My favourite has to be that one guy who said "He didn't say no vanilla". My brother in Christ what part of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting was so hard to understand.
@@braketbro2318 This is Joel of the Varying Size's take. And it's one of the most brain dead views I've ever heard. Like. I honestly think it's borderline emotional abuse.
@@braketbro2318oi. I said that. Because she made him a chocolate cake with chocolate icing, it just also had vanilla icing. If he wanted exactly chocolate and chocolate with nothing else then that needed to be clear. This is coming from a neuro-divergant who highly suspects some amount of neuro-divergancy from the people in the story. The story doesn't say how clear he was that he wanted ONLY chocolate and chocolate.
I agree with Jospeh, but as someone who cooks frequently (and has had girlfriend mad at me for not making exactly what they want), I understand thinking that adding a small change will make the meal better. I have also been completely wrong about the change I made and wont do it again lol.
Really reasonable and mature take. Its genuinely surprising that RUclips COMMENTS are where im finding people being the most normal about this one, but theres some good insight here.
I think its fine to make changes with meals but not communicating that is a huge no go. If you ask beforehand the other party has either the option to veto or at least a heads up that it will be a little different. Eating something and finding out it tastes unexpected after the first bite isn't cool.
@@Bulju the girlfriend also could've just not included the vanilla and made the cake he asked for, even named it as devil's cake, that wouldn't have killed her either, don't ask what someone wants and make something else expecting them not to be disappointed that you got the order wrong and that you did it intentionally, because you think you know better than them about what they want
Its the same shit I deal with concerning my mother. She will, without fail, constantly call me and ask me if I want this worthless knick-knack or some garbage she picked up at a garage sale or got from one of her friends. Ill say "No mom, you know I don't want those things. They just take up space and I hate it." And she'll FUCKING MAIL THEM TO ME ANYWAY. So now what? I have 1 big ceramic chicken sitting on my coffee table that I can't fucking stand looking at, but I refuse to throw away because then i'd have to deal with arguing with my mother over being mean and heartless. Do I hate my mother for sending me these stupid things? No, of course not, I love my mom. But am I fucking annoyed by it? Yes, yes I am. And I'm not going to pretend otherwise because someone thinks a "nice gesture" is a green-light to push garbage on someone.
L chicken take + give me the chicken I'll put tiny hats on it or some shit. Maybe a scarf. Instant centerpiece, you're ignoring a real gold mine here. You're probably right about the other stuff though.
Dude, I have an aunt like this. One year she calls and asks me what gift I want for my birthday and I told her flat out "the gift I want is you not getting me a gift". Best birthday gift I ever got lol
She was seeking validation after ignoring his request. She literally asked for it. She could have said "sorry, next time I'll listen". But instead she freaked out because he wasn't perfectly satisfied.
As in most relationships, both parties are at fault, the fallacy here is that there is an "asshole," at all There was a reasonable disconnect between him asking her to "make the cake I want," and her taking the artistic liberty to "make a cake she thinks he would want," address the miscommunication, then enjoy the free cake. The line about the store bought cake was petty. But it should have been okay that he was disappointed, the gf has every right to be hurt that she's being percieved as unreasonable, but made a change without considering OP's birthday wishes, and doubled down by refusing a future cake, thats when it starts being about sticking it to one another. its all a *little* childish on both sides, but no one is an @hole about it untill they both refuse to let go.
Should I watch any of the hundreds of videos on my Watch Later list or a Yugi-tuber's 20 minute "clip" with cake in the title? The choice has never been more easy.
I think the weirdest thing here is that people are taking this one incident, and using it to judge either person's entire character. Not just determining, "who might be in the wrong here?" I see people commenting "yeah their relationship must be super rocky if this is a huge deal" or even calling the original poster misogynistic or even a bad person in general. You can't judge people off of one incident, we've all acted like this one way or another at some point, and I'm tired of people on the internet judging others based on a tiny fraction of these people's lives, answer the question the person asked about and move on with your life. He who is not guilty may cast the first stone. (I'm not a hard-core Christian I just like that quote)
Yeah Reddit is really good at the jumping to conclusions Olympics. I made a post about my relationship once and there were crazy assumptions being made and it was just hilarious
I mean both parties are being extremely dramatic and it’s hard to imagine two pushing 40 adults getting this worked up about a birthday cake without some other issues. Any well adjusted adult could have defused the situation with any amount of social tact. He could have just said a white lie and if it really bothered him talked to her after. She could have waited till after the party to ask. Even at the point he said it isn’t the cake he wanted he could have said it respectfully. At the point he expressed himself rudely, she could have just said I’m sorry I thought you might like it. Both of them took it so personal and escalated the situation constantly. And too many people think being “honest” at all times is preferable to having respectful purposeful talks.
@@josephsheehan6079 I mean, you don't know these people history. Being an adult doesn't mean you're never allowed to fly off the handle a little bit. People get upset sometimes, even over tiny things. It doesn't make you a bad person or not a well adjusted adult because of it. Could this situation have been handle better? Yeah. So what? Neither person was at their most tactful in that moment. It happens. Also, sure, you can't imagine why they would get so worked up over this. You're not them. You don't know things happened in their life that gave them certain little gripes. Like, as someone with a long history of not being listened to, even when people straight up ask me a question, being not listened to annoys me a lot. I am very sensitive to that and I will probably die with that being a sore spot for me. Someone asking me what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday and then making something else would upset me. And his girlfriend asked him if he was disappointed and answered the question honestly. He's not wrong for doing that. Anyway, this is way too much of a discussion about cake. Sometimes people get upset. Sometimes people say something they shouldn't. Sometimes people don't handle a situation the best way. Just because that happens doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human.
You can tell who in chat has clearly never been in a relationship before. Some of the things they said feels like they’ve never talked to a person of the opposite gender before in their life… which makes sense considering Reddit is the single last place I would ever turn to for relationship advice.
Based on the info we are provided: They're both assholes. How he communicated his disappointment was asshole behavior. I also take umbrage with how he says she's "usually a great baker" and "I guess it wasn't sophisticated enough or something" in the post. Something about those rub me the wrong way. (*´﹃｀*) (Personally, I don't think this is the whole story but what can you do?)
I agree with the “usually a great baker”, disagree with the second part. I imagine he’s trying to rationalize why she didn’t make the cake he asked for, showing it likely was never explained why the change was made
dude was upset and he said something in said frustration that doesnt make you an asshole that makes you a person with human emotions. she offered to make it and asked how he wanted it made. she had a duty to make what was asked of her and not something else
@@azurefoxbh9280 Having those emotions doesn't make him an asshole but how he expressed them did ("If I wanted vanilla cake..." "I'll order my own and get my money back...").
@@PreedReve right and he said that cause he was frustrated and expressing human emotions im sorry that when you are frustrated you can say the most perfect thing in every situation
@@azurefoxbh9280 We've all said things we shouldn't have out of frustration but saying things while our emotions are heightened isn't a get-of-jail-free-card for being an asshole.
I think you guys hit the nail on the head with the idea that it's not as black and white as "who's wrong here". The guy's a jerk, but he was justified to a degree. It sounds like the opposite position comes partly from a perspective of expecting indifference out of him. Like, if he likes the vanilla anyways it should have been "I wanted chocolate, but this is great too!" rather than "I'm disappointed that I didn't get just chocolate." Which, as someone who loves many kinds of cake, I think is very fair. But like MBT said, you are entitled to things you like, especially from the people you love and who love you, ESPECIALLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. Ultimately I think it's a very grey situation, much like the cake he got was neither fully chocolate nor fully vanilla. EDIT: It just occurred to me that the guy also specified Devil's Food Cake, which seems to suggest he really likes chocolate. Whether he likes vanilla or not it's probably a lost less tasty than chocolate to him, so when you put them together it probably ruined the cake.
yeah, i think it would be as if i asked for black forest gateau, and it's made with coconut instead of cherries, both with the fruits and the alcohol. Like sure, I like coconut, but it just isn't part of a black forest gateau. He was quite specific about what he wanted, and if she wants to make a change about the specifics she needs to ask
This should not take up as much space in my head as it does, but this is driving me crazy so I'm going to make this comment to get all of this out of my head. Side note; this probably isn't the full context but I'm going to take this at face value. Really, at the end of the day, this truly is not about these two people. This is about communication and expectations in relationships. I'm ace/aro, and I have no desire to enter a relationship, so maybe I'm also biased in my opinion. This guy is not the asshole in this instance. SHE asked him what she wanted, he wanted chocolate, she added vanilla. There could be one million reasons why, but I don't care. He didn't ask for vanilla. He asked for chocolate. The reasoning doesn't matter. She should not have added vanilla. It also doesn't matter if he likes vanilla or not. I'm even going to go further and say the snide comment was fine. Unwarranted sure, but she made a snide comment first. If she really wanted to add vanilla, she could have double checked with him. Do not go above and beyond for someone who did not ask for it and then get mad at them. I admittedly used to pull that on people. I try not to anymore. You put that weight on yourself when you do that, not the person you're doing it for. It's really unbelievable how many people in the chat just jumped to her defense and all tried to put the guy down just for not liking the cake. Trying to make him sound spoiled when all he did was specify he wanted chocolate cake when, again, SHE asked him. I find that to be extremely toxic behavior. I get that we don't have the full context, and he was probably more of an asshole than he was willing to admit, but as stated earlier, I think this stopped being about the two specific individuals. What actually transpired doesn't even matter. What does matter is person B tried to be fancy when asked not to, and then person B got upset when person A was disappointed because they didn't get what they wanted. So, we're debating if person A should have just taken it even if it wasn't what they wanted just because person B was trying to be nice. I say no, person A doesn't have to take it. To all the people that are like, "Then I just won't bake you a cake, then!" Good! You'd probably get it wrong. I'll go to someone who will do it right. Don't offer to do shit when you can't handle the responsibility. I hope with this comment, this can finally all exit my brain and I can stop thinking about something that has literally nothing to do with me.
My question is, why in the world didn't his wife just check if he was cool with the vanilla frosting before making that part of the cake? It's not like the cake was meant to be a surprise or anything. Like yeah, the last statement from the dude went a bit far, but that was definitely a dick move from his wife, especially considering that she put him in a position where he had to bottle up his feelings of disappointment in order to not make a scene in front of their kids (and no, leaving half a slice on the plate is not "making a scene").
@@javsandartsAnd...? He didn't ask for vanilla frosting on this cake. I like hamburgers, but if I ask somebody for a cheese sandwich and they put a burger in there, am I not allowed to complain?
“Bottle up his feelings” where are you people from? Middle school? Like waiting one entire meal to be like “I actually didn’t want any vanilla in the cake” is not “bottling up your feelings” or not saying things in a nasty way is not bottling up your feelings. Yes, him conspicuously eating a single half of a slice of an entire cake is obviously showing disappointment. And he could have white lied about it. “oh he’s just being honest” is what my middle school students say after saying hurtful rude things. “I know you spent hours working on this thing. And it’s good but I need to tell you NOW. How I’m personally disappointed in it?” Is so disrespectful of your partner.
@@josephsheehan6079 She was the one who pressed the issue in front of everybody, not him. He only made the nasty comment after she tried to guilt-trip him, kicked him out of his own party, and then played the victim afterwards while claiming that he embarrassed her, despite her being the one that both started and escalated the confrontation for basically no reason. Please make sure you have the story straight next time before coming out swinging.
I remember a time when I asked for an order and it got fumbled twice. At that point, I was just done, so I dealt with it. Fortunately, it tasted much better than I thought, and I felt like I got my money's worth. However, the issue still stands that they got my order wrong twice when it wasn't near closing time, nor was there a lot of people ordering. My gut reaction was that the OP should've dealt with it, but that's changed. I don't think he was in the wrong for being disappointed. His approach at expressing his dissatisfaction was definitely wrong though.
I think another thing that people are missing is he didnt just say "this cake is shit." He didn't say anything UNTIL she asked, at which point he was honest.
This is just two people being rude to each other over a miscommunication. "I'll order my own cake" and "I won't make you anymore cakes" because you happened to make one they didn't like ONE time are two things you don't say to your loved one.
