@@GoodBeets4ME that’s the idea, but this video is pointing out that it’s not that easy. Most people say something they regret, or something like that, rather than murdering somebody, however.
I love that she distinguishes between anxiety and intuition. Our emotions are a blessing and a form of knowledge but like anything, they take discipline and practice to understand their true use.
"If something causes a huge emotional response, it must be a big deal and I have to act on it", something I have been believing in and never realized...
I felt nauseous before my first mortgage signing...My mom said she felt the same way at tbe same time in her life.. some relief. We needed this farm. We were happy there for 30 years.
I'm sitting in my room, so distressed and caught up in stress that I practically feel paralysed. I can't do anything. Can't get up eat drink water or sleep. Just sitting with intrusive thoughts trying to reason with them. This all is a very miserable state of mind to have. I am learning to understand myself so I can take better care of mental health. This all was helpful. Thank you.
Don't do that cause I have been there just get out of bad and leave your mind alone go outside and don't misunderstand your feelings accept them without judgement.❤ For inst ; you decide right now to go out but now your mind telling you all the crap what if this happen or what if a girl or boy tries to talk to you then what will you do so all this imagination will take place and then you fall for this trap cause you think if I am feeling this way then I must be right.❤😂
I have been doing that slowing down and its helped heaps. I also started not letting the trigger trigger me. Its sounds simple enough, but its a game changer if you can master that and puts you in full charge of yourself!
This was useful, thank you! And to anyone here struggling with anxiety, just know you are not alone and keep going. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second if you have to. You got this!
@@sethtenrec We have the Bible that tells us what the Lord thinks, to a certain degree. His ways are higher and His thoughts are greater than we can understand right now. He loves you and all He has created, that’s why He came to the earth, paid our sin debt and is preparing a place for you in Heaven. Adam brought sin into the world, and we are just like him. God made a way back to Himself by Jesus’s blood that was a full payment for our sins. He created us for fellowship with Himself as was planned in the beginning. Satan is the ruler of this world at the present time, but his time is very limited. You can look around and see how desperate he is to destroy the human race.
You HOPE this is helpful? You’re out here doing amazing work while spreading fantastic knowledge to those of us that either cannot afford professional therapy, those of us that cannot attend mental health therapy due to career restrictions, and those of us simply fascinated by psychology and the human condition. Your work is BY FAR helpful in ways you may not have even considered. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help others, and the incredible work you’ve done introspectively as well so that you better understand what lies within your field of expertise.
This video freed me from a tyrant: the belief that my random bouts with anxiety always mean something . I realized much of my stress was coming from taking them seriously, searching for what might be causing them, and thinking the worst. They are simply "there", and often are only a result of physical discomfort or lack of sleep. Thank you so much. You are doing wonderful work!
One of the things I appreciate with RUclips videos is, that it’s not said one time and gone forever. I can go back as many times as needed and trust me. I need that 😅 Thank you for making these videos, I really appreciate it 🙏
Oh my God I connected to this video so much I have left a high demand religion, and they were very much into emotions of feeling the spirit, and if you didn’t feel right, it was the devil, and I am so grateful for the validation of this video.
"When the student is ready, the teacher will come" - Thank you for the gift of this video...I have struggled with emotions and emotional reasoning all my life. Today was especially difficult. Now I understand how to make changes to my perspectives.
@@tommac21 “us”? Are you attempting to speak for other people? All kidding aside, I haven’t found any subject that can’t have some wisdom illuminated in me by good teachers.
Thank you very much, I’m 25 years old and have always felt overcome by high emotions. Mainly my anger, anxiety or sadness. I’m at the point in my life where my reactiveness is genuinely clouding my vision, so I’m trying to teach myself a better way of being. I’d love to learn more about ways of growing out of emotional reactiveness within close intimate relationships if you don’t already have videos on this topic, thank you again for sharing!
I love this woman she deserves all the success and money that she’s growing from this RUclips channel. She’s making a huge difference and so many peoples lives and she’s doing it for free to us. God bless you and your family.
This helped me so much! I was the person that felt that because I felt awkward in awkward situations I must be awkward. I love the idea of zooming out on our feelings and seeing them from a different perspective. When I really struggled with anxiety what I'd do is try to feel all that space around my emotions where things weren't quite as charged. For some reason thinking about things spatially and then seeing my emotions from different angles really helped. Gonna practice what I learned in this video!
This is such a crucial topic. Think about, in all levels of society, the idiotic things that people do based on emotional reasoning. Sadly society is heavily influenced via their emotional reasoning. Again, great topic that I have to continually remibd myself about. Thank you!
I can feel my brain actively changing as I’m listening to this. I shared this with a few of my friends and I’m a firm believer the world would be a much better place if every child was taught this ❤ thank you
I was just speaking with my therapist about congnative distortion & what will help, my brain is wired for negative, anxious, worried, catastrophic thinking, this was Very helpful, Thank you so much Emma🙂ps Wishing you Happiness &Love in your new 🏠
I think living by our emotions comes from just wanting to stop the pain/discomfort or increase the pleasure: didn't go through with it because the anxiety was just too great... Thank you, Emma. We short-change ourselves a lot of the times we let our emotions 'sway the vote'! 😊🙏❤
Ahhh! Thank you! I was always irritated by the evolutionary explanation of anxiety because my experience of anxiety doesn't feel at all the same as when I am facing an actual threat. To hear you explain the difference between intuition and real danger vs disregulation and anxiety makes so much more sense!
It’s all such a long journey. I think the number one point to take away from this is “slow down” when the emotions hit. There’s a lot more to it, but that is step number one. Slow down, take a breath, take another deep breath, and another. Close your mouth, don’t do anything.
