnecessary adjustment (like lining up pens because if I don't a piano will fall on my head)... I don't do it. I just stop myself and leave the pens all askew. So far no pianos have fallen on my head. Thanks, Dr. Vaknin.
Yet to watch and will but thought I'd (naïvely!) chime in as to why for me personally - the ego's need for control due to past abuse that has me repetitively ruminating and controlling, defending. A malignant narcisist (and his posse) - blamed with liesfor HIS behaviour, so terrible I could not have conceived of the scale and scope, the exploitation - his violence, endless threats, pathological lying - scapegoating and projection wrecked me. It's the powerlessness in all the ill will. "They lied with their slander to repeatedly attack me (a revenge restraining order on their part was the greatest act of retribution), cast me the scapegoat villain (while they did the whole 'virtuous victim' narrative)" - "he then blamed ME for being a liar over a minor inaccuracy" - unfathomable! Mind blown! Dark Triad, HCP, the constant attacks - something out of a fucking horror movie I could not have envisaged. I WISH someone had educated me as to malignant types and what to look out for what to do. They should teach this in schools. I will teach my daughter when the time is right. Sucks living like a victim - I try to do my best to carry on andbe the best I can for my family in spite of my neurotic mess of a mind. PS: this all started at childhood with a narc father who bullied and blamed me and left me very vulnerable. "I took a shit and there you were" was said to me once - charming! Lots of violence and anger, sudden rage - I'm hyper-vigilant as a consequence. Left me a prime target for a malignant narc that came later.
Dr. Vaknin. I want to thank you for all the information you share. Thank you for giving me scientific, objective and accurate tools on the narcissistic disorder. Your videos are so interesting (of course you know that), that I concentrate so much and can do complete exercise routines for an hour or more. Thanks, I'll be looking like a Barbie. Hugs from Panama.  Traduce una conversación
Dr Vaknin, narcissism is beneficial for large impersonal groups, organizations, companies, states/countries/nations/regions, etc, because although he may be obsessively and selfishly working to make himself look amazing and incredible to everyone by making what he's in charge of the very best of the best, it's still in our best benefit and interest to have him lead us, so long as we don't have personal and intimate relations with him.
@@musakui I've heard him. It's not good for individuals, but it is for groups ONLY under the circumstances which I mentioned above. It still applies to any individuals within the group that it's not good for them personally, but as a whole, it is very beneficial
Dr Vaknin, what's the difference between developing healing unconditional love for yourself as a cure from damage from narcissistic parents, and narcissism developed as an unconditional love for yourself and shield from narcissistic abuse in childhood?
Loved what you suggested at the end of this video! To exercise it, I should find some time to sit with my(true)self, dig deep and explore... I'm sure the results can be overwhelmingly life-changing, if it's done correctly. Besides, I like the fluffy hair way better. This one scares me a bit 🫣🫢
So i broke up with my narcissist, you told me that do not contact, okay so now im watching you, who is another narcissist and you are very interesting for me 😂 Maybe i am addicted to persons like that. Cuz i had 3 narc in my live, only them drives me crazy 😂 wtf, why am i magnet of them?
Thank you. I'm working on my list now, in hopes of mapping a better path in lockstep with my own happiness. Did I understand you correctly in my takeaway that future faking is a feature of psychopathy and not narcissism? Do healthy people or those with other conditions use this strategy? Thanks again.🥂
@samvaknin Will you explain how the catastrophic memories relate to the narcissist? Meaning, if the narcissist perceives the partner as "all bad" so they discard the partner and additionally, creates a smear campaign towards the partner... don't they "clearly or accurately" remember the relationship as negatively catastrophic when it may not have actually been so? Given the narcissistic sees people and events as all bad and they are the perpetual victim?
I don't care how you wear your hair. Why should it matter as long as you are happy and comfortable. Also, I disagree. There is no past or future. There is only now. I've become fairly good at mindfulness. It's not difficult, but it takes a willingness to accept a certain lack of control while paradoxically carrying responsibility. Also, my future self makes me extremely emotional. I get excited for, worried about, sad for my future self all the time, because I see that person as myself because the only thing which exisits is now.
I have a question, Dr. Vaknin. If one can easily and naturally put people and situations into boxes so that when their personal lives overlap with their professional lives, they can keep the personal relationships separated into both personal and intimate from professional when dealing with the same individuals, and the emotions and feelings do not get in the way, is this narcissistic or sociopathic in nature, or just high EQ?
Even in the Animal kingdom, animals have the foresight and wisdom not to repeat the same mistakes. It's so difficult for me to wrap my brain around these people who consistently repeat the same patterns of BAD BEHAVIOR with the lack of wisdom and forsight!!. You'd think they would learn from it.