I will say that people are probably saying "thin layer" because the layer of frosting between the layers of cake tends to be the thinest but this isn't always true and we have no context for the thickness besides "I ate half the slice, the chocolate half" which while probably exaggeration, would imply there was as much vanilla icing as there was chocolate cake. So while that's insane and definitely not the amount there, it's the only reference to the amount of that icing so assuming it's thin is pretty ridiculous too
i... REALLY liked this video, we need more content like this posted and on streams. i adore how joseph is basically the only yugituber that talks about relationships, advice, and general outside-yugioh chit chat that means something. truly enjoyable content. good person.
The thing that gets me is that she said the asshole thing first. Threatening to not bake a cake next birthday, sure she shouldn't be expected to do that always but my point is that she said something rude first, then he responded with a rebuttal meant to point out her flaw. Sure, it was rude, but we've all said something rude after being spoken to in that manner before. MBT is 100% right as well that essentially kicking him out of HIS party for something as minor as not liking her gift and then blaming it on him when she's embarrassed for it is way more silly. I see people on reddit saying "damn you really fumbled a relationship because of a cake?" No. SHE fumbled a relationship because of a cake. And just like him it may have just been overdefensiveness. She might not be used to rejection so she overreacted, which isn't acceptable, but is a valid mistake to make. I hope this didn't actually ruin their relationship.
I'm like a minute and a half into this video and I feel like this question has already been answered now I'm going to sit through the entire rest of the video out of sheer curiosity of what else could possibly be said on this matter.
So I make the birthday cakes for my friends and family. I always ask what kind they want and if they want me to do something special with it or go for something normal (I do a lot of crazy cooking/baking). Some people do. Others want something specific. You make what they want in this situation. My brother's birthday was last week, he chose for me to go wildcard, I made a chocolate cake with peanut butter fudge filling and a ganache instead of the icing. When it was my roommate's birthday, he wanted just chocolate with basic icing. HE GOT THAT AND LOVED IT. Do what they ask for and know when it is okay to do something different
17:46 This is the best part. If you are assuming tue guy is lying then why even bother? Everything is a lie and you are always correct because you know better. Twitch chat is special.
There are a couple of important points in the story. 1, she asked for what cake he wanted and he asked for a specific cake. 2, from the sounds of it, she just went and made a cake he didn't ask for without informing him of the change or anything 3, she (may have, going off of the posters words) noticed that he didn't enjoy the cake and asked him then and there what was up 4, they went back and forth, poster made a snide comment and got kicked out of own party So with number 2, like, if she had run out of one type of frosting or some other mistake, that happens. It sucks, but it happens. She should have told him before hand. Even if nothing happened and she just decided to make another cake, she should have told him ahead of time. Now with number 3. We of course only have the posters words for it, but if she really did notice in the middle of the party that he wasn't too stoked about the cake? Why did she ask then. Going by the posters words, he wasn't making much of a scene at that point besides not eating a lot of the cake. This could have been a conversation they had after all the guests had left. She didn't need to turn it into a drama lama situation in the middle of everyone like some kind of daytime television show. And 4. I'm going to be honest, the poster was being nasty with that remark. However, the girlfriends threat of not making a cake next year? Just as nasty. Neither come out looking good from this. Now to wrap up. Way too many people are ignoring what the poster wanted in favor of heaping praise on the girlfriend for doing something for him. Shut up. This was important to him. It does not matter how small or big, if something is important to someone you care about, it should be important to you as well. The fact she either ignored or forgot what he wanted? That's not good.
The story doesn't make clear how specific this request was. Because she made him what he asked, chocolate and chocolate, as well as vanilla. If he specifically wanted nothing but chocolate, that should have been made crystal clear.
@PhoenixStanfield124 idk if someone told me they wanted a chocolate cake on chocolate I would just make it as specified, chocolate cake, with nothing additional.
maybe she wanted to surprise him? its really hard to read a situation from a singular point of view and very little knowledge of their relationship prior to the incident
@@zenbozic6184 She specifically asked what he wanted. If a surprise was the intention, that makes it even worse. You don't ask what someone wanted and then "surprise" them with something else.
In a vacuum, his statement at the end sounds like an overreaction. It does make me wonder if it's about a larger pattern though. I remember when a class way back in high school got mad at me for saying hurtful things to a guy. Thing is, he was sexually harassing me and it had gone on long enough for me to realize that was the only way to get him to temporarily back off.
It’s 1 of those stories where it depends on how you interpret it. My initial reaction was that the guy was completely in the right but kind of an asshole and that you couldn’t blame the woman for being upset. I think that’s maybe because I’ve been in his shoes quite a bit, where ppl have said “I’m gonna do/buy this for you” and you tell them not to and yet they still do it. Or someone spends a lot of time/effort/money on something for you that you don’t rly like, and you’re just like “well I never told you to do it” But I’ve been on the girl’s side where someone’s told me they want something so instead of just buying that, I try to 1 up that or add my own twist to it, without rly thinking that it might disappoint/frustrate them. Like adding a bit of vanilla to a chocolate cake, still makes it a chocolate cake. She probably just thought “I’m gonna make a rly nice and special chocolate cake” after hearing “chocolate cake” without rly thinking “he just wants chocolate cake so I’m gonna give him exactly what he wants” And I think whatever side you side with affects how you imagine certain parts of the story. Like there were a lot of different opinions on how much vanilla was actually on the cake. And depending on who side with affects how much of a scene you the guy made of it. Like when he said that his wife could see he was disappointed, ppl who sided with the girl probably interpreted that as the guy sitting with arms crossed and muttering “for fuck sake” until his wife noticed. But I interpreted that as him seeing the cake being disappointed for a second but thinking “oh well” and not planning to dwell on it or say anything about it, and then his wife catching that look in that second and asking him why he looks disappointed, and I mean why should he have to lie about how he feels? And also how you imagine he asks for Chocolate cake rly change the story. Like if you side with the girl you probably imagine her going “what cake do you want?” And him quickly saying “eh just a chocolate 1” while looking down at his phone. But if you side with the guy you probably imagine him clearly saying “I just want a chocolate cake for my birthday. That’s it, just chocolate. That’s the cake I want” But I think either way you look at it, you can’t blame either for being upset
problem is she didn't listen to him. he asked specifically or a devils food cake. what she made just isn't that. if i ask for a hamburger with sauerkraut, and get a cheeseburger instead, i can get annoyed even if i love cheeseburgers. like sure, he could have reacted a bit better, but so could she. she's in the wrong for not making what he wants. both need to learn how to talk about things in a more healthy way
Dude was 1000% sulking/pouting. He picked around the vanilla part like a 6 year old even though he mentioned in his post that he likes vanilla. He just did it to make a point that he was mad she didn't follow his instructions to the letter. It's extremely childish and he was obviously baiting a response from her
As much as I think his comment about getting his money back was uncalled for, it kinda is a valid response to “well I’m just not doing this for you again. Since I gave you something you didn’t ask for.”
literally if my wife asked for a turkey sub with lettuce and mayo and i served her a turkey sub with lettuce mayo and tomatoes then when she got upset i responded with "but you like tomatoes on your burger" no one would call her the asshole.
The difference is that the dude literally does like vanilla in cakes, he was mad because it wasn't what he asked for to the letter. He was being passive aggressive. He describes the cake as being really chocolate just with one layer of vanilla frosting. Your analogy doesn't hold up
? at no point in this post does he say he doesn't like vanilla. what does happen is he asks for one thing then is given another and when he got upset the wife responded with "but you liked the last vanilla cake i made" that's literally a 1to1 are you high? maybe i sliced my tomato's very thin you don't know. your literally trying to argue over nothing @@AL-ry5ly
Honestly, I wouldn't even have considered the vanilla filling to be a departure from the order. In addition, the guy said he was calm, but I remember times when I thought I was keeping a calm composure but friends and family thought I was really upset. One has to remember there is always a skewed view when reading these posts.
It's a 36yo widow/divorcee/woman with children outside of marriage raising kids plural dating a younger man. It's not the same stakes as a 20 something couple with no kids and there will be anxieties and stresses in that situation which are much greater than yours as well as a higher level of commitment the woman will require from her partner. By baking for her boyfriend the woman is trying to contribute to their relationship and by expressing his disappointment in such a frank manner rather than gently the boyfriend risks making his partner feel like they aren't being valued which could set off their anxieties about the relationship. Arguing that those anxieties are narcissistic because the woman happened not to listen well when he requested his cake doesn't hold water. These anxieties are totally normal in this situation not a personality disorder.
I think the misunderstanding was because of what he asked, he said "just a chocolate cake, nothing fancy" because he wanted a basic chocolate cake, but she might have taken it as him just being humble and decided to make a little extra for him she thought he would like.
@JonathanMandrake It could have very well been a Devil's food cake, since all thst changes is like, the chocolate texture and how fluffy or rich it is. It can still have vanilla in it. So she still listened and baked him a deviled chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, but put vanilla which he say to not put in.
Here's my honest take, into the void of people that won't see this: I agree with most of what MBT described, but where my opinion diverges is that I don't think the "I'll buy a cake so I can return it" is the only thing wrong with this post from OP's side. It's where he crossed the line for sure, but he was already treading it. He presents it as him simply wanting to "not lie" to her. But although he did tell her the truth, that was *definitely* not the only way, or the best way, to communicate it. If my boyfriend baked me a cake that I didn't like, because it was different to what I said I wanted. My instinct to communicate my honest opinion, is *not* to say _"If I wanted vanilla, I would have asked for vanilla"._ I think that, whether he meant to or not, he communicated his thoughts in a really unnecessarily passive aggressive tone. Which understandably made his girlfriend upset. There's no reason why he couldn't instead have said something like: _"I really appreciate that you made the cake for me, and that you tried to make it special, but I really did only want chocolate. So yeah, I was kind of disappointed with the vanilla"_ To this you could say "that's way too many words", but I disagree (not least bc it doesn't need to be those words exactly). I think that although you don't need to be "grateful" for getting something you didn't want, for a partner you love and care about, it's normal and healthy to at least acknowledge and respect the effort from your partner to *try* and do something for you. The OP of this post did not even *try* that with his responses right from the start, and I think he is a bit of an asshole in this situation for it.
I want to bring up the fact that he did not disclose his disappointment on the matter until after she explicitly asked for him to do so. People retorted that "I would have stayed silent" but that wasn't an option for him, she asked him and he could either lie to her and validate her idea that she knows what's better for him than he does which is a very toxic standard to nurture in a relationship especially if it escalates into something more important or tell the truth and try to have an honest discussion about it and while it is his fault he didn't try to engage in an honest discussion, it is not his fault he was put in that situation and I don't think he was wrong for telling the truth. He didn't pout and whine and he even ate the cake and her problem with him arose only after she asked him what upset him. Also a note on the situation on it being his birthday and people saying that its stupid to like your birthday I say this: It's stupid to go on youtube or twitch and watch an adult man play a children's card game, it is stupid to even have a family because you are losing money you could be investing to get an early retirement and living an objectively easier life, it is stupid to have a girlfriend who isn't perfect in every way and never does anything you didn't want them too because you could be doing better. So why do we do these things? BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM! we have different values and beliefs and things we hold dear. He might care alot about his birthday and you care alot about a religion, culture, hobby, or political affiliation you would not grin and bear your own partner intentionally mocking even in a small way. and the guy from this very post might say to you in your own AITA post "grow up lol she played your stupid yugioh game and it's your fault you are mad at her for saying it was boring and dumb and you should quit it so your kids won't be ashamed of you" to which you would say "but it really matters to me" and ALL I ask is that you put yourself in *their shoes for a few seconds* to ponder that you are the person making fun of - for all we know - the one thing he tries to keep sacred for himself.