I really needed to hear this today. If you did too, I'm sending you all the love and wisdom. We're not alone. Thank you so much!! You're the best @TherapyinaNutshell
This was great! I often struggled to identify emotional reasoning but when you described it at the start I knew exactly what you were talking about. I think it can be easy to ger tangled up in the idea that strong emotions are "bad" because they "make" us react. Working through resources like your fantastic videos had enabled me to look back on times that I've essentially frozen myself in anger because I felt the anger was in itself bad... now I take the time to slow down and look at the anger and let myself feel it. It sounds like a little thing, but I think the simple fact that feeling angry and acting on it are different things has really helped me be a much happier person. Thank you!
This video taught me so many amazing, practical skills. I took three pages of notes. Thank you so much for your work and for making this information accessible. You are doing the world a wonderful service. You channel is so valuable.
These videos have been helping me this week ive been on a healing journey in my own life and each day comes with its struggles but these are helping me calm down a bit thank you :)
My mistake was confusing intuition with emotion. I value intuition highly. By confusing the two, it led me to be impulsive, which led to negative outcomes. I’m now learning how to be more rational to counteract the impulsive behaviors.
Helpful information! I have been much more emotional lately due to a series of deaths most recently my dads. I have destroyed a good friendship by over reacting to a situation. Hopefully time will heal the rift, I've apologized but now must deal with the result. I'm focusing on learning the necessary emotional control, this talk gives me hope.
It's not cognition or the thinking function of consciousness that distorts emotions. It is the repressed emotions, feelings, instincts, and complexes that distort cognition. The unconscious is full of repressed energy and wounds. Until this primal repression is purged and integrated, a person will always be reactive. We react out of the emotions and wounds of the past. Jung called this repressed content the shadow. It took me 23 years to clear primal repression and now I am completely non reactive and do not suffer anxiety or depression anymore. This process is called "individuation" or spiritual awakening and it is symbolized in all the world's spiritual and religious traditions. But yes, to your point, the first step is to strengthen the ego by learning new ways of thinking. Peace.
Really your videos are providing values of our life at greater extent. It has become an excilir for the individuals who are battling with negetive emotions.I find an improvement in perceptions and way of thinking through your videos.I literally admire you the way you explain the concepts.
Thanks. Between stimulus and response there is the breath. Stopping in the midst of emotional upheaval to gain perspective and access our deeper wisdom.
Wow what a helpful video. I definitely grew up in a house where my mother was this way and I see myself reflecting this to a lesser extent, and want to fix it. What a great place to start, loved the suggestions and clear explanations.
Hi, your videos are super helpful-just a quick tip: avoiding breaking eye contact with the camera after finishing every sentence could make them feel even more engaging and connected!
Thank you so much talking about emotional reasoning and for explaining the difference between emotions and intuition, it is incredibly helpful ❤ You are amazing 🙏
I Love your way of explaining emotional reasoning. This is an area of my life that I have had so much trouble in understanding. My theory regarding why so many people have trouble with this is they not only lack the tools you suggest, their feelings of low self worth impedes their ability accept that their way of processing emotions is beyond their control and therefore caused by outside influences. Thank You
Wow this one was packed with great information. Love when Emma says count to five then changes and says count to ten when feeling anxious. She addressed the problem as if she were taking on it herself. I'm playing this session back.
Same, and taking notes. Then the next big step is actually practicing. In this case, the platitude “practice makes perfect” Is a good one. “Practice makes better” is obviously truly correct, but the other one is easier to remember!
Everything was on point. Thank you. We have been using your videos during our groups when i was in a residential behavior modification program. It helped me a lot and i’m still watching your videos up to now that i have stepped down of the program.
Hi i watched your video on regret and it absolutely changed my life my perspective. I was stuck but now i am not . The tining could not have been perfect. Thanks for making our new year beautiful by "hammering" right mindset. Love you with all my heart. Really grateful to you . Thanks.
Thanks for the practical advice you provide. Our freedom lies in the space between our actions and our minds ability to do nothing until nothing is left to do
I frequently watch your videos. You have changed my life tremendously. I suffer from really bad anxiety and these videos have helped me calm it down when it starts.
Thanks for the vid❤ and thanks for sharing your personal experience in application. I use “emotional tunnel vision” or “emotional flooding” or “emotionally charged thinking” rather than “emotional reasoning” even though I know the latter is a psychology term in cognitive behavioural therapy. And it is as you said, emotions aren’t the enemy. But you need to lead yourself and not have them lead you.
Omgs Thank you so much for your Wisdom. Abuse Distorted my learning. I lived in fight and Flight mode.. Bullied at school and by my mom. I remember living in fear and shame. I knew that I suffered damage by the Abuse. It damaged my future..
Your channel is fantastic! I am so grateful to have found it. The knowledge and skills I'm gaining are incredibly useful. Thank you for providing such valuable content!
Interesting personal story on the topic and a good explanation for self-reflection on how one's own consciousness deals with problems. It's nice that you share your experiences with us.
