What is a boundary?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 янв 2025
- Is your boyfriend doing something that they don’t like and they can’t get him to stop. Friends and clients will often ask “How can I set and enforce a boundary to make my boyfriend do what I want?” That’s not how it works, exactly, but there is something you can do so that, no matter what, you’re getting what you want in your relationship.
Today, we’re going to talk about what is a boundary and how to set one.
❓Are you and your boyfriend on the same page? Download the free Commitment Clarity Checklist to to create more security and connection while opening the door for future possibility in a way that feels safe and committed 👉 learn.brianger...
🔎 Want support in opening up your relationship (or improving an already open one)? Book a free discovery call: www.briangeral...
🎥 Subscribe for new open relationship and/or gay relationship advice videos every Wednesday afternoon: www.youtube.co...
KEEP IN TOUCH:
Practical relationship advice for gay guys, by a gay guy: www.briangeral...
CONNECT WITH ME ONLINE!
Facebook: / thisisbgm
Twitter: / thisisbgm
Instagram: / thisisbgm
What are boundaries that you've set?
Brian Murphy No open relationships
@@user-jc8dy2sl7k that's an important boundary to know and one that will be helpful to share going into relationship. Great!
If I ask my boyfriend to use condoms with others so that I feel safe, but he refuses because he doesn’t think it’s fair that he doesn’t use condoms with me but has to with others. What should I do?
Great question, Sam!
We set and maintain our boundaries to keep ourselves safe and healthy. It's not so much telling someone else what he can or cannot do, and more about deciding what YOU will do. (the trick here is to not slide into ultimatums. trying to keep your intention on collaboration rather than control can help)
I hear you saying that you want to keep yourself safe and that's obviously very important. Question: by "feel safe" do you mean physically/sexually safe? or are the condoms about your emotional safety / how secure you feel in the relationship? Getting clear on which it is (or if it's both) will help.
So, you have a need for safety. What are some ways you could meet that need? You could ask him to use condoms with other people. If he's not, you could decide to wear condoms with him. You could ask about his recently practices and whether he knows the status of those partners and then evaluate your risk tolerance based on that. You could decide to not have sex at all - or only certain types of sex (again, making sure this is about safety and not punishment/coercion)
If the condoms are a symbol of emotional safety/security, follow that and see what else is there and what y'all could do together to meet that. Maybe it's talking about some of his hookups to demystify them. Maybe it's meeting one or two of them. Maybe it's planning some regular date nights together just for the two of you.
All of this work - figuring out healthy boundaries and learning how to talk about them with your partner in a way that leads to resolution rather than more friction, is exactly what we teach in our group coaching program for gay guys in or interested in open relationships. You don't have to figure this all out on your own! If you're interested and want to hear more, send me a message: www.briangerald.com/relationship-coaching/application/ (or DM me on Instagram)
What do you think if my boyfriend follows random men on instagram that he doesn't even know in person (not selebgram)
I think that's a great opportunity for you two to talk about how y'all use social media, what your interests and intentions are, and what your agreements/commitments to each other are.
Following random guys on Instagram (and even flirting with them) is something that's "in bounds" for many couples - including monogamous couples - but for some that would be a broken commitment. It's up for you two to decide that!
This video might help you think through that: ruclips.net/video/LrRD4LlCZu0/видео.html
If you’d like some more personal support, you can apply for a free discovery call here: www.briangerald.com/relationship-coaching/
Hope that helps! Thanks for asking :)
Can I make boundary that my partner can not have sex with someone that he wants to bring into the relationship without my consent or knowledge of this person
Great question! That’s not a boundary because it’s about controlling him (“my partner can not…”), rather than about deciding what is right for you. A boundary might be “I will only be in a monogamous relationship,” “I will only be in a relationship where our I know about my partner’s other partners in advance” or something like that.
The rub is, you’ve got to do what you say you’re going to do, otherwise it’s just manipulation. Maybe the boundary is actually “I will not stay in a relationship with repeated infidelity.” or something else entirely.
You’re allowed to want a closed relationship, he’s allowed to want an open relationship. It’s up to the two of you to decide if your relationship styles are compatible. (And make sure no one is confusing with breaking relationship agreements with “I’m just polyamorous!”)
@@thisisbgm so I should word it in a way that doesn’t sound like a demand?