Devils advocate: when he asked for icing she might have only understood it as what was around the cake and they just talked past each other understanding what that meant rebuttal: I just simply think that the following argument does not imply any sort of misunderstanding as her argument was that he liked vanilla cake and I think it would be unfair to say she meant something different from what she said
As things are presented here, I'm very much on OP's side. He did ask for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on top and middle, he got chocolate cake with a different frosting. He was upset but didn't mention a thing until she asked at which point he was honest with her, maybe he was more upset than as presented here but he was still honest to her, you know, a very important part of being in a relationship. Then she seems she gets angry at the fact he is upset and is up until she makes an angry comment about her not baking him a cake next year that he answers with the petty reply. Is it petty and rude? Hell yeah! Does it make him the asshole? I don't think so, the comment was done after she had escalated the problem into an actual argument, is not something to be proud of but I don't think it was unmerited considering the argument got bad enough that he left his own birthday party.
He acts innocent, but the fact that she could see he wasn't happy when he had the cake tells me that he was showing dissatisfaction even though he presents otherwise, and wanted to have the discussion. So he made enough of a scene that she noticed. Cos otherwise I'd agree, I'd smile and enjoy the cake, cos it's cake and you have to actively work not to enjoy it, and then next time be more clear and explicit about what I want to make sure I get the cake (I'd still call what she made a chocolate cake, cos the cake part is chocolate, so there's no like malice, it's just semantics that you can clear up next time with no one feeling bad, she just misunderstood your guy's purist choc cake definition lol, she thought she was doing the brief but even better)
Asking if he was disappointed was probably the most disingenuous thing in the post. She knows he's disappointed, hence her asking in the first place, and she knows why he's disappointed. But rather than just state she can see he's disappointed or anything she makes a point of asking if he's disappointed. Despite this, she's not upset until she asks and he answers that yes, he is. She gets mad at him for both answering honestly and giving her the answer she already knew was true herself. She knew she disappointed him but wasn't upset until he actually said it, she's upset he has the audacity to be honest with her and critical of her instead of lying to her and absolving her of her mistake. She deliberately asked him what he wants, didn't make it for him, sees he's disappointed, and then gets angry he didn't lie and say he wasn't. Snake af behaviour
Yeah that is honestly the core factor. She knows he didn't like it(The plate and otherwise why ask?) and is right then and there actively starting shit.
@luminous3558 it's not just that she knows and is upset he's disappointed. That would be a little unjustified but at least a genuine response. Her feeling like he's ungrateful because he's disappointed would be a valid emotional response even if many people like myself would think he's still in the right. It's that she *isn't upset until she asks a question she already knows the answer to and he responds honestly.* She is specifically upset he didn't lie to her out of complacency.
“She knows why he’s disappointed” genuinely fuck off. He is at a party with a hand made cake from scratch has less than a single slice and she asks if something’s wrong. He could have had a stomach ache or not been hungry or a million other things the idea that she “must” have know is insane. The idea that she goaded him into fight is so narcotic. She saw someone wasn’t eating a lot and asked if something was wrong nothing about that is abnormal or manipulative
I also find it disturbing that she asked if he’s upset than got angry at his answer. If she actually cared about his feelings, she would’ve understood. Instead she chose to kick him out of his own birthday party? It’s kinda ass backwards to me.
Imagine if someone asked you what they should get you for your birthday and you answered Pokemon Scarlet and they go out and can freely choose between the version and get you Violet anyway, because they think Miraidon is the better Legendary.
If you are someone in a committed relationship, you need to be front and forward with all the decisions that are made. You shouldn't hide or surprise your partner who is very particular about the way things are done. You should discuss and agree on a plan. Every plan if possible. Surprises are nice but can come at the cost of it backfiring, and you need to be fully prepared to accept whatever reaction they have to your surprise and accommodate. If the man wanted a Truck and the wife got him a Lambo, do you think he would be in the wrong if he were upset? If this man had a peanut allergy and she surprised him with a Chocolate Cake with a layer of nuts in the middle instead, then she is at fault of whatever consequence happens. Even if she didn't know if he had a peanut allergy, she should have done her due diligence to plan the cake with his input and not deviate. She offered a cake, he told her he prefers a chocolate cake, chocolate icing, and nothing fancy. What did she do? She did something fancy. He was disappointed. What did he do? He held his tongue. He was visibly disappointed which prompted her to press for his thoughts, but he intended to accept the gesture. And when she asked, he was honest with her. Maybe he could have phrased it differently. "Yeah, I'm a little bit disappointed because I wasn't expecting Vanilla in the cake. I apologize that I'm very particular about this and I appreciate that you've made a cake for me, but I prefer to have a Chocolate cake with nothing extra on it. Next time, if you want to add something, can you run it by me first?" I think that would be an inoffensive way to tell your partner that you weren't happy with something. The issue? This is very difficult to articulate in the moment. He did everything in his power when he was caught off guard and had to provide an answer on the fly. He got kicked out and she made a remark about how embarassing it was for her, when in fact it was more embarassing for him. And he retorted with a phrase that seemingly made him out to be an a-hole, but, he reacted in the moment. So let's review: he had expectations, got dissappointed, decided to not say anything about it, was pried for information, he was honest, got kicked out of his birthday, and she called him to scold him while he was already down in the dumps. As a normal human being, he is allowed to say what he said in frustration. He is not an a-hole. He just doesn't have the patience of a saint. And neither do any of these reditors.
Honestly, I think the whole thing hinges on whether or not he communicated EXACTLY what he wanted, or if he said something along the lines of "oh, just a devils food cake with chocolate icing, nothing fancy." Vanilla icing between layers is not a very far-fetched thing to do, or even to find a recipe for and just put chocolate icing on top. Like, dog, unless you specified that you didn't want vanilla, or unless you gave her an EXACT RECIPE, that is the cake you asked for. If you didn't like it, that is YOUR fault for not being clear, or at the very least it sure isn't her fault.
I'm with the guy besides the in front of the kids thing. I would've just lied and said it was good till you have a moment in private with them, then say something. Also in the end, it's just a cake lmao
Seriously, he is pushing 40 and doesn’t know basic time and place shit. Also anyone saying “she goaded him” is a fucking alien. “Is everything alright you’ve barely touched your food” is a goddamn cliche for a reason
I remember AITA going off on a guy for making his wife eggs in a way that wasn't perfectly centered, when she asked him not to make eggs for her unless it was the way she wanted, then getting upset when she didn't eat them. It's the same concept.
I think what is entirely being missed here us that it takes a lot of effort to bake a cake. It isn't something that can be done on a whim, from prepping, baking, cleaning, and decorating. Artistic expression is a driving factor for the reason why some people bake, it's just not about eating the cake for them. So I can see why she felt disappointed when all this time, effort, and passion was met with, well it wasn't the cake I wanted. As somebody cooks for the family my response is always, well then you should have made it.
I like how a guy who is respectable and honest for 90% of an "argument" gets pushed to make 1 sarcastic/snide comment is enough for people to label him an asshole.
Yeah this sort of "whoever gets mad is wrong" attitude is pretty toxic. The person pushing buttons will always look better than the one getting their buttons pushed if its a personal boundary that isnt commonplace.
Nothing's more annoying than having somebody continually push your buttons and prod at you with loaded questions, then play the victim when you inevitably blow up at them. Sad to see that a lot of people encourage that type of behavior.
He's intentionally leaving out the specifics of the cake request, I feel. "He order EXACTLY what he wanted". No, read again. Being "eh, just chocolate on chocolate, nothing fancy" is not "don't put anything else".
i love how everyone in an actual loving relationship immediately agrees that the dude is in the right (minus his bakery comment) while chat has a heart attack over it
Personally I just can't ever understand being so picky about chocolate cake. Like sure he didn't get exactly what he wanted, but if he wanted something done exactly how he wanted it in every way he should have done it himself. When someone else puts the effort in for you, you are expected to be grateful for that effort, even if it doesn't come out exactly how you wanted.
@@rickmel3883 I think it's important to remember it was only the layer of frosting on the inside that was different, the entirety of the rest of the cake was exactly what he wanted. Personally that's the kind of disappointing detail that might cross my mind a single time and I would never think about it again. That's all I was trying to say. I can't imagine caring enough about a single layer of frosting to even be visibly upset about it.
From the very simple perspective that’s pretty common among responses to the subject being “yeah his snarky comment was a bit too much” I’m not really losing sleep over calling him an asshole in that moment. It doesn’t mean anything, I’m not the final arbiter over him as a person and nobody else on the internet should be. Now the real assholes are the people in the replies going “IF HE WAS A WOMAN YOU’D AGREE WITH HER”
Damn, this one is some of the most terminally online I've seen Twitch chat. If you're lead to believe Twitch chat, this guy is like, gaslighting his girlfriend, ungrateful, entitled, and manipulative. But like... this is understandable. The girlfriend asked what the guy wanted, the guy gave her an answer, and then the girlfriend didn't deliver on what was agreed upon. If this was a completely unprompted thing, that she made the cake for his birthday without him knowing and then he didn't like it and said what he said? Yeah, 100%, the guy is in the wrong, and he was being ungrateful for the act of kindness. But if you are expecting an outcome that you have very good reason to assume will be fulfilled, and then it is not fulfilled, then you're entitled to be disappointed.
The problem is literally him being an asshole about it though? It's so easy to communicate that he didn't like it in a way that wasn't being a complete dick.
@@Yeard491And he kinda did, by telling her the truth that he was disappointed after she explicitly asked him if he was, but she decided to escalate it for no good reason due to her feelings being hurt when she knew that the cake wasnt what he specifically asked for on his own damn birthday.
I literally saw a couple people calling Jilian a fucking "tradwife" after they heard what her opinion was. People were saying some legitimately nasty shit.
All I’m saying is the statement “she must’ve noticed I was upset” followed by “I didn’t pout” doesn’t seem entirely honest. Is he wrong? No. Was he handling it in a way to specifically make her feel dumb instead of communicate? Idk because I wasn’t there, but context says yes. Also the statement “you are entitled to the things that you like” is only true like 75% of the time, something about entitlement in a relationship is almost always going to end in your partner being upset. You should be looking out for their wants and needs at all times but it’s kinda childish to say you are entitled to enjoy every single thing they do for you
I've actually been in a situation I feel is kinda like this one it was my birthday and my fiance had rented motel rooms for us and our family and I was complaining that they were to expensive and that I didn't really want to stay in a room anyways that's just what everyone else wanted but she tried to make my birthday special and I apologized for not being appreciative it all boiled down to a lack of communication and a lack of looking at it from her point of view on my part
"Im not going to make you any cake next year." "I will order my own and get my money back if they don't do it like I want it." These responses after small, perceived slights sound like they're meant to hurt the other person. Functioning couples who love each other should never want to hurt the other intentionally, regardless of circumstance. Sounds like they're a bad fit.
The concept of "going a little extra" seems to be foreign to folks, cause that's what she was trying to do. It didn't work out but it might have worked out. She asked because she wanted some idea what he wanted so she could have a baseline to work with. I'm from a family where experimentation in food is welcome, maybe she's from a family like mine and he isn't. So much of this is based on who you are as people; except the reactions, both of them were jackoffs there.
Yeah everyone acting like home cooking is comparable to McDonald’s just doesn’t seem to get the spirit of home cooking. It’s a very American thing to be like “my family and friends are basically like waiters I don’t pay and I’m entitled to lord over them.”
How is not making the cake as requested “going a little extra”? He asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. It is not “going a little extra” to make it with a different frosting.
he specifically asked for a devils food cake tho. like sure, she could have experimented with which types of chocolate to use or something, but devils food cake means everything is chocolate, so to speak, and if you want to deviate from that you should ask
@@SplashCity46he got a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, as per the post. There was one stripe of vanilla in addition. Which is something he likes, he was just eating around it because he was making a point that it wasn't exactly the way he wanted
then just... ask? not everyone wants you to do a "little extra", it's not like she was making the cake without his knowledge, if she wanted to add more to it then she should have asked, I do agree they both made jerk comments but you can't just expect someone to immediately appreciate extra effort just because it's extra effort, some ppl just want exactly what they ask for
Its a matter of filling in the blank with 2 more hypotheticals: 1: He asked for exactly a plain, simple chocolate cake and she gave him one which was not, in which case he has a right to voice displeasure 2: He asked for a "chocolate cake with chocolate icing" or something similar with no further instructions, in which case he has the right to voice that it is not his preference for future reference, but not to complain that she went against what he wanted. In the case of the second option, he likely either intentionally or unintentionally removed facts or misled on them, which is likely if you are someone who feels like you might have committed a wrongdoing.