Hi Emma. This video was wonderfully helpful. Thank you. In many instances my reactions have to do with what I've brought into a specific situation. At the start of my marriage I'd come home too tired to listen to what my wife had to say, often feeling that she was attacking me, without my understanding what was going on. It was like walking into a war-in-progress. I realized that I was just too tired to involve and decided not to come home too tired to communicate. After all, the other person has the right to express themselves. This is why we got married. But I didn't bring the attention-span or the interest-level required in this relationship. Before taking this action, I tried explaining that I didn't always feel "in the mood" or able to talk about stuff after work, which was emotionally very demanding of me. "Would it be possible to postpone topics requiring big changes with enormous consequences 'til I have a chance to hear them out and be able to consider the difficulties appropriately? How about let's take some time on Saturday for this?" This led to quite the opposite reaction of, "You always..." and "You're never...". We were stuck in our perspectives. We separated and divorced because we were bringing the wrong tools to the table. In your video, you show the person "getting angry" with a pillow in her grasp. What if she had a sharp object or a gun? Walking into a situation in which one will often get angry while carrying a gun is almost a pre-determined violent act. A shooting is more likely to occur than when no gun was brought. My boss required unrealistic transition-times. Instead of 20 - 30 minutes, we had 15 minutes to get to the next school, find a parking-place, get up to the instruction-room and set up for the instruction. This precluded necessary discussions with the co-workers and pupils at the previous venue as it would mean arriving late to the next school. Naturally, I spoke with the boss about this sparking an attack from him, for, if he recognized this difficulty and wished to solve it, it would mean allotting enough time for 40 of us working outside of the central work-place and travelling throughout the city. He would be losing money while using-up his allotment of time. He refused and the ensuing time-pressure decreased my/our communication-skills and -readiness. Fights, misunderstandings and feelings of bad intentions in the schools between all involved ensued due to the meager time-allotment for transition. Similarly, when the boss wanted to cap the number of hours allotted to the group with which I was working from 10 to 6/week ("Your number of hours won't be affected, though") I explained that our (working) concept would have to be revisited and we wouldn't be achieving the same results with 6 hours as with 10. When he exploded, I resigned my position as the director of this youth orchestra. My father used to say that it took two to tango. But regardless of the readiness to take responsibility, being coerced to dance a waltz, when a tango is being played is - although interesting - will draw-forth more mistakes than if the music were changed or the dance. My work (I'm now retired) and my relationships all require time, as you've probably noticed, by now. Every communication takes time (even to write this sentence). Not allotting this time, not being allowed the time or using this time for other things (while interrupting) causes pressure in which such situations cannot be successfully negotiated. Do you see what I'm saying? Many friends have this situation in which the boss regularly underestimates the time it takes. The cook-friend gets 12 minutes for the pizza, but what about the time it takes to remove it from the oven, slice it, season it, put it in the box and close it, bring it to the register AND take the money and give the change. The nurse (Maria) has exact time to spend on her prescribed services but these do not take into account the things that arise in the course of being a nurse. My carpenter-friend is not ready to cut-corners on things which require the allotted time (lime, separating things in order to saw them correctly etc.) so that his co-worker can go home, earlier. I could go on and on. But I wanted to show a general tendency of the (inherent) nature of the relationship between the boss' interests and those of the employee with regard to time, cost and responsibility while enforcing these with economic pressure. Consequences are real (patients can die, the pizza orders can get backlogged, the panels sometimes must be redone costing time and material, bridges can collapse and the pupils can feel rejected and ignored, because they ARE being rejected and ignored). These prevalent and unrealistic time constrictions and the ensuing pressure prevent at least me from counting to ten.
I have always struggled with anger , resentments, and unforgiveness. I have been working on it with a therapist and 12 step sponsor, and it is getting better. I was told that resentments only hurt you, not the wrongdoers. I had to write down my resentments and how they affected me to see the damage to motivate me to let go. I also had to write down my part in the resentments so I could see where i was in the wrong, make amends, change behaviors, build my character and reconcile relationships if appropriate. Obviously there are some situations you don't play a part like if you were abused. I really get into psychology and human behavior so I like to understand why people act how they do for example mental illness. It helps to have compassion on them and to wish them well. This is NOT justifying or condoning it just helps to understand, have compassion, and wish them well. Its also not good to get revenge, not only because of consequence but they will get their karma and there will be justice. If it motivates them to change and make amends be happy for them.
Video’s summary: 1:47: Emotions lie to you all the time, but they feel so real. 2:23: Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion that makes you believe that something is true simply because it feels true. However, just because you feel something, it doesn’t mean it’s true. 4:53: 3 minds: emotional, rational, and wise. The wise mind considers both the emotional and the rational minds before making a decision. 5:41: What about intuition? Intuition comes with a quiet sense of confidence and a drive to action. On the other hand, emotions are rash, loud, sloppy, and impulsive. 6:37: How to be less emotionally reactive: (1) Slow down; pause, don’t react; (2) 7:34: Opposite action; (3) 8:43: Notice your emotional triggers so you can predict them; (4) 9:24: If you do have an emotional blowup, analyse it afterward. Write down what happened and how you will handle it differently next time. 10:02: Emotion processing: OWECA: O (observe: notice your feelings without believing them); W (willingness: be willing to allow the feeling to be); E (explore: look for alternative thoughts); C (choose the most constructive thought); A (act).
I learned to suppress my emotions while I was growing up, so I actually have a difficult time with expressing how I feel in a healthy manner. I usually bottle my emotions but I’m trying to help myself by expressing myself. Since I bottle my emotions is turns into something very negative internally. It also causes me not to trust my own emotions, like “is it okay for me to feel angry about this?” When I knew I was…. Sometime when I get angry I literally want to blow up on people but I never have. I just remain quiet but internally I’m screaming. Now at my big age of 31 I’m learning how to express my displeasure with someone or something in a healthy way. I think it took for me becoming a mom to realize I needed to work on this. Expanding my communication skills also helps as well.