Can a narcissist use coercion and silent treatment to make his fantasies come true ? I was told if my mom doesn’t accept him I will have to forget about her for the rest of my life and now did silent treatment since he didn’t get his wish.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
I knew repetition compulsion was an unconscious mechanism to provide safety and similarity. This new explanation was very insightful, so thank you. I also was familiar with another concept regarding this which basicaly says that we repeat old patterns because we believe uncounsciously that we would be able to repair what needs to be repaired. But because we don't have the tools (consciously) we fail each time and so it goes on and on until one day we can see what role we are playing. In other words: taking responsibility for our actions and reactions can override old patterns.
This "other concept" is mentioned in my videos dozens of times. Search the channel for separation-individuation.
Spot on. Sadly, it sums up too much of my life. Thank you for sharing this.
Can this possibly help with my schizophrenia auditory hallucinations because they attack hard!
You funny buggar. I love how down to earth you are 🌻🌟
With all my heart ..I thank you.
I like the fluffy hair, and your voice is better than Jung
Any voice is better than Jung's.
And his humor is so out of the box funny! 😂
Your laugh/giggle is amazing, @Dr Vaknin!
Also, dark humor is the best because it's honest 😂
@@samvaknin and your bits of Hebrew are so cool. Made me decide to finally learn it. You wanted to hypnotize us? ;-) It's interesting what you have to say and I find your explanations helpful. Thx.
My jaw dropped when I realized I do this! But also a relief to finally have a breakthrough.
My favorite trait is your sense of humor.
I was raised parentified in a silent but toxic environment. I have learned to cope and started healing but I tend to follow a certain pattern in choosing relationships be it friendship or romantic. I really want to change the pattern but I am struggling😢
Thanks for always sharing your knowledge & wisdom with us
Sam, I hope that one day I am able to articulate my knowledge & ideas as fluidly as you.
"over ten years your identity does change, dramatically [due to incremental changes in how you reconstruct memories, over time]" ~16:30
... happily looking forward to the next reconstruction 😅
You provide a manual to the maze of the mind.
Embed my self in the present
Did part 2 ever get uploaded? I'd love to see it. If he does post part 2 at some point could someone please notify me so I can check it out. I just found out about repetition compulsion yesterday and this lecture was really interesting so I'd love to hear his thoughts on it.
You are just getting better with time, Sir. I really enjoy your way of explaining complicated phenomenons. Never stop producing content like this.
Definition of insanity: doing the same thing/mistake over and over again yet each time expecting a diff. Result
Professor, I am so appreciative of you sharing all this. I suspect I am covert borderline but don’t have that official diagnosis. I have lost count of how many of your videos I have watched. Thank you!
Sam the swept back hair and the expressive voice go sooo well with the deep and expert content of your talks. Llllove 🌸🌱🌸
Can you give us information about patients with both NPD and alcoholism? You provide such detailed information! Not elsewhere in the web found as yours.
Search the channel.
Merci pour l’énergie❤
You know exactly what you’re doing Professor. And we love it.
You are very charmi ng and extremely funny . Its very refreshing
Hello Dr. V. This is one of my favorite of your videos
This video really helped me. Because I now understand the patterns of thinking that lead to compulsive repetition. So what I've been doing is this: Each time I feel the compulsion to make an unnecessary adjustment (like lining up pens because if I don't a piano will fall on my head)... I don't do it. I just stop myself and leave the pens all askew. So far no pianos have fallen on my head. Thanks, Dr. Vaknin.
Yes repetition compulsion is very real we all do it everyday 😂
Yet to watch and will but thought I'd (naïvely!) chime in as to why for me personally - the ego's need for control due to past abuse that has me repetitively ruminating and controlling, defending. A malignant narcisist (and his posse) - blamed with liesfor HIS behaviour, so terrible I could not have conceived of the scale and scope, the exploitation - his violence, endless threats, pathological lying - scapegoating and projection wrecked me. It's the powerlessness in all the ill will. "They lied with their slander to repeatedly attack me (a revenge restraining order on their part was the greatest act of retribution), cast me the scapegoat villain (while they did the whole 'virtuous victim' narrative)" - "he then blamed ME for being a liar over a minor inaccuracy" - unfathomable! Mind blown! Dark Triad, HCP, the constant attacks - something out of a fucking horror movie I could not have envisaged. I WISH someone had educated me as to malignant types and what to look out for what to do. They should teach this in schools. I will teach my daughter when the time is right. Sucks living like a victim - I try to do my best to carry on andbe the best I can for my family in spite of my neurotic mess of a mind. PS: this all started at childhood with a narc father who bullied and blamed me and left me very vulnerable. "I took a shit and there you were" was said to me once - charming! Lots of violence and anger, sudden rage - I'm hyper-vigilant as a consequence. Left me a prime target for a malignant narc that came later.
😂 I love the openings!
I'm only here for the Fluffy hair 😅
Dr. Vaknin. I want to thank you for all the information you share. Thank you for giving me scientific, objective and accurate tools on the narcissistic disorder. Your videos are so interesting (of course you know that), that I concentrate so much and can do complete exercise routines for an hour or more. Thanks, I'll be looking like a Barbie. Hugs from Panama.