Honestly my only qualm is: if she was going to add vanilla for some reason, even if they thought it made the cake better, why not just ask or tell him about it first? Seems like a much better plan to communicate your intent to your partner then to just hope everything will be fine.
the ammount of people who says the boyfriend is in the worng for being disapointed is frnakly really saddening, cause it shows that too many people are starved for relationships and/or grew up with narcisists so now they are afraid to express their needs in case that will drive others away. its literally killing me and giving me chest pains that there are so many people in need of unconditional love and respect...
Alternative hypothesis too many people in this chat threw a tantrum because they got a pikachu instead of Charizard cake and their parents reward them with a second cake. Respecting your partners time and effort even when it didn’t work out 100% how you wanted it is being a mature adult. You are allowed to want a straight chocolate cake but not being able to eat even one entire slice of a good cake because it isn’t exactly what you wanted is childish. And if someone (who spent hours making that cake for you) asks you should either white lie and ask later or be able to express your disappointment in healthy way. “The cake is good I’m just not in the mood for vanilla” is such a different statement than what he said. Treating your girlfriend like she’s your cake servant who failed is weird.
@@josephsheehan6079 while agree that the boyfriend had a really poor choice of words, what you say is exactly what i talked about.if you care more about POTENTIONALLY hurting frelings of others over yourself will lead you to the life of unhappines, because if you wont take care of yourself, no one will. You can always express it subtly or during a different date, but white lying and ignoring tour issues will DEMOLISH your self esteem in the long run. Also you clearly missed the point of the story. He wanted a pure chocolate but she gave him a chocolate cake with vanila. Both versions would take the same ammount of effort (i would even argue the pure chocolate one is easier). So it was NEVER about effort. It was about her ignoring ehat he said on purpose and then getting mad when her decision to ignore his words had bad consequences.
@@totallynotdio1311 getting dumped after your birthday because you can’t manage basic social tact is peak self care. I’m sure the store bought cake he will buy for himself next year will bring him more joy than she ever could. But I guess she must be a huge asshole making him a cake fundamentally the same as the one he asked for. Bullet dodged for him. Woo.
@@totallynotdio1311 or I’m not gonna be in a relationship worth less than a fucking frosting choice. Also she already left him to read the edit to the post. He didn’t “potentially” hurt her feelings he fucking blunder his way out of relationship because he lacked basic emotional intelligence
Joseph is having the same response at 20:02 that I do anytime I find myself on Reddit. People not comprehending what they read in the OP and making shit up, then assuming their made up nonsense is what they're replying to. It's infinitely frustrating.
Also I thing I hate that I don't think was fully addressed is you get so many people who have a sort of superiority complex where they'll asl someone what they want and if they don't like their choice they'll assume, no no they will definitely like this other thing better because I think it's better and I know more about this
Something people are missing is one major point of the story that seems tiny but isn't. "...in front of her kids." After dating a few single mothers I've learned when they do something "random" like this it's not because they think it'll be better or fancier or anything like that. It's for the kids. One of the kids complained when they saw she was making a chocolate cake for him, wanted vanilla or some other kind, so she tried to compromise. When he was upset about it she took offense because she was doing it for her kid and that pushed her over the edge.
Then she should EXPLAIN THAT FIRST! I'm not on either side, but as someone who was a stepchild and brother to people who had drastically different taste preferences, being honest and upfront about. She had many times to say that to him, explain to him that the vanilla was for the kids. She didn't, therefore she missed the point. We have no indication the kids don't even like chocolate either, what if they LOVE IT?
@@ConductorElcrest yeah, even if she did it cause of a problem that couldn't be fixed or because of the kids, she should have asked if it was okay and expect that he may be disappointed if he doesn't know beforehand
@@Cybertech134no, he made the first snide remark. “If I wanted vanilla, I’d have asked for vanilla” is a snide remark. Sure, she asked him to voice his disappointment, but that doesn’t absolve him of the need to do so tactfully.
@@megcanby "Need to do so tactfully" Women thinking men need to be tactful to protect their fragile little egos doesn't make it a "need". "If I wanted vanilla, I would have asked for vanilla" isn't snide; it's staying an objective fact. If facts offend you, go cry in a corner about it.
If we put the faults in order, it goes like this: - she didn't listen to what he wanted and imposed what she thought would be better - he got a bit too upset about a minor change (although that's not what really upset him, it was the previous thing). Yes, it was not ok, but it wasn't so aggregious that it should have ruined the occassion. - She WWAAAAAAYYYYY overrreacted to what was a pretty reasonable complaint. I get her being upset at his response to a gift, but kicking him out of his own celebration and screaming "I'll never bake a cake for you again" is just childish and petty. - His response to that was awful. Honestly he crossed a line there. - Her message made it clear that she did not care about making him happy, just about validating her own ego. She didn't actually want to make him feel good, she wanted him to praise her for a gift. In HIS OWN BIRTHDAY MIND YOU, she wanted it all to be about her. I'm more on the guy's side here because the girl was being egocentric and didn't actually care about his celebration, only about how she could use it to validate herself. But he did act like an ass, that much is also very true. My main takeaway is this: just because it's a gift, doesn't mean they have to like it no matter what. A shitty gift may come with nice intentions, but it's still a shitty gift. You are not entitled to validation just because you are giving someone a gift, because if not recieving validation is a transgression, then it's not a gift at all, it's a transaction. A real gift is something you give because making the other person feel good is enough validation for you. It's about them, not you. If you make it be the other way around, then you are the selfish asshole.
it's way over-reading the situation but I agree with you, but the way he words things towards the post makes it sound like she is very selfish, so I'd say that we might need more context because he might've just had a fight with her before writing the post or something similar. They both were assholes but he worded his reasoning very nicely to justify his actions so it means he pondered upon his actions which makes him a bit less of an asshole, but it might also make him view her actions as more selfish than they actually were. But at face value yeah, they were both wrong, he overreacted since her actions weren't unreasonble, she made all the things he wanted and added more to it and he disliked it because he viewed it as a selfish act of her, thinking that she probably saw his request as him underplaying her skills and that she wanted just to prove herself, and this looks true due to her reactions to his disappointment that wasn't really exaggerated. So it's difficult to say what is closest to reality to determine who's less wrong, but they're both assholes
I saw the post around when it was first made, and a lot of the early comments were in a similar place as MBT, which I agree with. I don't get why people seem to be so against the fact that the poster wanted a cake a specific way and didn't make a scene until prompted (at which point he sucks). If he came in guns blazing, called the cake shit from the start, i'd understand. But he has every right to say "the cake was fine but I wanted all chocolate, like I told you when you asked me". What is wrong with that?
It's not like she made something different like a strawberry cake, she made him a chocolate cake. There are a million chocolate cakes that have more things than just chocolate and there are many reasons for why she might've added vanilla. Maybe the recipe she looked at were cakes with vanilla, maybe a chocolate cake in her mind was a cake that is primarily made of chocolate but has other things like frostings or strawberries or god knows what. She doesn't have to know that his platonic ideal of a chocolate cake is literally only made out of chocolate and i really don't think that adding something extra to your partners unspecified request of a chocolate cake is indicative of a lack of communication or anything like that
i feel like we abstracted this situation too much when really i just don't get why he got so hung up on cake lmao (this could've been the straw that broke the camel's back or whatever but he would have mentioned that in the post right?)
Yeah, birthdays are 100% unimportant but if you're going out of your way to ask someone what they want for it and then you don't do it you have no one but yourself to blame even if they're snarky about it after the fact.
On the off-chance Mr. Mono-Blue Tron reads my comment I do wanna say that he only made the snarky (outta line but correct) comment after she did the petty "well I'm not gonna make you a cake next year" remark. I'm just sayin, she both started, and escalated this issue. Then kicked him out of his own party
You have to take these with a grain of salt as they are clearly one persons perspective. If it was truly as civil as described then no, he's not an asshole. I doubt he was as polite as he described here though.
nah, he's def TA here. Anyone in a relationship should know when to hold em and when to fold em and that was a folding moment. Like why would you anwser with a response that could lead to an argument like this? This was the equivalent of ordering curly fries and reciving tater tots. Like yes, it's not what u ordered, but is it really worth going to the trouble of fixong when you could just shut.up and eat your friend potatoes no matter what form they come in?
Literally if he just didnt make the comment he would have totally been in the right. She asked him what he wanted, he gave her his answer, she didn't provide him with that, she questioned him when she saw he was clearly unhappy, he expressed disappointment, she then put the onus of blame on him because "he liked it when I made it before." ..and? He didn't ask for that. I even think saying something like "I'm sorry, I know you wanted this, but I thought you would enjoy something a little extra." There wasn't ill will, but it was a mistake, and that's fine. They are still all going to hell though
Like just about every AITA prompts, yes. Not at the beginning, but he ended it as one, so yes, yes he was. Also, be clear on what you want for your damn cake.
"YOU'RE ALL REDDITORS AND I'M NOT" says man literally in the act of scrolling down reddit
Erm, aktually, he was scrolling on twitter (which is arguably worse)
@@bigdumber7242 No he starts looking at the original thread at the end.
@bigdumber7242 Nah he's and Xer, reading Xs 😂😂😂
@@PureQuestionD13 read my name
There's a difference between; someone that is just touring reddit, and someone that spends hours on reddit everyday.
What I've learned is that MBT's chat is extremely starved for cake.
they just hungwy
Look what Kashtira format is doing to the YGO community. We're talking about shit like this.
LOL
LMAO
TRUE
ROFL
i can't get over all the people in the chat going above and beyond in their efforts to intentionally misinterpret the situation
The sheer number of people who immediately dogpiled him and started calling him a "manchild" made me legitimately uncomfortable.
My favourite has to be that one guy who said "He didn't say no vanilla". My brother in Christ what part of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting was so hard to understand.
@@braketbro2318 This is Joel of the Varying Size's take. And it's one of the most brain dead views I've ever heard. Like. I honestly think it's borderline emotional abuse.
Honestly, I would be surprised if they didn't. They're hoping to get a rise out of MBT.
@@braketbro2318oi. I said that. Because she made him a chocolate cake with chocolate icing, it just also had vanilla icing. If he wanted exactly chocolate and chocolate with nothing else then that needed to be clear. This is coming from a neuro-divergant who highly suspects some amount of neuro-divergancy from the people in the story. The story doesn't say how clear he was that he wanted ONLY chocolate and chocolate.
I agree with Jospeh, but as someone who cooks frequently (and has had girlfriend mad at me for not making exactly what they want), I understand thinking that adding a small change will make the meal better. I have also been completely wrong about the change I made and wont do it again lol.
Really reasonable and mature take. Its genuinely surprising that RUclips COMMENTS are where im finding people being the most normal about this one, but theres some good insight here.
I think its fine to make changes with meals but not communicating that is a huge no go. If you ask beforehand the other party has either the option to veto or at least a heads up that it will be a little different.
Eating something and finding out it tastes unexpected after the first bite isn't cool.
@@luminous3558 best comment in this section
@@luminous3558 My guy, this isn't a congressional debate, it's just some vanilla. It's not gonna kill you.
@@Bulju the girlfriend also could've just not included the vanilla and made the cake he asked for, even named it as devil's cake, that wouldn't have killed her either, don't ask what someone wants and make something else expecting them not to be disappointed that you got the order wrong and that you did it intentionally, because you think you know better than them about what they want
The sub has an answer specifically for this. "You would not be the asshole (YWNBTA) if you didn't add that text on the end"
Its the same shit I deal with concerning my mother. She will, without fail, constantly call me and ask me if I want this worthless knick-knack or some garbage she picked up at a garage sale or got from one of her friends. Ill say "No mom, you know I don't want those things. They just take up space and I hate it." And she'll FUCKING MAIL THEM TO ME ANYWAY. So now what? I have 1 big ceramic chicken sitting on my coffee table that I can't fucking stand looking at, but I refuse to throw away because then i'd have to deal with arguing with my mother over being mean and heartless. Do I hate my mother for sending me these stupid things? No, of course not, I love my mom. But am I fucking annoyed by it? Yes, yes I am. And I'm not going to pretend otherwise because someone thinks a "nice gesture" is a green-light to push garbage on someone.