lol I laughed out loud at this title, as it's literally me. Since I remember. My dad would freak out when driving a car, cause I would gasp so loudly as if something terrible happened, and it was usually something small and silly, like I remembered something suddenly, or saw a squirrel. But my reaction would indicate that something terrible happened lol Yesterday (I'm in my 40s now) I had a major meltdown over the flooring in the kitchen being put the wrong way and the builder was mortified... I ended up apologizing to him multiple times 10min later, as my reaction was way overblown, etc. I also literally last week asked my boss during our 1:1 if she has any tips on how to be less dramatic when something negative happens (as this can be seen as unprofessional). Your videos are so so helpful and timely. Thank you x
Wow I can’t believe this was here this morning. It’s like everything I need help with coming my way. Yesterday I had a very big mouth about everything that upset me and I came home from work thinking I had a very big mouth. 😅
I've taken courses on Emotional Intelligence that did not even come close to explaining 'emotion' as well as Emma does in this video 1-Chemical reactions in brain 2-Big and Fast 3 - Not accurate or precise 4 - Demand Attention and lets others trigger and control you 5 - Influence our mood and perception 6 - Lead to bad decisions 7 - you can rewire your neural pathways. This describes the second half of my life, somehow I convinced myself to be true to my feelings instead of just logical all the time (big mistake). Life a balancing act. Logic is the meat, emotion is the seasoning. You don't want to ruin the meat. My acronym is AAA (1) Awareness - of my feelings (2) Attitude - let it sit or let it go, someone else's behaviour good or bad is not on me, visualize yourself being Zen-like and calm in the face of adversity which usually turns out to be nothing anyway (3) Act - get on with my own goals and work, otherwise someone else gets to control you and push your buttons, enjoy the freedom of discipline, its wonderful. (PS - the middle one is the key - visualize yourself as a calm person who sees the big picture ... and that does not mean you don't have feelings by any means - feelings are the spice of life, but not the meat. Calm is the space between feelings and logic, the pause that's the key. In Buddhism they call it emptiness - empty your cup they say - empty it of ego, emotion and be in the moment. (also loved the Star Trek analogy it is bang on). Thanks Emma. -Daniel Lawlor
This is such a great video! I am a religious person so I need to be able to listen to "feelings" but it's hard sometimes to discern between the intuition and the emotional reactive feelings. Thank you for clarifying. Plus, I have to make big decisions so I face the challenge of having big emotions attached that I am learning I have given too much credence too. The house example is similar to one I'm facing now so that helped so much as well!
Exactly why is this so great. It's not proven. Just because somebody gave their opinion on what may work. Doesn't solve the problem. Especially when they say it on social media. Never trust anyone on here .
The commenter literally says why it is 'so great.' Did you even read the comment you commented on?! Lol She mentions how the examples given in the video helped her clarify her own emotions and helped her see things with a different perspective. Emma, who made the video, gave her 'opinion' (more like information gathered and proven useful from years of experience), and this commenter validated its worth by stating how much it helped her. You're the only one here not to be trusted lol
Such an amazing series. I have CPTSD and anxiety...I've tried lots of different things, that band-aid symptoms. Your videos feel much more insightful than other therapies I've tried. Thank you!!
Improve your mental health with the free course, courses.therapyinanutshell.com/grounding-skills-for-anxiety-stress-and-ptsd
Emotioms are indicators, not dictators.
Its telling you something is going on, pay attention but don't allow your emotions to control you
"Emotions lie to you all the time. But they feel so real." Thank you! I really needed that reminder!!!
They brainwash you.
Thank you. "I am not my sensations. Emotions are sensations. I am not my emotions."
But emotions are still a powerful force in driving you to action, correct?
hopefully you think before you act and with your heart. I mean, people who commit murder are usually feeling pretty emotional@@sethtenrec
@@GoodBeets4ME that’s the idea, but this video is pointing out that it’s not that easy. Most people say something they regret, or something like that, rather than murdering somebody, however.
hence my inner mantra@@sethtenrec
“The Gift Of Fear” this book changed my life. It really helped me to discern between intuition and anxiety!
I looked it up is it the Gaven de becker book?
Fantastic book, totally agree.
Who wrote this book thanks 😊
I love that she distinguishes between anxiety and intuition. Our emotions are a blessing and a form of knowledge but like anything, they take discipline and practice to understand their true use.
I think everyone should read the gift of fear. It's an important book
"If something causes a huge emotional response, it must be a big deal and I have to act on it", something I have been believing in and never realized...
I felt nauseous before my first mortgage signing...My mom said she felt the same way at tbe same time in her life.. some relief. We needed this farm. We were happy there for 30 years.
I'm sitting in my room, so distressed and caught up in stress that I practically feel paralysed. I can't do anything. Can't get up eat drink water or sleep. Just sitting with intrusive thoughts trying to reason with them. This all is a very miserable state of mind to have.
I am learning to understand myself so I can take better care of mental health. This all was helpful. Thank you.
Don't do that cause I have been there just get out of bad and leave your mind alone go outside and don't misunderstand your feelings accept them without judgement.❤
For inst ; you decide right now to go out but now your mind telling you all the crap what if this happen or what if a girl or boy tries to talk to you then what will you do so all this imagination will take place and then you fall for this trap cause you think if I am feeling this way then I must be right.❤😂
@@stone7761 Thank you for the kindness and suggestion, I completely agree with you ❤
I’ve been there, I got out of my head more (gardening, long walks with music I like, and it helped. Hope things are going better for you! ☺️
I have been doing that slowing down and its helped heaps. I also started not letting the trigger trigger me. Its sounds simple enough, but its a game changer if you can master that and puts you in full charge of yourself!
This was useful, thank you!
And to anyone here struggling with anxiety, just know you are not alone and keep going. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second if you have to. You got this!
God loves us all the time, He doesn’t want us to feel anxious, but He isn’t mad when you do have those feelings.❤
المشكلة تكمن انه قد يكون نمط شخصية او نمط ثابت للشخص مدى الحياة بسبب تصميم مخه او دماغه الموضوع وراثي😢 هنا تكون مشكلة
@@suefaust947 if there is a god, and IF she is paying attention, and those are big “ifs”…one thing certain is that YOU don’t know how she thinks.