Traduce una conversación
Congrats on your Solomonic hair decision.
Thank you!
Thank you
I just love Your sense of humor😂
Sam’s brilliant
Absolutely brilliant !
Dr Vaknin, narcissism is beneficial for large impersonal groups, organizations, companies, states/countries/nations/regions, etc, because although he may be obsessively and selfishly working to make himself look amazing and incredible to everyone by making what he's in charge of the very best of the best, it's still in our best benefit and interest to have him lead us, so long as we don't have personal and intimate relations with him.
@@musakui I've heard him. It's not good for individuals, but it is for groups ONLY under the circumstances which I mentioned above.
It still applies to any individuals within the group that it's not good for them personally, but as a whole, it is very beneficial
Sounding more like scientology with each comment
This combobulated me. I commend... Decide whether the video or the author. My answer is: yes.
Love your lectures, Dr. Vaknin, especially your hair :)
I like the gel. I'd like to see you drunk on wine lol 😅
natural look for the win!
You rock
Looking great 👍
I enjoyed this. You have a brilliant mind. Thank you.
i like your hair brushed back with gel 😊 also it's insane how accurate this explanation is!! thank you professor!
Dr Vaknin, what's the difference between developing healing unconditional love for yourself as a cure from damage from narcissistic parents, and narcissism developed as an unconditional love for yourself and shield from narcissistic abuse in childhood?
Narcissism is the opposite of self-love. Search the channel.
Very good. Thank you.
That is fascinating
Loved what you suggested at the end of this video!
To exercise it, I should find some time to sit with my(true)self, dig deep and explore... I'm sure the results can be overwhelmingly life-changing, if it's done correctly.
Besides, I like the fluffy hair way better. This one scares me a bit 🫣🫢
Hello professor 💫
So i broke up with my narcissist, you told me that do not contact, okay so now im watching you, who is another narcissist and you are very interesting for me 😂 Maybe i am addicted to persons like that. Cuz i had 3 narc in my live, only them drives me crazy 😂 wtf, why am i magnet of them?
@Roger McMillan OH MY GOD JUST HOW???????????.....
thank you for this video Professor
You are the best. For those of us who believe in God, I see no existential reason for your insights.
Writing this down ✍️ many thanks
Just a Gem thank you Professor
You have helped me understand myself! Thank you Sam
this is a cute look! 🤩
The best
Thank you. I'm working on my list now, in hopes of mapping a better path in lockstep with my own happiness.
Did I understand you correctly in my takeaway that future faking is a feature of psychopathy and not narcissism? Do healthy people or those with other conditions use this strategy?
Thanks again.🥂
@samvaknin Will you explain how the catastrophic memories relate to the narcissist? Meaning, if the narcissist perceives the partner as "all bad" so they discard the partner and additionally, creates a smear campaign towards the partner... don't they "clearly or accurately" remember the relationship as negatively catastrophic when it may not have actually been so? Given the narcissistic sees people and events as all bad and they are the perpetual victim?
Narcissists have no stable memories. Search the channel for "dissociat".
@@samvaknin great, thanks
Hey Sam please do more videos on Codependants
Would you say the Tinder Swindler was a narcissist or psychopath ?
Psychopath.
nice hairstyle.
Can you recommend some books besides your own that you’ve read that make you happy?
You are so funny! 😂
I don't care how you wear your hair. Why should it matter as long as you are happy and comfortable.
Also, I disagree. There is no past or future. There is only now. I've become fairly good at mindfulness. It's not difficult, but it takes a willingness to accept a certain lack of control while paradoxically carrying responsibility.
Also, my future self makes me extremely emotional. I get excited for, worried about, sad for my future self all the time, because I see that person as myself because the only thing which exisits is now.
I will bear that in mind.
Karmic cycles
I have a question, Dr. Vaknin.
If one can easily and naturally put people and situations into boxes so that when their personal lives overlap with their professional lives, they can keep the personal relationships separated into both personal and intimate from professional when dealing with the same individuals, and the emotions and feelings do not get in the way, is this narcissistic or sociopathic in nature, or just high EQ?
Or Scientology 😅
You forgot the gel :)
If of the food is the sincerest love quoting shaw, narcissism must be starvation.
Mm t cheveux sont trop beau dixit la groupie
46:39 techniques
Even in the Animal kingdom, animals have the foresight and wisdom not to repeat the same mistakes. It's so difficult for me to wrap my brain around these people who consistently repeat the same patterns of BAD BEHAVIOR with the lack of wisdom and forsight!!. You'd think they would learn from it.
Can a narcissist use coercion and silent treatment to make his fantasies come true ? I was told if my mom doesn’t accept him I will have to forget about her for the rest of my life and now did silent treatment since he didn’t get his wish.
Watch the shared fantasy playlist, especially about coercive snapshotting.
A gel less video 😂 ( jealous!?)
Good message going into Pride Month…