L chicken take + give me the chicken I'll put tiny hats on it or some shit. Maybe a scarf. Instant centerpiece, you're ignoring a real gold mine here. You're probably right about the other stuff though.
I just throw shit like that away, or ask my friends if anyone wants it.
Dude, I have an aunt like this. One year she calls and asks me what gift I want for my birthday and I told her flat out "the gift I want is you not getting me a gift". Best birthday gift I ever got lol
She was seeking validation after ignoring his request.
She literally asked for it. She could have said "sorry, next time I'll listen". But instead she freaked out because he wasn't perfectly satisfied.
this hits straight into my meow meow.
As in most relationships, both parties are at fault, the fallacy here is that there is an "asshole," at all
There was a reasonable disconnect between him asking her to "make the cake I want," and her taking the artistic liberty to "make a cake she thinks he would want," address the miscommunication, then enjoy the free cake.
The line about the store bought cake was petty. But it should have been okay that he was disappointed, the gf has every right to be hurt that she's being percieved as unreasonable, but made a change without considering OP's birthday wishes, and doubled down by refusing a future cake, thats when it starts being about sticking it to one another. its all a *little* childish on both sides, but no one is an @hole about it untill they both refuse to let go.
actually based take
then she is the asshole for ignoring his messages?
@@beegyoshi1685there doesn't have to be an asshole did you read the comment
@@theimpostorafungus1213overused joke, but we're all yugioh players here, we can't fucking read
best take here! A+
Should I watch any of the hundreds of videos on my Watch Later list or
a Yugi-tuber's 20 minute "clip" with cake in the title?
The choice has never been more easy.
this feels like a personal attack on me specificaly
1348 on the list... "Tomorrow" perhaps
the watch later list is where my hopes and aspirations go to die
3,600 yikes
there should be more segments like these on this channel, it's so incredibly nice to listen to you dude
"MBT talks about adulting" is my favorite segment
I think the weirdest thing here is that people are taking this one incident, and using it to judge either person's entire character. Not just determining, "who might be in the wrong here?" I see people commenting "yeah their relationship must be super rocky if this is a huge deal" or even calling the original poster misogynistic or even a bad person in general. You can't judge people off of one incident, we've all acted like this one way or another at some point, and I'm tired of people on the internet judging others based on a tiny fraction of these people's lives, answer the question the person asked about and move on with your life. He who is not guilty may cast the first stone. (I'm not a hard-core Christian I just like that quote)
Yeah Reddit is really good at the jumping to conclusions Olympics. I made a post about my relationship once and there were crazy assumptions being made and it was just hilarious
I mean both parties are being extremely dramatic and it’s hard to imagine two pushing 40 adults getting this worked up about a birthday cake without some other issues. Any well adjusted adult could have defused the situation with any amount of social tact. He could have just said a white lie and if it really bothered him talked to her after. She could have waited till after the party to ask. Even at the point he said it isn’t the cake he wanted he could have said it respectfully. At the point he expressed himself rudely, she could have just said I’m sorry I thought you might like it. Both of them took it so personal and escalated the situation constantly. And too many people think being “honest” at all times is preferable to having respectful purposeful talks.
@josephsheehan6079 well honesty is best policy. So you know where everyone stands. No guessing.
Yes, thank you! I was thinking the same thing.
@@josephsheehan6079 I mean, you don't know these people history. Being an adult doesn't mean you're never allowed to fly off the handle a little bit. People get upset sometimes, even over tiny things. It doesn't make you a bad person or not a well adjusted adult because of it. Could this situation have been handle better? Yeah. So what? Neither person was at their most tactful in that moment. It happens.
Also, sure, you can't imagine why they would get so worked up over this. You're not them. You don't know things happened in their life that gave them certain little gripes. Like, as someone with a long history of not being listened to, even when people straight up ask me a question, being not listened to annoys me a lot. I am very sensitive to that and I will probably die with that being a sore spot for me. Someone asking me what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday and then making something else would upset me. And his girlfriend asked him if he was disappointed and answered the question honestly. He's not wrong for doing that.
Anyway, this is way too much of a discussion about cake. Sometimes people get upset. Sometimes people say something they shouldn't. Sometimes people don't handle a situation the best way. Just because that happens doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human.
What we have learned is don't take relationship advice from people who have never been in a committed relationship.
You can tell who in chat has clearly never been in a relationship before. Some of the things they said feels like they’ve never talked to a person of the opposite gender before in their life… which makes sense considering Reddit is the single last place I would ever turn to for relationship advice.
Based on the info we are provided: They're both assholes. How he communicated his disappointment was asshole behavior.
I also take umbrage with how he says she's "usually a great baker" and "I guess it wasn't sophisticated enough or something" in the post.
Something about those rub me the wrong way. (*´﹃｀*)
(Personally, I don't think this is the whole story but what can you do?)
I agree with the “usually a great baker”, disagree with the second part. I imagine he’s trying to rationalize why she didn’t make the cake he asked for, showing it likely was never explained why the change was made
dude was upset and he said something in said frustration that doesnt make you an asshole that makes you a person with human emotions. she offered to make it and asked how he wanted it made. she had a duty to make what was asked of her and not something else
@@azurefoxbh9280 Having those emotions doesn't make him an asshole but how he expressed them did ("If I wanted vanilla cake..." "I'll order my own and get my money back...").
@@PreedReve right and he said that cause he was frustrated and expressing human emotions im sorry that when you are frustrated you can say the most perfect thing in every situation
@@azurefoxbh9280 We've all said things we shouldn't have out of frustration but saying things while our emotions are heightened isn't a get-of-jail-free-card for being an asshole.
I think you guys hit the nail on the head with the idea that it's not as black and white as "who's wrong here". The guy's a jerk, but he was justified to a degree. It sounds like the opposite position comes partly from a perspective of expecting indifference out of him. Like, if he likes the vanilla anyways it should have been "I wanted chocolate, but this is great too!" rather than "I'm disappointed that I didn't get just chocolate." Which, as someone who loves many kinds of cake, I think is very fair. But like MBT said, you are entitled to things you like, especially from the people you love and who love you, ESPECIALLY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. Ultimately I think it's a very grey situation, much like the cake he got was neither fully chocolate nor fully vanilla.
EDIT: It just occurred to me that the guy also specified Devil's Food Cake, which seems to suggest he really likes chocolate. Whether he likes vanilla or not it's probably a lost less tasty than chocolate to him, so when you put them together it probably ruined the cake.
yeah, i think it would be as if i asked for black forest gateau, and it's made with coconut instead of cherries, both with the fruits and the alcohol. Like sure, I like coconut, but it just isn't part of a black forest gateau. He was quite specific about what he wanted, and if she wants to make a change about the specifics she needs to ask
This should not take up as much space in my head as it does, but this is driving me crazy so I'm going to make this comment to get all of this out of my head. Side note; this probably isn't the full context but I'm going to take this at face value. Really, at the end of the day, this truly is not about these two people. This is about communication and expectations in relationships. I'm ace/aro, and I have no desire to enter a relationship, so maybe I'm also biased in my opinion.
This guy is not the asshole in this instance. SHE asked him what she wanted, he wanted chocolate, she added vanilla. There could be one million reasons why, but I don't care. He didn't ask for vanilla. He asked for chocolate. The reasoning doesn't matter. She should not have added vanilla. It also doesn't matter if he likes vanilla or not. I'm even going to go further and say the snide comment was fine. Unwarranted sure, but she made a snide comment first. If she really wanted to add vanilla, she could have double checked with him. Do not go above and beyond for someone who did not ask for it and then get mad at them. I admittedly used to pull that on people. I try not to anymore. You put that weight on yourself when you do that, not the person you're doing it for.
It's really unbelievable how many people in the chat just jumped to her defense and all tried to put the guy down just for not liking the cake. Trying to make him sound spoiled when all he did was specify he wanted chocolate cake when, again, SHE asked him. I find that to be extremely toxic behavior. I get that we don't have the full context, and he was probably more of an asshole than he was willing to admit, but as stated earlier, I think this stopped being about the two specific individuals. What actually transpired doesn't even matter. What does matter is person B tried to be fancy when asked not to, and then person B got upset when person A was disappointed because they didn't get what they wanted. So, we're debating if person A should have just taken it even if it wasn't what they wanted just because person B was trying to be nice. I say no, person A doesn't have to take it.
To all the people that are like, "Then I just won't bake you a cake, then!" Good! You'd probably get it wrong. I'll go to someone who will do it right. Don't offer to do shit when you can't handle the responsibility. I hope with this comment, this can finally all exit my brain and I can stop thinking about something that has literally nothing to do with me.
My question is, why in the world didn't his wife just check if he was cool with the vanilla frosting before making that part of the cake? It's not like the cake was meant to be a surprise or anything.
Like yeah, the last statement from the dude went a bit far, but that was definitely a dick move from his wife, especially considering that she put him in a position where he had to bottle up his feelings of disappointment in order to not make a scene in front of their kids (and no, leaving half a slice on the plate is not "making a scene").
Because he likes it. He said it himself. Read
@@javsandartshe said he doesn't mind it. And people don't need to want the same thing even if they've picked it before
@@javsandartsAnd...? He didn't ask for vanilla frosting on this cake. I like hamburgers, but if I ask somebody for a cheese sandwich and they put a burger in there, am I not allowed to complain?
“Bottle up his feelings” where are you people from? Middle school? Like waiting one entire meal to be like “I actually didn’t want any vanilla in the cake” is not “bottling up your feelings” or not saying things in a nasty way is not bottling up your feelings. Yes, him conspicuously eating a single half of a slice of an entire cake is obviously showing disappointment. And he could have white lied about it. “oh he’s just being honest” is what my middle school students say after saying hurtful rude things. “I know you spent hours working on this thing. And it’s good but I need to tell you NOW. How I’m personally disappointed in it?” Is so disrespectful of your partner.
@@josephsheehan6079 She was the one who pressed the issue in front of everybody, not him. He only made the nasty comment after she tried to guilt-trip him, kicked him out of his own party, and then played the victim afterwards while claiming that he embarrassed her, despite her being the one that both started and escalated the confrontation for basically no reason.
Please make sure you have the story straight next time before coming out swinging.
I remember a time when I asked for an order and it got fumbled twice. At that point, I was just done, so I dealt with it. Fortunately, it tasted much better than I thought, and I felt like I got my money's worth. However, the issue still stands that they got my order wrong twice when it wasn't near closing time, nor was there a lot of people ordering. My gut reaction was that the OP should've dealt with it, but that's changed. I don't think he was in the wrong for being disappointed. His approach at expressing his dissatisfaction was definitely wrong though.
Will of the Councel: Episode 0.1
I think another thing that people are missing is he didnt just say "this cake is shit." He didn't say anything UNTIL she asked, at which point he was honest.
yeah exactly and he still ate the parts he liked.
@@polocatfanhe performatively ate around the vanilla icing, that is an insanely petty act meant to show his disdain
This is the content I’m subscribed to MBT for.
This is just two people being rude to each other over a miscommunication. "I'll order my own cake" and "I won't make you anymore cakes" because you happened to make one they didn't like ONE time are two things you don't say to your loved one.
More aita posts please the chaotic energy it creates is very enjoyable
I will say that people are probably saying "thin layer" because the layer of frosting between the layers of cake tends to be the thinest but this isn't always true and we have no context for the thickness besides "I ate half the slice, the chocolate half" which while probably exaggeration, would imply there was as much vanilla icing as there was chocolate cake. So while that's insane and definitely not the amount there, it's the only reference to the amount of that icing so assuming it's thin is pretty ridiculous too
i... REALLY liked this video, we need more content like this posted and on streams. i adore how joseph is basically the only yugituber that talks about relationships, advice, and general outside-yugioh chit chat that means something. truly enjoyable content. good person.