@@sethtenrec We have the Bible that tells us what the Lord thinks, to a certain degree. His ways are higher and His thoughts are greater than we can understand right now. He loves you and all He has created, that’s why He came to the earth, paid our sin debt and is preparing a place for you in Heaven. Adam brought sin into the world, and we are just like him. God made a way back to Himself by Jesus’s blood that was a full payment for our sins. He created us for fellowship with Himself as was planned in the beginning. Satan is the ruler of this world at the present time, but his time is very limited. You can look around and see how desperate he is to destroy the human race.
@@suefaust947 The Bible is propaganda written by men to control men and women. What else you got?
You HOPE this is helpful? You’re out here doing amazing work while spreading fantastic knowledge to those of us that either cannot afford professional therapy, those of us that cannot attend mental health therapy due to career restrictions, and those of us simply fascinated by psychology and the human condition.
Your work is BY FAR helpful in ways you may not have even considered. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help others, and the incredible work you’ve done introspectively as well so that you better understand what lies within your field of expertise.
So true!
She’s saving individuals and families and beyond
This video freed me from a tyrant: the belief that my random bouts with anxiety always mean something . I realized much of my stress was coming from taking them seriously, searching for what might be causing them, and thinking the worst. They are simply "there", and often are only a result of physical discomfort or lack of sleep. Thank you so much. You are doing wonderful work!
I relate to this so much, thank you for this comment!
One of the things I appreciate with RUclips videos is, that it’s not said one time and gone forever. I can go back as many times as needed and trust me. I need that 😅 Thank you for making these videos, I really appreciate it 🙏
Your teaching style and ability to bring knowledge so generously is greatly helpful - thank you immensely
Yes! I have a playlist of saved videos called "mental health" and I go back to these videos whenever I need them :)
Oh my God I connected to this video so much I have left a high demand religion, and they were very much into emotions of feeling the spirit, and if you didn’t feel right, it was the devil, and I am so grateful for the validation of this video.
"When the student is ready, the teacher will come" - Thank you for the gift of this video...I have struggled with emotions and emotional reasoning all my life. Today was especially difficult. Now I understand how to make changes to my perspectives.
Well when someone truly knows how to teach something that can't be taught. Let us know
@@tommac21 “us”? Are you attempting to speak for other people? All kidding aside, I haven’t found any subject that can’t have some wisdom illuminated in me by good teachers.
Thank you very much, I’m 25 years old and have always felt overcome by high emotions. Mainly my anger, anxiety or sadness. I’m at the point in my life where my reactiveness is genuinely clouding my vision, so I’m trying to teach myself a better way of being. I’d love to learn more about ways of growing out of emotional reactiveness within close intimate relationships if you don’t already have videos on this topic, thank you again for sharing!
I love this woman she deserves all the success and money that she’s growing from this RUclips channel. She’s making a huge difference and so many peoples lives and she’s doing it for free to us. God bless you and your family.
I love the way you speak, informative without being boring and you’re side tangents- as an adhder I definitely relate 😂
ADHD is a EF5 tornado that derails my dang trains all the time. Being blursed with Autism and ADHD is something I almost always go off on.
This helped me so much! I was the person that felt that because I felt awkward in awkward situations I must be awkward. I love the idea of zooming out on our feelings and seeing them from a different perspective. When I really struggled with anxiety what I'd do is try to feel all that space around my emotions where things weren't quite as charged. For some reason thinking about things spatially and then seeing my emotions from different angles really helped. Gonna practice what I learned in this video!
This is such a crucial topic. Think about, in all levels of society, the idiotic things that people do based on emotional reasoning. Sadly society is heavily influenced via their emotional reasoning. Again, great topic that I have to continually remibd myself about. Thank you!
I can feel my brain actively changing as I’m listening to this. I shared this with a few of my friends and I’m a firm believer the world would be a much better place if every child was taught this ❤ thank you
I was just speaking with my therapist about congnative distortion & what will help, my brain is wired for negative, anxious, worried, catastrophic thinking, this was Very helpful, Thank you so much Emma🙂ps Wishing you Happiness &Love in your new 🏠
The good news is, you CAN rewire your brain to a certain extent..it is hard work but so rewarding. Best of luck - nameste
@@joannefeeney5792 have you tried brain rewiring? if yes, can you share some information? appreciate it
I think living by our emotions comes from just wanting to stop the pain/discomfort or increase the pleasure: didn't go through with it because the anxiety was just too great...
Thank you, Emma. We short-change ourselves a lot of the times we let our emotions 'sway the vote'! 😊🙏❤
Ahhh! Thank you! I was always irritated by the evolutionary explanation of anxiety because my experience of anxiety doesn't feel at all the same as when I am facing an actual threat. To hear you explain the difference between intuition and real danger vs disregulation and anxiety makes so much more sense!
It’s all such a long journey. I think the number one point to take away from this is “slow down” when the emotions hit. There’s a lot more to it, but that is step number one. Slow down, take a breath, take another deep breath, and another. Close your mouth, don’t do anything.
@sethtenrec "close your mouth, don't do anything"
I need that tattooed on my head.
I really needed to hear this today. If you did too, I'm sending you all the love and wisdom. We're not alone. Thank you so much!! You're the best @TherapyinaNutshell
This was great! I often struggled to identify emotional reasoning but when you described it at the start I knew exactly what you were talking about.
I think it can be easy to ger tangled up in the idea that strong emotions are "bad" because they "make" us react. Working through resources like your fantastic videos had enabled me to look back on times that I've essentially frozen myself in anger because I felt the anger was in itself bad... now I take the time to slow down and look at the anger and let myself feel it.