The thing that gets me is that she said the asshole thing first. Threatening to not bake a cake next birthday, sure she shouldn't be expected to do that always but my point is that she said something rude first, then he responded with a rebuttal meant to point out her flaw.
Sure, it was rude, but we've all said something rude after being spoken to in that manner before. MBT is 100% right as well that essentially kicking him out of HIS party for something as minor as not liking her gift and then blaming it on him when she's embarrassed for it is way more silly. I see people on reddit saying "damn you really fumbled a relationship because of a cake?" No. SHE fumbled a relationship because of a cake. And just like him it may have just been overdefensiveness. She might not be used to rejection so she overreacted, which isn't acceptable, but is a valid mistake to make.
I hope this didn't actually ruin their relationship.
I'm like a minute and a half into this video and I feel like this question has already been answered now I'm going to sit through the entire rest of the video out of sheer curiosity of what else could possibly be said on this matter.
So I make the birthday cakes for my friends and family. I always ask what kind they want and if they want me to do something special with it or go for something normal (I do a lot of crazy cooking/baking). Some people do. Others want something specific. You make what they want in this situation. My brother's birthday was last week, he chose for me to go wildcard, I made a chocolate cake with peanut butter fudge filling and a ganache instead of the icing. When it was my roommate's birthday, he wanted just chocolate with basic icing. HE GOT THAT AND LOVED IT. Do what they ask for and know when it is okay to do something different
everyone involved in this interaction should be banished face down
17:46 This is the best part. If you are assuming tue guy is lying then why even bother? Everything is a lie and you are always correct because you know better. Twitch chat is special.
There are a couple of important points in the story.
1, she asked for what cake he wanted and he asked for a specific cake.
2, from the sounds of it, she just went and made a cake he didn't ask for without informing him of the change or anything
3, she (may have, going off of the posters words) noticed that he didn't enjoy the cake and asked him then and there what was up
4, they went back and forth, poster made a snide comment and got kicked out of own party
So with number 2, like, if she had run out of one type of frosting or some other mistake, that happens. It sucks, but it happens. She should have told him before hand. Even if nothing happened and she just decided to make another cake, she should have told him ahead of time.
Now with number 3. We of course only have the posters words for it, but if she really did notice in the middle of the party that he wasn't too stoked about the cake? Why did she ask then. Going by the posters words, he wasn't making much of a scene at that point besides not eating a lot of the cake. This could have been a conversation they had after all the guests had left. She didn't need to turn it into a drama lama situation in the middle of everyone like some kind of daytime television show.
And 4. I'm going to be honest, the poster was being nasty with that remark. However, the girlfriends threat of not making a cake next year? Just as nasty. Neither come out looking good from this.
Now to wrap up. Way too many people are ignoring what the poster wanted in favor of heaping praise on the girlfriend for doing something for him. Shut up. This was important to him. It does not matter how small or big, if something is important to someone you care about, it should be important to you as well. The fact she either ignored or forgot what he wanted? That's not good.
The story doesn't make clear how specific this request was. Because she made him what he asked, chocolate and chocolate, as well as vanilla. If he specifically wanted nothing but chocolate, that should have been made crystal clear.
@PhoenixStanfield124 idk if someone told me they wanted a chocolate cake on chocolate I would just make it as specified, chocolate cake, with nothing additional.
A cake that has what She put in it
maybe she wanted to surprise him? its really hard to read a situation from a singular point of view and very little knowledge of their relationship prior to the incident
@@zenbozic6184 She specifically asked what he wanted. If a surprise was the intention, that makes it even worse. You don't ask what someone wanted and then "surprise" them with something else.
In a vacuum, his statement at the end sounds like an overreaction. It does make me wonder if it's about a larger pattern though.
I remember when a class way back in high school got mad at me for saying hurtful things to a guy. Thing is, he was sexually harassing me and it had gone on long enough for me to realize that was the only way to get him to temporarily back off.
Someone pushed into a corner will always sound crazy to people who can't see the corner.
It’s 1 of those stories where it depends on how you interpret it. My initial reaction was that the guy was completely in the right but kind of an asshole and that you couldn’t blame the woman for being upset. I think that’s maybe because I’ve been in his shoes quite a bit, where ppl have said “I’m gonna do/buy this for you” and you tell them not to and yet they still do it. Or someone spends a lot of time/effort/money on something for you that you don’t rly like, and you’re just like “well I never told you to do it”
But I’ve been on the girl’s side where someone’s told me they want something so instead of just buying that, I try to 1 up that or add my own twist to it, without rly thinking that it might disappoint/frustrate them.
Like adding a bit of vanilla to a chocolate cake, still makes it a chocolate cake. She probably just thought “I’m gonna make a rly nice and special chocolate cake” after hearing “chocolate cake” without rly thinking “he just wants chocolate cake so I’m gonna give him exactly what he wants”
And I think whatever side you side with affects how you imagine certain parts of the story. Like there were a lot of different opinions on how much vanilla was actually on the cake. And depending on who side with affects how much of a scene you the guy made of it. Like when he said that his wife could see he was disappointed, ppl who sided with the girl probably interpreted that as the guy sitting with arms crossed and muttering “for fuck sake” until his wife noticed. But I interpreted that as him seeing the cake being disappointed for a second but thinking “oh well” and not planning to dwell on it or say anything about it, and then his wife catching that look in that second and asking him why he looks disappointed, and I mean why should he have to lie about how he feels? And also how you imagine he asks for Chocolate cake rly change the story. Like if you side with the girl you probably imagine her going “what cake do you want?” And him quickly saying “eh just a chocolate 1” while looking down at his phone. But if you side with the guy you probably imagine him clearly saying “I just want a chocolate cake for my birthday. That’s it, just chocolate. That’s the cake I want”
But I think either way you look at it, you can’t blame either for being upset
problem is she didn't listen to him. he asked specifically or a devils food cake. what she made just isn't that. if i ask for a hamburger with sauerkraut, and get a cheeseburger instead, i can get annoyed even if i love cheeseburgers. like sure, he could have reacted a bit better, but so could she. she's in the wrong for not making what he wants. both need to learn how to talk about things in a more healthy way
Dude was 1000% sulking/pouting. He picked around the vanilla part like a 6 year old even though he mentioned in his post that he likes vanilla. He just did it to make a point that he was mad she didn't follow his instructions to the letter. It's extremely childish and he was obviously baiting a response from her
This was the most random thing I didn’t expect, but I enjoyed it.
Saw the title and knew it was going to be a banger
this is why Delicious memory is limited
All I know is that this would've made a great Magical Hats topic.
As much as I think his comment about getting his money back was uncalled for, it kinda is a valid response to “well I’m just not doing this for you again. Since I gave you something you didn’t ask for.”
“How do you know the thinnest lair was vanilla” the middle filling in a cake has to be the thinnest or the cake will fall apart
Stating the obvious (chocolate icing sucks) after 20:15 of discussion is why he's the GOAT, fucking hilarious.
literally if my wife asked for a turkey sub with lettuce and mayo and i served her a turkey sub with lettuce mayo and tomatoes then when she got upset i responded with "but you like tomatoes on your burger" no one would call her the asshole.
The difference is that the dude literally does like vanilla in cakes, he was mad because it wasn't what he asked for to the letter. He was being passive aggressive. He describes the cake as being really chocolate just with one layer of vanilla frosting. Your analogy doesn't hold up
? at no point in this post does he say he doesn't like vanilla. what does happen is he asks for one thing then is given another and when he got upset the wife responded with "but you liked the last vanilla cake i made" that's literally a 1to1 are you high? maybe i sliced my tomato's very thin you don't know. your literally trying to argue over nothing @@AL-ry5ly
Honestly, I wouldn't even have considered the vanilla filling to be a departure from the order. In addition, the guy said he was calm, but I remember times when I thought I was keeping a calm composure but friends and family thought I was really upset. One has to remember there is always a skewed view when reading these posts.
he asked for a devils food cake! look it up if you don't know it
@JonathanMandrake I did. Literally the Wikipedia picture for it has it with vanilla frosting. Food concepts don't always translate literally
so proud of joseph for uploading this while under surgery… respect 🫡
Lmao one of his editors probably uploaded it
Pretty sure Vlad is the one that uploads all the content to this channel
1 like= 1 amen
It's a 36yo widow/divorcee/woman with children outside of marriage raising kids plural dating a younger man. It's not the same stakes as a 20 something couple with no kids and there will be anxieties and stresses in that situation which are much greater than yours as well as a higher level of commitment the woman will require from her partner. By baking for her boyfriend the woman is trying to contribute to their relationship and by expressing his disappointment in such a frank manner rather than gently the boyfriend risks making his partner feel like they aren't being valued which could set off their anxieties about the relationship. Arguing that those anxieties are narcissistic because the woman happened not to listen well when he requested his cake doesn't hold water. These anxieties are totally normal in this situation not a personality disorder.
"I will order one next year and get my money back if they don't make it the way I want" has me dying 🤣
I think the misunderstanding was because of what he asked, he said "just a chocolate cake, nothing fancy" because he wanted a basic chocolate cake, but she might have taken it as him just being humble and decided to make a little extra for him she thought he would like.
He specifies the frosting type, and she switches the type of frosting
@@SplashCity46 Nah, he got his chocolate frosting. The cake just had vanilla in it as well. He didn't say to exclude anything either.
@@matthewjenkins4391 he asked for a devils food cake specifically. she simply didn't bake the cake he asked for
@JonathanMandrake It could have very well been a Devil's food cake, since all thst changes is like, the chocolate texture and how fluffy or rich it is. It can still have vanilla in it. So she still listened and baked him a deviled chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, but put vanilla which he say to not put in.
chocolate cake has vanilla in it, but vanilla frosting is different.
Here's my honest take, into the void of people that won't see this:
I agree with most of what MBT described, but where my opinion diverges is that I don't think the "I'll buy a cake so I can return it" is the only thing wrong with this post from OP's side. It's where he crossed the line for sure, but he was already treading it.
He presents it as him simply wanting to "not lie" to her. But although he did tell her the truth, that was *definitely* not the only way, or the best way, to communicate it.
If my boyfriend baked me a cake that I didn't like, because it was different to what I said I wanted. My instinct to communicate my honest opinion, is *not* to say _"If I wanted vanilla, I would have asked for vanilla"._ I think that, whether he meant to or not, he communicated his thoughts in a really unnecessarily passive aggressive tone. Which understandably made his girlfriend upset. There's no reason why he couldn't instead have said something like:
_"I really appreciate that you made the cake for me, and that you tried to make it special, but I really did only want chocolate. So yeah, I was kind of disappointed with the vanilla"_
To this you could say "that's way too many words", but I disagree (not least bc it doesn't need to be those words exactly). I think that although you don't need to be "grateful" for getting something you didn't want, for a partner you love and care about, it's normal and healthy to at least acknowledge and respect the effort from your partner to *try* and do something for you. The OP of this post did not even *try* that with his responses right from the start, and I think he is a bit of an asshole in this situation for it.
I want to bring up the fact that he did not disclose his disappointment on the matter until after she explicitly asked for him to do so. People retorted that "I would have stayed silent" but that wasn't an option for him, she asked him and he could either lie to her and validate her idea that she knows what's better for him than he does which is a very toxic standard to nurture in a relationship especially if it escalates into something more important or tell the truth and try to have an honest discussion about it and while it is his fault he didn't try to engage in an honest discussion, it is not his fault he was put in that situation and I don't think he was wrong for telling the truth. He didn't pout and whine and he even ate the cake and her problem with him arose only after she asked him what upset him.
Also a note on the situation on it being his birthday and people saying that its stupid to like your birthday I say this: It's stupid to go on youtube or twitch and watch an adult man play a children's card game, it is stupid to even have a family because you are losing money you could be investing to get an early retirement and living an objectively easier life, it is stupid to have a girlfriend who isn't perfect in every way and never does anything you didn't want them too because you could be doing better. So why do we do these things? BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM! we have different values and beliefs and things we hold dear. He might care alot about his birthday and you care alot about a religion, culture, hobby, or political affiliation you would not grin and bear your own partner intentionally mocking even in a small way. and the guy from this very post might say to you in your own AITA post "grow up lol she played your stupid yugioh game and it's your fault you are mad at her for saying it was boring and dumb and you should quit it so your kids won't be ashamed of you" to which you would say "but it really matters to me" and ALL I ask is that you put yourself in *their shoes for a few seconds* to ponder that you are the person making fun of - for all we know - the one thing he tries to keep sacred for himself.