It sounds like a little thing, but I think the simple fact that feeling angry and acting on it are different things has really helped me be a much happier person. Thank you!
5:33 Love this discernment about intuition and emotion
I think a lot of times people are mean to others when they hate themselves. I feel sad for them but I love myself.
Yeah, I can say the same.
Thank you. I believe this’ll come in handy. By the by, the Star Trek: TOS reference was priceless!
May the 4th be with you
You are an angel helping people who are suffering
This video taught me so many amazing, practical skills. I took three pages of notes. Thank you so much for your work and for making this information accessible. You are doing the world a wonderful service. You channel is so valuable.
Thank you! I love how practical this is.
These videos have been helping me this week ive been on a healing journey in my own life and each day comes with its struggles but these are helping me calm down a bit thank you :)
My mistake was confusing intuition with emotion. I value intuition highly. By confusing the two, it led me to be impulsive, which led to negative outcomes.
I’m now learning how to be more rational to counteract the impulsive behaviors.
I needed this one today! I have had a lot of anxious thoughts and mixed emotions while trying to work on marriage and this helped!
This is so impactful for me right now, Thank you. Congratulations on your new house!!!
1. Slow down
2. Opposite action
3.jott down recent events and how you couldve acted differently
Thank you!
Helpful information!
I have been much more emotional lately due to a series of deaths most recently my dads. I have destroyed a good friendship by over reacting to a situation. Hopefully time will heal the rift, I've apologized but now must deal with the result. I'm focusing on learning the necessary emotional control, this talk gives me hope.
I've actually been trying to be more aware of my thoughts and reactions and deal with them accordingly. Thank you so much for talking about this!
My therapist talks about similar concepts, and practice, when you’re not triggered, is an important step.
It's not cognition or the thinking function of consciousness that distorts emotions. It is the repressed emotions, feelings, instincts, and complexes that distort cognition. The unconscious is full of repressed energy and wounds. Until this primal repression is purged and integrated, a person will always be reactive. We react out of the emotions and wounds of the past. Jung called this repressed content the shadow. It took me 23 years to clear primal repression and now I am completely non reactive and do not suffer anxiety or depression anymore. This process is called "individuation" or spiritual awakening and it is symbolized in all the world's spiritual and religious traditions. But yes, to your point, the first step is to strengthen the ego by learning new ways of thinking. Peace.
@therapyinanutshell will you respond .?
Really your videos are providing values of our life at greater extent. It has become an excilir for the individuals who are battling with negetive emotions.I find an improvement in perceptions and way of thinking through your videos.I literally admire you the way you explain the concepts.
Thanks.
Between stimulus and response there is the breath. Stopping in the midst of emotional upheaval to gain perspective and access our deeper wisdom.
Wow what a helpful video. I definitely grew up in a house where my mother was this way and I see myself reflecting this to a lesser extent, and want to fix it. What a great place to start, loved the suggestions and clear explanations.
You are such a gift Emma. Thank you!
Hi, your videos are super helpful-just a quick tip: avoiding breaking eye contact with the camera after finishing every sentence could make them feel even more engaging and connected!
Thank you so much talking about emotional reasoning and for explaining the difference between emotions and intuition, it is incredibly helpful ❤ You are amazing 🙏
Please know that your work is valued and appreciated, from sunny Australia 💯
I Love your way of explaining emotional reasoning. This is an area of my life that I have had so much trouble in understanding. My theory regarding why so many people have trouble with this is they not only lack the tools you suggest, their feelings of low self worth impedes their ability accept that their way of processing emotions is beyond their control and therefore caused by outside influences. Thank You
Thanks!
Wow this one was packed with great information. Love when Emma says count to five then changes and says count to ten when feeling anxious. She addressed the problem as if she were taking on it herself. I'm playing this session back.
Same, and taking notes. Then the next big step is actually practicing. In this case, the platitude “practice makes perfect” Is a good one. “Practice makes better” is obviously truly correct, but the other one is easier to remember!
intuition is calm quiet vs my loud alarm emotions - Emma- thank you so much for all you have done for us
Everything was on point. Thank you. We have been using your videos during our groups when i was in a residential behavior modification program. It helped me a lot and i’m still watching your videos up to now that i have stepped down of the program.
Hi i watched your video on regret and it absolutely changed my life my perspective. I was stuck but now i am not . The tining could not have been perfect. Thanks for making our new year beautiful by "hammering" right mindset. Love you with all my heart. Really grateful to you . Thanks.
Thanks for the practical advice you provide. Our freedom lies in the space between our actions and our minds ability to do nothing until nothing is left to do
if there is ONE advice to give to anyone it is this video. thank you!
I frequently watch your videos. You have changed my life tremendously. I suffer from really bad anxiety and these videos have helped me calm it down when it starts.
Wellll I think I just found the most helpful video on RUclips. I need to watch this weekly 😅
This is so terrific! Question about dealing with anger or frustration with a situation that is beyond your control
Emma 🙏 your videos are more helpful than words can say. I hope many people around the world in terrible situations can hear these pearls of wisdom 😊
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with anxiety buying a house. I could identify with thar reaction 🙏🏻
Thanks!
Thanks for the vid❤ and thanks for sharing your personal experience in application.
I use “emotional tunnel vision” or “emotional flooding” or “emotionally charged thinking” rather than “emotional reasoning” even though I know the latter is a psychology term in cognitive behavioural therapy.
And it is as you said, emotions aren’t the enemy. But you need to lead yourself and not have them lead you.
I love your videos! Your content has greatly helped me understand my deep emotions and unpredictable mood swings. Thank you for what you’re doing!
Thank You! I don't suffer from anxiety, But I find Your your insight on emotions will help me hold myself in better accountability
Omgs
Thank you so much for your Wisdom.
Abuse
Distorted my learning.
I lived in fight and Flight mode..
Bullied at school and by my mom.
I remember living in fear and shame.
I knew that I suffered damage by the Abuse.
It damaged my future..
binge watching this channel all day as I go through my day
Thank you ❤ More of what to do in that moment before a big emotion. This is where I fail!
I AM SO GRATEFUL! This video just came to me at precisely the right moment! YOU ARE AWESOME! THANK YOU❤
this really changed my anxiety i been listening to some of ur podcasts or youtubes and tysm for helping me and a lot of ppl.
So happy I found your channel♥️ Thank you!!❤
You are a gem and I am regularly helped by your videos. THANK YOU
Your channel is fantastic! I am so grateful to have found it. The knowledge and skills I'm gaining are incredibly useful. Thank you for providing such valuable content!
Interesting personal story on the topic and a good explanation for self-reflection on how one's own consciousness deals with problems. It's nice that you share your experiences with us.
Hi Emma. This video was wonderfully helpful. Thank you.
In many instances my reactions have to do with what I've brought into a specific situation. At the start of my marriage I'd come home too tired to listen to what my wife had to say, often feeling that she was attacking me, without my understanding what was going on. It was like walking into a war-in-progress. I realized that I was just too tired to involve and decided not to come home too tired to communicate. After all, the other person has the right to express themselves. This is why we got married. But I didn't bring the attention-span or the interest-level required in this relationship.
Before taking this action, I tried explaining that I didn't always feel "in the mood" or able to talk about stuff after work, which was emotionally very demanding of me. "Would it be possible to postpone topics requiring big changes with enormous consequences 'til I have a chance to hear them out and be able to consider the difficulties appropriately? How about let's take some time on Saturday for this?" This led to quite the opposite reaction of, "You always..." and "You're never...". We were stuck in our perspectives. We separated and divorced because we were bringing the wrong tools to the table.
In your video, you show the person "getting angry" with a pillow in her grasp. What if she had a sharp object or a gun? Walking into a situation in which one will often get angry while carrying a gun is almost a pre-determined violent act. A shooting is more likely to occur than when no gun was brought.
My boss required unrealistic transition-times. Instead of 20 - 30 minutes, we had 15 minutes to get to the next school, find a parking-place, get up to the instruction-room and set up for the instruction. This precluded necessary discussions with the co-workers and pupils at the previous venue as it would mean arriving late to the next school. Naturally, I spoke with the boss about this sparking an attack from him, for, if he recognized this difficulty and wished to solve it, it would mean allotting enough time for 40 of us working outside of the central work-place and travelling throughout the city. He would be losing money while using-up his allotment of time. He refused and the ensuing time-pressure decreased my/our communication-skills and -readiness. Fights, misunderstandings and feelings of bad intentions in the schools between all involved ensued due to the meager time-allotment for transition.
Similarly, when the boss wanted to cap the number of hours allotted to the group with which I was working from 10 to 6/week ("Your number of hours won't be affected, though") I explained that our (working) concept would have to be revisited and we wouldn't be achieving the same results with 6 hours as with 10. When he exploded, I resigned my position as the director of this youth orchestra.
My father used to say that it took two to tango. But regardless of the readiness to take responsibility, being coerced to dance a waltz, when a tango is being played is - although interesting - will draw-forth more mistakes than if the music were changed or the dance.
My work (I'm now retired) and my relationships all require time, as you've probably noticed, by now. Every communication takes time (even to write this sentence). Not allotting this time, not being allowed the time or using this time for other things (while interrupting) causes pressure in which such situations cannot be successfully negotiated. Do you see what I'm saying?
Many friends have this situation in which the boss regularly underestimates the time it takes. The cook-friend gets 12 minutes for the pizza, but what about the time it takes to remove it from the oven, slice it, season it, put it in the box and close it, bring it to the register AND take the money and give the change. The nurse (Maria) has exact time to spend on her prescribed services but these do not take into account the things that arise in the course of being a nurse. My carpenter-friend is not ready to cut-corners on things which require the allotted time (lime, separating things in order to saw them correctly etc.) so that his co-worker can go home, earlier. I could go on and on. But I wanted to show a general tendency of the (inherent) nature of the relationship between the boss' interests and those of the employee with regard to time, cost and responsibility while enforcing these with economic pressure.
Consequences are real (patients can die, the pizza orders can get backlogged, the panels sometimes must be redone costing time and material, bridges can collapse and the pupils can feel rejected and ignored, because they ARE being rejected and ignored). These prevalent and unrealistic time constrictions and the ensuing pressure prevent at least me from counting to ten.
This channel is a life saver! Thank you!!!
Hello Emma your videos helping me in recovery from anxiety, love from India ❤
Thank you so so much for everything you do 🙏❤️ while getting emotionnaly stronger, it’s also so calming and reassuring to listen to you talk. Xx
First like and then listen!!.. Thats how fantastic Emma's videos are! Sooo helpful!
I have always struggled with anger , resentments, and unforgiveness. I have been working on it with a therapist and 12 step sponsor, and it is getting better. I was told that resentments only hurt you, not the wrongdoers. I had to write down my resentments and how they affected me to see the damage to motivate me to let go. I also had to write down my part in the resentments so I could see where i was in the wrong, make amends, change behaviors, build my character and reconcile relationships if appropriate. Obviously there are some situations you don't play a part like if you were abused. I really get into psychology and human behavior so I like to understand why people act how they do for example mental illness. It helps to have compassion on them and to wish them well. This is NOT justifying or condoning it just helps to understand, have compassion, and wish them well. Its also not good to get revenge, not only because of consequence but they will get their karma and there will be justice. If it motivates them to change and make amends be happy for them.