Devils advocate: when he asked for icing she might have only understood it as what was around the cake and they just talked past each other understanding what that meant rebuttal: I just simply think that the following argument does not imply any sort of misunderstanding as her argument was that he liked vanilla cake and I think it would be unfair to say she meant something different from what she said
this AITA post is a personality test
I'm glad my parasocial father figure has raised me to share his exact opinions
As things are presented here, I'm very much on OP's side. He did ask for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on top and middle, he got chocolate cake with a different frosting. He was upset but didn't mention a thing until she asked at which point he was honest with her, maybe he was more upset than as presented here but he was still honest to her, you know, a very important part of being in a relationship. Then she seems she gets angry at the fact he is upset and is up until she makes an angry comment about her not baking him a cake next year that he answers with the petty reply. Is it petty and rude? Hell yeah! Does it make him the asshole? I don't think so, the comment was done after she had escalated the problem into an actual argument, is not something to be proud of but I don't think it was unmerited considering the argument got bad enough that he left his own birthday party.
He acts innocent, but the fact that she could see he wasn't happy when he had the cake tells me that he was showing dissatisfaction even though he presents otherwise, and wanted to have the discussion. So he made enough of a scene that she noticed.
Cos otherwise I'd agree, I'd smile and enjoy the cake, cos it's cake and you have to actively work not to enjoy it, and then next time be more clear and explicit about what I want to make sure I get the cake (I'd still call what she made a chocolate cake, cos the cake part is chocolate, so there's no like malice, it's just semantics that you can clear up next time with no one feeling bad, she just misunderstood your guy's purist choc cake definition lol, she thought she was doing the brief but even better)
Asking if he was disappointed was probably the most disingenuous thing in the post. She knows he's disappointed, hence her asking in the first place, and she knows why he's disappointed. But rather than just state she can see he's disappointed or anything she makes a point of asking if he's disappointed. Despite this, she's not upset until she asks and he answers that yes, he is. She gets mad at him for both answering honestly and giving her the answer she already knew was true herself. She knew she disappointed him but wasn't upset until he actually said it, she's upset he has the audacity to be honest with her and critical of her instead of lying to her and absolving her of her mistake. She deliberately asked him what he wants, didn't make it for him, sees he's disappointed, and then gets angry he didn't lie and say he wasn't. Snake af behaviour
Yeah that is honestly the core factor. She knows he didn't like it(The plate and otherwise why ask?) and is right then and there actively starting shit.
@luminous3558 it's not just that she knows and is upset he's disappointed. That would be a little unjustified but at least a genuine response. Her feeling like he's ungrateful because he's disappointed would be a valid emotional response even if many people like myself would think he's still in the right.
It's that she *isn't upset until she asks a question she already knows the answer to and he responds honestly.* She is specifically upset he didn't lie to her out of complacency.
“She knows why he’s disappointed” genuinely fuck off. He is at a party with a hand made cake from scratch has less than a single slice and she asks if something’s wrong. He could have had a stomach ache or not been hungry or a million other things the idea that she “must” have know is insane. The idea that she goaded him into fight is so narcotic. She saw someone wasn’t eating a lot and asked if something was wrong nothing about that is abnormal or manipulative
I also find it disturbing that she asked if he’s upset than got angry at his answer. If she actually cared about his feelings, she would’ve understood. Instead she chose to kick him out of his own birthday party? It’s kinda ass backwards to me.
@josephsheehan6079 she didn't ask if something was wrong, she asked "are you disappointed', because she saw he was.
Imagine if someone asked you what they should get you for your birthday and you answered Pokemon Scarlet and they go out and can freely choose between the version and get you Violet anyway, because they think Miraidon is the better Legendary.
If you are someone in a committed relationship, you need to be front and forward with all the decisions that are made. You shouldn't hide or surprise your partner who is very particular about the way things are done. You should discuss and agree on a plan. Every plan if possible.
Surprises are nice but can come at the cost of it backfiring, and you need to be fully prepared to accept whatever reaction they have to your surprise and accommodate.
If the man wanted a Truck and the wife got him a Lambo, do you think he would be in the wrong if he were upset?
If this man had a peanut allergy and she surprised him with a Chocolate Cake with a layer of nuts in the middle instead, then she is at fault of whatever consequence happens. Even if she didn't know if he had a peanut allergy, she should have done her due diligence to plan the cake with his input and not deviate.
She offered a cake, he told her he prefers a chocolate cake, chocolate icing, and nothing fancy. What did she do? She did something fancy. He was disappointed. What did he do? He held his tongue. He was visibly disappointed which prompted her to press for his thoughts, but he intended to accept the gesture. And when she asked, he was honest with her.
Maybe he could have phrased it differently. "Yeah, I'm a little bit disappointed because I wasn't expecting Vanilla in the cake. I apologize that I'm very particular about this and I appreciate that you've made a cake for me, but I prefer to have a Chocolate cake with nothing extra on it. Next time, if you want to add something, can you run it by me first?"
I think that would be an inoffensive way to tell your partner that you weren't happy with something. The issue? This is very difficult to articulate in the moment. He did everything in his power when he was caught off guard and had to provide an answer on the fly.
He got kicked out and she made a remark about how embarassing it was for her, when in fact it was more embarassing for him. And he retorted with a phrase that seemingly made him out to be an a-hole, but, he reacted in the moment.
So let's review: he had expectations, got dissappointed, decided to not say anything about it, was pried for information, he was honest, got kicked out of his birthday, and she called him to scold him while he was already down in the dumps. As a normal human being, he is allowed to say what he said in frustration. He is not an a-hole. He just doesn't have the patience of a saint. And neither do any of these reditors.
Honestly, I think the whole thing hinges on whether or not he communicated EXACTLY what he wanted, or if he said something along the lines of "oh, just a devils food cake with chocolate icing, nothing fancy." Vanilla icing between layers is not a very far-fetched thing to do, or even to find a recipe for and just put chocolate icing on top. Like, dog, unless you specified that you didn't want vanilla, or unless you gave her an EXACT RECIPE, that is the cake you asked for. If you didn't like it, that is YOUR fault for not being clear, or at the very least it sure isn't her fault.
I'm with the guy besides the in front of the kids thing. I would've just lied and said it was good till you have a moment in private with them, then say something. Also in the end, it's just a cake lmao
Seriously, he is pushing 40 and doesn’t know basic time and place shit. Also anyone saying “she goaded him” is a fucking alien. “Is everything alright you’ve barely touched your food” is a goddamn cliche for a reason
As was said, the cake it a microcosm in a much larger issue in this relationship
I remember AITA going off on a guy for making his wife eggs in a way that wasn't perfectly centered, when she asked him not to make eggs for her unless it was the way she wanted, then getting upset when she didn't eat them. It's the same concept.
I think what is entirely being missed here us that it takes a lot of effort to bake a cake. It isn't something that can be done on a whim, from prepping, baking, cleaning, and decorating. Artistic expression is a driving factor for the reason why some people bake, it's just not about eating the cake for them. So I can see why she felt disappointed when all this time, effort, and passion was met with, well it wasn't the cake I wanted. As somebody cooks for the family my response is always, well then you should have made it.
I like how a guy who is respectable and honest for 90% of an "argument" gets pushed to make 1 sarcastic/snide comment is enough for people to label him an asshole.
Yeah this sort of "whoever gets mad is wrong" attitude is pretty toxic.
The person pushing buttons will always look better than the one getting their buttons pushed if its a personal boundary that isnt commonplace.
Maybe it’s because he’s treating his girlfriend like a cake servant that makes people think he’s an asshole
@@josephsheehan6079 She. Asked. Him. What. He. Wanted.
Nothing's more annoying than having somebody continually push your buttons and prod at you with loaded questions, then play the victim when you inevitably blow up at them. Sad to see that a lot of people encourage that type of behavior.
@najawin8348 you can't make this shit up. People want to blame men for everything.
He's intentionally leaving out the specifics of the cake request, I feel.
"He order EXACTLY what he wanted".
No, read again. Being "eh, just chocolate on chocolate, nothing fancy" is not "don't put anything else".
Fancy cakes: LOTR theme and a chocolate waterfall
Josephs idea of a fancy chocolate cake: one vanilla layer
Peak moment of knowing I scrolled enough today, thanks
This whole video made me rewatch Harry Partridge's "You want this cake" video for context purposes
i love how everyone in an actual loving relationship immediately agrees that the dude is in the right (minus his bakery comment) while chat has a heart attack over it
Personally I just can't ever understand being so picky about chocolate cake. Like sure he didn't get exactly what he wanted, but if he wanted something done exactly how he wanted it in every way he should have done it himself. When someone else puts the effort in for you, you are expected to be grateful for that effort, even if it doesn't come out exactly how you wanted.
@@rickmel3883 I think it's important to remember it was only the layer of frosting on the inside that was different, the entirety of the rest of the cake was exactly what he wanted. Personally that's the kind of disappointing detail that might cross my mind a single time and I would never think about it again. That's all I was trying to say. I can't imagine caring enough about a single layer of frosting to even be visibly upset about it.
From the very simple perspective that’s pretty common among responses to the subject being “yeah his snarky comment was a bit too much” I’m not really losing sleep over calling him an asshole in that moment. It doesn’t mean anything, I’m not the final arbiter over him as a person and nobody else on the internet should be.
Now the real assholes are the people in the replies going “IF HE WAS A WOMAN YOU’D AGREE WITH HER”
We’ve got the next rSlash over here. I would instantly subscribe to a channel of MBT just giving his opinion on Reddit stories
Damn, this one is some of the most terminally online I've seen Twitch chat. If you're lead to believe Twitch chat, this guy is like, gaslighting his girlfriend, ungrateful, entitled, and manipulative. But like... this is understandable. The girlfriend asked what the guy wanted, the guy gave her an answer, and then the girlfriend didn't deliver on what was agreed upon.
If this was a completely unprompted thing, that she made the cake for his birthday without him knowing and then he didn't like it and said what he said? Yeah, 100%, the guy is in the wrong, and he was being ungrateful for the act of kindness. But if you are expecting an outcome that you have very good reason to assume will be fulfilled, and then it is not fulfilled, then you're entitled to be disappointed.
The problem is literally him being an asshole about it though? It's so easy to communicate that he didn't like it in a way that wasn't being a complete dick.
@@Yeard491And he kinda did, by telling her the truth that he was disappointed after she explicitly asked him if he was, but she decided to escalate it for no good reason due to her feelings being hurt when she knew that the cake wasnt what he specifically asked for on his own damn birthday.
It has nothing to do with what he wanted, it's about how he told her about it. They're both stupid and bad at communication either way.@@supersoup9191
I literally saw a couple people calling Jilian a fucking "tradwife" after they heard what her opinion was. People were saying some legitimately nasty shit.
This clip sure gets a lot of engagement. Can’t wait to see the regular “MBT: AITA?” segment from now on
Well, you got your wish.
All I’m saying is the statement “she must’ve noticed I was upset” followed by “I didn’t pout” doesn’t seem entirely honest. Is he wrong? No. Was he handling it in a way to specifically make her feel dumb instead of communicate? Idk because I wasn’t there, but context says yes. Also the statement “you are entitled to the things that you like” is only true like 75% of the time, something about entitlement in a relationship is almost always going to end in your partner being upset. You should be looking out for their wants and needs at all times but it’s kinda childish to say you are entitled to enjoy every single thing they do for you
that's what happens when you cultivate yugioh players as viewers, they wont read.
I feel like this is a veiled conversation about the 2023 Megatin
I've actually been in a situation I feel is kinda like this one it was my birthday and my fiance had rented motel rooms for us and our family and I was complaining that they were to expensive and that I didn't really want to stay in a room anyways that's just what everyone else wanted but she tried to make my birthday special and I apologized for not being appreciative it all boiled down to a lack of communication and a lack of looking at it from her point of view on my part
maybe the real asshole was the friends we made along the way
This feels like how in bojack horseman Mr.Peanutbutter didn't listen to Diane and her preferences in partys and grand gestures
"Im not going to make you any cake next year."