Video’s summary: 1:47: Emotions lie to you all the time, but they feel so real.
2:23: Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion that makes you believe that something is true simply because it feels true. However, just because you feel something, it doesn’t mean it’s true.
4:53: 3 minds: emotional, rational, and wise. The wise mind considers both the emotional and the rational minds before making a decision.
5:41: What about intuition? Intuition comes with a quiet sense of confidence and a drive to action. On the other hand, emotions are rash, loud, sloppy, and impulsive.
6:37: How to be less emotionally reactive:
(1) Slow down; pause, don’t react;
(2) 7:34: Opposite action;
(3) 8:43: Notice your emotional triggers so you can predict them;
(4) 9:24: If you do have an emotional blowup, analyse it afterward. Write down what happened and how you will handle it differently next time.
10:02: Emotion processing: OWECA: O (observe: notice your feelings without believing them); W (willingness: be willing to allow the feeling to be); E (explore: look for alternative thoughts); C (choose the most constructive thought); A (act).
Thank you. This really helped me to write a succinct summary in my journal. 😊
I learned to suppress my emotions while I was growing up, so I actually have a difficult time with expressing how I feel in a healthy manner. I usually bottle my emotions but I’m trying to help myself by expressing myself.
Since I bottle my emotions is turns into something very negative internally. It also causes me not to trust my own emotions, like “is it okay for me to feel angry about this?” When I knew I was….
Sometime when I get angry I literally want to blow up on people but I never have. I just remain quiet but internally I’m screaming.
Now at my big age of 31 I’m learning how to express my displeasure with someone or something in a healthy way. I think it took for me becoming a mom to realize I needed to work on this.
Expanding my communication skills also helps as well.
I'm happy for you, Emma, about your new home. I wish you a lot of joy while decorating.🏡🌺🤗
Two simple words can't possibly convey my thankfulness for your help, but hey, thank you.
I am so thankful for you for educating us in this topic. May your shadow never grow less
You are literally my therapy queen thank you so much❤️❤️
Takk!
I think this is exactly the video I need right now.
You're very wise. Love your work and perspective ♥️
Great video! Very helpful!Thank you! Congratulations on your new home!Very best wishes to you and your family!
This was a great video. I think everyone in the world would benefit from watching this. Thanks!
lol I laughed out loud at this title, as it's literally me. Since I remember. My dad would freak out when driving a car, cause I would gasp so loudly as if something terrible happened, and it was usually something small and silly, like I remembered something suddenly, or saw a squirrel. But my reaction would indicate that something terrible happened lol
Yesterday (I'm in my 40s now) I had a major meltdown over the flooring in the kitchen being put the wrong way and the builder was mortified... I ended up apologizing to him multiple times 10min later, as my reaction was way overblown, etc. I also literally last week asked my boss during our 1:1 if she has any tips on how to be less dramatic when something negative happens (as this can be seen as unprofessional). Your videos are so so helpful and timely. Thank you x
This makes so much sense!
Wow I can’t believe this was here this morning. It’s like everything I need help with coming my way. Yesterday I had a very big mouth about everything that upset me and I came home from work thinking I had a very big mouth. 😅
I've taken courses on Emotional Intelligence that did not even come close to explaining 'emotion' as well as Emma does in this video 1-Chemical reactions in brain 2-Big and Fast 3 - Not accurate or precise 4 - Demand Attention and lets others trigger and control you 5 - Influence our mood and perception 6 - Lead to bad decisions 7 - you can rewire your neural pathways.
This describes the second half of my life, somehow I convinced myself to be true to my feelings instead of just logical all the time (big mistake). Life a balancing act. Logic is the meat, emotion is the seasoning. You don't want to ruin the meat.
My acronym is AAA (1) Awareness - of my feelings (2) Attitude - let it sit or let it go, someone else's behaviour good or bad is not on me, visualize yourself being Zen-like and calm in the face of adversity which usually turns out to be nothing anyway (3) Act - get on with my own goals and work, otherwise someone else gets to control you and push your buttons, enjoy the freedom of discipline, its wonderful. (PS - the middle one is the key - visualize yourself as a calm person who sees the big picture ... and that does not mean you don't have feelings by any means - feelings are the spice of life, but not the meat. Calm is the space between feelings and logic, the pause that's the key. In Buddhism they call it emptiness - empty your cup they say - empty it of ego, emotion and be in the moment. (also loved the Star Trek analogy it is bang on). Thanks Emma. -Daniel Lawlor
This is such a great video! I am a religious person so I need to be able to listen to "feelings" but it's hard sometimes to discern between the intuition and the emotional reactive feelings. Thank you for clarifying. Plus, I have to make big decisions so I face the challenge of having big emotions attached that I am learning I have given too much credence too. The house example is similar to one I'm facing now so that helped so much as well!
Exactly why is this so great. It's not proven. Just because somebody gave their opinion on what may work. Doesn't solve the problem. Especially when they say it on social media. Never trust anyone on here .
The commenter literally says why it is 'so great.' Did you even read the comment you commented on?! Lol
She mentions how the examples given in the video helped her clarify her own emotions and helped her see things with a different perspective. Emma, who made the video, gave her 'opinion' (more like information gathered and proven useful from years of experience), and this commenter validated its worth by stating how much it helped her. You're the only one here not to be trusted lol
I do this all the time. Thanks for this video.
Such an amazing series. I have CPTSD and anxiety...I've tried lots of different things, that band-aid symptoms. Your videos feel much more insightful than other therapies I've tried. Thank you!!
the only thing that got me out of cptsd & anxiety was God.
Thank you very much for posting these videos. It's really helpful!
Much appreciation thanks for sharing your personal experience with anxiety and tools to process
I needed this in my life! Thank you!