"I will order my own and get my money back if they don't do it like I want it."
These responses after small, perceived slights sound like they're meant to hurt the other person. Functioning couples who love each other should never want to hurt the other intentionally, regardless of circumstance. Sounds like they're a bad fit.
The concept of "going a little extra" seems to be foreign to folks, cause that's what she was trying to do. It didn't work out but it might have worked out. She asked because she wanted some idea what he wanted so she could have a baseline to work with. I'm from a family where experimentation in food is welcome, maybe she's from a family like mine and he isn't. So much of this is based on who you are as people; except the reactions, both of them were jackoffs there.
Yeah everyone acting like home cooking is comparable to McDonald’s just doesn’t seem to get the spirit of home cooking. It’s a very American thing to be like “my family and friends are basically like waiters I don’t pay and I’m entitled to lord over them.”
How is not making the cake as requested “going a little extra”? He asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. It is not “going a little extra” to make it with a different frosting.
he specifically asked for a devils food cake tho. like sure, she could have experimented with which types of chocolate to use or something, but devils food cake means everything is chocolate, so to speak, and if you want to deviate from that you should ask
@@SplashCity46he got a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, as per the post. There was one stripe of vanilla in addition. Which is something he likes, he was just eating around it because he was making a point that it wasn't exactly the way he wanted
then just... ask? not everyone wants you to do a "little extra", it's not like she was making the cake without his knowledge, if she wanted to add more to it then she should have asked, I do agree they both made jerk comments but you can't just expect someone to immediately appreciate extra effort just because it's extra effort, some ppl just want exactly what they ask for
Its a matter of filling in the blank with 2 more hypotheticals:
1: He asked for exactly a plain, simple chocolate cake and she gave him one which was not, in which case he has a right to voice displeasure
2: He asked for a "chocolate cake with chocolate icing" or something similar with no further instructions, in which case he has the right to voice that it is not his preference for future reference, but not to complain that she went against what he wanted.
In the case of the second option, he likely either intentionally or unintentionally removed facts or misled on them, which is likely if you are someone who feels like you might have committed a wrongdoing.
Honestly my only qualm is: if she was going to add vanilla for some reason, even if they thought it made the cake better, why not just ask or tell him about it first? Seems like a much better plan to communicate your intent to your partner then to just hope everything will be fine.
the ammount of people who says the boyfriend is in the worng for being disapointed is frnakly really saddening, cause it shows that too many people are starved for relationships and/or grew up with narcisists so now they are afraid to express their needs in case that will drive others away. its literally killing me and giving me chest pains that there are so many people in need of unconditional love and respect...
Alternative hypothesis too many people in this chat threw a tantrum because they got a pikachu instead of Charizard cake and their parents reward them with a second cake. Respecting your partners time and effort even when it didn’t work out 100% how you wanted it is being a mature adult. You are allowed to want a straight chocolate cake but not being able to eat even one entire slice of a good cake because it isn’t exactly what you wanted is childish. And if someone (who spent hours making that cake for you) asks you should either white lie and ask later or be able to express your disappointment in healthy way. “The cake is good I’m just not in the mood for vanilla” is such a different statement than what he said. Treating your girlfriend like she’s your cake servant who failed is weird.
@@josephsheehan6079 while agree that the boyfriend had a really poor choice of words, what you say is exactly what i talked about.if you care more about POTENTIONALLY hurting frelings of others over yourself will lead you to the life of unhappines, because if you wont take care of yourself, no one will. You can always express it subtly or during a different date, but white lying and ignoring tour issues will DEMOLISH your self esteem in the long run. Also you clearly missed the point of the story. He wanted a pure chocolate but she gave him a chocolate cake with vanila. Both versions would take the same ammount of effort (i would even argue the pure chocolate one is easier). So it was NEVER about effort. It was about her ignoring ehat he said on purpose and then getting mad when her decision to ignore his words had bad consequences.
@@totallynotdio1311 getting dumped after your birthday because you can’t manage basic social tact is peak self care. I’m sure the store bought cake he will buy for himself next year will bring him more joy than she ever could. But I guess she must be a huge asshole making him a cake fundamentally the same as the one he asked for. Bullet dodged for him. Woo.
@@josephsheehan6079 see? This is what i talked about. Youre terrified that someone will leave you so you think its better to ignore what you want/need
@@totallynotdio1311 or I’m not gonna be in a relationship worth less than a fucking frosting choice. Also she already left him to read the edit to the post. He didn’t “potentially” hurt her feelings he fucking blunder his way out of relationship because he lacked basic emotional intelligence
Joseph is having the same response at 20:02 that I do anytime I find myself on Reddit. People not comprehending what they read in the OP and making shit up, then assuming their made up nonsense is what they're replying to. It's infinitely frustrating.
the reddit comenters are litterly reading a different post how.
This is how Will of the Councel was created
Also I thing I hate that I don't think was fully addressed is you get so many people who have a sort of superiority complex where they'll asl someone what they want and if they don't like their choice they'll assume, no no they will definitely like this other thing better because I think it's better and I know more about this
Something people are missing is one major point of the story that seems tiny but isn't. "...in front of her kids." After dating a few single mothers I've learned when they do something "random" like this it's not because they think it'll be better or fancier or anything like that. It's for the kids. One of the kids complained when they saw she was making a chocolate cake for him, wanted vanilla or some other kind, so she tried to compromise. When he was upset about it she took offense because she was doing it for her kid and that pushed her over the edge.
Then she should EXPLAIN THAT FIRST! I'm not on either side, but as someone who was a stepchild and brother to people who had drastically different taste preferences, being honest and upfront about. She had many times to say that to him, explain to him that the vanilla was for the kids. She didn't, therefore she missed the point. We have no indication the kids don't even like chocolate either, what if they LOVE IT?
@@ConductorElcrest yeah, even if she did it cause of a problem that couldn't be fixed or because of the kids, she should have asked if it was okay and expect that he may be disappointed if he doesn't know beforehand
My opinion is EVERYONE Sucks here. She should have made him the cake he wanted if she asked. But the additional comment didnt help
to varying degrees though. He's being petty and a bit mean. She's being a total jackass
Why are we all ignoring that she made the snide remark first? The guy is totally in the right.
@@Cybertech134no, he made the first snide remark. “If I wanted vanilla, I’d have asked for vanilla” is a snide remark. Sure, she asked him to voice his disappointment, but that doesn’t absolve him of the need to do so tactfully.
@@megcanby "Need to do so tactfully"
Women thinking men need to be tactful to protect their fragile little egos doesn't make it a "need".
"If I wanted vanilla, I would have asked for vanilla" isn't snide; it's staying an objective fact. If facts offend you, go cry in a corner about it.
If we put the faults in order, it goes like this:
- she didn't listen to what he wanted and imposed what she thought would be better
- he got a bit too upset about a minor change (although that's not what really upset him, it was the previous thing). Yes, it was not ok, but it wasn't so aggregious that it should have ruined the occassion.
- She WWAAAAAAYYYYY overrreacted to what was a pretty reasonable complaint. I get her being upset at his response to a gift, but kicking him out of his own celebration and screaming "I'll never bake a cake for you again" is just childish and petty.
- His response to that was awful. Honestly he crossed a line there.
- Her message made it clear that she did not care about making him happy, just about validating her own ego. She didn't actually want to make him feel good, she wanted him to praise her for a gift. In HIS OWN BIRTHDAY MIND YOU, she wanted it all to be about her.
I'm more on the guy's side here because the girl was being egocentric and didn't actually care about his celebration, only about how she could use it to validate herself. But he did act like an ass, that much is also very true.
My main takeaway is this: just because it's a gift, doesn't mean they have to like it no matter what. A shitty gift may come with nice intentions, but it's still a shitty gift. You are not entitled to validation just because you are giving someone a gift, because if not recieving validation is a transgression, then it's not a gift at all, it's a transaction.
A real gift is something you give because making the other person feel good is enough validation for you. It's about them, not you. If you make it be the other way around, then you are the selfish asshole.
it's way over-reading the situation but I agree with you, but the way he words things towards the post makes it sound like she is very selfish, so I'd say that we might need more context because he might've just had a fight with her before writing the post or something similar. They both were assholes but he worded his reasoning very nicely to justify his actions so it means he pondered upon his actions which makes him a bit less of an asshole, but it might also make him view her actions as more selfish than they actually were. But at face value yeah, they were both wrong, he overreacted since her actions weren't unreasonble, she made all the things he wanted and added more to it and he disliked it because he viewed it as a selfish act of her, thinking that she probably saw his request as him underplaying her skills and that she wanted just to prove herself, and this looks true due to her reactions to his disappointment that wasn't really exaggerated. So it's difficult to say what is closest to reality to determine who's less wrong, but they're both assholes
me personally i like cake
I saw the post around when it was first made, and a lot of the early comments were in a similar place as MBT, which I agree with. I don't get why people seem to be so against the fact that the poster wanted a cake a specific way and didn't make a scene until prompted (at which point he sucks). If he came in guns blazing, called the cake shit from the start, i'd understand. But he has every right to say "the cake was fine but I wanted all chocolate, like I told you when you asked me". What is wrong with that?
Communication is good, comprehension is MORE important!
It's not like she made something different like a strawberry cake, she made him a chocolate cake. There are a million chocolate cakes that have more things than just chocolate and there are many reasons for why she might've added vanilla. Maybe the recipe she looked at were cakes with vanilla, maybe a chocolate cake in her mind was a cake that is primarily made of chocolate but has other things like frostings or strawberries or god knows what. She doesn't have to know that his platonic ideal of a chocolate cake is literally only made out of chocolate and i really don't think that adding something extra to your partners unspecified request of a chocolate cake is indicative of a lack of communication or anything like that
he asked for a devils food cake. not just a chocolate cake. anything that isn't chocolate doesn't belong in that cake
I love the one chatter sliding by in chat; just “you’re all contrarians” bro is spitting.
snowball effect with out the AH snap bake is a heads up it got emotional and it just nukes
i feel like we abstracted this situation too much when really i just don't get why he got so hung up on cake lmao (this could've been the straw that broke the camel's back or whatever but he would have mentioned that in the post right?)
Yeah, birthdays are 100% unimportant but if you're going out of your way to ask someone what they want for it and then you don't do it you have no one but yourself to blame even if they're snarky about it after the fact.
On the off-chance Mr. Mono-Blue Tron reads my comment I do wanna say that he only made the snarky (outta line but correct) comment after she did the petty "well I'm not gonna make you a cake next year" remark. I'm just sayin, she both started, and escalated this issue. Then kicked him out of his own party
You have to take these with a grain of salt as they are clearly one persons perspective.
If it was truly as civil as described then no, he's not an asshole. I doubt he was as polite as he described here though.
yeah, especially considering his store cake remark, I doubt he was that level-headed about it
nah, he's def TA here. Anyone in a relationship should know when to hold em and when to fold em and that was a folding moment.
Like why would you anwser with a response that could lead to an argument like this? This was the equivalent of ordering curly fries and reciving tater tots. Like yes, it's not what u ordered, but is it really worth going to the trouble of fixong when you could just shut.up and eat your friend potatoes no matter what form they come in?
Literally if he just didnt make the comment he would have totally been in the right. She asked him what he wanted, he gave her his answer, she didn't provide him with that, she questioned him when she saw he was clearly unhappy, he expressed disappointment, she then put the onus of blame on him because "he liked it when I made it before."
..and? He didn't ask for that. I even think saying something like "I'm sorry, I know you wanted this, but I thought you would enjoy something a little extra." There wasn't ill will, but it was a mistake, and that's fine.
They are still all going to hell though
Like just about every AITA prompts, yes. Not at the beginning, but he ended it as one, so yes, yes he was. Also, be clear on what you want for your damn cake.
The OP is always the asshole, simply by virtue of having posted on AITA.